Podcast Summary: Bawdy Storytelling – Episode 75: “Party Starter” (Elizabeth Barlow)
Date: May 23, 2019
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Elizabeth Barlow

Overview

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling—the unapologetic “Moth for pervs”—features graphic novelist and storyteller Elizabeth Barlow sharing her real-life journey of reclaiming sexual agency through an unexpected plunge into San Jose’s sex party scene. Host Dixie De La Tour curates the experience, celebrating sex-positive storytelling and spotlighting narratives that destigmatize desire, healing, and self-discovery in a welcoming and explicit environment.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Elizabeth Barlow’s Story: Searching For Connection, Owning Desire

[08:38-20:55]

• Opening Scene: Elizabeth sets the stage with, "I'm naked on my knees on the floor in front of the biggest dick I have ever seen in my life."
  • She jokingly admits to being completely out of practice, not having seen a man’s genitals in nearly five years due to previously dating only women.
• Why the Break From Men?
  • Early in her 20s, Elizabeth was assaulted walking home from school, resulting in avoidance of men and a turn toward celibacy or women-only relationships.
  • "All these shitty Tinder dates are reminding me of why I haven't been seeing men."
• Re-Entering Dating
  • At 29, Elizabeth acknowledges, “I miss dick. I miss having sex with men…I want to get that on my own terms with someone who isn’t awful.”
  • She switches from Tinder to FetLife seeking a different approach—“FetLife, if you don’t know, is like Facebook but for kinky perverts.”
• Finding the Sex Party
  • Calls the mysterious party number—host Rebecca assures her: “At these parties, the women are in charge…all of these men know that these parties only work if the women feel treasured and revered and honored. Nobody will touch you unless you want that to happen explicitly.”
  • Elizabeth shares hesitance, but resolves to go: “I already made my way here…”
• First Impressions
  • The party was underwhelming at first—ten men on couches, the birthday girl Michelle looking impatient.
  • Michelle, the party’s birthday girl, “outrageously hot, like young Catherine Zeta-Jones,” tasks Elizabeth with kicking off the action.
• Meeting Nick
  • After almost leaving, Elizabeth connects with “Nick” (described as “looking kind of like Idris Elba…dark green turtleneck…”)
  • They make out on the couch, with other male guests half-watching TV and half-watching them.
• Consensual Progression
  • A third party, Robert, respectfully asks to join—Elizabeth declines (“No, thank you. Meh.”), highlighting her agency.
  • She moves with Nick to a bedroom—Rebecca reminds her the door can be left open or closed: “it’s your choice.”
  • Nick is clear he’ll only go as far as she is comfortable: “Relax, we’ll just have fun in whatever way you decide.”
• Sexual Experience & Catharsis
  • Nick helps her achieve orgasm (“just coming all over his hand, just like flooding his hand…”).
  • She takes the initiative to ask for penetrative sex: “Can you put this whole thing in me?”
  • Afterward, Elizabeth offers: “Can I suck your dick?” Nick says yes, but she struggles, feeling overwhelmed by his size and unsure of technique.
  • Nick: “Let’s exchange phone numbers, but this is good for tonight.” She protests that she came seven times and he not at all; he assures her he’s “had such a lovely time with you.”
• Returning to the Party
  • The event is now in full swing: “Everybody is fucking. There are three times as many people as before…bodies of all shapes and sizes doing everything all around us.”
  • Elizabeth proudly notes she “helped start the sex party,” but credits Michelle for creating space where “I could reclaim this part of myself and really feel safe.”

Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

Elizabeth Barlow:

• “I miss dick. I miss having sex with men. I miss feeling a dick get hard on me. I miss, like, a broad, masculine set of shoulders to put my feet up on. And I want to go get that on my own terms with someone who isn’t awful.”
  (10:55)

• “At these parties, the women are in charge. It’s going to be mostly men. But all of these men know that these parties only work if the women feel treasured and revered and honored. Nobody will touch you unless you want that to happen explicitly… If it’s your first party, you could just come and hang out and observe. Don’t have to do anything.” (Rebecca explaining party consent policy)
  (11:35)

• “The bedroom is actually surprisingly nice. I put him on the bed, take off all of my clothes. He starts massaging my back, again and I’m like, ‘touch my clit.’ So he starts rubbing my clit and then I’m, like, instantly just coming all over his hand, just, like, flooding his hand.”
  (16:40)

• “You made me come seven times and I didn’t make you come at all.” (18:44)

• “I did it. I helped start the sex party. But the real credit for that goes to Michelle, a very brave woman who used her 25th birthday party to create a space where I could reclaim this part of myself and really feel safe. Thank you.”
  (20:36)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [08:38] – Elizabeth’s story begins: Returning to male partners after years with women; the trauma and dating frustrations leading to FetLife
• [10:55] – Elizabeth articulates her longing for men
• [11:35] – Rebecca outlines the consent-based party philosophy
• [14:44] – Meeting Nick and starting the party
• [16:40] – Sex scene; claiming pleasure, safe exploration
• [18:44] – Debrief with Nick; mutual respect and affirmation
• [19:45] – Elizabeth reflects on her role as “party starter,” credits Michelle

Host’s Reflections & Closing Thoughts

• Dixie De La Tour (Host): Emphasizes the importance of talking honestly about sexuality to make these stories accessible for people outside urban centers—removing stigma and providing representation.

  • “If we don’t talk about it, did it ever actually happen?... There are lives and activities and interests and ways of expressing yourself sexually that so many people have never heard of—and it’s because we don’t talk about sex.” (23:52)

• Encourages support for the storytelling community, advocating for patronage to continue providing transformative, real-world narratives.

Tone & Style

• Frank, playful, and direct: Both host and storyteller use humor and unapologetic candor to address sexual exploration, consent, and trauma recovery.
• Empowering: Focus on agency, consent, and the radical act of women claiming both sexual pleasure and emotional healing.

Conclusion

Elizabeth’s story is an authentic, engaging, and empowering account of sexual reclamation and the importance of intentional, pleasure-first, consent-driven spaces. The episode exemplifies Bawdy Storytelling’s mission: illuminating how candid conversations about sex can heal, connect, and liberate, all while making listeners laugh and reflect—regardless of their own experience.

For more powerful, true sexual stories, visit bawdystorytelling.com or support via Patreon.