Podcast Summary: Becoming You with Suzy Welch

Episode: What’s Love Got To Do With It? Becoming You’s Version

Date: September 16, 2025
Host: Suzy Welch (NYU Stern Professor, Author, Leading Expert on Purpose and Decision-Making)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Suzy Welch delivers a compelling personal and professional update—her flagship self-discovery framework has undergone a seismic shift. After years of research and world-reaching workshops, Suzy reveals she’s adding a sixteenth value to her widely used values inventory, The Values Bridge: “belovedness,” the value of romantic partnered love. This announcement is the centerpiece for a vulnerable and insightful exploration of how love shapes our lives, decisions, and sense of purpose, including Suzy’s own journey.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Three Ds of Living & The Becoming You Methodology

• [03:30] Suzy recaps the Becoming You process: analyzing three “big data sets”—values, aptitudes, and economically viable interests—to find your purpose.
• Describes three paths to living:
  • Default: Living reactively (“I’ve done it—decades of it when I had kids.” [04:45])
  • Deliberation: Intentional living
  • Design: Full self-actualization (“Self-actualization plus plus plus…that’s where we’re trying to go with Becoming You.” [05:30])

2. Personal Stories: Transformative Adversity

• [07:00] Suzy explores how dreaded life events can become catalysts for growth (e.g., her public collapse during a speech, divorce from her first husband).
• Quote: “This thing I dreaded…actually ended up to be the moment my actual whole career changed. Because I found that if I just showed my vulnerability and humanity, that was freeing to me and meaningful to the people.” [09:15]

3. What Are Values, Really?

• [11:00] Suzy explains how values—not virtues—are “our deeply held motivations, our desires, our wants, our needs.”
• She nerds out a bit, discussing the development of her own values inventory as part of her PhD—the Welch Bristol Values Inventory—which originally identified 15 core values driving human behavior.

4. The Original Approach to Love in the Values Inventory

• [15:00] Love was originally split across two values:
  • Family centrism: Organizing your life around family.
  • Belonging: The need for community or close friendships.
• Suzy describes a number of moments—students and coaching clients—where she realized these categories fell short when it came to the motivation or longing for a life partner.

5. The Big Realization: The Missing Value of Romantic Love

• [19:30] The turning point comes when a certified practitioner confronts Suzy: "Dr. Welch, I think you are not accounting for romantic love with the Values Bridge."
• Suzy’s reaction: “I gasped and I said, I think you might be right. The time had come. What I had dreaded and feared…that the Values Bridge I’d put out into the world was not absolutely 100% perfect and correct.” [20:30]

6. Adding “Belovedness” — The 16th Value

• [22:30] After validation, beta testing, and psychometric analysis, Suzy and team confirm belovedness—the desire to be in a romantic partnership—is a distinct value, separate from family centrism and belonging.
• Definition: “The value of intimacy with another person…a kind of intimacy that you have with a partner, a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend—the person you do life with in a romantic way.” [30:00]
• The process: Rigorous question development (eight items), statistical analysis, and seeing clear independence from other values.

7. Impact on Relationships and Self-Understanding

• [36:00] The importance of knowing both your and your partner’s level of belovedness, as differences can cause “so much misunderstanding and conflict.”
• “We call it the Values Bridge for a reason—because it gives you the language to get closer to each other, to cross the river, to talk to each other about what your values are.” [38:10]
• Suzy encourages listeners to retake or take the Values Bridge to learn where belovedness ranks for them—and to compare with partners for deeper conversations about priorities.

8. The Cultural Narrative vs. Personal Truth

• [44:00] Suzy predicts surprises in the data, especially among young women who’ve internalized “girl boss” or achievement-first narratives: “I think there are people who are going to take the test and find out that their belovedness is higher than they are admitting to themselves.” [45:00]

9. Suzy’s Own Surprising Result

• [47:00] Suzy shares where belovedness landed for her: “Dead last. 16.”
• She reflects that, after losing her husband Jack, belovedness dropped from the top of her value list to the bottom. Life events can shift values: “I think there are times where values change because of seismic life events.” [49:00]
• “It doesn’t mean I don’t love love. I do…but you can have a life without it, and that’s pretty good stuff, too.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Vulnerability:
  “If I just showed my vulnerability and my humanity, that was freeing to me and meaningful to the people I was speaking to.” [09:15]

• On Redefining Values:
  “Values are not virtues. Values are our deeply held motivations, our desires, our wants, our needs.” [11:12]

• The Big Admission:
  “I am afraid we have another value.” [21:00]

• On Belovedness as a Value:
  “Belovedness is a value. And it had tested out that it was entirely distinct from family centrism and belonging.” [31:30]

• Personal Resonance:
  “Our marriage was the center of our lives…we did make every decision based on each other. We were both determined that our marriage was going to last… I’m sure for both of us it would have been in the top three.” [48:20]

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Intro, context, Becoming You methodology | | 03:30 | Three paths: Default, Deliberation, Design | | 07:00 | Personal stories of adversity becoming opportunity | | 11:00 | What are values? | | 15:00 | Previous handling of love in the values inventory | | 19:30 | Called out on missing romantic love as a value | | 22:30 | Creation and validation of “belovedness” | | 30:00 | Defining belovedness | | 36:00 | Impact of belovedness on partnership dynamics | | 44:00 | Suzy predicts surprises in value rankings | | 47:00 | Where belovedness ranks for Suzy herself | | 49:00 | Reflection on how life events shift values |

Takeaways & Reflections

• Self-discovery evolves—even frameworks built with scientific rigor can and should grow when lived experience and data say so.
• Belovedness provides a powerful new lens for understanding not just yourself, but also your relationships, and why there may be friction or fulfillment.
• Life events can move the needle, sometimes dramatically, on what matters most. Suzy’s candor about her own heartbreak and healing underscores that purpose is a moving target.
• Testing and learning: Suzy urges everyone to (re)take the Values Bridge and reflect on where belovedness sits in their personal hierarchy—because knowing your real values is the first step to authentic living.

For Further Exploration

• Take or retake the Values Bridge to see where belovedness shows up for you.
• Discuss belovedness levels and authenticity gaps with partners or friends as a new way to deepen connections.

Final Words:
“Life is just so exquisite and marvelous…and just living your values is so beautiful. It doesn’t have to be belovedness. But for me, it came in last, and I think it’s very accurate for me at this point in my life.” [49:30]

Suzy ends with gratitude and a teaser for upcoming series topics, inviting listeners to keep journeying toward their own joyful self-discovery.