One Extremely Expensive Catfish #178

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast: "One Extremely Expensive Catfish" (#178)

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles "You Betcha Guy"
Date: December 4, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Bellied Up is a signature mix of Midwest humor, heartfelt conversations, and wild stories from listeners. Charlie and Myles belly up at a small-town bar, answer live calls, and riff about everything from battling the winter blues and Christmas wishlist gripes to a jaw-dropping catfishing scam that cost a family over $400,000. Listeners get Midwest life advice, DIY fort-building debates, ice fishing tips, and a deep dive into how loneliness and internet scams can collide.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Blues & Midwest Coping Skills (00:00–08:30)

• Charlie’s Strategy: Staying active to "outrun" bad feelings.
  • “I have a lot of Midwest in me. I do a lot of things if I’m not feeling good...so I can’t feel the bad feelings.” – Charlie (00:31)
• Myles’ Take: Sticking to routine, but doing it grumpily.
  • “I do the same thing I do every day, but I’m just shitty about it.” – Myles (03:17)
• Discussion about whether men experience a "male period," cycles of moodiness, and if their podcasting schedules could sync up.

2. Christmas Spirit and Gripes (08:31–15:23)

• The struggle of feeling (or not) the Christmas spirit.
• Self-consciousness: Charlie was insecure about his nose growing up, but now sees it as a feature.
• Fetishes: Playful debate about whether everyone truly has one (“Are you a foot guy?” — Myles).
• Annual what-do-you-want-for-Christmas bit and a riff on the best and worst gifts.
  • “I just can’t do another button-up.” – Myles, on unwanted gifts (17:23)
  • Discussion of the horrors of “nipple-chafing” shirts.

3. Midwest Household Chores & Life Hacks (15:45–24:52)

• Water softeners and dry winter skin
• Benches unfinished for over a year, Midwest barter system (“You cook dinner, I’ll stain your bench.”)
• The art of fort-building for kids vs. adults, and the joys/mess of letting go.

4. Toys & Parenting Philosophy (22:00–24:52)

• Myles’ frustration with his wife overbuying toys for their child.
  • “The more toys a kid has, the less creative, the less actual playing the kid does.” – Myles (22:28)
• Advocates for a “one in, one out” toy policy.

5. Ice Fishing 101: Advice for a Southern California Caller (Donovan) (34:45–64:07)

Donovan’s Dilemma (34:42–64:07):

• Former military, heavy equipment mechanic, new to Midwest; wants to fulfill his dream of ice fishing while in Fargo, ND on business.
• Top Tips for Newbies:
  • Go to an ice bar on Detroit Lakes—bring beer & curiosity to make friends and get invited to a shanty.
  • Don't buy gear you can't bring home; rely on local fisherman generosity (or “borrow” from Myles…or not).
  • Dress warm, get ice picks for safety, skip the fancy snow suit.
  • “It’s hard to get in a shanty, but way harder to get kicked out!” – Charlie
  • Play up being an out-of-towner: Midwesterners love showing newcomers “the way.”
  • “Just start talking about meat salads. You’re gonna find your way into some perch pretty quick.” – Charlie (64:08)
• DIY “tuber” idea: Convert an old Suburban into a mobile ice fishing house.

6. The Catfishing Catastrophe (Cliff’s Call) (66:23–95:31)

Story of a Family Scammed Out of $400,000+ (66:54–95:31):

• Cliff shares a harrowing family story: His uncle (by marriage) fell for a sophisticated text-message scam (“pig butchering” scam: fake romantic relationship, escalating requests for crypto “investments”).
  • “He sent $50,000…then $400,000. All gone.” – Cliff (75:00, 75:33)
  • “He still thinks she’s real. He lost everything: his wife, his daughters won’t talk to him. He gave up his 5-bedroom house, now he’s in a single-wide.” – Cliff (79:00, 81:37)
• Hosts relate, discuss how technology and AI make scams easier, and urge listeners to be careful of unsolicited texts:
  • “It’s never been easier to scam.” – Charlie (82:53)
  • “If you get a weird text, just don’t answer.” – Myles (93:39)
  • “Could you imagine giving all that up? For nothing.” – Charlie (81:26)
• Note on how some older listeners fell for scams using AI-generated voices claiming to be family members in distress.
• Midwestern PSA: Be careful, especially around the holidays.

7. Lighter Midwest Banter & Running Gags (Throughout)

• Singing "You Raise Me Up" (29:13), debate over church choirs, Midwest choirs made up of only gray-haired folks.
• The never-ending bit: “You got a kid” — Myles uses it as an all-purpose excuse for not replying to messages.
• Midwest sign-offs: “Remember to change your air filter…watch out for deer.”
• Barroom metaphors, “project fidgeting” as therapy, and classic dad-isms.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Coping Midwest-Style:
  • "Depression can't hit a moving target." – Miles (01:44)
• On Ice Fishing Etiquette:
  • “Just bring your curiosity and a few beers. Once you’re in a shanty, you don’t have to leave.” – Charlie (45:14)
• On Unwanted Gifts:
  • “I just can’t do another button up. Button ups are tough… sometimes they chafe your nipples.” – Charlie (17:23)
  • “Try it on before you buy it, just make sure it’s not a nipple chafer.” – Charlie (19:28)
• On Scams:
  • “He sent $50,000…then $400,000. All gone.” – Cliff (75:00, 75:33)
  • “He gave up his 5-bedroom, 4-bath, 2,500 sq foot, heated garage, vaulted ceiling house for that…crazy!” – Myles (81:26)
  • “If you get a weird text, just don’t answer.” – Myles (93:39)
• On Fort Building:
  • “I was just trying to not make a mess out of your living room…I didn’t know how free we could get with the forts in the Monplaisure household.” – Charlie (24:30)

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Important Timestamps

• Coping mechanisms for bad days: 00:22–04:35
• Christmas mood, opening up about childhood insecurities: 08:34–10:45
• Debate over fetishes & Midwest palm reading bit: 11:10–13:23
• Nipple-chafing shirt complaints: 17:18–19:58
• Toys & parenting philosophies: 21:55–24:52
• Ice fishing and advice for Donovan (SoCal caller): 34:42–64:07
• Cliff’s “catfished for $400,000” call: 66:23–95:31

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Listener Takeaways

• Laugh: At Midwest life quirks, childhood insecurities, and playful banter.
• Learn: Real-world ice fishing etiquette and the dangers of online scams, especially for older or isolated relatives.
• Reflect: On the importance of vigilance online, and the value in simple, creative play for families.
• Connect: With the spirit of small-town bars, Midwest resourcefulness, and the universal need for connection.

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Tone: Playful, self-deprecating, candidly Midwestern, veers from heartfelt to hilarious without losing its down-to-earth spirit.

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Bellied Up continues to deliver rollicking, honest conversations that mix Midwest wisdom, good humor, and big-hearted advice—whether you’re surviving the winter, the holidays, or the wilds of the internet.

Transcript

[A]

Oh, hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Bellied up podcast. I'm here bellied up to the bar with my good buddy and yours, Miles, the you bet you guy.

[B]

How we doing, Charles?

[A]

Miles, we're doing today, man. We're doing Feeling good special. Came out this week. Pretty cool.

[B]

What do you. Okay, what do you. You say you're feeling good this week?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Imagine you have days you're not feeling too good.

[A]

Yeah, I got days I'm not feeling good.

[B]

What. What do you do on a day you don't feel that good?

[A]

Aha. See, I'm glad you asked, Miles. I have a lot of Midwest in me. And by that I mean I do a lot of things. If I'm not feeling good, I do a lot of things so I can't feel the bad feelings.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, I go. I go biking. I go walking. I go, like, shooting my bow and arrow at the bow and arrow place, you know, I. I do. I go shoot my bow. Go bowling. I'll do. I just, like, activities now.

[B]

Charlie, tell me the truth. That was the Midwest answer.

[A]

No, that's the honest.

[B]

Tell me the truth.

[A]

I.

[B]

Okay, so you wake up, you're like, not my day today.

[A]

Not my. Yeah, I mean, today's.

[B]

I just. I'm not feeling good. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. How are you approaching your life that day?

[A]

I. I'm not even kidding you, dude. I just do do as much stuff as I can, so I can't think about it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I just. I might do, like. Randa came on vacation with me and my family, and she was like, do you guys ever stop on vacation? I was like, what do you mean? She's like, people are always doing something. I was like, that's because we. We're not doing our jobs and we can't feel our feelings. We have to do something.

[B]

They say that depression can hit a moving target.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. See?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, no, I. I'm. It can't. So I just. I do things I do. And also, like, I'll, like, go, so.

[B]

What are you gonna do if the wheel stops?

[A]

If the wheel stops? Well, it does, oddly, and it usually. It stops when I sleep. And so that's what. Right.

[B]

He just gets depressed when he sleeps?

[A]

No, no, no, no. It's like, that's when you wake up at, like, 4 in the morning and you got that anxiety and, you know, and then it all comes out, you.

[B]

Know, and so that's what I want to know. What do you do when that happens?

[A]

I take melatonin.

[B]

So you just go back to bed?

[A]

Yeah, sometimes. But I'll tell you this much. The dreams you get on melatonin, Miles, I've woken up with more clothes than I went to bed wearing. I don't know what the hell happens in the middle of the night when I take melatonin, but, I mean, it's like over the counter lsd. It's a. You know, there's that. And then you can try the Tylenol pm. But I stopped doing Tylenol pm.

[B]

Well, it's too late for you. Too late for you. Already got it.

[A]

I got the tpm. What are you talking about?

[B]

Yeah, damage is done on you with the Tylenol thing.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it's.

[B]

Your mom clearly was on Tylenol when you. Yeah, damage is done there. So, yeah, I think you can do all the Tylenol you want.

[A]

Ah, man. Yeah, it's crazy. Well, what do you do? Miles is sitting here acting like, what do you really do? The hell do you really.

[B]

So I do. So I do the same thing I do every day, but I'm just shitty about it.

[A]

You're just. You're just.

[B]

I'm shitty about eating breakfast, you know, like, I'm gonna have my coffee, but I'm not gonna enjoy it. No, I'm just not feeling it.

[A]

I'll always enjoy my coffee.

[B]

I'll come. I'll come do the podcast, but I'm not gonna try and say funny stuff. I'm just gonna do it.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Could.

[A]

Do you think people. Do you think the audience can tell when you're having a bad day?

[B]

100.

[A]

Yeah. Have they. Have they commented since I was yay.

[B]

High, you can tell exactly how I'm feeling about what's going on by my face. Ah, it's like, you know, I could try and hide my feelings, but I can't hide my face.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, it's gonna. It's gonna come out. It's seeping out of you.

[B]

It's like, that's the. My fatal flaw.

[A]

I'm actually. I'm. I'm with you on that. Like, people. People have told me that they can tell kind of if I'm not in the right mom. Like, how'd you know? And it's like, yeah, it's coming out. Yeah. In some way. Yeah. And means I'm not doing enough, you know, because if I'm doing it, it's not coming out.

[B]

And then, like, you were saying, you, like, go to sleep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll wake up the night I'll go to bed and I'll wake up the next day, be fine.

[A]

Well, because you're actually feeling your feelings during the day.

[B]

Yeah, I'm feeling too many feelings. I'm overthinking it for sure. Um, do you. Okay, here's a question for you, Charlie. Do you think there's such thing as.

[A]

The male period, the myriad? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, we get that every.

[B]

What is it? I don't understand. Like, I heard people throw it around.

[A]

You know, I mean, here's the thing. Here's the thing is that societally, you know, we've accepted, you know, the fact that, you know, women can feel their feelings, it's societally acceptable, and men tend to not feel their feelings. You know, this is being, of course, sexist, playing in the stereotypes, but they come from a real place, I think.

[B]

You know, I like is when someone owns up exactly when they're being sexist.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's.

[C]

It's.

[A]

Yeah, all right. Yeah, it is a little bit sexy.

[B]

New segment on Bellied up podcast. Our point of view. Our. Our point of view from a sexist.

[A]

Point of view or just more simply, we're sexist. No, I mean the. The sexist thing to say is that.

Women feel their feelings, men don't, you know, and if you do a broad strut brush stroke here, you might see that. You might see some men like, not feeling their feelings, but some women feeling their feelings, you know, and now you got me self conscious here digging a deeper hole. But what I'm saying.

[B]

Do you not know what a menstrual cycle is? You know?

[A]

Yeah, I know, I know.

[B]

I'm confused at where you're taking this. Talking about the male period.

[A]

Oh, yeah, we did talk about that. Yeah.

[B]

I don't mean that we're actually gonna like bleed out of our wieners.

[A]

No, I'm not talking, but I mean.

[B]

Like, hormonally, do you think that we have a cycle of hormones that fluctuate in our body, that causes us to have mood swings and stuff? So, yeah, that's like a hormonal thing, you know, that's where you get the stereotypical, like, mood changes with the menstrual cycle in women. Do men have that, you think?

[A]

Yeah, I think because we got hormones too. Yeah, men have hormones too.

[B]

What would you say, like, if you started tracking all of your moods every day?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think you would see it go in 30 day cycles?

[A]

You know, I bet. Honestly, because fishing kind of goes in 30 day cycles. You know what I mean? Like, when you got your major and your minors, you know, and fishing's different on a full moon night. And I think we, as. As a member of the rock that rotates around the sun, all kind of go through that a little bit. Maybe there's, you know, less. Less biological effects going on with men, but I think we still get some biological effects, you know, So, I mean, I know I can get moody. I haven't tracked it. I'll start tracking my moodiness, though. That'll give me something to do when I'm moody.

[B]

And then we should definitely get synced up, you and I, and then not podcast on those weeks schedule around our cycle.

[A]

But it's tough to get on your cycle when we don't live, you know, and we don't work together, like, every day.

[B]

Yeah, it's gonna be. It's gonna be threading the needle here for us. We'll just have to get synced up.

[A]

Maybe if we FaceTime every day, it'll help us sync up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, right?

[B]

That's how it works.

[A]

I think so. Yeah. Isn't that cool that, like, women can kind of sync up with that stuff? It's freaking cool. I mean, that's awesome.

[B]

Do you think the members of NSYNC were synced up?

[A]

They were in sync.

[B]

They're with each other every day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On tour buses, the whole thing.

[A]

That's what broke the band up, dude.

JT was. He was. He was starting to hang out with Brittany too much.

[B]

Got off the cycle. Yeah, that'll happen.

[A]

It will happen, Miles. I hope we never break up, though. I hope this band never breaks up.

[B]

Yeah, me neither. Would be a sad day.

[A]

It would be a sad day. How you feeling here on this December? We're kind of in the gloominess of the. Of the. You know, kind of the. The not quite at. We're in the Christmas spirit, but some people. Christmas time. That they don't. Do you get sad around Christmas?

[B]

Why. Why are you. Why are you sheepish about saying that in December people might not be in the Christmas mood?

[A]

Well, I'm just. I'm just trying to. I'm not being sheepish. I'm.

[B]

You're kind of like, in the Christmas mood. You're like, maybe they aren't.

[A]

Maybe they aren't. Some people don't like the holidays. Some people. The holidays make them sad.

[B]

Yeah. They make movies about those guys, right? Scrooge, the Grinch.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

[B]

Okay, so you're just being inclusive of Scrooges?

[A]

Yeah, I'm being inclusive. Yeah.

[B]

What Was your original question.

[A]

I forget.

[B]

Playing dementia on me.

[A]

Yeah, all we could do. Dimension. Should I go back to one of those questions.

You never asked me what I was self conscious of as a child?

[B]

Yeah. What?

[A]

Big nose. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Let's see it.

[A]

I was bigger when I was younger.

[B]

You really grew into your nose then, is what you're saying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At least you don't got one of those knobs on the. On the crown.

[A]

I'm cool with the knob.

[B]

Jared, you got a knob. Turn to the side. A teensy tiny little knob. You see that?

[A]

Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that, bro.

[B]

He's got a big one.

[A]

Does he?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Big nose.

[B]

No, like, big knob on his nose. My dad's got a big nose. Oh, my God.

[A]

Big old schnoz.

[B]

Yeah. Kind of the Zach Galifianakis Steve Carell joke that if my dad's doing the backstroke in the pool, everyone's gonna think there's a shark in the water.

[A]

It's good to have a big nose, actually. Some women find it very attractive. Miranda, the first thing she said to me was, I like your nose. Really? Yeah.

[B]

And you still said, this is the girl I want to date.

[A]

Yeah. Yep. She's watching.

[B]

Should have said, my eyes are up here.

[A]

That's smart.

[B]

He's staring at my nostrils right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some people, like, never actually looked at your nose, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah. What do you think? You think it's big or.

[B]

No, I. And I mean this in the nicest way possible. You just, to me, have the most average looking nose I've ever seen.

[A]

Hey. Would have made me feel happy as a kid. Would.

[B]

Wait, hold on. We got to get a. Yeah.

[A]

All right. Are you putting it on? Are you putting on some app to see how big my nose measures up to your average nose? I wonder.

[B]

I think that's one fetish I've never heard of. You know, you got the feet finder, you got the. All that stuff. I've never heard anyone really be obsessed with noses.

[A]

Now you've heard it, man. Now you've heard it. What's your fetish?

[B]

Who's the one that has the fetish?

[A]

Randa.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

She's a nose gal. What's your.

[B]

What's your thing in terms of fetishes?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It'S a great question. There's just so many.

[A]

Are you a foot guy?

[B]

No. No, I didn't get tickled by that bug.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it? Yeah. Well, that's another question. Is like, is having a fetish romantically, is that a bug in Our system or is that just part of human nature? Like everyone's got one?

[A]

I think everyone.

[B]

You think there's a guy out there who actually just. Just only likes missionary sex? He only likes boobs and only likes butts, and he just. There's nothing else that he.

[A]

I mean, I'm sure some. I just don't think they've explored, you know.

They'Ve explored.

Fingers, you know, palms.

[B]

All right, guys, we're doing prize picks. And right now, prize picks will give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you'll get fifty bucks in lineups. Use promo code bellied up all one word when you sign up today. And this week I'm feeling really good about Achan. Feeling really good about Devon Achan. He's been killing it. Whether you like the Dolphins or not. I like him. I'm really high on him this week, and so I got. I even toggled him up. I'm feeling so good. So I got him with more than 89 and a half rush yards this week. Charlie, what do you got?

[A]

All right, Miles, this week I've got Josh Jacobs running 78.5 yards because we are playing the Bears. And obviously I love.

[B]

I don't know if I would have picked that one, but I love it. But I love it. And so, guys, if you'd like to play prize picks along with us, you got to download the prize picks app, use code bellied up and have yourself a good old time.

[A]

You like a good palm, Miles? Did we do a Midwest palm reading on this podcast? Let me. Let me read your palm. Let me tell you. All right, so let's see here. Oh, you see this line right here? Yeah. Oh, you've missed some fish, Miles. Okay. Oh, we're not moisturizing. All right, that's fine. Okay, right there.

[B]

So that's compliment he could have gave me.

[A]

See that line, right?

[B]

He'd have been like, wow, your hands are so soft. That have been so offensive, you know? Thanks for saying I got rough, tough hands. Thanks, Charlie.

[A]

You. You do have very rough. And feel like you could just, you know, and.

[B]

Well, we know what his fetish is.

[A]

Oh. Oh, SpaghettiOs. There we are.

[B]

Accidentally spilled the beans.

[A]

Oh, but Miles, we're in the Christmas season, man. What do you want for Christmas this year?

[B]

Charlie, don't. It's just how many years we've been doing this podcast and how many years in a row around Christmas time have you asked me what I want for Christmas?

[A]

Every year is a new Christmas, Miles. I mean, you know what I'm gonna get you?

[B]

Let's get off this hamster wheel that is asking me what I want for Christmas.

[A]

I'm gonna get you some utter butter. Some teat butter. That's what I'm gonna get you for those big old manly hands of yours.

[B]

Butter in general.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's nice you rub it on your hands, make it nice and soft.

[B]

Oh, got it.

[A]

I had to put some on mine because my hands were cracking. See, look. See my finger? What do you think that is? Do you think that's a. Just the. The elements, the cold kind of crack in my finger like that?

[B]

Yeah, Dry, dry air.

[A]

Dry, dry air. Yeah.

[B]

Bobby, you need to get invest in a water softener good for the skin.

[A]

Oh, yeah, water softener. Okay. Did you put one in recently?

[B]

No.

[A]

You don't have soft water, huh?

[B]

I do at the lake.

[A]

Okay, yeah. Well, good.

[B]

But if you're struggling with cracked fingers, you got to start looking into it.

[A]

Okay, well, thank you. I'll look into that.

[B]

What do you want for Christmas, Charlie?

[A]

A water softener. Thank you, Miles. Appreciate that. I'm sorry, I didn't realize my questions were so basic here. I was just trying to, like, hang out with you, you know? Now we're fighting right here. Off the podcast, right off the top. This isn't good radio, Miles. This isn't good. You better start being nice to me as we go forward here on the belly.

[B]

Or what?

[A]

Or I'm going to get really. I'm going to start doing things. I'm going to start fixing this table so I don't have to feel my feelings.

To be.

[B]

Why would that be a bad thing?

[A]

Do we have any shims?

[B]

Charlie just threatened me with. With being. It's like, oh.

If you start pissing me off, I'm gonna come to your house and I'm gonna fidget that project you started a month ago. Swear to God, I will.

[A]

What projects are you sitting on?

[B]

I gotta stay in a bench.

[A]

You gotta stay in a bench? What bench?

[B]

It's in, like a entryway, like the mud room area.

[A]

How long have you had to stay in that bench, Miles?

[B]

Over a year.

[A]

Oh, is it longer? I'll help you stay in the bench. You want to stay in the bench?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It'll take two minutes.

[B]

Yeah, I'll cook dinner.

[A]

You do that. I'll stay in your bench.

[B]

We'll get some pizza and then you show me how to stain it, because I don't really know how. It'd be nice if you could. Yeah. I don't know how. So if you could just show me by doing the whole thing.

[A]

This is like in Huck Finn where he's like, yeah, it's fun to paint the fence. You know, I don't know how to stay in a bench. Ah, Charlie. What?

[B]

I'm gonna take your question you sent to me and I'm gonna send it back, but I'm gonna say, what don't you want for Christmas this year?

[A]

What don't you, don't I want for Christmas?

That's a really good question, Miles. What don't I want? Clothes.

[B]

I just, I, I, I can't do another button up.

[A]

Button ups are tough. They're tough because sometimes they chafe your nipples. What I don't like are shirts that are hard on your nipples. You know, like if you, sometimes you wear a T shirt and you're like this, a cool T shirt, but like the graphic is a little big and hard and you can tell.

[B]

Or, or the end of the graphic specifically lines up where your nipple is. And so that's like it, when you move, the graphic floats in and off of your nipple and just creates so much friction.

[A]

Yes, a hundred percent. And there's, there's, you can tell an hour into your day it's not gonna go well. When I, when I was working at the bike shop and we had a button up shirt.

There was this one shirt that I would, that I would wear. It was like a uniform shirt, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, and it would, it would make the nipples chafe. And in the middle of the day, I had to go to the area where they have your, what do they call it, first aid kit. Grabbed a couple band aids, put them right there on the nipples.

[B]

We talking like you're bleeding.

[A]

I know, but I was talking like it was that uncomfortable and I knew what was going to happen.

[B]

Yeah. As a burning sensation.

[A]

And so I lost, I lost some nipple hair that day and, but it was worth it for the temporary relief from the starched shirt. And from that day forward, I wore undershirts.

[B]

Smart. Smart.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yep. With no graphics on them.

[B]

So is that like you just, that's, you don't want a shirt that's gonna bother your nipples. Pretty much that people that are buying your Christmas gifts. Do you have any tips on how to get a frictionless experience for your nipples?

[A]

I think try it on. You know, go try it on.

[B]

You'd like a used shirt.

[A]

I would like you to try the shirt on to make sure it's not.

[B]

Walk a mile in my shirt?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What you want for this?

[A]

Pretty much before you buy it, just make sure it's not a nipple chafer.

[B]

And for, let's say there's a woman in your life buying it, do they need to pop their bra off and wear it?

[A]

I mean, I don't know how else you get that shirt to nipple contact, Miles.

[B]

Okay, so you want.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I'm done. You don't have to get me any shirt. Any shirt. But if you're gonna get a shirt, just make sure it's not a nipple chafer. Yeah. And I think there's a lot of people out there in the bellied up world that would agree with me.

[B]

I agree with you.

[A]

What do you not want for Christmas, Miles?

[B]

I kind of. Yeah, the button up was big deal. Yeah.

[A]

You can't take mine.

[B]

Dementia on me right now.

[A]

You can't take mine.

[B]

Are you playing dementia? I said button up.

[A]

I said clothes. You got more specific with clothes. Clothes is you can't have any clothes. What else don't you want? I don't.

[B]

I don't want a trinket.

[A]

No trinkets. What tool do you want, Miles? What tool have you been just jonesing for?

[B]

I really want an air wrench, even though I just don't have a need for it very often.

[A]

That'd be cool.

Yeah. One that you just like hangs up on your. Yeah.

[B]

So it's like the one time I do need to pop my tire off my truck. I can do it lickety split.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Plus, they just are cool tool to have. I've also been watching a lot of cars with my kid. Oh, show cars.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And the little. Little forklift guy that changed the tires. Kind of one of my heroes.

[A]

So nice.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

I like what he can get done with just so few resources. It's a great life lesson, actually. That is.

[A]

I feel like I gotta start. Well, I didn't know there was a Cars. I just knew about the movie Cars.

[B]

The movie? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, the movie you're talking about. Okay, okay. Cars one or Cars too.

[B]

Well, I'm halfway through Cars too, right now.

[A]

Okay, got it. Well, we better get this podcast.

[B]

What's wild is watching a show with my kid is a lot like watching a show with my wife. She had to watch it, like 20 minute intervals. If you're not gonna go ahead of them because my kid gets bored after like 20 minutes, then we gotta do something else.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

And if I'm watching the show my wife after 20 minutes, she falls asleep.

[A]

Ah, got it.

[B]

Church, different people.

[A]

Yes, indeed, indeed. Where are you gonna get Augie for Christmas?

[B]

What more does he need?

[A]

I guess not. I guess he doesn't need anything.

[B]

I already am battling my wife buying him too many toys.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I. That's. I didn't know when I thought about having a kid and when I had a kid. You know, you're always wondering, like, what's going to be your sticking point as a parent? Like, my dad's was shut the lights off, you know. Yeah, you're taking too long of showers. Like, that was like the irrational, like, where you're drawing a line that you're like, it's not that big of a deal. Mine is. Just stop fucking buying him toys.

Do you.

[A]

Are you.

[B]

Because I believe that the more toys a kid has, the less creative, the less.

Actual playing that the kid does.

[A]

I would agree with that. Now, are you. Get a toy. Dump a toy.

[B]

I actually. I actually talked about that with my wife, and she didn't love that idea.

[A]

She'll love it. Just start getting ready.

[B]

Bottom this eight dollar. It's eight dollars, Right. But at the end of the day, you bought him this little fucking remote control car that he's never played with. And I was. I brought it up the other day. I was like, yeah, it's just gonna. It's gonna be just like that if we buy him this toy. Whatever. She's like, no, he. Whatever. And I was like, okay, so if I just go throw it away right now, is that okay? And she did not love that.

[A]

Well, you can't throw it away, Miles. You gotta take it to Goodwill. Get that tax. Right?

[B]

Doesn't matter.

[A]

Yeah, well, you gotta just start doing it. Just start slowly taking toys.

[B]

Yeah, they would know.

[A]

They wouldn't know. Just start, start building.

[B]

Dropping them off at Goodwill.

[A]

Yeah, just get a basket in the back of your truck and just start tossing toys in there, you know, some kid will love them, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Just not my kid, because he doesn't play with them.

[A]

Yeah, he died. What does he do?

[B]

What does he likes Building forts.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. Remember I was over there. I. I built.

[B]

Begging me to build a fort.

[A]

I go over to Miles's house, we're playing with his kid, you know, and I guess we're playing fort time because he goes over the chair. So I build a fort. Yeah, it was a half ass for it, I'll admit. I didn't put a lot of effort into it. I didn't know we were in, like, Fort City. And as I'm walking out the door.

[B]

Fort City, North Dakota.

[A]

Yeah. Miles goes, all right, Augie, now we'll build you a real fort. Just emasculating me as I walk out the frigate. Like, I didn't know I had to have structural integrity in the blanket.

[B]

I put triangles. You got to build triangles. It builds a good structure.

That's funny. I forgot about that.

[A]

Yeah, well, next time I go over there, I'm. I got blueprints to build a frigging for, dude. I'm not going to bottom.

[B]

I got an Etsy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I've got.

[A]

I've got. I know exactly what to do with all the cushions on your couch. I'm going to destroy your house building this fort, Miles, and then you're going to have to pick it up. That's the other thing. I was also trying to not make a mess out of your living room. I didn't know that. I didn't know how free we could get with the forts in the Monplaisure household. But now I know. Now I know.

You know, I want. For Christmas, Mouse, I want your respect.

[B]

Okay, you have my respect.

[A]

No, you've disrespected me five different times on this. Just on this intro. You guys hear it out there. I ask Miles a question. He's like, that question sucks. I give Miles an answer. That answer sucks. He says, I think you're question was.

[B]

Great the first three times you asked me. And the fourth, I was just like, we got Steve. Let's do something else with that.

[A]

I just. Forget I asked you. I mean, it would help if I listened when you replied. You know, I do listen. I do listen for like an hour.

[B]

Just have adhd.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Yeah, it's diet. You know, you have. That. You have time blindness. It's like you have the cocktail of.

[A]

Adhd, you know, time blindness. No, I'm just an inconsiderate.

[B]

No, you have time blindness, much like I do.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[B]

I think you think when you have. When you don't have time, you think you have more time than you do.

[A]

That's true. That's true. You know, do you say that to Anne, that you have time blindness?

[B]

Yeah, it doesn't go over hot.

[A]

I was gonna say. That's why you're telling me. It's a leg thing right now.

[B]

We're gonna go to my niece's baptism yesterday.

[A]

I was at a baptism yesterday, too. My nephew. Dude. Or my niece. My niece.

[B]

See, he wasn't actually.

[A]

Well, he was there, but he wasn't there. I was there, man. When they're babies, they could go either way. You know what I mean? You don't really know until you know what I'm saying. I mean, you.

[B]

You especially now, they just dress them in so much gender neutral clothing.

[A]

Well, no, that. I mean, they baby and then they.

[B]

Name the kid Riley and you're like.

So I guess I'll just call them they. Them for a while.

[A]

The. The thing with babies is they. They all look the same up to a certain point, you know, up until like, you know, two or something. You can start telling. Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah.

[A]

How is baptism?

[B]

Oh, no, we showed up on time and I was like, look at that. And we. We're like five minutes early. Let's go. And goes. Well, yeah, that's because you took a shower early enough. Finally.

[A]

Wow. She didn't even give you any props for being early.

[B]

No, I mean, I'm in a cutthroat household.

[A]

I can tell, dude. I can.

[B]

Well, you're starting to see now kind of who I am, why I can be a little cutthroat on the podcast. It's just. Just who I am these days. Did the baby fight for any props in my household?

[A]

Yeah, you do. Yeah, I get that you gotta fight for toys and props.

[B]

Yeah. 12 kids, you had to fight for food as a kid.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's why I eat so fast. Did the baby cry in the baptism?

[B]

No. Pretty good.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I mean, they didn't do, like. It wasn't a Catholic one, so they didn't do the whole, like, just dunk, dunk them in water boredom situation. They just did like a little like, Like, I swear to God, they had a spray bottle up there.

[A]

Oh, come on. How does it do it?

[B]

You got to dunk them.

[A]

You got to give them a little grit, you know, and they, they Catholic. They don't dump and they just dump it over their head.

[B]

They don't swallow a lung full of water when you baptize them, are you even really baptizing them?

[A]

What denomination are we talking?

[B]

I don't know, dummy. I don't know.

[A]

Oh, is it non, dummy?

[B]

I think it might be a Lutheran one.

[A]

Oh, was it Lutheran or non, dummy? How big was it? Was it off a highway? Was there a jet outside?

[B]

No, there wasn't.

[A]

Okay, by Lutheran, probably.

[B]

Lutheran?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, it was. It's Lutheran, I believe. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

One of the Lutherans. There's like eight of them.

[A]

Okay, so Catholic.

[B]

Genuine draft choir at this, at this service, too. Yeah, they. They. They could brand Themselves as the gray haired choir. There was not a single person in the choir with normal colored hair. It was all white, Just gray across the board.

[A]

It's interesting.

[B]

What's that saying about today's society?

[A]

Well, it's saying that we're not getting young people in church now, Miles, you as a. As a. I was there. You were there. And you also had ambitions of being in the choir at one point. So I wonder.

[B]

Yeah, maybe. But it's like I won't get around to it until I have gray hair. I'm already starting to get it. I'm. We're done. We're toast.

[A]

Yeah, we are. Start warming up those vocals. Sing us a song, Miles.

[B]

Sing us a song.

[A]

Oh, I thought you were going to go catholic him with that. And I was.

[B]

Will raise you up on E. We're.

[A]

Looking over at Jared like he's just looking at the subscriber count fall as we're singing this.

[B]

Talk about a bit we've beaten to the ground.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But anyways, I told Did I talk about this podcast? And my mom said he. She wants me and you to sing that at her funeral.

[A]

Did she really?

[B]

No, dude, she was dead serious.

[A]

Dead serious.

[B]

And then I was like, you want us to learn all the words? She was like, I think it's fine. So imagine me on my mom's funeral and we're just like, and I will raise you. And I'm crying because my mom died.

And you're sitting there like, I'm not getting paid for this.

[A]

And so I'm crying too.

[B]

He's crying too.

Come on, sing along.

[A]

Like the sun.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Wow, Jared, you're gonna have to cut or auto tune that. Could you auto tune that? Sweet. All right. I can't wait. Well, I mean, I can wait, you know, but that. That would be an exciting way. That would be an exciting way to honor your mother.

Mary Jane, man.

Mary Jane.

[B]

You hear that, Mom?

[A]

You gotta tell her. I said, does your mom listen to this podcast?

[B]

Oh, every week. Does she? Yeah.

[A]

I thought she wasn't listening for a while.

[B]

Ah, maybe that was my mother in law.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Keep track.

[A]

All right, well, we can.

[B]

Isn't that amazing that I'm willing to say some of the stuff I say knowing that my mom listens every week.

[A]

Yeah, I mean.

Does she like it?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Did she ever say, does she ever do one? Yeah, maybe some of those. She texts you about it?

[B]

She gets really mad about when we get stuff wrong.

[A]

What'd we get wrong with Just a.

[B]

Lot of stuff, a lot of facts wrong.

[A]

Oh, what fact have we ever got wrong on this podcast?

Myriads.

Men, periods.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. There's not a chance we got anything right about the menstrual cycle. Talking about it. Anyways.

[A]

Anyways. All right. Well, should we take another? Should we. Let's take a caller. Hey there folks. It's me, Charlie Barrons. I'm on tour. Go to charliebarance.com tour and I'm coming to a town near you. Isn't that right, Miles?

[B]

That is right. You're not coming to Fargo this time. It's fine.

[A]

I'll get there eventually. I'll get there.

[B]

You'll be back.

[A]

I'll be back.

[B]

It's all right. It's actually nice. The rest of the towns get to experience you.

[A]

Yeah. You know, Boise or, you know, New York or I forget where else, but it's. It's up there. They get to experience it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, it's going to be fun. And Miles, I'll come see you again soon. We'll build a fort. Okay?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[C]

All right.

[B]

All right, folks. The holiday lights are going up, the sidewalks are icy and Grandma's climbing out of the passenger side because the store's parking lot's a skating rink. Ah, I imagine. Charlie, I don't know why, but I just imagine you've put up Christmas lights in your life and fallen off the roof.

[A]

I've fallen off a roof before.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And thank God you know who Nicolay Law are.

[A]

Yeah. So that way if I want to sue my dad, I know exactly who to call. Russell Nicola, ladies and gentlemen.

[B]

And if you take one wrong step this winter, one slick spot. Boom. Holiday cheer. Holiday cheer becomes an urgent care visit. You just don't want that.

[A]

You don't want that. Call 1-855-though- Nicolay.

[B]

Yeah. When a festive moment turns into an injury, you gotta call Nicolae Law.

[A]

Nicola Law.

Mouse. Have you ever forgotten someone on your holiday list, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean it's, you know.

[B]

Yeah. Now I got nieces and nephews and in, you know, it's just a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the.

[A]

Oh my gosh, what did I get Uncle Bob Panic, you know. You know you didn't get him anything and. But you know what Uncle Bob would like? He'd like a little vanilla soft serve Tippy cow, I betcha.

[B]

And if I know Uncle Bob like I think I do, he would love that gift.

[A]

Oh, he would love it. You know, and that's gonna save you from that painful moment watching someone unwrap the gift. And oh, there's a re gifted pair of socks. And they don't like it. No, there's no way to not like that. Typical vanilla soft serve. Miles could hand it to your neighbor, your cousin, that guy from bowling league, you know, whatever it is.

[B]

And the bottle is going to fit nice in a stocking as well.

[A]

Fits nice in a stocking. You could put it in your pocket. It would hang out a little bit, but you could put it in there. This is the easiest last minute gift this side of the Mississippi, Miles. Little tippy cow. So tip it on back.

Move.

[B]

Drink responsibly. Tippy Cow rum cream. Copyright 2025 Midwest Custom Bottling, Powkee, Wisconsin. All rights reserve.

[C]

You guys have excellent timing.

[A]

Sweet Donovan. See, we were thinking the same thing about you, dude. One ring. One ring guy, you know?

[B]

Yeah, I wish my wife answer that fast.

[D]

It's all been.

[C]

I've been in TR for like the last two and a half hours and I'm all like, just getting home, just bought a six pack, got home. I was like, oh, it's going to taste really good. And then the phone rings.

[A]

Well, crack one of those. Crack one of those.

[B]

So you're saying that's a bad thing or a good thing?

[C]

No, it's a good thing because you guys are the Bellied up podcast and you called right as I'm about to crack one Good. Once I get my damn boots off.

[A]

Get your boots off.

[B]

I would tell you that you should let your hair down, but just by the sound of your voice, I think. I think you're bald. Are you bald?

[C]

Not even a little bit, bro. I have an impeccable head of hair.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, like, do you have long hair?

[C]

No, no, no, I'm not. Not crazy like that.

[B]

Am I insane for thinking that? Didn't he sound bald?

[A]

You kind of sound bald. Bald with a beard. He was giving BE with B energy.

[B]

But yeah, yeah, like. Like my friend Nicolette.

[C]

Yes, definitely rock a big beard. And. Hang on one second. There we go. And.

But yeah, we. We definitely have a full head of hair.

[B]

Okay, well, congrats on dodging male pattern baldness.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, we're good, brother. How are you guys?

[A]

We're doing great, man. We're just sitting here. Yeah, we're drinking, we're chilling, we're enjoying each other's company. And yeah, we want to know what's. We want to know what's going on.

[B]

Should we ask him a question like we did our last caller?

[A]

Okay, Donovan, Donovan, you think you're going.

[B]

To heaven or hell?

[C]

I would hope I'm going to heaven. Although I probably got a sweet picked out in hell already.

[B]

Well, I like that no middle ground guy. Didn't even bring up purgatory.

[C]

No, no, no. We're. We. We're trying to do the right thing now. But, you know, we were. We were younger and dumber and not. Not so so much good things happened back in the day.

[A]

Well, what's the dumbest thing you've done? Let's.

[B]

Yeah. What gave you a one way ticket to hell that you did in your past?

[C]

Join the military, man.

[A]

God.

[C]

No, I mean, that was probably one of the dumber things, but it was one of a cool kind of prouder thing.

What's the.

What's the word? The statue of limitations on smuggling stuff.

[A]

Oh.

I think you're good, dude. I think like seven years. Yeah, seven years.

[C]

Yeah. So I. I do a lot of jaywalking.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Is that why you're down in Arizona?

[C]

No, dude, we've just. Me and the wife and kids have moved around a bunch of places and we just ended up back in Arizona. So we're here for now. You know what I mean? But we'll probably be out of here. We don't stay planted for too long. Every couple, two or three years, we move states.

[B]

Where have you been? Where have you lived?

[C]

Texas, California, Hawaii, Georgia, Oregon, Washington.

Was it Massachusetts for a little bit.

[B]

Notice how he's just going all the way around the Midwest?

[A]

Yeah. You didn't go up to the Midwest once. You went out to the Hawaii before you could. Gone to Michigan. What the hell.

[C]

So I did do a year in Illinois.

[A]

That kind of counts.

[B]

Illinois, Chicago. Yeah, that doesn't count.

He literally was like. He like jumped and just like landed in Chicago and then jumped.

[A]

Got the hell out of there. What were you moving around so much for? Is that military?

[C]

Not really. A little bit. But I. So I grew up in Southern California, and by about the time I turned 18, I said, hey, California's stupid. We got to get out of here. So I left.

[A]

All right.

[C]

You know, haven't really been back since. And that was.

[B]

It's always funny listening to former Cal Ex Californians talk about leaving California. And it just is. If you close your eyes, you think you're talking to someone who made it out of the Mormon Church.

[A]

Well.

[C]

And that's why whenever anybody asks me, they're like, oh, where are you from? I'm like, originally or last?

[A]

I. I think that your tendency to move Around. Is this job related or smuggling related?

[C]

More job related than smuggling. Okay, so because we're poor white trash, so we don't really save up money for vacations and stuff like that. You know what I mean? So we just go and get a job in a new part of town and then go see the new culture.

[A]

Hey, that's not a bad way to do it.

[B]

Yeah, never thought about that. You can get paid to vacation.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

What line of work are we in, Donovan?

[C]

I'm a heavy equipment mechanic, so I could work anywhere.

[A]

Oh, that's great, man.

[B]

And you work from home then.

[C]

All right. I got a, you know, pretty cool little Peterbilt in the front with the utility bed and a crane, and, you know, we just take it wherever we need to go.

[A]

That's awesome. That's great. Good for you, dude. What does your wife do?

[C]

She's a manager at retail makeup store.

[A]

Oh, there you go. They got those everywhere, too.

[C]

Yeah, typical. Typical mechanic. And all the mechanics. Wives. Either something in beauty makeup or nurses, period.

[B]

So. So your wife's crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Well, she's Mexican too, so that helps.

[B]

Does she come home smelling like 80 perfumes? Is it that kind of place?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Do you like that or not?

[C]

Not a terrible fan.

But, you know.

[B]

It'S like, I dated a girl in high school, worked at a pizza shop, and so we'd hang out after work. She'd smell like pizza.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's, like, weird after a while because then you, like, kind of start to associate pizza with romanticness, you know?

[A]

Pizza start getting you going.

[B]

So I just recently have kind of gotten that relationship with pizza out. I. I was Domino Dan. I adore Domino's a lot, and I think I'm starting to put the pieces together why I loved it.

[C]

So, you know, that makes sense because she used to work at a Mexican Slices, And I'm like, £300.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So that.

[B]

You know what I'm talking about. You associate smells with certain things. Yeah, it's like the Pavlov dog or whatever. They re the bell, and he's. And he salivates. Yeah.

[A]

You don't like the scented garbage bags either?

[B]

Correct. Yeah, because my mom had the fancy garbage bags growing up. What? Had the Febreze smell on them.

[A]

I didn't know they had scented garbage bags.

[B]

Yeah. So then when I would get sick and puke in the garbage bag, I would smell Febreze. So now I smell Febreze and I just get nauseous.

[A]

Donovan, what's. What's on your Mind today, my guy.

[C]

Dude. So bucket list item for me has a potential to happen, and I could use some advice from you guys.

[A]

All right?

[C]

It's a Midwest thing, so like I said, grow up, Southern California.

[A]

I.

[C]

The new company I work for is gonna have me go to Fargo in February.

[B]

Okay, first of all, that sucks.

[C]

Tell me about it. I'm from in Phoenix.

[B]

You know that we're all going your way at that time.

[C]

Right, right, right. But so the idea. I've always. Since I was, like, 6 years old watching grumpy old men, always wanted to go ice fishing.

I'd go to a local bar, talk to get somebody to take me ice fishing. What can I say? Do whatever like that to make a stranger take me to his honey hole.

[A]

Well, okay. Well, say it just like that. Say, hey, stranger.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Will you take me to your.

[B]

Like, rubbing his shoulder or something, too. That'll also help. Midwesterners love physical contact.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Should I. Should I throw in? By the way, I'm from California.

[A]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

And I'll do all the dirty work.

[C]

Yeah, There you go.

[B]

Well, first of all, if you're coming to Fargo and you want to go ice fishing and you want to go to a bar and basically just. I mean, you're. You're basically just kind of, like, whoring yourself out to help someone go ice fishing, Right? That's like, your plan 100. You're waiting for a guy to pick you up at the bar and take you ice fishing.

[C]

Right. I'll bring the beer. I'll bring the sandwiches. Or. I know you Midwesterns like casseroles. We can do a casserole. We'll figure something out.

[B]

It's a hot dish, but you're kind.

[A]

Of going for the boat move there, Donovan. That's kind of what people tend to do. That's how people pick up a boat, you know?

[C]

I know. I. So I'm used to the boat pickup. Is it the same doing ice fishing? Yeah, Very similar little shack.

[A]

I. I've never done it like that. Here's something that you can do, you know, if the bar thing doesn't go, you can just go out to a lake with a bucket and, you know, and crank. Yeah.

[B]

And pick one of those up for pretty cheap.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You could get the. The bare minimum here, and then you start making friends on the ice. You've. You cozy up next to a shanty a little bit. Start having distant con conversations like, hey, how you doing?

[B]

Yeah, you can't get too close, though, because that will Immediately get you on someone's shit list.

[A]

Yeah, no, you got to get close enough. I would bring a few beers out there, actually. Beers will make you friends. Beers can get you invited into someone's shanty. And once you're in someone's shanty, you. You're never getting out. You don't have to leave.

[B]

That will lock the door.

[A]

Yeah, you. It's really hard to get invited into a shanty, but way harder to get kicked out of a shanty, from my experience.

[B]

And if you are coming to Fargo, you got to go to Detroit Lakes, which is an hour from Fargo. That's where, like, you're gonna go ice fishing. If you go to Fargo on Detroit Lake, they have a bar that they set up on the lakes. You actually can get a two for one. You can go to a bar out on the ice and talk to someone who's currently ice fishing, and you can just go with them back to his shack.

[C]

Well, that sounds like the ticket that's dialed in there.

[A]

That is the ticket that's dialed in. Miles, do you think, like, have you been out there to Detroit Lakes ice fishing out there?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Is that where we used to do.

[B]

Like a cornhole event at this bar on the ice?

[A]

I was gonna say, because you have your. You have your ice palace. You still have that?

[B]

I don't.

[A]

You don't. Okay.

[B]

Having a kid. I'm not going ice fishing as much.

[A]

You're not going ice fishing as much? Okay.

[B]

I'm not doing anything as much.

[A]

Well, do you have any. Do you have ice fish golfing? Do you have an ice fishing pole sitting around some. You do?

[B]

I got a bucket over there.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So my ice fishing spot in the corner over here.

[C]

See, I guess that's the other thing though, too. So I was planning on meeting somebody at the bar the day before because, like, I don't have any of the stuff. I don't have a pole, none of that. And I wasn't necessarily going to get it and then just take it on the airplane back to Phoenix, where I'm never going to use it. So I was hoping to use somebody else's equipment.

[B]

Well, if you're. If you're with someone who's like, if you find the right guy at the bar, he's gonna have something for you.

[A]

Look, Donovan, I know what you're doing right now. You're fishing for Miles's ice fishing gear.

[B]

Keep.

[A]

Keep going.

[B]

He's.

[A]

He's avoiding it, and he's done a good job avoiding it. Keep dancing around this, let's see if he says he can use his ice fishing gear.

[C]

Well, see, that's what I'm saying, you know. Did you read the text message? You guys blew me off like eight times before this thing. I'm like, I think Miles, you should just take me now.

[A]

This is good tactic, Donovan. Go into the guilt. Go into the were.

[C]

We were. We were supposed to do this conversation last month. You guys blew me off because one of you was late for an airplane. And then that would have been today. You're supposed to call me at like noon. And here it is five o' clock and we're just getting on the phone.

[B]

And why, and why are we so late today, Charlie?

[A]

It was because my flight was delayed. But listen, so Donovan, the bane of.

[B]

My existence is Charlie's flights.

[A]

This is my fault, Donovan. And, and, and because it's my fault, I'm gonna do you a solid as a buddy. We're buddies now, Diamond. I'm gonna pimp out my buddy Miles's ice fishing gear to you.

[C]

Here we go.

[A]

So, yeah, well, you got a nice bucket, a few poles. It's. It's good. It's a short ride, but it works. And.

Yeah, you got a VEX.

[B]

Short rod, but it still works.

[A]

You got Vexar too. He's got the gear here set up now already. I'm gonna give you a few tips for your first time ice fishing though, in the, in the Midwest. Okay. February will probably have good ice, but you, you want to bring out some ice picks with you because sometimes if, if it goes through, you're gonna want to have those. That ice gets slippery if you go through it. So get yourself some ice picks or some floating.

Snow pants. But this is your first time. You're probably not gonna want to put an investment in. Those are expensive.

[B]

It's like 1200 bucks. Yeah, good ice fishing suit.

[A]

Just bring two butter knives out. That should work to let you grab.

[B]

Your way or just grow your fingernails out a little longer before the trip.

[C]

Or should I, should I bring my waiters?

[B]

No, because if you go through, it's just gonna fill with water.

[A]

Yeah, that would. Unless that some, some waiters do have those. Yeah, no, that's not gonna work. Yeah, that's gon one. But then I wonder. No, don't do that. You'll die of hypothermia. I think your best bet here is to just dress as warm as possible and get yourself some ice picks. And then really, I do think your main in with everybody is by going out to the Ice bar and bringing some pocket beers. Because even though there's a bar there every, no one's going to turn down a free beer.

[B]

And also, you have something really going for you, being an out of towner. Because Midwesterners love showing people the way.

[A]

Especially when it comes time.

[B]

It's like, it's like being a missionary in another country trying to convert people to the good Lord. And you get. You give them a little sliver. You know, you're over there and you're in Chile trying to convert people to Christianity and someone comes and asks you about God, you are licking your chops. Well, why don't you come on over here and let's open up the book to Genesis 1 and start there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you go in there and be like, ah, my bucket list is to go ice fishing. I'm from Arizona, from California, and now I'm Arizona. And I just can't believe the more you hype up that you can't believe that they do something as crazy as ice fishing, the more they're going to be licking their chops to show you and show off their ice fishing spot.

[A]

Just bring your curiosity and a few beers. Donovan, you're going to be sitting pretty.

[B]

Because I was like, my buddy Fillmore, you know, film.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He lives in Nashville, and he was like, oh, there's no way you guys drive out on frozen ice. And I'm like, licking my chops. We're gonna get you up there and oh, my God, your mind's gonna be blown.

[A]

That is true. Yeah.

[B]

You.

[D]

You really.

[A]

I. I'm getting it. I'm like, I didn't know he'd never been ice fishing.

[B]

And the more that you can play up that. You ham it up that you. You don't think it's real, the more they want to blow your mind.

[D]

All right, all right.

[B]

So you need to not be like, you need to. Even if you've watched YouTube videos about it, you need to talk that. Like, there's no way. I know we're like at a bar on the ice, but there's no way you guys do this.

[A]

Yeah. And be like, how do you even catch fish? Like, like, do you just hope that there's fish in that one hole that you drill? And they'll be like, oh, no, no, no, you don. When you're ice fishing, it's like, everybody has a boat. You can just walk to any single spot and drill another hole. And if you, if you're like, I don't know if I could drill. I don't Know, if I have, like, you know, the. The strength, they'll drill the hole for you, all right? And they'll own you their Vexilar. I mean, I just think you're. You're. You're absolutely walking in, like, curious, Donovan. And. And the. The more you don't know, the more you're going to see.

[C]

There we go. Yeah, I'm gonna just keep it to I only know what grumpy old men showed me, and we'll go from there.

[B]

Yeah. And, like, you know, like, if I was like, yeah, Charlie, I've never been to Lambo.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I mean, I remember this, you know.

[B]

No, I mean, like, if someone starts talking about how they've never been to Lambeau and you start saying stuff about it, and then. I don't believe. Believe you. How bad do you want to show them Lambo?

[A]

I mean, you're gonna. You're. You might get them.

[B]

I don't think tailgating can't be that fun.

[C]

In the freezing cold with the snow. Gating's got.

[B]

No way. There's a brat everywhere you turn. Yeah, that's just. That's fantasy land. There's no way.

[A]

No. I'm getting horned up right now just showing you about Lambo. I can feel myself salivating like a dog.

[B]

Yeah, he's this close. Being like, well, we gotta get you up there.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, seriously, you know, we could do Lambo.

[C]

I've never done Lambeau field either.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What kind of a car do you have, Donovan?

[C]

Which I got a couple.

[A]

Poor white trash. Which one?

[B]

Yeah, you are white trash, aren't you? How many of them run?

[A]

Two.

[C]

We've got five total to run.

[D]

You got.

[A]

Okay. You okay? Do you guys suburban on you?

[C]

I do, but it doesn't have motor.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's a 79, though.

[A]

This is perfect. Dude, you got to make a tuber out of that, so. Yeah, yeah.

Find a way to get a motor in that between now and February and drive that sucker up here.

[B]

You think the packers are gonna be playing in February?

[A]

No, I'm talking about ice fishing still. And shut the hell up. All right.

See a crap I deal with on this podcast, Donovan.

[B]

I thought you were going talking, tailgating. Go on. Oh, well, you're talking about drilling holes in the bottom of the Suburban.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The back two seats. Yeah. You. What you want to do is drill a hole about a bit shorter than the diameter of a five gallon bucket. Okay. And then get yourself some tubes like the ones that you, like, pour concrete in to, like, get yourself a post there, you know? Yeah, so just get your. That tube will connect between the Suburban and the ice. You just put that in there and that's going to keep that hole nice and warm. But you can fish from the back of that Suburban. And just like that, Donovan, you could go from. You like you could go from. Maybe I'll get invited into someone else's. Shannon, you will be able to exchange an experience in the tuber with an afternoon in someone shanty. They're going to love that.

[C]

Yeah, they like those big tuber things. I can Google that. That may be fun.

[A]

Yeah, they do like them. I mean, those are slick because not lot of people are. Are going to be, you know, putting two holes in the back of their Suburban. But Donovan, you feel like the kind of guy that might just be willing to do that.

[C]

I'm definitely got a touch of the tism. So we're okay with that.

[A]

All right. I mean, yeah, he's a Tylenol guy.

[B]

Charlie's mom had Tylenol when he was a baby too. When he was.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we had some.

[A]

Well, I'm glad we got that all straightened out.

And. Yeah. So I. Do you know about a tip up?

[C]

No, what's a tip up?

[A]

See, just that. Just like that. Just like that. I'm not even going to tell you. So you can just keep it like that. Same energy. You're. You know, whether you do the tuber or not, you're going to be taken care of.

[B]

Oh, well, you don't know what a tip up.

[A]

I'll show you.

[B]

Come on out here. It's best to just experience it here.

[A]

I got some minnows.

[C]

Yeah, I know what minnows are.

[B]

Yeah, that's the next thing when you get up here, you got to go to the ice bar and you got to ask for a minnow shot.

[C]

A minnow shot? What's that concoction made of a shot?

[B]

Minnows and booze.

[C]

You know what's funny? You got a quick time for a funny story real quick? Yeah, we got.

You know, like I said, born and raised in, you know, Southern California and head up to.

Maine for military stuff. And then they're sitting there, we having our safety brief and they're like, hey, who knows what black ice is? Me being a Southern California boy, raised my hand and they said, what's that? And I say, isn't that a cocktail with like vodka and black tea in it? And they were like, no.

[A]

One beer. You're cracking yourself up, Diamond. You're gonna fit in well up here, man.

[B]

No, honestly, that joke's gonna play with a bunch of drunk farmers at the bar. I don't love that.

[C]

That's, it's, but it's a true story. Like, it's funny, but it's true. I didn't, I had no idea what black ice was until I was 18, in the military and, you know, must be tough.

[B]

Must be tough growing up where it's 75 and sunny every day.

[C]

You know, it was rough, dude. Sometimes the, the, the waves were only, like, feet tall and you couldn't really surf. It sucked.

[A]

Are you a big surfer?

[C]

I used to be. Not anymore.

[B]

It's £300 now. Yeah, you're tough to find a board.

[A]

Three hundo.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to the, went to the VA doctor today. We're 302.

[A]

All right, there you go.

[C]

But we're 6 5. So we're all kind of, you know, a little proportionate.

[B]

Dude, you're like a, you're like an offensive tackle.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Think about where you could have been if you had enlisted in college instead of going to the military. You could be, like, starting right tackle for the Packers.

[C]

I, I, I mean, I'd hope I'd be for a better team, though.

[A]

See, I. You know what? Both of you shut the hell up.

[B]

I didn't say anything. You knew.

[A]

You set him up. You knew what you were doing. Donovan, what even is your team, huh? Are you Rams fan, Dodgers or Chargers fan, Whatever.

[B]

No.

[C]

So being honest, I'm more of a gambler now with football.

[A]

Being honest, I have a problem.

[C]

I was a big Charger fan, but then they moved from San Diego and I said, fuck them.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I, I tried rooting for the Raiders for, like, two years because, you know, it's like the ultimate you to the Chargers, but it just didn't feel right, so. So now with football, anyways, I'm more of a fantasy and a fanduel gambler.

[B]

That's kind of how I am.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. But hockey is a totally different story because the Kings are winning the whole fucking thing this year.

[A]

Oh, okay. So you're a big hockey guy. That's where your loyalty lies. Are you making good money gambling?

[C]

1 no, I was doing okay. Ish. Meaning, like, I spent 200 and I was only in the hole, like, 25. But this season, not so much. But I don't do it. Like, I'll throw like, 20 bucks on a Sunday.

[A]

Got it. Got it.

[B]

Just enough to get you, you know, get some blood. Flow. But not, like, totally exactly.

[C]

Whatever. Games on CBS or Fox to make it a little bit interesting, you know what I mean? Because I don't really care.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's a good way to play it. That's a good way to play it. Is there. Is there anything else that you want to try while you're here in the Midwest?

[C]

I want to do that. What's the. I want to get real legit. What's the. The cheesy thingy? Putin. Putin.

[A]

Poutine. Poutine. Don't mispronounce it.

[B]

Poontang.

[C]

Yeah, let's get some of that.

[A]

You. You come out here.

Miles. Is there a lot of poutine over here in Fargo?

[B]

I thought that was more of, like, a Canadian thing.

[A]

Yeah, it's kind of a Canadian thing.

[C]

We only heard it's like an. Up there, but you got it.

[B]

That's.

[C]

Anything north of, like, Utah is basically Canada.

[B]

I mean, I can't argue I'm in Fargo, so. Yes.

Yeah. I mean, there's restaurants got poutine around here.

[A]

Do they? Okay.

[B]

We don't gravy on the fries and cheese and.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I'm not as much of a poutine guy, but, you know. No, no, no Shade. It's more of gravy. Guys are into it. Not always a gravy guy or.

[C]

What's a. What's a staple? Everybody out there, like, you guys all grew up eating this period. Everybody's mom has their own. Like, in the south, it's jambalaya and gumbo. Back home, it's tacos. And what's your guys is everybody's. Everybody's family does this, and it's only good the way your grandma made it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, hot dish is very similar to that. Yeah.

[A]

I. I throw casserole in a casserole. Hot dish situation.

You know, there we're. We're big into salads here, but potato salad, really? Any salad without lettuce? Yeah.

[B]

Jello snicker salad?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Basically, macaroni salad.

[B]

Yeah. 100. Basically any salad without lettuce in it.

[A]

Salads that can give you heart attacks if you eat them consistently. That's kind of what we're into.

[C]

I do make a pretty mean carnivore salad.

[A]

Oh, what's that?

[C]

Just whatever meat you want in a bucket.

[A]

In a bucket. Meat in a bucket. Damn.

[C]

Probably fresh off the grill.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So, you know, you're sitting out there, you got a beer, you got the barbecue and the charcoal going, and you make some steaks. In the bucket. Chicken in the bucket, ribs in the bucket. And then everybody just comes around and picks from the, you know, carnivore salad.

[A]

Hell, yeah. That. You know, you're gonna fit in real good out here, Donovan. You are. Yeah. You just toss a grill in the back of that tuber, and we're gonna be sitting pretty.

[C]

There we go.

[B]

Yeah, just have a tube full of meat.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Meat tube.

[C]

We could convert one of them to be like a little. Or make a little vertical smoker in the back of the Suburban, too.

[A]

Oh, there you go. Now we're thinking.

[B]

Yeah, we gotta fire inside of a vehicle.

[A]

You know, we've done it before.

[C]

It's okay.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It's. If you have enough ventilation, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll put it.

[C]

Put the little smoke box, like the little thing the old 50s car had. Where the little swamp cooler that hung out the side of the window.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See?

Sitting pretty.

[B]

Well, we're excited that you're coming up north here. Finally been avoiding.

[C]

Yeah, I know. It'll be. It'll be fun. I'm looking forward to it.

[B]

Yeah. And I think you're ready to go, as long as you make sure you play dumb and don't know anything about it. Someone's gonna have to show you how to do it.

[C]

Yeah.

Yeah. The whole tipper upper thingy. Yeah, we gotta figure that out.

[B]

Yeah, that's perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wanted to correct him so bad.

[A]

No, we're just. We gotta let it be authentic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't watch any YouTubes about this. Just come in with you and start talking about meat salads. You're going to find your way, you know, you're going to find your way into some perch pretty quick here.

[C]

Meat salad in. In Fargo. Are they. Are they packers or they more, you know, the better. Bears.

[B]

It's usually they're packers or Vikings fans.

[C]

Packers or Vikings.

[A]

And give the Bears a week. All right.

[B]

Definitely more Vikings fans than Packer fans.

[C]

I could do Vikings. I'm part Norwegian. We could do Vikings. There you go.

[B]

All right, dude. Well, we appreciate you calling in today. Hopefully you enjoy your six pack of beer you got and.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Have fun in. In Fargo.

[C]

I will. I appreciate it, guys. Thanks for. Thanks for doing it. You guys make me laugh with this podcast. It's pretty fun. It's fine. Nice to finally talk to you.

[A]

Oh, thanks, man. We appreciate that. And sorry that Miles screwed up getting you on this call. All that was all his fault. And we appreciate You.

[C]

You know what? I'm a hundred percent positive worser things in life have happened. So.

[B]

What happens?

[A]

All right, man, we'll see you soon. Drive safe up here.

[C]

Yeah, guys, take care. All right.

[A]

Bye. Bye.

So you're not gonna loan them your ice fishing stuff?

[B]

Miles, I just will never see it again, you know?

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

Guy like that, he'll take a liking to it. You can tell.

[B]

I lost it, fell in the hole. Next thing you know, he's bought a case and it's back in Arizona.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Bought a case?

[B]

Yeah, for the fishing rod.

[A]

Oh, oh, bought a case for the fishing rod.

[B]

Yeah, like a travel case.

[A]

Oh, okay. I've never the one.

[B]

Never needed one, so. But you can buy them for sure.

[A]

Yeah, I guess you can.

[C]

Gun.

[A]

Yeah, gun cases. That's the one thing that we had to take. It was an old gun case. And this one time I was cleaning the garage and the fishing rod gun case was in there, and I opened it up and this rat jumped right out of my face. Rat in the gun case. Can you believe that?

[B]

Yeah. In your garage. 100%.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, should we take another caller?

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

All right, we got Cliff on the podcast. Charlie. Cliff, how are you? Good.

[D]

How about you guys? Long time listener, long time fan of your guys's channels online, and I'm just super excited to talk to you guys.

[A]

Cliff, what the hell was that? What happened there?

[B]

Are you going into cardiac arrest?

[D]

A little bit. I mean, I. I've had a couple drinks, so I can't really complain, but.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Kind of went down the wrong hole there, so my apologies.

[A]

All right, well, he's nice and liquored up. What's on your mind, Cliff?

[B]

With.

[D]

So, yeah, you guys, I left a voicemail a couple weeks ago. Got some family issues.

So. I mean, a lot of things have happened in the last couple weeks since I left the voicemail.

[B]

Okay, is that good for us or bad for us?

[D]

I mean, for me, I. I don't care for the uncle much.

[B]

Okay, so something's going on with your uncle.

[D]

Yes. So to take it back a couple weeks ago or actually a couple months ago. My apologies. So what happened was, is my aunt and her. Him have had issues in their marriage for about. Oh, like I said, the last couple months. And he's been very distant. Not talking to her, just very, like. Yeah, you know, distant. And.

One day he was at a barbecue with his. So I have two cousins.

[A]

Cliff, you really know how to tell a story. I'll tell you that. I'm with you.

[D]

I'm horrible at telling stories, but I. I. Let me just.

[A]

No, I like it. It's the spider web web story. We're getting it. Your uncle and. And your aunt. Distant in the relationship. Your uncle's been distant, but you got these two cousins.

[B]

Cousins.

[D]

Okay, so I have these two cousins, and they were at a barbecue, my uncle and my oldest cousin. And she was on his phone almost the entire time, right? And so when she was kind of curious, she kind of walked behind him, and he saw him messaging somebody.

And she called him out on it and was like, hey, who the hell are you talking to? And he kind of, you know, pulled his phone away real quick, and he said, nobody, Nobody. You know, that type of thing. And she said, no, no, tell me who you're talking to. And then he just flat out, more or less told her, I'm having an affair with a woman. On through text message.

[A]

Whoa, what a weird flex.

So.

I'm having a text affair.

[D]

Okay, so. Yes. So you guys ever heard of the pig butchering scam?

[A]

No. Tell us.

[D]

So the pig butchering scam is more or less somebody you. Everybody gets these texts, more or less saying, like, hey, I can't wait to meet you for coffee at Yada Yada Times. And you're like, who is this? Or you just full on, ignore it. It. He texted back and said, hey, I don't know who this is. You have the wrong number. And then they go and say, hey, I apologize for even, you know, texting you, but what's your name?

And then it kind of just snowballs into a very.

[B]

Talk about. I mean, this guy had to have been lonely.

[A]

He.

[D]

He was.

[B]

I mean, no dig on your aunt, but some. I mean.

[D]

And you know, Miles, it does take two to tango. I'm not going to argue there.

[B]

And I know. I'm not defending. I'm not defending him at all.

[A]

Straight to blaming the ant right now. Dude.

[B]

I just. I just. I started thinking about, like, what mental spot do I have to be in to? Because clearly this is not. He's getting catfished, right?

[D]

More or less, yes.

[B]

But.

[D]

But here's the bad thing, Miles, is that they just renewed their vows this summer for 35 years.

[A]

Oh, damn.

[B]

That's so bad. That's so bad.

[A]

You still want to blame the ant?

[B]

No, I'm not blaming the ant. I just was like, God, he's probably got to be so lonely if he's just willing to strike up a romantic relationship with some guy in India.

He's like, I don't even care who you are. Just if you talk to me, I. I'm all for it.

[A]

I've. Now that you bring it up, I've gotten text messages like this before of, like, saying, hey, are we still meeting up or something?

[B]

I know what you're talking about.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, no, this is. This is totally this guy's fault. I'm not saying. I just was thinking, like, where you got to be at?

[A]

What's this call again? Pig fishing.

[D]

Pig butchering.

[A]

Pig butchering.

[B]

And why is it called pig butchering?

[D]

So what happens is like, like, like, like I was saying they kind of just like, like, oh, like text them random number and say, like, oh, let's say this guy's name is John. Like, oh, hey, John, are you ready for coffee? And they're like, oh, well, this is the wrong number. And they're like, oh, well, what's your name? And they get to an intimacy over text and, like, trust and everything to that extent. And then they more or less are fattening you up to, you know, slaughter you.

[A]

Oh, that's where the analogy comes from. Okay, okay. I was thinking, like, in terms of a fishing analogy that makes sense. Like you're just cast in a. A wide net or something.

Okay, okay.

[B]

You know, I would say fattening the calf before the slaughter is what the term I would use in this sense.

[A]

A little biblical, too.

[B]

Yeah. So, okay, so your. Your uncle's now broke. He sent all of his money to some guy in India.

[D]

So, you know, he's had a very good job. And, you know, he. He's actually saved a ton of money, you know, in his 401k over. He's worked in the mining industry for, gosh, 25, 30 years. And he saved a ton of money. Had a great, you know, setup pension, everything to that extent. And he brought. So going back to my cousin that caught him.

He told her right away, like, hey, I'm having an affair. And then he told my youngest cousin. He didn't even tell his wife yet, you know, my aunt. So they're. They're trying to keep this secret from her, and all of a sudden they're like, you just need to tell her. And he told her. And so what's weird is that this gal that he was. Or, man, I don't know who the hell he's talking to.

[A]

Robot.

[B]

A robot.

[D]

It could be A.I. you know, Charlie, that's up your alley.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're in a romantic relationship with a robot.

[A]

No chat.

[D]

Gbt. Can you help me feel Love.

Trust me, in all the wrong places.

[A]

No, I.

I don't.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe that's why Charlie's so defensive about AI is that he secretly is in love with an AI. A woman. Is that true?

[A]

First of all, AI cannot be a woman. Second of all, her name's Tiffany, and.

All right, all right. So. So did he. Did he send money over?

[D]

So he. My. My cousins were, sorry, begging him, because they were more or less asking, hey, like this. This gal was asking for money for quote, unquote, investments in crypto and gold.

Yeah, right. And that's what I said. And even my dad was like, what a dumbass, you know, so he. Before my. So just to cut the chase, my aunt and him did get a divorce about two weeks ago.

[A]

Oh, wow, dude, this is so sad.

[D]

It is sad, you know? You know, they've been together for 35 years. It's affecting, you know, my cousins, you know, they both have kids and just. It just destroyed the family. So I'm kind of just bringing awareness to, you know, families out there. If this is happening, you know, cut it. Just nip it now, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How much money did he send?

[D]

Oh, okay. So the first time my aunt noticed in their 401k account, because they have a shared account, don't. You know, because they're married. He. He sent $50,000 to this woman.

$50,000 to invest in, quote, unquote, gold.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, that was the first time. How much did he send the second time?

[D]

For what?

[C]

I know.

[D]

And this is true, you know, $400,000.

[A]

What?

Oh, my gosh, dude.

Yeah, Your poor aunt, man.

[D]

But here's the thing. Before he sent that $400,000, she got out like a bandit. Let's be honest here. Before the divorce, he promised her the house. He paid off her car, which was worth about $50,000 itself, and then she got 1/3 of the 401k. So, I mean, she kind of got out. Okay. But, you know, I still felt bad for her. I'm not saying, like, oh, good for her, you know, but this guy is now thinking he invested in crypto and gold. And then when he asked for his money, in about five, six years, it's going to be all gone.

[A]

Wait, he doesn't know that this is a scam yet?

[D]

No, they've tried to tell him. They've. They. They've met other people that have gone through the same thing to try to talk to him, and he's like, no, no, she's real. 100 real. And they're like, no, she's not. Yeah.

[A]

Has he talked to her on the phone?

[D]

So. So, Charlie.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

So this is. The weird thing about this, is that he says he's FaceTimed or called her over WhatsApp, you know, and that's where we're all kind of, like, scratching our heads.

[A]

Like.

[D]

Like, this gal must be like. Like that. This has to be something through, like, India or she. I guess she's from, like, Thailand or something.

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, I mean, look. Okay, look at the. He does know that you can just. With the technology now, you can just invent a person. Like Sora, all those apps, you can just invent a person to talk to you.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And this is what. So my. My younger cousin, she tried to. So he sent her a photo of what she sent to him over WhatsApp. Like, that she's from Santa Barbara and she works for this company for investors, blah, blah, blah. And she sent a photo of his name written in the sand on the.

[C]

On. On the beach.

[D]

And I. I saw it, and I was like, that's AI.

No doubt, that's AI.

[B]

He's like, send me a photo. She sends a photo back, and she's like, only has three fingers.

He's like, wait, what's up with that? She's like, oh, I just was born that way.

[A]

You know what, Cliff, though? You're right, man. You're right. This is. That's a PSA, dude. People are getting scammed. 400g. So did she. Did they get divorced and then he sent over his whole $400,000?

[D]

Well, I believe, from what I understand, you know, I don't know everything about their finances, but from what I understand, they had about $2.1 million in their 401k for retirement.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And so one third of that money went to my aunt, and he paid off the house. Or the house was already paid off. They've been in the house for, gosh, like, 20 years. And, yeah, I mean, so I think he did send that 400,000, like, when everything was kind of getting finalized, because I don't believe they were divorced when he did it. So, I mean, it's kind of a weird thing to talk about, but, I mean.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And the thing is that he keeps making plans with this gal that, hey, like, come to Santa Barbara this date, and we'll. We can meet each other. And he goes, okay, I booked the flight and everything. And all of a sudden, the day before, two days before, like, oh, no, I had to go to New York.

[A]

Because my mom's Yeah, I mean, I know we. We know how this is gonna go.

[B]

Sad.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, it is truly sad. It's just horrible.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And. Yeah. Oh, my apologies, Charlie. You go ahead.

[A]

Oh, no, I mean, I just said, like, you just like these bots are like, trained on, like it's got all the. Your information, you know, that you're putting out there and the stuff that you like, scroll past or whatever, so it knows where all your weaknesses are and, and it can be so easily manipulated. And this is just a case of that. Man, that sucks. Yeah.

[D]

And like I said, he still thinks, you know, she's real. You know, he lost everything, you know, his wife, his. His daughters won't even talk to him. You know, it's. It's just super sad. He lost a five bed, four bath bathroom home. That's like 2500 square foot, four baths.

[B]

Do you know how funny it is.

[A]

That he just gave us the number of bathrooms?

[B]

Run down on the specs, you know, it's got heated floor in the garage.

Living room's got vaulted ceilings, you know. You know that.

In a nice, quaint little neighborhood on a cul de sac. He just gave that all away.

[D]

Yeah, he gave it all away, man. I mean, he just kind of gave it all away because like, like, kind of what you were saying, Miles, you know, it takes a lot for a man to be lonely enough to just give it all up.

[A]

I. I think it's partially that, but it's also partially like, like all his weaknesses are like, out there. You know what I mean? Like, when you got that much data that, that people can just buy and manipulate, that's what happened. So they knew exactly what to say to him.

[B]

Him.

[A]

It's probably an. An AI. I mean, it's obviously AI, but that's so messed up, dude.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And he still. It's like a mental disease, you know.

[B]

To Give up your 5 bedroom, 42500 square foot heated garage, vaulted ceiling house for that is crazy.

[D]

Yeah. Now to a one bed, one bath, single wide. I mean, I mean, throw it up in the world.

[C]

World.

[A]

Is he in a single wide now?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, all right. I mean, some of those are nice.

[D]

But.

I'm not judging at all.

[B]

You know, if someone texts you from a number you don't know, and it's actually someone that you know trying to get a hold of you, it's still going to be okay. Even if you don't respond to someone that you know who's doing that.

[A]

I'm so confused with what you just said.

[B]

Me too.

[D]

I'm a little lost, too.

[C]

Sorry.

[B]

You get a text saying, hey, can we meet up? You don't know who it is. Even if it's someone that you know and you just don't respond to them, it's better than responding to someone you don't know from a number like that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean. No, I get it. That makes sense.

[B]

That makes you rather just not show up to the engagement that you were supposed to be at rather than like, just texting numbers you don't know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Well, and it even gets gnarlier because with the voice stuff, you can make your voice sound like you know someone you know. You know, they've had that, too.

[B]

I know someone that almost got into that problem. Yeah, like, they made their voice sound just like the one guy's kid.

[A]

Yes. That. That happened to a friend's grandparents where it sounded like he was calling them asking for money, and they gave the money. It's never been easier to scam.

[B]

I think the one was like. He's like, dad, I'm from. I'm in jail. I need you to wire money me to get me out.

[A]

Trying to do that to a Midwest dad, you know? Oh, yeah, you're in jail. Spend the goddamn night there. What the hell did you do rotten there? You son of a.

[B]

That's not the way that I raised you.

And like, those scam people are just like, do not call any of these area code numbers. You've had no success.

All of Wisconsin is off the list.

[A]

Oh, man.

Well, are people starting to heal yet at all from this, or is. Are we still in the thick of it?

[B]

Clearly he's not over the five bedroom, four bath.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

2500 square foot.

[A]

Oh, and. And your uncle is still. Is this uncle by blood or did he marry in?

[D]

He married in.

[A]

Okay. Well, at least there's that. That. Yeah.

[C]

So.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, me and him never really cared for each other anyway, so I ain't losing sleep over it. I just feel bad for my aunt and my cousins because, like, I was kind of, you know, raised around them.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

She's like my second mom, and those. My cousins are like sisters to me, so it really just breaks my heart to see them going through that, you know?

[B]

Yeah, that sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But damn ironic. Ironically, you guys brought up the.

How. You know, the. Like a kid calls their. Their grandparents or something. That actually happened to me in high school as well.

[A]

High school.

[B]

How old are you?

[D]

Yeah, I'm 27.

[A]

How did it happen back Then so.

[D]

My, I was about 16, 17 at the time. I was in English class and my grandma's texting me like, hey, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. What's up? She's like, I thought you were in jail. I was like, you thought I was in jail? And she's like, yeah, somebody called us and said you were in jail and they said they were gonna arrest you if you don't go get us Google gift cards from Walmart.

And they get it.

[B]

Oh, no.

[D]

And my dad called me and he's like, you're not in jail, are you? I'm like, I'm sitting in English class listening about Shakespeare. What are you talking about?

[A]

I love, I love how it was so plausible that you could have been in jail, that you helped defraud your grandparents, though. They're like, I mean, that sounds like it could have happened.

That's a. So did they get that one figured out or no?

[D]

Yeah, they sent him the money and then nothing ever happened.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[D]

But, yeah, you know, it is what it is. It's unfortunate. You, you always hear about those old scams, those email scams of like, like an African freaking prince or something, or princess is like, hey, I need money to get out of jail or I need help. My people are in trouble. You know, like, it's super, like crazy how far they've come with scamming.

[A]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's not fifty thousand dollar vacation giveaway email. And now. Yeah, just replicate your voice.

[A]

Yeah, I got, I got people that, I think I've said this on here before, but I have people that text me.

Like, have come to a show, say, like talking in the front row with me about a dog or something. Like, yeah, we talked about that. And I was like, I, this is not the time to let you know. But that wasn't. Wasn't me. But yeah, they do that stuff all the time. I get messages saying like, this a fake account or whatever. And you think about all the people who didn't figure out it's a fake account. Do you get that? Too many, Miles.

[B]

Not really.

[A]

As much.

[B]

Not as famous as you.

[A]

That's not true, Miles. You just don't look at your messages. That's what this is really about.

[B]

I have a kid.

[D]

Hey, I got two. I mean, yeah, you can get sc.

[A]

You can pay attention to scams and have a kid, Miles.

I mean, it's true. I do have a lot of free time on my hands, but I have a house plant, I have fruit flies. I Have responsibilities.

[B]

I'm just gonna start responding to you with. When you ask me certain questions, I'm just gonna respond with, I have a.

[A]

Kid that's really nice and it's accurate, too. And his kid knows how to build a better fort than me. That's another. More structural integrity. Although I'm going to show you that that's not true, Miles. Just you wait. So, Cliff, Yeah. Where's things at now?

[D]

Things now. You know, my aunts.

It'S. It's kind of in a weird state. They don't talk. Well, they talk. I mean, they have, you know, a couple grandkids together and of course, two daughters. So they kind of have to talk to each other and plan out stuff, especially for like, birthday parties and family get togethers and all that stuff.

[A]

And.

[D]

And, I mean, my. My aunt is very heartbroken. Of course, you know, she's in a weird state, but I think she's trying to move on, you know, like, it's. I can't really go into detail, but, you know, it's. Their marriage has been on the rocks, but, I mean, they were, like I said, 35 years, renewed vows, and you wouldn't think something like this would happen, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So, I mean, I don't know too many details of what's going on now, but.

Yeah, I mean, it was a crazy time when my. My mother actually told me about everything happening. I thought somebody got cancer or something. She's like, yeah, there's trouble in their household. I'm like, oh, my God, who's dying? She's like, oh, no, they're getting divorced.

[A]

I'm like, what?

[D]

No.

[B]

Tell you what.

Christmas is going to be pretty interesting.

[D]

I agree.

[B]

Like, you know, you sometimes go to Christmas. You're like, what are talk about you on that? You guys don't have that problem. So look at. Count your blessings.

[A]

Count your blessings. Spill your tea. Cut to like a year from now, this guy's a billionaire because of the investments.

[B]

Actually was real.

[A]

She's like a smoke show, you know?

[B]

Yeah. He shows up to Christmas in a. In a McLaren, and he's got a gold necklace chain on this gal from Thailand on his wrist, you know, on his arm.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Well, one you still cheated on on my aunt, but also good for you.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, we can look at it that way, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, the only thing now for your uncle to do is to just start trying to defraud a bunch of people, get his money back, I guess.

Yeah.

[D]

Just go back to the old emails, you know, you Just won a fifty thousand dollar giveaway, you know, for a cruise.

[A]

Boy, what a bummer, man. Well, tell you tell your family that we wish them the best.

[B]

If you guys are gonna get caught up in a scam, do it the old fashioned way. Go to college. Don't be texting someone instead of money for gold, okay?

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Hey.

[D]

Hey, Charlie. You're gonna be in my neck of the woods here in a couple weeks.

[A]

Oh, where? Charlie Barron's on tour. Ladies and gentlemen, CharlieBarrons do.

[D]

Am I going to be near Spokane?

[A]

Spokane. Awesome. You live by Spokane or in Spokane?

[D]

Yeah, I actually live on the. In the Idaho side here in North Idaho, so.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Hey, be careful while you're there. This thing might be contagious. Okay. I don't need you catching this bug.

I don't need you to come back with a Thailand girlfriend.

[C]

All right?

[A]

Are you gonna come out to the show or.

[D]

No, I haven't gotten tickets yet, but I'm hoping to get them as soon as possible.

[A]

We'll hook you up. We'll get you some tickets.

[B]

Cliff. Cliff's call.

[A]

Text. Text.

[D]

I don't have to do that. That'd be too nice.

[A]

Text your full name, Cliff, and we'll get you on there.

[B]

No, you get free tickets if you bring your uncle.

[D]

Oh, Miles, I would be trending some very thin ice there.

[B]

Just think about the crowd work, Charlie.

[D]

He will be maybe owning.

[B]

So does anyone in the audience know, have a family member who was maybe caught up in a scam? And then you raise your hand and then be like, who is it? He's like, he's actually right here with me. And see, we're clip farming, Charlie.

[A]

I like it. It's a little clip farming situation going. Hey, if you do want to bring your aunt and your cousins, we'll. We'll hook you guys all up with tickets. I promise I won't bring this up on stage.

[D]

All right, all right.

[A]

But if you don't bring them, I'm gonna bring it up. All right, so.

[D]

Well, they live in Montana. I live in Idaho, so I don't.

[B]

Know if they make it.

[A]

Not gonna work out.

[B]

But your aunt doesn't have anything.

[D]

I'll bring my wife.

[B]

She can. She can come.

[A]

God damn, dude.

[D]

What?

[A]

First you blame it on the anti.

[D]

I didn't really blame it. I was.

[A]

Not you, Cliff. Not you. I'm talking Miles. Immediately he's like, oh, the ant must have something up in this relationship. The guy doesn't get that lonely on his own.

[B]

I know it sounded that way. And I admit that, but that's not what I meant by that.

[A]

Yeah, it's all right, Miles, you got a kid.

[B]

Kid.

[A]

You can't be paying attention to these details.

[B]

I got a kid.

[D]

Well, this kid can build a fort that looks like a five bed, four bath, 20.

And then there's Charlie. Like, yeah, I kind of got a bucket in the corner.

[A]

Oh, man. Where's your uncle living now?

[B]

In that double wall.

[D]

He lives still in the same town over in Montana. I mean, he still lives over there. Okay. Like, yeah, so they, they live in the same town. You know, they work for the same company, just not in the same areas.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, we appreciate you telling us this story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sad, but also great time for a psa. And that's just don't text back numbers you don't know.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And you know, I heard that story that you guys did. I can't remember which part, what number it was, what episode it was, but about the guy, about his father in law, and I was like, gosh, you know, that'd be kind of a good thing to talk about to let people know, like.

[B]

Yeah, hey, don't fall for an only fans bottle.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where there's.

[B]

What's actually funny is someone earlier was complaining about Charlie's flights, and that was the day where you forgot your, your ID and you tried. You used your expired passport. Oh, yeah, the airport.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Almost didn't have podcasts that day too.

[A]

Well, you know, some things never change, but, Miles.

[B]

Well, we appreciate you calling in, Cliff. This is great.

[D]

Well, yeah, guys, thanks for letting me come on the podcast here and it was fun talking to you. Great to meet you guys.

[A]

Hey, great meeting you too. Text if you want to come to the show. We'll see in person.

[D]

Do I just text the number that was sent to me? Yeah, this number.

[A]

You got it.

[D]

Awesome, guys. Yeah, just make sure to say hi to your cousins and watch out for geese.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

That is my favorite barley cherry.

[A]

I took it as a compliment. Honestly, I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, I showed it to, I, I, I brought it up to him and he was like, oh, yeah, that was great. I was like, charlie, you're supposed to be mad and you're supposed to do a rebuttal.

[A]

No, maybe I'll do one now. I didn't get that. But you should.

[D]

I mean, the cheese head was the cherry on top. I mean, skull go Vikes. You know, but that's just me.

[A]

It was the cheese on top. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

[B]

Cliff.

[A]

Well, thanks for calling in my guy.

[D]

Awesome, guys. Yeah, of course. Thank you, guys. And for real, though, say hi to the family and watch out for deer.

[A]

All right, you too.

[B]

Remember to change your air filters.

[D]

Make sure to check your air filter in your pickup.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

God, I forgot about that one.

[D]

Awesome, guys. You guys have a good one.

[A]

We'll see ya.

[B]

What is are we turning into?

[A]

Like we're turning.

[B]

Yeah, like, this is the second scam we've had on podcast in history.

[A]

Yeah, good thing we mixed in an ice fishing call on this one.

[B]

You know, kind of just able to get my head above water here today.

[A]

That's why you bring the ice picks there, Miles.

[B]

Good thing I wear my floating snowsuit. Yeah, otherwise I would. I'd been drowned by now.

[A]

Yeah. Well, folks, that about does it here. Another great episode on the Bellied up podcast. Best. Miles, it's been a pleasure here with you today.

[B]

It has.

[A]

Pleasure's been all mine.

[B]

So guys, remember to tip your bartender and we'll see you next one.

[A]

See you back.

[B]

Okay. Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now. Toodaloo.