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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 63: ‘Ghosts of Submissives Past‘ (Brian Abascal)
00:32:28
When married gay man Brian Abascal leaves the almost-nonexistent kink scene in Boston for the vibrant leather scene in San Francisco, he finds himself presented with a sumptuous buffet of new experiences. But what if you don’t know what your kink...
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- [00:08]
Dixie de La Tour
Is the coast clear? Cause the podcast you're about to listen to is explicit.
- [00:15]
Musical Performer
All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous.
- [00:25]
Get used to it.
- [00:30]
Everyone tells me too much Maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles.
- [01:04]
Brian Abascow
Why?
- [01:11]
Dixie de La Tour
Hi there and welcome to the Bodi Storytelling Podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour and This is episode 63 of the podcast. I hope your week is going well. I had a really spectacular weekend. First 48 hours before my 12 year anniversary show, I hit 1 million downloads on the Boni storytelling podcast. 1 million downloads is quite a milestone. But when your podcast is listed as explicit, it doesn't come up in search. It's not available at all in many countries. So the fact that we hit 1 million is in part thanks to you because you're telling people about this. I don't advertise this podcast very much because I stay pretty busy with coaching and traveling, not nearly as much as I should, and I am very short staffed. So the fact that you're talking to people about this podcast and sharing them with it, that's how we hit these numbers. We've only been going at it for like two years. The show's been going 12 years, but the podcast has only been going for about two years. You did this, so thank you. We got mentioned on POD News, which is one of my favorite podcasting news source, and they talked About Body Storytelling's 1 million downloads and about our transformative, relatable storytelling. That felt really good because I really like pod news. And then shortly after that was our 12 year anniversary show. It was a two show night. That's really hard. That's a lot of cat herding. That's a lot of getting stuffed into a dark garden corset and looking amazing. My friend Dona dressed me for the evening. I went over to borrow accessories, thinking she'd lend me a necklace. And instead she gave me peacock headdress to wear. And I felt like a Vegas showgirl all night. It was probably distracting when you were looking at a storyteller on stage and listening to their beautiful story. There's this aging showgirl sitting right next to her. But I wanted to do something special and I felt really like, I felt really beautiful. That night, at a certain point in the evening, I went back out to resume the show after break, and my microphone was off, and I was looking very confused, looking for the sound guy. And then my staff came out. My stage manager, Gil, got on the microphone down on the floor, where I couldn't hit him for taking my microphone away from me, and he announced that they had secretly been planning something for me. My friend Hannah got on the microphone and she announced that back in November, I had casually mentioned on Facebook that my friend Sarah, who runs Paisley's Puppets, makes these beautiful puppets. And I'd always had a dream of being a Muppet. And I just kind of rambled, you know, like I'm doing right now. I said, if I was a Muppet, I'd be turquoise, because that's like my favorite color. And I'd have, you know, the red hair that I have. I'd have a mullet for sure, because I have a mullet. I'd have big, glittery blue eyes, and I'd rock the boobs. Of course, then they called Sarah out on stage and presented me with the Muppet version of Dixie. Oh, my God. I don't know if you have a fantasy to be a Muppet, but it was a dream come true for me. And they've been working on it almost four months, crowdfunding, to raise the money to make this beautiful custom puppet of me. She had those metal arms, the kind that Kermit has when he throws his arms up and goes, yay. She had boobs. She had a stage dress. She had a little tiny top hat with a flower feather in it. She had purple reading glasses a la de medna, and her hands were magnetized. So in one hand, she was holding a tiny stuffed St Bernard to represent my dog, Quake, and in the other one, she was holding a microphone, and I was floored. I didn't cry because I didn't want to ruin my makeup, but I was so close. She sat on stage, she helped me co host, and when Rachel Art came out to do her musical number, she said, dixie, what are you going to call her? And I'm like, well, definitely not Trixie. Hate being called Trixie. And she goes, oh, no, not Trixie. And then people kept asking, and I was like, you know what? I hate to say this, but like any good pervert, it takes an arm up in there to get her party started. So, so far, we're calling her Fisty. Don't call me Fisty. But so far, we're calling the Muppet version of me. Fisty. I'm thinking of all kinds of weird things to do with her. If you have any ideas of what I could do with a puppet, I'd love to hear them. Because guys, she's beautiful. I'll be posting pictures for you soon. You can see them on Patreon and you can see them on social media. I love her so much. Thank you to everyone who contributed to Make Her. Thank you to Sarah McPinguin of Paisley's Puppets for making this beautiful representation of me. Between that outfit on stage and all the love and the hundreds of people in that room, the people who traveled from all over the country for that show, I was feeling all the love y'. All. Thank you so much for an incredible 12 year anniversary. Has the weather been keeping you cooped up in your house or do you have responsibilities that make it hard to sneak off to the gym? My podcast producer Marty Garcia and I were talking about this just last week. We both work at home and I never seem to make it out the door to the gym. And Marty's a podcast producer stay at home dad and his three year old needs him there all the time. So Marty and I are both trying Open Fit. It's a brand new simple streaming service that lets you work out from the comfort of your home. I'm starting with their yoga classes because I know that yoga makes me feel good and soon I hope to move up to their extend barre classes. They say that even folks with two left feet can do it and as someone who has nightmares about falling off the stage I could use some of that. I'm trying it out for free and you can too. You can get a special extended 30 day free trial when you text body to 3030 30. Join me in not letting the snow or the rain or the winter keep us from feeling better in our skin. Text B A W d y to 303030 and try out Openfit's custom tailored original Fitness. Lets talk about this week's storyteller shall we? Brian Abascow is Mr. Golden State Bear 2018. He works in HIV training for providers and has worked in HIV care and prevention for almost 15 years. Brian believes in body affirmation and realizes that self confidence is sexy. He is passionate about ending HIV stigma and has chosen to focus his leather title work on spreading the message of undetectable equals untransmittable U U. He believes that our community needs to allow our brothers and sisters to heal from decades of being seen as dirty or something that we need protection against. Brian is also very involved in the leather and kink community in San Francisco and has been a guest speaker for the leatherman's discussion group. This was his first time telling a story for body storytelling, and he rocked that stage. This storyteller is Brian Abascow.
- [08:50]
Brian Abascow
So I'm tied to this wooden X shaped cross in the basement dungeon of a Victorian house in the Castro. The walls and the floor are made of polished concrete, which I'm told is soundproof. To the right, there's this wall that's filled with the most extensive collection of handcuffs and chains and padlocks I have ever seen. And I can see in the mirror in front of me a slender, muscled, bearded man dressed in leather. And as he raises his hand to strike me, I'm thinking, what would my husband say if he saw me now? You see, I had just moved from Boston with my husband Sean of 12 years. Boston. But Boston's leather scene was really sort of non existent. It was dying out and with it was my hopes of being kinky. Yeah, I just had never been able to really line up an experience out there and had pretty much assigned myself to never having that kind of experience. And I really didn't think they would be available to me because I didn't know what I wanted to try. But here we were in San Francisco that has such a vibrant kink scene. It is just like everywhere. It's pervasive and I can see it everywhere, but I don't know how to access it Right. So my first kink experience actually kind of happened by accident. My husband Sean and I, we went to this bear dance night in a club in Soma. And as we typically do, we spend about the first 30 minutes with each other saying hi to friends and catching up with them. And then because we're open and he's attracted to different guys than I am and different guys are attracted to the two of us, we let each other go off and have fun. And I meet Scott, who is this big, burly, muscle daddy bear who's got arms as big as my leg and he's furry and with his chest and his belly and he's got a white beard. And I connect with him really hard and we make out for about an hour on the dance floor. And then he says, I gotta pee. And I had to pee too. So like any self respecting gay men, we go into the same stall together. And I'm about to take a piss and he looks down and he says, can I drink it? Sure. I mean, I guess, right? And the sensation of his mouth and Tongue wrapped around my cock as I let that piss dream go. Was pretty sensational. And I. He got up to take a piss, and I said, could I drink it? I'm surprised because I had never done anything like that before. But he was so hot. I was so into him, I was just ready to do anything. And so I did, and it was oddly really intimate. And so the rest of the night, we just spent recycling each other's piss. Didn't need to drink any water. It's very economically sound, but, you know, the night ended and he went home, and I never saw him again. Yeah, so I'm motivated now. So I find this kink app called Recon. It's a dating app, and you go on, and in each of the profiles, you can list all the kinks that you're into. And there's so many to choose from. There's like, bondage and pup play and roping and masters and slaves. And I go with what I know. I look for people who are into piss, and I find this really hot, furry Mexican sir. He's got a dark mustache and a close trimmed white beard, and he is all about protocol. I am to show up at 7 o', clock, not a minute before and not a minute after. I'm to walk in the house, undress down to my jock strap, open the bottle of IPA that I had just bought at the corner store, and get on my hands and knees on this leather ottoman and say, ready, sir? And I spent the next hour worshiping his feet.
- [14:06]
Dixie de La Tour
Okay.
- [14:09]
Brian Abascow
Never done that before. But he was sexy and he had beautiful cock, and he was getting so much pleasure out of it that I was, like, really getting off on him getting pleasure. And the sex was incredible afterwards. But at the end of the night, he said, put on your clothes and go home. Yeah. So I'm driving home and I'm trying to process what just happened. I'm like, feet? Really? Am I into feet right now? Like, is that. I don't know. But I know I still need more information, right? So my best friend Vince, who's this furry little otter, I call him my pup in crime. And he runs up to me. He shares the same desire to be. Be kinky with. And he's like, I found this great group. It's the Leatherman's discussion group, and they have a mentorship program where they pair you up with a leather daddy and takes you under your wing, and he teaches you about kink. And I'm like, yes, this is exactly what I need, right? I need somebody to tell Me, what I'm into, I don't know. So I talked to my husband Sean, about entering the program, and he's just not getting it. Like, he doesn't understand. He doesn't know why I want to do it. He's a little concerned for my safety, and he's just not very supportive. But we get to the point where he agrees to, you know, that I can go ahead and enter the program. So I do, and we go to our first meeting, and it's on flogging. And for those of you who don't know, a flogger is like a leather wrapped handle with a bunch of leather straps on the end of it, and you use it to whack people's backs or butts or whatever you want. And we're sitting in the front row, and the two people that are speakers is one is this leader in the San Francisco kink community, Bob, interviewing a legendary flogger, Daddy Robert. And for those of you who don't know, like, Bob is like, sort of like benevolent and wise and kind, and Daddy Roberts, like, this jovial, fun, big kid, right? So it's like I'm watching, like, the Dalai Lama interview the Santa Claus of kink, right? And I'm listening to him talk about flogging in this way that's so eloquent that I had, like, I just never really thought about it that way. I had always looked at flogging as being, like, it was a sadistic tool, right? You flogged somebody because you wanted to cause them pain. And I'm watching Daddy Robert demo, and it's not just sadistic. It's funny and playful and sexy and intense and hot and dangerous and sometimes sadistic. But it didn't stay there. And I left that meaning with my mind just totally blown. And Bob must have seen how it affected me because he came up to me and he said, how is that for you? And I said, I think I want to do it. And he says, by do it, do you mean you want to learn how to flog or you want to be flogged? And I said, yes. So fast forward now. I'm in Bob's basement dungeon tied to this cross, and he starts flogging me with this deer flogger. And the deer flogger is a little bit lighter, it's a little softer. It's good for getting me used to the feeling of being flogged and the way that Bob flogs. It's like a roller coaster where, you know, there's one track and Then there's a loop de loop on the end, but you don't go all the way. The loop de loop. First you kind of go up the track a little bit, and then you come back down. And then the next time you go up a little bit further and then a little bit further. And each time you're brought past the edge of where you just were. And so he's got the deer flogger. He starts with that. He's warmed me up, and now he moves on to a cow hide flogger. And it's a little bit bigger, a little bit more thud. And he gets me up past the edge and then brings me back down again. And then he moves on to a buffalo flogger. And it's a little heavier, but it's still soft. But I'm getting this real big thud. And he's taken me right to the edge and past it again. And then he moves on to a bullflogger, which is heavy, hard leather. And there's so much sting and thud. And everything. And I'm trying to take it because I think that's what I'm supposed to do, right? I'm supposed to take the pain. And he hits me with that bullflogger and I lost it. And I start sobbing, and I feel Bob's arms come around my body, and he lays his head on my back and he says, it's okay. Let it all out. Go ahead and cry. And I do. And he's like, what's coming up for you? I'm thinking, like, I have been struggling so long with wanting to chase this desire to be kinky and dealing with a husband who doesn't get it. And, like, how do I make sure that he stays loved and attended to and feeling secure and still be able to pursue this deep desire that I have? And I realized that in order for me to really enjoy kink, in order for me to have that trust that you need to give over to somebody, I really needed a connection with somebody. And I realized that person is not Sean. So I'm finished crying, and I'm like, bob, we can't end on this low note. I need something fun. So I turn around, I say, please play with my nipples. And I'm a huge nipple pig. And I really. They can go hard, right? And so he starts playing with them, and he's trying to cause me pain. He's like, this, this, this. And I'm like, not yet. And so he's like whacking them and, like, trying everything. And finally he Puts these clothespins on my nipples and he's whacking them off with a riding crop. And sometimes he misses. So we start laughing. And whole time I'm jerking off and jerking off. And finally I came and I'm like, wow. And I turn around and I look at the place where I had been standing and there's this giant pool of pre cum on the floor. And I'm like, this is awesome. I will forever be part of Bob's dungeon floor. And. Right. And. And the next sub that comes in, the spirits of sub past will waft up from the ground and bless them with a good experience. Yeah, so things didn't work out with Sean, unfortunately, for a lot of reasons. But what that experience taught me was ask for what you want, even if it's help figuring out what that is. And it may surprise you, because what I discovered is my biggest kink was a connection. Thanks.
- [22:24]
Musical Performer
It. Where were you when I fell from grace? Frozen heart an empty space Something's changed and it's in your eyes Please don't speak your only L I found treasure not where I thought Peace of mind can't be bought Still I believe me an angel left me when I was blind and said take me back I changed my mind and now I believe so the blackest room I was told he called my name Love was born so I believe I just hang on Sometimes it's hard it's hard to change of the world Sometimes it's hard so hard to tell.
- [25:23]
Dixie de La Tour
Sa the song you just heard was Suffer well by Depeche Mode. Would you like to experience Brian's story and take it in with your eyes, not just your ears. Go to YouTube.com bawdistorytelling We've just put a video up of Brian telling his story. Feel free to comment on YouTube because he'd love to hear what you think of his story. Thanks for watching. Producing a podcast can be expensive. There's editing, there's hosting, there's music rights. And that's just for starters. And that's why we ask you to support us on Patreon. Patreon is a way to support projects that you love and that you want to make sure that continue in the world. This podcast wouldn't be happening if it weren't for our supporters on Patreon. They help us cover our costs. They help us add members to the team and add ours to the team so that we can continue to grow. The things that I'm dreaming of doing. Touring and producing a weekly podcast and adding new things to the live shows. Those don't happen without our supporters on Patreon. I'd love for you to be one of our supporters too. Go to patreon.com spelled P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com body and support us at whatever level you can. Every little bit makes a difference. And you get to walk around in the world knowing that you're a patron of the arts. Not just a patron of the arts, but a patron of the perfect. You know you want to brag about that. Thanks in advance for supporting us on Patreon. Let's talk about upcoming live shows for body storytelling. You'll listen to the podcast. You know what it's like to have me in your earbuds. Should I lean in really close right now and talk to you? Okay, that's weird. But live shows, they're a totally different thing. You get to talk to strangers. You get to have cocktails with sexy names like the cbt. That might be cognitive behavioral therapy. It might be cock and ball torture. It's up to you. But it's really fun to order a sexy cocktail standing next to an attractive person as you're about to go sit down and listen to beautiful, relatable, transformative stories on stage. Then you get to turn to the person next to you and have a conversation. It's crazy, right? Real life. That's what body storytelling is all about. So here are the upcoming shows for bawdy storytelling in the month of March. On Thursday, March 7th, I'm in Seattle. The theme of the night is there's a first time for everything. Getting a bunch of story pitches for that one. If you haven't got yours in yet, better get it right away and I'll tell you later on how to send it to me on March 14th. That's a week later, we're in San Francisco. The theme is Didn't See it Coming. Haven't done that one in a couple years. It has netted some amazing songs. You know the Rachel Lark song, Didn't See it Coming. If you don't look it up, it's one of my all time favorites. It's always fun to put out a theme and see where people go with it. So I listen to the story pitches and sit there and go, damn, you got a pretty amazing life. And I get to live vicariously and help you craft and I coach you and get you ready for the stage. So much fun. A thing that I have coming up right after that is I have a couple of storytelling intensives well, the first one is coming up. There's one in San Francisco on March 16th and 17th. That is a live weekend intensive. We're going to be two days in San Francisco in a private, luxurious location, a small group working on stories. You'll get to work with me. I'll get to custom craft your story. We'll find your story. We'll craft your story together. You'll get to listen to me coach other storytellers in the class. You'll learn so much from listening to someone else be coached because it brings out all those details. It reminds you, oh, my God, that's a great thing. I hadn't thought about that and now I'm remembering a new part, part of my story. You'll learn so much in this small class. So, San Francisco, March 16th and 17th. Then I'm doing it again in Seattle in May. On May 11th and 12th. That one's in a super awesome, strange location. Both of these are great locations. But I got a special offer for you this week. I was really excited about hitting 1 million downloads. So I was like, I kind of want to put a offer on the podcast this week. So if you go online and register for any of our live in person weekend story intensives, they're called Storytelling with Dixie. One says San Francisco, one says Seattle. You can go in and put in the promo code Muppet. M U P P E T. Put in the promo code Muppet. You'll get $50 off your class. I'd love to work with you on your stories. How much fun would it be to hang out for an entire weekend? If you have any questions about this, just email. I'm DixieAudistorytelling.com that's the same email you use to pitch me a story. So just contact me. And if you're in San Francisco or Seattle, I'd love to put you on stage really soon. I want to say thank you. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia, to project manager Dana Hanna, to video archivist Joe Moore, to sound engineer David Grossoff, and thank you to you. Thank you for reviewing us. Thank you for sending me the beautiful fan mail that I get every week from all over the world telling me how much you like this podcast. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. Thank you for listening. And here's a peek at what's next. We take off our clothes, we kiss, and I go down. I start sucking on his cock like, yes.