Podcast Summary: "The Lies We Tell About Love"

Podcast: Becoming You with Suzy Welch
Host: Suzy Welch (NYU Stern Professor, author, decision-making expert)
Guest: Lindsay Metzlar (Host of “We Met at Acme” podcast)
Date: October 14, 2025

Overview

This episode of Becoming You dives deep into the myths and truths people tell themselves—and each other—about love, romance, and relationships. Suzy Welch welcomes relationship and dating expert Lindsay Metzlar for an open, funny, and data-driven discussion about the often-unspoken realities of romantic values, what’s actually important in sustaining partnerships, and how gender, societal narratives, and personal growth shape our experience of love. The pair blend personal anecdotes, surprising research findings, and actionable insights, all with characteristic candor and warmth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origins and Evolution of ‘We Met at Acme’

• Lindsay’s Backstory:
  • The podcast started after Lindsay was dumped on her 27th birthday, which doubled as her Saturn return ([01:18]). She created the show as a candid “dating diary” to fill a gap she saw in New York dating podcasts.
  • Memorable quote:
    • “There are no dating podcasts about dating in New York City and how awful it is.” – Lindsay ([01:49])

2. Acknowledging Lies about Love

• Cultural Narratives:
  • The episode’s title references the lies people tell themselves about what they want in relationships, best exemplified by a Taylor Swift lyric where she admits to lying about not wanting marriage ([06:03]–[07:24]).
  • Memorable quote:
    • “You make yourself so vulnerable by saying, I really want that thing. I want love, I want a marriage.” – Suzy ([07:11])
• Admission & Vulnerability:
  • Both hosts agree there’s cultural pressure, especially for women, to downplay romantic desires to avoid disappointment or appear needy.

3. Introducing the ‘Belovedness’ Value

• The Values Bridge:
  • Suzy explains her research tool, the Values Bridge—a test ranking 16 core values (including recently added “Belovedness”: the value placed on romantic love) via 100 behavioral questions ([03:53], [08:18]).
• The Authenticity Gap:
  • The test reveals not just which values people prioritize, but whether their lives actually reflect those priorities, highlighting how loneliness or unfulfilled desires can create personal dissonance.

4. Surprising Research Findings about Love

Gender Differences

• Men Value Belovedness More Highly Than Women
  • Data point: Men are 70% more likely than women to rank “Belovedness” in their top five values ([10:00]).
    • Discussion: Contrary to societal assumptions, men’s desire for a romantic partnership is higher—albeit often unspoken.
    • Memorable quote:
      • “Men need women more than women need men…we get a lot from our female friendships…Men get everything from their beloved.” – Lindsay ([10:25])
• Silence Around Men’s Needs:
  • Men rarely admit loneliness or desire for intimacy, due to social conditioning around masculinity ([11:50]–[12:17]).
    • Memorable quote:
      • “You almost never hear a man say, ‘I’m lonely.’” – Suzy ([12:16])

Women and Romantic Disappointment

• Single Women Rank Belovedness Lower
  • Data point: 41% of women (especially singles) place it in their bottom five values, compared to only 27% of single men ([14:13]).
    • Reasons: Self-preservation (“if they rank it higher, they don’t feel valuable because they don’t have it” – Lindsay), disappointment or ‘giving up’ after bad experiences, and possible defiance of societal expectations ([14:18]–[17:46]).
    • Societal Rebellion: Some single women prioritize career and achievement, pushing back against the perceived centrality of romance.

Universal Desire for Connection

• Across all demographics, no one wants less belovedness—even if their lives don’t currently reflect a romantic priority ([18:38], [19:36]).

Generational Insights

• Gen Z and Achievement:
  • This generation ranks achievement lower due to its association with anxiety ([19:48]–[20:49]).
  • Mental health is prioritized over traditional careerism, reflecting shifting values.

Money and Love

• Higher Income, Higher Desire for Belovedness:
  • The wealthier a person, the more they report valuing an intimate partnership ([21:36]).
    • Hypothesis: With financial security, people seek emotional support and partnership more.
• Occupational Variance:
  • Finance and sales professionals rank belovedness highest, while those in academia value it least—perhaps due to an analytical or skeptical approach to relationships ([23:17]–[24:45]).

5. Values as Relationship Glue

• Similar Values Trump ‘Opposites Attract’:

  • Both believe alignment in core values is far more important than superficial compatibility or the myth of “opposites attract” ([27:25]–[28:05]).
    • Memorable quote:
      • “Opposites attract, then attack.” – Lindsay ([28:05])
  • Successful couples weather challenges thanks to shared core beliefs: e.g., fun/sex, family centrism.

• Values Mismatches That Cause Problems:

  • Agency: If both partners are highly ‘in-charge’ (high agency), conflict is likely; better if one is more flexible ([29:40]–[30:15]).
  • Beholderism: Differences in appearance/home aesthetics can create tension.
  • Affluence: Disparities in the desire for wealth drive major disagreements ([31:32]).
  • Cosmos/Faith: Mismatches in religious faith make partnership challenging ([32:51]–[34:10]).
  • Family Centrism: Competing or incompatible family priorities can be relationship killers ([34:26]–[37:02]).

6. How Values Play Out

• Practical Value Conversations:
  • Advice: Have tough conversations early—about money, future plans, family, etc. ([38:56]–[39:47])
    • Actionable tip: Each partner writes down their “enough” financial number, then exchanges answers to reveal differences in expectations ([39:47]–[40:46]).
• Dating with Intent:
  • Applying a values-based approach early (even second dates) is recommended. Disinterest in exploring these topics is a red flag ([37:31]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Men Needing Love:
  • “Men need women more than women need men.” – Lindsay ([10:25])
• On Cultural Lies:
  • “When I said that before, that was a lie. I think a lot of women heard that and had some reflection.” – Suzy (on Taylor Swift’s lyric) ([07:24])
• On Delusion in Love:
  • “I’m, if anything, delusional.” – Lindsay ([08:15])
• On Why Single Women Downplay Desire for Romance:
  • “If they rank it higher, they don’t feel valuable because they don’t have it…it’s like self-preservation.” – Lindsay ([14:18])
• On Dating Horror Stories:
  • “How many times have you received texts from friends on promising dates where the text is, you know, ‘getting out of here’ like an hour into it?” – Suzy ([15:38])
• On Core Compatibility:
  • “Your values are, I would argue, number one.” – Lindsay ([27:32])
  • “Opposites attract, then attack.” – Lindsay ([28:05])
• On Shared Family Values:
  • “A partner that wants to take you away from your family of origin is a red flag to me.” – Suzy ([36:00])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Lindsay’s story & podcast origins: [01:18]–[02:45]
• Adding ‘Belovedness’ to the Values Bridge: [03:53]–[05:47]
• Taylor Swift and lying about marriage: [06:03]–[07:35]
• Men’s vs women's value on belovedness: [10:00]–[11:50]
• Why men don’t admit their needs: [11:54]–[12:21]
• Why single women downrank belovedness: [14:13]–[17:46]
• Universal craving for love: [18:38]–[19:36]
• Gen Z and shifting values: [19:48]–[20:49]
• Money and love correlations: [21:36]–[23:05]
• Which professions value belovedness most/least: [23:17]–[24:45]
• Importance of matching values in relationships: [27:25]–[28:16]
• Values as sources of tension: [29:40]–[32:10]
• Faith and family centrism issues: [32:51]–[37:02]
• Bringing values to dating early: [37:31]–[38:56]
• Practical pre-marriage conversations: [39:02]–[40:46]
• Happy endings and new projects: [41:54]–[42:22]

Conclusion

Suzy and Lindsay’s conversation blends hard data and life wisdom, stressing that values—not chemistry, not “opposites,” not wishful thinking—are the foundation for authentic, lasting love. The episode advocates for transparency, introspection, and practical conversations over romantic mythologizing, all offered with empathy, humor, and hope.

Listeners are left with a challenge: get honest about your values and make them central in your relationships—whether you’re searching for love, in a partnership, or building a life on your own terms.