Elgato (7:06)
Thank you so much. All right, so I pretty much been a pervert my entire life, ever since I was a little kid. But I kept it inside because of the reactions of other people. I can remember being in sixth grade and I was so excited about this awesome half pony half man jpeg that I found. I'm older than I looked and I'm so excited to show it to my friend and. And he was not impressed. He told the teacher, and I was grounded from using the Macintoshes in our classroom. I also remember being so excited to do this awesome history project on medieval torture implements and then hearing like, ew, why are you presenting on this? You're so weird. And I feel like my relationships were also kind of like this. You have to know about me. I'm sort of like a cat when it comes to physical affection. Like, it takes me a really long time to trust you. You have to touch me in, like, exactly the right way. So I'm pretty guarded. So by this time in my 20s, kind of like early middle 20s, I'd really only had like a couple of long term relationships. And in each case, in my first relationship, you know, you're learning about yourself in your 20s. I came out as queer and also poly. That was a big deal breaker in this relationship. In my next long term relationship, I came out as transgender. And when we're talking about I am interested in taking testosterone, I'm hearing, but you're so pretty. Why would you do that to yourself? Also a deal breaker. So now I am single in New York City. I decide that I want to get out there and discover what the king scene is all about and discover a place where I can really be my myself. So I'm going to munches, I'm going to play parties, and I'm going to classes. And it's at one of these classes that I meet Cambie in. So if you imagine we've got these kinky classes, they take place in these sort of rehearsal spaces. So next door there's like tap dancing going on. There's like an improv group on the other side, and you're just like under these fluorescent lights. And generally the people who go these classes are sort of like, you know, friendly neighborhood folk. And I am like, heavily pierced and a big freak. So I'm looking at this guy across from me in this big circle, and he is sort of like this half man, half goat, if you can imagine, he's got this pointy beard. He's also like, I don't know, 13 years older than me, but somehow we're like making eye contact and I think this guy might be interested in me. So we kind of like meet up after the class. And at first I'm a little weary because there's this thing, especially maybe people who are so socialize as female. Know, like, if a CIS guy is interested in you and you start a conversation with them. Sometimes you just like, can't get rid of them when you realize, like what a creep they are. But you know what, he's like a friendly creep. So I feel comfortable riding the subway home with him in the same direction. And we like, become kinky Facebook FetLife friends. And, you know, I'm like, whatever. But then I start going through his profile and it seems like, you know, he's a really big nerd, which is a turn on. But he's also like really into black metal, which I find very hot. Also, it seems like he might be a really big masochist, which for me is very exciting because I'm like a really sick fuck. So that's exciting. So we kind of like, you know, flirt back and forth over FetLife whatever and we agree to set up a play date. So our first date is at this place called Paddles, which, if you don't know, it is sort of like if a dungeon was a dive bar. It's like super musty and dusty inside and it's open to the public, so there's often like creepy men lurking around. So I'm here on this like first date with Gabion. The only safe place is this one, like dungeon cell area. It's got this like huge iron door, like this full length mirror. And I can like shut us up together in this little space. So I'm, you know, kind of like this is like my first real like intimate play date I have with someone. So I'm feeling like really kind of nervous and fluttery and you know, I was just out of all those long term relationships. Like this is all kind of new to me, but I have to be like the top, right? Like, I'm the one who's in charge. I need to be confident. So I kind of like turn away to kind of get my tools, get myself centered. And he kind of like does his own thing. And when I turn back, he's completely nude. Which, you know, those long term relationships. This is the first like completely new man I've seen in a really long time. And also he has this like really awesome penis piercing that I've never seen in real life before. And so I'm like trying to be polite and just like not look at it, which is weird. But, you know, I kind of like. Because, you know, we're whatever. But I get ahold of myself and I'm like, okay, I like push him up against the wall and I've got, at this point, you know, I've got these little cheap 99 cent store plastic clothespins. And we're both feeling kind of awkward. We're like, you know, giggling and like being weird, first date, whatever. But as I start to kind of caress his neck and apply these like colorful clothespins, I pinch up his skin and put them around. He starts to look like this sort of frilly lizard creature and we are just laughing together and the nervousness kind of goes away and I'm like, okay, now I've got these amazing lifetime guarantee stainless steel clothespins that I've never used before. But I'm like, how do you feel about doing a zipper? And he's like, scared. Because what a zipper is, is where you take a line and you pinch all these clothespins on and then you grab the line and you rip it off all at once. So I do it, of course. I'm like caressing the side of his ribs, which is like super tender. And I'm clipping on these heavy duty clothespins with this line and I'm like, okay, are you ready? And he's like, uh huh. And then I rip it off and I just see like, his eyes get real wide and then they like squinch shut and he like collapses against the wall and he's obviously in like blinding pain. And I feel just like so powerful and like at the top of a roller coaster and there's so much adrenaline, I'm like, yes, I am the top. And then I look down and those lifetime guaranteed clothes fins have like ripped off some of the flesh from the side. And I'm like, oh shit, that wasn't supposed to happen. But I'm in charge, right? So I'm like, ooh, let's go look at it in the mirror. So I put my arm underneath his shoulders and I kind of like breed him over to the mirror and I'm sort of like caressing the wounds. We're looking at it together, we're like having this moment and all of a sudden like, he slips out of my arms, his knees buckle and he's like down on the concrete floor. I'm like, oh shit. What? What the fuck is going on? I like kneel down beside him. He's kind of like floats open his eyes and goes, oh, I fainted. I'm like, what the fuck? But I grab a blanket, I like, you know, cuddle him. We manage to recover the evening and it turns out this is something that happens to him all the time, which I discover as we continue to go out on play dates together. So then, you know, we're like going to parties Doing fun stuff. We start, you know, like, doing vanilla stuff together, right? Like, we'll have study dates or we'll, like, go out to eat. And then I find myself, like, staring into his eyes across, like, the dinner table or whatever. And then all of a sudden, we're, like, sexy texting each other where, you know, I'm the big bad wolf, and he's like this cute little squirrel, and I'm chasing him through the forest, and I'm going to eat him up. Do you guys want to know what that sounds like? High profile. All right, so this is me, the wolf growls as the squirrel, his heart beating fast. Little tastes of blood have aroused his hunger mightily. He pounces on the squirrel, rolling over her body, enjoying the feeling of his hairiness and thinking about how good it'll feel when she's inside of him, filling him up. So that's fun. And in the midst of all these vanilla activities, I find myself also doing cute stuff, like wanting to hold his hand or having sleepovers where we're just cuddling and watching Netflix. And he has this sort of, like, childlike demeanor that's so vulnerable. And it makes me want to, like, ravage him, but also, like, nurture him and take care of him. One day, I'm, like, scrolling around by Petco and I'm like, oh, let me take a look at the dog collars inside. Because I don't know if, you know, like, in the scene, there's this, like, master slave thing. And, like, getting a collar is a really big deal for a slave, but we don't really have that kind of dynamic. So I'm kind of just going for more of, like, a jokey thing. I find this, like, cute little pink dog collar with, like, little black skulls on it. I'm like, oh, this will be really funny to give to him, right? So, but when I give it to him, he looks at me with this, like, literal puppy dog eyes, and he just, like, gets this look on his face, and he kneels down in front of me, and he's like, will you put it on me? Yeah, that's what I thought. I was like, oh, shit. This joke just got real. So I do, you know, and as I'm, like, clicking that little plastic clip around his neck, I'm like, oh, like, suddenly I'm a daddy and this is my boy, right? And it's so natural that this is happening, and it's amazing, and this is going great until one night, so I'm kind of lying in bed, you know, we've been seeing each other for a while, but I'm alone. And I'm noticing this, like kind of fluttery feeling in my stomach. And it doesn't go away. I'm like, trying to figure out is this indigestion, what's going on? But then I like, look a little deeper and all of a sudden it's like I have been unhinged from the gravity of the earth. I am just like floating in space. My brain is going crazy. I'm like, shit. I think I have feelings for this person. And I'm like, no, no, because this is supposed to be about, you know, lust and sadism and kinkiness and suddenly I'm just. All of the insecurities that I have felt from all of the other relationships where I ever told someone I love them come flooding back to me. And I'm just thinking, what if I'm not enough? What if when I cut myself open and I reveal myself for who I truly am to this person, what if he doesn't feel the same way I do? And in this moment, I just feel so afraid. I don't know what to do. But later that week, I have a play date with him. So I just like, kind of stuff this stuff back inside and I go out to this party on Long Island. So if you've ever been to a party outside of Manhattan in the city, it's like a little different, right? So we're like driving out to this deserted industrial area in a place I don't even know what it's called. And we pull up to this sort of abandoned looking building and we go inside and it's all like neon lights and like cheesy carpeting, which turns out to maybe be like a dubious choice because this is a swingers club. I notice the Cisporn playing all the monitors and the signs that say no single men allowed. And I'm like, oh, this is not the usual kind of kinky place I'm used to being in. But you know what? I look fucking hot, right? Like I'm here with my queer slave and we are about to fuck up this like, CIS straight person's getaway in the Long island, okay? So I'm like, got him stripped down to his undies. I'm like, leading him around this party on a leash and I'm just really getting into things. So I find this perfect spot and I kneel him down and I pull out my phone book. So that's one use for those stacks you might see around Manhattan. They do come in handy Every once in a while. So I roll up the phone book and I just like, with my whole body, I'm wailing on him like I'm hitting him in the chest. And this phone book is making this like, whoomp, womp, womp sound throughout the dungeon. And I feel like people must be watching us because how can you not pay attention to this? But I don't even notice because I'm just like so focused in on him. So I'm wailing on him with this phone book. And then I pull out my SAP gloves, which are these like lead weighted gloves, and I peel them on my hands. And then I'm punching him. I'm punching him in the chest and I'm punching him in the thighs, and he's just taking it. He's like swaying back and forth. I'm punching him in the arms and I'm punching him in the face more gently. And then I reach down into my bag and I pull out this big silicone cock and I say, you see this cock? And he's like, uh huh. I'm like, this cock was in my ass earlier and now I'm gonna beat you with it. And his eyes just get real wide and he's like, uh huh, hu.
