Nicole Champions Underripe Persimmons

Summary

Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata

Episode: "Nicole Champions Underripe Persimmons"

Release Date: December 10, 2025
Podcast Network: Headgum

---

Episode Overview

In this spirited episode, Nicole and Sasheer invite listeners into another warm, funny, and meandering exploration of friendship, quirks, and everyday predicaments. From holiday season habits to unripened fruit confessions, navigating public spaces, and epic tales of pretending to be someone you’re not, the besties keep the conversation lively, confessional, and full of sharp observations. They answer listener questions, unearth delightful tangents (including why Nicole is eating green persimmons), and get candid about everything from workplace dynamics to airplane pet peeves.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Music, Rhythm, and Not Knowing Lyrics

• Nicole confesses her lack of rhythm and inability to remember full song lyrics, even for Beyoncé songs, much to Sasheer’s gentle amazement.
  • “I really don't think I know a song front to back.” (09:42 – Nicole)
• For Nicole, lyrics are subordinate to the “beats”:
  • "The lyrics are very, like, it truly could be like, peepee poo poo. … I like the beats.” (10:32 – Nicole)
• The duo gets nostalgic for musical trends—Nicole misses pop songs with genre-blending (specifically Indian music influences).

2. Viral Moments and Sneaking on Stage

• Chat about celebrity security, referencing a man ("serial doer") who jumped a barricade at a premiere.
  • “Why isn't he banned from events? … Doing it is crazy.” (03:48 – Nicole)
• Both joke about elaborate ways to try to meet Beyoncé, with Nicole outlining an (absurd) plan of pretending to be a backup dancer.

3. Holiday Gifts, Rituals & Adulting

• Both hosts reflect on how the meaning of holiday gifting shifts with age:
  • “If I want it, I’ll just get it.” (08:17 – Sasheer)
  • “I just want fat, nasty laughs and good times.” (08:43 – Nicole)
• Nicole admits she occasionally misses having a roommate (John), especially for "man things" like firing up her fireplace.

4. The Apple Segment: Cult of the Lucy Glow

• Nicole is obsessed with a new apple variety at Sprouts, originally misnaming it the “Lucy Liu” and then correcting to “Lucy Glow.”
  • “A new apple just dropped. … It’s like pink on the inside and apparently it tastes like strawberry lemonade.” (14:23 – Nicole)
• Playful debate on whether new apples are naturally occurring or “bred”.

Memorable Exchange:

• Nicole, after being teased: “The way you said that. … I cannot believe I was judged so harshly ... to get an apple.” (16:04)
• Sasheer: “That wasn’t a judgmental…” (16:05)

5. Stealing Persimmons & Unusual Food Preferences

• Nicole has been eating green, underripe persimmons claimed from a neighbor’s tree (“they be crunching. ... They're so hard. And I love them.” – 19:09).
• Sasheer recoils at the idea, stating they should be “definitely orange” and soft.
  • “They shouldn’t be hard.” (19:15 – Sasheer)
• Both marvel over the varied reactions Nicole has received from others about her crunchy persimmon habit.

6. The Great Toilet Paper Heist

• Nicole’s long-standing tradition of taking extra hotel toilet paper is reaffirmed.
  • “I’m always stealing. ... I’m not paying for toilet paper.” (25:46, 29:19 – Nicole)
• Discussion on the merits of soft vs. rough toilet paper and surprise that it’s bleached:
  • “They bleach toilet paper?” (27:33 – Nicole)
  • Ali, the producer, confirms: “The bleaching process is more than aesthetic. It removes the substance lignin, which softens the paper.” (29:00)

7. Victorian Bathrooms and Bodily Functions

• Entertaining chat about historical hygiene, chamber pots, and the horror of human waste being tossed onto the streets.
  • “Imagine walking and a piece of [bleep] hitting you.” (31:11 – Nicole)
• Nicole shudders at the thought of life in the Victorian era: “I don’t think I would do good back then…this is nasty.” (31:21)

8. Biopics & TV/Film Preferences

• Visits to “must-see TV,” including the Michael Jackson biopic, Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, and more.
• Nicole and Sasheer trade impressions of iconic Breaking Bad lines (“I am the one who knocks”).

9. Personal Hygiene, Handshakes, and Hugging Strangers

• Nicole explains her aversion to handshakes, citing concerns about germs and people’s potential “butt-digging.”
  • “You don’t know what people be doing. Digging in their nose, digging their butts, like, fingering their toes.” (36:07 – Nicole)
• She prefers hugs, reasoning contact with clothing is less icky than hand-to-hand.

10. Working from Home, Social Needs & Four-Day Work Weeks

• Nicole shares a “boomer” take: not everyone should work from home, community/fellowship at work is important.
  • “I don’t think everyone should work from home… I think it should be hybrid.” (39:06 – Nicole)
• Tangent about Utah’s four-day work week experiment; they can’t imagine government offices like “dry cleaning” being closed Fridays.

11. Impostor Jobs

• Nicole and Sasheer riff on jobs they’d love to pretend to do: Nicole would like to be a flight attendant; Sasheer, a co-pilot.
  • “I could read the little pamphlet and tell you where the exits are.” (55:02 – Nicole)
• The discussion snowballs into airplane safety protocols, the matter of “exit row responsibility,” and Nicole’s conviction that she’d be the only survivor in a plane crash—which would leave her “so sad and haunted.” (55:54–57:10)

12. Listener Questions & Friendship Advice (60:01+)

Mental Moochers (61:04)

• A listener asks how to help her friend (“Bertha”) set boundaries with friends who rely on her for all social planning.
  • Advice: Suggest assigning tasks, explicit communication (“Hey, you decide”), or planning logistics together in person.
  • “I think Bertha just needs to ask them to participate, because otherwise they…don’t think they have to.” (65:11 – Nicole)

Personal Space on Sidewalks (66:05)

• Another listener asks about standing her ground with sidewalk-hogging groups.
  • Nicole’s approach: Don’t move! “I will walk into people. And I steady the arm, because you’re not gonna knock me down.” (67:51)
  • Sasheer suggests sprinting straight at them for comedic effect.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “I like watching someone be somebody else. … It’s crazy because you’re playing a person that was once alive.” (07:09 – Nicole)
• “I just want fat, nasty laughs and good times. … That is the gift.” (08:54 – Nicole)
• “Nobody likes celery.” (16:39 – Nicole)
• “I’ve been eating them…they be crunching. They’re so hard. And I love them.” (19:09 – Nicole, on green persimmons)
• “I’m not paying for toilet paper. Ever!” (29:19 – Nicole)
• “They bleach toilet paper?” (27:33 – Nicole)
• “Imagine walking and a piece of [bleep] hitting you.” (31:11 – Nicole, on Victorian chamber pot disposal)
• “I don’t enjoy a weak handshake… but I don’t really shake hands.” (35:25 – Nicole)
• “If you’re three people deep, you have to move.” (68:03 – Nicole, on sidewalk space)

---

Episode Structure & Segments

• Holiday & Gift Talk (08:01–10:44): Shifting adult perspectives on gift-giving.
• Apple Hype (14:09–18:05): Lucy Glow apple origin story, fruit preferences.
• Best Friends’ Bizarre Habits (25:03–30:00): Toilet paper theft, rough vs. soft, and why bleaching exists.
• Hygiene Through History (29:31–32:29): Victorian sanitation and the horrors of the pre-plumbing world.
• TV & Media Chatter (32:29–35:55): Iconic lines, mean protagonists, and binge-watching old series.
• Airplane Insight (55:02–59:58): In-depth on flight roles, exit row obligations, and crash survivor fantasies.
• Listener Q&A (60:01–69:55): Tackling mental moochers, sidewalk etiquette, and personal space.

---

Tone & Style

The tone remains refreshingly candid and playful, with Nicole’s irreverence and Sasheer’s measured wit bouncing off each other. The banter is effortless, breaking into song, using vivid analogies, and frequently pulling producer Ali Khan into their search for answers. Even the most mundane topics are mined for humor and unexpected insight.

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is a classic example of why Nicole and Sasheer have such devoted listeners: their friendship is the show, with every tangent, inside joke, and offbeat passion made relatable and laugh-worthy. Whether you’re in the mood for holiday shop talk, fruit debates, tales of imposter professionals, or real nuanced friendship advice, "Nicole Champions Underripe Persimmons” delivers it all:

“I will walk into people. And I steady the arm because you’re not gonna knock me down.”
—Nicole Byer (67:51)

---

For more episodes, subscribe to Best Friends on all major platforms. New episodes every Wednesday!

Transcript

[Nicole Byer]

The countdown is on. Holiday shopping season is officially here. Uncommon Goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high quality finds you won't see anywhere else. Don't wait. The most meaningful gifts get scooped up fast and now's the perfect time to cross names off your list. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the U.S. many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses, making every gift feel meaningful and truly one of a kind. You know what? I was scrolling on the site and I said this is delicious and delightful. It was a sweater with a little dog embroidered on it. I said arf arf. Uncommon Goods has something for everyone. From moms and dads to kids and teens, from book lovers, history buffs and die hard football fans to foodies, mixologists and avid gardeners. You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. When you shop at Uncommon Goods, you're supporting artists and small independent businesses. Many of their handcrafted products are made in small batches, so shop now before they sell out this holiday season. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a non profit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date, so don't wait.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

Cross those names off your list before the rush. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com Best Friends. That's UncommonGoods.com BestFriends for 15% off. Uncommon Goods were all out of the ordinary. Quick choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal, each with its own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices of participation may vary. Not Valder McD delivery.

[Sasheer Zamata]

S to the A to the S.

[Nicole Byer]

To the H to the E E2E's R SA sheer.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Man, I really wish I could hear the song you had in your head because I was not getting it. I was like, oh, the rhythm's changing.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't understand rhythm.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't understand songs.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

What do you want to say? No, I know.

[Nicole Byer]

It was just. I think it was the like the hardcore sympathy that you had was really funny and a little jarring. It felt like you were like really sad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm holding space for you.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh boy. I wonder if we're gonna get more. They're not doing as much press for Wicked 2.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I guess they're not doing as many interviews, but they're doing things. I mean, something just happened recently where this man. I guess it was a premiere. He jumped the.

[Nicole Byer]

He's a serial doer.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He is a serial doer. A man jumped over the the barricade to hug Ariana at some premiere, and then Cynthia push. Pushed him out of the way. She got real defensive real fast. Was quicker than the security guards.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. Because they're each other's keeper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's true.

[Nicole Byer]

You know, they might be. They might have differences in the movie, but in real life. Oh, they're really together. Yeah. That man has, like, run up on stage with, like, Katy Perry the weekend soccer games. What is. What is that? Mental illness?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe it's just like, I, I. He does it because he can. It's like I figured out how to find the open spots where security's not looking and gets off on doing that. But I'm also like, for what? Yeah, for what gain? But also, why isn't he getting any consequences?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, why isn't he banned from events? Why isn't his picture up? Yeah, don't let him come. I know. I feel like it's one thing to be like, oh, what if? But, like, doing it is crazy. Like, my plan to get to Beyonce. What's your plan? Dress up as one of the backup dancers and then go downstairs where they.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Go and then be like, hi, Beyonce. Just saying hi.

[Nicole Byer]

Hi.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And then you go back to the audience. All right, now I'm gonna see you perform more.

[Nicole Byer]

Although I do think it would be really funny to try to do the.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Choreography.

Just to get closer. Yeah, just like. Like something's moving.

[Nicole Byer]

They're like, that one's bad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like, is that, like, part of the art? Is it message here?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, it's like that man in the. I think it's Thriller or Beat it video, there's a man who can't dance.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I missed that. Like, he's, like, in, like, in the line with the backup.

[Nicole Byer]

He's in the music video, and he is just off. Oh, no.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What happened?

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I wonder if he was, like, someone's friend, maybe.

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like there is a story behind it. Allie, do you mind looking up Bad backup dancer for Michael Jackson? Why he there?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Why he there?

[Nicole Byer]

Why he there?

[Sasheer Zamata]

We watched someone sneak on stage at Ashley Simpson's show in Vegas. Do you remember when she. It was like, she's like, all my boys come up Here. And I guess there was like, you know, prearranged people from the audience that knew they were gonna go on stage. And then one person was like, I'm just also gonna go on stage.

[Nicole Byer]

And then. Didn't do the. He didn't participate in what everybody else was doing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Cause I think he was scared that he'd be caught or maybe because he.

[Nicole Byer]

Was just kind of like dancing alone and distant from everybody else and, like, posing by himself. Oh, yeah. So then we met him after. He was like, I snuck up there.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, yes. We're like, yeah, we saw.

[Ali Khan]

I'm not finding anything about this guy.

[Nicole Byer]

In Michael Jackson video.

I swear to God. It's a thing. There's like a man. I think it's in Beat it or Thriller. No, Thrillers.

[Sasheer Zamata]

There's too many dances in Thriller to notice.

[Nicole Byer]

He's wearing a red jacket.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's probably not bad.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, is it bad?

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, maybe it's Beat it, but it's.

[Nicole Byer]

Like they're doing that and he's doing a bad job of it.

This is crazy that you can't find it now. It feels like I've made it up.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, I believe you.

[Ali Khan]

It's just.

[Nicole Byer]

It's that. Believe you didn't feel like she believed me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, no, I. I believe you. No.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, it.

[Ali Khan]

I see what looks like a screenshot of what you're talking about. That's a tick tock saying, like, this is a bad dancer of Michael Jackson. Or like. But then when I click on it, it just takes me to tick tock Discover. Oh, so it's like I'm at a weird.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, maybe they deleted the video trying to cover it up.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The dancer found that creator. I was like, take this off the.

[Nicole Byer]

Take it off. Take it off. Mad. I can't wait to see the movie.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The Michael Jackson movie.

[Nicole Byer]

I like biopics.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I like watching someone be somebody else. Somebody else be somebody. It's like, it's. It's crazy because you're playing a person that was once alive.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And he's related to him, right?

[Nicole Byer]

He is. I thought this was like.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like his. I don't know, like a second cousin removed or something like that.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow. That's kind of wild.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

I would love to see my sister try to play me in a biopic.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That'd be so funny.

[Nicole Byer]

She's so quiet. They'd be like, action. She'd be like, no thanks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

She's like, tee hee hee. Oh, never mind.

[Nicole Byer]

Never mind. That didn't. That wasn't good.

I think My grandpa could do it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I think slap a wing on him, he'll have a great time.

When does this episode come out?

[Ali Khan]

December 10th.

[Nicole Byer]

Christmas is coming.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Christmas is coming.

[Nicole Byer]

It's December 10th.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Can you believe.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I can't.

[Nicole Byer]

What do you want for Christmas this year?

[Sasheer Zamata]

H. What do I want? I don't know if I want.

Items anymore. You know, when I was a kid, I was like, oh, I wish I could get this kind of toy or whatever, but as an adult, I'm kind of like, if I want it, I'll just get it. So.

[Nicole Byer]

No, you're not.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like, I wish someone will get this for me.

[Nicole Byer]

I wish someone would buy me a sweater. You can just go to the Gap and buy yourself a sweater.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Exactly.

[Nicole Byer]

That is crazy to think about. I. Yeah.

Who needs gifts?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. But it's always nice to get one.

[Nicole Byer]

It is, because you were thought about. Yeah, I guess I don't really yearn for anything. I just want fat, nasty laughs and good times. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Sounds really nice.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Then that's the gift.

[Nicole Byer]

That is a gift. Maybe a fire in a fireplace.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That sounds nice. I have a fireplace.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you do? I do.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I hardly ever fire it up.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Have you ever fired it up?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. When John lived with me, he would fire it up.

He does, like, man things. I miss having John sometimes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Maybe he's not. He's not far. You could just invite him over. I will remember you do Will you.

[Nicole Byer]

Remember me.

When times are bad and I am sad?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Exactly. Will you remember me?

[Nicole Byer]

It's crazy that I don't know lyrics, anything.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, it is.

[Nicole Byer]

I really don't think I know a song front to back.

[Sasheer Zamata]

H.

[Nicole Byer]

What about.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Trying to think of a song like, Feels like you probably should know it.

Like any Beyonce song.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I don't know any of them front to back. I know a lot of choruses.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I do a lot of humming at her shows. I do a lot of singing, but I'm not saying words.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

Is it because you're mostly listening to the music?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I've never really thought about the anatomy of how I listen to music.

Yeah. I think it's like the beats. The beats. I like the way, like, how a song sounds is what I like.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

The lyrics are very, like, it truly could be like, peepee poo poo. Peepee poo poo. Like ice spices. Lyrics about, like, pee pee and poo poo. Like, they don't affect me. I like the beats. Like, I like her music. I think it's fun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Interesting. Yeah. I like beats.

[Sasheer Zamata]

She likes the beats.

[Nicole Byer]

And I miss when pop music used to like mix other genres in it. Like do you remember there was like an like a Indian music phase in pop music? Yeah, like I miss that. I miss like the like thumps. Like I like Sabrina Carpenter, but her like her stuff is always.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's like light.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. Oh, that's good. I went.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You said light.

[Nicole Byer]

It's nice to have someone who understands me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because sometimes it's really hard to explain myself. You do a good job of explaining yourself.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, thank you. Thanks.

[Nicole Byer]

How does one get like that?

I think it's too late for me though.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, I don't think it's too late.

[Nicole Byer]

Can't teach old dog stuff. They won't learn it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's what they say. They won't learn it. I guess I think I. I do have a. Not a fear, but like.

I don't want to be misunderstood, which I do think is a little trauma based. But so, so sometimes I over explain and I'm trying to work on that because I don't need to say everything. But yeah, I do think I have gotten to a point where I can just, I guess.

Explain everything. Everything. And in hopes that I'm not like, nothing's being like misconstrued or misread.

But also what I'm trying to learn is that even if I explain myself, some people might still misunderstand me. And that's okay.

[Nicole Byer]

It is okay. I think I have a default where I'm like, oh, well, they're not gonna understand me anyway. Just say whatever. Say it. Say it. Maybe they'll get it, maybe they won't. Because I don't mind, like can like saying something and someone's like, what? And I'm like, oh, okay, this, like what? I'm like, oh God, this. And sometimes I just give up and go, never mind. I don't want it. You don't need to know about it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay, it's fine.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Pass. Stays inside.

Have you ever done that? Someone's asked you a question, you just go, pass.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I haven't. I have. It's really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

Pass. I don't want it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Pass. I don't like it.

[Nicole Byer]

I want to talk about it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I should utilize that more. I feel like I try to be like, no, let's figure this out. I will try to answer this question.

[Ali Khan]

Pass.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't want it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, no thanks.

[Nicole Byer]

What holiday stuff should we do?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I definitely want. Actually at one point, I don't know why I didn't actually do it, probably because I am still trying to, like, like the holidays. But a couple years ago, I had the idea for, like, a holiday drink party. Like hot cider. Oh, hot cocoa, eggnog.

What other holiday drinks are there?

I guess wines.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, mulled wine.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Mulled wine?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know what that means. I think it's hot wine.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And sometimes there's apples in them, I think.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, that's fun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think so.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. A new apple just dropped.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What?

[Nicole Byer]

It's called, like, the Lucy Liu? It's not called that. I don't know what it's called.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Did Lucy l discover this apple?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. I saw it on Instagram. It's at Sprouts.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh.

[Nicole Byer]

And I ordered them from Sprouts, but they were sold out.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wow. Because everyone's gotta get this new apple.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. And it's, like, pink on the inside. And apparently it tastes like. Like strawberry lemonade. What? I gotta get it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Do you think it was genetically made or was it. Is it natural of this earth?

[Nicole Byer]

I think when new apples drop, I think they're being bred. I think they're, like, doing stuff with the seeds.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They're cross breeding.

[Nicole Byer]

Is that what it's called?

[Sasheer Zamata]

That is crossing. It sounds horrible.

[Nicole Byer]

It does sound terrible.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think that is what it's literally. They're literally crossing breeds.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that's what they're doing. Ally, can you look up the Lucy Liu apple? I don't think it's the Lucy Liu apple.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I wish it was.

[Nicole Byer]

Can you say new apple from Sprouts?

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's called the.

[Ali Khan]

The Hidden Rose apple Girl.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Where did Lucy Liu come from?

[Ali Khan]

So one of a kind, heirloom variety with a bright green exterior and stunning, stunning surprise inside, naturally red, pink flesh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Flesh. They shouldn't use that word.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, that's wild. I don't know why I thought it was called a Lucy. A Lucy Lou.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't either. Maybe that's like the actual, like, science name of it.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, maybe this. The slang is Lucy.

[Ali Khan]

Oh, there's a. There's a Lucy Glow.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, that's what it's called. Lucy Glow. And it's at Sprouts. It's like a Sprouts Excluse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Because I couldn't find grocery stores have this.

[Nicole Byer]

I couldn't find it anywhere else on Instacart.

[Ali Khan]

That's crazy. Yeah. A Lucy Glow is a proprietor proprietary apple variety known for its unique yellow gold skin and blushing pinkish red interior.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I might hit up Sprouts after this.

[Sasheer Zamata]

To get an Apple.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, yes. To get an apple.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That wasn't a judgmental.

[Nicole Byer]

The way you said that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I did. I just, I.

[Nicole Byer]

You said to get an apple and it went. It was. Oh, my God, I cannot believe I was judged so harshly a judgmental to get an apple.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's not what I was.

[Nicole Byer]

Listeners, if you heard judginess in the tone comment, judge.

Yes, this year. To get an apple. And I'll pick up something for you if you need something from the grocery store, cuz I'm giving.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm kind. You want some celery?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I hate celery.

[Nicole Byer]

Nobody likes celery.

To get an apple.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I wasn't trying to be.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, I got to taste it. I. So I found out about it on the Internet last night or two nights ago. It was two nights ago. And then I texted that nice man. I said, a new apple dropped and I can't wait to taste it. I'll tell you about it in the morning.

[Sasheer Zamata]

A real cliffhanger. Also, like, what more information was there to tell?

[Nicole Byer]

I wanted to report back and tell them how good it was.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I see.

[Nicole Byer]

Or if I was like, ah, no, that's apple's. Not for me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

And then he was very kind in the morning. He was like, how is that apple? I was like, I didn't get it. They couldn't deliver. They didn't have anymore. And he was like, oh, man.

I'm a go. I'm a go today. I'm gonna see if they got restocked in the Lucy Glows.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I hope so.

[Nicole Byer]

God, I love fruit.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I had two kiwis today. Oh, you did?

[Nicole Byer]

I do like a kiwi.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Me too.

[Nicole Byer]

They're nice. They're. They have little nature bowls. Yes. I love that avocados also have nature bowls.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's true.

Coconuts got a nature cup.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, it does have a nature cup.

Maybe we talked about this, how I've been stealing persimmons. Did we talk about that? I've been eating them. Like, oh, they're not ripe.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Yeah. You did say that they weren't ready yet.

[Nicole Byer]

And I don't know if they're ready now. I think they have to get to like an orangey color.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. What color are they?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, they were green and that's how I was eating them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, yeah, they really weren't ready.

Yeah, they gotta be orange.

[Nicole Byer]

Light green. Light green.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, it shouldn't be green at all. They had to be like, definitely orange.

[Nicole Byer]

I love them green. Really? They're so good.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

And now they're. Now they're orangey. So now I can eat. Now I'm supposed to eat them?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm scared about what they're gonna taste like.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I hope you like it.

[Nicole Byer]

What is a persimmon supposed to taste like?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know how to answer that.

[Nicole Byer]

Is it soft?

[Sasheer Zamata]

They're soft. They're, I guess.

Softish sweet.

[Nicole Byer]

It's.

[Ali Khan]

Yeah, a little. The texture ranges from firm to soft. And jelly. Like, when fully ripe.

[Nicole Byer]

Jelly. Like.

When I eat them, they be crunching. They're so hard. And I love them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They shouldn't be hard.

[Nicole Byer]

They're rock hard. I have offered them to so many people and they've eaten them and been like.

That. That's enough for me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Is it harder than an apple?

[Nicole Byer]

It's a little harder than an apple. And I love them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I guess there's no. You can eat a. A ripe, unripe. Unripe apple. But, yeah, persimmon. I guess there's no. Nothing wrong with it. It's just not ready yet.

[Nicole Byer]

The amount of people who've been like, oh, like, disgusted by the way I like them is really wild.

But maybe, okay, I'm gonna try my persimmons because they're orange now. I'm trying when I get home, see if I like them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Also, they're all gone from the tree.

[Sasheer Zamata]

People were picking them.

[Nicole Byer]

But, like, even, like, further I was in these people, I was, like, over the fence trying to find them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe they picked their own persimmons. Oh, maybe they wanted their own persimmon.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe they were.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They stayed on the tree because they were waiting for them to get ready. And then they picked them when it was appropriate time.

[Nicole Byer]

That explains it. That's why they're gone.

But I was mad. I was like, I want it more.

Yeah. I guess I have to wait for next year or for my own ones to grow.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because I took the whole thing and put it in dirt. Yeah. And we'll see. I hope it grows after the break.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You know how some people wait all year for their favorite artists to drop tickets? That's how shoppers feel about Macy's Friends and Family. It's the most loved sale of the season, and it's happening right now. If you know, you know, this is when you jump. It's the perfect moment to stock up on holiday gifts and treat yourself. Because Friends and Family is when you get deals on the brands that rarely go on sale. We're talking 30% off top brands that make the best gifts, plus 15% off beauty and fragrance. So think Lancome Chiseto, the good stuff people actually want to unwrap. Shopping for holiday outfits, you can score 30% off designer dresses and party looks and 30 to 60% off seasonal suits, overcoats and pants so you don't have to pay full price to look fully put together. And if you're the host or gifting to one, it's a very smart time to grab 65% off Christmas dinnerware and table linen from brands like Linux and Villeroy. So if you're one of the many who wait for this sale to hit your list hard, this is your moment. Macy's Friends and Family is on now, and when it's gone, it's gone. Go see what the hype is about.

[Nicole Byer]

When it comes to holiday gifting. I want to give things people really, really love. Beautiful, timeless pieces they'll wear for years. That's why I'm going with Quince. From Mongolian cashmere sweaters to Italian wool coats, everything is pretty premium quality at a price that actually makes sense. Quince has something for everyone. Soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50 that look and feel like designer pieces. Silk tops and skirts for dressing up, perfectly cut denim for everyday wear and outerwear that actually keeps you warm. Their Italian wool coats are stand out pieces, beautifully tailored, soft to the touch and crafted to last for seasons. Every piece is made with premium materials from ethical, trusted factories and priced far below what other luxury brands charge. The craftsmanship shows in every detail. The stitching, the fit, the drape. It's elevated, timeless and made to wear on repeat. The cashmere feels incredible. Soft, structured and it doesn't pill. It's the kind of quality I'd normally expect from a $200 sweater, not a $50 sweater. You know the staples that I'm reaching for the most this holiday season is a scarf. Because their scarves are so nice and it's the one thing that fits me and it's holding up through the whole season. Quince has gifting covered beyond clothing too. You they got stuff for home, bath, kitchen or travel. Can you believe? Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them with quints. Go to quints.combest friends for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com Best Friends to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Best Friends Aura Frames is the.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hidden gem that becomes the favorite gift long after the wrapping paper is Gone. Sometimes I don't know what to give as a gift and I'm like, well, how can I capture all the memories that we've had together? And a great way to do that is to put all those down pictures in a freaking aura frame. Unlimited free photos and video. Just download the aura app and connect to WI fi. Preload photos before it ships. Keep adding from anywhere, anytime for a limited time. Save on the perfect gift by visiting aura frames.com to get $35 off of Aura's best selling carver matte frames named number one by wirecutter by using promo code best friends at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code bast friends. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast. So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Nicole Byer]

And we're back. Not enough time passed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Can you believe.

I actually had this thought in the bathroom?

Because since you talked about stealing persimmons and it reminded me.

Have you stolen toilet paper recently?

[Nicole Byer]

Every hotel I go to, I bring home toilet paper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I still do.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, this year.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I just haven't been aware of you stealing toilet paper as of late.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I just don't make a big production of it anymore.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Did you steal toilet paper in Vegas?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

Anytime I'm in a hotel, I take that extra role. And if I stay at the hotel multiple days and I have room in my bag and I don't go shopping every day, I go, I need more toilet paper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Are you. Do you ever consider the quality of the toilet paper?

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You're never like, this is too thin. You just take it.

[Nicole Byer]

You just use a little bit more of it. And then when people like, like cushy soft, I think it leaves they will a little residue. Yeah, I don't need those fuzzies.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's true.

[Nicole Byer]

Give me paper. Give me the roughest tissue paper available.

But yeah, I'm always stealing. And we went out last night. Well, this is coming out in December. We went out a month ago.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hey, maybe in December we go out.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, maybe we'll have another Nicole and sashir wild adventure.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Ted adventure. Big Ted adventure.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe we'll have a big 10.

People have a big Ted adventure. But that bar had so much toilet paper and I had to stop myself because I was like, I'm a little too drunk. I think if I stuff my bag full of toilet paper, somebody might stop me. And then I'll have to say I'm stealing toilet paper from this bar.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No one would stop you.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think so. Well, next time we go back, I'm taking it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Great.

[Nicole Byer]

I think. Yeah, there's a. That bar also has like a. A West Hollywood location. And mono once sent me a picture of all the toilet paper. Was like, get here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Get here fast.

[Nicole Byer]

People have stopped sending me pictures of like loose toilet paper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, because you don't make a production about it. I didn't even know you were still selling toilet paper.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I'll never stop. I'm not paying for toilet paper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I understand. Ever? Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Ever.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think I might start buying bamboo toilet paper or unbleached toilet paper.

[Nicole Byer]

They bleach toilet paper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They do bleach toilet paper?

[Ali Khan]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Why?

[Sasheer Zamata]

To make it white. Because I don't know. Racism?

No, I don't.

[Nicole Byer]

Even the shit that wipes my booty got to be wiped. Exactly. That's crazy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But I mean, I don't think I've been. Well, I don't know actually. But apparently it's not great for us. But put bleach in our nether region.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, that sounds terrible. Why do they bleach it? That's so weird.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know why they were like, yeah, people will buy this more if it's white.

[Nicole Byer]

I guess, like it really shows off the poop.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But even like. Because I have actually had brown, like unbleached toilet paper. And it's just like light brown. You can still see on it if you. If you needed to.

[Nicole Byer]

If you try hard enough, you can still see on it. Yeah, maybe. Well, I can't switch cuz I'm not buying it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Exactly.

[Nicole Byer]

Just what I have to find it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hopefully. Yeah, we'll find a place est an establishment that has unbleached.

[Nicole Byer]

And I'll keep going back. And they're like, wow, you love it here. I'm like, I do love it here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm really blown away that they bleach toilet paper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I know.

[Nicole Byer]

Ally. Sorry. Can you look up? Why do they bleach toilet paper?

That's really crazy. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It seems unnecessary. We're just flushing it down the toilet anyway. Okay.

[Ali Khan]

It's. The bleaching process is more than aesthetic. It removes the substance lignin, which softens the paper.

And.

The glue that holds the fibers together is naturally brown. So that's what they're bleaching white.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The glue and bleach.

[Nicole Byer]

Who the comes up with this? Mix up that glue and bleach and we'll tell the people to wipe Their butts?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Did they wipe their butts in, like, the Victorian era? Have you ever seen, like, a Victorian era toilet? No, it's just a chair in the house and you lift up the hood and then there's a pot in there. And then you shit in a pot and then you ring a bell and then a slave.

Or like a cleaning person, a servant. There we go. Oh, my God. A servant comes and takes it and I guess they throw it in the street.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wait, I don't think they threw it in the street.

[Nicole Byer]

They throw it in the streets this year.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe they, like, shit and piss all.

[Nicole Byer]

Over the Victorian streets.

I really do think they threw it in the street.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Really?

[Nicole Byer]

I think they were filthy back then.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean. Yes, that's ally.

Okay. Yeah.

[Ali Khan]

So they had a. A privy, which was like an outhouse, but they also had chamber pots, like what you're saying.

[Nicole Byer]

And.

[Ali Khan]

After. Yeah, the smell was awful.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let's see.

[Ali Khan]

See, cleaning took place at night because they wanted to not disturb any households who had to be up for work next day. And landlords had to pay for communal privies to be cleaned. And so people didn't want to pay. So everything was emptied far less than what it should have been.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no.

[Ali Khan]

But you are right. I have heard things before. Let me find it. But like, where people were, like, throwing it out the window. And that's why certain streets were designed certain ways. Right. Like drainage.

[Nicole Byer]

Ew. Isn't that nasty? Imagine walking in a piece of. Hitting you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That'd be horrible.

[Nicole Byer]

You have to go home.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Definitely clean that off. E, yuck. Yuck.

[Nicole Byer]

G, I don't think I could do. I don't think I would do good back then.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I know that's like, the era I was, like, born into, but I think I'd be like, this is nasty.

[Sasheer Zamata]

This is funky.

[Nicole Byer]

No deodorant. Everyone's wearing all these layers.

[Sasheer Zamata]

This is stinking so much.

[Nicole Byer]

But you would take, like, cocaine for.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Headaches.

And that's pretty cool.

[Nicole Byer]

That sounds like fun. Give a little cocaine for my. From my head. Yeah. Little headache. Pet me up. I'd have a nice time. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe they couldn't smell anything because they're as high all the time.

Like, I'm not concerned.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe I watched the Gilded Age, and every time I watch it, I'm like, that everyone was stinking. Like, everyone looked so beautiful, but, like, they were stinky.

Oh, I was telling you about Pluribus. Oh, yeah. Have you watched it yet?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I haven't. I will. Well, all right.

[Nicole Byer]

Guess you're not cultured.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I just need to write that down because I was, like, trying to think. I was like, oh, there's a show I wanted to watch, but I forgot about it. I did forget about it.

[Nicole Byer]

It is so good. I'm having a nice time.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, great.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Must See tv.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's made by the same people who made Breaking Bad.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And Better Call Sal.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Did you watch either of those?

[Nicole Byer]

I watched Breaking Bad. I did not watch Better Call Saul.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I didn't watch Better Call Saul. I watched a few episodes or a few seasons of Breaking Bad.

[Nicole Byer]

I think I watched all of Breaking Bad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

I really liked Breaking Bad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I liked it, too. But I think I was getting really frustrated with Walter White.

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, he was bad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He actually was bad.

[Nicole Byer]

He did the knocking. Do you remember that scene? He's like, I am the one who knocks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know that.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know in what content.

But he said to Skyler, he's like, I'm the one who knocks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh.

I don't.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm the one who not. I can't believe you. It's iconic.

[Ali Khan]

Should I. I can pull it up.

[Nicole Byer]

Please.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm gonna die if that's not even what he says.

[Sasheer Zamata]

This is something totally different.

[Nicole Byer]

He's like, I ring the doorbell.

I wrote you a letter.

Oh, boy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. I think, like, he was just doing so many bad things, and I was like, no, this is not even for your illness anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

No, you're just doing. You just enjoy the power of being such a bad man.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So that was a pretty good impression I did.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes, it was.

[Nicole Byer]

I am the one who knocks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's you.

[Nicole Byer]

That's.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's him.

[Nicole Byer]

He's so mean to Skyler.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm so mean to Skyler.

[Nicole Byer]

And I remember when the show first aired, because I think I saw it, like, a couple years after, and I was like, what does Internet think?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And they're like, skyler's a. And I was like, what? Yeah, her husband's bad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He was really bad.

[Nicole Byer]

He was such a bad man.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And then.

[Nicole Byer]

What's his name? Oh, God. That actor who then is, like, above him. It begins with a Giancarlo Esposito. I love him. Yeah. He's so good. He was good at being bad. I was rooting for him even though he was evil, too. Ah, yes, television.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Ah, yes, television.

[Nicole Byer]

I love finding things well after people have watched them. Like, I found Nurse Jackie. Years after everyone watched Nurse Jackie.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It was.

[Nicole Byer]

It's good.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Good.

[Nicole Byer]

I really like Nurse Jackie Sopranos.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Did you know? It's good.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, it is good.

[Nicole Byer]

I love James Gandalfening. He had big hands.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, definitely.

[Nicole Byer]

I wish I could have met those hands.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Just the hands.

[Nicole Byer]

Sounds like I want to get slapped. Yeah. I wish I could have met those hands. No, they're just so big. I, like, I would love to have shaken his hands.

Yeah. And I guess meet him and, like, talk to him. Nope. Just.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Nothing else.

Do you judge people on their handshake?

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, no. I mean, I don't enjoy a weak handshake or, like a limp one, but I don't really shake hands. I don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, that's true. You don't shake hands, so don't. You actually don't have the opportunity to judge anybody about that.

[Nicole Byer]

I was doing a podcast and the producer, like, reached out to shake my hand and I was like, no, no, thank you. I'm so sorry. I don't shake hands. I know that's rude. And she was like, that's not rude. And then she was like, why don't you shake hands? Because I was. And then I said, well, I don't know if you were digging in your asshole before we met. And she took it nicely. And I was like, I need to change that answer.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, she's like, oh, I was.

You called it.

[Nicole Byer]

You called it. I'm nasty. But, yeah, you don't know what people be doing. Digging in their nose, digging their butts, like, fingering their toes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Fingering their toes? Yeah. Maybe just like, oh, germs, you know?

[Nicole Byer]

Or like, yeah, yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't want other people's germs.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. But I will. I also offer hugs.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So you take all their germs on their body.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, I feel like clothes, they're just in the outside. I don't know. We're touching outside things.

There's no hand to hand. It just feels less gross.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Also, your hand touches more of yourself than their body touching your body. Like, because you're like, if you shake someone's hand, then you're gonna touch your face.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe your mouth.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. Yeah, I'm a big face toucher, so, yeah, I don't. I don't want that. Yeah, but there's been times where, like, I'll be like, at a thing and I'll do my whole thing, and then by the 10th time, I'm like, I'll just shake the hands and then I just make a reminder to don't touch my face. Go wash my hands. But, yeah, I don't want to live like that. Just don't touch me.

There was a. I've done that too sometimes. No.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What's this guy's name? Howard Hughes. There's like a. Yeah, he's like. What was it? What is it called? The Aviator. The aviation. The Aviator. Did you watch that movie?

[Nicole Byer]

I watched it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

That was during Scorsese's phase where he was, like, really doing, like, 2000s movies. It was really interesting. Like, Gangs of New York is a very 2000s movie.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And so is the Aviator. What are you trying to say?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, that you might turn into Howard Hughes.

[Nicole Byer]

I. Okay. So, like, when I woke up today, I didn't think I was going to be attacked by my best friend, like, constantly. First there was the apples. Now you're saying I'm gonna, like, be a shut in. Who pisses in jars?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, and then you just throw out the window.

I don't think you will.

I hope you don't. I'll never see you.

[Nicole Byer]

I would let you come. Really? Yes. You could be the one who knocks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm the one who knocks.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think I could ever be like. Like a shut in.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because I gotta get out. I gotta go out. Community. I love community. I love fellowship. Someone on Instagram was like, what is going on with this community and fellowship stuff? I'll never say.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, they should get into it.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, get into it. Get your own community. Fellowship with others.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's true.

We're social animals.

[Nicole Byer]

We are social animals. And okay, this is my, like, boomer thought. I don't think everyone should work from home.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Definitely.

[Nicole Byer]

I think it should be hybrid. I also don't think you should, like, be penalized for having a doctor's appointment and, like, not be able to go to that. I think it's like, we're adults. Let me go to the doctor. I'll come back to work.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Right.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, it's kind of crazy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That is really crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

Right? Like, you have to, like, take a day, a sick day to, like, go to the doctor or a vacation day to go to the doctor. That's wonky.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wonky. Isn't there a state that started trying to do four days a week?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, weeks. I think that would make people happier. Three day weekend. Like. Yeah, yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You get more stuff done. Do your doctor's appointments or whatever. But, like. Yeah. Did you find something?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Ali Khan]

Utah tried in 2008 and. Oh. So while the initiative was intended to boost morale, save energy and increase productivity, it was met with public complaints about the loss of Friday services and did not achieve its energy saving goals. Leading the state to return to its five day work week.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

But what were the people trying to get that they couldn't get?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe like the post office was closed or. No, probably not.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I guess dry cleaning, like, if they're not working, I guess I'll wait till Monday.

[Nicole Byer]

While that dry cleaning is the first thought you had.

Oh, the dry cleaners is closed. I have to wait until Monday. They're not open Fridays or Saturdays.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And Sunday. I don't know. Maybe the specific ones only open five days a week.

Who else? Yeah, what services are they trying to get?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know.

Would, like, McDonald's just be closed? Like, wait. No, no, but, like, isn't corporate jobs. Those are the ones where you have, like, weekends off.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, it's.

[Ali Khan]

All government offices are closed on Friday. So, yeah, I guess the post office.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh.

Isn't it funny that we don't know what jobs are? We just had such a hard time thinking. I was like, McDonald's, you were like, dry cleaners. And we were like. And that's it.

Yeah. I don't know what people do.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

Let's take a break and think about it.

[Nicole Byer]

Thought about it. Still don't know what jobs are.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I still don't know either.

[Nicole Byer]

Also, during the shutdown, I was flying a bunch and towards the end of the shutdown, I was going to shut down. Huh?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I was just specifying the government shutdown.

[Nicole Byer]

Was there another shutdown that people talk about?

[Sasheer Zamata]

The COVID one.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh. Oh, no, not that long ago. And this is the recent government shutdown?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

This person beeped in front of me and then the TSA lady said, just go. And I was like, wait, what are.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They going to weapon?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. It blew me away. I was like, these people don't care. Wow. I wouldn't care either if I was not getting paid.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, that's true.

[Nicole Byer]

Do they get back pay?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't. Probably not, honestly.

[Nicole Byer]

This is crazy. We're living in wild fucking times.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wild times.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think I would show up to work with, like, like, not getting my weekly paycheck.

How do you become a TSA agent?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know. Probably go to the website.

Application.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I think that's how you get any job. That was wild that I thought that was, like, different. I don't know why I thought it was like, maybe you go to the airport and you're like, I would like to become a TSA agent. Maybe.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They probably have an Office somewhere.

[Nicole Byer]

I wonder if I wore one of those uniforms and just, like, went to the airport if they would. Because you can't know all your co.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Workers, and there's new ones all the time.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm new. Put your things in that bin.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's really funny, but you definitely have to have a badge to get past a certain point.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, but I think you wear a coat and, like, over your TSA uniform that you've now stolen from somewhere. And then I guess you have to buy a plane ticket so you get through it. Oh, no, I think you just wear your TSA stuff and then just, like, walk on up and be like, hey, Georgia is me. It's me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But then also, like, what's the.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, what.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What's the goal? Because you just, like, now you're just standing there telling people, like, to put their bags in the bin.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Power. Power. Well, there was a woman, I think, in Florida who walked into a hospital and just started doing nurse stuff. And then the. For, I think, a year or two. And the only reason why they found out that she wasn't actually a nurse was because she, like, went for a promotion, and then they found out that her, like, credentials were not real.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Was she getting paid?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know, Ali, can you look it up?

[Ali Khan]

Yeah, of course.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I think she might have been getting paid because it'd been going on for a while.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But it's like, how does she even start the initial payroll paperwork if.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. But I honestly, if you're gonna promote someone who has no nursing qualifications but is doing a good job, I think let them be a nurse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like, clearly want to be here.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, wait, who.

[Ali Khan]

What should I type?

[Nicole Byer]

Lady pretending to be a nurse gets fired after they find.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Once upon a time. Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Lady pretending to be nurse fired.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Once upon a time, there was a.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Lady, she was pretending to be a nurse. She got fired because she was trying to get a promotion.

[Nicole Byer]

I just think it's, like, an interesting world where we can all just pretend things. Okay.

[Ali Khan]

Yeah. A woman in Florida was arrested after posing as a nurse and treating over 4,000 patients without a license. According to the sheriff's office, she was arrested after pretending to be a registered nurse at a local hospital from July to 2023 until she was fired January 2020 25.

[Nicole Byer]

That's almost. That's like, two years.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Ali Khan]

This is one of the most disturbing cases of medical fraud we've ever investigated. She was hired as an advanced nurse technician, and.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Advanced.

[Ali Khan]

Yeah. So she got in as a tech and Then when she applied for the position, she said she was an education first registered nurse. Meaning she passed the schooling but had not passed the national exam yet to get her license.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, okay.

[Nicole Byer]

So she was a nurse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

She wasn't just some lady.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, right. Wait, that's what she's saying.

[Ali Khan]

That's what she said. And then she told the hospital she passed her exams, provided a license number, but that was a fake number. That was with someone who had her same first name, different last name. And she explained the discrepancy by saying she had recently gotten married and had a new last name. And they. The hospital requested to see her marriage license to confirm her identity, but she never provided it to them. And she was offered a promotion in January. And a fellow employee checked her driver's license status or not. Sorry, her driver's license, her nurse's license status, and said she had discovered an expired certified nursing assistant license and then immediately reported the findings.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow. Let her be a nurse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Also, was the co worker jealous? Probably. Was this sabotage?

[Nicole Byer]

Probably.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I deserve that promotion. Let's look at her up.

[Nicole Byer]

Let's look her ass up. Because why are you looking?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Right.

[Nicole Byer]

Why are you in her business? She didn't kill nobody. She's treating people.

[Sasheer Zamata]

She's treating people so well that they wanted to promote her.

[Nicole Byer]

I think you let her be a nurse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I think if you can commit fraud so good that they want to propel you upwards, let you have it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, she definitely has experience now.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. She's got so much experience. I bet she would. I bet she would ace those exams. Yeah. Her nursing license. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let her take her license, her test and then.

[Nicole Byer]

Right.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like then give it to her kind of.

[Nicole Byer]

But then I guess it's like, well, if you do this bad thing, what.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Else you'd be doing? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but she just wanted to be a nurse.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Wow.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wow. Crazy.

Chime understands that every dollar counts. That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee free features like free overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit and more. Learn [e-mail] BestFriends Chime is banking done right. Open a checking account with no monthly fees and no maintenance fees. Get paid up to two days early. When you set up direct deposit with qualifying direct deposits, you're eligible for free overdraft, up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals. To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion. Open a checking account with no monthly fees and no maintenance fees, not to mention access over 47,000 fee free ATMs more than the top three national banks combined. I'm sure my younger self would have benefited from this. The 247 customer support is so handy because sometimes I have a question and I don't want to be able to. I don't have to call somebody, but you can just like text or use the website and you can find your answer right there. Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in 2 minutes at chime.com bestfriends that's chime.com bestfriends Chime feels like progress. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members. FDIC Spot me Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file fees apply at out of network ATMs bank ranking and number of ATMs according to U.S. news and World Report 2023 time checking account Required the holiday season snuck up on us. Where did the time go? It always feels like a scramble to get all of our gifts ordered and wrapped, as well as adding those festive final touches around the house. The holidays are here. Get what you need fast with Wayfair. From bedding and linens to decor for every room in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop Last minute guest prep. Refresh your guest room with bedding, throw pillows and accent chairs for way less. I got curtains from Wayfair and they're great. Sometimes you look at a window and you're like that needs to be dressed and then you go to Wayfair and you can find it for cheap. Wayfair really helped out in a time crunch. Delivery is free, fast and hassle free. Now is the best time to get ready for the season ahead so you can enjoy the holidays with your loved ones. Wayfair has fast shipping on last minute decor and hosting essentials and gift guides to help you shop for everyone in the family. Wayfair helped me add all the festive final touches to my home for the holidays. I've gotten guest essentials like linens and towels for hosting and seasonal favorites to get into the holiday spirit. Wayfair's huge selection of home items in every style makes it easy to find gifts for everyone on your list. I was surprised to find the exact wreath and garlands I had been picturing for my living room. Find all your must haves from furniture and decor to appliances and cookware, all in one convenient place Wayfair makes it easy to find items I love within my budget. There's something for every style and every home, no matter your space or budget. Fast and easy delivery, even on the big stuff so you can get what you need when you need it. No more huge delivery fees for furniture. Get big stuff like sofas, dining tables, beds, desks and more. Shipped free. Get last minute hosting essential gifts for all your loved ones and decor to celebrate the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home ever had that.

[Nicole Byer]

My last Pair of Contacts Panic. I know I have, or worse, been completely out and stuck wearing those bulky glasses that I haven't touched in years. Now I don't even worry about it because my next set is always on the way from 1-800-contacts. They're the only major contact lens retailer that lets me renew my prescription online so I can get my contacts fast. 1-800-contacts has fast free shipping and delivers the same contacts my doctor prescribes right to my door, all without ever leaving home. For over 30 years, 1-800-contacts has been the leader in online contact lens delivery with millions of contacts in stock and award winning customer service. Here's what sets them apart from everyone else. One they offer fast free shipping on every order and have over 100 million contact lenses in stock ready to ship from their distribution centers across the country. Another reason they provide a way to renew your contact lenses prescription from home with their online Vision Exam Express Exam. It takes less than 10 minutes and gives you a doctor issued prescription you can use to buy contact lenses. No other major retailer makes prescription renewal this easy. Their best price guarantee means if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. That's a promise you won't find everywhere. 1-800-contacts could genuinely make life easier if you wear contacts. I know dealing with vision issues is always annoying, but this could take a lot of that hassle away. Getting contacts doesn't have to be a hassle. Let 1-800-contacts get you the contact lenses you need right now. Order online at 1-800-contacts.com or download the free 1-800-contacts app today.

What job would you pretend that you had qualifications to do? Like what is something you would love to do but don't want to? Like, go to school for?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Interesting.

I would love to.

I feel like I'd love to fly a plane, but I definitely need A train for that. So I don't think I could just walk on and fly a plane.

[Nicole Byer]

You could walk on and be a co pilot.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Or say that you're sitting in the jump seat or something.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. I'm dead. Deadheading.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that's what it's called. I think.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

Sometimes I know things. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Sometimes I'll just, like, know a thing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I don't know how I know it. Yeah.

[Ali Khan]

Deadheading is completing a trip without paying passengers or freight.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh. Maybe. I don't know a thing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wait, it's like a. Oh, yeah.

[Ali Khan]

It's carrying free of charge. Transport companies own staff on a normal passenger trip so that they can be in the right place to begin their duties.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's like a flight attendant flies on a plane.

[Nicole Byer]

Or a pilot. Like, you know how sometimes you see like a pilot and they're wearing their uniform to let you know they're a pilot and they're sitting in the back with you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What is. What was that? Why do you not like them?

[Nicole Byer]

Why are you in uniform if you're not working?

[Sasheer Zamata]

He will be.

[Nicole Byer]

Change in the bathroom. But, man, what are you showing off?

[Sasheer Zamata]

But what if he. When they. Immediately. When he lands, he has to go straight to a plane.

[Nicole Byer]

Never thought of that. Never thought of it. Always thought they were showing off. And I was like, we get it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Showing off.

[Nicole Byer]

Yep.

But that really explains things that they get on a flight to then do their flight.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's just what Ali said. They're getting transported to start their job at a different city.

[Nicole Byer]

Change the cockpit. I don't want to see it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't want to see it.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't want to see it back here with the rest of us. Get out of here.

I would like to. I would pretend to be a flight attendant. I think that'd be really fun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that I could do definitely. You know, I can read the little pamphlet and tell you where the exits are.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I can tell you that oxygen will come in a yellow mask from the ceiling, and you need to put yours over your face first before you help others.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Ask me if I'm capable of being in the exit row.

[Nicole Byer]

Hello, ma'. Am. Thank you for flying with us. Thank you for being a diamond medallion. I just want to say, are you willing and able to help us if there is an emergency with the emergency exit? I need a verbal yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Great. That's so funny.

Oh, yes. Wow. That was great. That was great passenger work.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

Because they Always are. Like, I need to hear you say.

[Nicole Byer]

Hear you say yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. Here's the thing. I have said yes. I don't know if I'd actually be capable of helping.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. If it really came down to it.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't. I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Seems intimidating.

[Nicole Byer]

Seems crazy. You want me to what?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Open the door? There's so many open the door and levers. I don't know how to do that.

[Nicole Byer]

And we're not supposed to be opening the door. We're supposed to be flying. Why are we down here?

Oh, my God. Do you ever think about plane crashes?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, you sound sad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Cause it scares me.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, it doesn't scare me at all. I know I would survive one. I absolutely know. I would be the, like, the lone fucking survivor. And then I would have to start, like, my own society of, like, skulls on posts. Like, the dead people.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byer]

I'd have to eat everybody.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, my God.

[Nicole Byer]

I'd have to find all the Biscoffs.

Yeah. I genuinely believe if I'm in a plane crash, I will be the sole survivor. And then I'll be changed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Definitely.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, that sucks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, that does suck.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I'll come back and, like, I'll be so sad and haunted.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I'd be like, no one has seen what I've seen. And everyone's gonna get sick of it after a while. Be like, nicole, you have to stop.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You're not a fun hang anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, you suck.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Keep having this far away look in your eyes.

[Nicole Byer]

Sorry. I was thinking about the fiery crash and how I crawled out of my seat.

And I had to eat Biscoffs. And there was then Dasani water.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You'd be so thirsty after. After every sip. So salty.

[Nicole Byer]

It is so salty. And you would think they would have better, better water just in case.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, you would think.

[Nicole Byer]

But I guess Dasani is owned by the Coca Cola Company, and Delta does serve exclusively Coca Cola products.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That is true. I love Delta.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm coming around to United, though.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

Because to see my family in Chicago, I either have to fly American or United. And I refuse to fly American. American fucking sucks. But United, new planes. Ooh. TV screens. Ooh, can you believe?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I like that.

[Nicole Byer]

I'd be having a nice time.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I didn't like United for a while because I got on a couple planes where I was like, are we gonna Fred Flintstone? Like, the floor? This doesn't seem sturdy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

But they got new planes, so I like that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Are they Boeing? Do we know. I don't know either.

[Nicole Byer]

I think. Aren't all.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, not all of them.

[Nicole Byer]

There's also Airbuses. Is that a company?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think so.

[Nicole Byer]

That's so dumb.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Airbus that we're.

[Nicole Byer]

We're making planes. We should call them airbuses. Get out of here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's like a bus.

[Nicole Byer]

I came up with it. That's dumb as hell.

But yeah, the Boeings are the ones where, like, the doors are flying off. Right. But they're not. That's not happening anymore.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It hasn't happened lately, I don't think. Or at least we haven't heard about it.

[Nicole Byer]

Crazy. I would be so mad if mid flight the door flew off because we have to turn around and guess who's delayed? Me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That would be very annoying.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, it'd be so annoying. Are you kidding? Are you kidding? I don't want to be a. In an airplane with a convertible.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Also, like, some of the videos I've seen where a door flew off. They just had to, like, land with, like, that, and people just, like, sitting there next to it. Like, I guess since you.

[Nicole Byer]

There's nothing else you can do. If you get up, you get sucked out.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I know, but it's, like, weird to be like.

I'm so glad.

[Nicole Byer]

Have you seen the video of. I don't. I think it might have been a Delta flight. I don't know. But it, like, landed upside down.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

And, like, someone is doing a video, and they're like, put your phone away. If a plane lands upside down, you don't get to tell me what to do. Yeah, yeah, you don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm gonna record this.

[Nicole Byer]

The only thing you get to say is, leave your bags behind. That's the only thing you can tell me. If I want to videotape it, I'm gonna. That's crazy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

Should we answer questions and queries?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let's do it.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you remember that video I sent you where I was wearing a turtleneck and moving my head? I watched that video so many times, and it makes me laugh so hard. It's really funny, I guess, to describe it to our listeners. I got a turtleneck. It's a sweater, and it's a big, thick turtleneck. And when I move my head from side to side, it looks like my head is floating. And it was 2am and I was just in the mirror laughing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That was funny.

[Nicole Byer]

I send it to you, that nice man in my life. I sent it to Christy and I was like, look.

[Ali Khan]

Okay, this is called Mental Moochers. Oh, hi, Sashir. And Nicole, huge fan here. I recently helped a friend move from LA to New Orleans and we listened to you two for at least 20 hours straight. It truly got us through the trip. Oh, anyway, so my best friend, let's call her Bertha, moved from New Orleans.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Why are we calling her Bertha? Let's call her birthday.

[Nicole Byer]

So funny.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Sure.

[Nicole Byer]

I did have an aunt Bertha.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, nice.

[Ali Khan]

So Bertha moved from New Orleans to New York in 2019. I still live in New Orleans, but I visit her any chance I can until I can move up there myself. In the meantime, she's made some friends through work. Let's call them Alice and Renee. Since Bertha works from home, Alice and Renee have been become a big part of her social circle. Here's the problem. Bertha's energetic, adventurous, and always down to do something fun. But Alice and Renee are energy vampires. They've grown used to Bertha planning everything. I mean, everything. Making reservations, booking flights, researching where to go, what to do, how to get there. They rely on her completely and it's become the default. It frustrates Bertha to no end. But aside from them, she doesn't have much of a circle up there yet. Now Renee is getting married overseas later this year, and we already know it's going to be Bertha doing all the logistical heavy lifting. How can Bertha set boundaries and communicate her needs without totally nuking the friendships? She'd like to keep them around at least until I move up there.

[Nicole Byer]

That's tough. That is tough because it is on behalf of a friend. And I always think it's hard to, like, get advice for a friend. Cause it's not happening to you. So we don't actually know if Bertha is actually super, super burdened or just venting a little. Do you know what I mean?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, Yeah, I guess, I would guess that maybe Bertha was.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Venting to this friend who wrote in. And maybe this friend wants to relay the advice to Bertha.

But.

It is burdensome being the planner. Yes, it is. Like, yeah, it's like fun fine sometimes. Because you're like, well, if no one else is going to do it, someone should. I can do that. But yeah, after a while it's like, well.

Everyone'S an adult here and you're able to like, get to work and do things. So why can't you just plan one thing or do like, you have some details.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I think Bertha could, you know, next time she hangs out with Alison Renee, be like in the group chat, be like, hey, do you guys want to do something this weekend? You choose. Yeah, you decide. Like Every now and again, volley to them. Yeah. Because I think sometimes people get used to people planning. Like, I'm a participator. I'm not. I. And I'll come up with the idea.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But the logistics of it, that's tough for me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And if you would like me to do the logistics, we may not get there on time. We're on the day we're supposed to be there. But I think it's like, you could just ask.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Ask for what you need.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. And maybe, like, for this big trip that's about to happen, for Renee's wedding, maybe you. Maybe the friend. Maybe Bertha can.

Delegate some stuff. Like, okay, I'll look at flights for us. Alice, can you look at a hotel in the area? Like, you know, like. Like, section things off so it's not Bertha planning everything.

[Nicole Byer]

Bertha shouldn't have to do anything for that wedding that's not hers.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, I don't know if she's doing anything. Well, I don't. I don't know what the actual question was, but I don't know if she's doing anything for the wedding. But she is traveling there.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

To the wedding.

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, does her travel?

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's true. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't have to fly with the group. You can meet the group there.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's true. That's a good point.

Well, for any trip, maybe there's a different trip.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, you're right. Yes, it is. It is, I think, helpful to delegate. I'll do the flights, you do the hotel.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

What I do with people sometimes is I go. We have to actually, like, be together and do this. If we want to get it done, we have to do it, like, in person together.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's smart, too. Yeah. Let's, like, before we go get dinner, let's all sit down for an hour.

[Nicole Byer]

Yep. And, like, book our flights, book our hotels, book the car.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I think Bertha just needs to ask them to participate, because otherwise they don't. They don't think they have to. That maybe they think this dynamic is good. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They don't realize. It just feels easy to them. They don't realize the labor that Bertha's.

[Nicole Byer]

Putting in that poor Bertha's burdened.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Bertha's burden.

[Nicole Byer]

Bertha's such a good name.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I wonder if that's a name that's, like, died out. Like, are there any baby Berthas?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I've never met a young Bertha.

[Nicole Byer]

If I have a baby, I'm naming it Bertha.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You should.

[Nicole Byer]

Bertha and Deuteronomy. That's the other Name that I. Oh, I remember.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'll never forget Little Bertha and Deuteronomy.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a good thing I'm not having kids. Those are wild names.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Those are tough. You setting them up for a lot of learning in their life. So to do one more.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Perfect.

[Ali Khan]

This is from Sophia.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hi.

[Ali Khan]

Nicole and Sashir. Love you both. Love the pod. My question is about personal space and lack of awareness, which is one of my biggest pet peeves. I oftentimes find myself walking down, let's say, the sidewalk and will see a group of people coming toward me. Sometimes it's a couple, sometimes there are three, four, even five people approaching me. For so many reasons that I'm sure you can imagine, I find myself moving out of away sometimes into the street. I guess this is a way of being polite to appease this group. Taking up the entire sidewalk. On the rare occasion people will fall into single file, but those are few and far between, and it leaves me feeling irritated. My questions are, why do I, as a single woman taking up a small portion of the sidewalk, need to move out of the way for these people? And how can I assert myself as. So to say, I'm not moving out of the way without standing in the middle of the sidewalk? Like a wild west standoff. P S. This also goes for who take up the entire road, the entire aisle in the grocery store, etc, all the love in the world. You've both had such a positive impact on my life. Love you.

[Nicole Byer]

That's nice.

I don't get out of people's way. Yeah, I will have a standoff. I think I told you. I was at the airport and this lady was walking with another lady. So they were like two, two by two. I don't know. There was the two of them, one of me, and she didn't like, fall at, like, behind or in front. So we just rolled up to one another and I went, and now what? And she went, what? And I went. And then she moved out of my way. And then I.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, because I was like, you guys are two by two. You don't have to be.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, this we could all end.

[Nicole Byer]

You want me to, like, pause to let you by or go around you? No, get real. You don't have to be next to your friend.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I will walk into people. And I steady the arm because you're not gonna knock me down. You can't get up. Why? Yeah, if. If you are like three people deep, you have to move.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Or I was on my flight back here There was a man who was so close to me. And I turned around, I said, I would like to put my backpack on, but you are so close to me that I can't do that. Would you like to back up? And he went, went, oh. And I went, why are you on me like this? Are you my backpack? He didn't like that.

He didn't like that at all.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't think I heard you say that.

[Nicole Byer]

He didn't like that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Are you my backpack?

[Nicole Byer]

He was on my back. He was so close to me. When I tell you, this man, like, scowled in a way that I was.

And I was like, don't laugh, don't laugh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's pretty funny.

[Nicole Byer]

I just turned around and put my back on.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And I was like.

Yeah, yeah. I also, now that I'm older, will not move. I'll just, like, keep staying on my lane. And if people run into me, then we run into each other. But yeah, you don't have to go around them. No, you can just go straight and then they. They gotta figure it out. Maybe if you see a group of people, like, taking up a whole sidewalk, you should start sprinting towards them.

To see what they do.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funn. They'll move. They'll move. They'll move.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They might run away.

[Nicole Byer]

That's so funny. Sasheer.

I hope you remember this. I would really like to see you do that. That's so funny. You're like, there's a group. You just start sprinting at them or you just like, zigzag.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

And then they just, like either part or you're just chasing them.

[Nicole Byer]

Either way. I really can't stop thinking about sprinting at them. That's.

That's really funny. I think that's the answer. Yes.

Well, that's it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's it.

[Nicole Byer]

We did it. We did it. Another episode has come to a close.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

We'll probably have more after this one.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I believe we will. Yes. Well, if you have any questions or queries, you can email [e-mail].

We don't have a Nicolettes this year dot com. But we probably should get.

[Nicole Byer]

I thought I heard Gmail and I was like, trying to say dot com with you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It didn't come out yet.

[Nicole Byer]

Then we have a number.

[Ali Khan]

3239-1732-3238-6554.

[Nicole Byer]

I at least got the first three right.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You did get the first three.

[Nicole Byer]

Three, two, three. Los Angeles.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Los Angeles.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, bye. Oh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I got a handshake.

[Nicole Byer]

I know where your hands have been this whole episode.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Do you?

[Nicole Byer]

Ew.

I thought I did.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, I. They've just been out. Out here.

Goodbye.

[Nicole Byer]

Best Friends is a production of Headgun Studios.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Our producer is Ali Khan.

[Nicole Byer]

Our executive producers, Anya Konovskaya.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The show is edited, mixed and engineered by Rachelle Chen.

[Nicole Byer]

Hi, I'm Nicole Byer.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hi, I'm Sasheer Zamada.

[Nicole Byer]

And this is the podcast Best Friends.

And we're here at Headgum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, we're best friends.

[Nicole Byer]

We talk and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So audience members can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes, we are professional friends.

[Nicole Byer]

We are professional friends.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcast. And watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.

[Nicole Byer]

That's the middle of a work week.

I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You were.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm really sorry.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The support.

[Nicole Byer]

I was so okay. I was trying to be supportive.

[Ali Khan]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But I was like, I don't know. Reading seems pretty hard right now.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's a lot.

[Nicole Byer]

I think. You did good.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Thank you so much.

[Nicole Byer]

You're welcome.