Mitch Mitchell (9:57)

Wow. Oh my goodness. Thanks everybody. Be gentle, please. It's my first time, stixie said. I ran into my HR person from my workplace at the bar. So, Scott, we're in the same place at the same time, so I think it's gonna be okay. So walking up to these apartments, I realized that maybe I'm a little bit out of my league to meet this guy. It's a rainy day, really muddy, boots are all dirty, and I'm feeling like a badass because of boots. I'm like ready to do my thing. I get to the apartment where I'm supposed to meet this gentleman and we decided to be at his apartment, or, excuse me, at the apartment, this set of apartments, an apartment complex that he was working on. He was an interior designer. Like a really masked interior designer. So he did like more like tiles and like grout. You know, that's not interior design, but in my mind it is. It's the same thing. So we decide to meet on his, like, where he's working these unfair finished apartments. It's in the real gentrified part of Capitol Hill. So, like all of Capitol Hill. And I know some of you live there, so don't be like, yeah, that sucks, man. I know you're living in those boxes. Come on. So I get to unit A. We had a Special knock, because it's like this, but less echoey. And I feel the door kind of push open just slightly ajar. Kind of like how like an old woman would answer the door, like, oh, who is it? But instead, I look in straight ahead. There's, you know, it's a barren apartment. There's pipes exposed. He didn't do a great job of laying that tile. So he kind of. It's just the truth. You should have seen it. So he pulls it up. It's a little pulled up, but I look down and see a naked man on all fours with a butt plug way up his ass and looking down at my muddy shoes. And he immediately starts licking the mud off. And that was the first time I'd ever met pig boy outside of the Internet. I came out three times to my parents and family. The first time was as a lesbian. I had a reverse coming out. My parents told me I was gay. They didn't tell. Yeah, usually there's a whole thing where you, like, sit down and you think, nah. They did all that for me. They're great parents. The second time I came out was as a transgendered man. I decided that. Thank you. That's so sweet. If you could turn those woos into cash, feel free. Just a suggestion. So, of course, being trans, I started. I made the decision to start. Testosterone. Yeah, testosterone. I can tell that it's working because I have these, like, little whiskeys things on the bottom of your chin. Yeah, we all do. Who has wispies?

Rachel Lark (13:59)

Yeah.

Mitch Mitchell (14:03)

Anyway, the third time I came out to my parents was as a queer man. They were a little confused. They were like, but you were like a lesbian before, so you still like women, but now you like men, but you still have your parts, but you have the testosterone. And I was like, it's fine. I'm just queer. I just like everybody. It's ok. Yeah, give it up if you're queer. Yeah. And if you didn't give it up, check with me by the end of the night, because you might be just saying. So when I realized I was queer, I also remembered that being a gold star lesbian, I had never had sex with a man with a penis. A CIS man. I thought the best and the safest way was to do it anonymously online. So I got a grinder, you know, I put in my little bio, Like, I was like, ooh, I gotta seem like, tough. Have you ever gone to a job interview and you're like, I am not qualified for this job, but I really need the money. That was. That get on Grindr. Almost immediately, boom. Message. There's a guy, he looks like Conan o', Brien, but, like, kind of muscly. And he's on a jet ski with sunglasses, and he's doing those, like, sunglass smiles, like, you know, and you can't see. So we start talking. He says, hey. I say, hey, man, what's up? How are you? Good, Good. And really quickly, we deduce that he's a pig boy and I'm his master. It was really. You could. You can get a pig boy, too. I'm just saying. So back at the apartment, in this unfinished, poorly interior designed apartment, pig boy's on his hands and knees, and he licks my shoes. And he goes like, now what, sir? I know, right? And that's how I know. We'll get to that later. I'm straight up. Like, I say, I don't know. What do you want? He's like, well, you're supposed to tell me, sir. I was like, okay, fine. So I'm wearing this strap on, right? And of course, when I bought it, I was like, I think men like big dicks. Like, that's what I see and hear most of the time. So I get, like, the biggest, like, strap on that can kind of fit into my pants, by the way. I watch this apartment complex, so I had this bulge, like, it was like a Coke can. I was just, like, going. Cause I didn't want to, like, taking my pants off and putting it on, you know? So I kind of just like, flop it out on his face, like. And I'm like, just suck it. And he starts going at it, and he's really, really good at it. And I can tell, though, you know, when someone's doing something, they kind of get bored, you know? I know, right? It's the worst. Sounds like, oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. So I go to my gear bag, and I'm like, ah, rope, rope, rope. I know how to tie rope. I've watched enough YouTube videos to, like, know how to safely tie someone. I'm pretty sure I fish. I know how to tie a knot. So I say, it's just like, you know, he's sucking my cock. He's still down on fours. And I could see, like, beads of sweat starting. Like, he's really working it. And I was like, all right, get in the chair. And he had set up this. It was like a blanket and just like a church lobby folding chair. And I was like, cool. Yeah. So I tie him up slowly but surely. I always thought it was. I'd be way better at it. Like, yeah, tying it up, you know? But I was just like. Like, is this okay? Like, oh, your wrist is turning blue. I should probably loosen that. So then he's on the chair, he's kind of tied, and I decide to. I'm like, I'm gonna really show him who's boss, right? And I take the chair and I flip him over like this, right? I know. Sounds sexy. I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. He's like, it's fine, it's fine. Just fuck me. It's fine. And so I, like, go down, and he's on the chair. And then I realize, like, well, I can't reach his asshole because there's, like, he's, like, sitting. So I untie the chair, and then I get on my knee. And then, of course, being like a fucking gold star lesbian in high school, I didn't pay attention to the banana and the condom. I don't know what I'm doing. So I took a couple of tries with the condom, but I got it. I did. It's just as easy as it looks, actually. I don't know why I messed up so bad. So we're going. I'm just fucking him and fucking him. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, get it right? That was gross. I'm sorry. I'm a frat boy. And he's like, slap my ass. So I slap his ass, and then he's like, you know, pull my hair. And I'm like, you're balding, man. Like, there's no hair to pull, you know? That's not it. It's just the truth. It's like, he was a bad tile layer and he was balding. Like, I can't help. That's not my fault. So I grab his wispies on the top of his head and, like, pull it. I'm kind of, like, fucking. And then I just kind of. After that, he, like, came. You know how dudes are. It's just like that. It's like a ghost falls out of their body, and then they're done. And I was like, oh, okay. So he texts me. He's like, what else do you want me to do? And to be honest, I just. I ran out of shit. And there was, like, some fake fruit, like, right here. And it was like, oranges. And I said, get the fruit, fruit. And he's, like, crawls over to the fruit, and I was like, pull up YouTube. And he's like. Pulls up his phone, and I say, look up. A juggling Tutorial. I was like, okay to watch someone just. If you're a dumb, make your sub learn how to juggle. It is humiliating and degrading for both parties. He learns how to juggle. Our little session ends and he says, will I see you again, sir? I want to be like, yes. You're so sweet. You learned how to juggle. And I was like, maybe. So that was my first time with a dude. Thank you so much. I have a treasure.

Rachel Lark (21:02)

Mommy, tell me how am I here? How did you and daddy make me? It's not really clear. Did you plant me like a little seed? Or was I stuck inside you and until daddy saw me freed? Well it went something like this. Well, your parents didn't fight one night and daddy's penis went inside your mummy's pussy. Cause daddy didn't want to cook. And mommy understood that look and ordered pizza. And that's how it went. Yeah, baby, you were born this way. Hip hip hooray. Your daddy came. Yeah, you were born this way. Hey. Oh yeah, you were born this way. Yeah. We're so glad your daddy came. Yeah, you were born this way. Hey, hey. You were born this way. Mommy tell me how can it be? Most people have two parents, but I seem to have three. Who's my daddy? Who is my mom? What does biological mean? And who's this new guy tomorrow? Well, it went something like this. Well, your mommies met in San Francisco at the all night queer fam disco. They were both dating men at the time but their boyfriends really kinda sucked. And then they met this sweet guy Chuck and had a threesome. And that's why your dad Is it a lesbian triad? It may seem odd to some But I tell you what. Well baby you were born this way. Hip hip hooray, our mommies came. Yeah, you were born this way. Oh yeah, you were born this way. Yeah. We're so glad your mommies came. Yeah, you were born this way. Hey, hey. You were born this way. Yeah. It's pretty cray you got your DNA Cause your parents God laid Yeah, a little spermy sperm traveled down a tube met a little leg and then he made you. Don't you frown when your mom began to crown. Every single guy in town wish that he had gotten down. Oh yeah, sex ain't gross when you're a grown up. When you have a baby and you're cleaning up throw up oh yeah, Something so hot and kinky. Then your life is all diapers and binkies.

Mitch Mitchell (24:13)

Wha.

Rachel Lark (24:13)

Ah ah. You were born this way. You Were born this way Mommy, tell me how did it go? How did you and daddy make me? I don't really know. Did you know that he was the one? What was it like before I came? Did you guys still have fun? Well, it was something like this. Well, your daddy could eat lots of acid without ever being flaccid. So we went on lots of camping tricks, and he'd throw me up against a tree, and I'd say, have your way with me. But one night we forgot condoms, and nine months later, you were here. No more acid, no more camping, much less beer. Yeah, we had a lot of fun then, but we still do now. See, baby, you were born this way Hip hip hooray, your parents came yeah, you were born this way oh, yeah, you were born this way yeah, we're so glad your parents came yeah, you were born this way hey, hey, you were born this way thank you.

Dixie de La Tour (26:02)

That song was Born this Way, written for my birthday a few years ago from a songstress who's been writing songs for Body Storytelling for over six years. That song is from Rachel Lark. This past weekend, I went to a Rachel Lark Patreon supporter house concert, and at a certain point, she thanked everyone there for being Patreon supporters and said, you guys are crowdfunding my paycheck. Well, if you support Bodi on Patreon, you're not crowdfunding my paycheck. Not yet. But you are paying for web hosting. You're helping us pay for the rights to the music that we play here on the podcast. You're paying for the podcast producer who spends hours and hours editing each episode of the podcast. So if you go to patreon.com P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com and support us at whatever level you can, it's monthly ongoing support for the Body Storytelling podcast and the other parts that help us grow. One day it'll be my paycheck. If Patreon's not your jam, feel free to contact me about one off support. We take Zelle, we take PayPal. Let me know what makes you comfortable. I would love your support, and thanks in advance for it. What's more fun than listening to a podcast, attending a live body storytelling show, get to play Bango, walk up to strangers, ask them interesting questions, and win prizes for doing it. There's tasty cocktails like the Unicorn's Butthole or the Ethical Slut. That's my current favorite. And an audience full of people just like you. Completely different, but just like you. I'm going to tell you about upcoming live shows and I hope I'll see you at 1 soon on June 6th in Seattle. It's our five year anniversary of Bodi in Seattle. I love our Seattle audience. They are so enthusiastic, they love getting on stage, they pitch me stories and I still have just one spot left for that show. So if you want to tell me a story, send it to Dixie bodystorytelling.com and maybe you can fill my hole. How about that? On June 10th through 14th, this is not a show, but I'm gonna be in Portland. I'll be teaching storytelling for sex geeks at Sexgeek Summer Camp. As far as I know, you can still register for that. I'm excited to hang out with the creators of the Sibian of spending time with sex educators from all over the country as we learn how to be better at business. And storytelling is a big part of business. So I'm really excited about teaching. There's. I'm also trying to put together a meetup of fans of the podcast while I'm in Portland. So on Sunday, June 9, I would love to have a little gathering. I've had a bunch of people from Portland contact me who really want to attend, but none of them have been able to organize. So if you're someone who might be able to organize it, if you're a fan of the podcast, if you know Portland, help us put together a gathering. I'll announce it next week on the podcast. You'll get to meet other people who are fans of this podcast and we'll get to spend some in person time together. I'd really like to make that happen. And then on June 20th in San Francisco, the theme is Best Fiends. Like best friends. Maybe you, maybe you fuck your friends, maybe your friends get delayed. I'm not sure what the story is because you haven't told it to me yet. Want to pitch me a story? Make a voice memo, record it just for me, doesn't have to be perfect. And send it to dixieaudistorytelling.com if you can perform on June 20th in San Francisco. I'm listening to pitches now, so get yours in soon. I'd love to coach you, make you feel brave, get you on the stage, change your life forever. Really. It actually happens. Oh, another thing about the June 20 show, we have Shirley Noem as our musical guest. She's coming in all the way from Canada. One of my favorite musicians in the world. If you go to body storytelling music, you can find people who are Our favorite sex positive musicians. You can find her there and listen to her music to warm up for the June 20 show in San Francisco. After that, I'm going to be headed to the east coast to hang out with family to throw my mom's super secret 80th Wonder Woman birthday party.

Rachel Lark (30:34)

Shh.

Dixie de La Tour (30:34)

Don't tell her. Our July shows are set for July 11th in Seattle and July 18th in San Francisco. And remember, after that we're on hiatus. So if you want to see a show, June and July, that's what you got. After that, we hope to have announcements for new show soon. I'd really like to see you at a live Body Storytelling. I love meeting people in person. I'm a hugger, but I asked first. So please come to a live show and be sure to come up and say hi. I'm so proud that this podcast has been coming out week after week. I could never do it without the help of the team that makes it possible. I want to say thank you to Marty Garcia, our podcast producer, to Dana Hanna, our project manager, to Joe Moore, our video archivist, to David Grossoff, our sound engineer, and thank you to you. We're growing and that's because of you. I want to say thank you for the fact that you've been telling your friends about this podcast and encouraging them to listen. A great way to do that is to find an episode that you really like and share that one in particular. Say, I love the Body Storytelling Podcast. Here's a great place to start. Send it to a friend. Send it to 10 friends, and that means we'll grow even more. The more we grow, the better the chances that this thing is gonna continue. And I want to continue. So I am sexual folklorist Dixie delator. You've been listening to episode 76 of the Body Storytelling Podcast, and here's a peek at what's next.

Mitch Mitchell (32:12)

And he was a Methodist, so he had never really seen this. And I said, well, that's the Baptist decimal, and we're looking at the water. And Robert said, wouldn't that be funny if we peed in the water? That might be funny, but wouldn't it even be funnier if we had sex in this water?