← Bawdy Storytelling
Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 83: ‘Wishbone’ (Dani Lion)
00:32:14
Dani Lion feels broken. How can she possibly shop *this* body to prospective lovers? Her intruder alarm is going off, and penetrative sex feels impossible. But when this militant bisexual is told that her body has chosen for her, she refuses to accept...
Loading summary
Transcript21 lines
- [00:02]
Dixie de La Tour
The podcast you're about to listen to is explicit. It's graphic, it's risque, it's adult nature. Please put your earbuds in. Thanks.
- [00:20]
Danni Lyon
All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous. Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight smiles.
- [01:15]
Dixie de La Tour
Hi there, and welcome to the Bawdi storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and this is the very last episode of season four. It's episode 83. How's your week going? I am full of hope right now, and I want to tell you why. The story that you're going to hear on this episode was one that I feared was lost forever. Somehow. It had been mislabeled and put into our archives, and I've been looking for it for a while, and it seemed to be gone forever. But superhero podcast producer Marty Garcia made it his life's work to find this story for me, and I'm so excited that you're gonna get to hear it on this episode. The other reason I'm hopeful is that if you recall, I submitted a TED Talk a couple months ago for the big stage in Vancouver, and they were supposed to get back to everyone by the end of June, and they can't reply to everybody. So if they didn't get back to me in June, that means I wasn't selected, right? Well, I got a message recently to say that they had so many submissions that they were extending the time that they needed to review the submissions and would be back to people by the end of August. They need two more months because they have that many submissions, which means there's a lot of competition. But it also means that I might might be on stage at TED next year. You know, I believe in radical honesty, and I'm going to tell you that I'm a little worried about the future because while Bali Storytelling is an internationally acclaimed storytelling show and podcast, my income does not reflect that. I pretty much make my entire income as an event producer, and I'm not going to do shows for a couple months, and that means I have no income for a couple of months. I'm going to be living off ramen, y'. All. But it also means that I can work on growth and be full of possibility about bringing you something new really soon. And that makes me happy, feeling like anything is possible. You know, you need that. And then one reason I'm really excited is we have finally figured out a way to decide where to bring body storytelling next. You would think that we get so much fan mail that we're like, oh my God, we got an email from Denver, from Orlando, from, we should go there. But that doesn't make sure that we can sell out a venue. And venues are expensive and travel is expensive. So it's something that's always stumped me. How do I decide where to bring Bodi next? And guess how we're gonna do it? We're gonna let you decide. I'm gonna tell you a little bit more about how that's gonna work later on in the show. Support for the Body Storytelling podcast comes from Manscaped, who are number one in men's below the belt grooming. Manscaped trademark offers precision engineered tools for you or your partner's family jewels. Do you love dongs? Or maybe you have a dong? Then don't use the same trimmer on your face and your balls. Protect yourself or the balls of your loved one. Manscaped has redesigned the electric trimmer. Their Sexy Lawn Mower 2.0 has proprietary SkinSafe technology and it won't nick your nuts. Manscaped also helps defeat summertime ball sweat with the crop preserver, an anti chafing deodorant, and moisturizer. Their products smell good and they keep your meat and two veg smelling fresh and clean. Ladies, this is the perfect gift for your man. You can make untrimmed pubes a thing of the past. And right now you can go to manscaped.com and use the promo code Dixie and get 20% off and free shipping. If you love a dong as much as I do, then it's time to get clean, save 20% and get free shipping. When you go to manscaped.com and use the code Dixie, it is amazing to me how people who walk through the door filled with the fear of public speaking, oh my God, that's scarier than dying public speaking. And then they watch people on stage at Body and go, I can't believe I want to do that. And that looks terrifying, but I have to get on that stage. The storyteller you're going to hear in this episode is one of those people. Her friends told her body storytelling is something that you need to experience. And she came to a live show. And after just a few, she pitched me a story and worked so hard on it. I'm going to read you the bio that she sent me for the show she was in. Danni Lyon is a public health geek by day and a sneaky introvert and militant bisexual 24 7. A new and enthusiastic face in the bawdy crowd. This is her first time telling a story on stage, and while she strongly believes the concept of virginity is overstated, she is excited to be sharing this first with Bonnie. In the time since she told that story on stage in San Francisco two years ago, she has become a fixture at our live shows. Each month you become part of the family. You step off that stage, and these people are now your community. They know you. They have a point of reference for you. You become a rock star. She is a rock star who often helps us at the bango table or wherever we need help. We're so grateful because volunteers are what make Bodi work. This storyteller is Danny Lyon.
- [07:06]
Danni Lyon
I knew you.
- [07:07]
Unidentified Storyteller
I knew. I know you are.
- [07:10]
Dixie de La Tour
I know you are.
- [07:15]
Unidentified Storyteller
You're gonna be so much more comfortable.
- [07:17]
Dixie de La Tour
You're the worst.
- [07:21]
Unidentified Storyteller
I'm 17 years old and my parents are out of town, so naturally I am butt ass naked in their king sized bed in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and I'm watching my boyfriend roll a condom onto his dick for the first time. Sam looks like exactly what you would picture the cool guy in his the gathering group to look like. And he and I have been dating for over a year and we've been the whole time really, like, will they or won't they about sex? Because I'm terrified, Because that seems like a really adult thing to do. And I have not yet felt like any sort of adult, but I cannot keep my hands off of him. And I'm just really curious, like, I want to do this. I want to see what it's like to do all of this. So he starts to enter me and I feel this really big thing of pain and I think like, oh, hymen. Interesting. But it doesn't stop and it gets bigger and it feels like he's just slid a knife in between my legs or like I'm a wishbone and he's torn me in half. So. And I look at his face and he's like, kind of frustrated, it looks like, because it's not going in. And I, like, try, and I'm like, gritting my teeth and I can do this, but my eyes start welling up and I push him off of me and I curl up in a ball. And when he asks me what's wrong, I tell him I really thought I could do this, but that hurt way more than I thought it would. And I look at him and he looks so disappointed. And I could tell he's thinking, what is wrong with her? And I am also thinking, what is wrong with her? A couple months later, I go to the doctor, and Dr. Gold comes in the room, and she's running through her little checklist of, anything else bothering you. Depression, anxiety, pain during sex. And she says that. And all the breath goes out of my body and I ask her to repeat it. And she leads me back to the table and puts me back in the stirrups and does a little poking. And she tells me that I have vaginismus. And she tells me that vaginismus, which is a super hot word, is it's basically an intruder alarm in my vagina, that whenever any contact comes at it, the muscle spasms and it basically closes and it hurts. It doesn't feel like a muscle spasm. It feels like a stabbing, but that's what it is. And when she tells me this, everything just goes dark and quiet. I feel like she just gave me a cancer diagnosis for my vagina and my sex life. And I'm just thinking, you know, I'm 17 years old and who's going to want to have sex with me now? So I tell her this, and she's like, no, it's totally fine. All you have to do is have an orgasm first, and that loosens up the muscles, and it should be totally fine. By the way. This is not true. It's medically bullshit. But she tells me this, and I'm like, okay. And I go, I leave and I tell the boyfriend, but I'm so, like, scared, and I feel so guilty when I tell him because I feel like I'm telling him, I'm sorry you have to put up with this malfunctioning burden thing. I'm sorry I've given you extra homework to do, and we try it and it doesn't work, and it's just as painful, and it just is impossible. And he and I kind of fizzle out after that, but I think that I've done something wrong. Like, I didn't follow the instructions right, so I'm too embarrassed to go back to the doctor. So I just, like, obsessively start Googling this thing you do. And one thing I learned is that for most people, or like half the people with vaginismus, it can be caused by sexual trauma. So at this point, I'm in college and so I make an appointment with a therapist in downtown Boston to get checked out under the hood. And the second I walk in this room, I know I've made a huge mistake. She just looks like everybody's mean English teacher in a burgundy pantsuit. And when I tell her that I think I might like men and women, she looks at me and she's like. So I guess I don't understand why this vaginismus thing is so important to you. Like, if you can just choose to like women, what does it matter if you can't be with men? And I know in my head that that's wrong, but I just paid her a lot of money for this opinion. And she has diplomas on the wall and she has way more experience than I do. And so I apologize for wasting her time and I leave and I don't come out to anyone else for two years. But I did learn from this therapist that I do not in fact have sexual trauma, which I should have figured out already. So the next thing I try is something called pelvic floor physical therapy, where if you are me, it means going to an office building in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and a 50 year old woman with a bob and a baby voice uses a variety of techniques including dilators, AKA prescription dodos to fix you. So I'm like looking everywhere in the room but at her face and she snaps on this latex glove and I'm on the table and she imagine like if you're looking, if you're looking at a genital and like this. And she would like, it's a clock. So she would push on the muscles at 5 o' clock and 6 o' clock and 7 o' clock and hold on them until they calm down. And we do this over a number of sessions. And she's super sweet and patient, she's really gentle. But every time I leave her office and I get on the train and I cry the entire way back to campus. So this is my life. This is my entire life. In college I kind of stopped dating and I don't hook up with people. And I just figure like, this is not the body. I'm going to shop to other people. But in my senior year, I meet Emily. And Emily is a redhead and she's a sculptor and she's tall and she's skinny and she's a sophomore, but she went to Catholic school, so she's been queer way longer than I have. And the first time I kiss Her, I feel drunk and she tells me she wants me to fuck her with a strap on. And I race her to Good Vibrations and we pick out a kit and we set a date for that weekend in her dorm room. And we're like, the time comes and we're making out and we're laughing and it's fun and I'm getting all dressed up, but I get on top of her and all of a sudden I freeze. And she asks me what's wrong? And I was like, I am just really scared I'm gonna hurt you. And she like smiles at me and she grabs me around the hips and pulls me into her and it's so wonderful. I don't come, but she does. And when I watch her come, I feel like I've had 10 orgasms. It's so good. And then I graduate. And after graduation, I meet Luke, AKA Luke Skywalker, because he looks exactly like Luke Skywalker if he were a musician and sexually competent. So Luke is, he's in a band on tour, he's a drummer. And he's crashing at my friend Megan's house and Megan sees the two of us flirting together and she goes to get tacos at 2:30 in the morning in Rhode Island. And like in 12 seconds he and I are all over each other and we're making out and hands. And we're like running through the house and tearing off our clothes. And eventually I have him upstairs on a futon and I'm straddling him and I just rip the band aid off. And I tell him, just so you know, I don't do penetration. And I'm thinking like, so this was a fun night and this night is now over. But he just looks at me and he's like, yeah, cool, okay. And he kisses me and it's. I probably get like 45 minutes sleep that night. We have to set three alarms in the morning to make sure we wake up. And yeah, I leave with the biggest fucking smile on my face. But strictly speaking, I don't think this was what we'd call a successful one night stand. Because two years later, Luke is standing in the snow outside of my apartment in Montreal and he's just got off a 12 hour Greyhound bus from Boston to come see me. And I look at this like, shivering, tired boy. I'm like, I want to fuck it. So I, I take him upstairs to my tiny Canadian bedroom and I like, we get naked and we're on the bed and I show him how to do that like, vagina clock fingering Thing like the therapist, the physical therapist did. And it's such this weird feeling to feel so turned on and so scared. Scared and so excited and, like, in pain and all this stuff at the same time. But eventually my body starts to calm down and we decide it's time. And he, like, starts to inch into me. And it's like 1 inch and 2 inches. And I'm, like, pulling him closer to me with one hand. I'm pushing him away with the other because I want this so badly. And this is as close as I've ever come. But also it hurts. It hurts so much, but it's not actually unbearable. And eventually he's all in me and then he's fucking me. And I'm rubbing my clit because I want to have a good time. And it's warm and it's close and it's complicated. And, like, way before I know it, I'm coming. And then maybe two seconds later, I am balling my fucking eyes out. Like, completely out of surprise. And probably the ugliest crying ever. Like, I'm red and I'm gasping and there's, like, snot everywhere, and he's three inches from my face. I tell him, like, please don't move. This hurts so much. And he's like, I'm not gonna move. And he just holds me and he stays inside me. He hasn't come yet for, like, 45 minutes. And I just, like, need to tell him all of these crazy, mixed up thoughts that I'm having in my head right now because I'm feeling everything. But I'm also crying really hard. So it's like that crazy crying, hiccuping, crying, hiccuping thing, talking, whatever. And I'm telling him about how relieved I am because I really never thought this would be a thing that would happen in my life. And so I'm, like, happy because I did it. But also I'm grieving because seven years ago there was this girl on a bed who somehow got it in her head that sex was everything that made me valuable. And I couldn't do sex. So by definition, I had no value. And I'm also scared because I know that sex changes you. And I wasn't sure that I was ready to change. Like, do I have to be straight now? If that therapist was right when she said that the only reason I like women is because I'm afraid of rejection from men, then, like, is that it? And just because I can do this penetration thing, like, do I have to? Eventually, Luke goes back to Boston and He and I go back to our normal relationship, which is a lot of, like, sexting and sending slutty Tumblr photos to each other and falling asleep together on Google Hangouts. And it's great and it's totally normal, but I think maybe when I go visit him in Boston, like, that's where I'm going to feel that it's different. But I'm there for like a week. I have maybe 30 orgasms, and nobody has mentioned penetration at all. And I'm really confused. This doesn't make any sense to me, so. And it's not until I'm in a bar and there's this drunk dude that I get in a fight with about whether or not lesbian sex counts as sex. When I have this, like, epiphany that I have this epiphany that the reason sex didn't change me is because I'm 24 years old and I have no fucking clue what sex is. I'm pretty sure it was sex when I was 15 years old and my boyfriend fingered me in a cemetery. And I know that what I did with Emily was sex. And I know what I did with the girls after her was sex. And I am pretty sure I know it's sex. The time that I once masturbated to 54 orgasms, like, kind of by accident, a different story. So I know that there's something wrong with my body, but also, is it wrong if it's working for me? So I still don't actually know what's up with my body. It's changing a lot and all the time. But a couple months ago, I'm sitting in a Kaiser facility in San Francisco and this pelvic pain specialist comes in and she looks at my chart and she tells me. She's like, I can fix you. There's this treatment for vaginismus, which is basically 12 Botox shots into your vagina. And that makes the muscles relax. It's like a 12 week treatment, and then it's done forever for a lot of people. But there are some side effects. You know, it's surgery and there's anesthesia and it's going to hurt after. And not to mention the urinary incontinence. And I look at her and, like, I look at her and I tell her, you know what? No, thank you. It's my body. Thank you, y'. All. I'm not done yet. I tell her, no, thank you. Because my body and my sex life are actually perfect, just like they are right now.
- [20:15]
Danni Lyon
So many times I tried to make it feel good when it doesn't end I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it it. With every sigh I disappear a bit more and I can't get back in. My body stings with the same old grief. But I don't know if this old vessel is a show and tell. If some old, old lost soul of a girl who didn't have the words to say stop. I don't like it.
- [21:02]
Dixie de La Tour
Now I lost.
- [21:03]
Danni Lyon
The cues and I gotta recuse myself here you want a piece of me? Find it your own damn self. I'll be taking a nap.
- [21:19]
Unidentified Storyteller
So sit.
- [21:19]
Danni Lyon
Up down baby won't you come and show me what you need? Yay. One of these days you're gonna learn to touch yourself. You won't need no man, no one settle down baby, won't you come and show me what you need? Yay. One of these days you're gonna learn to touch yourself. Yeah, touch yourself. The chills of desire chain me down like a dark goosebump rope of confusion and my body bristles with your touch. I want so bad to feel so good. The only mind game that matters is mind over matter and I'm no master so please move faster but you're too sweet for that now you won't leave it at all. You're gonna see that I fall into your arms in a sweaty sob of triumph and a scream that rips through my heart. No, not my heart. It's not my heart that I'm talking about. I need to come. I need to drench the sheets and drown myself down. You're the only one who stole. Stuck around long enough to see. Well, settle down baby, won't you come and show me what you need? Yay. One of these days you're going to learn to touch yourself. You won't need no man, no. So settle down baby won't you come and show me what you need? One of days you're going to learn to touch yourself. Ye. Come and show me what you need. Hey, so sit up.
- [25:08]
Dixie de La Tour
That was settled down by Rachel Lark and the Damaged Goods. Want to watch the live concert video? Go to our show Notes for a link. I've been getting messages from listeners who say, how am I going to make it without body to look forward to each week? What am I going to do while the podcast is on hiatus? Well, here you go, folks. I have a solution to this problem. If you support us on patreon at the $5 and up per month level, you are going to get a story each week. It's not going to be a podcast story. It's going to be even better. It's going to be a story that you can watch on video so you can hear a story and watch the person tell the story. I don't know. For me, watching people who look like me have these incredible adventures inspires me. It makes me feel like anything is possible. I love watching them stand at the mic and be afraid and do it anyway and know that their life will be changed forever because they shared their story with the world and you can hear that story. If you support us on patreon, go to P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com bawdy b a W- dash dash Y support us at the $5 and up level and you'll be getting a brand new story each week. Thanks for your support. This is the part of the podcast where I tell you about upcoming live shows for body storytelling. And there's not much of that to talk about right now because we're about to go on hiatus. But I am going to tell you how you decide where body storytelling is going to come this fall. So here's how it's going to work. We have created something called the Test Tickle. T E S T New word T I C K L E. Spelling is hard and you can find it on the Bodi storytelling website. Because it's so hard to decide where to bring Bonnie next, we're going to let you decide. Go to the website. We want you to look for the city nearest you. How do you vote on where we go next? You buy a ticket to that show. Don't worry, the city is going to need to hit a certain amount of tickets before that city is activated. Let's say we sell 50 tickets in your city. If you buy your ticket, if you tell all your friends to buy tickets because oh my God, you guys, body storytelling could be coming to our city, then you have cast your vote. When we've hit the right amount for that city, let's say 50 per city, then we will let you know that your city's been activated within three months. We will have a show for you to attend. We'll give you a venue, we'll give you a date. This is to lock us down in your city. I don't know if it's going to work out, but I'm really excited. I'm excited to see if it's going to work. I'm excited to see where you want us to be after you vote for your city by buying a ticket. I want you to be sure to go to bodystorytelling.com and go to subscribe bodystorytelling.com subscribe and make sure that you get on our email list. That is the first place you're going to be. Finding out where we're going next might be to you. You want to know. You want to tell everybody you know so we can all be in that building together listening to dirty songs and sexy stories altogether, make sure that you subscribe to our email list. I've got one more show this week, y'.
- [28:45]
Unidentified Storyteller
All.
- [28:45]
Dixie de La Tour
It is going to be on Thursday, July 18, at the Verdi Club in San Francisco. We have really gone over the top for this last one before hiatus. We've got new songs from Jefferson Berge. We've got Sister Flora, Good Time, winner of best of body 2019. We've got trans man Andy Miles. And you can win a Sibian. This is going to be part of our contest and the Sibian will be there in person. So make sure you go to bodystorytelling.com, go to shows, buy a ticket, and I'll see you this week and I'll be seeing you wherever you've decided that I'm going next. Go to Tess Tickle on the Body storytelling site and cast your vote. We're at the end of the episode, y', all, and I need to ask you for an immense favor before we go. Please go to wherever you review podcasts and do more than just give us stars. I love getting five stars. I love getting five stars. But remember, I'm a live show producer. I'm used to being in a room and getting an immediate response. And podcasting is sending something out into the world and wondering. Please don't make me wonder. Please go write me a review and I'll get to read your words and know what you think. That makes such a difference to me and makes me want to keep doing this thing that's different, this podcasting thing. It makes me want to continue. Your words can do that. I'm going to say thank you to team Bonnie. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia. Thank you to sound engineer David Grossoff. Thank you to video archivist Joe Moore. Thank you to project manager Dana Hanna. Thank you to you. Thank you for telling your friends about this podcast, for having listening parties, for getting together and sharing your own stories and knowing that you're not alone in the world. Yeah, you're a weirdo. We're all weirdos. Let's hang out together. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. Thank you so much for listening. And we'll be back with season five of the Body Storytelling Podcast on August 14th. That's not that far away. Till then, keep telling your story. I say the word butthole. I say the word butthole. Butthole. Butthole. But.
- [31:53]
Unidentified Storyteller
I say the word But I.
- [31:59]
Dixie de La Tour
Say the word butthole a lot.
- [32:03]
Unidentified Storyteller
I say the word butthole a lot.
- [32:05]
Dixie de La Tour
I say the word butthole a lot. I say the word butthole. Butthole. Say the word butthole.