Episode 54: ‘The Expiration Date’ (Kristin Pedemonti)

Summary

Bawdy Storytelling – Episode 54: "The Expiration Date"

Guest Storyteller: Kristin Pedemonti
Release Date: December 26, 2018
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Location Recorded: Baltimore Bawdy Storytelling (live show, East Coast tour)

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Episode Overview

This episode features professional storyteller Kristin Pedemonti in her debut Bawdy Storytelling performance. She shares a funny, honest, and empowering journey about confronting age, sexuality, and desirability as she enters her 50s. Through the lens of an unexpected trip to a tantric festival, Kristin’s tale explores late sexual blooming, confronting shame and trauma, and ultimately finding liberation, confidence, and connection.

Theme:
Feeling “past your expiration date” and discovering renewed sexual empowerment as a woman approaching 50.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to Kristin and the "Expiration Date" Question

• [03:39] Kristin opens by asking, “Has anyone here ever felt past their expiration date?”
• Establishes the emotional thesis: feeling undesired or invisible with age.

2. Entering the Tantra Festival: Pushing Boundaries

• Kristin recounts receiving a last-minute invite to a tantra immersion festival for her 50th birthday.
• Describes how unexpected and out-of-character this decision was:
  “If you would have told me I was going to a tantra immersion festival, I would have told you you were out of your fucking mind.” [05:05]
• She’s honest about insecurity:
  “I was turning 50 and feeling past my expiration date…and I can tell you I was feeling anything but hot and anything but sexy and anything but desirable.” [05:35]

3. The Opening Experiential Exercises

• Led by "Luba," a charismatic facilitator, the group (~200 people) is guided through confidence-boosting exercises:

  • Walk like your cock is “as big as the entire room”
  • Walk as if your pussy “is as big as the entire universe”
  • Imagine “everyone here wants to have sex with you right now,” noticing the shift in body language.

• Humor and surrealism mark the storytelling.

• Kristin openly shares insecurities transmuted into confidence through these exercises.

  Quote:

  “All of a sudden, holy shit, I do feel like everyone in the room wants to have sex with me.” [06:40]

4. Reclaiming Sexuality in Her 40s

• Kristin claims her sexual awakening came late in life; didn’t feel "pretty" until 40, and didn’t have “mind-blowing” sex until 41. [07:25]

• Stories about:

  • A spontaneous hookup in Belize at 38 with a much younger man.
  • Playful “crotch surfing” stories via couchsurfing in NYC.
  • Sexual adventures at Burning Man at 48, including an introduction to shibari (Japanese rope bondage).

  Quote:

  “The best part was when he would slide that safety shears up through the rope and slowly set me free. And then I got to tie him up. Yeah, but I digress.” [09:40]

• Her first orgasm from penetration occurred at 48, adding to the anxiety: was sexual excitement already ending?

  Quote:

  “I was thinking, oh my god, is this all there is? Like, is that it? I get that one decade and then, boom, the door closes. Shit.” [10:35]

5. Experiencing Personal and Collective Healing

• At the tantra festival, deeper exercises prompt introspection and self-release.

• Group exercise: “Shake all the trauma out.” Kristin describes the cathartic escalation from discomfort, to anger (confronting past molestation at age 4), to compassion—for herself, and even for her abusers.

• The environment feels safe even amidst intense emotion.

  Quote:

  “I’m screaming too. But it doesn’t feel unsafe. It feels so good. It feels like this release. And I’m getting rid of all that crap. And I feel powerful, and I feel so in control, and I feel great.” [12:25]

• The group is led into a meditation with ocean sounds, “washed completely clean.” [13:05]

6. Learning to Ask for What You Want

• Advanced partner activities: participants can only touch others if asked, learning both to request and to offer touch mindfully.

• Kristin partners with a voluptuous 20-something woman:

  • She asks for gentle touches, ear-breathing, ass massage—explicitly vocalizing her desires.
  • The experience is mutual, nurturing, and healing.

• The festival concludes with a massive cuddle party among 450 participants, feeling warmth and desirability from all sides.

  Quote:

  “I walked in feeling like I was not desirable. And I walked in feeling like I was past my expiration date. Are you fucking kidding me? I left that tantra festival…so empowered.” [15:12]

7. Direct Outcomes: Transformation & Confidence

• Post-festival, Kristin feels confident and attractive.

  • Posts on Facebook: “Who wants to go on a date?” gets 10 replies.
  • Sets up a date with a longtime crush, tries her first play party.

  Quote:

  “If anyone here is feeling past your expiration date, I am illustration that you ain’t – rock it.” [16:04]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On late sexual blooming:

  “The first time I had an orgasm from penetration, I was 48, and holy shit, I was turning 50. And I was thinking, oh my god, is this all there is?” [10:35]

• On self-reclamation at the festival:

  “It feels so good. It feels like this release. And I’m getting rid of all that crap. And I feel powerful, and I feel so in control, and I feel great.” [12:25]

• Post-festival empowerment:

  “Ten people responded [to my Facebook post]. Both men and women. I’m going out with a guy tomorrow night that I’ve had a crush on for 20 fucking years… I am illustration that you ain’t [past your expiration date]. Rock it.” [15:35]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening / context / about the series: 00:16–03:25
• Kristin’s Story Begins (question about expiration date): 03:39
• Tantra exercises and personal insecurity: 05:00–07:00
• Stories of late-blooming sexuality & first orgasm: 07:20–10:50
• Tantric festival catharsis (trauma release): 11:00–13:20
• Learning to ask for and give what you want: 13:25–15:10
• Festival aftermath and empowered conclusion: 15:12–16:16

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Tone & Style

• Highly candid, humorous, self-deprecating but ultimately triumphant and encouraging.
• Speaks directly about sexual vulnerability and joy, trauma and healing, always with audacity and laughter.
• Warm, celebratory, sex-positive spirit.

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Conclusion

Kristin’s story on Bawdy Storytelling is a powerful reminder that sexual self-discovery and personal transformation are not constrained by age, past trauma, or societal expectations. By saying yes to a crazy, last-minute festival invite, Kristin shattered her own internal “expiration date.” Her journey is not just about sex; it’s about agency, articulation, healing, and feeling alive at every age. This episode leaves listeners feeling empowered, entertained, and inspired to embrace their own desires—no matter when, or how, they bloom.

Transcript

[Dixie de La Tour]

Before we get started, I want to let you know that this podcast is not safe for work. That means if you're out and about in the world, please put your headphones on. We only want people listening to these stories that are 100% on board. No surprises. Have I mentioned how grateful I am that you are such an open minded person? Thanks so much. Let's get started.

[Kristen Peramonte]

All of my life I've never fit.

[Shirley Gnome]

But I won't complain and I won't.

[Kristen Peramonte]

Quit I am enormous.

[Shirley Gnome]

Get used to it.

[Kristen Peramonte]

Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me.

[Shirley Gnome]

Can'T you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles.

[Kristen Peramonte]

Why? Why?

[Dixie de La Tour]

Hey there. How's your week going? I hope it's going great. It's hump day and that means it is time for another episode. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour and you're about to listen to episode 54 of the Bawdi Storytelling podcast. Isn't that exciting? This is the last time I'm gonna ask you this year if you could go to patreon.com bawdy b a w D Y and support this podcast. This thing comes to you free, but it's not free to produce. It costs money a lot of different ways and the way that we're making that money is on Patreon. We have some supports, but not nearly enough yet. So last time I'm going to ask you this year end 2018 by giving the best gift you could possibly give to me. Go to patreon.com bodi It's a way for us to connect and stay in touch. And you're gonna get behind the scenes and videos and stories you can't get anywhere else. They're not gonna be on the podcast, they're only gonna be on Patreon. If you want more of this, that's the way to make sure it keeps happening. And thanks in advance for your support. Let's talk about our storyteller for this episode. This storyteller has been a friend of mine for a while. So when I went on tour to the east coast last year, I asked her if she would tell her first bawdy story on my stage. She is a professional storyteller, a speaker, a facilitator, a coach. She has a TED Talk. She does this for a living, but she'd never gone to this territory before. I think you'll hear that in this story. She told this story on stage at our Baltimore Body Storytelling. This storyteller is Kristen Peramonte.

[Shirley Gnome]

Well, it's a totally different outfit.

[Kristen Peramonte]

So I start with a question. Has anyone here ever felt past their expiration date? So Luba saunters out onto the stage, and she kind of reminds me of the woman in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, except for she's in her late 50s, maybe early 60s, and she's not typically beautiful, yet she commands that stage. And I am front row center because, hi, I'm a nerd and I'm always front row center. And I'm in a sea of 200 people in a ballroom. And her first instruction to us is, okay, everybody, hello. Great, great, you look great. Okay, everybody, I want everybody to stand up and I want you to walk around the room as if you have a cock as big as the entire room. Okay, go. And there's 200 people kind of walking like. She's like, great, great. Yes, of course, it touches one end of the room to the other. You're doing great. Great. So we walk around like that for maybe a minute, and she says, you're doing great, you're doing great. Okay, now I want you to walk around the room as if your pussy is as big as the entire universe. Yes. It can take everything. Yes, yes. Go, walk. And we're all like, oh, great, great. You're doing great. You're doing great. Okay, now I want you to walk around the room as if every person here wants to have sex with you right now. Yes. Everyone desires you. Go. And I notice how my own body language completely changes. And I am standing taller than my five foot one frame, and I'm leading with my breasts. But I'm wondering, maybe I'm leading with my breasts because one of her other instructions was, I want you to imagine flames shooting out of your nipples. And I'm feeling hot. And I'm not quite sure if it's the fire or if all of a sudden, holy shit, I do feel like everyone in the room wants to have sex with me. So it's the weekend of my 50th birthday, this labor Day, and if you would have told me I was going to a tantra immersion festival, I would have told you you were out of your fucking mind. But here was the thing. I was turning 50 and feeling past my expiration date, and I can tell you I was feeling anything but hot and anything but sexy and anything but desirable and it was a very last minute invitation. The festival started on a Friday. Thursday night. My friend Ben texts me and says, did you know about Interview Fusion Festival? They've got a Tantra Tracked. Yeah, it's all weekend. Do you want to go? And I was like, fuck yeah, I want to go. I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea what I'm signing up for. But I know I'm going to have a story at the end of it. So no matter what happens, it's all going to be okay. So I'm not a total prude, but I will tell you, I'm a late bloomer. I did not feel pretty until I turned 40. I did not discover myself completely. I mean, I'd had sex before that, but I didn't have that, like, mind blowing. Holy shit. Oh my God. I can't believe my body could feel like this sex until I was 41. And I, fresh out of my divorce, decided to go on a cruise all by myself and have the best week of my life. And one of our ports of call was Belize. And the historical instructor took a shine to me and he said, can I have your email? And I said, you can have my email. And then we emailed all summer and he said, you know, I know your birthday is coming up in September and I want to rock your world. Will you come back to Belize for your birthday? And I was like, yeah. And so I went back and I was, I was actually, this was right before 40, I was 38. And we're having sex all over the hotel room, like against the window so people could see us and on the bed and on the floor. And then finally he says, listen, I hope this doesn't matter or anything, but I thought it might be important to tell you how old I am. And I was like, oh, God, I'm not sure where this is going. He goes, I am but 20. And I said, I'm a little older than that. So Fast forward to 41. I moved to New York City and I was like a kid in a candy store. I discovered couch surfing. I don't know if you know about that, but okay, it's not supposed to be a dating website, but man, when chemistry happens, chemistry happens. And sometimes we called it crotch surfing. I'm sorry, but it's true. And there was Alberto and there was Leonardo. Somehow they all had these exotic names, Pasquale and Mena. And it was wonderful. And then Fast forward, my 48th birthday was at Burning Man. And I met this beautiful younger man, Shiner and he introduced me to shibari, the Japanese art of rope tying. Oh, my God. To have those knots corseted, tied upon you, and then to be shoved up against the wall and you can't move your hands. And so whatever they want to do. Finger you, lick you. Yes, please. And it was incredible in discovering. But the best part was when he would slide that safety shears up through the rope and slowly set me free. And then I got to tie him up. Yeah, but I digress. Anyway, you know, those moments just take you back. But. So there I am. So here's the thing. I'd only really discovered my sexuality and those kinds of adventures in my 40s. And to be completely transparent, the first time I had an orgasm from penetration, I was 48, and holy shit, I was turning 50. And I was thinking, oh, my God, is this all there is? Like, is that it? I get that one decade and then, boom, the door closes. Shit. No, please. And so I find myself at the Tantra weekend. And so the next instruction she gives us is. Okay, great. Everyone, everyone, that was beautiful. And now listen, I'm going to turn on some music, and I would like you to dance with yourselves. No touching anyone else yet. That's advanced. We start with turn the music on and dance however freedom you feel. And if you like to touch yourself. Yes, yes. And so I close my eyes and the music is on. And I'm pulling my hands through my hair and I'm touching my breasts and I'm going down my hips and into my thighs and I'm touching my pussy and it feels good in my back. And I notice I'm getting wet, and I'm like, is this okay? I'm not sure, but damn, it feels good. And everyone's eyes are closed, so who cares? And I'm in a sea of 200 people, and we're all doing this together, and I feel totally free about it, and it feels okay. She's like, great, great. That was great. Now find a partner. We get to find a partner. So we're milling around the room, and I see him all the way across the room, this compact body, and he's got a shaved head. And I don't know what it is about him, but I want to partner with him. And it turns out he's making eye contact with me, too. And so I saunter over and I'm like, you want to part? Yeah. So the great part is we have no idea what we're going to be asked to do, But I feel so comfortable, and I Feel so freaking confident. I don't even care what the instruction is. Yeah, sign me up. Let's do it. So we sit across from each other, knee to knee. And she says, right. So the person with the shorter hair, we start to giggle because his head is shaved. You can only say two things. All you can say is, what do you want? And the other person, you get to say what you want. Go. And so he says, what do you want? And I say, to be touched. And he says, and, oh, God. To be adored. What do you want? I want to be loved. And what do you want? I want to be. I want to be devoured, and I want to be penetrated. And. And it went on for two minutes, and it felt so good to just say all that stuff, to say what I wanted. And then. And then I got to ask, what do you want? And what do you want? And I'm thinking, oh, my God, I want that too. Oh, yeah, me too. Oh, God, can we do this now? Me do this now? But, you know, touching was advanced. So then she leads us into another activity, and she's got this drum beat playing, and she says, listen, I want you all to close your eyes, and I want you to shake it out. Shake it out. Shake all the shit out. Shake all the trauma out. Shake all the people who hurt you. Just shake it out. Shake it out. Get rid of all the crap from the past, because you're here now. The past is the past. And so we're shaking, and my eyes are closed. And at first I feel kind of like a dork, but I'm gonna go with it anyway because everything else is working out. And so I'm shaking. I'm sh. And then all of a sudden, holy crap. I feel this anger bubble up inside me. And I'm stomping the floor, and I'm shaking, and the sea of 200 other people, all of a sudden, there's these primal screams coming out, and people are shaking, and I'm shaking. And then I get really pissed off because a memory bubbles up of being sexually molested at age 4. And I'm thinking, fuck you for taking that away from me. My innocence. Fuck you. And I'm so mad. And all of a sudden, I'm screaming, too. But it doesn't feel unsafe. It feels so good. It feels like this release. And I'm getting rid of all that crap. And I feel powerful, and I feel so in control, and I feel great. And. And then I'm crying because I figure out, oh, my God, those poor guys who touched me what must have happened to them that they touched a 4 year old? Like, holy shit. Maybe they were abused too. And all the screaming. And then she says, great, everyone, you're doing great. And she puts on Sounds of the ocean and asks us all to lie down on the floor. And we're lying down on the floor and the ocean waves are washing over. And she talks us through being washed completely clean. And that's all released from you. You're here now. You are here.

[Dixie de La Tour]

Yes.

[Kristen Peramonte]

Good for you for being here. And it was a release. We fast forward to the next day and we're now doing advanced partner activities where we get to touch each other. Yes. And so I partner with this beautiful 20 something voluptuous woman who just envelops me. And this activity is. Remember the. What do you want? Well, this time we get to ask for exactly the touch that we want. And the only way they're allowed to touch us if we ask explicitly for exactly what we want. So I'm like, yeah, could you just first rub your fingers through my hair really gently so I can like barely feel it? And she does, and I say, yeah, could you rub your hands down? Could you breathe into my ear? Like, could you really breathe into my ear? Oh, that's good. And then she, I asked if she could massage my back and oh my gosh, I lucked out, she's a massage therapist. And then I'm like, can you rub your hands down my back? Can you massage my ass? That would be really great. Would you rub your hands and. Yeah, could you just wrap them around my inner thigh? Would that be okay? She's like, it's okay. And so I'm getting all this exact touch. And then it's her turn to ask for exactly what she, she wants. And I get to give it to her too. Oh my God. I walked in feeling like I was not desirable. And I walked in feeling like I was past my expiration date. Are you fucking kidding me? I left that tantra festival. Well, first there was a dance, and before that there was a cuddle party with 450 people. I don't know if you've ever been to a cuddle party with 450 people. That's a lot of people to touch and be touched by. And it was great. And all these people are coming up to me and they're like, oh my God, I really thought you were interesting. Can I have your phone number? And I was like, yeah. And it was men and women asking for my number. And I felt so empowered that by the time I left. I put a Facebook post up that said who wants to go on a date? And 10 people responded, both men and women. I'm going out with a guy tomorrow night that I've had a Crush on for 20 fucking years. Sunday night I am going to my first play party. I'm going to another one four days later because fuck, why not? So if anyone is here is feeling past your expiration date, I am Illustration that you ain't rock it.

[Dixie de La Tour]

Would it be okay for me to ask you a favor? It's the very last week of 2018 and I want to get to know you better. So I've created this listener survey to help me improve this show. And if you will go to bodystorytelling.com and click on the Survey tab. It's only just going to take a couple of minutes. The best part is one lucky survey entrant will win a We Vibe gift set with 10 toys and accessories. It's worth over $350 and that's from Babeland.com so go to BodyStoryTelling.com click on the survey tab. It's the last week of the contest and I want to see you win this prize package. I also want to know more about you, so fill out the survey and thanks. Since this is our last episode of 2018, I wanted to end the year on an upbeat note. This song is from our friend Shirley Noem, the Canadian songstress that we don't get nearly often enough in the United States. States. I'm hoping that 2019 means that I'll be able to have her on stage at Body Storytelling again. It's always not nearly enough. If you go to Body Storytelling music, you can find links to the musicians who write songs for us or musicians that inspire us. I'll have it in the show notes. This song is Believe in Yourself from Shirley Gnome.

[Shirley Gnome]

They say it's impossible you spit on.

[Podcast Narrator/Host]

Your dreams but don't listen to them.

[Kristen Peramonte]

Because it's not what it seems they.

[Shirley Gnome]

Try to tear you down say you're a hopeless fool to give up and smart enough the world can be so cruel don't listen to the haters forget all that stuff you can put anything up your vagina you try hard enough so believe in yourself you can do anything trust in yourself you'll have everything a cucumber designate over care about to do there's nothing that you can't show. Deep inside of here.

[Podcast Narrator/Host]

I realized that this song isn't necessarily an inclusive one. I know that not everyone listening to it has A vagina. And I don't want anyone to feel left out of all the inspirational feelings I'm clearly causing. So if you're listening and you do not have a vagina of your own during this song, just imagine your sisters or your mom's there we're all singing set.

[Shirley Gnome]

Compared to all the objects you could shove until you Hoo hoo. There are so many things that are harder to get inside of you. You like the feeling of belonging.

[Podcast Narrator/Host]

Oh, little self esteem maybe hope for your future.

[Shirley Gnome]

Hope for our dreams In a world.

[Podcast Narrator/Host]

That always tells you you're not good enough. Well, an orange or the handle of a frying pan, that's the easy stuff. Now let's listen to everything I've got up there from right on out.

[Kristen Peramonte]

O.

[Shirley Gnome]

You don't need a purse, you don't need a bag. All you need is you. Check your asshole, there might be some room.

[Podcast Narrator/Host]

Oop, out she goes. Oh, that's where I put that. Oh, look at that. Oh fuck. That was from the last album.

[Kristen Peramonte]

Watermelon.

[Podcast Narrator/Host]

Believe in yourself.

[Dixie de La Tour]

Let's talk about upcoming body storytelling shows. A live show is a special thing. There's cocktails, there's meeting the storytellers after their story. There's Bango, our unique audience connection game that lets you ask really dirty questions of strangers. And I'm a big fan of that. And there are people who are inspired to tell their stories. They might walk up and tell one to you. It's a super friendly place. There is nothing like a body storytelling. Here are the upcoming shows. On January 9th we are in San Francisco at the Verdi club. Followed by January 17th in Seattle. The theme in Seattle is shenanigans. I'm also in town that weekend for the podcon conference. It will be going all weekend. A podcasting conference that happens in Seattle. And maybe I'll see you there. On February 3rd I am doing notorious. Body Storytelling is celebrating the amazing Dawsey Easton, one of the co authors of the Ethical Slut. It is her 75th birthday and also a celebration of the 50th anniversary of the adventure that led to the writing of the Ethical Slut. You're gonna want to be there to hear this story. And that is on Sunday, February 3rd in San Francisco. On February 14th I'm back in Seattle for Valentine's Day. I will be celebrating February 14th with you live in Seattle. Let's do something romantic. Okay. On February 23rd in San Francisco, it is Body Storytelling's 12 year anniversary. We'll be doing a special 12 year anniversary show followed by Best of Body. We have people vote for their favorite storytellers of the San Francisco show, people who've been on stage in 2018. They will vote. Vote for those people and the winners will be on stage at the Best of body show on February 23rd. That's a Saturday night. Book your flight because you can take off from work, go have a San Francisco adventure, hear some amazing stories, hug me hello and be back in time for work on Monday. By the way, one more thing. I have something special planned for you. Our January episode, the one coming up next week, is going to be a really special episode. If you have not done so yet, the best gift you could possibly give me is to go on itunes and rate and review this. I love it when I get to read what you think about body storytelling. That tells other people that this show is important to you and that makes them value it all the more. So if you could tell one friend about body storytelling in person or send it to them on social media, all of those things make a huge difference. We want to grow in 2019 and we can do it if you can help. So share, rate, review, tell your friends and I'll see you really soon at a live body storytelling show. You know those cool prizes we give out at a live Body Storytelling? You can get those from Good Vibration or Bay Plant. There are links to both in our show Notes Support our sponsors, y'. All. They make those prize packages possible for us. And if you're gonna be brave and talk to strangers, I feel like you should be rewarded for that. Thank you to Good Vibrations and Babelin for those prize packages. I like to end the show with a thank you, but I have a lot of thank yous this time because these are the people who make this show possible all year long. The team that helps make the podcast possible, which is Marty Garcia, our podcast producer David Grossoff, our sound engineer Dana Hannah, our project manager Joe Moore, our video producer and archivist our volunteer team in Seattle, which consists of Leslie, Lindsey, Duncan, Rossi, Princess, Fancy Pants, Aiden and Naim and in San Francisco, Crystal, Ty, Gil, Courtney, Meg, Wellesley, Terry, Steph, Alexis and Yoni Dana Monica, our photographers Aui, Jx, Carrie, my partner Bent, who is also a photographer for the show and Ruben who does our livestream. If I've forgotten you, please realize that what you do is so important. Thank you for your help to make body Storytelling possible in live shows and on the podcast. And as it's the end of 2018, I want to give a special thank you to you for listening for all that you do, for the beautiful emails that you guys send me, the messages on Patreon, I wouldn't be doing this, but I can get the incredible responses that you guys send. So thank you. I will see you very soon. We're about to hit 2019, so I hope to see you really soon at a live show. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and you have been listening to the bawdy storytelling podcast. Here's a peek at what's next.

[Kristen Peramonte]

She is amazing. She's like, try to imagine, like, Elvira, Queen of the Night, if she was tatted up and ready to fucking cut you. Yes, yes.