Soren Burke (8:38)
Good to be here. So I walk into this cavernous, dimly lit room. I have two condoms in my left hand and four paper towels in my right and the room is full of mattresses and dozens of people and they're all fucking. I walk past two people spooning quietly. The next mattress has four people buck naked and fucking like possessed jackrabbits. I get to an empty futon with my three compatriots and I have to swallow a nervous laugh because I've never done anything like this before. So it all starts when I'm living in this old Westfalia Volkswagen van traveling up and down the west coast. I've just left Fresno, I'm headed for the redwoods and I get a call from my friend Ian. He says, hey man, you going to Burning Man? He said, man, I wish I was, but everything I own is in this van. I don't even have a mailing address. I can't. He says, hey, I've got a camp. We've got an extra ticket. We have everything we need. It's called Shots for shocks. We take a cattle prod and we shock people consensually and then we give them some hand infused liquor that we make. And if you're wondering who would be in a camp like this and your guess is a bunch of poly kinksters from Seattle, then you're exactly right, but that wasn't me. So I show up in Seattle and 12 hours later I'm joining a convoy of 20 people into electrical play and bondage and I don't even know what else. And they put me in the truck because I can drive stick. And over the next 19 hours I get to know some of them. For instance, ho puppies is. He looks sort of like a Breaking Bad era Bryan Cranston, but younger. And he is a pup. He's got a leash and a collar and a dog bowl and a hood, whole nine yards. But he can't smell anything, which is hilarious. Well, eventually we make it to the desert and I've been here once before, so it's, you know, it's flat, it's dry, it's uncomfortably hot. I'm used to that. I'm a little bit less used to the pony play and the impact scenes going on around me. But the camp is so welcoming and so kind and I just feel really, they're really friendly. One of those welcoming people is named Kim. Kim looks like Lucy Liu, but with a punk haircut and bad ass tattoos. And she is an experienced kinkster and I am attracted to her immediately. So midway through the week I see Kim hanging out by the bikes drinking from this comically large water bottle. And I'M like, oh, hey, good. Staying hydrated. And I ask her where you're going? And she says, oh, I'm going to Orgy Dome. I haven't been yet this year. They've got air conditioning. She may have seen my eyes get a little wider because she, after a moment, said, you want to come? So, yeah, I grab some stuff, get on my bike, we roll out of Camp four strong, myself, Kim, Hell Pup, and her partner Walt, who looks like an adult Ron Weasley with a sardonic grin. And he is a sadist, which is something I didn't know actually existed outside of Literotica. Short Stories. So we're biking along, and I can't believe this is really happening. I say, I hear Orgy Dome is really strict about single guys. How many guys can one. One woman bring? And Kim just laughs and says, I dare them to tell me that I can't handle three guys at once. And that was that. So we get in, we get the spiel, we get our wristbands, which I wear for the rest of the week, and we have our own little talk about STD testing status and intentions. And everyone's got an intention. Walt is interested in maybe hooking up with a stranger, and Kim wants someone to come on her, and HopeUp likes to be degraded. And I'm like, I'm just happy to be here. So we walk into the room, and it's this big room, and it's divided into two sections, the don't bother me section and the maybe bother me section. We're in the maybe bother me section, and at first a little awkward, but Walt breaks attention real quick by telling Hell Pup to give him a blowjob and then berating him because Walt isn't getting hard with. Which is a little unfair because Walt is straight, but Hellpup is really embarrassed anyways, and he's loving it. So Kim is cracking jokes and we're all laughing, and I say, is this normal for orgies? It seems like we're having the most fun of anyone in this room. But things do start getting hot and heavy. Kim's naked. Help up. And I are feeling her all over, and Walt is telling us things like, oh, she likes having her nipples pinched and her hair pulled, but don't touch her clit yet. Like, okay, she's getting more and more worked up, and eventually I'm fingering her, and all of a sudden, bam. She orgasms and just squirts everywhere, all over my arm, all over the futon. And I did not see that coming. So I've got two fingers inside her and my free hand is sort of groping around for those paper towels and trying to lay them down in a pattern that approximates the splash zone, but it's not really working. After, after things calm down a bit, I run naked to the entrance and I say, do you have any puppy pads or something a little bigger? And they say no. And they hand me another four paper towels, which I already know is going to be woefully inadequate. So I go back and we keep fucking. And it gets messy again. I'm like, well, I mean, she can't squirt that many times, right? Then I remember that water bottle. So we're looking around like, do we have shirts or. Then I spy Hill Pup's Camelback. Standard one liter camelbak. Camelbaks hold liquid. So we unscrew it and we put it under Kim and try and angle it to catch as much as we can. And I think, problem solved. But then it starts getting full. Fortunately, Walt has has a plan. He says, you know pups, pups clean up messes. This is your fault. So ho pup glues his face to Kim's crotch and is just drinking for all he's worth. And I'm coming all over her. And we all collapse in this sweaty pile. And eventually our breathing slows down.
