Bawdy Storytelling Episode 48: ‘Dollar Store Dick’ (Claire Webber)

Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Claire Webber
Date: November 14, 2018

Episode Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling, “Dollar Store Dick,” features comedian and storyteller Claire Webber recounting a hilariously jaw-dropping story of sexual exploration, gender-bending, and college-party hijinks. Hosted by Dixie De La Tour, the episode upholds Bawdy’s signature “sex-positive, true-story” vibe—delivering a mix of raucous humor, candid vulnerability, and authentic adventure. Claire regales the audience with a mischievous tale of performing as her male alter ego, “Leo,” culminating in an unforgettable three-way escapade.

Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdown

1. Setting the Tone: Community, Consent & Kink

• [01:39] Dixie introduces the ethos of the show: “True Stories of Sexual Adventure that started in San Francisco. And if I had my way, they'd be going all. All over the world.”
• Bawdy presents a safe, supportive space where wild, weird, and wonderful sexual experiences are celebrated, not judged.

2. Meet Claire Webber: From Theater to Storytelling

• [04:00] Dixie describes Claire as someone with “a fucked up sense of storytelling,” someone who loves “that sense of adventure that says, oh my god, that's a terrible idea. Let's find out what happens next.”

3. Claire's Story: Gender Play, ADD, and College Antics

• [05:01] Claire opens with a twist: she describes a “guy” who’ll “ruin my life,” then reveals, “I was looking in a mirror and this guy was me.”
  • Quote: “He looked like the kind of guy that was going to ask to not use a condom. ...He looked like the kind of guy that…thought blue balls was a thing, but, like, he was so hot he could get away with it. ...But here’s the thing. I was looking in a mirror. And this guy was me.”
• Claire shares about her severe ADD and her time at unconventional Evergreen State College: “I got a BA in BS. ...I just went to parties at Evergreen. That was my thing.”
  • Quote: “It’s just like a bunch of art kids in a school with no grades thrown into the woods. Like, we party.” [05:52]

4. Inventing Leo: Becoming a Bad Boy

• Bored with standard college parties, Claire starts pushing boundaries, escalating from party themes to impersonations.
• She devises her male alter ego, “Leo,” by cutting her hair for facial hair, borrowing men’s clothes, and choosing a muscle T with skinny jeans.
  • Quote: “I looked like a guy that catfished girls on MySpace. I looked like somebody that broke my heart in middle school. And I named him Leo.” [07:19]

5. The Quest for a Perfect ‘Dick’ (and the Dollar Store Solution)

• Claire experiments with stuffable phallus options: socks (not right), water-filled condom (disaster), a regular dildo (uncomfortable).
  • Ultimately, her ADD toy collection provides the solution: a squishy “water wiggly” (“water snake toy”).
  • Quote: “I shoved it down my pants and I went to a party.” [08:43]

6. Attending the Party as Leo

• The party scene is evocative and irreverent: “Like a post-apocalyptic Leave it to Beaver…only teenage delinquents survive.”
• Leo’s swagger quickly attracts attention—a girl invites “him” to dance; sexual tension escalates on the dance floor.
  • Quote: “She moved my hands up her skirt to toy with the elast on her panties. Holy shit, Leo’s hot.” [09:17]
• Claire’s crush, Chelsea, is there with her beautiful, coke-dealing DJ boyfriend Luke (“He was a DJ that sold coke. Sorry, he was a DJ that sold coke”). [06:45]
• A silent, smoldering interaction between Claire (as Leo), Chelsea, and Luke signals mutual attraction, and a “threesome conversation” is wordlessly conducted.

7. The Threesome: Both Awkward and Electric

• The trio leaves, heading to Chelsea and Luke’s dorm room.
• Sexy tension and awkwardness abound; positions shift as three people try to make a twin bed work.
• Claire (as Leo) is deeply in the moment—both sexually excited and wishing for a “real” penis.
  • Quote: “I wish I had a cock in this moment. But I make do with my palm against her and she’s moaning and I’m nibbling her cunt...” [11:28]
• The climactic, laugh-out-loud moment: as Chelsea undoes Claire’s fly, the “water wiggly” falls out “with a fat wet splat on the floor, just glitter bobbing and we’re all laughing.” [12:45]
  • Quote: “That’s a nice cock you have there.” —Chelsea
    “Yeah, I got it at the dollar store.” —Claire (as Leo) [10:55]
  • The reveal is met with laughter, acceptance, continued pleasure: “And Chelsea keeps pulling down my pants and says, Claire’s gonna hear about this. And I did.” [13:24]

8. Aftermath & Solidarity

• Playful post-story banter:
  • “We have never asserted that a water snake toy is a sex toy.” —Claire [17:14]
  • “I really want one.” —Marty Garcia (Producer) [17:21]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On college-party ADD:
  “I have the kind of ADD that I got bored going to parties, so I had to make my own fun.” —Claire, [05:24]
• On building Leo’s persona:
  “That tight little muscle T in my own black skinny jeans… Ooh. I looked like an emo boy. Like a guy that catfished girls on MySpace.” —Claire, [07:18]
• On the water wiggly ‘dick’:
  “And I shoved it down my pants and I went to a party.” —Claire, [08:42]
• On the fall-out (literally):
  “I want my erection to spring out and my water wiggly falls with a fat wet splat on the floor, just glitter bobbing and we’re all laughing…” —Claire, [12:50]
• On gender, persona, and wishfulness:
  “I wish I had a cock in this moment. But like, I make do with my palm against her and she's moaning…” —Claire, [11:28]

Timestamps for Key Story Segments

• [05:01] — Start of Claire Webber’s story
• [07:18] — Invention of Leo
• [08:41] — Innovating the “dollar store dick”
• [09:15] — Encounter with girl at the party
• [10:35] — Seduction of Chelsea and Luke
• [11:28] — Threesome begins: desire, improvisation, and longing
• [12:45] — The “fat wet splat” water wiggly reveal
• [13:24] — Chelsea’s punchline: “Claire’s gonna hear about this. And I did.”
• [14:00] — Story ends; laughter and relief

Tone & Style

• Claire’s delivery is self-deprecating, playfully brash, forthright, and heartfelt.
• The story captures the exploratory chaos of queer youth, gender experimentation, and college-life messiness—balanced with a sense of camaraderie, pleasure, and infectious laughter.

Final Thoughts

This episode embodies Bawdy Storytelling’s unique flavor: stories that are uproariously funny, full of sexual curiosity, boundary-pushing, and ultimately affirming. Claire’s “Dollar Store Dick” is both a wild sexcapade and a celebration of the creative, irrepressible spirit of sexual exploration.