← Bawdy Storytelling
Bawdy Storytelling
Episode 91: ‘Dipstick’ (Dara M Wilson)
00:36:23
Are you a Nerd who loves research? Well, Dara M Wilson is, and what better time to study than Halloween ( or as she likes to call it, “Disneyland for people who F*ck”). And on this All Hallow’s Eve, her clever costume, a partner who wants her to...
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- [00:01]
A
The podcast you're about to listen to is for adults only. So put some earbuds on the cat, shoo that toddler out of the room, and let's have some private time, just me and you.
- [00:19]
B
All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit I am enormous get used to Everyone tells me I'm too much maybe it's just you're not enough for me can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles. What?
- [01:13]
A
Hi there, and welcome to the Bawdi storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour, and this is episode 91. We're headed toward 100, y'. All. Do you believe it? How's your week going? I am high on life right now. Life is insane. Insanely busy, but it's a happy kind of busy. I'm gonna tell you what I've been up to, and then we'll have stories and songs and a lot more information on what's going on with body storytelling. You know, I'm doing this tour thing I've been dreaming about doing for a long, long time. And because I've left the Seattle and the San Francisco shows in, it's turned into 10 shows in 10 weeks. And that's a lot when you do all the story coaching and all the event production and all the travel and all the hosting and all the things yourself. So, yeah, I am barely keeping my head up above water, but every once in a while, it turns into so much fun that I forget how overwhelmed I am and just remember how fucking fun my job is. I had the Seattle show last Wednesday, and then I had this huge Folsom Street Fair event on Sunday. Folsom Street Fair is the largest kink event in the United States. It's huge. It's like a half million people who come to San Francisco to wear their kink finery. And my Folsom show was crazy. Even though the light board blew out in the middle of one of the stories, the storyteller was a complete pro and kept going, didn't miss a beat. We were all sitting in pitch dark. You could not see a thing. And we still got to listen to stories in the dark. It was crazy. Sold out. Seattle was sold out. San Francisco was sold out. And we got stories from amateur ball busters and people who were into Boot fetishes, leather daddies telling fisting stories, and a story I've always dreamed of having. Melaina Williams Haas flew in from New York City just to give me a story I've always dreamed of. She did this beautiful intro through the crowd in full pony with the fan headdress and a bit and a bridle. A handler leading her through the crowd, a pony trainer. And the crowd had been handed out those carrots with the green ends on them and organic sugar cubes because Melena wanted organic sugar cubes. And Melena gets what she wants. And she entered through the crowd. We turned the house lights up, we fed her carrots and sugar cubes. And then she got on stage. Her handler took her bit out of her mouth and she told us a story, a story about Oracle the pony and her inner pony. And the strangest thing happened. In the middle of it, the lights went out. And I think that may have changed her over from a storyteller telling a story about being a pony to the pony taking over. Melina said it was one of the strangest things that's ever happened to her. In her entire life as an actor and a storyteller, she's never had her inner pony come out and tell the story. My dream of having a story from a human pony, so much better than I ever expected. The pony took over, spoke into the mic and told us about what it's like to be a pony and why it's important and why it feels so real and why it's who they really are. It was incredible. When Melena turned away from the microphone, she looked at me with all of the things that were part of the pony getup. There were pony horse hooves on her hands and feet. And I noticed this strange look on her face as she walked away from the mic. And afterwards she said, that was Oracle. That wasn't me. It was one of the best shows I've ever produced. And I hear it every show. That was the best show you've ever produced. But everybody in the room went, that was the best body I've ever been to. And I've been to all of them, and I'll tell you the truth, I think they might be right. That might have been the best one yet. We're gonna be doing it again next year for Folsom Street Fair. I've decided it makes sense. So I never take a break. I'm always sitting at my computer doing something. Doing something that relates to body storytelling. And I had someone who came to the last show that I Did in Brooklyn with the Risk podcast. And ever since we've been talking and she is a nomadic photographer. Her name is Natasha of Inamorata Photography. And she's been saying, I want to do photos of you. And I'm not very good at having my photo taken. You know, when you don't like the way you look, you just go, oh, I guess we could do that. I do need photos. That would make sense. I should do that. But. Oh, and this was the perfect photo session. Like, I took a little break from performing. I stressed out about what to wear. And she said, where should we shoot in San Francisco? I'm in San Francisco. And I was like, well, fuck, I don't know. I live here and everything's picturesque as. Or you could say picture squee, too. Everything here is picture squee. I asked people, I'm crowdsourcing on Facebook. People are like, oh, the palace of Fine Arts. Yeah, that's beautiful. That's kind of formal. That doesn't feel like me. There are people suggesting gorgeous places all over San Francisco. And then in the middle of all of it, somebody got on and said, fireboat. And I was like, I don't know what that means. And he's like, fireboat? What about the fireboat? I'm like, I don't know what a fireboat is. And he sent me this incredible picture of sunset with the bridge in the background and these fireboats right on the edge of the water in San Francisco. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. And I was like, how do I do that? He's like, I don't know if you can get permission. I don't know if it's possible. I can try to get it. And Tony spent the entire day on Saturday calling everybody at the fire department, trying to get me access to the fireboat. We finally got the. Okay, it's happening. We've got it. Head down there. I was like, do we have permission to shoot on the fireboat? And he's like, well, you know, maybe you can win them over. I don't have permission for that. Maybe you can win them over. So Natasha and I, the photographer, started brainstorming. How can we get firemen to let us get on that boat? I said, beer. Like, beer is a personal decision, and it's heavy and we're going to be in lifts. How are we going to get that down there? And she said, fancy gourmet donuts. I'm like, that's great. Everybody likes donuts, right? So we stopped. She Met me in a Lyft. I picked her up. We went to the fanciest little donut place we could find, a brand new place that was a food truck called Hooked Donuts. And we ordered pretty much everything. They had four dozen donuts, got another lift. We headed down to the fireboat and we walked in and I said, hi, who am I supposed to talk to? And they said, oh, that's right, yeah, we heard you were coming. I walked into the kitchen while the firemen were were about to put a giant pan of lasagna into the oven for their dinner, because we wanted to catch the late afternoon light, you know, sunset and the golden hour. And I mean, this is the biggest pan of lasagna you ever seen in your life. And Natasha, who is gorgeous. And I walked in, I'm wearing one of my little cupcake dresses for the photo shoot, and I'm like, hi, we're here to bribe you with donuts. And they said, why are you bribing us? I'm like, because we want to shoot some pictures on your fireboat. That's why. They not only let us do it, they let us feed them donuts. And we got some photos of that. They let us go out on the porch with me and my little cupcake dress, feeding the seagulls mini donuts. One of them got it stuck in his throat and we were worried about him for a while. And then one fireman, who was the most friendly guy you'd ever met, who couldn't believe the stories we were telling, asked us questions occasionally like, wait, what's a swinger? You said dungeon. Did you say dungeon? What's a dungeon? He was loving it. He helped me get on the fireboat, which was scary because, you know, I'm a fat girl and I was afraid I was gonna fall in the bay. And we got on there and Natasha just led me all over the boat. And I wasn't even self conscious about the photos, which normally I am because I was having such a great adventure. I was lit up, creating the story. We got the beautiful afternoon light. She'll have photos for us soon, and I'll be sharing them on social media and on my Patreon account, talking about the adventure, where I have more time to talk about the adventure. But it was one of the most fun days I've ever had. And then I got back to work, produced the Folsom show, which was crazy, sold out, and so good. It was an incredibly overwhelming and fantastic weekend. And this week I'm headed to LA and I'M gonna hopefully have an adventure in la. So if you live in Los Angeles and you want to create an adventure, as long as it's after the show on Thursday, I am always down for an adventure. Stories make everything better, don't they? The things you have to do, like getting your inbox to zero or making dinner every single day, it can make you feel like you haven't taken a deep breath since yesterday. Well, why not take a moment to reconnect with yourself and prioritize your pleasure with Dipsea Stories. Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories and guided sessions designed to turn you on. And each story is created with women in mind. They're relatable and immersive and there's something for everyone. Men, women, all you name it. Stories about strangers meeting on the beach in Mexico or seeing that ex you can't stop thinking about on the subway. Or maybe you want to be inspired for your next big adventure. Dipsea can do that and they add three brand new stories every week, so you always have more to explore. And for listeners of the Bawdi storytelling podcast, Dipsea is offering a 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com Dixie that's a 30 day free trial when you Go to dipseastories.com dixie whatever you're in the mood for, Dipsea keeps it real and really hot. Oh, it's time for our story. Are you excited? Let me tell you about this week's Storyteller. Dara M. Wilson is a storyteller, host, writer, producer, solo show performer and techie hailing from Oakland, California. Catch her talking about the news and politics of social justice on the TwibPrime podcast, interviewing up and coming creators of color on her web series Next Big Thing with Courtney and Dara. And you can find her online on all the things. Aara M. Wilson, this is gonna surprise you. This storyteller is Dara M. Wil.
- [12:47]
C
I feel so love. You guys are so sweet. It's like you think I know how to suck my own dick. I don't and I can't. So I'm gonna stick to what I do. I know. Well, so Halloweens with my ex boyfriend Jason were always very fun, very sexy. I kind of don't know why. It was just a really exciting time for us. It's not like I wore sexy costumes or anything. As a matter of fact, the year in question, my costume was Wilson's. So I'm Dara M. Wilson and I wore a T shirt with a bloody handprint on it. So I was Wilson from Castaway and a doctor's jacket. So I was Wilson from House and I made a little popsicle fence so I could be Wilson from Home Improvement. Fucking nailed it. So anyway, every year they have this big Halloween party at my boyfriend's house in this apartment complex. They're set in a little alleyway and all the alleyway people get together. And so we were there, we're drinking, we're having fun, dancing. His friends are there, my friends are there and we kind of get separated for a second. I finally find him, he's like across the way, the million people in between us. And I just kind of take him in. And Jason, he kind of looks like Jesse Williams, like from Grey's Anatomy. Like the light skinned black doctor. If. If you like stretched him out. Like the guy from American Gothic. Like he was like more gaunt, like cocaine chic. Like he was rail thin, like rails thin. He didn't do drugs, but he looked like he did drugs. And that's kind of my sweet spot. And he has this like really hot, buzzed haircut. Because this is like a thing with light skinned black eyes. They don't want you to know that if grow their hair out, it becomes like long and soft and wavy. They're like, I'm a man. Buzz cut. Or like it's the white version of this. Like when white guys want to be racially ambiguous, they're like, I'm Justin Timberlake, but I hang out with Timberland. Now buzz cut. Or like, I'm John B. You don't know buzzcut. So I'm remembering in this moment, as I'm looking at him, that I had been admonished a few days earlier for not making him feel like, very sexually desired because I wasn't initiating enough of the sexual contact. And we are drinking and dancing and I'm feeling great and I'm like, nope, we are going to solve that problem right now, tonight. So I go and grab him and I pull him towards the door to the stairs, towards his apartment. And I hear as we're walking through the crowd, oh my God, she's Wilson's. I told you I fucking nailed it. I squeezed his hand because we had argued about it. And I was like, I told you they were going to get it. One person got it. Dara, you nerd. You're a nerd, nerd. And he's like, I know. We go up the stairs and we're laughing as we enter his bedroom. I walk over to the windows and look down. I can See some of the revelers down there? And I realize that if they look up at the right moment in time, that they're gonna see what's about to happen. And I'm like, okay with that. So I tell him, take off your clothes. And he does. And I take off my medical coat, bloody T shirt, skirt, bra, that, like, weird headband that old school doctors wear with the DVD on the front. And he gives me a look, and I strap back on that old school headband that the old doctors wear with the DVD on the front. And I push him against the bed. And I am looking now at his beautiful, large, attentive dick. And I'm like, yup, this is happening. And I pop it right in my mouth. And just a few minutes later, he pushes me off gently and pushes me onto the bed. Rips the cheap stockings I have worn just for this purpose. You know what you like, slips two fingers inside of me and starts kissing me from lips to lips. And it is feeling good. And right as I'm at the edge, I say, jason, you have to get inside me. And he does, and something horrible happens. I feel a pain in my vagina like I have never experienced in my life. It's searing and bright and shooting out to my fingertips and my toes. It is horrible. I feel like I'm gonna black out. It's so bad. And I have to push him back and say, jason, you have to stop. It hurts so bad. I'm so sorry. And I'm kind of freaking out. And he's like, I'm so sorry. It's okay. It's okay. And as he's rubbing my back, he's like, why don't you just turn over? And I was like, um, well, I've never, like, done that before, and I don't want to be one of those girls that's like, exit only, please. But, like, I just feel like I haven't done my research, and if I could do some more research, like, I'd be more comfor. Then you'd be more comfortable. Because if I'm not comfortable, you're not gonna be comfortable. So we should do research. We should do research together. You know how much I love research. And he is like, hang on, calm down. Stop spinning. I'm just talking about using my tongue. And I'll do it until you fall asleep. And that's what he did. And it was lovely and relaxing and, like, might have to do some research. So the next morning, we wake up, we've got this strange, you know, like, confluence of Feelings like, we gotta get this research done real fast. But also like, I got a girl down. Like, my vagina is broken. I don't know why I've gotta take my gal to the shop. Like, let's pop the hood, rotate the tires. Something about a dipstick car jokes, you know what I mean? See what's wrong with this girl? So I make an appointment with my gynecologist and hey, here's what you need to know about me and Dr. Benny. I don't like her. And the feeling is very clearly mutual. But it's like, you know, if you go to a hair salon, you go to a hairdresser, even if she does a bad job. You can't, like, switch hairdressers in the salon because it's so awkward. So I keep going to fucking Dr. Benny. I walk into the office and there's all these lovely doctors who, being so kind to their patients. And Dr. Benny, her severe pulled back, tight low bun and that straight line mouth, you know, that's just like, take me back into the examination room, try to explain what's going on, you know, in that way that you try to talk to doctors. Like, we both speak the same language here. Like, I watch House twice. So. So what happened? It didn't occur during digital penetration, but when we attempted actual intercourse, I did experience some severe pain in my lower region. She's like, laid back, throws me up in the stirrups. She is not as gentle as Jason and gives me an examination, says, it doesn't look like there's anything wrong. Well, run all these tests and I'll tell you in a few days. So a few days pass and there's nothing wrong. They can't find anything. My girl should be good, but she's on strike. And I don't know what to do about it. But I've got this wonderful boyfriend who is like, so, what are we gonna do? I guess we're gonna do some research, man. So we go to brunch having bottomless mimosas, and we're drinking and eating our little egg dishes. And on my phone, like, oh, do anal sex. What are the steps? Should we watch videos? I don't have my headphones. No, let's just wait it out. Go in. And a little bit later that day, we go to our local neighborhood Good Vibrations store. It's like Disneyland for people who fuck. And we asked the lovely women there, they have any suggestions? They're asking us about, like, do you use condoms? Because we don't want you to have a lube that interacts with the condoms and they put us in the right direction. We're an easy target. So we get upsold on like a couple toys and some flogs and we get out of there and we go up to my apartment and I'm already in such a great mood. We've had all this champagne, We've gone to Good Vibrations. I got to do research. I am like on cloud nine. And so we start to kiss and touch, and eventually he's asking me like, are you ready? And I say, okay, I think I'm ready. And he gets in there and lubes me up and he's so nice and gentle and. And eventually it's the moment of truth. And he sucks it inside me. And I'm like, this is different. Okay, okay.
- [23:51]
A
Okay.
- [23:54]
C
It takes us a while, like a good couple of minutes to get a rhythm or any motion at all. And I don't know if you can tell, I'm the kind of person that jokes when they're nervous. So I'm like cracking jokes and he's like, shut up. Well, this is fun. God. But eventually we do. We find our rhythm. And inside that rhythm, I find the greatest feeling and the best orgasm I had ever had to date. Research always pays off. That's the lesson there. It was just so. It was nice. It was really lovely that even after my vagina took leave of me for reasons that are still unknown, I found a new way with my partner to find pleasure.
- [24:57]
A
Thank you.
- [25:19]
B
You'll be falling for mine I'm bewitched by your misery but I love it when you smile. Let me know what you want from me whisper in my ear before you try to get your hooks in me. I should warn you, my dear my heart is a haunted house. Once you're in, you ain't getting out it's the trap you've been waiting for. Ain't no window, ain't no doors, no escape. Been a plane of fear it's like a dream but you held me for real.
- [26:11]
A
Bye bye bye.
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B
My heart is a honey horny house. Watch a step when you walk to me Careful where your heart trails Suddenly.
- [26:36]
A
You'Ll be in too deep.
- [26:39]
B
You'Ll be caught up in my well. You will think of me constantly and I will drive you insane. Like the tattoo you can't remove.
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C
Like.
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B
The blood in your veins My heart is a haunted house. Once you're in, you ain't getting out it's the trap you've been waiting for. Ain't no windows, ain't no doors no escape and a pain you feel.
- [27:20]
C
It'S.
- [27:20]
B
Like a dream but you hurt me for real My heart is on It's.
- [27:39]
C
A.
- [27:52]
A
That song was Haunted Heart by Christina Aguilera. For all of you who've been waiting with bated breath to find out about the testicle and to find out if Bawdi storytelling is coming to your city, I wanted to tell you that we've been getting a lot of requests to extend it. In fact, I got an email just the other day from Anamaria that said, hi Dixie, I'm from Boston and I would love to have body here. I was wondering if it's possible to extend the deadline so we can vote just a bit, little, little bit more. You said Boston was really close, so I think with a bit more time we can do it. So I'm extending the testicle. Our new deadline is October 15th. If you are someone who's bought tickets in a city and that price is on your credit card and you don't want to wait any longer, just let me know and I'll refund your money. But people have been asking for time to make this happen. You guys are helping me by telling me what city to go to. We're not quite there. Boston in particular is super close, so we're extending it to October 15th. Contact me at DixieAudistorytelling if you have any questions or issues and tell your friends to vote because there's time. You can still do it. Go to baudistorytelling.com testtickle and tell your friends to vote and hopefully I'll see you face to face soon. You know, I know you want to listen to this podcast without ads. That's possible. If you support us on Patreon, we have ad free episodes that are released at the same time. And if we can hit our next level on Patreon, they'll be released early too. If you want an episode without ads, if you want story coaching time with me, if you want just time to chat together face to face on video, if you want tickets, reserved seating to our live shows, or if you want your own private Bodi storytelling show hosted by me for you and your friends, it's possible. Go to patreon.com bodi support us at whatever level you can. Patreon is how we're doing this podcast. You're helping us make this happen. I want to keep doing this. I'm getting best ofs more than I ever expected to and apparently this is important. You can help it grow, you can help it Continue. Go to patreon.com body b a w D Y Support us and thanks in advance for that support. I want to remind you that I am looking for voice memos from you, things that I can include on the podcast that are you talking about stories that particularly moved you, stories you loved, stories that inspired inspired your life. You may have heard the voice memo that I played when I first made this fleet. And that was from a listener named Todd who told us the story of his marriage and his dream to go to Folsom Street Fair. His dream to go to a live Body Storytelling after listening to the podcast for years. Well, Todd showed up on Sunday night and we got to be in person and Todd's now part of the community and it was thanks to the voice memo that they sent me. So send me your voice memo. Just hit record, talk to me and I'd love to have your voice on the podcast sometime soon. Body Storytelling's upcoming tour dates are sponsored by Open, a sex positive dating app that's committed to a truly diverse community. It's a dating app for the open minded. If you identify as lgbtqia, as straight, disabled, monogamous, polyamorous, a swinger, kinky Body Positive, there is a place where you can truly be yourself. Maybe you're gender non conforming or you're heteroflexible. That's no problem. Open has more than 20 options for gender and sexual orientation to choose from. And you can even write in your own. You can create a solo profile, a partnered profile, or both. Find friendship, dating, hookups, relationships, whatever you want. The point is, they want you to be you. Go to open.com bawdy to download the app. Oh, and hey, Open donates a dollar to Planned Parenthood for every new profile created. So don't wait. Go to open.com body and start making authentic connections. Did you know that if you show up at a live body storytelling, it's not just incredible true stories of sex, kink or gender. It's not just delicious cocktails. It's not just playing Bango and asking people about the pony butt plug in their asshole. It's so much more. You can walk away with incredible swag. Like, we'll have giveaways from hashtag Open. We're gonna have prize packages for Bango from the Kink store. I mean, Patty in San Francisco just won a Sibian this past Sunday night. A Sibian. So you always walk away with not just phone numbers from hot strangers. You walk away with goodies too. So let's talk about what's coming up for bawdy storytelling on Thursday, October 3rd. Jesus, that's like tomorrow. I better get on a plane. Bawdi storytelling is returning to Los Angeles. I've been to LA in years and this time we've got Sex Out Loud's Tristan Taormino. I've got author of Sex at Dawn, Christopher Ryan. I have been wanting him for years. I'm gonna tell his story. You can put your name in the hat to get on stage and share your own story. That's gonna be at Busby's east on Wilshire, and there's just a few tickets left. Then on Thursday, October 10th, I'm getting on a plane to Seattle. The theme is Best Fiends. Pitch me your story right away. Dixieaudistorytelling.com I can tell you how to it do do it right after that. Friday, October 18th, I'm in Chicago at Avondale Music Hall. It's going to be an incredible lineup. Get your tickets right away. You can get them on Avondale Music hall site or you can get them on my site. On Friday, October 25th, I'm back in San Francisco and the theme is Wicked for Halloween. So come test drive your Halloween costume. Like maybe sexy kitty or sexy witch or sexy Bob ross or Sexy Mr. Rogers. You always look sexy to me, whatever you wear. And then on Wednesday, October 30th, we're in New York. I want to make a note that there's been a schedule change. We did have the whole night, but they've added another event behind us and that means doors are going to open at 7. The show is going to start at 7:30. Formerly it was starting at 8. It is now starting at 7:30. And that's going to be Wednesday, October, October 30th in New York at the Chelsea Music Hall. I am looking forward to seeing you at a live show soon. I'm a big one for gratitude and I always like to say please and thank you. So thank you to the team that makes this podcast possible. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia, to project manager Dana Hanna, to sound engineer David Grossoff, to video person and all around, great guy. He's been archiving our stuff for years. Joe Moore, thank you to you. Thank you for writing me a review and telling me what you think about this podcast. Thank you for sharing it with friends and most of all, thanks for listening. I'm sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour and I'll be back really soon with the next episode of the Body Storytelling podcast. Here's a peek at what's next? Christina Aguila. Christina Aguile. Christina Aguilera.
- [35:33]
C
How do you say that?
- [35:39]
A
Christina Aguilera.
- [35:41]
C
How do you say that?
- [35:46]
A
How do you see it up?
- [35:50]
C
How do you say that? How?
- [35:59]
A
Christina Aguilera. Christina Aguilera. Christina Aguilera. Christina Aguilera. How do you say that name? How do you say that name?