How to Get Banned From a Family Reunion #168

Summary

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Bellied Up Podcast Episode #168

"How to Get Banned From a Family Reunion"

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles (“You Betcha Guy”)
Date: September 18, 2025

Episode Overview

In this classic, off-the-rails episode, Charlie and Myles belly up at Burnsy’s Bar in West Dallas, Wisconsin, joined by Emmy-winning comedian Charlie Berens, for another hilarious round of Midwestern stories, live calls, and bad advice. The main theme: the questionable art of getting yourself (or your favorite dish) banned from your family reunion. Along the way, encounters with colorful locals and aspiring entrepreneurs, plus an epic relationship postmortem and entrepreneurial brainstorming for an organic soap business, round out an episode rich in laughs, banter, and unexpected Midwest wisdom.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Barroom Confessions: Tommy and Relationship Woes (00:00 – 07:19)

• Meet Tommy (00:00): Bar regular Tommy (or Tom — depends if you want the joke) is introduced as a semi-retired, early-morning golfer with a fresh relationship trauma.
• Live Relationship Drama (00:27): Tommy confesses he was dumped by his girlfriend Hope during his morning golf round, reading out a lengthy and emotional text exchange for the hosts.
  • Comic Relief: The guys roast Tommy and his ex's texting habits ("She doesn't have an iPhone. Huge red flag." - Myles, 02:10).
  • Authenticity: Tommy’s tale is so raw and unfiltered, it pulls the hosts into a comparison of their own romantic misadventures.
• Notable Quote:
  • “She texted me… Don't talk to me ever again.” – Tommy (01:30)
  • “First of all, she doesn’t have an iPhone. Huge red flag.” – Myles (02:10)
• Resolution: Tommy’s break-up interrupts his front nine golf holes (07:09), but he leaves with advice to find someone who won't dump him mid-swing.
• Tone: Light-hearted, comically self-deprecating, distinctly Midwestern in its handling of heartbreak with humor and community.

2. How to Get Banned from a Family Reunion: Gerald's Diabolical Plan (09:55 – 29:09)

• Gerald’s Call (09:55): Gerald wants to sabotage the family’s green bean casserole tradition at his Indiana family reunion.
• Family Reunion Food Politics (11:02 – 14:17): Detailed breakdown of the family reunion food ritual—brat cooking etiquette, side dish competitions, and an excess of green bean casseroles.
• Gerald’s Mission:
  • He plans to bring a guinea pig (Ecuadorian delicacy, cuy) served atop a green bean casserole to traumatize family members, ruin the dish for everyone, and potentially get himself banned from reunions.
  • Scenarios Outlined:
    1. Gerald gets banned
    2. Green bean casserole gets banned
    3. Both get banned
    4. Family loves it, and he inadvertently starts a guinea pig trend (18:32)
• Wild Story: Gerald previously shocked coworkers by bringing a fully intact, cooked guinea pig to a work potluck (16:18).
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Green bean casserole resembles bull semen with green beans floating in it, covered with the toenails of a thousand corpses.” – Gerald (11:04)
  • “You do not tell the grill master when to flip the burgers…” – Gerald (12:52)
  • “I have a feeling like you’re going to be opening up a restaurant soon called The Guinea Pig and that’s all you’re serving.” – Myles (26:01)
• Host Reactions: Charlie and Myles delight in Gerald's guile, calling him “Midwest royalty” for his creative plotting (22:51, 23:13).
• Comedy Gold: The ethical, cultural, and culinary implications of guinea pig as a dish spawn riffing about pet-themed restaurants and Midwest culinary fusion.
• Advice:
  • “I say roll the dice. Fry the guinea pig.” – Charlie (24:34)
  • “Push all your chips to the center table and go all in on this idea.” – Myles (24:46)
• Follow-Up: Gerald promises to document next year’s reunion for a “bellied update.”

3. Entrepreneurial Soap Talk with Kara (33:27 – 60:09)

• Introduction (33:27): Kara, a would-be entrepreneur, calls seeking help naming her organic soap business.
• Name Brainstorm:
  • Myles and Charlie suggest “Soap, Sorry” as a clever, Midwest-inspired name—playing on polite Canadian/Upper Midwest speech.
  • Comic Interlude: Myles points out Charlie’s “hamburger pits” as a target market (36:28).
• Chemistry Lessons:
  • Kara, pressed for an explanation, explains saponification, the process of soap making, and discusses the key ingredient: lye.
  • “It’s hard for me to talk chemistry to you guys because that’s not what your podcast is about.” – Kara (51:39)
• Branding Banter:
  • Hosts push for “manly” scents (pine, sandalwood, tobacco, “wood ash”), predicting success at Midwestern farmers markets with appropriately rugged marketing (43:09+).
  • “Put it on a rope, we are always…scrub a dub with the rope too.” – Charlie (55:38)
• Business Coaching:
  • Myles encourages her to focus on action: “I need you to be a doer, not a donter… a lot of don’t in going on, and I need a lot of doing.” (59:04)
  • Advice on packaging, selling in-person at farmers markets, and embracing handmade/local/organic buzzwords.
• Notable Quote:
  • “Wash your ash with wood ash.” – Charlie (52:25)
• Resolution: Kara is convinced to start with “Soap, Sorry” and focus on both online and farmers market sales.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I think you just gave the punchline there.” – Charlie, after Gerald’s lamb fries description (20:30)
• “Maybe you need some organic soap scented with essential oils.” – Kara, pitching her product after Myles complains about Charlie’s pits (37:00)
• “If you want to sell some soap, put it on a rope.” – Charlie’s classic push for soap-on-a-rope (55:38)
• “Just remember: handmade, local, organic, fair trade—make sure they’re all on your sign.” – Charlie (57:46)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – 07:19 | Tommy’s Relationship Meltdown & Golf Ruined
• 09:55 – 29:09 | Gerald’s Call: How to Get Banned from the Reunion
  • 11:04 | The Cursed Green Bean Casserole Description
  • 16:18 | The Guinea Pig Workplace Potluck Story
  • 18:32 | The Four Scenarios
  • 22:51 | Ceremony of the Grill Master, Midwest Food Rituals
  • 23:13 | Host Wisdom and Encouragement
• 33:27 – 60:09 | Kara’s Organic Soap Business Call
  • 36:28 | Marketing to Manly “Hamburger Pits”
  • 43:09 | Product Scent & Branding Strategies
  • 52:25 | “Wash your ash with wood ash” branding
  • 59:04 | Doer vs. Donter Pep Talk

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Recurring Tone & Style

• Friendly, quick-witted ribbing and Midwestern politeness are ever-present.
• Charlie plays the supportive-yet-self-deprecating “nice guy,” while Myles is the hard-nosed, fire-under-your-seat motivator.
• The show’s brand of comedy walks a line between genuine problem-solving and tongue-in-cheek advice, all rooted in small-town barroom camaraderie.

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For Listeners New & Old

Whether you’re in it for the therapy (relationship or family-reunion-style) or the entrepreneurial kick in the pants, Episode #168 serves up the classic Bellied Up blend: everyday hilarity, heartfelt Midwestern insight, and at least one plan you should probably never try at home.

Transcript

[A]

Folks, welcome to the Bellied up podcast. We are here at Burnsies in West Dallas, Wisconsin, and we met a bar patron here, Tommy.

[B]

Hi, I'm Tom.

[A]

Tom. Oh, you go by Tom?

[B]

Well, Tommy's works too, but for the joke, it's got to be Tom.

[A]

What? Joe?

[B]

The 50 first dates joke. The guy with the 10 second memory. Everybody knows it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's you.

[A]

That's you, man.

[B]

That's great, you know.

[A]

Hello. So what are you doing? You're wearing a golf shirt. Are you going golfing today?

[B]

I golfed at 7am this morning.

[A]

Oh, one of those days.

[B]

It was 46 degrees when we teed off.

[C]

What kind of gig you got that you're going golfing that early in the morning?

[B]

Semi retired.

[A]

Semi retired. What does that mean?

[B]

I'm waiting for a podcast where I can make some. Some serious money. But it has.

[C]

You're on your way.

[B]

That's right. Got to start somewhere.

[C]

Tom. Sl. Tommy was leaving the bar. He use me and Charlie's Catholic guilt against us on the podcast. I'm leaving because you guys won't invite me on the podcast.

[B]

So here I am. Look how that works.

[A]

Well, is this your first time On a podcast?

[B]

100%, yes.

[A]

Well, all right. So you want to do a podcast for your time at gig. What would your podcast be about? Golf.

[B]

I think it would be about how. How terrible I am at relationships.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Help guys that way.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

How many marriages?

[B]

Yeah, just one. But since then. I got dumped this morning while I was golfing.

[A]

You got dumped this morning? Tommy, can you believe that?

[B]

She texted me.

[D]

We're done.

[B]

Don't talk to me ever again.

[C]

Actually. Actually, this is a true story.

[B]

I can show you the text.

[A]

Let's see the text message.

[C]

Man.

[A]

Let's get this confirmed.

[B]

This is going to be truthful.

[C]

This is kind of funny. You and Charlie can have a showdown on who's worse at being in a relationship.

[B]

Look at this.

[A]

Her name's Hope. Yes. Oh, you got a whole storyline.

[C]

She's sending paragraphs.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And she's at work sending me all this for.

[C]

I see a in there. That's not good.

[A]

Pathetic.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Not like I'm cheating.

[A]

Y. Whoa. This is her text. Oh, can I read it?

[B]

Well, yeah. Let's go back to the beginning.

[A]

Oh, God, this is awesome.

[C]

Also, for those not. It is. Oh, here we go. First of all, she doesn't have an iPhone. Huge red flag.

[D]

I know.

[B]

I tell her that all the time.

[C]

So we got green bubbles and gray bubbles. It's about eight Gray bubble paragraphs. And then he sends one line of green bubble.

[B]

Don't talk to me anymore. There it is.

[A]

Okay. Okay. You broke up with me. You tried leaving several times. You did. And you, as always, a capital you.

[C]

You read. You read her and I'll read him.

[A]

Okay. You broke up with me. You tried leaving several times. You didn't tell me because you went to fucking neighbors had. Had to fucking appease Hannah and fucking Bri. Fucking pathetic. Don't talk to me anymore, man. Maybe even Paige. So I get why Adamant. I get why you broke up with me. Fucking bullshit progress talks. What the fuck for? Just to fucking string me along? Not like I'm cheating. Yeah, you kind of fucking are. Good for you. I'm just kidding. I'm always battling something. Because your words are words. Yeah. You are my house. You are at my house majority of Nights.com. but how many nights in the week are you not with. Are you out without me? Doesn't matter. You made your choice.

[C]

You always do.

[A]

I here I sit. Wait. Am hopeful. For what? With a four, not an F. Hearts like heel, H, E, apostrophe ll, but probably good. You called it.

[C]

Don't talk to you. Because I went there. I hung out with Nick, no one else.

[A]

Shut the fuck up. Not the fucking point. You are weak. I'm over it. I don't have the fight anymore, Tommy. I shouldn't have to either. Fucking let down. Slowly move into your old ways and staying fucking relevant. I have nothing more to say. Falls on deaf ears. Anyway. I will never be able to fill your cup. Don't even know why I thought I ever stood a chance. Now you got your excuse to keep your Tuesday antics up and roll into the rest of the week.

[B]

It's Tuesday.

[D]

It is.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's funny. I was going to make this statement. If you go down Greenfield, hopefully you'll be able to overlook neighbors. Nope. No can do. Leave West Dallas and cave week. Thanks, babe, for picking up the slack and paying more. Meanwhile, I have to do all this money. Meanwhile, I have all this money to do me and slap it in my girl's face. Meanwhile, I have all this money to do me and slap it in.

[B]

I don't know what that means.

[A]

My girl's face. Realize I'm kind of drunk, like at 4ish, but can't take that thought and check myself back to secrets and withholding shit. Good God, dude, I told you this.

[B]

We don't have enough time.

[C]

Oh, my God. It's still going. It's still going. Then we got a screenshot of some sort. Oh, my. I mean, this would have been a 30 minute intro if you'd have read all that.

[B]

You probably should wrap it up, but that's what my podcast would be about.

[C]

All right, welcome to the Tommy Podcast. For the next eight hours, you will hear my texting.

[B]

I'm a spin off of this one.

[A]

It'll be perfect. I mean, dude, this is all from today.

[C]

So this is. This is your ex girlfriend? This is your ex girlfriend? I can't imagine what your ex wife was like.

[B]

Oh, geez, let me get those texts out next week.

[A]

Save it for the podcast, Tommy. Don't give us this.

[B]

All right, gentlemen. I hope that was entertaining.

[A]

Yeah, that was really entertaining. All right. My God.

[B]

Well, thanks for pointing out with me.

[A]

Yeah. Can. Can you send me all these screenshots and put them in a book? I'd like to read it.

[B]

Yeah, it'll help you go to sleep at night.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Like, wow. At least my relationships aren't that bad.

[B]

It's self action.

[A]

How long were you dating her, Tommy? Two weeks? Three.

[B]

Seven months.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And was it like this every day?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Did you cheat on her, Tommy?

[B]

I did not.

[A]

You were faithful.

[C]

Well, you cheated on her by hanging out with your buddy.

[A]

I don't think you wanted to cheat on my.

[C]

You were hanging out with Nick?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Just Nick?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Where's Nick at?

[B]

He's not here today, but.

[A]

Oh, so you weren't hanging out with Nick?

[B]

No, that was last night.

[A]

Yeah. I was glad.

[C]

You sure it wasn't Nikki instead of.

[B]

I'm not sure, but I don't like. You know, you just can never be too sure nowadays, can you?

[A]

No, you can't. Where'd you meet her?

[B]

I met her at the bar she doesn't want me to go to anymore.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

It's kind of a. You know.

[C]

Thank God it wasn't burns.

[B]

Easy.

[C]

Thank goodness. Yeah, Dodged the bullet there.

[A]

Well, Tommy, the good news is you're back on the market, so tell the folks.

[C]

Oh, yeah. What are you looking for in a woman?

[B]

Somebody that doesn't break up me when I'm golfing.

[C]

At least wait till after. Right?

[B]

Well, after golf, they screwed up my.

[A]

Whole front nine.

[B]

And that's hard to get back.

[A]

All right, thank you, Tom.

[B]

Talking to you guys.

[C]

Yeah, good.

[A]

Talking to you, too.

[C]

Thanks for coming on.

[A]

Yeah. You get on home to your wife now.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

All right, folks, that was Tommy, ladies and gentlemen. He had a rough day, but we're here for him. Bellying up to the bar. And we're here for you too, and let's take your calls.

[C]

That was unreal. I thought he was gonna. I thought he was exaggerating. He was underselling it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

He undersold it. The rare one. The rare undersell.

[A]

Oh, man. Yeah, she. Half of those words were just letters like you and why. It was like she was texting on a. On a flip phone, you know?

[C]

Yeah, that was tough. Tommy, though, calm, cool, collected. What are you talking about? I was hanging out with Nick. That's also like a worst. You get a long paragraph of a text message and you're like, I don't want to answer all of the things that's in it, so I'll just answer the last one. And then that pisses them off.

[A]

That loads the bow.

[C]

You're like, I just don't have time to respond to everything you said.

[A]

Yeah, sorry.

[C]

That's when you hit him with the hey, sorry, I'm golfing. I'll respond after that also, you know.

[A]

You can just say, hey, sorry, I'm golfing. Yeah. All right. Should we take some?

[C]

You've never had that type of luck with dating. You're doing great, Charlie.

[A]

All the gals have been really nice.

[C]

You're the one saying I'm the problem.

[A]

Yeah, I'm the one texting from a flip phone. All right, let's get to our caller. Miles, Prize Picks is going to give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play the first five dollar lineup, win or lose, man, you're getting fifty bucks in lineups. You can use the promo code bellied up when you sign up today in that. Pretty slick.

[C]

It's pretty slick. And Charlie, right now, Prize picks is kicking off week number three with a Patrick Mahomes free square. Just one completion and you're winning that pick with Prize Picks. New users, play your first $5 lineup and get $50 in lineups. Win or lose. Download Prize Picks today. Pick, predict, play with Prize Picks. Charlie, what'd you do with your free 50 bucks?

[A]

Well, I. I predicted and I played Miles. You know, I mean, it's that easy. And I'm not.

[C]

Picked your prize and you predicted your.

[A]

I picked my prize and pickled my Peter Piper on the pickled pepper.

[C]

On the pickled pepper. Prize Picks.

[A]

Yes, I did, Miles. Yeah.

[C]

Nice job.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

So, guys, guys, use code bellied up. Get on Prize Picks today. It's a great time.

[A]

Gerald. Gerald, what's up, man? Hey, we hear you hate family reunions.

[D]

Well, I'm trying to get a dish Band during my family reunion. And if I do. If I do what I want to do, three things are going to happen or could happen. I could get banned from my family reunion, which I'm fine with. The dish could get banned from the family reunion, which, again, I'm fine with I want or I. And the dish could get banned from the family reunion. So what I'm thinking of is so diabolical that I'm asking you guys for advice. So I need you to put on your diplomat hat and your. Your. Your villain hat at the same time.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

The classic diplomat villain. Well, ying and yang situation, you know?

[A]

Yep. Yes, Miles, you can be the diplomat. Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

See, I come.

[A]

Let's see. I want to see you look diplomatic. Let's start off with this. What is the dish?

[D]

Green bean casserole. I hate it with a passion.

[A]

Oh, my God. I am on board with you, dude. Green bean casserole.

[D]

To me, green bean casserole resembles bull semen with green beans floating in it, covered with the toenails of a thousand corpses. And before you ask, I know you're going to ask, how do I know what bull semen looks like? All I'm going to say is I was in college and I needed the beer money, all right? Just leave it alone, Charlie, you went to Wisconsin. You know what I'm talking about.

[C]

I know why you haven't told me about that college experience. Charlie.

[A]

I know my way around a bowl. Ejaculator. Okay? Someone's gotta hold it. Okay?

[D]

And I got something we're not proud of. Yeah.

[A]

Put a little utter butter on your hands. And that's what they like now, okay?

[C]

Trying to wrestle a snake or. No.

[A]

No, this is not a snake. It's like trying to catch a jackhammer.

[D]

So listen, new pun in flight. Yeah.

[A]

Here's the next question. Who is the one that makes the green bean casserole?

[D]

Okay, when you go to my family reunion, here's how the. Everything's set up. You got the family patriarch, which is usually my great uncle or my stepfather, working the grill, okay? Now here, it's Midwestern. This is the family unions in Muncie, Indiana, okay? Midwestern people, there's a rule. When you get around the grill master, we call it the grill master. You do not tell them the advantages of charcoal over propane or propane over charcoal.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

You do. You do not tell them when to flip the burgers, when to turn the brats, when to turn. And there's a bigger reason why. Because on each side of the cool Each side of the grill are two coolers full of beer. If you criticize the grill master, you're banned from the beer.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

This is.

[C]

Seems reasonable.

[A]

This is a great rule.

[C]

Reasonable family.

[A]

It should be implemented at every family function.

[D]

Yes. You go inside the small building and here's how the tables are set up. You got your condiment table with the lettuce, the tomatoes, your four different kinds of brown mustard, your French's mustard, you, ketchup. Then you got the dessert table, which has, you know, the cakes, the pies and all that stuff. Being it's Indiana sugar cream pie is a big thing to eat over there. Then you have the side dishes, which is the tater tot casserole or hot dish or funeral potatoes, wherever you're from. There's about, there's about two of those. There's a macaroni salad and there's two kinds of potato salad. Mustard potato salad and mayonnaise potato salad. Then you have, you have four or five different green bean casseroles. Who. Everybody brags that if you just eat this green bean casserole, you'll never eat another green bean casserole again. It's a competition that I want banned as well.

[C]

So, yeah, that was the most elaborate rundown of a family reunion I've ever heard in my life. And it's amazing. You want to get banned for how much it seems that you know and love this family reunion. How many you guys gotta be. It seems like you guys do reunions like three, four times a year. How much you know about this?

[D]

Well, here's the thing. In our family, we have a rule. If it's a family reunion, there has to be beer. If there's no family, if there's no beer, it's a family gathering. It's not a family reunion.

[A]

How often are you actually having a family gathering with no alcohol?

[D]

That's what I'm thinking, too. It's like Thanksgiving, Christmas. But even then, I get a little bourbon. You know, I bring some bourbon with me.

[C]

I. I'll admit it. Yeah.

[A]

So never, in other words.

[D]

Yeah. It's like, well, we're not having beer. They didn't say bourbon. They didn't say no bourbon. So we're okay. So.

[C]

Okay, so let me get this right. I think I know where your plan is going here. You are going to walk into that thing with the worst green bean casserole you could possibly make, and then you're going to waltz on, waltz on over to the grill and start criticizing whoever's grilling and you're hoping that gets you banned.

[D]

Yes and no. Okay, first of all, let me a little backstory here, okay? I used to work at this company, and I worked in the corporate office.

[C]

Okay. We need to know the full layout of the corporate office. That'd be great. What was on each table?

[D]

It was just corporate cubicles, but we decided to have a potluck. And we, me and this friend of our, a coworker, were big fans of Andrew Zimmern the show. So we saw his show in Ecuador, and in Ecuador, he ate their national dish. It's called cuy. It's spelled C. U. I Google it. It's guinea pig. Okay.

[A]

Okay. So some first graders crying out there, looking at the pet guinea pig they got to bring home for them.

[D]

Well, right. Well, here's the thing. I asked my Ecuadorian friend, her name was Gloria, if that was true. They ate it. She goes, yeah. I'm like, do you have any guinea pig at home? She said, yeah. She said, yeah. Her grandmother sent them from Ecuador. They're frozen in her freezer. And I'm like, could you bring one cooked for the potluck? Because me and my co worker want to try guinea pig. She did. Now, you got to imagine this, because it's the truth. It really happened. She brought in a serving tray, and this guinea pig is full guinea pig. No guts, eyeballs still in its head, teeth in its mouth, its little hooves. And it had no skin or no fur on it anywhere. And it was surrounded by potatoes and carrots.

[A]

Did it have a little cherry in its mouth?

[D]

No, but we had the people freaked out when they saw her bring that in. One guy said he's never eating potatoes or carrots ever again. So me and my friend tried it, and I'm not gonna lie, it was actually pretty good. We ate half the dang thing all the way up to the neck. We couldn't go any further than that because its eyeballs were looking right at me and my friend. It's just so creepy, you know? Guinea pig.

[A]

Wow. Did you. So I think I know where you're going with this.

[D]

Yes. I want to find my friend and put the guinea pig on a bed of green bean casserole and take it to my family reunion. Now, like I said, one of three things could happen. There could be a fourth scenario. Although it's small chance. The fourth scenario is my family. My family reunion will probably try the guinea pig. Like it. Then every year after that, there will be a huge family. The pet stores will be short guinea pig reunion. So.

[C]

Yeah, then it's like you get the opposite of a band. You're like, we can't do the family reunion if Gerald isn't there because we.

[D]

Gotta have the guinea. And I'll win the green bean casserole competition, which is what I don't want to do.

[C]

Yeah. And then it just goes on forever because you keep winning it.

[D]

Yeah. So. But I thought, you know, it would be really cool. I'd covered aluminum foil, and I'd unveil it. I'd make sure all the kids were standing around. I did it. All the kids from the family reunion, and I'd unveil it, and they're like, what is that? I'm like, it's your pet, Sparky. So the kids will start. The kids will get traumatized. They'll freak out. They'll go to the family and they'll tell immediately to leave and don't come back, which I'm fine. A win, win. Or they'll say, throw that in the trash. We're never. We can never eat green bean casserole because you ruined it for us. Another win, win, win. So I think all.

[C]

Everything's coming up Gerald in this situation. You know.

[D]

I mean, it's just. And the funny thing is, it's not the weirdest thing I've ever eaten in my life.

[C]

Okay, what is guinea pig?

[D]

I'm from Oklahoma originally.

[A]

Okay, you're from where?

[D]

Oklahoma.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Born in Oklahoma City, raised in Tulsa. As a matter of fact, if you ever saw the movie the Outsiders, I live three blocks from the house.

[A]

Oh, congratulations.

[D]

Yeah. Anyway, there's a. There's a restaurant in Oklahoma City called Cattleman Steakhouse, and they serve a dish called lamb fries. They're lamb testicles.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

Batter dipped, sliced, and. Yeah.

[A]

Are they good?

[D]

But. Well, I'm gonna ask that whoever's looking at Charlie the time, I'm gonna tell him what they taste like, and I want you to time how quick it is before he comes back with a joke. Okay. They tasted like lamb, but they had a creamy finish. Go.

[A]

I think you just gave the punchline there. I think you just.

[D]

They actually had a creamy finish. Yeah. That's the first thing that they were eating. So. Yeah. But I want to know, am I going too far with this, or should. Am I not going far enough? Should I videotape it so you guys can share?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

If I get thrown out.

[A]

Yes, please.

[C]

Videotape turns into, like, a World Star Fighting video.

[A]

I do think you gotta put an olive in the guinea pig's mouth or Something like that.

[D]

A cherry tomato or something.

[A]

Cherry tomato would be good. Yeah. But please, please videotape this. We would. And then if they don't like it, you gotta talk to them about how they're being culturally insensitive.

[D]

Yes, yes. You gotta be more inclusive when you're eating food at a family reunion now.

[A]

So, yeah, if.

[C]

If you really wanna make them uncomfortable, you bring your Ecuadorian friend with. And you. Before you unveil it, you talk about how much of a it is to their culture and how happy you are to. You're so glad that they're so welcome. Your family's so welcoming to them, into the family. And then unveil the guinea pig and see them squirm because they can't be outraged. Otherwise, they're being insensitive. That's a great joke.

[D]

If you guys were to do that at your family reunion. Let's say you people from Wisconsin, you surround the guinea pig with cheese curds. How would that go over in Wisconsin?

[A]

Well, I'll tell you exactly what in the hell is. Oh, you shot a squirrel. Good for you.

[C]

That is a plump squirrel.

[A]

Wow, where'd you get that one? That some bitchman's eating some acorns? You must have got them shortly before winter. He's got his fat on. Let me try a piece of that.

[D]

So Wisconsin's full of good people. Good, good, good.

[A]

Wisconsin's full of concerned eaters, you know, and that just means they're concerned how much they can.

[D]

But that was my plan for the family reunion. And, you know, when you talk to your parents about doing stuff, they always tell you, well, seek counsel. Well, you two are the wise sages of the Midwest.

[A]

Well, Gerald, that's a real compliment coming from a guy like you because you are. You are Midwest royalty yourself, sir. I mean, the way you laid this out for us, the creativity involved in making. Torturing your family, it cannot be paralleled by either Miles or me, I don't think.

[C]

And I don't know, Charlie, if you went to business school, but anytime you hear the phrase win, win, win situation, I think you run headfirst into that situation. I don't see any problems with it.

[D]

Now, there is a scenario that you guys haven't thought about. Since you guys got such a large fan base that listen to your show, other people might actually listen to this and actually want to do it. And you could have started little family Hatfield and McCoy wars across the country. Now, so you guys will share in.

[C]

My delight, or it might spread like wildfire and too soon Might spread like wildfire. And all of a sudden, the roasted guinea pig becomes a staple in the Midwest. Pot looks.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And even moves its way to the Christmas meal.

[C]

You know, all of a sudden, the people of Ecuador are calling stolen valor on us and say, you can't. You can't do it.

[A]

Well, that's. I mean, look, corned beef mash came from Ireland, you know, I mean, now we got the guinea pig coming in from Ecuador. I think it's a great, beautiful thing, A blending of cultures and, you know, and worst case scenario is still a good case scenario for you. So I say roll the dice.

[D]

Exactly.

[A]

Fry the guinea pig.

[C]

I mean, honestly, doesn't even feel. It feels like a sure thing. It doesn't even feel like he's rolling the dice. I feel like he's. This is a home run.

[D]

So you. So you're giving me hope. Good, good, good.

[C]

Yeah, I think you got to push all your chips to the center table and go all in on this idea.

[D]

And videotape it for you guys.

[A]

Please do. Please do. And get. Get a few. If you got a few nieces or nephews that are. Can just hold a. We'd like a few different angles, a.

[C]

Few different camera angles.

[A]

We'd like one on you, one t. Guinea pig, and one on the reactions of your family.

[D]

Well, I have 12 grandkids, so that won't be hard. So, yeah, it would be fun.

[A]

Well, Gerald, you really have outdone yourself today. We're excited for you. What day is the reunion?

[D]

Actually, I just missed it, so I'm gonna plan it for next year.

[A]

Okay, well, you got time.

[D]

I got time. And I may even fly to Ecuador and get some guinea pig myself. I've got that kind of time. You gotta get top quality guinea pig for this.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, yeah, it's like you got to do like what they did on American Gangster where he went over to Vietnam and set up his shipping lanes. You got to go over there, plug, and then, you know, see, because you. I have a feeling like you're going to be opening up a restaurant soon called the guinea pig. And that's all you're serving. And you're going to need a supply run.

[D]

So I'll call it Gerald's pets. There we go.

[C]

Yeah, it's like at the Red Lobster, you can pick out the lobster you want to murder.

[D]

You know, Pick up the guinea pig. Yeah.

[C]

You get to pet it, name it, and then. And then eat it for dinner.

[D]

And I'll video it so that you can see other Their guinea pigs being prepared so they can't say we're painting the guinea pig. So, yeah, that would be good.

[C]

That would be. My concern is if you're tainting my guinea pig, I would hate that because that would. That would be. What would ruin the experience for me is if you tainted it.

[D]

Exactly.

[C]

Not the fact that I was just petting a cute cuddly animal and then now I'm just putting in my mouth, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So guinea pig it is. I will serve it and I will. When next year, I'll videotape it and hopefully there'll be weeping and gnashing of teeth and then I'll just see the video. We can all laugh.

[C]

And it's really smart of you to name it Gerald's Pets. And it allows you to expand into the Asian culture and just be also serving dog, you know?

[D]

Well, there's nothing. Hey, there's nothing wrong with dog. You ever saw the movie Patriotic dog is a good meal.

[A]

So, yeah, you know, we're touching on all different cultures here today on the Bellied up podcast. And if you do name it a pet store, you're gonna get people coming in looking for pets.

[D]

That would be. That would be. There would be nothing wrong with that. I'm like, well, what does your pet look like? Oh, I know what he tastes like too. Come over here and I'll show him to you. All right. You know, yeah, Yeah, I can do that.

[C]

Yeah. Honestly, kind of a fire marketing strategy. Make people think it's a pet store. And then they get there and they're like, oh, my God, but I am hungry. Yeah, stay for dinner. As I drove all this pet store, I better get some chow.

[D]

They'll never look at their pet the same way again. And isn't that the most important thing?

[C]

But yeah, I guess.

[A]

Diabolical, Jared, diabolical.

[D]

Well, it's the least I can do.

[A]

What did I say you called him?

[C]

Jared.

[A]

Oh, I'm looking at Jared.

[D]

I'm looking at the subway guy.

[A]

So, yeah, Jared is our producer here. Sorry, Gerald.

[D]

Well, he gets to get guinea pig first. Then I'll send it to him.

[C]

I swear to God, Gerald, if I get a box with dry ice and a frozen guinea pig to my door, we're gonna have a conversation.

[D]

I'll send it with some Phyla beans and a bottle of Chianti as well. Okay? You'll be fine. Trust me. So.

[A]

Well, thank you, Gerald. You really made us.

[C]

We'll have to earmark a year from now and get a bellied update on how it went?

[D]

Yes, the video and everything.

[A]

All right, call us back, my guy.

[D]

Will do. Thank you, guys.

[A]

All right, see you soon. What a guy, man. What a guy. 12 grandkids. This is what he's cooking up in his spare time. Some people golf, other people. Think of how to take revenge on your whole family.

[C]

Also, very funny that he did this at a work event.

[D]

Right.

[C]

And instead of being like, oh, that didn't go over too hot. I shouldn't do this again, he's like, I think I got an idea.

[A]

Let's bring it to the family.

[C]

The reaction was so bad. I can use this in other parts of my life.

[A]

I kind of want an invite to that family reunion. I'm not going to lie to you.

[C]

I would like. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's a reason to go to Indiana right there.

[C]

The only reason.

[A]

No, not the only reason. You can look at the windmills. Indianapolis has a nice downtown. Should we take another caller?

[C]

Let's do it. It's football season, Charles. Down. Red 42. Mississippi. Shit, Hood, I really like your quarterback impression. All right, we're in the huddle, Charlie, and you're the quarterback. What play are we running?

[A]

All right, boys, we're run. Down.

[C]

Sh.

[A]

Mississippi.

[C]

Red two. Red two. Red two. Four two. That's on you.

[A]

Don't jump early. Ready?

[D]

Break. Down.

[C]

Red 42. Break. That was great.

[A]

Thank you. What were we talking about?

[C]

No, that was great. And I think you illustrated that we are in football season. And you might be tailgating, you might be going to the stadium, you might be, you know, just walking on the sidewalk. Sidewalk to the stadium?

[A]

Yeah. And your shoelaces untied and someone pokes a broad at the exact same time you get a little brat juice in your eye. And now your eyeballs messed up. What are you gonna do, Miles?

[C]

I'm gonna call Nicolay Law.

[A]

I'm gonna call him.

[C]

I'm gonna call 1-855-NICOlay I'm gonna go to nicolaya.com I maybe even gonna message him on Instagram.

[A]

He'll go after the big shoelace companies, insurance company. And you're gonna get paid for that twisted ankle and wonky eye and hopefully.

[C]

Some reimbursements to the ticket to the game because you weren't able to make it because you couldn't make it up the steps.

[A]

And he might even get you a brat, too.

[C]

Yeah. So guys, if you are this football season, find yourself. Call Nicolay Law, 1-855-Nicolay Charlie, your glasses are so dirty.

[A]

So what?

[C]

Miles, how can you see Anything? Turn to the side. Jared, look at his glasses. Let me put them on here before you clean them. Oh, my God. How are you living life like this?

[A]

Well, usually I wear sunglasses. They're a lot clearer than those.

[C]

It's like you have frosted glasses. You know how they can frost glass windows?

[A]

It's like I'm always looking through a bathroom window.

[C]

It's like you had these in the freezer and then you brought them outside in 30 or 90 degree weather and they fogged up, but then they just stay fogged up forever. Well, these things are unreal. Are they prescription?

[A]

Yeah, maybe you need to get your eyes checked.

[C]

No, it's not only it's blurry. It's double blurry with all the smudges and the. I don't need them.

[A]

I got them pre smudged.

[C]

I can see that. Yeah, got the smoke, the smoke tinted. You know, these are worse than transition glasses.

[A]

No, they're not. Give me back. Yeah, they're still pretty bad. I gotta go to the gas station and, and wipe them down, you know, how do you wipe. How do you clean glasses?

[C]

I think you just gotta go harder than that and longer than that.

[A]

I just cleaned them on my shirt.

[C]

Oh, just go a little bit longer.

[A]

I just want to do it for him.

[C]

So get after those glasses. Oh, yeah. How's that?

[A]

There's still a little blurry. I'm gonna get some Windex.

[C]

Way better though.

[A]

Thank you. Yeah.

[C]

Clear eyes, full heart, can't lose.

[E]

This is Kara.

[A]

Hi, Kara.

[C]

Hi, Kara. How are you?

[E]

Hi. I'm good. How are you?

[C]

Good. This is the Bellied up podcast. And I hear you have yourself an organic soap business. Is that correct?

[E]

That's correct. Well, I haven't like officially started it yet, but I make soap.

[C]

Okay, so you're kind of like Jan Livingston Gould then, in that sense? Serenity by Jan, but in soap form.

[E]

Sure. I don't even know who that is.

[C]

She's a gal that. She's got a candle making business very similar to yours.

[D]

You don't know.

[C]

Okay, yeah, her. Her boyfriend, he's a manager for a paper company. Actually. He's a good, good guy. A little bit of a doofus at times, but, you know, all of his employees like him.

[A]

Miles likes to talk about the Office like it's a documentary film.

[C]

It is, it is.

[A]

Well, what's. What's on your mind here?

[E]

No, it's a matter of me finding a name for it. Okay, well, and I was thinking. I was thinking originally, well, Kara's soap company, but that kind of sounds boring. So I feel like you guys would be able to come up with something a little catchier.

[C]

Well, let's run you through the small business name generator. What's your first name?

[E]

Kara.

[C]

What do you sell? So Kara's soap company Next.

[A]

She just said she didn't want.

[C]

I know, but that's a tried and true thing. Okay, guess who owns this bar?

[E]

Yeah, you guys.

[A]

We're at Bernsey's Bar and Grill.

[E]

So, you know in Milwaukee.

[A]

Yeah, in West Dallas.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, you know where it is.

[E]

Sorry about. Sorry about all the flooding.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Yeah, that's how it goes sometimes. We got flooded. Miles didn't even call. He didn't ask if I had water in my basement. Wanted to help it out.

[C]

Oh, where were you in 97, 2009 and 2010, huh? Yeah, where were you? You gave me one call.

[A]

I didn't even know you then, Miles. You weren't able even a wink in your dad's cheese curds. In 90.

[C]

Classic Wisconsinites thinking natural disasters only happened to them. You don't even that floods.

[A]

You have wind and that's it, Miles.

[C]

Okay, well, Kara, I actually think I am going to start with this naming process with Charlie here.

[A]

And so S, O, P E. Well.

[C]

Hold on, Charlie, let me get there.

[A]

So we.

[C]

We shot a video with Charlie yesterday, and there was a scene where he had his arm around me. And I tell you what, if I've ever met a guy who's got hamburger pits.

[A]

Oh, it was bad yesterday. Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Oh, my God. We were shooting outside and I was downwind and I had to cover my. I had to put a mask on.

[A]

Oh, you think that was bad? Dude, it was right next to me. It was terrible.

[C]

And so what I'm trying to say, maybe you need. Yep, go ahead.

[E]

Maybe you need some organic soap scented with essential oil.

[A]

Send it on over. Although I think my organic deodorant is what made the thing go wrong in the first place. But if I double be careful.

[E]

You have to be careful with that. You have to find the right organic deodorant, Charlie.

[C]

Okay, so what I'm saying is I think Charlie is a. Is your target market for this. And so, Charlie, if you're gonna buy soap from an organic company.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What would you want that company to be named? And you're like, that's the soap that I want.

[A]

Mmm. Okay, this is. Well, I think I do like the name I suggested when you weren't listening, which is soap. S, O, P, E. Get it?

[E]

Yeah, like.

[C]

Yeah, soap.

[D]

Yeah, soap.

[E]

Like.

[A]

Oh, I like soap. Sorry.

[C]

Soap. Sorry.

[A]

Soap. Can I sneak right past you? So. Excuse me. Oh, there goes a deer.

[C]

You know, I think that wells finally run dry. Got it.

[A]

Yeah, we bled that dry for years. Okay, beside that. How about what. What if you call it smelly pits? Old smelly pits.

[E]

So I don't know.

[C]

Well, that would imply you're gonna have smelly pits.

[A]

Well, you kind of go for the reverse psychology.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, maybe. All right, none of you guys like my ideas. Fine.

[C]

I like soap. Sorry. A lot.

[A]

Okay. Okay, well, soap. Sorry. Let's. But we'll keep spitballing. Maybe we come back to soap. Sorry. What's your soap made out of?

[E]

Organic coconut oil, organic olive oil and organic red palm oil oil.

[C]

Okay, but what's the cleaning like? I don't understand sometimes how soap works. And maybe you can describe to me what. What properties about soap. Disinfect your body. I, I. It's kind of like underwater firecrackers and Bluetooth and WI fi. I just. My brain can't comprehend how it works.

[A]

I didn't know there were underwater firecrackers. Wild.

[E]

Wow. Really? I didn't know that either, Charlie.

[A]

Well, we're on the same page.

[E]

Yeah, no, it's. Look it up. It's a whole chemical reaction, okay? It's called saponification. And.

[D]

It.

[E]

Once it goes through that reaction, the oils turn into soap. But you need lie.

[A]

Lie.

[D]

Well, there we go.

[A]

We need to lie.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, you need lye in order for the chemical reaction to happen. And then that in that chemical process, that's how it becomes so. And a cleaning agent.

[A]

Kara, I don't know if you're telling me the truth here, because it sounds like you're fumbling your way through a book report. You didn't read the book?

[C]

It sounds like she just chat gpted and was reading.

[A]

What is that?

[E]

Oh, no, no. I've been doing this way. This is like, old school. This is not.

[C]

All right, well, then if you want to sell this business, you got to sound more confident. Let's try it again. What the hell is in soap? Let's hear it. Have some conviction in those words. I want to buy from someone who knows soap.

[A]

Miles is pounding on the bar as he says it, so you know he means business. I'm getting vibrations on my hand right now from his hard pounding.

[E]

Look it up. So it's a whole. It's a whole chemical reaction that happens.

[A]

Okay, and what chemicals are reacting?

[E]

The lie with the fat.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

The lie with the fat. So what kind of fat?

[C]

That sounds like me in bed every night. It's true. I got an indent on the bed thing. Yeah.

[A]

Hey, that memory foam man you're, like, never forgets, you know, if it was.

[C]

A crime scene, they'd walk in and go, yep, he was sleeping right there.

[A]

You can tell he's got sleep apnea, too.

[E]

Get back to. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Keep us on track.

[C]

All right, so you're now. So you're. You're now soap. Sorry. We got the lie, we got the fat. And what's the next step after that? To launch this business.

[E]

We need to come up with a name.

[C]

I thought we were doing soap. Sorry. What's wrong with soap?

[E]

Sorry. You think. You think so?

[A]

Well, how does it hit you, Kara? How does it make you feel? This is your soap. You're gonna have to write this on the business cards and the soap label.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You're gonna have to be [e-mail]. how's that feel?

[E]

Actually, that isn't bad, but.

[A]

Well, the way you just said it is, actually. That's not bad.

[E]

No, it's not bad. That's pretty catchy. I think I'll take you up on that.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

All right, let's be clever.

[A]

Yeah, it's cute and it doesn't have to be.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And you could do it in a script font. You know, like a funsy script font.

[A]

Yeah, like a small S and then a big O. Soap.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Sorry.

[C]

We could just go with one big S and use them for both words. You know, you got all sorts of options.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[C]

What do you think your signature scent is gonna be? Because, you know, like, lavender with Guy. Is it. Is it. Is it for women?

[E]

No, it's. It's for anyone I know.

[C]

That's your first. No, your first mistake is when I go and buy soap, you know what I buy? He's looking. Sandalwood in pine.

[E]

That was my next question.

[C]

That's the type of sense guys want, you know? When was the last time you bought a lavender soap?

[A]

Charlie, I'm. I hate to say it, and it usually don't say it, but I am with Miles on this. Us fellows, we like our wood. And if you want to like it.

[C]

Especially if it's hardwood.

[A]

Yeah, we do like the hardwood, so pine is fine, but it'd be better if it was maple, so.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

So maple. Oh, go ahead.

[D]

No.

[E]

So if I'm gonna do essential oils, you can't find a natural maple essential oil.

[C]

Let's Say it's lavender is the scent. If I am a guy and I hear lavender, you know, like, I'm not into it, but if it's Purple Dream or Purple Viking of some sort, especially if you're in Minnesota.

[E]

Oh, God.

[C]

That's a name that I can get. I. Hey, what kind of soap you got? It's called Purple Viking. It's different than what kind of soap you got. It's lavender.

[A]

Well, maybe Miles, it's in the lavender color, but it says Viking and you have like, some, Some like, brown behind it to make them feel the. The. That maybe there's wood in it, you.

[C]

Know, or just like, it's. Miles, it's just gotta have wood in it.

[A]

Yeah, just. Just have a wood panel background on the. The Viking label. The other thing that you can do.

[C]

You can also do with it, you know, like barking up the wrong tree, something like that, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Or wood puns of some sort of.

[A]

And another one you can do is, like, put tobacco in it. You know, there's some, like, candles with tobacco, and that's very. You know, men kind of want to smell like leather, you know, so they.

[C]

Want to smell like motor oil a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. Just. Just a sko. So some, like, blend the lavender with, like, tobacco. Lavender tobacco. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. If we can.

[E]

I mean, I know. I don't think essential oil can derive from.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, so this is a classic battle between engineers and marketing people, you know?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, if it was up to engineers, Apple would have called it. This is computer 643821.

[A]

We're just going to call it Apple.

[C]

Apple's like. We're going to call it the Macintosh, you know.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[C]

I, Yeah, I understand there's essentials oils in it, but we gotta sell some soap.

[A]

We gotta move that product. So just put tobacco on the label. It doesn't have to be in the ingredients.

[C]

Yeah, it's. I, I saw a bag of popcorn the other day. It said 70 calories per cup. And then I look at the back of it. It's like 160 calories are in here. It's like, serving size is one bag. And you're like. So they just. That'd be like, you know, if you're gonna go with Mountain Dew, you're like, it only has 5 grams of sugar per ounce per shot. Yeah. It's like, what are we doing? And you can, you can use those loopholes all you want, you know?

[A]

Yeah, you're. You're in the marketing business, you call.

[C]

It tobacco thing and you just like, well, we made this soap, we were smoking tobacco and then that's why you can call it tobacco even though there's nothing in it.

[E]

Yeah, I, I know that. I'll start. Oh, probably farmers market stuff. I don't know, I'm not sure. We'll see.

[A]

Yeah, startup farmers markets.

[E]

Yeah. I mean I'm at probably the best location for fencing and.

[C]

Okay, here's. I got a. Great. So you're at the farmer's market. It's all about foot traffic. How many people can you get to stop? You ever seen a sham commercial or an oxy clean commercial?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You need to make it feel like that. You need a microphone that's attached to your ear that goes in front of your mouth and you need to start doing displays about how good your soap is. You need to spill red wine on some carpet and you need to take your soap and you need to scrub it out. That's.

[A]

That's exactly it.

[E]

Actually. It actually my soap does take quite a bit of stuff out.

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And.

[E]

And you know, why would you want to buy stuff in the store that's full of chemicals and crap when you could buy something that's natural and work by far better?

[A]

Absolutely. You need.

[C]

You.

[A]

First thing you gotta purchase is one of those be Burger King headsets. You know, like. And then, and then you get yourself a camera and you dirty up some stuff and just start doing the infomercial.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You're not in a soap business. You're in a cleaning business now.

[A]

Yeah. You're the, you're the new ShamWow guy. You know, you're, you're, you're Carol. Wow.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Uh huh huh. You're like. You guys see, I just, I just killed this guy and I got blood all over this shirt. Well, Carol, Wow, that blood is gone. Lavender and tobacco. Take a pinch of this.

[C]

Yeah. And I think to go even further with the demonstration, Charlie, to prove how natural and safe it is for your body and organic, you need to eat the soap.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

If people see you eating the soap, they're going to be like, it's got to be good on my skin because she's willing to put it on in her intestines.

[A]

Right, Right.

[C]

And nothing will prove your point faster than it is truly organic if you're just eating it for a snack.

[A]

Yep. Clean yourself that bloody shirt and then get a little steak knife and a fork and call it dinner.

[E]

Unfortunately, once you add lye to those oils, it's no longer able to be ingested.

[D]

Tested.

[A]

Well, just lie a little bit and about the lie. Yeah. All right.

[C]

Just have a fake bar of soap. Just have a fake bar of soap without the lie.

[E]

Yeah. If you grew up in the 80s, you. You definitely survived by getting a little soap in your mouth, so.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I got soap my mouth. It was liquid soap, though. I didn't even get the bar.

[A]

I got the bar. I got the liquid. I got the whole shebang. Now, lye, how. How toxic is it?

[E]

You use it to clean your plumbing.

[C]

Pipes, and you want to put that on your skin.

[A]

Is that organic?

[E]

Once it reacts with the oils, it's no longer an issue.

[A]

Well, is it organic, though? Is lye organic?

[E]

As long as it's 100%.

[A]

Where does lye come from? Is there a lye tree that.

[E]

I can't answer you. No tree.

[C]

Where does it.

[A]

Huh.

[E]

Give me a sec. Potassium carbonate.

[A]

Potassium.

[E]

It comes from wood ash.

[A]

Wood ash. There you go. God.

[C]

Yeah. Just name your scents. Lavender wood ash. And you're not lying.

[A]

No.

[C]

You're lying, but you're not lying.

[E]

It's hard. It's hard for me to talk chemistry to you guys because.

[C]

Because we're just simpletons or what?

[A]

Yeah. Are you saying we're too dumb?

[E]

No, that's not true. You're both very smart and witty, but it's just hard for me. Talk chemistry, like, the actual chemistry part of it, because that's pretty nerdy, and that's not what your podcast is about.

[C]

I know. We're the filter. We're the view. We understand there's a nerdy aspect to soap, and we're saying don't talk about that at all. Just get to the wood ash aspect.

[A]

Yeah, we need more wood.

[C]

More wood and ash. Ash implies fire.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know?

[A]

Yeah. Lavender wood ash. I'm already buying two bars of that soap. Wood ash for my ash. Wash your ash with wood ash. I mean, boom, there you go.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

You got another one. Just do one. That's just lie. That's it.

[E]

That would be bad for you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Why?

[E]

That would not work because it's gotta.

[C]

React with the essential oil.

[A]

Oh. Oh, yeah. I forgot.

[E]

To react with the fat. Creating an emulsion with that and the fat.

[C]

It's got to react with the fat.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I think. I think.

[A]

Could you use cow fat?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Okay. There you go. If you're selling in Wisconsin, you could say made from real Wisconsin cows.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

You know, and you can say you use t. That's the talent.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Talon.

[D]

You cut.

[C]

You cut out. What did you say?

[E]

I said you what? If you use cow, that's tallow. T A L L O W Palo.

[A]

Tallow.

[E]

Tallow.

[C]

Are you saying pan or Pam?

[D]

No.

[E]

How come you guys are having such a hard time hearing me?

[A]

Well, it's, I think your phone. I. I don't know.

[C]

Are you on an Android?

[E]

No, I have an apple.

[C]

Okay, you're starting to learn. It's not the. It's not the 4865 phone. It's an iPhone. Yeah, so what?

[E]

All right, can you hear me now?

[C]

Good.

[E]

Okay, good.

[C]

Yeah. Verizon didn't say we have 3,000 towers across the entire United States. They just said, can you hear me now, Charlie?

[A]

See, we're good.

[E]

I don't use Verizon at all.

[C]

Using All Tail or Cricket?

[E]

No. US Cellular.

[A]

US Cellular. We connect with you.

[C]

Okay. All right, let's wrap this up. Charlie. Let's. Let's come full circle. So now we got soap.

[A]

Sorry, soap, sorry.

[C]

Lavender wood ash flavor.

[A]

Soaps. Soap. Sorry. Lavender wood ash. And then.

[C]

Yeah, Farmer's Market sham. Wow. Marketing approach. I mean, okay, you could take that to the bank and get a loan.

[E]

One more thing. As a consumer, do you have a hang up with a round bar of soap vs rectangular?

[C]

Guys prefer rectangular.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Because psychologically, rounded is more curvy and curvy is more feminine. Guys like blocks of wood. They like blocks. We, we kind of two by fours are square. If I'm holding. If I'm holding a bar of soap, it better feel like I'm rubbing a.

[A]

Two by four on my body, even if it's uneven. You. We like the rustic feel too. And if you really want to sell some soap, put it on a rope. We are always. Yeah, you never had soap on a rope, Miles. Soap on a rope's real good because you can scrub a dub with the rope too. Helps you exfoliate. So put an exfoliating rope into the soap.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Because if.

[E]

I don't know.

[C]

Okay, yeah, I don't know about that one either, but.

[A]

Oh, you guys don't know about that?

[E]

Okay, well, it would just have to be very strategic how you place it because it has to be before it sets and in the mold, and it's a big mold and then you have to hand cut everything.

[A]

Okay, well, that's a Q2 problem. So let's just get the soap. Soap. It's soap. Lavender ash. And we rock and roll from there and we are excited. So where can people get this soap lens ready to roll.

[E]

Well, that's a great question question there, Charlie, because do I. So this is another thing online or strictly in person? I feel like everything is online now.

[C]

I know, but you're gonna sell more initially in a farmer's market. You can do both.

[A]

Yeah, you can do both. But just hit up the farmer's markets to begin with. That's where all the hippies are, and they're the ones that are gonna be.

[E]

Buying that soldier well in Madison. So there you go.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Madison, that's a good market. You call lavender ash, and Madison, you're going to be owning a high rise. So wood ash. Wood ash. Lavender wood ash.

[E]

Just remember, I'm only one person. And it's all done in small batches and it's all handmade.

[A]

And make sure you write all that in marker on your side.

[C]

I say. Just remember. I'm just saying.

[E]

Yeah, I guess.

[A]

No handmade, local, organic, fair trade. Just all the buzzwords. Make sure they're all on your sign.

[E]

Yeah. And while I prefer. I don't know how I'm actually gonna be able to logistically do this working full time, but I'll have to figure it out.

[C]

Yeah, I think you will. I think you will.

[E]

I mean, I get done. I get done early enough. Six to 2:30 every day, but.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you got time for a second deal there.

[C]

Plus, you gotta start. You gotta mentally start breaking your days, your. Your singular day up into three separate days. And you'll be able to. Six to 12 is day number one. 12 to six is day number two, and then six to 12 is day number three. And you know, you stack that up over a month, you're kicking the other soap company's ass. You're doing three days of work in one. So don't think about it that you don't have enough time. Think about it. You actually have too much time. Too many days in the week.

[E]

Yes. The only. The only issue is figuring out logistically with the curing process that takes a month or longer to cure.

[C]

Carol, I need you to be a doer, not a donter. And right now you're screaming, don't turn. Do you want to do this business or not? If you are, then you gotta just find a mother trucking way.

[A]

All right.

[C]

That also is a great name for a soap.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Mother trucking. Lavender.

[A]

Mother trucking. Lavender wood.

[C]

Just. There's a lot of don't in going on, and I need a lot of doing out of you. And if we're gonna get this done together. I can't be investing my time in a founder that doesn't want to do the work. Is worried about a few problems along the way.

[E]

All right, maybe you guys. Maybe you guys should send me how you started your online merch. Like, instructional.

[C]

I can tell you. Yeah, I mean, I could tell you I wasn't worried about the curing time. Tell you that much.

[E]

Well, I didn't think you would be.

[C]

Well, and you didn't even know when you screen print a shirt, there's a curing time. But I said, hey, we'll figure that out along the way. The important part is just to start it up.

[E]

Okay. Yeah, I know.

[C]

There we go.

[E]

There we go.

[C]

Well, thanks for calling in. Good luck with soap. Sorry. And great talking to you.

[E]

All right, take care. Bye.

[A]

See you soon. Bye. Bye.

[C]

Isn't it kind of messed up, Charlie, that all of a sudden you see something says pine tar on it, and you're like, oh.

[A]

I need a. Like, you used to, like, use soap to wipe it off you, and now you're like, oh, why don't I. What if I wipe it on me?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, Good. Good gal. Good luck to her.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, sometimes you need a little kick in the pants.

[A]

And you gave that tough love to her, Miles, which I. I love about you. I'm always too, too nice of a guy to do it, but you have.

[C]

No problem Bad cop situation, being a.

[A]

Little hellraiser with them, and they need that. So she'll be happy she had you.

[C]

Well, hopefully.

[A]

Well, Miles, that does it for another episode. The Bellied up podcast. Let's go find us a guinea pig, huh?

[C]

Yeah. Remember, guys, tip your bartender. We'll see you next one.

[A]

See you soon.

[D]

Okay. Hope you guys have a good one.

[E]

Goodbye now.

[C]

Oodaloo.