Podcast Summary: "What Are You Doing When You Lose Track of Time?" Four Questions to Break You Open (And Free)

Podcast: Becoming You with Suzy Welch
Host: Suzy Welch, NYU Stern Professor
Date: August 26, 2025
Episode Theme:
Suzy Welch explores the transformative power of self-inquiry with four essential questions designed to help listeners discover their authentic selves and life purpose. Drawing on insights from a community of professional "purpose doulas" (life coaches focused on purpose discovery), Suzy walks listeners through each question, integrating real-life applications, personal stories, and actionable advice for self-discovery, fulfillment, and navigating life’s trade-offs.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Purposeful Questions

• Suzy’s Set-Up (00:00–02:55):
  Suzy introduces the episode by reiterating the importance of knowing oneself as the foundation for making quality life and career choices.
  • “You can't get a good career, you can't get a good life if you don't know this incredible important information. You can't find your purpose until you know who you are.” (01:24)
  • She notes personal experience, admitting self-understanding took her decades.
• Suzy sourced today's questions from top life coaches and purpose doulas, aiming to “crack you open” to new self-insight.

2. Question #1: Who Has the Greatest Level of Job Satisfaction in Your Eyes?

Prompted by: Elizabeth Schneider, Psychotherapist & Coach (02:55–09:11)

• The Question:
  “What one person that you know, either personally or publicly, has the greatest level of job satisfaction?”
• Purpose:
  This question distills what you truly value in career/life by identifying someone whose professional satisfaction you admire—forcing you to confront inevitable trade-offs between lifestyle and work values.
• Suzy’s Insight:
  • Suzy calls this “a winnowing exercise”—it boils your desires down to one real-world model, clarifying both aspiration and compromise.
  • “When you have to narrow it down to one person, you literally are forced to say, okay, when I factor everything in around career and lifestyle...which one matters more?” (03:31)
  • She discusses her own dilemma about choosing, showing that big, admired lives all come with “trade-offs.” Example: if you chose her life, you’d get her public success, but also her grief (after her husband’s passing) and choices like prioritizing family.
  • Suzy recounts an emotionally honest wedding moment, connecting the question back to her own experience of loss and joy.
  • “No matter who you answer this question with, and this is the point, every single person that you answer this question with has made some trade offs and you have to make them too.” (08:50)

Notable Quote

“You cannot do it all at the same time. I want to tell you that for a fact, because I tried. I mean, I tried for about 25 years. And if you've tried, you know, you cannot do that.” (08:30, Suzy Welch)

3. Question #2: What Are You Doing When You Lose Track of Time?

Prompted by: Glenn Horsfall, Educator & Purpose Coach (09:11–14:53)

• The Question:
  “What are you doing when you lose track of time?”
• Purpose:
  Pinpoints your "flow state"—the activities where your values, aptitudes, and interests all align.
• Suzy’s Insight:
  • For Suzy, it’s teaching: “When I'm teaching my students, I, you know, like, I'm not sure. I think my feet are like off the ground. I'm levitating. That's flow.” (10:35)
  • She details why identifying this is critical: you cannot enter flow if you're not living your values, using your gifts, or exploring your interests.
  • Couples and parenting angle: “Do you know the flow state of your partner and do you allow them to enter it?...Part of love is allowing your partner to enter their flow state, even if you don’t and respecting their flow state.” (12:15)
  • Touches on learning to support differing flow states in marriage and family.

Notable Quote

“You will never lose track of time if you are not living your values.” (10:57, Suzy Welch)
“I just think you gotta know that answer to this question about yourself. When do you lose track of time? And then...do you know when your partner loses track of time and is it okay with you? …that’s a beautiful way to express love, I think.” (13:37, Suzy Welch)

4. Question #3: What Gives You the ‘Sunday Scaries’?

Prompted by: Marilyn Dollar, Executive Coach (14:53–20:11)

• The Question:
  “What gives you the Sunday scaries?”
• Purpose:
  A diagnostic for hidden work/life misalignments—identifying sources of anxiety before the workweek.
• Suzy’s Insight:
  • Most people have “Sunday scaries”—but the question is: why? Bad bosses are just one answer; often, the real reason is mismatch of aptitudes or values.
  • “Anxiety is real…But what ends up happening too often is we say I have anxiety about work and we don't ask the next question, which is why?” (17:03)
  • She recounts her own early-career challenges and how she transformed a personal deficit (public speaking anxiety) through exhaustion-fueled honesty and vulnerability—encouraging listeners to name and address the true source of their Sunday anxiety rather than defaulting to vague blame or avoidance.
  • “Once you can say it, you can pretty much get better at it, or at least try. I mean, there's some things that work we're just not wired for...But look, the story of my life is just me getting better at some things I wasn't naturally good at.” (17:38)
• Action:
  Identify the core cause of your Sunday scaries. Can you fix it? If not, consider a bigger change.

Notable Quote

“Do you have the Sunday scaries? And if you do, don't let yourself give the easy answer. What's the hard answer for why you have them? Can you fix it?” (19:58, Suzy Welch)

5. Question #4: How Are You, Really?

Prompted by: Beth Briggs, Dean of Students, NYU Stern (20:11–end)

• The Question:
  “How are you doing?” (With the intention to probe for honesty: How are you, really?)
• Purpose:
  To pierce the surface-level scripts we use to mask pain, bringing real emotional states to light and ultimately fostering deeper connection and healing.
• Suzy’s Insight:
  • Remembers the shock of hearing genuine honesty in public, and how most of us have inner lives and pain that go unnamed, unshared.
  • “We lie to each other so much about pain. We lie to ourselves about pain. We just lie about our pain because pain takes time to unpack.” (20:32)
  • Suzy underscores: pain unacknowledged will be transferred—usually onto loved ones—unless transformed.
  • Gives a tool: calling pain by its “proper name” (quoting Confucius).
  • Argues that often, persistent pain comes from an unexpressed value, not just trauma.
  • Gender insight: women are often better socialized to share; men may lack language or encouragement, leading to emotional bottlenecks.
  • Parenting note: Boys have rich inner lives, even if culture discourages expression.
• Action:
  Ask yourself—and loved ones: How are you, really? Listen with true presence.

Notable Quotes

“That which is not transformed is transferred. We put it on other people, and usually we put it on people we love, and then we hurt them, and that's bad.” (21:44, Suzy Welch)
“The road to wisdom begins with calling things by their proper name.” (22:28, Suzy Welch, quoting Confucius)
“Everyone has an inner life, and your boys have one.” (24:04, Suzy Welch)

Memorable Episode Moments

• Suzy’s Candid Grief at a Wedding:
  Describes stepping onto the dance floor after loss, being simultaneously in tears and smiling—epitomizes the complexity of life’s “trade-offs.”
• The ‘Flow State’ Example:
  Both Suzy (teaching) and Glenn Horsfall (teaching in New Zealand) find they lose track of time in their professional passions; Glenn’s story of watching the clock on a walk highlights how flow is deeply personal.
• Public Speaking Breakthrough:
  Suzy’s moment of exhaustion-induced vulnerability in Toronto is a prime example of how growth sometimes requires both struggle and radical honesty.
• Mother/Son Conversation About Inner Lives:
  Suzy’s passionate correction of a mother’s doubt about her teenage son’s emotional depth was an urgent reminder of everyone’s rich inner world.

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:00–02:55 – Introduction by Suzy Welch, importance of knowing yourself, and episode overview.
• 02:55–09:11 – Elizabeth Schneider’s question on job satisfaction, Suzy’s analysis and personal experiences with trade-offs.
• 09:11–14:53 – Glenn Horsfall’s question on losing track of time, explanation of flow state, implications for relationships and parenting.
• 14:53–20:11 – Marilyn Dollar’s "Sunday scaries" question, Suzy’s personal example, strategies for naming and overcoming anxiety.
• 20:11–end – Beth Briggs’ question, Suzy’s exploration of genuine emotional honesty, cultural observations, and concluding wisdom.

Takeaways and Reflection Prompts

• Ask Yourself:

  • Who’s the one person you’d trade lives with, and why? What trade-offs are you avoiding?
  • When do you lose track of time? How can you bring more of that into your life?
  • What gives you anxiety before your week? Is the reason what you think, or something deeper?
  • How are you, really? Are you honest with yourself and those close to you?

• For Listeners:
  Suzy encourages courageous self-exploration and greater vulnerability with yourself and your loved ones, offering these four questions as recurring tools for self-discovery and alignment—steps toward a more joyful, purpose-driven life.

"Keep becoming you." — Suzy Welch (end of episode)