← Bawdy Storytelling
Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 64: ‘Hostel Takeover’ (Cerulean)
00:26:37
Ever wondered what happens behind the privacy curtain in a Coed dorm? When #TravelJunkie Cerulean journeys to Seattle for a friend’s same sex wedding, her modest budget means a shared room at the Green Tortoise Hostel near the infamous Pike Place...
Loading summary
Transcript11 lines
- [00:08]
Dixie De La Tour
I need to say something important to you. Consent. Consent. Consent. Consent. Let's make sure that anybody within earshot of this podcast is on board to hear dirty stories, because boundaries and shit. Okay, here we go.
- [00:25]
Cerulean
All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't cool it.
- [00:33]
Dixie De La Tour
I am enormous.
- [00:35]
Guest Performer / Singer
Get used to it.
- [00:40]
Cerulean
Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me.
- [00:49]
Guest Performer / Singer
Can'T you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide.
- [01:07]
Cerulean
My vagina is eight miles.
- [01:20]
Dixie De La Tour
Hi there, and welcome to the Bawdi storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie Delator, and this is episode 64 of this year podcast. So the other day I was at a show and I had this woman who told me her name was Amanda come up to me at the show, and she said, I listen to your podcast all the time. And I said, oh, thank you. And she goes, I have a question for you. I noticed that you use the applause from the live shows. You use it at the beginning of the podcast. You use it in the intro for the storyteller and the outro for the storyteller. Why is that? And I said, because. Do you ever listen to something and wonder if maybe that person has sequestered themselves away in a room, away from people, and then they secretly confess into a microphone, well, you're gonna get to hear that story, and that's great. But I want people to know that no matter where you are, that there exists a place where we not only tell our stories in front of other people, those people in enthusiastically respond for the bravery that you get to hear on stage, but more importantly, for the fact that we're talking about something we're told we're not supposed to talk about. So I feel like you hearing the applause from the live show is important, and that was something that I definitely wanted to include when I created this podcast. If you live in a city where they don't have that yet, hopefully we can create that experience together in your city. There are people like you in the city that you live in. You just don't know them yet. Remember that when I started Bodi, a lot of people said, nobody's ever gonna get on stage and tell their true stories of sex. And I said, I know people that you don't. And once everybody looked around and realized we weren't supposed to giggle at this Thing that it wasn't just this, oh, my God, I can't believe you just said that. That it was people going, holy fuck, we're allowed to talk about this. That you're going to hear hundreds of people giving a standing ovation. So I want to make sure that you hear those on the podcast. The storyteller wants to relive that experience again. And I want you to know what it's going to be like when you get on stage at Body Storytelling one day. We're going to make that happen. Speaking of people telling me if they listen to the podcast, the other night, I went out with my partner Bent, and all of his best friends. We were going to celebrate his birthday, which is this week. And they wanted to go out to this steak place that is, you know, like giant steaks. This place that serves these giant steaks. I'm a seafood person. And they said, well, they have this incredible garlic roast crab you're gonna love. So I was definitely gonna get that. Sit there. I order the roast crab, and the elderly Italian waiter comes over to give me my entire setup with the crab cracker and the little cocktail fork and all that kind of stuff. And he walks up, and he's wearing this adorable tuxedo. And he looks at me and he goes, may I? And he takes a plastic crab bib that pretty much looks like his tuxedo. It's a little cartoon tuxedo. And he puts it around my neck and he ties it. And so I'm ready. The crab arrives. I start cracking. I have got garlic butter all over my face. I've got it all over the front of the bib. I've got it all the way up to the elbows as I'm eating it. It takes a long time, and I am covered in it. No point in wiping down till I'm done. Suddenly, somebody taps me on the shoulder, and I look up, and there's this beautiful woman who says, I'm really sorry to bother you during your meal, but I just wanted to tell you I'm such a fan, and I really love the Bodi podcast. I was floored. I was like, that is amazing. Thank you for telling me. You made my night. And she just kind of crept away, like, sorry to bother you. I'm like, no, don't be sorry. That was fantastic. I turn around, I look at the other people at the table who are looking at me like, who the fuck are you? And I'm just like, that's kind of cool. Have a little grin on my face. And then My grin falls off my face when I look down and realize I'm wearing a cartoon plastic tuxedo while I'm having that conversation with her, while I've got garlic butter everywhere, I feel a little sheepish. I feel a little ridiculous, but it still feels good. It feels so good to have people recognize you in public for what you spend this much time doing. That is not a complaint in any way. That is not me saying, please don't do that because I loved it. I just kind of wish I hadn't been covered in garlic butter at the time. It's time for this episode story. This is a first time storyteller who told In Body Storytelling in San Francisco. They are quirky, funny and known as the founder of Naked Book Club. Cerulean loves both platonic touch and hedonistic fucking. Isn't that a good bio? This storyteller is Cerulean the hydroponic.
- [06:41]
Cerulean
The room is dark when we come in. It's quiet. The other people are asleep. We can hear some snoring, some rustling. We slide into his bunk and we close the curtain and we start undressing. Six years ago, I'm at work. I've been staring at spreadsheets all day. So I'm on the Internet reading Savage Love. And Dan Savage in his Savage Love column that day, he mentions at one point in his life he had a four year dry spell. And I was actually kind of relieved to hear that. Like Dan Savage is a guy who's made his whole living out of sex. And if he had a four year dry spell, I was in my second year of a dry spell. Like, maybe I'm okay, maybe this is normal. And so about a few months later, my friend Liz invites me to her wedding in Seattle. We've known each other since we were six years old. And not only does she invite me to her wedding, her parents also offered to pay for my hotel room. And I say yes. And I do some research before I go. And there's a lot of things I want to do in Seattle. So I decide that I'm going to stay for a couple of days. I get into Seattle, I spend the first three days just running around doing stuff. I attend the wedding and it's beautiful to keep in mind, only four months ago, Washington had just legalized same sex marriage. So it wasn't just a marriage I was going to, it was also seeing something historic happen. And I went to the wedding. I caught up with high school friends I haven't seen in a couple of years. I meet new People, I'm an introvert, so that takes a lot out of me. Talking to strangers, just running around, trying all the coffee in Seattle, all the gluten free donuts, seeing the Seattle Public Library. And so her parents, Liz's parents had paid for a hotel in downtown Seattle. And it's gorgeous. It's the Grand Hyatt Hotel where it's really fancy. It's $305 fancy a night. And yeah, they're picking up two nights. I'm not going to stay a third night. I did my research and I'm going to stay at the Green Tortoise Hostel. Seems like you guys know that place. It's right across from Pikesburg Place and it's right on the line to go take the train to the airport. So after run around all weekend, I check into my hostel on Sunday night and I get into my room and when I get into the room, I realize they messed up my reservations. I had booked an all women's dorm because I would feel more comfortable there. They had given me a co ed dorm and I don't like to do confrontations. So I'm like, okay, this is fine. I'm going to sleep in this co ed dorm. So there's no one else in the room yet. And I just start unpacking. I start putting my things away. And then in walks Scott. Like when he walks in, the first thought in my head was like, wow, you're really good looking. And it's the first time I ever felt that. Like I've never felt that before about a person. Like, I see that movies, no idea, don't understand. He walks in, I get it. Imagine Adam Levine. But instead of becoming a rock star, he went down the yoga path. This was this guy, like soothing, calm, thick, wavy dark hair that I want to put my fingers through. Brilliant blue eyes. And when he smiled, it lit up his face. So he walks in, we start talking. And when he asked me, hey, are you going to that pub crawl tonight? I hate pub crawls. But yeah, I'm gonna go to the pub crawl. So we go to the pub crawl. The first place on the crawl is at the can can, which is right across from the hostel. It's an underground bar. And we go in, there's live music, I get my Dark and Stormy. He gets a beer, we sit down and he leans in, he goes, hey, I really don't like pub crawls. I just thought it would be a good way to get out of the hostel. And I'm like, yeah, me neither. I don't like pub crawls either. You want to go somewhere else? Sure. We end up going to another bar, but I like this bar better. It's better lit, it's really cozy. There are shelves of books all along the wall. More my kind of place. I get another Dark and Stormy. He gets his beer and then we grab some chairs by the school globe. And we just sit around the globe. We spin it, we point out all the countries we want to go see. And we both have very single minded focus on what we want to do. He wants to go to Bali because of surfing. I want to go to Vietnam because I want to eat the Vietnamese desserts. He wants to go to Australia for. Guess it Exactly. I want to go to Morocco. I like their olives. So we make eye contact as we were just talking about the countries we want to see. And then we both lean in for a kiss. And it's really nice. It's been a while since I felt lips on my lips. And so when he pulls back, he's like, hey, what are you thinking? And I'm like, that was really nice. But kissing in public's a little intimate for me. And he's okay. Do you want to go back to the hostel? Yeah, let's do that. So we walk down the street, it's very quiet, it's dark. And we get back to the room, it's dark. The only light that you can see is some street light outside. And so we're trying to be quiet because, you know, people pay to sleep in a place we should let them sleep. So we just quietly walk across the room, get into his bunk, close the privacy curtain, and then we start to undress. And it's kind of exciting. It's been three years since I've been with someone like this. So I take off our clothes, we kiss, and I go down. I start sucking on his cock. Like, yes. Like, even when sex wasn't great for me and I didn't have really great partners and intercourse didn't do much for me, like, I always loved giving blowjobs. Like it's a thing that works for me. Like I love feeling my mouth on the head of their cock. Running my tongue between that space between the tip and the shaft. Like, it just feels so good to me. Yeah. And I really like that. And it's turning me on. And I'm getting wet. It's in the program. And he reaches down and I'm wet. He feels it. And so he goes down on me. And it doesn't always work for me, but he's so enthused. It's working. Like, enthusiasm can help a lot. And so, like, his tongue is going over my clitoris, going around the lips. He slides a finger in me. That feels good. I like it. I like that a lot. And he slides another finger in me, and the stretch just feels really, really good. And I can feel myself, like, starting to spasm around his fingers, and it feels really good. And he goes, hey, you're close, aren't you? I stop him, and I tell him, I'm really sorry, but I can't come with partners. He's like, okay, that's fine. He's like, that's fine. He's like, yeah, that's not a big deal. That's not a problem, really. I had a partner, my first sex partner, convinced me that I was broken, that there was something wrong in me. He actually convinced me to the point in which I agreed to go see a psychiatrist for it. And luckily, his best friend's girlfriend slapped him on the head. He took it back, but I never let go of that. And I know that it's not true, but I still think something's wrong with me. And Scott comes back. He's like, no, he's wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. Okay, I'm sorry I can't come, but I can get you off. And he's like, no, that's okay. I have a policy. If our partners don't come, I don't come. Yeah. And so we just end up cuddling the rest of the night. He just curls his way around me, and we just go to sleep. And he wakes up tomorrow, the next morning, for an early flight to New York. And I just make my way back to San Francisco. When I get back to San Francisco, he had asked for my email. And I received an email from him when I come home, where he wrote me this really sweet note. He just wrote, hey, I'm really glad we got to meet. I had a really good time with you, and you were the highlight of my trip. It was a really sweet note. You should do it. And we never talked again. But I still think of Scott because he really changed my life. He made me know that sex was more about than just the orgasm. Sex is about pleasure. It's about sensation. It's about getting to be close with someone, no matter how briefly. Sweet. Thank you.
- [17:01]
Guest Performer / Singer
You will meet him on a train. You will meet him on a plane. You will meet him on the way to somewhere you have never been. You got to get on board. You got to spread your wing you got to take a chance if you want romance and fancy things if you want magic well you got to cast a spell you got to stay up late you got to make him wait magicians never tell you got to get on board you got to spread your way you got to take a chance if you want romance and fancy things and the collie says I'm just a poor merchant looking for a way to see wandering the desert looking for somebody who is looking for me and when you've traveled far enough you will find yourself in love and when you lie down in the night you will sleep under the light from the stars above first you got to get on board you got to spread your wing you got to take a chance if you want romance and a fancy thing you got to take a chance if you want romance and fancy things you got to take a chance if you want romance and fancy things.
- [19:14]
Dixie De La Tour
That song was Fancy Things by the Weepies. Thanks to Brendan Coffey for the suggestion. Got an idea for a song that would be great for the Body Storytelling Podcast. Sometimes it can be a little hard to find songs that are sex positive. If you've got something you feel would be a good fit for us, or maybe you've recorded it yourself. Send your suggestions to Dixie bodystorytelling.com and thanks. How cool is it that there is a podcast with true stories of sexual sex, kink, gender and body image? Isn't this incredible? Well, guess what? You did this. Wait, maybe you did this if you contribute to our Patreon. Patreon is the way that we are funding this podcast because there are expenses incurred, especially if you want to grow, and I'm about to set up some goals for the Patreon to show you what I have in mind for this podcast. So if you're curious about where this podcast is headed, I'll be posting some information in the next couple of weeks to tell you what our intentions are and how we want to make it bigger and better. If you haven't been to Patreon, it's a way to support projects that you love in an ongoing way. A Kickstarter is to help with one specific thing, like putting a book out into the world. But Patreon is a way to provide ongoing support for something that's ongoing, like a podcast. So if you could go to p a t R-E-O-N.com bodi and support us at whatever level you can, you'll be helping us make this thing make it bigger, get it out to new places. One day I dream of having a way to advertise this thing so that people can find out about us. Because it's pretty hard to be discoverable when you're an expert, explicit podcast. But you're telling me that you love it. I get messages from you every single day. Those people have this podcast because of your support. So Please go to patreon.com bodi Support us at any level that you can. And thanks in advance for your support. Let's talk about what's coming up for body storytelling. And for me, I'm going to do this differently than I usually do. Instead of chronologically, I'm going to do it according to city. And let's start with Seattle, because I have a show there this week, this Thursday, March 7, in Seattle. The theme is there's a first time for everything. And every single storyteller is brand new to this. That's going to be at the rebar, Seattle. And tickets are online@bawdystorytelling.com and then on Saturday, April 13, I'm doing a very special show in September, Seattle. It's called the Groupon Extravaganza. Not Groupon, like the place where you get discounts for stuff online. Groupon, like group dash on, like group sex. You're gonna get some great stories about group sex. You're gonna get some tips and tricks. And it's a Saturday night show, so it's going to be one you can stay up late for. I have some things up my sleeve for this one. Not gonna tell you what they are yet, but it's gonna be a very special night. That's on Saturday, April 13th in Seattle. Now let's talk about San Francisco. So this one isn't body. This one is me. Do you remember that freak wedding story that I told a while back? You heard it on the podcast. Well, I told that story for the first time at the Mill Valley Public Library here in the Bay Area. And one of their staff wrote me afterwards to say that that story that I told was the most compelling story that that they had ever had at their storytelling series since it began in 2011. And she told me that she wanted to work with me to create something around consent. They are doing a special Consent Month in March. So on Monday, March 11, I am leading their very first MeToo story circle. I'd love to have people, if you're in the area and you'd like to be part of it, just contact me. I'll give you the information. But it's their first time doing this and the Library is the perfect place for something like this. So it's an experiment. Let's see how it goes. Then on Thursday, March 14, the theme is Didn't See It Coming in San Francisco. Jefferson Berge's writing us a brand new song for that one right now. If you haven't pitched me yet, pitch me your story@dixieoddystorytelling.com On Saturday, March 16th and 17th, I'm doing a weekend storytelling retreat in San Francisco. It's sold out, y', all, but there's a wait list. And also I'm going to be doing a weekend storytelling retreat in Seattle in May, May 11th and 12th. So people are flying in from other cities to be part of this weekend of geeking out on Story with me. San Francisco is full right now, but Seattle still has spots available. You can find links to to those tickets on the Bawdi storytelling website. Then on Wednesday, March 27, I'm going to be speaking at the Leatherman's Discussion group in San Francisco. I'm going to be talking about storytelling and giving some general tips and tricks. If you've never been to the ldg, the Leatherman's discussion group, this is just a great piece of the leather community. It's my first time speaking there. On April 18, the theme is Gateway Drug in San Francisco. Then on Friday, May 17, I am throwing Unicorn Fest. It's a Friday night. You are going to want to fly in for this. It is the 10 year anniversary of the unicorn raffle that I threw. PayPal got me in big trouble over that one because they thought I was selling people and I was selling stories. So if you'd like to be part of that, you can find out more information online@bodystorytelling.com it's time to say thank you. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia. God damn, I love working with him. To project manager Dana Hanna. Thank you to video archivist Joe Moore. Joe's the one who put up that Brian Abascal video for you last week and he worked hard on that thing. Thank you to sound engineer David Grossoff. Thank you to you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for telling one friend about this podcast. Well, you know, you're fine with telling 25 friends, but thank you for telling at least one person this week about this podcast. That's how we grow. It's almost impossible to get the word out into the world, but you have the coolest friends and they want to know about stuff like this. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. This has been episode 64 of the Bawdi Storytelling Podcast. And here's a peek at what's next. This storyteller is Cerulean. This storyteller is Cerulean. This storyteller is Cerulean. This storyteller is Cerulean. Cerulean. Why does that word sound so weird? Cerulean. This storyteller is Cerulean. Cerulean. Cerulean. Cerulean. Try again.