Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata

Episode: "Nicole Champions Underripe Persimmons"

Release Date: December 10, 2025
Podcast Network: Headgum

Episode Overview

In this spirited episode, Nicole and Sasheer invite listeners into another warm, funny, and meandering exploration of friendship, quirks, and everyday predicaments. From holiday season habits to unripened fruit confessions, navigating public spaces, and epic tales of pretending to be someone you’re not, the besties keep the conversation lively, confessional, and full of sharp observations. They answer listener questions, unearth delightful tangents (including why Nicole is eating green persimmons), and get candid about everything from workplace dynamics to airplane pet peeves.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Music, Rhythm, and Not Knowing Lyrics

• Nicole confesses her lack of rhythm and inability to remember full song lyrics, even for Beyoncé songs, much to Sasheer’s gentle amazement.
  • “I really don't think I know a song front to back.” (09:42 – Nicole)
• For Nicole, lyrics are subordinate to the “beats”:
  • "The lyrics are very, like, it truly could be like, peepee poo poo. … I like the beats.” (10:32 – Nicole)
• The duo gets nostalgic for musical trends—Nicole misses pop songs with genre-blending (specifically Indian music influences).

2. Viral Moments and Sneaking on Stage

• Chat about celebrity security, referencing a man ("serial doer") who jumped a barricade at a premiere.
  • “Why isn't he banned from events? … Doing it is crazy.” (03:48 – Nicole)
• Both joke about elaborate ways to try to meet Beyoncé, with Nicole outlining an (absurd) plan of pretending to be a backup dancer.

3. Holiday Gifts, Rituals & Adulting

• Both hosts reflect on how the meaning of holiday gifting shifts with age:
  • “If I want it, I’ll just get it.” (08:17 – Sasheer)
  • “I just want fat, nasty laughs and good times.” (08:43 – Nicole)
• Nicole admits she occasionally misses having a roommate (John), especially for "man things" like firing up her fireplace.

4. The Apple Segment: Cult of the Lucy Glow

• Nicole is obsessed with a new apple variety at Sprouts, originally misnaming it the “Lucy Liu” and then correcting to “Lucy Glow.”
  • “A new apple just dropped. … It’s like pink on the inside and apparently it tastes like strawberry lemonade.” (14:23 – Nicole)
• Playful debate on whether new apples are naturally occurring or “bred”.

Memorable Exchange:

• Nicole, after being teased: “The way you said that. … I cannot believe I was judged so harshly ... to get an apple.” (16:04)
• Sasheer: “That wasn’t a judgmental…” (16:05)

5. Stealing Persimmons & Unusual Food Preferences

• Nicole has been eating green, underripe persimmons claimed from a neighbor’s tree (“they be crunching. ... They're so hard. And I love them.” – 19:09).
• Sasheer recoils at the idea, stating they should be “definitely orange” and soft.
  • “They shouldn’t be hard.” (19:15 – Sasheer)
• Both marvel over the varied reactions Nicole has received from others about her crunchy persimmon habit.

6. The Great Toilet Paper Heist

• Nicole’s long-standing tradition of taking extra hotel toilet paper is reaffirmed.
  • “I’m always stealing. ... I’m not paying for toilet paper.” (25:46, 29:19 – Nicole)
• Discussion on the merits of soft vs. rough toilet paper and surprise that it’s bleached:
  • “They bleach toilet paper?” (27:33 – Nicole)
  • Ali, the producer, confirms: “The bleaching process is more than aesthetic. It removes the substance lignin, which softens the paper.” (29:00)

7. Victorian Bathrooms and Bodily Functions

• Entertaining chat about historical hygiene, chamber pots, and the horror of human waste being tossed onto the streets.
  • “Imagine walking and a piece of [bleep] hitting you.” (31:11 – Nicole)
• Nicole shudders at the thought of life in the Victorian era: “I don’t think I would do good back then…this is nasty.” (31:21)

8. Biopics & TV/Film Preferences

• Visits to “must-see TV,” including the Michael Jackson biopic, Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, and more.
• Nicole and Sasheer trade impressions of iconic Breaking Bad lines (“I am the one who knocks”).

9. Personal Hygiene, Handshakes, and Hugging Strangers

• Nicole explains her aversion to handshakes, citing concerns about germs and people’s potential “butt-digging.”
  • “You don’t know what people be doing. Digging in their nose, digging their butts, like, fingering their toes.” (36:07 – Nicole)
• She prefers hugs, reasoning contact with clothing is less icky than hand-to-hand.

10. Working from Home, Social Needs & Four-Day Work Weeks

• Nicole shares a “boomer” take: not everyone should work from home, community/fellowship at work is important.
  • “I don’t think everyone should work from home… I think it should be hybrid.” (39:06 – Nicole)
• Tangent about Utah’s four-day work week experiment; they can’t imagine government offices like “dry cleaning” being closed Fridays.

11. Impostor Jobs

• Nicole and Sasheer riff on jobs they’d love to pretend to do: Nicole would like to be a flight attendant; Sasheer, a co-pilot.
  • “I could read the little pamphlet and tell you where the exits are.” (55:02 – Nicole)
• The discussion snowballs into airplane safety protocols, the matter of “exit row responsibility,” and Nicole’s conviction that she’d be the only survivor in a plane crash—which would leave her “so sad and haunted.” (55:54–57:10)

12. Listener Questions & Friendship Advice (60:01+)

Mental Moochers (61:04)

• A listener asks how to help her friend (“Bertha”) set boundaries with friends who rely on her for all social planning.
  • Advice: Suggest assigning tasks, explicit communication (“Hey, you decide”), or planning logistics together in person.
  • “I think Bertha just needs to ask them to participate, because otherwise they…don’t think they have to.” (65:11 – Nicole)

Personal Space on Sidewalks (66:05)

• Another listener asks about standing her ground with sidewalk-hogging groups.
  • Nicole’s approach: Don’t move! “I will walk into people. And I steady the arm, because you’re not gonna knock me down.” (67:51)
  • Sasheer suggests sprinting straight at them for comedic effect.

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “I like watching someone be somebody else. … It’s crazy because you’re playing a person that was once alive.” (07:09 – Nicole)
• “I just want fat, nasty laughs and good times. … That is the gift.” (08:54 – Nicole)
• “Nobody likes celery.” (16:39 – Nicole)
• “I’ve been eating them…they be crunching. They’re so hard. And I love them.” (19:09 – Nicole, on green persimmons)
• “I’m not paying for toilet paper. Ever!” (29:19 – Nicole)
• “They bleach toilet paper?” (27:33 – Nicole)
• “Imagine walking and a piece of [bleep] hitting you.” (31:11 – Nicole, on Victorian chamber pot disposal)
• “I don’t enjoy a weak handshake… but I don’t really shake hands.” (35:25 – Nicole)
• “If you’re three people deep, you have to move.” (68:03 – Nicole, on sidewalk space)

Episode Structure & Segments

• Holiday & Gift Talk (08:01–10:44): Shifting adult perspectives on gift-giving.
• Apple Hype (14:09–18:05): Lucy Glow apple origin story, fruit preferences.
• Best Friends’ Bizarre Habits (25:03–30:00): Toilet paper theft, rough vs. soft, and why bleaching exists.
• Hygiene Through History (29:31–32:29): Victorian sanitation and the horrors of the pre-plumbing world.
• TV & Media Chatter (32:29–35:55): Iconic lines, mean protagonists, and binge-watching old series.
• Airplane Insight (55:02–59:58): In-depth on flight roles, exit row obligations, and crash survivor fantasies.
• Listener Q&A (60:01–69:55): Tackling mental moochers, sidewalk etiquette, and personal space.

Tone & Style

The tone remains refreshingly candid and playful, with Nicole’s irreverence and Sasheer’s measured wit bouncing off each other. The banter is effortless, breaking into song, using vivid analogies, and frequently pulling producer Ali Khan into their search for answers. Even the most mundane topics are mined for humor and unexpected insight.

Final Thoughts

This episode is a classic example of why Nicole and Sasheer have such devoted listeners: their friendship is the show, with every tangent, inside joke, and offbeat passion made relatable and laugh-worthy. Whether you’re in the mood for holiday shop talk, fruit debates, tales of imposter professionals, or real nuanced friendship advice, "Nicole Champions Underripe Persimmons” delivers it all:

“I will walk into people. And I steady the arm because you’re not gonna knock me down.”
—Nicole Byer (67:51)

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