Bellied Up LIVE: Milwuakee

Summary

Bellied Up LIVE: Milwaukee — Episode Summary

Podcast: Bellied Up
Hosts: You Betcha Guy (Myles) & Charlie Berens
Date: October 2, 2025
Episode Theme:
A special live recording from Milwaukee where Myles and Charlie belly up at the bar, inviting audience members on stage for classic Midwest story-sharing, awkward speed dating, and a good dose of unscripted hilarity. The episode features funny, awkward, and heartfelt moments from real people, all filtered through the hosts’ observational, self-deprecating Midwestern lens.

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1. Newlyweds & Awkward First Dates

[00:00–10:42]

Key Points:

• Devin & Lauren:
  Newlywed couple Devin and Lauren take the stage to share the story of their first date and engagement.

  • First Date Fumble:
    Lauren recalls thinking Devin was friend-zoning her during their dorm room movie date when he started scrolling through his entire camera roll—over 300 photos featuring his family, Yosemite, pets, and more, but not much flirting.

    “He proceeds to pull out his phone ... 300 plus photos. This is my family. This is me in Yosemite. This is my dog that passed away. This is my Dick.” —Lauren, [03:08]

  • Devin’s Perspective:
    Devin genuinely thought sharing these photos was a good move. Later, he realizes Lauren saw it as childish and boring, though it all worked out in the end.

  • Turnaround Move:
    Redemption came from the horror movie “arm around” trick, accompanied by the smooth line:

    “I got you.” —Devin, [05:46]

  • Proposal Story:
    Lauren wanted to be proposed to in front of the Joan of Arc statue at Marquette, and Devin remembered after all those years. Nora, Devin’s now-sister-in-law and Charlie’s own sister, was there at the proposal, delighting the hosts.

  • Charlie’s Midwest Wisdom:

    “When you guys tied the knot ... you tied it like your favorite musky lure ... It may go in the trees, it may go down and catch a log ... but when you tied that knot, it was special ... Before you go to bed at night, look each other right in the bugs and say those three magic words: Watch for deer.” —Charlie Berens, [09:27]

  Notable Moment:
  Myles and Charlie riff on “hung like a horse energy” and tease Lauren for being the “pants wearer” in the couple—a running bit on Midwest relationship dynamics.

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2. Surprise Divorce U-Haul

[13:04–21:55]

Key Points:

• Dave and the Great Gift Shop Divorce:
  Dave shares a bizarre family story of being conscripted to help his brother move out of the marital home with zero context—what he assumed was a U-Haul trip for firewood was actually an urgent divorce extraction.

  • Gift Shop Addiction:
    The ex-wife’s uncontrolled spending at her hospital’s gift shop ($20k–$40k on teddy bears, jewelry, and trinkets) led to several house refinances and a house filled with stuffed animals.

  • Classic Midwest Communication:
    Dave, following his brother’s lead, never asks deeper questions—just gets the “grab everything you can” order and complies, finding out the whole story later.

  • Family Secrets:
    Dave also ends up being the one to inform their dad (and the family) about the divorce, highlighting the understated, indirect way news travels in Midwest families.

  • Notable Quotes:

    “At least your brother was kind enough to rent a U-Haul. He paid for it, right?” —Charlie Berens, [18:55]
    “That’s the kind of jewelry that stains your neck, too.” —Charlie Berens, [19:12]

  • Musical Sendoff:
    Billy Goose improvises a song about divorce:

    “Leaving in a U-Haul, don’t want to see my wife again…” [22:15]

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3. 12-Hour Family Road Trip… With a Body

[23:13–34:01]

Key Points:

• Alicia’s Legendary Story:
  Alicia recounts one of her wild family get-together memories:
  At age 12, she joined her grandpa and the family dog for a 12-hour August drive—95 degrees—with her great-grandmother’s body in a cardboard refrigerator box, holes punched for “breathing,” spanning from Duluth, MN, to Sharon, IL.

  • Midwest Cost-Cutting:

    “So we went to Marquette, and I’ve always wanted to be proposed to in front of Joan of Arc.” —Lauren [07:44]
    “We drive 12 hours across state lines to take her body to the funeral home … family gathering! … I’m 12 years old, I’m severely traumatized.” —Alicia, [27:08]

  • Questionable Legality:
    The hosts are floored by the potential illegality and general absurdity of transporting a body like this, riffing on Midwest quirks and regulations.

  • Coping with Death, Midwest-Style:

    “He just puts her tag right on the box … like getting stopped by DNR to make sure you have a hunting license.” —Charlie, [31:13]

  • Song Recap:
    Billy Goose transforms the story into a parody Eagles song:

    “I got zombie grandma on my mind / Grandpa’s saving money in ways that are gonna scar me…” [33:20]

  • Memorable Toast:

    “Raise your glasses to great grandma Olive … She’s up laughing her ass off. She’s like, ‘I was dead anyway. Get over it.’” —Charlie, [34:18]

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4. Josh’s Quest for Love: Speed Dating Gone Wild

[37:23–59:00]

Key Points:

• Josh’s Bold Proposal:
  Josh, 20 and single, asks Charlie if he can be set up with his sister, Ellie—despite never having met her and only seeing a childhood photo.

  “So a picture of his sister as a kid was like, I got a date?” —Myles, [39:34]

  • Charlie’s Vetting Process:
    The hosts grill Josh on his age, job (“landscaping, but not lawns—‘I don’t sit all day’”), and require a FaceTime with Ellie.

  • FaceTime Reveal:
    Ellie, at a Brewers game in the city, reveals she’s already taken (“by an Irishman”) but offers to set Josh up with a single friend instead, who she names as Sally.

  • Josh’s Dating Profile (Live):
    Josh awkwardly shares he’s 5’9” (“short king”), works in landscaping, and is open to being set up with, well, just about anyone.

  • Speed Dating Segment:
    Myles and Charlie bring up Lindsay, 34-year-old CPA from Brookfield (“too wild” for her last date), as a surprise speed date for 20-year-old Josh—cue audience laughter and a string of awkward questions:

    - **Lindsay:**  
      “Why are you still single at 34?”  
      “Last guy I went out with said I was too wild for him.”  
      “I once went out with a guy that had a booger wall in the shower.” [52:29]
    
    - **Josh & Lindsay: Three Questions Each:**  
       - Backstreet Boys and Oak Ridge Boys music quizzes
       - Hobbies: Lindsay does puzzles (“on mushrooms, it’s a whole new puzzle!”)
       - Lindsay’s CPA job gets compared to Josh’s own CPA mother
    
    - **Result:**  
      No romantic sparks—especially with the 14-year age gap—but both are good sports about it.
    

  • Singalong Sendoff:
    Group singalong of “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys, with Billy Goose leading the charge and everyone in on the chorus—tying the episode up in the classic, communal Midwest style.

    “I never wanna hear you say / I want it that way…” [59:41]

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5. Memorable Quotes & Midwestisms

• On relationship communication:

  “You should appreciate the work he put in before the date. Do you know how many photos he had to delete in order to be able to show you his whole camera roll?” —Myles, [04:26]

• On Midwest indirectness:

  “He asked me a question, I either know or don’t, but whatever.” —Dave, [21:00]

• On speed dating nerves:

  “Well, nothing. I don’t know … I’m not. This is not good.” —Josh, [40:54]

• Classic Midwest life advice:

  “Before you go to bed at night, look each other right in the bugs and say those three magic words: Watch for deer.” —Charlie, [09:27]

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6. Notable/Unscripted Comedy Highlights

• Myles and Charlie teasing each other and the guests with good-natured roasts and classic Midwest allusions (musky lures, gift shop jewelry, family mysteries).
• Spontaneously breaking into song to recap stories—from “Leaving in a U-Haul” to Backstreet Boys karaoke.
• Dynamic interactions between hosts, guests, and audience, with Myles stirring the pot and Charlie providing warmth, wit, and the gentle ribbing that defines their brand.

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7. Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Start Time | |-------------------------|:--------------:| | Newlyweds’ Date Story & Proposal | [00:00] – [10:42] | | Dave’s U-Haul Divorce Story | [13:04] – [21:55] | | Alicia’s Dead Body Road Trip | [23:13] – [34:01] | | Josh’s Quest for Love/Speed Dating Segment | [37:23] – [59:00] | | Backstreet Boys Karaoke Closeout | [59:00] – [60:24] |

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8. Episode Takeaway

Bellied Up LIVE: Milwaukee exemplifies Midwest humor at its finest: quirky stories, gentle self-mockery, community spirit, and the idea that everyone’s got a little bit of weirdness hidden under the surface. Whether it’s a gift shop-fueled divorce, creative family “cost savings” for funerals, or the world’s most awkward speed-date, Charlie, Myles, and their guests showcase the heart and humor that makes the Midwest feel like home—reminding us all to watch for deer, laugh at life, and never take ourselves too seriously.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

Is there a Devin C in the house? Yeah. Devin, up here.

[B]

Devin. Devin C. Look at this. There you. How are you? Nice to see you. Belly on up to the bar. That's a cool packers hat you got there, my guy.

[C]

Fun fact. Your sister was in my wedding last weekend.

[B]

My Nora. Nora was in your wedding last weekend? Wow. That's a fresh ring you got on your finger. Good for you. What was she doing in the wedding?

[C]

She was a bridesmaid.

[B]

Oh, she was a bridesmaid? Real? I thought you made her do a reading or something. Was it a fun wedding?

[C]

Yeah, it was good.

[B]

I heard about it, so I hope so.

[C]

It was good things.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's great. All the world, man. Did you marry one of her friends? Yeah. What's the name of your bride?

[C]

Lauren. She's actually here right now.

[B]

Hey, Lauren. How are you? Nice to see you again. Have I met Lauren?

[C]

I think so.

[B]

I can't see. It's dark. All right. Oh, Lauren. Oh, good seeing you. All right.

[D]

Oh, that's who that is.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

All right, so, yeah, this is great. Charlie, actually, he just got married. And the question that he's going to answer here is what his weirdest first date story is.

[B]

Oh, Lauren. Earmuffs.

[A]

Yeah, earmuffs.

[B]

Lauren.

[C]

It was her.

[B]

It was her. What happened?

[A]

Well, Lauren, get on up here. We gotta make it upstairs.

[C]

Come on. She could probably tell it better.

[A]

That's smart. That's really smart. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, there's Lauren. Nice to see you again. How are you? All right. Why wasn't I invited to the wedding, by the way?

[E]

I think my mom would have liked you there.

[B]

Oh, well, I'm glad your mom would have liked me there.

[A]

Older ladies love Charlie. All right, Lauren, so what happened on your guys's first date?

[E]

I thought that he was trying to friend zone me this whole time because I had him over for a date in my dorm room and we're sitting there like I put on a movie. Cause I'm like, oh, maybe he could make a move.

[A]

First date.

[F]

Sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Yeah. What movie were you watching?

[E]

I don't even remember because he proceeds to pull out his phone.

[D]

Oh, thank God, his phone. Cause I tell you, they don't like like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the success rate? Like 20%.

[D]

Yeah, every once in a while you get lucky, but.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah, the P. Word.

[B]

Phone.

[E]

So he pulls out his phone and goes through his Entire camera. Roll 300 plus photos. This is my family. This is me in Yosemite. This is my dog that passed away. This is my Dick.

[B]

It was his brother Dick.

[E]

It was the most boring date I've ever been on.

[B]

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. What a burn, man. How do you feel? Hang on, hang on. Let me get. You looked like I was doing something frisky on your husband there for a second. You take that. Hang on. Let's get you in there. Did you think it was. Sorry to touch your leg. Sorry I touched his leg. Did you think it was. Did you think it was the most boring date you would ever been on?

[C]

So I thought it was being. I was like, oh, this is cool. I'm showing her all these pictures of my family and everything, and it was all clean. I mean, I thought, like, this one really well. And then I heard through the grapevine. I'm like, dude, she thinks you're trying to friend zone you. Try. She thinks you're trying to friend zone her. I'm like, wait, what?

[B]

I thought.

[C]

I was just showing her pictures.

[B]

This is all cool.

[C]

And so, I mean, we're here now, but I mean, I almost. Almost blew it.

[A]

And you should appreciate the work he put in before the date. Do you know how many photos he had to delete.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In order to be able to show you his whole camera roll?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

1300 pictures before the date. Did you read somewhere that was a good move or what was the play here?

[E]

I never had that move pulled on me before, but it worked.

[C]

I mean, I still had no moves then. I have no move now, but, like, I had no. I didn't have a girlfriend yet. So I'm like, I have no idea what to do here. I'm just like. We're laying down there. I'm just like. I don't even know how it started. It's just. I'm just like. I ended up. My camera rolls out, and.

[B]

That'S all it is.

[G]

That's my core.

[C]

And I thought it went well and clearly didn't go.

[B]

Didn't go well enough. What was your favorite picture that he showed you?

[E]

My eyes were closed half the time.

[A]

So I don't know.

[B]

Brutal. I know.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Well, how'd he turn it around?

[C]

Horror movie. You got to show a horror movie. Because then during the horror movie, this is my smooth move back then, different date, turns out to make up for it, I was like, oh, you gotta show a horror movie. So then you can slowly, like, put your arm around her, and there it is. And then. Then you're. Then that's it. That's the only move I have.

[E]

And the famous line is, I got you.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

I mean, clearly, it works.

[B]

This is.

[A]

This is. This was your first girlfriend ever?

[C]

Ever?

[A]

Yeah, we tell.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You into the Dungeons and Dragons and stuff, too, or.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Was that your first date ever, too?

[C]

Well, one of my first dates. Yeah. So, like, clearly.

[A]

What did you try on the other dates that you said, this is going to be better?

[C]

I think all I had was the camera roll and then the horror movie and arm around and then everything. I'm just. That's all I had.

[B]

Who went in for the first kiss and why wasn't it. Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

[C]

I'm sorry.

[B]

So you just knew you had to put the move on, because otherwise I.

[E]

Realized that was when I wore the pants.

[B]

I could tell. I could tell. Yeah. You got hung like a horse energy over here. Yeah. Like hanging out, you know?

[A]

How polite of you, Charlie, to tell a woman on stage at our show, who paid money to be here, that she's got hung like a horse energy.

[B]

Okay, she. It's a compliment, really. It is. It is. Tell Nora I said that.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I forget.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I guess we're here today, so.

[B]

You are here today. It works. How long were you guys dating before you proposed?

[C]

Five years. Yeah.

[B]

Five years. I was gonna guess six, but how did he do it?

[E]

How did he ask the question? Yeah, we. I've always wanted to be. So we went to Marquette, and I've always wanted to be proposed to in front of Joan of Arc.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[E]

And I said that. Like, when was that? Like, a few months into our relationship. And he remembered.

[B]

Wow. Of course he remembered. This dude showing you pictures on his first day. He's. He's got a whole note section with things. You said he was recording every interaction you guys had and studying it.

[A]

If you want to do a documentary on your life, he's got it all on his camera roll, so.

[C]

And Nora showed up.

[B]

Nora showed up for what?

[C]

At the proposal. She was there randomly, and she, like, walked in. I was, like, texting her, but. And all of a sudden, while I'm sitting there waiting for her, she randomly just showed up. And I'm. She's like. I'm like. Because she was, like, trying to walk in. We were going to lead her in, and I'm like. So she was, like, creeping out the whole time during the proposal.

[B]

That's my sister for you right there.

[A]

It really does run in the family.

[D]

Oh, I was just gonna say it's another. Another powerful woman. Joan of Arc, as you're publicly emasculating a man, you make him take a picture in front of this woman who used to stab men to death on the battlefield.

[B]

Well, that's wonderful, you guys. So now you're happily married.

[A]

She wore pants too, right?

[E]

It was the best day ever.

[B]

This is the best day ever. No, our wedding. Oh. It was the best day. Close second.

[E]

Close second.

[B]

Close second. Oh, come on now. What. What are you guys hoping for? What do you want out of your marriage?

[F]

That's a hard question.

[C]

Happiness.

[B]

Happiness.

[E]

A lifetime of happiness.

[B]

A lifetime of happiness. Okay.

[E]

Do you have any advice?

[D]

Any real estate.

[B]

Shut up, Bill. I. I think. Here's what I think. I think when you guys tied the knot, okay, you tied it like you tied your favorite musky lure, all right? And it may go in the trees, it may go down and catch a log in the drink, but when you. When you tied that knot, it was special. So you go down there and you get that lure unstuck, okay? You go up in the trees, you cut down a few branches if you have to, all right? If you got get trapped under a log and potentially drown, you do that, okay? And before you go to bed at night, look each other right in the bugs and say those three magic words. Watch for deer. And I think it will all work out. Yeah.

[A]

Charlie.

[B]

Give them a big round of applause, ladies and gentlemen. Go pack. Go is right. Thank you very much. Thank you. Good seeing you again. Yeah. Oh, fist bump. There you go. Sorry for saying you had hung like a horse Energy. I thought it was a compliment, apparently.

[A]

No, it was creative.

[B]

Thank you.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

You liked it? She liked it, you guys.

[A]

She liked the guy who showed his whole camera roll. So I don't.

[B]

Billy, what do you have to say about this?

[D]

Look at this photograph. No, that's the one. That kinda helps me fap. I meant to delete this one first. On second thought, let's not look through my camera roll, actually.

[B]

So I guess Billy Goose, ladies and gents.

[A]

Guys, Charlie and I have been playing a little bit of prize picks. Ladies late the price picks lady prize picks. Lately.

[B]

Lately we've been playing with our prize picks.

[A]

Submitting lineups left and right. Charlie's turned into quite the lineup guy. I've been impressed by some of the stuff you've been spitting out and sending me. It's. You know, you're more than meets the eye, I would have to say.

[B]

God skills.

[A]

I don't even talk start calling you the Schwab. Yeah. He's got that much sports knowledge.

[B]

Thanks, dude. I appreciate that.

[A]

And right now, guys, if you go to prize Fix. They'll give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you'll get fifty bucks in lineups. You can use code bellied up all.

[B]

One word bellied up.

[A]

When you sign up today, Prize picks is the best place to win cash while watching sports. It's easy to play. Just open up the app, create a lineup, pick more or less on a few player stats. That's it. No complicated lines, no spreads, no confusing rules. Just you, the players and your picks.

[B]

The only spread you got to be worried about is that spread.

[A]

That spreading. Spreading out your cash on the table.

[B]

Oh, there, I see. I was gonna go with a little appetizer spread, but you know, that's all right.

[A]

So, guys, whether you're on the couch at the bar or watching with friends, you can turn your sports knowledge into real cash. You can play today. Download prize picks today. Use bell Code bellied up. Is there a Dave G. In the house?

[B]

Dave G. Step on up to the plate, buddy. Come on.

[A]

We don't want you to come on stage. No, I'm just kidding.

[B]

Give him a big round of applause. Stairs are right in the middle.

[A]

Right over there.

[B]

Right over there.

[A]

Dave G. When I hand him the mic.

[B]

All right, how's it going, Dave? Dave, pleasure to meet you.

[A]

Belly up to the bar.

[B]

That's your microphone right there. Yeah, yeah, you can take it off. You can put it right up there. However you want to deal. Yeah, there you go. Well, you got to put it toward your mouth.

[I]

There you go.

[B]

Yeah, that's good.

[I]

Much better.

[B]

Yeah. If you can hear yourself, they can hear you. So.

[A]

All right, Dave, I heard that you have gotten yourself into a crazy living situation before. What has happened?

[I]

Well, this is about 10 years ago. I live 5 minutes from my brother's house and it was common that we'd call each other, hey, I need your help. Or can you help me? So he called me, he's like, hey, can you give me a hand? I said, sure. So I go over his house. We get in the car right away. We go get a U Haul. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, well, we're getting firewood. Gotta move some stuff and, you know, normal household stuff. I'm like, okay. So we head back to his house and we don't get firewood. We pull in a driveway and he goes, grab everything you can and anything you can. We're getting a divorce.

[B]

Oh, man.

[I]

We walk in a house and his wife at the time is crying, saying, I'm Sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's like, just grab and go.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a door dash situation, you know?

[B]

What was that TV show? It was like the fastest person running around with the shopping cart or whatever. Supermarket sweepstakes. Did I get it right? Supermarket Sweep. It would have been funnier if I knew the name of that show. You know what? Pull that mic out, put it right in front of your mouth. There we go.

[I]

So as we're grabbing stuff, she's crying, saying, I'm sorry, sorry. We fill up whatever we could.

[B]

We leave.

[I]

We get to his new apartment that I didn't know about, and she's there.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

You guys stop at the quick trip and like, get a roller dog or something or what?

[I]

And she's like, well, I'll help you guys unpack. And I'm like, joe, what the hell did you get me into? I never told me anything. Just grab. We're getting a divorce.

[A]

And I bet that's all you know too, guys. They don't ask each other's questions. I love how on the whole drive from the house to the apartment, you didn't go, what's going on? You're just like, hey, should we put some music on?

[I]

I'm like, where are we going? He's, I got an apartment. I'm like, well, that would be good to know what's really all going on. So he kind of told me a little story about it. And there she is helping him unpack in his new apartment. I'm like, I gotta get outta here.

[B]

She must have done something really bad to be helping him unpack.

[I]

Yeah, a couple of things.

[B]

Well, help us unpack that. What happened?

[I]

Well, they had to refinance the house three or four times. Cause she had a spending spree. She worked at a hospital and bought just about everything out of the gift shop. She would come home every day with something new from the gift shop.

[B]

The hospital gift shop. How many bears can you buy, dude?

[I]

Different colors, different sizes, jewelry, bracelets.

[B]

What kind of jewelry? Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty.

[I]

You know, every hospital.

[A]

That's how I'm going to say hello Kitty from now out of my mind. Hello Kitty.

[F]

Meow.

[A]

I mean, I could understand it if the hospital was attached to a Target or something like that, but a gift shop.

[I]

So, yeah, that was over with that. And then he was married two years later.

[A]

And how's that going? He's still married?

[I]

Yeah, he's still married.

[A]

He's like, yeah. This time he actually pulled up in a semi and told me to hop in.

[I]

We got kids to move this time, so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what's all the car seats for?

[B]

That's wild. So all she. All she did. I mean, not all. I mean, that's a lot to spend. All the money at the hospital gift shop. But the. I mean, that hospital. More information.

[I]

But he didn't really.

[A]

I mean, again, you didn't ask, he didn't tell.

[B]

Yeah. Does your brother have a wing at the hospital named after him?

[I]

I think she does.

[B]

She does. All right. Wow.

[A]

How much do you think she spent, you think?

[I]

At least 20 to 40,000.

[B]

Oh, my God. Man. Oh, man alive. Where would she keeping all this stuff?

[I]

They have the three bedroom apartment with no kids or a house with no kids. And one of the rooms was full.

[B]

Of everything, and you're just walking out with a bag full of stuffed dogs. And he's like, hey, not that. Not that I was gonna say.

[A]

What he should have done is left all that stuff there and then just put a sign out front and it just said, grubbershop now open, you know?

[B]

Oh, man, that's wild. Yeah. So you moved all this stuff in and how long was she there? Kind of keeping up the charade?

[I]

I have no idea. I just. I left. I took his car to go get my car because he already knew what was going on. So his car was at the apartment.

[B]

Okay. He thought ahead.

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[I]

Without telling me, though. There's no telling me.

[B]

That's what brothers are for.

[I]

Yeah.

[A]

It's your brother.

[B]

Yeah.

[I]

The oldest.

[A]

That you two are most closely related, so.

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

Has your brother kept any other secrets from you over the years?

[I]

Not that I know of.

[B]

Yeah. You wouldn't know.

[I]

I wouldn't. But I'm sure they'll pop up sometime.

[B]

Yeah, they sure will. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Charlie, earlier you were bitching about owning a truck and everyone wants to come and use. Use your truck. At least you've never had to do that with your truck.

[B]

That's true. At least your brother was kind enough to rent a U Haul. He paid for it, right?

[I]

Yeah, he did.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

With what money left.

[I]

I think he changed or cashed in some of the jewelry.

[A]

Pond off. Gift shop jewelry. I wonder how much that was worth.

[B]

That's the kind of jewelry that stains your neck, too.

[I]

Yeah. Or if you have a white shirt on.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, why is your shirt green? Packers fan. Wow. So what's she doing now?

[I]

I have no idea.

[B]

Okay. You don't keep tabs on your brother's ex.

[A]

Wife didn't even ask him. Really? What happened, Charlie? You think he's keeping tabs on her?

[I]

She still lives in the same house. That's all I know.

[B]

I thought it was an apartment.

[I]

Well, it's a house. Sorry. Oh, it's three bedroom house.

[B]

Three bedroom house. I was going to say three bedroom apartment. Not a good financial decision in the long term. Well, good for her. Yeah.

[A]

Did she. What did your family think of this?

[I]

They didn't know until I called my dad and said, hey, you know, Joe's getting divorced. And he's like, what?

[B]

You broke the news to your dad that your brother was getting a divorce?

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

And you didn't.

[I]

Pretty much the whole family. Yeah, because once you tell dad, dad tells everybody.

[B]

Yeah. He's getting on the phone tree, calling him up. Hey, hey.

[I]

You hear brother's getting divorced?

[B]

No.

[I]

Oh, yeah, he is.

[B]

I got to go. I got to call your sister now.

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, it takes him to belly up to the bar, at the local bar and say it to one person. The whole town knows, too.

[B]

What town was this?

[I]

Muskego.

[B]

All Muskego. Yeah. All right. Muskego. I hear you. Wow. So no on. No swinging activity. Just too much money spent at the. Yeah, Just the gift shop.

[I]

I. That's all I know. That's a lot of money to refinance.

[B]

I know. I'm not. I'm prying them, and I'm realizing that it is definitely a Midwest family. Because he knows zero details. He. Exactly.

[I]

That's pretty much corner of my life. He asked me a question. I either know or don't, but whatever.

[B]

Well, we squeezed this one dry.

[A]

Charlie, what do you think was the last thing she bought at the gift shop that he was like, that's it. I'm going to the ul. I'm calling Dave, and we're getting out of here. What do you think it was?

[B]

48 balloons that said, get better soon.

[I]

Wish you well.

[B]

Wish you well, rest in pieces. Well, God bless them. And, you know, they get an annulment.

[I]

I don't know.

[B]

All right, well, give them a big round of applause, ladies and gents. Thank you. Thank you, Dave. Appreciate you.

[A]

Charlie, why were you wondering about annulment? You trying to figure out the process for that, or.

[B]

No, My mom said all she wants for her birthday is an annulment. And I said, how about some from the children's hospital gift shop? Billy Goose. How we feeling about that?

[D]

I got a song for Dave, I think.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Dave, come hang out with me, please. Bring some beer and whiskey. You have to help me out. Cause you're my bro. I'm leaving in a U haul. Don't want to see my wife again. Leaving in a U haul. I'd rather have sex with her friends. Babe, I hate to go.

[G]

Sorry.

[D]

Did he have sex with her friend? I missed something about a gift shop or something.

[A]

We don't know. Dave never asked. Is there an Alicia B. In the house?

[B]

Alicia B. Come on up here. A big round of applause, guys and gals. Pleasure to meet you, Alicia.

[J]

Long time listener. Long time listener, first time guest, Long time listener.

[B]

All right, we'll pull that mic off. I like the flannel there. That's good.

[J]

It's just for you.

[B]

Oh, nice. All right. Yikes.

[A]

Charlie, you want to show her your camera?

[B]

Roll. Alicia, what's. What's on your mind here?

[A]

I heard you got a crazy story to tell us.

[J]

I do, I do. Is this about the craziest family?

[A]

Oh, yeah. It's a crazy story you have for your fan for a family get together.

[J]

Correct. So when I was 12 years old.

[A]

So how many crazy stories you got that you need to be like, all right, which one was it?

[J]

Probably too many. Okay, we'll get to one tonight. So when I was 12 years old, staying with my grandparents in Columbia, Missouri. It's a great place if anybody's ever been, you know, five hours south. Not miles, 500 miles.

[B]

Thank you for correcting me twice in the same show. I appreciate that.

[J]

And so in Columbia, Missouri, get a call that great grandma had passed away.

[B]

Oh, no, I know.

[J]

In Duluth, Minnesota.

[B]

She got passed away in Duluth, huh? Correct.

[J]

Yeah. She was at a nursing home in Duluth.

[B]

So.

[J]

So my grandpa has a flatbed extended bed truck. He's doing the funeral, not doing the funeral. He's going to pick the body up. From Columbia, Missouri, to Duluth, Minnesota, to Sharon, Illinois.

[B]

Was it winter at least? It was August. Oh, my.

[A]

So wait, he just.

[B]

I shot a deer once in September. You had four hours to find that deer before the meat was gone.

[J]

Right.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Well, they weren't going to eat her, Charlie. It was going to be.

[B]

Jeez.

[A]

They're not that worried about the meat spoiling, I guess.

[B]

I mean, we are.

[J]

Duluth, Minnesota, to Milwaukee.

[B]

What?

[A]

You got how many hours? Yeah, probably five, six hours.

[J]

My grandpa's driving.

[B]

Oh.

[J]

It's like nine, ten.

[B]

He's got a pee. Yeah.

[J]

So Ford F350 diesel truck. And he's not going over the speed limit because he wants to save on gas. So it's one.

[A]

He's carrying the extra load. That's your mpg. Goes Down.

[J]

So grandma passes away at the nursing home in Duluth, Minnesota. Grandpa, Grandma and I go up there to get her body. Cardboard box with holes in it.

[B]

Okay, are you. Are you. Are you kidding me? I didn't know this was legal. Dude, you're transporting a dead body across state lines.

[J]

Across state lines, Charlie.

[A]

They put holes in the cardboard box. It's.

[J]

You know that recity between Wisconsin and Minnesota? It's fine. You know the college tuition thing?

[B]

Yeah. Reciprocity. Right, right, right. Reciprocal reciprocity. I tried.

[J]

So, Duluth, Minnesota, dead of August.

[B]

Nice. That was good.

[J]

It's 95 degrees outside, and grandma, great grandma's in a cardboard box with holes in it. We drive 12 hours miles across state lines to take her body to the funeral home in Sharon, Illinois, for the funeral. So it was a family gathering. And how. When people are just like, well, how did it go? I'm sorry. I'm 12 years old. I'm severely traumatized.

[A]

When you got there. When he got there, was the funeral director like, yeah, you're really making me earn my money.

[D]

Here were the holes so she could breathe in case she came back to life.

[J]

I kept checking.

[A]

You were riding in the back of the bed for 12 hours.

[J]

Do you remember those diesel trucks, the Ford F350s? Like, it didn't have, like a back seat. It just had like that little board seat or whatever.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That you just kind of sat on sideways. That one. Yeah. Yeah.

[J]

So it was me and the family dog.

[B]

The dog's looking there like.

[J]

And my grandpa's like, she's fine, she's fine. I was like, no, I'm. I'm waiting to see if grandma's a zombie.

[B]

Wow. Did he at least ratchet strap her down and say, ah, it's not going anywhere?

[J]

I'm pretty sure he did, honestly. He stuck some styrofoam in the windows of the cab to make sure they didn't close on the drive home.

[B]

I can't believe any of this right now isn't there.

[A]

Charlie. Can you imagine? He takes a corner too fast, and grandma just goes rolling out into the middle of the road. You know, watch out for deer. You gotta watch out for grandma on the road.

[J]

So we get her home in 96 to Sharon, Illinois, and they just open the cardboard box in the garage of the funeral home. So if I wasn't traumatized enough by driving 10, 12 hours home from Duluth, Minnesota, they open this cardboard box with my great grandma's body in it in the garage in August, I'm guessing it.

[B]

Was a Closed casket funeral. Oh, no, no. Yeah, they kept it open, huh? Wow. Get some fresh air on her.

[F]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

So was the casket just that box? Did they just use a box cutter?

[J]

They. They put her in a nice one.

[B]

Oh, they got her in nice. Well, they saved money on the transport fees.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Wow.

[J]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

That's insane. I. I mean, I thought that there would be. How do you normally transport a body?

[J]

I think by airplane.

[B]

By airplane? Well, that is pretty spendy. And, you know, it was the more environmentally conscious decision to drive her and Miles.

[J]

I just wish that they know the money they saved on that I now spend on pull tabs.

[A]

There we go. Let's go. 12. You were 12. So you start adding that money up in the compounding interest alone on investing that into pull tabs, you got to be feeling pretty good.

[J]

I think so.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So it was a nice funeral then?

[J]

It was very nice. I think Grandma Olive would approve.

[A]

Nice, though. Like, you get together with family at a funeral, it's kind of awkward, you know, small talk stuff. You guys had something to talk about the whole time.

[J]

The most Wisconsin thing ever.

[D]

Plus, she had a great big box for next time. You gotta move.

[A]

That's what I was gonna say. He definitely didn't throw away the box. Yeah, that's a good cardboard box.

[D]

Yeah, it's pre ported in case you got another deceased relative.

[J]

It was so bad.

[A]

Honestly, Grandpa's got a business on his hands.

[J]

Grandpa did a good job. He died in 2020.

[B]

How'd you get him to the funeral home?

[J]

He went by a hearse, believe it or not.

[B]

He had a hearse drive him over there. Yeah. Okay, well, that's kind of the way you should do it, I think.

[J]

Well, I just try to remind my mom every time. She's like, well, talk about funeral planning. Remember what you put me through, Mom.

[B]

What great bonding time you got with your grandparents.

[J]

It was amazing listening to some AM radio, you know, like how the CB radio that they have in trucks. Oh, there's some good stuff going on.

[B]

Yeah. Just smelling those diesel fumes. Some great. Grandma Olive.

[J]

This is before the quick trip.

[B]

Oh, before the quick trip. Yeah. I mean, and thank God you guys didn't pull. Get pulled over.

[A]

I mean, that just would have been really bad.

[J]

Vaguely. Remember my grandpa saying he had some sort of papers in case that happened.

[B]

Oh, he's got her papers like. Like, it's like, you know, getting stopped by the DNR to make sure you got a hunting license. He just sticks her tags right on the box.

[A]

He like cut a hole in her. In her heel and put the tag on her.

[B]

Ye. Stop being offended. It's her great grandmother.

[A]

Like before we take off, should we do a photo here and just Grandma.

[B]

Yeah, we got it. All right. That'll get a lot of nice rack on her.

[A]

I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell. Father Tom's going to call me too. Charlie.

[B]

The is wrong with you, Miles, we meant this to be a nice family friendly show. We got Thomas and Bob brought Thomas here, you know, we'll take these. These guys, they're nice, you know, these.

[J]

And now you guys know how to save money on funeral transportation.

[B]

There we go.

[J]

And a pinch of refrigerator box extended bed truck.

[B]

Oh, you didn't say the box was refrigerated.

[J]

No, it wasn't.

[A]

It was a refrigerator box.

[B]

Yes, I held a refrigerator before.

[J]

Six feet.

[B]

Oh, she was tall.

[J]

But not.

[B]

Where do we go from here?

[J]

I don't know.

[B]

Oh, do you want to sit around and hear this song?

[J]

I do, I do. Can I. Can I hang out here while you do that?

[G]

Yeah, do it, Olive.

[D]

Grandma's name is Olive.

[J]

Yes.

[D]

Well, I'm a running down the road with a body. That's cool. I got zombie grandma on my mind. Grandpa's saving money in ways that are gonna scar me. It's so hard to die. Take it easy, take it easy. Don't let the smell of your dead grandma mouth drive you crazy.

[F]

Yeah, Billy.

[A]

Also give it up for Alicia, everybody. Thanks for coming up.

[B]

Thank you.

[J]

That was awesome. Thank you so much.

[B]

Oh, rest in peace, Grandma Olive. Charlie.

[A]

Hey, cheers. Cheers to great grandma.

[B]

Everybody raise your glasses to great grandma Olive May she. She's up and having laughing her ass off. She's like, I was dead anyway. Get over it.

[D]

If I die, I want you to just strap me to the top of the Dodge Caravan. Just whatever you got.

[A]

Don't waste money on a box.

[B]

Yeah, we'll put you up there, Billy.

[D]

Don't worry me down to my parents house on Cape Cod. Just roll me into the ocean.

[B]

The sharks though, the great whites will take care of you.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You look like good chum, you know?

[B]

Yeah. A great white taking care of a great. Never mind. It's harvest season, Miles. And you know, sometimes you ever get your skateboard out behind a combine?

[A]

Yeah, you gotta share the road out there.

[B]

You do have to share the road. And if you had a, you know, little Toyota Prius come up after you and just knock your on your ass off your longboard. And then, you know, you got knocked in the noggin by the combine. Well, now injured, and what do you do, Miles?

[A]

I think you got to call Nicolay Law. You got to go to nicolelaw.com or call 1855 Nicolay because it could be not a great situation out there. You got to keep your head on a swivel during harvest season. You never know what's going to be popping up in the road in front of you.

[B]

You don't want to be stuck with that bill.

[A]

And I know the farmers will appreciate you keeping your head on a swivel, too, because they don't want to get injured either.

[B]

No. No, they don't. So get on out there, folks. Enjoy the open road and watch for deer and combines and people skateboarding behind them. Well, Miles Falls here, right?

[A]

It is.

[B]

And nothing, nothing like seeing a harvest moon and rise over a freshly picked corn field. You know, again, those half stalks going, pulling the sweet corn off, they haven't quite cut it down to the brim yet. And you're like, what do I need? You know, what do I need? I need a nice, crisp glass of the old tc, the Tippy Cow.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Made with real Wisconsin.

[A]

Tippy Cow is back on the Bellied up podcast.

[B]

Yeah. Get yourself some orange cream for that harvest moon.

[A]

It's just nothing goes better with than fall and Tippy Cow. I don't know if you feel that way.

[B]

I do feel that way.

[A]

You know, all the. All the. You know, the gals are like, hey, I need a pumpkin spice this and that. Well, the guys, they need Tippy Cow.

[B]

Yeah. And the gals do, too.

[A]

Yeah, that too.

[B]

But everyone needs a Tippy Cow.

[A]

So, guys, this fall, if you want to get yourself a nice cream.

[B]

An.

[A]

Orange cream dream, you gotta go find Tippy Cow and tip it on back.

[B]

Tippy Cow. Moo.

[A]

All right, so we got another one coming up here. Charlie, is there a Josh H in the house? Josh. Where yet? Come on up, Josh.

[B]

Come on up, Josh. All right. Oh, you're gonna dab us up. You feel closer. All right, Josh, you're gonna need that.

[G]

I always feel weird about that because I don't know you personally, but it sure feels like I do.

[B]

Hey, a dab will do it, my guy. We know each other. Well, now you know. You got some nice cowboy boots.

[G]

I got him on.

[B]

Yeah, Miles.

[G]

Miles isn't gonna like this, but I started listening to you Bet Your Radio from the beginning, and I know you hate the beginning.

[A]

Yeah, it's terrible.

[G]

Yeah. Bird box.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

God.

[G]

I Actually, I actually just, like, finished the episode where your H Vac in your house went wrong and your problem. So that was, like, perfect timing for that when I just finished the episode.

[A]

I appreciate. I. I have since changed the air filter. So we're back online.

[G]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

You kept changing it.

[A]

What?

[I]

You kept changing.

[A]

Have to do it again here soon, I think.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. So, Josh, why are you putting your.

[B]

Hand on my shoulder?

[A]

Just hold on. Charlie. Charlie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Josh is wondering if you can set him up with your sister.

[B]

Hang on just a second. Josh. I got my gun in the. Back. Back. I'll be right back.

[A]

Makes it so much better. You were being all nice.

[G]

Mine's at home. So you're good. I can't defend myself.

[B]

Yeah. What sister? Ellie. Ellie. She's the youngest one. Dude, how old are you?

[G]

I'm 20.

[B]

You're 20?

[G]

So she's older than me?

[B]

She's older than you. Okay. What. What makes you. Where'd you meet my sister?

[G]

I haven't.

[B]

You haven't?

[G]

No, I just. I've. I don't know if I saw her. Like, I think you posted something about, like, that old picture of you and your. Your. All your siblings, like, stacked up in a pyramid.

[A]

Is it. Look through his camera roll, see if.

[D]

He'S a suitable candidate.

[B]

When you saw a picture of me.

[G]

And my family, like, the one of all your kid. Of all the kids stacked up in, like, a pyramid from, like, Christmases when you were a kid?

[B]

Yeah, dude. She was, like, 1 year old in there.

[A]

So a picture of his sister as a kid was like, I got a.

[B]

Date to a good start, my guy.

[G]

So I saw how young she was. I was like, well, she's probably. That sounds bad.

[B]

It sounds awful, dude.

[G]

Like, I figured she'd be close to my age.

[B]

Okay. He figured she would be close to his age.

[D]

Jerry Lee Lewis here.

[G]

And then I. And then, in a. As not creepily as possible, found her Instagram. It was private. I follow. I requested to follow her, and she accepted the follow request.

[B]

Oh, no, Charles, I'm about to call my sister right now.

[A]

We could.

[B]

Now.

[G]

I was going to, like, send her a DM or something to.

[B]

You were gonna slide into my sister's DMs.

[G]

I don't know what I'm doing. It's whatever. But she was abroad. She was abroad for, like, pass the dm.

[A]

What would you have said? What would have been your move?

[G]

Oh, God, I don't know.

[A]

Come on, let's workshop.

[G]

I've had one girlfriend in my Life. And I. I don't. I don't know. I. I should have just sent her every picture for my camera roll. That would have been a good idea. I don't know. My. My move now is usually just to try to compliment them, and I. I'm. I got nothing. I'm not. This is not good.

[B]

This is Charlie. Okay.

[A]

We gotta find out if he is a good match for your sister.

[B]

That's true. We'll keep an open mind here. We'll keep an open mind. I do like your cowboy boots.

[A]

So what questions would you like to ask him, Charlie? To see if he's a good match with your sister.

[B]

Okay. All right. So you're. You're 20?

[G]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Where are you at school?

[G]

I don't go to school.

[B]

All right, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. What do you. What do you do?

[G]

I work in landscaping.

[B]

Oh, nice. I used to cut a lot of lawns myself.

[G]

I don't mow lawns. I don't sit down all day. I.

[B]

Okay.

[G]

Actually work.

[B]

Oh, I was pushing the lawnmower. You son of. And you're down like, five different points right now. All right, so what do you do in landscape? Just have some questions.

[G]

So I. I do maintenance. So I pull weeds, trim shrubs, spray weeds. Anything and everything that isn't grass. That's me.

[B]

So you're into wheat but not grass?

[G]

Yeah, pretty much.

[B]

All right. Yeah.

[A]

I can tell you that much.

[B]

All right. All right. So how long you been doing that?

[G]

I'm in my third, so a little over two years now.

[B]

A little over two years. Nice.

[G]

Did it straight out of high school, so.

[B]

Okay. And is it your own business or you work for someone else?

[G]

I work. I work for someone else's. I'm from Fond du Lac, so.

[B]

Oh, you're from Fond Duac. All right, all right.

[G]

I work for Stewart's, if you know the.

[B]

Oh, sure. Business. Okay. Yeah, it's a nice business. Well, my grandma's lawn needs cutting so often, and she calls me up and says, I need the goddamn grass mode. She doesn't say, God damn. She said, well, never mind. My aunt says that. But they need the grass mode. Every now and again, they're calling me to kind of go up there and sometime out of town. What are you up to?

[A]

Yeah, maybe that's a good start.

[B]

I can give.

[G]

I can give you the phone number for my company, and she can. And you can share it to her. I would love to.

[B]

Hey, here's Here.

[G]

Here's the thing. I don't have equipment to do anything. I can't borrow my companies to make money or anything. And I'm not doing it for free.

[B]

Oh, you're not doing. You're, you're not doing your. Your Roman interest grandmother's lawn for free? She's got a tractor, my guy.

[G]

If you set me up with your sister, if you set me up with Ellie, I will do it. How about that?

[B]

I'm not shaking that hand. I don't know where it's been. Let me give Ellie a call.

[A]

Oh, boy, there we go.

[B]

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. Type facetimer or call her.

[A]

All right, she needs to get ocular pat down to Josh here.

[B]

Oh, hang on. I got disable airplane mode. Just give me a second here.

[G]

Have you not disabled airplane mode since you got off the airplane?

[B]

No, I. I was. You know what? You're. You're like striking 0 of 10 right now. I don't know.

[A]

I kind of like you, Josh.

[B]

Seem like a good guy. Tiny. Ellie. Oh, she fucking hung up on me. Hang on. She's at the Brewer game. Let me give one more also. What's the score?

[G]

It's over.

[B]

We lost.

[G]

It's over.

[B]

All right. Okay. Ellie, she hung up on me again. Let me call her. Let me call her. Hang on. Oh, hang on, Tiny. Oh, hey. Hey. You're live to tape. I have to legally tell you.

[F]

Charlie.

[B]

Yeah, you're. You're in the show. Don't say anything dumb.

[F]

Hi, everyone.

[B]

Oh, there's.

[F]

Hi.

[B]

Hi. Say hi to the audience.

[F]

Hi, everyone.

[B]

Now, Ellie, we had the fans submit some questions and one fella submitted. What did he submit?

[C]

Miles.

[A]

Josh here is. How's it going? Josh was wondering if Charlie could set him up with you on a date.

[F]

No, I'm sorry, I. I'm. Unfortunately, she's taken by an Irishman. Oh, I'm so sorry.

[B]

Hi. Hi.

[F]

It's so nice to meet you. I'm so sorry. Kylie should know. I do have a boyfriend, but I have a bunch of single friends if you need. I mean, not if you need some money.

[B]

That.

[G]

That would be perfect. I'm not kidding.

[B]

Just anybody.

[G]

I. I am like. I am this most like the singlest person you've met. I've been single for almost three years. It's been over two years since I've even been on a date. So I. I will take what I can get at this point.

[F]

I'll link you up to some.

[B]

Okay. Ellie. Ellie, do you have some friends that. That would be interested?

[A]

Are they in the car with her?

[F]

So many friends. Where do you go to school? You're popular.

[G]

I gladly. I don't know what to say anymore.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Ellie. Ellie, we're gonna have him.

[F]

No, I'll go. What?

[B]

No, I. I want him to describe what he's looking for, and maybe you can find a friend. So we're gonna have him give his dating profile right here.

[G]

Okay? Do you want me to go?

[B]

You.

[G]

Do you want me to pull out my Tinder profile? We can go through it.

[B]

Ellie, you didn't hear that. He's on Tinder right now.

[G]

I'm on everything.

[B]

He's on everything. Never mind. All right, all right. Briefly, briefly. You are. Let's start with the most important thing. How tall are you?

[G]

5 9. I'm a short king.

[F]

Can you see me?

[B]

You're paused, but go ahead.

[F]

Okay, go ahead.

[B]

He's five nine.

[F]

Okay. All right.

[A]

Short king.

[B]

Love it. Short king.

[A]

That shrinks the pool of friends she can hook him up with.

[G]

It does. I'm used to it. It's not. It's. I'm used to it.

[F]

Okay, so you're five nine. What do you like to do? What do you. What are you doing? What do you like? What do you enjoy? Hobbies?

[G]

Well, nothing. I don't know.

[B]

No, that's not true.

[A]

He loves weed.

[F]

Can you read?

[B]

Read what?

[F]

Can you read?

[G]

Can I read?

[B]

Can I read?

[G]

Yeah, I can read.

[B]

I have.

[G]

She's like a high school diploma.

[B]

Perfect friend for you.

[G]

I have a high school diploma, thank you very much.

[F]

Stop. Oh, my God. We're on a radar, Charlie. He's whipping these turns. Okay, all right. Do you have, like, what. So what are you. Where are you at right now? Are you in the Milwaukee area?

[G]

Yeah, we're in Milwaukee right now. That's not where I live, but that's where we're at.

[F]

I love that. What do you do for work?

[G]

I. I work in landscaping.

[F]

Oh, I like that. Okay. How old are you?

[G]

I'm 20.

[F]

Okay, okay, okay. All right. I have some. I have some older women for you.

[B]

Older women. Older women.

[F]

They're about 21. How do you feel about that?

[G]

Oh, I don't care about that.

[A]

Ellie. Ellie. What is the one. What's the one gal in your mind that's your friend that would be perfect for Josh? What's her name?

[F]

Sally.

[A]

Sally.

[D]

Sounds made up.

[F]

No, she's not. She's so real. And you know what? I will connect you two, so send your insult to Charlie.

[G]

I will. I'll give it to Charlie.

[F]

We'll get it going. I won't Tell her it's happening. It's green. I won't tell her it's happening, but we'll connect it.

[G]

Cool. I'm good with it.

[B]

All right, he already fought. Calls you because he was gonna DM you. So he'll DM you and you hook him up. All right, thank you, Tiny. We'll see you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

[A]

Give it up for Ellie.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

All right, Charlie, I know she said she's gonna hook hook him up with Sally, but if I know a baron, she's not gonna remember to do that.

[B]

She did seem drunk.

[A]

So what I think we should should do, Charlie, is I think we should do a little episode of Bellied Up Speed dating.

[B]

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Do we have any single ladies in the audience?

[A]

I think I have a lady for them. Is there a Lindsay S in the audience out there?

[F]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Come on, Lindsay.

[A]

Grab a chair. Let's bring them up front. Charlie, Charlie, bring.

[B]

Bring them up.

[A]

Let's bring them up front.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's get this set up. Let's have them face each other.

[H]

Okay, first of all, I'm 34.

[B]

You can buy.

[H]

Oh, my God.

[A]

All right, now, before we get into the speed dating, Lindsay, we need to learn a little bit about you. Where are you from and why are you still single at 34?

[B]

Oh, my God, Miles, thanks for that one.

[H]

I'm from Brookfield, and the last guy that I went out with said I was too wild for him.

[B]

Who.

[A]

Gotta be feeling good.

[B]

They get pretty wild out there.

[A]

Why? What were you doing?

[B]

What?

[A]

What do you mean by wild?

[H]

I can't really go into it because I'm scared my work's gonna see.

[D]

You outed a high school teacher for cheating on her husband.

[H]

I know, but this is my job.

[A]

You'Re worried about. Maybe if this episode comes out later, they're gonna find out. Or you have workers, co workers in the audience.

[H]

Yeah, there's co workers that listen to you guys.

[B]

Okay. They're was time, I got to tell you that much.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Where do you work?

[H]

At a CPA firm.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[H]

I don't know if I should say.

[B]

Don't say, actually.

[H]

Well, I could. Free advertising.

[B]

Yeah, free advertising.

[H]

Shout it Out Better and Associates in Waukesha.

[B]

Hey there.

[H]

Taxes done?

[A]

You're a. So you're a cpa?

[H]

Yeah, I'm a cpa.

[A]

How wild can a CPA be?

[H]

You'd be surprised. This is like.

[A]

You should see what I can do in a Google sheet.

[B]

I have a. I. I'm freak in the sheets.

[H]

I have a lot of really good dating stories.

[B]

You got a lot of liquid dating stories?

[H]

Oh, really good dating stories.

[B]

Dating. I'm sorry. I heard of liquid dating.

[A]

One of your favorite dating stories, then.

[H]

I once went out with a guy that had a booger wall.

[B]

A booger wall? I knew.

[A]

I knew you from school.

[H]

In a shower.

[B]

Actually, I think you know him. Who?

[H]

Do you know the Schlosser family?

[B]

The Schlossers?

[H]

Yeah, the Schlossers.

[B]

Oh, my buddy Jay cousins with them. How the.

[A]

Do you know everyone in Wisconsin, Child?

[B]

I mean, Jay's here. He's cousin with the Schlossers. I won't.

[H]

I won't specifically name which one.

[B]

Yeah, but. Oh, booger roll.

[H]

All right.

[B]

Hey, props.

[H]

Definitely not. Hopefully, no one knows him here.

[B]

All right, so you. You've been. You've been wild. Give us a wild. Peachy. You want to go to concerts and stuff or what? No.

[H]

It involves some things that I can't say. You were talking about them actually, earlier. Some capsules.

[B]

Pickles.

[H]

Some capsules.

[B]

Mushrooms. No.

[H]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. All right, all right, all right, all right. Well, you know what? Enough about me. This is between you guys.

[G]

Well, now that I said that, my mother's a cpa. She's here with me.

[B]

She'll.

[G]

You'll get along with her pretty well.

[B]

You don't like me meeting his mom on the first date? Wow. Yeah, that's pretty cool. All right, now, Miles, what are the rules of the speed dating?

[A]

You guys each get to ask each other three questions and treat it like no one else is here. This is just a date between you two and, Josh, I think that we should let the lady go first.

[G]

I'm up for that. Because I don't have any questions. Ready?

[A]

Come on, Josh. I just got you so much time.

[B]

Don't say that. She was telling the stories in your head. In your head. Thoughts.

[A]

As soon as she said I'm wild, he was just like, oh, yeah, let's go.

[B]

Some thoughts are in your head. Other thoughts are out of your mouth. Okay.

[A]

You got this, buddy.

[D]

All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Okay. I'll go first. Do you know who the Backstreet Boys are?

[G]

Of course I know who they are.

[H]

Do you know any songs?

[G]

Like, probably two, and it's probably their most popular ones.

[H]

Can you sing them or sing one?

[G]

I'm not going to.

[B]

Sing one.

[A]

Street Spec.

[B]

All right. Hey, he sung one, and I hate to say it. You used all your questions on that?

[A]

There was a lot of questions. Yeah.

[B]

All right. But he did sing It. He went out there.

[H]

All right, I did it.

[G]

I said that.

[A]

Who knows? If you get the last word of the line, you know the song.

[H]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

All right, Josh, question number one.

[G]

Well, I'm a big fan of old music. Like, old old music, but. But not that. So.

[B]

Since what is Backstreet Boys old music?

[C]

No, not.

[G]

That's why I'm saying older than that.

[H]

Like the 60s, probably.

[G]

Do you know who the Oak Ridge Boys are?

[B]

No.

[H]

No, I don't.

[A]

Let's hear it.

[B]

Josh.

[G]

That's no fun. You know who they are? Yeah, I love them.

[B]

Sing a song.

[G]

Oh, boy. Elvira.

[B]

Give him some support. Yeah.

[G]

It'S own fire for Elvira.

[B]

Oh, damn. I'm calling my sister back. Tell her to dump her boyfriend.

[A]

Damn, you're slowly winning Charlie over. He's a sucker for karaoke.

[G]

Yeah, I. I went to a concert of theirs in Oshkosh, and the. The median age was, I don't know, 78. Of the. Of the people in the stands, they're from, I think, the 70s, probably.

[A]

Yeah, so, like, Lindsay's age, you know, something like that.

[H]

Yeah, we.

[B]

Miles. Whatever. Just kidding.

[A]

I'm three.

[B]

That's one question. You got two more.

[G]

I don't. I.

[B]

Come on, you're putting me on the spot. Yeah. What's her favorite?

[G]

What do you like to do?

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Oh, God. I like to do puzzles.

[A]

She likes to do puzzles on mushrooms.

[B]

Yeah. It's a whole new puzzle.

[H]

I know. Yeah.

[D]

You are the missing piece, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Hang out with friends and stuff.

[B]

I don't know.

[G]

I'm. I'm just as boring, so it's maybe like a good. I don't mean that it's like a good thing. Like we're the same.

[B]

I mean, to his credit, this is.

[H]

Going really well for you.

[B]

To his credit, you did take puzzles okay, so. Yeah, they're fun. One more.

[G]

Trying my best.

[B]

You're doing good. You're doing. Doing good. One more question.

[G]

Are you still on the shrooms?

[H]

No, I don't do them anymore.

[B]

That was your last question. I'm gonna give you one more question.

[A]

He's 20 years old.

[G]

Well, that was my question. So now you're giving me another one, and I don't have one.

[B]

I'm giving you one more question. Do you want to get a drink later that you will purchase for me?

[G]

I can't.

[B]

Well, supply minor. Al, it's Wisconsin. I am a law.

[G]

Ab fighting citizen. I've never broken a law in my life.

[A]

Your mom is here. You can go to the bar with your moms.

[B]

You can say you're good to drink.

[H]

The drinks, or I can go with your mom.

[B]

Yeah. Or that.

[G]

Yeah, you guys can hang out and then. Yeah, I like that idea.

[B]

All right, now, on the count of three, will there be another date? One, two, three. Hey. What?

[A]

You guys are supposed to say yes or no on the count of one, two.

[B]

No, I'm.

[H]

Wait, I'm 14 years old.

[G]

Sparks, you could at least, like, found a woman close to my age.

[H]

I know.

[G]

Yeah, I'm putting that on YouTube.

[H]

It's fair.

[A]

Josh, I think we might have to sneak you up. Nothing against her, so you don't get a few.

[G]

That's nothing against her. One of my good friends is 36. That's not a bad thing.

[B]

No, it's not. Well, on the plus side, guys, we didn't ask anyone's age because we didn't think we should do that. On the negative side, sometimes you get a 14 year age gap. So let's give them both a big round of applause, though.

[D]

You are my fire My one desire Believe everybody when I say I want.

[A]

It that way Tell me why Guys, there's another verse.

[D]

But we are two worlds apart.

[B]

Can.

[D]

Reach to your heart I don't know this song. But I know more than he did because he was born like when I was.

[B]

I want it that way Tell me.

[D]

Why Ain't nothing but a heartache Tell me why Ain't nothing but a heart this day Tell me why I never wanna hear you say I want it that way yeah.

[B]

Give it up. You guys are awesome. Good night, ladies and gentlemen, Everybody, we love you. Bellied up. Give it up for the news.

[A]

Cheers. Get home safe.

[B]

We love you guys. Guys, make sure you tip your bartenders. Ladies and gentlemen, we love you all. Good night.

[D]

Open all the doors and let you out into the world.

[B]

Good night, everybody.