Becoming You with Suzy Welch: Episode Summary
Episode Title: It’s OK To Do Scary Things in Life, Except One
Release Date: January 21, 2025
Host: Suzy Welch, NYU Stern Professor and Bestselling Author
Introduction: Embracing Fear and Taking Risks
In the episode titled "It’s OK To Do Scary Things in Life, Except One," Suzy Welch delves into the intricacies of taking risks, the allure of doing "scary" things, and the fine line between ambition and overcommitment. Through personal anecdotes and philosophical insights, Suzy explores how stepping out of our comfort zones can lead to growth, while also cautioning against the pitfalls of saying "yes" too often.
The Scary Woods Walk: A Metaphor for Life's Challenges
The episode opens with Suzy recounting a nerve-wracking walk in the woods with her four dogs during a snowy morning. This experience serves as a powerful metaphor for confronting fears and navigating life's uncertainties.
- Suzy Welch (00:24): "I'm definitely over my head with four dogs at one time. But I'm doing my daughter a favor. And it's scary. It's scary what I'm about to do."
Despite her fears of encountering a bear, the walk ultimately becomes a moment of reflection and resilience.
- Suzy Welch (00:47): "Good news. We did not encounter a bear in the woods. Thank God."
New Year's Resolutions and the Temptation to Overcommit
Transitioning from the woods metaphor, Suzy discusses the common struggle with New Year's resolutions, emphasizing how setting overly ambitious goals can lead to disappointment.
- Suzy Welch (01:20): "Maybe you didn't make resolutions because everyone knows resolutions are dumb, but your New Year's ambitions and one of the reasons we fall behind on our resolutions is because we just take on too much onto our plates at the beginning of the year."
She shares her personal challenge with saying "yes" to everything, attributing it to a shift from a period of saying "no" due to personal responsibilities and a newfound desire to live expansively.
- Suzy Welch (02:00): "I'm saying yes to a lot of stuff. Also, I happen to love the people asking me to do stuff, and I love my work. And I'm a person who just wants to live very, very big."
The Three Ds Philosophy: Default, Deliberation, and Living by Design
Central to the episode is Suzy's exploration of the "Three Ds" philosophy, which outlines different approaches to living life.
- Default: Living reactively without intentionality.
- Deliberation: Introducing some level of intention and planning into one's life.
- Living by Design: Fully embracing a purposeful and intentional lifestyle.
- Suzy Welch (04:30): "Default, which really is how we all live all the time. Reactive. Events overtake us. We just sort of muddle through the day."
She advocates for moving beyond mere deliberation to living by design, where individuals have a clear theory of their life, values, and purpose.
- Suzy Welch (06:00): "You really want to live with that third D of design. That's why people take Becoming You."
Overcommitment Crisis: Teaching Too Many Classes
Suzy shares a pivotal moment when her habit of saying "yes" led to an unsustainable situation. Overcommitting to teach multiple classes across various programs at NYU Stern resulted in a chaotic semester.
- Suzy Welch (10:15): "I said yes to everybody. And I wasn't really paying attention... it was an epic shit show, okay?"
This experience thrust her into "survival mode," a stark contrast to her usual "living by design" approach.
- Suzy Welch (12:00): "Survival mode is just to be very, you know when you're in it... I was in survival mode, I mean, I was dreaming the lectures, I couldn't even sleep without working."
From Survival Mode to Living by Design: Making a Bold Choice
Faced with the chaos of overcommitment, Suzy made a decisive choice to shift from survival mode back to living by design.
- Suzy Welch (14:30): "I made a decision... Don't look up. I was just going to live the way I lived for many years, that I'm not proud of... I was in the bunker with a flak jacket on."
By focusing on the present moment and prioritizing what truly mattered, she began to regain control and align her actions with her values.
- Suzy Welch (17:00): "Living by design. How good it is, how sweet it is, how it is not always available to us. But fight for it."
Understanding Values: The Importance of Scope
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the concept of "scope" as a personal value. Scope refers to the desire for stimulation, excitement, and pushing boundaries.
- Suzy Welch (19:59): "Scope is not good and it's not bad. It just is what it is. I have a high scope level, and it doesn't make me any better than somebody who's got a low scope level."
Suzy emphasizes that understanding one's scope preferences is essential for living authentically without judgment.
- Suzy Welch (21:30): "One of the beautiful things about having a language around values... we don't judge anybody about it. We just say, look, we have this value called scope... We all have a right to be exactly the way we want to be."
Personal Reflections: Embracing Achievements and Accepting Failures
Suzy reflects on her inherent drive to achieve and the psychological satisfaction it brings. She ties this to her Enneagram type, identifying as an achiever who seeks recognition and claps for her accomplishments.
- Suzy Welch (15:04): "Because when you achieve them, it feels really good and you grow."
However, she also shares her experiences of failure, such as attempting to obtain a PhD later in life and venturing into consulting, both of which did not pan out as expected. These stories highlight the delicate balance between pursuing ambitious goals and recognizing one's limits.
- Suzy Welch (17:45): "I've done scary things. Hard things. And I've failed. Okay? I've had things not work out."
The Dachshund Parade: A Symbol of Living by Design
In a heartwarming conclusion to her woods walk metaphor, Suzy describes deciding to participate in a dachshund parade with her dog Pierre. This act symbolizes her return to intentional living and finding joy in planned, meaningful activities.
- Suzy Welch (23:11): "I said, that's it, man. I'm actually. I'm gonna take my dachshund Pierre to the dachshund parade."
This decision marked her shift back to "living by design," allowing her to celebrate her achievements and embrace the life she consciously shapes.
Conclusion: Moving Forward with Purpose
As the episode wraps up, Suzy encourages listeners to strive for living by design while acknowledging that periods of survival are sometimes inevitable. She emphasizes the importance of not succumbing to default or survival modes for extended periods, advocating for a proactive approach to personal growth and fulfillment.
- Suzy Welch (24:29): "Sometimes we have to... But that's no excuse to stay there. Okay?"
She also announces upcoming "Becoming You" intensives at NYU, inviting listeners to engage more deeply with the methodology she teaches.
- Suzy Welch (25:00): "I really hope to see you at either one of these the one day or the three day. It'd be really fun."
Notable Quotes
- Suzy Welch (00:24): "I'm doing my daughter a favor. And it's scary. It's scary what I'm about to do."
- Suzy Welch (02:00): "I'm saying yes to a lot of stuff. Also, I happen to love the people asking me to do stuff, and I love my work."
- Suzy Welch (04:30): "Default, which really is how we all live all the time. Reactive. Events overtaking us."
- Suzy Welch (10:15): "It was an epic shit show, okay?"
- Suzy Welch (14:30): "Living by design. How good it is, how sweet it is, how it is not always available to us. But fight for it."
- Suzy Welch (19:59): "Scope is not good and it's not bad. It just is what it is."
- Suzy Welch (23:11): "I'm gonna take my dachshund Pierre to the dachshund parade."
Final Thoughts
In "It’s OK To Do Scary Things in Life, Except One," Suzy Welch masterfully intertwines personal narrative with philosophical exploration, offering listeners both inspiration and cautionary tales. Her candid discussion about the balance between ambition and overcommitment serves as a valuable guide for anyone seeking to navigate the complexities of personal growth and intentional living.
Connect with Suzy Welch and Continue Your Journey:
For those inspired to delve deeper into the "Becoming You" methodology, Suzy announces two upcoming intensives:
- Three-Day Intensive: March 21-23
- One-Day Intensive: April 26
Both sessions will be held at the NYU campus and are sponsored by the NYU Stern Initiative on Purpose and Flourishing. To learn more and register, visit SuzYWELCH.com.
Produced by: Jesse Baker and Eric Newsom of Magnificent Noise
Production Staff: Muska Nagpal, Kristin Muller, Eliza Zinn, Hallie Reiner, Maddy Paul, Tanya Joji
Host: Suzy Welch
Thank you for tuning into "Becoming You with Suzy Welch." Continue exploring your purpose and designing the life you desire.