Behind the Bastards: Part Two – In Honor Of Our New Monarchy, Let's Talk About Versailles

Release Date: March 6, 2025
Hosts: Cool Zone Media and iHeartPodcasts
Episode Title: "In Honor Of Our New Monarchy, Let's Talk About Versailles"

1. Introduction to Versailles and the Sun King's Court

In this episode of Behind the Bastards, the hosts delve deep into the opulent yet oppressive world of Versailles under the reign of Louis XIV, the Sun King, and his successor, Louis XV. They explore how Versailles became the epicenter of absolute monarchy in France, shaping not only the lives of the nobility but also sowing the seeds of revolutionary sentiment among the common people.

2. Rigorous Etiquette and Its Impact on the Nobility

The episode opens with a discussion on the stringent etiquette that governed daily life at Versailles. The hosts highlight how Louis XIV meticulously crafted a court culture where every action was governed by an intricate web of rituals and rules. This rigid system ensured that courtiers remained in constant fear of offending the king, leading to a society rife with paranoia and psychological strain.

Ed Zitron [05:07]: "The normalization of this behavior among the ruling class contributed to a growing break with the bourgeoisie and the working class of France."

This omnipresent fear fostered an environment where relationships were transactional, and personal connections were overshadowed by the imperative to please the monarch. The hosts emphasize that maintaining favor with the king was paramount, often at the cost of personal integrity and mental well-being.

3. The Widespread Use of Poison in Court Intrigue

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the dark underbelly of Versailles: the prevalent use of poison as a tool for political maneuvering. The hosts explain that arsenic and antimony were the poisons of choice, ingeniously administered through methods such as enemas and tainted clothing.

Host 2 [16:24]: "Inheritance powders, which is literally poison, to kill a guy so you will inherit."

They recount notable cases, including the infamous trial of the Marquis de Brinvilliers in 1676, who was executed for poisoning her father and two brothers. These stories illustrate the lethal lengths to which nobles would go to eliminate rivals and secure their positions within the court.

4. Emerging Media Ecosystem in Paris

Transitioning from the secluded world of Versailles, the hosts explore how an independent media ecosystem began to flourish in Paris. Despite strict censorship, information about the court's excesses and scandals filtered into the city through smuggled newspapers and pamphlets printed abroad.

Ed Zitron [03:35]: "The emergence of a media ecosystem in Paris sprouts because now all of power is centralized at Versailles."

They draw parallels between the oral newsmongers gathered at the Tree of Krakow and today's social media platforms, portraying them as early forms of mass communication that disseminated gossip and news swiftly among the populace.

5. Public Perception and Growing Unrest

As the media ecosystem matured, it played a pivotal role in shaping public perception. Chronicling the extravagances and moral failings of the monarchy, the media fueled resentment among the common people. The hosts cite how daily news about the nobility's gambling losses, extravagant spending, and adulterous affairs contributed to a widespread disillusionment with the ruling class.

Host 2 [02:20]: "The Duke d'Orleans gambled away 700,000 livres. Just burnt it for nothing. Kind of pissed about that."

This continuous stream of negative information eroded the legitimacy of the monarchy, setting the stage for revolutionary fervor.

6. Reign of Louis XV: Continuation of Decline

The episode proceeds to Louis XV's reign, contrasting his tenure with that of his predecessor. While Louis XV was less promiscuous, his reign was marked by significant financial mismanagement and costly wars. The hosts discuss John Law's Mississippi Company, a financial scheme that initially appeared innovative but ultimately collapsed, leading to economic disaster for France.

Ed Zitron [58:16]: "This is like a Ponzi scheme of its day because it collapses, which kills the national bank and bankrupts a huge chunk of the nobility who had invested into it."

The resulting debt forced the crown to impose heavier taxes on the already struggling populace, exacerbating public dissatisfaction and economic hardship.

7. Media as a Check on Louis XV's Power

Influential songs and writings became potent tools for the bourgeoisie and commoners to critique and undermine the monarchy. The hosts highlight how these cultural products acted as a form of resistance, spreading anti-royal sentiment and mobilizing public opinion against perceived injustices.

Ed Zitron [78:23]: "France is an absolute monarchy tempered by songs."

These creative outlets allowed the public to express dissent and rally against the king's policies, further weakening the crown's authority.

8. The Deterioration of Monarchical Control

As the media's influence grew, the monarchy struggled to control the narrative. Scandals involving the king's mistresses and the extravagant lifestyle of the court were no longer confined within Versailles but were broadcasted to the masses. The hosts illustrate how these revelations damaged the monarchy's reputation, making it increasingly untenable.

Ed Zitron [86:17]: "Every bad thing that happened adds to the crush of hostile papers, books, and songs attacking the regime."

The isolation of the monarch from the general populace, combined with the relentless critique from the media, led to a complete breakdown in the relationship between the rulers and the ruled.

9. Consequences and Prelude to Revolution

By the mid-18th century, the cumulative effects of financial ruin, public unrest, and media-fueled resentment made the French Revolution almost inevitable. The hosts discuss how the entrenched systems of control and manipulation at Versailles had irreparably damaged the monarchy's standing, leading to widespread support for revolutionary change.

Host 2 [88:01]: "There's almost certainly no way just functionally because Versailles can't peel any of that back."

The episode underscores that the oppressive culture of Versailles, combined with an empowered and critical media, set the stage for the monumental societal upheaval that would follow.

10. Conclusion: Legacy of Versailles' Culture

In wrapping up, the hosts reflect on the enduring legacy of Versailles' court culture. They caution against attempts to recreate such isolated and manipulative power structures in modern times, drawing parallels to contemporary figures who seek to establish their own "content houses" and control over media narratives.

Ed Zitron [94:16]: "If you have an absolute monarchy, you are going to engender a cult at the top."

The episode serves as a historical lesson on the dangers of absolute power, unchecked aristocratic indulgence, and the vital role of independent media in holding the powerful accountable. It highlights how the excesses and manipulations of the Versailles court not only led to personal madness and societal decay but also to one of history's most significant revolutions.

Notable Quotes:

• Host 2 [05:07]: "The normalization of this behavior among the ruling class contributed to a growing break with the bourgeoisie and the working class of France."
• Host 2 [16:24]: "Inheritance powders, which is literally poison, to kill a guy so you will inherit."
• Ed Zitron [03:35]: "The emergence of a media ecosystem in Paris sprouts because now all of power is centralized at Versailles."
• Host 2 [02:20]: "The Duke d'Orleans gambled away 700,000 livres. Just burnt it for nothing. Kind of pissed about that."
• Ed Zitron [58:16]: "This is like a Ponzi scheme of its day because it collapses, which kills the national bank and bankrupts a huge chunk of the nobility who had invested into it."
• Ed Zitron [78:23]: "France is an absolute monarchy tempered by songs."
• Ed Zitron [86:17]: "Every bad thing that happened adds to the crush of hostile papers, books, and songs attacking the regime."
• Host 2 [88:01]: "There's almost certainly no way just functionally because Versailles can't peel any of that back."
• Ed Zitron [94:16]: "If you have an absolute monarchy, you are going to engender a cult at the top."

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of Part Two: In Honor Of Our New Monarchy, Let's Talk About Versailles by unpacking the complex interplay between absolute monarchy, courtly excess, poison intrigue, and the birth of a critical media ecosystem in pre-revolutionary France. It underscores how the cultural and political dynamics of Versailles not only alienated the common people but also laid the groundwork for transformative societal change.