Best of Bellied Up: Volume 4

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast: Best of Bellied Up, Volume 4

Release Date: January 1, 2026
Hosts: Myles the You Betcha Guy & Charlie Berens
Format: Bar banter & live Midwest callers (Best-of compilation)

---

Overview

This "Best of" volume is a quintessential sampler of Bellied Up’s charm: two beloved Midwest comedians (Charlie Berens and Myles the You Betcha Guy) take live calls from ordinary folks with truly extraordinary stories—ranging from relationship woes and worksite injuries to peculiar family traditions and dating adventures. Set against the backdrop of small-town bars, the host duo delivers guidance, empathy, and consistent laughs—often learning as much as they “help.” This episode highlights their best listener calls and off-the-cuff bits, packed with unbeatable Midwest flavor.

---

Key Segments & Calls

---

1. Tommy’s Relationship Drama at the Bar

[00:00 - 07:11]

• Premise: Local patron Tommy, “semi-retired,” joins the bar table freshly dumped during his morning golf round.
• Discussion:
  • Tommy’s breakup text is dramatically read aloud, turning into comedic performance art.
  • Tommy’s suggestion for his own podcast: “How Terrible I Am at Relationships.”
    • Quote (Charlie, 01:04): “Is this your first time on a podcast?”
    • Tommy, 01:25: “I got dumped this morning while I was golfing. She text me, ‘We’re done. Don’t talk to me ever again.’”
  • Length and intensity of the breakup text thread shocks the hosts:
    • Miles, 05:10: “Oh my God. It’s still going. Then we got a screenshot out of some sort… this would have been a 30-minute intro if you’d have read all that.”
  • Tommy shrugs it off, says he’s back on the market: “Somebody that doesn’t break up with me when I’m golfing” is his ideal woman (06:00).
• Memorable Moment: Hilarious, real-time breakdown of breaking up by text—“at least wait till after the front nine.”

---

2. Becky’s Slow-Moving Husband & Midwest Home Life

[10:03 - 34:37]

• Premise: Becky, recovering from arm surgery, calls in from Fargo to complain her boyfriend won’t finish chores.
• Discussion:
  • She relays a blow-by-blow of his half-effort yardwork and the honey-do list backlog; calls for advice on getting him in gear.
  • Charlie & Myles role-play Midwest Dad voices as motivation (17:22):
    • Charlie as Becky’s dad: “Hey, what the hell are you doing over there, huh? We got work to do over here.”
  • On Midwest gender politics and slow marriage proposals:
    • Becky, 14:24: “We’re not actually married.”
    • Myles, 14:35: “That adds up. The guy takes forever on everything. Of course he hasn’t proposed.”
  • Birthday shoutouts and singing for Becky’s mom: “Happy Birthday Helen Klein, 73!”
  • Deep bar-banter on chores, zero-turn mowers, and Midwest relationship “carrot and stick” approaches.
  • Notable Quote (Miles, 16:19): “The grass does keep growing, so you gotta stay on top of it.”
• Memorable Segment: Becky stepping outside on speaker to “midwest-dad” her boyfriend about weeding (“You need to move that ass a little faster,” 18:29), and his quick-witted reply.
• Other gems:
  • Perennial director as a job title (“That’s such a serious title for flowers” 23:50).
  • The two debate Packer fandoms and sports stock.

---

3. Blue Collar vs. White Collar Identity

[36:38 - 60:00]

• Premise: Brad, calling from a literal tree stump, seeks clarity on when you become “white collar” after leaving blue-collar work.
• Discussion:
  • Explores limbo-land between labor gigs and office life, and the cultural Venn diagram (HR anxieties, lunch containers, and pissing in Gatorade bottles as indicators).
  • Brad, 37:08: “But when you're a white-collar worker, do you know that you’re a white-collar worker?”
  • Miles, 41:18: “If you get to the office and you stand around the water cooler and talk about how you didn’t do anything that weekend, I feel like you work a white-collar job.”
  • Hilarious run of blue-collar/white-collar bullet points—“If your lunch comes in a cooler: blue-collar. If your lunch comes in an Uber: white-collar” ([46:31]).
  • Host banter about random life hacks (escalator shoe-polishing trick, 47:21) and office kitchen failings.
• Memorable Moment:
  • Hosts riffing: “If you shower at the gym before work—white collar. If you shower at the truck stop—blue collar.”
  • Brad’s status as podcast “stump guy” becomes its own bit.

---

4. Ethan – The “Booze Cruising” IT Guy with Relationship and Landlord Woes

[60:34 - 84:38]

• Premise: Regular caller Ethan provides classic Midwest therapy—who’s openly riding out a too-long relationship cohabiting for the rent.
• Topics Untangled:
  • Working “Indian scam caller” style IT—but for movie theaters (help desk, 64:29).
  • Interracial and political issues in his relationship (“I think we’re just going on two separate life paths,” 65:06).
  • Odes to whiskey, weed pens, and advice on pragmatic breakups for young 20-somethings sharing a house.
  • Digs into family oil royalties, building a lakeside RV park, and cash-flow logic for not moving out.
  • Quote (Ethan, 76:31): “We’re staying together for the rent, 2025, man. You gotta do what you gotta do.”
• Memorable Lines:
  • “I want children, I’ll adopt. And I go…” (72:48)
  • “As a half Asian and half white boy, all I get on dating apps is fat Mexican girls that love anime and it pisses me off.” (73:38)
• Hosts’ Advice: “If you want to get into stand-up, just turn your phone on and start ranting. Instagram Reels is your crowd work.” (82:51)

---

5. Chad the NASA “Rocket Scientist” (CNC Machinist)

[86:12 - 105:40]

• Premise: Chad, “Rocket City Redneck,” finally calls in after months—working on Artemis missions at NASA, does not believe in the 1969 moon landing.
• Highlights:
  • Chad, 89:23: “I firmly believe we did not land on the moon in ‘69.”
  • Charlie & Myles mine the conspiracy for gold; George Kittle, NFL tight end guest, jumps in, obsessed with conspiracy TikToks ([88:28]).
  • Chad’s job explained: Making CNC-machined parts for Artemis moon rockets, specifically a fin to stop rocket-induced astronaut “vibrations to death.”
  • Comprehensive NASA/SpaceX/Blue Origin shade; working conditions, government-private partnerships, and whose city gets credit (“Nobody knows Huntsville, Alabama is where we build everything that goes to the moon” 101:13).
  • Alien inclusion: “There’s an alien in the White House right now,” (102:28).
  • Chad’s dream: Be the first machinist in space.
• Memorable:
  • “If you miss [the moon], you’ll land among the stars. If you miss, you’re just gonna spiral into the emptiness of space forever” (105:15).
  • Wild barstool moon conspiracies and “getting the scoop” from a NASA employee.

---

6. Gerald’s Green Bean Casserole Sabotage Plan

[109:12 - 128:23]

• Premise: Gerald wants to get himself—and green bean casserole—banned from his Indiana family reunion.
• Plan:
  • Serve a guinea pig on a bed of green bean casserole to traumatize relatives.
    • “To me, green bean casserole resembles bull semen with green beans floating in it, covered with the toenails of a thousand corpses.” (110:17)
  • Inspiration: Coworker’s Ecuadorian guinea pig dish at a corporate potluck.
  • Weighs possible outcomes—all “win-win-win” (banned, dish banned, all banned, or it becomes family tradition and he’s stuck).
  • Hosts encourage him to “Videotape it, so you guys can share in my delight” (120:07).
• Memorable:
  • Turns into a Midwestern “Hatfield-and-McCoy” food war; plans for “Gerald’s Pets” as faux pet store/restaurant blend.
  • “The people of Ecuador are calling stolen valor on us…” (123:19).

---

7. Cliff’s Cautionary Family Scam Tale

[129:16 - 158:38]

• Premise: Cliff calls (a few drinks deep) to reveal how his uncle burned his marriage & money in a romantic “pig butchering” scam.
• Details:
  • Uncle, lonely after marital trouble, is drawn into a “pig butchering”/catfish crypto scheme via WhatsApp.
  • Sends $50,000 (then $400,000) to scammer he’s never met, believing he’s investing in gold/crypto for a woman in “Santa Barbara with a photo written in the sand” (clumsily AI-generated).
  • Divorce follows, cousin loses 5-bedroom house, lands in a 1-bed single-wide.
  • Cliff, 136:56: “She’s real, 100% real,” uncle insists.
  • Hosts stress PSA: “Don’t text back numbers you don’t know… Even if it’s someone you actually know and you don’t respond, it’s better than getting caught” (145:03).
• Memorable Moments:
  • On scam “voice cloning”/AI, Midwest dads get the call: “Yeah, you're in jail? Spend the goddamn night there. What the hell did you do, huh? Rot in there, you son of a bitch” (146:02).

---

8. Timmy Tangos: Kissing Moms & Cougar Confessions

[158:43 - 176:28]

• Premise: Timmy recounts drunkenly flirting (third person) with a hot 50-year-old at a Cody Johnson concert—learning after a kiss that she's married.
• Highlights:
  • “No tongue—I'm married,” says the mom mid-kiss (164:11).
  • Timmy confesses a dry spell, then meeting a new girl the same night—“snapped me out of it.”
  • Hosts absolve him: “If that’s the worst thing you do in your life, you’re gonna have a pretty good life. You didn’t know!” (170:27)
  • Timmy teases a future call: “next time it’ll be about three sisters.”
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Sometimes you just want what you can’t have. And sometimes that rock [wedding ring] means that’s a chase you can’t have and you just gotta go for it” (174:55).

---

9. Skyler—the Finger Fairy: Losing (and Laughing About) Your Digits

[180:28 - 201:18]

• Premise: Skyler, union concrete guy of 19 years, calls in after a worksite accident cost him one-and-a-half fingers.
• Story:
  • Accident with a circular saw: “I broke the number one rule. I put my fingers where I shouldn’t have put my pecker.” (183:12)
  • Amputation stories escalate into jokes: “So now I can only count to nine. Well, it’s really eight and a half.”
  • “Tried to keep ’em, the hospital wouldn’t let me. I told ’em, just pickle ’em for me!” (187:23)
  • Quick banter on concrete crew hazing, pride in the trade, and Midwest standup comic sensibilities.
• Memorable:
  • “How do you get rid of back pain? Cut off a finger, takes your mind right off it!” (199:48)
  • Skyler as “the finger fairy” at a live Bellied Up show.
• Surprising Detail: Skyler’s been with his girlfriend seven years, “Just too much hassle” to get married. “If you wait any longer, you’re not going to have any fingers left for a ring.” (201:01)

---

10. Angela’s Rants: Golf Balls, Cool Whip Containers & Midwest Men

[207:07 - 241:16]

• Premise: Angela, on her way to the liquor shop, rails against errant golf shots into her apartment, Cool Whip container failures, and family-size shrinkage in Jello salad supplies.
• Discussion:
  • Angela, 209:11: “You moved into an apartment knowing there is a golf course right there. …But you know, if you’re taking a shot on the third T and you hit my window…”
  • “Went to pick up the Cool Whip, and as soon as I open it, my new Tupperware lid broke. …They're not making ’em like they used to.” (213:38)
  • On Midwest men: “He’s gotta at least be 5'6”, just so he can hop up in his lifted truck, and then I want to hear his belly hit the steering wheel… and see his long bearded hair in the wind.” (218:53)
• Memorable: Angela’s blend of earnestness and bawdiness (“Let's stay missionary here, Charlie, I’m not riding a big handled hog, you know” 223:04) brings the house down.
• Ends with: Midwest mom wisdom—raise your kids ruthlessly honest, “Tell them where the bear shits in the woods,” teach them three languages, and don’t ever watch the Teletubbies.

---

Memorable Quotes (w/ Timestamps)

• Tommy: “Somebody that doesn’t break up with me when I’m golfing.” (06:00)
• Becky on chores: “He’s circling like a lion… still mental mapping.” (13:24)
• Ethan: “We’re staying together for the rent. 2025, man. You gotta do what you gotta do.” (76:31)
• Chad (NASA worker): “I firmly believe we did not land on the moon in '69.” (89:23)
• Gerald: “To me, green bean casserole resembles bull semen with green beans floating in it, covered with the toenails of a thousand corpses.” (110:17)
• Cliff’s story: “She’s real, 100% real,” uncle insists about scam relationship. (136:56)
• Angela on dating: “Lifted truck, lifted steering wheel, that’s all I’m asking.” (219:32)

---

Overall Tone & Style

• Heartfelt, unguarded, and very Midwest: friendly ribbing, authentic stories, and underlying kindness beneath the sarcasm.
• Hosts always ready to improv and gently tease—never mean-spirited.
• Socratic, “barroom psychologist” advice—insightful but always with a punchline.
• Deeply blue-collar, leaning into small town/worksite culture, but aware of modern contradictions (from Delta 8 gummies to AI romance scams).

---

Navigation & Time Stamps

• Tommy’s Breakup: 00:00–07:11
• Becky’s Chores & Midwest Relationships: 10:03–34:37
• White vs. Blue Collar: 36:38–60:00
• Ethan’s Rent Romance: 60:34–84:38
• Chad/Space Conspiracies: 86:12–105:40
• Gerald’s Casserole Revenge: 109:12–128:23
• Cliff’s Scam Cautionary Tale: 129:16–158:38
• Timmy Tangos (Cougar/Lipstick): 158:43–176:28
• Skyler: Finger Fairy/Concrete Life: 180:28–201:18
• Angela: Golf Balls & Cool Whip: 207:07–241:16

---

In Closing

This "best of" volume delivers heartfelt comedy, regional wisdom, and human moments you couldn’t script—making it a perfect primer for the Bellied Up universe. If you’ve ever been to a Midwest bar, worked with your hands, or needed a laugh after a bad day, there’s something both familiar and surprising in nearly every call.

Final Sign-Off: “Watch out for deer, tell your folks I says hi, and get yourself some proper Cool Whip containers.”

Transcript

[A]

Folks, welcome to the Bellied up podcast. We are here at Burnsies in West Dallas, Wisconsin, and we met a bar patron here, Tommy. Hi, I'm Tom. Tom. Oh, you go by Tom? Well, Tommy's works too, but for the.

[B]

Joke, it's got to be Tom.

[A]

What? Joe?

[B]

The 50 first dates joke. The guy with the 10 second memory.

[A]

Everybody knows it. Yeah.

[B]

That's you.

[A]

That's you, man.

[C]

That's great, you know.

[A]

Hello. So what are you doing? You're wearing a golf shirt. Are you going golfing today? I golfed at 7am this morning. Oh, one of those days. It was 46 degrees when we teed off.

[B]

What kind of gig you got that you're going golfing that early in the morning? Semi retired.

[A]

Semi retired. What does that mean? I'm waiting for a podcast where I can make some. Some serious money. But it has.

[B]

You're on your way. That's right. Got to start somewhere. Tom. Sl. Tommy was leaving the bar. He use me and Charlie's Catholic guilt against us on the podcast. I'm leaving because you guys won't invite me on the podcast. And so here I am. Look how that works.

[A]

Well, is this your first time On a podcast? 100%, yes. Well, all right. So you want to do a podcast for your time at gig. What would your podcast be about? Golf. I think would be about how. How terrible I am at relationships. Oh, yeah. And help guys that way. Okay, how many marriages?

[C]

Yeah, just one.

[D]

But since then.

[A]

I got dumped this morning while I was golfing. You got dumped this morning? Tommy, can you believe that? She text me, we're done. Don't talk to me ever again.

[B]

Actually. Actually, this is a true story. I can show you the text.

[A]

Let's see the text message.

[B]

Man.

[A]

Let's get this confirmed. This is going to be truthful. Oh, you got a whole storyline.

[B]

She's sending paragraphs.

[A]

Oh, my God. And she's at work sending me all this for.

[B]

For. Oh, I see a in there. That's not good.

[A]

Pathetic. Yes.

[B]

Not like I'm cheating.

[A]

Whoa. This is her text. Oh, can I read it?

[E]

Well, yeah.

[B]

Let's go back to the beginning.

[A]

Oh, God, this is awesome.

[B]

Also for those. It is. Oh, here we go. First of all, she doesn't have an iPhone.

[A]

Huge, right? I tell you that all the time.

[B]

So we got green bubbles and gray bubbles. It's about eight gray bubble paragraphs. And then he sends one line of green bubble. Don't talk to me anymore.

[F]

There it is.

[A]

Okay, okay. You broke up with me. You tried leaving Several times you did. And you as always, a capital you.

[B]

You read. You read her and I'll read him.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

You broke up with me. You tried leaving several times. You didn't tell me because you went to fucking neighbors. Had a. Had to appease Hannah and Bri. Fucking pathetic. Don't talk to me anymore. Maybe even Paige. So I get why Adamant. I get why you broke up with me. Fucking bullshit progress talks. What the fuck for? Just to fucking string me along? Not like I'm cheating. Yeah, you kind of fucking are. Good for you. I'm just kidding. I'm always battling something. Because your words are words. Yeah, you are my house. You are at my house majority of nights. But how many nights in the week are you not? Are you out without me? Doesn't matter. You made your choice.

[B]

You always do.

[A]

I here I sit. Wait. Am hopeful. For what? With a 4, not an F O R. Hurts like heal H e apostrophe ll, but probably good. You called it.

[B]

Don't talk to you because I went there. I. I hung out with Nick. No one else.

[A]

Shut the fuck up. Not the fucking point. You are weak. I'm over it. I don't have the fight anymore, Tommy. I shouldn't have to either. Fucking let down. Slowly move into your old ways and staying fucking relevant. Bullshit. I have nothing more to say. Falls on deaf ears anyway. I will never be able to fill your cup. Don't even know why I thought I ever stood a chance. You got your excuse to keep your Tuesday antics up and roll into the rest of the week. It's Tuesday. It is? Yeah. And it's funny. I was going to make this statement. If you go down Greenfield, hopefully you'll be able to overlook neighbors. Nope. No can do. Leave West Dallas and cave week. Thanks, babe, for picking up the slack and paying more. Meanwhile, I have to do all this money. Meanwhile, I have all this money to do me and slap it in my girl's face. Meanwhile, I have all this money to do me and slap it in. I don't know what that my girl's face. Realize I'm kind of drunk like at 4ish, but can't take that thought and check myself back to secrets and withholding shit. Good God, dude, I told you we don't have enough time for.

[B]

Oh my God. It's still going. It's still going. Then we got a screenshot out of some sort. Oh my. I mean, this would have been a 30 minute intro if you'd have read all that.

[A]

You probably should wrap it up. But that's what my podcast would be about.

[B]

All right, welcome to the Tommy Podcast. For the next eight hours, you will hear my texting spin off of this one.

[A]

It'll be perfect. I mean, dude, this is all from today.

[B]

So this is. This is your ex girlfriend? This is your ex girlfriend. I can't imagine what your ex wife was like. Oh, geez, then we got to get.

[A]

Those texts out next week. Save it for the podcast, Tommy. Don't give us this. All right, gentlemen. I hope that was entertaining. That was really entertaining.

[E]

All right.

[A]

My God. Well, thanks for putting up with me. Yeah. Can. Can you send me all these screenshots and put them in a book? I'd like to read it. Got it. Yeah. It'll help you go to sleep at night. Yeah, like, wow.

[B]

At least my relationships aren't that bad.

[A]

Yeah. Self action. How long were you dating her, Tommy? Two weeks? Three.

[B]

Seven months.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And was it like this every day? Yes. Okay.

[A]

To cheat on her, Tommy. I did not. You were faithful.

[B]

Well, you cheated on her by hanging out with your buddy.

[A]

I don't think he wanted to cheat on my.

[B]

You were hanging out with Nick? Yeah.

[A]

Just Nick?

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Where's Nick at? He's not here today, but. Oh, so you weren't hanging out with Nick? No, that was last night. That was last night.

[B]

Are you sure it wasn't Nikki instead of.

[A]

I'm not sure, but I don't like, you know. You just can never be too sure nowadays, can you? No, you can't. Where'd you meet her? I met her at the bar she.

[B]

Doesn'T want me to go to anymore.

[A]

Ah. It's kind of, you know.

[B]

Thank God it wasn't Burnsies. Thank goodness. Yeah, dodge the bullet there.

[A]

Well, Tommy, the good news is you're back on the market, so tell the folks.

[B]

Oh, yeah. What are you looking for in a woman?

[A]

Somebody that doesn't break up me when I'm golfing.

[B]

At least wait till after. Right after golf.

[A]

I screwed up my whole front nine, and that's hard to get back. All right, thank you, Tom. Talking to you guys. Yeah, good talking to you too.

[B]

Thanks for coming on, dude.

[A]

Appre you get on home to your wife now.

[E]

Thank you.

[A]

All right, folks, that was Tommy, ladies and gentlemen. He had a rough day, but we're here for him. Bellying up to the bar. And we're here for you too, and let's take your calls.

[B]

That was unreal. I thought he was gonna. I thought he was exaggerating. He was underselling it.

[A]

Oh, my God, he undersold it.

[B]

The rare undersell.

[A]

Oh, man. Yeah, she. Half of those words were just letters like you and why. It was like she was texting on a. On a flip phone, you know?

[B]

Yeah, that was tough. Tommy, though. Calm, cool, collected. What are you talking about? I was hanging out with Nick. That's also like a worst. You get a long paragraph of a text message and you're like, I don't want to answer all of the things that's in it, so I'll just answer the last one. And then that pisses them off more.

[A]

You know, that loads the bow.

[B]

You're like, I just don't have time to respond to everything you said.

[A]

Yeah, sorry.

[B]

That's when you hit him with the hey, sorry, I'm golfing. I'll respond after. And that also, you know, you can.

[A]

Just say, hey, sorry, I'm golfing. Yeah. All right. Should we take some?

[B]

You've never had that type of luck with dating. You're doing great, Charlie.

[A]

All the gals have been really nice.

[B]

You're the one saying I'm the problem.

[A]

Yeah, I'm the one texting from a flip phone. All right, let's get to our caller, guys.

[B]

Right now. Prize picks will give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you'll get fifty bucks in lineups. Use promo code bellied up when you sign up today. Charlie, you already know that you can make player picks on prize picks. Now you can make team picks and culture picks all in one. Prize picks.

[A]

What's a culture pick?

[B]

Well, let me tell you here, it's super simple. With team picks, you who you think will win the game, who will win the fight, whether a team will win by more or less than a certain number of points, total points scored, or even future winners. And it go. And like you said, the culture picks that we're going beyond sports. All right.

[A]

Yeah, music.

[B]

Everything from music to movie winners to TV show winners. Even things like video game release dates or the price of bitcoin.

[A]

You gotta be kidding me.

[B]

Yeah, they got it all on price fix now. So you can back your takes with real money. Money. And you can make your picks before or even during live events because I know, Charlie, sometimes you're late to the party.

[A]

I'm late to the party, late to the game.

[B]

Still plays prize picks even if the game's going on.

[A]

Well, that's great for me.

[B]

Player picks, team picks, culture picks. All one app.

[A]

Hey, look at this. Just took a player pick. I'll Send it to Anne. All right.

[H]

How are you?

[A]

Well, I'm doing good. How are you, Becky?

[D]

I'm great. I'm so excited to talk to you guys. Where are you bellied up at?

[A]

We're bellied up at Frank's Lounge in Fargo, North Dakota. I'm here with Miles.

[D]

Hi, Miles.

[B]

How are you?

[D]

Fabulous.

[B]

I hear that you are trying to get your husband to clean more. What's going on?

[D]

Yeah, he drives me insane. He always finds little ways to create these other projects. They need to happen right now.

[A]

I get it, I get it. You get fixed on something, it's gotta happen. I mean, cannot wait. You know, it's like a little. It's like when your glue bottle overflows and it starts drying on the top of the glue bottle. You gotta pick that off right away. Life cannot continue until it's clean.

[H]

Well, you know what?

[D]

I'm looking out the window at him right now and he's weeding between the garden beds and he's putting down that fabric stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But he's just staring at it. It's like. Yeah, I know, I know you're thinking really hard, bud, but get some work done, you know?

[B]

And what do you think he should be doing right now? Or is he should just be working, just moving faster?

[A]

Well, what are you doing? Why don't you go out and help them?

[D]

Well, that's what. That was part of the message. So I just had surgery two weeks ago and I'm left handed and it was on my left arm.

[A]

Oh, yeah? What happened?

[D]

Well, it's a long story. Basically, it was actually in November. We were unloading a truck full of fresh cut greens.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

And it was something like £8,000 of cut greens. But the bales aren't individually weighed. Oh, it's weighed by the gross, you know, tonnage or whatever weight. And so the bail could have been 10 pounds, it could have been 50 pounds. And there was a strong guy in the back of the semi throwing to me. And I was just throwing them everywhere. And four days went by, my whole entire body was sore. And on the fifth day, I couldn't lift up my coffee cup in the morning.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

Yeah.

[H]

So I thought I was a tough.

[D]

Guy and I tried to just, you know, work through it, physical therapy and all that. And finally the doctor's like, well, you know, you've plateaued. You're not getting better. You need the surgery. So.

[B]

So you tore something.

[D]

The tendons came off the bone.

[A]

Oh, dang.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Well, you know, that's. You are just A badass Midwest gal over here, you know, working through the pain. Just a little ibuprofen. I'll. I'll stitch it up, you think in your head, and then before you know.

[B]

It, you know, you and my dad would get along great.

[H]

Oh, speaking of parents, it's my mom's birthday. Can I shout out my mom?

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[D]

Happy birthday Helen Klein, 73.

[A]

Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Helen Klein Happy birthday to you Real good.

[D]

Oh, you guys are so sweet. She's gonna be so thrilled.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

All right, update on the husband. Has he moved yet?

[H]

All right, let's look.

[D]

He's pacing.

[A]

He's circling like a lion.

[B]

Okay, so he was formulating a plan. Now he's mentally mapping the plan.

[D]

Yes. Oh, he's putting something in the ground now. Okay, but it's. It's more like. Yeah, still mental mapping.

[B]

So this is his MO. He moves slow and pretends to do work even though he's not. Well.

[H]

I mean, he gets shit done eventually, but it's like.

[D]

Like half his clothes are still in the front hall closet because he hasn't finished the. His closet. You know what I mean? Like. Like that was, like, two years ago.

[A]

Like, this is torture for you because you cannot do anything. And since you can't be distracted by doing work yourself, you're forced to just. Just see what he's not doing. Yeah.

[D]

Yes, this can be absolutely.

[A]

This is going to be real trouble for your marriage the longer this goes on.

[H]

Well, we're not actually married.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Might as well be.

[B]

Well, I mean, that adds up. The guy takes forever on everything. Of course, he hasn't proposed, or he's.

[A]

Still mapping out where to put the knee down.

[B]

He's now, but is he at least in the circling phase? Is he circling the jewelry store, at least?

[D]

Oh, I get jewelry, just not that specific. Ring.

[B]

Do you want a ring or you guys. Mutual. Like, hey, we don't need to get married.

[D]

I mean, I would like it. Every girl wants to get married and. Well, really, I just want the honeymoon, I guess, but just take me on vacation.

[A]

So is that me?

[D]

A big party and take me on vacation?

[A]

Is that what this is really about? You're upset about his pace on the chores, but it's really, really the big pop in the question you're looking for?

[D]

No, definitely not. It's all about the chores.

[A]

Nice. You know, he's got a keeper. I'm not sure what he's thinking here.

[B]

Have you tried different tactics to get his ass in gear.

[D]

Well, that's why I called you guys, because my tactics don't work currently.

[B]

What are you currently using?

[D]

Sometimes I'll make fun of him, which. That's kind of how our relationship is. We got no problems with that. But, like, you know, hey, Sally, why.

[H]

Don'T you get out there and finish.

[D]

That, you know, that kind of thing. Oh, that doesn't seem to work.

[B]

And then what does he say in response?

[D]

Well, he usually have a little quip right back at me, you know, but.

[A]

Have you tried bribing?

[D]

But it's always. It's always the thing. It's always. It's got to do something else. Oh, but I got to do this. I got to do that. His favorite thing is to cut the grass.

[B]

I mean, in his defense, the grass does keep growing, so you got to stay on top of it.

[D]

Well, no, I get that. I get that. What's up with the.

[G]

Your.

[D]

Your decks, guys? The zero turn or whatever? I'm sure he'd love one of those.

[B]

Zero turn mower zero turns. What do you. Yeah, yeah, that's what she said.

[A]

Oh, no. Miles. Miles's battery broke on his zero turn.

[B]

We currently are in a predicament with the zero turn. Gotta get a new battle.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Maybe you. Maybe you dangle a zero turnover as the reward if he gets your. Your honeydew list done here.

[D]

I'm guessing those are pretty expensive.

[A]

Yeah. Miles, you got a second one somewhere, right? And we want to ship that thing.

[D]

Well, I'm gonna mail me your zero turn now.

[A]

Put a stamp on it.

[B]

Char is always pawning off all of my stuff and money.

[A]

Yeah, that's my specialty.

[B]

You could. Another tactic you could try is the Midwest dad approach. So, Charlie, I want you. I'm going to be you.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

I'm dragging my feet in the garden, and I want you to be your dad.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Okay. I'm just going to stand here.

[A]

Hey, what the hell are you doing over there, huh? We got work to do over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You've been doing it for a long time. Quit your dilly, Dale. And I'm putting five minutes on the clock. Finish it. All right.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

By the time I walk around this corner, if that's not finished. See the back of this hand? Yeah. You want to see it up close? Have you tried beating them or giving them beer? You know, that usually helps.

[D]

Oh, that's a good idea.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You want to hear something funny, Charlie? I'm wearing the Fleet Farm dad hat right now.

[A]

Are you? Nice meet you at the Fleet farm. Hey, thank you. Thank you.

[B]

You should try the dad approach right now. You should go poke your head out the. Wind the door and give them a little midw. Dad, tell him to unhook the plow. You know, get. Get his ass in gear.

[D]

Do you guys want me to.

[B]

Yeah, let's do it.

[D]

Okay. Hold on. I'm walking. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, wait, hold on. I'll put you on speaker real quick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, do that.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

All right. What you doing there, bud? You need to move that ass a little faster there. She told me to off.

[F]

Did you hear that?

[D]

Did you hear that?

[A]

What did he say?

[D]

He said whipper into shape.

[A]

Hey, you guys have a great relationship.

[D]

We do.

[B]

The thing you were missing is you. You didn't warn him about the backhand. That would have maybe ripped him in the. Because otherwise it's just an empty threat.

[A]

Right? Right. Yeah. You gotta let them know that there's some.

[D]

Oh, no, I didn't offer him the beer, though. I forgot to offer him the beer.

[A]

Yep. It's. That's called the honey and the stick approach right there. Or the carrot in the stick.

[B]

Good cow, bad cop, good.

[D]

Oh, yeah, with the dangling. The carrot.

[A]

Yep, yep. Carrot in the stick.

[D]

That's a good one.

[A]

Yeah. In that analogy, is the carrot dangling from the stick?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

You dangle.

[D]

You hold the stick over in front of the animal, and then they chase the carrot. That they can never get it.

[A]

Oh, that's what the stick's for. I thought the stick was for beating. Now I know softly.

[B]

And carry a big carrot.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There's a. That's a Woodrow Wilson quote. Well, so what. What other projects do we got hanging around. Hanging around the house? You got a list? Do you have a list written down?

[D]

Oh, God, I have a list. I have a list.

[A]

Read it off.

[D]

Put away the laundry. Sweeping. Mop and vacuum. Water the plants. And what was the other thing? Oh, there was one more thing. He didn't do any of it. I'll make the bed.

[A]

Some of the. Some of that you can do with one hand.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Water the garden.

[B]

Geez, you are milking this arm. You can't make the bed with one hand.

[E]

Oh, really?

[D]

Really, Miles? You're gonna put on a fitted sheet with one arm.

[A]

That's fine.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't even do that with two arms.

[H]

Right.

[B]

O.

[D]

Guys, guess what happened today. Did you guys see what happened?

[A]

New pope.

[D]

He's a fib.

[A]

He's a fib. The pope's I hope he's not a Bears fan.

[D]

I hope so, too.

[A]

Otherwise, we're in trouble.

[D]

I'm a fib. But the old man isn't, which makes it even worse that he doesn't get the. Done.

[A]

Where are you guys living?

[D]

Bensonville, right outside o' Hare Airport.

[A]

Oh, sure. Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So if you guys ever need me to pick you up, I gotcha.

[A]

I appreciate that.

[B]

All right. I mean, I don't know if you can with your arm. You can't do any thing else. Can you drive a car, even?

[D]

Geez, I am allowed to drive.

[B]

Okay, I'm starting to wonder if that's a good idea.

[H]

Oh, what was that?

[D]

What was that?

[E]

Nothing.

[G]

Nothing.

[D]

Well, like, even when I had to still wear the sling, they told me I could drive. I just wouldn't because I was afraid I was gonna fall out and faceplant. But, like. No, I. I will drive now, but just, like, only if I have to. You know, there's still. Yeah, it's not all the way back. So.

[B]

Yeah. What's. So what's your story? What are you. You saying? You were throwing some bales around? What do you do for work and all that?

[A]

Obviously a lawyer, Miles. Nice. Yeah, obviously.

[E]

He's a golfer.

[H]

Oh, he used to.

[A]

He used to what?

[D]

Miles would like the hat, right? Miles like skull.

[B]

I do like golf.

[A]

Oh, I was trying to do a big Lebowski quote.

[D]

Oh, that's my favorite movie.

[E]

Yeah.

[H]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Miles, I have to ask you. Is your favorite show of all time the Office?

[B]

Yeah. Probably up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

TV show wise. Yeah. In my favorite.

[D]

What are some of your other faves? Because I've heard you quote off, obviously the Office. I've heard you do Friends. I caught a couple friends quotes.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I thought one time I caught a letter. Kenny quote, but I wasn't sure.

[B]

Yeah, I. I also lately have been a righteous gemstones guy.

[A]

It's a good show.

[D]

That's a good one, too.

[B]

I just.

[D]

That's a good one.

[B]

This I haven't finished this season, but there are some episodes this season where I was dying laughing, and that doesn't happen a lot in today's world. I feel like comedy shows are good comedy shows.

[A]

Tough to come by, tough to find.

[D]

Comedy's my favorite genre.

[B]

So what do you do for work?

[D]

Oh, yeah. So, no, I work at a garden center. It's called Flat Hill Nursery. We sell everything from houseplants, trees, and shrubs, and I'm the perennial director there.

[A]

The perennial director?

[H]

Yeah. So all the pretty flowers.

[D]

That's my Department.

[A]

That's a great specific for a. For like, a sketch at some point. What? I am the perennial director.

[B]

I don't know why I thought that was so funny. It's just such a serious title for flowers. I don't know.

[D]

I know.

[A]

Flowers is serious business. Miles.

[B]

My wife.

[D]

Well, yeah, Miles. Because if we don't have the bees, then we're all screwed.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you. Do you got a bee house, or is that on the list, too?

[D]

The funny part about that is I'm terrified of bugs. People are always just like, how do you do this? And I just say, like, when they come by me, I just run the other direction. Like, I don't know, there's something.

[H]

Oh, go ahead.

[A]

No, you're not a bug gal, but you're a flower gal. Yeah. You only get one with the other.

[D]

I know. Well, that's the problem. See, I like the bees. They just don't have to get that close to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

From afar. Yeah.

[D]

Yes, definitely. They can do their business.

[A]

Well. Good. Well, yeah, we appreciate your service to all the yards out there around o' Hare Airport that have those beautiful flowers in there. Thank you for getting those out there and distributing those.

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And I could sense when he went out there to yell at your guy, you were. I. I felt like you didn't want to hurt his feelings. But now you're back in the house. He's not listening. Before we let you go, I'd like you to really let us know what you'd love to say to him while he's standing out there doing nothing. Just let. Just let it out.

[D]

Nobody needs to see your ass crack, you lazy son of a.

[A]

There it is. The truth just sounds different. Well, maybe you should get him a belt or something for Father's Day coming up. Is he a dad?

[D]

Yes, he is.

[A]

Okay, Granddad. Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There you go.

[D]

Oh, and then his grandmother is supposed to be here today, and that's why I'm all pissed that everything's not cleaned.

[H]

Up, because I can't.

[D]

And I know you guys think I'm whining, but. No, there's stuff I can't do. And. And his grandma's gonna come.

[A]

Well.

[D]

And I'm like, okay, I'll. She's from Bangor, Wisconsin, Charlie.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Bangor banger. Some would say so.

[B]

So his grandma. So she's got great, great grandchildren.

[D]

Oh, their family's huge.

[B]

That is wild.

[A]

That is wild.

[D]

Well, I guess you know, that maybe there's not that much to do up there in Bangor.

[A]

Yeah. I Mean, I guess. Why go to high school when you can have a baby by sophomore year? You know, you can go to the.

[B]

School of hard knocks.

[A]

There you go. Well, look, I'll tell you this. If you want stuff to get done, you got one good hand. Go pull a switch and make it happen.

[D]

You know what? That's so possible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then she gets tendinitis in that elbow. Which elbow? Instead of tennis elbow.

[A]

Whopper's elbow.

[B]

It's a real thing.

[H]

Well, hey, can I ask you guys a question?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Is George Kittle really that nice? Oh, nice.

[B]

He's a great dude. We. We had him on the podcast and, you know, we were figuring that he was gonna be like, all right, good. Thanks, guys. I gotta get out of here. He sat with us for, like an.

[A]

Hour afterwards, just having some beers, chewing the chaw. It was just nice. And I don't. It's hard for me to say this because he's such a, you know, thorn in the side of the packers, but apparently he doesn't even think about us, so.

[H]

You know him.

[A]

I know. That's what I want to say, but he's just too nice. Too nice of a guy.

[D]

Happy about Matthew Golden, Charlie?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I think that'll be nice. You know, we got. Yep. He's like our Randy Moss.

[D]

I called that.

[H]

I said.

[D]

I said to my guy, who's a bear skin, I said, I don't give a what your team does, but I just want the packers to draft a wide receiver in the first round. Bing, bang, boom, we got one. I was so thrilled.

[A]

I said the same thing. And I was walking around the whole draft as a Packers owner, Like, I had a job to do, you know? And, yeah, Miles doesn't like it when we talk packers because he.

[B]

No, no, I don't care.

[D]

It's a. It's a pyramid scheme, right, Miles? It really is.

[B]

I just can't believe what, that you guys are all drinking the cheese, you.

[D]

Know, because we literally have our certificate hanging framed in our living room.

[B]

You bought a. How much Was your stock?

[A]

$250.

[B]

You bought a $250 piece of paper that you'll never be able to sell.

[A]

No, I did not. It also came with a folder. Miles.

[D]

And you get to go to the meeting every year.

[A]

Yeah. You get to go sweat your ass off at Lambeau in the dead of summer. Swampy. You get a swasty group of owners.

[D]

We went to the home opener game.

[H]

Last year, and it was so hot.

[D]

That they literally ran out of water. They Ran out of water bottles. They started giving away cups of ice from the cocktail cart so people wouldn't pass out. That's not a shot at Lambo. The Lambo's beautiful.

[A]

Yeah, we're out of water. Just have some beer at. All.

[D]

Right, well, here's the ice from without. Without the whiskey. Just take the ice.

[B]

That's basically what I thought you were gonna say. I thought Just started handing out beers like it was water.

[D]

Oh, no, no, no.

[B]

Because that's my Lambo experience. I got so drunk at Lambo because every corner I turned around, there was someone shoving a beer in my face. They got. I normally at stadiums, it takes 20 minutes to get one beer. And it took 20 seconds for me to get a beer at Lambo. I was very impressed.

[A]

Miles got so.

[D]

They have their shit together. They do.

[A]

Miles got so drunk at Lambeau the next day, he turned his whole life around.

[B]

I wish I could say that's not true. I wish I could say that's not true, but it is.

[A]

That's when he started his weight loss journey.

[D]

No way.

[F]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, Miles, you know what they say.

[H]

You're looking like a snack.

[B]

Oh, okay. All right.

[A]

He hasn't been back to Lambo since.

[D]

Yeah, he'll never go again.

[B]

No, they're not gonna recognize me when I walk in. They'll be like, last time you were here, you were twice the man you are now.

[A]

Well, I'm half the man that I used to be. Yup.

[B]

You know, I've never heard it stated.

[A]

Like that, but, yeah, it's accurate. Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't help, Charlie, that you. You also made me participate in some extracurriculars in terms of.

[A]

I did of.

[B]

Of a snack as well.

[A]

I found there was a Delta 8 thing that they were selling at this Stadium view bar. And back then, I didn't know Delta 8 was just jet fuel and a gummy bear. And I gave Miles, I said, now be careful. Take half of this. Miles popped the whole thing in his mouth. The next day, he was too sick to do bellied ups.

[B]

And.

[A]

And between the alcohol and the booze and we were dancing, we were cutting up a rug. And. Yeah, that was years ago now.

[B]

It wasn't. You didn't say, take half of this. And then I took the whole thing. He hands it to me, and as it's already down my throat, he goes, only take half of it.

[A]

I couldn't help it. I was on Delta 8. I was.

[H]

Okay, so let me ask you boys.

[D]

When you're not drinking the Bush Light or the Lineys or the typical. What's, what's your liquor?

[A]

Barron's Old fashioned Brandy.

[D]

Oh God, I should have known that. What about you? What about you, mouth?

[B]

I like drinking like whiskey 7. You know, I like. Okay, I used to be a whiskey diet guy and then, I don't know, I like something a little lighter now.

[A]

Seven and seven.

[B]

Yellow. Seven. Seven. Summer Windsor.

[A]

Seven.

[H]

Oh, Windsor's good.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good.

[B]

So.

[A]

Well, good for you.

[B]

Well, we appreciate you calling in today.

[A]

Well, by suppose it's about that time.

[B]

Now be careful when you slap your knee. Use the right arm, otherwise you're gonna.

[A]

Be, you know, face planted.

[B]

You're gonna regress on that rehab a little Midwest.

[D]

Goodbye. You want to hear something the doctor told me yesterday? It's kind of interesting?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[D]

So he said that it's easier for left handed people to become ambidextrous when they go through something like this because right handed people are dumber. Their left arm is typically 90% strong as their dominant hand. And for left handed people, since there's so many right handed things in the world, our arms are basically just as strong. So it's easier for left hand people to come in ambidextrous.

[A]

So it's not that impressive. You beat me in that arm wrestle with your right arm, Miles.

[B]

I fact check.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you.

[B]

I am a lefty. Yeah. And Charlie's just salty because I beat him in an arm wrestling competition with my right hand. With my right.

[A]

He cheated. He cheated.

[B]

Charlie said ready, go. He got to say when we started and he's saying that I cheated.

[A]

You tickled my hand.

[D]

He's never to rematch you.

[A]

I'm going to do the rematch. I'm gonna, I'm gonna slip him a Delta 8 and get my rematch.

[B]

Oh, man. Yeah, actually that's probably Midwest rehab is all right. I'm gonna need you to do 15 whelp knee slaps for me here.

[D]

Yeah, that's what the old man always tells me. Yeah, you're fine.

[A]

Rub some dirt on it.

[B]

Well, thanks for calling in. Hope your, your arm gets better and you gotta whip that old guy into shape.

[D]

All right, I'm go. I'm gonna go pick a switch right now.

[A]

Good for you. Good for you.

[B]

No, do it. Psychological warfare. Make him pick the switch.

[D]

Oh yeah, I like that.

[B]

All right, have a good one. Oh, man, what a good gal.

[A]

Great cow.

[B]

You Packer owners, I swear to God. What?

[A]

We know what's up, Miles. You just wish you had a team.

[B]

I Will have to say I did think it was maybe more money than 250 bucks.

[A]

It's up to 300 now.

[E]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Yeah, just everything's getting inflated these days.

[A]

I think it was 250. It might have been 275. I got blind, though. Whatever it was, I was buying it.

[B]

Can anyone buy stock at any time or they do different releases of stock.

[A]

Differently, really? You only have a certain window to get it. I've never bought. True story. I've never bought a coat, Never purchased.

[B]

A coat because they said give you one.

[A]

No. Just because there's always been coats around.

[B]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

I've never bought a big coat. I've never bought one. There's. I've always used a coat or someone, like, since we. I always, like, used a coat that was around or someone bought. Bought me it, or then we started doing this thing, and then people, like, would send. People send us coats sometimes. Like, we had the Duluth deal for a little bit, and they sent a bunch of coats, so now I wear those.

[B]

What does this have to do. We're talking about.

[A]

I don't know. Some remind me of it.

[B]

Am I missing.

[A]

You brought up coats. Oh, no. This is what the connection was. I didn't complete the circle. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've never bought a coat, but I spent 300 on 250 on packers owner thing.

[B]

Talking about, is coat some slang in the stock world? No, I didn't know.

[A]

No, I just. I'm just proud of that, you know, Never got a coat, but I've spent.

[B]

300 bucks on a piece of paper.

[A]

Yeah. And people have been generous to me and given me coats.

[B]

Well, should we take another one?

[A]

Let's do it, Brad.

[D]

Really happy to talk to you guys.

[B]

Oh, you cut out there for a sec.

[A]

Thank God, Brad. We were. We were afraid we lost you there.

[D]

I know. Is this better? I don't know. I got like, one bar.

[B]

Okay, well, don't move now.

[D]

Yeah, I'm staying still.

[B]

Okay. Well, Brad, I heard you wanted to call in and talk a little white collar versus blue collar and all the things involved with that. It's on your mind.

[D]

Yeah, mine was there. I mean, when you're down in blue collar, you know, and when you're up in white collar, I guess, you know, But. But what happens when you're in the.

[A]

Limbo there when you're between a blue and a white collar? You're going to Catholic school.

[D]

Yeah, Born and raised. That Was Catholic school years.

[A]

Brad, you sound a little bit robotic right now.

[B]

Is there anywhere you can go with better service?

[A]

Brad, can you see a hill?

[D]

Just. I'll keep walking around until you can hear me. How about that?

[A]

Well, right now we can hear you.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, that's perfect. I'm standing on top of a stump.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Okay, stay there. Stump it is. All right, so what. Repeat that again.

[D]

I mean, like, when you're a blue collar worker, I think, you know, you're a blue collar worker.

[B]

Right.

[D]

But when you're a white collar worker, do you know that you're a white collar worker? I mean, like, I feel like the, the lines are pretty blurry there for, for a certain income level, you know?

[B]

Yeah. First question. Are you a white collar worker or blue collar worker?

[D]

That's actually a great question because I feel like I just left a blue collar job and tomorrow I start a white collar job. Okay, what's perfect time for you guys to call?

[A]

What's a blue collar? What's the white collar, in your opinion?

[D]

Blue collar. I was delivering beer. Like, local beard.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Out of a van or a box truck. Yeah. Steel toes and stuff. And then white collar. I'm a quality engineer.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, the, the engineer aspect kind of floats a little bit in the, the blue color realm, But I think it's definitely a white collar job. Don't you think, Charles?

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

I mean, I think so. Wait, you're. You're telling me you're. You're one of the guys that made it out?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I guess. I. Yeah.

[B]

Not every blue collar job is like this, but when I was working concrete, it'd always be like, oh, so and so. Finally made it out. Working a job that they don't hate every single day.

[D]

That's literally the conversation I had with my co workers once I left, like last Friday.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, it's like it was like Matt Damon on Goodwill.

[A]

Yeah. Sitting there smoking a cigarette in front of the car.

[B]

Your other blue collar workers are like, dude, I'm in 30 years. I'm going to be delivering the same goddamn beer. But, but if you're doing that, I swear to God, I'm going to be pissed at you.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I basically had that conversation with these guys. It was great.

[B]

So you're like, then you're the, you're the brainiac of the group.

[D]

I know. I gotta like, go back to the shop in like six months and just like, be like, what up?

[B]

Well, make sure you bring like, beer donuts. Or something.

[H]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. So, Charlie, what would you say? Go ahead.

[D]

Oh, sorry. Oh, I was gonna say, like, the background here. I feel like I've been on the fringe. I've been working in an engineering department, but I've been the guy who's using.

[A]

All the tools, got too many DUI.

[D]

And, like, saws and, you know, blowing up power supplies and stuff like that. That's kind of like where this topic came from.

[H]

So that's.

[B]

That's what you're doing now?

[D]

That's kind of. No, that's what I've been doing for the past 10 years.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And then I, you know, I delivered beer for like a year. Right. And just to pay the bills. And now I'm like.

[B]

Yeah. So, Charlie, what would you say, other than the color of the collar?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

What would you say is defining white collar versus blue collar job? Like, I feel like white collar job, if you get to the. If you get to the office and you stand around a water cooler and talk about the. How you didn't do anything that weekend, I feel like you work a white collar job.

[A]

Yeah. If you sit like this, Miller.

[B]

Like, blue collar job. Yeah.

[A]

It's a fun game. If, you know, I think if.

[B]

If you're worried about hr, you probably work a white collar job.

[A]

Yeah. If a printer is the bane of your existence. White collar job could go blue collar, though, because, you know, there's.

[B]

You gotta fix it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're actually. That's a shared one. They, you know, white collar and blue.

[A]

Collar, both hay printers in the Venn diagram. Yeah, we put that right there. Let's see here.

[B]

If your boss is an. You work both blue collar and white collar job.

[A]

Yes. Yes. If you are. If you are only going to the prison Christmas party to win one of the door prizes. Probably.

[B]

That's tough.

[A]

That's probably a middle wrong. Probably right in the middle. I don't think you're only going to.

[B]

The Christmas party because they got free beer.

[A]

Blue collar.

[B]

If you're going to. I was gonna say Christmas party to get a promotion.

[A]

White collar.

[B]

I mean, there you go.

[D]

Because they cheap white collar trying to win the door prices.

[A]

Yeah, there's. There's definitely cheap white collar, but there's also. There's also rich blue collar. You know, like, the truth of it is, these days, blue collar jobs make more than white collar jobs in a lot of instances. And so, yeah, I feel like. Like our.

[D]

Year in. In where I'm in Oregon. But you're. You're a plumber or A construction worker. Like some people sitting that off easily.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You know, we heard half of that, but. Yeah, we'll just be agreeable with it.

[B]

Yeah. What are some other things, Charlie? Blue collar job versus white collar job.

[A]

I feel like.

[B]

If you've ever pissed in a Gatorade bottle.

[A]

Blue collar job.

[B]

Blue collar job. Although.

[A]

You know that there are some. Some, you know, white collar guys that are like, I gotta wait for this stock to drop or something, you know, but they're not pissing. They're pissing in their Nalgene bottle.

[B]

Yeah. You know, Camelback.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. If you bike to work.

[B]

But what kind of bike are we talking?

[A]

Because if it's a huffy from like mid 2000s, you just got too many DUI.

[B]

Correct. Yes. Or if it's motorized. Blue collar.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

If you wear. Sorry. If you wear a helmet biking to work.

[A]

White collar. Yeah, yeah. If your helmet is your construction helmet. Probably also White collar.

[B]

If you stay in hotels. White collar. If you live out of an hotel. Blue collar.

[A]

Hotel, white collar. Motel. Blue collar.

[D]

Yeah. There you go.

[B]

If you shower at the gym.

[A]

Well, you could go.

[B]

Just let me finish. Yeah. White collar.

[A]

Then don't look at me and do the hand thing.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You looked like who? You want me to finish your goddamn sentence?

[B]

I know. And I wanted you to say.

[A]

White collar.

[B]

White collar. If you shower at the gym for work. White collar. If you shower at the truck stop before work. Blue collar.

[A]

If you shower in your boss's shower at work. Could go either way.

[B]

Either way.

[A]

If you shower in the sink.

[B]

Shop shower is what we call that, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah. Little ho Bath is what I've heard it called.

[D]

I had to take a whole bath on my route a couple times. Too sweaty out there lifting kegs.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

That's a topic. Fair enough. That's another topic.

[B]

Now, what's interesting. Go both ways. One is like, if you're doing cocaine on a regular basis, could be both.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's a scared. That's a shared one. Yeah.

[B]

If you drink Bush light. Blue collar. If you drink MC Ultra. White collar.

[A]

Yeah. Unless the beer's free out there.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Then they don't care.

[A]

Yeah. Free beer that swings both ways. That's like that one fella on. At the side of the bar who is white collar.

[D]

Is there a follower in a white collar?

[A]

The guy who swings both ways is.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

He's usually white collar.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

That joke was funnier than it got credit for.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If your lunch comes in a cooler.

[B]

Blue collar.

[A]

If your lunch comes in an uber white collar.

[B]

There you go. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Shoes too. I feel like shoes are a big, big indicator.

[A]

Shoes.

[B]

Yeah. If you wear leather shoes to work. Could be both.

[A]

Could be both.

[B]

If you have steel in your leather shoes, blue collar. If you have polish on your leather shoes, white collar.

[A]

If you have polish on your tennis shoes, blue collar.

[B]

Really?

[D]

That's my Saturday night shoes, man.

[A]

Yeah. You know what's funny? Forget that. If you polish your shoes whenever there's an escalator, blue collar. You ever done that? Put polish on your shoes and gone.

[B]

Up an escalator, brush on the side of the thing.

[A]

It works. Dude, it works.

[D]

That's a blue collar move for sure.

[A]

Yeah, it's, it's, it. But it legit works. You just got to know how to rotate and you want to like, kind of depending on the thing. You may, you may like, you kind of want to find one that goes up and down right next to each other because that's. It's going to take a couple runs. Because if you don't have the right hip flexibility, you got to make a quick turn on the stairs, you know, and.

[D]

Yeah, you got to get the upper part.

[A]

Yeah, yup. And so you want to get a nice one where there's two times.

[D]

Every time I'm on one.

[A]

The airport is a good place you go to. Like if you're way. If your flight got delayed or whatever and you got a little shoe polish with you.

[B]

That's Midwest cheap, dude. You won't just go to the shoe polish station. Instead just use the flat little escalator things.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because shoe polish.

[B]

Travel with shoe polish.

[A]

There was one time where I had. I had shoe polish and I just did it. I remember, but I don't know why I had shoe polish because I'm also. I was going to a wedding and my shoes, you know, you get some of those shoes that are like really old, but you're like, you know, those were your uncle's shoes. They're actually really nice if you just polish them and you hear that enough, but you never do it. And everyone's like, you wear those.

[B]

And so, so, Charlie, I love this about you. You don't have kitchen utensils in your apartment, but you have shoe polish.

[A]

No, this was a long time ago. And I do have shoe pals.

[B]

Like, that's how Charlie's brain works. He's like, ah, I gotta get some shoe paws. I gotta make these shoes look nice. But then go over to his apartment, he's like, yeah, you're probably just gonna have to eat with your hands. I don't know where any of my forks are.

[A]

I'll tell you this much. I have utensils.

[B]

Now you hear the shoe polish story on its own. You're like, wow, Charlie's really got his life together. He's even polishing his dress shoes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Only time I did it. But I will also say the shoe polish came from, like, in the back hall closet, you know, where you have, like, a bunch of different, like your WD40, an old paint thing, something like that. I got. That's where I got the shoe polish, I think. I don't know that I purchased it directly for it because this was an out the door conversation. Like, I don't have shoe polish. There's some in the back hall.

[B]

Okay, take it.

[A]

But I'm probably not gonna do it.

[B]

So shoe Paulist makes it through TSA.

[A]

No, this was before TSA.

[B]

So, like 2000.

[A]

No, no, no. It's just at the check in, there's an up and a down. I think it was Milwaukee airport.

[B]

So then you said to discard your shoe polish. I thought you were saying, like, before TSA existed. That's what I said.

[A]

No, no, before you go through it.

[B]

August of 2001 is when this was right before TSA. They existed. Yeah.

[A]

Is Brad still on the line? God dang. Sorry, Brad. We left you hanging. So what were we talking about, Brad?

[B]

Do you think we accurately, Accurately diagnose what's blue collar versus white collar?

[D]

I feel like, yeah. I mean, I. I've called in for a couple of things if you want to move on to another topic. That's fun.

[B]

I love it when our callers are sick of what we're talking about.

[A]

They all roast us. Yeah. Start to wonder, Miles, if we can't even entertain the people that called in, how are we supposed to entertain the masses?

[B]

Yeah, it's all right.

[D]

It's not like that. I've been laughing this whole time.

[A]

Well, do you have anything you want, buy, sell, or trade?

[B]

What else do you want to talk about? What do you want to talk about, Brad?

[D]

I had one that was like, how far away do you need to be from the sports bar for it to be like a themed lay? I was in a packers themed bar out here in Oregon. I felt like it was far enough away. It didn't feel weird, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I feel that, obviously.

[H]

Right?

[D]

Yeah. It's like, obviously the bars in, you know, around any sports team are themed, but, like.

[B]

Yeah, how Far away. Do you gotta be from the sports team for a sports themed bar to feel like a novelty or feel like a cool experience? Because if you go to a Packer themed bar in Green Bay, you're like, yeah, this is I think a dime a dozen here.

[A]

I think you got to be out of state.

[B]

Out of state.

[C]

I just.

[A]

Out of state. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, go ahead.

[D]

Oh, I was going to say I was that one in San Francisco visiting family. I lived in Boston for a while and it was a Boston themed sports bar and it felt like I was downtown Boston. Everyone was pissed off and, you know, everything was dirty and old.

[A]

Yeah, I. I want. That's so much fun when you have. It's almost like a consulate, you know, like you're at the Boston Consulate in San Francisco.

[B]

The US Embassy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The Red Sox embassy in San Francisco. They got flags outside the whole deal. And you know when you're there, you can claim sanctuary.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

If you have, you get. If you get into a yelling match with the person selling hot dogs on the street, you just got to get to the Red Sox.

[A]

Yeah. They'll say, yup, yup. They'll protect you. It's sanctuary in the basement. And yeah, like, Boston calls, like, San Francisco gets. Gets like, too, like upset with the deal and they call everybody home from the embassy. They're like, it's no longer safe there. You know, they're no longer letting. Allowing you to say wicked on the.

[B]

Streets just turns into a negotiation.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. They're. They're prejudice against mass holes in San Francisco. Yeah. Negotiation.

[B]

Do you have a favorite Packer bar that's out of state?

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

I know. It's kind of putting you on spot, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I was just at 1 in Portland, Oregon. I was doing a show out there, and there I think it's Jerry's. And you walk into that place and you're like, I'm right back in Milwaukee, man. And it's actually, I think there's Bears and Packers stuff because the wife is a Bears fan, the husband is a Packer fan, and that's. Yeah, that's a good one. Charleston, they've got these Packer backers, and I forget the name of the bar in Charleston, but I know they got a good one down there. Oh, central Florida, there are these packerbackers in all these different states and they. And sometimes I forget the bars, but remember going there. There's one in Los Angeles called the Tattletale Room. They got a cheese head drilled to the side of it. And, you know, your home, you know, that's the nice thing does Fargo.

[B]

It's like the bat signal, right?

[A]

Pretty much, yeah.

[B]

It's just simple thing with a cheese anything. Cheese is like a bat signal for Wisconsinites throughout the country.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we know we can sniff it out.

[B]

Fargo, I don't think has that. It's mostly just, like, Viking stuff hang on the walls. It's not like a specific Viking bar.

[A]

If Fargo could get a football team, what would they name it?

[B]

Well, we have North Dakota as the Bucks, so. The Bismarck Bucks.

[A]

Same question.

[B]

Cody Paul used to play for him. He was. He was known as the White Reggie Bush back on old YouTube in. In peewee football. Do you remember that? He played for the Bismarck Bucks. Is that Ody Paul?

[A]

Is that like a. I don't know.

[B]

I think that was, like, arena team.

[A]

Oh, yeah, like that. Milwaukee had the Mustangs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Back then, back in the day.

[B]

Could be the Chippers, you know, like the Clippers.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

The Wood Chippers.

[A]

That's a great name.

[B]

That is a great name.

[A]

Yeah. And the Fargo Chippers.

[I]

And you guys.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

You guys all wear the sports spectacles, you know, like from the 90s. Just eye protection. It's part of the uniform.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got a guy with one arm, you know. Yeah, Scott. And every game he's missing a different limb, you know?

[B]

Yeah. And then the pregame ritual is we take a piece of wood with the other team's logo painted on it and we put it through the wood chip.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Sick. You know, homecoming games, they'll paint the legs. Homecoming week, they'll paint the other team's, like, thing on their car, and then they'll take a sledgehammer and smash it. Yeah, that's our version.

[A]

Yeah, they just do it center court.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then all the regs they wipe it up with are just, like, red, you know? Yeah, yeah. Blood. Yeah.

[B]

It'd be great. I mean, we could have bought a sports franchise with how much the fucking diversion costs in Fargo, but that's a whole nother thing.

[A]

Yeah. What's up with that diversion?

[B]

If you're. You think gets you worked up is the AI. Mine's the Fargo. Diversion.

[A]

Diversion. You guys have a power center going up in Fargo. Everyone was telling me, too.

[B]

We're not diving into that, Charlie. We got Brad on the line.

[C]

I don't think.

[A]

Oh, Brad's still online. Brad, how you doing?

[B]

Are you still standing on the stump?

[D]

Yes, I am still standing on the.

[A]

Damn it, Brad. We left you up there, dude?

[B]

Charlie, I wanna. We're gonna role play Brad during this whole call. You ready?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, God. I'm gonna let you do this.

[B]

Can you hear me? All right, so I. I'm.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's the dumbest bit we've done.

[I]

In a long time.

[A]

That was a good bit.

[B]

That was that.

[A]

I wanted to see where you took it.

[B]

You were supposed to help me out a little bit, like we were having a conversation, but it's all right. That went about as good as our.

[A]

Try it again, Try it again, Try it again. Try it again.

[D]

Yeah, sorry about that.

[B]

That went about as good as a normal guy and a robot walk into a bar bit. We did. That's about how good that went. Charles.

[E]

I wasn't.

[A]

I was waiting for you to. I was waiting also.

[E]

I was.

[A]

I was waiting for you to do something also.

[B]

I mean, the whole bit was that he was just standing on a stump. The whole call. It's. And I understand a visual gag is not great for a podcast. You.

[A]

You're bit bombed and you're blaming on me.

[B]

No, it's fine. It's fine.

[A]

Yeah, it was a good bit, I thought. How's your sciatica, Brad? He's stretching his side ass right now. Pushing the sciatica or the leg into the sciad.

[D]

Yeah. Another blue collar indicator. You know, limbering up.

[A]

Yeah. Stretching in random places.

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

You gotta. You gotta worry about throwing out your back. Blue collar, you gotta work about carpal tunnel. Tunnel. And depression. Wow. I guess depression.

[A]

Do you treat your depression with antidepressants or beer?

[B]

That's the difference between white and blue collar.

[A]

Well, this was a wonderful chit chat with you, Brad. Is there anything else on your mind?

[D]

That's pretty much it. I'm really happy that you guys took my call. Been listening to your podcast since the get go here.

[A]

Nice, dude. We're thrilled to be talking to you.

[D]

All right.

[A]

All right.

[B]

You're free to go from the stump now, Brad.

[D]

Awesome. I can dismount and you're gonna.

[B]

Me.

[F]

There's.

[A]

That's a good bit. I got what he was doing right away. Oh, off yellow. Ethan. How you doing, dude?

[E]

I'm doing all right. How about you guys?

[B]

We're doing great. We're bellied up to the bar. Glad to have you back on, man. We got another bellied update on our hands here.

[E]

Well, glad to be back. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.

[C]

How.

[E]

You know, let's everybody. Everybody tunes in. They listen to everybody else. Yeah. How are you guys doing? How's your guys's week? How's your guys's life been? Any updates in your life?

[A]

Damn, Ethan, man, thank you for asking.

[B]

Just means a lot, man. Man.

[A]

Means a lot. Miles. Miles, what's going on with you?

[B]

Yeah, it's been good, mostly, you know, I. Yeah, I kind of spent the last couple hours just getting bullied by Charlie a little bit, which doesn't always feel great, but, you know, it's part of the gig. You know, it's got to put on a brave face.

[A]

Ethan, do you like NSync?

[E]

NSync? You know, born early 2000s.

[F]

Oh, one.

[E]

I heard my sisters listen to it. Wasn't that. Wasn't that hit? Wasn't that hit now, girlfriend, dude, later.

[C]

Later.

[E]

I go down. Later. Going down the line. You know, I love them White boy tunes.

[B]

Yeah, New Kids on the Block.

[E]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Miles first concert was N Sync. He was six years old. He went with his brother. His dad took him reluctantly so. But no judgment.

[E]

You go, you know, first concert for every time, you know. My first concert was Mushroom Head, and I got in for free.

[B]

Free?

[A]

How'd you get in for free then?

[E]

So there was this barbecue joint that I used to work at for some time. The. One of the. The owner apparently was, like, making his way down to Florida and saw a truck break down on the side of the road. Turned out to be like a Mushroom Head concert truck. And they helped him out and gave him, like, free food and such. And then for a. For a favor, I guess, a return favor, they played a free concert at his. Sorry, part of my language. At his. At his barbecue joint. Me only living about a mile and a half away from the barbecue, Jo. Like, maybe stay up all night because I kept on hearing nothing but bass.

[A]

Oh, you could hear it a mile and a half away, huh?

[E]

It was pretty. It was pretty loud. It was pretty loud, but you got him for free.

[A]

How old were you?

[B]

He was at his house is what.

[F]

He said I was still a walking.

[E]

Little sperm, but I'd say about maybe 16.

[A]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't connect the dots that that was at your house. The place was connected to your house.

[E]

Okay, well, I mean, it's like a whole. I mean, I used to live in, like, a small, small town. So like a mile and a half away was like a Walmart, and then right next to the Walmart was like a barbecue joint. It's crazy, and it's crazy in Kansas.

[A]

I think I'm putting the piece puzzle together now. I'm a little. Now Miles is bullying me. See, it's a given.

[D]

Hey, you know what?

[E]

It's all right. You know, Miles, he's trimmed down a lot of weight from the. From when he. When you guys first started. And that, you know, it takes a lot of. That takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot of work to.

[A]

Trim down that weight.

[E]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

How are you doing, Ethan? What's going on, man? Hey, you know what?

[E]

I'm just booze cruising in life right now, man. One shot of whiskey at a time, you know?

[A]

Are you. You're boozing it. Not too hard though, are you?

[E]

Not too high. No, no, no, not too hard. Hitting it to that little. Little. Little pin, you know, that little penjamin. That's what I'd be hitting. I mean, from. I went from a plater working with, like, acids. Like nitric acid, getting nitric acid in my eye, to sitting at home and basically being an Indian scam caller all day, but without the scanning.

[B]

So that's your new. That's your current gig, is you are a telemarketer?

[E]

Not. I mean, to a degree, not really what I used. What I do is I help, like, major theaters in the US So people would call in and be like, help my projector and my projection. It's not. It's not. It's not working. I can't play Fantastic Four. And then I tell them to turn it off and turn it back on again, like it's a router and it magically works.

[B]

So you're an IT guy?

[E]

Yeah, yeah, to a degree. I am Chinese, after all.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, it's just. You could see, you can use the stereotype all you want, but when you got the proof right here, I mean.

[A]

What do we do, you know, when.

[E]

China invades, man, I'm gonna be on their watch list.

[B]

But how's the relationship? I don't remember. You guys are just. You're still dating, you're not engaged or you got married since the last time is you're just still dating?

[E]

Hell no.

[C]

3.

[E]

3 years min. Before a marriage.

[D]

I don't.

[F]

I don't know.

[C]

I.

[E]

Me personally, you know, I really. I really like the girl. When I first got. Got in touch with her and then, you know, year to go by, man, this is how marriage must feel. Year two go by, you know, I still like when we have our. We have our ups and downs, and I'm like, you know what? I think that we're just going on, like, two separate life paths at this point in time.

[A]

You know, and I hate. I hate.

[E]

I hate to be that bear, you know, I hate to be that person, to say that love this person, care for this person as much as they care for me. You know, they're. They're awesome. They helped me when I found my dad croaked on the. On the bed. So, I mean, they've been through a lot with me, but I mean, like, two do separate different paths, you know, just bearing at different places.

[A]

All right.

[E]

We still live together, but I mean, you know.

[A]

Are you breaking up with your girlfriend over this podcast right now?

[E]

No, no, no. We've. We've had this talk. We've had this talk several times before, but it's. I don't know, it's just. Just. It's just iffy. Iffy.

[A]

I don't know.

[E]

I mean, how old am I again? 23. And I'm so young, you know, I gotta get out. I gotta do something. I'm always cooped up in my house all the time.

[B]

Yeah, okay, well, you know, you say you're going do different paths. What are the two paths you guys are taking? Which road are you going down and which road is she going down?

[E]

I mean, I would discuss as much as I can, but I mean, that's kind of like Herb Dillywatt. That serve is not. But I. I would talk about if I could, but I can't. Okay, sorry, fellas. No, no drama, no tea. But I'll just say, you know, politically, she's very left leaning. I'm not that very left leaning. I see both sides of the party, but, you know, she, she. We just get in a lot of arguments that, hey, you know, I don't necessarily believe this. I believe this. I don't necessarily believe that. I believe that.

[D]

That.

[E]

And, you know, I respect their opinion. They respect my opinion at the end of the day, but when it keeps affecting the relationship to this degree.

[B]

Politics.

[A]

Politics, man. They will. You know, it used to be that one could be a lefty, the other could be a righty, and you could still boink and it's fine, you know, a lot of things.

[E]

I get that 100. And I agree with that wholeheartedly. But I mean, nuclear. Nuclear family and all that, you know?

[A]

Yeah, for sure, man. For sure. Absolutely. So that. That's kind of grinding your gears.

[E]

It's the.

[A]

It's a politics thing that's kind of sending you guys on two different paths, huh?

[E]

That just, like constantly crying, man.

[A]

It's just.

[E]

I mean, I get it. I get it. Right? Okay. Cry. That's awesome. Let out your emotions, do your thing. You know, I'll confir, I'll comfort you, I'll console you, I'll do all this good jazz, but if you're just gonna crash out over the most like simplistic things and like slam the door like a seven year old dude that nothing gets me grind. Nothing grinds my gears more than that, dude. Just like a simple slam door, like, hell no. That's the equivalent to knocking up five temperatures on the thermostat. It's terrible.

[A]

What are some of the benign things that the door is being slammed over, Ethan? Because sometimes those benign things, they're. It's kind of a proxy war for something bigger, you know?

[E]

No, I, I get that. It's like, okay, all right, granted, you know, my fault, my fault, 100% really, really stoned. Two o' clock in the morning, I got a Mexican fat burrito, something that I lay in my toilet myself. I heat that thing up in the air fryer. I go back down, sit down on my computer, I go ahead and just like iPad, kid out and just watch Instagram reels, doom scroll for a good hour or so. Completely forget my burritos in the air fryer, go back and their tacos sitting down, out. Granted, she doesn't like having leftover food that's been out for more than an hour. Me personally, if I got a chick Fil A sandwich down on the floor that I bought yesterday, I'm gonna eat that, I'm eat that. I'm gonna slap some chick Fil A sauce all over that. I'm gonna eat that. Cold or not. Botulism, here I come. But I mean, so you left, you.

[B]

Left her tacos out on the counter is what happened.

[E]

I mean, listen, granted, my fault, I understand that, but like, is that really warranted a door slam? Is that.

[B]

But how good were the tacos? Are they pretty good?

[E]

I mean, a nice, A nice Mexican lady made them out of her food truck while her seven year old kept on like tugging on her shirt. So I think it's pretty good. That's the equivalent of like going into a Chinese restaurant, seeing the yellow panels and a kid doing his homework in the corner.

[B]

Yeah, you know, you're getting a good meal if you see that.

[A]

I guess.

[C]

There you go.

[E]

If they don't have a thick, thick Chinese accent, you know, it's whitewashed food. It's no good.

[A]

Ethan.

[F]

Ethan.

[A]

Okay, okay, all right, wait, let me dial it back now. So you left your job, you left her tacos out on the kitchen. Okay. Could the deeper issue be that you've been spending more time with Benjamin than you have been with your girlfriend?

[B]

Maybe.

[E]

I mean, I think it, I think it definitely plays a part. I think it's definitely a key player, but I don't think it's the root cause.

[A]

What cause?

[E]

Me just not giving a shit. I mean, sometimes I'm, sometimes I'm like, okay, great, I understand you're sad. I'll help and console you. That's my thing. That's why I'm here as a partner. That's, that's my job. I gotta help you. You know, we help each other out. It's like constantly like day in, day out over small, small stuff like, oh, oh, my alarm's going off.

[G]

Off.

[E]

Like, oh, I'm just driving down the road and I see a. I see a dead coon on the street. I'm gonna start crying my eyes out. I'm like, hey, you know, life is life, life is a. And I just keep going. It's just, you know, it just gets so draining at some points where I'm just like, screw it, man. And I'm just gonna go back to my computer and just play game. Well, I mean, I feel like a shitty person for doing that, but I mean, once you start doing it just so much and so much and so much, you know, it just gets like.

[A]

Know, you know, maybe it's, I mean, do you think you can do it for another three years, Ethan? Hell no.

[B]

All right, and it might be premature for this question, but what, you know, if you're back on the dating market, what you looking for in a gal?

[G]

Then.

[E]

Red flags turn green. I need another to ruin my life.

[D]

That's what I'm talking about.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you did make, you know, this is the bed you made your dating a walking red flag.

[E]

You know, I gotta, I gotta lay on it, I gotta lay on it, you know, double edged sword as they say.

[A]

So what you're saying is you're maybe not gonna get back in the dating world. You're just gonna spend another couple, two, three, four, five, six years with this gal until maybe you have a couple, two, three, four, five, six kids, and then you just spend a few, couple, two, three, four decades.

[E]

Well, here's the thing, here's the thing about kids, right? I'm 23. Do I want to have kids?

[A]

Hell no.

[E]

Maybe when I'm like 25, 27, sure, you know, or if I'm really drunk one night, you know, just shit happens. But I mean, no Kids for me, she doesn't want kids. She's got a real narrow body, real slim body and she doesn't have really wide, burning hips. So she would always talk about if I get pregnant, I'm gonna f die. When I push this child out, I go, that's great to hear.

[H]

That's awesome.

[D]

I want children.

[E]

I want children in the future. I want some good looking Asian babies, dude. And then it's, and then it's like.

[B]

I want children, I'll adopt.

[E]

And I go.

[B]

Okay, all right, well, so, you know, if you do get back to the dating scene again, just looking for different red flags, like you tried these red flags out. It turns out that not your cup of tea are you going to try different red flags?

[E]

Oh, no, it's definitely my cup of tea. I just don't. I think that the person itself, I mean, just later down the years, they're, they're growing, they're developing into a different person as they are. We're both going down two different paths right now. I think I'm going through my. Actually I don't know what I'm going through right now.

[B]

You're looking for a conservative goth girl.

[A]

Is what you're saying.

[E]

Yeah, but that's, that's rare. That's like, that's like glacial water. That's never going to happen, you know, So I mean I got, I gotta, I gotta lower my standards a bit. See as, as a half Asian and half white boy, I mean all I get on dating apps is fat Mexican girls that love anime. And it pisses me off.

[B]

I love how he's, he's dating this gal and he's on dating apps.

[A]

Are you, what dating apps are you currently on time?

[E]

I'm not on any because I got caught, but it was, it was mainly like tinderhenge, full nine yards, my Christians only, fathersonly.com, stuff like that.

[B]

So now that would be a trip. Finding a goth farmer would be quite, quite the deal.

[A]

Hey, you know, they're out there.

[E]

I got a lot of acreage that you know, that we're working on now. I got a whole lake that's dedicated my last name. We got some catfish, bass, you know, all the works. You ever see those posts on like online where it's like some 90 year old granny who has like a 12 point buck in the, in the backyard and you try to sweeten her up to get that deed. It's like that, but opposite.

[B]

So you're looking for an old granny to come shoot a buck in your backyard.

[A]

You ever.

[E]

You ever have a gummer before?

[C]

Once you go once.

[E]

That's what I've been told. Though, me personally.

[A]

Ethan, Ethan. Ethan. Let's reel you back in here.

[B]

Never heard that before.

[A]

Ethan, I. So look, it's clear that it's not going to work out with this girl, right?

[E]

Correct.

[B]

So is she just a rent payment for you now or what?

[E]

I mean, I very much care for the person. I do love them still. I hope to see them grow out to the person that they fully want to be. And, you know, they go down the path that they want to choose and that they are destined to be. I want to help them with that. They've done so much for me in my life. I truly do love them and, you know, cherish them for that. But are they the right person for me? At the end of the day, I hate to say it, I don't think they are. I think one more year and then I think that's it.

[A]

It's not a lease, dude. You can just stop doing it now.

[E]

You know, I mean, I mean, we. We live in a house together. It's 1200amonth. We split it 600. 600. Easy as my car payments. Like what, 293? Yeah, yeah, it's. It's.

[A]

I mean, it's a financial decision for you.

[E]

Exactly, exactly. I mean, it sucks as much to say, and I don't want to use them for that, and I'm certainly not using them for that. I very much care for them. They help me and I help them. I take them to work, I get off at 10, they get off at 10. I go and pick them up. You know, it's. It's. It's not that bad that.

[B]

So you've heard of, you know, stay together for the kids? Yeah, they're staying together for the rent.

[A]

Stay together for the rent.

[E]

20, 25, man.

[D]

You know, you got to do what.

[E]

You got to do. It is what it is, you know, don't.

[A]

Wait, what's this farm that you have that's in your name, though? That's the one. Your dad's one, Right, Right, right.

[E]

So when my dad died, we. We have like 160, 123 acres or something like that. Okay. Most of it being oil stuff. Because I'm. My whole family. My. My great. Not my great grandfather, my grandfather himself popped a couple wells down on our property, got that black gold. And then we just been building up from there, and we've been sitting on royalty checks. They wanted to pull energy. The people that wanted to Buy our, like, land and do the oil. Wanted to rent our acreage per acre. $5 per acre. Tell me that isn't the scummiest thing ever, man. $5 per acre.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's wild. That's wild.

[A]

So is that why you're not, like, making money off that? Because you rented it out to some oil company to drain the oil?

[E]

Well, we were given that offer, and it was basically a big old dick smack in the face. So we just told them, no, have a nice day. And we just started working on our lake itself. We're working on setting up two tiny homes up on the lakeside. We have horses, feigning goats, ducks, all the lives lot we have. We're setting up a trailer park to go in the back where our paintball place used to be. And a lot of people say, trailer park, trailer park, boy. Or like, you know, you passing your sister along. It, you know, it's. It's. It's not like that. You know, it's gonna be. It's gonna be a class, everybody. It's not gonna be like that.

[B]

Yeah, it's gonna be a class, dude.

[A]

There's a lot of nice trailer parks out there, I'll tell you that.

[E]

No, it's for those people that are, like in their 50s, you know, having their midl. Wanting to get an RV and go down to a nice lake. You know, that's what it's for.

[B]

So you're building a resort, essentially.

[E]

Resort minus the casino. If I could have a casino in there, I'd be playing baccarat all day.

[A]

So, dude, you're saying you're staying in this relationship for the financial deal, but you're sitting on oil, land and trailer park money, man. You know, you don't write like, right?

[E]

I mean, my sisters are the ones that are, like, actually living at the old property right now. I was basically casted out and kicked out, and then I decided to move up here, and then they moved in over there and they're like rebuilding the entire house. They're redoing, like, they're doing a trailer park. We have a whole llc. They're doing a lot of stuff down there, and it's a lot of progress. They're. They're eventually. We are going to eventually make the lake down there kind of public access where people can bring their kids down, have some nice fishing, drink a few beers, you know, have a good time. Good old American spirit, you know.

[F]

There you go.

[A]

So you're not. You're not. But you're not. You don't have like an inheritance. There's not liquid cash here yet.

[E]

Oh, I already spent a good money of that inheritance over at the casino on baccarat. Man, oh man, have I made some money. Nah, I'm joking. I only spent a little bit on that. I mean we all got a share. There is four of us. I have three sisters and the only boy way so we, we all split it in four ways. We got some jewelry, we got some gold, we got some stocks, we got some money, so on so forth.

[A]

So don't you think you have the financial ability to just kind of move on with your life by yourself?

[E]

To a degree, yes. If I want to be in financial debt all my Life, then yeah, 100%. I don't make enough money to hold over a house over my head. I don't have enough money to hold over a rent. So I have to have a roommate and I'd rather take a roommate that I'm already acquainted with and already have previous relations with than rather have some like random tweaker come through and steal my.

[A]

Okay, well, starting. I never thought I'd say this Ethan, but it's starting to make some sense.

[E]

There's no sense.

[A]

600 per month.

[E]

There you go.

[A]

Cool. Well, Miles, do you have any other questions for Ethan here?

[B]

No, I think, yeah, I mean is your this I T job, is that the dream or you got your eye on something else already?

[E]

I mean so far I've just been booze cruising it. I mean I've been sitting on my. I wake up at noonish, 12:30, 1 o', clock, I clock in, I sit on my ass all day, binge, watch a little bit of Netflix, do some follow up calls, you know, just, just multitasking the background, really ADHD stim out, like full on autism stint out. And then you know, I just help people here and there, take a few phone calls else. But really blows about the job is dealing is having to do with like 80 year olds that have no idea what to do with the computer.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's. I mean it's kind of why you exist as a job though. Yeah, everyone else can kind of figure it out.

[A]

That's.

[E]

No, that's true.

[A]

You are the Google for people that don't want to Google, you know, There you go, there you go.

[E]

Either what is a Google?

[A]

What about your, what about your stand up career man? Weren't you gonna get out to the clubs? Weren't you gonna put up some jokes, folks?

[E]

Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about that. I'VE been doing. I've been doing a little bit more research about that. I've been always told to do it. I'm just not a very funny guy. I'm very more of like a conversational less person myself. So if I do anything, I have to do like crowd work, but I.

[A]

Get up there, get up and give it a go.

[E]

Well, it's also like a time thing. You know, I work 1pm to 10pm Monday through Friday. I gotta go pick up a ball and chain from. From their liquor, from the liquor stow every. Every day. So I mean, it's. I mean, yeah, I just don't have the time to do it. There's no time to do it.

[A]

Okay. All right, well, Ethan, I think, Charles, I think. I think you could rearrange a few things and you can, you can find some time. Time to do it. You could, you could get a shift, you know, or just start up, open.

[B]

Up the Tick Tock app and just start ranting about stuff on Tick Tock. That's kind of a crowd work type of thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I've been thinking about doing that on Instagram. Instagram is a lot less uncensored. I can go see like an Indian man cut open like a live wire and get electrocuted. And then the next reel, I have like some Ukrainian drone footage. Dude, it's so unhinged. It's so unhinged.

[B]

Binged.

[E]

Like I have like fruits, fruit. AI eating other fruit and then follow up with like a horse giving birth. Dude, it's completely to the walls. It's different.

[B]

All right, well, you found your, your home then, I think.

[A]

Yeah, you got your first bit right there, Ethan, you know.

[B]

Well, this is my favorite thing about Instagram reels. And then just say exactly what you just said.

[E]

Exactly. You can get, you can get at live cop shootings and then you can follow it up with like some autism awareness program.

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

We got. We gotta bring Ethan in for our next bellied up live, I think.

[B]

Yeah, we do. Yeah, that's. I mean, that shows just all. It's just all crowd work.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll. We'll throw them up there before we start and just see how it goes. And then we'll bring him up and interview him to see how his first standup set went.

[E]

Yeah, we'll see how that goes. We'll see how that goes. We'll see if I. My pants or if I piss my pants.

[B]

A number one or a number two situation.

[E]

You know, sneezing might be Both.

[B]

Oh, well, Ethan, we appreciate talking to you as always. It's always a fun treat to get to talk to you. I'm glad you're. You're doing good, it seems like. And, yeah, good talking to you, man.

[E]

Yeah, it's been a pleasure. Thank you again. Thank you both. Congratulations on the success of the podcast. Congratulations, Miles, on your marriage. That's been gone for about, like, what, a year? Year two now. Congratulations all around. Three years. Yikes. Congratulations, everybody. To the person who's texting beforehand. Sorry, man. I was in the shower. You guys have a wonderful one. It's been a pleasure speaking with you guys.

[B]

Guys.

[A]

Thanks. Thanks for my congratulations, too, Ethan.

[I]

You.

[A]

I appreciate that. Congratulations, Charlie, on a great standup career.

[E]

Hey, that's so true. Congratulations, Charlie, with your. With your standard career, with your tour going on a while ago.

[A]

Thanks.

[E]

You know, I kept getting Instagram notes saying yellow and then some fish here and there.

[D]

That was.

[C]

That was phenomenal.

[E]

Only reaction I could do to that, by the way.

[B]

Well, that's it.

[E]

I hope you guys have a wonderful one. Go, bears.

[A]

Bastard.

[E]

Sorry, I'm from Kansas. I don't know much.

[A]

And you take care, man.

[B]

Always a pleasure.

[A]

Yeah. What a wild way to live, man. He's doing it, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of people, I think, are in that situation, you know, they're in a relationship of convenience.

[B]

Hey, 600 bucks for a. For a house. Not a bad gig in today's economy.

[A]

You see, you know, it's roommate, you know. Yeah.

[B]

Well, should we take another caller, Charlie?

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Chad. Is this Chad?

[D]

This is Chad, your favorite Rocky City redneck.

[H]

How you doing, boy?

[B]

Oh, yes, doing good.

[A]

You're cool.

[B]

You're a hard man to get a hold of.

[D]

Well, I try to stay that way, you know, for the ladies.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

Man of mystery. So for those that don't know, we've been trying to get a hold of Chad for about three months now. He's. He's big. Timed us a couple times, but here we are. Chad, you got Miles, Charlie, and NFL tight end George Kittle on the line chatting it up with you today.

[A]

Hi, Chad.

[D]

No way. George Kittle.

[H]

What's up, brother?

[D]

How you doing, man?

[I]

I'm phenomenal, man. Just want to talk to a rocket scientist.

[D]

No, no, absolutely not. That's way above my pay grade, guys.

[A]

What do you do now?

[I]

We're gonna sell that to everybody.

[D]

Okay, we'll sell it then.

[B]

All right, cool.

[D]

Yeah, I'm a rocket scientist, baby.

[F]

Let's go.

[A]

Chad. What do you actually do at NASA?

[D]

I'm a CNC machinist.

[I]

What's that in?

[D]

I make the parts that build the rocket.

[I]

That's still pretty cool.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I think it's pretty cool.

[I]

Like, what parts?

[D]

A few times. So right now? Yeah, Right. So I'm on the Artemis project right now.

[A]

What does that mean?

[D]

So the original moon missions was called the Apollo mission.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

And Artemis is the twin of Apollo because NASA names all their stuff after Greek gods for some reason. So we're going back to the moon.

[A]

Nice. What are we going to do there?

[B]

Well, some people would say. Some people would say that this would be the first time we land on the moon.

[A]

Oh, here it goes.

[B]

And look at his ears. Pier. I've talked to a few guys in the NFL at. I. I'm fully in that guys in the NFL are the biggest conspiracy theorists on the face of the Earth.

[I]

I'm gross.

[B]

Yeah.

[I]

There's like five or six conspiracies.

[D]

They do have the Illuminati showing up at the super bowl and stuff.

[A]

So I'm wrong.

[I]

It happens like the pyramids. How did those get there?

[B]

No one's moving those stones. Watch YouTube shorts like I do.

[I]

Dude.

[A]

There's.

[I]

There's like three conspiracy theorists on Tik Tok that I'm obsessed with, and I just can't get enough.

[B]

Which are.

[I]

Are the conspiracies Are the. The guys who talk about it.

[B]

Oh, they're guys. Okay. So he's. He knows a guy.

[I]

I. There's just three people. I literally follow them and me and my wife. Before we go to bed sometimes we'll just watch like six conspiracies. I'm like, oh, no, another one. Another one. Actually, I just saw a fun thing on. On Tick Tock. It was our friend group has conspiracy theory night, and there's like 15 people show up and they all bring a conspiracy with a PowerPoint and they explain.

[A]

It to all of their friends. Awesome.

[B]

I was like, that's a great idea. I want to do that.

[I]

My friends might make. They might take it too. Too far, some of those. But I'd have a good time.

[B]

Just turns into arguing with each other. Yeah.

[A]

100.

[D]

I personally don't believe all the conspiracy theories, but I mean, some of them.

[B]

Like, what's.

[I]

What's your top one?

[D]

Okay, so I firmly believe we did not land on the moon in 69.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And you work at NASA. Oh, we got it, dude. We got the score.

[B]

Scoop.

[A]

A NASA employee does not believe we landed on the moon. In 69.

[D]

So think about it. I think we did land on the moon, but I think we faked it because we wanted the Russians to back off. They were like, oh, America beat us. We don't have to rush it now. And then these guys are like, yeah, you stupid commies. And, you know, we beat them to it.

[I]

That's good. That's a good thought process. I don't hate that at all.

[A]

And I'll just chime in here and say that as a guy who's been to Fargo, North Dakota, in January, I.

[B]

They could have filmed it.

[A]

They could have filmed it right there. Craters, just nothing. Yeah, yeah, you just do it right there. At night, I could see a pool, green screen behind. So what are you building to go to the moon now?

[D]

So right now I'm working on a part that it's. So they're having a lot of trouble with the air coming off the boosters, hitting the main rocket is causing the main rocket to basically vibrate the astronauts to death. So I'm building some. No, we don't want that at all. So I'm building some fins that's going to channel the air in a different direction to where, you know, our astronauts can get up there and get back down safely without, you know, I mean, some of the women may like it it, but, you know, the gun, you know, there.

[A]

I. Chad, I have never been more confident in our ability to land on the moon than this moment right now.

[D]

Oh, hell yeah.

[B]

Hey, Chad.

[I]

Chad, do you, like.

[G]

Do they.

[I]

Do you build it and, like, do you design it and you come up with how to design it, or do people, like, give you the plans and you just build it?

[D]

Oh, they give me the plans.

[B]

I thought that's ch.

[A]

Okay, all right.

[B]

I'm just curious. No, check. It's starting to become clearer and clearer that you don't work at SpaceX.

[D]

Oh, God, I would never work at SpaceX.

[B]

What's the beef between NASA and SpaceX?

[D]

Well, SpaceX doesn't pay their employees jack squat, man.

[A]

Sounds about right.

[D]

And they work like everybody who started with SpaceX. Nobody works there anymore. Not one single employee that started with SpaceX works there.

[A]

Well, Chad, you better watch your mouth, because before you know it, your job's gonna get hacked away by the guy from SpaceX. You be careful now.

[D]

Hey, man, I got much love for Elon. I think he's doing a great job. But, you know, I mean, I think he knows how to make money. I'll give him that much for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the Tesla stock price at right now? I have no idea.

[B]

Very topical joke.

[D]

Are you talking about the burnt ones or the good to go one?

[A]

I don't know. But let's talk about this moon situation. So what are you guys gonna do when you get on the moon? What's the mission?

[D]

Well, I personally think that. So we're trying to get to Mars. That's the ultimate mission, right? Let's get to Mars. Let's make our species an interplanetary species. Right. Well, it's a hell of a lot to launch a rocket from the moon than it is.

[B]

Yeah, that is true.

[A]

Oh, wait, he's cut. Now, hold on.

[D]

Hold on to the moon, where we can start.

[B]

You cut out. You're saying that it's a lot easier to launch a rocket from the moon than it is from Earth?

[D]

Yes, I firmly believe it's a lot easier to. I mean, yeah, to get to Mars. It would be a lot more cost efficient to launch a rocket from the moon, you know, than it would be from Earth. Plus, you can land the rocket back on the moon easier as well. You know, less gravity, no atmosphere to worry about.

[A]

Yeah. You know, so moon is kind of like. That's like your. Your hub. Yeah, your. Your layover spot, you know, like your o'.

[E]

Hare.

[B]

Yeah, it's a space dock.

[A]

Yeah, space dock.

[I]

Hopefully it's more efficient than o'.

[A]

Hare. Yeah, that's true. Do you guys believe the lines at the moon today? It was ridiculous. I sat on. I sat on the crater for five hours.

[I]

Ridiculous line at Starbucks was crazy.

[B]

And it, like, actually is Starbucks. I use my Starbucks to pay for Starbucks. There's an arm and a leg.

[I]

Are you guys. Is NASA racing against SpaceX to get to the moon and then to Mars?

[D]

No, we're kind of all partnered up now. Oh, okay. And, yeah, because, like, NASA was getting a lot of heat, you know, actually getting. Getting close to funny. They were getting close to actually kind of shutting the doors. And then this guy had a brilliant idea. He's like, why don't we bring in private companies to invest in space and we'll partner up with them, and that way we keep the doors open and we can achieve our dreams even faster.

[A]

Master, do you work with Jeff Bezos, too, on, what is it, Blue Origin or whatever?

[D]

No, no, there is. I don't. I don't work with him. But we have. Blue Origin is here in Hustle as well, and they've got a test center out here on the base where I'm at now. I get to see a Lot of those guys. It's pretty cool, man. Yeah, I get to do some cool ass for sure.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Yeah, it's some cool ass. Until something goes wrong, as when they get up there and you're like, oh.

[A]

And that's where we get all.

[B]

Was it the deflectors that I was working on? I was a little hungover that one day at work. Oh, God.

[I]

Chad, do you know anything about. What was the story a couple of weeks ago about the astronauts that are trying to get back to Earth?

[D]

We got him back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[I]

Wasn't there a conspiracy about them getting back, though?

[D]

It was like, I have k. That's. That's your cup of tea, brother.

[I]

Like, someone said that the astronauts had already made it back because you can see the flight log. A helicopter launched from like that NASA station flew out in the middle of the ocean, dropped off the astronauts. So then people thought that they came from space. I don't know, man.

[D]

Conspiracies.

[I]

My thing is, why. Why does. Why does everybody have access to these flight trackers that they can see every single flight at all times?

[A]

That's true.

[I]

Like the people that track Taylor Swift's jet everywhere they go, or the Kardashians jet everywhere they go. Like, why is that. That just public information all the time?

[A]

Well, I think pilots.

[B]

It would be weird if you could just track someone's car, wouldn't it be?

[A]

But I mean, pilots have like an app. If you're a pilot, you have an app that shows where all the planes are because they all. So there's.

[G]

That's.

[A]

There's a lot of rich people with planes. I think that's.

[I]

There's a lot of rich people with planes.

[A]

Yeah. So if you have that.

[D]

There's also a lot of flying clubs for not rich people who, you know, partner up with people to get a plane. Rain.

[E]

Are you.

[D]

So you know that even. Even opens it up even more.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. People are just. And soon we got flying cars coming. Seen that.

[D]

That's true. Hey, George Jetson was born last year. So, you know, if you go up the timeline, you know, so did you see.

[I]

Did you see the flying car, the flying Ubers that are gonna be in China? I just saw a tick tock about this. They have. They've been green lit, so they can literally start. Start this year. And it is like a two seater with four propellers on each propeller on each corner. And like, they'll be ready to use. Like it's passed all the laws and they've been greenlit. And they'll be flying people starting in China, like, sometime this summer.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Gosh.

[A]

They passed all the laws. I wonder how they did that in China. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

You know what?

[I]

Checks out.

[A]

You're good to go.

[I]

I don't know if I would ever get one of those things.

[B]

It's just a drone, basically, at that point.

[I]

It's a human drone. Yeah. There's no pie. There's no driver. It's just a drone. You type in where you go, and it drops you off. I'm like, that's terrifying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you ever flown a drone?

[I]

I do have a drone.

[B]

Have you ever hit a tree with it?

[I]

I've clipped a tree.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's how.

[B]

I don't think I'm gonna get.

[I]

But I recovered.

[B]

Did you?

[I]

I recovered it.

[A]

Wow.

[I]

It's still safe. You know, the fun thing about. The fun thing about drones is there's a setting on it just on your phone, and you can just turn off the max height.

[B]

I wouldn't say that I've ever done that.

[I]

I have not done it, but if.

[D]

You can do it, it.

[I]

Larry says, notifications, this is illegal. Do not do this. And I would never do that. But I thought so. It's a fun feature that's insane that.

[A]

You can just, like, people are worried about all these different ways. Like, we think about all the time we spent going through tsa, taking our shoes off, you know, getting. Spreading them and whatnot. And then meanwhile, there's.

[B]

George is like, I haven't taken my shoes off in TSA in years. Charlie, you're living in 19.

[I]

My TSA PreCheck did expire. My wife didn't tell me.

[B]

Oh, no, no. So we.

[E]

We got our.

[I]

We got our TSA precheck together, and it expired. It was like two. It was like January, like, 2023. I'm in the middle of the playoffs, and my wife renews hers. She renews hers, and she goes like, Larry. The next day, she's, oh, did you renew your TSA pre check? I was like, no, as I supposed to. Yeah, it expired today. And I was like, oh, no. I was like, when did you do yours? Oh, I did mine a couple weeks ago.

[G]

And I'm like, you didn't want to.

[I]

Tell me that you were renewing your TSA PreCheck? And so then it wouldn't let me renew it. And I went a whole off season and year without doing it. And my wife would like, oh, you have fun going through security while I do.

[B]

Roles reversed.

[I]

If I had and she didn't. I feel like I would be going through normal security the whole time.

[A]

Yeah.

[I]

So no, I did this last year. I finally got it redone, so I down my TSA PreCheck back, but that was inconvenience.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I thought about putting just in my bio, having an airplane next to my name and then just put it. Putting pre with a green check just so everyone knows.

[I]

That's kind of sick, actually. You should do that.

[B]

You should do that too. We start a whole club.

[F]

Oh, that'd be funny.

[B]

You do it first. How about.

[I]

No, no, you first get the podcast to do it.

[D]

So where are y' all guys drinking at today?

[A]

We're at Luke's 32 bridge in Nashville. Just waiting for you to come on by.

[D]

I'm sober, but I'll come.

[E]

I'll come.

[D]

I'll come say hey.

[A]

Yeah, come on.

[E]

Say hi.

[A]

Yeah, come on down.

[I]

We're just at Jason.

[A]

We're at Luke Bryan sober.

[D]

Because no matter where I look, I can't get Tippy Cow down here, guys.

[A]

Oh, so you got sober because you couldn't find Tippy Cow? Why is it, you know, it's worth it. I believe that, smart guy. Well, you know, we're just glad that you're sober, working on those rockets and now.

[D]

Oh, yeah, well, yeah, me too. I'm pretty sure the master knots are as well.

[A]

Is that why all those vibrations were there? Cuz when you were doing it, you were just shaking a little.

[D]

It makes sense. I mean, you put two and two together. It does, yeah, absolutely.

[A]

Yeah. Well, glad we got that fixed up real good.

[D]

Yeah. But one thing we do need to fix. When you think of the Apollo mission, when you think of, like, NASA and launching rockets and stuff, what city comes to mind?

[A]

Houston.

[D]

Okay. And what's the other city? Where do they launch the rockets from?

[B]

Florida.

[I]

Somewhere in Florida.

[D]

Rockets here? Nobody knows. Huntsville, Alabama. Exactly.

[A]

No one knows what?

[D]

Nobody knows that Huntsville, Alabama is even like. Like where we built everything that goes to the moon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're saying you guys. You guys do all the work and then Houston takes all the credit.

[A]

Houston, we have a problem.

[B]

True, though.

[D]

You can't have it.

[B]

You can't have it both ways, though. You can't get the glory and then take none of the blame when something goes wrong. Houston took that from you guys.

[A]

Yeah, nobody's saying Huntsville, we have a problem. So Chad's basically.

[I]

See, he's an offensive lineman.

[D]

Oh, no, My boss says it all the time.

[I]

Yes, he's an offensive lineman. Doesn't get any of the credit.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah. Hun Phil is the offensive lineman of the rocket industry right now. That's great.

[D]

Yeah. And Warner Von Braun is our quarterback. We straight up stole that Nazi. We straight up stole that Nazi.

[A]

Well, listen, listen. Is there any other conspiracies that we should be aware of as it pertains to NASA and the moon before we let you go?

[D]

Yeah. What about them aliens, bro?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Do they exist? They're here.

[D]

Absolutely.

[H]

Yes.

[A]

Who's the alien there?

[D]

Who's the alien? Well, you got one of them in the White House right now.

[G]

This is fantastic.

[I]

Let's dive deeper into that.

[A]

What do you.

[D]

I mean, if you had to. If you had to think of, like the, you know, an alien, and if an alien rose to power, who would you, you know, I mean, who were you gonna think it is?

[A]

I mean, I've seen Men in Black, so I know how this works, you know?

[G]

Yeah.

[D]

That's a very accurate movie, by the way. It's like. It's crazy how accurate they got that.

[A]

I know. I don't think he is. I think this is dead serious right now.

[D]

Oh, man. No, yeah, I definitely. I would love to, because we will have a base on the moon within the next 20, 30 years. I mean, that's. That's my dream, man. I want to be the first machinist in space.

[B]

That's sweet.

[A]

I love it.

[I]

That's a sick dream.

[B]

Hey, all right, we got to bookmark this. Chad ends up on the moon. Moon. We hear to hear first.

[I]

You're gonna belly up on the moon?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[I]

They'll have a floating in person interview.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

On the moon.

[D]

Yeah, let's do it.

[I]

I said dreams of playing football. You have dreams of going to the moon? That's kind of sick.

[A]

I mean. Yeah, that's.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

That is a big dream. We just gotta remember to dream for.

[B]

The Moon Space League some year. That actually is a great idea. All the guys, when they get older on this. On the moon, you're lighter, so your joints don't hurt as much. You could join the Space League in, you know, 20 years.

[I]

We got something here, guys.

[D]

And then you might be on to something, bro.

[A]

And then the Lambo leap, it can be the one giant leap for the mankind. Leap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. There's some in there. And then stands. It's just aliens, you know, two stories.

[B]

All right, we gotta cut to commercial break as well. We wait for him to come down from the lead.

[I]

Chad, you've been special, man. This has been really fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Hey, Kim. And next time you make it to the super bowl, send some tickets down here to Huntsville, Alabama.

[I]

Maybe like a preseason game. Those are cheaper.

[A]

We'll work on it. Yeah. The super bowl tickets are going to Houston, Huntsville, getting preseason.

[I]

I'll get you a pass for the next year, Senior Bowl.

[D]

I'll take it, man. That's in Mobile, so. I mean, it's just down the road from me.

[B]

That's easy for you. Well, Chad, we're glad that we were finally able to get you on the phone. Keep doing good work, or. I don't know if you're doing good work, but I hope you are. It's great talking to you, man.

[D]

Good talking to y', all, too. Guys. Look out for deer. Stay ahead of the folks for me.

[A]

Sounds good.

[F]

Good.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Awesome.

[A]

Hey, aim for the moon chat. If you miss, you'll land amongst the stars.

[B]

If you miss, you're just gonna spiral into the emptiness of space forever. Until you miss.

[D]

It's Houston's fault.

[A]

More space junk.

[B]

Chad's like, houston, we got a problem again. I'm spinning through space. This is not good. Have a good one, man.

[A]

Watch out for space, John.

[I]

Thanks, Chad.

[A]

Wow.

[G]

Wow.

[B]

I'm glad we finally got Chad on the way.

[I]

Not a dud.

[A]

No, he gave us more than. Than we even envisioned. You know, we got aliens, we got the moon landing as.

[I]

Is he gonna get in trouble for any of that?

[A]

Probably. Man, I hope his name's not actually Chad.

[B]

Great for this podcast. If NASA, like, cease and assist this. This episode for us.

[F]

Just talking about all their plans.

[D]

I love it.

[A]

Thank you, Chad.

[B]

I learned a lot.

[A]

I mean, he was talking about how the rocket wasn't right because it was vibrating too much.

[I]

You know, I don't know if that's public. Know it is now.

[B]

It is.

[A]

We got it. We got this. Just turned to investigative journalism Podcast. Just like that. Dude, it was that easy.

[B]

You never know.

[A]

You never do know.

[B]

I also like how he was like, kiddle. I don't remember what he said, but I was kidd.

[A]

That's your cup of tea or something like that.

[B]

I love it, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah, Miles.

[B]

You know what's kind of nice?

[A]

What's that?

[B]

Starting off the New Year with the New Year's brunch with the family.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Brunches are good.

[B]

Brunch is great. With the family.

[A]

Yeah, usually.

[B]

Usually.

[A]

Yeah, usually.

[B]

And I think I know a way that it could be even better.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

With a little tippy cow.

[A]

If. If I had tippy Cow. Every brunch with my family, that would take a usually to an always.

[D]

There we go.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's the Midwest, Charlie. So snow is likely falling and everyone's in their comfy cozies. But what really sets the vibe is the minty Mocha magic we're sipping. And that's the Shamrock Mint Tippy Cow with a splash coffee liqueur and some ice. Talk about a brunch from heaven.

[A]

Sign me up for that, Miles.

[B]

Trust us. This is delicious. Or don't trust us. But one taste and you'll find out.

[A]

You'll know.

[B]

Yeah. Trust us or don't trust us, we don't care. Yeah, because we got the Shamrock Tippy Cow.

[A]

When you got taste like that, you don't need trust.

[B]

It won't even matter if your brother took the last piece of bacon when you got a glass full of creamy Minty Tippy Cow. So go on and have a cow, Charlie. Is this this New Year's season?

[A]

Typically cow Boo.

[B]

Drink responsibly. Ty Cow rum cream. Copyright 2025 Midwest Custom Bottling Pocket Wisconsin All Rights Reserve Mil.

[A]

It's a new year.

[B]

New year. It's a new year, baby. Happy new year, Charlie.

[A]

2026.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

2K26.

[B]

2026.

[A]

2026, baby.

[B]

It's new Year, guys. And everyone's got fres. Fresh revolution.

[G]

Whoa.

[B]

Fresh resolutions.

[A]

Fresh illusions.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe this year you're all about snowmobiles, UTVs, or hitting the trails. But the first ride of the season has a way of humbling people fast. Snow drifts, hidden stumps, low visibility trails. Hit back. If your New Year adventure ends in a crash, you gotta call Nicolay Law. They fight for you.

[A]

They do fight for you, Miles. Everywhere you go, they got. They got. They. They just got the boxing gloves on. They're ready to step into the ring for you. And led by Russell Nicolay. And don't let those sunglasses fool you. He knows how to.

[B]

You need to have your. Your New Year's resolution should be to have Nicolay Law on your contact list just in case something goes awry.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

1855 Nicolay. Plug it in right now.

[B]

Now.

[A]

And watch out for stumps. It stumps. Gerald.

[B]

Gerald.

[A]

What's up, man?

[D]

Hey, how you.

[A]

Hey, we hear you hate family reunions.

[D]

Well, I'm trying to get a dish band during my family reunion. And if I do. If I do what I want to do, three things are going to happen. Or could happen. I could get Beams banned from My family reunion, which I'm fine with. The dish could get banned from the family reunion, which, again, I'm fine with I want. Or I in the dish could get banned from the family. So what I'm thinking of is so diabolical that I'm asking you guys for advice. So I need you to put on your diplomat hat and your.

[F]

Your.

[D]

Your villain hat at the same time.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

The classic diplomat villain. Well, ying and yang situation, you know?

[A]

Yep. Yes, Miles, you can be the diplomat. Okay.

[B]

Okay. See, I come.

[A]

Let's see. I want to see you look diplomatic. Let's start off with this. What is the dish?

[D]

Green bean casserole. I hate it with a passion.

[A]

Oh, my God. I am on board with you, dude. Green bean casserole.

[D]

To me, green bean casserole resembles bull semen with green beans floating in it, covered with the toenails of a thousand corpses. And before you ask, I know you're going to ask, how do I know what bull semen looks like? All I'm going to say is I was in college and I needed the beer money. All right? Just leave it alone. Charlie, you went to Wisconsin. You know what I'm talking about.

[E]

Money.

[A]

I know.

[B]

You haven't told me about that college experience.

[A]

I know my way around a bull ejaculator. Okay, Someone's gotta hold it. Okay.

[D]

And I got something we're not proud of.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Put a little utter butter on your hands. And that's what they like.

[E]

Now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like trying to wrestle a snake or. No.

[A]

Oh, no, this is not a snake. It's like trying to catch a jackhammer.

[B]

So list.

[D]

New pudding flight. Yeah.

[A]

Here's the next question. Who is the one that makes the green bean casserole?

[D]

Okay, when you go to my family reunion, here's how the everything's set up. You got the family patriarch, which is usually my great uncle or my stepfather, working the grill. Okay? Now here, it's Midwestern. This is the family reunions in Muncie, Indiana. Okay, Midwestern people, there's a rule. When you get around the grill master, we call it the grill master. You do not tell them the advantages of charcoal over propane or propane over charcoal.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

You do. You do not tell them when to flip the burgers, when to turn the brats, when to turn. And there's a bigger reason why. Because on each side of the cool. Each side of the. The grill are two coolers full of beer. If you criticize the grill master, you're banned from the beer.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

This is reasonable.

[A]

This is a great rule.

[B]

Reasonable family.

[A]

It should be implemented at every family function.

[D]

Yes. You go inside the small building, and here's how the tables are set up. You got your condiment table with the lettuce, the tomatoes, your four different kinds of brown mustard, your French's mustard, and you ketchup. Then you got the dessert table, which has, you know, the cakes, the pies and all that stuff. Being it's Indiana sugar cream pie is a big thing to eat over there. Then you have the side dishes, which is the tater tot casserole or hot dish or funeral potatoes, wherever you're from. There's about two of those. There's the macaroni salad, and there's the two kinds of potato salad. Mustard potato salad and mayonnaise potato salad. Then you have. Have you have four or five different green bean casseroles. Who. Everybody brags that if you just eat this green bean casserole, you'll never eat another green bean casserole again. It's. It's a competition that I want band as well.

[B]

So, yeah, that was the most elaborate rundown of a family reunion I've ever heard in my life. And it's amazing. You want to get banned for how much it seems that you know and love this family reunion. How many you guys gotta be them? It seems like you guys do reunions like three, four times a year. How much you know about this?

[D]

Well, here's the thing. In our family, we have a rule. If it's a family reunion, there has to be beer. If there's no family, if there's no beer, it's a family gathering. It's not a family reunion.

[A]

How often are you actually having a family gathering with no alcohol?

[D]

That's what I'm thinking, too. It's. It's like Thanksgiving, Christmas, but even then, I get a little bourbon. You know, I bring some bourbon with me.

[B]

I always get it.

[A]

Yeah. So never in other words.

[D]

Yeah. It's like, well, we're not having beer. They didn't say bourbon. They didn't say no bourbon. So we're. Okay.

[B]

So. Okay, so let me get this right. I think I know where your plan is going here. You are going to walk into that thing with the worst green bean casserole you could possibly match, and then you're gonna waltz all waltz on over to the grill and start criticizing whoever's grilling, and you're hoping that gets you banned?

[D]

Yes and no. Okay, first of all, let me a little backstory here, okay? I used to work at this company and I worked in the corporate office.

[B]

Okay, we need to know the full layout of the corporate office. That'd be great. What was on each table?

[D]

It was just corporate cubicles, but we decided to have a potluck. And we, me and this friend of ours, my co worker, were big fans of Andrew Zimmern the show. So we saw his show in Ecuador, and in Ecuador, he ate their national dish. It's called cuy. It's spelled C, U, Y. Google it. It's guinea pig.

[A]

Okay. Okay. So some first graders crying out there, looking at the pet guinea pig they got to bring home for the first time.

[D]

Well, right. Well, here's the thing. I asked my Ecuadorian friend, her name was Gloria, if that was true. They ate it. She goes, yeah, do you have any guinea pig at home? She said, yeah, her grandmother sent them from Ecuador. They're frozen in her freezer. And I'm like, could you bring one cooked for the potluck? Because me and my co worker want to try guinea pig. She did. Now you got to imagine this because it's the truth. It really happened. She brought in a serving tray, and this guinea pig is full guinea pig. No guts, eyeballs still in its head, teeth in its mouth, its little hooves. And it had no skin or no fur on it anywhere. And it was surrounded by potatoes and carrots.

[A]

Did it have a little cherry in its mouth?

[D]

No. The people freaked out when they saw her bring that in. One guy said, he's never eating potatoes or carrots ever again. So me and my friend tried it, and I'm not gonna lie, it was actually pretty good. We ate half the dang thing all the way up to the neck. We couldn't go any further than that because its eyeballs were looking right at me and my friend. It just felt creepy, you know? Guinea pig.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Did you.

[A]

So I think I know where you're going with this.

[D]

Yes, I want to find. Find my friend and put the guinea pig on a bed of green bean casserole and take it to my family reunion. Now, like I said, one of three things could happen. There could be a fourth scenario. Although it's small chance. The fourth scenario is my. My family. My family reunion will probably try the guinea pig. Like it. Then every year after that, there will be a huge family. The pet stores will be short guinea pig reunion. So.

[B]

Yeah, then it's like you get the opposite of a band. You're like, we can't do the family reunion if Gerald isn't there because we gotta have the guinea pig.

[D]

And I'll win the green bean casserole competition, which is what I don't want to do.

[B]

Yeah. And then it just goes on forever because you keep winning it.

[D]

Yeah. So. But I thought, you know, it would be really cool. I'd covered aluminum foil, and I'd unveil it. I'd make sure all the kids were standing around. I did it. All the kids from the family reunion, and I'd unveil it, and they're like, what is that? I'm like, it's your pet, Sparky. So the kids will get. Start. The kids will get traumatized. They'll freak out. They'll go to the family and they'll tell immediately to leave and don't come back, which I'm fine. Again, a win, win. Or they'll say, throw that in the trash. We're never. We can never eat green bean casserole because you ruined it for us. Another win, win, win. So I think all.

[B]

Everything's coming up Gerald in this situation.

[D]

You know, I mean. I mean, it's just. And the funny thing is, it's not the weirdest thing I've ever eaten in my life.

[B]

Okay, what is guinea pig?

[D]

I'm from Oklahoma originally.

[A]

Okay, you're from where?

[D]

Oklahoma.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Was born in Oklahoma City, raised in Tulsa, as a matter of fact. Have you ever saw the movie the Outsiders? I live three blocks from the house.

[A]

Oh, congratulations.

[D]

Yeah. Anyway, there's a restaurant in Oklahoma City called Cattlemen Steak House, and they serve a dish called lamb fries. They're lamb testicles.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

They're battered dip, sliced and.

[A]

Yeah. Are they good?

[D]

But. Well, I'm gonna ask that whoever's looking at Charlie to time. I'm gonna tell him what they taste like, and I want you to time how quick it is before he comes back with a joke. Okay. They tasted like lamb, but they had a creamy finish. Go.

[A]

I think you just gave the punchline there.

[B]

I think you just.

[D]

They actually had a creamy finish.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So. Yeah. But I want to know, am I going too far with this, or should. Am I not going far enough? Should I videotape it so you guys can share?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Now.

[A]

Yes, please.

[B]

Videotape turns into, like, a World Star Fighting video.

[A]

I do think you gotta put an olive in the guinea pig's mouth or something like that.

[D]

A cherry tomato or something.

[A]

Yeah, cherry tomato would be good. Yeah. But please, please videotape this. We would. And then if they don't like it, you gotta talk to them about how they're being culturally insensitive yes.

[D]

Yes. You got to be more inclusive when you're eating food at a family reunion now. So, yeah, if.

[B]

If you really want to make them uncomfortable, you bring your Ecuadorian friend with. And you. Before you unveil it, you talk about how much of a delicacy it is to their culture and how happy you are to. You're so glad that they're so welcome. Your family's so welcoming to them into the family. And then unveil the guinea pig and see him scream, squirm. Because they can't be outraged. Otherwise, they're being insensitive. That's a great joke.

[D]

If you guys were to do that at your family reunion. Let's say you people from Wisconsin, you surround the guinea pig with cheese curds. How would that go over in Wisconsin?

[A]

Well, I'll tell you exactly. Oh, what in the hell is. Oh, you shot a squirrel. Good for you.

[B]

That is a plump squirrel.

[A]

Wow, Where'd you get that one that some bitchman's eating some acorn? You must have got him shortly before winter. He's got his fat on. Let me try a piece of that.

[D]

So Wisconsin's full of good people. Good, good, good.

[A]

Wisconsin's full of concerned eaters, you know, and that just means they're concerned how much they can eat.

[D]

But that was my plan for the family reunion. And you know, when you talk to your parents about doing stuff, they always tell you, well, for seek counsel. Well, you two are the wise sages of the Midwest.

[A]

Well, Gerald, that's a real compliment coming from a guy like you, because you are Midwest royalty yourself, sir. I mean, the way you. You laid this out for us, the creativity involved in making, torturing your family cannot be paralleled by either Miles or me. I don't think.

[B]

And I don't know, Charlie, if you went to business school, but anytime you hear the phrase win, win, win situation, I think you run head first into that situation. I don't see any problems with it.

[D]

Now, there is a scenario that you guys haven't thought about since you guys got such a large fan base that listen to your show, other people might actually listen to this and actually want to do it. And you could have started little family, family Hatfield and McCoy wars across the country now, so you guys will share in my delight.

[B]

Or it might spread like wildfire, and too soon might spread like wildfire, and all of a sudden, the roasted guinea pig becomes a staple in the Midwest potlucks.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And even moves its way to the Christmas meal, you know, and all of A sudden.

[B]

Sudden the people of Ecuador are calling stolen valor on us and say, you can't. You can't do it.

[A]

Well, that's. I mean, look, corned beef mash came from Ireland, you know, I mean, now we got the guinea pig coming in from Ecuador. I think it's a great, beautiful thing, a blending of cultures and, you know, and. And worst case scenario is still a good case scenario for you. So I say roll the dice.

[E]

Exactly.

[A]

Fry the guinea pig.

[B]

I mean, honestly, it doesn't even feel. It feels like a sure thing. It doesn't even feel like he's rolling the dice. I feel like he's. This is a home run.

[D]

So you. So you're giving me hope. Good, good, good.

[B]

Yeah, I think you got to push all your chips to the center table and go all in on this idea.

[D]

And videotape it for you guys.

[A]

Please do. Please do. And get. Get a few. If you got a few nieces or nephews that are. Can just hold a. We'd like a few different angles, a.

[B]

Few different camera angles.

[A]

We'd like one on you, one on the guinea pig, and one on the reactions of your family.

[D]

Well, I have 12 grandkids, so that won't be hard. So, yeah, it would be fun.

[A]

Well, Gerald, you really have outdone yourself today. We're excited for you. What day is the reunion?

[D]

Actually, I just missed it, so I'm going to plan it for next year.

[A]

Okay. You got time?

[D]

I got time. And I may even fly to Ecuador and get some guinea pig. My. Myself, I've got that kind of time. You got to get top quality guinea pig for this.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's like you got to do like what they did on American Gangster where he went over to Vietnam and set up his shipping lanes. You got to go over there, plug, and then, you know, see, because you. I have a feeling like you're going to be opening up a. A restaurant soon called the Guinea Pig. And that's all you're serving. And you're going to need a supply run.

[D]

So I'll call it Gerald's Pets. There we go.

[B]

Yeah, it's like at Red Lobster, you can pick out the lobster you want.

[D]

To murder, you know, pick up the guinea pig. Yeah.

[B]

You get to pet it, name it, and then. And then eat it for dinner.

[D]

And I'll video it so that you can see other their guinea pigs being prepared. So they can't say we're. We're tainting the guinea pig. But yeah, that would be good.

[B]

That would be My concern is, if you're tainting my guinea pig, I would hate that because that would. That would be. What would ruin the experience for me, is if you tainted it.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

Not the fact that I was just petting a cute cuddly animal and then now I'm just putting in my mouth, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So guinea pig it is. I will serve it, and I will. When that shall videotape it, and hopefully there'll be weeping and gnashing of teeth, and then I'll just see the video and we can all laugh.

[B]

And it's really smart of you to name it Gerald's Pets. It allows you to expand into the Asian culture. Culture and just be. Also serving dog, you know?

[D]

Well, there's nothing. Hey, there's nothing wrong with dog. You ever saw the movie Patriotic Dog is a good meal.

[A]

So, yeah, you know, we're touching on all different cultures here today on the Bellied up podcast. And if you do name it a pet store, you're gonna get people coming in looking for pets.

[D]

That would be. That would be. And there would be nothing wrong with that. I'm like, well, what does your pet look like? Oh, I know what he tastes like. Dude, come over here and I'll show him to you.

[F]

All right.

[D]

You know, yeah. Yeah, I could do that.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, kind of a fire marketing strategy. Make people think it's a pet store. And then they get there and they're like, oh, my God, but I am hungry. Yeah, stay for dinner.

[F]

Is.

[B]

I drove all this. They'll never look at the store. I better get some chow.

[D]

They'll never look at their pet the same way again. And isn't that the most important thing?

[B]

But yeah, I guess.

[A]

Diabolical, Jared. Diabolical.

[D]

Well, it's the least I can do.

[A]

What did I say you called him?

[B]

Jared.

[A]

Oh, I'm looking at Jared.

[D]

I'm looking at Jared guy.

[A]

So, yeah, Jared is our producer here. Sorry, Gerald.

[D]

Well, he gets to get guinea pig first. Then I'll send it to him.

[B]

I swear to God, Gerald, if I get a box with dry ice and a frozen guinea pig to my door, I'm. We're gonna have a conversation.

[D]

I'll send it with a. With some f of beans and a bottle of keante as well.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

So you'll be.

[D]

You'll be fine. Trust me. So.

[A]

Well, thank you, Gerald. You really made us.

[B]

We'll have to earmark a year from now and get a bellied update on how went.

[D]

Yes. The video and everything.

[A]

All right, call us back. My guy Will do.

[D]

Thank you, guys.

[A]

All right, see you soon. What a guy, man. What a guy. 12 grandkids. This is what he's cooking up in his spare time. Some people golf, other people. Think of how to take revenge on your whole family.

[B]

Also, very funny that he did this at a work of event. Right. And instead of being like, o, that didn't go over too hot. I shouldn't do this again. He's like, I think I got an idea.

[A]

Let's bring it to the family.

[B]

The reaction was so bad, I can use this in other parts of my life.

[A]

I kind of want an invite to that family reunion. I'm not gonna lie to you.

[B]

I would like. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's a reason to go to Indiana right there.

[B]

It's the only reason.

[A]

No, not the only reason. You can look at the windmills. Indianapolis has a nice downtown. Should we take another caller?

[B]

Let's do it. All right, we got Cliff on the podcast. Charlie. Cliff, how are you?

[E]

Good.

[C]

How about you guys? Longtime listener, longtime fan of your guys's channels online, and I'm super excited to talk to you guys.

[A]

Cliff, what the hell was that? What happened there?

[B]

Are you going into cardiac arrest?

[C]

A little bit. I. I mean, I. I've had a couple drinks, so I can't really complain, but.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Kind of went down the wrong hole there, so my apologies.

[A]

All right, well, he's nice and liquored up. What's on your mind, Cliff?

[C]

So, yeah, you guys, I left a voicemail a couple weeks ago. Got some family issues. So, I mean, a lot of things have happened in the last couple weeks since I left the voicemail.

[B]

Okay. Is that good for us or bad for us?

[E]

Us.

[C]

I mean, for me, I. I don't care for the uncle much.

[B]

Okay, so something's going on with your uncle.

[C]

Yes. So to take it back a couple weeks ago or actually a couple months ago. My apologies. So what happened was, is my aunt and her. Him have had issues in their marriage for about.

[E]

About.

[C]

Oh, like I said, the last couple months. And he's been very distant. Not talking to her, just very, like. Yeah, you know, distant. And one day he was at a barbecue with his. So I have two cousins.

[A]

Cliff, you really know how to tell a story. I'll tell you that I'm with you.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I'm horrible at telling stories, but I. I. Let me just.

[B]

This is a podcast.

[A]

No, I like it. It's the spiderweb story. We're. We're getting it. Your uncle and. And your aunt, distant in the relationship. Your uncle's been distant. But you got these two cousins.

[B]

Cousins.

[C]

Okay, so I have these two cousins, and they were at a barbecue, my uncle and my oldest cousin. And she was on his phone almost the entire time.

[B]

Time.

[A]

Right.

[C]

And so when she was kind of curious, she kind of walked behind him and he saw him messaging somebody, and she called him out on it and was like, hey, who the hell are you talking to? And he kind of, you know, pulled his phone away real quick and he said, nobody, nobody. You know, that type of thing. And she said, no, no, tell me who you're talking to. And then he just flat out, more or less told her, I'm having an affair with a woman. On through text message.

[A]

Whoa, what a weird flex. So I'm having a text affair.

[C]

Okay, so. Yes. So you guys ever heard of the pig butchering scam?

[A]

No. Tell us.

[C]

So the pig butchering scam is more or less somebody.

[E]

You. You.

[C]

Everybody gets these tests text more or less saying like, hey, I can't wait to meet you for coffee at Yada yada times. And you're like, who is this? Or you just full on, ignore it. He texted back and said, hey, I don't know who this is. You have the wrong number. And then they go and say, hey, I apologize for even, you know, texting you, but what's your name? And then it kind of just snowballs into a very.

[B]

I mean, this guy had to have been lonely.

[C]

He was.

[B]

I mean, no dig on your aunt, but some. I mean.

[C]

And you know, Miles, it does take two to tango. I'm not going to argue there.

[B]

And I. No, I'm not. I'm not defending him at all.

[A]

Going straight to blaming the ant right now, Dude, I'm just.

[B]

I just. I started thinking about, like, what mental spot do I have to be in to? Because clearly this is not. He's getting catfished, right?

[C]

Oh, more or less, yes.

[B]

But.

[C]

But here's the bad thing, Miles, is that they just renoun renewed their vows this summer for 35 years.

[A]

Oh, damn, that's so bad.

[B]

That's so bad.

[A]

You still want to blame the ant?

[B]

No, I'm not blaming the ant. I just was like, like, God, he's probably got to be so lonely if he's just willing to strike up a romantic relationship with some guy in India. You know, he's like, I don't even care who you are. Just if you talk to me, I. I'm all here for it.

[A]

I've. Now that you bring it up, I've gotten text messages like, this before of like saying, hey, are we still meeting up or something?

[B]

I know what you're talking about.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, no, this is, this is totally this guy's fault. I'm not saying. I just was thinking like, where you gotta be at?

[A]

What's this call again? Pig fishing.

[C]

Pig butchering.

[A]

Pig butchering?

[B]

Why is it called pig butchering?

[C]

So what happens is like, like, like, like I was saying they kind of just like, oh, like text them random number and say like, oh, let's say this guy's name is John. Like, oh, hey John, are you ready for coffee? And. And they're like, oh, well, this is the wrong number. And they're like, oh, well, well, what's your name? And they get to an intimacy over text and like, trust and everything to that extent. And then they more or less are fattening you up to, you know, slaughter you.

[A]

Oh, that's where the analogy comes from. Okay, okay. I was thinking like in terms of a fishing analogy that makes sense. Like you're just casting a. A wide net or something. Okay, okay.

[B]

You know, I would say fattening the calf before the slaughter is what the term I would use in this sense.

[A]

A little biblical too.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so, okay, so your, Your uncle's now broke. He sent all of his money to some guy in India.

[C]

So, you know, he's had a very good job. And you know, he. He's actually saved a ton of money. Money, you know, in his 401k over. He's worked in the mining industry for, gosh, 25, 30 years. And he saved a ton of money, had a great, you know, setup, pension, everything to that extent. And he brought. So going back to my cousin that caught him.

[E]

She.

[C]

He told her right away, like, hey, I'm having an affair. And then he told my youngest cousin that he didn't even tell his wife yet, you know, my aunt. So they're. They're trying to keep this secret from her and all of a sudden they're like, you just need to tell her. And he told her. And so what's weird is that this gal that he was. Or, man, I don't know who the hell he's talking to.

[A]

Robot.

[C]

A robot. It could be AI. You know, Charlie, that's up your alley.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're in a romantic relationship with a robot.

[A]

No chat.

[C]

Gbt. Can you help me feel love? Trust me. In all the wrong places.

[A]

No, I, I don't.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe that's why Charlie's so defensive about AI is that he secretly is in love with An AI woman. Is that true?

[A]

First of all, an AI cannot be a woman. Second of all, her name's Tiffany and. All right, all right. So. So did he. Did he send money over?

[C]

So he. My. My cousins were begging him because they were more or less asking, hey, like this. This gal was asking for money for quote, unquote, investments in crypto and gold. Yeah, right. And that's what I said. And even my dad was like, what a dumbass. You know, it's so.

[E]

He.

[C]

Before my. So just to cut the chase, my aunt and him did get a divorce about two weeks ago.

[A]

Oh, wow, dude, this is so sad.

[C]

It is sad, you know. You know, they've been together for 35 years. It's affecting, you know, my cousins. You know, they both have kids and just. It's just destroyed the family. So I'm kind of just bringing awareness to, you know, families out there. If this is happening, you know, cut it this. Nip it now, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How much money did he say?

[C]

Oh, okay. So the first time my aunt noticed in their 401k account, because they have a shared account, you know, because they're married.

[E]

He.

[C]

He sent $50,000 to this woman. $50,000 to invest in, quote, unquote, gold.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Yeah, God, dude.

[B]

So, yeah, that was the first time. How much did he send the second time for what?

[C]

I know, and this is true, you know, $400,000.

[A]

What? Oh, my gosh, dude. Yeah, your poor aunt, man.

[C]

But here's the thing. Before he sent that $400,000 dollars, she got out like a bandit. Let's be honest here. Before the divorce, he promised her the house. He paid off her car, which was worth about $50,000 itself, and then she got 1/3 of the 401k. So, I mean, she kind of got out okay. But, you know, I still fell back for her. I'm not saying like, oh, good for her, you know, but this guy is now thinking he invested in crypto and gold, and then when he asked for his money, in about five, six years, it's going to be all gold gone.

[A]

Wait, he doesn't know that this is a scam yet?

[C]

No, they've tried to tell him. They. They. They've met other people that have gone through the same thing to try to talk to him. And he's like, no, no, she's real, 100% real. And they're like, no, she's not. Yeah.

[A]

Has he talked to her on the phone?

[C]

So. So, Charlie. Yes. So this is the weird thing about this, is that he says he's FaceTimed, or called her over WhatsApp, you know, and that's where we're all kind of, like, scratching our heads like, this gal must be like. Like that. This has to be something through, like, India or. I guess she's from, like, Thailand or something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, okay, look at the. He does know that you can just. With the technology now, you can just invent a person. Like Sora, all those apps, you can just invent a person to talk to you.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And this is what. So my. My younger cousin, she tried to. So he sent her a photo of what she sent to him over WhatsApp. Like, that she's from Santa Barbara, and she works for this company for investors, blah, blah, blah. And she sent a photo of his name written in the sand on the. On the beach. And I. I saw it, and I was like, that's AI. No doubt.

[A]

That's AI.

[B]

He's like, send me a photo. She sends a photo back, and she's like, only has three fingers. He's like, wait, what's up with that? She's like, oh, I just was born that way.

[A]

You know what, Cliff, though? You're right, man. You're right. This is. That's a PSA, dude. People are getting scammed. 400g. So did she. Did they get divorced and then he sent over his whole $400,000?

[C]

Well, I believe, from what I understand, you know, I don't know everything about their finances, but from what I understand, they had about $2.1 million in their 401k for retirement.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And so one third of that money went to my aunt, and he paid off the house. Or the house was already paid off. They've been in that house for, gosh, like, 20 years.

[G]

And.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, but so I think he did send that 400,000, like, when everything was kind of getting finalized, because I don't believe they were divorced when he did it. So, I mean, it's kind of a weird thing to talk about, but, I mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And the thing is that he keeps making plans with this guy gal that, hey, like, come to Santa Barbara this date, and we'll. We can meet each other. And he goes, okay, I booked the flight and everything. And all of a sudden, the day before, two days before, like, oh, no, I had to go to New York because my mom's sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I know. We. We know how this is gonna go.

[B]

Sad.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

It is truly sad. It's just horrible.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my apologies. Charlie, you go ahead.

[A]

Oh, no, I mean, I just said like, you just like these bots are like trained on like it's got all the, your information, you know, that you're putting out there and the stuff that you like scroll past or whatever, so it knows where all your weaknesses are and, and it can be so easily manipulated. And this is just a case of that. Man, that sucks.

[C]

Yeah. And like I said, he still thinks so. You know, she's real. You know, he lost everything. You know, his wife, his, his daughters won't even talk to him. You know, it's. It's just super sad. He lost a five bed, four bath bathroom, home. That's like 2500 square foot, four bathroom.

[B]

I said children, do you know how funny it is that he just gave bus the number of bathrooms run down on this specs? You know, it's got heated floor in the garage, living room's got vaulted ceilings, you know. Do you know that in a nice, quaint little neighborhood on a cul de sac, he just gave that all away?

[C]

Yeah, he gave it all away, man. I mean, he just kind of gave it all away because, because like, like kind of what you were saying, Miles, you know, it takes a lot for a man to be lonely enough to just give it all up.

[A]

I, I think it's partially that, but it's also partially like, like all his weaknesses are like out there. You know what I mean? Like when you got that much data that, that people can just buy and manipulate, that's what happened. So they knew exactly what to say to him. It's probably an AI. I mean, it's obviously AI AI but that's so messed up, dude.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And he's still. It's like a mental disease, you know?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, to Give up your 5 bedroom, 42500 square foot Kia garage, vaulted ceiling house for that is crazy.

[C]

Yeah. Now to a one bed, one bath, single wide. I mean, I mean, going up in the world.

[A]

Is he in a single wide now?

[F]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, sure. All right. I mean, some of those are nice, but judging?

[C]

I'm not judging at all.

[B]

You know, if someone texts you from a number you don't know and it's actually someone that you know trying to get a hold of you, it's still going to be okay. Even if you don't respond to someone that you know who's doing that.

[A]

I'm so confused with what you just said.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

I'm a little lost too.

[B]

You get a text saying, hey, can we meet up? You don't know who it is. It is. Even if it's someone that you know and you just don't respond to them, it's better than responding to someone you don't know from a number like that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean. No, I get it. That makes sense.

[B]

That makes you rather just not show up to the engagement that you were supposed to be at rather than, like, just texting numbers you don't know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Well, and it even gets gnarlier because with the voice stuff, you can make your voice sound like. Like you know someone. You know. You know, they've had that too.

[B]

I know someone that almost got into that problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it made their voice sound just like the one guy's kid.

[A]

Yes. That. That happened to a. A friend's grandparents where it sounded like he was calling them, asking for money, and they gave the money. It's never been easier to scam.

[B]

I think the one was like. He's like, dad, I'm from. I'm in jail. I need you to wire money to get me out.

[A]

Trying to do that to a Midwest dad, you know? Oh, yeah, you're in jail. Spend the goddamn night there. What the hell did you do, huh?

[I]

Huh?

[A]

Rotten there, you son of a bitch.

[B]

That's not the way that I raised you. And like, those scam people are just like, do not call any of these area code numbers. You've had no success. All of Wisconsin is off the list.

[A]

Oh, man. Well, are people starting to heal yet at all from this? Or is. Are we still in the thick of it?

[B]

Yeah, clearly he's not over the five bedroom, four bath.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

2500 square foot.

[A]

Oh, and. And your uncle is still. Is this uncle by blood or did he marry in?

[C]

He married in.

[A]

Okay. Well, yeah, that's perfect.

[B]

That.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So, yeah, I mean, me and him never really cared for each other anyway, so I ain't losing sleep over it. I just feel bad for my aunt, my cousins, because, like, I was kind of, you know, raised around them.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

She's like my second mom, and those. My cousins are like sisters to me, so it really just breaks my heart to see them going through that, you know?

[B]

Yeah, that sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But damn ironic. Ironically, you guys brought up the.

[B]

How.

[C]

You know, the. Like a kid calls their. Their grandparents or something. That actually happened to me in high school as well.

[I]

High school.

[B]

How old are you?

[C]

Yeah, I'm 27.

[A]

How did it happen back then?

[C]

So my. I was about 16, 17 at the time. I was in English class, and my Grandma's texting me like, hey, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. What's up? She's like, I thought you were in Japan.

[E]

Jail.

[C]

I was like, you thought I was in jail? And she's like, yeah, somebody called us and said you were in jail and they said they were going to arrest you if you don't go get us Google gift cards from Walmart.

[B]

And they get it. Oh no.

[C]

And my dad called me and he's like, you're not in jail, are you? I'm like, I'm sitting in English class listening about Shakespeare. What are you talking about?

[A]

I love, I love how it was so plausible that you could have been in jail, that you, you helped defraud your grandparents though. They're like, I mean, that sounds like it could have happened. That's a. So did they get that one figured out or no?

[C]

Yeah, they sent him the money and then nothing ever happened.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[C]

But yeah, you know, it is what it is. It's unfortunate. You, you always hear about those old scams, those email scams of like, like an apple, African prince or something, or princess is like, hey, I need money to get out of jail or I need help. My people are in trouble. You know, like, it's super, like crazy how far they've come with scamming.

[A]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's not fifty thousand dollar vacation giveaway email and now. Yeah, just replicate your voice.

[A]

Yeah, I got, I got people that, I think I've said this on here before, but I have people that text me, like, have come to a show, say, like talking in the front row with me about a dog or something. Like, yeah, we talked about that and I was like, I, this is not the time to let you know. But that wasn't, wasn't me. But yeah, they do that stuff all the time. I get messages saying like, this a fake account or whatever. And you think about all the people who didn't figure out it's a fake account. Do you get that too, Miles? Not really as much.

[B]

Not as famous as you.

[A]

That's not true, Miles. You just don't look at your messages. That's what this is really about.

[B]

I have a kid.

[C]

Hey, I got two. I mean, yeah, you can get sc.

[A]

You can pay attention to scams and have a kid, Miles. I mean, it's true. I do have a lot of free time on my hands, but I have a house plant, I have fruit flies. I have responsibilities.

[B]

I'm just going to start responding to you when you ask me Certain questions I'm just going to respond with.

[A]

I have a kid that's really nice and it's accurate, too. And his kid knows how to build a better fort than me. That's another more structural integrity, nitty gritty. Although I'm going to show you that that's not true, Miles. Just you wait. So, Cliff, Yeah. Where's things at now?

[C]

Things Now. You know, my aunts, it's. It's kind of in a weird state. They don't talk. Well, they talk. I mean, they have, you know, a couple grandkids together and of course, two daughters. So they kind of have to talk to each other and plan out stuff, especially for, like, birthday parties and family get togethers and all that stuff. And, I mean, my. My aunt is very heartbroken, of course. You know, she's in a weird state, but I think she's trying to move on. You know, like, it's. I can't really go into detail, but, you know, it's. Their marriage has been on the rocks, but, I mean, they were, like I said, 35 years, renewed vows, and you wouldn't think something like this would happen, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So, I mean, I don't know too many details of what's going on now, but, yeah, I mean, it was a crazy time when my. My mother actually told me about everything happening. I thought somebody got cancer or something. She's like, yeah, there's trouble in their household. I'm like, oh, my God, who's dying? She's like, oh, no, they're getting divorced.

[B]

I'm like, what?

[C]

No.

[B]

Tell you what, Christmas is going to be pretty interesting.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Like, you know, you sometimes go to Christmas, you're like, what Going to talk about. You get on that. You guys don't have that problem. So look at. Count your blessings.

[A]

Count your blessings. Spill your tea. Cut to like a year from now, this guy's a billionaire because of the.

[B]

Investments actually was real.

[A]

She's like a smoke show, you know?

[B]

Yeah. He shows up to Christmas in a. In a McLaren, and he's got a gold necklace chain on this gal from Thailand on his wrist, you know, on his arm. Oh, well, one you still cheated on on my aunt, but also good for you.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, we can look at it that way, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, the only thing now for your uncle to do is to just start trying to defraud a bunch of people, get his money back, I guess.

[C]

Yeah. Just go back to the old emails.

[G]

You know, you got.

[C]

Just won a $50,000 giveaway. You know, for a cruise.

[A]

Boy, what a bummer, man. Well, tell you tell your family that we wish them the best.

[B]

If you guys are going to get caught up in a scam, do it the old fashioned way. Go to college. Don't be texting someone and sending them money for gold, okay?

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Hey. Hey, Charlie. You're going to be in my neck of the woods here in a couple weeks.

[A]

Oh, where Charlie barons on tour, ladies and gentlemen. CharlieBarons. Dot. Where am I going to be?

[C]

Near Spokane.

[A]

Spokane. Awesome. You live by Spokane or in Spokane?

[C]

Yeah, I actually live on the. In the Idaho side here in North Idaho, so.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Hey, be careful while you're there. This thing might be contagious. Okay. I don't need you catching this bug. I don't need you to come back with a Thailand girlfriend.

[F]

Right?

[A]

Are you gonna come out to the show or.

[C]

No, I haven't gotten tickets yet, but I'm hoping to get them as soon as possible.

[A]

I will hook you up. We'll get you some tickets.

[B]

Cliff. Cliff's call.

[A]

Text. Text.

[C]

I don't have to do that. That'd be too nice.

[A]

Text your full name, Cliff, and we'll get you on there.

[B]

No, you get free tickets if you bring your uncle.

[C]

Oh, Miles, I would be trending some.

[D]

Very thin ice there.

[B]

Just think about the crowd work, Charlie.

[C]

He will be maybe owning.

[B]

So does anyone in the audience know, have a family member who was maybe caught up in a scam? And then you raise your hand and then be like, who is it? He's like, he's actually right here with me. And see, we're clip farming, Charlie.

[A]

I like it. It's so little clip farming situation going. Hey, if you do want to bring your aunt and your cousins, we'll. We'll hook you guys all up with tickets. I promise I won't bring this up on stage.

[C]

All right, all right.

[A]

But if you don't bring them, I'm going to bring it up. All right, so.

[C]

Well, they live in Montana. I live in Idaho, so I don't know if that makes.

[A]

It's not going to work out, but.

[B]

Your aunt doesn't have anything.

[C]

I'll bring my wife.

[B]

She can. She can come.

[A]

God, dude.

[E]

What?

[A]

First you blame it on the ant.

[C]

I didn't really blame it. I was.

[A]

Not you, Cliff. Not you. I'm talking Miles. Immediately he's like, oh, the ant must have something up in this relation. The guy doesn't get that lonely on his own.

[B]

I know it sounded that way and I admit that, but that's not what I meant by that.

[A]

Yeah, it's all right. Miles, you got a kid. You can't be paying attention to these details.

[B]

I got a kid.

[C]

When this kid can build a fort that looks like a five bed, four bath. And then there's Charlie, like, yeah, I kind of got a bucket in the corner.

[A]

Oh, man. Where's your uncle living now?

[B]

In that double wide.

[C]

He lives still in the same town over in Montana. I mean, he still lives over there.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

Like, yeah, so they. They live in the same town. You know, they work for the same company, just not in the same areas.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, we appreciate you. You telling us the story. This was sad, but also great time for a psa. And that's just. Don't text back numbers you don't know.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And you know, I heard that story that you guys did about. God, I can't remember which part, what number it was, what episode it was, but about the guy, about his father in law. And I was like, gosh, you know, that'd be kind of a good thing to talk about to let people know, like.

[B]

Yeah, hey, don't fall for an only fans bottle.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where there's.

[B]

What's actually funny is someone earlier was complaining about Charlie's flights, and that was the day where you forgot your. Your ID and you try. You use your expired passport. Oh, yeah, the airport.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Almost didn't have podcasts that day too.

[A]

Well, you know, some things never change, but Miles.

[B]

Well, we appreciate you calling in, Cliff. This is great.

[C]

Well, yeah, guys, thanks for letting me come on the podcast here and it was fun talking to you. Great to meet you guys.

[A]

Hey, great meeting you too. Text if you want to come to the show. We'll see in you person.

[C]

Do I just text the number that was sent to me? This number.

[A]

You got it.

[C]

Awesome, guys. Yeah, just make sure to say hi to your cousins and watch out for geese.

[B]

Boom. That is my favorite barley Cher quote.

[A]

I took it as a compliment. Honestly, I. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, I showed it to. I. I brought it up to him and he was like, oh, yeah, that was great. I was like, charlie, you're supposed to be mad and you're supposed to do a rebuttal.

[A]

No, maybe I'll do one now. I didn't get that, but you should.

[C]

I mean, the cheese head was the cherry on top. I mean, skull go Vikes, you know, but that's just me.

[A]

It was the cheese on top. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Cliff. Well, thanks for calling in my guy.

[C]

Awesome, guys. Yeah, of course. Thank you, guys. And for real, though, say hi to the family and watch out for deer.

[A]

All right, you too.

[B]

Remember to change your air filters.

[C]

Make sure to check your air filter and your pickup.

[B]

Oh, yeah, God, I forgot about that one.

[C]

Awesome, guys. You guys have a good one.

[A]

We'll see ya. Dude, Timmy, did you flirt with a mom, boys?

[G]

I. I did on accident.

[B]

All right, what happened with you?

[A]

And said mom and there's no shame in the game.

[G]

So off, boys. Okay, so I was at this concert with two of my friends.

[B]

What concert?

[G]

It was a Cody Johnson concert.

[B]

I went to a Cody Johnson concert in August, so.

[G]

Oh, yeah, maybe that's pretty good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Where was your concert at?

[G]

Spokane.

[B]

Yeah, I was not in spokane, Washington at a Cody Johnson concert. Yeah, Continue on.

[G]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So to put in context, My best friend and his fiance has third wheeling with them. Not really. It's pretty normal thing for me. Okay. And all right, since. Since that's a normal thing, Timmy decided to get on the booze a little too hard before. And at the concert. So I was pretty, pretty drunk.

[B]

And also, I love starting out using your name in third person.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Timmy on the hooch train.

[B]

I hope that that's what you were doing when you were hitting on this mom. I'm sure that worked good.

[G]

I didn't, I didn't. No.

[B]

Timmy likey.

[G]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

Timmy likes mommy.

[G]

Well, kinda.

[D]

She's cute.

[G]

And so she's sitting in front of us and I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm not sure if I'm seeing 2, 3, or 4 Cody Johnson's right now, but I mean, just look at the center one.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

So sitting there and she's sitting alone, taking a video, and I'm like, oh, she's. She's kind of cute and she's older.

[B]

Like, no, that's not what you said. Said, you know, God, that chick's hot.

[G]

I just said, I'm gonna. Let's see where this goes. So I kind of lean forward and I'm like, hey, how's it going? And so we start. I started flirting with her. Timmy's doing his thing. And I did say, hey, I'm Timmy. And yeah, you can call me timmy, but I'll also call myself Timmy. But. But she's like, you are. First of all, she goes, you are way too young for me. And I was like, well, was it.

[B]

Was it, was it? You're way too young for me. I was you are way too young for me.

[G]

No, no, it was the first one. I was like, you're way too young for me, with a little laugh. And so, first of all, right there, I'm like, oh, sweet. She's like, she's. She.

[F]

Maybe.

[G]

Maybe.

[F]

Here we go.

[G]

And I said, well, how. First of all, you don't ever tell him your age. You say, how old do you think I am? And she said, between 29 and 32. And I said, you're right, I'm 30, which is a lie. I'm 23. But enough beers. 23 looks like 30.

[B]

That's right.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

That's right.

[G]

And she said, I have kids that are going into college this year, so she's old enough to be my mom for sure, which I knew she was.

[E]

She.

[G]

My guess is she was around the.

[B]

Age of 50 maybe, which is. I mean, like, Timmy, like, that's the reason why you're talking to her. You like. Yeah. You're into that.

[A]

Timmy's got a thingy.

[G]

She could have a lot of money. That means. That's what that could mean. Or she could come with a lot of problems, like kids.

[B]

Yeah, but if they're grown, then you're good. Actually, this is, like, the perfect scenario.

[A]

They can be your friends, too.

[B]

They could be your drinking buddies.

[A]

Yeah, you play your cards right, Timmy. Yeah, you can. You can get an invite to Easter, dude.

[G]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. But she's. And I was like, oh, that's all right. I'm fine with having a few step kids in college, only four or five years older than them realistically. But you think I'm.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[G]

So then I. I'm hopping over a seat, and I'm standing by her, and she starts flirting a little bit, taking pictures with me and stuff. And then she's. It's going great. Going great. I mean, can't think of anything wrong. And then I throw my arm around. Around her, and my friends are behind me and my body. My best friend, he's like, moving my arm, like, low back. Not on the butt, but low back. And I'm like, all right, stop it. Stop touching my arm. Let me. Let me work my thing here.

[B]

Yeah, Let Timmy work.

[G]

Yeah, let me. Let me work. Let me do my thing. And then his fiance is, like, pulling my arm off and, like, fondling her hair and messing with her shoulder like, it's me. So this girl thinks, like, I'm just all hands over there playing with her hair and all this. Realistically, it's my friends right behind me, and I'M just at this point, so many beers in. I'm just laughing at this point. And so then end up, she. I. I wouldn't say either of us. I. I would say we kissed each other. Okay. I didn't really lean in. She didn't lean in. I think it just kind of happen.

[A]

That sounds like somebody who's in trouble with their dorm room or something. We kissed each other.

[B]

I swear.

[G]

You know, you're gonna like this part then, because I. This is why I said that I wouldn't say either us really made the move. But then as we're kissing, she kind of leans away and goes, hold up. We can't use tongue. And I looked at her and I said, okay, what? That's kind of never heard that before as you start to kiss a girl. What's up? And she goes, we can't use tongue. And I'm on the right side of her, it's dark out, I'm 12 beers deep. And she lifts up her left hand and goes, I'm married. And shows me the biggest rock that I've ever seen.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Oh, man. Timmy, you hooked up with Cody Johnson's mom, dude. Geez. Yep, says Cody Johnson.

[B]

Yeah, she sounds like a good gal.

[G]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I said, you know what? Every maker makes mistakes. And maybe if this. What's the worst thing is I could be a home wrecker and I'd never know. Like, I didn't. You can't blame that on me, right?

[A]

Did you grow up Catholic, Timmy?

[G]

No, no, Christian.

[B]

Just. Just blanket Christian or. Yeah, you're non denominator.

[A]

The feel goods.

[G]

Yep. Huh.

[A]

Was it off a high highway, your church?

[B]

No, it was all strip mall.

[A]

Close.

[G]

Yeah. No, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

So.

[B]

So then what'd you do? What did. How did it end up.

[G]

So I ended up. Luckily the concert was about over, so.

[B]

I like that. She's like, I'm married, so let's just stick to lip kissing and no tongue, all right?

[G]

Yeah, exactly. Which makes me think this isn't the first time this has happened with this girl. If she's out here kissing other guys in public and then goes, I'm married. She's.

[C]

They maybe have maybe a little bit.

[G]

Of an open relationship. Maybe not so. But what I did, I just hopped right back over the seat that I was standing in front of to my row to my seat now with my friends. And as she said this, I think we all kind of turned and our jaws kind of hit the floor, like, what just happened? What's going On. So I hopped up there and I'm like, we need to get out of here.

[E]

And.

[G]

And I was like, I don't know if her husband's here or not, but we need to get out of here before he is here. And so we're standing there and everybody's kind of trying to get out of the venue, and her friend comes up and goes, oh, what's going on here? And she looks at her friend and goes, you know what happens here stays here. Right? And I was like, oh, my gosh, what is this woman? Like? This woman is married. Why is she like, okay with all this? So then as I'm like, dude, let's get out of here. My buddy, being a smart ass, he is, he leans down and goes, hey, you have a good night. Did he tell you he was 17, by the way? You should have seen the look on her face. She was it. Her jaw hit the floor like, oh, no, I didn't just mess up. I messed up real bad.

[D]

And then I.

[G]

And then I. We just left. We didn't ever say anything. For all it's worth, she still still thinks that I'm 17.

[A]

Okay. All right, hang on. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this is a psa. If you know what was her name.

[G]

I don't know if you know a.

[A]

Mother of college age children who likes to go to Cody Johnson concerts and.

[B]

Make out with Spokane, Washington.

[A]

Spokane, Washington. Likes to get my ass kicked. Make out with younger looking fellas. You let her know that Timmy Johnson's 23. No, not Timmy. Timmy. Never mind.

[E]

I.

[A]

We'll give you Johnson's the last name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[G]

I have go Johnson's son, Timmy Johnson.

[A]

She got Timmy's Johnson going.

[G]

I mean, for a split second.

[E]

Never.

[G]

Not much of a boner killer when you hear the woman's married.

[B]

I had a boner right there until she said that. Then it went away.

[G]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I actually popped a beat. Well, Cody Johnson was singing Dear Rodeo, but then that went away pretty fast when she said she was married.

[G]

Yeah. I was like, I just want to.

[A]

Get a little chubbed up for Cody.

[G]

That's it. I promise. Yeah. So, I mean, that's kind of how it went down. And that's. That's the end of that.

[B]

Well, you get her number?

[A]

Hell, no. Look, man, you know, you didn't know you didn't do anything wrong.

[B]

Okay. But like, this is what you're supposed to be doing at 23 is like hitting on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hitting on moms.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, like, I. Yeah.

[A]

And there's a lot of moms out there that are single and just looking for 23 year old to hang out with for a little bit. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not gonna yuck any mom's yum, you know, and I don't think we should be out here judging them and unless they're married. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what I was saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But even, even in that case, you don't know. You don't know. Like maybe she's got a no tongue compact with her hobby and that's how they do it. The, no, the no tongue swing. You know, it's the baby swings.

[G]

I hope so. I hope this guy's not out here just looking for me, but no, I.

[A]

Bet you he's out there with like a 23 year old opposite of you.

[G]

Yeah, I don't know if that's do. Do girl. Are girls into that? Are 23 year old girls into that? What are 23 year old year old girls into? 50 year old old men.

[B]

That's the only people they're into these days. Oh, because sorry to break it to you, Timmy, no one in their 20s can provide for a woman anymore. You can't afford.

[G]

You can't even provide for yourself.

[B]

Yeah. Have you ever heard of a guy named Bill Belichick? I mean, come on, dude.

[A]

Dude's doing yoga again.

[G]

24. Yeah, I wish.

[B]

If you are 23 years old right now, you cannot provide for a woman. So why do you think that? Want.

[G]

True, true. Okay, yeah, hopefully her husband's doing that then.

[D]

And maybe, maybe we all need.

[A]

You are so guilt ridden, Timmy. Dude, you didn't even know.

[B]

Yeah, you, there's no way you're non Denomi. You are definitely Catholic, bro.

[A]

Get over it, all of you Catholic chicks. It's fine. You're fine. You did good.

[B]

You feel guilty? She thinks you're 17, dude.

[A]

Yeah, I, I, I don't. We had to put out a PSA so she could like sleep easy.

[G]

Yeah, no, I mean, I don't look like 17, so I think she's good. I think she, she knows.

[B]

But what's the dating scene been like since? You find any other cougars?

[G]

Nope, nope. No cougars. I've tried to stay away. I'm a little traumatized, but I, I kind of just needed the, the affirmation from you guys to say that I didn't do anything wrong so I can get back out into the.

[A]

Yeah, dude, we're here to provide.

[B]

That's the worst thing you do in your life. You're gonna have a pretty good life. Yeah, cuz like, we talked to someone earlier today who was stealing coins out of a wishing fountain for. For drugs. I think you're doing fine.

[A]

This girl was stealing other people's wishes to buy drugs, and you just got one of those wishes.

[G]

Maybe one of them coins was my coin for a hot milk. And so she took half my wish.

[B]

Yeah, that's why you didn't get any tongue, dude. That's why you only got lips.

[G]

Yeah, it is that crackhead's fault, all right?

[B]

How dare you call Sophia crackhead.

[A]

Sophia has a great job now working for a construction marketing company.

[G]

Is she married?

[A]

Yeah, she's got her accomplice.

[B]

Is. Hasn't popped the question, but he's going too soon.

[A]

He's an electrician and keeps her grounded.

[B]

So she's almost right up your alley, Timmy.

[G]

Yeah, there to a perfect spot.

[A]

Old Timmy rocks, we call him, because he hasn't get it going with anyone who done him a rock.

[B]

The reason why I asked how the dating's going because, like, you may have like, a Stifler's mom situation on your hands where, like, now girls your age aren't even interesting to you. You know? Has that happened?

[G]

No, no, no. Don't you worry, Miles.

[E]

I.

[G]

You know, I was on a little bit of a dry spell before this.

[D]

And it kind of kicked me out.

[G]

Of it and here me out and I mean, like a year and a half didn't. Didn't even.

[A]

A year and a half.

[G]

It didn't even kiss a girl for a year and a half. Which is fine, you know, like just saving money at that point, trying to provide for one woman instead of 15. And so then, and then I kiss this mom. And on the way out, I mean, the cutest girl, she was 22, my age, and she ends up like her friends. I don't know. I was pretty drunk and I said, I think we should just make out. We're walking down the road or so.

[A]

I don't remember, actually.

[G]

I don't think I said that. I don't think I said that, guys.

[B]

But yeah, it was. Timmy, like to make out with you right here to me. Tonguey. Timmy want tonguey.

[A]

Timmy got blue Bali with no tongue.

[G]

Yeah, didn't say that, but I felt that. And so I ended up kissing her and stuff. And there's a good cute photo that her friends took of her cowboy hat over us making out. And so kind of snapped me out of a good, good dry spell.

[B]

So is that your girlfriend now or. You're like, talking like you're like you're gonna get married to this gal.

[G]

No, we went to. And she ended up living five hours away. And then that was that one night we made out. And that's it. So it snapped me out of this dry spell, though. So we're. We've. We've hung out with a few different girls now. So we're back in the Dayton game.

[A]

Back in the game. All you need was just. You need that mom to just knock you straight, dude. Yeah, we're happy she was there. Do it.

[B]

And maybe.

[A]

Maybe that's. Maybe she wasn't even married. You ever think about that?

[B]

That.

[E]

Oh.

[G]

Oh, we got.

[D]

What?

[G]

Didn't Adam Sandler do that in one of his movies?

[A]

I don't know. But what I'm saying is maybe some. Some moms, if they. No, she would have full on made out, but some people have a ring in their pocket and they put it on if they want to bail on the encounter.

[G]

Okay, True, true. Yeah. Hopefully that was it.

[A]

Probably not, but it's just a wishful thought. It's this point.

[I]

Yep.

[G]

For sure. So. Yeah, I mean, that's all I had. I didn't need the advice. I just needed a little help getting out of the dumps and feeling all the guilt.

[A]

So. Yeah.

[G]

Unless you guys got anything else next time. What do. What do I do next time?

[B]

Well, I mean. What do you mean? Like, you. You're. It seems like you. You're in denial about really loving the idea of hooking up with a bomb.

[G]

No, no, I. I mean, I. Obviously, I know the right answer or the first answer. Look at the left hand, see if there's a ring there or not. That's the first thing.

[A]

But you don't want to do that, do you, Timmy?

[B]

So, I mean, kind of likes the thrill, doesn't he?

[A]

He likes the chase.

[G]

Dude, I love the chase.

[B]

The chase, The.

[A]

The forbidden.

[G]

Yeah, you know, like, you know, sometimes. I'm trying to make a good analogy. Give me. Sometimes you just want what you can't have.

[D]

Right?

[G]

Like, you just chase what you have. And sometimes that rock means that's a chase you can't have and you just gotta go for it. And that's totally a joke. I'm not going after married women. I'm not trying to be a home wrecker. I promise.

[A]

It takes two to tango, Timmy. All right.

[G]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

And so Timmy Tangos.

[G]

Timmy Tangos. That's it.

[A]

That's your new name. Timmy Tangos.

[B]

I imagine he comes to the Bar and like, busts.

[G]

Is that. Is that a c o m e s or c U m s?

[A]

Oh, Timmy tangos is getting after it. He said, timmy comes to the bar and.

[E]

Which.

[G]

Just got to clarify. Which comes.

[B]

You are 23 years old. Are you. Holy.

[G]

Okay, it's all right, Miles. What are you saying? When I come.

[B]

It doesn't matter. Timmy, you're. I feel like I need, like, a. A once a month. Timmy Timmy tango segment on this podcast just to hear the stuff you're getting yourself into.

[G]

Hey, I got. I got a good story. Maybe we call back next month, because I got one, and it's. It's. This one isn't with mom. It's moms. It's with sisters. Trio of sisters. So maybe we. We keep the segment going, and next month you guys call back and get that story because you can't. Can't go through all of them in one call because I'm not that interesting.

[E]

The guy.

[G]

We'll run out on a segment right.

[B]

Real fast, but he'd say he needs to live life a little in between these.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll bring it back on.

[B]

I guess that Timmy tango left a little cliffhanger, I guess, for us.

[A]

Timmy tangos. That was. That was the first episode of Timmy tangos with a married woman, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned next time when Timmy tango's with two sisters.

[B]

Three sisters.

[A]

Three sisters. Yep. That wasn't Milwaukee, was it?

[G]

I think their last name did start with a b, but I'm not sure.

[B]

Oh, no.

[E]

You know.

[G]

Oh, no, I'm kidding. I did that. That did drop that episode about the guy wanting your sister to date, and that dropped last week, didn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was. That was a crash burn for that dude.

[E]

He.

[G]

He was the most uninteresting person. I mean, zero. Like, what, you're not gonna say anything to her? You're gonna, like, shoot your shot and.

[E]

Then be like.

[B]

Come on. All right, well, Timmy, Timmy tango, what's your pickup line then, other than, hey, you want to make out while we walk out of here?

[G]

Now you're putting me on the spot. Are we talking Charlie's sister? Because that's what that situation was. Okay, Charlie, sister, That's it.

[A]

But now we're throwing it back in your face because, you know, he was under pressure. He was under the gun.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Now you are, too. Timmy tango.

[B]

Be with us.

[G]

Which one is. What's your sister's name again?

[A]

Charlie.

[B]

You think?

[A]

I'm telling you, Timmy tango, It's.

[B]

It's the sisters.

[A]

It's Nunya Barons.

[G]

Oh, okay. Nuns. I'd say, how's it going? Nunya Barons. And I'd say, you know, I really think your brother is a very interesting character, and I'd be curious to see if you are like that. Would you maybe want to go on a date with me? I think your brother's hilarious. And, you know, I just. I'm not trying to pick. Use a pickup line. I'm just trying to be, like, a nice guy, just not sound so awkward and weird like that dude. Also, I'm taking shots at this dude. I don't. I don't know why.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that wasn't as bad as it could be.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, the bar was pretty low there.

[B]

Timmy Tango, you think your sister's sick of guys bringing up you and talking to him? So you just crashed and burned simply because you brought Charlie up?

[G]

Yeah, true. I just didn't want to go full, like, I've been kind of douchebag mode this whole call. If I go douchebag mode in front of Charlie.

[A]

I don't think you've been. I don't think you've been douchebag in this call. You're.

[B]

You're Timmy.

[A]

You're. Yeah, you're Timmy Tangos, man. You.

[B]

You.

[A]

You, like, found yourself, like. Like a. A suitcase of money on the street, and you don't know if you should keep it, you know?

[G]

Yeah, yeah, true.

[A]

It's not a good analogy, but, yeah, I didn't.

[G]

I'm not following. That's all right. I. I would like to say, Charlie, the three sisters, their last name is not Baron, so you're all in the clear.

[B]

So it's all of his married sisters.

[G]

Oh, you know me. I'm into the married women.

[A]

Damn, that's a good point. All right, Timmy, well, you call back. We want to hear about the sisters. All right.

[G]

All right. Yeah, I'll call. Call back. And Jared will, isn't it? Jared?

[A]

Yeah, Jared.

[G]

Jared. Jared's a dog like, dawg, by the way.

[B]

Thank you, Mr. Tangos.

[G]

He doesn't get enough credit on this podcast. He does a lot.

[A]

He doesn't.

[G]

And I'm proud of you, Jared. I love it when I can hear your voice do get a little chubbed up, but it's all right.

[A]

I appreciate it, Timmy.

[I]

Thank you.

[B]

Also, Jared's married as well, so. Notes.

[A]

That's why.

[B]

So Timmy. So Timmy tongue. Keep. Relax a little bit here.

[G]

I don't swing both ways, so we're good. But. All right, well, we'll be in touch. We'll maybe get Timmy Tango's part two or episode two on in a few months and we'll, we'll, we'll talk to you guys later.

[A]

All right, Timmy. You be good, my guy. Okay.

[G]

All right. Thanks for taking the call, boys. You guys have a good one.

[A]

We'll see ya.

[B]

Skyler, smile.

[F]

Do you betcha, guy?

[B]

Oh, you betcha. It is. You betcha. We got Charlie Barron's here.

[A]

Hey there, Skyler.

[F]

Oh, Charlie Barrons. How are you?

[A]

I'm doing good, man. How are you doing?

[F]

You can find any red breasted Meganders around lately?

[A]

Oh, aren't they sexy?

[B]

God damn it.

[F]

I'm still waiting to find one.

[A]

I haven't seen any yet. I haven't gone. Huh?

[F]

I was down in Beloit, still couldn't find any.

[A]

Yeah, and you get your knocks out. The weather's weird, man. The weather's weird. For God's sake, it was 90 degrees yesterday.

[B]

That was.

[F]

Jesus Christ. I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I got a question for you, Skyler, and I mean this in an actual curious way. Would you say that Skyler is a predominantly male name or female name?

[F]

No, definitely a female name. But it's even cooler that I'm a male.

[A]

Right.

[B]

See, because up until I watched Breaking Bad, I would have said that Skyler was a guy name.

[F]

Well, it's funny. I was in school, in middle school, there was five Skylers all spelled differently.

[A]

Really?

[B]

That is the most millennial I have ever heard.

[F]

Yeah, isn't it? It's crazy. I got a brother named Tyler.

[A]

Tyler and Skyler, huh?

[F]

Yeah. Yeah, I said that one fast because.

[B]

You know, you think about Charlie. Charlie. In my mind, it's a male dominated name. Sure, Charlie is a girl name, but most people named Charlie are. Are guys. But maybe, I just don't know.

[F]

Maybe if he switched the. The C to a K and be.

[B]

Different for Charlie, that would be Carly.

[F]

But Miles, why'd you quit pouring concrete, Miles?

[I]

Why?

[B]

Have you ever poured concrete?

[F]

19 years strong.

[B]

And if you had the option to make a career out of posting videos on the Internet while drinking beer with some of your. Your best buds, would you do that? Or would you rather. Or would you rather work concrete every single day?

[F]

I mean, I love pouring concrete, bud.

[A]

He would. He would do it. He loves pouring concrete.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

So this is funny stories. I. I amputated some fingers not too long ago.

[A]

Oh.

[F]

And still sad. I can't. I'm pouring concrete now. I didn't think I was going to be able to.

[B]

Oh, man, okay, lots of questions. One, how did. How did it happen? Two, did you amputate it or the doctor? And number three, did you get a bag from getting hurt on the job site?

[F]

So I did the amputation. It was on the job. Using a circular saw. Just hit a knot, kick back.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

I wrote, I broke the number one rule. I put my fingers where I shouldn't have put my pecker, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

But no, now I can only count the nine, so it's just one.

[A]

Oh, you only lost one. That's not bad.

[F]

And it's a half.

[B]

One and a half and a half.

[F]

So really eight and a half.

[A]

Which ones?

[F]

My ring finger on your. Thank God.

[A]

Right on your left hand or right hand?

[F]

Left hand.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

That's a great setup.

[F]

Yeah, I'm about. Since I only got the three fingers. Since I only got the three fingers, I'm gonna be like, well, I might as well just tattoo oat on it.

[A]

That's not a bad idea. Married to the kids game.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

So you.

[B]

You.

[A]

It happened. Wisconsin. That's definitely an. Oh, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

It's an oak. It's definitely an oak.

[A]

And then you lost half your pinky too.

[F]

Half my middle fingers. So I feel like if. If I like you, you get the middle, you know? Yeah, I don't like you. You get the whole one.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like kind of the polite you.

[A]

You know, it's like the double two horn, you know? Yeah.

[B]

It's not really. He's not laying on the horn. Yeah.

[F]

What's really driving me insane, they're like, well, how many do you need? I'm like, four.

[G]

Like crap.

[F]

That's only three.

[E]

Four.

[F]

You know, I gotta put the thumb out there now.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

So what. What do you. You've been doing for 19 years. What kind of concrete work? We talking flat work. We talking basement.

[I]

Love it all.

[F]

But I'm a union concrete finisher now. Four years strong.

[B]

Okay. Four years in the. In the union finishing, huh?

[F]

Yeah, yeah. Loving every minute of it.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

Hey, so for 14 years you were just. You're doing the grunt work or.

[F]

No, no, no. I was just non union. That way you could still party, you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

When they're like, oh, how long gonna take you to finish this floor? You'd be like, oh, about a 12 pack, you know?

[B]

Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about. We were. We were well behaved. Concrete crew, though. We only would drink on the days where we had to strip a wall you know. Oh yeah, that's all just throwing panels around that it doesn't take actually any skill. So we were, if you're a wall.

[F]

Guy, you don't really got a lot of brains. You need one guy with the brains and the rest are a bunch of, you know, mustard.

[B]

I, I, I can agree. But dude, I did some flat work. I helped a buddy pour a patio a few weeks ago and I, that's right, I heard, yeah, me and my brother and I looked at him and I said, holy shit. Flat work is the easiest thing on earth.

[F]

Dude, I love pulling the board.

[B]

It's, it's regardless of what you're doing, pulling board, pulling the come alongs, whether you're, you know, finishing, it's, it's so easy compared to putting up a basement.

[A]

Did you find yourself, miles, when you were back there, back in the game, Was there a piece of you? Was there a piece of you that said maybe a few more times?

[B]

Well, I just, it felt, it felt good, you know, it's like, like if I had to do it for a month straight, I probably wouldn't have the same feeling. But it did. There was a lot of excitement for getting back in the game, got going. Because once in a while I do sit in, in the office and think about, like, gotta be nice to get back, back out there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

Then you lost that weight, so the belly's not your way.

[B]

And maybe that was it. Maybe I was like, holy. Last time I did this, I was like 60 pounds heavier. This is easy now.

[F]

Yeah, dude, I've gained 30 pounds since the injury. Now I gotta work it all back off.

[B]

So why, why would you, losing a finger. It's not like you amputated your leg.

[F]

Well, yeah, I know, but I wasn't working, so I wasn't moving.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Does it take you two hands to, to run a burner trawl? Come on, dude, you could have been.

[F]

I'm, I'm working circles around people behind my back.

[B]

Spoken like a true concrete guy.

[F]

Hey, I'm one handed.

[A]

I did you skyward. What did you do with your finger?

[F]

Dude, I tried to keep them. They wouldn't let me.

[A]

What? Why?

[F]

Yeah, I'm like, they're mine, you know, like, why can't I keep them? Let's just pickle them in the, you know, just pickle them for me.

[A]

Yeah, well, what do you mean they can't take your fingers?

[B]

Dud little finger and some sauerkraut maybe.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like when I'm in there, I'm in the emergency room, you know, And I got such a dry mouth. I'm like, hey, guys, give me something to drink. Like, oh, we can't give you anything to drink. I'm like, well, crap. Well, well, one of you guys spit my mouth for me. Like, I'm not into that thing, but like.

[B]

But you could be like, yeah, I.

[F]

Could be right now. You know, you never know.

[B]

How is that relevant? It seems like you were just trying to. You were just trying to tell us that you told someone to spit in your mouth and you just.

[F]

Yeah, pretty. Yeah, it was pretty funny at the time. I was trying to think of the.

[B]

Whole time he was waiting for the call. He's like, all right, how can I work the spit? Spit in my mouth.

[F]

No, no, I definitely was. I had to figure out, you know.

[A]

He bobbed and weaved a little bit in there, but just couldn't hold it in any longer.

[B]

And he didn't want to tell us about the fingers because of the story. He just wanted to get into the spit my mouth joke.

[A]

Yeah. Which I love. I love that about. About Skyler.

[C]

Skyler.

[F]

Well, you guys, did you like the Amish joke? I. I called in about you guys had that midnight on, you know, a couple weeks.

[B]

I was not told about the Amish joke.

[F]

Well, how many men does it take to please an Amish woman?

[B]

I don't know.

[F]

Two men a night.

[A]

That's good. That's real good.

[B]

Actually. Much more fun family friendly than I thought.

[A]

You know, you can say that one in church, you know. Yeah, yeah. You got to confess it, but you can say it quietly.

[F]

I. I tried to tell it to an honest guy. He didn't quite understand, I guess.

[A]

Well, you gotta tell him in German. Sorry, Pennsylvania German or whatever.

[E]

Yeah, Dutch.

[F]

Pennsylvania Dutch.

[A]

Pennsylvania Dutch. Okay. What? Why can't you keep your finger?

[F]

I don't know. I. I never got the question.

[B]

That was your problem. You should have just said, you'll lost them, you know?

[F]

Yeah, well, I. I didn't even think about grabbing my fingers, to be honest.

[A]

Well, who grabbed.

[B]

What were you thinking about if you weren't thinking about your fingers?

[F]

One rode with me in the saw still, and the other one, someone left, you know, someone brought it behind.

[B]

So wait, you brought the saw with you in the ambulance?

[F]

Yeah, the saw rode with me in the ambulance. I turn around, I'm like, is that my finger in there?

[A]

I'm like, oh, finger was in the saw. Did they try to reattach them or. You got a finish blade on there? You might have Had a.

[B]

If my dad would have been running this crew, he'd be like, God damn it. The. The. The medics took the circular saw. Now we don't have one. How we going to mud? Mud's coming. Mud's coming in two hours, and I don't got a circuit. I got to go to the store. God damn it.

[F]

Yeah, we just got done pouring. We were trying to build a tent, but they're the 2x4 in a way, so the big rush. But they found my finger in the saw because someone grabbed us all to continue to cut.

[B]

Hey, D. The show goes on out there on the job site. Just because you cut your finger off doesn't mean that we don't got to get this poured.

[F]

Yeah, don't let me stop anything. I mean, it was poured. It just had to be finished. Oh, yeah, but the rain was coming. You had plenty of time after all the water got on it.

[A]

Who brought. Who brought your other finger to the hospital?

[F]

One of the workers. I don't know who it was. I just know it showed up.

[B]

And.

[A]

And you just had him there. And did. Did they. They try to reject. Attach them?

[F]

No, they reattach the index finger, but that thing don't work.

[A]

Oh, you cut off your index finger, too?

[F]

Yeah, I got. Yeah, it. So just think of, like, if you're doing like, a Totally bro is what I thought I was going to be.

[B]

Oh, God, that's terrible.

[F]

It's all right.

[B]

Okay, so you said they reattached the index figure, but it don't work. Let me guess. You haven't been rehabbing it.

[F]

No, I rehab it all the time.

[B]

Okay, well, I hit correct type of. Of rehab.

[F]

No, not all. So there's like. So when they put that index finger back on, they had to pin it for three weeks because, you know, when I. I cut the whole thing, the tendon and all, and it just had built up scar tissue now. So now we're just bending it by force until they re redo the tendon.

[B]

Got it. Because I would say if I know a concrete guy, they get injured, and then they're like, yeah, it feels all right. Then they stop doing the rehab, and then about six months later, they're working worse off. Yeah.

[F]

Yeah. No, no. I need this thing to work. I gotta ride my dirt bike again. That was my first thought. I looked down at my hand. I said, jesus Christ, you just cut my fingers off. I'm never riding my dirt bike.

[A]

Now you.

[B]

You. You jumped to a lot of conclusions at first. You thought. Because you didn't have a couple fingers. You couldn't do concrete work. And then you. They'll ride in the bike, dude, there.

[F]

Well, I'm gonna jump to conclusion.

[B]

People who are in a wheelchair can now drive a car. We got that type of technology. You could still drive a bike without a couple fingers.

[F]

Yeah. Sometimes I wish they would have kept that. That ring finger as, like, a little nub, you know, and then give me, like, a prosthetic. So, like, if I'm at the bar, I'd be like, hey, hold my finger. You know, it be a good little bar joke.

[A]

Oh, they didn't. They took it past a knob.

[F]

No, they. No, I. It's gone. The ring finger is gone. My middle finger, about above the middle knuckle.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Well, that's. Yeah, that's.

[A]

That's a. I mean, you're always partying, you know, you're always like, no, I.

[F]

I'm not partying no more. I. I don't party no more.

[A]

Well, when you raise your left hand up, you are.

[F]

Oh, yes, I am.

[B]

He's like. He's like, now, I. If I'm gonna be operating the saw, I only go through a six pack, not a full 12.

[D]

I just grabbed.

[F]

I just grabbed the apprentice, you know, tackle box. Get over here and cut this for me.

[B]

Do you. Did you. Did you get a handicap sign to hang in your truck? That would be nice at the gas station, you know, front row.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Rockstar parking.

[F]

So would you consider. Would you consider me being an amputee?

[B]

I'm gonna call you that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you better. You better milk that, dude.

[E]

Kidding me.

[F]

I can't milk it. I don't know.

[A]

Well, but they, like, I'm. I haven't gotten over the fact that they don't let you keep your own fingers. Like.

[F]

No, I know. I still can't get over it either.

[A]

Like, the. Are you. I don't know, like, there should be.

[F]

A burial, you know, or like, a burial, you know, maybe.

[B]

Yeah. Like, you. You. Like, if you would have been able to bring it home, you could have put it on your pillow at night and then maybe like, tooth fairy, whatever. The finger fairy would have left you at 20.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

Just wake up and it's magically back in.

[A]

I got visit by the Finger Perry last night.

[B]

All the old concrete guys, you show up, you're like, I put my finger on my pillow. I got a 20. That's when I cut my finger off. Back in 6.

[C]

64.

[B]

I only got a nickel.

[F]

You know, the first person I thought of, though, sitting there after surgery. Maybe I should give Nicolay a call.

[A]

Well, did you?

[B]

Did you?

[G]

I'm.

[F]

I'm not gonna say I did it or I did.

[A]

I can neither confirm nor deny.

[B]

All right, that is actually great to know.

[A]

We are gonna pass.

[B]

That's great to know.

[A]

Yeah. We're gonna renegotiate. Based off of your settlement here, we need to get paid. Four beers per episode.

[B]

Now this is what we call in the biz leverage.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got the two finger salute. We'll take twice what we made last time. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know.

[F]

Where you got bellied up to today?

[A]

We're at Sport Bar here in Fargo. It's a nice spot.

[F]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

He seemed like it was a good little line.

[E]

Live show.

[B]

It was.

[A]

Yes, it was fun, man, fun. You got to come to a live show at some point.

[F]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Yeah, we'd love to have you on stage, dude, if. If you come to one of the billed up lives in the prompt because beforehand you like can submit your stuff. You just got to put it there that I'm the two fingered wonder, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Now the four finger wonder.

[B]

Four finger. Well, three and a half finger wonder.

[F]

Yeah, three and a half. Do you want to count the thumb then, Then you got to go two and a half, you know, Is the thumb really a finger?

[B]

Just say you're the finger wonder and we'll know. No, it's. No, you have to say that you're the finger fairy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

Then I gotta find out how to make cool shadow puppets with it.

[A]

Yeah, that's true, that's true. That can. You can even do a T shirt once you find the correct shadow puppet and you make a fairy out of like your hand with the things.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, I'm just a concrete guy. I'm not smart enough to figure that one out.

[A]

Yeah, me either. I mean, as soon as I put it up, as. I don't know what I'm talking about.

[F]

But when they, when they say, what if you can't finish high school, you can finish concrete.

[B]

I got that.

[A]

Ran.

[F]

I ran with it.

[B]

Oh, God, you know, it's the only.

[F]

You can yell and scream and then you can go home and be all right. You know, I told one guy, Miles, he's talking, he was running his little sucker and he's, you know, I said, hey, Larry, I haven't seen you finish anything but a sandwich and you didn't talk to me for three months.

[B]

You got a sensitive crew. That's pretty Mild. Where I come from, he must. He must be one of those Gen Z concrete guys.

[F]

Yeah, he was older than me. You know the hazing I went through.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

You know, you rake too. You rake it too down too much. They take that rake and it goes flying across the job site while you go fetch it and come back and try again. Oh, yeah, you tip the board over. That's a 12 pack.

[A]

What? I.

[B]

One time after I, you know, got out of the biz, I just started doing, like, you bet you stuff. And I, again, had. I had to come out of retirement to help my uncle pour a shop floor, and I showed up very hungover, slash, still a little drunk. And me and my brother were out the night before, and we were the guys pulling the concrete. And let's just say we got the. The tool ripped out of our hands a couple times because we were slow. Slow moving.

[A]

Were you. Were you on the payroll or doing a favor?

[B]

No, this was a favorite.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. This is a favor. So, like, what did they expect?

[A]

You know, it's the worst.

[B]

If I'm not getting paid, I'm not showing up sober, you know?

[F]

Yeah, dude, exactly. And on a Saturday, if that. Oh, yeah, no, my big thing would be raking. You know, freshly 21 drinking, and then you come in all hung over, and you're raking, and you're just puking and raking at the same time.

[B]

Yeah, I heard that puke can, you know, add to the structural integrity of concrete.

[F]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[B]

Like now. Now they got the. Where they. They don't even need rebar. They just put, like. They just put the fiberglass in the. The concrete. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's. If you just puke right there.

[F]

Pull up on it.

[B]

Yeah, if you just puke right it on there and. And mag it into the concrete, it just does the same effect.

[F]

Yeah, of course. You know, just an aqua film. You know, a little day one action.

[A]

It does the opposite of sugar.

[F]

Do you think I'd be sitting there thinking something? Do you think they call it because it makes the concrete a little bit slower or. God, the stuff I come with all day.

[A]

Did you write that on your own?

[F]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

With your right hand or.

[F]

Yeah, with the right one. You know, as I'm waving at concrete all day, I was like, what do I. What can I come up with up with here? You know, you gotta have some fun on the job.

[B]

So have you ever done a basement wall before?

[F]

Oh, yeah, I do wall Big gang forms. I've done high rises. I like doing walls. I would have done. I would have been a carpenter if I could have just bought my card and did walls.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

I like doing it all nice. I'm a universal.

[B]

You just don't find a lot of guys anymore that have pride with doing concrete work anymore.

[F]

Oh, I know.

[A]

We're talking 19 years on the job. Getting ready to celebrate. 20, you know, staying for the gold watch.

[F]

Yeah, the gold's 20 and they'll go to Tower Crane. But now I'm just going to keep pouring. I think I like it.

[B]

He's. He's married to.

[F]

You know how to get rid of back pain, right? Oh, cut off a finger, take your mind right off it.

[A]

You haven't thought about your sciatica since you couldn't show you were married.

[F]

That's old news.

[B]

Are you married?

[F]

No, not married.

[B]

So you really are married to the game. I love. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

Married to the game. But I got a girlfriend. She was there in about two hours.

[B]

Hey, is that why you're not married? You're just like, hey, I just have nowhere to put a ring anymore? Yeah.

[F]

No, no, no, no. Because that just now came about.

[A]

Oh, are you getting married now?

[F]

No, but if I do, I'm just going to put wedding ring with an arrow pointing. I didn't time it or happen, you know.

[B]

How long you guys been dating?

[F]

Seven years.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Seven years.

[B]

What are you waiting for?

[F]

I don't know. Just too much of a hassle, you know.

[D]

What?

[B]

The piece of paper. I mean, dude, if you wait any longer, you're not going to have any fingers left to put a ring on at all.

[F]

Well, you never know when you need that emergency contact, I'll tell you that.

[A]

That's what the gold watch is for.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[F]

You get that in retirement, right? I mean, thanks for giving a finger.

[A]

Yeah, it was more of a wedding ring joke when you don't have fingers, but you know.

[F]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're at the best ones. They're at the wedding. They're like, skyler, take this watch as a sign of my love.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Or it's.

[F]

Or she just gets a tattoo gun and tattoos it for me, you know?

[B]

Yeah, that could be romantic.

[A]

Yeah. Usually at a way in the. The best man forgets the ring. You forget your finger.

[F]

Ain't got to worry about that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

I guess I can always put it on the nub.

[A]

Yeah, there you go. Little nub ring.

[B]

Old stock stocking cap for Your finger?

[A]

No, just.

[F]

I already wear a. I wear a finger condom over it. Well, I call it a finger condom, but it's a finger cover over my nub.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Yeah, just get a. Get a diamond in one of those there.

[A]

Oh, that'd be cool.

[F]

Maybe I should just have it implanted. I told him, you know, to get this knuckle to work, why don't just put a grease circ in that damn thing, You know, grease it once a week.

[D]

That'll be good.

[A]

Yeah, I think losing your fingers can. Gave you a hot 15. I think you should try stand up.

[B]

I got it.

[F]

No, no, no. I just do comedy at work again.

[B]

He just does it for the love of the game.

[F]

Yeah, you gotta keep people smiling all day.

[B]

Otherwise it's quite literally the only way you can continue to do concrete work is if you actually. They have a good sense of humor. Otherwise you're just. You're screwed.

[F]

Yeah, you throw those feelings out the door when you sign up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, your feelings.

[F]

I'm sorry, but.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Well, man, this has been great.

[F]

Yeah, I'm glad I gave you guys a good laugh.

[A]

Who took your finger, dude?

[F]

What do you mean, who took it?

[A]

The hospital took it.

[F]

Yeah, the good old Bloit Memorial.

[A]

All right, well, you gotta. You gotta circle up with them and ask them if that's legal, because I still feel like you should be able to get your finger.

[F]

All I got are pictures of memories, you know, I've had a lot of good time with those fingers.

[B]

You know.

[F]

Now you gotta tell the. Tell the girlfriend, is it the thumb or the nub? She'll probably kick my ass for saying.

[A]

Yeah, you deserve it. You deserve it.

[E]

Oh, well.

[A]

Well, good talking with it.

[F]

Yeah, you guys take care. Watch for deer and tell the folks we says, hey.

[A]

Yeah, all right, we'll do. Have a good.

[F]

Yeah, take care.

[A]

Be good.

[B]

God, I wonder if I could still podcast Charlie if I cut my fingers off, you know.

[A]

Oh, my God. Wow. That's what. My buddy did that with a band saw and calm nubs for a little bit.

[B]

That's really mean, by the way.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

That's really mean.

[A]

Really calm Nuts.

[B]

Yeah, that's just too far, Charlie.

[A]

I mean, it seems pretty basic, you know, he. He was cool with it. I actually.

[E]

Joking.

[A]

Jerry Garcia cut off his middle finger on a saw, and that was their logo. Was just his hand with a male finger gone. Another buddy of mine was just. Actually, he was fixing a atv, got caught in the chain, lost half of his male finger. Oh, my God. So a lot of people are out there losing fingers.

[B]

Have you seen the saws now that, like, detect if it's a finger and stops?

[A]

Yes. With, like, hot dogs and stuff?

[B]

Yeah, you've. So you've seen the hot dog video, right?

[A]

Well, no, I have a saw that says it can do that, but did.

[B]

You try it without.

[A]

Well, I took that thing off because it's such a piece of shit. I took the guard off immediately. Dude, it's a table saw. And it's.

[B]

So my question where I'm trying to get to here is how does that even work? How does it know?

[A]

I don't know, dude. Magic, I think.

[B]

Because obviously it's got to really F up your saw. So you really don't even want to, like, test it with a hot dog, Right? It's like, it's just stopping at that quick. It's got to ruin the saw, Right?

[A]

There must be sensor, because you're right. There must be some kind of sensor. But that would be on the end of the blade.

[B]

But how does it know?

[A]

Because the blade gets wore down.

[B]

Like, this is now going in the category of underwater firecrackers with the other one that I don't know how it works. Cryptocurrency and S. That detect if it's flesh, that it's cutting, that stop. Underwater welding underwater. Anything underwater. I don't understand how it works, but all those in the same category. How does that work?

[A]

Writing underwater? Friend of mine, scuba diver, has a pen that works underwater.

[B]

Again, I don't understand it.

[A]

Yeah, but wild. Wild things. Yeah. The saw blades have a small electrical current detector, and your fingers conduct electricity and wood does not. So when your fingers. Fascinating. Dude.

[B]

That's kind of sick.

[A]

So you could cut a dead guy's finger, though? Theoretically, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. I don't know why your brain went so quickly to that.

[A]

Well, they wouldn't have electricity running through it.

[B]

I would say you could maybe, like, chop up. You know, you can fillet a fish that way.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. I guess it is weird, especially me looking the way I do to be talking about that. Yeah, well, that was pretty. Pretty entertaining. I still. I'm hung up. I was hung up. That whole call on the finger thing, dude, why they would take your finger.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Was that annoying for you that I wouldn't let that go? No, I mean, I'm still. Yeah, I'm concerned about it. Anyway, should we take another caller?

[B]

Who we talking to?

[H]

Oh, you're talking to Angela.

[B]

Oh, Angela. You got Charlie here with me. How you doing?

[H]

Oh, you know, I was just driving out to run an errand because you boys were taking so long, but that's okay.

[A]

Oh, sorry for taking so long. What are you out there getting with. What's your errand?

[H]

Oh, you know, just the day off drink.

[A]

A day off drink? That's your errand? To the bar or did you go to the liquor store?

[H]

No, no, no. Liquor shop. Yep, I'm headed out to the liquor shop.

[A]

Okay, well, good for you. Good for you.

[B]

I heard you're. I heard you're struggling with the new golf course in town.

[H]

Boy. Which one? The one that comes into my property or the one that is actually a golf course?

[B]

Let's do both. Let's start with the property.

[H]

All those sons of bitches, they. They put a ball right through the window.

[A]

Oh, oh, you got a ball in your window, huh? Well, hang on. Did you buy a house right on a golf course, or is this just coming in?

[H]

No, no, no, I not stupid. No, I'm not stupid like that.

[A]

Okay?

[H]

No, I live in an apartment complex, okay? When you move from the cities down to, you know, rural Wisconsin, you think you're safe, but then you think you hear shooting.

[G]

All right?

[H]

You're scared sometimes we're gonna have to.

[A]

Back this train up. So you were in what city?

[H]

Oh, I lived in St. Louis park, for God, 20.

[A]

Oh, okay. Right over there in the Twin Cities. And then you move to. What city are you in now where this golf course seems to be a problem?

[H]

Can I say Grantsburg, Wisconsin?

[A]

Okay, all right. So you moved into an apartment building there knowing there was a golf course right next to it.

[H]

Oh, yeah. But, you know, if you're taking a shot the first. Well, actually, it's. I think it's the third T there. You got green, then you got whatever they call roughage. And then you got a city street that's about, you know, four car lengths wide. Then you got another four car lengths wide into our property. So who is splicing the ball?

[B]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Charlie, you just told me that you went golfing in that city.

[A]

Shut up, Miles. Shut up.

[B]

And you were talking about.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

You said there was this crazy lady on her balcony yelling at you after you broke her window.

[A]

You know, the funny thing is, that's why I don't golf. I golf once a year, and I hit a home run. That's where you hit a home and you run and. And unfortunately, this time it was an apartment run. Wow. Bummer.

[H]

Oh, Boys. Oh, boy. Stop with your tomfoolery. You know it was you, so just fess up.

[A]

Well, how much do I owe you for the.

[H]

It's not a big idea. It's not a big idea because I don't own the property. You know what I mean?

[A]

That's true. That's true. Yeah. So I did it. So sorry about that. I apologize. Apologize. Can I have my ball back?

[H]

Yeah, actually, I still have it on the. I, I, I'm not bullshitting you. I'll send you all over a picture. I still have it on my sink.

[B]

Is it just to make sure it's your ball? Is it a practice 4?

[H]

No, he, he still hasn't gotten those balls made yet. I know he didn't because you guys talked about bought them in a later issue. Yeah, getting some golf ball.

[F]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[H]

These aren't peach colored.

[A]

Good memory. Oh, man.

[B]

What, what else is grinding your gears?

[H]

Oh, yeah. I went to the store the other day to grab a package of Cool Whips because I was making that yellow salad, you know, the one with the cocktail. You know, you put the cocktail fruit stuff in it with the marshmallows, the package. Oh, God, don't get me started on the jello.

[A]

Oh, that is so good. Oh, kidding.

[H]

And then you put some cottage cheese.

[A]

Yeah, you put the cottage cheese in there. Good for, by the way, applause to you on your cooking. But the jello, it's taking you two jello packets now to make that. They gotta sell them. They cut it in half and they're selling it twice now.

[H]

Yeah, because you got to make smaller batches because these gosh damn families don't know how to have farm kids. You gotta get two packages to make a small. Stupid ass. You know, I'm trying to make, you know, a nine by six pan a joe, and I can't.

[A]

I'm pissed off for you. Yeah, yeah. That's terrible.

[B]

And it all starts with these gosh darn farm families not having enough kids. Kids.

[A]

Yeah, you, you gotta get out there and, and just spray and pray, you know.

[H]

Thank you, Max. But Charlie, I think it's the chemicals. I think they're putting a little more chemicals into, you know, the farm than they are into their wieners.

[F]

Wow.

[A]

Okay, so more chemicals in the farms than the wieners. What kind of chemicals were people putting in their wieners back in the day? I'm, I'm actually not on this algorithm. Not down this rabbit hole.

[H]

You never read the Marshfield Times? Marshfield. Marshfield Times published it. The MSG Report I've read all the hot dogs are bad.

[A]

Okay, okay. Hot dogs are bad. All right. Those are the wieners you're talking about. Now that makes more sense. That makes more sense.

[H]

Get your mind out of the gutter. We're not even done with the day.

[A]

Hey.

[H]

Oh, my Lord. Yeah, well, so anyways, let's get back. Let's get back to the fruit salad.

[A]

Let's get back to it. Yeah.

[H]

So I went to pick up the Cool Whip, you know, to get it put in my fruit salad.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

And as soon as I open you, my new Tupperware lid broke.

[A]

Come on. How long have you had that Tupperware?

[B]

The Cool Whip?

[H]

I just bought it. Oh, my God. You're not listening.

[A]

No, I heard you say Tupperware. The Cool Whip container. Okay.

[B]

This is the Tupperware, Charlie.

[A]

Always the Tupperware. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Yeah. I wasn't doing it. Don't even get me started now. Okay. Good Lord.

[B]

I heard you loud and clear. I was. I was following the whole time. You know, what a tragedy that you cracked the Tupperware top, too.

[A]

They're not making them like they used to. Did you even put it in the wash first or did it crack right off the gate?

[H]

Right out the gate? I took that stupid plastic seal off, so no one puts their finger in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

You know.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

Damn thing. I just. I literally, I. I did, you know, an equal applied for both sides. You know, some up crap.

[A]

Good Lord.

[H]

Like, it was made in China.

[A]

You know, they should. We got to bring those Cool Whip jobs back to America.

[B]

That is true. Container jobs.

[A]

Yeah, the container Cool Whip container jobs. Bring them back here.

[H]

Well, that's if you heard me. My. My hand is pumping to my chest and I believe it. Bring that back.

[A]

So I got just a real quick question. Would be willing to give us your jello salad recipe?

[H]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's easy. Super, super easy. You just gotta pick everything up at the store. But it might cost you $120, not 120 cents.

[B]

There's eggs in this recipe.

[H]

Oh, you know what, Dan? Near it. I should give you the banana split torte one. That would cost you $237. You could buy a lobster cheaper. You know, Stupid acid. What's the best?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, well. So we're probably not gonna get that recipe after all, huh? What? I.

[H]

Well, yeah, but I don't think we have time for the patience because, you know, you have to store it in the fridge. Let it set up.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Dare I ask?

[H]

You just want the rest the outright.

[A]

Dare I dare ask, what else is grinding your gears?

[H]

Well, the county's paving all the roads so there's no more springs coming up in the middle. So I can't go mud bogging down the middle of the roads anymore.

[A]

Gosh darn it. Don't you hate it when that happens?

[H]

Whatever happened to the natural springs?

[A]

I'm asking the same question. You got a bunch of do gooders out there saying we got to pave these roads, but do you?

[H]

No, because then the taxes go up and then the eggs go up and then, you know, soon enough the farmers can't drive down the roads having fun, mud bogging.

[B]

And if the farmers don't have fun, then they're not going to get laid anymore. And then we don't have any farmers having any kids anymore. You got to make jello in smaller.

[A]

Quantities and there's still a lot of chemicals in these wieners and oh my.

[H]

God, you guys are getting it. We're going back to the days of dead.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, it's, it's, you know, this world today we need. You know what we need? We need you in elected office. I think, I think we need to elect.

[D]

Elect you queen, you darn betcha.

[H]

And the first thing in priority, first thing in priority is cut paving roads because we need the money for other things like silver cabs.

[D]

Hello.

[H]

Oh, we supposed to get our husbands back from the bar safely.

[B]

That's true. Silver caps, I think. Sober cabs.

[A]

Oh, sober, Sober caps.

[B]

Yep.

[H]

So our cabs funded by the government as opposed to that asphalt that heats up the sun. Dirty dogs.

[A]

Yeah, dirty dogs is right.

[H]

And then, then also we need, you know, fellers to come around and, you know, drink some lemonade or sweet iced tea if it's your suit. And you know, start doing things around the house so the women, you know, get a little randier.

[A]

Oh, wow, that's not.

[B]

Know where I was going.

[A]

That's what gets you going. A feller coming around doing stuff around the house, huh?

[H]

Oh, yeah. You know that flabby gut just hanging out with the belt, trying to hold on. I got some under this package. I just can't fix it.

[B]

Are you describe to us your ideal male body. What are you looking for?

[H]

Oh, he's gotta at least be, you know, five, six, just so he can hop up in his lifted truck. Gotta be a lifted truck. So then when he gets up there, you hear his belly hit the steering wheel because his dumbass stupid doesn't Even realize there's a steering wheel lift. Should have lifted it up before he got out, but then again, men always don't think about that. And then I want to see his long, bearded hair flow in the wind when he gets up there.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's not a lot to ask, you know.

[B]

It's really not.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Are you.

[H]

No. Just a lifted truck and a lifted steering wheel. That's all I'm asking.

[A]

And a lifted gut. You got it all right there.

[B]

How did. How did you lift. How did you live in St. Louis park for 20 years? Three years.

[H]

Oh, my God. Oh, Max. I'm gonna tell you stories, and we'll keep it short, but. Because we gotta go sometime today because I still have to go to the liquor shop. So I would be sitting there, and so I went through college, everything. Did all my good deeds for, you know, society. Being a 1980s child. You gotta do something. And then everybody would always say, how do you still talk like that? And I said to him, I says to them, I says, you know, a guy comes over from Finland or something, and he still talk like that. Why do I have to stop? Oh, I got picked on so much.

[D]

Where did you grow up so much?

[H]

Oh, over there by. You know, down there by Bavent.

[A]

Oh, down there.

[H]

P and U. Yeah, down. You know, I think it was. Who was it that sang that? The Orange Tape. The banana. Banana Breaders or something. They used to sing something about hunting and fishing and farming.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that one.

[B]

That song.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[H]

No, you know, I got the beer singing blues I don't care what I'm fishing for. Just give me an acre and a couple of oars. Cause I got them spring fishing. There we go.

[A]

There it is.

[H]

At large.

[A]

Ah. Okay. I gotta tell you, you're a catch. Are you taken?

[H]

I'm taking time off.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[H]

I just got. I just got done with something, and he realized I was too much.

[A]

Ah. All right, all right. Sorry. Yeah. You're just. You're not looking for nothing now. Just taking time out.

[H]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not because I want to, just because there's nothing available. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

What's got no big gutter up here?

[D]

Told you.

[H]

Nobody willing to come up, you know, fix the window that you guys broke. Nothing.

[B]

That. That should be our next. Our next dating app is something about only guys with big guts.

[A]

Guys gut guys. Guys with guts.

[H]

They have to have that beard, you know, that beard that flows in the wind.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

When they're walking around.

[A]

Yeah. That's what gets you going? Something to grab onto.

[D]

Yeah.

[H]

Well, you can always spread them for handlebars, but you. You know, I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready to do the backside, you know what I mean? So let's. Let's stay missionary here, Charlie. I'm not riding a big handled hog, you know.

[A]

I. I didn't say you were. I was just thinking about your jello salad, that's all. That's all.

[H]

It's creamy. It's creamy.

[A]

What'd you say?

[H]

I said it's cream delicious. Goes down with a few bush lights. You know.

[B]

You just made me spit, take my beer all over the bar.

[H]

Sorry, boys. I'll try to be more appropriate.

[B]

Don't ever change.

[H]

Heavenly fodder for I have sin. I went on a podcast with two boys younger than me and I made him choke. I didn't want to kill him, but I did.

[A]

What else are you doing today?

[H]

Oh, yeah, well, see, I worked all week at the dairy because I stay true to my roots, you know? Yeah, Farm life is gonna make you the best wife.

[A]

That's right.

[H]

And then so I stay true to my roots, and then they give me these days off once in a while, so I took the day off and I decided I was gonna sit around the house and look at all the cleaning I had to do and wish that I had a nice strapped, fat man sitting outside my window, but I didn't. So I decided to drink.

[A]

What are you drinking? What's your drink? Your go to?

[H]

Well, do I have money or don't I?

[A]

This day and age, probably not.

[H]

Okay, so then I'm doing Milwaukee's best if I can find it on the shelf. Sometimes I have to go with the light, even though I'm not trying to make lose weight.

[D]

Because.

[H]

Trying to gain muscle, not lose weight.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you've been.

[B]

You've been working out, trying to gain some muscle or what?

[H]

Charlie, I work at the theory. Do you know how many pounds a day I lift and how many paces I take?

[A]

That was.

[H]

I put you guys to shame.

[A]

That was Miles who asked that. I would never ask such a question like that.

[H]

Sorry. The Midwest fart in mind. I have a kid.

[B]

So you have a child, you said?

[H]

Yeah, I have one. She's a straight A student and she kind of talks like me, but she's funnier.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

How old is she? Your daughter?

[H]

Oh, my God, Charlie, it's not a. It's not a dating app.

[A]

That's not why I was asking. It's Just polite conversation.

[E]

Oh.

[H]

Oh, my bad.

[B]

Yeah, cool it, Leonardo.

[H]

I had Bernice Chin Check's husband come up to me and said, oh, that's a pretty little girl. I said, hey, feller, I know about you kind. And I had to walk away because.

[A]

Don't put me in the same category as Bernice Chinchak's husband. Okay? For God's sake. I was just.

[H]

You can't see anything bad about them because they raised the winter hogs down in their basement, so you can't see nothing bad about them. You always had food all year long.

[A]

That's true. That's true.

[D]

I guess I was just saying chickens out in there.

[H]

Okay. Anyways, so, yeah, she's a seventh grader. I'm not going to divulge her age, but.

[B]

No, that's fine.

[A]

That's. That's correct.

[E]

Just.

[H]

She. She advanced, so she's not as old as she should be. So.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, she.

[B]

She skipped up a grade.

[H]

She did. She did.

[D]

They said.

[H]

They said, this little bastard is not gonna make it. She is too smart for all these damn kids.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Good for her.

[B]

So what would you say? I. I have a little almost 10 month old now, and I'm about to get into the phase of life where I got to teach this kid how the world works and how to be smart in school. What is the best parenting advice you can give me?

[D]

Buckle up. Here we go.

[H]

Number one, you don't lie to your kid. Okay?

[B]

Okay.

[H]

Yeah. Straightforward eye contact. Tell them where the bear shits in the woods. You tell them. Number two, I always talk to her in Spanish, French, and in English, always. So she knows Spanish and she knows to how. How to count. Spanish in 100, she knows French in 100, she knows English in probably 20. I don't know. She never really speaks it, but just open their minds to different things and don't watch that stupid. Those other colored people that sit on the PBS with the big bellies and the stupid shapes on her head.

[B]

Oh, the Teletubbies. I did earlier not know where we were going.

[A]

Did not know where that was. I was concerned for a minute there. I was concerned.

[H]

Don't subject her to that.

[B]

Okay?

[H]

Because. Or him. Him. Sorry. Right? It's a him.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Okay, so what you're going to do is start talking right now like they're an adult, because that's what I did with her. Because as soon as they start talking, you want them to start talking. Talking to you. Yeah, that's true. It's his little baby. Go do that.

[B]

All right, so Charlie is going to. You're going to give me a parenting lesson? Charlie is my kid, and you're gonna. He just, he just got home from school.

[H]

Let's just stop. Let's just stop. He's in jail already.

[A]

I'm in jail already. What are you talking about?

[H]

Wait. I had to give you parenting advice. Oh, boy. You're in jail?

[A]

Yeah, I'm in jail.

[B]

So if Charlie. If Charlie was a kid and he came home from school and said, I got a C minus on my report card, what are you going to say to him?

[H]

Charles, Broadway, whatever. How hard is it to turn in your paperwork? Because, you know, that's what he was doing. He was just sitting there. He didn't put his paperwork in.

[B]

Charles, what do you have to say for yourself?

[A]

An espanol or no. Oh, wow.

[G]

French.

[A]

I get it. French Tango. Un say en me reporto cardo kudo.

[H]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[H]

You need. You need to go back. You need to go back a few grades.

[A]

So you know three different languages, huh?

[H]

Yes.

[D]

Well.

[H]

And I know sign language tool. And I, I doing it right now, but you can't see it because obviously we're on the telephone.

[B]

Jared, what did I say? I want to teach my kid. What are the three languages you wanted?

[A]

English, French, Spanish, and sign language. Wow.

[B]

That's what I said on a previous podcast.

[A]

Look at this. You got your tutor right now.

[B]

I couldn't be more on board with your parenting style.

[A]

Hang on. Did you live abroad?

[H]

I, I, I did. Y. And they laughed at me, too.

[A]

Where'd you live? Where'd you live?

[H]

I lived in France for six months, and then I lived in Spain.

[A]

Nice. Wow. How long in Spain?

[H]

Yeah. Oh, I only did a three month tour, and then I got sick of him.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I just imagine those guys aren't really your style over there with the skinny jeans and, you know, working out and all that.

[H]

Miles, we call them metrosexuals.

[B]

No, Got it. Thank you for clearing that up.

[H]

They house their. They house their leaders a little more tighter than I. I think they should.

[B]

I like how she cleared her throat like she was gonna say it.

[A]

And an innuendo into.

[B]

And then just said wieners just went for.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, they got their. They got their packages shrink wrapped over there. Yeah.

[H]

Yeah. And you know what happens? I mean, unless it's so fring. Which, yeah, sometimes. No, But anyways, it was a good fun. It was a good fun time. Oh. In.

[D]

Yeah.

[H]

Miles, I would tell you that, that I did teach her how to speak sign language to me before she did talk. Yeah, so she would tell me when she was. She was hungry. She would tell me like apple or she would tell me to off. I mean, whatever she wanted.

[A]

How do you say off? Oh, I know that one.

[B]

Yeah. You don't say it.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Silent. So.

[A]

I know more. This is more, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Oh, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I got, I got, I got picked on a lot because of my, my, my accent. But they did tell me when I lived in Spain that I had perfect dictionary.

[A]

Wow. Nice.

[H]

Yeah, I put the dick in. Yep.

[B]

She's just trying to work that in.

[A]

That was good. That was good.

[H]

No, no, no, no. I'm just sorry. No, actually they do say I have perfect diction when I talk Spanish.

[A]

Well, that's really great. Were you just out there for men.

[E]

Or were you working?

[H]

Out there working.

[A]

Are you in the CIA?

[H]

Wish I'd come over there right now and bust you in.

[A]

Bust me in?

[H]

Well, no, I, No, I, I was, I was very fortunate. I. When I, I left home early and when I, When I left my mom and dad's house, it wasn't, you know, it was, it was a good time, but you know, it's small town. Cousin was hitting on me kind of small town.

[D]

And.

[H]

I decided that I needed to move to the Twin Cities, so I moved out there and then I started in with culinary school. So I got really smart, I guess. I don't know. So, yeah. So yeah, I got a full ride over to France to study with Ms. Lynn or Chef.

[G]

So.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow, that's awesome. So you got some really good jello salad is what you're telling us.

[H]

Oh, if you got the right marshmallows.

[D]

You'Ll have the right.

[H]

Right salad. Telling you, not those tiny ones. You can't get those tiny ones.

[A]

That's good life advice.

[H]

You can't get that. You can't get that Jiffy Pop stuff. That's too fake. Right now you need to go in for the. The hard sugar one. The hard sugar like our family or best value. Yeah.

[A]

Full gelatin.

[H]

Yeah. Well, jello. J, E L. Oh, no.

[A]

Well, this has been really nice chit chatting with you.

[H]

Oh yeah, you know, anytime. Hey, by the way, I just was gonna talk to you guys about. What do you guys got coming up now? Well, I know you're gonna be up here.

[A]

Yeah, we'll be up there soon yet still. And.

[B]

And then we'll be around down there at that this summer at some point.

[A]

Yeah, we'll be up.

[B]

We'll be down there.

[A]

We'll be.

[B]

We'll be up, and then the fall. We're going up there?

[A]

Yeah, we'll probably. Yeah, we'll be. You keep an eye out.

[B]

We'll.

[A]

We'll be around, you know.

[H]

Yeah, okay.

[D]

I'll.

[H]

I'll let you know when I get off probation. Maybe I'll come and see you. I can't just go willy nilly around this whole country, you know?

[A]

Yeah, but you can go to the li.

[B]

That was so dumb of us to assume she could try. I'm just kidding.

[H]

YouTube. Boy, YouTube. Guys.

[A]

You're.

[H]

You guys are silly.

[A]

Okay, well, I was just gonna say you're a hoot and a how or you stay in touch now.

[H]

Okay, well, you know my phone number. I got yours. But anyways. YouTube files. You take it easy. And by the way, your mom, she called me the other day. Charlie, turn your paperwork in. Oh, my God. Question answered.

[B]

Charlie's real problem in schools, that he was cheating off of me. And so that's how you got a C minus.

[A]

Yeah, I picked the wrong person to cheat on.

[H]

You can't pass that one, Miles because you're out in the middle of nowhere, Fargo. No, you can't pass that one, though.

[B]

No, you're right.

[H]

You didn't meet Charlie until up about a few years ago. Come on, man. Stay up with your game. But, boys, listen. There's a lot of trash pandas out there right now, okay? So watch out for the trash pandas. And, you know, the ditch chickens are out, too, because it's nice. But most of all, those deer. Watch out for them deer.

[B]

All right? Real good. Tell your folks I says hi.

[A]

Yes, please do.

[H]

Oh, no need to. They'll call me. I'll tell them I says hi.

[D]

Free?

[B]

Yeah, I suppose.

[A]

All right, boys, will you be good now?

[H]

Hey, now, let me tell you one more thing before we go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

[H]

You go out and get a package of that Cool Whip, and you tell me I'm not wrong.

[A]

We'll get that Cool Whip and we'll. We'll make sure that it comes off nice and good. Otherwise, we got to start a revolution.

[B]

We got a problem with big containers.

[A]

Country croc. You can't go wrong with that one. That. That seals a little nicer than the Cool Whip on the leftovers.

[H]

Yeah, but look at that stupid rectangle.

[A]

I know, I know. Just bring back the circle, for God's sake. Give us what we're used to. And also, start putting coffee back in a can again. What was wrong with a can?

[H]

Oh, my God. No, because we, you know, do watch these videos on these other countries. They put them in bags now and they sell it to you in these bags one time use. But you still got to put in a fucking.

[A]

Yeah, right. No, that's what I'm saying. Like what. What was wrong with the. The. The tin can? Coffee, you know, because then afterwards you got a good screw jar. You try putting.

[H]

Not even that, you know, because the raffles are coming up here because it's spring.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

And you got, you know, the. The hunter raffle. You got the bull raffle, everything down at the vfw.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

They're gonna need a coffee can.

[A]

They are.

[H]

So what, am I gonna have to have my daughter go back to paper machine?

[A]

I mean, you might have to at this point, you know.

[H]

Oh, yeah. You know that. That won't last over all that beer stone.

[A]

No, I don't think so. It'll slop up pretty good, but there's nothing that feels better than slapping down a nice hard tin coffee can on the deal. It feels sturdy and everything. You tried doing that with the plastic one. Just think, you know, people aren't thinking.

[H]

About these things at the bottom.

[A]

Yeah, they do.

[D]

Oh, boy.

[H]

You know what? You're gonna have to call me back. I'm getting thirsty. Just, you know, call me back later and we'll. We'll talk about more plastic shit like the stupid milk jugs.

[A]

Oh, that's a whole other can of worms right there.

[B]

Well, it's not a can.

[A]

Well, it's a. It's a jug of worms. Well, anyway, you be good, all right?

[H]

No, you take care. Drive safe. And watch out for those trash pandas.

[A]

We will. We'll be looking out for them. Okay. Hey, keep your trash cans on tighter, though, you know, because they can get in there, you leave a little gap. They got fingernails. They'll get it up.

[H]

Oh, you know, I. I got this stupid ass bear that live in my town.

[D]

Yeah, A bunch of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

And they tip over my stupid garbage can all the time, you know?

[A]

Yeah, you gotta outsmart them a bit. And you set up a little box for it, and you put some bricks on the side, and they're not gonna be able to push it over then yet. Or you get an actual dumpster and put a lock on it. They're hip to you.

[H]

No way, Jose. I'm carrying out six trash bags. You think I want to sit and put it down with shit all over my hand? Unlock a lot? Well, I'm just saying they need to learn their place.

[A]

Well, then you better teach them their place. You get the BB gun, I'm gonna.

[H]

Sit up all night. Yep.

[A]

Yeah, well, I think I got the hand.

[H]

Handcraft.

[A]

One thing about a BB gun and a bear is you're just gonna piss it off and then it's gonna be mad at you. And they can climb.

[H]

That's okay. Bring it on. I got that guy out there doing the front desk, remember?

[A]

Oh, yeah, the guy.

[H]

About as big as a bear.

[B]

Also, you kind of have built in protection at your place because there's always golf balls flying into it, so good luck, bear.

[A]

That is true.

[H]

Yeah. And I'm gonna. I'm gonna send you over a picture of this golf ball and I'm gonna paint it pink just for you, Charlie, and say it was yours.

[A]

Please do. That would be nice.

[B]

Well, I suppose you better get into the liquor shop when we gotta keep her moving here on. On taking some more callers, so.

[H]

Yeah, and I gotta go take a nap to get over my drunk before my daughter gets home.

[B]

All right.

[H]

Yeah, sounds good, guys.

[B]

Have a good one.

[A]

We'll see you sooner.

[H]

Keep it up.

[A]

We will. You too.

[B]

I think that was my first ever spit take on this podcast.

[A]

She was on another level.

[B]

I mean, that if we didn't stop her. Hey, we could have been. The whole episode.

[A]

Could have been. I. Well, I tried to not stop her, and she.

[B]

She.

[A]

First. We. We exchanged Midwest goodbyes three times. She wanted to go, then we wanted to go, and then she wanted to go.

[B]

And watch out for those deer.

[A]

The trash pandas.

[D]

Okay, Hope you guys have a good one.

[B]

Goodbye now.

[A]

Toodaloo.