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Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 82: ‘Marathon’ (Ian Dodd)
00:36:46
Do you identify as Anastasia, or Christian Grey? Raised to believe that having sex will result in either pregnancy or venereal disease, Ian Dodd’s first time was a fast-paced orgy of terror and apologies - and a pattern quickly sets in. Will our...
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- [00:02]
Dixie de La Tour
Oh, my. The podcast you're about to listen to is suggestive. It's salacious, it's dirty. I say the word butthole a lot because it's one of my favorite words. So now you've been warned. Let's start the episode, shall we?
- [00:25]
Suki
All of my life I've never fit.
- [00:29]
Ian Dodd
But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous. Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much Maybe it's just you're not enough for me.
- [00:48]
Suki
Can'T you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. You're ever frightened, just run and hide.
- [01:07]
Dixie de La Tour
My vagina is eight miles. Hi there, and welcome to the Body Storytelling Podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and This is episode 82. I have something very important to tell you, so please pay attention. So here's the thing. When we started season four of this podcast, the plan was that the podcast season was going to last 12 episodes by the time we end next week. Guess how many episodes were in season four? 47. Yeah, that's not 12 at all. But we started winning awards. We started getting great fan mail. We got really passionate about this thing and just kept going. But I want to change things up and make it better. If you have ideas on how to make it better, I'd love to hear how you plan to make it better. But I have something in store for you. I'm really passionate about it, but the only way it's going to happen is if you support us on Patreon. We are a long way from our Patreon goal of doing bigger, better episodes for season five. I've got something I want to share with you. I have all these stories I want to share with you, but there are so many expenses to producing this podcast that most of you are listening to for free, and I need your help. If it means asking your friends to support the podcast, fuck yeah. If it means that you can only give a small amount, that's fine. But go to patreon.com p a t r e o n.com and support us. I want to make something better for you. I'm always chasing the thing that is bigger and better and more relevant and something that can change your life. So if Patreon's not your thing, if you don't want to do a monthly ongoing subscription, then PayPal is fine. Bodystorytellingmail.com or any other way that you want to support us making bigger episodes in season five. I'm going to work with you just because it's so frustrating to be this close to something that I have in mind that I want to share with you. And you can only get it if you support us on Patreon or PayPal or some other way to help us meet the costs. Thanks in advance for your support and for listening. I hope your week is going well. I've been getting some rather concerned emails from you guys. A lot of y' all didn't even know that the Body Storytelling podcast was something you would even be interested in once upon a time, and now you write me emails telling me how you're freaking out about the fact that you're not gonna have a weekly episode to listen to while we're on hiatus. You guys are going to be back. It'll be okay. I had this really great email that came the other day and it just had me glowing all day, so I wanted to share it with you. Hey there Dixie. Just wanted to tell you how much your podcast is improving my life. I discovered it through listening to Risk a few months ago. I work in the building industry and listen to podcasts in my headphones all day while sawing lumber, painting walls, pouring concrete, and getting confused looks from all the dudes on site. Because I'm a woman, occasionally someone will overhear me laughing to myself over something I just heard on your podcast and they will look at me like I'm crazy. I really get a kick out of knowing that they have no idea what lovely, filthy things I am enjoying in my earbuds. Recently, your podcast gave me the drive and enthusiasm to revisit a conversation with my partner about opening up our relationship. We've had a fairly monogamous relationship over the last four years, but have never taken the dive into actually sleeping with other people or having secondary relationships. After several long, loving and amazing conversations, we decided to give it a try. And oh boy. I am happy to say that things are going great with that. We both have secondary partners now and it has not only expanded my heart and brought me closer to my primary partner, but it has unlocked a whole side of my sexuality that was dying to come out of the closet. I always knew I was a little kinky, but because of past abusive relationships, I never felt safe to tap into that side of myself. Because my primary partner has been so loving, gentle, accepting and honoring of my personal limits, I have been able to heal old wounds and let go of trauma that has been holding me back for years My secondary partner has helped me unlock and embrace my kinky side in such a beautiful way. So many firsts with him. The thought honestly crossed my mind while giving him my first rim job. I thought, holy shit, I feel like I'm living in a bawdy storytelling story right now. And this is so amazing. So thank you. You are doing amazing things in the world that makes people's lives better. I just became a patron of the show on Patreon to help you feel the love. Here's hoping I get to come to the Seattle show next week. Spanx and kisses Suki. So I might get to meet Suki this week at our Seattle show before we go on hiatus. Thank you, Suki, for telling me what's going on with your life by telling me that. The thing that you kept on the back burner, this thing that, I don't know, would I ever touch my sexuality? Would I ever look to open up my relationship? Sometimes it just takes a great story or hearing somebody talk about this thing they have in your life to go, I want that too. And that causes you to pursue it, to ask for it and get what you want. You're never going to get what you want if you don't ask. That really moved me. I really appreciate you sharing it. I really appreciate you supporting us on Patreon, and I hope I get to see you in person at my last show in Seattle before we go on break. How awesome was that email, y'?
- [07:27]
Ian Dodd
All.
- [07:29]
Dixie de La Tour
Dixie, who's our storyteller this week? Well, why don't I read you his bio and then you'll know exactly who it is. Ian Dodd came up from Los Angeles where he works as a cinematographer, telling other people's stories visually, but he's never shared one of his own before. He attended a couple of bawdy storytelling shows in Los Angeles and always dreamt of standing up there on that stage someday. As a step toward his dream, he signed up for Dixie's storytelling retreat back in March. But being a straight cisgendered, married, gray haired guy, his biggest fear was that he'd never have a story interesting enough to tell the bawdy audience. Tonight, he's hoping you'll prove him wrong. He proved us wrong. This storyteller is Ian Dodd.
- [08:29]
Ian Dodd
I'm standing in front of a veil or a curtain of some kind and I can't see what's on the other side, but there's a place that I can reach through it and I take hold of a pair of horns and they're attached to something Big, something powerful. And it's moving and stretching like it's just waking up. And it starts snorting and stamping its feet and shaking its head from side to side like it's trying to throw me off, but I'm not letting go. And I say in my sternest voice, listen, you may be bigger and stronger than me, but I'm the master and you're here to serve me. When I woke up from that dream, I had that weird wobbly feeling like, was that real or is this real? And it was so vivid that it has stuck with me every day for the last couple of years. Now, the meaning's probably really obvious to a Freudian analyst or a sharp audience like you, but it actually took me until just a couple of weeks ago to figure it out for myself to understand it. I want to walk you back in time with me about 40 years to the fall of 1978. I'm a freshman at the University of Colorado in Boulder. I'm in my tiny little third floor dorm room and I'm cramming for my pre calculus final exam the next day with my study buddy, Mary Beth. Mary Beth is kind of the quintessential girl next door. She's got that Jennifer Garner kind of face, and she's got the thick, muscular thighs and the perpetual tan of a Colorado ski bum. Well, after a couple of hours of hitting the books together, we decide we deserve a break. So she looks at me with this kind of mischievous grin and she says, I know a great way to relax. She flops down on my bed and she invites me to join her. Now, as desperately as I had tried to get laid all through high school, I had only felt up a couple of pairs of boobs and maybe got my hand past the waistband of one pair of panties. But now, now there was an honest to goodness naked woman spreading her legs in front of me. So, needless to say, there wasn't a lot of foreplay. In fact, there wasn't even any two play or three play. In no time at all, off comes the pink Izod polo shirt, the camel tone corduroy pants, and after I made a couple of really awkward attempts at pushing my dick toward her pubic bone, Mary Beth, who had done this before, gently guided me into where I needed to be. Oh my God, I thought, this feels so fucking amazing as I slid into her, which was immediately followed by, oh shit, because I was so unprepared for this moment. And I pulled out and then I slid back in. Oh shit. What if we get A venereal disease. And I pulled out, and then I slid back in. Oh, shit. What if she gets pregnant and I pulled out and then I slid back in. Oh, shit, I think I'm about to come. And I pulled out, and that's when I splooged all over her belly. Oh, shit, I said. I am so sorry. In that moment, I felt smaller than my now shriveling cock. Don't worry about it, she says. It happens sometimes. But I can tell she's disappointed as she reaches over and grabs a Kleenex and starts wiping my cum up off her stomach. We get dressed, we go back to studying, and we never mention it again. Well, over the next couple of years, I avoid my shortcomings by only dating girls who wouldn't fuck. Which was probably a good thing, because every time I thought about what happened in my dorm room, I would just have that sickening dread rise up inside of me, kind of like that part of my body that I couldn't control. Fortunately, though, I learned a little something along the way that was new to me. Turns out a lot of women like to get their pussy licked. And when I learned that, I thought, okay, I'm gonna set out to make this my signature move. So when I transferred to the University of Arizona, I met this girl named Margot my first week on campus in Tucson. Now, a lot of guys would like to say, oh, my girlfriend, she looks like Scarlett Johansson. But in her case, it was actually true. She had this sort of round, Nordic face and this long blond hair, and she has the air of an art major, like she sees the world in a whole different way than the rest of us. So we start having coffee, skipping classes. Pretty soon, I work up the nerve to ask her out by saying, I've got an extra ticket to the Emma Lou Harris concert, and you're welcome to use it if you want. When that failed to convince her that I was a complete douchebag, she invited me to a party at her place. We get a little tipsy, we start making out in the kitchen, and pretty soon we head upstairs. And that's when that panic starts to rise up inside of me again, because I know what's about to happen. So I try to put off the inevitable as long as I can by using the workaround that I've been trying to learn the last couple of years, because I figure if I can get her off this way, she won't be quite as disappointed when we head for the finish line and she discovers that I'm a hare, not a tortoise. So I get my face down between her thighs, and that's when I feel her tense up. And I look up like, what's up? And she's just staring at the ceiling and she's going, nobody has ever done this to me before. So while I'm trying to control the panic inside of me on the outside, I'm trying to play the worldly, debonair lover who says, hey, you just lie back and enjoy what I'm about to do for you. Which she did. So we kept hanging out. And after graduation, we moved in together. A few years after that, we moved to Los Angeles. We've got a marriage license, a mortgage, in a minivan with a couple of kids in the back. But that whole time, I've been dogged by what happened to me that night in my dorm room. Because, you see, it's one thing to blow your load early when you're 18, but when you're 28 and 38 and 48, it kind of beats down on your masculinity a little bit. Now, over that whole time, of course, I kept working on my ways to overcome that. I mean, I guess it's kind of like if you lose your sight, they say that your other senses become more acute and you learn to compensate. And while that was true, I always figured there was a part of Maru that wondered what it would feel like to run a marathon instead of a hundred yard dash. And inside of me, there was that big hulking beast that whenever it threatened to wake up, it just felt like that same thing feeling in my dorm room. That dread would come up in my body and I just wanted to push it down until it went back to sleep. Which it mostly did over those couple of decades that we were putting our energy into our kids and our careers and our sex life ended up on the back burner. We'd look at each other every couple of weeks and say, well, that was fun. We should try that more often. And of course, we meant it as a poke at ourselves, but it always kind of jabbed that slumbering beast inside of me and threatened to wake it up. Well, the wake up finally came in 2012. When I came home from work one night. Margo had received a phone call that my dad had died. You know, your parents are always there for you throughout your whole life. You never really think about them dying. I think I was more stunned and sad. Well, a few months later, we got another phone call. Only this time it was about Margo's mom. You know, when you face the mortality of your parents, you kind of have to confront your own, too. And we looked at each other and said, if we're lucky, we've got 30, maybe 35 years left on the planet here, and what are we going to do to make the most of it? So for most of that previous year, Margot had spent 10 days out of every month traveling back and forth to Denver to be with her mom during a losing battle with cancer and to fight off the boredom of hours spent in hospital waiting rooms and doctor's offices. Before each trip, we'd load up her Kindle with a small library reading material, including a bestseller that came out around that time. I'm actually embarrassed to even tell you what it was. I'm guessing some of you have heard of it. Yeah, 50 Shades of Greg. But I gotta tell you, she tore through that book like a tornado through a trailer park. Now, I'm a slower reader than she is, so I was scrambling to keep up while she was devouring the two sequels, the Sleeping Beauty trilogy by Anne Rice and the Story of O. So one day over breakfast, I said, so what part of 50 Shades did you like? And she was like, whoa. When he put her over her knee, hiked up her skirt, and yanked her panties down to her ankles and started spanking her, that was hot. How about you? I'm like, oh, yeah. I liked when he put the nipple clamps on her breasts. But I got to ask you, which character did you identify with? The Anastasia or the Christian Grey? And that opened up a conversation that we'd never imagined having. Because, see, up until then, we couldn't even spell bdsm. But pretty soon, we're looking over our shoulders as we're sneaking into dungeons, we're signing up for rope bondage classes, and we start going to these things called munches, which is where kinky people go to a bar and a restaurant and they talk about mundane topics like 247 master slave relationships or really edgy stuff like consent and negotiations. And they were pretty. They were pretty welcoming to us newbie vanilla folks. Vanilla is what kinksters call us. Muggles. And we also started working with a sex and intimacy coach to start dealing with all the stuff that had been holding us back for all those years, including the baggage I'd been dragging around since 1978. And through working with her, I finally discovered the key to controlling my own physiology. For the first time in my life, I was in charge of my body instead of the other way around. There I was in my early 50s, and for the first time in my life I started to feel like a sexual, masculine animal. Something inside of me was starting to wake up. And the interesting thing is, just as that part was rousing, the universe started directing all kinds of erotic attention to me, usually when I least expected it. Like, we went to a Halloween party at a local dungeon put on by this meetup group that we had joined. And there were floggers flying everywhere and the sound of hands smacking bare asses. And women are dressed up like dark angels and men like perverted priests. Me, I'm wearing the obligatory black jeans and a white T shirt where I've glued on a bunch of those square paint chips from Home Depot in every shade of gray I could find, about 50 of them. Anyway, I'm making my way past the bar. I wanted to go check out the action in the back room, and this woman I've never seen before steps in front of me and says, hey, your name's Ian, isn't it? Yeah. Hi. Hi. My name's Gail, and I was looking at your profile on meetup, and I decided I wanted to meet you tonight. Okay. Now, Gail's got this crazy mane of Sarah Jessica Parker hair that you just want to grab by the fistful. And she's wearing this white, gauzy dress and this brown leather bustier that's pushing up her shapely boobs. And in about five minutes, I learned that she's got young adult kids like I do. She's a sex therapist. She's been married for 30 years, like I have, and for the last eight of those, they've had an open relationship. That's cool, I think. And in the next five minutes, I also learned that she identifies as submissive and kinky and had recently had an 18 inch metal chain stuffed up her pussy. That's really cool, I think. And that's when she asked me, so, what's your relationship status? Well, just about that time, Margo, my wife, comes up to us. She's trying to escape the bad first date that she's come with. And we explain to Gail that we're just now exploring polyamory. So at the end of the evening, Gail goes to give me a hug, and she whispers, find me sometime. So the next day, I look up her profile on meetup. I shoot her a message that begins a conversation that quickly goes from flirty, from friendly to flirty, to having coffee to having dinner to having hot sex. And the first time Gail and I got together, I'm kissing and nibbling and working my way down her neck and her shoulders and her breasts and she's enjoying it. But when I get to her belly button, she slaps the mattress with both hands and she scrunches up the sheets in a white knuckle death grip as an orgasm shoots up through her body. I have never seen anything like this before. So I keep tickling her navel with my tongue while climax number two and then number three quickly rock through her body before I start heading south. Now, realistically, I got nothing to do with this, but it makes me feel fucking powerful. So when she asked to take a break after, like, number eight, I roll her over on her hands and knees and I say, okay, pick a three digit number. She's like, what? I said, pick a three digit number. As I reached over and I grabbed a condom. She's like, okay, 300. Okay, you like? 300. Great. Because the choice is entirely up to you right now. But here's the way it's going to work. You're going to count every single stroke out loud until we get to 300. You lose track. We start over. You got it? Whatever had been asleep inside of me was now entire was completely awake. Right after Gail and I got together that first time, I found myself standing in front of a veil or a curtain. And I reach in and I grab these horns that are attached to something really big and powerful. And just about the time I had that dream, Margo's and my relationship is in the best place ever. We're having the best and the most sex of our lives. We're enjoying all kinds of crazy new adventures, and she's finally experiencing what it feels like to run a marathon instead of a hundred yard dash. We also discover a love of traveling together. And a few weeks after I had that dream, we were in France. And we're walking through a plaza and we go past this bronze statue and I stop because I realize what I've just seen. And I turn around and there it is. There's a nude man wrestling a bull by its horns, muscling it under his control. So I run back and I start snapping pictures of it from every angle with my smartphone. And Margo is standing there like, what the hell has gotten into you? And I said, no, no, it's just like that dream I was just telling you about. It's just like it. And it's given me some ideas for something I've been thinking about Those of you in the front row might be able to see. I've got a little white bandage going on here under my shirt that May not be visible in the back. That's because I spent four hours this afternoon lying on a table at a tattoo shop about a mile and a half from here. See, for most of my adult life, that bull slept unconscious behind. Slept behind the veil of my consciousness. But now that he's awake, I'm going to take him with me wherever I go. I used to think that that dream was about embracing my raw animal power. But I've come to realize recently that it's more than just about the sexual energy centered on one part of my body. Now, when I look down on my chest, I'm going to see the symbol of my real masculine power. The power to deliver pleasure. A power that I have been working on mastering all along.
- [25:24]
Dixie de La Tour
It.
- [26:00]
Suki
So you wanna be a rock star? Keep it going. Don't stop working while you're on top for the cops Roller coaster riding baby up and down I love to watch you do it I just want to get through close to you Find out what it takes to move you feel a venom hit the spot getting hot all night long all day long I dream about sex and all night long I think about sex and all the time I think about sex with Down. All day long I dream about sex and all night long I think about sex and all the time I think about sex with you with you Keep in mind I'm a love machine. Ready 24 7. Call me anytime you need some extra attention. Did I forget something? School black in session. Get ready for a lesson. I just want to feel alive and do what it takes to satisfy you Hour after hour, baby all night long with you all day long I dream about sex and all night long I think about sex and all the time I think about sex with you, with you all day long I dream about sex and all night long I think about sex and all the time I think about sex with you with you all day long I dream about sex and all night long I think about sex and all the time I think about sex with you with you all day long I dream about sex and all night Mom. I think about sex and all the time I think about sex with you, with you all day long I dream about sex and all night long I think about sex and all my time I think about sex with you with you all day long I dream about sex and all night long I think about sex all the time I think about sex with.
- [29:31]
Dixie de La Tour
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It's the only place you have to live. Go visit nativedeodorant.com and use the promo code Dixie to get 20% off. Smell ya later. One of the nice things about going on hiatus is that I have more time to work with you on your story, wherever you are. We can do it on Skype or Zoom. We can see each other's faces. You can tell me your story and I can help you craft it into something that's stage worthy or orgy worthy or wherever you want to tell it. But it's not just sex stories. Recently I've worked with artists and marine biologists, and just yesterday I worked with somebody who wanted to use storytelling to present at a technology conference. She'd also taken my storytelling retreat the last time I offered it, and learning my storytelling system showed her that what we do works perfectly for any kind of storytelling, even technology. So if you'd like to book me, contact me@dixieaudistorytelling.com because I'd love to work with you on your story. I love the emails that I get from you, from people who write me to say, please bring body storytelling to Detroit, to Dallas, to San Diego. They ask me to bring it all over the country and sometimes to other countries too. And how do I decide where to go next? So I'm trying something brand new. If you go to bawdistorytelling.com testicle like testicle. But it's a way to test out what city we should go to next. Look for the city near you. Buy a ticket. When we've sold a certain number of tickets, that city will be next on the roster. And Body storytelling will be coming there within months of us hitting the threshold. To activate that city. Go to bodystorytelling.com testicle T E S T T I C K L E. See if your city is there and most importantly, share it with your friends. You guys can tell us where to go next. Just a few more shows. Here's what's coming up for Body storytelling on Thursday, July 11th. Holy shit. That's any minute. We're in Seattle at the Rebar. Seattle. And the theme is Bottoms Up. True Stories of Anal Drinking Submission. Pick one or all. We're gonna have Creature Hole as our musical act working real hard on them to get a brand new song out of this show. Fingers and Toes and Labia Crossed. And then the week after that, our final San Francisco show of the summer. It's going to be on Thursday, July 18. The theme is all the Way. And that's one of those themes that's going to have very diverse stories in it. So much territory to cover under that one. And we are going to have Jefferson Bergey back at the show being our musical act. It's at the Verdi Club. We're gonna have sexy cocktails like the Unicorn's Butthole and Ethical Slut and Bango and Face to Face time with other perverts before we don't return until Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. Our last show for about two and a half months, I think so because math is hard and I'm not really sure how calendars work, but it seems like a long time. Please get your tickets as soon as possible. I want to hug you goodbye because it's going to be a while. Please come to our Seattle show or our San Francisco show. And then I guess it's going to be fall before I see you again. So you know I've become addicted, right? I'm addicted to your reviews. I love your written words telling me what you think and feel about the Bodi Storytelling Podcast. So please take a moment, go to wherever you post reviews and write and tell me what you think about this. Post it on the Internet so everybody can see it. It makes a world of difference. It sets my day off in the best way possible and I thank you in advance for doing that. Tell your friends about this podcast. Have them subscribe. They'll be there at the ready when we come back from hiatus. But till then, I need to say thank you. Thank you to the inimitable Marty Garcia, my podcast producer, who is a true joy to work with. I love making podcast episodes with him. Thank you to sound engineer David Grossoff, to video archivist Joe Moore, to Project Manager Dana Hanna. Thank you to you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for writing me and telling me your thoughts and the sort of stories that you want. This has been episode 82 of the podcast I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and here's a peek at what's next.
- [36:34]
Ian Dodd
After graduation, I meet Luke, AKA Luke Skywalker, because he looks exactly like Luke Skywalker if he were a musician and sexually competent.
- [36:44]
Suki
So.