Podcast Summary: Bawdy Storytelling, Episode 63
Title: Ghosts of Submissives Past (Brian Abascal)
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Guest Storyteller: Brian Abascal
Date: February 28, 2019
Episode Overview
In this episode of Bawdy Storytelling, host Dixie De La Tour introduces Brian Abascal, a prominent figure in the San Francisco kink and leather community, who takes listeners on a vivid, honest, and ultimately moving journey through his personal sexual awakening. Brian recounts his transition from a stifled leather scene in Boston to San Francisco’s vibrant world of kink, exploring new desires, relationships, and community as he searches for connection and self-discovery. The episode is filled with humor, candor, and the kind of sex-positive, brave storytelling Bawdy is celebrated for.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Introduction: Community, Milestones, and Celebration
Timestamps: 01:10 – 08:46
- Dixie celebrates Bawdy’s 1 millionth podcast download and 12-year anniversary, highlighting the power and support of the fan community.
- Shares a lighthearted and heartfelt moment where she is gifted a custom Muppet version of herself by her team (“If I was a Muppet, I'd be turquoise... I’d have red hair... I'd have big, glittery blue eyes, and I'd rock the boobs.” — 03:13).
- A special shout-out to her team and fans, emphasizing how audience involvement keeps the show alive and growing.
Introducing Brian Abascal
Timestamps: 08:25 – 08:49
- Dixie gives background on Brian: Mr. Golden State Bear 2018, HIV activist, leather/kink community speaker, and strong advocate for body affirmation and ending HIV stigma.
- Noted for his focus on “undetectable equals untransmittable (U=U)” within his title work.
Main Story: Brian Abascal’s Journey
Timestamps: 08:49 – 22:23
A Basement Dungeon & Self-Discovery
[08:49] – [10:00]
- Brian sets the scene: tied to a wooden X-cross in a Victorian basement dungeon in the Castro, with “the most extensive collection of handcuffs and chains and padlocks I have ever seen.”
- Reflects (“What would my husband say if he saw me now?”) as a bearded leather man prepares to flog him.
Boston vs. San Francisco: Longing for Kink
[10:00] – [11:20]
- Moves from Boston (“the leather scene was really sort of non-existent”) to San Francisco, where kink “is just everywhere.”
- Feels desire but lacks knowledge and access, leading to self-doubt about what he even wants.
First Unexpected Kink Experience
[11:20] – [13:10]
- At a “bear dance night” with his husband (they’re in an open relationship), Brian meets Scott—described as a “big, burly, muscle daddy bear...”
- They make out; go to a bathroom stall together. Scott asks, “Can I drink it?” as Brian prepares to pee—and so begins his first foray into watersports, which is “oddly really intimate” (“The sensation of his mouth and tongue wrapped around my cock as I let that piss stream go was pretty sensational.” — 12:00).
- The rest of the night becomes “just recycling each other’s piss… very economically sound.”
Embracing Exploration through Technology
[13:10] – [14:00]
- Motivated, Brian joins kink app Recon, filters for “people who are into piss,” finds a protocol-oriented “Mexican sir.”
- Tasked with following strict instructions (“Undress down to my jock strap... get on my hands and knees... say ‘Ready, sir?’”).
- “I spent the next hour worshiping his feet...Never done that before…” — 14:08
Processing Desire and Identity
[14:08] – [15:30]
- In self-reflection: “Am I into feet now? I don’t know.”
- Seeks guidance; best friend Vince (his “pup in crime”) introduces him to the Leatherman’s Discussion Group’s mentorship program: “This is exactly what I need. I need someone to tell me what I’m into. I don’t know.”
Relationship Tension & Searching for Support
[15:30] – [16:30]
- Tells his husband Sean about joining the program; Sean “doesn’t get it” and is “a little concerned for my safety,” but ultimately allows it.
The Mind-Blowing Flogging Demo
[16:30] – [18:00]
- First mentorship meeting: a flogging demo with Bob (community leader) and Daddy Robert (“the Dalai Lama interviewing the Santa Claus of kink”).
- Brian is shocked that flogging isn’t just about sadism—there’s “funny and playful and sexy and intense and hot and dangerous.”
“I had always looked at flogging as... a sadistic tool, but watching Daddy Robert demo... it didn't stay there.” — 17:42
- Leaves with his “mind totally blown.”
Taking the Leap: Brian’s Submissive Experience
[18:00] – [21:20]
- Recruited by Bob for a hands-on session (“How is that for you?” / “I think I want to do it.” / “By do it, do you mean you want to learn how to flog or be flogged?” / “Yes.” — 17:55)
- Describes the progression of floggers: deer (light), cow hide (thud), buffalo (heavier), then bull (“so much sting and thud and everything…”).
- Hits his emotional edge with the bullflogger; starts sobbing.
“[Bob] lays his head on my back and he says, ‘It’s okay. Let it all out. Go ahead and cry.’” — 20:14
- Brian reflects on struggling with desire for kink, a partner who doesn’t understand, and the challenge of holding both love/security and his own evolving needs.
“In order for me to really enjoy kink... I really needed a connection with somebody. And I realized that person’s not Sean.” — 20:56
Healing & Humor: Finding Connection
[21:20] – [22:23]
- Brian doesn’t want to “end on this low note” and asks for nipple play, embracing his “huge nipple pig” identity.
- Scene turns playful—clothespins applied, whipped off with a crop (“sometimes he misses, so we start laughing”).
- Brian cums, realizing “I will forever be part of Bob’s dungeon floor.”
“The next sub that comes in, the spirits of sub past will waft up from the ground and bless them with a good experience.” — 21:58
- Story closes with reflection: things with Sean ended, “but what that experience taught me was ask for what you want—even if it’s help figuring out what that is. And it may surprise you… my biggest kink was a connection.” — 22:14
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “The sensation of his mouth and tongue wrapped around my cock as I let that piss stream go was pretty sensational.” — Brian, [12:00]
- “So the rest of the night, we just spent recycling each other's piss. Didn't need to drink any water. It's very economically sound.” — Brian, [12:40]
- “I spent the next hour worshiping his feet. Never done that before.” — Brian, [14:10]
- “It’s like I’m watching the Dalai Lama interview the Santa Claus of kink.” — Brian, [17:40]
- “[Flogging] isn’t just sadistic. It’s funny and playful and sexy and intense and hot and dangerous and sometimes sadistic…but it didn’t stay there.” — Brian, [17:55]
- “I start sobbing, and I feel Bob’s arms come around my body, and he lays his head on my back and says, ‘It’s okay. Let it all out. Go ahead and cry.’” — Brian, [20:16]
- “My biggest kink was a connection.” — Brian, [22:14]
Key Takeaways
- Sexual exploration isn’t just about trying new acts; it’s about permission, self-inquiry, and connection.
- The most intense moments can be deeply emotional, not just physical.
- Community mentorship and safe, experienced guides are invaluable for those exploring kink.
- Relationships and personal growth can be in tension, and honest self-discovery requires courage—even if it leads to big life changes.
Structured Timestamps for Important Segments
- 08:49 – Brian’s story begins (basement dungeon scene)
- 11:20 – Unexpected first piss play encounter
- 13:10 – Using Recon for exploring kink, protocol experience
- 14:08 – Processing new desires and seeking mentorship
- 16:30 – Observing flogging demo
- 18:00 – First flogging session with Bob
- 20:14 – Emotional release and realization about connection
- 21:58 – Humorous, playful nipple play and aftercare
- 22:14 – Powerful closing insight
Tone & Style
Brian narrates with humor, frankness, and a focus on discovery and vulnerability, laced with wit (“very economically sound”), self-reflection, and a readiness to laugh at himself and the absurdity of situations. Dixie’s warm, enthusiastic hosting frames the story with celebration and gratitude to the community.
Conclusion
Brian’s story in “Ghosts of Submissives Past” is a raw, funny, and heartfelt odyssey into kink, community, and self-acceptance. It’s about allowing yourself to ask for what you want—even if you need help discovering what that is—and the power of connection, both carnal and emotional, in the journey of sexuality.
For full impact, watch Brian’s story at Bawdy Storytelling’s YouTube channel.