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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 62: ‘Spit Roasted by Spock?‘ (Alotta Boutté)
00:33:53
Lieutenant Uhura is up for a promotion – and she’s willing to EARN it! When the online registration form for the International Ms Leather conference requests a personal fantasy as part of your profile for the weekend, burlesque legend (and career...
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Long distance relationship keeping you and your lover apart? Or can't find that unicorn you've been seeking. They're called unicorns for a reason. Well, why not clone yourself? You can do it together. With the new clone, a pussy plus sleeve kit invented by a chemist, made with 100% body safe material, you and your partner can have a sexy craft night making a custom one of a kind sex toy together. You already know the sex is gonna be good. I mean, it's you. More on clone a pussy and clone a willy later on in the show. The following podcast is adult in nature. It's explicit, it's not safe for work. It's about sex and kink, y'.
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All.
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All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't qu.
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I am enormous.
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Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much.
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Maybe it's just you're not enough for me. Can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be. Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside if you're ever I just run and hide.
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My vagina is eight miles.
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Hi there and welcome to the Bodi storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie delator and this is episode 62 of the Bodi podcast. How's your week going? I want to tell you about this kind of unusual Valentine's Day that I had this week. So we've had a lot of weather going on, I guess in San Francisco. We had high winds and rainstorms. In fact, my 165 pound Saint Bernard climbed on top of me in the middle of the night Wednesday night to hide because he was terrified from the storm. It was raging so bad. Which will wake you up. That will definitely wake you up. So I got very little sleep. I was planning on being in Seattle. I live in San Francisco and so storms in San Francisco, snow for over a week in Seattle, people kept contacting me to check in and say, are you still coming? Like it's Valentine's Day. We have special plans to be a body. Are you going to be able to make it? We have so much snow, but we have such cabin fever and we really want to come to the show. So we hope you're coming. I sent him a message, you guys, I'm coming. I'll be be there. The plane ticket's non refundable. I'll be there. Not expecting that the weather in San Francisco might bar my progress. Get to the airport. 10am Thursday, February 14 I'm waiting for my plane to take off and they announced that the storms and high winds have caused delays and then cancellations. So at 3:15 I'm still in San Francisco. I'm supposed to be on stage in Seattle. I'm supposed to be there for soundcheck and load in at 6pm and I'm kind of freaking out. So I'm texting my team in Seattle going, can somebody go to Babeland and pick up the prizes for Bango? One of the volunteers said, I have a Subaru Forester. It's got all wheel drive, I can pick you up regardless of snow. And I messaged him and said, I'm going to take you up on that offer. While I'm texting the team in San Francisco going, what's going to happen? Am I actually going to make it? Can I find somebody to replace me on stage in Seattle? Finally the plane takes off. I've messaged everybody when I land in Seattle. Niam, who is the guy with the Subaru Forester who was gonna help me with load in and loadout for the materials and the stuff for the show, has been waiting in the cell phone lot for over an hour and a half. He has gone by my Airbnb. He has picked up all the supplies for the show that live in Seattle. He picks me up at the airport, he whisks me in my suitcase off to the re. I go into the bathroom, I change into a stage dress and I will tell you, underneath it I had some flop sweat going on because I have never been that stressed out about getting to a show. It was an amazing show. It was our very first Best of body in Seattle. And the audience had been cooped up in their house in the snow for over a week. They were really ready to celebrate Valentine's Day and to hear stories from the people that they had voted to be the very best body storytellers in Seattle. It was an incredible night. I was astounded at how enthusiastic this audience was and 90% of the audience was brand new that night. I don't know if they decided to spend Valentine's Day with us. This sounds like something different or what, but tons of new people, believe it or not, I was trying to book a flight back from Seattle to San Francisco. Several weeks before the show. I'm booking my plane tickets and the prices are crazy high. One of them, Seattle to San Francisco is one way. $1,551. I finally found a flight that was $350 one way from Seattle to San Francisco. But it meant that I had to be at the airport before 5am which meant after that stressful day of am I actually going to make it to Seattle to do this show? I finished the show. Everybody kind of left me because it's Valentine's Day and they wanted to go home and have sex. So I had to load all of this stu of the show, go home, pack everything up, not sleep in my Airbnb, and then head to the airport. I took off at about 6am and I finally got to take a little bit of a nap when I got home. My Valentine's Day was spent on Friday, February 15th, with my partner. My partner Bent and our Saint Bernard were excited to see me that evening when he got home from work. The dog often goes to work with him. And I had gotten a picture when I was on stage that said, happy Valentine's Day, honey. And it was a picture of this big beautiful bouquet of like orange roses and red tulips. And I was like, oh, thank you so much. But you know what kind of bouquet I want? I want a bouquet of crab legs. I just want to sit with you guys and dip crab legs in butter. That's what I want. That's the meal I'm craving and that's the bouquet I want. So when I got home on Friday, there was this giant bouquet of king crab legs. And do you know that crab legs are like 2 foot long? We had a lot of fun cutting them up and eating them. And it was comfortable, it was relaxing, it was exactly what I wanted, exactly the way that I wanted to recover from one of the wildest travel trips I've had in a long time. And then let me tell you real quick about yesterday. Yesterday I went to Dark Garden Corsetry because they have these amazing bespoke. Do you know what bespoke means? It means custom made. They have these custom made corsets and they also have some corsets that they've already made that are for rental. Well, my 12 year anniversary shows, two of them are this Saturday. So I wanted to wear something special. And I'm a big girl and I wasn't really sure if I was going to find something that fit me. But I went in. One of our storytellers, Jessica Cohen, works at Dark Garden, and she had said, I have something in mind for you and you can rent it. I went in, I tried on a bunch of corsets. They were beautiful, but I don't know, they didn't feel quite right. And then she checked in and went do you think we could rent her the Alotta booty? And they went, oh, I don't know. Alotta's got very unusual measurements. I don't think Dixie could possibly have the same measurements as Alana. And I'm like, I've seen Alana. We're similarly built, but we definitely don't look alike at all. I tried on this corset and it almost fits exactly perfectly. They had to do a little tailoring for it. But this Saturday, I'm going to be wearing the corset custom made for a lot of boutique to wear at the Edwardian Ball to perform. She's a singer, she's a burlesque performer. She is incredible. I can't believe that I'm going to be wearing an outfit created for a lot of booty. You're going to hear a little bit more about a Lada Boutette in just a minute because she's our story on this episode. I'm going to tell you a little story. So I have this friend, Jen. Jen was leaving the city, she lived in San Francisco to move all the way across the country. And she wanted to take her favorite penises and vaginas with her when she left town. She wanted to preserve her lover's bits for posterity. So we had a casting party and we molded their bits and she took them with her and she didn't have to miss parts of them. Right now, Clona Willy has some really cool cock casting and vulva replica bundles. The kits were invented by a chemist. They're 100% body safe material and they have kits that have a bunch of fun things. You can get a casting kit or two accessories like vibrators, truth or dare, sexy cards, cleansing wipes, stickers, cozies, toy cleaner, lube, cock rings, all for a big discount. Go to clonawilly.com and use the promo code Dixie for 20% off your entire order and you can take your show on the road. Go to colonawilly.com for 20% off with the code D I X I E. Tell them I sent you. Let's talk about our storyteller for this episode. A Lot of Butte is an international cabaret and burlesque sensation hailing from the nightclubs of San Francisco. She serves up sweet, lyrical somethings that titillate your eyes and tantalize your ears. Ms. Boutet has been a featured performer at Teazarama, the Burlesque hall of Fame, the New York Burlesque Festival, the Helsinki Burlesque Festival, Stockholm's Hoochie Coochie Club and in Margaret Cho's Sensuous Woman. She has shared the stage with the biggest and brightest in burlesque and cabaret and recently starred as the chanteuse in the Mugler Follies in Paris. She currently resides in San Francisco and is part of the world's longest running musical, Beach Blanket Babylon. She was the last recipient of the Bay Area Leather Alliance Entertainer of the Year award back in 2010 and has been a regular at Seduction and Brunch at International Miss Leather. And she'll be back emceeing at International Miss Leather this year in April. This storyteller is a lotta booty.
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Woo.
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I'm so happy it's dark out there. Hi everyone. So Rachel's song is actually a great tie into my story. Cause, oh my God, I love Star Trek. I am a Trekkie. I grew up on the Next Generation and watching the OG series at night with my dad. I love Star Trek. I went to the Experience in Las Vegas. I got my ass a tribble. And for bonus points, Leonard Nimoy has taken pictures of me naked. Check it out. There's a book called the Full Body Project featuring large bodied nudes. And my ass literally is on the COVID Trekkie. I love me some Star Trek. So one year for international Ms. Leather, I registered. I was totally going. I'm performing, I'm hosting, I'm getting my freak on. Cause four days worth of freaky deaky. Yes, please. And when you register, they had a personal profile. And in that personal profile was an essay, little essay box where you can, you know, give a little something about a fantasy. And I wrote one sentence to be Lieutenant Uhura getting banged by Captain Kirk while sucking off Spock. Trekkie dreams. Trekkie dreams. So not to like maybe a week or two after I post this, I post it, send it live. Not thinking anyone's really paying attention, I get an email from a friend of mine, Dee. Now Dee is maybe 5 foot 5, one tiny, older, butch, slick black hair, some salt and pepper in it, but strong as fuck. Tiny but mighty. And I get this email saying, Lt. Uhura, please report to the bridge. And on your way, grab Commander Spock. Signed, Captain Kirk. Fanfic come to life, people. I'm so excited. But who the hell am I gonna get to play Spock? It's gotta be right, you know, Gotta have someone who can go into Vulcan mode and is willing to wear the outfit. And there was only one person I can think of. They were already a play partner of mine. And we've had all kinds of dorky geeky fun together. And I was like, oh, oh, he's gonna get into character. So I hit up my friend Sean. Probably about five, two bit stockier, built, gorgeous, thick curly hair, and a total goober like me. So I'm like, hey, Sean, Star Trek fantasy. He's like, are you shitting me right now? I was like, no, and I want you to be Spock. He's like, are you kidding? I was like, no. Will you be my Spock and do this banana pants idea with me? Totally down. And so in conversation, Dee and Sean, they don't know each other. They haven't met. So what we decided to do was to meet up in Dee's room prior to our scene for negotiations. Give them a chance to meet, kind of feel it out and see if that's still a go. My requirement was that everyone be in costume. Because I myself had already procured a Lieutenant Uhura dress. Circus Season one. Cause the drag queen who makes my costumes is a geek like me. So Circus Season one, all the things, right? Insignia, the dreepy. I already have a dress, so you all have to dress up. So IMSL rolls through, and at the time IMSL was happening, IMSL is short for International Miss Leather, if you didn't know. So IMSL rolls up, and at the time, IMSL was happening at the Holiday Inn on Van Ness. IMSL is not big enough to take up that entire hotel as it is a big one. So you've got, you know, normal people and then as weird leather clad, partially clad people, trying to keep it, you know, publicly correct and things. So I get dressed up, I grab my friend Sean, we head up to Dee's floor, and Dee opens the door, and I'm just like, that's technically a next generation engineering uniform, but I'mma let it slide because you look good and it's the right colors. And my buddy Sean had found a great, like, baby blue shirt, had did a cardboard cutout insignia, got some elf ears. He was so into it. I was like, yes. Like, tacked on some, like, brick brac gold things at the end. And I was like, I love you. I love you for that. Making it work with what you got. So we all meet up in Dee's room. We're all dressed up. We had barely said words to each other. We're just looking around the room going, oh, yeah, this is too good. This is too good. This is gonna be too much fun. And one of the options we had discussed was playing in the room, depending on comfort Levels. But it was too good. We have to parade through the Holiday Inn on Van Ness.
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So.
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And we're high up. So we get in the elevator and we're riding down two of my friends, we'll call them Vic and Lauren, they come into the elevator and they're just giggling because they know what's about to go down because they're freaks like us. Yay, freaks. And then as we continue to go down, Grandma and grandpa roll up in the elevator wearing their khaki shorts and their Hawaiian shirts, and they're just like. Which then makes my friends crack up even more. And I'm just silently giggling the whole time. And so instead of taking the elevator all the way down to where the dungeon space is. Oh, we stop on ground floor. And then we parade ourselves through the lobby, around past the main ballrooms, down the stairs, into the dungeon space while all the norms are just like, they've already seen a bunch of weird shit, okay? And now Star Trek is rolling through, and they do not know what to make of it. While the rest of my freaky friends are like, is that. That's happening? That's happening now. It's happening now. So if you want to watch it, it's happening now. And so we take our space, we set our scene, we have a bit of a discussion, and I begin to suck Captain Kurt's cock. Okay, so we would. I gotta say, though, don't have a whole lot of spirit in second cock. It's a thing. At the time. At the time, didn't have. I should say, didn't have a whole lot of experience second cock. At the time. So Captain Kirk had Spock demonstrate two of my hot. Oh, so good. So I'm watching Spock's suck off Kirk and I'm dripping down my thigh. And now it is my turn to take what I learned and give good ahead. So second off, Kirk so happy about it. Spock's grabbing my hair. Just helping me out. Help me out. It was great. And so we're getting into it and it's beautiful and it's so much fun. And we're giggling, lots of laughter is happening. And then we changed positions, and now I'm sucking off Spock while Captain Kirk rolls around and I get spit roasted. What? Huh? I did not. Actually. That's why I asked.
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Proper German San Francisco Bridge.
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Something about the San Francisco Bridge. Both ends. It's fine. Both goes well. Anyways, so spit roasted. Captain Kirk and Spock dreams do come true. And then, as things continue to progress, I'm on top of Kirk, and Spock, pulls out a fiberglass cane and is like, what do you think about this? And I say, I'm willing to try. I'm, you know, my. I'm not a masochist by any means. Not a big one anyway. But I'm also the type of person that wants to feel what I give. And so when I'm in that space, when I'm in a really good space and everything's hot and sexy and turned on, I'm like, yeah, I can take it.
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What?
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What? Give it, Give it. So I get off of Kirk, I lay myself down. Spock, in his emotionless state, starts caning. And it is not a skinny fiberglass cane. That fucker was easily an inch or so and just, like, started out nice and light, but then started getting heavier, started getting heavier, started getting heavier. And again, not a big masochist. So I'm just like, I'm gonna take it. I'm take it. And then at some point during the caning, I just released and kind of gave into it. And I let the tears start to stream down my face. And something about allowing myself to be that kind of vulnerable because I don't get to. On a regular basis. Black, fat, queer woman in the world, we don't get to do that. And so I just released in the comfort of my Kirk and my Spock, knowing I knew full and well that they had me. Spock was, you know, a little too into. Little too into being emotionless. And he's caning and he's caning and he's caning, and I'm crying, but something about it is just so cathartic and so good to just let it all go. And Captain Kirk came around, noticed the tears, was like, are you okay? He's like, yeah, I'm actually really great. And he got, you know, Commander Spock. Let's pause on that for a moment. And so they checked in with me, and I just let it completely flow.
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Flow.
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As a reward for being such a good student and earning my promotion that day, I got up in a sling. And let me tell you, that leverage you get in a sling, it's real nice. Oh, it's real good. And so they each took turns pounding the shit out of me. And it was glorious and wonderful. And that is how Lt. Uhura earned her promotion.
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Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Feels so good being bad. There's no way I'm turning bad now. The pain Is for pleasure Cause nothing can measure Love is great, love is fine out the box, out of line the affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it Sex in the air I don't care I love the smell of it Sticks and stones may break my bones but Jason whips act like me Cuz I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it Sticks in the air I don't care I love the smell of it the tombstones may break my bones but chains and whips that like me Come on, come on, come on I like it, like it come on, come on, come on I like that Come on, come on, come on I like it, like it Come on, come on, come on I like it, like it Love is great, love is fun out the box, out of line the affliction of the feeling Leaves me wanting more.
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Cause.
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I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it Sex in the air I don't care I love the smell of it the sandstones may break my bones but chains and whip sex like me Come on, come on, come on I like it, like it come on, come on, come on I like it, I like it Come on, come on, come on I like it, like it come on, come on, come on I like it, like it I love the feeling you bring to me oh you turn me on it's exactly what I've been yearning for Give it to me strong and meet me in my pourpoix make my body sick Ah ah ah I like it I got but I'm perfectly good at it Sex in the air I don't care I love the smell of it Sticks and stones may break my bones but Jason whips excitement I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it S in the air I don't care I love the smell of it the sandstones may break my bones but chasing whip step fight me Come on, come on, come on I like it, like it Come on, come on, come on I like, I like it come on, come on, come on I like it, like it come on, come on, come on I like it I.
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That song was S and M by Rihanna. Have you heard about Patreon? It's a way to support the project that you love in an ongoing manner. Kickstarter is a way to support a specific project. But for something like the Bawdi storytelling podcast, we need help to keep this thing going out every week. And the way we keep that going for you to help, Please go to patreon.com bawdy spelled b a W T Y and Patreon is spelled P A T r e o n.com go to patreon.com support us at whatever level you can because your support means we can keep growing this thing and keep cranking it out every single week. Thanks for listening to the podcast and thanks for supporting Bodi on Patreon. I have some special stuff coming up for Bodi Storytelling and I'd love to have you there. So let me tell you about upcoming shows for Bodi. This Saturday night, Saturday, February 23rd is our 12 year anniversary shows. Two of them at 7pm We've Got Bodi celebrates a Dirty Dozen 12 Years of Bodi that features Supernova of Kink Midori British Fisting Daddy Dolan Wolf. You've heard him here on the podcast Epic Bawdy Storyteller who's won Best of Body many times, Jeffrey Allen Hayes. We just added Elizabeth Bayer, who is the author of the Big Bisexual Book of Trials and Errors to the lineup. And that's our 7pm show to celebrate 12 years. Then at 10pm it's the best of Body San Francisco edition. Our winners are Gail Roberts, Chara Steele, Fay Romero, and Sister Flora Goodtime. For both these shows this Saturday night, Rachel Lark will be performing her songs that she's written just for Body Storytelling. I hope you're going to be there to help me celebrate a dozen years of this thing. If you possibly can be there, please get your tickets as soon as possible. It's going to sell out and that's coming up this week. Then right after that, we've got Thursday, March 7th in Seattle. The theme is There's a Friday First Time for everything. We're gonna have Creature Hole, our musical act, back and they're writing a fresh new song just for that theme. It's kind of like I have somebody who's writing songs for me in Seattle now, and that's really exciting because I've got Rachel Lark, I've got Jefferson Bergee in San Francisco, and my dream is to have people writing custom songs for me in the cities that I come to when I tour this summer. Now I've got somebody writing a song for me in Seattle that's gonna be on March 7th. If you have a pitch, send it to dixieaudistorytelling.com if you can be on stage on March 7th. The theme again is There's a First time for Everything. And then on Thursday, March 14, I'm back in San Francisco. But the Thing I really need to tell you about is the storytelling weekend that I am doing on March 16th and 17th in San Francisco. An entire weekend of working on stories with me. We can find your story, we can craft your story and geek out together. It's going to be in a private, fancy location with a beautiful view of the bay and Coit Tower. And it's just gonna be something I've been fantasizing about doing for a long time. I haven't been able to have time to teach storytelling workshops to the public in quite a while. So I'm excited about this on Saturday, April 13th in Seattle. That's a Saturday night show. I've never done a Saturday night show in Seattle. The theme of the night is Groupon, so there's a dash in there, group on. It's gonna be group sex stories. And we're also going to be doing a unicorn raffle. A little bit more about that when I tell you about the San Francisco show. We're also gonna be back in San Francisco on Thursday, April 18, but Friday, May 17, if you know me, you know that for my birthday, I like to do this big show. I like to celebrate my birthday in a way that feels like this one's for me. Well, this happens to be the 10 year anniversary of the unicorn raffle that I did. And everybody, this was even before 50 Shades of Grey. Everybody wanted me to sell them on stage. The money is going to help us fund touring for later on in the year. So if you would love to help Bodi get on the road, help us with our unicorn. So the unicorn raffle is going to be happening on Friday, May 17th. We have Rachel Lurk coming in, fresh from performing with Dan Savage on the road on one of his live shows. And we're going to be doing a unicorn raffle that night. It's so much fun to see how excited people are not only to support the show, but to interpret unicorn however they believe. A reverse unicorn, a unicorn of any gender. Like we are not sticking to the strict definition of unicorn by any means. So those are shows that are coming up very soon. You can get tickets to all of these things@bodystorytelling.com shows. And I really look forward to seeing you at a live show soon. I need to say thank you to the team that makes this podcast possible. To podcast producer Marty Garcia, to video archivist Joe Moore, project manager Dana Hannah, sound engineer David Grossoff. Thank you to you for listening for the new reviews you guys have been putting up on itunes and other places. I love reading what you think about the podcast, please. If you haven't yet, please add yours and tell at least one friend this week about the body storytelling podcast. You do that, we grow, we get bigger, we come to your city. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and here's a peek at what's next. I found this great group. It's the Leatherman's discussion group, and they have a mentorship program where they pair you up with a leather daddy and takes you under your wing, and he.
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Teaches you about kink. And I'm like, yes, this is exactly what I need, right?
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I need somebody to tell me what I'm into.
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I, like, don't know. Right.
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Sa.