Ryan Re (6:43)

That's.

Dixie de La Tour (6:44)

That's how I talk. And in the middle of the interview, I talked about what I care about. Letting people be seen, Letting people express themselves, showing their true self to the world, whether it's queer or trans or polyamorous or swinger or kinky, whatever their identity is. We just want to show ourselves to the world and not hide. And in the middle of the interview, his voice broke and he went, you know, I do this all the time, and I don't think I've ever done an interview where somebody got me this emotional, y'. All. I almost made Hustler cry. Let's think about that. The interview went up. It was flattering and celebrating what we do. The same day I was contacted by Forbes to be written up as a Best of from Forbes Magazine was the same day I had been contacted by Hustler Magazine, Forbes magazine, and Hustler Magazine on the same day. That was a weird day. I did three shows in eight days last week. La, San Francisco, and Seattle. And this week, I go back to Seattle and I'm doing two shows. I'm doing the regular body storytelling, which the theme is Best Fiends. And I'm also doing a special event for the Consent Academy for National Coming Out Day this Friday. I'm high on adrenaline, and I'm going to crash really soon. Let's all watch and wait for that moment. It's going to be great, right? I know I'm going to crash soon, but right now, I'm still riding high on adrenaline, so I'm going to savor it. Clean and simple. It's the best way. And that's why I'm excited to tell you about Native A company that creates safe, effective products with fewer ingredients. Products that people use in their bathroom every day. Products with trusted ingredients and trusted performance. Native can keep you smelling good for your workout or for your 16 hour day. Less is more with Native so you know and you can pronounce everything that's in their deodorant. Native uses ingredients found in nature such as coconut oil and tapioca starch and shea butter and there's no animal testing. Even Native comes in a wide variety of enticing scents. Scents like lavender and rose or cucumber and mint and so many more. I love Native's coconut and vanilla scent, but there's so many scents to choose from. They release new limited edition seasonal scents throughout the year and they also offer an incentive formula and baking soda free formula for people with sensitivities. But don't take my word for it. Go check out the more than 8,000 five star reviews from satisfied customers and we've got a special offer for listeners of the Bawdi Storytelling Podcast. Right now you can get 20% off your first purchase. Just visit nativeDeodorant.com and use the promo code Dixie during checkout. There's no risk to try Native. They offer free returns and exchanges in the US if you're not completely satisfied, y' all take care of your body. It's only place you have to live. Visit nativedeodorant.com, use the promo code Dixie and get 20% off and free shipping. This week's Storyteller is a part time public health nerd, part time sex worker, and full time sexual deviant. He lived in San Francisco at the time of this recording but has since moved away to pursue a career. He's performed at Bawdy Storytelling twice and he's also performed at several other local events. But this was his inaugural performance, the one that got his love of storytelling started. Hold onto your seats and for God's sakes find some hand sanitizer. You're gonna need it after this story. This storyteller is Ryan Re.

Ryan Re (10:42)

Hey, what's up? So it's 2010, I just graduated college and I have an email in my inbox telling me that I have three days to get the fuck out of dorms. So I gotta figure that out. So the problem is I don't know where to go. I sit down, I ponder and I think. I am young, I am creative, I am intelligent, and I wrote a shit ton of papers on porn and fisting in college. So San Francisco seems like a logical choice. So the problem at this point is I have no money because I spend four years doing unpaid internships and that is thankless work. But I have just enough money saved up from birthday cards from grandma that I have enough money to buy a one way ticket to San Francisco. And I do. So problem two is that I know nobody here. I decided to wing it. I have a friend of a friend of a friend who's decided to hook me up with somebody. I get out here and promptly get a voicemail when I land touchdown that says, hey, I saw that email that got forwarded. I know you said you wanted a substance free house. I've been smoking meth for 20 years and I just wanted to make sure that's not gonna be a problem. Cause I can do it in the other room or whatever. We'll work it out. Call me. So I call a different friend and he tells me, you know what? I've got a place. He gives me the address. He says, just go to this address, ring the bell, ask for Bambi. I'm like, all right, I can do this, Bambi. I went to college. It was a liberal environment. I can call someone Bambi. This is cool. So it is like 2 o' clock in the morning, all of my material possessions in tow in this suitcase. And I ring the bell and I'm waiting for the door to open. And when it does, there is this tall, slender twig of a man, like late 30s, kind of burgeoning silver daddy in this blue kimono. And he just says, oh, you must be Ryan. Welcome to Penn Station. Welcome home, darling. So he escorts me upstairs and shows me the corner next to the drag queen dressing station and other people's belongings where I will be staying for indefinitely. So the next week I find out that my new home is a hippy, dippy, homo, anarchist commune for radical fairies in the area. I make friends with 35 of the greatest people you would ever want to meet, all of whom have keys to the front door. By the way, there's no such thing as privacy in this place. And I explore the first few days and all of a sudden it comes back to me. I need money because this homegirl is hungry. So I ask around and I need some help. So they say, look, you basically got two options if you want to be like us. You can sell pot or you can sell that beautiful body of yours. And I was like, I studied prostitution in public health classes. Like, how hard can it be? So, you know, they show me the ropes. They gave me some cheesecake poses to take, like the and the, you know, I've got like angry hooker, like innocent hooker, like thoughtful hooker. So I place my ad. And I have not mentioned this, but this is pink Saturday week when I moved here. So San Francisco's lots of fun in the Castro right now. And all the girls in the house are getting calls all week long. Like every time I come out of the house, there is somebody else walking in with a fat wad of cash. And I cannot for the life of me get into the bathroom because these bitches are douching like 24 7. So I'm waiting, like, why are there no calls coming? And since there are no calls coming, I decide to the opportunity to party. So by the time Saturday actually comes, I am white. It's like eight o'. Clock. Everyone else is getting ready for the party they've been waiting for all week, all year. And I just like, I gotta pass out. So at 18th in Castro, with the windows open, full volume, pink Saturday happening outside, I just pass out. I slept through the entire thing, but I still had a little bit of hope that that magical call might come. So I extended my cell phone charger over like five girls things and a bunch of makeup and kind of hung it over the sofa next to my head. So just in case that call came, the incredibly annoying ringtone would wake me up. So about 4 o' clock in the morning, I hear the ringtone and I wake up and it takes a minute to orient myself and all of a sudden I'm like, oh my God, this is it. This is what I've been waiting for. I'm about to be a prostitute. So. So I kind of like, I'm like, oh, shit. Am I right? Okay, here I go. Hello, this is Ryan. And on the other end I just. I hear panting. And this guy just says, I want you in me now. And I'm like, all right, I can do that. We can make this work. Where are you? Give me 20 minutes. I'm there. Like I said, I need to eat. So he gives me his address and I need to run a little errand. So I run out to Molly Stone and get a economy sized container of Crisco and proceed to check out. It's like three in the morning at this point. Three, four. There's like this elderly Asian woman who's checking me out. And I'm in full leather gear at this point because he wants a big sir Butch. I tried. I really tried. So she's ringing me up and I have one item. It's a shit ton of Crisco and she scans it and she kind of looks at me. It's embarrassing. Like, this isn't the first time this has happened tonight, is it? And she just goes, no. See ya. So this guy's address is right near me, so I decide to head over. It's this very normal looking Victorian on the outside. You would never know what the fuck is about to happen was about to happen. But he opens the door and immediately this just like thick, sticky smog of sweat and God knows desperation just like overpowers me. So, you know, he's looking like 1920s Black Tuesday businessman, just raggedy ass. He's been put through the wringer. And he just kind of looks at me, he's like, Ryan, he's kind of looking me up and down. Yes, I look like my pictures, I took them three days ago. And he just without a word, turns on heel, goes to the bedroom and very politely offers me some coke and I refuse. So he does three lines for himself and then just kind of like rolls onto the and throws his legs up and takes a hit of poppers and just kind of leans back. And I've not done this before, but I'm assuming that's my cue. All right, I got this. So, you know, I'm a gentle, kind hearted person. So I'm, you know, massaging gently. I'm, you know, giving him a nice gentle anal massage and to warm him up, you know, you don't want to jab it in, like to ring the doorbell, just on the outside a few times. I slowly, you know, work a knuckle in and you know, he's moaning, he's liking it. All right, we can work with this. And then I kind of just, I put my finger all the way in and then I pause and then I take my finger all the way out and I regroup and I just kind of look at him and I'm like. So I know you said you wanted me to fist you, but I don't really know if you're like ready to get fisted right now. He's like, I don't. What do you. I don't know what you're. Let me try again. So you could be like, cleaner. He's like, oh, so you mean like I got a dirty hole? And I'm just, oh, hell no. No, hell no. I did not sign up for this. Regroup, focus. I can do this. You know, I'm a gay man. You know, I have butt sex. Shit happens. We're grownups, we deal with it. You know, I always wanted to Be a doctor. So I just. I focus in, and I'm like, this is clinical exposure. This is professional development. I'm in this to win this. So without missing a beat, I just look him in the eye and I'm like, yeah, you do, you nasty fucking shit pig. And he's just like, oh, yeah. So at this point, you know, his cock is just, like, twitching a little bit. Like, I'm like, all right, I can take a hint. I'm like, yeah, wow. You liking that I got your cock twitching? He's like, oh, you like my little baby dick? Okay, that's strike two, bitch. So I'm like, yeah, I want to play with it, but I can't fucking find it. He's just like, oh, yeah. So I've not been with a woman, but when he tells me to play with his man clit, I just, you know, think back to health class and porn. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, you like that? Yeah, you like that? Just kind of like push it all up like one big man just rubbing that.

Interjecting Listener (20:02)

Yeah.

Ryan Re (20:04)

Which at this point, you know, I am covered in this Crisco and shit, and it's just all over him. I know. That's what I'm saying. And I'm wearing leather. I can't afford to get this cleaned. So I'm like, gingerly, like, you know, taking things off and kind of just. You stay on your side. So he's looking at me. He's like, you know, when I first had you over, I thought you were just gonna play with my $300 hole, but, you know, now you're playing with my man dick, and I'm just having so much fun. I feel like maybe it's worth a little more. I'm like, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you're coked out of your mind. I'm not counting on that money. If I get my $300, I'll be happy. If you pay me anything, I will be thankful and not hate myself in the morning. But he won't let up. And he just. Once he's. He finally stops and says, tell me I'm not paying you enough. And I just like, fuck, right, you're not paying me enough. And I just. Without even thinking, I just kind of like crawl on top of him like this lady tiger ready to pounce. And I just got this one hand, and I just grab him by the neck and I say, I wouldn't come over here and waste my time with a fucker like you for less than a grand. To which he replied, and I can tell he's getting close. And like, honestly, at this point, I don't know what else he has up his sleeve. And I want to make sure I get home not in pieces. So I just have him in one hand and I just take my other hand and I just come back, just slap him across the face. And there's just like Crisco everywhere. And his eyes just get wide, just like this tiny, terrified animal. But he's loving it so much. And I can tell he's so close, and I really want this to be over. So I'm just. I just. I wind up again and instead I just take my hands and I open his mouth and like, I don't know if this is kosher. I don't want to, like, put this guy in therapy, but he seems like he's liking it. So I just. So close, and he lurches forward and puts my whole hand in his mouth and just starts, like, leaking in between my fingers. And I'm just astounded, really. So at this point I'm like, no, like, I'm sorry. I'm angry at you and I want you to suffer. So I kind of just start inching forward and tickling the back of his throat, at which point he vomits. And you know he would. You knew he would. And I'm just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You do not get to gross me out. I just clamp it shut and I'm like, swallow it. At which point there is just come everywhere. So he's done, I'm done. We're in the shower cleaning off, and he's like, wow, so you, like, you're like, really into shit, huh? I'm like, yes. I'm not the only one, it seems. He's like, well, no, no, it's just like I've always thought it's hot and like, I've jerked off to, but I've never done it before. It's just that when we started, like, you were so into it. I just, like, kept wanting to go there. Cause I just like, you were so into it. I was like, well, you know, check that off my bucket list too. So, you know, we go back to the, like, asked out sauna of the bedroom, and I put on what's left of my leather and I have my jockstrap, like, very far away from me. And he leads me to the door, and he opens, and at this point, the sun is rising, the streets are clean, and he kind of says, you know, I had a really good time. And he Shakes my hand and no, he washed his hands, it's okay. But he's got some money in it. I'm like, you slick motherfucker. So I take my handbag and I open it up and it's 1000 doll. And I'm just like, well, fuck me. He's like, you earned it, stud. Thanks for. You know, Ryan, I had a really good time. Thanks for everything. I just look him in the eye. I'm like, fuck, man, you too. Shit, pig, you too.

Dixie de La Tour (24:33)

Let's go.

Musical Performer (24:34)

Hov ho. I'm just proud to drop my head over there. Somebody turn around. Potty, potty, potty. I just want you to know you love me.

Interjecting Listener (25:02)

Give me that.

Musical Performer (25:04)

Wait a minute.

Interjecting Listener (25:04)

I shouldn't be so hot on that boy. Hey, baby, come here. Come on. Give me that funk that sweet, that.

Musical Performer (25:09)

Nasty, that gushy stuff when the Remy's in the system ain't no telling when I'm will I dis them that's what they be yelling I'm a pimp by blood not relay Sean y' all be chasing I replace them, huh? Drunk on Chris, mommy on E can't keep a little model hands off me Both in the club singing off key and I wish I never met her at all. It gets better. Ordered another round, it's about to go down. Got six model chicks, six bottles of crisp, four velvet hairs got everywhere. What do you say me, you and your Chloe glasses go somewhere private where we could discuss fashion like Prada blouse, Gucci bra. Okay, filth mar jeans take that off.

Interjecting Listener (25:50)

Give it to me, give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff Come on, give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff Give it to me, give me that funk, that sweet, that laugh, that good stuff mama give me that phone that.

Musical Performer (26:07)

Sweet, that nasty Save the narrative you saving it for marriage let's keep it real m you saving it for carriage? You want to see how far I'mma go, how much I'mma spend But you already know zip zero stingy with the Nero might buy you crisp but that about it Might light your wrist but that about it I might wipe you and buy your nice whips, mom but you really gotta ride nice know how to work your hips and your heads priceless profession love the hole but I never let you down get you bling like the Neptune sound okay hot hold, too hot to hold ladies love me long time like Tupac soul only way to roll jiggering two ladies, I'm too cold motor road a two way pace.

Interjecting Listener (26:49)

Come on Give it to me Give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that Gucci stuff Come on give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff Give it to me Give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that Gucci stuff But don't punish me, mama Give me that funk, that sweet, that glassy, that gushy stuff I'm a.

Ryan Re (27:09)

Hustler, baby I just want you to.

Dixie de La Tour (27:11)

Know it ain't where I been but.

Musical Performer (27:15)

Where I'm about to go now I.

Interjecting Listener (27:18)

Just wanna love you but be who? Hey baby, don't y' all know me? I'm Will Smith, Jackie Robinson, Jay Z.

Musical Performer (27:31)

Same song I'm back been around the world Mans and girls that dance with girls from Club Cheetah, the Club Amnesia, the Peanuts in LA Bubbling and Dublin can't deny me why would you want to? You need me why don't you try me, baby? You want to believe me Give it.

Interjecting Listener (27:52)

To me Give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that Gucci stuff Come on give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff Give it to me Give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that Gucci stuff But don't boonish me, mama Give me that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff Give it to me.

Dixie de La Tour (28:22)

That was I just want to love you Give it to Me by Jay Z When I first started this podcasting thing, I had no idea what I was doing. And somehow, a few years later, we're winning best ofs left and right. We've gotten best ofs from GQ and Uprox and Marie Claire and Esquire and Forbes. Like Forbes. Does that make any sense? I'm blown away, but it means we're doing something right. And if you support me on Patreon, that means you are helping me produce a bigger, better podcast. I care about putting something out in the world that is better than what I was producing last year, and you can help me do it. And in return for your generosity, you get things like story coaching with me, or we can chat on Zoom, or you can get reserved tickets to a live body storytelling. You can even have your own private body storytelling for you and your friends. That's what Patreon support can do. But I think the thing you'll find most attractive is that right now you can get ad free episodes of this podcast released at the exact same time as the episode goes up on itunes and every other podcasting place. You can listen to it without the ads. Support us at the $10 and up level on Patreon, and it comes Right to you. Your support is making this podcast grow. It means that the live event is going to be national and not just west coast. That's what I want. The podcast makes that possible. So go to P a t r e o-n.com body and support us in whatever way you can. And thanks in advance for your support. Body Storytelling's upcoming tour dates are sponsored by Open, a sex positive dating app that's committed to a truly diverse community. It's a dating app for the open minded. If you identify as lgbtqia, straight, disabled, monogamous, polyamorous, swinger, Kinky or body positive, there is a place where you can truly be yourself. Maybe you're gender non conforming or hetero flexible. That's no problem. Open has more than 20 options for gender and sexual orientation to choose from. Or you can even write in your own. You can create a solo profile, a partnered profile, or both. Find friendship, dating, hookups, relationships, whatever you want. The point is, they want you to be you. Go to open.com and download the app today. Did I mention that Open donates a dollar to Planned Parenthood for every new profile created? So don't wait. Go to open.com body and start making authentic connections today. All right, so let's talk about upcoming live shows. This tour thing. I've been doing 10 shows in 10 weeks in five cities. I'm three shows down. Number four is happening this week on Thursday, October 10th. The theme is Best Fiends in Seattle. You know how hard I've tried to get Shirley Noem back? This musical genius from Canada who travels the world. She was just in Kenya. Before that she was in London. We're gonna have her body storytelling in Seattle on Thursday. Like tomorrow Thursday. If you're listening to this episode as it just comes out, it is so worth it to be in the room with Shirley Noem. She is incredibly talented and a natural bleach blonde beauty to boot. And not just Shirley Noem. We've got. Remember that story I told you a while back about Elena Gabosh, my friend who was in Warsaw, Poland, and she was dead, apparently. And then the next day she got on Facebook and said, rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated. Not only is she alive, she's going to be telling a story of bawdy this week. We have not had her since, I don't know, several years since. Before she moved off to Cyprus and moved off to Poland and Greece. Now we've got her back, she's feeling good, and she's going to grace us with A story in Seattle. That's the rebar. Seattle on Thursday, October 10th, right after I do Thursday, October 10th in Seattle. The very next night, I am hosting an event in Seattle for National Coming Out Day. The Consent Academy has me emceeing their big Consent to Be Yourself event. It's going to be at Galleria Rado in Seattle. It is going to be an opportunity for you to hear people's coming out stories, including my coming out story. And we're going to have some local celebrities who get up and tell their own stories. And then you get to put your name in the hat and you get to get on my stage and tell your own story. You can come out to us right there. Whether it's the very first time telling your story or it's a story you've been telling for years, we want to hear your story. That's at Galleria Rado and That's on Friday, October 11th. And then on Friday, October 18th, I'm in Chicago. It's been years since I've been in Chicago. The show is going to be at Avondale Music Hall. We've got musical act Matt Griffo and we have so much more that's going to be on this stage. And Avondale Music hall is a fantastic venue. And I really want to see my friends in the Midwest, the friends I haven't seen in a very long time. I've got people coming in from Madison, I've got people coming in from Milwaukee. I think if you set a record for the person who travels the longest distance to come to the Chicago show, you get a prize. I don't know what it is. We'll figure it out together. Because I don't know what you want, but if you travel a long way to make it to that show, you should send me an email or come up to me at the show and. And we will reward you because I believe that if you exert that sort of effort, you get something good. Okay, that's at Avondale Music hall on Friday, October 18th. And then on Friday, October 25th, in San Francisco. The theme is Wicked. Come test out your Halloween costume. You could be a sexy Bob ross or sexy Mr. Rogers. You know, that shit works for me. And that is going to be at the Verity Club. The last show that I did in Seattle, the last show that I did in San Francisco was crazy. Sold out with people emailing me a few hours for the show going, come on, Dixie, can't you find room for little old me? I don't want to say no. I don't like to say no to people. So please buy your tickets well in advance so that I can see your face in person and not feel bad because we couldn't get you in the building. It's important that you be there. And then our last show in October is going to be on Wednesday, October 30th in New York. That's going to be at Chelsea Music Hall. I said this last week and I want to make sure that you're aware of it. The start time for that show was supposed to be 8pm because we had the whole night to ourselves. Well, they've added another event behind us that night, so that means we are going to be doing doors at 7 and the show will be starting at 7:30, I believe. The venue, which controls the tickets, is going to be sending notice to people, people who've bought tickets. But I wanted to make you aware because if you're traveling a long distance, I don't want you to show up late. I don't want you to miss a thing. So you can get tickets for any of these shows@bawdystorytelling.com and you can also find links in the show notes to this episode. Remember, we extended the testicle because we were getting so many requests. Cities that are super close wanted to have a little bit more time to bring body to their city. So it ends this week. It is going to end Tuesday, October 15th. If you haven't voted yet, go to bawdystorytelling.com testtickle and vote for the city nearest you. It's how we figure out where to go next. I'm waiting to find out. Just tell me where to go. Go to baudistorytelling.com testicle, vote for your city and I'll see you soon. It's time to say thank you. Thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia, to sound engineer David Grossoff, to project manager Dana Hanna, to video archivist Joe Moore. Thank you to you. Thank you for reviewing us. Wherever you review podcasts, for telling just one friend about this podcast, you can tell 12. That would be great. But you telling people about this podcast and that you listen to dirty stories means that you're more out there in the world. You're showing your real self. And then people go, oh, is that what we're doing? And they join you. And together we hang out at a live Body storytelling. And I get to hug you hello if you like hugs. So thank you for listening to the Body Storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie de La Tour. This has been episode nine, and here's a peek at what's next.

Ryan Re (37:18)

So we start taking our clothes off, and it's pretty natural, and I'm kind of amazed. Like, I don't think he's a player by any means, but I was like, oh, you know how to remove a bra without taking seven minutes to do it?

Musical Performer (37:30)

And.