Bellied Up Podcast Ep. 174: "Top 5 Ways To Get Out Of The Midwest Goodbye"

November 6, 2025
Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles “You Betcha Guy”

Overview: Midwest Goodbyes, Small-Town Bars, and Wild Callers

In classic Bellied Up fashion, Charlie and Myles belly up at a small-town bar and dive into the phenomenon of the Midwest Goodbye. Laughter and live callers abound as the duo attempts to crack the code of ending conversations in the heartland, all while sharing personal stories, teasing each other, and offering advice to their colorful Midwest community.

1. Opening Banter & Oklahoma in the Midwest (00:00–09:47)

Key Points:

• The show starts with a comedic back-and-forth about gym routines and Charlie’s failed arm-wrestling prowess.
• Charlie pitches the idea that Oklahoma should be inducted into "the Midwest"—prompted by his tales of kindness and Packers fandom in Oklahoma.
• Relates a drunken adventure with a hospitable family at an Oklahoma casino, complete with free jello shots and unexpected Midwestern camaraderie.

Notable Quotes:

• “He offered me a ride. And at this point, I had a decision to make, Miles. I just met this man... Could be a serial killer.” — Charlie (02:26)
• “If you're a serial killer, you're not going to kill me on Packers Sunday with your mom.” — Charlie (02:40)
• “We had such a great time. ...This fellow's mom could drink me under the table.” — Charlie (03:23)

Memorable Moment:
Charlie’s heartfelt wish that those casino friends hear this episode and show up at his (no longer current) address for some lake-frozen perch (08:13).

2. Tales of Drunken Strangers & Faux Midwest Goodbyes (09:47–14:49)

Key Points:

• Charlie and Myles riff on the magic of Midwest bar friendships that exist for one night only.
• They swap hitchhiking/ride-sharing stories—Charlie’s anxious ride from St. Paul, MN, to Madison, WI, via a stranger's work truck stands out.

Quotes:

• “If you're in a scenario where you got to thumb it, it's still hitchhiking.” — Myles (12:32)
• “The speed of the vehicle corresponded to the topic of conversation... [He was] driving with their emotions and that's not really how you want it done.” — Charlie (14:05)

3. Live Caller: Josh (16:08–45:12)

Josh, The HVAC Inside Salesman, Needs Help

• On the Front Lines of Midwest Conversation

• Josh from Kalamazoo, MI, works inside sales for HVAC wholesale—a job made tough by endless “Midwest goodbyes.”
• He laments how customers, especially retirees, won't let him off the phone: “There are usually five words that a person will say, and that's how you know you're in the Midwest goodbye: 'Oh, did you hear...?'” (22:29)

• The "Top 5 Ways to Get Out of a Midwest Goodbye" (24:03–30:00)

1. Making up obligations:
   “Grandma fell down the stairs again. I gotta jet.” (24:29)
2. Explicit illness (like diarrhea):
   “No one wants the guy who announces he’s gotta go diarrhea.” — Myles (25:01)
3. Out-boring them:
   “If you give ‘em such a long, drawn out, boring story, they’ll never hang with you again in the Midwest goodbye.” — Charlie (26:21)
4. Pull the fire alarm (find a physical escape):
   “Find out where it is and get a buddy…” (27:09)
5. Invade personal space (close talker technique):
   “If you go in that bubble, they’re not gonna like that.” — Myles (28:07)

Runner-ups:

• Invite awkward questions (“Been to the doctor lately?”), or invite someone to a drag show: “That’s the number one way to get an old farmer Midwest guy to just clam up and want to get out of there as fast as possible.” — Myles (29:25)

• Bonus Tangents:

• Midwesterners' hangup about making/faking licenses to get HVAC parts.
• The joys and difficulties of inside sales versus cold-calling.
• Extended riff on church tithing vs. indulgences, leading to a rambunctious Google debate (32:10–34:41).
• Importance of changing your HVAC air filter every “three months… or three days if you got a cat.” Comedic urgency:
  “That's my mission in life.” — Myles (42:01)

4. Live Caller: Timmy Tango—Adventures in Mom-Flirting (49:34–71:16)

Timmy’s (mis)adventures at a Cody Johnson Concert

Scenario:

• Timmy, tipsy at a Cody Johnson concert in Spokane, flirts with an older woman sitting alone.
• After some mutual interest and mild PDA, she reveals she's married—“no tongue!”—flashing a massive wedding ring (54:57).
  • “That's kind of… never heard that before as you start to kiss a girl… She goes, 'We can't use tongue. I'm married.'” — Timmy (55:01)

Comic Fallout:

• Her friend appears, says, “You know what happens here stays here, right?” (56:17)
• Timmy's own friends troll her with, “Did he tell you he was 17, by the way?”—giving her a shock (57:22)
• Timmy leaves, feeling guilty, seeking reassurance from Charlie & Myles.

Hosts’ Reassurance:

• “You didn't know. You didn't do anything wrong.” — Charlie (58:51)
• “If that's the worst thing you do in your life, you have a pretty good life.” — Myles (61:23)

Spinoff: The Timmy Tango Chronicles

• The guys joke he should become a recurring guest: “I feel like I need, like, a once a month Timmy Tango segment on this podcast.” — Myles (66:41)
• Timmy teases an even crazier story: "Next month... a trio of sisters."
• Nickname bestowed: “Timmy Tangos” (66:19)

5. Running Gags, Callbacks & Midwestisms

• Endless riffs on Midwestern politeness, awkwardness, and escapism.
• Recurrent callback: “Well, I suppose we better get going…” as their own on-air Midwest goodbye (throughout; see 43:17, 44:50).
• Shoutout to the show’s silent hero, producer Jared (71:21–72:20); the hosts honor him with a “Jared Appreciation” roast and “Jared Ships” toast.

6. Notable Quotes: (Speaker Attribution & Timestamps)

• "The Midwest goodbye is all hunky-dory until you’re a salesperson and time is money."
 — Myles (22:12)
• "If you're in a scenario where you got to thumb it, it's still hitchhiking." — Myles (12:32)
• “I didn't think he did until you’re getting so defensive about it [diarrhea], but…” — Charlie (25:27)
• "Maybe somewhere out there they hear this and they go, you know, I remember that. That was Charlie, and he offered me a free bag of perch…” — Charlie (08:13)
• “If you take over the Midwest goodbye… he’s gonna go, ‘Jeez, I can't get caught with that guy again.’” — Charlie (26:41)
• “What’s too crazy? When they start asking you for your money.” — Josh (40:16)
• “Timmy likes mommy. Well, kinda. She was cute.” — Timmy (50:55)
• “She kind of leans away and goes, ‘Hold up. We can't use tongue.’” — Timmy (55:03)

7. Episode Structure & Flow

• Opening: Casual banter & regionally-themed stories.
• Midsection: Caller Josh, Midwest Goodbye strategies, HVAC tangents, faith chat, and community living.
• Second Call-In: Timmy Tango’s wild concert night, goading for stories, and nicknaming/guidance from the hosts.
• Close: Goodbyes, Jared appreciation, in-jokes, and classic Midwest sign-offs.

8. Useful for Non-Listeners

• The episode is a fast-paced, laughter-heavy deep dive into Midwest quirks, bar culture, and communal storytelling.
• Advice is both practical and tongue-in-cheek—anyone seeking to “escape” a Midwestern goodbye will find tips (and a preview of Midwestern politeness).
• The show’s natural, friendly, jocular tone shines, making it easy to jump in even without prior knowledge.

9. Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Time | |---------------------------------------------|--------------| | Oklahoma = Midwest? | 00:38–09:47 | | Bar friendships & Hitchhiking Tales | 09:47–14:49 | | CALL: Josh—Midwest Goodbye & Sales Life | 16:08–45:12 | | Top 5 Ways to Escape the Midwest Goodbye | 24:03–30:00 | | Church Contributions: Indulgence/Tithing Debate | 32:10–34:41 | | CALL: Timmy Tangos—Adventures with Moms | 49:34–71:16 | | Midwest Goodbye Gags & Jared Appreciation | 71:21–72:20 |

Tone:
Playful, dryly sarcastic, warm, with a strong sense of regional pride and self-deprecating Midwestern humor. Conversations flow like bar banter—tangents, callback gags, and sincere advice amidst the jokes.

In Short:

This episode is a masterclass in Midwest culture, centered around outsmarting the region’s most persistent social ritual: the never-ending goodbye. Through outrageous stories, heartfelt calls, and a rotating cast of barroom personalities, Charlie and Myles create a lovable, laugh-out-loud tribute to Midwest life.