Podcast Summary: Becoming You with Suzy Welch

Episode: "Three Words That Can Change Your Life. Say Them Today."

Date: January 20, 2026
Host: Suzy Welch
Guest: Sue Jacobson

Overview

This insightful episode of "Becoming You" spotlights the transformative power of showing others that they matter. Rooted in real-life experiences and frameworks from Professor Zach Mercurio’s research on "mattering," business journalist and professor Suzy Welch, with her longtime best friend Sue Jacobson, explores three practical communication techniques that deepen connection and impact at work, at home, and in friendships. With warmth, humor, and vulnerability, they demonstrate—not just discuss—how these life-changing words and actions can be applied.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Friendship Background

• Suzy introduces Sue Jacobson, her lifelong best friend and successful business leader, recalling how they met as mediocre tennis counselors (“We were only slightly better than the kids.” [04:48]).
• They touch on the importance and challenges of maintaining meaningful adult friendships, including surviving a significant misunderstanding in their own relationship.
• Suzy: “One of the great successes and joys of my life is that we were able to save our relationship thanks to you.” ([05:25])

2. Mattering: The Life-Changing Skill

• The main theme: Deliberately showing people they matter is a learnable, practical, yet often neglected skill that can radically improve workplaces and relationships.
• Suzy shares a story of an MBA student who used these techniques with his wife, moving her deeply ([01:48]).
• The episode's practical purpose: to equip listeners with three “quadruple-impact” behaviors for showing others they matter.
• Framework credited to Prof. Zach Mercurio, author of The Mattering Effect.

3. The Mattering Framework: "NAN" ([08:35])

Suzy introduces Mercurio’s “NAN” model:

• Noticing
• Affirming
• Needing

A. Noticing ([10:35])

• The art of truly seeing and hearing someone, in detail and without rushing to solve or judge.
• Example Dialogue:
  • Suzy asks Sue about both the highlight and hardest part of her day, then actively listens and draws out more emotion.
  • Suzy: “Did you feel just a punch in the gut, or did you feel any other emotions…?” ([12:37])
• Key Insight:
  • We’re “so bad at this,” noting the gap between assuming we listen and actually practicing active listening.
  • “Noticing…asks you to suspend yourself for a moment and enter the reality of the other person and pull out the details of their experience in a way that they feel thoroughly seen and heard.” ([14:06])
• Memorable Moment: Suzy admits that, even with Sue, she usually jumps to “solutions” instead of pausing to notice emotions.

B. Affirming ([15:32])

• Moving beyond generic praise (“Yay!” [15:37]) to truly affirm by being specific about what someone did, when, and how it impacted you.
• Demonstration:
  • Suzy recalls Sue’s time as board chair of the Chamber of Commerce, admiring her strength in gathering dissenting opinions and changing course even at personal cost.
  • Suzy to Sue: “I learned so much from you in that because you gathered a lot of opinions…I want to affirm that you have a very unique gift…” ([17:20])
• Sue reciprocates, affirming Suzy’s impact as a teacher:
  • “You have this just wonderful way of, like, making it interesting but communicating, like, real facts…that’s your differentiator.” ([19:52], [20:28])
• Memorable Quote:
  • Suzy: “This is, like, to me, so different than you saying, that was a great class. Like, you’re actually pointing out that the class had an impact on you, that you’re actually going to take one of the practices from the class and put it in.” ([20:54])

C. Needing ([21:00])

• The hardest step: letting go of guards to express directly that you need someone, and precisely why.
• Suzy reflects on not saying “I need you” to Sue—something often reserved for crisis moments, but transformative for both parties when spoken.
• Emotional Story:
  • Suzy recounts the terrifying months when Sue nearly died from a rare virus, with only a 9% survival rate ([23:00–25:00]).
  • Suzy: “When I thought you were going to die, I literally thought to myself… ‘I can’t go on without this person’... and I never told you when you came out of it how scared I was of a life without you and that I need you so much.” ([25:40])
  • Sue responds: “When you said that to me last night, I almost passed out. I still haven’t gotten over it… to hear it was so… transforming.” ([27:15])
• Memorable Moment: Both admit these words were “understood” after decades of friendship, but never spoken—and that hearing them was powerfully affirming.

4. Practical Application & Call to Action ([29:46])

• Suzy challenges listeners:
  • “Make a list of five people who you should do mattering with in this very detailed way…” ([29:46])
  • Steps: notice them, affirm them specifically, and tell them you need them.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Overconfidence in Connection:
  “You think you do it. But there’s such an overconfidence bias on this. It’s frightening.” — Suzy ([01:16])
• On Friendship & Belonging:
  “Belonging is… in the bottom five for most Americans.” ([05:05])
• On Noticing:
  “We don’t try to get them to a solution right away. We actually hear what they’re saying and then speak back…in a way that makes it very clear we’ve actually heard them.” ([10:35])
• On the Difficulty of Emotional Vulnerability:
  “Kneading is when we let down our guard and we tell somebody how and why they’re indispensable to us... Bosses almost never do this.” ([20:56])
• On the Power of Specific Affirmation:
  “You affirm somebody by pointing out in a very specific way the unique thing that they did when they did it and how it had an impact.” ([16:21])
• On Saying “I Need You”:
  “To hear it was so… transforming. It was just a beautiful thing.” — Sue ([27:15])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–04:00: Friendship origins, humor
• 06:00–08:35: The journey through friendship, value of belonging
• 08:35–10:35: Introduction of the "NAN" mattering framework
• 11:32–14:35: "Noticing" demonstration and discussion
• 15:32–20:54: "Affirming" demonstration, reciprocal affirmations
• 20:56–27:28: "Needing" explained, emotional personal story, vulnerability
• 29:46–30:41: Call to action and prescriptive takeaways

Tone & Language

Suzy and Sue’s exchanges are candid, warm, full of humor and humility, but unafraid to show emotional depth. The tone is conversational, deeply personal, and inclusive, modeled on the very “mattering” the episode seeks to teach.

Takeaway

This episode delivers a masterclass in the art of genuinely and specifically showing others how much they matter, both in and beyond the workplace. Suzy’s practical framing—notice, affirm, and need—offers listeners concrete tools, memorable examples, and a moving call to action: slow down, get specific, be vulnerable, and say what needs to be said, because those three words—You Matter To Me—can truly change a life.