Podcast Summary: Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 79: “Marriage Material?” (Michael Noel)
Host: Dixie De La Tour
Storyteller: Michael Noel
Date: June 19, 2019
Episode Overview
This emotionally raw and often humorous episode centers on Michael Noel, who shares his tumultuous journey through a misguided early marriage and his eventual coming out. With honesty and wit, Michael recounts the pressures of heteronormativity, the pain of mental health crises, the liberation of self-acceptance, and the joy of his first meaningful kiss. Set within the supportive and sex-positive ethos of Bawdy Storytelling, his narrative explores the personal cost of denial and the transformative power of living authentically.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Michael’s Early Adult Life and Move to San Diego
- At age 21, Michael moves from Boston to San Diego with friends, seeking a fresh start (05:25).
- Takes two jobs, one at a Hilton hotel restaurant, and quickly befriends co-workers during smoke breaks.
2. Dating Mitch and Reluctant Engagement
- Begins dating “Mitch” (Michelle), a striking and edgy woman (07:07).
- Moves in together six months into dating, despite Michael’s insistence he’s “not the marrying type.”
- Mitch abruptly introduces the idea of marriage at a jewelry store; Michael tries to defer the conversation.
3. Emotional Manipulation and Marriage
- At home, Mitch threatens suicide if Michael refuses to marry her (approximately 08:00).
- Quote: “She told me that she was going to kill herself if we didn't get married. It's okay not to laugh. That's not fucking funny.” — Michael Noel [08:30]
- Under pressure and societal expectations, they marry in June 1995.
4. Suicide Attempt and Hospitalization
- Six months into marriage, Mitch attempts suicide (her fourth attempt but first since marriage); Michael faces the new responsibility of responding as her husband.
- Hospital staff recommend a 30-day hold for Mitch to provide both her and Michael relief and time to reflect (09:00).
- Quote: “So I had my wife locked up for 30 days to give myself some time to figure out what the fuck I was going to do...” — Michael Noel [09:30]
5. The Honest Confession
- During this turbulent time, Michael’s friend Mary (likely a lesbian, which is discussed light-heartedly) notices his distress (10:00).
- Mary asks outright if his struggles are because he’s realized he’s gay. For the first time, Michael admits the truth:
- Quote: “On that day in that place that I was a broken down man, married to this suicidal person, I said, yes, Mary. That's why.” — Michael Noel [11:00]
- This admission is pivotal, described as “the crack in the dam... there was no going back from.”
6. Coming Out to Family
- After leaving his wife, Michael recognizes the need to tell his mother, overcoming deep fear of rejection.
- Quote: “Mom, I have something really important to tell you, but... I'm afraid that you're not going to love me anymore.” — Michael Noel [12:00]
- Quote (Mother’s Response): “Michael, there's nothing that you could ever say to me that would change how much I love you.” [12:30]
- Her calm acceptance provides deep relief and support:
- “Of course, honey. Is that all? Apparently, I built it up too much for her, and she was ready.” — Michael Noel [13:00]
7. Liberation and First Kiss
- Begins exploring life as an openly gay man, frequenting San Diego’s vibrant gay club scene—appreciating both the music and the sense of freedom.
- Overcomes shyness to connect with Don, a tall, blonde, charming man he meets at a club (13:40).
- Their first date is a romantic, anxiety-tinged walk on Carlsbad State Beach.
- Quote: “Can we just stop for a minute? I want to. I really want to take this moment in because it's taken me a long time to get here, and I really want to remember this maybe forever.” — Michael Noel [14:30]
- They share Michael’s first meaningful kiss.
- Quote: “This I consider to be my first kiss. And I do, because it was the first kiss that ever meant anything... it was the first time in my life that I was allowing myself to be the person I had hidden for 26 years. And I decided on that moment... that I would never hide again.” — Michael Noel [15:20]
Memorable Quotes and Moments
- On coming out to a friend: “Saying yes to Mary was the crack in the dam that I knew was coming. And I also knew there was no going back from.” — Michael [11:20]
- On his mother’s support: “There's nothing that you could ever say to me that would change how much I love you.” — Michael’s mother [12:30]
- On his first real kiss: “This is my first kiss... the first time in my life that I was allowing myself to be the person I had hidden for 26 years. And I decided... I would never hide again.” — Michael [15:30]
Timeline of Important Segments
- 00:00–01:37: Intro, host Dixie De La Tour sets scene, travel anecdotes (skip for core story)
- 05:25: Michael Noel begins his story
- 07:07: Meeting and dating Mitch
- 08:00–09:30: Marriage dynamics, suicide threat, and hospital intervention
- 10:00–11:30: Confiding in Mary and coming out
- 12:00–13:00: Calling his mother and her loving response
- 13:40–15:20: Coming out, new life, first romantic experience and meaningful kiss
Tone & Style
Michael’s tale is candid, darkly funny, and deeply vulnerable—true to Bawdy Storytelling’s ethos. He moves between biting humor (“I married a girl; she married a guy. Maybe we're both confused.”) and emotional sincerity, especially in passages about coming out and his family’s reaction. The episode balances somber themes (mental health, coercion, denial) with hope, liberation, and joy in self-discovery.
Closing
Michael’s story encapsulates the pain and release inherent in coming out late, the importance of supportive connections, and the necessity of living one’s truth. This episode is both touching and uplifting, a standout example of the deeply personal, unvarnished storytelling Bawdy is known for.