Podcast Summary

Becoming You with Suzy Welch

Episode: The One Value That Future-Proofs Your Relationship…and Two That Could Rock Its Core
Guests: Sam Feher & William Hayden
Date: December 9, 2025

Overview

This episode of "Becoming You" with host Suzy Welch dives into how understanding and aligning personal values can shape, strengthen, and occasionally challenge romantic relationships. Suzy, joined by couple Sam Feher (reality star and podcast host) and William Hayden (entrepreneur), explores critical value differences and overlap using the Values Bridge—her framework for identifying and ordering life values. Throughout, the group offers honest, humorous, and practical insights into how foundational beliefs affect love, belonging, and the long-term potential of their partnership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the Guests and the “Values Bridge”

• Sam Feher’s Background:

  • Started in magazine journalism after being inspired by "The Devil Wears Prada" ([02:23]).
  • Transitioned from corporate America to reality TV (“Summer House” at age 24) and then to self-employment.
  • Realized being on TV helped accelerate her self-discovery process.
  • Began the journey to define who she is beyond public personas.

• William Hayden’s Background:

  • Recurring theme of reinvention: once a Shakespeare and dystopian studies scholar, then a consultant, then a media and film producer ([04:17]).
  • Founded a fintech company (securebags.com) for small business owners ([05:27]).
  • Describes the sense of doing what came next before understanding his deeper motivation.

• Origin of the “Values Bridge”:

  • Suzy introduces the Values Bridge as a psychometric tool to rank personal values, designed out of frustration with existing tests ([09:08]).
  • Used by individuals, couples, and families to surface value similarities and discrepancies, notably affecting relationships.

2. How They Met: Modern Love & “Three Meetings Theory”

• Sam and William met in New York as roommates, but romance didn't begin immediately ([06:06]).
• William describes the "three meetings theory":
  1. Meet when not interested;
  2. Meet again when not ready;
  3. Finally connect when both are ready ([07:02]).
• Quote:
  “You’ll meet once when you’re not interested... then when you’re not ready... and then when you’re ready to fall in love. And we... almost to a T... lived that.” — William ([07:28])
• Now, they live together, are happy, and are actively engaging in aligning their values using the Values Bridge ([07:47]).

3. Core Value Differences: Faith/Cosmos and Belonging

A. Faith (“Cosmos”)

• Key Split:

  • For William, faith (Cosmos) is a top-five value. He’s deeply invested in a broad spiritual search—studying Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and nature-based spiritualities ([10:09]–[11:47]).
  • For Sam, faith ranks last. While not religious, she’s intellectually fascinated by religion and chose to study it academically, valuing the community aspect ([12:07]).

• Quotes:

  • “Simply, what cosmos means to me is that if I consider myself to be the ultimate power of the universe, I will not find myself achieving or producing or contributing in the way that I want to.” — William ([11:47])
  • “For me, I feel spiritual when I’m in a room full of people striving to be best versions of themselves. I feel spiritual in that community setting.” — Sam ([15:07])

• Navigating the Difference:

  • Their openness and curiosity bridge the gap, with Sam joining William at church and seeking to understand faith more deeply ([15:00]).
  • Suzy shares her own marriage experience—how differences in religious backgrounds can be navigated if there’s shared aspiration and openness ([13:16]).

B. Belonging

• Key Split:
  • Sam: Belonging is her #2 value—centered on friendship and chosen family due to a small biological family ([16:26]).
  • William: Belonging is peripheral (rank #14). He prefers quiet, values close interactions over social busyness ([16:12]).
• How it Plays Out:
  • Sam plans social events and values a “full calendar”; William is comfortable with quieter, less structured time ([16:44]).
  • Quotes:
    • “Your 14 belonging forces me to slow down and take time for myself, which is really good for me. And I think my 2 belonging gets you outside of the house.” — Sam ([17:34])
    • “Testing comfort zones is important. And sacrifice is important in the relationship.” — William ([17:02])
  • Their approach is pragmatic: mutual respect, compromise, and use of language (e.g., “Your belonging is a little in my face today”) for healthy boundary setting ([17:19]).
• Memorable Moment:
  • The couple bonds over game nights with friends (Settlers of Catan), recognizing competitive streaks as part of their “belonging” dynamic while keeping things fun and loving ([19:00]).

4. Shared Core Value: Belovedness (The Relationship “Green Flag”)

• Both score highly on “belovedness”—the value placing utmost importance on a romantic partner ([21:12]).
  • Suzy underscores the risk when this value is mismatched in couples, calling their shared, high belovedness “a big green flag” for relationship durability.
• Quotes:
  • “When push comes to shove with values, you’re going to put the relationship first.” — Suzy ([21:12])
  • “I actually don’t know that that value would have been high for me until I found the right person.” — Sam ([21:43])
  • “Completely different than where it would have been two years ago.” — William ([21:46])
• High family centrism is also a mutual value, introducing only the “good problem” of loving each other’s families and managing time during the holidays ([22:11]).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Values in Relationships:
  “Our values do not exist in a vacuum. They exist in an ecosystem. And thus becoming us has become something.” — Suzy ([00:13])
• On Openness to Faith:
  “Whatever she’s got, I’m on that journey with her. I’m not there yet.” — Suzy’s late husband Jack, as recounted by Suzy ([13:42])
• On Loving Each Other’s Families:
  “The tension is not like, oh, I wish I was spending with my family and not your family. It’s like, we both want to be with all the families on the same day. And it’s impossible.” — Sam ([22:51])
• On Relationship Growth:
  “A seismic event can do that. ...After Jack died, belovedness went to my last value. So I think it can change both ways.” — Suzy ([21:50])

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Introducing Guests & Values Bridge: [00:56]–[09:30]
• How They Met & “Three Meetings Theory”: [06:04]–[07:47]
• Exploring Faith & Cosmos Value: [09:44]–[15:44]
• Belonging and Social Balance: [15:44]–[19:50]
• Games & Relationship Dynamics: [19:00]–[19:50]
• Belovedness “Green Flag”: [19:51]–[22:51]

Conclusion & Takeaways

• Understanding your own and your partner’s values—both overlaps and misalignments—is crucial for a strong, future-proofed relationship.
• Differences in core values like faith and belonging are navigable through honest conversation, respect, and curiosity, aided by frameworks like the Values Bridge.
• Sharing high levels of “belovedness” and family centrism functions as a “green flag” for longevity—why the relationship comes first for both Sam and William.
• The episode offers an honest, engaging window into how real couples address value-based challenges, making it relatable for anyone seeking to “become us” as well as “become you.”

Find the Guests:

• Sam Feher: Instagram & the “Caps Lock” podcast
• William Hayden: Securebags.com for small business solutions

Host: Suzy Welch, NYU Stern
Podcast: Becoming You