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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 59: ‘Hunger and Optimism’ (Tuesday June)
00:28:18
6 hours in a sex club?! Writer and promiscuous polyamorous princess Tuesday June has been on many fist – I mean first – dates, and this pro can tell In 2 minutes whether the chemistry is there. And when she meets Jeff, it’s not – until he...
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Transcript15 lines
- [00:02]
A
February is upon us, and that means get ready for romance. But how romantic is it to squash into that way too popular restaurant at exorbitant special occasion pricing to show your beloved that you care? Well, the folks at Clona Willy have a brand new Do It Yourself kit for this February 14th, you can skip the crowds and celebrate your Hallmark holiday in a way that will bring you closer together. You can make a steak or a nice vegan goulash. Then get naked in the comfort of your own home and make a memory that lasts forever. More on Clone and Willy and a way to save later on in the show. The following podcast is graphic. It's explicit, adult in nature, not safe for work. Earbuds. That's a great idea.
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B
All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. Never frightened, just run and hide my vagina is 8 miles.
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A
Hi there and welcome to the Body Storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie Della Tour and this is episode 59. So I'm fighting depression this week. My partner is losing his job. I'm a worry ward by nature. I'm worried about money. I'm worried about him being home. When I record podcasts and do my work at home, that's gonna throw me off my schedule. But I wanted to tell you about a couple of things that happened this week that made the week a little bit better than it was. One of them is that I got some fan mail from someone who's an artist and they do paintings, erotic art, and they decided they were doing their first gallery opening, their first reception of their art, first one ever. And they wanted to tell their story. People have asked them how they got into this sort of art. They wanted to understand who she was. And so she hired me and we're working on her story together. And it felt so good to take her from Here's a couple of possible stories to by the end of the call, she was so excited about the story that she was going to be telling and she's working on it right now. I can't wait to hear how the whole thing goes. If you don't know it, I do coaching on Skype or on Zoom and I love doing it. It means I get to see your face, and it means we get to work together no matter where you are. The other thing that happened was I got a piece of fan mail this week from someone, and they told me a little bit about where they lived and what they loved about the podcast. And then they said, well, I know that you like voices and you love to hear people. So she attached a voice memo, and I get to hear the excitement in her voice and I get to hear her talk about her city and her life. And it was brilliant. I was like, why have I not been asking for this? So, you know, if you're going to do that, it would be smart to, like, put a few words in the email so that I know that it's not spam or something like that. But attaching a voice memo, talking to me, that would make me really happy. I'd love to hear from you. You can get me for either of those things. Either hiring me for coaching or sending me a recording of you talking to me@dixieodystorytelling.com that gives me something else to look forward to, too. Hearing from you this week, wouldn't that be great? So you ready for a story? Our storyteller this time is a writer, a promiscuous polyamorous princess, a lazy ass sexual healer, and a curious experimen. She devotes a good deal of her time working on being a good girl for her daddy, and her superpower is flying under the radar and passing for normal in a crowd every single time. She lives a carefree, bougie lifestyle in San Francisco. This storyteller is Tuesday, June.
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Okay, so I'm laying on my back and I'm naked, and I have three lovely assistants to this side. And I have my date Jeff in fucking position in front of me. I'm on this enormous circular bed that can fit about eight people. And about halfway to the front row is like a fence that's about yay high. And on the other side of this fence is about 75 onlookers. So there I am, and Jeff looks down and he says, you look thirsty. Let me go fetch you some water. And he gets up and he opens up the gate to the fence and goes on the other side of it, runs upstairs and buys me a bottle of water. And when he did this, he left the gate swinging wide open. And in doing so, the sea of onlookers became participants. They all started streaming through the gate towards me, and I flinched back and I gasped and I froze. Let me tell you how I got here. So I Had been on a lot of first dates. I've been on 121 first dates. A lot of first dates. And Jeff was one of my first dates. And he and I met on alt.com and he was a dom. Well, he wanted to be a dom. Had never been a dom before, but he thought that would be a good idea. And I'm subby. So that worked out. And we had gotten together on the telephone for the week before we actually met face to face. And he'd ask me the checklist questions, the kink checklist questions. He'd say, role play, and I'd say, yes. And he'd say, needles, and I'd say, oh, no. Like that. All week long, just back and forth. And so we were really excited to meet a week later. And he knew who I was from my kink checklist. And we got to the restaurant to have dinner. And for those of you who date, you know, it happens sometimes. It was over. It was over in two seconds. I wasn't his type. He wasn't my type. Anybody remember the Breakfast Club? Yeah. Okay, good. So the really hot bad boy, who was that? Judd Nelson. I would totally fuck Judd Nelson. That's not who showed up. Anthony Michael Hull showed up, who is very fuckable to somebody, but not me. So we had dinner anyway, because I had commuted two hours, and so had he. And we just wrote it out, right? And at the end of dinner, he said, you know, you're a lot of fun. Why don't we go to the power exchange? And I. Anybody know what the power exchange is, Y'? All, I didn't know what the power exchange was. I had never been to the power exchange. And for those of you who don't know, it's a sex dungeon. I had no idea. So I said, sure. And even though I didn't want to date Jeff if it came with the Power exchange package of fun adventure, I was down. I was going to go. So we hop in a cab. We start heading over there. And halfway there, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He doesn't really know me. I mean, he doesn't have enough information about me be subby in this way. So I reroute us to Martoonies, which is nearby. It's Power Exchange adjacent at Martoonies is this really awesome, dark, clubby gay bar. And it's Martoonies. So there's martinis and tunes. There's a piano, and it's playing really loudly, which is perfect cover noise for consent conversations. And we saddle on up to A high top table. And Jeff scooches in over next to me, and he scooches in closer, and he reaches his hand underneath my skirt and he starts poking three fingers, hitting a couple of times. I'm not really happy with this, but I don't say anything. And he slides two fingers inside, and he looks at me and he says, so what do you want to drink? And what are we going to talk about? All right, so we're starting to have these consent conversations over a piano and a drag queen singing I Will Survive off key. And I'm yelling things like, I don't.
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Know if you can keep me safe. Can you keep me safe?
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Because I'm fucking terrified. I've never been to a sex dungeon. It's like coming here for the first time. Terrifying, right? So I didn't know what was gonna happen. So he said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll keep you safe. And code word for get me the hell out of here is now. Okay, I can do that. And we weren't ready. I mean, how can you really be ready? No one's ever ready. When you're a virgin to these sorts of things, it's kind of like the playa. You're just never ready. So we get there, and when you walk in, there's a coat check. It's not really a coat check. Well, it is a coat check. It's a coat check. And not a shoe check. Keep your shoes on, but like a pants check and a clothing check. So Jeff checks his clothes, and I keep all my clothes on, and I got my black overcoat. I'm holding onto that like that's going to keep me safe. And we walk over and we start surveying the scene, and there's a row of sort of like gel cell looking things. And I see this awesome cell with a fuck swing in it. I had never played on a fuck swing before. I wanted to do that. And so I went in and I sat myself down on the fuck swing and made that all happen. And I'm all excited, and he and I are the only ones around. And he walked over to the gate and he closed the gate and then made the little sound that you make when you close a gate. That and that sound beckoned about two dozen men. I was like, wow, this is awesome. So I'm in the fuck swing and he flips my skirt up and he's standing and he's all excited, and I'm all excited, and we start fucking. And what's really great about fucking in a fuck swing if you haven't tried it. It's amazing. I now know what go with the flow means. It was just all lovely and it all fit well, and Jeff had a nice cock, and it was all happening. But the best part was going eyeball to eyeball to eyeball with all of the men watching. Oh, my God. They all had the same look on their faces, and it was this combination of hunger and optimism.
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They were like.
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And I was like, I'm an exhibitionist. Okay, now I know. So then.
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Who knew?
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So we started walking around the rest of the club, and hours passed, and we had a great time. And we found ourselves in the basement, which is huge, right? It's a huge room, but there's lots of play areas. And they set them apart by creating these little fences so people can see, but they're not in the scene right now. At the coat check, while I was at the coat check, I said, how does this work around here? And what they said is, don't take pictures, don't drink alcohol, and if you want to play, make sure and close the gate or lock the latch, because if you don't, that's consent for anyone to join in. So there we are in the basement, and I find this enormous white round bed that can hold eight people. And we've collected volunteers along the way. I love the volunteers. They're so friendly to me. And we jump on the bed and have a great time. And I decide at this moment that I'm going to declare a fantasy that I have. I have this fantasy. Do you want to know my fantasy? Double penetration. Now, I'd never had anal sex before, so it's not the anal part that's the fantasy. I'm just greedy. So if you could stick two dicks up my vagina, that would make me really happy, actually. So it's the greedy. It's not the vaginal combo that I like so much. So we start talking about doing it the three, four, five of us. And of the five of us, none of us have done it. Not the four men, not me. And then, so my date Jeff, starts asking around, and before you know it, there's 75 men standing around. They're gonna watch. And before anyone volunteers. My favorite volunteer. Oh, my favorite volunteer. John. Oh, John. Okay. John is really young. Really, Like, I kept going, you have to be 21 to get in here. You have to be 21 to get in here. They check ID. They have to be 21 to get in here. This is. Okay. He looked like a young, kind of dumb, very willing Will Smith and he said, before anyone else could volunteer, he said, my cousin's here. And I bet he knows how to do this. He knows how to do this. I'll be right back. So he's gonna go get his cousin and his cousin's gonna help out. So a few minutes later, he comes back with his cousin, who is about this tall and he looks like Weird Al Yankovic, but he is on it. He's like the director. He's gonna make it happen, right? So he is like. By the way, he speaks in the thickest French accent I've ever heard. Weird Al, French accent this high. He's like, you here? Whoa. No, no, no, no, no. And then this and then that, and the thing. And they put it in the. Over there or the deal. We failed. We totally failed. All my bad. Totally my fault. I could never get in a position where deciding that having anal sex for the first time in double penetration was a good idea. So I backed out of that. But more fucking happened. I mean, come on, right? So more fucking happened. And I was on my sixth hour. Six hours at the power exchange. I'm at my sixth hour, and I'm so happy. And I'm laying on the bed, I've got my three friends who I just met, John being one of them. My date in fucking position, looking at me. Crowd of 75. And he says, you look thirsty. I'm going to go get you some water. And he walks out, goes upstairs to fetch me water. The gates open. The sea of men are coming through the gate. By the way, I have seen no women in six hours. And I freeze, right? And I freeze. And in that moment, my three friends are like a pack of sheepdogs. They rear up like they're gonna kill every man that walks through that gate. They're gonna take them out. And the front line see my face and see these men, and they're just like, oh, my God, I'm. Massage. Sorry. Sorry. And they're pushing the. Pushing the guys behind them back out the gate and closing the gate and making the thing. And some of them stood by the side for my date to come back so they could rip him in a new asshole. And I gotta tell you, in that moment, something in me broke. Something in me broke open. I was in a room with 75 fierce protectors in a situation that could have been the worst night of my life. I've never felt more vulnerable. I've never felt more innocent. But most importantly, I never felt so safe. And I'll never be the same. Thank you.
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Is A long distance relationship keeping you and your lover apart from. Or are the two of you still seeking that elusive unicorn? Have you dreamed of telling the world that Madame Tussauds museum is asking after your vagina because it's famous? We all know your vagina is the best, so why not clone it? Your vulva is a staff favorite and its beauty should be preserved for eternity. And you can do it with the new clone, a pussy plus sleeve kit invented by a chemist made with 100% body safe material. You and your paramour can have a casting party a la Jimi Hendrix and the plaster casters guys Clone. And Willy knows how much you love sharing your pleasure pickle with the ones you love. And their infamous Clona Willy in home molding kit lets you make your date a gift that always fits. And good lord, it vibrates because seismic sex. Hells yeah. Go to clonawilly.com and use the promo code DIXIE for 20% off your entire order. And you can spend Valentine's Day casting your goodies together. Share your beautiful beaver with a special someone. Go to clonawilly.com for 20% off. Use the code Dixie and be brilliant. Give them a romantic custom gift this Valentine's Day. There were a lot of men in that story, weren't there? I was thinking about songs to play on this episode. I was like, something about toxic masculinity. Something that makes us feel hopeful and that things are changing. But in the end, I ended up going with a classic. This song is one you're gonna recognize. It's Raining Men by the Weather Girls.
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Hi. Hi. We're your weather girls and have we got news for you. You better listen, get ready, call your lonely girls and leave those umbrellas at home. Alri what sources. Now we better hurry up. Cause tonight for the first time Just about half past ten for the first time history. It's gonna start raining man. It's raining. Hallelujah, it's a rain. Amen. Amen. I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna let myself get absolutely so get rain. It's raining, man. Hallelujah, it's raining. It every spectac Tall, blind, dark, lean, rough and dark and strong and weak. She's a single woman to us. She comes on the heaven and she did what she had to do. She fought every angel. She rearranged the sky so that each and every woman to find the perfect guy. It's raining. Can't you speak for the first time? Just about half half raining man.
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So our podcast numbers are increasing. We're seeing more downloads, we're seeing some great fan mail, some responses and reviews that indicate that you really like this podcast. But we could definitely use some help on Patreon. Patreon.com is a way to support the projects that you love and ensure that they continue. I've been pretty proud of the fact that we've been at this over two years, but the only way we can flourish and grow is with your help. So if you go to patreon.com bawdy spelled b a w D Y you can find a way to support us at whatever level works for you. Whatever you can do that makes sure the Bodi Podcast can continue. So go to patreon.com bodi Sign up at whatever level you can afford, and thank you so much in advance for your support. You know, when the world gets me down, the thing that excites me and gives me something to look forward to is knowing that I'm gonna see you soon. At a live body storytelling show. This Sunday, February 3rd in San Francisco is Notorious, a celebration of Darcy Easton. This is not like your typical body storytelling. This is a story roast. And it's not a roast like Comedy Central. It's us telling stories about a beloved character in our life. Someone who changed the world. She's the co author of the Bible on Polyamory. Here the story of how she decided to live her life that way and about what's coming up in the future for her. It's her 75th birthday y' all and tickets are almost completely gone. So if you're gonna get them, get them now. Go to bodystraighttelling.com and buy tickets to Notorious as soon as possible. On Thursday, February 14th. That is Valentine's Day, we are doing our first ever best of Body in Seattle. The survey is now out. You will find it in the show notes for this episode. You will also find it on our website under the ticket link for that show. It's called Best of Body Seattle. Go ahead and vote for whomever you love. You've heard some Seattle storytellers on the podcast. Now vote for your favorite and you decide the lineup. Who's going to be performing for us in Seattle on Valentine's day on Saturday, February 23rd in San Francisco. It's our 12 year anniversary. A dirty dozen years of creating sex and story. At 7pm the first show is going to feature Midori, the supernova of Kink. We haven't had her on stage in a few years. And then at 10pm and is best of Body San Francisco. That survey is also online. You can find it in the show notes for this episode, the ticket link for that show, and it's on our website. Shows after that are going to be Seattle on March 7, San Francisco on March 14. And this isn't 100%, so I may not really, I probably shouldn't say it, but I'm going to say it anyway. On March 16th and 17th in San Francisco, I'm looking at doing a weekend long workshop. I've been getting a lot of requests for storytelling workshops and I think it would be great to have people get together a whole uninterrupted weekend working on stories. So if you're interested in that, send me an email. Dixie bodystorytelling.com if the interest is there. I've got this amazing location I've been offered and it's in a fancy high rise with a view of the bay and the fairies coming in and out. Beautiful location, small group, no more than 10. Think I'm going to do a workshop in March. Let me know if that's of interest to you. And that's what's coming up for Body Storytelling. It's time to say thank you. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia, to sound engineer David Grossoff, to project manager Dana Hannah, to video archivist Joe Moore, and thank you to you. Thank you for listening and subscribing, reviewing us and giving us your attention every week. Podcasting is so different than live shows. And knowing that you write me, send me fan mail, tell me what you like about this podcast and that you want more, that means I'm gonna keep doing it. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. This has been episode 59 of the Bawdi storytelling podcast. And here's a peek at what's next.
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And she drinks a couple more glasses of whiskey and I realized that this woman must be on a steady diet.
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Of like Jack Daniels, Maker's Mark and Adderall.