The Ultimate Midwest Man Cave #172

Summary

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Bellied Up Podcast – Episode #172: "The Ultimate Midwest Man Cave"

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles "You Betcha Guy"

Air Date: October 23, 2025

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Episode Overview

Charlie Berens and Myles "You Betcha Guy" belly up at the Sports Bar in Fargo and take a series of calls from listeners across the Midwest. This episode spirals through classic Midwest sports conspiracy theories, the rough-and-tumble world of concrete work, unforgettable tales of workplace injury, man cave design, and even turns into an accidental PSA about hemorrhoid health—all delivered with signature dry wit and camaraderie. Midwest culture, practicality, and humor shine throughout as the hosts lovingly roast each other and their callers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Sports: The Great Kicker Conspiracy (00:00–05:06)

• Kicker Ballgate: Myles launches in with a TikTok-inspired conspiracy that NFL kickers take footballs home early to "soften them up" for better kicking, riffing on Tom Brady and “Deflategate.”
  • “If it was a TikTok, it was obviously true.” – Charlie (00:29)
  • Discussion of ways footballs are broken in—”they mess with the leather,” “shove it into the ground,” maybe even “put them under the mattress” (01:27).
• Banter about outlandish possibilities (“What if a guy shows up with a popped ball?”), and the history of pigskins (02:30).
• The thread ends with jokes about Flubber and childhood toys: “If you touch it with dirty hands, you dirty up his flubber real good.” – Charlie (04:29)

Call-In #1: Skyler – Midwest Concrete Life & The Perils of Power Tools (06:03–29:20)

Concrete Chat & Life Choices

• Skyler, a longtime concrete worker, calls in to ask Myles why he left concrete ("Would you rather do YouTube or pour concrete every day?").
• Reveals self-amputation accident with a circular saw: “I broke the number one rule. I put my fingers where I shouldn't have put my pecker.” – Skyler (08:48)
• Loses “one and a half…so really eight and a half” fingers (09:04), tells about attempts to keep severed fingers (“Just pickle them for me”—13:01), and how losing digits affects simple things like counting and showing the middle finger.
• Banter about concrete culture: “I helped a buddy pour a patio a few weeks ago…Flat work is the easiest thing on earth, dude.” – Myles (11:18)
• Skyler, despite injury, still pours concrete and jokes about rehab, weight gain, and workplace humor.

Finger Recovery & Concrete Wisdom

• Candid talk about rehab and workplace injury culture: “You need this thing to work. I gotta ride my dirt bike again.” – Skyler (17:28)
• Attempts at humor about not being able to keep amputated fingers, finger fairies, and “bar jokes” with prosthetics (18:00–19:40).
• “You better milk that, dude!” – Charlie, on Skyler’s status as an amputee (19:03)
• Workplace pranks and midwestern construction-site culture: “I told one guy, Miles, I haven’t seen you finish anything but a sandwich.” (22:15)

Call-In #2: Mitch – Creating the Ultimate Midwest Man Cave (35:32–56:55)

Design Essentials for a Detached Garage Man Cave

• Mitch is moving and looking for advice on starting a man cave in his heated, detached garage (36:05).
• Myles and Charlie praise the “garage mahal”—prime man cave real estate since “it creates an extra layer of barrier where your wife…isn’t going to want to go outside to tell you to come inside” (36:17).
• Urinals & Funnel System:
  • Charlie advocates for a wall of urinals; Myles suggests "just a funnel with a hole in the wall—PVC" (37:18).
  • Tips on a keg urinal for style (“dress up your urinal a little bit”), and extending the “funnel” out to water the garden (“Maybe you get a hose with holes…spreads it out through the tomatoes,” 38:07).
• Games & Decor:
  • Must-have: “Big Buck Hunter” arcade game (38:28), tap wall ("beer tap as a work of art," 44:23), shuffleboard ("makes you spend more time in the garage," 51:06).
  • School-theme concept (47:01): Old desks, water fountain ("bubbler") turned into a brandy dispenser, bar called “The After School Program” or “Indoor Recess.”

Man Cave Operations & Midwest Practicality

• Warnings against overdoing the décor: “You don’t want to be telling people to take their shoes off in your man cave. Right?” – Charlie (50:26)
• Garage turf battles: “How does that work? She gets the house, she can park her car in your garage, and you’re parking outside?” – Charlie (53:40)
• The value of “broken stuff” in the man cave to tinker with while drinking (“perpetually want a project to look at,” 54:01).
• Group activities and "breakout sessions": pull-up bars, junk lawnmower repairs, “swordplay” jokes at the urinal.

Call-In #3: Hemorrhoid Awareness—Mixing Lifestyle, PSA & Absurdity (56:41–61:59)

• Mitch reveals he recently had a hemorrhoidectomy and delivers an accidental PSA: “If you got hemorrhoids, go get them taken care of right away before you get to this point.” (57:14)
• The entire segment pivots to hemorrhoid awareness, self-exams, and dietary advice laced with bodily humor.
• “Everyone’s got an [asshole]…” – Charlie (60:36)
• Ongoing bit about not being allowed to keep body parts removed by the hospital, sparking a running joke connecting this caller with the previous concrete-finger saga.
• “I find it suspicious all these hospitals are keeping our body parts…I think we should be contacting our elected officials.” – Charlie (61:23)

BONUS: The Mysterious Meow-Meow Voicemail (64:27–67:54)

• The hosts play a cryptic (and possibly inebriated) voicemail: "Meow, meow, where are you?"
• Wild theories: Is it code? An alien? Just a lonely cat owner?
• “That and, you know, I’m listening again. That sound, it’s sounding sad.” – Charlie (65:46)
• Ends with callback to ‘Men In Black’ and fast food kids’ toys from 90s movies.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If it was a TikTok, it was obviously true.” – Charlie (00:29)
• “I broke the number one rule. I put my fingers where I shouldn’t have put my pecker.” – Skyler (08:48)
• "You better milk that, dude!" – Charlie, encouraging a caller to leverage his amputee status (19:03)
• “Did you get to keep your finger, dude?” – Charlie (12:54)
• “You haven't thought about your sciatica since you couldn't show someone you were married.” – Charlie (25:36)
• "It’s only weird if your balls touch, you know that?" – Caller Mitch (55:44)
• “If you cut your finger off, that doesn’t mean we don’t gotta get this poured.” – Miles (16:01)
• “If you don’t finish high school, you can finish concrete. I ran with it.” – Skyler (21:48)
• “If you got hemorrhoids, go get them taken care of right away.” – Caller Mitch (57:14)
• “I find it suspicious all these hospitals are keeping our body parts.” – Charlie (61:23)
• “October is Hemorrhoid Awareness Month—spells HAM!” – Charlie (64:09)
• “All the old concrete guys…‘Back in 64, I only got a nickel [from the finger fairy].’” – Miles (19:44)
• "You always perpetually want a project to look at while you’re drinking." – Charlie (54:01)
• “Meow, meow, where are you?” – Voicemail Caller (64:27)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Sports Kicker Conspiracy: 00:00–05:06
• Skyler, Concrete Accident & Midwest Work Culture: 06:03–29:20
• Mitch’s Man Cave Dilemmas & Midwest DIY Banter: 35:32–56:55
• Hemorrhoid PSA & Body Part Rights: 56:41–61:59
• Meow-Meow Voicemail & Final Banter: 64:27–67:54

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Highlights: Running Gags & Signature Midwest Humor

• Notbeing allowed to keep amputated body parts: Becomes an ongoing bit across multiple callers, fostering a pseudo-conspiracy (“We should call our elected officials!”).
• Man cave bathroom innovation: Funnel urinals, keg urinals, beer tap walls, and old water fountains get repurposed—always leaning on low-budget, high-ingenuity fixes.
• Concrete jobsite “science”: Puke in the concrete, retarding agents, and worksite nicknames (“nubs,” “two-fingered wonder,” etc.).
• Hemorrhoid Awareness Month = “HAM”: Charlie and Myles run with the accidental acronym, blending PSA with deadpan comedy.
• Meow-Meow mystery: The podcast leans into the absurdity of the cryptic voicemail, theorizing about everything from lost pets to aliens.

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is a prime example of Bellied Up’s unique appeal: real Midwestern stories, irreverent humor, genuine advice, and a commitment to letting everyday moments spiral into comedic gold. If you want a crash course in Midwest attitude (“just figure it out,” “keep it practical,” “poke a little fun at pain”), and enjoy podcasts that feel like a couple of old friends debating over a round at the bar, don’t miss this one.

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Next week: Who will call in, and what Midwest misadventures will unravel? Until then, as always: Watch for deer, and tell the folks we says hey.

Transcript

[Charlie]

Going on with. Are we starting? Are we rolling? Yeah. What's going on with kickers these days?

[Miles]

I saw a conspiracy tick tock that's saying that now kickers get the balls a day ahead of the game so they can like soften them up so they're not as hard so they can kick it better. Where there was a time where they would. Would only get it on the game day and then they wouldn't be able to do that stuff. I don't know if that's true or not. Again, it was a TikTok, but.

[Charlie]

Well, if it was a TikTok, it was obviously true. But I mean, this is what we were razzing. What's his face for? The good looking guy, Tom Brady, you know.

[Miles]

Well, he was deflating.

[Charlie]

No, no, they're also deflating. What is soften mean, Miles?

[Miles]

Means like they. They basically wear them in like the leather more, you know, and they, and they like they, they mess with. They. They mess the leather to make it. Like if you watch.

[Charlie]

Break it in.

[Miles]

You watch a guy before his kickoff.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

He takes ball and shoves it into the ground.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

To give it more. They try and shape it a little bit more like a soccer ball vibe. Right. So like the less oblong it is, the better.

[Charlie]

Interesting.

[Miles]

I think that's what's happening.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's because, you know, if you, if you grab a fresh football, I mean, that thing, there's nothing fun about that.

[Miles]

It's hard.

[Charlie]

That hurts.

[Miles]

Yeah. You know, so they got all sorts of techniques to get them nice and soft, so.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Are they like putting them under the mattress, like, you know.

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Charlie]

I bet you they are. Works for baseball gloves.

[Miles]

I think they're like taking brushes to them and stuff.

[Charlie]

Brushes? Yeah, like painting them or. What do you mean brush?

[Miles]

Like a, like a, like a, like a tough brush. Oh, you got like clean grout on floors? Really? Stuff like that?

[Charlie]

Like. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. I would. Maybe they were smacking them a little bit to like soften them.

[Miles]

Probably, you know, like they probably smack them like me at the hardware store when I walk. Walk by the potting soil.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. He's gotta give it a nice. Sorry.

[Miles]

One of those guys.

[Charlie]

Do you think what would happen if, you know, you gave some kickers some balls and one guy showed up with a pop ball? You think you're questioning his, his techniques after that?

[Miles]

I don't know what kind of trouble you get in for popping an NFL ball.

[Charlie]

How many balls aren't they?

[Miles]

Sure. A couple hundred bucks at Least a piece.

[Charlie]

It's a real pig.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pig skin.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You didn't know that they used to be stuffed with innards, the pig skins.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Is that real fun fact.

[Miles]

You see that on TikTok?

[Charlie]

No, I, I, I.

[Miles]

Old school.

[Charlie]

Tick tock.

[Miles]

Like my brother told me once and.

[Charlie]

I've believed him ever since.

[Miles]

Yeah. So Wikipedia before it got good.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yes, Wikipedia, when it first started.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

And there was no yeah. Well, guys, we're back.

[Charlie]

We are back.

[Miles]

We're bellied up to the bar here at the Sports Bar. And that's fitting that we started with sports talk here at the Sports bar.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

It's not often we do a sports talk here, Miles, but when it is, it's fitting we'd be talking about kickers taking their balls home. I wonder.

[Miles]

Balls. Kickers rubbing their balls.

[Charlie]

Yes.

[Skyler]

I.

[Charlie]

And Miles, I don't believe. No, I did get that joke. I just blew past it. But I do believe, Miles, that that's incorrect. I don't think they're gonna like kickers just walk out of state with a bunch of. Think of all the things you could do with those balls. You could put, you could. What was that one movie that. With the little putty that was super flexible back in the day with Eddie Murphy. Flubber. They would put flubber on the balls. We can't allow them.

[Miles]

What would be the advantage to that?

[Charlie]

Playing flubber on the ball? If you put just the right amount of flubber in the right spot and.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, because it's really. Because it's really bouncy. Yeah. All right then. Lining up for an 85 yard field goal. What's going on here, do you think?

[Charlie]

I don't know.

[Miles]

Puts a hole through the, the stands. I forgot flow. I thought it was. Yeah, we had a flubber back in the day. Did you. A flubber.

[Charlie]

Like gak. Yeah, yeah, we didn't. We didn't get that. My cousin had that though, and I.

[Caller Charlie]

You would.

[Charlie]

He would let you touch it every once in a while.

[Miles]

But the thing was your cousin's flubber.

[Charlie]

Yeah. But if you, if you touch it with dirty hands, you dirty up his flubber real good. Like they didn't have a good way to clean that flubber.

[Miles]

No.

[Charlie]

Dawn wasn't quite right. It worked for ducks. Not, not flubber.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

So. But if you ate it.

[Miles]

How did you figure that out?

[Charlie]

Well, we ate it and just to see what would. How it worked in the body. And we figured that out.

[Miles]

Starting to explain a lot. Yeah, yeah.

[Charlie]

So I got some heavy metals in me, but that's all right. But Miles, I think that it's about that time where we take some callers. What do you think?

[Miles]

I think we should too. All right, it's time to do a little prize picks, folks. Me and Charlie got a lineup. Before we do that, I need to tell you the prize picks will give you $50 in lineups. When you play your first $5 lineup, win or lose, you get 50 bucks in lineups. All you got to do is use promo code bellied up when you sign up today. Charlie, what do you got for your pick today?

[Charlie]

What's up, Miles? My prize pick is that Jordan Love gets more than 1.5 touchdowns. And also we beat the Steelers. Go, Peck. Go and watch for deer.

[Miles]

Wow, Charlie, what a great pick for you. My pick for the week is Bijan Robinson. More than 88 and a half rush yards this week. So if you guys want to get on the action, you got to download the prize picks app today. They got free to play stuff. They have max discounts for your lineups. It's a great time, It's a great way to enjoy your NFL Sunday. So cheers and good luck. Skyler Mild.

[Skyler]

Do you betcha, guy?

[Miles]

Oh, you betcha. It is. You betcha. We got Charlie Barron's here today.

[Charlie]

Hey there, Skyler.

[Skyler]

Oh, Charlie Barron. How are you?

[Charlie]

I'm doing good, man. How are you doing?

[Skyler]

You can find any red breasted Megansers around lately?

[Charlie]

Oh, aren't they sexy?

[Miles]

God damn it.

[Skyler]

I'm still waiting to find one.

[Charlie]

I haven't seen any yet. I haven't gone. Huh.

[Skyler]

I was down in Beloit. Still couldn't find any.

[Charlie]

Yeah, did you get your knocks out? The weather is weird, man. The weather's weird. For God's sake, it was 90 degrees yesterday.

[Skyler]

Oh, Jesus Christ. I know.

[Miles]

Yeah. I got a question for you, Skyler. And I mean this in an actual curious way. Would you say that Skyler is a predominantly male name or female name?

[Skyler]

No, definitely a female's name. But it's even cooler that I'm a male.

[Charlie]

Right?

[Miles]

See, because up until I watched Breaking Bad, I would have said that Skyler was a guy name.

[Skyler]

Well, it's funny. I was in school. In middle school, there was five Skylers, all spelled differently.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

That is the most millennial I have ever heard.

[Skyler]

Yeah, isn't it? It's crazy. I got a another name. Tyler.

[Charlie]

Tyler and Skyler, huh?

[Skyler]

Yeah. Yeah, I say that one fast because.

[Miles]

You know, you think about Charlie Charlie, in my mind, It's a male dominated name. Sure, Charlie is a girl name, but most people named Charlie are. Are guys. But Skyler, I just don't know.

[Skyler]

Maybe if he switched the. The C to a K and be different for Charlie, that would be Carly.

[Caller Charlie]

But.

[Skyler]

Miles, why'd you quit pouring concrete?

[Miles]

Miles, why have you ever poured concrete 19 years strong? And if you had the option to make a career out of posting videos on the Internet while drinking beer with some of your best buds, would you do that? Or would you rather. Or would you rather work concrete every single day?

[Skyler]

I mean, I love pouring concrete, but.

[Charlie]

He would. He would do it. He loves pouring concrete.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Skyler]

So this is Funny Stories. I. I amputated some fingers not too long ago.

[Caller Charlie]

Oh.

[Skyler]

And still sad. I can't. I'm pouring concrete now.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Skyler]

Didn't think I was going to be able to.

[Miles]

Oh, man. Okay, lots of questions. One, how did it happen? Two, did you amputate it or the doctor? And number three, did you get a bag from getting hurt on the job site?

[Skyler]

So I did the amputation. It was on the job. Using a circular saw. Just hit a knot, kick back.

[Charlie]

Oh, yes.

[Skyler]

I broke the number one rule. I put my fingers where I shouldn't have put my pecker, you know?

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Skyler]

But no, now I can only count the nine.

[Miles]

So just one.

[Charlie]

Oh, you only lost one. That's not bad.

[Skyler]

And a half.

[Miles]

One and a half and a half.

[Skyler]

So I'm really eight and a half.

[Charlie]

Which ones my ring finger on your.

[Skyler]

Thank God.

[Charlie]

Right on your left hand or right hand?

[Skyler]

Left hand.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

Okay. That's a great setup.

[Skyler]

Yeah. About. Since I only got the three fingers. Since I got the three fingers, I'm gonna be like, well, I might as well just tattoo oak on it.

[Charlie]

That's not a bad idea. Married to the game.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

So you.

[Skyler]

You.

[Charlie]

It happened. Wisconsin. That's definitely an oh, dude.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

It's an oak. It's definitely an oh.

[Charlie]

And then you lost half your pinky too.

[Skyler]

Half my middle fingers. So I feel like if. If I like you, you get the middle, you know? Yeah. I don't like you. You get the whole one.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Like kind of the polite you, you know? Yeah.

[Charlie]

It's like the double tude horn, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah. It's not. He's not laying on the horn. A little toot.

[Skyler]

Little toot. What's really driving me insane, they're like, well, how many do you need? I'm like four. Like crap. That's only three. Four. You know, I gotta put the thumb out There now.

[Miles]

Yeah. So what, what do you, you've been doing for 19 years? What kind of concrete work? We talking flat work? We talking basement?

[Skyler]

I love it all, but I'm a union concrete finisher now. Four years strong.

[Miles]

Okay, four years in the, in the union finishing, huh?

[Skyler]

Yeah, yeah, Loving every minute of it.

[Caller Charlie]

That's great.

[Miles]

Hey, did you keep your finger? So for 14 years you were just, you're doing the grunt work or no?

[Skyler]

Nah, nah, nah, I was just non union. That way you can still party, you know what I mean?

[Miles]

Yeah, that's right.

[Caller Charlie]

Oh yeah.

[Skyler]

When they're like, oh, how long gonna take you to finish this floor? You'd be like, oh, about a 12 pack, you know.

[Miles]

Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. We were, we were well behaved concrete crew though. We only would drink on the days where we had to strip a wall, you know. Oh yeah, that's all just throwing panels around that it doesn't take actually any skill.

[Skyler]

So we were a wall guy. You don't really got a lot of brains. You need one guy with the brains and the rest are a bunch of.

[Miles]

You know, I, I, I can agree. But dude, I did some flat work. I helped a buddy pour a patio a few weeks ago and I, that's right, I heard, yeah, me and my brother and I looked at him and I said, holy shit. Flat work is the easiest thing on earth, dude.

[Skyler]

I love pulling the board.

[Miles]

It's, it's regardless of what you're doing, pulling board, pulling the come alongs, whether you're, you know, finishing, it's, it's so easy compared to putting up a basement.

[Charlie]

Did you find yourself, Miles, when you were back there, back in the game, was there a piece of youth, was there a piece of you that said, hmm, maybe a few more times?

[Miles]

Well, I just, it felt, it felt good, you know, it's like, like if I had to do it for a month straight, I probably wouldn't have the same feeling. But it did. There was a lot of excitement for getting back in the game, got going. Because once in a while I do sit in, in the office and think about like, gotta be nice to get back out there.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

Then you lost that weight, so the belly's not your way.

[Miles]

And maybe that was it. Maybe I was like, holy, last time I did this, I was like 60 pounds heavier. This is easy now.

[Skyler]

Yeah, dude, I've gained 30 pounds since the injury. Now I gotta work it all back off.

[Miles]

So why, why would you.

[Charlie]

Losing a finger.

[Miles]

It's not like you Amputated your leg.

[Skyler]

Well, yeah, I know, but I wasn't working, so I wasn't moving.

[Charlie]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Miles]

Does it take you two hands to. To run a burner troll? Come on, dude. You could have been out there.

[Skyler]

I'm. I'm working circles around people behind my.

[Charlie]

Back.

[Miles]

Like a true concrete guy.

[Skyler]

Hey, I'm one handed.

[Charlie]

I did you skyward. What did you do with your finger, dude?

[Skyler]

I tried to keep them. They wouldn't let me.

[Charlie]

What? Why?

[Skyler]

Yeah, I'm like, they're mine, you know? Like, why can't I keep them? Let's just pickle them in the. You know, Just pickle them for me.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Well, what do you mean they can't take your fingers, dude?

[Miles]

Just a little finger and some sauerkraut, maybe.

[Skyler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, when I'm in there, I'm in the emergency room, you know, and I got such a dry mouth. I'm like, hey, guys, give me something to drink. Like, oh, we can't give you anything to drink. I'm like, well, crap. Well, well, one of you guys spit my mouth for me. Like, I'm not into that thing, but like.

[Miles]

But you could be like, yeah, I.

[Skyler]

Could be right now. You know, you never know.

[Miles]

Wow. How is that relevant? It seems like you were just trying to. You were just trying to tell us that you told someone to spit in your mouth and you just. Yeah, pretty.

[Skyler]

Yeah, it was pretty funny. I was trying to think of the.

[Miles]

Whole time he was waiting for the call. He's like, all right, how can I work the spit? Spit my mouth.

[Skyler]

No, no, I definitely was. I had to figure out, you know.

[Charlie]

He bobbed and weaved a little bit in there, but just couldn't hold it in any longer.

[Miles]

And he didn't want to tell us about the fingers because of the story. He just wanted to get into the spit in my mouth joke.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Which I love. I love that about Skyler. Skyler.

[Skyler]

Well, you guys, did you like the Amish joke I called in about? You guys had that Mennonite on, you know, weeks.

[Miles]

I was not told about the Amish joke.

[Skyler]

Well, how many men does it take to please an Amish woman?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Skyler]

Two men a night.

[Charlie]

That's good. That's real good.

[Miles]

Actually, much more family friendly than I thought.

[Charlie]

You know, you can say that one in church, you know. Yeah, yeah, you got to confess it, but you can say it quietly.

[Skyler]

I. I tried to tell it to an obvious guy. He didn't quite understand, I guess.

[Charlie]

Well, you gotta tell him in ger. Pennsylvania German or whatever.

[Skyler]

Yeah, Dutch. Pennsylvania Pennsylvania Dutch.

[Charlie]

Okay. What. Why can't you keep your finger?

[Skyler]

I don't know. I. I never got the question.

[Miles]

Well, that was. That was your problem. You should have just said you lost them, you know?

[Skyler]

Yeah, well, I. I didn't even think about grabbing my fingers, to be honest.

[Charlie]

Well, who grabbed.

[Miles]

What were you thinking about if you weren't thinking about your fingers?

[Skyler]

One rode with me in the saw still, and the other one, someone left. You know, someone brought it behind. So.

[Miles]

Wait, you brought the saw with you in the ambulance?

[Skyler]

Yeah, the saw road with me in the ambulance. I turn around, I'm like, is that my finger in there?

[Charlie]

I'm like, oh, finger was in the saw. Did they try to reattach them or. You got a finish blade on there? You might have had a.

[Miles]

If my dad have been running this crew, he'd be like, God damn it.

[Charlie]

The.

[Miles]

The. The medics took the circular saw. Now we don't have one. How are we gonna. Mud. Mud's coming. Mud's coming in two hours and I don't got a circuit. I gotta go to the store. God damn it.

[Skyler]

Yeah, we just got done pouring. We were trying to build a tent, but they're the two by four in a way, so the big rush. But they found my finger in the saw because someone grabbed us all to continue to cut.

[Miles]

Hey, dude, the show goes on out there on the job site. Just because you cut your finger off doesn't mean that we don't got to get this poured.

[Skyler]

Yeah, don't let me stop anything. I mean, it was poured. It just had to be finished. Oh, yeah, but the rain was coming. He had plenty of time after all the water got on it.

[Charlie]

Who brought. Who brought your other finger to the hospital?

[Skyler]

One of the workers. I don't know who it was. I just know it showed up.

[Charlie]

And. And you just had them there and did they. They try to reattach them?

[Skyler]

No, they reattached the index finger, but that thing don't work.

[Charlie]

Oh, you cut off your index finger too?

[Skyler]

Yeah, I got. Yeah, it. So just think of like, if you're doing like a Totally bro is what I thought I was going to be.

[Miles]

Oh, God, that's terrible.

[Skyler]

It's all right.

[Miles]

Okay, so you said they reattached the index figure, but it don't work. Let me guess, you haven't been rehabbing it.

[Skyler]

No, I rehab it all the time.

[Miles]

Okay, well, I hit a correct type of rehab.

[Skyler]

No, not all. So there's like. So when they put that index finger back on, they had to pin it for three weeks because, you know, when I. I cut the whole thing, the tendon and all, and it just had built up scar tissue now. So now we're just bending it by force until they re redo the tendon.

[Miles]

Got it. Because I would say, if I know a concrete guy, they get injured and then they're like, yeah, feels all right. Then they stop doing the rehab, and then about six months later, they're worse off. Yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

No, no. I need this thing to work. I gotta ride my dirt bike again. That was my first thought. I looked down at my hand, I said, jesus Christ, she just cut my fingers off. I'm never riding my dirt bike. Now you.

[Charlie]

You.

[Miles]

You jumped to a lot of conclusions at first. You thought because you didn't have a couple fingers, he couldn't do concrete work, and then he. Though riding the bike, dude, there.

[Skyler]

Well, people who jump to conclusion.

[Miles]

People who are in a wheelchair could now drive a car. We got that type of technology. You could still drive a bike without a couple fingers.

[Skyler]

Yeah. Sometimes I wish they would have kept that. That ring finger is like a little nub, you know, and then give me, like, a prosthetic. So, like, if I'm at the bar, like, hey, hold my finger. You know, it'd be a good little bar joke.

[Charlie]

Oh, they didn't. They took it.

[Skyler]

No, no, no. They. No, I. It's gone. The ring finger is gone. My middle finger, about above the middle knuckle.

[Charlie]

Okay. Okay.

[Miles]

Well, that's. Yeah, that's.

[Charlie]

I mean, you're always partying, you know, you're always.

[Skyler]

I know. I'm not partying no more. I don't party no more.

[Charlie]

Well, when you raise your left hand up, you are.

[Skyler]

Oh, yes, I am.

[Miles]

He's like. He's like. Now I. If I'm gonna be operating the saw through a six pack, not a full.

[Skyler]

12, I just grabbed. I just grabbed the apprentice, you know, tackle box. Get over here and cut this for me.

[Miles]

Do you. Did you. Did you get a handicap sign to hang in your truck? That would be the gas station, you know, front row.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. Rockstar parking, baby.

[Skyler]

So would you consider. Would you consider me being an amputee?

[Miles]

I'm gonna call you that. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You better milk that, dude. Kidding.

[Skyler]

I can't milk it. I don't know.

[Charlie]

Well, but they, like, I'm. I haven't gotten over the fact that they don't let you keep your own fingers. Like.

[Skyler]

No, I know. I still can't get over it either.

[Charlie]

Like the. Are you. I don't know, like, there's no, like.

[Skyler]

A burial, you know, Maybe.

[Miles]

Yeah, like. Yeah, like if you would have been able to bring it home, you could have put it on your pillow at night and then maybe like tooth fairy, whatever. The finger fairy would have left you at 20.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

Just wake up up and it's magically back in.

[Charlie]

I got visited by the finger fairy last night.

[Miles]

All the old concrete guys, you show up, you're like, I put my finger on my pillow, I got a 20. That's when I cut my finger off. Back in 64, I only got a nickel.

[Skyler]

You know, the first person I thought of, though, sitting there after surgery. Maybe I should give Nicola a call.

[Charlie]

Well, did you?

[Miles]

Did you?

[Skyler]

Well, I'm. I'm not gonna say I did it.

[Charlie]

I can neither confirm nor deny.

[Miles]

All right, that is actually great to know. That's great to know.

[Charlie]

Yeah. We're gonna renegotiate. Based off of your settlement here, we need to get paid. Four beers per episode.

[Miles]

Now this is what we call in the biz leverage.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got the two finger salute. We'll take twice what we made last time. Yeah, yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

You know.

[Skyler]

Where you guys bellied up to today?

[Charlie]

We're at Sport Bar here in Fargo. It's a nice spot.

[Skyler]

Oh, nice.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Skyler]

He seemed like it was a good little live show.

[Miles]

It was. Yes.

[Charlie]

It was fun, man.

[Caller Charlie]

Fun.

[Charlie]

You gotta come to a live show at some point.

[Skyler]

Yeah, for sure.

[Miles]

Yeah, we'd love to have you on stage, dude, if. If you come to one of the bellied up lives in the prompt. Because beforehand you submit your stuff. You just got to put it there that I'm the two fingered wonder, you know?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Skyler]

Now the four finger wonder.

[Miles]

Four finger. Well, three and a half finger wonder.

[Skyler]

Yeah, three and a half. Do you want to count the thumb then? Then you got to go two and a half.

[Miles]

You know?

[Skyler]

Is the thumb really a finger?

[Miles]

Just say you're the finger wonder and we'll know. No, no, you have to say that you're the finger fairy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

I'll find out how to make cool shadow puppets with it.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's true. That's true. That can. You can even do a T shirt once you find the correct shadow puppet and you make a fairy out of like your hand with the things. Yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

I'm just a concrete guy. I'm not smart enough to figure that one out.

[Charlie]

Yeah, me either. I mean, as soon as I put it Up. I was like, I don't know what I'm talking about. But when they.

[Skyler]

When they say, what if you can't finish high school, you can finish concrete. I ran with it.

[Miles]

Oh, God, you know, it's the only.

[Skyler]

You can yell and scream, and then you can go home and be all right, you know, I told one guy, Miles, he was talking, he was running his little sucker, and he's, you know. I said, hey, Larry, I haven't seen you finish anything but a sandwich. You didn't talk to me for three months.

[Miles]

You got a sensitive crew. That's pretty mild where I come from.

[Charlie]

He must.

[Miles]

He must be one of those Gen Z concrete guys.

[Skyler]

Yeah, he was older than me. You know the hazing I went through.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

You know, you rake too much. You rake it too down too much. They take that rake and it goes flying across the job site while you go fetch it and come back and try again. Oh, yeah, you tip the board over. That's a 12 pack.

[Miles]

I.1 time after I, you know, got out of the biz, I just started doing, like, you betcha stuff. And I again had to come out of retirement to help my uncle pour a shop floor. And I showed up very hungover, slash, still a little drunk. And me and my brother were out the night before, and we were the guys pulling the concrete. And let's just say we got the tool ripped out of our hands a couple times because we were slow moving.

[Charlie]

Were you on the payroll or doing.

[Miles]

No, this was a favor.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

Yeah, this is a favor. So, like, what did they expect?

[Skyler]

You know, the worst?

[Miles]

If I'm not getting paid, I'm not showing up sober, you know?

[Skyler]

Yeah, dude, exactly. And on a Saturday, if that. Oh, yeah, no, my big thing is when we be raking, you know, freshly 21, drinking, and then you come in all hung over and you're raking and you're just puking and raking at the same time.

[Miles]

Yeah, I heard that puke can, you know, add to the structural integrity of concrete.

[Skyler]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Miles]

Like now. Now they got the. Where they. They don't even need rebar. They just put, like. They just put the fiberglass in the. The concrete. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's if you just puke right there.

[Skyler]

Pull up on it.

[Miles]

Yeah, if you just puke right it on there and. And mag it into the concrete, it just does the same effect.

[Skyler]

Yeah, of course, you know, just an aqua film, you know, a little day one action.

[Charlie]

It does the opposite of sugar.

[Skyler]

Do you think I'd be sitting there thinking something? Do you think they call it retarded because it makes the concrete a little bit slower or. Oh, God, the stuff I come with all day.

[Charlie]

Did you write that on your own?

[Skyler]

Yeah, of course.

[Miles]

With your right hand or.

[Skyler]

Yeah, with the right one. You know, as I'm waving at concrete all day, I was like, what do I. What can I come up with here? You know, you gotta have some fun on the job.

[Miles]

So have you ever done a basement wall before?

[Skyler]

Oh, yeah, I do wall. Big gang forms. I've done high rises. I like doing walls. I would have done. I would have been a carpenter if I could have just bought my card and did walls.

[Miles]

That's true. Yeah.

[Skyler]

I like doing it all nice. I'm a universal.

[Miles]

You just don't find a lot of guys anymore that have pride with doing concrete work anymore.

[Skyler]

No, I know.

[Charlie]

We're talking 19 years on the job. Getting ready to celebrate. 20, you know, staying for the gold watch.

[Skyler]

Yeah, the gold's 20 and they'll go to Tower Crane. But now I'm just going to keep pouring, I think.

[Miles]

Well, he's married.

[Skyler]

You know how to get rid of back pain, right? Oh, cut off a finger, take your mind right off it.

[Charlie]

You haven't thought about your sciatica since you couldn't show someone you were marri.

[Skyler]

That's old news.

[Miles]

Are you married?

[Skyler]

No, not married.

[Miles]

So you really are married to the game? I love.

[Skyler]

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Married to the game. But I got a girlfriend. She was there in about two hours.

[Miles]

Hey, is that why you're not married? You're just like, hey, I just have nowhere to put a ring anymore?

[Skyler]

Yeah, no, no, no, no. Because that just now came about.

[Charlie]

Oh, are you getting married now?

[Skyler]

No, but if I do, I'm just gonna put wedding ring with an arrow pointing.

[Miles]

Time.

[Skyler]

It'll happen, you know.

[Miles]

How long you guys been dating?

[Skyler]

Seven years.

[Miles]

Jesus Christ.

[Charlie]

Seven years.

[Miles]

What are you waiting for?

[Skyler]

I don't know. Just too much of a hassle, you know.

[Miles]

What? The piece of paper, I mean, dude, if you wait any longer, you're not gonna have any fingers left to put a ring on at all.

[Skyler]

Well, you never know. You need that emergency contact, I'll tell you that.

[Charlie]

That's what the gold watch is for.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

You get that in retirement, right? I mean, thanks for giving a finger.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it was more of a wedding ring joke when you don't have fingers, but, you know.

[Skyler]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

They're at the best ones, they're at the wedding. Like Skyler, take this watch as a sign of my love.

[Skyler]

Or she just gets the tattoo gun and tattoos it for me, you know?

[Miles]

Yeah, that could be romantic.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Usually, Ed Wayne, the. The best man forgets the ring. You forget your finger.

[Skyler]

Ain't got to worry about that.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Skyler]

Yeah, I guess I can always put it on the nub.

[Charlie]

Yeah, there you go. Little nub ring.

[Miles]

I already wear, like, old stock stocking cap. For your finger or.

[Skyler]

No, just. I already wear a. I wear a finger condom over it. Well, I call it a finger condom, but it's a finger cover over my nub.

[Charlie]

There you go.

[Miles]

Yeah, just get a. Get a diamond in one of those.

[Charlie]

Oh, that'd be cool.

[Skyler]

Maybe I should just have it implanted. I told him, you know, to get this knuckle to work. Why don't we just put a grease zerk in that damn thing? You know, grease it once a week. That'll be good.

[Charlie]

Dude, I think losing your fingers gave you a hot 15. I think you should try standing.

[Skyler]

No, no, no. I just do comedy at work again.

[Miles]

He just does it for the love of the game.

[Skyler]

Yeah, you gotta keep people smiling all day.

[Miles]

Otherwise, it's quite literally the only way you can continue to do concrete work is if you actually. They have a good sense of humor. Otherwise, you're just. You're screwed.

[Skyler]

Yeah. You throw those feelings out the door when you sign up.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah.

[Skyler]

Your feelings. I'm sorry, but.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. Well, man, this has been great.

[Skyler]

Yeah, I'm glad I gave you guys a good laugh.

[Charlie]

Who took your finger, dude?

[Skyler]

What do you mean, who took it?

[Charlie]

The hospital took it.

[Skyler]

Yeah, the good old Bloit Memorial.

[Charlie]

All right, well, you gotta. You gotta circle up with them and ask them if that's legal, because I still feel like you should be able to get your finger.

[Skyler]

All I got are pictures of memories, you know, I've had a lot of good time with those fingers.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Skyler]

You know, now you gotta tell the. Tell the girlfriend. Is it the thumb or the nub? She'll probably kick my ass for saying that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you deserve it.

[Skyler]

You deserve it. Oh, well.

[Charlie]

Well, good talking with it.

[Skyler]

Yeah, you guys take care. Watch for deer and tell the folks we says hey.

[Charlie]

Yeah. All right, we'll do. Have a good.

[Skyler]

Yeah, take care.

[Charlie]

Be good.

[Miles]

God, I wonder if I could still podcast Charlie if I cut my fingers off, you know?

[Charlie]

Oh, my God. Wow. That's what. My buddy did that with a band saw and calm nubs for a little Bit.

[Miles]

That's really mean, by the way.

[Charlie]

Is it?

[Miles]

That's really mean.

[Charlie]

Really calm nubs.

[Miles]

Yeah. That's just too far, Charlie.

[Charlie]

I mean, it seems pretty basic, you know, he was cool with it. I actually.

[Miles]

Joking.

[Charlie]

Jerry Garcia cut off his middle finger on a saw. And that was their logo, was just to his hand with a male finger gun. Another buddy of mine was just actually, he was fixing a atv, got caught in the chain, lost half of his male finger.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Charlie]

So people are out there losing fingers.

[Miles]

Have you seen the saws now that, like, detect if it's a finger and stops?

[Charlie]

Yes. With, like, hot dogs and stuff?

[Miles]

Yeah. So you've seen the hot dog video, right?

[Charlie]

Well, no, I have a saw that says it can do that.

[Miles]

But did you try it with.

[Charlie]

Well, I took that thing off because it's such a piece of shit. I took the guard off immediately. It's a table saw and it's.

[Miles]

So my question where I'm trying to get to here is how does that even work? How does it know?

[Charlie]

I don't know, dude. Magic, I think.

[Miles]

Because obviously it's got to really F up your saw. So you really don't even want to like. Like test it. Yeah, with a hot dog.

[Skyler]

Right.

[Miles]

It's like it's just stopping at that quick. It's gotta ruin the saw. Right?

[Charlie]

There must be sensor, because you're right, there must be some kind of sensor. But that would be on the end of the blade.

[Miles]

But how does it know?

[Charlie]

Because the blade gets wore down.

[Miles]

Like, this is now going in the category of underwater firecrackers. What's the other one? That I don't know how it works. Cryptocurrency and saws that detect if it's flesh, that it's cutting, that stop underwater welding. Underwater. Anything underwater. I don't understand how it works, but all those in the same category.

[Charlie]

How does it work writing underwater? Friend of mine, scuba diver, has a pen that works underwater.

[Miles]

Again, I don't understand it.

[Charlie]

Yeah, but wild, wild things, yeah. The saw blades have a small electrical.

[Miles]

Current detector, and your fingers conduct electricity.

[Charlie]

And wood does not. So when your fingers. Fascinating.

[Miles]

Dude, that's kind of sick.

[Charlie]

So you could cut a dead guy's finger, though? Theoretically, yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah, you're right. I don't know why your brain went so quickly to that.

[Charlie]

Well, they wouldn't have electricity running through it.

[Miles]

I would say you could maybe, like, chop up. You know, you can fillet a fish that way.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. I guess it is Weird, Especially me looking the way I do to be talking about that. Yeah, well, that was pretty, pretty entertaining. I still, I'm hung up. I was hung up. That whole call on the finger thing, dude, why they would take your finger?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Was that annoying for you that I won't let that go? No, I mean, I'm still, you know, concerned about it. Anyway, should we take another caller? It's hunting season, Miles, and you know, I bet you you're gonna get out there and you're gonna go hunting and sometime you might have bought this nice little like hunting stand, this tin can thing, you know, but then you fell out of it because the floors were greasy and you're like, how'd these floors get greasy? And they just got greasy. Well, there's a malfunction. So what are you gonna do, Miles?

[Miles]

I'm probably gonna call Nicolay Law. I mean, I'll probably be on the phone before I even hit the ground.

[Charlie]

Yeah, no, that's. Yeah, yeah. Like you're, you're just getting the slip in and you're, you're, you've got it on the dial.

[Miles]

Yeah. You know how like you get in a car accident, airbags pop out?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

It's like I'm gonna, it's the same reaction. If I'm falling, my phone just comes out and I call Nicolet just in case.

[Charlie]

Yeah. And that's smart. And once Nicolette picks up, I mean.

[Miles]

That, that you're in good hands.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

You're in the warm embrace of Russell Nicolay and you're itching because of the beard.

[Miles]

It's a little itchy in there.

[Charlie]

A little itchy, but it's a, it's a good embrace. And a theoretic or a metaphorical embrace, of course. But the beard still itches. But yeah, he'll get you out of that thing, man. He'll get you the money you need.

[Miles]

From those insurance companies so called Nicolet Law. 1-855-Nicolet Charlie. It is October in the Midwest.

[Charlie]

October in the Midwest.

[Miles]

The leaves are turning, the wind's got that, that crisp bite, and it could snow any day now. You never know. You've been raking leaves and chopping wood, Charlie. And every weekend is somehow packed with chores you didn't sign up for.

[Charlie]

How'd you know that?

[Miles]

Because I've been following you. On what, what other stuff do you, you know, we love fall, but you know, there's always other stuff you gotta. Like at our cabin, we don't. We close it up for the winter, so make sure that we get all that closed up. There's all sorts of stuff.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, you gotta, you know, pull the dock in, Miles. Pull, pull, pull the, you know, take the boats, the little kayaks and canoes and stuff, and tip them upside down. Speaking of tipping.

[Miles]

What'S kind of nice, though, is when you do finally get to take a break from all that fall hard work.

[Charlie]

Miles, there's nothing. Once the pumpkins have stopped coming up and I've stopped pulling them out of the ground and. And once the cor horns all picked and. And cut back down and. And once all the deer have been gone, off to. To made another day. Miles, you know what I'm doing? Tipping on back to a tippy Cow.

[Miles]

So, guys, if you need a break from your fall activities, make sure you pick up some vanilla soft serve. Tippy cow is a sweet treat on a nice fall day. Mitch.

[Charlie]

Welcome to the Belly Dub podcast. How you doing?

[Caller Charlie]

Good. How's it going, fellas?

[Charlie]

Going real good. Hey, what's going on with your man cave?

[Caller Charlie]

Well, that's why I was calling to get some advice here. So I'm gonna be moving into a new house in a couple weeks here.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

And never had man cave before. So I'm just wondering if you guys got suggestions for what I should throw in that sucker.

[Miles]

All right, well, let's get a lay of the land first. Charlie, what kind of man cave we talk? A basement garage or detached garage?

[Caller Charlie]

It's a detached garage, but it's heated.

[Charlie]

Oh, double win for you.

[Miles]

You are. You are about to embark on the garage mahal here.

[Charlie]

Yes.

[Miles]

You. You have hit what I call the jackpot because I didn't think about it. We did a video talking about, you know, a shed man cave, a basement man cave, a garage man cave, all those stuff. And people started pointing out to me that the detached garage is the best because it's creates an extra layer of barrier where your wife, especially in the winter, isn't going to want to go outside to tell you to come inside.

[Caller Charlie]

Right, right. So, yeah.

[Charlie]

So you leave that phone at home is what we're saying.

[Miles]

Well, no, I'm saying. Yeah, you just like, you know, she's. What's she gonna get all bundled up in the winter and walk outside to the garage and tell you to come inside?

[Charlie]

No, absolutely not.

[Caller Charlie]

Right.

[Charlie]

And exactly.

[Miles]

Got your phone on do not disturb, you know.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Dnd.

[Caller Charlie]

Just put it on airplane mode.

[Miles]

Take a step further.

[Charlie]

You can play dnd. I think you should get urinal on the wall. That's what I think. Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Okay.

[Charlie]

Maybe even get a wall of urinals.

[Miles]

I don't even think you need a urinal, Charlie. I think you just need a funnel with a hole in the wall. Pvc, maybe a guy who's got a funnel in the wall at his garage Mahal. And it is elite.

[Charlie]

That's great.

[Miles]

Pair that with. Above the funnel. You just, like, hang up an old, like, swimsuit bikini calendar.

[Charlie]

Yeah, right.

[Miles]

It's a great setup.

[Charlie]

That's a. That's incredible. Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

That's not a bad idea.

[Miles]

You don't got to spend all the money on the plumbing.

[Charlie]

No, that's true. And then, honestly, that might be good for the garden. Yeah, a little bit.

[Miles]

I don't know if that helps or.

[Charlie]

Hurts, but I heard it helps if it's spread out enough.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

You know, but if you're concentrating, it. That's not good. So maybe you get a hose that's connected on the back with holes poked in it so it spreads it out through the tomatoes.

[Miles]

Kind of like a drip line.

[Charlie]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[Caller Charlie]

And then just funnel right to the garden.

[Charlie]

Yup. And every once in a while, run a hose through that just to dilute it. But the rain should do that itself, you know?

[Caller Charlie]

Okay.

[Charlie]

Yeah. That's a great idea. God, your buddy.

[Caller Charlie]

One thing that I was. I was thinking of getting is, you know, on the bars, they got the Big Buck Hunter.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

I'd like to get one of them in there, you know.

[Miles]

Well, those suckers are expensive, though. Are you?

[Caller Charlie]

Well, that's the problem.

[Miles]

You know, A bunch of money on it.

[Caller Charlie]

I'm gonna. Well, I'm gonna have to get, like, a prepaid, you know, like, credit card and throw some money on there so the wife don't know or something, you know?

[Charlie]

Well, you could. You could. Or you could get a dolly.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

And find a bar you don't like very much.

[Caller Charlie]

That's a good idea, too. But, you know, usually only one gun works at the bars. You know, I need. I need both guns to work.

[Miles]

Well, okay, but I mean, now you're like, you already don't want to spend the money, and now you're, you know, saying that you need both guns to work.

[Charlie]

What guns are we talking about?

[Miles]

The Big Buck Hunter.

[Caller Charlie]

Oh, you never played Big Buck Hunter, Charlie?

[Charlie]

No, I did.

[Miles]

I just loves Big Buck Hunter.

[Charlie]

I have a long history. My ex wife was a Big Buck Hunter gal. Still is, in fact, you know, depending.

[Miles]

On the year she competed in competitions. She's on the game.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Oh, okay.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You've met her before.

[Miles]

She's One of the gals on the game.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And we'll leave it at that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Be on the lookout.

[Charlie]

Yeah. But yeah, so big, big Buck Hunter would be awesome. I also think what you should do is maybe get back to the urinal thing. I would like to see you get a keg and you know, and cut half the keg off. So let that like dress up your urinal a little bit. A little keg.

[Caller Charlie]

Urinal.

[Charlie]

Right.

[Miles]

A keg funnel.

[Charlie]

Keg, like it's got the keg is sort of like, you know, that's what.

[Miles]

You piss it actually. Smart. You get a bigger target.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Especially after about 15 beers.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Get some ice in there. Keeps it exactly. Because that way a funnel sticking out of the wall, I mean after a while people are dehydrated. That's going to smell. So.

[Miles]

Well you put.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, you put, put some, some baking soda in there. But you know to, to help it out.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's actually, that's actually a great upgrade to the funnel is the beer keg funnel.

[Charlie]

Sure.

[Miles]

Yeah, sure. Love that. It's a great idea.

[Charlie]

Thank you. Thank you. Now is this a finished garage or are you finishing it or you just open concept?

[Caller Charlie]

It's got insulation already. And then I'm just gonna throw up some OSB on the walls, you know, and call her. Good.

[Miles]

I like that.

[Charlie]

All right. I like that too. Do you have currently any wall decorations or is this a blank slate right now?

[Caller Charlie]

It's a blank slate.

[Charlie]

Okay. Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

You guys got any suggestions?

[Miles]

So I would like to circle back. You did mention that you are gonna have to hide a lot of these purchases from the wife, right? Does she not want a man cave? What's going on with that?

[Caller Charlie]

Well, she, she would be okay with me having a man cave just because like right now I got like my deer mounts in the living room and you know, stuff like that. So then I got some place to put all my crap, you know, and she can have her living room. So I guess she's okay with it.

[Miles]

She just doesn't want you to spend a lot of your guys hard earned money on it.

[Caller Charlie]

Right, right. But that's stupid stuff to hurry, you know.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. And then. But all the candles and extra throw pillows and seasonal decorations and the.

[Charlie]

Oh man, I'll tell you about the.

[Miles]

The trinkets and chachkes and all the whole thing. None of that's, you know, that's. That needs to be there. Yeah. Extra hand towels and. Yeah, right.

[Caller Charlie]

Well, this past weekend I could. I just got dragged to A craft show?

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Let me tell you.

[Miles]

I mean, that sounds like a night.

[Charlie]

Market or a craft show.

[Caller Charlie]

It was like a. A craft show. Every booth was just craft.

[Miles]

Like, what kind of crafts are we talking, like, live, laugh, love signs or what?

[Caller Charlie]

Exactly. Like, hello, fall.

[Charlie]

Like, that's rough. But I mean, a craft show versus a flea market. I mean, a flea market's where you want to go. And I was gonna say you. You gotta. You sell her on going to a craft show, but you're really going to a flea market, and that's where you'll get all the decor for your man cave.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Caller Charlie]

Right? Not a bad idea.

[Charlie]

Yeah. And you just tell her it's not a flea market, it's an upcycled market or some. Just use the term upcycled, and that'll allow you to spend more time there.

[Miles]

What? Okay, did you guys purchase anything at the craft fair or a craft market? What is it?

[Caller Charlie]

She got like, I don't know, like a crocheted chicken for our son.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

I don't know, like some soap, you know?

[Miles]

Was the. The name of the soap company Soap? Sorry, by chance.

[Caller Charlie]

No, But I did just recently hear that episode, and I was hoping they would be.

[Charlie]

Damn, that was a classic call right there.

[Caller Charlie]

That was good.

[Miles]

I saw someone comment, they go, wow, this gal really doesn't know anything about soap.

[Charlie]

I think we just got her nervous. We got on her back heels.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, that's. That's. I don't know what was going on with her, but hopefully her business is working out.

[Charlie]

I think she should have a tap wall. Yeah, like.

[Miles]

Like beer tap wall.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Like, I'm not saying, like, it actually has to, like, be a functioning beer tap wall, but just nice taps. Because me and my buddy, we play this game with beer taps. Never mind, never mind. It doesn't matter. But anyway, beer tap wall is good and fun to just enjoy, you know?

[Caller Charlie]

Okay.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Beer tap all. And because a beer tap is a work of art, you know?

[Caller Charlie]

Right.

[Skyler]

And.

[Charlie]

And it's.

[Miles]

It's.

[Charlie]

It's good to find these found arts, you know, Beer tap, all wonderful.

[Miles]

Here's the thing, though. As a guy who owns and has owned a kegerator before, you got to make sure that you're putting in the time. Otherwise you go down the route of alcohol abuse, you know, because. Because a keg only lasts so long, and there's a lot of beer in a. Yeah. And sometimes you're feeling good about drinking keg beer, and sometimes you just want a can. You Know, and. And on top of that, you got to make sure the lines are clean and all of that. And so you really got to think and make sure that you are going to be putting in the time on that keg, or otherwise you're just better off getting a fridge with a case of beer, you know?

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, I was going to say that sounds like a lot of work. I'm more of a Miller High life bottle kind of guy.

[Miles]

You know, bottles are classy. It's nice.

[Caller Charlie]

Pop the top and you're good to go.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Getting a keg, it's kind of like ordering like a quarter of a cow. But your fridge is only gonna work for two weeks, you know?

[Caller Charlie]

Right.

[Charlie]

Like, you gotta be eating a lot of meat.

[Miles]

You know, you're by yourself.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you're inviting friends over and everyone's getting steaks.

[Miles]

And don't get me wrong, it's awesome drinking keg beer. But what I don't like is the pressure of having your own keg of beer. And you're like, I have to finish this because, you know, like, I may finish it, but I don't like the pressure of having to finish it. I want to enjoy it, you know?

[Charlie]

Right, right, right. On another note, something that doesn't expire. I was at the Resch center in Green Bay, and they have a bubbler there, and it's a water fountain. The bubbler has brandy coming out of it.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

Barron's Old Fashioned Brandy. But you can. Can just put any brandy in it. This doesn't have to be a Charlie Barron's brandy thing, but at the Resh center in Green Bay, they have a bubbler with brandy in it. And brandy booze, whatever booze it is, don't go bad.

[Miles]

That's.

[Caller Charlie]

I like the bubbler idea instead of the kegerator.

[Miles]

Yeah. There's got to be some school around there that's getting rid of old water fountains.

[Caller Charlie]

Well, actually, I work at a school.

[Charlie]

We'll just pop one out of there. You just.

[Miles]

Just say it was leaking and then. Are you the janitor?

[Caller Charlie]

I am in maintenance.

[Miles]

Let's go.

[Charlie]

Dude, you got access. You probably got one of those.

[Skyler]

Dude. Marble ones.

[Miles]

Dude, you need to make your bar school themed, you know, and you call it the after school program.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Skyler]

And then you just.

[Miles]

You get, like, old desks. Like, you know how fun it would be to be drinking with your buddies while you sit in the desks or the top flips up.

[Charlie]

What if he called it indoor recess? Yeah, those. Get those with the little pencil Holder in there. You know, you guys can just. No paper. You just write things on the desk.

[Miles]

You know, you're playing cards. You just keep your cards in the. In the desk that flips up so no one can see them.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that would be good.

[Caller Charlie]

That's a good idea. That's a great idea, actually. I like that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's a fantastic. And then, you know.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's just like stuff goes bad at the. At the school. Instead of throwing it out, you just bring it home.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, I'm sure my wife will love that too.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Okay. You know, what does she want? She doesn't want you to spend the money with. Then you get resourceful. Now she just doesn't want you to have fun at all.

[Caller Charlie]

Right.

[Miles]

You know, at what point.

[Caller Charlie]

Right, I get it.

[Charlie]

Do you have anything you have to keep in the garage in the man cave? Because I mean, usually that's where cars and lawnmowers go.

[Caller Charlie]

Wife's car has to go in there.

[Charlie]

And then she's putting her car in your man cave.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, well, it's. It's a big. It's like a three car garage. So, I mean, it's like a three car.

[Skyler]

The other way around.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it is a three car garage.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Which one is it?

[Caller Charlie]

It's like a two and a half.

[Charlie]

It's a two and a half car garage.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Wait, Miles made a joke and I was trying to figure out the specs here. What was the joke?

[Miles]

Miles, he said that she puts her car in his garage. And I said, I think it's supposed to o around.

[Charlie]

I did hear that, but I just got it.

[Miles]

Hey, well, whatever you're into is fine.

[Charlie]

That's funny, man.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, I. Oh, okay. I get what you're saying.

[Charlie]

Yeah. See, it's a slow. It's a slow burner, but it was a good job.

[Miles]

Did you guys decide you're just gonna give her one stall, the three stall, and you got the other two or no.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, right. Perfect.

[Charlie]

Okay. And did she have a cool car? Is there something we can play with there? Or is it like, you know, it's.

[Caller Charlie]

Just like a Ford, little Ford Bronco.

[Miles]

Those new Ford Broncos, or like we're talking OJ Bronco.

[Caller Charlie]

No, we're not that cool. It's not the old one.

[Charlie]

Okay, but it's not somewhere we gotta get a curtain to disguise it, right? Or take it off the deal.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, right.

[Charlie]

And it's not something we can play into. Like a cool Bronco. Get her a cool old Bronco. Get rid of that one that she's got.

[Caller Charlie]

Oh, I'd love to, but they're so expensive.

[Charlie]

Oh, you steal one. You know, we talked about the stealing the game. You steal this, too.

[Miles]

Make sure you wear gloves, though. You don't want to leave any fingerprints.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that is right.

[Caller Charlie]

Make sure the gloves fit, too.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Well, actually, it's actually kind of smart to get gloves that don't fit. Actually, we found out that's the lesson to be learned.

[Caller Charlie]

Right.

[Miles]

You know what? You should also get. I don't know, I don't see a lot of people talking about this. Get a nice rug, you know, it can really tie the room together.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Well, I'd like to eventually, you know, go bear hunting and just put a bear rug in there.

[Miles]

That sounds great.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Caller Charlie]

You know.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Well, you know the tough thing with that, you don't want to make it too nice because you don't want to be, you know.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

You don't telling people to take their shoes off in your man cave. Right. Yeah. So you gotta be careful with that. You can only. You can't spend too much money on this thing or be too precious. If you get. You know, you might want to hang that thing on the wall yet.

[Caller Charlie]

Okay. Yeah, I hear you.

[Charlie]

Yeah. I'm just telling. Because people are gonna spill beer. People are. People are getting hammered here.

[Miles]

People are gonna miss the funnel urinal, you know?

[Charlie]

Right. And you want someone dripping on your.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Dripping on your deal. That's not the way we like to see it go down.

[Miles]

You don't want any drill on your bear.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, right.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

But I feel like a shuffleboard would be wonderful.

[Caller Charlie]

Shuffleboard.

[Charlie]

Yeah. And make sure you get enough sand because that's always the worst thing when you're wax. Is it wax?

[Miles]

Did you know that?

[Charlie]

Well, you wax it, but you're also putting sand on. Oh, it's wax, that little wax beads.

[Miles]

No, I'm pretty sure.

[Charlie]

Oh, really?

[Miles]

On a shuffleboard, they're wax beads. Right.

[Charlie]

Is it. Is that the case? Well, that one. That would make sense. You wax the table as they break down, the sand would be grody. On would.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Dried out wax. Interesting. Well, don't get sand. Yeah, you got to refinish. It's basically the more you play, the more you're just refinishing the table. Yeah. Come to think of it, that doesn't.

[Miles]

Make you just have to throw it so hard.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, but then I can spend more time in the garage.

[Miles]

Yeah. I gotta refinish the shuffleboard again.

[Charlie]

Oh, man. Shuffleboard's Fun though. Oh my God. It's a great game.

[Miles]

I think also you need to like, I feel like you need to make it so that you can have something that you hang from the top that is an activity for when people get tuned up. You know, I get a pull up bar from the ceiling.

[Charlie]

Oh, stripper polka.

[Miles]

Work of work.

[Charlie]

I mean, that's, that's.

[Miles]

I wouldn't go out of your way to do a servable. It might get you in trouble. But like if you just have like a support pole in your garage, then it's like if it happens to turn a stripper pole. It does.

[Caller Charlie]

Right.

[Miles]

But I mean like pull up bar, you know, just. Just activities for guys to do.

[Skyler]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Manly stuff. Maybe like something you could maybe like a. A swing of some sort, you know.

[Charlie]

Like what kind of a man cave do you think this is?

[Miles]

Miles, Maybe a.

[Charlie]

Now that I say Miles Gray over.

[Miles]

Here.

[Caller Charlie]

Like a couple junk lawnmowers, you know, and then we can all just stand around looking at.

[Miles]

That's true.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Or something.

[Charlie]

That's good.

[Miles]

But the swing could be good. You know, after I said it, I knew that that maybe wasn't exactly what I was going for. But you also, if you need any, you know, points with the wife on, like to be okay with doing the man cave route, put some stuff in there for her.

[Caller Charlie]

Right, okay.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You think that's the swing is for her or you think that's.

[Miles]

Well, she parks in his garage, so I don't know what this couple does.

[Charlie]

Hey, where do you park, by the way?

[Caller Charlie]

Oh, me? Yeah, oh, me. Oh, I thought you were asking Miles.

[Miles]

Oh, no, no, I park in my own garage.

[Caller Charlie]

I park outside.

[Charlie]

Oh, you park outside.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Well, that's interesting. So how does that work? She gets the house, she can park her garage. Park her car in your garage and you're parking outside.

[Caller Charlie]

Well, I just have an old junkie F150 that's got a bunch of hail damage. I don't care about it.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Why. Why fight a battle you don't want to win?

[Miles]

That is true. You do need stuff that's broken to put in there so that guys can your buddies and you can stand around it, talk about how you would fix it, but don't fix it necessarily. You can fix some of it, but don't fix it all the way because then you just. You always perpetually want a project to look at while you're drinking.

[Caller Charlie]

Right. And then it's an excuse for the buddies over you know.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I think what we're doing, we're setting up a circuit here. So we've got the workout circuit, we got the fix it circuit, we've got the peeing circuit. Yeah, yeah. And we've got the, the look in circuit, you know, and that's the, the beer tap handles swing. Yeah, the swing too. I mean that's the cuck circuit. But what I think you just got to do is keep it going. You know, you get different activities for the different types of guys. That way all the guys that you're getting there, they can do the thing that they kind of want to do and everyone can do their own thing. But you're all together and sometimes you guys will all be in unison but other times you're just, you know, a little symphony of fellows.

[Miles]

You'll have like all. You have group work and then you'll have breakout sessions.

[Charlie]

Yes, exactly.

[Miles]

You start off the day with a group thing where you guys all have started having some beers, some general tomfoolery and then you have breakout sessions where some guys are doing pull ups, some guys are looking at the lawnmower that's broken, some guys are playing swords.

[Charlie]

Yeah, definitely going to have some sort play in there at the year. I mean if you got a, if you got your own private urinal, you know, sword plays happening, might be three at a time and the streams will get crossed. And I do think that this, that's.

[Miles]

Just guys being dudes, fellas being just locker room stuff.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

It's only weird if your balls touch, you know that?

[Charlie]

Why is that weird?

[Miles]

Yeah, what the hell?

[Charlie]

I didn't know that was weird. Okay, I'm sorry. Well, but bring it all back home to the theme. This is indoor recess. What did we do with indoor recess? We stayed in a classroom and we just. Some of us were doing arts and crafts, others of us were, you know, playing cards. Some of us were trying to figure out how to smoke the old cigarette butts that Ms. Grahowski dropped out the window. You know, we were all doing our own thing and I think this is.

[Miles]

Going to be a beautiful thing.

[Skyler]

Thing.

[Miles]

I mean, I want to come hang out at this man cave.

[Charlie]

Oh, and we forgot about Buck Hunter too.

[Caller Charlie]

Oh yeah, that's right.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Well, I like all ideas.

[Charlie]

Let us know when it's up.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, I will. One more thing I had to say.

[Charlie]

Oh yeah.

[Caller Charlie]

Is I. I recently just had a hemorrhoidectomy. Have you ever heard of that before?

[Charlie]

No. Home.

[Caller Charlie]

Okay, well, basically, yeah, just. I'll let you look it up on your. On your own time.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

You had a hemorrhoids removed, right?

[Caller Charlie]

Y.

[Miles]

Well, dude, that's because you letting your wife park her car in your garage too much. Is that what happened?

[Caller Charlie]

It could be, I guess. I don't know.

[Charlie]

Park that Big Mac truck in that. Okay. Anyways, well, I just want to give.

[Caller Charlie]

Advice to all listeners. If you got him right, go get them taken care of right away before you get to this point.

[Charlie]

Oh, gotcha.

[Miles]

You've been sitting on a donut is what you're saying.

[Caller Charlie]

No. Well, yeah, some. Somewhere along those lines.

[Charlie]

All right, well, are you doing okay now?

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, I'm doing okay now, but.

[Miles]

So you had surgery for hemorrhoids, Right. Holy smokes. Well, thanks for sharing that with us. Yeah, this is a great time. This is great. This is hemorrhoids awareness.

[Charlie]

It's Hemorrhoids awareness month.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

October is hemorrhoids awareness month. And we're very happy that you called to let everyone know that. No, that's a great psa. How many guys do you know out there that you've been talking to? And you're like, ah, my asshole. You know, he's like, what's wrong? He's like, I got hemorrhoids. You know, okay, you ain't got hemorrhoids. But the next time a guy tells me he's got hemorrhoids, I'm gonna tell him to go get those checked out.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

You know? Yeah. And is that what you recommend?

[Caller Charlie]

Definitely. It was terrible surgery.

[Miles]

Well, and that's also a great point. You know, they talk about. To avoid breast cancer, you need to give yourself a self examination every so often.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You need to be giving yourself self examination on those hemorrhoids as well.

[Caller Charlie]

That was part of this whole process. And I mean, I. I didn't give myself an examination, but the doctor, he had to, you know, glove up and sure. The deed.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

No glove, no love.

[Miles]

Yeah. Trying to think of a funny catchphrase with, you know, like, click it or ticket. You know, on the road, like, you wear your seatbelt or you get a dick. You know, it's like something. Or. Or glove up, you know, that would be a good one for that.

[Charlie]

Snap it or.

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Charlie]

Anyways, can you do self exams for these?

[Caller Charlie]

I mean, I suppose you could.

[Miles]

So are you thinking like maybe you. You go on your back and check it out with the mirror or like standing with. You know, talk me through how I would do a self examination if I had hemorrhoids? To catch them early.

[Caller Charlie]

Hemorrhoid, you know, because it was what they say, prolapsed or it comes out after you take a dump.

[Miles]

Jesus Christ.

[Charlie]

Oh, no.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, every time.

[Miles]

What's your diet like?

[Caller Charlie]

Well, now it's getting better. I'm getting the fiber and now. But before is, you know, lays, potato chips, and whatever was in the fridge.

[Charlie]

Oh, geez. Yeah, you gotta put some chia seeds with the lays.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

You kombucha with the chia seed or with the potato chips.

[Caller Charlie]

Right. But I don't know before, like, how I had to wipe my butt with a hammer. I was basically. You had to put one leg up on the toilet seat, you know, spread your cheeks and then get back there and kind of wave. Because it's pretty hard to wipe with a hemorrhoid. You know, it kind of hurts, but.

[Miles]

Oh, my God.

[Charlie]

Well, thank you.

[Caller Charlie]

Visual for you.

[Miles]

And. And that is the. The raw truth about hemorrhoids. And that's why we're raising awareness here today.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You're not gonna find this on any other podcast out there. We are doing it, but in all honesty, no people got them. And it's good to be talking about because at the end day, it's. It's. Everyone's got an.

[Caller Charlie]

So that's right.

[Charlie]

We can acknowledge it and we can say some, you know, get a little hemorrhoid action going and that's okay. Yep. We're all humans and we all have hemorrhoids.

[Caller Charlie]

That's right.

[Miles]

Well.

[Caller Charlie]

Speak for I would say all of us.

[Charlie]

Well, all. We're all humans can get hemorrhoids.

[Caller Charlie]

Just the chosen ones. They have the hemorrhoids.

[Charlie]

Yeah, the chosen ones. Yeah. But. Yeah, and then. And then eat your fiber, too.

[Caller Charlie]

So get your fiber in. Eat your leafy greens.

[Charlie]

Yep. Yep.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Well, we're really thankful that you called in today and did they give you your hemorrhoid back?

[Caller Charlie]

No, they had to. Did you get to send me out for testing?

[Charlie]

I mean, just curious. I find it suspicious that all these hospitals are keeping our body parts. There was another fellow who. He cut off his fingers and the hospital kept his fingers. And I think that's bullshit. And I think we're should be contacting our elected officials that if. If we lose a body part, we should get to keep it.

[Caller Charlie]

Right. That knows what they're doing with my hemorrhoid.

[Miles]

Now, that might be hands down the craziest thing Charlie's ever said.

[Charlie]

That's not true.

[Miles]

Did you get to keep your Hemorrhoid.

[Charlie]

Well, it was an honest question, Miles.

[Skyler]

If you're an organ donor, they get to keep it.

[Charlie]

They do.

[Caller Charlie]

Your hemorrhoid.

[Charlie]

If you're an organ donor.

[Skyler]

That's.

[Charlie]

That's what's encouraging people to be organ donors. You get to keep your hem.

[Skyler]

Hemorrhoids.

[Miles]

We're running a deal. If you donate your kidney, you get. And you have hemorrhoids, you get to keep your hemorrhoids. You get to go home with them.

[Charlie]

Well, it'd be funny if they, you know, there's like a taxidermist for hemorrhoids. Maybe take it to the taxidermist.

[Caller Charlie]

Well, I'm just worried that, you know, they kept my hemorrhoid and they're gonna use it to skin graft somebody. That's like a burn victim or something, you know?

[Charlie]

Well, you know, I mean, skin is skin, man, and who are we to judge?

[Miles]

Anyways, I think the burn victim's already been through enough. Now we're using hemorrhoid skin grafts.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Caller Charlie]

You gotta take what you can get.

[Charlie]

Well, thank you for calling in.

[Miles]

That's like, at the discount hospital.

[Charlie]

Thank you for calling in.

[Caller Charlie]

Yeah, I appreciate it. It. I. I do a lot of lawn mowing at work, so I listen to a lot of your guys. Podcasts. Always wanted to call in, but never had a reason to until now, I guess. Well, you.

[Miles]

You.

[Charlie]

You always had a reason. You just didn't get it checked out. So. Look, we're. We're happy for you. We're glad you're happy and healthy and you're getting a man cave. All right?

[Caller Charlie]

That's right. I appreciate it.

[Charlie]

All right, well, we'll. We'll be over there when it's done. You let us know.

[Skyler]

Know.

[Caller Charlie]

Sounds good.

[Charlie]

All right, see you soon. You need me a check, Miles?

[Miles]

I gotta run home. Check quick. Yeah, no, this is great. Hemorrhoid Awareness month. Yeah, that we are, I think, starting it right.

[Charlie]

Ham.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

And if you eat too much ham.

[Miles]

Without enough water and.

[Charlie]

And fiber, and I'm not a doctor. I don't know how that works. I don't want to get sued by big Ham. Ham got Porky Pig coming after me.

[Miles]

Smear campaign on ham saying they give you hemorrhoids.

[Charlie]

I just. Hemorrhoid awareness month spells ham. That's how I got.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, it's. Yeah, we're going ham this month.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

All right. Charlie, we have a voicemail. Who's the voicemail from? Jared.

[Skyler]

No name.

[Miles]

No name.

[Skyler]

It's really short.

[Caller Charlie]

Meow, meow, where are you?

[Miles]

We just. Play it again. Sorry.

[Caller Charlie]

Meow, meow, where are you?

[Charlie]

Meow, meow, Did a furry call in. What the. What is going on?

[Miles]

There was a meow, meow.

[Charlie]

I think I. All I got this was this guy just dressed as a. As a little cat.

[Miles]

Like, how drunk you gotta be to call our hotline and do that? You know?

[Skyler]

Like.

[Miles]

It'S either he's really hammered or he's just looking for companionship.

[Charlie]

Can you play it again? You play it again. Okay. It doesn't have a musicality to it. I was thinking we could remix it into something. Yeah, he's probably hammered or he's just looking for his cat. I mean, he could. He could.

[Miles]

Maybe he accidentally shit face dialed our hotline when he was looking for the lost cat hotline.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that could be. That could be. Or he's just talking to his kitty cat. Let's play it again. Play one more time.

[Caller Charlie]

Meow, meow, where are you? Meow, meow.

[Charlie]

That and, you know, I'm listening again. That sound, it's sounding sad.

[Miles]

It also maybe it feels like code too, you know?

[Charlie]

Yeah, like Morse code.

[Miles]

Like, can we play it backwards to see if it's a different.

[Charlie]

Yeah, play backwards. Play it backwards.

[Miles]

Jared's like, I did not foresee that.

[Charlie]

That we can't play it backwards. All the wonderful technology. Well, it's meow, meow, meow, meow.

[Caller Charlie]

Meow, meow.

[Miles]

Paul, it sounds a little bit like if aliens are trying to contact us, it's kind of, you know, maybe we use an alien.

[Charlie]

I think so. I mean, alien calls in there like fucking humans.

[Miles]

They fucking. They love cats. Right? I'll just. Meow.

[Charlie]

The galaxy is on Orion's belt. Men in Black.

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Charlie]

It is on a cat. Yeah. The necklace. And Orion was. The cat had a little bell. Great movie. Yeah. You should watch it.

[Miles]

No, I have. It's been a very long time.

[Charlie]

Give it another watch.

[Miles]

Maybe watched it too closely to where the thing actually worked on me.

[Charlie]

Oh, man.

[Miles]

You know what's kind of funny is movies from my childhood, like, came out of my childhood. I remember, like, I feel like I remember more like the stuff that was in Happy Meals from the movies than I do sometimes. The movies?

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Like speaking of Will Smith, like the. Remember the Wild Wild West?

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Movie. I don't remember the movie, but I remember, like, getting the Happy Meal at McDonald's.

[Skyler]

I think it was Burger King.

[Miles]

Burger King, I remember it too. And like, they, they. I remember they did a whole thing with that. Yeah.

[Charlie]

God, I don't. I never saw that movie. I heard it wasn't good. Is it good?

[Miles]

The toys were kind of sick.

[Caller Charlie]

Wow. I'm wrong.

[Miles]

Well, meow, meow. I am right here. Meow, meow, meow, meow.

[Charlie]

Where are you? You meow meow.

[Miles]

Right here. Meow, meow.

[Charlie]

Well, guys, Charlie Miles, it's been another fun episode of the Bellied up podcast.

[Miles]

Appreciate you hanging out with me at sports bars. Special place for me.

[Charlie]

I'm glad you brought me here. Yeah, back to where you and am first met.

[Miles]

Right over there.

[Charlie]

It's been wonderful day. Well, you guys make sure you tip your bartender.

[Miles]

We'll see you in the next one.

[Charlie]

Bye.

[Caller Charlie]

Bye.

[Miles]

Okay, hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now.

[Charlie]

Toodaloo.