Timmy Tango is Hunting For Cougars #185

Summary

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Bellied Up Podcast – Episode #185

"Timmy Tango is Hunting For Cougars"
Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles “You Betcha Guy”
Air date: January 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

In classic Bellied Up fashion, Emmy-winning comedian Charlie Berens and Miles the You Betcha Guy belly up at a small-town bar and field calls from across the Midwest. This episode delivers a double-helping of Midwest charm, warmth, and offbeat humor, centering around two distinct but equally engaging main conversations:

1. Midwest transitions and culture (with caller Greg)
2. An outrageous “cougar chronicles” update (courtesy of recurring caller Timmy Tango)

Packed with banter about Midwest sports fandom, small-town quirks, mom-hunting at Pilates, and the ever-evolving etiquette of barroom life, this episode blends advice, storytelling, and lighthearted riffing—plus some unexpected life lessons along the way.

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Main Discussion Segments & Timestamps

1. Opening Banter, Midwest Life & Bar Setting

[00:00–07:00]

• Charlie and Miles riff about awkward junior high dances, the mysteries of skeet shooting, the unpredictability of birds vs. clay pigeons.
• Bar review: They’re recording at Cleveland Pub in New Berlin, WI—admiring its space, abundant drink taps, and “You Betcha Old Fashioned” special.
• Photo op plans: Discussion of Charlie’s patented “open mouth point” pose and insecurities about his smile.
  • "I do like the open mouth thing... it takes attention away from other facial features." – Charlie [04:32]
• Addressing a previous caller's roast about Charlie's dirty glasses and his “flying blind” without them.
  • "No, I just lost my glasses because I have special needs, and my need is my glasses right now." – Charlie [06:02]

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2. “You Might Be a Fake Packers Fan If…”

[07:47–14:18]

• Miles challenges Charlie on how to spot fake Packers fans.
• Charlie’s Guide To Real vs Fake Packers Fandom:
  • Only fake fans ask if food at a Packers tailgate has gluten ([08:12])
  • Not wearing hunting gear to a winter game is a red flag ([10:03])
  • Not complaining about beer prices at Lambeau ([10:55])
    • "Going to Lambeau and complaining about the beer prices is like going to church and blessing yourself with holy water. You have to do it." – Charlie [11:04]
  • Real fans always try to smuggle booze in
  • Sitting outside in jeans at a December game = rookie mistake
  • Advanced fan tips: BYO seat cushions, “insulation insulation” with DIY duct-taped foam

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3. Caller: Greg’s Midwest Migration and Adaptation

[15:37–46:47]

Greg’s Backstory

[16:07]

• Born and raised in Tucson, Arizona (deserts, cacti, no lawns).
• Married to a Midwesterner; recently moved to a small Minnesota town.

Midwest Life Pros & Cons

• Winters: Hard at first, now appreciated for their beauty and the ease of “hiding” unfinished yard work ([18:14–19:02])
  • "It's the ultimate just kick-the-can-down-the-road." – Miles [18:18]
• Seasonal contrasts: Dazzling for former Arizonans ([19:02])
  • "Every three months, it's completely different... in Arizona there's hot and damn hot." – Greg [19:09]
• New experiences: Caught his first fish (a bass) at 52 ([19:21])
• Kayaking-fishing journey: Stories of improvising fishing with bare jig, upgrading to trolling motor, later a tricked-out boat with WiFi and CarPlay ([21:27–23:37])
  • "I have tricked it out, man... it's got WiFi, CarPlay, everything." – Greg [22:37]

The “Midwest Slippery Slope”

[23:05–24:27]

• Miles & Charlie outline the progression: move to the Midwest → get a kayak → add motors & fans → upgrade to a boat → inevitably want a Winnebago-pontoon hybrid.

Pontoon Bathroom Engineering & Midwest Innovations

[24:25–27:18]

• Humorous stories about friends retrofitting pontoons for bathroom/fishing hybrid use.
• "You can't just go around doing that. That's terrible." – Charlie's friend's reaction [25:43]

Discovering New Midwest Hobbies

[27:42–32:18]

• Greg loves mowing: contrasts it to "rearranging rocks" in Arizona.
• Gardening is easier: seed in ground, crops practically grow themselves.
  • "Here, you just poke a seed in the ground and it grows." – Greg [28:17]

Wanted: Authentic Mexican Food

[31:00–37:00]

• Greg’s “Mayor for a Day” fantasy: Bring real Mexican food to his small town.
• Critiques Midwest Mexican cuisine as poor Tex-Mex imitations (e.g. BBQ sauce-chimichangas, bland salsa).
• Discussion of actual spice vs. “Midwest spice” (horseradish as a gateway), and acclimating the local population to heat year by year.
• Miles shares his "spiciest sandwich ever" story ([34:33])
  • "My face was beet red and I was actually just sweating sitting there." – Miles [34:59]

Small Town Rituals & Midwest Retail

[38:45–41:46]

• Food trucks trump fancy Mexican restaurants ("authenticity" often means a spray-painted food truck).
  • "If you roll up to a food truck that's got a nice vinyl wrap, you know, you're about to get some fake Mexican food." – Miles [38:54]
• Love for Menards and Fleet Farm: Midwest retail as entertainment
• Podcast recommendations (Radiolab, Hardcore History, “You Betcha Radio”): Bellied Up dubbed “official podcast of driving to your nearest Fleet Farm.”

Final Midwest Problem-Solving

[42:35–45:47]

• Tree maintenance woes: frost guards, trunk splitting, replacing dead yard trees.
• Greg touts the joys of Midwest state parks and exploring new activities.
• Local winter skateway (ice skating trail) delights.

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4. Caller: “Timmy Tango”—The Cougar-Hunting, Wine-Night Strategist

[49:11–85:49]

Timmy’s Recap and Last Episode Drama

[50:16–51:41]

• Last time: Mid-20s Timmy ends up kissing a married mom at a concert (accidentally, post-reveal, does NOT slide into her DMs).

The Quest for Cougars: Gym Edition

• Self-styled as a “Ferrari at the racetrack,” Timmy dials in on group fitness classes (Pilates, yoga) as his new hunting ground ([52:44])
  • "I've been getting to know some of these moms, some are even grandmas. I'm not into that, but..." – Timmy [53:26]
• Investigative tip: Wedding rings come off during workouts, so post-class coffee is key for recon ([53:49])

Gym Mom Dynamics—Friend-Zone or More?

• Miles, Charlie, and Timmy riff on being possibly seen as the “gay best friend,” getting friend-zoned, plus roleplaying “Pilates moms" plotting to set Timmy up with their friend Carl ([57:02–58:08])
  • "Maybe we should bring Carl to the class and they can hit it off." – Charlie-as-mom [57:48]

“Benefits of Older Women” Discussion

[55:49–56:45]

• Timmy’s preference: Mature conversation, less drama, and real meals post-bar (vs. forgetful young women who leave ovens on).
• "If I bring these girls home, they're gonna burn my house. If I bring a mom home, she's gonna cook me the best damn meal I've ever had." – Timmy [85:13]

Breakdown of the “Pilates Class Prospects”

[67:40–71:43]

• Timmy rates three main “natural” (i.e., non–plastic surgery) potential interests:
  1. Jenna (approx. 45, works at a law firm, genuine, personable, “number one prospect”)
  2. Lily (38, “drop dead gorgeous”, “best asset is her boobs”, possibly not natural)
  3. Third (divorced mom, nine-year-old kid, seems more accessible as a dating prospect)

Timmy’s Wine Night Gambit

• The Plan: Get invited (or initiate) a wine night with the Pilates crew as the next move.
  • "Hopefully we can build off that [rapport]...and then we move to wine night." – Timmy [66:15]
• Charlie & Miles offer to sponsor the wine if Timmy succeeds ([76:02])
• Advice: Ask wine questions, act curious, avoid awkward innuendos but use flirty wine lingo if the moment is right ([78:02])
  • "This wine must work out quite a bit. The legs on this thing..." – Miles (demonstrating wine flirtation) [78:35]
• Bonus tips: Wear a mock turtleneck to wine night for full “cougar-hunter” effect ([81:08])

Life Lessons & Self-Awareness

• The dangers of being “used” as an ego-boost for lonely moms ([59:56])
• Timmy is urged to avoid fallback plans with women his own age and go all-in on the moms ([60:19])
• The nature of flirting, reading signals, and not getting friend-zoned.
  • "I'm terrible. I can't ever catch a sign...she's just working for the tip." – Timmy [74:39]

Final Encouragement and Next Steps

• If Timmy successfully initiates wine night, a Bellied Up–funded update (with drink sponsorship and more advice) is on deck.
• Hosts express genuine admiration for Timmy’s commitment and promise ongoing support.
  • "You’ve been bitten by the bug, and you’re biting back." – Charlie [83:48]

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5. Closing Banter: Midwest Niceness & Listener Logistics

[85:49–90:16]

• Timmy calls out the classic “Midwest nice” asking-for-free-tickets move.
• Charlie pledges a 2026 “less people-pleaser” resolution…except (maybe) for Miles.
• More character-building Midwest wisdom—tip your bartender and always bring a seat to Lambeau.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Going to Lambeau and complaining about the beer prices is like going to church and blessing yourself with holy water. You have to do it.”
  — Charlie [11:04]

• “Here, you just poke a seed in the ground and it grows.”
  — Greg, on Midwest gardening vs. Arizona [28:17]

• “If you roll up to a food truck that's got a nice vinyl wrap on the side... you know you're about to get some fake Mexican food.”
  — Miles [38:54]

• “If I bring a mom home, she's gonna cook me the best damn meal I've ever had after the bars.”
  — Timmy [85:18]

• "I feel like I'm not even interested in the girls my age anymore. Once you get the maturity level of a woman… you just— all the other girls, that ain't it."
  — Timmy [83:32]

• "Pilates class is just like high school all over again. You've got your groups."
  — Timmy [67:55]

• "Timmy Tango is a doer. The fact that he's doing two Pilates classes a week—this guy is committed!"
  — Charlie [81:47]

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Episode Tone, Style, and Takeaways

• Homely & Unapologetically Midwestern:
  The hosts’ banter is both affectionate and relentlessly self-deprecating, revelling in the rituals, quirks, and gentle absurdity of Midwest life.

• Mix of Absurd Humor and Life Coaching:
  Advice is given (both earnest and tongue-in-cheek) on sports fandom, dating older women, reading social cues at Pilates, and how not to burn your house down.

• Warmth and Listener Camaraderie:
  The episode’s callers are celebrated for their curiosity and bravado, and the hosts offer support—both emotional and (possibly) financial for Timmy’s future wine exploits.

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How to Enjoy This Episode if You Missed It

Whether you’re a Midwest transplant, aspiring cougar-hunter, or just in it for the barstool ridiculousness, this episode offers equal parts homespun wisdom, outrageous dating strategy, and genuine laughs.
Recommended for: Anyone who wants real advice on living (and loving) in the Midwest—delivered with a chaser of Old Fashioned, and a wink.

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome back.

[B]

Sorry, Miles. Sorry.

[A]

You go ahead.

[B]

We were just both so excited to start this episode of the Belly Dub podcast that we just stepped on each other's words. Hopefully it's not an indication that the rest of this podcast, we're going to be stepping on each other. Like, we're having our first awkward dance in eighth grade. Back that ass up. That's what played at my eighth grade dance. Can you believe that?

[A]

Oh, yeah, I can believe that.

[B]

You a big fuck when you back that ass up, you know? Oh, yeah. And then people were grinding on each other, and I was like, this is against, though. And skeet. Skeets, yes. They were talking about. And I was unsure what skeet meant and then.

[A]

Still a little unsure.

[B]

Yeah. It's a fun word, though. Like, at that point, I thought the guy was just, you know, enjoyed Shotguns.

[A]

Yeah. Shooting. Shooting trap.

[B]

Yeah. But then when you think about. You think of the spray of a shotgun, it kind of makes a lot of sense. You ever see a clay pigeon explode? It's got to be what. You know, what an egg sees, you know, just like. Just like an exploit. Well, anyways, biology, guys, that is probably.

[A]

What the egg sees, especially when you're shooting because you're just hitting that clay pigeon with one bb.

[B]

No, I didn't know. We all know that. Where you're like, did I hit it? And it's just a wad, you know, I think I hit it. It's just the wad going up over it.

[A]

There you go. You go collect the ones that you didn't hit. You know, they're still there, and it's just a one. One pinhole in it. Didn't break it.

[B]

You know. You know when they're, like, broken in half because they broke on the ground where they fell?

[A]

Yeah, like, no, see, I hit that one.

[B]

You know, it's funny. I'm actually not bad at clay pigeons and skeet and whatnot, but I'm. I'm just not good at birds. Birds are too unpredictable for me. Like, I like a predictable flight path. Yeah, I can understand the machine.

[A]

But now I will have to say, once birds are up in the air, they're kind of just committing to one flight path.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I do not think so. Frankly, I don. Because you've got the wind in. Because every time a clay pigeon is going, it's decelerating miles. But the thing about the birds is they've got that acceleration force. Do you know how fast Merganser can fly in the sky, Miles, shooting You're shooting them? No, I'm not shooting them. I love mergansers. I don't shoot them. But you know how fast some people do. Some people do. Do you know how fast they can fly 60, 120 miles an hour? I. Jared, don't check it. They can fly fast, man.

[A]

So where are we at today, Charlie? We're at the Cleveland pub here because it's. We're on Cleveland street or Avenue.

[B]

Is that Ave Baby.

[A]

Is that where we're at?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In Milwaukee. Well, technically, New Berlin. Right?

[B]

New Berlin. New Berlin.

[A]

Great bar. A lot of space. I like that. But also not too much space to where it feels like a Costco, you know?

[B]

Yeah, no, this is. But the. The use of space in this bar is unlike. Unlike I've seen it in a while. Like every single horizontal surface behind the bar is covered with an alcohol of some sort.

[A]

Quite impressive.

[B]

They've got a walk in, not a walk in fridge, but just a pull out fridge with all different varieties of beers and whatnot there. And then on top of that, Miles, look at all the taps they have. I mean, that's got to be 24T.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I just need one, but.

[B]

And also today, Miles, look over there on that wall. Was it say. It says, try our.

[A]

You betcha. Old Fashioned with Barron's Old Fashioned brandy.

[B]

How about that?

[A]

Let's go about that. I finally got looped in.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, you did. You're looped in on it. And that. Yeah, that is etched in stone here at. Well, it's written in chalk here at.

[A]

Cleveland park, but that's the opposite of permanent.

[B]

Yeah. You know, it's a good special for today though. I'm going to have to try it.

[A]

So you. Four hours to get here before they erase that special. Yeah, they're just pandering to us.

[B]

You know what, Miles? I like to think that they're going to have it up for the week. We'll ask them. We'll ask them and see. I'm going to post a picture though, just in case it is a temporary.

[A]

Yeah, I'll get in that with you.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, we'll do a little picture of it. That'd be nice. That'd be real fun.

[A]

And I'll do the.

[B]

Yeah, that's cool. The open mouth.

[A]

Open mouth point. Yeah, Charlie Barron's patented move.

[B]

Well, it's also like. Thank you, guys. Thank you. I do like the open mouth thing because it just. It takes attention away from other facial features that people are gonna be like, why are his eyes Red. Why? He's got dark circles. But if his mouth is open, they're like. Why is his mouth open, you know? What's your favorite facial feature? Me? Yeah, to, like, pose for a photo. Oh, let's see here. I don't. The smiles are tough because my sisters roast the hell out of me, and they smile. They say I don't have an authentic smile. They say I look dead in the eyes.

[A]

Let's see it.

[B]

I'm like, that. Make me laugh. No.

[A]

Let's see it.

[B]

No, I'm not. I'm not your. I'm not your little monkey to dance on command. Miles. I. I have a soul. I have a person. Make me laugh, and you'll see it. You've seen it. You've seen it. I don't just give that away, mouse. You gotta earn it.

[A]

Before we talk about what I want to ask you about today, I do need to address that. On the previous episode.

[B]

Yes, the.

[A]

One of our callers had said that you should clean your glasses, because when you don't clean your glasses, you look like dirty. Someone with special needs is what they said.

[B]

Which.

[A]

And I want to inform anyone that's just listening, Charlie elected with no glasses today, which I find very interesting. Did that call or get to your head?

[B]

No, I just lost my glasses because I have special needs, and. And my needs are my glasses right now also, you know, there. There's, you know, special needs is a wide array of things. Okay?

[A]

Awareness to it.

[B]

There's a bun. People with special needs. It shouldn't be used as an insult, you know, especially, you know, when the perspective there. You know, there. There's just. There's the idea of. Of, you know, dirty glass. It's just a. It's a shallow understanding of the deal there, Miles. And I'm taking offense to the fact.

[A]

I know where that was going.

[B]

I'm telling. I'm taking offense to the fact that, you know, they're a lot of people with a lot cleaner glasses than me with other things going on. I'll just say that. Okay. I'll just say that I decided to.

[A]

Address it just because it was a noticeable difference from yesterday when we were recording. So I didn't know. But, I mean, that adds up. You lost them. So are you just flying blind right now?

[B]

I can see. I can see. I can see fine.

[A]

But you drove here without your glasses.

[B]

Facts. Oh, my God.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I mean, I got a question for you. I can see living creatures. I just can't always see. Super.

[A]

What the sign says when you're driving. No, I'm capable with the street signs.

[B]

I'm capable of reading every street sign, Miles. I do it like this. Can't read it. Can't read it. Can't read it. Can't read it. Can read it.

[A]

That was my turn. God, I wish I had my glasses. Then I could have turned there. Question for you, Charlie.

[B]

Answer for you, Miles.

[A]

You know, it's now the off season for the packers, obviously, and, and so I was kind of wondering, you know, you were kind of talking to me about like, oh, fake fans this and that. You were telling me not to jump on the bandwagon when you guys do inevitably win a Super Bowl.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to know, Charlie, last episode.

[A]

How do you. How do you spot a fake packers fan?

[B]

You can tell because they are asking at a tailgate if this has gluten in it.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It's a wrong question to ask at a Packer tailgate.

[B]

And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being gluten intolerant or whatever. Okay. Okay. If you're gluten free person, you and a Packers fan, you have already learned time and time again to just not asset at a tailgate or you're going to get your ass handed to you by everyone there. So a real packers fan who's been there before knows that people love to make fun of the gluten free thing and so sorry if you got the celiac disease. My. My brother, his. His wife's got it. Okay, so.

[A]

So do you think she actually has it or is just one of those, like because it's trendy to be gluten free and all that?

[B]

I don't know. The thing with. I. I got a few celiac folks that I'm aware of, you know, or the anti Celia or. I don't really understand. Miles, respect the game. But basically they're not eating really fun things. So some of them, while I think some may be making it up for the name, you know, I think a lot are really, really got it because they're turned down some good breads.

[A]

All right, so if you're asking about gluten free stuff, that's a fake fan. What else?

[B]

I think, what about wardrobe?

[A]

What are they wearing or not wearing?

[B]

Ccc. Well, you're not wearing a. Any sort of hun gear. I think usually a. And this is in the winter. So I mean, you know, but dead of winter coldest out there. You know, you usually have some form of hunting gear on usually. But it's hard to generalize. Because we can all we can.

[A]

I know, but we're going to generalize in this segment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I want you to get out. Get the mindset of not generalizing for the sake of this podcast, I want you to generalize. So no gluten free. If you show up to a cold weather game and you're not wearing hunting gear, you're. You might be a fake fan.

[B]

You might be a fake fan.

[A]

What else?

[B]

Yeah, this is kind of a. You might be a fake fan.

[A]

Like, if you show up to the Packer tailgate and ask if the cheese curds are gluten free, you might be a fake packer fan.

[B]

Yeah. Well, then you. You're definitely a fake packer.

[A]

You're definitely a fake packer fan.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If you show up to a cold weather game and you're not wearing hunting gear, you might be a fake packer fan.

[B]

If you go to a Packers. If you go to Lambeau Field and not complain about the Bear. If you go to Lambeau Field and not complain about the beer prices, even though you know exactly what the beer prices are, you're definitely a fake packers fan.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You've always. Like, going to Lambeau and complaining about the beer prices is. It's like going to church and blessing yourself with the holy water. You have to do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You absolutely have to do it.

[A]

Wait, so you're not complaining about the.

[B]

Beer prices, you're complaining about the beer.

[A]

Prices, but if you're a fake fan, you are complaining.

[B]

If you're a fake fan. No, you're not complaining. You have to complain about the beer prices. It's part of it.

[A]

Because you said. I think you said.

[B]

Well, I misspoke. Okay, so if.

[A]

Say it again.

[B]

If you're a fake fan. If you're a fake packers fan. Okay. Okay. If you're a true packers fan, you always complain about the beer prices, even.

[A]

Though you've been buying the same beer for the same price for seasons after season.

[B]

Well, the price continues to go up with inflation and whatnot, and they're all. But you must complain about the price of beer if you are a true packers fan, because it's just part of what we do. It's like blessing yourself when you go into church.

[A]

If you walk up to the beer stand and you just hand them money and you take it back and go back and drink your beer, you might be a fake packer.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's no alluding to how expensive it is.

[B]

Right? You got it. You got to let it sit in your craw a little bit, you know, and, and you know who don't complain about the beer prices? A lot of Bears fans. Yeah. Because they're, they're the high flute in Chicago types. They don't even look at the price.

[A]

They don't look at the price. And also, it's probably way cheaper at Lambo than where they're at.

[B]

Yeah. Potentially. If you're not at least trying to smuggle alcohol into the stadium, you might be a fake packers fan.

[A]

Yeah. If you just walk in and you're not worried about your booze in your breast pocket getting confiscated, you might be a fake packers fan.

[B]

If you're going to a game in December and you're sitting outside in just jeans, you might be a fake packers fan. It's usually at that point, not a testament of your strength as a human. You just didn't know what you were.

[A]

You realize that wasn't, you know, you.

[B]

Didn'T realize that you were going to be sitting on an aluminum piece of metal in the freezing cold. Aluminum, ladies and gentlemen, is what they make beer cans out of, largely because it keeps them cold. Your ass also stays cold at Lambeau Field.

[A]

I also feel like you might be a fake fan if you sit during a Packer game. I feel like when we were there, we stood the whole time.

[B]

We did stand the whole time. But I will give it to you. There are plenty of times to sit during a Packer. In fact, a lot of real fans bring their own seat, which allows a little flip up seat. You can bring your own seat to Lambeau Field, one of the only places where you can own part of the packers and bring your own seat. Byos. Don't they bring cardboard too, or. No. Yeah, if you just, if you just forget or something, you get just any sort of.

[A]

Dumpster.

[B]

It's like insulation, you know, insulin. In fact, one time I did bring. I duct taped two pieces of insulation together, so. And then made a little seat on my own. You know, put. Just put duct tape around the sides, actually.

[A]

Really smart, Charlie.

[B]

Yeah, it's good. And even better if you put a belt on it and then you're just walking around with it all day, you know, that's. It's good. It does tear up a little bit. Oh, that's the downside. So you might want to just double up on the duct tape. But. But yeah.

[A]

All right, guys, time to play prize picks. Price picks will give you fifty dollars in lineups. When you play your first five dollar lineup, win or lose, you're getting fifty bucks in lineups. All you got to do is use promo code bellied up when you sign up today. And tell you what, guys, the big game is happening here very soon. We only got a couple weeks. And so now you gotta get your prize picks, lineups for the big game. And for me, this week, I think I'm gonna pick Drake May. Less than 222 and a half pass yards. I think if they're gonna win the game, it's gonna be with their defense and not on the arm of Drake may. So, Charlie, what do you got?

[B]

Miles, how you doing, man? Coming to you live from my shotgun seat to let you know that this week I'm going Matt Collins, more than 27.5. All right, so there you have it, buddy.

[A]

Good luck, Charlie. Great pick, buddy. Great pick.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

And, guys, there's just no better way to watch the big game than having some lineups submitted on prize picks. Gives you that extra incentive to get into the game even if your team isn't in it. So download prize picks today, use code bellied up, and we'll see in the big game. Hi, Greg, you got Miles and Charlie from the bellied up podcast. How we doing?

[D]

Doing good, man. It's a pleasure to be able to talk to some Midwest royalty here.

[B]

What up, dude?

[D]

How are you guys doing? Are you day drinking?

[A]

Yeah, we're bellied up here at the Cleveland Pub in Berlin, Wisconsin.

[B]

Stacking our money till it gets sky high.

[A]

Well, well, Greg, I heard that you live in the Midwest and you got some stuff you want to talk to us about.

[D]

Yeah. So, I mean, give you a little background. I've lived in Arizona my whole life, you know, down in the desert, deep desert down in Tucson. Grew up with rattlesnakes and cactus. And then my wife's from southern Minnesota, and she's always wanted to move me up here. And, you know, I came once just after we got married and came up and met her dad. Well, before we got married, I met her dad, and it was the middle of winter and it was 40 below, and I'm like, oh, I don't think I could handle it. I just don't think I could. So we did a happy medium. We moved from the desert up to the mountains in Arizona where you still get snow, but it's gone by Tuesday, you know, so it's not too bad at all. And eventually, you know, I mean, in 2000, we decided, hey, let's do it. And we moved up here and been here for Five years now and man, I should have done it so much earlier.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. I didn't know where you're going, if it was going to be good or bad.

[D]

No, I so should have done it so much, so much earlier. I mean, the diversity and variety of plants and animals and the things to do. I'm going a little stir crazy still on the winters, you know, I miss outdoor activity.

[A]

Well, so that's when you gotta escape and go back to Arizona. Yeah.

[D]

No, it's. That's too far of a drive and too far to fly.

[B]

It's the most Midwest thing you said right there.

[A]

Yeah. You sound like you've lived here for 40 years.

[B]

Yeah, I really liked. I think the winners are such an underrated time of the year, you know, like, there's nothing better than going on a nice little winter walk. When you got that snow down there. It's like you're walking through a sound blanket, you know, and you really see a lot of birds in the winter. A lot of birds. Because, you know, the trees all got their, their winter Brazilian going and what, miles. Why are you shaking your head? Why can't I just talk about birds one time without you shaking your head? And why don't you just recognize the majesty of the aviation animals? Yeah.

[D]

No, I love the quiet. You know, I love the quiet. It's beautiful. And I like. I mean, the best part of the snow is there's less yard work to do.

[B]

Right.

[A]

See, there you go. That's actually a great way to think about win winter.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And it hides what you didn't get done.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's like, you know, it's the ultimate. Just kick the can down the road.

[B]

Yeah. In fact, just yesterday I was. I got this one step on my front steps that's got. It's, it's, it's in need of replacement. I'm about to go through that step, but I'm just sitting there like, I'll wait till spring. I'll wait till it dries up a little. No reason to do. Doesn't even make sense. But, you know, I'm just waiting. It's a perfect excuse. I'll just shovel it. Shovel it a little bit more, you know, and then. And then. Or I'll go through it and then I have to replace it. But yeah, you're like, there's no reason to do it right now.

[D]

No, I can definitely be put off. And that's the thing I like is that the fact that the seasons do change so drastic every. Every three months.

[A]

That Is true.

[D]

Every three months, it's completely different. You know, where there's two seasons in Arizona, there's hot and damn hot.

[A]

Yeah. You know, But I'm loving sweating your ass off.

[D]

Caught my first fish at 52 years old.

[B]

What kind?

[D]

It was a bass. It was a big mouth.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

No idea what I was doing. I was. You know, I got a kayak, and.

[C]

I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go.

[D]

Play in the water. Got a kayak. I went out there, had my fishing pole, and I put a jig on it, and I didn't realize. I. Just a little eyeball with the hook. That's the only thing I was throwing. Just like that.

[B]

Really?

[D]

I caught one.

[B]

Come on. Come on. Where were you fishing?

[D]

In a little lake up here where I live in Aiken.

[B]

Wow. It just is a bear jig, huh?

[D]

Just a bear jig, you know, and I caught it.

[C]

A little yellow head.

[B]

No. Cool. Real good. Yeah. You caught it and what.

[D]

I caught it and, you know, and then I learned later that, you know, you're supposed to actually put something on there.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

When they're hungry, they're hungry, you know, I'll eat anything.

[B]

It's true. My cousin Tommy. This is a true story. He was whipping a. Just a golden. I probably said it here on this podcast, but he's just whipping a golden eagle hook through the weeds with a bobber on, and he was just. He lost his bait. He was like, shoot. Just reeling it in, and then, boom, he catches a muskie. A muskie on a little. On just a little gold hook, and he brought it in. Now, it wasn't a big muskie. I've seen bigger walleyes. I didn't say that to Tom's face, but I'll say it behind his back, but still. Impressive.

[A]

Probably. The muskie was just swimming in the. And just ran into it and accidentally swallowed.

[B]

No, it hit him right on the lip. And. And there's actually a video of me running to get the net. And I'll tell you, when there's a muskie on the line, I run like a little schoolgirl. I was just legs, legs, legs going, you know? Yeah.

[D]

I think if I caught a muskie, I'd be terrified. I'm still nervous when I catch little pike, you know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

No, I mean, how exactly do I pick that up? I'm not sure exactly, you know?

[B]

Yeah, you want to get, you know, have the good jaws of life to get those hooks out sometimes. But eagle hook was pretty easy. But we Wanted to get her in the net pretty quick, so. Yeah.

[D]

But I'm hooked now, man, I tell you, I got that kayak. I said, that fish pulling me around, you know, that was fantastic. So I took the kayak that first winter, put it in the basement, added a trolling motor to it and an oscillating fan to keep the mosquitoes away.

[B]

Dude, that's hilarious. That's so good.

[D]

Oh, it's great. It works fantastic. You know, a little battery operated fan like they put, you know, truckers use.

[B]

Yeah, I, I actually have not seen a fan on a kayak in my miles. Have you ever?

[A]

No, I was just going to say I feel like that's new.

[B]

Yeah. I also haven't seen trolling motors on too many kayaks. I guess I have seen something like. Is this a specifically fishing kayak or are you sort of retrofitting it?

[D]

Yeah, it's just a regular little fishing kayak. But I modified it and added a plate on the back of it and put the trolling motor on there and put foot steering so I can steer it with my feet.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

And that was great the next year and then I upgraded. So now I got a boat that's got, you know, It's a little four. It's a 16 foot Lund, old 1978 boat.

[A]

This is a slippery slope.

[D]

You know, I have tricked it out, man. I got the auto boat on it. It's got Wi Fi, I got CarPlay, everything.

[A]

You are being introduced to the Midwest slippery slope, Charlie. Here's the Midwest slippery slope. What is it? First you move to the Midwest, then you hear about fishing.

[B]

You just dip your toe in the water and you're like, okay, okay, it's a little cold. Why don't I get a kayak? You get the kayak.

[A]

You're like, I really don't like paddling this thing all over the place. So I put a trolling motor on it. Like, God, I hate the mosquitoes here in the Midwest. I'm going to put a fan on it. And then you're like, oh, why? I basically have a boat. Why don't I trade it in and get a boat?

[B]

You know, the only next rational step, Miles, is for him to get himself a Winnebago and put some pontoons on that sucker. I think that's it. I think that's it.

[D]

Yeah, that, that was something my wife would like. She wants a pontoon and then she went out on one and she's like, it's just not as much fun as the boat.

[B]

Well, now Here's a fun thing about a pontoon. Buddy of mine had a. Had a little bit of a. Well, you can. This is gonna be too hard to.

[D]

Explain, but you can put a barbecue on it.

[B]

You can do a lot with a pontoon. Yeah. One of my buddies had this old pontoon. I'll just do it. Try for a second. But he actually cut a little bit of hole in the middle. And retrofit is sort of a. Never mind. I'm finding it's too hard to explain. I gotta get a picture. I'm gonna get a picture. And then what was.

[A]

What was he trying to accomplish?

[B]

He was trying to accomplish having sort of like a way to fish and. Or use the restroom easier on a boat.

[A]

Okay. So he just drilled like he did the ice fishing, but on open water.

[B]

He did like a tuber on. He did a tuber in a pontoon, but the tubers purpose was for.

[A]

Sit down.

[B]

His name. To sit down on it. But. But then my. One of my other friends said, you can't just go around doing that. That's. That's terrible. So then he retrofitted like a bag system because under, obviously, like there's. There was more deck. So he now has a system where it collects in a bag and it's. It's. It's not used anymore for that. So then he tried to retrofit it again as a fishing thing. But people you can just fish off the side of. Yeah, but you know, that's what happens when he's got a cousin with a junkyard, you know, and so the cousin, when he gets something cool and he kind of brings it over, this guy just lets his imagination do what it does, and then he makes regrettable decisions. And that's why you guys got to be careful to have a cousin with a junkyard. But anyways, I told him this guy.

[A]

Just like sitting down on the floor of the pontoon, not like squatting, but like his legs just out in front of him and just taking a.

[B]

It's not a good way to do it.

[C]

Like, it's not.

[A]

I don't know if I can get the job done sitting like that. No, because I'm not squatting down. My knees will be shot after about 45 seconds.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. Because. Well, what it is, honestly though, is it's more of like. And this is the way people do. Humans were meant to kind of do it was to just do the goddess squat right there.

[A]

No, I know what I'm saying. My knees are gonna be shot.

[B]

Oh, you Were talking about that. Okay.

[A]

So I'm gonna. I might have to elect for the sit down with your feet straight out.

[B]

I've never seen anyone do it like that. But you know what that's like. That's like the dumb and dumber. When he like is really trying to go for it.

[A]

His legs are in the air.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Just make a hole in one of the benches. You can fish and at the same time.

[A]

Right, that's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know why your guy just didn't do a bucket with a make buckets. Five gallon buckets with toilet seat.

[B]

That's. Well, what I'm trying to tell you is that he was. It was some. The explanation. That's why I told you. If I start explaining, I forget the reasoning. So now I'm trying to piece the pieces together.

[A]

I get it. If you just want to shit in the lake, that's a good move. But it's also not a good move to just be having floaters in the lake.

[B]

Oh, it's terrible. It's terrible. And. And the other thing is he was. He was trying to make this some sort of an ice fishing situation as well, which made absolutely.

[A]

No, he's just gonna drag his pontoon out on the lake.

[B]

No, he had some kind. You've seen like those little boats that they have like the sort of the saw looking thing on the back to drive him across the ice. Yeah, he had some idea for something like that. But I mean, that's why I tell you, you know, some guy.

[A]

Everyone's got a cousin like that.

[B]

Everyone. Yeah, I know.

[C]

Know.

[B]

I know. Well, it's a cousin, I think. Yeah. Anyways, so yeah, I'm looking for more.

[D]

Midwest things to do, you know, what am I missing? I do a lot of mowing. I love the heck out of mowing.

[A]

Yeah. I suppose you didn't have a lawn down in Arizona.

[D]

No. You just reorganized the rocks a little bit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And you don't got to water any of the plants. I mean, what are you.

[D]

No, that's the thing. I used to. I used to. I had a greenhouse down in Arizona and man, I do everything I could to keep water. You know, you try and recycle your water, reuse it, you know, and have it get. Catch it and collect it and everything. Here you just poke a seed in the ground and it grows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That is kind of.

[D]

I don't have to maintain it or baby it. I mean, I can, but you know.

[A]

Yeah, you're.

[B]

You're a big. Oh, Go ahead.

[A]

No, you go ahead.

[B]

Well, I just went on that long rant. I feel like I gotta put some time on the clock for you.

[A]

You're good. I was just gonna ask him what. What he's looking to do. Is there anything he's interested if he wants to get into Midwest stuff?

[D]

Well, one thing that I haven't tried that I want to try still is snowmobiling.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

And I'm looking forward to trying that. I tried ice fishing. You know, my. My son, you know, he's 22, and he. He entered a raffle at work and won a little. Little hut and poles and everything. I went out, dug, cut a hole. My neighbor comes over. He's like, there's no fish there, man. Why are you fishing there?

[A]

You do need to really know where. Where to put it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

He's like, jump in the car. Roll the window down. Don't put your seat belt on. I'm like, oh, this sounds like fun.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

So you're out on ice fishing.

[D]

I've tried it, but like I said, I think that a way to do it. I saw something on the YouTube where a guy took an old minivan and just cut a couple holes in the tuber.

[B]

Dude. That's what I was talking about.

[D]

Yeah, Just drive that out there, pop the holes in the bottom, and fish that way. I'd be down with that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that's good. You do sink a little bit faster if it goes under, but that's all right.

[A]

That's why you got the windows down.

[B]

Yep. You got it. Always windows down, no seatbelts. So snowmobiling is an interesting deal, but I will say, as a guy who's owned two snowmobiles, I have spent way more time fixing them than I have riding them. They typically. They typically have issues, especially if you buy an old one, but it is fun. You just also got to know kind of the trail etiquette miles. Have you done any snowmobiling?

[A]

It's been a long time. My dad wasn't really into it, so growing up, we didn't do it much, but we did. I do remember doing a little bit as a kid. We had one for a little while, and then my dad was like, I'm sick of fixing this thing.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That's what I was just saying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He said, I had two of them. I've spent more time fixing them. Then I done riding them, and I never grew up doing it, but we just. I just bought one for fun, thinking it'd be fun and, well, I bought more tools than beers with it, so. Anyways, Greg, I got a question for you.

[A]

I know when you hit us up, you said you had an idea that if you were mayor for a day in your town, what would you implement? Curious to see what you'd implement.

[D]

I said that? I think I remember that. I don't remember what I said, though. If I was married for a day.

[A]

You were talking about the Mexican food in your town.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I would definitely get some real Mexican food up here.

[A]

Okay. I mean, so are you saying that us Midwesterners, when we go to the Mexican village or Guadalajara or Paradiso, when I go to those restaurants, I'm not getting real Mexican food?

[D]

No, not at all. And sometimes you get Tex Mex. I mean, we went to a restaurant and got a chimichang. It had red sauce on it, and I was hopeful, and then I found out it was barbecue sauce.

[B]

It was like.

[D]

No, that's just not right. That's not right. And when they give you chips and salsa, and the salsa is tomato, tomato. You know, just smashed up tomatoes with onions in it. That's not right. It's not right.

[A]

So if you were mayor for one day in your town, you would just do. You would. You would ban all the current Mexican restaurants?

[D]

No, I would make them all convert over to something that ended with a betos of some kind. You know, just so it's true. So, nor in Mexican food, you know, not Tex Mex.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, give them a warning like, you have six months to change your menu or you're gone.

[D]

And use real spice.

[B]

I want. Now I'm starting to wonder if Jose's Blue Sombrero is not an authentic Mexican restaurant.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

That sounds legit.

[B]

It sounds legit to me, too. I mean, I don't know.

[A]

So the problem with the spice thing is, is it's still. Regardless of if it's a Mexican restaurant, you're still in the Midwest. And it's gonna be. If you burn someone's face off one time, they're not coming back. You know what I mean? That's.

[D]

Yeah, it takes time. You got to kind of grow up with it a little, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. So. So maybe it's like you do a. You do, like, where it's a scale that every year they have to add a little bit more spice to their stuff to acclimate all the Midwesterners to be able to handle heat. Yeah. You know, like by year 10, you got full spice.

[B]

And you can. It's almost like, like getting your steak knife at a really nice steak shop. You know how you see them? Like you walk in and you got that little placard or, I don't know, they got like a thing where they hold a knife. Have you ever seen that? I said, I walked into this one steak shop and anyways, but it just, it, the whole, it shows where your spice situation is. Here's my question on spice Miles. There are some Midwest people that can really handle their spice. Yeah, like, there are some Midwest people that sort of crave it. Like, I remember my Grandpa Bob, he was loading in the, the hot sauce into his Bloody Mary and the horseradish. And I think horseradish really is the Midwest gateway spice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, because everyone likes a little scotch of horseradish and. But horseradish can dial it up to 10. Just like Wasabi can kind of, you know.

[A]

So I'm actually going to have Jared come in on this. So I like some spice.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And Jared, I want you to tell the story about when we were headed out from Milwaukee from one of these trips and we stopped at like a, was it like a pita joint or.

[B]

Thailand PETA joint or something?

[A]

And tell the folks what I did.

[B]

Miles accidentally ordered like Dante's Inferno sandwich.

[A]

He didn't know it could be that spicy.

[B]

Was it called Dante's or something like that?

[A]

Like the blazer, I think it was like, I ordered like, hey, I'll do the Inferno and I just saw like spicy chicken or something on there and I got this thing and I, I'm telling you, like, I like some heat. This thing was so hot. And then of course my stubbornness, I had to eat the whole sandwich.

[B]

You ate the whole thing? You really doubled down on it.

[A]

And I'm sitting there, my face was beet red and I was actually just sweating sitting there and it took me about 45 minutes to recover.

[B]

Yeah, it was in the middle of winter and when we got in the car, Miles turned the ac.

[A]

So I mean, Greg, this is what you're dealing with, man. That's why I think you gotta, you know, acclimate them to the heat over time.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. I'd love to see you guys like on Hot Ones, you know, where they eat the chicken wings and they just get hotter and hotter and hotter.

[B]

Midwest Hot Ones is just a 10 minute interview.

[D]

Tabasco sauce.

[A]

Yeah, they're like. So you guys, you guys are from the Midwest and normally we don't have a, a medic on staff, but we figured we'd bring one today.

[B]

And we're.

[A]

Thank God.

[B]

And.

[C]

But, you know, it doesn't even have.

[D]

To be spicy Mexican food. I mean, just good carne asada, you know? I mean, just cooking the meat the right way, having the right spices in there. It doesn't necessarily have to be hot.

[C]

Hot.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And hot just for hot sake isn't good anyway. You know, you want it to have flavor in there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I.

[B]

There, there's, there's one there. Well, there's one Mexican restaurant in Anago, and it's. I forget the name of the restaurant, but it's got, like, a big deer outside of it that, like, they used to have outside a shooter supply. I think it was, like, a former shooter supply, but they have integrated that now into their logo. It's pretty awesome.

[A]

This is a Mexican restaurant.

[B]

Mexican restaurant, yeah. I forget the name of it. I gotta look it up. But, yeah, it's a bowl or something. Yeah, I know. I mean, but they're, they were just using what was there, I think. But I, I gotta go in there and check out what that's all about. But, yeah, I think I, I, I think this. Some people consider salt a spice in the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In the Midwest. So, you know, you want, you want.

[A]

Salt on that, like. Okay. But not too much. I don't wanna, I don't want to start sweating.

[B]

And then pepper, too. But, you know, we got a little long ways to go there. And you guys are in the epicenter of it when you're down there in Arizona. A lot of that Mexican influence, but it'll, you know it. Certain pockets. We got it, but just not, not enough.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we got a lot of ancestors that came from Ireland. Right. And all they're doing is eating fish and chips.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no spice on that.

[B]

No. I would say coleslaw would be the closest thing, but. Yeah, I know.

[A]

So that's it. You would, you would, you would implement.

[C]

A.

[A]

A Mexican restaurant reform bill in your town?

[D]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we don't. We don't even have a Mexican restaurant. We need one. There's a food truck that comes through in the summer. You know, they're there every Thursday, and they're good.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

So they know what they're doing.

[A]

They know what they're doing.

[D]

Yeah, But I mean, the town we're in's only got 2, 000 people in it, so we got a couple little restaurants, but no Mexican. Got to go to the bigger city out. Out to Brainerd to do that.

[A]

And I feel like those food trucks that are really good. So Jared and I, when we drove through the Minneapolis area to get here this week, and we stopped at a gas station and parked in the Menards parking lot was a food truck that clearly someone just spray painted the whole thing red and then took white spray paint and just wrote the name of the food truck on the side and then a phone number, and it just says, we Caterpillar.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I was like, you know what? I bet the food in that food truck is absolutely phenomenal.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

You know, it's authentic.

[A]

If you. If you roll up to a food truck that's got, like a nice vinyl wrap on the side with their logo, you know, you're about to get some fake Mexican food.

[B]

Yeah. They're putting too much money into marketing.

[A]

And just letting their product sell itself.

[B]

Yeah. Yep.

[A]

Now, I was, like, a little bit wondering if it was just like a front for a drug cartel or something like that. But that's how you know it's good.

[B]

Well, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like. I feel like if you're gonna do a drug cartel. What I know about drug cartels, you tend to get a car wash, you know.

[A]

Yeah. But that. The. The feds are starting to get on. They're starting to figure that out.

[B]

They've watched Breaking Bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Darn it.

[A]

That's actually a food truck would be a great way. You get a fleet of food trucks. Great band name. You get a fleet of food trucks, and that sounds like a pretty good way to wash your money.

[B]

Is it?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I suppose. You just see, and you mentioned.

[D]

You mentioned Menards there. Miles. You know, and that's another thing we don't have down south.

[C]

And boy, I.

[D]

Absolutely. That's paradise. Between that and Fleet Farm, that's the only reason I go to town.

[B]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[A]

How big is your town? You're living in 2,000 people. Okay. All right. Not quite big enough for a. For a flea farm, but.

[B]

No.

[D]

Nope. There's one down the road, though, about.

[B]

30 miles away, which isn't too far of a drive. Yeah.

[D]

Just over to Brainerd, and they've got everything we need.

[A]

Talk about a good Sunday. Just half hour drive into the other town. Spending some time at flea farm. Stop at the food truck Mexican restaurant. Go home, tinker around with some stuff in the garage. That's a good.

[D]

That's exactly it. Yeah. Projects. There's always a project to be done.

[B]

Right. What do you listen to in the car when you're driving that 30 miles?

[D]

Podcast.

[B]

Podcast. Oh, hey, how about it?

[D]

Hey, you guys, Entertain the heck out of me.

[A]

We're the official podcast of driving to your nearest fleet farm.

[D]

Between you, you, Radio Lab, and Hardcore History.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, wow. There we go. Wow. We fit into that mix, huh? That's wild. That's exciting. What was Radiolab and Hardcore History? Okay, Radio Labs, like smart people.

[A]

Well, so Charlie, that tells me that we need to start providing additional products so he can just come to one place. We can be a one stop shop.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[D]

So we can.

[A]

We can do Hardcore History here on the podcast.

[B]

Hardcore. We'll study a topic like 10 minutes before we start and then we'll tell people about it.

[A]

We'll just read the Wikipedia.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And our first topic will be the Boston Molasses Disaster.

[B]

I heard about the Boston molasses disaster.

[A]

Actually. What's the date today? Okay. Two days from now when we're recording. This is the anniversary of the Boston molasses disaster. And if you guys like to learn about the Boston Molasses disaster, you can head over to you Bet your Radio and listen to episode 360. 360.

[B]

And I listened to that episode and it is just hilarious and super informative. Very molasses.

[A]

What's actually very funny about you saying that is that episode when we're recording. This is not even out yet.

[B]

So I will.

[A]

Telling on yourself.

[B]

I tend to do that. I tend to do that.

[A]

So, yeah, if you're looking for Hardcore History, you can check out that podcast too, Greg.

[D]

You know, I will definitely.

[B]

Now, Greg, is there any final thoughts, final questions you have for us as we, as we chit chat here? Any unanswered questions about the Midwest?

[D]

No, not at this time. I mean, they come up especially in the. You answered what I had. But they come up in the summer when I'm trying to do things. You know, I wish I had a buddy that was a forester and could tell me what half these trees are.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

App for that. But it'd be nice to have somebody just walk the yard going, that's a good one. That's a bad one.

[B]

Well, that's exactly it. Because you want to know how healthy are these trees, especially the ones closer to your house, you know? Yeah, I know.

[A]

I got a tree that got like. What's it called? Like, where the frost. Where the trunk starts splitting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it starts, like opening up, like, you know what? And erotic. I think I'll lose the tree. And it's one of the biggest ones in my yard.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Disappointment.

[B]

Yeah. You have like that's like one of two trees you have in your yard.

[A]

And I'm gonna have to get a new one there. Really sad, isn't it?

[B]

Is it not true that with some of those you can sort of cut off. You can prune it.

[A]

I'm talking there's like a four foot split in the tree, like, opening up.

[B]

Yeah, I got it. I see what you're saying. Ah, so because the tree trunk became.

[A]

Too big for the frost guard, the little white thing you put around the thing when you plant a new tree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and so it came off.

[B]

And so you didn't pull off the, the frost guard, huh? No.

[A]

You want to. I, I should have gotten like another one and then like had two around it. You know, the trunk got too big. The frost guard was only on half of it.

[B]

Yeah. You weren't paying close enough attention to your tree.

[C]

I know.

[B]

And now you now the trees paying the price.

[A]

So that's some Greg. If you plant any new trees, keep the frost guard on it or whatever it's called, for as long as you possibly can.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I didn't know that you could do.

[B]

That, but get the right size frost guard.

[A]

Well, they come in like one. There's just like a little plastic tube, you know.

[D]

Okay, I gotcha.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. It's not like. It's not like there's certain trees that come with like, if you buy a new tree from, like a landscaping company, they'll just have the frost guard on there. But keep that sucker on as long as you can.

[B]

I see. This is stuff I didn't even know.

[A]

That's because you live in Milwaukee and all your trees are mature. Yeah, I live in the land of no trees. This is the stuff you gotta learn, you know?

[B]

That's really good. Very insightful.

[D]

No, I'm just, I'm loving it up here, guys. I definitely am going to state parks as much as we can. You know, take drives up to Duluth and all the way up. And eventually I might go over to Wisconsin. But, you know, after that spanking that they got the other night.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

I don't know if I should.

[B]

Well, you know what? You, you come on over. We need, we need the moral support. All right. And Duluth is really beautiful. They actually, this time of year, you can skate through the woods. Have you seen that?

[A]

They had like a. Basically an ice skating trail?

[B]

Yeah, you can, you can trail skate. Super cool.

[D]

Wow, that sounds like fun.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you. It's basically like hiking on ice skates, so pretty dangerous, actually, on certain points. But wear a helmet. You'll have fun. It's like rollerblading in the winter through the woods. Super slick.

[A]

Got to watch out for trees, though. You don't want to sunny Bono or Bono. You don't want to sunny Bono yourself.

[B]

Yeah, no.

[D]

So it's kind of a cross country skiing kind of thing, but they got it made with ice.

[B]

Yeah, essentially.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a good way to describe it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Wow, that does sound like fun. You see a lot of skiing down in Arizona. They got mountains up here. I'm looking at the ski places. I'm gonna go try one in a couple weeks, but.

[A]

And yeah, just make sure you have the right expectation going into it. It's not a mountain, it's a hill. Yes, it's a hill. So you're gonna be spending a lot of time going up the up the. The ski lift because your ride down is going to be pretty short.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But yeah, if you do go over.

[B]

Straight over to Michigan, the UP, they got some good hills right up there on Superior with a lot of powder because Superior creates a lot of snow, so. And they got some decent ones up there.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah. So there's a few tips for you. You know, I appreciate it.

[A]

Well, Greg, we appreciate you calling us today. It's been great. And glad you're loving the Midwest.

[D]

Well, thanks, guys. It's been an absolute pleasure. And I appreciate the hell out of your time.

[A]

Oh, yeah, man. We're good. We'll see you on your next drive to flea farm.

[D]

I'll be hearing you.

[B]

All right. Bye. Bye now.

[A]

What a good guy.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you can sell in his voice that he's just a happy camper. Yeah. You know, it's almost like he.

[A]

Like. And what's that say about us, Charlie, when someone says they moved to the Midwest after their whole life, that you're kind of on the edge of your seat to find out whether or not they hate it or they love it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he left us hanging there momentarily a little bit, you know, but. And he's got some productive, you know, I wouldn't even say criticism. Productive thoughts.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think any of us are going to complain about them getting more authentic good food here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, so no appreciated, my guy. Should we do another caller?

[B]

Yeah, let's do it.

[A]

Charlie. Trail season has everybody feeling unstoppable. You're out, you're out. You're out on the SnowMobile or the UTV thinking you're the king of the north. King of the north. I'm the king of the king of the North. King of the North. Helmet on, goggles down, confidence sky high. Then you hit one drift wrong, visibility goes to zero, and a hidden stump pops out out of nowhere. Or somebody comes around a corner way too hot. Now your big weekend turns into you sitting there holding your shoulder like, yeah, that ain't right. You've been there, Charlie. Oh, God, that ain't right.

[B]

Been there, done that.

[A]

Think it's supposed to feel like that?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

So, guys, if a trail ride ends in a wreck and you're dealing with injuries and insurance nonsense, Nicolet Law is the call to fight for you and make sure you're taken care of. So, Charlie, that's why I always keep them on speed dial. Just in case I get into some insurance nonsense. I know that Nicolet Law is gonna fight for me.

[B]

What number on your speed dial, Mouse?

[A]

1-8 5-5-Nicolette.

[B]

That's not how speed dial works, but nickel.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, just Nicolay. Yeah.

[B]

Here you go.

[C]

Your call has been forwarded to a classic Timmy Tango.

[B]

Timmy Tango. Sending us to voicemail. He's probably too busy hanging with a hot mom. Yeah. Come on, Timmy Tango.

[C]

What'S up?

[B]

Well, what happened in the first call there, Timmy Tango?

[C]

I'm not sure what happened. Sorry, boys.

[B]

I think you know, but we'll let it slide. How you been, man?

[C]

Oh, not too bad. How are you guys?

[B]

Good. Are you alone right now or are you with a cougar?

[C]

You know, right now I am alone. I'm alone. This morning wasn't.

[A]

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. All right, so for those that don't know, this is a bellied update from our. From our guy Timmy Tango. Who? Timmy, I want you to get the folks back up to speed. What did we talk about last time? And we want to get an update on where you're at now.

[C]

Yeah, last time we were talking about how we almost had a Coldplay 2.0 situation at a concert where was hanging out with a mom and she ended up kissing me and then figuring out later that she was married.

[A]

Y.

[C]

So yeah, that's kind of the quick summary of that. The update on that is. I did. I. I didn't. It's crazy what a 22 year old at a bar can do. A chick at a bar they somehow found her on Instagram, stalked her. I don't know how they found her, but ended up finding her. It looks like her marriage is still going strong from what I can see.

[A]

Okay, jeez.

[C]

It did not. Did not. DM. Her or anything. I figured let's not let her know who I am.

[A]

Yeah, let's not add insult to injury here.

[C]

Yeah. So I. But I was happy to hear or see that she still had some photos with her husband. He didn't look like he was a strapping old marine, so I don't think I got to worry about him coming to take my head off.

[A]

That was a big concern of yours. You're like, God, if this guy looks like Dana White, I am going to be screwed.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You know, like you don't ever want to mess with a marine or like a fire. Like you got them 45 year old, 50 year old firefighters that are just jacked out of their mind. Yeah, he wasn't that. So that's cool.

[A]

So a friend of yours found her on Facebook and gave you, gave you the update on where she's at?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How did they do that? Like, what information did you do?

[A]

Not underestimate the ability of a young woman to find something online, Charlie.

[C]

Yes. Yes. There you go. I don't know, Charlie. I was just talking to these girls that I went to high school with and they were like, well, let's find her. And I gave them a few things and boom, bang, boom. They were like, is this her? And I was like, holy, that is her. So they did. Both of those girls that were helping me find her, they both turned and gave me a high five and said, she is a milf.

[A]

Okay, so let's go.

[C]

I won't send that photo because I'm not gonna. We're not popping her up on this.

[B]

No, no, no. We would never do that.

[C]

So, yeah, you know, we're gonna, we're.

[A]

Gonna have good Midwest folk and we're just gonna assume she made one bad decision.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

And we don't need to crucify her for that.

[B]

No, no. Yep.

[C]

No, we're gonna give her grace.

[B]

Yeah. We're not here to judge. Yeah.

[C]

So recently I've been trying to get back in the game with the mom. So when, when you buy a Ferrari, I don't imagine you take it to the mountains because that's not its ideal situation for success. Right. You take it to the racetrack. So I myself as a 22 year old male, I want to go to the racetrack like a Ferrari. So I'm going to all the group fitness yoga classes. It's been great, honestly. I've been going twice a week. There's a little coffee shop in the gym too. So like after I've been getting to know some of These moms, some of them are even grandmas. I'm not into that. But it's.

[A]

Tibby Tango has gone after Gils at this point.

[C]

It's. It's been really good to get to know them. The hard part is, is some women don't like to work out with their wedding rings on. So that coffee time, I've been finding out. You gotta look for the ring. We're learning from our mistakes, boys. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, so. So the. So during the class is kind of like false hope because they're not wearing them. Then they slip them on after, and then you go to coffee, you're like, what the hell? Yeah.

[C]

I mean, it could be false hope or it could just be a little obstacle in the road that we can overcome.

[A]

Oh, my God, Timmy, we learned. Did we not learn a lesson?

[C]

No, we did. We did. Okay, so. So before anything serious, but we're. We're gonna. Hopefully. That's only been about the last three, four weeks that I've been doing those classes, so I love it.

[A]

It's like you're, like, you're right. All right, I'm gonna start going to solid core orange theory yoga class to pick up chicks. And then he just like ends up becoming like really fit and be. And he just has like a group of like gals that he's got a book club with. By the end of it, he's been.

[B]

Friend zoned by all the moms, but.

[A]

He doesn't even care because he's just having such a blast with all the older women.

[C]

It could happen. It could happen. You know, we're gonna, we're gonna try to go from the coffee, coffee time to a little wine night. Hopefully soon with them.

[A]

Are you. Is that actually real?

[C]

Yeah, I've been hanging out with the moms at the Pilates.

[B]

That's.

[C]

I'm telling you.

[A]

You got invited to wine night.

[C]

No, no, no. I'm gonna try to start, set up something. Yeah, yeah, no, not. There's not actually wine night yet.

[B]

So your move is you go to Pilates twice a week and afterwards you just hang out, get a coffee. These sweaty gals that were in your.

[C]

Class, there is some very respectable women there that are amazing to talk to.

[B]

I don't doubt it at all.

[A]

And also, they don't. They're not sweaty, Charlie. They glisten.

[B]

All right, I'm sweaty after Pilates. I've done it once.

[A]

You're a middle aged man. That makes sense.

[C]

Yeah. You know, I found that the 22 year olds at the bars with me they don't have much to talk about, and they're just. I'm after the conversation. I'm like, I just found out you're just really blonde and dumb.

[A]

This is like. This is like Stiffler's mom situation. All the younger gals just aren't interesting to you anymore.

[B]

She's just got so. These ladies have so much more world experience that. That can drive it, you know? Plus, you can hear at a bar. You can't eat. Let's talk about that. What are the benefits of an older woman versus a younger woman? Timmy. Tango.

[D]

Man.

[C]

Well, I mean, I feel like we're talking to the wrong guy. What was that guy's name?

[B]

We had him on.

[C]

You guys had him on last week. He was the 22 year old dating the 50 year old. I feel like we need to have a merge call. I need to take some notes from him.

[B]

Was that the Thanksgiving guy? Yeah.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Yep. I was just saying I want to figure out how that Thanksgiving went.

[C]

I do too.

[A]

All right. Something I just. I'm unable to move past until we address it. Was that a joke at the beginning or did you actually have a situation this morning?

[B]

Morning?

[C]

No, I was at Pilates this morning.

[A]

He made it sound like he had rolled over last night.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, no, that was. That Pilates. So.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And it. It's great because all the.

[A]

The.

[C]

I'm hoping it's not like a friend zone thing, but all the moms love me because I'm the only young guy in there. There's a few other guys, but I honestly think they might be kind of gay. I don't know. I'm hoping they don't think I'm the gay best friend. Hoping I'm not giving off that vibe, are they?

[A]

Charlie, let's role play. We're the. We're the gals at Pilates.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, I wonder if Timmy's gonna be here today.

[B]

Oh, my God. I love Timmy.

[A]

I love Timmy. He's just a sassy young man.

[B]

He is. He is.

[A]

He's fabulous.

[B]

You know who we should hook him up with? Carl, in your office. Carl.

[A]

I was thinking Carl. They would be a perfect match.

[B]

They would. Should do. Maybe he likes to get coffee every time after.

[A]

Maybe we should bring Carl to the class and they can hit it off.

[B]

Yeah, but let's. Let's suss him out first. Let's try to just talk to him and see if he would. If they'd be a good match.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So let's get coffee with him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then maybe we'll invite him out.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And then we can bring Carl so it's. It's not too awkward.

[A]

That would be great. All right, let's have a good pilates.

[B]

Cut to a week later.

[C]

I freaking hope not. I hope that not.

[A]

Hey, Timmy, this is our friend Carl. You're like, oh, how do I.

[C]

Okay, so if that does happen, how do I shut Carl down without being well?

[A]

How are the mom shutting you down?

[C]

Haven't got there yet. Hopefully it doesn't happen. Hopefully they don't have to shut Timmy down.

[A]

Don't talk in the third person, Timmy. That's the most Timmy thing I've ever heard.

[B]

Isn't Timmy a pseudonym too? Or is Timmy your real name? Timmy Tango.

[C]

That's my real name.

[B]

Okay. Okay. I thought you wanted to protect your identity.

[C]

I forget, did you just say a synonym or an alias?

[B]

I don't know, I forgot what I said, but I think it was the wrong word. Pseudonym.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pen name. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I mean, are you a little bit like a dog chasing his tail that if one of these moms actually does want to hook up, are you gonna, like, kind of panic and. And fold?

[C]

I. I hope not. I. I didn't. I didn't think I panicked and folded the first time.

[A]

There he is. Proven track record.

[B]

Also, these moms will not let them fold once they. They decide at this point. So Timmy Tango's just along for the ride.

[A]

What's funny, Charlie, is there's a group of them. Them that think that Timmy's gay, and then there's a group of them that are like, yeah, he clearly wants to sleep with us, but let's just let him flirt with us because it's kind of nice to feel something again because my husband hasn't flirted with me in years.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Timmy's. Watch out for service.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta watch out for that, Timmy. Well, it might just be their little play thing.

[B]

Yeah, we don't want you to get your heart broken over here, Timmy Tango.

[C]

Nope, nope. I don't want to get my heart broken. There's also quite a few just young 30 year old women that I don't think are moms that I think are single. So not opposed to that either. That's a little closer to the age range, but, yeah, I don't. I don't want to be used from these. These moms to just feel something again.

[A]

Timmy, I don't. I don't want you to be in the mindset of having a backup plan. All right?

[C]

That's right. Okay.

[A]

There's no going back. Don't say, hey, if it doesn't work out with these moms, yeah, I can just settle for a 24 year old.

[B]

Yeah, no, no, no.

[A]

We don't want that.

[B]

It's way too year in the. It's way too new in the. It's way too early in the new.

[A]

Year for you to be abandoning your resolutions.

[B]

Yes. And we know your resolution is four letters and that starts with an M and ends with an F. Yep.

[C]

Milf.

[B]

And it's got ill in the middle.

[C]

Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

[A]

So are you late? So it sounds like you're laying the groundwork right now. You're. You're building trust.

[C]

Yep. And. And I'm really getting to know these women. Like they're starting to open up, talk about some just personal things. And I don't know if it's just because I'm hanging around after like they, they. I'm not just awkwardly in the corner. I mean I'm in the conversation with them. But during coffee they're starting to open up so it. I'm getting on the in with them. So that way we can build off of that.

[A]

What is some wild. That's being thrown around in these coffee discussions?

[C]

Oh, I mean it's just. It's kind of weird hearing them talk about their high school kids. There's a few of them in college and they're like so much is talk and I'm. I'm like, I kind of feel bad. These could be my friends right now. What is.

[B]

That's.

[C]

I'm drinking beers with them and you're talking because we're drinking beers on a Friday night till 2 in the morning, then coming home to the house, you know? Yeah, it's just weird. It's just a weird dynamic of them shit talking their kids sometimes or their. Some of them shit talk their husbands. But I mean that's.

[A]

Yeah, that's. It's kind of interesting though, when she goes to Pilates.

[B]

No, but I mean, I mean like to be a fly on the wall for, for what moms say when we're at. Not around. Like what kind of talking are they doing about their kids? Timmy Tango.

[C]

Oh, I don't.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Not like just the one that's just kind of sticks out to me is just about the. His alcohol and how much he's at the bars every weekend. And I just kind of sit there like a fly on the wall and act like I'm not doing the same thing. I'm not out drinking beers with the boys. Every Friday night and shutting it down and then figuring out how we get home that night. I act like I'm better, but truly, deep down, I know I. Same. So you know, you live in a.

[B]

Double life, Timmy Tango. You're just out there killing it at the. At the bar, and then you're just sweating it off. And you think anyone can smell that alcohol on you over at Pilates? That's like burning it at both ends right there, too. Ship.

[C]

I hope not. I hope. I hope it's out of my system by Tuesday morning.

[A]

Yeah, I imagine that, like, his buddies are like, timmy, we're going out. And he's like, you know what, boys? I just. I don't know. I'm not feeling it. I got Pilates in the morning. They're like, what the.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's he. What's going on? You've changed, man. He's like, you know what? I don't know. There's just a group of gals at Pilates that I'm really close with, and they just kind of open my eyes that what we're doing is just kind of empty, you know?

[B]

What. What are you. Yeah, I don't.

[A]

You guys just wouldn't. You guys just wouldn't understand.

[B]

And then they're like, fine, stay.

[A]

He calls up, kara, can you come pick me up?

[B]

I just need someone to talk to right now. We just go to a Starbucks for a little bit.

[C]

Yeah, no, I'm. I'm just happy that I haven't seen any of my friends. Moms, because I know a few of them do go. And there's classes. I mean, there's like, three classes a day, five, six days a week.

[B]

Not that he's memorized the schedule or anything.

[C]

No, I mean, I'm just. I'm just glad I haven't ran into their moms, because then they'd be like, what are you doing here? And then I haven't. I've told one of my buddies that I'm doing this, but the other ones don't know. I'm scared. Do you think they'd care? Do you think they're gonna be mad if they find out or, like, give me some.

[B]

They already know. If you told one of your buddies, the rest of them. No.

[C]

Yeah, they don't talk too much behind my back. They'd probably just say it to my face.

[A]

And that's what I thought about my mom and tell you what you just told me about the Pilates, talking about their kids. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Hey. I mean, yeah. Yeah.

[B]

True. I don't think anyone's shit talking. I mean, we. If anyone's gonna shit talk to us, it would be. We would do it right to your face. We think it's hilarious.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, if you two. That's all I'm looking for, approval. I don't need my. The boys, they're just drunk ass.

[A]

They just don't get it, you know.

[C]

They haven't experienced the mom life yet like I have.

[A]

Yeah, you've made out with one mom. Let's.

[B]

Is it, though? Is it just one?

[C]

Yeah, it. Yeah, that I can think of. Yeah, just one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But he had that little taste, you know? Yeah, he had caviar one time, and now he's like, I can't go back to pizza.

[B]

That's like that. That's like. Like the little. The guy who puts the zen on top of the ant hill and then all the answers go up.

[A]

I will be their supreme leader in. All right, so you're laying the groundwork. What is the next move?

[C]

Haven't made it that far yet, boys.

[D]

Just.

[C]

Just been consistent. Consistency is key in these situations. I hear you. You gotta date your best friend. So I'm just trying to become good friends with these women so that I can get in on the inside. They feel safe with me. Then we move to the wine night. Like, Buddy, last week was saying when they. When the woman. When the mom gets wine in her, she gets crazy.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Just like him. I'm gonna be a respectable man and I'm gonna shut things down so they don't go too far and she doesn't regret anything.

[B]

No, that's smart. But the next day, then at Pilates, you can see if those feelings were legitimate.

[C]

And then we're going home to do cardio.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Straight to work. We don't take any time off after Pilates.

[B]

Timmy, you're a straight shooter, man. Very respectful.

[A]

Yeah, it won't be obvious to the. To the whole group. You're like, yeah, I'm not doing coffees today, lady. See ya. And then she's like, yeah, I'm not doing coffee today either. You guys leave.

[B]

They look. They. Yeah, so.

[C]

So like my. So if I. If that happens and my friends are around, they're like fist pumping like jacked because I just left with this mom. Do you think the other moms are happy for her?

[B]

Jealous.

[A]

Jealous.

[B]

Jealous. The fellas, too, are. There's some fellas in there that are jealous, but they're fist bumping anyway, you know, I'm sure. I'm sure you got a Mix of both. But Timmy, give yourself some credit, man. You're showing up to Pilates twice a week and you're a young, strapping, 23 year old guy. There's more than one mom in there thinking some. Some things about you. And some of them want to act, but they can't. And so I'm guessing there's going to be some jealousy going.

[A]

So you have to have kind of pinpointed one or two prospects that you're like, this is probably going to be my best, best chance here. Is that accurate?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

All right, how many of them are there?

[B]

Three.

[C]

Okay, so there's a good. It's just like high school all over again. You got your groups, you got the kind of really fit, like muscular chicks. I'm pretty sure they do cross. They've got to be lesbian too, so they're off. Not into that. Right. You got the. The ones that are very botoxy.

[B]

They just.

[C]

A lot of plastic surgery. I don't want all that. That comes with a lot of baggage. So I'm looking for more than natural. There's about three of them that are pretty natural that I haven't seen them with wedding rings on. So you're.

[A]

So you're a big, natural guy.

[C]

Yeah, and with a good personality. That's natural too.

[B]

Okay, okay, well, let's break it down.

[A]

What are the three gals that, you know, what do you like about each one of them?

[C]

Jenna, She's. She is. I mean, I probably shouldn't say. They're. Ah, you know what? Screw it. There's no way somebody's gonna find. There's probably multiple Jennas that go to Pilates.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're good.

[C]

Yeah. She's very genuine.

[A]

And these three women are confirmed not married.

[C]

I'm 90.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

I mean, I've had multiple conversations. 90.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, so what about, what do you like about Jenna?

[B]

She.

[C]

I mean, she's genuine. She acts like she's actually invested and cares about me. You know, you don't ever want to walk into a room and like, feel like somebody's just always talking about themselves. So she's asking questions about me, asking me how the weekend was. She just seems like she's interested in me. That's probably the number. My number one prospect. Number one recruit that I'm going for.

[A]

Five star. Five star recruit?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Blue chipper is what you're saying.

[C]

Yeah. Diamonds.

[A]

What's Jenna's best asset?

[C]

Her best asset? I Frick, boys, you're putting me on the spot. I know the Next one's best asset.

[B]

Well, hang on, hang on. Before we go to the next one, let's stick on Jenna for a second.

[A]

What do you want to know? What the next one's best asset and why?

[C]

Okay, we'll get to the next one in a sec.

[B]

What do you like about Jenna? What do you know about it?

[A]

It's her best asset.

[C]

I just. Her personality.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

Okay. Well, what do you know about her?

[C]

I know she works at a law firm.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

She drives a pretty nice Bronco. That's the other thing. She's like, pretty nice. Which could mean one of two things. I'm thinking since she works at a law firm, she can afford it, or she just comes with a lot of debt. Again, she's 45. Ish. I think. Think. I'm not trying to assume her age, but I'm sure she can afford and kind of live on her own. So I'm not trying to provide for this woman. If, if not, it's the other way around, you know?

[A]

There you go for a sugar mama.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, that's Gianna Lily. Her. I don't know much about her, but she is drop dead gorgeous. Just perfect. Like me. I have a dream, and that's the woman in that dream, you know?

[B]

What does she look like?

[A]

So what's her best asset?

[C]

Her best assets? Probably her boobs. I'm a straight shooter, boys. I told you, I don't know much about her. She's the number two prospect.

[A]

He's a big, natural guy.

[C]

Yeah, big natural guy. And I don't know, they might not be natural. They're that perfect. I wouldn't doubt it. She's. She's. If I had to guess, about 38, though, so.

[B]

Oh, okay. These aren't milfs, dude.

[A]

Well, if their mom, they are 38.

[C]

That's freaking milf Enough, Charlie.

[A]

You're confusing MILF and cougar Charlie.

[B]

Yeah, okay, okay.

[A]

But you're like, this is like a harsh reality for you.

[B]

I could have gone to high school with her, dude.

[A]

Yeah, this is a harsh reality for you. You're entering cougar territory.

[C]

Well, your age.

[B]

Yeah, I know, I know. I didn't realize cougars were my peers now.

[A]

All right, so girl gal number two is an absolute rocket and. Yeah, okay.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Girl number three. I mean, I don't, I, I, I. It could be a toss up, you know, like, like you were saying, Miles, we're, we're not shooting for plan B and C. I mean, hopefully not plan B. We're definitely not shooting for that.

[A]

Well, the 45 year old gal, you should be good on plan. Yeah, we should think you're gonna need that.

[B]

Oh, you never know.

[C]

That's a great. That's also another great conversation starter when I'm with these women is like, hey, have we hit that time? Are we through menopause? Do I have to worry about these?

[B]

That's.

[C]

I've heard that that is also a really good one to go with.

[B]

Yeah, lead with that one. Lead with that. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I think what you're looking for is probably pre menopause and not necessarily. I'm all the way through.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I usually ask the lesbian crossfitters that because I just don't really care about them. So I just piss them off, you know.

[B]

Oh my God, you're okay.

[C]

So yeah, that's where I'm at there.

[A]

So girl number three, you're like, yeah, that's just not gonna happen.

[C]

Yeah, I think she has a few kids that are my age. The other ones want. So one of them that I'm like, that could happen. She has like a 9 year old and I think she is divorced. I know she's divorced. So nine year old, that could be cool.

[A]

I mean, could be a dad. I mean like you can go fishing together and you know.

[C]

Yeah, that, that is where I'm like, I could be dad, you know, other like the, the one that, the other one that I'm thinking of. Her kids are like late high school. Those more are like drinking buddies here in a year.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

So I'm not so much dad to them.

[B]

I can't wait for the day when you invite some of these moms out to hang out, hang with your boys. When you combine your worlds, you know.

[C]

I don't know if we're combining those worlds, dude.

[B]

I think you should try, man.

[C]

Should we?

[B]

Yeah, I think you, you, you, you, you were selecting one as a partner, but you're selecting a couple as drinking buddies.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I think it could really open up the game with you and your fellows.

[C]

Okay, that could work.

[A]

So has any of these women alluded to that they are interested in you? Like other than just genuine conversation, has there been any sort of flirting going on?

[C]

You know, I'm terrible. I can't ever catch a sign. I, you know, I would like to, I would like to think so. But then there's been times at the bars where I'm like, dude, this chick's into me. And then my boys are like, like.

[B]

She'S the bartender, right?

[C]

Yeah, exactly. She's the bartender. Like she's just working for the tip. No, but I think so. I, I don't know yet, though. It, like I said, it's still a little fresh. I would like to think there's, there's some that are interested and flirty, but I don't know if that's just because they're being friendly with the, the kid that's their son's age and they think it's funny that I'm there or not, you know?

[B]

Yeah. What do you think they say about you when you're not there?

[C]

Oh, I probably just how big my biceps are and how good looking I am and that I'm just, I, I'm kind of a, one of a kind because you don't see very many kids like me.

[B]

Super humble.

[C]

Yeah, that nice.

[A]

And he's comfortable in his masculinity. That he's going to Pilates with a bunch of women.

[C]

Exactly. Exactly. So yeah. Yeah. I, I, I mean that's, that's kind of where I'm at now. I don't have much more.

[A]

Okay, so the next plan is to, to get an invite to wine night.

[C]

Yep. And maybe I initiate wine night.

[A]

Yes, I would love if you initiate.

[B]

If you initiate wine night. Bellied up will cover the wine?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. We will. Miles will Venmo.

[A]

You're gonna have expensive taste. So we're, and we're still willing to do it?

[B]

Yeah, we are. We are not afraid to fund the barefoot. We're not afraid at all.

[A]

The, the Josh wine.

[B]

The Josh wine.

[A]

The, the.

[B]

What's the stuff that comes in the box?

[A]

Franzia.

[B]

Franzia.

[C]

23 years old. I used to drink Coors Light. So I don't know anything that you're saying right now.

[B]

No, we're, we're, that's the next thing.

[A]

Dude. Wines, that could be your end, dude. You're like. So I heard you guys talking about wine. I am obviously pretty new to this whole thing. I'm really interested in getting it a wine. Do you think you guys could help me out?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that the end?

[B]

Go fishing for it. Get there, get their recommendations.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And, and then, and then you could. Oh, we should maybe have a wine night. I don't know. One of these.

[A]

Do you guys do wine night? Like, how do you know so much about wine? You know, something like that?

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just so we don't have to fund this. Just fish around first so you can get the invite and then if that doesn't work, we'll we'll do that. All right, so poke around in there. Just. Just ask the one you like the most if she's into wine.

[C]

Okay, fair enough.

[B]

Yeah, that'll work.

[C]

I think that's. I was. That's what I was gonna ask. My next question was, how do I. How do I get the invite? But I think you guys just answered that before I asked.

[A]

Yeah, don't try and get invited. Just be curious about wine and then let it unfold.

[B]

Yeah, you should watch. Watch one YouTube video on wine, and that should give you enough to pull from, I think. Okay.

[A]

Legs, Tannins.

[B]

Tannins. Palette. Yep.

[A]

Finishes. Yeah.

[B]

Let's see here. What else? The right glass body. Right? There's a. Yeah, full body. Just don't get weird with it and say, like, hey, how do you know if you like legs or something? You know what I mean? Don't just choose your words carefully.

[A]

Also, wine is a very flirty drink. You know, you could be like, you're at the wine night, Charlie. You're like, wow. Wow, I really like the legs on this wine.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you can. A lot of innuendos. Is that what you're saying?

[A]

This wine must work out quite a bit. The legs on this thing that.

[B]

I can see this going, so. Right.

[A]

I can tell you this. This wine has got an absolutely full body.

[B]

Yeah, you're going full anchor man with this.

[A]

I cannot wait until I see how this wine finishes, you know?

[B]

Damn, you're on it. It's almost like you've done this before, Miles.

[A]

No, I haven't, but I don't know.

[B]

Every time we go out with Penn, you really like the wine. Miles got a. Miles and I, we. We've done a few shoots with Penn Holderness, who's a big wine guy, and Miles.

[A]

I'm just fascinated by people who know a lot about wine or at least appear to know a lot about wine. I know.

[B]

I get jealous of Penny because Miles just turns all his attention toward Penn every time Pen's around and just doesn't talk to me at all.

[A]

Oh, God. I talk to you enough now.

[B]

That's. That's. That's true, actually. And by the way, what do you.

[A]

Think of that plan? Try that. Sorry. Wrap that up. You didn't try that plan.

[C]

You know, the. Which plan? You guys just went on about four different things.

[A]

The legs and full body and finishing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Basically, just find all the different sexual jokes I can make out of wine, but they're not.

[A]

So. They're not jokes. They're induendos.

[B]

They're innuendos, Miles, not induendo.

[A]

Sorry, I just got the wrong thing.

[B]

On my brain, you know, doing an innuendo about innuendo.

[A]

He's a doer, not a donor.

[B]

All right, Charlie, I'm gonna advise against Miles's tactic there.

[C]

No, I'm not. I'm. I'm not. You know, I'm 22 years old. How could I be against it like that? That's right up my alley of all those innuendos.

[B]

Well, I tried.

[A]

How you accomplish that is just by longer than normal eye contact when you deliver the line. And that's going to tell you everything you need to know. Either I abort this plan, or. Yeah, let's. Let's go to step two.

[B]

I'm trying to actually make this work, so I'm going to give you another work.

[A]

Dude, older gals love soap operas. It's very, so very soap opera, you know? Yeah, it's like an episode of the Young and Restless, you know, and you could be that young and restless.

[C]

Oh, I'm. I am that young restless. I'm just waiting for the one to see that.

[A]

And then she can be the bold and the beautiful, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so maybe start practicing a little bit. Why don't you get yourself a starter bottle of wine and spend the night just watching one episode of Young and Restless? See how far you make it.

[A]

And I think to put the icing on the cake, when you inevitably end up at wine night and this is your plan, you have to we a mock turtleneck.

[B]

Oh, you definitely have to wear a turtleneck with a chain outside.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it's got to be tucked into your jeans with a belt.

[C]

Okay, I got. I got the picture in my head. I should be good. There's no. There's literally no failure with this plan.

[B]

How could it go wrong?

[A]

You know, like, Charlie, we give a lot of advice in this podcast, and most of the time, you can sense from the person we're talking to that they're not getting going to do said advice. I am getting a little bit of a vibe that this, like, he may follow this step by step.

[B]

Timmy Tango is a doer. I mean, the fact that he is doing two. Two classes a week. Two Pilates classes a week. This guy is doing for the commitment. We're proud of you. And. Yeah, I can't wait to see what happens here. Timmy Tango.

[C]

I fully intend to do it. I'm not. I. You guys are my teachers right now.

[A]

Are you gonna go full mock turtle now?

[B]

Neck.

[C]

All right, maybe not that part. We'll see. We'll see. But I fully intend to do most of what you're saying.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right. Yeah.

[A]

Well.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Go ahead, Charlie.

[B]

No, I just say I want. We want updates.

[C]

I. I. Trust me. I'll call you with updates. You know, I was just. I was getting ready to text Jared and tell him, and then he texted me yesterday, and I was like. At first, I was like, who the frick is texting me to call me? I honestly thought it might have been one of the pilates moms at first.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

He got a little excited.

[C]

I'm like, I have conversation with. And I was like, oh, it's Jared. It's my boy Jarrett. And then kind of killed the vibe first.

[B]

Don't sound too disappointed.

[C]

Oh, no, it was good. It was good.

[A]

Jared, the official boner killer. Yeah. Blue balls, cock blocker.

[B]

My bad.

[C]

But no, I was getting ready to text you guys when this. When I got a little bit more into this routine of twice a week Pilates and it. But, you know, we'll see what happens now after wine night. Hopefully I get successful there. And then I'll. I'll call back in and we'll get this updated for Timmy Tango's part three.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[D]

I love it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, good luck, man. You are now on a journey. There's kind of no turning back.

[C]

I feel like I am. So. Yeah, I. I feel like I'm not even interested in the girls my age anymore. Once you get the maturity level of a. Of a woman. Not a. Not a young woman, but a woman, you know, a real woman, you just. All the other girls are. That ain't it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You've been bitten by the bug and you're biting back.

[A]

All the young gals are just a postcard from Paris when you've seen the real thing. Yep.

[B]

And you. You know, the natural thing that happens after that, too. I'm sure you've seen it. Is they just want you even more.

[C]

Yep. Seen that for sure.

[B]

Once they know, they can't have you.

[C]

I had this girl on New Year's that.

[B]

She was good.

[C]

New Year's kiss. She was pretty. I'm not gonna lie. But she. I. I just wasn't into it, you know, I wanted the moms, and she. I gave her. Her and her friends. I was dd and so I gave them a ride home and dropped her off, walked her to the door, and she gave me the old. You want to come in for an apartment tour? And I was like, well, sure. I'll see the apartment, walk in and wasn't. I didn't know what was gonna. I mean, I'm figuring what she wants, right? And I walk in and I. I went to look around and I see that her oven. She was telling me earlier about how she cooks pizza before she goes to the bar so when she gets home she can eat. Look over in her ovens that sitting at 400 degrees. And I was like, see, this is why, like, if I. If I bring these girls home, they're gonna burn my house. If I bring my mom home, she's gonna cook me the best damn meal I've ever had after the bars, like priority. So I, I looked at her and I said, I'm pretty sure it's not 4 in the morning. And she's like, no, it's 2:15. And I said, why does your oven say 4 in the morning? Then she's like, I think I left it on. Basically just said, nice apartment. I'm out of here. Joe.

[B]

It was pretty too hot. Too hot. You had to, you had to turn it down. Yeah.

[A]

You forgot to change your clock after daylight savings.

[C]

Daylight savings four months ago. Yeah, but, yeah, so I like it. I like the plan. I'll let you guys know here in a month or two how it's going. We should be invested. Either the plan should be going perfectly at that point, or it's going to be a bust and we're going to have to. To figure out a new plan.

[B]

Well, we're here for whatever way we need to recalibrate it. Okay. Perfect. All right. Perfect.

[C]

Thanks, boys.

[A]

Good talking to you.

[B]

Timmy, Timmy.

[C]

It's always a pleasure talking to you boys. I love it.

[B]

Pleasure's all ours.

[C]

Oh, stop it, Charlie.

[B]

No, it is.

[C]

I just have. I. I hate to do it. I do enjoy you guys both, but I have to do it. How about them bears, Charlie?

[B]

You want Timmy?

[C]

Timmy.

[B]

Timmy.

[A]

It's going so good.

[B]

Yeah, we were having a nice thing and I knew where you're going, but.

[C]

I don't have to. I'm sorry.

[B]

That's fine. You just got one last bottle of wine at Wine Night. Timmy.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Got one less bottle, one more box. Okay.

[C]

Miles will sign the other check. He'll be good.

[A]

Yeah, if you keep that up, I'll get you any wine you want.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Hey, that reminds me real quick. Last thing. I always find it funny when at the end of these calls, these guys are sometimes gals too. They're like, oh, yeah, Charlie, I. I see you're coming around. My part of the world here soon. And then they're like, oh, yeah, I guess I just haven't got around to getting tickets yet. Like, come on. Karen just asked for Charlie for free tickets.

[B]

Miles is 70 away.

[C]

Stop beating around the bush.

[B]

Damn. Does that happen?

[C]

You guys have caught on to that.

[B]

Does that happen? I wouldn't know. I would. Usually I offer them, don't I?

[A]

No, they're. They're what? He says they're fading you into it, Charlie. So next. All right, so next time. I like this next time someone starts talking about the show they want to go, but they haven't bought tickets. Don't offer them up. See how long they'll go before asking.

[B]

This really plays into my new year's resolution, which is to be less of a people pleaser.

[A]

Yeah. Now, can you make an amendment to that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And just add like. But you need to be more of a people pleaser to me.

[B]

That's funny. The funny thing about people pleaser is you're just more of a people pleaser to the people you know the least. You know?

[A]

Yeah. I wish you please the people you know the best.

[B]

Yeah. Well, the less time I have to please randos, the more time I have to please you, Miles.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

If you please me a lot more in 20. 26.

[C]

6.

[B]

I will be pleasing you. And Timmy, Timmy tango is going to be Timmy tangling it up with a few.

[A]

Hey, if you. If you can get. If. If this can be a successful thing, you're going to be no longer Timmy tango. You're going to be Timmy tangled.

[C]

Tangled. I like it.

[B]

Timmy and tangleman.

[A]

Timmy entangled in the moms from blood.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah, I know. What?

[A]

All right, Timmy.

[C]

All right, Miles, Charlie, it was good talking to you. And you guys have a good one. We'll talk to you here in a few months.

[B]

Sounds good, Timmy. You know, if he keeps hanging with these moms, he's gonna have to go to Timothy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know how long Timmy's gonna work with the mom game. You know, I hope he's not introducing himself as Timmy.

[A]

Also, I love how he's like, yeah, there's no. There's a lot of Jennas that go. And it's like, okay, but if they just listen to the episode you describe described that Jenna's exact situation.

[B]

Right. Her car and everything. So I don't know that we have a huge audience in the pilates world.

[A]

You never know.

[B]

But count on Timmy to start having a couple wines and start chit chatting.

[A]

Talking about a podcast he listens to. And then they listen.

[B]

They listen to it, and then they realize Timmy's had a plan.

[A]

Could move up the timeline. If Jenna finds this podcast and then we can get her on and get her son side of the story.

[B]

That would be wonderful. Jenna, if you're out there, love to.

[A]

Chat with you about this.

[B]

Yeah, call us from your bronco. All right.

[A]

Is that it, Jared? All right, guys. Well, another great episode in the books.

[B]

Yeah, wonderful episode. Super fun. It's great being with you here. Miles. I'm gonna have to try that Old Fashioned. Oh, yeah, you betcha. Old Fashioned. I'm gonna try that next here at the Cleveland pub, New Berlin. New Berlin.

[A]

All right, guys, well, thanks for tuning in, and we'll see you next one. And remember to what, Charlie.

[B]

Miles, you always want to tip your bartender.

[A]

See you in the next one.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now.

[A]

Toodaloo.