Loading summary
Ali Khan
This is a headgun podcast.
Nicole Byer
Hello, Sasheer.
Sasheer Zamata
Hello, Nicole.
Nicole Byer
How are ya?
Sasheer Zamata
I'm good, how are you?
Nicole Byer
Oh boy. Looked in the mirror today and I said it's time for these braids to get refreshed.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
But that will require me to send a text, find a date and a time that good for both of us. And I simply don't have the capacity right now.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, maybe you could have like. Because you can schedule a text. Did you know this?
Nicole Byer
What?
Sasheer Zamata
You can schedule a text. I don't know if you can schedule. I don't know how far out you can schedule a text, but I have definitely scheduled text to go out like the next morning.
Nicole Byer
Oh.
Sasheer Zamata
So I wonder if like. Because like, how long do you usually have your braids in? Or do you want your braids in?
Nicole Byer
I mean, technically I should have them in for a month and a half, get the front refreshed, and then go another month and a half.
Sasheer Zamata
So maybe like after you get your braids done, you can schedule text to go out a month and a half in the future. That's like, hey, are you available this weekend or like this coming week or whatever? Like you don't even remember. It's already been scheduled.
Nicole Byer
Wow.
Sasheer Zamata
Wow.
Nicole Byer
Queen of making things easier for yourself. And I'm the queen of like, how can I make that as hard as possible so I fuck it up?
Sasheer Zamata
Well, it's not fucking it up. It's just going to take longer than you want.
Nicole Byer
Yeah. It is so fuzzy. I'm sure the people watching, the black people watching are like, does she know what she looks like? And I want to say, yeah, I do. I do.
Sasheer Zamata
You know, you can also use bandanas or scarves, you know.
Nicole Byer
Yes. And I did tie one around my head and I went, I don't like it.
Sasheer Zamata
Not your look.
Nicole Byer
No, I'd rather just have the fuzz. So people know.
Sasheer Zamata
So people know. So we all know it's time, you know, it's time.
Nicole Byer
TikTok. Mr. Wick, it's time to get new braids.
Sasheer Zamata
Mr. Wick.
Nicole Byer
Yeah. In this scenario, I'm John Wick and
Sasheer Zamata
your mission is to get new braids.
Nicole Byer
Uh huh.
Sasheer Zamata
Nice.
Nicole Byer
Oh my goodness. You had a stand up show last night.
Sasheer Zamata
I did do a Seattle show last night.
Nicole Byer
Was it last night?
Sasheer Zamata
It was last night. Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Time is wild.
Sasheer Zamata
Time is wild.
Nicole Byer
Truly wild. I was like, wait, was that two or three nights ago? No, it was last night.
Sasheer Zamata
It was last night.
Nicole Byer
It was really fun.
Sasheer Zamata
Thank you. It was so fun. I had a blast. Yeah. I had taken a hiatus from stand Up. And I'm now actually getting back into it. Last year I was like, I'm ready. And then I was like, psycho. I'm actually not ready. And this year I'm like, I actually am ready. And then booked a room and my goal was to get a half hour. I only did like 22 minutes. But, like, still great. Yeah, still great. Still a great start. And had some friends on Julia Rossi, Francesca Ramsey, Cameron Esposito. And they were all so fun.
Nicole Byer
Everyone was so fun and funny.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
And I like that everyone got on stage and was like, back at it again. Yeah, just get my sea legs wet.
Sasheer Zamata
I don't think I like purposely did that. Like, I kind of did and didn't, but I was like, oh, yeah. Everyone's just like, I haven't done this in months or years.
Nicole Byer
Like, it's.
Sasheer Zamata
It was nice that we all were like in and out of it, which is actually really nice because, I mean, maybe I do. There are more stand ups like that as we age because life is happening. People have kids or they take breaks or they get jobs or whatever. Um, but when we started doing standup, I felt like such a pressure to like, go, go, go, go, go and grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. Which I think was beneficial because I created a lot of stuff, but I was burnt out a lot of the time.
Nicole Byer
Yeah. Especially in New York, the pressure is like, you gotta get up at three shows a fucking night and everything is in a rather close approximity. You just like hop on the train, walk down the street. But yeah, you get older and you're like, oh, boy, I gotta get in my car and I gotta drive for 30 minutes in the dark to get in more dark.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
And some, some of these jokes won't work for some of these people. I better stay home. I better get in bed.
Sasheer Zamata
Get in bed.
Nicole Byer
But I do love that you were like, I want to do it. You booked a room. Cause I feel like sometimes when people give up something, they're like, well, that was the old me. I never know how to get back into it. I simply want. But it's like sometimes you just gotta jump in the deep end. Wait, what is it? What song am I thinking of?
Ali Khan
Shallow.
Nicole Byer
Yep. Deep end watches a dive in. Let the river reach the ground. Yeah, you're not gonna sink. You'll float to the top. Like Lady Gaga. Like Lady Gaga.
Sasheer Zamata
Okay, I like that.
Nicole Byer
I went through a phase where I watched that movie so many times.
Sasheer Zamata
It's just really good.
Nicole Byer
It's a great movie.
Sasheer Zamata
It's a really Great movie.
Nicole Byer
I saw it in theaters, and I remember. I don't want to ruin it for anyone. But the end. Whoa. Is there a twist that you might not see coming unless you've seen the other versions of this movie?
Sasheer Zamata
I don't want to spoil this remake
Nicole Byer
of a remake of a remake of a remake, but when that thing happens, the audience collectively was like. And, like, the air was sucked out of the room, and I was like, theaters can't die.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I think about things like that. I'm like, they cannot die.
Sasheer Zamata
I love a theater experience. I love laughing with people. I love gasping with people. I love when, like, the audience finds a joke that wasn't supposed to be a joke, and we're all like, oh, that's crazy. It's fun.
Nicole Byer
It's so fun. When I went and saw the substance, it felt like the theater thought it was a straight up horror movie. But I was like, it's really funny.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
And, like, I was laughing, and the person I was with was, like, laughing about things, and then, like, the audience, like, kind of caught on and was like, wait, this is funny. So, like, that was a fun thing to experience. I love the theater.
Sasheer Zamata
Love the theater.
Nicole Byer
Nicole Kidman was right.
Sasheer Zamata
She was right. She was right. Did you. I sent you that thing about how she did the AMC commercial for free.
Nicole Byer
Free.
Sasheer Zamata
Because she was like, I just want people to get to the theater. And I'm like, I'm going for you, Nicole.
Nicole Byer
Yes, I'm going for her. And now I put. When I see previews of something, I. I'm like, ooh, that's. That's on the list instead of the list that I had. I've just now put it in my calendar. O. So when it pops up, I go and I put it at 1 1pm
Sasheer Zamata
p.m. so I should.
Nicole Byer
Reasonable.
Sasheer Zamata
I should be awake.
Nicole Byer
So then I'll text people on that day to be like, let's make a date to go see it.
Sasheer Zamata
Smart. I like that.
Nicole Byer
It's because I missed something. Send help in theaters.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Sam Raimi's movie. I really wanted to see it.
Sasheer Zamata
I also wanted to see it.
Nicole Byer
And I'm so in. The theatrical window is so small now.
Sasheer Zamata
It gets so short now and go straight to streaming.
Nicole Byer
Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. I don't like that.
Nicole Byer
And I don't want to watch it streamed in my home. I want to watch it with the people.
Sasheer Zamata
I do want to watch with the people, but that's, like, how they're doing deals now.
Nicole Byer
Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
Which I don't like.
Nicole Byer
I don't like it either. It's a real bummer, but I want to see Obsession. Do you know that one?
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, yeah, I saw the trailer for that.
Nicole Byer
Looks.
Sasheer Zamata
Looks good.
Nicole Byer
Will you see it? Because you're not a spooky.
Sasheer Zamata
Ooh, I'm not a spooky ook. But the concept is so interesting to me that I'm like, maybe I can try it. And the trailer, I guess it was bloody, but I'm hoping it's not, like, crazy gory. I want to try it.
Nicole Byer
Okay.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
And here's the thing. You can leave.
Sasheer Zamata
I'm always exercising that right. I will always leave when I need to.
Nicole Byer
I will exercise my right to leave, to go home, get in bed.
Sasheer Zamata
That started in college, maybe, like, when I had to see plays for my drama program. There were times where I was like, I don't want to be here anymore. And I would leave. And it felt so good. It felt really empowered to be like, I'm just. I'm going to take my time back now. I don't have to reclaim my time. I'm reclaiming my time. My time.
Nicole Byer
That's funny. I've only left one play at intermission. I don't want to say what. What it is because it was a touring production, and I know people put work into it, of course, but there was a technical malfunction, and the lead walked on stage, realized that the set pieces were not there, and just went. And then walked right back out. And I was like, huh? And then they're like. Then they, like, brought the lights up, and they're like, hey, guys, oopsies. We gotta fix something. And we're like, okay. And then they fixed it. And then he walked back out like nothing happened. And I was like, oh, okay. But then I was like, ah. Was it worth it? The scene wasn't that great. I didn't like it. And then at intermission, I was like, I gotta go.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Gotta get out of here.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, I feel that. I heard there's gonna be a documentary about the Spider man musical because that was apparently a lot of chaos.
Nicole Byer
A lot of people worked really hard,
Sasheer Zamata
and a lot of people got hurt.
Nicole Byer
I think. I think somebody died.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, I don't know if I knew that.
Nicole Byer
I think, whoa. I might be a liar, but I think. Or maybe someone died on a Spider man set.
Sasheer Zamata
I actually have no idea.
Nicole Byer
I know that tragedy has happened in the Spidey verse.
Sasheer Zamata
What's the tragedy in the Spidey verse? Yeah, I mean, it's like they're doing crazy stunts.
Nicole Byer
Yeah.
Ali Khan
No one died.
Sasheer Zamata
Okay. No, One died.
Nicole Byer
But did someone die during a filming of Spider Man?
Ali Khan
Yes. A worker died during the filming of the first Spider man movie in 2002. A crane that was used to build a set piece toppled over and struck him in the head.
Sasheer Zamata
Damn.
Nicole Byer
Fucking sucks.
Sasheer Zamata
That sucks.
Nicole Byer
It's so sad.
Sasheer Zamata
It's so sad.
Nicole Byer
Julie Taymor did the choreography.
Ali Khan
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
You know, she's like a legendary choreographer. And so much money went into the Spider man musical. And I believe it is the biggest, for lack of a better words, floppy.
Sasheer Zamata
How do I say this gently
Nicole Byer
in Broadway history. I think it is, but I would.
Sasheer Zamata
Here's why.
Nicole Byer
I want to go to the theater. I want to see someone's creative vision of Spider man with dancing.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. I can't imagine. What is it? What is it?
Nicole Byer
Was it Spider Man? Turn off the dark. Yes. Turn off the dark.
Sasheer Zamata
Turn off the dark.
Nicole Byer
Spider Man. Flip that light switch. That's what that means.
Sasheer Zamata
It's too dark in here.
Nicole Byer
Spider Man.
Sasheer Zamata
Spider Man. Cut out the dark.
Nicole Byer
Cut out the dark. We gotta see something. I can't believe more people didn't flock to see that. I can't believe I didn't flock to see it.
Sasheer Zamata
I think there was a short window when you could. I think they, like, were in previews for a year or something like that, and they wouldn't let people come.
Nicole Byer
Wait, really?
Sasheer Zamata
Because they're trying to work out all the technical issues.
Nicole Byer
Wow. Love to see that. That's a nice time. Wow. I. It is just so funny to me that someone would be like, you know what needs to be a musical? Spider Man. Yeah. I mean, the third movie was kind of a musical.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh.
Nicole Byer
Because he had a lot of dancing and jazz in there.
Sasheer Zamata
That's true.
Nicole Byer
And then there was that lady. Spider Man. Spider Man. If nobody can do it, Spider Man. That's not how it goes.
Sasheer Zamata
I do not remember.
Nicole Byer
It's just a lady on the street. Allie, do you know what I'm talking about?
Ali Khan
I don't remember this lady, but I do know the song.
Nicole Byer
It's from the Sam Raimi Spider man movies. And I think it's in the third one. Yes. Because when Spider man gets venomed and is black. Oh, turn off the dark. Get venom out of him. I wonder if that's what it was about.
Sasheer Zamata
Maybe.
Nicole Byer
Who's to say? Nobody saw the Broadway show, but, like, he's acting all bad or whatever. The, like, ladies thing about Spider Man's like, Spike. It's, like, sadder. Is she, like, a street performer? Yes. Nobody knows. She's like, Spider Man.
Sasheer Zamata
Spider Man.
Nicole Byer
Ellie, can you please google lady on
Sasheer Zamata
the street singing Spider man song from Spider Man 3?
Nicole Byer
Maybe Spider Man 3? I'm 90 sure it's Spider Man 3.
Sasheer Zamata
Okay.
Nicole Byer
Because I just read them all. Or read them all. I just watched them all.
Sasheer Zamata
Are you Sam Raimi? Head.
Nicole Byer
It's interesting who I'm discovering that I love.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Because there's so. I don't know what I was doing. There's so many movies I have not seen. I mean, same, but I really like Sam Raimi. I am a Camry Stan. James Cameron.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, Camry Stan, like Toyota Camry.
Nicole Byer
Here's the thing. I fucked up his name. I said Camry and I met Cam'. Ron.
Sasheer Zamata
Kamri Stan. Who's Kamri? New person. I don't know.
Ali Khan
Okay, this is from the second movie.
Nicole Byer
Let me know if this is her second one.
Sasheer Zamata
But only the singing lady.
Nicole Byer
Oh my God.
Sasheer Zamata
So it hits.
Nicole Byer
I thought it was the third one.
Sasheer Zamata
Spider Man, Spider Man.
Nicole Byer
Where have you gone?
Sasheer Zamata
To Spiderman.
Nicole Byer
Okay.
Sasheer Zamata
Two cameos in there.
Nicole Byer
God bless. It's from the second movie when Spider man loses his power and he's not showing up.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh. They're like, where is he? Wow.
Nicole Byer
But isn't that fun that that lady was singing? And it doesn't support my theory of the third one being a musical,
Sasheer Zamata
but maybe the second one's a musical.
Nicole Byer
I feel like it's the third one, cuz that's the jazz one.
Sasheer Zamata
Maybe they all are musicals.
Nicole Byer
Maybe.
Sasheer Zamata
I'm actually really excited to see Nicolas Cage's Spider man noir.
Nicole Byer
Oh, is it spider noir?
Sasheer Zamata
I think you're probably Spider Noir. I think so.
Nicole Byer
It looks fun. I saw a trailer for it and I was like, hey, let's do it.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I do love Nicolas Cage. Ghost Rider is a fun time. Oh, yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
I still haven't seen it.
Nicole Byer
It's about a man who they say makes a deal with the devil. But the devil definitely just took his signature. Like there was no deal to be had. He took advantage of a little boy.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, no.
Nicole Byer
And he was like, I'm gonna take your daddy's cancer. And then things will. And then you have to ride at night as a flaming skeleton.
Sasheer Zamata
A child can't make that decision. That's crazy.
Nicole Byer
It is crazy. And also, I don't think the devil gave him all the ins and outs. I don't think he once said he was gonna have to be a skeleton on fire riding a motorcycle.
Sasheer Zamata
That's terrible.
Nicole Byer
It was wild. Really a treat of a movie.
Sasheer Zamata
But the dad survived.
Nicole Byer
No, I want to ruin things. But he doesn't.
Sasheer Zamata
It's one of those monkeypaw situations.
Nicole Byer
Yeah. I was going to say a Tasmanian Devil clause and I didn't know what it was, but.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, that sounds crazier. A Tasmanian Devilclaws. Everything's fucked up.
Nicole Byer
Everything's crazy.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Here's the thing about Ghost Rider. You're going to like it. Nicholas Cage is always having fun.
Sasheer Zamata
Seems like it. Always.
Nicole Byer
And I really like that for him.
Sasheer Zamata
Well, for. There's like a little snippet of an interview where he's talking about Spider Noir and he's like, I tried to embody what it would be like to be a man who actually was a spider. Like, that was his acting choices. I can't wait to see what that looks like.
Nicole Byer
I can't wait. That's really fun. That's like the legendary Vin Diesel wearing stilts to be Groot.
Sasheer Zamata
He's like, I'm a Beatrie.
Nicole Byer
I wonder if he ever was, like, at home still, like, just on his stilt, standing.
Sasheer Zamata
He's standing next to. In the yard, still letting birds land on him.
Nicole Byer
I hope. I hope. Speaking of Vin Diesel, are you a roller coaster person?
Sasheer Zamata
I used to be, but I'm not.
Nicole Byer
I'm trying to find somebody to go on the Fast and the Furious coaster with me.
Sasheer Zamata
Tess will probably do it.
Nicole Byer
Tess probably would do.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
The cars are shaped like cars.
Sasheer Zamata
I saw the video. Yeah, that's. That's very cool.
Nicole Byer
The cars are shaped like cars.
Sasheer Zamata
I'll have. Maybe I'll watch the video again or, like, find a longer one. Because if I. I'm not into flips anymore. I don't want to be upside down against my will. I, like, I want to control that.
Nicole Byer
I don't.
Sasheer Zamata
I don't want too many twists and turns because I just, like, feel like my body's older. I don't be whipped around anymore.
Nicole Byer
I really do understand that sentiment. And last time I went to Disney, we were all getting on the Incredicoaster and I was like, oh, I don't know if that's for me. You know what? Who am I? When in Rome be a Roman? So I got on the Incredicoaster and I had the time of my life. I, like, couldn't really register when I was upside down and not whoa. I was like, I'm outside going really fast. And I really liked it. We wrote it twice.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, that's fun.
Nicole Byer
It was a really fun time. Nice. I think I'm a coaster head.
Sasheer Zamata
Great.
Nicole Byer
And here's the thing about amusement parks. I don't want to be in them, and I. There is no service for someone to just, like, pick me up and carry
Sasheer Zamata
me around the park.
Nicole Byer
I wish there was no, like, he's a big man who lets me get on his back.
Sasheer Zamata
I mean, maybe you can hire somebody. The park won't provide it.
Nicole Byer
Then I have to pay for his ticket and everything. What if he's not reliable and starts complaining?
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. Maybe you should get, like, a horse.
Nicole Byer
Imagine I go to Disney World, and I'm like, this is my emotional support horse.
Sasheer Zamata
I have to ride a horse from coaster to coaster.
Nicole Byer
Riding horses is hard.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Every time I see someone on a horse, I'm like, how? Because you're supposed to, like, go with it. And every time I would try. I've ridden a horse twice, but every time I, like, try to go with it, my body would do the opposite. So then I would be rising as it would be rising, and then I would slam, like, into the horse.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, God.
Nicole Byer
Oh, my goodness. Oof.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Really rocked me in a way I wasn't expecting.
Sasheer Zamata
I think the only time I rode a horse as an adult was in Iceland. And their horses are wild, barely domesticated. And so they, like, you know, we went to this ranch where you could ride them, and they also, like, opened the gate for a couple of the horses to come out, and then all of them started coming to the gate, and they're like, no, no, no, no, no.
Nicole Byer
Not all of you. Just a couple of you.
Sasheer Zamata
And then. And they told us, like, you know, like, which movements meant what? And I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, but occasionally my horse would just, like, walk away from the group and be like, nah, I want to go over here. Just, like, making its own choices, like, huh? No, I'm going over here now. And, like, everyone else is doing that too. And I was like, let's go back to the group. And I was like, fine. And then.
Nicole Byer
I don't know.
Sasheer Zamata
I must have done something, but I really don't think I did. It just started sprinting. It just bolted. All of a sudden, I was, like, holding on for dear life. And, like, thankfully, I didn't fall, but I was like, this is way too fast. This is crazy.
Nicole Byer
That's wild.
Sasheer Zamata
And then it stopped. And I was like, all right, let's go back.
Nicole Byer
All right. Did it. Had my fun.
Sasheer Zamata
I was able to run. Thank you.
Nicole Byer
Maybe that. Did you scream at all?
Sasheer Zamata
I don't think I did, because I didn't want to Scare it. I also think I was so scared that it, like, took my breath away.
Nicole Byer
I was like, maybe the horse could, like, feel your heartbeat and was like,
Sasheer Zamata
let's get it up, let's get it popping. They. I think they do sense your energy, so if you're skittish, they get skittish.
Nicole Byer
When I met a bunch of horses with the Compton cowboys, they were like, you've got. You've got, like, a good energy around these horses, and they sense it because they kept coming to me and one kept motorboating my titties, and one of them got a boner. And he was like, yeah, he likes you. And I don't know if that was, like, a bit, but I, like, went home and I was like, oh, my God. I give horses boners. Nobody can tell me anything.
Sasheer Zamata
My sexual energy is so powerful.
Nicole Byer
That, of course, got hard for me. Who else can say that?
Sasheer Zamata
Not many people can't tell me nothing.
Nicole Byer
You don't think I'm cute? This horse over here does. Okay. Okay. What other things can you ride? Horses.
Sasheer Zamata
Donkeys.
Nicole Byer
Oh, yeah,
Sasheer Zamata
Camels. But I feel like we're not supposed to.
Nicole Byer
I also feel like that in Mexico, I tried to ride a camel and I might have told this story.
Sasheer Zamata
Maybe. I don't know if I know this story.
Nicole Byer
I feel like I've told it on a podcast, whatever. If you've heard it. Sorry. I went to Mexico with a bunch of friends and we signed up for camel riding. We all checked in. They give you a bracelet. And then she gives me two bracelets, and she puts the second one on and it's white. And she goes, that one's special. And I said, ooh. Then we get to the camels and. And they're like, all right, your partners, your partners, your partners. And he's like, and you're too fat to ride. And I was like, what? He was like, that's your bracelet.
Sasheer Zamata
I said, wait, they brought you down there to say that to you? Yes. Why didn't they just tell you that at the entrance?
Nicole Byer
I don't know.
Sasheer Zamata
And come gather. Gather around, Gather around.
Nicole Byer
Just so you know, you're too large to ride the camel. And I was like. And then my dear friend Nick was very nice. He was like, the more none of us are riding. And I was like, no, no, no. We're already down here. We paid. I will. And the man goes, hold everyone's stuff. And I was like, yup, I'm gonna hold everybody's stuff. I was like, woo wee.
Sasheer Zamata
It's humbling. They really should have told you that at the entrance. But I guess maybe they're like, we do need someone to hold their stuff.
Nicole Byer
Yes. And I will say, I guess in Mexico, because it's also happened in Mexico.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
We were in Mexico, and we went. There was a zip line.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, yes.
Nicole Byer
Yeah, yeah. And I was like, am I too fat to ride that zip line? And he, like, looked me up and down, went, I think you should be okay. And I was like, I'm not riding it. I'm not riding it. Then I watched a big, tall man get stuck.
Sasheer Zamata
And I.
Nicole Byer
And then he was laughing at him, and I was like, were you trying to set me up?
Sasheer Zamata
That would have been you.
Nicole Byer
Yes.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I was like, do Mexicans like, seeing fatty stuck or sad?
Sasheer Zamata
I mean, maybe it's not the goal, but they're like, if it happens, that's funny.
Nicole Byer
It happens. Oh, well. But it is funny that both of those incidents happened in Mexico.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
And guess what? I'll return. I'll come back. I'll keep going back. That's nice. Where are we? Costa Rica. Where we were checking into a hotel, and they were like, sisters.
Sasheer Zamata
And we were like, no.
Nicole Byer
And they went, sisters.
Sasheer Zamata
Sisters?
Nicole Byer
Yeah, we're sisters.
Sasheer Zamata
No, we're lovers.
Nicole Byer
Lovers?
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Okay. Sisters.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, that's.
Nicole Byer
I mean, in.
Sasheer Zamata
In Zimbabwe, when we went to the Victoria Falls, to Devil's Pool, they brought us all the way out to the water and then were, like, pointed at me, and they're like, you can't swim, so you go first. And then I had to struggle in front of everybody.
Nicole Byer
Like, I know it happened to you, but sometimes watching something happen to someone is like. It's just like a different level. Because I was like, I can't believe Batman pointed at my friend and said, you are a weak swimmer. You go first. And then watching you doggy paddle, like, against a current with a whole new white family that were my new friends going, oh, I hope she makes it. I was like, well, I don't think they're gonna let her die.
Sasheer Zamata
But they really just wanted me to struggle because there was another lady who was like, I can't swim. And she got to ride someone's back because.
Nicole Byer
Because she said she couldn' the excursion.
Sasheer Zamata
But they weren't like, you have to be a strong swimmer. I was like, I can swim to save my life. Yes.
Nicole Byer
They didn't say strong, and they really should have because we swim against the current. And then I loved that they were so incredulous. After, they were like, so you. You don't, like, work out or anything?
Sasheer Zamata
No, worse. The guy said, it looks like you work out. So what's the issue? He's like, don't you do sports? What's.
Nicole Byer
Yeah, that's what it was. Don't you do sports?
Sasheer Zamata
I was like, yoga. They didn't train me for this.
Nicole Byer
God, I think about that a lot. That trip where we get back and I tried putting those crocs I had on back, and they were like, oh, those aren't ours. I was like, I took someone's shoes. Someone's trying to go home, and they're like, where are my dirty red crocs?
Sasheer Zamata
They'd be barefoot.
Nicole Byer
Just this lady's doggy paddling with them.
Sasheer Zamata
That was a lot.
Nicole Byer
Oh, it was very fun.
Sasheer Zamata
Very, very fun. But it was very funny.
Nicole Byer
We went to. When we were in Costa Rica, when we were 5km from the soccer field. That was the hotel's address when we checked in. Nobody was like, hey. So we have rooms of different levels. Some of them you have to descend 10 stories, which means when you leave, you're gonna have to come up 10 stories. And I feel like they should have said that.
Sasheer Zamata
They should have said that because our
Nicole Byer
room was so far down this mountain. And every morning I would go, huh? What if I stayed in this room? What if I didn't see Costa Rica at all?
Sasheer Zamata
And then that's not what they wanted us to see anyway. We kept being like, where do people hang out?
Nicole Byer
Hang out? Where?
Sasheer Zamata
Where do locals go? And they're like, home. You just go home? And we're like, but it's like, Saturday night. Where do people go? They're like, on a Saturday?
Nicole Byer
Home. We go home.
Sasheer Zamata
And then. But also, maybe they just were gatekeeping, which fair.
Nicole Byer
Maybe because they did end up sending us to a very touristy.
Sasheer Zamata
Was it flamingos? Flamingo. I can't remember what the area was called, but it was very touristy. Yes.
Nicole Byer
Where we ran into people we knew. I was like, this is nuts.
Sasheer Zamata
That was very funny.
Nicole Byer
It was. It was fun. But we were like, yeah, we want to party with locals. And they were like, we don't want you. We don't want you at all.
Sasheer Zamata
Party. Never heard of it before.
Nicole Byer
Fiesta. Nah, we don't know that one either. Okay. But every morning when we would leave, I would go, just go, leave me. And then I'd huff, save yourself, and puff up those stairs. I'd be taking breaks. The little cleaning ladies would, like, be waving at me. And I'd be like, yeah, huh? I'm doing it. And then I'd get to the top and be like, well, should I go back down? I'm tuckered out.
Sasheer Zamata
That's the day.
Nicole Byer
My God.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
That was that trip. You told me to tell a joke that nobody likes.
Sasheer Zamata
But it ended up being great.
Nicole Byer
It did end up being great.
Sasheer Zamata
Did you. Did it ever get. Is it on anything?
Nicole Byer
No. No. Because I think it's a great joke. And my first special, when they were editing it, they were like, this is such a great piece. Let it be good. Cut that. And I said, all right. So it just lives on my desktop.
Sasheer Zamata
Damn. Just really want the world to see it.
Nicole Byer
Let's take a break.
Sasheer Zamata
I am constantly trying to figure out how to make my sleep better. And I didn't realize that the bedding on your bed actually affects your sleep. Like, have you noticed that your sheets keep slipping off the corners lately? Or maybe your pillows don't feel as supportive as they used to. Most people actually keep their bedding way longer than they should. It slowly wears down, and you don't realize how much is affecting your sleep until you finally replace it. And most people think they need to replace their mattress, which I have definitely replaced my mattress, thinking that was the problem. But the biggest difference usually comes from replacing what ten touches you every night. That's why I upgraded my bed with bowl and branch. They make everything your bed needs. Their signature organic cotton sheets, pillows, blankets, and comforters are all designed to be breathable, incredibly soft, and get better over time. Most people start with the signature sheets, and a lot of customers buy two sets so they can rotate them. We also added the waffle blanket, and now the whole bed just feels amazing. The moment you get into bed, you notice the difference. My bedding was definitely getting smaller, like, too small for my bed because the corners really were lifting or it was, like, hard to make the bed. And. And I always felt like I was getting too hot on my sheets, and I wasn't sure if it was the temperature of the room or the sheets themselves. But I really love that Bold and Branch uses organic cotton. Like, you get to actually be able to breathe and feel cool in your bed, and that's ideal for sleeping. Upgrade your sleep with Bow, Bull and branch. Get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping at bull and branch.com Best friends with code best friends. That's bowl and branch. B O L L A N D B R-A-N-C-H.com best friends and use the code best friends to unlock 15% off exclusions apply.
Nicole Byer
This episode is brought to you by Alma A Year from today, who. Who do you want to be? What version of yourself would you like to meet? Do you feel less anxious or feel more like yourself? Maybe your relationship is stronger or the grief feels smaller. What if that thing you've been secretly worried about just took up less space in your mind? The right therapists can help you get there. Alma will help you find them. Alma has a directory of 20,000 therapists with different specialties, life experiences and identities, and 99 of them take insurance. You deserve to feel like that future version of yourself. A year from today isn't that far away. Get started now@helloama.com best friends. That's helloama.com b e s t f R-I-E n d s Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. I have to tell you, anytime I go to the hospital or a clinic, my anxiety is absolutely through the roof. It's just an overwhelming, scary place to. But I feel like we have all experienced meeting an exceptional nurse who walks into the room and changes your day completely. They are so experienced, and they know exactly what to say to take the panic out of the room and make a terrifying day feel completely manageable. And if you're looking for a new career path or you just want to do a job that truly matters, you cannot help but think, wow, that is exactly the kind of nurse I want to be. Chamberlain University is where you start. Discover your calling at Chamberlain. Edu Chamberlain University belong to something greater. Certified to operate by Chev. Ooh, what a treat of a break
Sasheer Zamata
we really broke.
Nicole Byer
Are there any jokes that you love that you're like, I just can't make them work. The audience does not like them.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, actually, as I've been combing through old material to see, like, what if I can revamp anything, there are jokes where I was like, oh, man, I really love that. But I didn't do anything with it. And there's one that is an act out, which I did. I used to do so many act outs on stage, and now I'm like, damn, I do not have the stamina. I do not have the same kind of energy. It's a lot. But it was about riding the subway train, and this happened in real life. The announcements, like, the automated announcements that go off were, like, going on repeat and on loop. And it was like, ladies and gentlemen, if you see something, say something. Ladies and gentlemen, if a pregnant or elderly person needs a seat, please give them your seat. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what the third one was, but. But like, and then they. And then they repeated, and then they would get chopped up and interrupt. It was like, clearly a glitch was happening. And everyone's kind of like, what is happening? Like, everyone's noticing it. And so I wrote a joke from the perspective of the conductor, and they were somebody who, like. Like, went through something really traumatic on the train. And they're, like, pressing this button, being like, just get up.
Nicole Byer
Just get out of here.
Sasheer Zamata
See if you see an old person.
Nicole Byer
God damn it.
Sasheer Zamata
And I just kept going. And it was, like, fun for me. But I have no idea if the audience actually liked what was happening.
Nicole Byer
Happening. That's really funny. That's really funny. I was. I think I'd done, like, three shows leading up to doing two shows at the Wilbur in Boston. I love the Wilbur. The Late show. I actually lost my mind. Was, like, lost in the sauce. Was having such a good time. I started doing this, like, weird little dance. I can't remember at what point in my act. It was like I was doing this dance, and then I do the little dance, and then, like, throw my head back and catch, like, me slapping. Then I would call it back. And the third time I called it back, I was like, wait, do you guys even like this? And then I couldn't stop laughing. Cause I was like. I was like, I should be concerned about all of it. You paid.
Sasheer Zamata
But I'm having a great time.
Nicole Byer
I'm having such a nice time. And then I said, if you have friends who are at the first show, talk to them, because they didn't get this show. This shows different. Nobody will ever get this show.
Sasheer Zamata
That is really funny.
Nicole Byer
Oh, man.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Sometimes I'm on stage having the time of my life, and I have to remember, like, whoa, what about the people who paid?
Sasheer Zamata
But I think I also feel like if you're having fun on stage, the audience is having fun. Like, you just, like, it's infectious. You can't help but also be like,
Nicole Byer
this is a great time.
Sasheer Zamata
I have no idea what's happening, but I'm having a blast.
Nicole Byer
There was one comedian whose name I'll tell you after he would tell a joke, and then he'd be like. And Sasheer. I was guffawing. I was scream. Laughing because it made me laugh. The audience hated it because it would be, like, the setup, like, his joke, and then. For 45 minutes, and I. I'm, like, crying now. It was so funny. And the crowd hated it. No. And sometimes those are my favorite shows. I remember I did a college show with Kevin Burnett. And Jermaine Fowler and me. There's the three of us. And Kevin went first and bombed. And the way Jermaine was laughing at the bomb made me laugh. We were the. And it was in this, like, weird, like, cafeteria esque thing where there was a balcony and everyone was below. So people were just turning and, like, looking up at us, just dying and then looking back at Kevin and being
Sasheer Zamata
like, I don't understand.
Nicole Byer
Well, what are they? This.
Sasheer Zamata
We don't.
Nicole Byer
And then Jermaine proceeded to bomb. Super fucking. So me and Kevin were up there laughing so hard. And then I bombed, and then they were laughing at me. And it got to the point where we were just talking to one another and we were like, did you think that one was good? I think I thought it was good. It works everywhere else. And like, Jermaine would be like, yeah, yeah, no, it's good. You can add on to it, I think. I wish I could remember what school it was.
Sasheer Zamata
That's funny.
Nicole Byer
It was one of my favorite shows. And it's like, it shouldn't be. It went poorly. Like children not smiling. Not smiling. Like, I took away Christmas from them. They were like, oh, no.
Sasheer Zamata
Mad at us. Oh, no.
Nicole Byer
One of my favorite shows I've ever done.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, those college shows are wacky. One time I did a show where they had a buffet line right outside the door of the auditorium. Also, I had no opener and the person just brought me, like, some. Some student was just like, so she's a Maida. And I was like, oh, okay. And I just walked on stage and people are filing in holding plates of, like, macaroni and cheese and chicken as. And they're like. I was like, am I supposed to even be on? Like, do you want them to eat before I start? It's a mess.
Nicole Byer
That's really, really funny. I once did a. You know that picture of me where I'm sitting in a chair? Weird.
Sasheer Zamata
I'll never forget it.
Nicole Byer
That was taken in a lecture hall where they made me do Santa. Like, it was just like, the campus students welcome Nicole Byer. And then I just, like, came in from a door, like a teacher and then had a podium because they didn't have a cordless mic. So I did stand up from behind a podium and I can't remember. There was something I did and I was like, oh, well, you couldn't see my feet during that.
Sasheer Zamata
Cause I'm behind.
Nicole Byer
Cause I'm behind a podium like a teacher. I couldn't. Like some colleges, you've never put a show together. You're like, I don't know what the comic needs.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
But it's definitely not a podium.
Sasheer Zamata
It's definitely not a podium.
Nicole Byer
And it was. It was a lecture room. I could see every single person's face.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
It was so wild.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I. I don't know.
Sasheer Zamata
I guess. Yes. No, like, not everyone, obviously. These students probably have not run comedy shows. And then whatever adult liaison who was also in charge of this may not know how to run a show either. But I ran really great shows in college. And I. I don't know what, like, I mean, I was in theater, so I guess I did learn about lighting and stage management. So I did have training. Okay. But, like, yeah, I could definitely be like, this audience is too bright. We need to darken the room. They need a mic that they can walk around with, like. But yeah, it's just very, very little things. Just little things. Also, everyone's writer tells you exactly what
Nicole Byer
they need, but my writer doesn't.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I believe the only thing in my writer is Welsh's Fruit Snacks. Nice makeup, wipes and tampons.
Sasheer Zamata
I think I do ask for a wireless mic.
Nicole Byer
Ah.
Sasheer Zamata
And one time I went somewhere and they're like, here's your 757British mic. And I was like, what? They're like, you asked for this. I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Nicole Byer
That's really funny.
Sasheer Zamata
I guess my agent put it in. In the writer. And I was like, oh, we don't. It had to be all that. I don't even know what that. I don't know brands of Mike's.
Nicole Byer
That's really funny. And they're like, she didn't like the British night mic. We imported it.
Sasheer Zamata
We flew this in special. It got here this morning.
Nicole Byer
We overnighted it.
Sasheer Zamata
I'm like, you throw it. Don't eat this shit.
Nicole Byer
I'll just talk from my diaphragm. They're like, God, that's so funny. I know. I've talked about this. Maybe on why Won't yout Date Me? I did a show in, I think Missouri or Minnesota. It was one of the Middle M's. And they did not tell me it was Friends and Family Weekend and that there was content restrictions. And, like, in the middle of, like, my pussy, I heard a baby go. And I was like, wait, there's babies here. And then someone in the crowd was like, it's Friends and Family Weekend. And I was like, oh, no.
Sasheer Zamata
Didn't know.
Nicole Byer
Then the school sent out an email on my behalf apologizing they apologized for you.
Sasheer Zamata
Yes.
Nicole Byer
Which is rude because I don't apologize.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
It's like, I didn't know.
Sasheer Zamata
You didn't sign off on that.
Nicole Byer
No. Had I known, they would have gotten a tight 40 minute sit. Yeah, well, hehe haha is in the middle of every joke to fill the time.
Sasheer Zamata
But it's also weird because it's like if anyone who is on the booking staff had seen your material, they should know. Maybe the book on a different weekend. Yes. Yeah, it was really wild.
Nicole Byer
I couldn't believe it.
Sasheer Zamata
Also, like, sometimes I've been to colleges where they were like, don't talk about this. And now that's all I can think about. I don't. I did an improv show. I don't remember if you were there, but there was a death.
Nicole Byer
Yes.
Sasheer Zamata
And they're like, we had a recent death here. So like, make sure you don't talk about death, which is like. I mean, death, this is. Death is all around us. Like. Like we shouldn't avoid talking about death. But then that's now all I can think of.
Nicole Byer
Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
But I don't.
Nicole Byer
I can't remember if we.
Sasheer Zamata
We probably skirted it. I don't know if we actually touched on it or not, but it was just like. It's like, it's hard to be like, actively like, don't talk about that thing. Don't talk about that thing.
Nicole Byer
Because then you really, really want to. I did a show at Notre Dame and they please don't talk about the Catholic Church. And I was like, why would I?
Sasheer Zamata
I won't. It wasn't gonna come up before.
Nicole Byer
I don't have a single joke about that.
Sasheer Zamata
I don't know. That means someone did and eviscerated it
Nicole Byer
and it went poorly.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I did a show, an improv show, where the monologist got a suggestion that had nothing to do with death and then talked about suicide. And then we did a scene as like the Z Morning Zoo, like a morning radio, like disc jockeys, like, joking around about death. And then a woman ran out of the theater sobbing, oh God. And then the monologist got up and followed her and we were like, what's happening? We get backstage at the half and the monologist goes, that was my daughter. Her friend recently killed themselves. And we were like, then why did you tell that story? Yeah, he was a very interesting man. It like really blew. I was like, what? So like, we unknowingly triggered this poor woman. It was a funny scene though.
Sasheer Zamata
And that monologue knowingly did it.
Nicole Byer
Yes. We should take another break.
Sasheer Zamata
Starting something new isn't just hard, it's terrifying. So much work goes into this thing that you're not entirely sure will work out, and it can be hard to make that leap of faith. Trust me, I know. When I started doing this podcast, I wasn't even sure what I was doing. Like, is anyone gonna listen? Are we gonna make fools of ourselves? And now I know I was right in believing in myself and launching a podcast despite all the fears and hesitations. It also helps when you have a partner like Shopify on your side to help. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Magic Spoon and Mattel to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Accelerate your efficiency. Whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones, Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If people haven't heard about my brand, Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social media campaigns. And what if I get stuck? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support. Tackle all those important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more. No need to save multiple websites or try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need. Everything is all in one place, making your life easier and your business operations smoother. And did I mention that iconic purple shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world? It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts going abandoned and more sales for you. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today shopify.com bestfriends go to shopify.com best friends that's shopify.com best friends. Wow. What a yummy break.
Nicole Byer
Yeah. What a nasty little noise that was.
Sasheer Zamata
A nasty little noise.
Nicole Byer
What's it called when your ears don't like sounds?
Sasheer Zamata
There is a name for it like misophonia Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I wonder if I triggered someone's misophonia. And I'm really sorry if I did.
Sasheer Zamata
Nice apology.
Nicole Byer
Hey, thanks. I did, like, actually was like, oh, man. Maybe I shouldn't do that. I love doing tiny little noises into the mic.
Sasheer Zamata
There are some shows where people fully eat, and I'm like, that's crazy to me.
Nicole Byer
I once had an interview. It was my friend Anne on why won't you date me? And Anne was like, can I just eat my salad? And I was like, no, it's horrible. Let me just eat my salad. And I was like, please don't.
Sasheer Zamata
It's gonna be so horrible for the audience.
Nicole Byer
Yeah, it's just, munch, munch, munch. No, girl. She very. I was like, a couple bites, and then you have to stop and let me know if you want more and we'll pause it.
Sasheer Zamata
I don't know if I have misophonia, but if people chew with their mouth open, it does really hurt my ears.
Nicole Byer
Mm.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I don't know if I can clock someone chewing with their mouth open unless I'm, like, looking at them. When I'm looking at them and, like,
Sasheer Zamata
the food is doing.
Nicole Byer
And I can, like, see it, I'm
Sasheer Zamata
like, yeah, I mean that. I really don't, like, Also not good to look at. No, but I can. If I'm looking, not looking at you, I can't hear it. Wow.
Nicole Byer
Because that's like.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, it's. You can hear it. It's wet. Oh, it's, like, loud. I don't like it.
Nicole Byer
I don't think I like it either. The way you're just. Your face is really changed.
Sasheer Zamata
It's like, I don't. Yeah, it makes me cringe. It's like, I don't love it. I was dating a person who had a real problem with closing his mouth when he was chewing, and I really loved him, but he just, like, that was just a thing he could not fix. And I told him I was like, it actually pains me to hear this. Like, I cannot take this. And he loved chewing gum. And he was like, no, I promise.
Nicole Byer
I can. I can do it.
Sasheer Zamata
And he can't. And he couldn't. And I was like, just know yourself. Like, it's like, yeah, do it when I'm not here.
Nicole Byer
Don't chew gum when I'm home.
Sasheer Zamata
And then he would chew gum, and
Nicole Byer
I'd be like, that is interesting, because how. How do you practice? I don't know. I just chew with my mouth closed. I don't feel like it was Like
Sasheer Zamata
a lesson I got. Yeah. It. I was told for sure, like, like as an etiquette thing, like, make sure you chew with your mouth closed. I don't know if I was ever actually chewing my mouth open, that it needed to be fixed or just preemptively, just like, make sure to chew with your mouth closed. But maybe if no one ever told you, I don't know. Or maybe like some people just naturally have a mouth that wants to stay open.
Nicole Byer
I don't know, a mouth that just naturally wants to say, I just wanna. I want to see the sun.
Sasheer Zamata
The tongue's like, let me out.
Nicole Byer
Come on, come on. So I know an etiquette thing is like cutting up your food. I can't be bothered. I don't cut neatly.
Sasheer Zamata
Okay.
Nicole Byer
Like I'll cut something and it won't be cut to the core. So I'm like. And then I start ripping it with my fork.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
I'm sure an etiquette person would be like, you're not a lady. And I don't know why that etiquette person was from England, but they usually are.
Sasheer Zamata
It feels like it, right?
Nicole Byer
Because in the Princess Diaries, wasn't he from England? Who whipped her up? Who whipped her up? Isn't there a man who whips her up?
Sasheer Zamata
I thought it was Julie Andrews in
Nicole Byer
the Princess Diaries, but she's the Queen of Geneva.
Sasheer Zamata
Uh huh. Oh, but there was like a helper, right?
Nicole Byer
Yeah. Isn't there a man? Yeah, I think he's Hector. Yeah. That's the actor's name, I believe. I don't know, it's really strange when I have pieces of information that I'm like, I think they're right, but I'm like, I feel crazy. Cause I'm like, nobody else knows.
Sasheer Zamata
But I just. You remember really specific parts of movies.
Nicole Byer
Yes.
Sasheer Zamata
And I don't.
Ali Khan
Oh, his name was Paolo.
Nicole Byer
Paolo. What's the actor's name?
Ali Khan
Larry Miller.
Nicole Byer
Who's Hector?
Sasheer Zamata
I don't know.
Nicole Byer
Is there a man in Pretty Woman named Hector?
Ali Khan
Well, that guy is in Pretty Woman. You know, it's the same guy.
Nicole Byer
Who's Hector then?
Ali Khan
Oh, that's. That's the driver, Joe. You're right. You're right.
Nicole Byer
Okay, so someone. He's just.
Ali Khan
He's the driver.
Nicole Byer
Okay.
Sasheer Zamata
Hector's the actor's name or the. Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Okay, cool.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. So you remembering the driver of Pretty Woman?
Nicole Byer
I guess so.
Sasheer Zamata
Why do you know the actor's name?
Nicole Byer
I don't know.
Ali Khan
He was the driver in Princess Diaries and then in Pretty Woman, he's.
Nicole Byer
He Works at the hotel?
Ali Khan
Yes, he works at the hotel.
Nicole Byer
He's like the guy I remember. Blue collar workers. That is wild that I remember that.
Sasheer Zamata
Really funny.
Nicole Byer
The mind is a prison.
Sasheer Zamata
Should we answer some questions? Yes.
Ali Khan
Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Thank you for being you. I love the podcast and seeing a new episode every week brings me so much joy. I'd really love your input on this one as it's left me feeling kind of weird. My husband and I are good friends with another couple. I was a former co worker with Sammy. Her part and her partner and my husband occasionally play magic the Gathering together. I had invited them to our wedding. They came and we had a great time. Sammy and her partner are getting married this October and she's been telling me all about the wedding planning. I almost just assumed we'd be invited. However, they have a strict guest list of 60 people, so they're reserving the spots for family, close friends from childhood. She said we wouldn't make the cut unless people decline. Then she'll extend an invite. It hurts my feelings that I'm essentially on the B list. We live in Boston and she said that they are inviting friends from Boston, but only really close childhood ones. What do you make of this situation? Is she not as close of a friend as I thought she was? We've been friends for almost four years. Would love your advice. I don't have a lot of friends I never had, and so I occasionally feel insecure when I do have a solid friendship. Love you, ladies.
Nicole Byer
I think it sucks and it might sting, but I think because this is something I'm working on, I'm not the main character in someone else's story. They have a strict list of 60 people. They thought of the 60 people that they can have, they would like you there. So people decline. Then you get to be included. And I think it's. Don't think of it as a B list. It's like friends and family that, like, you know, have really influenced my life for more than four years.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
And you are friends. She is. Or your friend is thinking of you and gave you the full scope of things so you could understand why you're not invited. And I think it's okay to be like. Kind of hurts my feelings. But on the flip side, maybe it was really painful for her to be like, oh, here are the friends I can't have. And this sucks.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Like, maybe she is feeling some type of way and maybe she hopes that, like, great aunt Denise can't come, you know, so she can invite the person that she likes that she met four years ago.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, yeah. Also, it's like, pretty amazing that she even told you this. How awful would have been if you just. If you just didn't get in. That happens to a lot of people, actually, where they, they're like, oh, wait, that's so weird. I didn't even know you were getting married, But I thought we were friends. Like, you know, she knew that you were friends enough that you would be expecting an invite, and she's giving you the rundown of like, well, we only have this many people and 60 is a very small number. So that's like, I don't know how they split it, but like about 30 for each person. And that's a lot of people that you have in your life.
Nicole Byer
I think they did 4020.
Sasheer Zamata
Okay, let's guess. They probably did 4020. Which way? Which way?
Nicole Byer
Definitely the bride got 40. He got 20.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, it makes sense.
Nicole Byer
I'm sorry if I interrupted you because I was like, I gotta tell a joke.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, I like that. But yeah, and then, yeah, you have your. The family. And who knows what situation's going on with the family. Maybe the mom's like, I need all of my sisters to be there and all of their kids and, you know, like, maybe there's needs that are outside of their control and. And that's that. So, yeah, I think it's wonderful that your friend even told you this and gave you the scope of what's happening and like, and that you could be going. Like, there might be a chance that someone can't make it. Maybe someone can't actually leave their job that weekend or like get childcare that weekend and then you can come and that'd be wonderful. But if you don't end up going, maybe you can do something that's like, for you guys. Be like, we'll have a special marriage themed magic the gathering game Sasheer.
Nicole Byer
That was what I was gonna say next. That if you don't get to go to the wedding, be like, can I throw you like a Chili's Wedd where you wear like an iteration of white and I don't know, we marry you to the triple dipper. I don't know, I didn't think it all the way out, but I want.
Sasheer Zamata
Do you want a Chili's wedding?
Nicole Byer
Yeah, I want to marry some Southwest egg rolls. Give me a triple dipper. But like, I think you could do fun things like that.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, yeah, Just make it like intimate. Cause I'm also sure, like, weddings are so stressful. And, like, like, you have to, like, cater to so many different people. It might be nice for her to do something with her friends outside of that. That's like, okay, great. And now we get to do whatever we want to do to celebrate you guys in your union. That's not, like, with everybody else.
Nicole Byer
And if you're in, like, a friend group of, like, all these people who met, like, four years ago, maybe those people are also not invited. Maybe you can be her, like, wedding fairies, where you, like, help her get ready with the bridesmaids, you deliver the mimosas you, like, just so you could be a part of it, but, like, you're not, you know, taking up space in a. In a. In a way that's not helpful, but, like, you're there supporting even though you can't go to the actual ceremony.
Sasheer Zamata
I think that's cute, right?
Nicole Byer
Yeah, I just came up with it.
Sasheer Zamata
I like it. Yeah.
Nicole Byer
The wedding fairies.
Sasheer Zamata
The wedding fairies. Solved.
Ali Khan
This is called Best Friend Married My Enemy. Hi, Nicole and Sashir and everyone else that helps out with the pod. Side note, it's one of my favorites. So backstory. My best friend and I have been best friends since high school. We're both 31 now. We literally do everything together. And on my side at least, our relationship is a little codependent. We talk on the phone every day and hang out as much as we can. She's been married to her now husband for the past 4ish years. When they were dating, I did not see any red flags. But after spending more time with them as a couple and him individually, I've seen things that I really hate and don't think that they have a healthy relationship. In my opinion, he micromanages her with money and what she does during her free time and makes her feel bad about some of her life choices. She enjoys a drink to have fun, and he's basically sober. When we do talk about this, I get the vibe that she thinks the same way. But I also understand that they have a relationship that I do not see and that there's probably more to their relationship that is full of kind, good things that cancel out the shitty things that he does. In the past, I would air out my feelings about him to my best friend, but realized that that was hurting our relationship. So I bite my tongue whenever she tells me a story that irks my nerves. Recently, I've noticed a lot of sly or sneaky comments that her husband has made about me. Should I be upset at my best friend for letting these comments slide? I assume she hears them and notices when he makes rude comments towards me, but she says nothing in the moment. Also, how do I manage these comments from him while also being friends with her? I've already made it clear that I do not like him and I probably never will like him. For the most part, I don't interact with him, but every so often, she invites him to events or nights out. I want to stay friends with her, but it literally takes everything out of me to keep my mouth shut when he treats me or her in a rude way. Thanks for any advice. Keeping the best podcasters to ever live.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, gosh.
Nicole Byer
Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
I gotta know what these comments are.
Nicole Byer
Me too.
Sasheer Zamata
I wish we had an example.
Nicole Byer
Yeah, I feel like, okay, I'll just make up an example. He's like, who, Another drink? I think you'd be like, yes, I'm gonna have another drink. Thank you so much for being worried about my intake, but I think I got a handle on it. I feel like, to, like, combat people who have snarky comments, you just kind of have to address it. Not with, like, meanness. Be like, yeah, I'm having another drink. What of it? It's like, thank you so much for, you know, watching my intake. I think I'm okay.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Cool. I mean, I think. I think that's how you would, like, get around that.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah, it does suck that you have
Nicole Byer
to, like, be on the defense, hanging out with your friend.
Sasheer Zamata
It does suck. I really wish we had an example because also, like, if you've already made up in your mind that you hate this person, sometimes that can color things that are happening in front of you. And it's like, it's possible these comments aren't intended to be mean. And maybe your perception of it is mean because you've already made up this version of who he is in your head. And like. And like, you. The way you see him treating his wife, your friend, that you've already painted that negatively too. So maybe you feel like all feels like the same thing.
Nicole Byer
Yes. And the friend complaining about her husband might just be little complaints. Not like, oh, she has the same thoughts that I do. She's just complaining about this person that she loves. You hate them.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
So, like, you are reading that complaint as, like, a sisterhood of hating this man, but it's like, no, she goes. And she goes home and sleeps with that man.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. She might like where she is.
Nicole Byer
Yeah. Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
So it's. It's really hard to tell. And it also is hard to have a friendship with somebody if you genuinely hate Their partner, like. Cause they're. That they're there.
Nicole Byer
Yes.
Sasheer Zamata
That they are a part of that person's life. And it's not like you're gonna get much of her without him. So you kind of have to, like. Unless it's like, a situation where it's like, he is actively rude to you and, like, this is a situation where he spits on you, throws you down the stairs.
Nicole Byer
Call the police. Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
Actually, we need authorities here. Yeah. If it's just like, he's annoying or, like, just not your cup of tea, that's. That's not a crime. Like, that. That is tolerable. You can, like, coexist in the same space.
Nicole Byer
But.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. I think you just have to decide for yourself. Is it so something where it's like, so much was like, I, like, actually can't be around this person or, like, like, my time is so unpleasant around them? Like, I guess then you have to decide.
Nicole Byer
Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
Is it worth it?
Nicole Byer
I think. Yeah. I think you just gotta. If you do want to spend time with this person and their partner, I think you gotta, like, find things you do like about them and, like, focus on that. Like, if you have something in common, like, bring that up in the conversation. But I do think it's like, I really do wish we had an example of a comment that this person has made, because I think you can turn a lot of negative into a positive here. Say a negative comment to me.
Sasheer Zamata
Um.
Nicole Byer
Wow.
Sasheer Zamata
Looks like you bought another purse.
Nicole Byer
I love purses.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, no, that manic energy.
Nicole Byer
I know. Okay, do it again. Okay.
Sasheer Zamata
Wow. That's your seventh drink of the night.
Nicole Byer
I'm sick. No. Okay. I thought you were gonna say the person.
Sasheer Zamata
Oh, I'll say it again.
Nicole Byer
No, no, no, no. Because she won't know what's coming.
Sasheer Zamata
So. Yeah, it should be.
Nicole Byer
You gotta think of the third one.
Sasheer Zamata
Okay. Okay. Oh, boy.
Nicole Byer
Wow.
Sasheer Zamata
Lose your iron.
Nicole Byer
Oh, my goodness. That's funny. I actually don't own an iron. I'm Rumpelstiltskin.
Sasheer Zamata
Get it?
Nicole Byer
I'm rumpled.
Sasheer Zamata
Hey, that's hilarious. I like this girl.
Nicole Byer
And then you start making up.
Sasheer Zamata
Get out of here, wife. I hate you.
Nicole Byer
Yeah, I think it's maybe trying to find. I did a really poor job of trying to explain what I mean, but, like, it might just be trying to find the levity in it.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
Because also, again, you're not the main character. This man might not know how to interact with you.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
He might not know how to interact with. Just in public. He maybe was socialized poorly.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
We don't know.
Sasheer Zamata
We don't know. Also, maybe, like, I don't know what all the hangs are, but, like, if he's sober, maybe the hangs don't be at bars, you know? Yes.
Nicole Byer
Not.
Sasheer Zamata
Not necessarily, like, to cater to him, but, like, if you are. Feel, like, weird about drinking around him or feel like he's gonna monitor your friends drinking, maybe you two drink away from the husband. Like, maybe you guys do a different Let me go bowling or, like, batting cages.
Nicole Byer
Yeah.
Sasheer Zamata
Like. Like, there's so many activities that you can do that don't require sitting down at a table, eating and drinking and talking. Because sometimes that's not the best combo for a hang.
Nicole Byer
Yes. Because we don't know his reason for being sober. Like, maybe he's sober because he used to drink. Or maybe he just doesn't like alcohol. So it's like. Like, it's not catering too, but it's like, I don't like certain types of food, so, like, I'm not gonna go to that restaurant.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
And if someone invited me, maybe I'd be a little, like, meh. Going and, like, a little. There's something for me here.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah. It's like, it's just being considerate of everybody.
Nicole Byer
Yes.
Sasheer Zamata
In the hang. So.
Nicole Byer
Yes.
Sasheer Zamata
And maybe an activity can be more conducive to, like, fun than, like, let's all sit down and talk.
Nicole Byer
Yeah. But on the flip side, if this person is saying actual harsh, negative things to you, I do think that's a conversation that you have to have.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
With both of them. Like, because if you have the conversation with your friend that won't feel good for him. He'll be like, oh, so you guys talk about me behind my back. But I think it's like, you gotta sit both of them down and be like, hey. Or just talk to him. Be like, hey, I really don't. Like, when you said X, Y, and Z, it made me feel bad.
Sasheer Zamata
Yeah.
Nicole Byer
So, like, can we just, like, keep it to, like, no harsh comments or, like, commentary about stuff otherwise, like, I really love hanging out with you, but, like, it's just sometimes you really, like, get under my skin when you say stuff like that.
Sasheer Zamata
Or you can ask clarifying questions like, oh, that thing you said, did you mean this? Or like, I interpreted it like this. I'm not sure if that's what you meant. And maybe you'd be like, whoa, I didn't know that came off that way.
Nicole Byer
Or I actually did mean it.
Sasheer Zamata
Like, you bitch. I said what I said and I meant it. But, yeah, I also feel like asking a question might help both of you because maybe he doesn't realize how it's coming off, or maybe he meant something completely different and it's like, whoa, I guess I interpreted it differently. Yeah, solved.
Nicole Byer
If you have questions or queries, we have an email address, nicole and sashiramil.com
Sasheer Zamata
and we have a phone number that you can text, leave a voice message at or a voicemail.
Ali Khan
It is 323-238-6554.
Nicole Byer
All right, well, we did it. Another one slammed in the can.
Sasheer Zamata
Another one bites the dust.
Nicole Byer
Another one eats the dirt.
Sasheer Zamata
Another one goes to space.
Nicole Byer
Another one's teeth click. Goodbye. Bye. Best Friends is a production of Headgum Studios.
Sasheer Zamata
Our producer is Ali Khan.
Nicole Byer
Our executive producers, Anya Konovskaya.
Sasheer Zamata
The show is edited, mixed and engineered by Richelle Chen.
Nicole Byer
Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was Us now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show. This is us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry?
Sasheer Zamata
Yes, a little bit.
Nicole Byer
Are we gonna laugh a lot? A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify.
Sasheer Zamata
New episodes every Tuesday.
In this delightfully meandering and funny episode, Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata catch up on their lives, swap travel stories, reminisce about stand-up and theater experiences, and—true to the title—Nicole tries to explain the plot of Ghost Rider. They also field listener questions about tricky friendship boundaries and difficult in-law dynamics. The conversation is a blend of insightful, hilarious, and personal anecdotes, underscoring the importance of authentic friendship and boundary-setting.
Notable quote:
Nicole: “I'm the queen of like, how can I make that as hard as possible so I fuck it up?” (01:22)
Notable quote:
Sasheer: “When we started doing stand-up, I felt like such a pressure to like, go, go, go, go, go and grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. …I created a lot of stuff, but I was burnt out a lot of the time.” (03:25)
Timestamp highlights:
Notable quote:
Nicole: “The audience collectively was like. And, like, the air was sucked out of the room, and I was like, theaters can't die.” (05:23)
Notable quote:
Nicole: “Ghost Rider is a fun time. …The devil definitely just took his signature. Like there was no deal to be had. He took advantage of a little boy.” (14:01)
Sasheer: “A child can't make that decision. That's crazy.” (14:20)
Notable quote:
Nicole: “I give horses boners. Nobody can tell me anything.” (19:54)
Sasheer: “My sexual energy is so powerful.” (20:20)
Notable quote:
Nicole: “One of my favorite shows. And it’s like, it shouldn’t be. It went poorly. Children not smiling. Like I took away Christmas from them.” (36:45)
Notable quote:
Nicole: “I’m not the main character in someone else’s story. …Don’t think of it as a B list.” (52:28)
Sasheer: “It’s wonderful that your friend even told you this and gave you the scope of what's happening. …60 is a very small number!” (53:17)
Notable quote:
Sasheer: “Sometimes that can color things that are happening in front of you. …It's possible these comments aren't intended to be mean.” (59:15)
Nicole: “If you have the conversation with your friend that won’t feel good for him. …I think you gotta sit both of them down and be like, ‘Hey…when you said X, Y, and Z, it made me feel bad.’” (64:45)
Casual, open-hearted, and consistently funny, Nicole and Sasheer’s rapport is warm and empathetic, full of playful asides, honest moments, and inside jokes, but always landing on practical wisdom.
This episode exemplifies the core of Best Friends: raw honesty, laughter through adversity, and the quirks and bonds of real friendship. With Nicole’s playful storytelling and Sasheer’s wry pragmatism, listeners are treated to a conversation that’s as helpful as it is entertaining—perfect for fans of authentic, silly, woman-powered podcasting.