Transcript

Charlie (0:00)

Going on with. Are we starting? Are we rolling? Yeah. What's going on with kickers these days?

Miles (0:06)

I saw a conspiracy tick tock that's saying that now kickers get the balls a day ahead of the game so they can like soften them up so they're not as hard so they can kick it better. Where there was a time where they would. Would only get it on the game day and then they wouldn't be able to do that stuff. I don't know if that's true or not. Again, it was a TikTok, but.

Charlie (0:29)

Well, if it was a TikTok, it was obviously true. But I mean, this is what we were razzing. What's his face for? The good looking guy, Tom Brady, you know.

Miles (0:40)

Well, he was deflating.

Charlie (0:42)

No, no, they're also deflating. What is soften mean, Miles?

Miles (0:46)

Means like they. They basically wear them in like the leather more, you know, and they, and they like they, they mess with. They. They mess the leather to make it. Like if you watch.

Charlie (0:56)

Break it in.

Miles (0:57)

You watch a guy before his kickoff.

Charlie (0:59)

Yeah.

Miles (0:59)

He takes ball and shoves it into the ground.

Caller Charlie (1:02)

Yeah.

Miles (1:03)

To give it more. They try and shape it a little bit more like a soccer ball vibe. Right. So like the less oblong it is, the better.

Charlie (1:10)

Interesting.

Miles (1:11)

I think that's what's happening.

Charlie (1:13)

Yeah, that's because, you know, if you, if you grab a fresh football, I mean, that thing, there's nothing fun about that.

Miles (1:19)

It's hard.

Charlie (1:20)

That hurts.

Miles (1:20)

Yeah. You know, so they got all sorts of techniques to get them nice and soft, so.

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast – Episode #172: "The Ultimate Midwest Man Cave"

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles "You Betcha Guy"

Air Date: October 23, 2025

Episode Overview

Charlie Berens and Myles "You Betcha Guy" belly up at the Sports Bar in Fargo and take a series of calls from listeners across the Midwest. This episode spirals through classic Midwest sports conspiracy theories, the rough-and-tumble world of concrete work, unforgettable tales of workplace injury, man cave design, and even turns into an accidental PSA about hemorrhoid health—all delivered with signature dry wit and camaraderie. Midwest culture, practicality, and humor shine throughout as the hosts lovingly roast each other and their callers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Sports: The Great Kicker Conspiracy (00:00–05:06)

Kicker Ballgate: Myles launches in with a TikTok-inspired conspiracy that NFL kickers take footballs home early to "soften them up" for better kicking, riffing on Tom Brady and “Deflategate.”
- “If it was a TikTok, it was obviously true.” – Charlie (00:29)
- Discussion of ways footballs are broken in—”they mess with the leather,” “shove it into the ground,” maybe even “put them under the mattress” (01:27).
Banter about outlandish possibilities (“What if a guy shows up with a popped ball?”), and the history of pigskins (02:30).
The thread ends with jokes about Flubber and childhood toys: “If you touch it with dirty hands, you dirty up his flubber real good.” – Charlie (04:29)

Call-In #1: Skyler – Midwest Concrete Life & The Perils of Power Tools (06:03–29:20)

Concrete Chat & Life Choices

Skyler, a longtime concrete worker, calls in to ask Myles why he left concrete ("Would you rather do YouTube or pour concrete every day?").
Reveals self-amputation accident with a circular saw: “I broke the number one rule. I put my fingers where I shouldn't have put my pecker.” – Skyler (08:48)
Loses “one and a half…so really eight and a half” fingers (09:04), tells about attempts to keep severed fingers (“Just pickle them for me”—13:01), and how losing digits affects simple things like counting and showing the middle finger.
Banter about concrete culture: “I helped a buddy pour a patio a few weeks ago…Flat work is the easiest thing on earth, dude.” – Myles (11:18)
Skyler, despite injury, still pours concrete and jokes about rehab, weight gain, and workplace humor.

Finger Recovery & Concrete Wisdom

Candid talk about rehab and workplace injury culture: “You need this thing to work. I gotta ride my dirt bike again.” – Skyler (17:28)
Attempts at humor about not being able to keep amputated fingers, finger fairies, and “bar jokes” with prosthetics (18:00–19:40).
“You better milk that, dude!” – Charlie, on Skyler’s status as an amputee (19:03)
Workplace pranks and midwestern construction-site culture: “I told one guy, Miles, I haven’t seen you finish anything but a sandwich.” (22:15)

Call-In #2: Mitch – Creating the Ultimate Midwest Man Cave (35:32–56:55)

Design Essentials for a Detached Garage Man Cave

Mitch is moving and looking for advice on starting a man cave in his heated, detached garage (36:05).
Myles and Charlie praise the “garage mahal”—prime man cave real estate since “it creates an extra layer of barrier where your wife…isn’t going to want to go outside to tell you to come inside” (36:17).
Urinals & Funnel System:
- Charlie advocates for a wall of urinals; Myles suggests "just a funnel with a hole in the wall—PVC" (37:18).
- Tips on a keg urinal for style (“dress up your urinal a little bit”), and extending the “funnel” out to water the garden (“Maybe you get a hose with holes…spreads it out through the tomatoes,” 38:07).
Games & Decor:
- Must-have: “Big Buck Hunter” arcade game (38:28), tap wall ("beer tap as a work of art," 44:23), shuffleboard ("makes you spend more time in the garage," 51:06).
- School-theme concept (47:01): Old desks, water fountain ("bubbler") turned into a brandy dispenser, bar called “The After School Program” or “Indoor Recess.”

Man Cave Operations & Midwest Practicality

Warnings against overdoing the décor: “You don’t want to be telling people to take their shoes off in your man cave. Right?” – Charlie (50:26)
Garage turf battles: “How does that work? She gets the house, she can park her car in your garage, and you’re parking outside?” – Charlie (53:40)
The value of “broken stuff” in the man cave to tinker with while drinking (“perpetually want a project to look at,” 54:01).
Group activities and "breakout sessions": pull-up bars, junk lawnmower repairs, “swordplay” jokes at the urinal.

Call-In #3: Hemorrhoid Awareness—Mixing Lifestyle, PSA & Absurdity (56:41–61:59)

Mitch reveals he recently had a hemorrhoidectomy and delivers an accidental PSA: “If you got hemorrhoids, go get them taken care of right away before you get to this point.” (57:14)
The entire segment pivots to hemorrhoid awareness, self-exams, and dietary advice laced with bodily humor.
“Everyone’s got an [asshole]…” – Charlie (60:36)
Ongoing bit about not being allowed to keep body parts removed by the hospital, sparking a running joke connecting this caller with the previous concrete-finger saga.
“I find it suspicious all these hospitals are keeping our body parts…I think we should be contacting our elected officials.” – Charlie (61:23)

BONUS: The Mysterious Meow-Meow Voicemail (64:27–67:54)

The hosts play a cryptic (and possibly inebriated) voicemail: "Meow, meow, where are you?"
Wild theories: Is it code? An alien? Just a lonely cat owner?
“That and, you know, I’m listening again. That sound, it’s sounding sad.” – Charlie (65:46)
Ends with callback to ‘Men In Black’ and fast food kids’ toys from 90s movies.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“If it was a TikTok, it was obviously true.” – Charlie (00:29)
“I broke the number one rule. I put my fingers where I shouldn’t have put my pecker.” – Skyler (08:48)
"You better milk that, dude!" – Charlie, encouraging a caller to leverage his amputee status (19:03)
“Did you get to keep your finger, dude?” – Charlie (12:54)
“You haven't thought about your sciatica since you couldn't show someone you were married.” – Charlie (25:36)
"It’s only weird if your balls touch, you know that?" – Caller Mitch (55:44)
“If you cut your finger off, that doesn’t mean we don’t gotta get this poured.” – Miles (16:01)
“If you don’t finish high school, you can finish concrete. I ran with it.” – Skyler (21:48)
“If you got hemorrhoids, go get them taken care of right away.” – Caller Mitch (57:14)
“I find it suspicious all these hospitals are keeping our body parts.” – Charlie (61:23)
“October is Hemorrhoid Awareness Month—spells HAM!” – Charlie (64:09)
“All the old concrete guys…‘Back in 64, I only got a nickel [from the finger fairy].’” – Miles (19:44)
"You always perpetually want a project to look at while you’re drinking." – Charlie (54:01)
“Meow, meow, where are you?” – Voicemail Caller (64:27)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Sports Kicker Conspiracy: 00:00–05:06
Skyler, Concrete Accident & Midwest Work Culture: 06:03–29:20
Mitch’s Man Cave Dilemmas & Midwest DIY Banter: 35:32–56:55
Hemorrhoid PSA & Body Part Rights: 56:41–61:59
Meow-Meow Voicemail & Final Banter: 64:27–67:54

Highlights: Running Gags & Signature Midwest Humor

Notbeing allowed to keep amputated body parts: Becomes an ongoing bit across multiple callers, fostering a pseudo-conspiracy (“We should call our elected officials!”).
Man cave bathroom innovation: Funnel urinals, keg urinals, beer tap walls, and old water fountains get repurposed—always leaning on low-budget, high-ingenuity fixes.
Concrete jobsite “science”: Puke in the concrete, retarding agents, and worksite nicknames (“nubs,” “two-fingered wonder,” etc.).
Hemorrhoid Awareness Month = “HAM”: Charlie and Myles run with the accidental acronym, blending PSA with deadpan comedy.
Meow-Meow mystery: The podcast leans into the absurdity of the cryptic voicemail, theorizing about everything from lost pets to aliens.

Closing Thoughts

This episode is a prime example of Bellied Up’s unique appeal: real Midwestern stories, irreverent humor, genuine advice, and a commitment to letting everyday moments spiral into comedic gold. If you want a crash course in Midwest attitude (“just figure it out,” “keep it practical,” “poke a little fun at pain”), and enjoy podcasts that feel like a couple of old friends debating over a round at the bar, don’t miss this one.

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The Ultimate Midwest Man Cave #172