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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 55: ‘Rapture’ (Nerine Mechanique, Sean Riccio)
00:54:56
Oh, the Bounty! On this episode, Sean Riccio cavorts in DomCon New Orleans’ dimly lit hallways and dungeons with Goddesses and Ladys and Prodommes (oh MY!), Jefferson Bergey sings about cakefarts, roman showers and shoving habaneros in your sex...
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Transcript21 lines
- [00:12]
Dixie de La Tour
The following podcast is not safe for work. Thanks for listening.
- [00:17]
Noreen Mecanique
All of my life I've never fit.
- [00:21]
Dixie de La Tour
But I won't complain and I won't.
- [00:24]
Noreen Mecanique
Quit I am enormous. Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of.
- [00:44]
Jefferson Bergey
Woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside.
- [00:56]
Dixie de La Tour
If you're ever frightened, just run and hide.
- [00:59]
Noreen Mecanique
My vagina is eight miles.
- [01:12]
Dixie de La Tour
Happy New Year. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and you are listening to episode 55 of the Body Storytelling Podcast. So I'm a romantic, and celebrations and special occasions really move me. And this is our first show of 2019. So guess what? You get two stories on this episode. Do you make New Year's resolutions? Well, I typically don't. I have a ritual that I like to perform around New Year's and I'm gonna tell you a little story about it because I just did it the other day. I like to go to places that are like Santeria's or Botanicas because they have rituals that involve burning candles. Typically, you get a seven day religious candle for a specific reason. Each one has a color and information on the outside of the glass candle to tell you what that candle focuses your attention on. The botanica I used to go to has closed down in San Francisco. So I looked around and tried to find a new place to go. My bestie, Little P and I like to go on New Year's Day. We couldn't find any place that was open on New Year's Day. So we found a place that was in Oakland. It was called Ancient Ways and it says it's Oakland's favorite pagan metaphysical store. So that sounded good. We went in. There were walls and walls of jars of herbs and supplements, and we looked at their wall of candles and started asking them questions. P went first. P knew what she really wanted to focus on. She asked questions. The bald headed, kind eyed man behind the counter would pick them up. He would give us textbook definitions of what they do. We'd look confused and then he'd try and break it down for us, which was kind of fun. So by the time she got done with her three candles, I was like, okay, I'm gonna get really specific because if you know anything about storytellers, they're kind of focused on details. So I said, okay, I have a few things that I'd like to focus on. For starters, I'm a performer. I would like something that addresses speaking and presenting. It would be great because you may have heard over the last few episodes there's been a lot of me too and sexual assault. And I said, right now I'd like to focus on something a little bit different. So if I can have a speaking, presenting, not quite so. Me too, in 2019, I'd appreciate that. And he goes, oh, I have just the candle for you. And he gave me a gold candle with red writing on it that said Oshun on the front. And I said, tell me about Oshun. He says, oshun is the Britney Spears of the religious iconography. She's a performer. See the gold? She's all about that. And I said, great. I'd like to ward off financial problems. So he says, well, you definitely just want a rue candle. Rue is a scented candle. It's scented with rue. It is one of those things that will steer away from hard times. On the back of the candle it says, my work is hard, but I'm strong and I do not complain. My rewards are few, but I treasure what I have. My need is great, but my requests are small, asking only for what is fair. I walk with quiet patience and will receive with humble gratitude. I'm like, rock on. That sounds great. So we've got two calendars now. I've got Britney Spears and I've got gratitude and warding off hard times. I said, the next thing I would like is I'd like to go touring this year. Touring has been very difficult because you don't get responses from venues. I send out so many emails and because I'm not Elvis and that's not my return address, they don't respond to me. So I'm working on that and focusing my energies on having more success with touring so that I can bring body storytelling to you. I said, so I need something to help me with touring in 2019. He says, I have exactly the candle. And he pulled out this rainbow colored candle. And the candle he gave me said road opener. And on the road you can see signs that say success, love, money. And I'm like, well, it seems a little literal, but I guess that will work. And I said, I have one more request. I know that candle says success, but I want something that focuses on doing my job better, being a better storyteller, being a better business person. So do you have anything that could help me in business or have success with what I do? And he says, I have the perfect candle for you. And he hands me a candle and it has Success and luck and other things on the front of it. Most of the words are in Spanish and in big letters it says better business. And I said, how is this different than the performer candle or the road opener candle or the rue candle? And he said, well, besides the words better business, you know how the candle that is the root candle that is supposed to help you with financial scarcity is green because money is green. The better business candle is purple. So in candles, color indicates a lot. And I said, so why is the better business candle purple? And he goes, well, green and money means rich, purple means wealth. I'm not a very money focused person, so I'm like, you're gonna need to break it down for me. I don't really understand that. And he says, okay, let's say it this way. Let's say you're LeBron James. So if you're LeBron James and you're really successful in sports, you make a lot of money, right? Like, yeah. He says, that means you're rich, right? I'm like, yeah. He goes, you know who's richer than LeBron James? I don't know. The guy who writes paychecks for LeBron James, that's who. So while LeBron James might be green, the guy who writes his paycheck is purple. You need a purple candle. One of the things I really like about going to a Santeria is that I go in and I ask them to dress the candles. So dressing a candle is when you anoint it with oil and you put sprinkles and glitter and maybe grind some herbs and stuff into the top. I had always gone to a Santeria that said, you are going to carve your legal name into the wax in the top of this candle, into all of these candles. I've never particularly loved that part of things. And this guy said, so look at the candle. I want you to carve something into the wax in the top. And I want you to kind of say what you want this candle to do for you in 2019. He goes, you can carve your own name. You can do anything you want. And I said, that's not how I've ever played this game before. And he says, well, if it's voodoo related, you decide what it is. And so I believe you should make this candle personal for what you want. So I carved something secret into the top of each one of my candles. It felt so good to make it up myself and let it be what I wanted it to be rather than what somebody was dictating. And I can Tell you that on my desk right now, I have four candles that are ready to be burned, and they will burn continuously for seven days until they expire. And it's kind of a way to focus your attention. And some people do resolutions, some people burn candles, look at the words on the front and say, this is what I want to bring about in 2019. That's my routine. I bet you can get stuff like this on Amazon. You may not be able to get them dressed, but I wanted to tell you how I like to bring in the new year. Thanks for listening to my story. So I've been saving this story for a little while. It was so much fun to put him back on stage. I had had him on stage years ago for a small, private event, a custom body storytelling that I had created. And I wrote him recently and said, I'd love to have you on stage in Seattle. So he's biting, he's nerdy, he's unapologetically weird. He speaks to upstanding citizens and unwashed degenerates alike with love in his heart for everyone. Except that one guy. You know the one I mean, lives in Seattle, plays a rogue in Dungeons and Dragons, and he's always hungry. You can follow him on Instagram and Twitter. They call him the guy with the hair. This storyteller is Shawn Riccio.
- [10:34]
Shawn Riccio
Yes, hello. Hello, Dixie. It's okay if I put my drink.
- [10:38]
Noreen Mecanique
Down for a moment?
- [10:39]
Shawn Riccio
Can I put my drink down for a moment? Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable. Hello. Good evening, humans and gentlefolk. So I was at Domcon earlier this month. Does anybody know what that is? Anybody here? Yes. For those of you who are not cool enough to clap and woo, Domcon is the world's largest professional dominatrix convention. Yes. Because apparently there's more than one, so they're able to rank them up. Domcon is awesome. It's a professional convention for dominatrices. It's a trade show for the latest and greatest in things to recreationally beat people with. And it's a place where perverts get together to do unspeakable things to each other. Yes. And I am, in fact, one of those perverts. And I want to take. I want to take a quick aside in the story to say something like, I don't want to kink shame anybody, but I don't personally truck with terms like kinkster or fetishist. I'm a pervert. Yes. Thank you. I'm a proud pervert. I come from a long line of Pervert Americans. And we should take pride on our heritage. Perverts built this damn country. At least the pervy parts of it. So I was down at Domcon. And I was at the Domcon that takes place in New Orleans now. Yeah, yeah, right. America's sexiest city. The Domcon is large enough that it encompasses two events. There's one that happens in Los Angeles in the spring, and then there's another one that happens in New Orleans in the autumn. And I've been to the Los Angeles one many times. I've been about, like, five years running. And I love it. It's my home away from home. But having been to the New Orleans one now, just once, I'm prepared to say it's way, way better. Because the problem with the La Domcon is that it takes place at the LAX Hilton, right? Some of you have been there. So when you leave the hotel, there's like a postal warehouse and a divider and that's fucking it. And when you leave New Orleans, when you leave the hotel in New Orleans, you're there. You're in New Orleans. This place is the Aster Crown Astoria. It's in the middle. Yeah, it's an old Gilded Age hotel. It's in the middle of Bourbon and Canal Street. So when you walk out, there's everything. There's food, there's music, there's human effluvium. There's an oppressive heat that makes you feel like the air itself is trying to kill you. It's exactly what you want for hundreds of people dressed in leather and latex. And I was there with my lovely owner, the wonderful Lady Vi. Lady Vi, Yes. Thank you. Some of you might be familiar with her. Lady Vi is a professional dominatrix who lives up here in Everett. She is amazing. She's like. Try to imagine like Elvira, Queen of the Night if she was tatted up and ready to fucking cut you. Like, she's got a body like Vampira and a mind like an actual fucking vampire. And I have been her loyal Renfield for almost three years now. And this was our first time going to the event together. And it was super fun. We went with her husband, Ryan. It was a nice little family vacation. We got there on Thursday and we were partying and we were playing and we were exploring all together for the first three days. And by Saturday, we. We all kind of, like, needed a break from each other. So while her and her husband went out dancing, I went down to the dungeon party that was happening that night. Now, if you've never been to a BDSM convention or BDSM party or anything like that. You gotta understand, when I say dungeon, I don't mean like a dank, moldy, you know, basement somewhere where there's a bunch of instruments of torture and a bunch of hapless people being tortured on them. And it's not like that. When I say a dungeon, I mean the very clean, nicely appointed grand ballroom at the hotel. You know, perched very scenically over Bourbon Street. There's still all the implements of torture, but I mean, like, that's all everybody's pre negotiated that it's all consensual. And I was there. Usually when I go to something like that, I'm, you know, happy to just slut around and get caught in whoever's claws can catch me. But that particular night, I had a person in mind. There was a woman that I had run into during the convention who goes by the professional name Goddess Nyx. That's Nyx for those of you playing at home. Look her up. She's amazing. And we had met a few times during the convention and chatted up a bit. She was just an amazing woman. She was tall and statuesque, curvy, this beautiful purple hair, and a lovely smile that I got to see a few times, and I was very happy about. And when we ran into each other at the dungeon party, she asked me if anybody had snatched me up to play that night. And I said that no one had yet gotten the honor. And if she was asking, I was happy to do it with her. And after a brief negotiation of limits and rules, no touching her without permission, no new holes inserted into me other than that, I'm pretty much a good time party boy. And then we were off to the races. She laid me down on this massage table in the middle of the room, stripped off all my clothes, and it was awesome. Everybody was on. The sides was like a fishbowl. Everyone was watching us while she did, like a stripper floor act on my whole body, like, digging her knees into my back. And I was screaming like a banshee. It was amazing. We were there for, I don't know, I don't know how long. You kind of lose time when you're in a situation like that. And after we were done, we were cuddling with each other, catching our breath, you know, going through the little bits of getting to know each other. Like, you know, how. How was your day? Where'd you go? Where. Where are you from? You know, exactly. Do you have a phone number? Can we exchange it like I got it. Yeah, exactly. It's that kind of convention. And eventually I asked her like, would you like to go somewhere more private, like my hotel room where my roommates are currently not? And she said, yes, I would love to. And we went up to the 13th floor, lucky number 13. And we get into the room and we start getting comfortable. We start touching each other. We start touching each other, we clear off the bed, we. We're about to lay down and then, ah, the phone buzzes. I checked the text. It's from Lady Vi. We'll be back in 15 minutes. Had so much fun. Can't wait to see you. So Goddess Nix and I have a very brief and adult conversation where we agree that it is probably not the best first impression for my partner's to see her going to town on me with some kind of purple invader or, you know, whatever it is we're going to be getting up to in the next few minutes. So we sadly decide that she should go for the night. And she puts on her clothes very slowly and we kiss again very slowly, taking our time. And I walk her to the door in my underwear because I'm not leaving. I don't need anything like my room key or my wallet or my phone or my pants. So we get to the door, I say goodnight. She says good night. I lean in to give her a hug. She leans in for the hug. We embrace. I hear a door moving behind me and a sudden final click. She looks at me and says, you just locked yourself in, didn't you? Ladies and gentlemen, I am a stage performer. I know what five minutes feels like. And we had five minutes until Lady Vi got back. And let me tell you, that was the long people lived and died in that five minutes. Empires, Ra rose, created codes of ethics and then collapsed into nothing. In that five minutes, the entire life age of the earth passed in the five minutes I was almost buck naked in the Aster Crown Plaza with the most beautiful woman I had seen in my life, who was just about to have sex with me. I hadn't had sex in two weeks. And then to top it all off, Lady Vi finally gets there and sees me in my underwear and sees Nix laughing at me and says, well, we expected you to just be here. We don't have a room key. You need to go down and get one right now. Yes, you're perfectly street legal. You go and do it. Of course, she's an unrepentant sadist, so that was not true. She had a perfectly functioning room key so we finally all say yes, yes, yes for every person. A place, you'll find yours too. And finally we get into the hotel room and I tell Lady Vi and Ryan what had happened, basically what I just told you. And then they look at each other and get this pained look on their faces and say, could we totally would have wanted to watch you two have sex with each other. Are you fucking crazy? Can you go back and get her? She was really hot. Unfortunately, you know, alas, alas, it didn't happen. But I did get her phone number and she does live in Los Angeles so, you know, something to look forward to next Domcon. Ladies and gentlemen, you have been great. I want to give it back to your host, Dixie de La Tour.
- [21:15]
Dixie de La Tour
Is there anything better than a pro tip? I am going to give you a pro tip. I think you probably love the songs that are written for body storytelling as much as I do the custom filthy, filthy songs that talented musicians write for my show. Well, if you follow Jefferson Bergey Facebook, there'll be a link in the show notes so that you can find him. You can listen to the show that he does every Monday night. Every Monday night he performs at a wine bar. Very fancy. Don't know why they let him get away with this, but I am often there in person supporting him and rooting him on. The wine bar is called Scopo Divino and every Monday from 7 to 9 he's in San Francisco doing two hours of filthy songs. I love it so much. He often Facebook lives the entire show. So Facebook lives last for a while. You can listen to those songs maybe on your way to work on Tuesday. I don't know. Maybe you want to listen live. But follow Jefferson Berge. Listen to this talented musician and the antics that he gets up to every Monday night. That said, here you go. This song is from Jefferson Berge.
- [22:41]
Jefferson Bergey
Is it taboo to have sex with a statue? Who am I to say? More or less the mannequin. Go ahead, why don't you? It's not like it's going to run away. Is it taboo to have sex with a dolphin? Who am I to say? Do you work at a zoo or someplace in Orlando that must stink either way, the zoo and Orlando. If you crave sea mammal or a fish, I hope it serves a porpoise. I'm sorry. And if that makes your genitals glimmer, I sincerely hope you're a really strong swimmer. I do. If that kind of thing is for you, then woo hoo. They call it taboo. Is it taboo to Shower just like the romance. Do you know what I'm trying to say? I wanna throw up on you Set a bunch of the Roman Cause that's how they partied back in the day. Is it taboo to shove food in your sex holes? Who am I to say? Splishy splashy with food in any hole but your mouth hole. Please keep the haubaneros away from from anyone's butthole. He might screw a melon for a tease she might shove her vag with Mac and cheese. If you wanna mix the nudies with foodies then for goodness sake sit your ass down in that cake. You can fart in it too. If that kind of thing is for you then whoops. I'll call it taboo. Is it taboo to get laid at a family reunion? It only happened that one. Who am I to say? It might be true that it was also a funeral now it's kind of weird around the hall holidays. Is it taboo to engage in pseudo necrophilia? I don't know what to say. Best if one of you can be really still and quiet and deadlike and let the living have their way. What the hell did I just say? Even with consistent there might be tension Some state laws might aim for prevention. Who am I to say? Who am I to mention? If you bring your own mom to the Oedipus fetish convention.
- [26:20]
Shawn Riccio
Good for you.
- [26:22]
Jefferson Bergey
If that's the kind of thing your family is into then woohoo. They call it taboo. They call it call it taboo. They call it taboo. Call it taboo.
- [26:48]
Dixie de La Tour
I want to say a special thank you to the people who have supported us on Patreon. Patreon.com P A T R E O N is a way to support and provide ongoing support to the projects that you love. And in 2018, you helped us hit a nice round number. We've seen our Patreon account grow, which tells me that you want to see this podcast continue. This episode that you're listening to has two stories on it, and I'm hoping to do more and more of that in 2019. If you'd like to help us make that possible, go to patreon.com bawdy b a w D Y and support us at whatever level you can. Your help means that the podcast gets bigger and better and you can be part of it by supporting us on Patreon. Thanks in advance for your support. What kind of person has great stories? Well, I'm thinking it's someone who's a kinky chef, a filthy hedonist, a Professional pervert.
- [27:51]
Noreen Mecanique
And.
- [27:52]
Dixie de La Tour
And an all around sex machine. Can you tell? I'm reading off her bio. When she's not creating delicious things to put inside willing humans. I like that they're willing humans. She's likely working on her cache of obscure trivia and advocating for robot vampires to take over the planet. She has a penchant for the macabre, makes a pretty mean Texas style brisket, and is known to do all her own stunts. This was her, her first time getting on stage at bawdy storytelling. Her reputation preceded her. I'd heard about her for years. This was my first time really meeting her and it was a joy to introduce her on stage. This storyteller is Noreen Mecanique.
- [28:50]
Noreen Mecanique
Hi, everyone. Hi. So I am the sort of person that never does anything the easy way, and dating is no exception. And you know, sometimes you meet someone and things just sort of fall into place and it's very intuitive and you can't wait for the next day that you're going to spend with them. And it sort of looks like this very easily put together jigsaw puzzle. But I tend to lean more towards the Hellraiser Lament, configuration style, convenient package. And the weirder it gets, the better. So when I first started putting myself out in the realm of online dating, I thought, you know, dating and vetting people who I don't already know well is going to be equal parts exhausting and kind of adventuresome. And if I'm going to let someone, someone take me out of my solitude, they're really gonna have to fight for it. They're gonna have to work for it and set the bar kind of high. So I made myself an unnecessarily complicated profile and juxtaposed that with my penchant for leather and bondage and erotic blood sport and trivia around old Hollywood movies and just, you know, various little things to try to, like, pique some interest and, you know, go trawling. And much to my surprise, I landed the golden goose. And this golden goose fit so many parameters. I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't think they were real. And it's funny because one of my biggest fetishes is emotionally unavailable men. And it's even better if they don't live in the same city that I live in. So let me set the tableau for you. It's like one of these things, scenarios where it's like, oh, you're really hot and you've got a brain in your head and you're Only available on Thursdays and you have three established partners and you co parent with two of them. That sounds really hot. So we're gonna see each other in like six weeks, right? So Ricardo was one of these sorts of people. He was a couple years older than me, very erudite, the art director for an out of state university, university, spoke four languages, had a lot of mutual interest, fine dining, I'm a chef in my day to day exploits. Talked a lot about art that he had gone and seen in his travels over the years. I was an art history major in college, so there were a lot of cultural snaps that I was like, oh, this person sounds great. And the kicker was that even though he really loved the Bay Area, he was only here one or two weeks out of each month because he had to fly, fly out of state to go to his job. So I was like, yes, the pressure's off, right? So if we have a couple dates, that's great, he can go live in his other place and if we see each other again, awesome. And if not, well, fuck him. See you never. But we had this slow burn of excitement in our dialogue and so we ended up texting every day, all throughout the day and finding out all these things about one another. And it was getting more and more salacious. And finally we sort of decided we were going to do the thing. We were going to have our first date. And it was the third week of January and I presented three dining options to him of various price points to kind of gauge his level of fiscal interest. And he chose the expensive option. He went with Luce, which is the pre fee multi course restaurant. It's a Michelin rated place over in the intercontinental here in SF. Very funsy, very nice, you know, 20 foot ceilings, old Hollywood stone parquet floor, sort of attitude. And I was like, okay, cool. So I'm gonna wear a ridiculous dress and heels and you're gonna wear a suit and we'll have a night out on the town. And he says, oh yes. And not only that, but I've told the receptionist that it's our anniversary. So if that ends up being, you know, a year from now and we're still friends, that'll be the date. And I was like, is this some pickup artist bullshit? Like, come on. Really? Well, okay, you know what, I'm into it, I'm into it. We'll give it a go. Yeah, sure. Okay, fine. That'll be our anniversary. So we play this card and we get to talking and it's like the week of the date of the big event. And I get the idea in my head that I want him to cut me out of my lingerie when I a knife. And so I'm trying to flirt with him by text, which hardly ever works, you know, Tone is kind of lost. But I say to him, ricardo, do you own a pocket knife? And in his sort of bravado response, he's like, no, Bella. If I needed to protect myself or you, I wouldn't need a knife. I would just use my fists. Yeah, I'm the sort of gal that, despite my high femme appearance, I take my glasses off when I'm at the Motorhead concert, and I'm like, I'm gonna go high five Lemmy while I'm crowd surfing. I'll take care of you. Don't worry. It's true. It happened Trocadero in Philadelphia. But, no, I was like, no, no, no, no. That's not what I mean. I'm asking because if I get a run in my vintage stockings while we're out at dinner, I want to make sure that you can cut me out of the them so I don't look a mess while we're out on the town together. And he's like, oh, I don't own a pocket knife. I'm like, well, maybe you should procure one. And about 10 seconds later, he's like, can I call you? So I get this phone call, and what proceeds is this really hot phone sex conversation that lasts the better part of an hour. And we set this tableau of him, you know, slowly cutting me out of my stockings and my underwear and presenting myself to him for this night of raucous sex and tracing all the very sensitive parts of my body, and it's super hot. And eventually, we both jerk off in our separate apartments on each side of the bay very conveniently and bid each other good night. Typical Monday night conversation for someone that you've never met and isn't paying you. So I'm laying in bed the next morning, and I'm like, that was really hot. In all my kinky and sexual exploits, I don't do a lot of phone sex that's not somehow adjacent to a work context. So I was kind of giving him a freebie. I'm like, this better be a good fucking date. I gave him an hour of my time and breathed heavily into my phone. Wasted my minutes. Have to do laundry now for my bed sheets. And so I'm laying in bed before work, and I'm thinking, you know, I'm going to up the ante I want to make this a little more of a game. Let's make it more complicated, make it more weird. So I text him and I say, ricardo, I want to throw down a gauntlet. I think you and I should do drawings. We should draw a picture of what we remember of our conversation from last night and bring it to dinner and trade the pictures during dinner and have it be the same, you know, sort of vulnerability moment. And he's like, oh, I like that. Let's. You're on, let's do that. I think I can make that happen. I'm like, great. So I give myself about an hour and I draw this sketch. And it had been a while since I'd drawn anything of consequence, but I felt pretty good about it. It was an image of his hand with a pocket knife pressed up against my tit at this sort of like, you know, reclined angle. And the shape of his hand and the blue was sort of like the bridge connecting San Francisco and Oakland. And it was very technical. And I'm thinking to myself, if this were an actual landline and not a cell phone, it would be like the landline connecting our fantasy to this hopeful future reality of this sexy time that we're going to have together. So I roll it up and tie it with a little piece of ribbon and set it on my dresser and go and run off to work. And we don't really talk again between that morning and when we're getting ready to meet each other for dinner. So fast forward the next day we meet each other for dinner. We go to Luce. He is looking absolutely pristine now in his OkCupid profile. He was sort of like this GQ sort of spread, right? So he's got this, you know, very artful pose of him with his sporty motorcycle and his head to toe leather gear check mark. And, you know, balancing that with, you know, a nice tailored suit and his top two buttons undone because he needs to let the steam off from his three weekly salsa classes. And in terms of his body type, he had this almond complexion and this trapezoidal, almost comic book superhero sort of body and very angular faces. He was pretty much the Chicano Daniel Craig, right? So deep set eyes, short hair, had this piercing skin that was very romantic, you know, stereotypically romanticized. Hit a lot of my buttons visually too. I was like, oh, you're pretty and you're smart. Okay, let's go. So he's wearing this like fancy ass suit with like hand stitched lapels and I'm in a ridiculous Green and black linen dress showing a lot of leg and deceptively comfortable heels. And it was basically the elite escort outfit. I was like, okay, I'm gone. Full face, fancy ass heels, gonna do the thing. We go to Luce. There's very few people in the restaurant, basically just us. And we sit down and he invites the idea of us getting the tasting menu, which is about $200 a person, not counting wine pairings. And he says, would you also like to get the wine pairings, Nareen? And we both laugh at the ridiculousness of this as I say, yes, but at the same time, I'm counting the numbers in my head of what the bill is going to be if he turns out being a shitbag and leaves me with the check halfway through dinner. Because it does happen. People do this kind of shit to each other and it's really awful. But I'm like, okay, if I have to wash dishes, you know, I can probably sweet talk the chef. I work in the industry, it's fine. But I'm hedging my bets that something weird is gonna happen. But it doesn't. Not only do we get the wine pairings, the server keeps bringing us samples of other glasses. So we get this sea of glasses sort of filling the rest of the table where, you know, the plates can't quite be fit. And at one point, the fourth or fifth course, we get risotto, this little risotto plate with about three bites of it in a little pile in the middle of the bowl. And Ricardo realizes that he doesn't have a fork. They've taken his fork away and he doesn't have one. And before he can call the server over to get a new one, I look at him and I say, ricardo, you don't need a fork. And he kind of looks at me strangely and I say, I think you should just eat it with your fork face. And without skipping a beat, he takes the plate and holds it on either side like this and leans in and makes dead eye contact with me and starts slowly lapping up his fancy ass rice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was an older couple on the other side of the restaurant. It was the only other table left. And they're like. And so he's eating his rice like this with his. And by the time he finishes his plate, I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna go home and fuck him. It was the twinkle in his eye. He knew exactly what he was fucking doing. He was a smart boy. So we finish our meal. It's beautiful dinner. If you ever need a Special occasion. Or if you need to eat a starch based Italian dish with just your mouth, I'm sure they'll understand. It's worth doing it there. So we are about to wrap up our dinner and we're like, oh, shh. Oh, we've forgotten the drawings. We have to have the drawings. And so I pull out of my bag this little roll of paper with a dollar store ribbon grosgrain ribbon on it and hand it over to him. And he slides out of his suit coat this bubble envelope. And I'm like, bubble envelope, what's going on? And he hands it to me and I open it up and inside is a pocket knife and a picture frame. The motherfucker went and got it framed in 24 hours somehow. Or he had a frame that was already in his house that fit the size of the paper. And I'm looking at it and I'm like, oh, you're good. Like, who the fuck are you? Who is this guy? And it's this sketch of ostensibly me in this sort of back arch sort of pose with my head kicked back and these knives and strategic places sort of like pointed in towards my nether regions and very beautiful sketch. So I'm looking at it and I'm like, yeah, I'm keeping you. Yeah, this is great. So we take our drawings and we decide to leave and we go to his apartment and on the way there I'm just like, yeah, I want to get him out of his suit. I want to get him out of his suit. We're going to fuck it. It's going to be great. And we get to his house and it looks like a Crate and Barrel catalog. It was a multi story loft in the dog patch of all places. Very modern, beautiful home, sort of floating staircase to get up to his bedroom. Intentionally smell sparse furnishings. Which if you've ever, if some of you have been in my home, I'm not a hoarder, I'm a fetishist. I just have a lot of random stuff in my house. I don't do minimalism well. So in this moment we're very different sorts of people, him and I. But he's got a bookcase of books, some strategically placed camera equipment, a six foot tall mirror obviously for fucking and looking at yourself in, and a book matched 6 foot tall, a portrait of the sky that he took because he's a photographer and filmmaker. And I'm like, oh, okay, this is as if this is hot. I could fuck in this. This is great. So I sit on the bed and he leans towards me and he's like, bella, do you need anything? And I say, yeah, as he sets his coat down on the bed next to me. And I say, yeah, could you get me a glass of water? He's like, yeah, I can get you a glass of water. So he leaves. And as soon as he leaves, I go over to his suit coat and run rifle through it and find the pocket knife and steal it out of his jacket and slide it into the back of my dress, right next to my zipper. And I'm sitting there on the bed waiting for him to return. And so he comes back and gives me the glass of water, and he goes towards his jacket to try to find said item. And I see him sort of tense up, and, you know, it's the moment of like, oh, where's the knife? And I look at him and I'm like, is everything okay? And he says, oh, yeah, everything's fine. And then he starts looking, looking with a little more rapidity into the other pockets. I'm like, you didn't leave your phone in the cab, did you? And he's like, no, no, no. And then finally, after about 10 seconds, he's like, I can't find the knife. And so I take another drink of water, and I'm like, it's fine. The knife was a nice idea, but we don't have to have the knife. We can enjoy each other without it. And he sort of rolls his eyes. He's like, yeah, I guess. So he acquiesces, and he takes the jacket and puts it in the closet and comes back towards me and starts kind of clambering onto the bed and is leaning in and getting closer and closer to my face to come in for the kill, because we're going to start making out. And as he's doing this, he gets about right here, and I slide the knife out from behind my dress, and I pop it open right next to his ear. And he looks me in the eyes and he goes, oh, you're good. Now, in this moment, he's got about 40 or 50 pounds on me, super toned. And one of two things is about to happen. He's gonna think I'm trying to kill him, and I'm about to get my ass kicked and thrown out of his really nice apartment, or we're gonna have a really fun night. And luckily, it was the latter. So I very kindly hand the knife back to him. Him. And he proceeds to begin to take off my heels and slide it up my leg and thigh and very deftly and delicately cuts my stockings off of me. And I'm just living it up. I'm like, this is so fucking hot. This is what I've been waiting for for days. This is so great. So he gets the stockings off me, I get myself out of my dress. I help him out of his shirt. We're rolling around in the sheets, and he starts playing me the sketch that he drew of me running the blade down my cleavage and down my stomach and down the inside of my leg. And it's, you know, super fucking hot. And this is someone who I've never really met before. So I'm like. I'm putting a lot of trust into this motherfucker. But, you know. So we're rolling around in the sheets, and at one point, we're basically naked, and he's straddling my hips. So he's sitting on me on my pelvis with his knees, you know, kind of locked into my upper thighs and, you know, kissing my neck. And I can feel the blade, you know, running around various parts. Parts of my body. And I turn my head over to the side, and then I feel him tighten on me. I feel his whole body just stiffen. And I roll my head back towards him. And I open my eyes, and I look up at him, and he's completely expressionless. And he's holding the knife in this funny way, kind of like this. And he's stuck himself, and he's popped himself right in the forearm. And he's bleeding like a snake stuck pig. And just looking down at me, like, not worried. Not with any sort of, like, fear or concern in his eyes, Just sort of like, okay, I did this. And my eyes dilate, and I grab his forearm and draw it into my mouth and start feeding off of him like a fucking shark. Because I'm into sanguination. And so I'm like, 10, 12 seconds in and drinking his mind blood. And in that moment, I realized that him and I didn't really have any kind of, like, STI talk. So I pull his hand and arm away from my mouth, and I've got a little garnet trickle of him down the side of my lips. And I look up at him and I say the most erotic thing that could possibly come into my head in that moment, which is, how are you in hepatitis? And he's like. And I'm like, what's your relationship with hepatitis? And he goes, I'm clean. I'm like, don't say clean. That's a really nasty way of responding. And he goes, I Don't have hepatitis. I'm like, great. And I grab his arm and I stick it back in my mouth and I start chomping him, right? And I just, like, have my fill of him until he's not bleeding anymore. So I guess that means I'm a doctor now. So we keep rolling around in the sheets and, you know, we have our fill of each other with a knife, and finally we toss it over the shoulder and we're done with that. I'm like, no, no, no, no, wait. We need that. And so I make him get it, and I say, we're not done with the knife. And he's like, okay, okay. I'm like, I want you to fuck me with it. And again, without missing a beat, he's like, okay, how do I do that? And so it's a little smaller than this one. This was a prop, but almost the same size blade. And so I say, well, what you're going to do is you're going to hold. Don't fucking do this. I am not an expert of this. I'm not telling you to do this. But this is a real experience that happened to me at my behest because I like sharp, pointy things in compromising moments. So I have him cover the bulk of the blade, the working end, with his thumb, and he gets it up into my cunt and he starts fucking me with it. And I come about in about three minutes. I fucking squirt all over his body. Bedsheets. I make a total mess of his linens and have this loud, screaming orgasm. And he's just like, so. And he's just like, I'm doing the thing. I'm doing okay. And so I have my climax, and he very carefully takes it out of me again and looks at it, and he goes, so how often do I have to sharpen this thing? And I say, you know, it's not too often. I know a place. If you don't want to do it yourself, I can recommend someone. And it was in that moment that he set the knife on the bed and sort of started to lean in and gave me the same face he did at dinner. And it was at that moment that I knew that I was about to know exactly what that plate of risotto was feeling and that I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon.
- [49:04]
Dixie de La Tour
So there's this thing I've heard about, and I don't actually participate myself, but I believe it's called societal norms. There is a way you're supposed to act in the world, and I can tell you that those rules are somewhat suspended at a Live body storytelling. Podcasts are great, but wouldn't it be amazing to be in a room with hundreds of other people who just kind of want to let their hair down like you do, who want to hear true stories of sexual adventure, who want to make friends and have drinks called Schlong Island Iced Tea, or sidle up to people and get them to sign their Bango card, which is this great way to get people to tell you they their own stories. My goal is to make you realize your story needs to be heard. I believe everybody needs that in your life. I want to hear your story. But a great place to start is to walk up to people, start playing Bango and realize your stories are damn good ones and they need to be heard. So I'm going to tell you about upcoming live body storytellings on January 9th. That is a Wednesday. That is not our typical schedule. The theme of the night in San Francisco is Super kink. On January 17th in Seattle, the theme is Shenanigans. I can tell you that was a theme that was meant for Seattle. They are up to some shenanigans and the pitches I have gotten are blowing my mind and it takes a lot to blow my mind. I'm also going to be staying in town in Seattle for the weekend because that is the weekend of the podcon conference. I want to get better at this podcasting thing. If you're a fan of podcasts, you don't have to have your own. It's a great place to meet other people who love podcasts. Then on February 3rd, that's a Sunday in San Francisco, we are honoring Ethical Slut Dawsey Easton. She's a co author of the book the Ethical Slut. She has amazing stories and this is to celebrate both her 75th birthday and the 50th anniversary of the occurrence that led her to direct her life in the way she did the thing that inspired her to grab hold of the term slut and become the poster child of polyamory. This is what that's about. She's going to be sharing these stories. We're all going to be doing a story roast and telling our own story stories and how the Ethical Slut book and her other books have impacted our lives. That's going to be on Sunday, February 3rd in San Francisco. And I already have people flying in from all over to be there to thank Dawsey face to face for the work that she's done in the world. The theme of the night we're calling it Notorious. And tickets are available. You know where the tickets are available? On February 23rd, we're celebrating our Dirty Dozen. That is our 12 year anniversary of Body Storytelling. That bad idea I had 12 years ago is still going and growing. So let's all get together and celebrate that. We're going to have a two show night. The first one's going to be the 12 year anniversary show. The second one is Best of Body. So very shortly I'm going to be putting a survey online. Everybody who participated in being on stage in San Francisco in 2018 is up to be voted for. For Best of Body. You can pick your favorite storyteller and you decide the lineup for that Best of body show on February 23rd. Oh, I forgot one. On February 14th, I'm going to be doing a show on Valentine's Day in Seattle. So I'm looking for something kind of sexy, kind of romantic. If you have an idea for the theme, I'd love to have it, but it's Valentine's Day. Come celebrate Valentine's Day with Body Storytelling in Seattle. Those are our upcoming shows. Please come up and say hi to me in person if you make it to a live show. I like faces and I can't wait to see yours at a live Body Storytelling. Tickets are available@bodystorytelling.com the same place you found this podcast. That's where you get your tickets for live shows. So one of the things I'm really proud of is that I'm still doing a podcast and it would not be possible without the people that I'm about to thank. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia. One of the best things that happened in 2018 was meeting Marty and starting to work with him. I feel like it's changed everything and I'm so grateful to get to work with him on this podcast. Don't you think that he does amazing work? Thank you to Joe Moore, my video producer and my archivist, to Dana Hanna, my project manager, to David Grossoff, my sound engineer. And thank you to you. Thank you for listening and rating and reviewing. If you share this with just one friend, the numbers of people who are listening to this podcast will double. And the more people listen and the more mail that I get, the more likely it is that this thing will continue. I am hoping that 2019 brings you sexual adventures. The sort that you've always dreamed of or the sort of connection that you crave. Or better yet, maybe both adventure and connection. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour and you have been listening to the Body storytelling podcast. Here's a peek at what's next. Here's my fantasies. My fantasies are we're in a hotel, we're in the elevator, and we're gonna fuck. But we're not putting the emergency stop button on. We're gonna fuck. Anytime somebody comes on the elevator, we have to stop. As soon as they leave, we start fucking again. Okay? So he says no. I just meant. Yeah, I know he says no. I meant, like, what is it that you've not done in life yet?
- [54:52]
Noreen Mecanique
It.