Bawdy Storytelling, Episode 73: “Addickted” (A.C. Lobo)

Podcast: Bawdy Storytelling
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Episode: 73, “Addickted” featuring A.C. Lobo
Date: May 8, 2019

Episode Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling features guest storyteller A.C. Lobo, a Latino, queer, sober, kinky man, sharing a raw, poignant, and hilarious account of his struggles with sexual shame, body image, addiction, and ultimately, self-acceptance through kink and sex-positivity. Through A.C.’s vivid narrative, listeners are taken from his initial battles with insecurity and substance use, into a journey of sobriety, rediscovery of pleasure, and a revelatory adventure at a unique San Francisco sex party.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introduction: Sex, Kink, and Breaking Taboos

• Dixie opens the episode championing Dr. Ruth and the pioneers of open conversations about sexuality, underscoring how platforms like Bawdy Storytelling are possible thanks to trailblazers in sex education. (01:19)
• Appeal for music submissions and Patreon support for the podcast, emphasizing community and inclusivity.

2. Meet A.C. Lobo: Identity, Shame, and Struggle

• A.C. introduces himself candidly, challenging any assumptions about his openness and sexual appetite:
  • “Some of you guys might be shocked by this and others may not even believe this, but I really like getting fucked. I like fucking. I love sex.” (07:10)
  • He identifies as a “sex pig” embracing “uninhibited, wild, freaky, sticky, messy, smelly man sex.”
• A.C. narrates his upbringing in a Latino family, marked by struggles with queerness, fatness, and not fitting the “butchest thing in the world.”
• Internalized shame led to seeking confidence and sexual freedom via crystal meth—temporarily silencing his inner critics.
  • “Because when I was high, that committee of critics in my head was silent. When I was high, I felt sexy and I felt confident and I felt powerful.” (07:44)

3. Rock Bottom and Recovery

• Addiction’s consequences: lost a beloved career as an American Sign Language interpreter, lost friends, family, and self.
• The turning point:
  • “One day I woke up and I looked around and I thought, how the fuck did I get here? And how the fuck do I get out of this? And I knew I needed help, so I got that help. I got sober…” (08:41)
• Early fears in recovery: Would sex ever be intense or fulfilling again?
• Sober recovery, specifically through Crystal Meth Anonymous and 12 Step Recovery.
• Memorable meeting moment:
  • “And I'm here to tell you that that's bullshit. I am sober, and I have the most amazing, kinkiest, dirtiest sex that I've ever had.” (09:27)
  • A.C. recalls skepticism, likening sobriety to “watching your favorite movie on a brand new 4K television … and then someone takes that away… for the rest of your life you have to watch that movie on a black and white TV with rabbit ears.” (09:45)

4. Re-Entering the Sexual World: Sober Hookups

• Gradual return to sex, “wasn’t great at first,” but improved with time and exploration.
• Notable hookup: meeting “Matt” on Scruff; Matt’s raunchy and direct proposition:
  • “‘I want to breed you. I come fucking buckets full and my cock is going to pulse and you’re going to feel it every time I shoot in your ass.’ And I was like, ding dong, hey, I’m here.” (10:31)

5. The Horse Fair: Kinky Fantasy Meets Sober Reality

• Matt shares plans for a sex party based on Berlin’s notorious “Horse Fair,” featuring “stallions” as tops and “mares” as bottoms—mares are hooded and can’t see who is penetrating them.
• Internal split: One part of A.C. fears returning to “old” drug-fueled fantasies, but another insists, “You didn’t get sober to fucking be boring. Go.” (11:32)
• Hilarious roommate intervention: choosing role by drawing papers; ends up attending as “mare” (bottom) thanks to roommate Dolan’s encouragement.
  • “[Dolan:] That’s it. Clearly, you want to go as a mare, you fucking whore. You’re going as a fucking mare. Click.” (12:31)

6. In the Dungeon: Vulnerability and Triumph

• Details intense pre-party nerves and the logistical anxieties of bottoming at a public event.
  • “Bottoming in a public sex space is not a fucking easy trick, right? You don't want any accidents...for you, tops, appreciate your fucking bottoms. There's a lot of work that goes into that shit.” (13:05)
• At Catalyst, a public dungeon in SOMA, San Francisco, A.C. and about 30 other “mares” mill about, checking out the “competition.”
• The moment of truth:
  • Hoods on, stallions enter, the emotional rollercoaster of waiting to be chosen:
    • “That committee of critics in my head, you’re unfuckable, no one’s coming to your party…” (14:34)
• Relief and delight: first touch, then a parade of pleasure.
  • Intimate sensory detail:
    • “Everything is just... you know that thing where they say when you’re blind, you can see better?... I really felt like I could feel every nook and cranny on his dick and all that stuff.” (15:50)
  • “There’s a line. So I’m like, oh, fuck. People are waiting... No, no…like the line for people to fuck you.” (16:16)
• Total count, with comic honesty:
  • “After I had literally had my fill, I lost count of how many guys fucked me. No, I’m kidding. It was 15.” (16:57)
• Epiphany and self-liberation in sobriety, through kink:
  • “That feeling I was looking for...I felt sexy and I felt confident and I felt powerful. And I tasted that real freedom. The freedom to just let go and be in the moment and not worry about what people thought of me. And that feeling of, yeah, I’m okay. These kinks...whatever it is...it’s mine and it’s okay. Thanks.” (17:33)

7. Music: Sex-Positive Humor

• The episode is capped with the raunchy, lighthearted track “Double Tap That Ass (Like It’s Instagram)” by MC Crumb Snatcher, chosen by A.C. Lobo to accompany the story. (19:09–21:43)

Notable Quotes

• On reclaiming sexual self-worth:
  • “I struggled with my sexuality and I struggled with body image and I struggled with insecurity and I felt shame around my sex and the kind of sex that I wanted.” (07:27)
• On addiction and false freedom:
  • “When I discovered crystal meth, I felt like I had been set free… But eventually the fun wasn’t fun anymore.” (07:51)
• About bottoming at a public party:
  • “You don’t want any accidents. And for you, tops, appreciate your fucking bottoms. There’s a lot of work that goes into that shit.” (13:09)
• On the line of suitors:
  • “There’s a line...People are waiting for this thing. I’m so rude…No, no…like the line for people to fuck you.” (16:16)
• On the truth of self-acceptance:
  • “That feeling I was looking for...the freedom to just let go and be in the moment and not worry about what people thought of me. And that feeling of, yeah, I’m okay. These kinks...whatever it is...it’s mine and it’s okay.” (17:33)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:01 – Explicit content warning and intro banter
• 01:19 – Host Dixie De La Tour on Dr. Ruth and origins of sex-positive storytelling
• 07:10 – A.C. Lobo’s story begins: identity, sex, and addiction
• 09:27 – Early recovery skepticism and sobriety
• 10:31 – Meeting Matt, sex talk, and discovering “The Horse Fair” party
• 12:31 – The roommate’s lottery: choosing “mare” for the party
• 13:09 – Pre-party jitters and bottoming logistics
• 14:34 – Arriving, waiting for “stallions,” and anxiety spike
• 16:16 – The line for A.C., multi-partner experience
• 17:33 – Reflection and climax: finding freedom and self-love
• 19:09 – Song: “Double Tap That Ass (Like It’s Instagram)” by MC Crumb Snatcher

Memorable Moments

• The playful support (and nudging) by A.C.’s chosen family in pushing him toward his edge.
• A frank behind-the-curtain look at the logistics, anxieties, camaraderie, and humor of group kink events.
• The emotional keystone: realizing that “the feelings I was looking for” through drugs were possible—honestly, fully—in sobriety.

Summary

Episode 73 of Bawdy Storytelling offers a profoundly honest yet effervescent account of sexual rediscovery after addiction, told with biting humor and heart by A.C. Lobo. Listeners journey through the shame and struggle of growing up queer and fat in a judgmental culture, the desperate escape offered by drugs, and the hard-won epiphany of self-acceptance through community, kink, and authenticity. With laughter, explicit detail, and generous vulnerability, A.C. reminds us: “You didn’t get sober to be boring. Go.”