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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 75: ‘Party Starter’ (Elizabeth Barlow)
00:30:27
Get ready to feel Treasured and Revered! After 5 years of exclusively dating women, Bisexual narrative artist Elizabeth realizes that she’s missing that Big Dick Energy - but how will she find the right guy for the job? After a few jazz bar dates, a...
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A
The podcast you're about to listen to is adult in nature. If you are below the age of consent, wherever you live, please go put on some Sesame Street. And don't listen to this, because there's going to be the use of the word butthole at least one time, probably more. So thanks for taking care of yourself and let's go.
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All of my life I've never fit.
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But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles.
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A
Hi there, and welcome to the Body Storytelling Podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and this is episode 75 of the Body Storytelling Podcast. How's your week going? I hope everything is going swimmingly for you this week. I am still recovering from last week's Unicorn Fest show. That one had a lot of moving pieces. I had another producer come to the show and go, you are a pro. I can't believe you're keeping all these balls in the air. There's so many moving pieces to this show. That's true. Night of it looked like I had my shit together, but I can tell you, I barely moved for the rest of the weekend. Right now I'm working on podcasting, getting stuff up on the next shows, starting to do story coaching, But I'm moving a bit slow because Unicorn Fest was a blowout. It was exactly what I wanted for my birthday. It was weird. It was like the kind of weird I love. I had so many new people who came to the show. At one point, I had a young woman come up to me to tell me she'd never been to the show before. She'd heard that we were going to be making use of unicorns as part of our fundraising to go on tour. And she was like, I want to be a unicorn. I want to be a unicorn. And almost an angry tone of voice, like, it was like, oh, oh, oh, okay, don't hurt me. Hang on. Let's make that happen. It's just curious to me. What's that about? The whole auctioning thing? The whole. Is that about control? Is that about fetish? Is what is that about? I'd love to know what you think it's about. If you've had any experience in the slave relationship, like a slave auction or if you have thoughts on that, I'd love to know what you think because I know it's a personal decision. I'd like to know what your personal decision is about maybe being auctioned off or being handed over to someone you know. I am fascinated by that. Let me know what you think. Dixiebodystorytelling.com I'd also like to thank the people who gave to The Nancy Donoval GoFundMe that I started. If you didn't hear the episode last week, Nancy Donoval is a dear friend of mine and a story coach who has the opportunity of a lifetime. She is someone who has had chemical sensitivities for so many years, been unable to work, been on the verge. In fact, she's packed her car to live in her car and was rescued at the last moment. Just last year people came together to buy her food. Somebody had a guest room that she could handle with her chemical sensitivities. And that's been the constant day to day of her life for so many years. She recently applied for the dream job for a storyteller at East Tennessee State University, got the job. She lives in Minneapolis and now she has to get herself and all her belongings there. We are raising money for Nancy to cover all the moving costs. She's not the healthiest person in the world. She's going to need a moving company to physically do that. And here's my part of the dream. My dream is that in July when the National Storytelling Summit happens here in the Bay Area, that Nancy can fly out here and be on that stage to accept the Circle of Excellence award that the National Storytelling Conference is giving her. It's a lifetime honor. It says she's a master storyteller who has advanced to the craft and I'd like to be there in the audience when she's on that stage. You can help make that happen. There's a link to the GoFundMe in the show notes and thank you in advance for any help you can offer. That's a little bit of a catch up on what's been going on this week other than recovering from Unicorn Fest. I am ramping up for my June shows. I'll tell you more about them later on in the episode, but it's probably time to start thinking about stories by now, isn't it? Oh, before I move on, two things about Unicorn Fest that I need to tell you about. One, do you know about the Sibian? It's spelled S Y B I A N and it is incredible. We had a Sibian photo booth that was designed like it was a unicorn. It was a saddle. We created Unicorn's head. People hung onto it for dear life while we dialed that thing up to 11. The photos are gonna be awesome by the way. Go to sibian.com to see it in use. It's yeah, it will break your brain in the best possible way. S Y-B-I-A-N.com the other thing is, if you had photos taken at Unicorn Fest, there's a slight delay on getting those to you because the photographer went off roading. My partner Bent is off roading right now and that means that Marty, my podcast producer and I are playing catch up on that. So please be patient with us. We will have photos to you soon. And thanks in advance for playing your part in the show in San Francisco on Friday night. Thanks for dressing up like a unicorn, thanks for riding the Sibian, and thanks for being part of Body going on tour this fall. Everything you did is going to make a difference. I hope you feel good about that. Are you feeling stressed out? Doctors say that we're experiencing stress and anxiety at record levels these days. Stress can make many people feel exhausted during the day and then wide awake when it's time to go to sleep. I know that's true for me and that's why I'm partnering with the Calm app, the number one app to help you reduce anxiety and stress and to help you sleep better. More than 40 million people have already downloaded it. Calm.com offers guided meditations on issues like anxiety, stress and focus and includes a brand new meditation each day. They have soothing music and they even have sleep stories, bedtime stories for adults designed to help you relax. I like to listen to calm stories or meditations when it's time to wind down at bedtime. The Calm app is right there when I need it and it helps me stress less. And now Body storytelling listeners get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription. So go to calm.comdixie d I x I e right now to get 25% off unlimited access to Calm Premium and start your journey to a less stressed out life. Our story on this episode is from a creator who makes transformative narrative art. She creates graphic novels that relate to sexuality, body image and community. She's been on the body storytelling stage a number of times and this is her first time on the podcast. This story is from Elizabeth Barlow.
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I'm naked on my knees on the floor in front of the biggest dick I have ever seen in my life. And I put my mouth around it, and I do not know what to do next because it is also the first dick that I have seen in almost five years. Okay, so let's rewind about a month. I have switched my Tinder profile from searching for women to searching for women and men. And I've gone on some dates. My friend Tina says, okay, if you're going to see men, you have to date them someplace where you can leave if you want to, so you pay up front. So I'm seeing this series of mediocre guys at Cafe Stretch, which is the jazzy bar near my house. I'm paying up front, and sometimes I am fleeing the scene. There's this heavysit guy named Chris who shows up at our date drunk and is just so pausy and handsy, I'm, like, calling my Uber. He's, like, walking out to the sidewalk with me, like, continuing to grope me.
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Ah.
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And then a week later, I'm there with this British gentleman named Sean who has, like, pretty curly hair. Objectively super pretty, But I didn't have any chemistry with him. And as I'm going to leave, he was just yelling at me for wasting his time. And I have to tell you guys, all of these shitty Tinder dates are reminding me of why I haven't been seeing men. Because at the beginning of my 20s, I was actually assaulted when walking home from school. And it took me a while to get over that. And I'm bi, and so I was just either celibate or sleeping with women. But I turned 29, and I was like, you know what I miss dick. I miss having sex with men. I miss feeling a dick at heart on me. And I miss, like, a broad, masculine set of shoulders to put my feet up on. And I want to go get that on my own terms with someone who isn't awful. So I ditched Tinder and I signed up for FetLife, which, if you don't know, is like Facebook, but for kinky perverts. And I'm scrolling through the events and I see a sex party in San Jose with an phone number listed but no address. So I'm like, okay, call this phone number. There's this lovely sounding woman named Rebecca. And I'm like, rebecca, what is going to happen at this party? She says, oh, my friend Michelle is turning 25, and she just wanted a lot of guys to come fuck her. You're welcome to come, too. Here's the address. I was like, rebecca, I want to come to this sex party, but am I going to have to get naked? And she was like, honey, at these parties, the women are in charge. It's going to be mostly men. But all of these men know that these parties only work if the women feel treasured and revered and honored. Nobody will touch you unless you want that to happen explicitly. And if it's your first party, you could just come and hang out and observe. Don't have to do anything. So I was like, okay, Rebecca, I wrote the address down, I put on some heels and I ubered straight there to this giant house by Santana Row. I'm triple checking the address because you don't want to knock on the wrong house. Like, I'm here for this sex party. So I step inside. Rebecca. It's Rebecca. I recognized her voice. She opens the door and it's like this enormous cavernous living room. And There are like 10 dudes on this giant L shaped couch watching Deatwood music videos on a flat screen tv. And then all the way across the enormous first floor, there's a kitchen. And propped up in the door of the kitchen is this outrageously hot, like young Catherine Zeta Jones lady with Mike's hard lemonade in one hand, twirling her hair with the other hand, looking a bit impatient. So I go over to her and I'm like, michelle. Sure enough, it's the birthday girl. So I'm introducing myself. I'm Elizabeth. It's my first party. What's gonna happen? Are people really gonna start fucking? She was like, look, this is my second sex party and I threw it. And the first one I had to get started. Like, I had to take off my clothes and make out with some guy, blah, blah. So now it's your turn. Look, she was really hot, but I wasn't getting a queer vibe from her. So I was like, I'll keep that in mind. I go to the bathroom. Honestly, I'm considering maybe leaving. Like, I thought a sex party would be more exciting than this. There's no art on the wall, just this giant rented, empty six bedroom house. But then I'm like, I already made my way here. Get out of the bathroom. There is a new guy, looking kind of like Idris Elba. Got a, like a. Like a dark. Yeah, that's right. He's got a dark green turtleneck on and like a popped collar under it, some like dark wash jeans.
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I was like.
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So I pick my wine back up and I go over to him and say, I'm Elizabeth. He says, hey, I'm Nick. I Was like, I find you very attractive. He's like, all right. He's like, do you want to come make out with me on the couch? Yeah. So I take this lovely gentleman by the hand over to the couch. I'm like. The other guys part ways so I can put Nick onto the couch. And then I crawl right up onto him, straddle him facing the couch, and start kissing his face and his lips and his neck up by his collar. And he starts putting his hands on my back, like around my waist and all down my back. And I feel super turned on. And at the same time I can feel his erection through his pants and my dress. So I bust my tits out of my dress and I feel him looking down and looking back up at me. And he traces his finger across my chest. And I vaguely remember that we're not alone. So I look from side to side. Half of the guys are still watching the Antwood music videos, but the other half are watching me and Nick. There's this sweet red headed guy named Robert and he asks if he can touch me too. I think about it and I said, no, thank you. Meh. So I go back to kissing Nick and I'm like, yeah, this is fine. I desire this man and he is nice. So I got up and I took his hand again and walked him over to Rebecca. I said, rebecca, is there a bedroom that I can take this lovely man to? And she was like, yes, there is. And everybody at the party is like, yeah. Michelle is like holding her drink to me. And so Rebecca takes us sort of through the hallway to a back door and opens the door and she says, it's your choice whether to close the door behind you or not, so. Which is nice. So I turn to Nick and I say, look, I want to take you into this room. I may or may not be down for full on penetrative sex right now because I haven't done that in five years. And he was like, relax, we'll just have fun in whatever way you decide. So that sounds good. I take him inside and close the door. The bedroom is actually surprisingly nice. I put him on the bed, take off all of my clothes. He starts massaging my back again and I'm like, touched my clit. So he starts rubbing my clit and then I'm like instantly just coming all over his hand, just like flooding his hand. He gets some towels and puts them over the fairly nice bedspread. And I'm like, I want him inside me. And so I take his hand and I'm like, can you Put this whole thing in me. And he was like, ugh. But he gives it a shot, and I'm ready to go. So he. He just slides right in. And I know I'm gonna come harder. So I, like, scooched my lower body over the edge of the bed and, like, shoot like a waterfall. So then I'm like, good, good. Hey, can I suck your dick? He was like, yes. So he took off his pants, and I got down on the floor to commence this act. And it was just really big, you guys. So I'm getting my mouth around it. I can't remember am I supposed to also use my hands or what? I know I'm supposed to be getting it wet. And so I'm, like, looking up at him, trying to give him blowjob eyes, but I think I just look terrified. And he picks me up by the shoulders and puts me back on the bed and says, you know what? Let's exchange phone numbers, but this is good for tonight. And I was like, but you made me come seven times, and I didn't make you come at all. And he was just like, I have had such a lovely time with you. So we wash our hands in the bathroom, we wipe up the floor, the towel, damp the bed, and walk back into the main party. And everybody is fucking. Like, there are three times as many people as there were before. And, like, redheaded Rob is, like, fucking Michelle on the kitchen table. And there are just bodies of all shapes and sizes doing everything all around us. I was like, oh, I did it. I helped start the sex party. But. But the real credit for that goes to Michelle, a very brave woman who used her 25th birthday party to create a space where I could reclaim this part of myself and really feel safe. Thank you.
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But I know you feel right so I'm coming Gets hard when you're getting up Knock down from some other love Their best wasn't good enough and you're number one to me you're extra special something else so maybe it's you I've been looking for something I want Baby, it's you see as God and you know I make you so cute when you get high I've never been good at this nice but I could try if you like it Yes, I wouldn't give a Get knocked down from some other love but their best wasn't good enough and you're number one tonight.
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Your.
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Has gotten a well, I'm the same way when we're talking I've never been played in a good match But I win When I hear say I'm cool if you love me I knocked down from some other love but their best wasn't good enough and you're better off with me. You're extra special something else and maybe it's you I've been looking for something I want Baby, it's you. Oh, it's you. Your pussy is God and I love it. You want to kiss me real hard? You want your. She's got it.
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I found it. That was Pussy is God by King Princess here's something I've been thinking about lately. If we don't talk about it, did it ever actually happen? I've been getting emails from people who have been having their mind blown. There are lives and activities and interests and ways of expressing yourself sexually that so many people have never heard of. And it's because we don't talk about sex. One of the things that I want to do with this podcast is make sure that people who live not in big cities have access to this. If we've stopped providing sex education for kids, if we've stopped talking about this in polite society, how are we going to figure ourselves out? What I'm getting to is this can only grow if you support us on Patreon. Patreon is a way to make a podcast sustainable. You give an amount every month. Whatever you choose, anything you give can help. My goal is to get to bigger, better episodes. I want this to extend farther. I want more stories on the podcast. We've been doing this for 12 years, so we have stories and I want to get them to you. But each time that we do that, there are podcast production costs and hosting costs and all of the other things that help us provide this podcast to you for free. If you want more, the best way to do it is to go to P A t r e o-n.com Bodi b a w D Y Give whatever you can. You'll help make this sustainable. You'll help get these stories and help open conversations to people all over the world. I thank you in advance for that. Go to P-A T R E O N.com body and please support us. Thanks in advance. Everybody knows my favorite thing is meeting people who love Body and are fans of the show in person. So I'm going to tell you about upcoming live Bodi storytelling shows and also some other places that we can meet up and see each other on June 6th in Seattle. It is our five year anniversary. Seattle, five years ago, more than five years ago, Dan Savage told me about the rebar, said it's the perfect place to do your show in Seattle. And he offered to tell a story at the very first Bawdy in Seattle. Wouldn't it be great if we could make that happen again? You can be there for our fifth anniversary on June 6th at the Rebar in Seattle. Tickets are available on the bawdy storytelling website. Then I'm going to be in Portland June 10th through 14th. I'm going to be teaching at Sexgeek Summer Camp. I'm going to be teaching how to use storytelling in your business as a sex educator. And if you're a sex educator, you should know about Sex Geek Summer Camp. The information will be in the show notes for this episode. And I was also thinking it might be fun to have a small meetup with fans in Portland. If you want to put that together. I'd love for that to happen. Send me a message. I was thinking Sunday night, June 9, maybe, and my email is Dixie bodystorytelling.com when I put that out for New York last year, people came together. They picked a place for it to happen. A ton of people showed up who listened to the show. Let's do that in Portland, shall we? And let me know if you're coming or let me know if you're up for organizing that. Then on June 20th, I'm gonna be in San Francisco and we're gonna be doing, for the very first time, best fiends. Kinda like your best friends, except they're like us. They're fiends. They're up to shenanigans. And I'm still taking story pitches for that. If you'd like to be part of the San Francisco show on June 20, send me a message. Let's get your story going and get you on stage because you need a standing ovation right now, right? I know you do. Then I'm going to be traveling at the end of June to the east coast because, I mean, if you've heard the story of my wedding and my family, the alienation from my family and everything that was resolved by my wedding, my mother and I, who never really got along, are now a lot closer. And I've been thinking about this for a long time. The end of June is her 80th birthday. So don't tell her, okay? Like, don't tell her. Here's the plan. The plan is to throw her a Wonder Woman birthday party for her 80th. So I'm flying back. Don't tell. So I'm flying back to Virginia. We're going to throw her A surprise party. I don't think she listens to the podcast. Let's hope. And yeah, that's the plan. So I'm gonna be on the east coast at the end of June. We'll have shows in July, as we always do. And you should also know that we're gonna be taking the month of August off, as we always do. Why do we take the month of August off? Is it because we lead a luxurious lifestyle? Is it because I lead a luxurious lifestyle? No. I like to work on big projects once a year without the constant roll of show after show after show. And it's also because everybody goes to Burning Man. They camp with theme camps the entire West Coast. It is impossible to get people to show up for a live show in August. So I gave up years ago, and now I work on things like a new website or a lot of other things that we're planning to do with touring, etc. So that's where you can find me, and that's where you can find body storytelling. I hope to see your shining face at a live show or get together sometime soon. It's time to say thank you. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia, to sound engineer David Grossoff, to project manager Dana Hanna, to video archivist Joe Moore. Thank you to you for sharing this podcast with just one person. They'll listen to the stories. They'll be inspired. You'll change their life. Maybe they'll be on the podcast sometime soon. Maybe you will. Let's make that happen. I'm sexual folklorist, Dixie delator. You've been listening to the Body storytelling podcast, and here's a peek at what's next. They were, like, signs, like, taped. Like, double triple taped around trees. Like, are your genitals showing? If so, like, go and put on clothes.