Bellied Up Podcast – Episode #192: "The Creepy House Next Door"

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles (“You Betcha Guy”)
Date: March 19, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of "Bellied Up," Charlie Berens and Myles belly up to their office bar to tackle house projects, reflect on time management, take a tarot card reading from a returning caller (Esperanza/Patty), and field a call from Rachel, a new homeowner dealing with a truly creepy neighbor situation. True to their comedic and small-town Midwestern style, the hosts riff, roast, and offer practical (and completely impractical) advice, blending Midwest nice with a bit of cheeky skepticism.

Main Segments & Key Discussions

1. Small Town Projects, Time Management, and Decluttering Life (00:00–13:00)

• Opening Banter:
  Charlie and Myles joke about being mistaken for each other (“Some people come up to me in the airport and say, hey, are you the you bet you guy? And I say yes because I'm too lazy to say no.” – Charlie, 00:04).
• Discussion: Charlie outlines his perennial problem: too many home projects left unfinished—ranging from removing a basement wall to installing an archery range, fixing up a found fishing boat, and managing 10 dead trees.
  • Quote: “You have...150 open tabs in your Internet browser.” (Myles, 07:55)
  • Charlie admits: “All of our listeners right now are better than me at time management.” (Charlie, 10:38)
• **Myles encourages closing some life tabs and jokes about conducting a performance review of Charlie, praising his morale and talent but dinging him for time management and communication.

2. Caller #1: Esperanza / Patty the Tarot Card Reader (13:00–47:40)

Introduction & Banter (13:00–16:00)

• Patty (“Esperanza”) calls in, matching the laid-back vibe by cracking a beer and engaging in playful Spanish banter.
  • Memorable Moment: Patty pops open a beer on air, prompting:
    “It's like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis. Oh, my goodness.” (Myles, 14:22)

Tarot Readings, Honesty, and Relationship Talk (16:00–31:00)

• “Esperanza” recaps her last reading from a previous episode, admitting she told Charlie he’d get a big buck but really felt relationship energy.
  • Quote: “I had a feeling at that time…I knew you weren't gonna get a good buck, but I just said that to make you feel better.” (Patty, 19:30)
  • Myles (joking): “It's hard to find an honest tarot card reader in today's society, you know.” (Myles, 18:12)
• Discussion of intuition: Patty encourages listeners to trust their “gut” and see tarot as a tool for self-reflection, not prophecy.

Tarot Reading for Myles (31:00–47:40)

• Myles gets a tarot reading focused on withheld thoughts (he was secretly wondering about having a second child).
  • Key Cards Pulled: Eight of Swords (“Pretty much the only thing that's holding you back right now, Miles, is your own thinking.” – Patty, 23:00), Queen of Wands reversed, Eight/Six of Pentacles reversed, Seven of Pentacles reversed.
  • Patty interprets: “I don't think it's up to you guys when you're gonna plan to have another kid. Let me put it that way.” (Patty, 28:12)
  • Followed by much laughing, skepticism, and Miles joking about announcing pregnancy to his wife based on a tarot reading.

Billionaire Astrologers & Occult Talk (31:40–47:40)

• Patty explains “forensic astrology” and claims “billionaires” employ high magicians and consult astrology charts:
  • Quote: "Billionaires use it. Millionaires don't. But billionaires do." (Patty, 32:13)
  • The hosts press her on the vast generalizations and skepticism ensues.
  • Discussion covers astrology vs. Tarot, epochs, and the secret of intuition, with a detour into Saturn-in-Aries astrology.
  • Quote: “Actually, I do too. I'm a skeptic too. Like, I, I, I am actually a psychic. Like, I'm really psychic, you know, and whenever anything happens, I'm like, ah..." (Patty, 42:44)
  • Memorable Moment: Uranus joke:
    "Saturn's in your anus. My anus is fine." (Patty, 46:28)

Farewells & Esoteric Assurance

• Patty plugs her tarot business, "Esperanza Bense Tarot" and assures listeners it's not “of the devil,” adding, "if they're thinking about, you know, pulling a card or two, like, it's fine. Like, you know, it's fine." (Patty, 49:05)
• The hosts promise skepticism doesn’t mean they don't appreciate the bit.

3. Caller #2: Rachel and “The Creepy House Next Door” (53:15–84:48)

Introduction & Predicament (53:15–56:59)

• Rachel describes her predicament: She and her husband bought a cute house, but next door is a run-down, “haunted-looking” house with a beautiful, newly built garage (for tinkering, not living).
• The absentee owner, who inherited it from his parents, makes only superficial visits, causing rodent infestations and eyesore complaints.

The Advice Gauntlet: Jokes & Roleplay (56:59–66:10)

• The hosts brainstorm wild solutions:
  • “Make this guy sell his childhood home. That’s the only thing you can do right now” (Charlie, 56:59)
  • “Just do a B, E?” (breaking and entering – Myles, 57:49)
  • Charlie improvises a comedic, dark roleplay as the neighbor, culminating in “Well, I killed her. But the point is…” (Charlie, 61:13)
  • The hosts and Rachel joke about conspiracies, murders, and pear trees—including ideas for "returning the rats" to the neighbor's house and following the rat in.

Getting Real: Neighborly Tactics and Civic Options (66:10–84:48)

• They discover the town (Waconia, MN) & use Google Street View to rate both houses, roast some of Rachel’s curb appeal decisions, and affirm nobody's perfect.
• The hosts recommend:
  • Making overtures of help to the neighbor ("Why don’t you just go over there and start fixing it up for them?" – Charlie, 66:04)
  • Trying city council, possibly staging a wellness check
  • Baking him a pear pie & using pears as an icebreaker
  • "We need a little bit more contact with this guy... Or just go hang with him in the garage." (Charlie, 80:19)
• Emphasize managing expectations—acknowledging that buying next to a “shitbox” comes with its own responsibility.
  • "And don't forget you bought the house knowing it was right next to a shitbox." (Charlie, 81:43)
• Call concludes with plans for Rachel to try good neighbor tactics and update the show (“…We'd love a bellied update on this, right?” – Charlie, 80:59)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Opening mistaken identity bit:
  “Some people come up to me in the airport and say, hey, are you the you bet you guy? And I say yes because I'm too lazy to say no.” – Charlie (00:04)
• On time management:
  “You have...150 open tabs in your Internet browser.” – Myles (07:55)
• Tarot card honesty:
  “I had a feeling at that time…I knew you weren't gonna get a good buck, but I just said that to make you feel better.” – Patty (19:30)
• Billionaire astrology riff:
  "Billionaires use it. Millionaires don't. But billionaires do." – Patty (32:13)
• Comic skepticism:
  "It's hard to find an honest tarot card reader in today's society, you know." – Myles (18:12)
• On intuition:
  "We all are able to access this information... It's just like having a sense of taste or smell." – Patty (45:19)
• Neighborhood drama:
  “Make this guy sell his childhood home.” – Charlie (56:59)
• Dark roleplay:
  “Well, I killed her. But the point is…” – Charlie as neighbor (61:13)
• On proactive neighborliness:
  "We need a little bit more contact with this guy...there's a way to figure this out." – Charlie (80:21)
• Buying regrets:
  "And don't forget you bought the house knowing it was right next to a shitbox." – Charlie (81:43)
• Comic sign-off:
  “So instead of throwing stones, go say, hey.” – Charlie (85:37)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |--------------|-----------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–13:00 | Home projects, performance review, open tabs in life | | 13:00–16:00 | Patty/Esperanza call intro & beer-popping sound effects | | 16:00–31:00 | Tarot reading, relationship, honesty on air | | 31:00–47:40 | Billionaire astrologers, skepticism, "safe space" debate | | 53:15–56:59 | Rachel’s call: “The Creepy House Next Door” | | 56:59–66:10 | Conspiracy theories & neighbor roleplay skit | | 66:10–84:48 | Real advice, curb appeal roasts, pear talk, conclusion |

Tone, Language & Takeaways

Bellied Up retains its signature tone: friendly, irreverent, and Midwestern to the core. The hosts blend playful teasing, sarcasm, and genuine empathy for the problems of their callers—whether they’re questioning life decisions, the mysteries of the universe, or truly strange next-door neighbors. They don’t shy away from poking fun at themselves (and their listeners) or mixing in a bit of outlandish, performative advice, always with a wink.

Final Advice Themes:

• Embrace your mess and your neighbors' quirks—it’s all part of Midwest living.
• Don’t sweat the “open tabs” in life, but do try to close a few.
• Trust your gut (with a grain of salt—and maybe a tarot card, if that’s your thing).
• When in doubt, bake a pear pie, knock on a door, or belly up to the (office) bar.

End of Summary—Tune in next week and, as always, tip your bartender!