← Becoming UnDone® with Dr. Toby Brooks
Becoming UnDone® with Dr. Toby Brooks
137 | Transforming Adversity into Purpose: Shaun Murphy's Journey to Empowerment
01:07:19
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- [00:04]
A
This is becoming undone.
- [00:11]
B
So even when I was growing up in the hood, I'm from Brooklyn, you know, Brooklyn, dude. I remember our circumstances. You got drugs, crime, lot of negativity. As I said, I grew up coming into this world with three strikes, right? Black dude, born into poverty, born without a father, but super grounded in gratitude. Stayed out. I stayed out of the way. Didn't really get influenced by negativity. Like, not. I always say, how do you become a dope dad if you don't, you haven't seen one, right? I remember I was. I didn't even want to be a father, Toby. I was scared, I think mostly because I. I just didn't have the blueprint, you know, Ain't nobody teach me to do this and that. I had to, like, learn from the streets. And in the streets, you can't really ask questions because they clown you, you know, so you had to, like. My deductive reasoning skills was buil we end up. I have two kids. My daughter, she's 8. That's my baby girl, and then my son's 6. That's my young G and man, Toby, I tell you, I just dreamt what I wish I had, and I 10x that. What's up, good people? It's your boy, Mr. Motivation, and I am undone.
- [01:26]
A
Hey, friend. I'm glad you're here. Welcome to yet another episode of Becoming Undone, the podcast for those who dare break bravely, risk mightily, and grow relentlessly. I'm Toby Brooks, a speaker, author, professor, and learning scientist. I've spent much of the last two decades working as an athletic trainer and a strength coach in the pro, college and high school sports settings. And over the years, I've grown more and more fascinated with what sets high achievers apart and how failures that can suck in the moment can end up being exactly the push we needed to propel us on our paths to success. Each week on Becoming Undone, I sit down with a guest whose life story proves that sometimes you have to unmake parts of yourself before you can rebuild stronger. I'd like to emphasize that this show is entirely separate from my role at Baylor University, but it's my attempt to apply what I've learned and what I'm learning and to share with others about the mindsets of high achievers. Today's conversation is one that almost didn't happen due to a string of technical issues, and I'll tell you a little bit more about those later. I almost didn't get to connect. Or when I finally did, almost didn't get to finish my interview with Sean Murphy, better known as Mr. Motivation. Tad insult to my injury after I finally managed to salvage the audio file from the brink of disaster. I've now had roofers on the roof hammering and nailing for the past two days straight, making the insert recordings just like this one that I put in the show, impossible to record. I was more than once reminded of this scene from the Christmas classic Scrooged, where television exec Frank Cross is trying to reconnect with his long lost love interest in the middle of a TV scene construction. Take a listen.
- [03:04]
B
Woken up your husband and your kids? No, no, I've never gotten married. I'm still on my own. You? No. Would you hold the hammering? Place, I better go. You're busy. No, no, don't go. Would you hold the hammering, please? What did happen last night, Claire? It was something that I ate. It was probably a bad clam or something. We don't know yet. I'm definitely going to call because I'm a seafood nut and you know to not eat clams. What the hell's life? Would you please, for the love of God and your own body, hold the hammering? This is Frank Cross. We at IBC are shocked and appalled by the senseless tragedy coming as it does at this season of giving. Would you please hold the hammering? No, you got it.
- [04:20]
A
Anyhow, I have survived, maybe barely, but I will tell you that the effort to make this episode actually happen, it was more than worth it. The proverbial juice was worth the squeeze. Sean Murphy is a veteran, an educator, an artist, and a transformational leader whose journey from adversity to empowerment is nothing short of inspiring. Shawn grew up without a dad. He faced poverty and structural barriers and experienced the jarring transition from soldier to civilian. But through it all, he discovered that our greatest breakthroughs often emerge. From our greatest breakdowns. From his military leadership lessons to his creative expression and spoken word music, Sean unpacks how he turned pain into purpose, how he chose to be more than his circumstances. And it gives us a rare peek into what remains undone in his own life and how he leans into that tension to keep pushing forward. So whether you're struggling with identity, reinventing your path, or wrestling with doubt, this conversation is for you. I hope you'll enjoy my conversation with Sean Murphy, Mr. Motivation, in episode 137. Hey, y'.
- [05:38]
B
All.
- [05:38]
A
Greetings and welcome back. Becoming Undone is a podcast for those who dare bravely risk mightily and grow relentlessly. Join me, Toby Brooks, as I invite a new guest each week. Where we examine how high achievers can transform from falling apart to falling into place. And this week, boy, do I have a treat for you. A guy who goes by the name of Mr. Motivation. And I've got high expectations for this one. Sean Murphy joining us. Sean, thanks so much.
- [06:01]
B
What's good, brother? Thank you for having me. Shouts out to everybody tuning in visually or auditory. What up?
- [06:08]
A
Yeah. So glad to have you here tonight. A member of your team reached out and your story is remarkable, and it certainly fits with the themes that we lean into heavily here on becoming undone. We'll get into that. I want to start at the beginning. For you, though, a little bit of a softball that I ask of all my guests. What'd you want to be growing up and why?
- [06:28]
B
Yeah, yeah. So what did I want to be growing up? And you know what's crazy? Hmm? Two things are popping out of my mind. I don't know why I might have wanted to been a firefighter, but not a lot. Definitely a soldier. I was married to, like those commercials that they go down in the water, come up with the weapon, be all that you can be.
- [06:49]
A
Right?
- [06:50]
B
But yeah, in my mind, I wanted to. I ain't really know that I wanted to go through the training, but that's what I, I think I was leaning towards.
- [06:57]
A
Yeah, well, you're, you're probably a little younger than I am, but I know Top Gun was a formative Gen X experience there. There were a lot of kind of media things that gravitated high fevers to, to look at the military. So I love that about your story. We'll flip it a little bit here. You lost your father at the age of six and you grew up in what you describe as some adverse circumstances. What was the moment that flipped the switch in your mind and transform that pain into drive? You came on earlier, you're like, I love it. It's Monday. It's time to do better than last week. That's a pretty awesome switch. So talk to me about how that happened.
- [07:38]
B
Great question. Loaded a few things coming to mind. So even when I was growing up in the hood, I'm from Brooklyn. Brooklyn, dude. I remember our circumstances. You got drugs, crime, a lot of negativity. But my mom used to, she, she ain't let me watch many, many shows. She's from Barbados, super strict. And I, I would watch Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. But Robin Leach don't miss a sizzling second of the all new Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, television's unchallenged authority on Fame and fortune delivers big surprises, bigger stories and the biggest names. Candid confessions from the stars of show business and big business. Plus tours of the world's most luxurious homes. Singing is believing. So get ready to party, Harvey. With all your favorite stars on the all new lifestyles Sunday night at 8 on channel 9. This dude's traveling the world just showcasing mansions, yachts, this lifestyle. I'm looking, I'm like, where's that at?
- [08:45]
A
Right?
- [08:46]
B
And I think I always talk about this. You know, we all have circumstances in life. You know, wherever you're on the spectrum, you have two choices. This is it. Meaning our life dealt me this cards. This is what it is, whatever. Or there's more, and there's something about that. There's more. Like lifestyles help me see. Like, there's more than what I'm looking at right here.
- [09:12]
A
I gotta pop right in here and say, I am already loving talking with Sean. And this mindset absolutely tracks with me too. He grew up in what he refers to as the hood in Brooklyn. I grew up on a farm in rural Illinois. Sean lost his father at the age of six. I often went months without seeing mine as what I've come to refer to as an orphan of the coal mining industry. Either way, we both saw how some were living on Robin Leach's Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Before there was cribs and before there were influencers, there was Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. And I'm not going to lie, I was a greedy little kid. I wanted all that for myself. So what Sean says here resonates with me. Life dealt me this hand, which is obviously not what I'm seeing on tv, and I'm stuck with it or the flip. There's more. For me, that more. And my ticket toward it was education. For Sean, it started in school and it transitioned to the military before other opportunities started showing up. Either way, I respect the heck out of someone who had the awareness at such a young age to know that he was destined for more. But only time would tell exactly what that destiny had in store.
- [10:24]
B
And I think that was like one of the first things. Exposure is everything. They say when your mind's expanded or exposed to a thing or idea concept, it can never go back. Yeah. So once you see that thing, you're like, wow. You chasing that wow. And subconsciously, I think it was embedded in my head as I was maneuvering through life now, you know, that was the rawness of it. Then I go through life, you know, I go to college, drop out Went to the military, and that's where a lot of growth happened. A lot of growth happened. I learned how to be a man, learn how to lead.
- [11:01]
A
Hey.
- [11:02]
B
How to, you know, have empathy for others. You know, I'm saying I was a young leader, and I have people older than me that I'm leading. You know, I had to learn quick, and I transitioned. I'm fast forwarding a lot. We could go back to wherever you want to go. I transitioned from the military in 2006. And historically, I always have a plan, Murph. Always know what's next, next three steps. And this particular time, I didn't. I got out premature in hindsight. And this. When I write the book about my life, this is gonna be the blue funk chapter. This is the. I'm in the pits. It's like, man, when you just don't know, you don't know what's next, where the next check is, where the next meals coming from. And that's like a crazy for me who's like, you know, I've learned that I'm not a control freak, but I like to be in control, you know, especially in my life. And that was tough. You know, you leave the military, you give up the uniform, you give up the structure, you give up your tribe. Now you're alone in this world, and you don't know. Like, it was just scary. And this funny note, as I'm at this stage in life, I don't think I've ever reflected on this part of life. You get me? So I love that I get to talk about this, because my hope is that as I'm on these platforms, I share my story and how I got out of it, and I just hope that it becomes a blueprint or roadmap of someone going through it as well. I usually lead with this. I say, I grew up coming into this world with three strikes, right? Black dude born into poverty, born without a father. Now two of those I really can't do nothing about. Born a black dude, born without a father. Now, poverty, though, is one thing I could have changed, right? And my mom's man shouts out to my mom's prayer warrior. I'm talking like, she's just a. Like, I watch what she sacrificed just so we, myself, my sister, had a chance at success, and I always knew one. I didn't want to bring up kids in that environment, and, you know, I wanted more. And I was just so appreciative of my mom's. Super grounded in gratitude, and I just took a lot of the Things characteristics from her and applied that to myself. I stayed out, I stayed out of the way. Didn't really get influenced by negativity and I just wanted so much more. It's funny, I think about I'm deviate but this is where my energy's taking me. Like not. I always say, how do you become a dope dad if you don't, you haven't seen one, right? I remember I was. I didn't even want to be a father, Toby. I was scared. I think mostly because I. I just didn't have the blueprint right. You know, ain't nobody teach me to do this and that. I had to like learn from the streets. And in the streets you can't really ask questions because they clown you, you know, so you had to like. My deductive reasoning skills was built early. Yeah, but I fast forward shouts out the wifey she wanted three kids. I'm like boo, I don't want none. But you want three. We gotta be in the middle. We end up having two kids. My daughter, she's 8. That's my baby girl and then my son's 6. That's my young G and man Toby, I tell you, I just dreamt what I wish I had and I 10x that.
- [14:34]
A
That right there is more than worth another look here. Sean laments the power of a good example. It's an age old question. How can we be for someone else what we never witnessed or experienced for ourselves in teaching and in coaching? We call this the apprenticeship of observation. To be on the receiving end of an educator or a coach who runs class in a certain way, develops a game plan in a certain way and responds to adversity in a certain way. In those contexts, the challenge for us is to decide what we like and what we want to keep. When we transition from student to teacher or athlete to coach and what we want no part of what we want to get rid of. That's the power of apprenticeship and the fact that we see with our own eyes and hear with our own ears and feel with our own hearts what we absolutely want to keep and what we absolutely won't perpetuate. In this way, even a bad example still serves an important purpose in our lives, demonstrating what we know we don't want to do or be. Sean's case, however, he didn't have the benefit of an apprenticeship for fatherhood. His dad wasn't there. But I love the mentality here that he formed in deciding the kind of dad that he wanted and continues to want to be. I just Dreamed what I wish I had. And I 10x'd that. End quote. So in this way, even in the absence of an example of fatherhood, Shawn still knew in his heart what he'd craved as a child. And he now works every day to make sure his own children get that. Even this can be a tricky needle to thread, though. And even though my dad is still around, this is a sentiment I can totally understand. I've shared on the show before how my dad sometimes worked seven days a week for months on end. While I was grateful growing up, my dad's dad was an alcoholic, and home life for my dad was one of abuse, neglect, poverty. In my dad's attempts to build a life for me and my sister that he never had, he swung the other direction, sometimes leaving us for months at a time without seeing him. And over the years, I've seen this play out time and time again where I'm tempted to overcorrect for the things I perceived were missing growing up. But for Sean, it has meant purpose and presence. And even though he never got to experience it on the receiving end as a child, today he's committed to giving it both to his kids and his wife every single day.
- [17:07]
B
You know what I'm saying? I tell them all the time, my present to them is being present. You know what I'm saying? I'm here. Everything they doing, I'm locked in. I'll tell you this, for those that any of my new fathers or about to become fathers, my approach, I said, I, you know, what do I want at 18? I want almost like a CIA operative. Multiple languages, physically fit, mentally tough, able to negotiate, communicate, persuade, all the things. Then I took that idea and I reverse engineered it. My daughter was four. She's reading. I had her study SAT words, right? Because we only. We call them SAT words to them, they words, right? You know, I mean, and that was in my approach. My best advice ever got is, bro, have no limitations. Zero. I mean, I have my kids, I have pictures. They're three doing suicides, doing drills like you can do anything. And they know that. And I will probably get into this more about how I've modeled that, but I taught middle school, all boys, middle school, right? Sixth, seventh, eighth grade. And a lot of my boys, we had similar backgrounds. And I thought to myself, like, man, like that father figure piece is so critical in the upbringing of our youth, especially young men. You know what I'm saying? And I just was like, I don't know why I just thought about that, but I think that Helped me into even wanting to become a father. Because you're that for other people's kids, you know what I'm saying? I love that role. Dope role in life. But yeah, that's what my thoughts me to that question.
- [18:49]
A
Yeah, no, all good. So much about that. I think for many of us, we. We have examples that are either excellent footprints that we can follow in, or they're an example of what we're not going to be. And I think far too often I have probably trended, you know, swung so far the other way that it can become pathological, maybe in a different way. But I love that you. You mentioned those many different hats. You're a veteran. You are an educator, musician, father, husband. You wear a lot of hats.
- [19:25]
B
Yeah.
- [19:25]
A
Let's break this down a little bit. What's one lesson, maybe from your military training that shows up in your parenting or even in your speaking styles?
- [19:35]
B
One lesson from a military training that shows up? Well, I'll tell you, I'm grounded in my army values, right? Selfless service. I think that is a common thread through it all. Putting the welfare of others before my own. My kids, wifey, the people. Like, I'm all. I don't think I've ever. I've took the uniform off, but I've never took off the beret or the hat that we had as staff. Saw Murph. I got some guys interning. I just started a new venture, and I have some interns, about 12 of them. And I'm in there pouring into them like I just want them to be great. You know what I'm saying? One of my superpowers. I see talent in people, and I think I just apply that, like all my army values to life, you know, to fatherhood, to all things I'm doing. Selfless serve, personal courage, integrity, honor, leadership. I think it all just translates well, you know what I'm saying?
- [20:38]
A
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- [21:43]
B
And when I look at. I look at all of my roles, education, census, you know, board, service. It's all grounded in service and giving back and helping others. You. You know what I'm saying? A lot of times I tell people, you know, some of our veterans, we lose veterans, what, 21, 22 a day to suicide? Everybody just ain't. They don't make it right. It's just like, man, how do I help the people? How do I. Because I'm gonna be all right. I'll bet on me. But how can I help other people just so that we don't have that outcome? You know what I mean?
- [22:21]
A
Yeah. I had a former guest who was a Navy seal, and I didn't realize this until he was on the show, and he mentioned that I believe the number was 10 to 1 of American military veterans who've taken their own life versus those who've been killed in combat since the Vietnam War. I had no idea. I mean, there's so much to that to unpack. But you also mentioned it. Maybe you got out a little early. One of the themes on this show, whether it's athletes or entrepreneurs or military, is identity and how, especially when you become something so early in your formative years. I mean, you go early in your life, and when you're still developing neurologically, you're a soldier, you're in the army, and then one day you're not. One day you walk out or walk off the base for the last time, and now you're a civilian. Talk to me a little bit about that transition and. And how that identity has, for better or for worse, spilled over into the work that you do today.
- [23:24]
B
Yeah. Yeah. So like I said, I think we talking about it earlier, I left, I think, prematurely, I was banking on, because just to frame it, I'm E6 promotable running a S1HR shop, and the military was pivoting, bringing in civilians to take on that Slot. And I'm like, all right, you know what I got. My social capital is pretty high up here. And then in hindsight, there's a little arrogance there. I'm like, they're gonna pick me up. I know everybody up in hr. And I get out. I didn't really take full advantage of the ACAP process. This is the process to help you transition right smoothly. And I get out, and then nothing went how I thought it was gonna go. So I go from, you know, making my A6 promotable pay to crack rocks. I'm like, substitute teacher. I'm a local promoter. Cause I did that on the side. But this was even more of a challenge for identity. Because now I'm this promoter that's bringing artists to the area. Cause of my social capital. But I don't got no capital. You know what I mean? It's like, man, it's just hard to be out and about. And people think you're, like, on this level and just you're not. You know what I mean? So I struggle with that. I struggle with leaving the military, leaving my tribe, and having that support system. And I went. I think, like I said, I went into the blue funk. I just stayed in the house. I was just, I gotta figure this out. And I just kept fixating on figuring it out. But one of the things I think, you know, we always gonna deal with, with struggles, setback, things not gonna go your way. The question is how you bounce back, right? And. And for me, it's. I have this song. Psalms wide open, they said, Murph, take him to church. Pastor, what up? Shouts out to the choir. Through him I aspire to be great I walk through the valley his shout Battle this death I gotta show love the big homie blue breath Bless me abundantly life My wife gift me two kids here we live in no strife My palms wide open I greet you in peace and I recite my Psalms. That's my God. Beast by beast, we need his guidance. The sword has them words. When you looking for wisdom, tap into proverbs. I pray, I pray, I speak, I speak. Meditate. I listen, I listen, I listen, I listen, I pray, I pray, I speak, I speak, I meditate, I listen. And under hook is I. I pray, I speak. Meditate. I listen, I listen. And at this point in my life, I just had to sit still. I had to sit still. And it's a mindset thing, right? Because it wasn't about, Lord, why this happened to me. It was, what am I supposed to learn from this? Because in Life, things happen. And you gotta. You gotta ask yourself, self, what's the empowering thing I'm supposed to learn from this situation? Right? It's gonna be painful, it's gonna be hard, but what am I supposed to learn from this situation? And that was my approach when I was in my place, where I didn't know what was next and I was struggling. I didn't know next meal, next check, next opportunity. I didn't have any clarity. It was. But I had to sit still. So again, the hook to my song sounds wide open. I pray, I speak, meditate, I listen. And I just sat still and listened and just, you know, my spiritual father gave me the. The vision. And I was like, I gotta get out of here. I was struggling, New York, I can't do it here. I loaded up the U Haul, rolled out everybody. You know, my boys would have talked me out of it. So I just had to do it. For me, you know, that's another thing. And I'm telling anybody that's listening and watching, don't worry about the people. Don't worry about family and friends. You gotta formulate what's gonna work for you. Even if it doesn't work out right wherever you are, that's where you're supposed to be. And I've learned that over the years. You know, you be like, damn, if I did this. That was. No, no, no. You were supposed to be right here.
- [28:04]
A
Right?
- [28:05]
B
You know what I'm saying? And for me, that's what I did after transition from the military. And other than sitting still and listening, I had to really pursue my why. You know, a lot of times I was chasing money, trying to get a. Get rich quick, you know, and that ain't it. That's not sustainable. So you gotta sit still. And like, for me, one of the things I think is I've been reflecting and I think about my mom's. I think how much she did with little, not even a fraction of what I had. And I said, wow. But I didn't want to go back to that life ever. Like that poverty life that stayed in unknowing. And I felt like I was slipping back into that, you know what I'm saying? Because I didn't know what was next. I'm like, damn. I feel like I was growing up and that scared me. Scared me to where I had to act, right? So a lot of times, this is what happens, y'. All. You gotta get to a place where you sick and tired of being sick and tired.
- [29:05]
A
That's right.
- [29:06]
B
You know, What I'm saying, it's like, you know what? Cause other than that, you comfortable, you're like, you know, it's not all that bad. No, this is nothing where I want to be. And I had to just start acting so again. Sitting still, allowing the universe to speak to me and then seeking my purpose is kind of like how I went from what I say. The pits of prosperity.
- [29:28]
A
Yeah, I love that. So you write about unbreakable valor, and you share your powerful code for overcoming failure. And you kind of talk about the genesis of that in your own story. What would you say was the toughest reset? Maybe it was that, that transition out of the military. Maybe it was something different. Toughest reset you ever had to do. And how did you walk yourself through that season?
- [29:50]
B
Yeah, you know, what I was just talking about probably was the toughest because it was just so much uncertainty. And I'm trying to think was another time. You know, I've been failing. What do they say? All my life I've been failing. I think even, you know, when I left the. When I left college. Cause a lot of people, you know, don't do well and they stay, stick around. And then now they've been in school for seven, eight years, no degree. It only took me two to figure out, this ain't working for me, you know. Now here's the thing, y'. All. It takes time, right? I got out 2 years, I had about maybe 4 credits. 17 GPA. Fast forward job, 15 years. I'm a college professor. I teach a course on how to be successful in college. You know, I never stopped, right? I mean, I remember I dropped out so many times because I was in the military. And I go to took a class, and now it's harder. It's three or four hours for the maybe five hours. I'm trying to think because we did it once a week after waking up at 4, going to train, then going to work, getting done at 6 to go sit in the class for four hours. I'm like, geez, I should have did this right the first time. But that's what. Now I'm walking past my friends playing spades and dominoes, and after three or four times, I want to play cards. Dropped out again. But I want to give you. I want you to give yourself permission to make mistakes, to fall off, just get back on that horse. You know what I'm saying? Fifteen years later, I got my master's, my bachelor's. I just never stop. And that's why I want to really impose on you. To just keep going, never quit. Especially with something my mother always said. She said, son, your education is something no one could take from you. And I remember that. I think that's one of the things subconsciously was always in my head keeping me to get back on the horse. Because with a big goal like that, I go from four credits to, like, wanting to do a bachelor's. I was 100 some credits. All right, what's the associate 60? Let's do that. Right. Because now you go, I get 10 credits, I get 20. Now I'm building what momentum. Progress translates to happiness. You see what I'm saying? So you want to do them. Break the goal down, digestible. Now you build a momentum. Now you get confidence. Now you go for the next level.
- [32:15]
A
Sure.
- [32:16]
B
So that's kind of was my approach. Yeah.
- [32:18]
A
I read a great quote today that said if you were to map your journey to success, a failed action gets you closer than a successful thought. And it's like, man, that's powerful. There's beauty in being strategic about it. Like you said, reverse engineering, dissect that down, but then just execute. And that's been something that I've tried to instill in my students is it's overwhelming when you get that syllabus on the first day. But I don't ask you to turn it all in on that afternoon.
- [32:47]
B
Hello.
- [32:48]
A
One at a time, one day at a time, one session at a time, and we'll get there. We'll be successful.
- [32:54]
B
I'll tell you on that quote, there's a book I'm going to recommend to y'. All go for. No, I forget the author's name, but he talks about the levels of failure. Level one is the ability to fail, the willingness to fail, the wantingness to fail. Next, you want to fail bigger and faster. And lastly, you want to fail exponentially. So you have a team. You got everybody focused on a common goal or objective. Everybody's okay with failing to reach that goal. What happens, it speeds up your chance of getting the success. Yeah. Um, and I was talking to someone the other day, and it was just like, you know, they grew up. Failure is not an option. And I didn't argue with them. I didn't push back. I respect how they, you know, grew up because I grew up the same way. Now, eventually, in my readings and learning as an experience, I, like, had an elevated thinking. Like, you know what? Like, if I fail at this thing and I fail again, and I fail again, what happened? I have three data points on what doesn't work. Yeah. Now I'm gonna do what. How they doing? Coaching? We gotta make adjustments, baby. Okay. You gotta pivot. And that's why I love feeling. I chase failure. I chase the storms, I chase the setbacks. I chase discomfort. Because nothing grows in comfort. You gotta get uncomfortable.
- [34:11]
A
Yeah.
- [34:11]
B
All right. I want you to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Cause that's what change happens for sure.
- [34:16]
A
Yeah, there's. There's such a powerful mental shift that occurs there. And, And I agree with you. I've heard that all my life as well, that the failure is not an option. Let's all. How you define it. Steps towards success oftentimes don't end the way we would have asked for them. You didn't ask to be born into a home where you didn't have a dad. I didn't ask to grow up poor. I mean, there's so much that we can't control, but then there's also things that we can learn from. And there are aspects of our journey that frankly rocket our success in ways that success would have. Thank goodness I didn't get everything I've ever asked for. You know, how insufferable would I have been?
- [34:56]
B
It's something from the book to your point. So you're, You're a real estate agent. If you set a goal, I wanna, I wanna say I wanna sell 10 houses this, this month. You sell the 10, you throw your hands up, oh, I'm all set. But if you set failure goals, I wanna get a hundred no's. You may sell 30 houses. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So they just re. Re Engineered that approach. Love it. And I was like, huh? So I've adopted some of that. I start selling failure. Like, I want to tell me no. You know, so good.
- [35:28]
A
Yeah. That reminds me. And we're. We're just kind of riffing off each other here. But my daughter is a vocal performance. I used to say major. She just graduated from college and, and she shared with me that they have these master classes and they'll have professional opera singers and musical theater folks come in. They said, your goal is not to land a role because you can't control it. Your. Your job as a performer is to audition. You can control how many auditions you go to. You can't control what roles you get. And I thought, man, that's such a better way to approach that. And for me as a professor, I. Instead of setting a goal of two or three articles for publication, 10 that I'm going to submit, whether those get rejected or not.
- [36:10]
B
Right.
- [36:11]
A
I'm Going to do my best, but some of that's out of my hands, you know, and, and likewise speaking gigs. I mean, there's so much failure. You reach out to 100 different places to book a gig. You can control that. You can't control whether or not they've got the budget for it or whether or not they agree to. I love that, that mental shift.
- [36:29]
B
Oh yeah.
- [36:30]
A
So you describe your presentations as hip hop cadences, heart centered truth and storytelling. That's not typical motivational speaker ease. So tell me what sets you apart from other motivational speakers?
- [36:44]
B
Yeah, yeah, funny story. So special ed teacher I was. So I know that in my classroom, my scholars all learn different. So when I, you know, visually auditory, you know, spoken, but I going in and speaking, I said, I want to create a platform to share my story globally. I'm like, but everybody's speaking. That's how can I be different? And I just knew there's something about the power of spoken word, you know? And I remember I would listen to this dude, Adam won't lose on Tidal or Spotify. He'd be like, dear hard work, I used to hate you. You made me better. And it's just a little beat. He's just talking over. I scratch my mouth. I said, I could do this, so call my guy producer. I said, pig, I'm gonna do an album. He thought I was crazy. I'm like, listen to Adam on Lose. He said, wow, okay, okay, yeah, I can see it. I got the beats. I'm like, yo, what do we do next? He said, start writing. So that was July. I forget the year, maybe 2021. And I said, and I dropped the album in November. I was finished with the album in November, but I told my kids, Toby, I said, listen, you don't gotta be smart or talented to be successful. Focus and effort, you can do anything you want. I said, daddy don't know nothing about music, but I'm about to go down this rabbit hole. I'm gonna, I'm putting my 20,000 hours, I'm gonna start studying Jay Common, Will Smith, all the people I think I, you know, align with and I'mma do this thing. So before I went full throttling music, I did my album. I did one rap song. It was real slow beat. But Toby, let me tell you, it was hard. I had such a different appreciation. I said, oh, these rappers, we got the breathing, all the things. And I dropped the first album. And then I was just like, really? You know, people are like, yo, your spoken word joint is tough. You Know that's your thing. I wasn't convinced that was it. I wanted the music because the music, like, if I go into high school and I dropped the bunker, they going crazy. Yeah, Mr. Motivation. Look, you know where to come to if you ever get in trouble. 0 to 100 hours, you should get there on the double. Never deviate the plan once you get outside the huddle. Cause whenever life hits you, they expecting you to follow. Now I got the attention. I could sprinkle some nuggets, drop a spoken word piece. And it's an experience. And that's been my approach. And after the first album, I just got really married to the music part of it. And for those listening, watching, I didn't need any validation from anybody I knew. Cause here's what happens. People know you as the last thing that they really like. For me, the college dropout. People always know me as that. Or the army guy. They always know me as that. Or always the promoter. But guess what? There's so much more to me. And y' all don't know all of that. And remember your vision, it starts in your head. Your head. Only you can see it. And you the first and only one to believe it. So you gotta pursue that thing. I didn't let anybody tell me X, Y or Z. I've done all the things I studied. Beyonce, homecoming. Because I also do events. And I just love when I'm on stage, I curate the experience. And I practice. Oh, my goodness. I practice, practice, practice. Practice makes improvement. And when you go and perform with your speaker, like you know a musician, even if you get nervous, and I do, you default to the level that you practice. So if you practice at a high level, you not gonna poop the bed up there. You gonna default to that. You may be a little jittery, but it's gonna kick in that muscle memory. And let me tell you people. How you doing, Murph? I said, I'm living the dream. They think it's a catchphrase, Toby. I literally think stuff up. Let me tell you, my daughter, the three years since I started, I was doing a show in Pennsylvania. 20 minutes set, all music. I'm going crazy. The crowd's going crazy. So I come off stage, she runs up to me, she said, daddy, you said you was gonna do this and you doing it, bro. I don't gotta make no money off of this. That right there, bro. Like, you can't tell them they can't do anything. They see me. You just showed it nothing to, bro. Can't make this Up. And I just encourage y'. All believe in you, bet on you. Like, why would I? Tell me no. You know what I'm saying? And that's the start. Like I said, when I tell people, I didn't read this. I didn't make this up. I'm living it. You know, I'm getting better every day. I got a vocal coach. She coming up. We doing all kinds of crazy stuff, but I'm like, is this what the greats do? I need to be doing that, too? You know what I'm saying? So, yeah, I just wanted to share that with y'. All.
- [42:05]
A
It's awesome. Two things come to mind. First of all, the nerdy learning scientist in me would say, what makes for memorable material and content is differences. Our bodies, I say this all the time, will be in class, and there'll be overhead fluorescent lights, and they're buzzing, but nobody notices it. Right. We our. Our mind subconsciously filter that noise out, but when you call attention to it, everybody hears it. Like, oh, I can't stop hearing that.
- [42:35]
B
Right, right, right.
- [42:36]
A
So we, as a survival mechanism, tend to filter out things that are unchanging. Homeostasis. Our bodies love to be in the same place that they were yesterday. They don't. They don't want to encounter more load in the weight room. They don't want to encounter more distances out in the street. Our body wants to be the same as it's always been because it takes resources to change.
- [43:00]
B
That's right.
- [43:01]
A
So when you're talking or speaking or rapping, and for me, I came across Vin Zhang. He's a speaking coach on the Internet. Australian guy. But he talks about the vocal archetypes, and he talks about how I can be a coach or a mentor or these different personalities, essentially. And if I shift those, and I go real quiet, pause, and I use things, and then I get loud and boisterous, that captivates, and that creates attention. We've all had the boring professor that just talks in the monotone. As a motivational speaker, the fact that you integrate that into what you're doing means that your learning is stickier. People are much more likely to walk away from that. The second thing I would say before that is, I love the idea that you're modeling behavior that you want your kids to see, and. And the fact that you've taken the humility and the vulnerability that it takes to not be great at something that's powerful. I mean, we all suck at something the first time we try it.
- [44:12]
B
Toby. Yes. Yeah.
- [44:15]
A
This podcast I'm 127 episodes deep. And you would have guessed today that I'm the world's most amateur podcaster, so maybe a bit of explanation is in order here. Sean and I recorded this episode over a month ago, and I loved every second of our conversation. But what I did not love were the technical gaffes that occurred on the day of recording. About 10 minutes before we were scheduled to begin, a massive Central Texas thunderstorm rolled in and knocked out power to my house. I was all set and ready to go when life threw me that curveball. It kicked back on pretty quickly, but I had to reboot everything. I scrambled to get everything back up and running in time, and I managed to connect just in time. Then about 10 minutes into the interview, my Internet dropped out, stranding my guest alone in the virtual studio as I frantically worked again to try to get back on. And then it happened again about 10 minutes later. It was not my best moment professionally, but Sean was a gracious guest, and to his credit, he stuck it out to the end. So then I download the show from my recording platform, only to discover that it has duplicated his video and audio on the latter two thirds of the recording. Meaning if I watch the video of our conversation right now, there's me and two different Sean's talking. If one Mr. Motivation is good, then surely two would be better, right? Not exactly, because there's just enough of a delay between the two that there's an annoying reverb and an echo through the remaining 30 minutes of the clip. All that to say my video of our talk was ruined. But I've learned a thing or two in the three years that I've been podcasting, so I was able to take the individual tracks of our audio and preserve it. This single episode took me about seven hours to produce, which is more than double my normal time. But I knew that what Shawn had to share was so good that I could not settle for less. Had it happened three years ago, it would have been lost. I would have either had to re record it at the inconvenience of my guest, or I more than likely would have just bagged it. I would have lost it. It never would have been produced. But struggling through the process has taught me some things that breezing through never would. It's been said that a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. I'm here to tell you, although a massive Central Texas thunderstorm tried its best to ruin this episode, I'm still grateful that I was able to navigate it and bring it to you to Hear that? Doesn't mean I wasn't embarrassed in the moment. Though I am quite sure it looked like amateur hour. I've dropped the Internet twice. We didn't connect. Like, it's okay to suck. And I so appreciate the fact that you're not eating my lunch for how the. The technical gaffes in this. But. But, man, there's. There's just this. This power in saying it's okay if I'm not the best at this, but like you said, I'm not pursuing perfection. What'd you say? Practice makes improvement and that's it, man, that. That mentality right there is enough to change my life, but it's also enough to. To change the trajectory of my family. And generational things can be broken through an example like that. So I love that. So powerful. So you alluded to the breakthrough bunker. Talk to me about that. This movement. You got this perfect world. Where do you want that to be five years from now?
- [47:48]
B
Oh, man. So it's five years from now. Sheesh. You know, it's crazy. I had a. I was maybe three years ago, I was on this kick with NFTS and the Metaverse, and I was just like, ah, I'm creating this multiverse, and I'm gonna have the speaking platform on that. So I created my own NFTs, all the things. And I was trying to think, because what I do sometimes I like, all right, what am I doing? How will we be doing this in 10 years? How can I do that now? Right? So that's what I was looking to do, whether it's doing talks in Metaverse or whatever. But that's on, like the shelf. I'll get back to that. But I wanted to create a space. Cause I travel and I give talks all over. But I'll come in, get you fired up, and I'm going. And you may, you know, hit my social media up. And you know, it may not always be me. Remember my social media manager? I was like, how do I create a space where I can almost be like Professor Murph, but not in the classroom? So the bunkers that like transformational space built for people who ready to grow, who may not know how to start, who can come as you are, where you are, no judgment. And whether you stuck starting searching, we gonna build together. I model this in my classroom. How I teach, I'm the guide. I come in there and I may point and I tell stories. But I want you all to kind of teach each other. You know what I'm saying? And so the Bunker is just that when I go places, I'm like, yo, tap into the free bunker. I'm starting in September, where I do a weekly community call where I'm going to do probably like a 5 PowerPoint slide of. Of something I'm teaching. But really, like, well, what questions you got? What you trying to do? You want to start a business? What you stuck at? How can I help you? And, you know, we can share with each other. So that's what the. The bunker is. It's a transformational space, man. And I'm excited to, you know, really just put that out more and get. You know, a lot of times everybody's selling something and, you know, of course I got the book, got the hat, but here's a space I'm not. So I'm giving you. There's a book, the Go Giver, Toby. Oh, man. It talks about the things that five or six laws of stratospheric success. You gotta lead with giving. The last law is the law of receptivity, where you allow yourself to receive. I'm not worried about me. The universe is gonna work. I meet people like, how can I help you? Oh, go to my LinkedIn. Anybody you need to know. I'll connect you. I offer, offer, offer before I'm asking for anything. And this is just another opportunity for me to give because I found in life, man, it's about the people. Proximity is power, right? Who's in your space? And if I can be one of those people that help you go next level, put a rung on the ladder to help you go up, I'm all for it, right? Because I'm here to guide, to help you unearth your talents. And sometimes, you know, and I've learned from teaching middle school, high school, college, parents and friends and family might never tell you, I'm proud of you. Or. Or you. You may be good at this thing. No kind of words of positivity. And then here I come. I'm overflowing you with like, oh, no, you could be great. You could do this. It don't matter where you at, where you want to go. And I think just having more of that, you know, on my platform is going to help a lot of people.
- [51:29]
A
Yeah, absolutely.
- [51:30]
B
Love it.
- [51:31]
A
Again, talking with Sean Murphy, Mr. Motivation. Sean, I love music, and you've. You've kind of alluded to this. This is a question I ask of all my guests. I've got a mixtape on Spotify that I include that has pretty much all my guests answer to this. If we were to Watch a montage of your life. What song would you pick to play in the background? And why?
- [51:56]
B
Toby. Oh, Lord. Now that is funny. Many years ago, it's been easy. I might have went to Jay Z quickly, right?
- [52:07]
A
It's a little more complicated than all that now, man.
- [52:12]
B
Huh? You know what I think so it's going to be one of my songs. And this one is called why how could I stop right now? Too many people counting on me. Yeah. Oh, why would I stop right now? I'm almost where I want to be. Why? These three letters are powerful as a word. It is the foundation for which everything you do in life stands upon. Anything you do, any goal you're pursuing, you have to know your why. It's the reason behind you making yourself uncomfortable as you stretch and grow into the new you. And why. I mean, these three letters are powerful as a word, is the foundation for which everything you do in life stands upon. And that's how it starts, right? And it goes in the wine and it talks about, you know, my mom's sacrifice and everything, and, like, I have to excel so that her work didn't go in vain. And it leads me to a quote about, you know, we on this journey of, you know, the success journey of life. And it's hard, man. It gets tired. I get tired. I'm tired. I'll be tired now I got another podcast to do. I gotta write another book. I gotta finish a song. It's tired. But who loses if I don't win? There's someone in Japan, Australia, Africa that needs to hear why, that needs to hear Murphy's Law, that needs to hear my next song that I ain't even put out yet. You know what I'm saying? I mean, ultimately for me, you know, we always heard the wealthiest place in the world is the graveyard. It's with dreams. People took dreams that would have changed the world to the grave. Took ideas, inventions for whatever reason, failure, fear of failure, lack of support, anxiety, self doubt. Bro, I'm le. I'm leaving it all on the table, all on the field, right? When Murph go out, it's good, but he took his last breath. I gave it all to the world. There's another quote. They said, you gotta. You plant seeds to a tree that will bear shade that you will never enjoy. And that's. That's. That just speaks to my purpose, my why, my. My reason for being here.
- [55:01]
A
That's it. It's that servanthood you talked about earlier. I'm reminded of the Les Brown quote. Slash Story where he talks about how you're on your deathbed and you're surrounded by the ghosts of the things that you were supposed to do that you never got around to doing. And how are you going to look them in the eye and tell them, I'm sorry I never got around to you, you know, writing that book or launching that podcast or whatever that is, whatever that. Why is that purpose? If I always say strategic and purpose, relentless and pursuit better every day, the strategic and purpose, we've got to spend time aligning with that because it can change seasons, change finances, change opportunities, change. I think about what we're doing right now, a zoom type podcast. Like five years ago, people didn't do this. And this is so commonplace. You know, you ask a middle schooler, you said you taught middle schoolers, ask them what they want to do for a career when they grow up. What are they going to say?
- [56:02]
B
Podcast the influencer.
- [56:04]
A
Yeah, I mean, that didn't exist during my childhood. So, I mean, if I don't continue to seek out my purpose and recognize that the dials have to be twisted a little bit and, and you know, I've got to stay in tune with how I'm serving people. Without that, I get lost.
- [56:24]
B
It's funny when you said that. LES Brown, one I gotta go look. Look up for that clip. That story for a man, a woman to die is our family members praying with them as they cross over. He said, but imagine if you will, being on your deathbed and standing around your bed, the ghost of the ideas, the dreams, the abilities, the talents given to you by life. And that you, for whatever reason, you never acted on those ideas. You never pursued that dream, you never used those talents. We never saw your leadership, you never used your voice, you never wrote that book. And there they are standing around your bed, looking at you with large, angry eyes, saying, we came to you and only you could have given us life. And now we must die with you forever. And the question is, if you die today, what ideas, what dreams, what abilities, what talents, what gifts will die with you? But one of the things I've been studying is what are people saying who are on their deathbed, you know what I mean? And a lot of them are saying, I wish I would have just took more risks. I wish I spent more time with family. I wish I didn't care what other people thought about me. And I'm encourage you viewers and listeners, go look up some of those things that people are saying that 80, 90 lived a long life. And at the end of it. This is the thought they're having and I'm hoping that Edward inspire you to not have that same thought when it's your turn. Yeah, yeah.
- [58:19]
A
Well I'll definitely have to look up the song. Is the song available on Spotify?
- [58:24]
B
Oh, Spotify. Apple. Yeah, it's called why Y.
- [58:28]
A
Well, I'll also drop that in the I create a page for every episode as well. So we'll drop that in as well. And absolutely no judgment that a guy from Brooklyn would have mentioned Jay Z right up front. So that, that tracks. I, I, I follow you. So you've alluded a little bit to this. But I mean the, the title of the show is Becoming Undone. How sometimes we fall apart before we fall into place. What for Mr. Motivation remains undone.
- [58:56]
B
Oh man, great question. No, it's funny, I. Life is good, man. Life is good. I've always been just grounded in gratitude and living in the present, right? I do. I am a visionary. So I'll do things future. One of the things I've been on this journey is like how do I use more of this brain of mine? You know the book's downstairs. Dr. Becoming supernatural is something I've been tapping into just talking about ascension and you know, sitting still, meditating, breathing. So for me, you know, do I have things to do? Yeah, you know we got the digital magazine I'm working on. I just just bought into a semi pro basketball team. So we got things. But it's like how I'm on this quest for self mastery, right. And I think on that quest is seeking wisdom, seeking knowledge. And then once I understand the knowledge is applying what I understand. So that's like the journey I'm on and I think it just speaks to when I do that I'm going to be able to help more people. You know, I'm be more locked in and I could be speak even smarter. So that's what's undone. Just uncovering me. Unearthing gifts that I'm still not tapped into. It's funny even with music life here tell you I used to write poems back in that poems all the time. Especially I'm dating girls. Hey girl. Roses and red poppies of blue. Then I forget about this thing and I go on this journey and I tap into my music side. I'm like wait, no, I got some bun right? Oh yeah. Why you say you used to do this? So sometimes we forget our gifts. Yeah, right. Because time separates us. We go on these different paths and these different paths in life. So I unearthed something from before so now I'm like, all right, intentional to get to a place where I unearth other gifts of mine. So. So that's how I would answer that, Toby.
- [61:01]
A
Yeah, tremendous. It also calls to mind for me the fact that, like, we talked about failure, I mean, if. If you looked at your military career and said, I left too soon, and if you look back on that with sadness or despair or anything other than just you left it all out there, the thing to realize is with this growth mindset, it's not about failure. We're acquiring skills. You know, when, when you're dating and, and, and courting the attention of a beautiful young lady, you're crafting skills that you don't know you're going to use 30 years later, 20 years later, however long, and, and it's. It really reminds me that even in my failure, there are still lessons that I can take forward into my next success. And without that, it just feels like a loss. And I'm not one to believe in a moral victory, but I'm also not one to just wallow in, at least anymore. I will say just wallow in all the negative that comes from failing to meet whatever standard was there. How can listeners connect with you? I know, book, business, website, you got a lot of entrepreneurial pursuits. Give us those socials.
- [62:15]
B
Yeah, yeah, well, definitely I have the one these on hand. Definitely tap in. Unbreakable valor, Triumph through the soul of resilience. But on my website, Mr. Motivation m I s t e r hyphen motivation dot com. I'm on Instagram a lot. Mr. M I s t e r motivation. The O's are zero for zero excuses, y'.
- [62:36]
A
All.
- [62:37]
B
But would love to tap in. And you know, I'm heavy in the DMs. Definitely responsive on. On my website you can find the link to the Breakthrough Bunker. Or you could tap in there too. And then Mr. Motivation Music, you know, I would love for you to. I just dropped the song Grad Capping for graduates for the love of women. That was for Mother's Day and Letter to Dad. Letter to dad was one. And, well, you know, that's something I haven't really addressed for 20 plus years, Toby. And then one day I was sitting and it just came to download it. So that's one of my new songs as well. So I would love to tap in. I definitely appreciate Toby for having me on the show.
- [63:21]
A
Yeah, I'll add all those links in the show notes and description. Sean, I really do appreciate it. Again, apologies for the technical gaff. Appreciate your patience.
- [63:34]
B
What's up good people? It's your boy, Mr. Motivation and I am undone.
- [63:39]
A
Awesome man. That was the best one I've ever had right there. Huge thanks to Sean, Mr. Motivation Murphy for showing us that courage isn't the absence of hardship, it's choosing to keep going even when the world tells you to quit. I'm thankful to Sean for dropping in and I hope you enjoyed our conversation. For more info on today's episode, be sure to check it out on the web. Simply go to undonepodcast.com ep137 to see the notes, links and images related to today's guest, Sean Murphy. If Sean's story moved you, challenged you, or sparked something inside, would you do me a favor? Share this episode with someone that you think needs to hear it? Leave a review, hit subscribe and help us spread the message. The breakdowns don't get the last word. Comebacks do Got some exciting news this week. I'm launching a brand new coaching service and to kick things off, I've created something totally free just for you, my valued listener and friend. It's called the State of your life assessment. It's a powerful tool designed to help you take an inventory, gain clarity, identify where you're ready to go. Think of it as a pre post test for growth. Just head over to undonepodcast.com survey that's S U R V E Y to get started. Once you've filled it out, you'll even have the option to schedule a completely free, no obligation discovery call with me. I'll personally review your answers and help you interpret your results. Again, that's undonepodcast.com survey. Truly hope you'll take advantage of it. Let's get you unstuck and moving forward with purpose. Coming up on the show, I've got a raw and unfiltered conversation with athlete turned record breaking salesman Jonathan shorten, who overcame disappointments in athletics, harrowing false accusations that threatened to leave him behind bars, and a suffocating search for purpose to eventually become one of the most successful young performers in the entire auto sales industry, all before the age of 30. Then I've got Silicon Valley entrepreneur Ileana Golan, who transitioned from an Air Force career to successful startup founder only to wake up one day and discovered she'd been removed and locked out of the company's she built herself. Hear how she turned that experience of devastation and starting over into a $10 million comeback? And the work she's doing today as the founder of Leap Academy. This and more coming up on Becoming Undone. Becoming Undone is a nitro hype creative production written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. Tell a friend about the show. Follow along on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn at Becoming Undone Pod and follow me at Toby J. Brooks on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Check out my link tree at linktr.ee tobybrooks Listen, subscribe and leave me a review at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Till next time friend. Keep getting better.
- [66:55]
B
Sa.