Episode 97: ‘Girl in a Bag’ (Tristan Taormino)

Summary

Bawdy Storytelling: Episode 97 – "Girl in a Bag" (Tristan Taormino)

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of Bawdy Storytelling, hosted by sexual folklorist Dixie De La Tour, weaves together two distinct segments: an intimate, advice-focused conversation on sexual self-acceptance and orgasm, followed by the show-stopping, hilarious, and wildly kinky story “Girl in a Bag” told by writer, educator, and pornographer Tristan Taormino. The episode embodies Bawdy’s sex-positive ethos, blending heartfelt vulnerability with unapologetic celebration of sexual adventure and community, all delivered with warmth, empathy, and plenty of laughs.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Listener Letter: Sexual Insecurity, Orgasm, and Body Positivity

[01:13–15:29]

A. Laura’s Letter and Struggles

• Dixie reads a letter from Laura, a new listener struggling with sexual fulfillment—including never having had an orgasm—and body image after trauma, medication, and motherhood.
• Laura expresses vulnerability, a longing for connection (including polyamory), and a desire to break through shame and silence.

B. Expert Advice: Featuring Sunny Megatron

• Dixie brings in Sunny Megatron, renowned sex educator, to address Laura’s main concerns, specifically her difficulty achieving orgasm and body confidence.

Key Advice for Laura

• You’re Not Alone: Many people share these feelings; self-judgment is common and can be eased with compassion.
• Body Transformation ≠ Instant Sexual Liberation: Changing your body doesn’t automatically fix internalized shame or result in easier orgasms.
  • “Your body is your body… huge changes don’t fix everything.” — Dixie [06:55]
• Know Yourself, First: Masturbation is key to learning about your personal pleasure.
  • “Get to know yourself first, have a love affair with yourself, and not to expect your partner to know what to do.” — Sunny Megatron [09:58]

Recommendations for Achieving Orgasm

• Sex Toys:
  • Clitoral stimulation is most common path to orgasm for people with vulvas.
  • Recommendations: The Hitachi Magic Wand (now “Original Magic Wand”), Womanizer, Satisfier, We Vibe Melt, Laylow Sona Cruise.
    • “When the Womanizer… came out, people were like, ‘guaranteed to give you an orgasm in 30 seconds.’ That’s marketing, but there’s some truth in that.” — Sunny Megatron [12:25]
• Pleasure Ritual:
  • Make self-pleasure an act of self-love: candles, music, caressing entire body, not just genitals.
  • “Do those things that you may imagine a lover would want to do… you should also be doing that for yourself.” — Sunny Megatron [13:35]
• Patience with Orgasm as a Goal:
  • Don’t make orgasm the only goal. Enjoy the journey; satisfaction can be found even without climax.
  • “If you keep chasing just the orgasm… it may also cause you to miss that goal.” — Sunny Megatron [14:49]

Acknowledgment of Complexity

• Issues like trauma, medications, and relationship dynamics can contribute deeply; there is no simple fix, but experimentation and kindness toward oneself are crucial.

C. Patreon Segment Preview

• Further conversation and resources (including toys, somatic practitioners) made available to Patreon supporters.

---

2. Story Segment – "Girl in a Bag" by Tristan Taormino

[22:15–49:04]

A. Setting the Scene: Swinger Convention in New Orleans

• Tristan and her trans male partner, Ben, attend a large, predominantly straight and heteronormative swinger convention.
• Feelings of being outsiders—“queer and kinky” in a sea of “middle-aged, upper middle class, white, very heterosexual” attendees.
  • “There’s this particular swinger woman archetype… bleach blonde hair, big fake tits … Lucite stripper heels, but not ironically.” — Tristan Taormino [22:56]
• “It’s the only place I’ve ever been where… my badge says my name and also my partner’s name in case I get lost.” — Tristan Taormino [23:44]

B. Teaching & Connection

• Tristan is at the convention to teach a class: “How to Squirting Like a Porn Star.”
• Demonstrates G-spot stimulation in a conference ballroom, breaking the conservative atmosphere.

C. Reunion With Freaky Friends

• After awkward interactions with the swing crowd, relief comes with the arrival of old friends, Matt and Franny.
• Franny, described as a “kinky Midwestern mom,” previously demonstrated an energetic orgasm after food was thrown at her in a BDSM class.
  • “She is also the kinkiest person I have ever met in my life.” — Tristan Taormino [25:43]

D. Objectification as Kink

• Franny’s desire: “Sometimes I just want to be treated as less than human… I want someone to just crush my ego.” — Franny, retold by Tristan [31:36]

E. The Suitcase Fantasy

• After a night of group sex, Franny shares her elaborate fantasy: being packed naked into a suitcase, transported anonymously, and used by a stranger before being zipped up and sent away.
  • “My fantasy is that I am put naked in a suitcase… and someone unzips it and there is a complete stranger… this guy can have his way with me.” — Franny, retold by Tristan [36:24]
• The group improvises with Tristan’s empty suitcase; Franny curls inside, begs to be zipped up.

F. Hilarity and Consent Panic

• The group wheels Franny around the hotel hallway in the suitcase at 4am, nearly caught by elevator passengers.
• They accidentally leave Franny in the hallway; strangers discover the bag is “moving,” unzip it, and find naked Franny, who enthusiastically announces: “I’m a girl in a bag.”
  • Absolute comic chaos as the group realizes they’ve put unwitting bystanders into a consensual kink scene.

G. Resolution & Kink Community

• Tristan, wearing nothing but “sparkly, strappy, kind of like stripper heels, ironically,” confronts the scene and commands Franny: “Get back in that bag.” [45:29]
• Franny, delighted, continues to play along. The group finally retrieves her, all boundaries delightfully blurred, underscored by community trust and safe-room antics.

H. The Aftermath & Thank You Note

• Next morning, Franny joyfully greets Tristan at checkout, elated by the scene; she leaves a note requesting kink supplies for their next event: “Please bring the following to Kinkfest: magic markers, inflatable kiddie pool, ambiance, a shovel, quick-dry cement.”
  • “People write me thank you notes all the time for sex. Just want you to know that.” — Tristan Taormino [48:15]
• Tristan, ever the top, dutifully plans their next adventure.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On chasing sexual fulfillment:
  “I totally relate to putting everything on hold until you feel like you look the way you should to have an orgasm or be sexual… But these are questions that I believe a sex educator should answer. And I’m a sexual folklorist.” — Dixie [04:39]
• On self-pleasure & sex toys:
  “Develop that love affair with yourself with your Hitachi Magic Wand… develop a love affair with yourself because your sexuality is tied in how you feel about yourself.” — Sunny Megatron [11:42, 13:35]
• On the swingers’ hotel convention vibe:
  “It has a strange kind of Christian Mingle vibe, but with more ass grabbing. Christian Mingle’s asses.” — Tristan Taormino [23:14]
• On Franny’s objectification kink:
  “Sometimes I just want to be treated as less than human.… I want someone to just crush my ego.” — Franny, retold by Tristan [31:36]
• When Franny is discovered naked in the suitcase:
  “I’m a girl in a bag.” — Franny [41:55, multiple repeats]
• On post-scene, Franny’s joy:
  “She’s giddy and bubbly in a way that makes no sense whatsoever because we’ve all gotten no sleep. But she's just so excited with how that scene went.” — Tristan [47:15]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:13] Dixie reads Laura’s letter on sexual insecurity and asks for listener advice.
• [05:37] Sunny Megatron joins to discuss body confidence & orgasm strategies.
• [09:58 – 14:49] In-depth sex toy recommendations and pleasure ritual advice.
• [22:15] Tristan Taormino begins “Girl in a Bag” story: swingers convention misadventures.
• [31:36] Franny’s objectification kink explained.
• [36:24] Franny’s suitcase fantasy detailed.
• [41:55 – 45:34] Suitcase scene unfolds; Franny discovered in the hallway and repeatedly says, “I’m a girl in a bag.”
• [47:15] Franny’s morning-after gratitude and the infamous kink supply shopping list.

---

Tone & Language

The episode maintains a candid, vulnerable, and joyfully irreverent tone throughout, interspersed with laughter, genuine empathy, sexual expertise, and the kind of mischievous storytelling that defines Bawdy Storytelling.

---

For listeners: This episode is a masterclass in mixing sex-positive education and outrageous true-life storytelling. Whether you’re seeking advice or a riotously good tale of community and kink, “Girl in a Bag” delivers affirmation, hilarity, and hope.

Transcript

[A]

The podcast you're about to listen to is not family friendly. It is not G rated. It is explicit and graphic and for adults only. Welcome.

[B]

All of my life I've never fit But I won't complain and I won't quit. I am enormous.

[C]

Get used to it.

[B]

Everyone tells me I'm too much.

[D]

Maybe it's just you're not enough for me. Can't you see I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be? Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide. Absolutely everyone can come inside. If you're ever frightened, just run and hide. My vagina is eight miles else. Why? Why?

[A]

Hi there and welcome to the Bawdi storytelling podcast. I am sexual folklorist Dixie De La Tour, and this is episode 97. So you know how I ramble a little bit at the beginning of every episode of the podcast. Well, this week I'm doing something different. I am going to answer a letter from a supporter on Patreon because this thing really moved me and I wanted to help her find a solution to her problem. This letter is from Laura, and here's what she says. Dixie, I'm new to this. I've been listening to your podcast for probably a month after I discovered the Risk podcast, and I have literally been devouring every episode. I am not as brave as the people I listen to. I don't think I have a story. In fact, I have a very sad lack of one in the sexuality department. I have a ton of crazy stories otherwise that are fascinating in every which way other than knowing what sexual pleasure is. By the way, who does this message go out to? All of Bawdy's Patreon or just to Dixie? I don't know. I suppose I'm gonna find out. I've never had an orgasm. Not even close. I'm pretty attractive. I'm a little fluffy at the moment. Just a little. But I paid for the great mommy makeover on January 3rd, so three months after that, maybe I will even be hot. Maybe a marvelous March. Anyway, I know I like both men and women. My husband knows this. I would like to be polyamorous. Especially. I would like for him to have a lover, hopefully one that I can get along with. He needs to get some more experience and. And learn that maybe my chemical castration. I'm a woman put on PTSD and panic disorder meds that barely dull the edge, yet completely take me away from intimacy and let him know that is an actual thing. Man, the idea of sister wives is so appealing to me. Please help me Refer me to a toy. That is a guarantee. Let me come to a show. Anything. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just want to know what it feels like to have an orgasm. I don't want to be secret about it. I don't want to have to hide. I am striving to get all the little pieces in place so that I am comfy with my own body again after two kids and other issues. So I'm looking at maybe mid June. I feel pathetic. But yeah, I'm putting this out there. Fuck it. Well, Laura, there's a lot of things to address in this letter because this is a podcast. We're gonna address maybe the first two and then the rest of it. I will take over to Patreon and we'll continue with everything that you've discussed here. But I will tell you the truth. Although I relate to so many things in your letter, especially the body positivity, especially the putting everything on hold until you feel like you look the way you should to have an orgasm or be sexual, I totally relate to that. But these are questions that I believe a sex educator should answer. And I'm a sexual folklorist, so. So I can address some of them and not all of them. And that's why I've called in the cavalry. You want to know what the cavalry's name is? The cavalry's name is Sunny Megatron. And I'm going to tell you about Sunny before I invite her to come on this call and help me answer your letter. Sunny Megatron is a sexuality educator and media personality. She co hosts and produces the American Sex podcast and is also the host and executive producer of the Showtime original television series Sex with Sonny Megatron. Her work has been featured in Cosmo, Playboy, Jezebel, Buzzfeed, CNN, Refinery29, Playgirl Magazine, and more. A three time nominee for Xbiz's Sexpert of the Year, she has also won Kinkley's Sex Blogging Superhero multiple years and was named one of the six most savvy sexologists in North America. Sunny's passion is helping people become their authentic sexual selves by learning to overcome shame and shed inhibitions. As a lifestyle BDSM enthusiast, much of her work centers around normalizing alternative sexual practices and ending sexual stigma. She's also one of my favorite people in the world. Laura, this is going to be Sunny Megatron. Hi, Sunny. Hi.

[E]

Oh, I'm one of your favorite people in the world. And I'm the cavalry. I want to have, like, little horse hoof kind of maybe we'll get a.

[A]

Salvation effect in there. So I sent you, I sent you Laura's letter because I know that you can help with some of the issues in this letter that I can't. I really related to the part about thinking that in three months you'll be beautiful enough to have an orgasm. I mean, I know that's not what she's saying, but as somebody who had weight loss surgery, once upon a time I thought things would change when my body looked different and I actually lost 152 pounds. And one day when I walked into a Ross to try on a pair of jeans in a size that I thought was ridiculous, no human being can actually wear that size. They zipped and I sat there and lost my shit in a Ross dressing room because I went, oh my God. My body is completely different and I'm still a fucking mess. Eventually I had problems with the surgery and I put the weight back on. But the thing that it taught me was that your body is your body. You know, it's thin or fat. It's what you've got, you know, and huge changes in your body don't fix everything. I don't know that the body change is going to make a huge difference in the orgasm thing.

[E]

Yeah, I, I mean, I agree. I, I, when I read Laura's letter, my heart went out to her and, and just like you, there are so many things that I can identify with in this letter, and I think a lot of the female identified people listening as well have lots of different parts. They're like, oh, yeah, me too, me too. You know, so I, I would say the first thing for Laura is like, you are not the only one going through this. There are so many of us going through, you know, slightly different flavors of the same issue.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

So that's what I would say, number one. And you know, I'm not gonna knock surgery, I'm not gonna knock body modification. You gotta do, you know, you do you, you know what I mean? But I agree with you, Dixie, that, you know, it, it might help in some smaller areas, but I think there's a larger issue here that a body change isn't necessarily going to address unless that's something that's addressed with, within yourself.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So the reason I brought you in was the orgasm issue and never having had an orgasm. And I know that you are someone who helps people with problems like this, and I wanted to hear what you had to say about that.

[E]

Absolutely. So I want to start out with a caveat. First of all, and I know Dixie, you know, as you mentioned, we're going to continue on this conversation a little bit later and kind of just address the orgasm issue right now. But I want to say that, you know, I'm going to throw out bits and pieces that may or may not factor into your situation, Laura. And, you know, I'm not the ultimate issue solver and the orgasm piece is one piece, but I can't necessarily answer why. You know, it very well could relate to some of the other issues you're talking about. You know, your, your body issues, your self esteem issues, issues with your relationship. There's a lot there. So because I'm going to be talking about the orgasm issue doesn't mean that's a standalone fix. That may help. It may help a lot. It may help a little. It'll probably help in conjunction with other things. So I want to throw that out there before we start, like, talking about sex toys and clitorises and stuff like that. So now the, the lack of orgasm. I wish I could ask some questions, you know, because I know that one of the issues is being on meds. You know, that could affect things. But you've never had an orgasm, so that makes me think there's more. There's more going on here. It's not just the fault of the meds, although that could be not helping. I have a few different suggestions to address the physical piece. I think I'm going to start with sex toys because, you know, sex toys are fun, right, Dixie?

[A]

Yeah, I like sex toys.

[E]

Okay. So I very strongly propose to anybody having an issue with orgasm, with sexuality, whatever it is, to get to know yourself first, have a love affair with yourself, and not to expect your partner to know what to do. You know, you have to kind of be the roadmap, and if you don't know the terrain, you can't really direct very well.

[B]

So I suggest.

[E]

I don't know what your sex toy collection is like, but I suggest trying a number of different clitoris focused toys. Reason being, most people with vaginas get off with clitoral stimulation. Maybe that's not you, but I'm playing the odds. It probably is.

[C]

So.

[E]

So, and I know, Dixie, you and I have talked about a favorite, the Hitachi Magic Wand, which I think is now really renamed as the original Magic Wand.

[A]

Yeah. Because Itachi's not sure they want to be known as the Vibrator company, probably. Who knows what the reason for that was. But that was going to be my first suggestion because I was wondering if penetration was the problem. Because one of the things I like about Hitachi Magic Wand is I don't always want penetration. And the fact that is it is an external sex toy and it just, you know, you can have attachments that make it a penetrative toy, but for the most part, it's just a clitoral stimulant and a really powerful one. So that was going to be my first suggestion just because I thought it would be, you know, interesting to know whether penetration was. And the pain of penetration might be part of the reason, you know, it doesn't get there.

[E]

Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, without knowing more, I know a lot of Laura's letter was talking about, you know, relationship with a partner and sexuality with a partner. And if your partner has a penis, often times it is very penetration focused. So, like, develop that love affair with yourself with your Hitachi Magic Wand. Also, there are a new class of toys that have been around for a few years. They're like pulsating suction toys is kind of the best short way I can describe them. Brands such as, like, the Womanizer, the Satisfier I just tried We Vibes version called the We Vibe Melt. I melted. There's also, like the Lay Low Sona Cruise. All of those toys are in the same sort of class, and they are intensely clitorally focused. When the Womanizer, that was the first toy of this class that came out, people were like, guaranteed to give you an orgasm in 30 seconds. And, okay, that's marketing, you know, but there's some truth in that. Like, they're really intense. So I would suggest trying something like that, you know, really. And not just, hey, here's the sex toy. Have fun, but develop a love affair with yourself because your sexuality is tied in how you feel about yourself. It's tied in, you know, your. Your whole sexual identity is tied into that. And I sense that there's a lot of other, you know, compounding issues. So get some sexy lingerie, you know, light those candles for yourself. Rent a hotel room for the evening with a hot tub in it and be with you. Put on your favorite sexy music, dance in front of the mirror. Don't just, you know, immediately when you touch yourself, go for your clit, caress your arms, you know, massage yourself. Like, do those things that you may imagine a lover would want to do or somebody who really deeply cared about you and loved you and wanted the absolute best for you and that person, you know. Yes, but partner should be doing that, but you should also be doing that for yourself. So I really suggest coupling that sort of vibe, if you will, with using these toys.

[A]

Yeah. One of the things about the self stroking you were talking about was I have a friend who really likes big girls. And whenever he touches me, he touches my belly, he touches my hips in a way that, you know, as somebody who dated people who were attracted to a lot of different body types, you could always tell the ones who were attracted to my body type because they'd touch me places other than my boobs or other than my butt. And it was just so relaxing. And you get turned on in this completely different way because it's not this sexual focus, like not going straight to the clitoris, not going straight to the boobs. Having somebody touch your body and go, I like all of your body. Kind of warms you up from the inside and starts preparing you for, you know, I feel great. Sex is a good time. Orgasms are a good place to start looking for when you feel good already, right?

[E]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And, you know, along those same lines, I know you want that orgasm. That's something that you haven't had. But if you keep chasing just the orgasm, like that's just your goal, you're gonna not only miss things along the way, it may also cause you to. To miss that goal. So really enjoy, you know, do things for yourself where if you walked away without an orgasm in that experience, you'd still be very satisfied. You'd feel good. Like that's the goal. And if an orgasm is going to come, it'll be more likely to come after you've satisfied those things. Yeah.

[A]

So how about this? How about we address the rest of this letter on Patreon? I'm going to tell them where they can find it on mine, and you can tell them where you can find it on yours. Awesome. So the rest of Laura's questions will be [e-mail] Bawdy B, A W, D, Y. And it will also this recording. And the answers will also be on.

[E]

Sunny's Patreon, which [e-mail] American sex.

[A]

So you can find it either one of those places. And there's a lot more to address in this letter. We want to give these answers to everybody because, Laura, you asked some really good questions here. And not only do we want to help you, but we want to help everybody who's dealing with some of the things that you brought up. Thank you for your question. So I think we addressed a few of the questions in Laura's letter there, but the rest of it will be on our Patreon. So if you go to P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com bawdy, you can hear how Sunny is going to help me answer Laura's questions. I get a lot of letters like this that sometimes come to my email, sometimes come through Patreon, and it's an opportunity for me to be helpful. I know that I have access to people that you don't, and I really want to use what I have to help you navigate your world to help you get to the place that you want to. Patreon is allowing me to do that because if you know anything about social media these days, anything that is sexuality related is being shut down on every platform. Patreon is a place where I can communicate with you, where I can collect it all in one place and I don't have to fear being shut down the same way. If you would Please go to patreon.com bodi I would really appreciate it if you would support us at whatever level. It gives me hope knowing that people want this thing in the world. I'm so grateful to my Patreon supporters. I don't usually call you out by name because, you know, it's sex. I'm not really sure if you want your name on a podcast. I'm always cautious that way. If you want to tell me that I can, I will. But it's only if I have your express consent that I'm gonna do it. Because, you know, this podcast goes out to a lot of people. Thank you again for listening to the episode, for going to Patreon and hearing the rest of the advice that Sunny Megatron gave. And also we're gonna have links to all of the products that she mentions and some of the resources that she mentioned for somatic practitioners and other answers that came out of that conversation about Laura's letter. Laura, thank you so much for writing me and for asking for my help. I hope that you will keep us updated so we can find out how it all goes for you. Thanks again. We all have our nightly routines. Maybe you watch your favorite show, you put on a face mask or you scroll through Instagram. But if your me time routine has gotten stale, Dipsea Stories can help you re spark your imagination. Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories and guided sessions that's designed to turn you on. Each story is created with women in mind. They're relatable and immersive, and there's something for everyone, whether you're into men women all of the above. Dipsea's guided sessions can help unlock new confidence or heighten intimacy with your partner. Right now you can check out the new stories they just released about meeting someone at an adults only dinner party or experiencing author lust at a book signing. I know how books turn you on and for listeners of the Body Storytelling podcast, Dipsea is making a special offer. They are giving you a 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com Dixie D I X I E oh, and they add three brand new stories each week like the ones I mentioned so you'll always have more to explore. Whatever you're in the mood for, Dipsea always keeps it real and it's really pretty hot. You love stories, so act now. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com Dixie this week I got a bunch of new voice memos where I got to hear your voice. I get to hear about the episode that you loved, the episode that changed your life. The reason you love this podcast maybe a message just to me, but that way other people can hear it too. I would love to have a voice memo from you because this project's coming up soon that I plan to use your voice memos for. And you know it's a lot of me talking. It's time to hear your voice. Take a voice memo, just hit record on however you record things on your phone and then take that recording, label it and send it to me at email Body Storytelling at gmail dixie bodystorytelling.com however you want to do it. If you have any questions, write me and I can talk you through it. But I really want you to be part of this project and we're running out of time so send me your voice memo as soon as you can. And thank you. We've got a rock star storyteller for you this week. Our storyteller this week is an award winning writer, sex educator, speaker, filmmaker and radio host. She is the editor of 25 anthologies and author of eight books including Opening A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships and her latest, the Feminist Porn Book. She has directed and produced 24 sex ed and porn films. She lectures at top colleges and universities and teaches sex and relationship workshops all over the world. She is the host of the Sex Out Loud podcast, a weekly radio show and podcast that is part of the same podcast collective that I belong to. Learn more about her [e-mail] [e-mail] I've been trying to get this story Recorded for you guys so long. And it happened recently at our show on tour in Los Angeles. This storyteller is Tristan Terramino.

[B]

Okay, here we go. My story begins where all cautionary tales begin. At a sold out swinger convention in New Orleans. I'm not a swinger myself, but I do consider myself swinger adjacent because I'm non monogamous and I feel like some kind of alliance with people who are bucking the traditional monogamy and marriage and relationships. And so I'm ready to kind of meet my first swingers, right? And I don't know if you've been to a Marriott Hotel with 2,000 swingers, anyone. Okay, so let me just, let me just give you a little bit of what's going on. They're all, they're mostly middle aged and upper middle class, white, very heterosexual, very heteronormative. Listen, not all swingers. Hashtag notallswingers. Don't you all send me hate mail. I love swingers. So my best friends are swingers. I fuck swingers. But the traditional swinger, there's a kind of a look, right? All the men are sort of good looking. There's only a, there's like a. There's like. Some of them are really good looking but then most of them are just fall in the midline, right? And they've got like good, you know, rockin dad bods. And then there's this particular swinger woman archetype. She has bleach blonde hair, she has big fake tits. She is perfectly made up in her hair. Hair is done. And she has glossy lips and she's wearing the sort of Lucite stripper heels, but not ironically. But the other thing too is swingers tend to be conservative. A little bit more conservative than the crowd I sort of hang out with. And so the whole thing has a strange kind of Christian mingle vibe, but with more ass grabbing. Christian mingles, asses. It's the only place I've ever been where I go to registration to check in and pick up my badge. And they hand me my badge and on it says my name and also my partner's name in case I get lost. So it's very couples focused, you know, very normative. And my partner is a trans guy named Ben. I am a queer femme. So immediately we're feeling like a little out of place. And we go to the mixers and we try to mix and there's these like straws that you need to do. The straws tell you what you want. And so there's like a color straw for if you want the soft swap and a colored straw if you want the full swap and a colored straw for, like, group sex. And I can't keep the colors straight. And so I'm just drinking without a straw because I want to make clear my intentions here. Okay? Basically, we're not fitting in. And so I'm just going to put my head down and do my job, which is essentially to teach these swingers how to fuck, right? So it's the final day of the conference, and I'm teaching how to squirt like a porn star. And we're in one of those ballrooms where they have the sort of fake accordion wall and the really bad overhead lighting. And I've got about two dozen couples and they've laid down all of these, like, hotel white towels. And I'm going around the room and I'm putting my fingers in women's vaginas whom I share no political affiliation with. I'm finding their G spots. I'm coaxing and coaching their husbands to do the same. We're talking about squirting techniques. Some people squirt. It's all fine. So the class is over and I have a little table in the corner with my books out. And some people are kind of interested. I notice that no one will even pick up my book on anal sex, which seems strange. Like, you're swingers, you fuck like anal sex. They're like, no. And at one point, this couple approaches us and kind of looks us up and down. My trans guy partner, me and says, are you all from San Francisco? Which of course is code for we are queer. And she didn't know how else to say it, so she said, San Francisco, where Dixie lives. And so it was just. It was a constant reminder, kind of like, these are not our people. But we're cleaning up after the class and suddenly Matt and Franny walk in the room. And we know Matt and Franny. They are this really cool couple who's been coming to our kinky summer camp event for adults for many years. Another story. And they're fun and we know them. So finally I'm like, oh, my God. So Matt comes and greets me with this giant, warm hug, like the bear he is. He was like a linebacker on his high school football team. And he still looks pretty imposing, you know, he's just broad shouldered and he's got this mop of dirty blonde hair. He gets laid a lot. And he's got these, like, sort of sparkly blue eyes. But even Though he looks kind of strong and dangerous. Inside, he's like. He's like the personification of Winnie the Pooh. But. But inside. But inside, it's very sweet. Oh, please, not with the cards. Okay, Now, Franny. Frannie looks a lot like Emma Stone. She's got that wide face, really pale skin, freckles. But she's got this straight, long, dark brown hair. Bangs, a kind of a Sandra Bullock hair on an Emma Stone. But I want you to picture these two women being caught grocery shopping in their sweatpants by Us magazine, okay? That's the vibe. I'm going for the natural vibe, beauty vibe. I mean, basically, she's just. She just looks really normal. She's cute, but she's. You wouldn't notice her in any context whatsoever. She looks like a Midwestern mom. She is a Midwestern mom, actually. But she is also the kinkiest person I have ever met in my life. The first time I met Franny and Matt, they were doing a demonstration at a BDSM event, and it was for a class on objectification. Nice. Thank you. Good. I'm going to define it now for everyone except you. So she was tied to this St. Andrew's cross, and one by one, people were coming out of the audience, and they were chucking food at her, like canned tomatoes and macaroni and cheese and real messy stuff. And actually, food fetish is, like, one of my hard limits. Take notes. So I didn't expect that. But I'm watching this, and of course, she's tied to the cross, so she can't move anywhere. It's all coming straight at her. And at some point, Matt goes over and unties her, and then she begins kind of furiously masturbating. And she lays down on the ground, which is covered in tarps, because they're polite presenters. They don't want to get macaroni and cheese on the hotel carpet. She starts masturbating, and then she has this kind of dramatic, explosive orgasm. And everyone doesn't know what to do, so they just start clapping. So I'm like, clapping, clapping, clapping, clapping. So she gets up and she sort of, you know, gets out of her, like, orgasm spaceyness and says, the demonstration is now over. We'll take questions. Like, it's literally the most normal thing she's ever done. Like, this is her everyday life. And so I'm a little bit, like, shocked, but I do want to work up the nerve to ask her a question. So I raise my hand and I say, okay. So I figured out the Food is like a vehicle to be objectified. But what about you? What do you like about being objectified? Like, why does it turn you on? Why does it get you off? And she said, well, sometimes I want to be like a plaything. Sometimes I want to be a piece of furniture. Sometimes I just want to be treated as less than human.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

It's like I want someone to just crush my ego. Crush it. Crush it down until it's no longer there. It's nice of hand for there. I want someone to lay me bare. Now, I'm a Buddhist, so I recognize this right away. This is like some Dalai Lama shit going on here. Okay, I recognize your journey about bashing your ego. Namaste. Truthfully, I'm just really excited that they're in New Orleans because we've been having this really so, so time with everyone, and it's like, finally, normal, freaky people. Thank you, but I don't believe in God. So we all go out to dinner, and it's, you know, again, it's the last night, it's very late. And I say, listen, I feel like we have to salvage this situation. And so we've known each other for quite a long time. But I propose over dinner, why don't we all just go back to my room and fuck? And they're like, okay. So we head back to the room, and my partner Ben takes Franny in the bathroom and starts taking her clothes off and fucking her. And I sort of watch for a little while, and then Matt and I go out to the bed and we start fucking. And Matt's like a really. He's really good in bed. And I say that because I know he's going to listen to this podcast. So he. He really, like, cares about your pleasure. You know what I mean? Just one of the good ones. But I so wish it were just a little rougher, you know, his, like, his exterior doesn't match. You know, Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh is fucking me. Okay, so we actually finished first, and we were laying on the bed naked. And then out comes Franny from the bathroom, sort of sitting, slinking out, also naked. Out comes Ben behind her, zipping up his pants, and she joins us on the bed, and we're all sort of like in that post orgasmic bliss. And then Ben says, tristan, our flight leaves in exactly eight hours. And I don't know if you know me, but I need to get 10 hours of sleep. So the math is completely fucked me now, right? Just do it for A second. Yes. I'm so. I'm like, okay, we should just start packing. But we still want to hang out with our friends. Of course. We don't want to, like, fuck them and make them leave. I've never done that before. So I go to my closet, and I get out my suitcase, and I put it on the bed. And all of a sudden, Franny sort of, like, bolts and sits upright on the other bed, and she says, wow, that's a really big suitcase you have. And I just pause, and she says, have you ever heard what my suitcase fantasy is? Well, you know she's going to tell us, so this is like, a rhetorical question, right? She says, my fantasy is that I am put naked in a suitcase. I'm closed in the suitcase. I'm driven to the airport, and I'm checked at the front desk. I go onto the conveyor belt. I travel into the bowels of the airport. I am manhandled many times. I am tossed, like luggage in the airplane, and I don't know where I'm going. And then I land, and I'm again manhandled, and I'm put on the baggage carousel, just rolling around, just going around. And then suddenly, I feel someone pick me up suitcase me. And I'm excited, but again, what's going on? So I'm put into the trunk of a car, and I'm driven somewhere, and then I'm taken out of the car, and I get to this house, and the suitcase is put on the bed, and someone unzips it, and there is a complete stranger. I have no idea where I am. No one else knows. I could be killed. I could be disappeared forever. But most importantly, this guy can have his way with me. And he does. And then after he fucks the living daylights out of me, he puts me back in the suitcase, he zips it up, and he sends me on my way. Okay, so my immediate response is, franny, have you heard of this thing called 9 11? Because the thing that Franny. Franny is known for is not just having really wild and elaborate fantasies, but she's actually known for making them come true. And so I'm like, franny, not even one tiny piece of this could happen. Like, you would literally. The TSA would literally arrest you, and we would never see you again. Like, you are not going into an airport or even, like, curbside in a. In a suitcase, right? And she's like, oh, well. Well, let's just see. And she gets off the bed, and she gets onto the bed where the Suitcase is. And she starts to get in my suitcase, my empty suitcase. And she tries to kind of fit herself in. And it's a big suitcase, right? It's a big soft sided suitcase. So it's got a lot of room, I guess she's petite. And it's got one of those zipper handles where the flap comes down and you zip it all the way around. And so she gets in and she kind of folds herself in and she fits. And she immediately starts like really giddy, saying, zip me up, zip me up, zip me up. And you know, I get a little caught up in the whole thing. So I go and I zip her up. And then I'm like, okay, I've sort of done my studying of what her deal is. And so then I start in with the dialogue, like, God, that is such an ugly suitcase. That is a ratty old suitcase, don't you think, Matt? And Matt says, yeah, I mean, you should probably just throw that suitcase out and get a new one, like downstairs in the gift shop or something. She likes it. Don't aww me. And then Ben says, you know, you have been wanting to get a new one. And I say, hmm, okay, well, what I'm curious about is like, if we can actually like stand the suitcase up with her in it, right? And so Matt and I together get it off the bed and we stand it up on the wheels. And in fact, it's stands and it works. So I start wheeling it back and forth, like from the TV to the bedside table. The tv, the bedside table. And all the while we're sort of taunting her about what a horrible suitcase she is. So I say to the boys, hey, listen, why don't I take the suitcase out for one last spin? Ben goes to the door, opens. It kind of looks both ways, but it's like four in the morning by now. I mean, the suit swingers are in their swinger beds. They're tucked in, they're sleeping, they're swinger having their swinger dreams. No one is around, no one's around. So I wheel her out behind me and I hear a sort of oh from the suitcase. And I'm like, okay, she's into it. I mean, I just want to like keep the consent going here. She's into it. And so I'm wheeling her in these big circles in the hallway and she's giggling from the suitcase and we're all like, you know, having a grand old time. And then all of a sudden I hear ding. It's the elevator and the doors are opening. I panic. It's four in the morning. So I'm like, not my best thinking self. And I look to the other guys and we're not quite sure what to do. And so we just run back into the room and they've left it open. And we get in the room and we shut the door. And then we're just like, oh, my God. Okay, that was close. That was really. That was really close. And then Ben. Ben says it first. We left Franny in the hallway. We left Franny in the hallway. So we get close to the door to sort of listen and see what happens. And I hear four distinct voices. The first voice is a woman and says, what's that suitcase doing in the middle of the hallway? And a guy, he sounds kind of drunk, and he's like, oh, Shelley, mind your own business. We have these gorgeous guests to entertain. Let's just go back to our room. And then a different woman voice, and she says, I think I just saw something moving in the suitcase. Oh, yeah, I definitely saw something moving. We have to go over there. And then another man's voice, oh, my God. Jesus. So they apparently get up to the suitcase and it is in fact moving because, you know, she's like in there squirming around and probably also giggling. So I hear the suitcase sort of plop on the floor, and I hear the zipper come undone. And they open the flap and there they find stark naked Franny. And there are gasps for sure. And one of the men's voices says, oh, my fuck.

[A]

What? Who.

[B]

Who put you in here? What? How did you. What? We have to get you out of here. And in this, like, really sweet, sort of like, sing, songy voice, she says, I'm a girl in a bag. Any other woman's voice says, what? No, we have to get you out of there. And she's like, I'm a girl in a bag. So finally I'm like, okay, I've come to my senses. And I realize, okay, this is actually. This is actually a problem because I have now violated the ultimate rule of bdsm, which is that there are swingers in the middle of the scene that we created that they did not consent to. So someone's got to do something. And then of course, Matt says, oh, my God, we have to do something. And I say, we? She's your wife. And then he gives me a look like, but, you know. And I'm like, oh, you're right. He looks like he could kick your ass, you know, and she's very tiny, and they would Arrest him. They would arrest him for sure. And then the night would really go off the rails. So I'm trying to think about what I'm going to do, and I just say to them, open the door. And I walk out. Now, I am also completely naked, except I like to wear shoes while I fuck. And so I'm wearing these sparkly, strappy, kind of like stripper heels. Ironically. I'm wearing them ironically. And I come around. I sort of take in the picture. Okay, so there's a woman with beautiful blonde hair, definitely fake boobs. She's wearing a really tight white dress. And a guy next to her who kind of looks like Chris Ryan. And then there's another woman. She has a red bob. She has this really amazing lipstick color. And the guy standing next to her, who I presume is her husband, looks like. Like Captain Stubing from the Love Boat. If you're under 30, you don't get that joke. It's fine, it's fine. Just Google it later, okay? It's funny. And then in the middle of them, on the floor next to the suitcase is Franny. And so they must have gotten her out of the suitcase, right? So I just. Something strikes me at that moment, and I channel my very best Joan Crawford, sort of Mommy dearest Dom. And I say, get back in that bag. No one says anything. I make eye contact with Franny, but she doesn't move. Get back in that bag. Oh, now she's fucking with me. I think. Yeah, she's fucking with me. She's like, oh, it's on now. Let's see how far we can take this. Oh, God. So I give her one more chance. One more chance.

[D]

Get back in the bag.

[B]

And so she jumps, she gets in the bag and she folds herself up and she pulls the flap on her. But then just to fuck with me some more, she flips the flap back on and says, I'm a girl in a bag. She flips it again. I start storming towards the swingers, and I make a motion to move, and they do. And I get down on the ground, I zip the zipper, and then I have to kind of get it up on its legs again. And I actually haven't done this by myself, and it's quite awkward in heels. And for some reason, the swingers do not help me.

[A]

Why?

[B]

So I get her off on the wheels and I swiftly roll her, and I run back to the room, and the door magically opens and slams behind me. And they're all just, like, quiet. Back to the door. Are they going to say anything? What, are they going to call security? Nothing. And then we hear them finally sort of shuffling back to their room. Oh, and now I really need to pack. I really need to pack. So the next morning, which is really just like three hours later, I'm standing in line at registration for the hotel to check out, and I hear that voice behind me. You don't happen to have a girl in that bag, do you? It's Franny. And she's, like, giddy and bubbly in a way that makes no sense whatsoever because we've all gotten no sleep. So she comes over and she hugs me and she tells me, like, she's just so excited with how that scene went, and it just, like, made some of her suitcase dreams come true. And she's really thankful, and it was so much fun. And she said, I wrote you this note, but I don't want you to open it until you get on the plane. And so people write me thank you notes all the time for sex. Just want you to know that. So this is not unusual. They normally arrive in the mail on some letterpress card. Really nice stationery. Sometimes hand lettered, sometimes calligraphy. Yeah. Because I'm worth it. So I take the note from Franny and we head to the airport. We check our suitcases. We get on the plane. And so finally, I'm like, I've got to open this note and see what Frannie said. And so I open the note, and it says, dear Tristan, please bring the following to Kinkfest. Now, Kinkfest is another kinky event that we all figured out we were gonna be at in, like, a month and a half. And then there's a list, and the list says, magic markers, inflatable kiddie pool, Ambience, a shovel, quick dry cement. Okay, so normally I'd need more information, like, what exactly are we doing here? And what exactly have I consented to as the top? So I. I take out my phone and I open the Amazon app and I search inflatable kiddie pool, and I.

[C]

Hit.

[B]

Add to cart.

[D]

It.

[C]

Have you told me I got things to say hey, I'm talking to you we got things to do we got plans to make and I want to take you with me yeah, I want to take you with him yeah, I want to take care have it to me out I got things to say hey, I'm talking to you we got things to do we got plans to make and I want to take you.

[A]

With.

[C]

Me yeah, I want to take you with him.

[D]

But if I got him Bab can you feel and if you can tell I'm a restless girl what are you here get all the work I get all I want I got all I need, all I need to be free I get all the work I get all I want to do Guess I got all I need, all I need to be.

[C]

Have you told me out? I got things to say hey I'm talking to you we got things to do we got plans to make and I want to take you yeah, I want to take you with.

[D]

Me can you feel if you can tell I'm a restless girl what are you Guess I got all I need, all I need to be free I get all the way back Compl.

[A]

That song was Suitcase by Sia Body Storytelling's tour was sponsored by Open, the sex positive dating app for the open minded looking to make new friends for dates, for hookups or for relationships. Open is unique in that you can create a solo profile, a partnered profile, or both. And if you identify as lgbtqia, monogamous, polyamorous, as a swinger, straight, disabled, kinky, body positive, you name it. Open is a place where you can truly be yourself. Are you gender, non conforming or hetero, flexible? This is the place for you. Open has more than 20 options for gender and sexual orientation to choose from. You can even write in your own. This is a place where you can be you and I love that. Open donates a dollar to Planned Parenthood for every new profile created on their site. Go to open.com bodi to download the app today. Open has helped us complete 11 tour dates and we are so grateful to them. This week's show is the last of 11. Thank you so much Open and we'd love for you to support our sponsor. Don't wait. Go to Open Body and start making authentic connections today. You're a regular listener of the Body Storytelling Podcast and you know that a live body storytelling is a life changing event. You get together in person, you watch strangers on stage as they tell their own well crafted curated true story and you get inspired to share your own. That's what Bodi is all about. You making new friends, you expressing yourself, you being inspired by the stories of people like you. So let's talk about upcoming live Bodi storytelling dates. This week is November 14th and we are doing the theme GASM in San Francisco. This is it y'. All. This is the last date of 11 and I'm gonna get my first real break after this week. I could really use a boost on social media. Facebook is doing its best best to make sure that anything sex positive is being quelled. They're also making sure that I can't boost the ad and I can't even invite 50 people to the event. And Facebook is a place that I advertise. I would really appreciate you sharing this on Facebook or Twitter or Snapchat or Instagram or wherever you share these things. Links to this show are in the show notes and if you share this for me, it means that this last show can be phenomenal. I really need your help and support to do this. I'm trying to learn to ask for help, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

So there you go. Anything you can do to boost the signal on social media for the live shows, I'm so grateful for. So then after this week's show, I get a break. I haven't had a break since mid September. I'm almost there. Then after Thanksgiving, our usual Thursday date was moved around because the holidays do that. So here are the dates that are coming up after this week's show. Wednesday, December 4th in Seattle. The theme is the Naughty Bits. We've got Creature Hole coming back. They're working on a new song for me and I got a whole bunch of people who were at the last body who were inspired and I got a bunch of brand new pitches. I think we're going to have a bunch of new people on stage in Seattle on December 4th. I hope you'll be there. And ticket links are available on our website and in the show notes. Last show of the year is going to be Wednesday, December 18th in San Francisco. The theme is the Best Gift Ever. So maybe that gang bang your partner threw for you or other holiday magic. I'm not sure what your story is, but I'm still taking pitches for that one. Rachel Lark will be closing out the year with us, so don't miss it. It's going to be a phenomenal show. Tickets for all of these shows are on our website, bodystorytelling.com and they're also in the show notes for this episode. You know I only get to talk to you once a week and we are at the end of this episode. It's Thanksgiving and more than ever is a time to be grateful for what you have. And I am so grateful to to the people who help me make this podcast possible. Above all, thank you to podcast producer Marty Garcia. As I was sick recently, I really kind of dropped the ball a few times and Marty has been picking up the slack. Marty, I really appreciate all you've done to make this podcast grow to make the live shows work better than ever. You're a superhero. You know that, right? I also want to say thank you to video archivist Joe Moore, to project manager Dana Hanna, to sound engineer David Grossoff. Thank you to the team that shows up, the volunteers who help me at my live shows. I can't do it all myself. And having people there in the room to make newcomers feel welcome, to teach them how to play bango, to make sure that we have everything we need, need. And the sound is great for the podcast. That's a team that does that. Thank you to every single one of you. And I think probably later on this month, I'm going to name every single one of you for Thanksgiving so that the world can know that you guys are making this show grow, making this podcast better, making the live shows welcoming and supportive and less scary. Because we're talking about the sex, and sometimes people get scared by that. We want it to be inviting, uplifting, friendly, all of those things. And didn't I say it was the end of the episode? I should probably stop talking now. Thank you so much for listening. I am sexual folklorist, Dixie dollator. This has been episode 97 of the Bodi storytelling podcast. And here's a peek at what's next.

[B]

And I peed. Squeezed. You know, I'd been drinking water all day, my bladder was exploding, and I peed, like 2ft, 3ft, 5ft, 8ft, 10ft, 12ft up into the air, and the audience loved it.