The Creepy House Next Door #192

Summary

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Bellied Up Podcast – Episode #192: "The Creepy House Next Door"

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles (“You Betcha Guy”)
Date: March 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of "Bellied Up," Charlie Berens and Myles belly up to their office bar to tackle house projects, reflect on time management, take a tarot card reading from a returning caller (Esperanza/Patty), and field a call from Rachel, a new homeowner dealing with a truly creepy neighbor situation. True to their comedic and small-town Midwestern style, the hosts riff, roast, and offer practical (and completely impractical) advice, blending Midwest nice with a bit of cheeky skepticism.

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Main Segments & Key Discussions

1. Small Town Projects, Time Management, and Decluttering Life (00:00–13:00)

• Opening Banter:
  Charlie and Myles joke about being mistaken for each other (“Some people come up to me in the airport and say, hey, are you the you bet you guy? And I say yes because I'm too lazy to say no.” – Charlie, 00:04).
• Discussion: Charlie outlines his perennial problem: too many home projects left unfinished—ranging from removing a basement wall to installing an archery range, fixing up a found fishing boat, and managing 10 dead trees.
  • Quote: “You have...150 open tabs in your Internet browser.” (Myles, 07:55)
  • Charlie admits: “All of our listeners right now are better than me at time management.” (Charlie, 10:38)
• **Myles encourages closing some life tabs and jokes about conducting a performance review of Charlie, praising his morale and talent but dinging him for time management and communication.

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2. Caller #1: Esperanza / Patty the Tarot Card Reader (13:00–47:40)

Introduction & Banter (13:00–16:00)

• Patty (“Esperanza”) calls in, matching the laid-back vibe by cracking a beer and engaging in playful Spanish banter.
  • Memorable Moment: Patty pops open a beer on air, prompting:
    “It's like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis. Oh, my goodness.” (Myles, 14:22)

Tarot Readings, Honesty, and Relationship Talk (16:00–31:00)

• “Esperanza” recaps her last reading from a previous episode, admitting she told Charlie he’d get a big buck but really felt relationship energy.
  • Quote: “I had a feeling at that time…I knew you weren't gonna get a good buck, but I just said that to make you feel better.” (Patty, 19:30)
  • Myles (joking): “It's hard to find an honest tarot card reader in today's society, you know.” (Myles, 18:12)
• Discussion of intuition: Patty encourages listeners to trust their “gut” and see tarot as a tool for self-reflection, not prophecy.

Tarot Reading for Myles (31:00–47:40)

• Myles gets a tarot reading focused on withheld thoughts (he was secretly wondering about having a second child).
  • Key Cards Pulled: Eight of Swords (“Pretty much the only thing that's holding you back right now, Miles, is your own thinking.” – Patty, 23:00), Queen of Wands reversed, Eight/Six of Pentacles reversed, Seven of Pentacles reversed.
  • Patty interprets: “I don't think it's up to you guys when you're gonna plan to have another kid. Let me put it that way.” (Patty, 28:12)
  • Followed by much laughing, skepticism, and Miles joking about announcing pregnancy to his wife based on a tarot reading.

Billionaire Astrologers & Occult Talk (31:40–47:40)

• Patty explains “forensic astrology” and claims “billionaires” employ high magicians and consult astrology charts:
  • Quote: "Billionaires use it. Millionaires don't. But billionaires do." (Patty, 32:13)
  • The hosts press her on the vast generalizations and skepticism ensues.
  • Discussion covers astrology vs. Tarot, epochs, and the secret of intuition, with a detour into Saturn-in-Aries astrology.
  • Quote: “Actually, I do too. I'm a skeptic too. Like, I, I, I am actually a psychic. Like, I'm really psychic, you know, and whenever anything happens, I'm like, ah..." (Patty, 42:44)
  • Memorable Moment: Uranus joke:
    "Saturn's in your anus. My anus is fine." (Patty, 46:28)

Farewells & Esoteric Assurance

• Patty plugs her tarot business, "Esperanza Bense Tarot" and assures listeners it's not “of the devil,” adding, "if they're thinking about, you know, pulling a card or two, like, it's fine. Like, you know, it's fine." (Patty, 49:05)
• The hosts promise skepticism doesn’t mean they don't appreciate the bit.

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3. Caller #2: Rachel and “The Creepy House Next Door” (53:15–84:48)

Introduction & Predicament (53:15–56:59)

• Rachel describes her predicament: She and her husband bought a cute house, but next door is a run-down, “haunted-looking” house with a beautiful, newly built garage (for tinkering, not living).
• The absentee owner, who inherited it from his parents, makes only superficial visits, causing rodent infestations and eyesore complaints.

The Advice Gauntlet: Jokes & Roleplay (56:59–66:10)

• The hosts brainstorm wild solutions:
  • “Make this guy sell his childhood home. That’s the only thing you can do right now” (Charlie, 56:59)
  • “Just do a B, E?” (breaking and entering – Myles, 57:49)
  • Charlie improvises a comedic, dark roleplay as the neighbor, culminating in “Well, I killed her. But the point is…” (Charlie, 61:13)
  • The hosts and Rachel joke about conspiracies, murders, and pear trees—including ideas for "returning the rats" to the neighbor's house and following the rat in.

Getting Real: Neighborly Tactics and Civic Options (66:10–84:48)

• They discover the town (Waconia, MN) & use Google Street View to rate both houses, roast some of Rachel’s curb appeal decisions, and affirm nobody's perfect.
• The hosts recommend:
  • Making overtures of help to the neighbor ("Why don’t you just go over there and start fixing it up for them?" – Charlie, 66:04)
  • Trying city council, possibly staging a wellness check
  • Baking him a pear pie & using pears as an icebreaker
  • "We need a little bit more contact with this guy... Or just go hang with him in the garage." (Charlie, 80:19)
• Emphasize managing expectations—acknowledging that buying next to a “shitbox” comes with its own responsibility.
  • "And don't forget you bought the house knowing it was right next to a shitbox." (Charlie, 81:43)
• Call concludes with plans for Rachel to try good neighbor tactics and update the show (“…We'd love a bellied update on this, right?” – Charlie, 80:59)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Opening mistaken identity bit:
  “Some people come up to me in the airport and say, hey, are you the you bet you guy? And I say yes because I'm too lazy to say no.” – Charlie (00:04)
• On time management:
  “You have...150 open tabs in your Internet browser.” – Myles (07:55)
• Tarot card honesty:
  “I had a feeling at that time…I knew you weren't gonna get a good buck, but I just said that to make you feel better.” – Patty (19:30)
• Billionaire astrology riff:
  "Billionaires use it. Millionaires don't. But billionaires do." – Patty (32:13)
• Comic skepticism:
  "It's hard to find an honest tarot card reader in today's society, you know." – Myles (18:12)
• On intuition:
  "We all are able to access this information... It's just like having a sense of taste or smell." – Patty (45:19)
• Neighborhood drama:
  “Make this guy sell his childhood home.” – Charlie (56:59)
• Dark roleplay:
  “Well, I killed her. But the point is…” – Charlie as neighbor (61:13)
• On proactive neighborliness:
  "We need a little bit more contact with this guy...there's a way to figure this out." – Charlie (80:21)
• Buying regrets:
  "And don't forget you bought the house knowing it was right next to a shitbox." – Charlie (81:43)
• Comic sign-off:
  “So instead of throwing stones, go say, hey.” – Charlie (85:37)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |--------------|-----------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–13:00 | Home projects, performance review, open tabs in life | | 13:00–16:00 | Patty/Esperanza call intro & beer-popping sound effects | | 16:00–31:00 | Tarot reading, relationship, honesty on air | | 31:00–47:40 | Billionaire astrologers, skepticism, "safe space" debate | | 53:15–56:59 | Rachel’s call: “The Creepy House Next Door” | | 56:59–66:10 | Conspiracy theories & neighbor roleplay skit | | 66:10–84:48 | Real advice, curb appeal roasts, pear talk, conclusion |

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Tone, Language & Takeaways

Bellied Up retains its signature tone: friendly, irreverent, and Midwestern to the core. The hosts blend playful teasing, sarcasm, and genuine empathy for the problems of their callers—whether they’re questioning life decisions, the mysteries of the universe, or truly strange next-door neighbors. They don’t shy away from poking fun at themselves (and their listeners) or mixing in a bit of outlandish, performative advice, always with a wink.

Final Advice Themes:

• Embrace your mess and your neighbors' quirks—it’s all part of Midwest living.
• Don’t sweat the “open tabs” in life, but do try to close a few.
• Trust your gut (with a grain of salt—and maybe a tarot card, if that’s your thing).
• When in doubt, bake a pear pie, knock on a door, or belly up to the (office) bar.

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End of Summary—Tune in next week and, as always, tip your bartender!

Transcript

[A]

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my good buddy Miles, the you bet you guy. And I am Charlie, the not you bet you guy. But some people come up to me in the airport and say, hey, are you the you bet you guy? And I say yes because I'm too lazy to say no. You know, I get mistaken. Not for you, but I think they think I work for you.

[B]

Yeah. People thought that you've worked for me too.

[A]

Yeah. I think you tell people I work for you.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's not, it's not totally wrong, Miles.

[B]

I, I, well, here's the question.

[A]

I live to please. I live to please.

[B]

If I actually was your boss, which I am not.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

How would you feel about that? Do you think I'd be a good boss or you think I wouldn't be?

[A]

I think you'd be a good boss. I do. I mean, I see the way you treat, you know, the people that are on your payroll, and you're, you're a good guy. You know, I feel like you'd let me come into your office and take a fuzzy water anytime I wanted, take a little dip out of your snort, and, you know, you know what I'm talking about. Little hoochie got sitting there, think you let me pour myself a nice little glass and sit my ass on your couch. You know, you're, you're, you're an interesting guy, Miles, because we're just trying to do a sketch, and the sketch involved me throwing a book at a student. I'm an abusive teacher, or as I like to call it, a teacher from back in the day. You know, the best kind of teachers, the ones that, you know, wouldn't have to get permission to hit you with a ruler. But you won't let me throw a book because you, you liked your books.

[B]

I wanted to pick the right book because some of the books I have in there are nice.

[A]

I know. Yeah. You won't let me throw your nice books.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What are they, Bibles?

[B]

What do you care about? What do you like?

[A]

What do you mean, what do I like?

[B]

Do you like, you know, like, you like, you got your snowmobile. You want me just to take your snowmobile and just start throwing it around?

[A]

You could, if you can lift it up. I mean, that's a Yamaha phaser, dude, from, from the 90s. This thing has been. You should see the ass on the underbelly of this is destroyed partially because I took.

[B]

How many years have you been Working on that snowmobile.

[A]

This one is just not counting next year. That's a good joke. Hey, speaking of little projects, Miles, it's spring. And in spring I like to like take on more projects than I know I can complete in the year. But you know, things start to on daw get a little horned up about summer.

[B]

They just, they just thaw.

[A]

They unthaw.

[B]

So they freeze back up.

[A]

Don't. Do not bring synapses into this conversation.

[B]

I would actually, before we continue down the road we're going, I would like to know the origin of unthaw. Is it a lot?

[A]

Yeah, well, it's, it's. It's kind of like hot water heater. You know, it's from the same church of hot water heater. It's. It doesn't make sense. No, but you know what I mean.

[B]

I mean, it's just a water heater, right?

[A]

Sure, yeah. Oh, water heater. By the way, speaking of which, I'm moving a water heater. So I got a duplex. And in this duplex the goal is going to be to taking out the walls. You know, Miles, I don't know if I talked about this on a previous episode, but all my projects take freaking forever because I, I get focused on them, then I leave them alone. But I was looking at this wall in my basement. I was like, that's gotta go. And then I was like, I redesigned my whole basement. And what that means is basically I took out the barrier wall in the duplex.

[B]

The load bearing wall.

[A]

It's not load bearing. It's like a duplex barrier wall.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So it's like just a barrier for the one unit and the two unit.

[B]

So you're taking your duplex and turning it into a plex.

[A]

The basement is. It's still a duplex because that'd be a whole other thing. Although I think if I took out the staircase on the ass end of the house and put up one big spiral staircase, how cool would that be?

[B]

That would be cool. I've always wanted to work a spiral staircase into something.

[A]

I mean, this would be it. Maybe you should come over sometime. We'll do a spiral staircase from the basement to the attic. Wouldn't that be cool? We'd have to make some off ramps on it, but that's fine, that's easy. And in fact that breaks up the spiral staircase and then you can have 1, 2. That makes it a little easier. Yeah, a little more feasible. Heating would be a pain in the ass though, because you take out all those ceilings and now you got high

[B]

ceilings, which, you know, fan at the top. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Okay, that's. See, that's why I'm glad we're talking about it. Unless someone uses the restroom up there, then that's going to be problematic for the whole house. If Billy Deuce goes up into my

[B]

bathroom, drops a deuce.

[A]

Yeah. Then it's a problem. But anyways, moving the water heater is a bit more of a task than. Than I had in mind, because you find out the wa. The water heater has some old piping. Piping is not great, and you got to reroute it. So now you're adding more pipe in there.

[B]

So what are you gonna put in the basement?

[A]

Okay, so I got a bow range, which I've had there, but now no one. Um, it's not like going through the wardrobe stuff, you know, so it's a little bit more.

[B]

So you're moving a water heater so that you can have an archery range in your basement?

[A]

100%, yes. A legit one. And I'm also thinking of ax throwing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, I want archery.

[B]

Not very tall.

[A]

Yeah. But that just. I know. Because you do have to crouch first.

[B]

Throw. You're going to throw it, and it's just going to stick in the rafter. I know.

[A]

To be honest with you. To be honest with you, axe is a terrible idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You can't do it.

[B]

Glad you actually told me about that before you did it, because I don't think you should do that.

[A]

Well, and with the bow, you can kind of make excuses like, well, if you're hunting deer with a recurve, you know, you're going to have to be squatting at certain times, and you want to. It's almost plays into it. But, yeah, the X rung is definitely not going to happen down there. As you can tell, I put a lot of thought into this. But anyways, other projects. I'm thinking of miles. I took down this deck, and I got a lot of extra deck wood, some big deck wood, and I'm going to make a little holder for. For a few boats. I got the.

[B]

What do you mean, a holder?

[A]

Well, so, like, my brother's got a kayak. Right. And my sister's got a kayak. And my parents actually also have a kayak. But, you know, I figure it'd be a nice little holder for all the kayaks. Little kayak holder and that. Cute.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you said boat, so I was thinking, like, fishing boat.

[A]

They're technically boats. Technically boats. One thing I do have to do is the fishing boat I have. It's a mural craft and I found it in the reeds and it's not in good shape. When I found it, it had a whole family of ants living in it. Some mice were living in there just for the winter, though. It was their. It was their winter home. And. But anyway, they. They ate up all the insulation. You know, the foam that you sprayed under the seats so the boat would float if you forgot to put the plug in. It was like it was made for me. But anyways, I gotta redo that, so.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Also, the. The transom needs. It's a little rotted out, so.

[B]

So my. Again, my advice is that you should just not fix that boat and just get a new one. And I know what everyone's thinking, Miles. Kind of goes against who we are. You know, let's fix some stuff. Let's do projects. But Charlie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have. You live your life with 150 open tabs in your Internet browser.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And so.

[A]

I know, dude.

[B]

A little bit. Yes. What's. What's another tab? What's 151 to 150.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I would like to see you in 2026, close out some tabs.

[A]

I also. I have 10 trees that need to come down.

[B]

No, you don't. Not this year.

[A]

They're dead, Miles.

[B]

It's almost all down on their own as well. They're not going to fall in the house.

[A]

They might fall. They're in house territory now. Here's what I would. I would love to be able to be like, proficient enough with a chainsaw. And it's not necessarily. I'm. I'm pretty good with the chainsaw. But the idea of. It's not just a change. It's knowing how trees fall and having the proper.

[B]

You should just hire someone do that especially because. Because some trees or someone.

[A]

Some trees you can't climb, but you think you can, and then you realize, no, that was a widowmaker, you know, and because they. You don't know how long they've been rotten out out there at where the branches.

[B]

No, I understand. And I think you should hire someone to do that project.

[A]

I might. Or I might get a scissor lift. If I had a scissor lift, I could do any tree. Any tree with a. With the right scissor lift. The problem.

[B]

The last money that you spend on a scissor list, you might as well

[A]

just hide buying a scissor lift. There's a guy. There's a guy up the street. Who has a scissor left you.

[B]

The way you said it, you did not sound like he was gonna buy it.

[A]

No, I'm not an idiot, dude. A scissor lift. Although it would come in handy. I mean, you don't. You do not. I mean, it's. I had to rent a scissor lift to paint the house or seal it up, you know, And I also got a chink. That house, which sounds like a word you shouldn't say, but when it. When. When it.

[B]

I was wondering what's happening as it

[A]

pertains to log homes.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

This one has gone unchinked for. For way too long because I also got them boring beetles in there, you know, the ones that leave wood dust around. So I'm trying to get rid of

[B]

them, you know, and I would. And I would recommend hey, go Gangbusters on these projects, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you also have 150 tabs in another Internet browser. That is your business that you have going on.

[A]

I know.

[B]

So I'm trying to limit the amount of tabs that you have open.

[A]

I get it. Why can't I just relax, Miles? Why. Why does it always have to be this way?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

How about you? How many tabs you got open?

[B]

I just have probably 50 tabs open.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Trying to close them out, though.

[A]

Say you're better than me without saying you're better than me.

[B]

You know, I am better at you than in time management.

[A]

Yes, obviously, dude. Everybody is. All of our listeners right now are better than me at time management.

[B]

Did you know that for the. For meeting up this week, we hit up your team and was like. It was like, hey, so for the podcast next week in Fargo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, what's the schedule look like? And your team said, charlie's going to Florida next week.

[A]

I thought you guys communicated that to them.

[B]

Oh, okay. So it's on me to communicate with your team.

[A]

No, it's not on you. It's on.

[B]

If we start doing that, then you might as well just work for us.

[A]

I pretty much do. You're yelling at me for my poor time management.

[B]

All right, so this is. This is your. Your performance review.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Weak skills. Time management, communication.

[A]

Check. That's it. That's all.

[B]

Yeah, those are my number one and two for you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Things are doing well, though. Let's.

[A]

Let's hear it.

[B]

Morale.

[A]

Yeah, I'm.

[B]

When you're not. When you are communicating and you show up to the right place at the right Time.

[A]

Facts, facts. I've gotten better. I was early today. Was I not early today? Was I early yesterday?

[B]

Yeah, you were. You're talented, Charlie.

[A]

Thanks, Miles. What kind of talents are we talking about? All of them. Cool.

[B]

You're talented.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

So we just need you. You need. What you need is you need. You need someone that you're scared of in your life to be your personal assistant.

[A]

All right, let me call my dad.

[B]

Yeah. Say if you could get your dad to retire from. From his job and then become your personal assistant, your life would. You would be so organized.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. If my dad. Me and my dad, we do some projects together. And on those, my dad is. He's kind of given up on. On me, period.

[B]

You know who hasn't given up on you, Charlie?

[A]

You, Miles?

[B]

This guy.

[A]

This guy.

[B]

All right, I want you to remember that. I do remember giving up on you. Your siblings have given up on you, but I haven't. I'm still here.

[A]

My dad. My dad really appreciates that I got a cabin, though. He's. He's pretty excited about that.

[B]

I bet.

[A]

So. Yeah.

[B]

All right, take some callers.

[A]

Let's do it, Miles.

[C]

Hola.

[A]

Como estas, Patty?

[C]

Chillin. How are you guys?

[B]

We're good. We're good.

[A]

How are you?

[C]

I'm good.

[A]

Yeah. Lo siento hablo solo espanol. Continua el conversation.

[C]

Okay, sounds good. Well, you know what? Now that we're on the phone, I'm gonna get me a cerveza because we gotta belly up. Right?

[A]

Belly on up. Belly on up.

[C]

What are you guys drinking? I know Miles has his bush light. Probably, or are you even drinking right now?

[A]

You know what's funny?

[B]

We actually just forgot.

[A]

Yeah, we just started. First call of the day.

[B]

We're at the office bar, like, the bar in our office right now, and we just forgot.

[A]

Yeah, but we're gonna get them.

[B]

You want to grab us?

[A]

Whoa, hang on. No, that's a good reminder.

[C]

Yeah. Bellied up, you guys.

[B]

You know what? Let's put this one on Jared. Yeah, let's put it on. Jared.

[A]

Is there a birthday cake in your fridge over there?

[B]

Yeah, just.

[A]

What the hell is that for?

[C]

Okay, are you ready for the sound? The sweetest, sweetest sound?

[B]

Let's hear it.

[C]

All right.

[B]

It's like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis. Oh, my goodness.

[C]

Me too.

[A]

All right, there we go. So you got one of those, huh?

[C]

Yeah, I drink pbr. PBR is where I mean, what feels obvious.

[B]

Beer that you drink Ever. For the folks that don't know, this is our resident tarot card reader, Charlie.

[A]

Yes, I remember the last time we chit chat with you. I think we were in Fargo, weren't we?

[B]

Were not in Fargo. We were where? Oh, yeah, we were mixed. Office.

[A]

So who's got memory skills now, Miles, huh? God, the things I remember. I wish you could choose the things you could remember. Technically it was Morehead.

[B]

So Miles is right.

[A]

More hat.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Damn. So it was Minnesota.

[B]

Never mind. It's Patty, right?

[C]

Yeah. But my business is called Esperanza Bense Tarot. So if anyone wants tarot or astrology, don't call me Patty, call me Esperanza. It's like more, you know? Yeah, it sounds. Sounds more.

[B]

I mean, Patty sounds like you've. You've been a secretary at a school for 40 years. Yeah, I get it.

[C]

Yeah, I have. But not for 40 years.

[B]

Wait, you are a secretary at a school?

[C]

I had been. I've worked at schools. Yeah.

[B]

Were you hammering diet cokes or.

[C]

No, No, I wasn't hammering diet co heaters. I drink, I drink full sugar. I'm a full, full fledged person.

[B]

Okay. Wow.

[C]

No diet. No diet.

[B]

You're scared of aspartame is what's the problem here, right?

[C]

Yeah, I think it's my fear of aspartame for sure. Like definitely. No, I. I like regular coke, I like regular beer. I just like regular stuff, you know?

[B]

Oh, yeah, totally.

[A]

Regular weed, regular dudes.

[C]

Regular weed. Yeah, I like regular weed. Seriously, because the weed that they have in the store, it's really, really strong.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you, you, you take a little Hitter of the purple haze 2718, 5, and before you know it, you're having an existential crisis inside.

[C]

And then you gotta call your tarot reader.

[A]

You gotta call your tarot reader because you're like, I think I'm inside a piece of paper right now. What do I do?

[C]

Yeah, how would, how would you know? Charlie is.

[A]

I've heard from a friend. No, I've watched documentaries on it. Oh, Miles, why are you shaking your head right now? I'm connecting with Patty. Patty, are you Latina?

[C]

No, I'm a complete faker, okay? Like, my story is I'm black and white, and neither black people nor white people really like, relate to me that much. But I grew up in Delavan, Wisconsin, and there's a lot of Spanish speakers there, so they always were like, oh, hey, you're one of us. But I'm like, okay.

[A]

Oh, so you got adopted by the Delavan Latinas. I like it.

[C]

They've been calling me Esperanza since I was, like, 11 or 10.

[A]

Hey, you roll with that, Patty.

[C]

So I roll with it. I do. I complete my appropriation, and I'm even profiting from my own racism. So it's. It's perfect.

[B]

Okay, There we go.

[A]

All our cards. All our tarot cards are on the table right now, Patty.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

At least you're honest about it.

[A]

Yeah. And that's it, if you're gonna, you know, admit to that, because it's hard

[B]

to find an honest tarot card reader. Today's society, you know.

[C]

Oh, I know you've looked miles. I know you've looked far and wide and. And. And thank goodness I called in day.

[B]

I almost called. Yeah. Anyways, so last time, call me. Well, no, I'll call you. I almost called another guy. I was almost a mistake. So remind us, last time you did a. A reading for us over the phone and you said that I. I believe it was something like Charlie was going to get a big buck. Is that what it was?

[C]

Yeah. You know, that. Something that's really weird about my brain. Like, I freaking. I remember a lot of stuff. And if I recall. I'm serious. I'm pretty sure during that reading, we pulled the hierophant, we pulled the lovers card, and I think we pulled the High Priestess or the Empress, one of

[B]

those two, which is very rare.

[C]

But it was. It was a really rare reading. And I was wondering. And I wanted to check back with you. Charlie. Charlie. I had a feeling at that time when I did that reading for you, I. I knew you weren't gonna get a good book, but I just said that to make you feel better.

[D]

But.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I mean, I don't. I wasn't lying exactly. Like, I don't.

[A]

Like, that's pretty much the definition of lies.

[B]

Go back to that. It's hard to find an honest tarot card reader.

[C]

Oops, sorry. No, we can edit.

[A]

We can. We won't. Those are going on record.

[C]

You guys, my phone might be beeping. I'm on, like, this group text that's going wild right now, but I'll answer your question. Okay. So I pulled those cards, and I thought, Charlie, that at that time, I really had this feeling that, like, you were going to ask somebody to, like, marry you or that you were in a relationship with somebody. And I just felt, like, the relationship energy, because there were two. There was a masculine card, a feminine card, and then the lovers was in the middle. When. When was that? You guys, that was like, a couple years ago. Was it already?

[A]

What was. Do we have the exact date? I think it was, like, November of 23.

[C]

Talking about memory Jared.

[B]

Well, he.

[A]

It's burned into his brain because he's got to edit this stuff, so.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah, In November of 23, I would have been dating my. My now girlfriend. Still,

[C]

the cards don't lie.

[B]

That's what I always say.

[A]

They don't lie.

[B]

Is that why they say it was

[C]

in the cards, bro?

[A]

Is that why they say it's in the cards?

[C]

I'm drinking to this. Cheers. Charlie. Congratulations. I. I have a good feeling about this.

[B]

I mean, now, not to put a hole in it, he was already dating the woman when you pulled that, so.

[C]

I know that's. But then I thought, when I saw those cards all together, I was like, he's gonna ask her to marry him.

[A]

Wow. Damn, Randa, did you hear that?

[C]

But I didn't even know. I didn't even know you were dating anybody when I pulled those cards. But then I, I. Then the cards told me.

[A]

Yeah, and how. Okay, let's get into it.

[B]

I want it. Let's. Let's stop beating around the bush. Let's get another reading going.

[A]

Oh, all right, Chuck.

[B]

Yeah, let's be ready for it.

[A]

Should we read Miles?

[C]

If you want to, Miles.

[B]

I would love to. Let's do it.

[C]

Okay. I'm gonna shuffle right here. So usually, like, while you're focusing on your question or on your, like, I'm gonna shuffle the cards and, like, get in the vibe with you. Is that chill?

[B]

That's so chill. What. What am I supposed to do? What am I focusing on?

[C]

So if you have a topic in your life that you're thinking about, career, kids, wife, Jared, whatever, you just focus on that. But please don't tell me, like, what you're thinking about right now. Okay, I'm just gonna shuffle while you really get yourself in the focused energy of that question or topic. And when you have that topic real clear in your head, okay, just say okay, and I'll pull the cards for you. All right?

[B]

All right.

[A]

Get it clear, Miles.

[B]

You got in.

[C]

You hit the shuffle. Doesn't that sound like asmr?

[A]

Yeah. So you just, Just breathe. Oh, card popped out.

[B]

What is it?

[C]

Eight of Swords. So be sure to release yourself from negative self talk. Pretty much the only thing that's holding you back right now, Miles, is your own thinking.

[B]

If you're bored with that.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm a student of the mind.

[A]

He's chubbed up right now.

[B]

As soon as you're speaking my language.

[A]

Self thoughts and stuff, Miles became a little Buddha.

[C]

This is not that kind of phone line.

[A]

Oh, I was kidding.

[C]

Do not be sending people to the narrow reader for. For Chubby. Chubby.

[A]

Well, I'm saying he got a brain boner is what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah, basically. Basically, you know, okay, there. There is nothing good nor bad. Only thinking makes it so. Wow.

[A]

Is that in one of those books? You won't let me throw them?

[B]

Yeah,

[C]

yeah. This. This card is pretty much like, when you need solutions, you need to, like, think outside the box for sure. And it's Aquarius time right now. The sun is in Aquarius, so it's a. It should be really supportive for you to be thinking outside the box.

[B]

Okay, so now that we think outside of the box.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Like, even if you just drive a little bit of a different way to work, like, you might come up with a better idea of.

[B]

I thought you meant right now.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Oh. Or right now. Yeah. Think outside the box, Miles.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

See that box you're in? Think outside.

[A]

He's got no option because he's getting on his box soon.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So.

[B]

All right. Okay, I am ready. I'm now thinking about what you told me to think about. I'm holding it very clear.

[C]

All right, I got you. All right, we got in your past, queen of wands reversed, present tense, eight of pentacles reversed. And the near future, seven of pentacles reverse. How interesting. Are you thinking about a change in terms of the way that you do your work? Are you thinking about, like, having a shift on the work front, especially in terms of, like, how it deals with queen of wands reversed? I wonder if that's your wife. And the seven of pentacles reversed is a need for patience. So, like, you've already planted some seeds. They're growing. You show up every day. You do the same thing day in, day out, out. With the eight of pentacles, it's like you've already mastered your craft. You know how to do things. You got things rolling. But you might be thinking about, especially with these two eights, with the eight of swords, it's, like, hard to come up with solutions because you're kind of holding yourself back mentally, letting yourself get into a loop. With eight of pentacles reversed, there could be a change on the work front. Does anything. Does anything make sense or is this complete Chubby bullshit?

[B]

Well, I. I think that in the last, you know, six months, we've made some changes here at Our company, you know, got a little more focused, so, yeah, I would.

[C]

Does that have to do with the balance between yourself and your relationship? Is your wife also intuitive, by the way?

[B]

What do you like?

[C]

Does she have.

[A]

Loaded question.

[C]

Oh,

[D]

never mind.

[B]

No, no, no. That's not a loaded question.

[A]

What I mean is just like, there's only one way to know. My wife's not intuitive. He'll probably want to always say his wife's intuitive, whoever his wife is.

[B]

In what sense do you mean, is she intuitive?

[C]

Like, does she sense things before they happen? Or does she. Does she. Is she pretty much in tune with her own?

[B]

She's got a high signal. She senses pretty fast.

[C]

That could be the queen of wands here.

[B]

Yeah, she is queen, too.

[C]

Yeah. With three reversed cards. That's usually internal work. That's, like, work that we have to do on ourselves for the stuff to come up. Positively.

[B]

I have been working on myself lately.

[C]

Good. Well, I hope that your wife appreciates that.

[A]

He was. He was throwing.

[C]

He does.

[A]

Sorry. Keep going.

[C]

No, you go.

[A]

No, I was saying he was working on himself this morning. He was throwing the medicine. Medicine ball down, and he jammed his finger.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is actually a Jordan flu game performance for me right now. Holding this microphone is. It's a lot of labor for me today.

[C]

Hey, Miles, what was your question?

[B]

Oh, I was supposed to have a question. I was just thinking about a scenario, so.

[C]

Oh, you were thinking about a scenario. Can you tell us?

[B]

No, it was. I was more so just thinking about, like, when we. Me and Anne want to have another kid is what I was thinking about. You know, kid number two was kind of what I was holding.

[C]

Oh, okay. So queen of. Queen of wands reversed here. Eight of pentacles. Wow, that's interesting. Okay.

[A]

Queen of wands. That sounds like an erotic.

[C]

I don't think it's up to you guys when you're gonna plan to have another kid. Let me put it that way.

[B]

Okay. Okay. So. Jesus, take the wheel.

[C]

Jesus, take the wheel and drive fast.

[B]

I'll. I'll do my best. I don't want to blow a tire, but.

[C]

Oh, my gosh, your name is not Jes. But dude. Yeah. Queen of wands reversed. Like, she might want a little bit more support and maybe. Maybe to get her to get herself organized and ready for this time. And then with the eight of pentacles reversed. Yeah, you want to make sure, like, all. Because now you're gonna have two. So I think with the seven of pentacles reversed, though, in the near future. Like it might have already happened. Dude.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Necessarily what I wanted to hear today, you've been. From you.

[D]

No offense.

[A]

Let's call Ann. Let's see how she's feeling.

[B]

Let's not.

[A]

How about okay or not.

[B]

So, Ann, just talking to my tarot card gal. She said you're pregnant.

[A]

Yeah. You should walk in today. You should walk in today and say, honey, can. Can we talk?

[B]

I need you to pee on this stick for me.

[A]

I think you just tell her. I think you just say, honey, we're pregnant. You know, just see how she reacts.

[C]

It's in the cards. Well, with the seven of pentacles reversed, that can mean that, like, we don't have to be patient anymore. Like, something's already happening.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Seven of pentacles is planting a seed and being patient.

[B]

Nice. See what you did there?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Planting a seed.

[C]

That's exactly it. That's. Yeah. I mean, it's all. It's all symbolic, right? It's all symbolic.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

So here's the question. Why did you have me withhold my. What I was thinking about? Because then you gave a reading, and then it wasn't what I was thinking about at all. What does that mean?

[C]

Well, all of this still applies because you're still going to have to do some changes around the work front and be patient and support your wife. Like, all. Everything I said still applies to this situation and. Oh, gosh, I gotta send them in a voicemail.

[A]

Well, Miles.

[B]

Anyway, I got a little skeptical, and she's. She folded.

[A]

She folded like a decade. Tarot cards. That happens, Miles. Well, I'm excited for you and.

[C]

Crap. Sorry, I accidentally hung up on you.

[B]

So what does that mean?

[C]

It means I. It means my phone is just blowing up today.

[A]

What's going on? On your phone? What's going on?

[C]

Dude, I'm getting. Look, I. I'm on a group text with a bunch of, like, astrologers and stuff, and everybody is, like, losing their. Over this. Over everything, you know? Like, everything is going nuts right now in the news. And I have some colleagues who are forensic astrologers, and so they're casting charts for what's happening. Can I say this kind of stuff?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead. I want to hear it.

[C]

Okay. They're casting a chart for Nancy Guthrie, and one of my astrologer friends lives in Tucson, and she's really outstanding at her work. Forensic astrology is when you cast charts to find people who have gone missing or if somebody's been murdered, to find the remains and so on and so forth. So my phone's kind of blowing up because people are, like going back and forth over this information and also with the files and all that stuff and. Yeah, astrology is pretty much. Billionaires use it. Millionaires don't. But billionaires do. I mean, it's true.

[A]

So where's.

[B]

Hold on, we're not moving past that. So you're telling me that the world is run by. Because we know the world's run by billionaires. We can accept that. So you're telling me that astrologers are running the world then?

[C]

Pretty much.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

I mean, most billionaires have high magicians working for them if they're not high magicians themselves.

[A]

What do you mean, high magicians? Like what? Ketamine?

[C]

I mean, like. I mean, like, they smoke the store bought weed.

[A]

Okay, okay. And. But they're actual magicians. Like, what do you. What do you.

[C]

Charles. Charles, we're not children. We all know. Right? Don't we? Don't we all know this?

[A]

No, I. Billionaires have high magicians. You said working for them.

[C]

Oh, I'm really implicating myself.

[A]

No, you're not.

[C]

Just, I call. I call into this podcast, like, hoping to just see if I was right about that girl in your life, which I was. And now I'm like, getting myself into trouble saying, safe space.

[A]

Safe space. What do you mean by a high magician? Are we talking the Illuminati? What are we talking?

[C]

Probably, Yeah. I just think that, you know, there's a lot of high magic that is architecting our reality. I mean, we got the masons, we got the Illuminati, we got white hats, we got dark hats, we got very dark hats. We have people in the shadows, we have people in the light. But at the end of the day, I honestly believe that the billionaires are looking at the astrological weather. They probably pull a tarot card or two just to reinforce their own information. But astrology is like watching the weather. So just like you and I watch the weather to decide when to go skiing or when to bring an umbrella when we go out. Those who are kind of like architecting the world that we all live. And that's why it's called occult. That's why it's occult knowledge, because it's hidden. It's hidden from normal people like us.

[A]

How can we. How can we make our life bad for the billionaires? How can we stop what they're doing?

[D]

Hmm.

[C]

I don't think we need to make life bad for the billionaires in order to make life better for us.

[A]

Okay, how do we make life better for us? Because the billionaires seem to be making life pretty complicated for most people.

[C]

It's true. That's true. I think that the way that we make life better for us is. Is to. Is what. Is what's naturally happening right now. You know, Saturn. Saturn is about to go into Aries on Friday the 13th. Like, you can't make this shit up. This Friday, Friday the 13th, Saturn is going into Aries. Saturn has been in Pisces for the past, like, two and a half years. Pisces is a sign that has to do with, like, fogginess, water, nebulousness, like things happening in the shadows, people drinking too much. Everybody who's in charge is fricking on drugs. You know, they're just like. That makes sense checked out. They don't give a shit, you know? But then when Saturn goes into Aries, that's when the hens are going to come home to roost. That's when daddy comes back home. Saturn is father energy, father time. And Saturn is going to start, like, asking for receipts, and, like, all this will come out from the shadows and normies are going to lose their mind.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

All right. I mean, that was a great monologue. I got a question for you. Could it be that if you make enough sweeping generalizations, you're gonna end up right a lot of the time, and when you aren't right, you just say, oh, well, it's like weather. It could be raining, and then all of a sudden it's not?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, you can do that.

[B]

I mean, is that not what all of this is, is just sweeping generalizations and because at any point in history, you could say that there were people in the shadows and then there was, like, people coming home and stuff getting exposed. You pick any date throughout the entire calendar year, and something like that is probably happening.

[C]

That. That could be. That could be. There are. There are, like, epochs, though, and eras, though, that have a certain flavor to them. Like, for example, you can see the Pluto generations, right? Like, there's a huge difference between, like, our generation and the ones younger than us and then the ones before us, like Generation X. Well, I'm assuming we're like, kind of the same generation. I'm probably older than you guys.

[B]

But

[C]

astrology is not a sweeping generalization. Astrology is definitely a very specific mathematical calculation. Tarot. Tarot cards, though, those are way more open to interpretation. And yeah, like, I leave it up to the client. When they see the cards, they're the ones that are interpreting it. I'm just facilitating the process. All I'm doing is helping people get in touch with their own intuition so that when they see symbols or when they recognize numbers or things popping up in their life, then they can have that synchronicity moment.

[B]

It's basically like just assisting them, strengthening what they already believe.

[C]

Exactly. Like you already know. You already know everything inside of you. I'm just here to help pull it out of you.

[B]

So when the billionaires go, I need to destroy this industry and make things really unaffordable for people, then pull a tarot card. And then they go, wow, you were so right. Pay me my $100,000. That's what you're telling me? What's going on with the billionaires?

[C]

So I think that they can consult an astrology chart, probably more than they consult the tarot. But if they do consult the tarot, they're probably consulting the golden dawn or the toth tarot.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

[C]

You guys know what I mean?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Why? You. You said that the astrology. You basically alluded to the fact that astrology charts are rooted in science and data. Is that correct?

[C]

I wouldn't say science, but I would say data.

[B]

Okay, so how does that work? And why is it more accurate and not sweeping generalizations?

[C]

Because we have about. Gosh, you know, like, for example, Saturn and Neptune are meeting at 0 degrees Aries on the 20th of this month, and that will be the first time in 6,500 years that's happened. So we can go back through history and say, okay, the last time that Saturn and neptune met at 0° Aries, what happened? Or the last time Saturn entered the sign of Aries, what happened? And the astrology now, since we know

[B]

exactly what happened 6,500 years ago, that makes sense.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they have Translated in the mid-90s, they translated ancient Mesopotamian texts and Babylonian astrological texts. So I think that those were excavated back. I don't know. It does span a few thousand years. I might not be exact on the dates, but right now our astrology is almost very, very similar to the astrology that we had during the civil war in the United States. So a lot of astrologers are looking.

[A]

That's reassuring.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. It's really. Yeah. I mean, shit. Party on, man. I got my pbr. I'm ready.

[B]

So what happens if we don't have a civil war?

[C]

I'm too old to get drafted. We won't have a civil War like that. But we are seeing echoes of that kind of behavior in certain parts of the country. You know, people brother against bro, and I mean, over.

[B]

We've always had, like, you look anywhere, you can see that, you know, we

[C]

haven't, we haven't always had this Minnesota stuff, though, and we haven't always had this.

[B]

I know, but you're just, you're just, you're just cherry picking the top headlines, you know what I mean?

[A]

Well, I do think, I do think,

[C]

though, it's just a mirror.

[A]

It just reflects things, that things have gotten more, like, divisive, like in the 90s.

[B]

Well, the question is, are we more divisive or we now have social media, so everything gets more polarizing. Not necessarily divisive.

[C]

I think it's all of that. I think that astrology is like a tool. It's like a mirror. You look in the mirror, you don't blame the mirror for what you see, you know?

[A]

Well, unless it's a funhouse mirror.

[C]

Yeah, well, it is. This, this astrology is a fucking funhouse mirror.

[A]

I'll tell you what I think, regardless, if we're more polarized, though, then we are more divisive. But yes, technology is amplifying that.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I think it all, it all comes, it's all everything, you know, And I, I was telling this to my mentor the other day. I'm like, dude, I'm such a freaking weirdo. I don't think people understand what I do until I do it. And then they see it happen, like, while I'm actually doing it. Like me pulling cards for you guys like this on a podcast with a beer in my hand. I mean, we're having fun, we're doing the best we can, but like, for serious intuitive channeling work, you need to be on your game. You need to be in a space. You know what I mean?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You'll see, Miles, once you book your, your astrology reading, you'll see.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I mean, you could just, you could mark me down as a big time skeptic of all things astrology. It doesn't mean that I'm right, but I just seems, I believe in randomness is what I believe in.

[C]

Actually, I do too. I'm a skeptic too. Like, I, I, I am actually a psychic. Like, I'm really psychic, you know, and whenever anything happens, I'm like, ah. Like, I'm like staying at this really cute place right now. I'm kind of doing some traveling and I was talking to my dad the other day and like, the shower curtain rod like, like fell down super loud at like 3:30 in the morning the other day. And he was like, oh, spirits, huh? And I'm like, no, like, that shit doesn't happen. You know what I mean? Like, I don't believe in it either.

[A]

You're talking to your dad at 3:30 in the morning?

[C]

No, I talked to him the next day and I was telling him, and he's like, oh, there must be spirits in the place. I'm like, no, I know, but you,

[B]

you doing astrology and tarot cards and saying that you're a skeptic is like, me being like, well, you know, while I'm sleeping. I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not an alcoholic, you know?

[C]

Yeah. I mean, I'm just saying that, like, I come from an academic background and I'm. I'm pretty, you know, I. It takes a lot. It takes a lot to, like, convince me too, and, and what I'm saying is that I'm convinced. Even I'm convinced, so.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Well, I'm hard to convince.

[A]

Well, I, I listen, I think that, you know, it's kind of like what you see in the cards says more about you than the cards sometimes. So I, I get that. But if you're a psychic, what's gonna happen in the next week?

[C]

That's why I don't ask the client what their question is. Is because I don't want to see your cards for you. I want you to. Just for yourselves. Like, I don't. I don't want to make an impression. Like, I want to get out of the way and let you talk to your own intuition the way you want. That's why I don't ask the question. I forgot to answer that before.

[A]

Yeah. So, Miles, why are you so resistant to your intuition? Is really the real question here.

[C]

I think Miles has great intuition. I think Miles is a natural. Miles, do you have dreams?

[B]

Like, do I dream at night?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

What'd you dream about last night?

[B]

I don't remember. That's kind of how dreams work sometimes. I know I was dreaming.

[C]

I think that you. I think that. I think that sometimes people who have the gifts are the most resistant to it.

[B]

So you're. You're saying I have the gift of psychic abilities?

[C]

I think we all do.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna tell my wife that.

[C]

I think we all do.

[B]

I think we tell her that she's pregnant and be like, no, trust me, I'm a psycho. She said that I have psychic abilities.

[C]

I think you do. I think we all do. And I think that's the greatest secret of all that these billionaires hide from people, is that we all are able to access this information. It's just been hidden from ourselves. It's in you. You can do it. It's just like having a sense of taste or smell. Some people have a stronger sense of smell. Some people can't smell it all. But most of us can smell at least a little. And I think that you, all of us, have psychic abilities at least a little. And it's. And it's a powerful tool to be able to access. You know, when you. When you go into a situation and you could feel your gut, like, just telling you, like, no, no, no, don't do it. Don't sign the contract. You don't need to have data. You don't need to have proof. But if you're a person like me, you like to have data. You like to have proof. Well, I've made a lot of freaking mistakes not trusting my intuition.

[D]

Right?

[B]

But intuition is a lot different than what's going on with Saturn and Uranus.

[C]

You know, Saturn's in your anus. My anus is fine.

[A]

You know, I will trust any tarot card reader that can make a good Uranus joke. Let me just say that. All about that. Well, what. Give us another shout out to your business here before we let you go.

[C]

Esperanza. Bense. Taro.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[C]

Well, I love you guys so much.

[B]

No, I love you, too.

[A]

We love you.

[B]

And I appreciate you letting me grill you on. On sweeping generalizations. I appreciate that.

[C]

I hope that episode was funny for the people.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I mean, we found out Miles is gonna have another child.

[B]

Yeah, I gotta call my wife and tell her we're pregnant.

[C]

Stop. Stop.

[B]

You said that, not me.

[C]

Well, we're just. You said that, Mr. Psychic. I am just pulling the cards. I'm just sitting here pulling cards. But, no, thank you. Thanks so much for taking the call. You know, and congratulations, Charlie, on your upcoming nuptials.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

And congratulations, you, too, Miles, on your upcoming baby.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you very much. Look at us. You're getting married. I'm having another kid.

[A]

Hey, Miles. We're moving forward one foot ahead of the time. And you know what? Saturn's in retrograde, so thank you.

[C]

Patty, can I say something really quick?

[A]

Yeah, please.

[C]

Hey, man, for all the people out there that have, like, a serious cognitive disconnect between believing in God and believing in esoteric arts. I believe in God, and I've read The Bible, a lot. And I mean, in the Bible, you're not supposed to, like, predict the future. You're supposed to let God, God be God. But in the Bible, it doesn't say anything about, like, not using your intuition or trusting in your dreams. And the Bible is entirely a book of, like, supernatural experiences and premonitions. So just throwing it out there that,

[A]

like, these are facts.

[C]

It's not of the devil. Like, what I do is not of the devil, dude.

[A]

Listen, Patty, you think because you got two Catholic boys who are going to play you out by singing on eagle's wings that we think you're of the devil?

[C]

No one. Your followers freaking coming for me. Dude.

[B]

Did they come for you before?

[C]

No. I don't know. I don't really pay attention.

[D]

I don't really care.

[C]

But I just want people to know that, like, if they're thinking about, you know, pulling a card or two, like, it's fine. Like, you know, it's fine.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and we would. Well, we would advise you I pull a card. I don't give a. I did today.

[A]

Yeah, you did. I did the last time. It's good. You know, we're. We're not afraid of this. We're not afraid of this, right?

[C]

Afraid of. No, I ain't afraid of no cards.

[A]

No. Heck.

[C]

Well, I love you. Should I take a picture of the cards and.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, send them on all or something.

[C]

Yeah, Great. All right, love you.

[D]

Bye.

[A]

Love you. Bye. Bye. And I will raise you up on eagle's wings, Take you to sh. Like the sun

[B]

and hold you in the palm of your hand. Well, if Anne's actually pregnant, that would be. Then I gotta really start rethinking the skepticism.

[A]

We gotta bring her in person. We gotta have every episode glowing lately. Ann has.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's really sweet of you.

[B]

All right, should we do another caller?

[A]

Jared, cut that clip. Send it to Anne. Miles. Miles. Miles. This is the fake spring part of winter where the sun comes out and everybody thinks it's safe. But the sidewalks and the driveways, are they really safe? Are they just slushy little messes hiding sheets of ice underneath? You step outside feeling confident, but you take one step and flash. Boom. Bang. You're flat on your ass staring at the sky while your wrist, shoulder, hip are screaming.

[D]

No.

[A]

It happens fast and hurts even faster. If a normal day turns into a real slip and fall injury because of icy conditions, let me tell you, Miles Nicolet is who you Want to call. 1-855- Nicolay nicolelaw.com. ladies and gentlemen, give Russell Nicolay a call.

[B]

What are you looking at there?

[A]

Looking at these boots, thinking how many kilometers I could walk in these.

[B]

Well, this is America, Charlie.

[A]

I know, but I didn't want to take your name in vain.

[B]

Guys, right now, Brunt, it's got some boots for you. And what I like about these, no shoelaces. These bad boys are slip ons. So I love a good slip on, you know.

[A]

Yeah, it's nice. It's nice because the anxiety of tying the shoelaces sometimes can get to you.

[B]

Yeah. And even velcro's too much for me. You know, I prefer the slip on over the strap on.

[A]

You know, I mean, are slipper boots.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I. Strap ons for me are not always something to be fearful of.

[B]

So guys, if you, if you love a good slip on, you know, like my dad, you reach a certain point in your life, you just, you're, you're done bending over, you're like, honey, I'm

[A]

not bending over anymore.

[B]

Yeah, like my dad hasn't bent over in like 15 years. And so shoes are for him. And maybe you're a 30 year old guy, you're like, you know what, that sounds like a good plan. I'm done bending over.

[A]

I'm gonna save my bending joints.

[B]

Yeah. And so Brunt's got your back. They got these awesome slip on boots. They look good, they feel good. They, there's, there's no break in period. They just come, they're comfortable right out of the box. They hold up. So guys, if you are in some need of some new boots, maybe want to try the slip ons right now For a limited time, you guys can get 10 bucks off at Brunt. When you use Code Bellied up at checkout. All you gotta do is head to bruntworkware.com, use code bellied up and you're good to go. And after your order, they'll ask you where you heard about Brunt. Do us a favor, Thomas from Bellied up podcast.

[A]

Yeah. 10 bucks, man. Sign me up. Hi, Rachel.

[B]

Hi, Rachel.

[D]

What's going on, guys?

[B]

Not much. We're just sitting back taking callers. What are you doing?

[D]

Well, nothing much. Just waiting for your call here. I got hopefully a good amount of time here, so I'm excited to talk to you guys.

[A]

Okay, belly on up to the bar. Rachel, what's on? What's on your mind?

[D]

Well, first of all, where are you guys bellied up to today?

[B]

We're at my office right now.

[A]

We're at the Office bar.

[B]

Yeah, I got a bar in my office. And that's when you know you've made it. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, well, we did make the bar, actually, so.

[D]

Yeah, well, I guess anyone can do it. But hey, that's when you gotta say, all right, I did pretty well for myself.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hey, something to take in. Miles, right? She's up here gassing you up. I like that. All right, Rachel. Yeah, yeah, just gas Miles up. That's fine. That's cool.

[D]

I think we're done for the day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, Rachel, I will send you your wire transfer immediately after this. You did a great job.

[D]

Awesome, thanks. Appreciate it. All right, you call me when you need another one.

[A]

Put some unleaded in that tank.

[D]

Okay. So glad you're calling. I got quite the predicament over here.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

We've got. So my husband and I moved into our house like a year or a little over a year ago.

[C]

All right.

[D]

And we love it. We moved back to where we're kind of both from, but. And first homeowner things. We work super hard on our house. Like we. We're trying to, I don't know, be here for a while. So we're working hard, but the house next to us is like. Imagine the house that you. That you like, biked super fast. Super fast by when you were a kid that you were afraid of because it was really creepy looking and run down.

[B]

It's a piece of shit.

[D]

Yeah, right? It's like everyone's afraid of it. You think it's haunted? That's what the house next to us looks like. It's. It's so. It's so run down. There's holes everywhere. Like this. It's got one of those like nasty green flickering lights out front. Just not a great. Not a great looking house. Super creepy, super rundown. However, we know like the story. So this guy owns this house. He's probably my parents age, probably like 50, in his 50s. It was his childhood home, but like he lives somewhere else now. But he still owns the house. So every once in a while, like every couple days he'll come over and do some things to the house, but like doesn't do any actual improvements. He kind of just like tinkers. But we found out from other neighbors that he redid the garage just a few years back. And it is the most beautiful, beautiful garage. Like you like two stories. He's in there all the time working on stuff. And so my husband and I are sitting here thinking, okay, how can we either get the city to condemn? Well, it Sounds so harsh. But, like, to condemn this house, try to get the city to say, okay, dude, you either have to fix up the house or sell it. Because now we're dealing with, like, rodents in our house and all this stuff because of this house. So it's. Hey, what do we do?

[A]

Well, yeah, I mean, make this guy sell his childhood home. I think that's. That's the. The only thing you can do right now.

[B]

The. Bury his memories.

[A]

Yeah, or blow him up. Whatever you want to do.

[B]

We don't give a wrecking ball to his childhood memories.

[A]

I came in like a wrecking ball.

[D]

It's so sad. I know, I know. And that's where it's like, I.

[C]

All right.

[D]

I have a soft spot for him.

[B]

Have you been inside the house?

[D]

No, because that's also creepy because all of his shades are drawn. He's got, like. He's got this weird. Again, these weird, like, lights on in the back, and every so often, he'll come and, like, bring bags in and out of the house, and it's just a very sketchy scenario. But, no, we haven't been inside the house because it's always dark and no one's there.

[B]

So why don't you just do a B, E?

[D]

We try not to go to jail. I'd like to not end up in prison.

[B]

He doesn't have a security system. He does. He's got holes in the walls, you

[D]

know, I guess, but. But it's funny, because my husband said that he was like, rachel, I so bad. Just want to go in there and see what it's about.

[B]

Just do it.

[A]

Yeah, just get it.

[B]

Just do it. Yes. You guys already got the white picket fence. You're gonna do the same this for every day, for the rest of your life. There's gonna be no more excitement. Feel something again.

[A]

Here's what you do.

[B]

Feel something again.

[A]

Here's what you do. I tell you exactly how to do it. You catch one of the rats in your house because of this guy. Okay? You got him in the trap, and then you go over there, you knock on the door to return this guy's pet, and when he doesn't answer, you let the rat go. The rat will find the easiest way into the house. You follow the rat in through the hole in the wall, and boom, you're in. I also have a question, though, before you break in. Did you not see this home there?

[B]

Popped into my mind. I was filing away for later.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yes, yes. The thing is, obviously. But there's never so where we live,

[B]

they're like, we got a steal of a deal. Yeah, I wonder why.

[D]

So. Yes. So first. So. Yes, absolutely. But also, it's so hard to get a house in this, like, downtown grid of this town where we live. And the downtown area is so, so cute. And so we were like, all right, when are we ever in our early mid-20s gonna get down here? And so we're like, this is our shot. So. Hence. Well, also, we were crazy because, like, my daughter was six weeks old when we bought the house and moved, so. So there was a lot going on, but. But we were like, all right, we'll buy the house with this gross house looking next to it in hopes that someday he'll go, okay, it's beyond repair. I gotta tear it down. But it hasn't happened yet.

[B]

Have you ever talked to the guy?

[D]

So, yes. And he's a nice enough guy. Like, he's pretty. He. I don't know. He's nice. He's like. He's normal, but he just. I don't know, he comes and he does, like, the. Like, he keep. He does just the typical dad thing where he'll come, like, quote, unquote, fix something outside the house, and it won't do anything, but then, like, he'll be in his garage for hours, like, late into the night.

[B]

Well, this is. This is how your next conversation should go with him. You ready, Charlie?

[A]

Yeah. I'll play him.

[B]

Okay. I'll be. I'll be your husband. Okay. Hey there, neighbor.

[A]

Oh, hey.

[B]

How we doing? Ah, God, I'm good.

[A]

Sorry I got blood on my hands.

[B]

Oh, that's.

[A]

Don't worry about it.

[B]

Yeah. You go hunting or something back there?

[A]

You could call it that.

[B]

Okay. Pretty nice new garage you got.

[A]

Yeah. Isn't she beautiful?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

My whole life savings to put this sucker up.

[B]

Your whole, like. All of your money went into the garage?

[A]

Single dime. I got right into that garage.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

You know, this is my childhood home, actually.

[B]

I heard that.

[A]

Yeah. And so ever since my mother passed away.

[B]

Did she now?

[A]

Yeah. I wanted to leave it exactly the way she looked, left it.

[B]

Was she pretty sick? Did she die in the hospital or.

[A]

Well, I killed her. But the point is, is that I just.

[B]

Like, you mean you killed her, like, because you moved away and you broke her heart.

[A]

22, which you wouldn't think would do it, but it does have some stopping power. But what I'm telling you about this house is I want to leave it exactly the way it was there when she passed and just let nature take its course.

[B]

So Wait, you're saying you killed your own cold blood?

[A]

Sure did.

[B]

With the twin house in that house?

[A]

Basement, yes.

[B]

In the basement. Yep. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So do you have any plans for the house?

[A]

I'm telling you, the plan, if you'd listen. The plan is to leave it as it exactly was when my mother died and just let nature take its course on the house so my mother can die, be buried in the most natural way possible. She always said I wanted to. I wanted to be one with the house. And so. So I don't go in there. But I built this sick ass garage. You want a beer?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, in a really weird, twisted way, that actually kind of makes sense, doesn't it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She turned that house into a home, didn't she?

[A]

She did.

[B]

Her forever home.

[A]

Her forever home.

[B]

That's what she said when she bought it, right? This is my forever home. And you took it literally?

[A]

Yup. A hundred percent.

[B]

All right. Is that what that smell is then?

[A]

Dead body. Rotting body. There's a few more down. There was people who lived here before. They wanted to come and get me to change a bunch of things. Do the gutters. I said. All right. All right, so I shot them too.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

22.

[D]

That's one way to do it.

[A]

A lot of stopping power with a.22. You wouldn't think it would, but it gets more than squirrels, I tell you.

[B]

You must be at point blank range. Yeah, for a.22.

[A]

I would say they were about standing the same distance as me to you.

[B]

Oh, wow. And you know, mentioned. Do you. You store the. That.22 on the premises or.

[A]

Oh, you mean this.22.

[B]

Oh, wow. God, that. Jesus.

[A]

Yum. It's a long barrel, Henry.

[B]

Yeah, I could tell you that the.

[D]

The.

[B]

The barrel of this thing is clean. Oh, yeah, Clean this thing?

[A]

Yeah, no prints on it right now.

[B]

Okay. I'm gonna go back inside if that's cool with you.

[A]

And before you do you want to touch this gun?

[B]

Just.

[A]

You want.

[B]

Get. Just. Oh, God. You know I'm allergic to.

[A]

Give it a go.

[B]

Allergic to metal.

[A]

Hot potato.

[B]

Oh, God. Okay.

[A]

Okay, great. Let me just grab this rag. I'll take that gun back from you. The police are gonna want you down at the station pretty soon. What was your name again?

[B]

Didn't say.

[A]

Okay. Didn't say. Must be French. All right. Good to meet you. So. So that's how you want to do it?

[D]

Oh yeah, it sounds. That's. That's a way. That's the way to do it.

[A]

What is?

[B]

I know that you and your Husband have a very large conspiracy going on that you guys talk about. You already kind of. You laid it out for us with the garbage bags. I know that. That's piece of it. So tell us, what is your conspiracy about what this guy's up to and what's his story?

[D]

The thing is, I.

[B]

Just tell us the conspiracy. I think just lay it out there.

[D]

I. There's got to be some. Something fishy happening in that house.

[B]

I know. What do you guys think's happening?

[D]

You. You laid it out. You laid it out perfectly. There has to be some sort of crimes. Being like he's dragging something in and he's dragging something out, and I don't want to.

[A]

Did you have them over for dinner?

[D]

No, I'm too afraid.

[A]

How long have you talked to him for?

[D]

Probably a handful of times. Every time, like five or 10 minutes.

[B]

Now, here's the thing. You know, Charlie, I don't know if you've gotten this advice in your life, but you always want to be nice to the weird kid in school. You know what I mean?

[A]

Sure do.

[B]

And so I think you guys really need to consider that. That I imagine every other neighbor in the neighborhood has been steering clear of this guy, and he's gonna remember that.

[D]

Yeah, it's true. It's true. We really shouldn't. But the thing is, he doesn't live there. He lives in the next town over. What?

[A]

Would you live in a house with dead bodies in the basement? Come on.

[D]

Well, what am I supposed to catch this guy and ask and ask.

[B]

You're gonna catch, like, you're gonna catch him?

[D]

No, like, like talk to him. Also, I have like, kids, so I'm kind of not. I'm like, hey, man, maybe not. Maybe don't come into your house. Maybe we'll have a picnic outside in the summertime.

[B]

Well, but I'm not trying to do it when your kids are outside.

[D]

Well, I have little kids, so that probably wouldn't work. Like a one year old.

[A]

Well, why don't you guys just go over there and start fixing it up for them? Just cut.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the biggest. You cut the grass. You know, you replace some exterior stuff, make it look somewhat presentable.

[B]

And always present at your husband means prince. Hey, I just got this new yes tool and I'm really jacked about it. And I did my house already. Can I just come do yours?

[D]

The thing is, guys, I don't think you're like. You need to think in your head how. Like imagine how unfixable this house is. Like it like, it is so beyond.

[A]

What town Are we talking horse?

[B]

To get inside the house to see what's going on.

[A]

What town is this?

[D]

This is Waconia, Minnesota.

[A]

Waconia, Minnesota.

[D]

It's out by, like, I don't know,

[B]

what information are you gonna look it up on Google street view?

[A]

Yeah, I want to see how bad this thing looks.

[B]

Hey, we'll bleep out your address. We'll cut it out.

[A]

Yeah, let me just. I. I just gotta see. What. Oh, you're right over there by Lake Waconia. Okay, you gotta be kidding me. That's a.

[B]

You know, Lake Wakonia. What else? There's other stuff that's by there.

[A]

Well, Miles, it's great duck hunting over at the Wahibo Marsh, obviously, if you can get it.

[D]

No, that just became a marsh a couple years ago.

[A]

Well, you gotta.

[B]

You guys got. Every marsh has got to start.

[A]

No, hey, listen, you don't know. I was talking to the folks over at the Waconia State Wildlife Management Area, and they said. Said it's great duck hunting. They're just getting it ready over there.

[D]

Hey, what do I know?

[A]

I guess I. I mean, I guess now. There was also a student over there in Crown College that I was chit chatting with, and they said that you gotta get over to the Shram Vineyards Winery and Brewery, which is awesome. Yeah, it is awesome. They got a nice new. They got a nice new lager they've been brewing up. And sometimes, you know, I remember.

[D]

Miles, what the hell are you laughing for?

[A]

I had a. I had a logger over there. He's just winding me up.

[B]

My favorite bit of yours.

[A]

And afterwards, I went over that culver's right off the main drag. What do you call it again? That main drag there? Oh, the. The Augie Miller Memorial Highway. Is that it?

[D]

No, locals call it Highway 5, but that's okay.

[A]

Well, I was just. I was just reading the signs when I was over there. Well, anyways, listen, we'll come into town, we'll go over to Eggcra, get. Get a nice omelet next time I'm there.

[D]

Think you want to do that?

[B]

Well, that was a test to see if you were truly a local, Charlie.

[A]

You knew that I knew that. What. What's. What street are you on over there? I forget

[D]

you guys, I'm not telling you my address on a podcast unless you bleep it out.

[A]

We'll bleep it out 100.

[B]

Not put your.

[A]

I just want to look at this house.

[D]

Okay, okay, so addresses. So we're on the corner lot, and the house is obviously right next to us. There's no other house there. But I'm curious. What, like you're looking up, because I wonder if. Well, you know what? It's. It's in such crappy condition. I bet you it looks the same.

[B]

Okay, so are you the blue house?

[D]

Yeah, we're in the blue one.

[A]

Okay. That looks nice.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I think you're. I think you're being a little dramatic about the house. You know, you get. You get SB Mowing over there to clean up the landscaping, and. And you're gonna be sitting pretty in a new, fresh paint job. I think it's good to go.

[A]

Yeah. What's the name of the painter over there? Miles.

[B]

SB Painting.

[A]

Oh, SB Painting. Yeah. Now, also, you all.

[B]

Honestly, it's got patio furniture out there. What? Can you. What's wrong?

[A]

Yeah, this house isn't that bad.

[D]

This is.

[B]

Looks like Charlie. These duplexes.

[D]

Hey, you guys, are you not seeing? I can't. I like. I hope this is.

[B]

Oh, I see the garage in the back. That thing is nice.

[A]

That is a nice garage. My gosh, you guys haven't gotten an invite into the garage yet.

[B]

I know.

[D]

Unbelievable.

[A]

He's got the purple flowers out front. Look at that beautiful vine growing out of the front door.

[B]

I mean, I don't know if you guys can really be talking. Look at this giant patch of dirt that's there. And no grass.

[A]

Yeah. Would you guys bury a body in the front yard?

[B]

Jesus Christ. You got a tree dying out front. You know, you got one landscaping rock.

[D]

We took all that out. We took all that out.

[A]

You know that Bible passage about pulling the beam out of your own eye before you get the speck of dust out of your neighbors?

[B]

He who cast the first stone. Stone be without sin.

[A]

Look at that garage.

[D]

Clearly from a few years ago, before we lived here. So we've done a lot of work on the outside anyways.

[B]

Oh, God. I didn't. You guys are Big Joe Polunik for city council people, huh?

[D]

Nope. Don't know who that is.

[B]

What do you mean? You have a. You have a sign in your front yard, but for Joe for city council.

[D]

I. I really think this view must have been from a while ago.

[B]

Look at. You got the nice welcome sign out front.

[D]

That was the old owner.

[A]

That was the old owner.

[B]

Be honest. They had full grass, and they looked way more welcoming than what you guys got going on.

[D]

Okay, guys, listen. This house has got whole. I think. I don't know if you can see it from your view. Can you see the holes in the roof?

[B]

You know, I see.

[A]

I see.

[B]

But there's nothing that a little extra roofing job came can't fix. A little extra pay. We'll call SP Roofing.

[A]

Yeah, Just give SB Roofing a call. Get the land and it's fine. And maybe we'll get a stump removal to get that.

[B]

Although maybe stump removal will come over that stump.

[A]

You just. Honestly, you just cut it. Cut half of it off. You make a little lawn chair out of that thing in our yard? No, in their yard.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Get out the chainsaw. Do you want to. Did you go over there and ask him if you could help out with his house?

[D]

No, because I never. Like, it's. He's there such weird hours. Like, the other night, I was up with. With our daughter at like 3am and he was in his garage working.

[A]

What's he working on?

[D]

I don't know. This is what's creepy. It's like, all right, what are you doing in there? And why are you every so often pulling something into your house? Like, what's going on?

[B]

It's also a huge kick to the nuts because his. He has lot. He didn't. His house is not centered on the lot. It's all the way pushed to your side, which is.

[D]

Right.

[B]

Which is extra funny.

[A]

This is the bedroom with the murderer's view.

[D]

The thing is too Every, like, storm or snow or whatever, we see, one of his gutters is perfectly lined up so that everything runs into this hole in his roof. And so I'm thinking, okay, there's so much water damage and other sources of damage on the inside of this house. Like, I don't even. Like, I would get asbestos just walking in there. Like, I breathe in stuff just walking in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I don't know what to do.

[A]

Well, you can see why he's not going in the house. Yeah.

[B]

He's not gonna put his life in danger.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, he just.

[D]

How do we get him to think, all right, you know, what life is going on.

[B]

Well, why don't you call Joe Peloneski on the city council and have them come take a look at the property? Yeah.

[A]

Tell them that your house was instrumental in getting his ass elected.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

What does the other neighbor think of it? Have you talked to the other neighbor?

[D]

Yeah, but I'm not gonna, like, talk the one neighbor in the middle.

[A]

No, I'm trying to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just call a podcast and really tear my new. Jeez.

[D]

I'm hoping he doesn't listen to this one.

[B]

The creepy murderer guy. He thinks. Listen. Bellied up.

[D]

Yeah, I don't know. I hope not for you.

[B]

Could be.

[A]

Yeah, he's got a tree growing out of the living room.

[B]

Charlie does look like Jeffrey Dahmer.

[A]

I do when I know where my glasses are, which I don't right now. I lost. I lose them every week. It's. It's a little game I play for myself. Yeah, this is. Well, he's got cushions on his patio furniture yet still, so.

[D]

Yeah, the moths haven't eaten through those ones yet.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, I see you got a nice little kid. Swing the back. That's a nice little added touch.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Something I like how we're just pouring over every detail of her life right now. You know, I don't know if I'd have gone with those shrubs in the front of the house. You know, it kind of is dominating the one side, but maybe some hydrangeas next time.

[D]

Yeah, it's a great option.

[B]

Once again, your head needs to get shaped up a little bit. Also that the railing by your side. Sidewalk looks a little sketchy. I'd maybe look into that and get that. Getting that thing fixed, especially as your kids get older here.

[D]

Yeah, we'll do. I'll put that on my list as soon as I'm done helping this guy fix up his.

[A]

Why don't you just go over there, you guys phone number. Next time you see him, get it. Get his phone number and just give him a call and say, hey, listen, your house needs a little help. Can we can help you with the yard work. Work. Just offer your help and just feel out what his plans are for the house, because maybe he has plans you don't know about.

[D]

Yeah, that's true. That's. I gotta hear him out.

[B]

Why don't you play concerned neighbor and say, hey, I don't know if you're aware, but there's a hole in your roof and we saw water pouring into there. Do you need to call a restoration place? Restoration.

[A]

S.B. restoration. Oh, here's what you can also do. You can put in a call to the police and say, I heard a loud scream inside this house. Did you do a wellness check?

[B]

Just do a wellness check?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Have the police do a wellness check in the house.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, but then they're not gonna. What if they don't find anything? And then they're like, why the heck did you give us a call?

[A]

Well, they'll at least tell you if there's dead bodies in the house.

[B]

You just Go. Sorry, officer. We were just really worried and we heard something, and so thank you for your service. Until Joe at the city council, he says hi.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, with a little shoebox among. Bribe your city council people. Come on. Do what the billionaires do. Just bribe the local politicians. You can do whatever you want.

[B]

Is your husband a smoker of any sort?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Would be a shame if he flicked a cigarette butt across the property line

[A]

shortly after pouring gasoline after he tripped

[B]

and fell, putting gas into his mower.

[D]

Yeah, I guess the thing is, I've called city council twice, guys.

[A]

What'd they say?

[D]

They don't get back to me.

[B]

No narc.

[A]

Oh, your city council.

[B]

Me.

[A]

They don't get back to you?

[D]

No. And I. I don't want to. I'm not trying not to be a narc, as Miles said, or snitch those guys.

[B]

Yeah, good luck getting a hold of the city council. That's not working.

[D]

That's the thing. And so I think I just gotta walk. I gotta walk down there.

[B]

Okay, yeah. Go from narc to Karen. I like that. Go full Karen, friend. Make sure you get a haircut before you, too.

[D]

Okay, so that's clearly out, then. That's clearly out.

[B]

No, I think that's fine. Don't march down there. Just at the next block party, find your local representative and chew on his ear a little bit. Don't literally chew on his ear.

[D]

Just see what I can. See what he can do.

[B]

Also, what's your husband doing? This sounds like a husband job.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know if anything's a husband job. Make them deal with this. The dirty ones work, for God's sake.

[D]

Yeah, but the thing is, it's more annoying to me because, like, he'll. This guy will come, like, when I'm at home with our daughter, and he'll be doing, like, some crazy projects and hammering away at, like, a branch on the outside of his house. And then, like, wake up our daughter, that is. And then I have to deal with, like, all this random stuff, or, like, he has this. This pear tree in the back in the. In the backyard, but. But every branch falls over into our yard. And so he came one day, he's like, feel free to eat any of those pears. And we're like, yeah, thanks. We can only eat so many, though, so. But then they all, like, fall in our yard, and then the bees come, and it's this whole thing.

[B]

I mean, you. I mean, when life hands you pears.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you just.

[B]

You guys complaining about free, fresh pears. Off of a tree.

[A]

Yeah. This guy seems great.

[B]

Honestly, Pear trees grow in Minnesota. Am I. Is that weird?

[A]

Oh, yeah, we got pears.

[B]

I didn't even knew that you guys are sitting on. Why don't dude do. Do pear lemonade with your kid? Do a stand out there.

[D]

Yeah, I really should do that.

[A]

Yeah. When. When life gives you pears, you got to make pear lemonade. I think that's. Look at the benefits. And he. He. He did fix up his garage real nice. He started with the most important part of the house he's working his way to, you know? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

I mean, what does your husband say about this?

[D]

He. We kind of just sit and we chat and he thinks it's okay. We.

[B]

He thinks you're talking to Charlie.

[D]

She's. No, he just kind of. I don't know. I mean, he thinks, you know what? So at. Someday he'll realize that it's unlivable and unfixable. But as of now, we're kind of just watching what happens.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

That's why I want to be proactive.

[B]

Your husband's a true Midwest man. Just goes, well, it is what it is.

[D]

Yeah. Yep.

[B]

If you need me, I'll be in my garage.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So this is why I'm thinking, okay, something needs to be said to this guy, but maybe I'll just. I will play the good neighbor card. Hey, man, do you need help with anything? Let's see what we can do about that rough.

[B]

Bake them a pear pie.

[A]

Yes, bake them a pear pie. Walk over there, say, hey, listen, the house is falling apart. It looks like ass. What can we do here, you know?

[D]

Yeah, all right. That's a good option. Yeah.

[B]

Just.

[A]

We need a little bit more contact with this guy. We need a little bit more proactive conversation. There's a way to figure this out. Or just go hang with him in the garage that doesn't look like it's got bodies in the basement, you know, And. And have a beer with them. Figure out what he wants out of life, and there's a way to work this out. Yeah.

[D]

All right, well, we'll have to just have some good heart to hearts and hope that he doesn't kill us. Then we'll be good to go.

[B]

Now, for legality, I'm telling you not to go talk to him just in case he does murder you. Then. Then I don't want that to be on my conscience my whole life, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I don't want that either, but if you decide it's worth the risk. We'd love a bellied update on this, right?

[D]

Yeah. You know what? Maybe. Yeah, you know what? We'll just. We'll get in these good graces. We'll see we can help him with. We'll get the. The outside looking a little better.

[B]

Because here's the thing. Here's the thing is you don't. It's not the house isn't bothering you. It's that he's not. He doesn't seem to notice how bad the house is. That's correct. If you talk to him and he. You get it. What his plan is or that he acknowledges that it's falling apart, that will give you some peace of mind to go a little bit longer with that house. You know what I mean?

[D]

Right.

[B]

At least like, oh, he knows and he's been figuring out what he's gonna do with it. Then you can sleep like a baby, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And don't forget. Yeah. I mean, and don't forget you bought the house knowing it was right next to a shitbox. So it's true. You know, you gotta. You gotta understand. You had.

[B]

I can't believe this place is so cheap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's not a murderer next door, right? We'll take it.

[D]

It.

[A]

How close have you been to the house? Can you smell bodies?

[D]

Oh, no. Can't smell anything.

[A]

Then you're probably fine. Honestly, bodies will smell. Unless he's got formaldehyde drums down there then.

[B]

I mean, this guy sounds legit. If he hasn't been caught yet. So he's not just. He's. He's not just letting bodies rot down there.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

I mean, watch Breaking Bad. They use the acid, put it down the drain.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a good thing to do

[B]

if you use the right kind of.

[D]

Well, I'm sure. I think everything in the house is rotting. So I don't. I think that's a lot. Least of his worries right now.

[B]

The bodies.

[D]

No, like, everything else is rotting. So.

[B]

I'm gonna be honest. I don't think this guy's worried about the house at all.

[D]

Why isn't he fixing it up?

[B]

Because he's just not worried about it. It is what it is. You realize you're getting a look into your future here.

[A]

Are fireworks legal?

[B]

Your husband, you know, I want you to know that if you, you know, God forbid, this doesn't happen, but if you were to pass away before him, you realize that it's. They're going to be him and this guy. Are gonna be two peas in a pod. The house is going to. The garage is going to look immaculate.

[A]

Yeah, that's the reason this hasn't been resolved. Your husband, low key, admires this guy.

[B]

Like, this guy's my hero.

[D]

You know what? If. If he starts working on the garage, then I'll be. I'll be suspicious about their newfound friendship. But.

[B]

But.

[D]

All right, well, listen, as of now, I guess shouldn't be too concerned or just try to talk to him and see what happens.

[A]

Yeah, talk to him. If that doesn't work, 4th of July is coming up. Pay some local kids in the neighborhood to light off some Roman candles at the house. And. And, you know, physics will take care of that. So.

[D]

All right, so the last memories this guy has of his childhood, I'll just, you know, we'll leave him up to some fireworks.

[B]

Yeah, it'll go out with a bang.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That, of course, I should legally say was a joke meant to solicit laughter, not an actual crime. Illegal advice to give. I don't want to be an accomplice to the. The deal.

[D]

All right, all right, we won't. No one will say it was your idea. Get some local neighborhood kids, bake a

[A]

pear pie, Go over there, ask him if he needs any help fixing it up.

[D]

All right, well, we'll try that. We'll try that. And then we'll give a little bellied update here for you.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Be wonderful. Well, thank you for the call.

[D]

Hey, guys, thanks for chatting. Have a nice office. Office beer there.

[A]

We will, we will. Thank you.

[B]

Cheers.

[D]

All right. See you, guys.

[B]

Well, Miles, that's kind of how your duplex look when you bought it, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, still kind of.

[B]

What'd you do? You did. You did a little bit of paint on the outside, Maybe a new roof?

[A]

Well, I had to redo the exterior because it was structurally unsound, as they say.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you doing giving advice on buying a home next to that? You bought that? You bought the home next door?

[A]

It's not that bad. I got a good deal on it. You know, I was living in my sister's basement. I needed somewhere to go. But anyways, good luck. Yeah, good luck. And. And folks, you know, your neighbor is just a stone's throw away. So instead of throwing stones, go say, hey.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

You like that? Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So, guys, we'll see you next one. Remember to tip your bartender,

[C]

okay?

[B]

Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye.

[D]

Now.