Nicole Explains Ghost Rider

Summary

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Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata

Episode: Nicole Explains Ghost Rider

Release Date: April 22, 2026

Podcast Network: Headgum

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Episode Overview

In this delightfully meandering and funny episode, Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata catch up on their lives, swap travel stories, reminisce about stand-up and theater experiences, and—true to the title—Nicole tries to explain the plot of Ghost Rider. They also field listener questions about tricky friendship boundaries and difficult in-law dynamics. The conversation is a blend of insightful, hilarious, and personal anecdotes, underscoring the importance of authentic friendship and boundary-setting.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Text Scheduling and Hair Care (00:14–02:19)

• Nicole brings up the need to refresh her braids but dreads the logistics.
• Sasheer suggests using scheduled texts to simplify scheduling hair appointments.
• Debate over using scarves/bandanas vs. embracing the "fuzzy" look.

Notable quote:
Nicole: “I'm the queen of like, how can I make that as hard as possible so I fuck it up?” (01:22)

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Stand-up Comedy: Burnout and Return (02:19–05:08)

• Sasheer recounts her return to stand-up after a hiatus, booking a show in Seattle and aiming for a half-hour set.
• Discussion on shifting priorities and burnout as comedians age.
• Love for the shared experience of live theater.

Notable quote:
Sasheer: “When we started doing stand-up, I felt like such a pressure to like, go, go, go, go, go and grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. …I created a lot of stuff, but I was burnt out a lot of the time.” (03:25)

Timestamp highlights:

• 02:34: “I had taken a hiatus from stand-up…this year I’m like, I actually am ready.”

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The Magic of Theaters & Movies (05:08–07:35)

• The transformative experience of seeing movies in a theater, collective audience reactions, and nostalgia for Sam Raimi's Spider-Man.
• Praise for Nicole Kidman’s AMC commercials and planning movie theater trips together.
• Frustration at shrinking theatrical release windows leading to quick streaming releases.

Notable quote:
Nicole: “The audience collectively was like. And, like, the air was sucked out of the room, and I was like, theaters can't die.” (05:23)

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Superhero Musicals & Broadway Flops (08:08–11:18)

• Deep dive into the Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark musical fiasco (“the biggest...floppy in Broadway history” (09:51)), the risks, technical meltdowns, and tragic accidents related to Spider-Man.
• Laughter over the idea of Spider-Man as a musical, venom as a plot device, and assorted weird moments in the Spider-Man films.

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Nicolas Cage, Ghost Rider, and Acting Choices (13:45–15:26)

• Hype for Nicolas Cage’s upcoming Spider-Man Noir series.
• Nicole summarizes the Ghost Rider plot: a boy is conned by the devil into saving his dad but is cursed to become a flaming skeleton biker.
• Musings on Cage’s unique acting choices and Vin Diesel's method antics as Groot.

Notable quote:
Nicole: “Ghost Rider is a fun time. …The devil definitely just took his signature. Like there was no deal to be had. He took advantage of a little boy.” (14:01)
Sasheer: “A child can't make that decision. That's crazy.” (14:20)

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Rollercoasters and Amusement Park Woes (15:45–17:03)

• Nicole tries to recruit someone to ride the Fast and the Furious coaster; Sasheer expresses post-30 reluctance for ride-induced flips.
• Discussion about aging bodies' intolerance for rollercoasters but relishing in childhood nostalgia.

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Tales of Horseback, Camels, and Animal Encounters (17:54–20:28)

• Both recount awkward horseback riding stories—Nicole’s failed attempts to “move with the horse” and Sasheer's Icelandic horse that bolted.
• Nicole tells of being humorously deemed “too fat to ride” a camel in Mexico and being made the group’s bag holder.

Notable quote:
Nicole: “I give horses boners. Nobody can tell me anything.” (19:54)
Sasheer: “My sexual energy is so powerful.” (20:20)

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Awkward Travel and Cultural Moments (21:07–27:33)

• More stories from Mexico (zip line weight limits, close calls), Costa Rica (misleading hotel stairs), Zimbabwe (being called out as a weak swimmer before the group).
• Hilarious moments of being mistaken as sisters or lovers during travels, and the humility and comedy of experiencing other cultures' customs.

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College and Corporate Gig Failures (31:58–41:06)

• Both share their worst/favorite bombing experiences at college gigs—ranging from doing stand-up behind a podium in a lecture hall to performing while students eat in a buffet line.
• Reflection on how bad shows with friends can become treasured memories.

Notable quote:
Nicole: “One of my favorite shows. And it’s like, it shouldn’t be. It went poorly. Children not smiling. Like I took away Christmas from them.” (36:45)

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Etiquette, Annoying Noises, and Personal Quirks (46:10–51:09)

• Introduction of misophonia (sensitivity to sound), annoying chewing, and etiquette faux pas.
• The Princess Diaries and Pretty Woman memory tangent. Nicole’s uncanny recall of minor film characters.

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Listener Questions & Advice Segment

Question 1: Not Invited to a Friend’s Wedding (51:15–56:27)

• Listener feels hurt being “B-list” for a friend's small wedding.
• Both advise empathy and understanding, celebrating the friend’s transparency.
• Suggest pivoting to special, intimate celebrations (“wedding fairies” or a “Chili's Wedd”) if not invited.

Notable quote:
Nicole: “I’m not the main character in someone else’s story. …Don’t think of it as a B list.” (52:28)

Sasheer: “It’s wonderful that your friend even told you this and gave you the scope of what's happening. …60 is a very small number!” (53:17)

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Question 2: Best Friend Married My Enemy (56:34–65:29)

• Listener struggles with best friend’s husband who makes pointed remarks and displays controlling behaviors.
• Nicole and Sasheer emphasize considering possible bias, seeking levity, and when to address genuine disrespect directly.
• Practical advice: Try to find neutral ground, clarify comments, and only escalate if interactions become truly toxic.

Notable quote:
Sasheer: “Sometimes that can color things that are happening in front of you. …It's possible these comments aren't intended to be mean.” (59:15)

Nicole: “If you have the conversation with your friend that won’t feel good for him. …I think you gotta sit both of them down and be like, ‘Hey…when you said X, Y, and Z, it made me feel bad.’” (64:45)

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Memorable Quotes

• “I'm the queen of making things as hard as possible so I fuck it up.” — Nicole (01:22)
• “The mind is a prison.” — Nicole (51:09)
• “Sometimes I’m on stage having the time of my life, and I have to remember, whoa, what about the people who paid?” — Nicole (34:40)
• “My sexual energy is so powerful, that a horse got hard for me.” — Sasheer (20:20)

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Notable Timestamps

• 02:19 – Stand-up comedy burnout and return
• 05:08 – Importance of theatrical experiences
• 09:18 – Spider-Man Broadway mishaps
• 14:01 – Nicole explains Ghost Rider
• 21:07 – Humbling animal interaction stories
• 31:58 – Comedy bombing memories
• 51:15 – Friendship & wedding invite advice
• 56:34 – Navigating difficult in-laws and boundaries

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Tone & Style

Casual, open-hearted, and consistently funny, Nicole and Sasheer’s rapport is warm and empathetic, full of playful asides, honest moments, and inside jokes, but always landing on practical wisdom.

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Summary

This episode exemplifies the core of Best Friends: raw honesty, laughter through adversity, and the quirks and bonds of real friendship. With Nicole’s playful storytelling and Sasheer’s wry pragmatism, listeners are treated to a conversation that’s as helpful as it is entertaining—perfect for fans of authentic, silly, woman-powered podcasting.

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Transcript

[Ali Khan]

This is a headgun podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

Hello, Sasheer.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hello, Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

How are ya?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm good, how are you?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh boy. Looked in the mirror today and I said it's time for these braids to get refreshed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But that will require me to send a text, find a date and a time that good for both of us. And I simply don't have the capacity right now.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, maybe you could have like. Because you can schedule a text. Did you know this?

[Nicole Byer]

What?

[Sasheer Zamata]

You can schedule a text. I don't know if you can schedule. I don't know how far out you can schedule a text, but I have definitely scheduled text to go out like the next morning.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So I wonder if like. Because like, how long do you usually have your braids in? Or do you want your braids in?

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, technically I should have them in for a month and a half, get the front refreshed, and then go another month and a half.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So maybe like after you get your braids done, you can schedule text to go out a month and a half in the future. That's like, hey, are you available this weekend or like this coming week or whatever? Like you don't even remember. It's already been scheduled.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Queen of making things easier for yourself. And I'm the queen of like, how can I make that as hard as possible so I fuck it up?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, it's not fucking it up. It's just going to take longer than you want.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. It is so fuzzy. I'm sure the people watching, the black people watching are like, does she know what she looks like? And I want to say, yeah, I do. I do.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You know, you can also use bandanas or scarves, you know.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And I did tie one around my head and I went, I don't like it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Not your look.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I'd rather just have the fuzz. So people know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So people know. So we all know it's time, you know, it's time.

[Nicole Byer]

TikTok. Mr. Wick, it's time to get new braids.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Mr. Wick.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. In this scenario, I'm John Wick and

[Sasheer Zamata]

your mission is to get new braids.

[Nicole Byer]

Uh huh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Nice.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh my goodness. You had a stand up show last night.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I did do a Seattle show last night.

[Nicole Byer]

Was it last night?

[Sasheer Zamata]

It was last night. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Time is wild.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Time is wild.

[Nicole Byer]

Truly wild. I was like, wait, was that two or three nights ago? No, it was last night.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It was last night.

[Nicole Byer]

It was really fun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Thank you. It was so fun. I had a blast. Yeah. I had taken a hiatus from stand Up. And I'm now actually getting back into it. Last year I was like, I'm ready. And then I was like, psycho. I'm actually not ready. And this year I'm like, I actually am ready. And then booked a room and my goal was to get a half hour. I only did like 22 minutes. But, like, still great. Yeah, still great. Still a great start. And had some friends on Julia Rossi, Francesca Ramsey, Cameron Esposito. And they were all so fun.

[Nicole Byer]

Everyone was so fun and funny.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I like that everyone got on stage and was like, back at it again. Yeah, just get my sea legs wet.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't think I like purposely did that. Like, I kind of did and didn't, but I was like, oh, yeah. Everyone's just like, I haven't done this in months or years.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, it's.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It was nice that we all were like in and out of it, which is actually really nice because, I mean, maybe I do. There are more stand ups like that as we age because life is happening. People have kids or they take breaks or they get jobs or whatever. Um, but when we started doing standup, I felt like such a pressure to like, go, go, go, go, go and grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. Which I think was beneficial because I created a lot of stuff, but I was burnt out a lot of the time.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Especially in New York, the pressure is like, you gotta get up at three shows a fucking night and everything is in a rather close approximity. You just like hop on the train, walk down the street. But yeah, you get older and you're like, oh, boy, I gotta get in my car and I gotta drive for 30 minutes in the dark to get in more dark.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And some, some of these jokes won't work for some of these people. I better stay home. I better get in bed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Get in bed.

[Nicole Byer]

But I do love that you were like, I want to do it. You booked a room. Cause I feel like sometimes when people give up something, they're like, well, that was the old me. I never know how to get back into it. I simply want. But it's like sometimes you just gotta jump in the deep end. Wait, what is it? What song am I thinking of?

[Ali Khan]

Shallow.

[Nicole Byer]

Yep. Deep end watches a dive in. Let the river reach the ground. Yeah, you're not gonna sink. You'll float to the top. Like Lady Gaga. Like Lady Gaga.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay, I like that.

[Nicole Byer]

I went through a phase where I watched that movie so many times.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's just really good.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a great movie.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's a really Great movie.

[Nicole Byer]

I saw it in theaters, and I remember. I don't want to ruin it for anyone. But the end. Whoa. Is there a twist that you might not see coming unless you've seen the other versions of this movie?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't want to spoil this remake

[Nicole Byer]

of a remake of a remake of a remake, but when that thing happens, the audience collectively was like. And, like, the air was sucked out of the room, and I was like, theaters can't die.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I think about things like that. I'm like, they cannot die.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I love a theater experience. I love laughing with people. I love gasping with people. I love when, like, the audience finds a joke that wasn't supposed to be a joke, and we're all like, oh, that's crazy. It's fun.

[Nicole Byer]

It's so fun. When I went and saw the substance, it felt like the theater thought it was a straight up horror movie. But I was like, it's really funny.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And, like, I was laughing, and the person I was with was, like, laughing about things, and then, like, the audience, like, kind of caught on and was like, wait, this is funny. So, like, that was a fun thing to experience. I love the theater.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Love the theater.

[Nicole Byer]

Nicole Kidman was right.

[Sasheer Zamata]

She was right. She was right. Did you. I sent you that thing about how she did the AMC commercial for free.

[Nicole Byer]

Free.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Because she was like, I just want people to get to the theater. And I'm like, I'm going for you, Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, I'm going for her. And now I put. When I see previews of something, I. I'm like, ooh, that's. That's on the list instead of the list that I had. I've just now put it in my calendar. O. So when it pops up, I go and I put it at 1 1pm

[Sasheer Zamata]

p.m. so I should.

[Nicole Byer]

Reasonable.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I should be awake.

[Nicole Byer]

So then I'll text people on that day to be like, let's make a date to go see it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Smart. I like that.

[Nicole Byer]

It's because I missed something. Send help in theaters.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Sam Raimi's movie. I really wanted to see it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I also wanted to see it.

[Nicole Byer]

And I'm so in. The theatrical window is so small now.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It gets so short now and go straight to streaming.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. I don't like that.

[Nicole Byer]

And I don't want to watch it streamed in my home. I want to watch it with the people.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I do want to watch with the people, but that's, like, how they're doing deals now.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Which I don't like.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't like it either. It's a real bummer, but I want to see Obsession. Do you know that one?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, yeah, I saw the trailer for that.

[Nicole Byer]

Looks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Looks good.

[Nicole Byer]

Will you see it? Because you're not a spooky.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Ooh, I'm not a spooky ook. But the concept is so interesting to me that I'm like, maybe I can try it. And the trailer, I guess it was bloody, but I'm hoping it's not, like, crazy gory. I want to try it.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And here's the thing. You can leave.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm always exercising that right. I will always leave when I need to.

[Nicole Byer]

I will exercise my right to leave, to go home, get in bed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That started in college, maybe, like, when I had to see plays for my drama program. There were times where I was like, I don't want to be here anymore. And I would leave. And it felt so good. It felt really empowered to be like, I'm just. I'm going to take my time back now. I don't have to reclaim my time. I'm reclaiming my time. My time.

[Nicole Byer]

That's funny. I've only left one play at intermission. I don't want to say what. What it is because it was a touring production, and I know people put work into it, of course, but there was a technical malfunction, and the lead walked on stage, realized that the set pieces were not there, and just went. And then walked right back out. And I was like, huh? And then they're like. Then they, like, brought the lights up, and they're like, hey, guys, oopsies. We gotta fix something. And we're like, okay. And then they fixed it. And then he walked back out like nothing happened. And I was like, oh, okay. But then I was like, ah. Was it worth it? The scene wasn't that great. I didn't like it. And then at intermission, I was like, I gotta go.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Gotta get out of here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I feel that. I heard there's gonna be a documentary about the Spider man musical because that was apparently a lot of chaos.

[Nicole Byer]

A lot of people worked really hard,

[Sasheer Zamata]

and a lot of people got hurt.

[Nicole Byer]

I think. I think somebody died.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I don't know if I knew that.

[Nicole Byer]

I think, whoa. I might be a liar, but I think. Or maybe someone died on a Spider man set.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I actually have no idea.

[Nicole Byer]

I know that tragedy has happened in the Spidey verse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What's the tragedy in the Spidey verse? Yeah, I mean, it's like they're doing crazy stunts.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Ali Khan]

No one died.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay. No, One died.

[Nicole Byer]

But did someone die during a filming of Spider Man?

[Ali Khan]

Yes. A worker died during the filming of the first Spider man movie in 2002. A crane that was used to build a set piece toppled over and struck him in the head.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Damn.

[Nicole Byer]

Fucking sucks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That sucks.

[Nicole Byer]

It's so sad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's so sad.

[Nicole Byer]

Julie Taymor did the choreography.

[Ali Khan]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You know, she's like a legendary choreographer. And so much money went into the Spider man musical. And I believe it is the biggest, for lack of a better words, floppy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

How do I say this gently

[Nicole Byer]

in Broadway history. I think it is, but I would.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Here's why.

[Nicole Byer]

I want to go to the theater. I want to see someone's creative vision of Spider man with dancing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. I can't imagine. What is it? What is it?

[Nicole Byer]

Was it Spider Man? Turn off the dark. Yes. Turn off the dark.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Turn off the dark.

[Nicole Byer]

Spider Man. Flip that light switch. That's what that means.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's too dark in here.

[Nicole Byer]

Spider Man.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Spider Man. Cut out the dark.

[Nicole Byer]

Cut out the dark. We gotta see something. I can't believe more people didn't flock to see that. I can't believe I didn't flock to see it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think there was a short window when you could. I think they, like, were in previews for a year or something like that, and they wouldn't let people come.

[Nicole Byer]

Wait, really?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Because they're trying to work out all the technical issues.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow. Love to see that. That's a nice time. Wow. I. It is just so funny to me that someone would be like, you know what needs to be a musical? Spider Man. Yeah. I mean, the third movie was kind of a musical.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh.

[Nicole Byer]

Because he had a lot of dancing and jazz in there.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's true.

[Nicole Byer]

And then there was that lady. Spider Man. Spider Man. If nobody can do it, Spider Man. That's not how it goes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I do not remember.

[Nicole Byer]

It's just a lady on the street. Allie, do you know what I'm talking about?

[Ali Khan]

I don't remember this lady, but I do know the song.

[Nicole Byer]

It's from the Sam Raimi Spider man movies. And I think it's in the third one. Yes. Because when Spider man gets venomed and is black. Oh, turn off the dark. Get venom out of him. I wonder if that's what it was about.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe.

[Nicole Byer]

Who's to say? Nobody saw the Broadway show, but, like, he's acting all bad or whatever. The, like, ladies thing about Spider Man's like, Spike. It's, like, sadder. Is she, like, a street performer? Yes. Nobody knows. She's like, Spider Man.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Spider Man.

[Nicole Byer]

Ellie, can you please google lady on

[Sasheer Zamata]

the street singing Spider man song from Spider Man 3?

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe Spider Man 3? I'm 90 sure it's Spider Man 3.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Because I just read them all. Or read them all. I just watched them all.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Are you Sam Raimi? Head.

[Nicole Byer]

It's interesting who I'm discovering that I love.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because there's so. I don't know what I was doing. There's so many movies I have not seen. I mean, same, but I really like Sam Raimi. I am a Camry Stan. James Cameron.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, Camry Stan, like Toyota Camry.

[Nicole Byer]

Here's the thing. I fucked up his name. I said Camry and I met Cam'. Ron.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Kamri Stan. Who's Kamri? New person. I don't know.

[Ali Khan]

Okay, this is from the second movie.

[Nicole Byer]

Let me know if this is her second one.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But only the singing lady.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh my God.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So it hits.

[Nicole Byer]

I thought it was the third one.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Spider Man, Spider Man.

[Nicole Byer]

Where have you gone?

[Sasheer Zamata]

To Spiderman.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Two cameos in there.

[Nicole Byer]

God bless. It's from the second movie when Spider man loses his power and he's not showing up.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh. They're like, where is he? Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

But isn't that fun that that lady was singing? And it doesn't support my theory of the third one being a musical,

[Sasheer Zamata]

but maybe the second one's a musical.

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like it's the third one, cuz that's the jazz one.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe they all are musicals.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm actually really excited to see Nicolas Cage's Spider man noir.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, is it spider noir?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think you're probably Spider Noir. I think so.

[Nicole Byer]

It looks fun. I saw a trailer for it and I was like, hey, let's do it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I do love Nicolas Cage. Ghost Rider is a fun time. Oh, yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I still haven't seen it.

[Nicole Byer]

It's about a man who they say makes a deal with the devil. But the devil definitely just took his signature. Like there was no deal to be had. He took advantage of a little boy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no.

[Nicole Byer]

And he was like, I'm gonna take your daddy's cancer. And then things will. And then you have to ride at night as a flaming skeleton.

[Sasheer Zamata]

A child can't make that decision. That's crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

It is crazy. And also, I don't think the devil gave him all the ins and outs. I don't think he once said he was gonna have to be a skeleton on fire riding a motorcycle.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's terrible.

[Nicole Byer]

It was wild. Really a treat of a movie.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But the dad survived.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I want to ruin things. But he doesn't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's one of those monkeypaw situations.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I was going to say a Tasmanian Devil clause and I didn't know what it was, but.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, that sounds crazier. A Tasmanian Devilclaws. Everything's fucked up.

[Nicole Byer]

Everything's crazy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Here's the thing about Ghost Rider. You're going to like it. Nicholas Cage is always having fun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Seems like it. Always.

[Nicole Byer]

And I really like that for him.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, for. There's like a little snippet of an interview where he's talking about Spider Noir and he's like, I tried to embody what it would be like to be a man who actually was a spider. Like, that was his acting choices. I can't wait to see what that looks like.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't wait. That's really fun. That's like the legendary Vin Diesel wearing stilts to be Groot.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He's like, I'm a Beatrie.

[Nicole Byer]

I wonder if he ever was, like, at home still, like, just on his stilt, standing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He's standing next to. In the yard, still letting birds land on him.

[Nicole Byer]

I hope. I hope. Speaking of Vin Diesel, are you a roller coaster person?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I used to be, but I'm not.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm trying to find somebody to go on the Fast and the Furious coaster with me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Tess will probably do it.

[Nicole Byer]

Tess probably would do.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

The cars are shaped like cars.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I saw the video. Yeah, that's. That's very cool.

[Nicole Byer]

The cars are shaped like cars.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'll have. Maybe I'll watch the video again or, like, find a longer one. Because if I. I'm not into flips anymore. I don't want to be upside down against my will. I, like, I want to control that.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't want too many twists and turns because I just, like, feel like my body's older. I don't be whipped around anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

I really do understand that sentiment. And last time I went to Disney, we were all getting on the Incredicoaster and I was like, oh, I don't know if that's for me. You know what? Who am I? When in Rome be a Roman? So I got on the Incredicoaster and I had the time of my life. I, like, couldn't really register when I was upside down and not whoa. I was like, I'm outside going really fast. And I really liked it. We wrote it twice.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, that's fun.

[Nicole Byer]

It was a really fun time. Nice. I think I'm a coaster head.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Great.

[Nicole Byer]

And here's the thing about amusement parks. I don't want to be in them, and I. There is no service for someone to just, like, pick me up and carry

[Sasheer Zamata]

me around the park.

[Nicole Byer]

I wish there was no, like, he's a big man who lets me get on his back.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, maybe you can hire somebody. The park won't provide it.

[Nicole Byer]

Then I have to pay for his ticket and everything. What if he's not reliable and starts complaining?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Maybe you should get, like, a horse.

[Nicole Byer]

Imagine I go to Disney World, and I'm like, this is my emotional support horse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I have to ride a horse from coaster to coaster.

[Nicole Byer]

Riding horses is hard.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Every time I see someone on a horse, I'm like, how? Because you're supposed to, like, go with it. And every time I would try. I've ridden a horse twice, but every time I, like, try to go with it, my body would do the opposite. So then I would be rising as it would be rising, and then I would slam, like, into the horse.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, God.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my goodness. Oof.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Really rocked me in a way I wasn't expecting.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think the only time I rode a horse as an adult was in Iceland. And their horses are wild, barely domesticated. And so they, like, you know, we went to this ranch where you could ride them, and they also, like, opened the gate for a couple of the horses to come out, and then all of them started coming to the gate, and they're like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Nicole Byer]

Not all of you. Just a couple of you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And then. And they told us, like, you know, like, which movements meant what? And I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, but occasionally my horse would just, like, walk away from the group and be like, nah, I want to go over here. Just, like, making its own choices, like, huh? No, I'm going over here now. And, like, everyone else is doing that too. And I was like, let's go back to the group. And I was like, fine. And then.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I must have done something, but I really don't think I did. It just started sprinting. It just bolted. All of a sudden, I was, like, holding on for dear life. And, like, thankfully, I didn't fall, but I was like, this is way too fast. This is crazy.

[Nicole Byer]

That's wild.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And then it stopped. And I was like, all right, let's go back.

[Nicole Byer]

All right. Did it. Had my fun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I was able to run. Thank you.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe that. Did you scream at all?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't think I did, because I didn't want to Scare it. I also think I was so scared that it, like, took my breath away.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, maybe the horse could, like, feel your heartbeat and was like,

[Sasheer Zamata]

let's get it up, let's get it popping. They. I think they do sense your energy, so if you're skittish, they get skittish.

[Nicole Byer]

When I met a bunch of horses with the Compton cowboys, they were like, you've got. You've got, like, a good energy around these horses, and they sense it because they kept coming to me and one kept motorboating my titties, and one of them got a boner. And he was like, yeah, he likes you. And I don't know if that was, like, a bit, but I, like, went home and I was like, oh, my God. I give horses boners. Nobody can tell me anything.

[Sasheer Zamata]

My sexual energy is so powerful.

[Nicole Byer]

That, of course, got hard for me. Who else can say that?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Not many people can't tell me nothing.

[Nicole Byer]

You don't think I'm cute? This horse over here does. Okay. Okay. What other things can you ride? Horses.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Donkeys.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah,

[Sasheer Zamata]

Camels. But I feel like we're not supposed to.

[Nicole Byer]

I also feel like that in Mexico, I tried to ride a camel and I might have told this story.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe. I don't know if I know this story.

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like I've told it on a podcast, whatever. If you've heard it. Sorry. I went to Mexico with a bunch of friends and we signed up for camel riding. We all checked in. They give you a bracelet. And then she gives me two bracelets, and she puts the second one on and it's white. And she goes, that one's special. And I said, ooh. Then we get to the camels and. And they're like, all right, your partners, your partners, your partners. And he's like, and you're too fat to ride. And I was like, what? He was like, that's your bracelet.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I said, wait, they brought you down there to say that to you? Yes. Why didn't they just tell you that at the entrance?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And come gather. Gather around, Gather around.

[Nicole Byer]

Just so you know, you're too large to ride the camel. And I was like. And then my dear friend Nick was very nice. He was like, the more none of us are riding. And I was like, no, no, no. We're already down here. We paid. I will. And the man goes, hold everyone's stuff. And I was like, yup, I'm gonna hold everybody's stuff. I was like, woo wee.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's humbling. They really should have told you that at the entrance. But I guess maybe they're like, we do need someone to hold their stuff.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And I will say, I guess in Mexico, because it's also happened in Mexico.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

We were in Mexico, and we went. There was a zip line.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, am I too fat to ride that zip line? And he, like, looked me up and down, went, I think you should be okay. And I was like, I'm not riding it. I'm not riding it. Then I watched a big, tall man get stuck.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And I.

[Nicole Byer]

And then he was laughing at him, and I was like, were you trying to set me up?

[Sasheer Zamata]

That would have been you.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, do Mexicans like, seeing fatty stuck or sad?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, maybe it's not the goal, but they're like, if it happens, that's funny.

[Nicole Byer]

It happens. Oh, well. But it is funny that both of those incidents happened in Mexico.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And guess what? I'll return. I'll come back. I'll keep going back. That's nice. Where are we? Costa Rica. Where we were checking into a hotel, and they were like, sisters.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And we were like, no.

[Nicole Byer]

And they went, sisters.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Sisters?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, we're sisters.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, we're lovers.

[Nicole Byer]

Lovers?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. Sisters.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, that's.

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, in.

[Sasheer Zamata]

In Zimbabwe, when we went to the Victoria Falls, to Devil's Pool, they brought us all the way out to the water and then were, like, pointed at me, and they're like, you can't swim, so you go first. And then I had to struggle in front of everybody.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I know it happened to you, but sometimes watching something happen to someone is like. It's just like a different level. Because I was like, I can't believe Batman pointed at my friend and said, you are a weak swimmer. You go first. And then watching you doggy paddle, like, against a current with a whole new white family that were my new friends going, oh, I hope she makes it. I was like, well, I don't think they're gonna let her die.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But they really just wanted me to struggle because there was another lady who was like, I can't swim. And she got to ride someone's back because.

[Nicole Byer]

Because she said she couldn' the excursion.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But they weren't like, you have to be a strong swimmer. I was like, I can swim to save my life. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

They didn't say strong, and they really should have because we swim against the current. And then I loved that they were so incredulous. After, they were like, so you. You don't, like, work out or anything?

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, worse. The guy said, it looks like you work out. So what's the issue? He's like, don't you do sports? What's.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, that's what it was. Don't you do sports?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I was like, yoga. They didn't train me for this.

[Nicole Byer]

God, I think about that a lot. That trip where we get back and I tried putting those crocs I had on back, and they were like, oh, those aren't ours. I was like, I took someone's shoes. Someone's trying to go home, and they're like, where are my dirty red crocs?

[Sasheer Zamata]

They'd be barefoot.

[Nicole Byer]

Just this lady's doggy paddling with them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That was a lot.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, it was very fun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Very, very fun. But it was very funny.

[Nicole Byer]

We went to. When we were in Costa Rica, when we were 5km from the soccer field. That was the hotel's address when we checked in. Nobody was like, hey. So we have rooms of different levels. Some of them you have to descend 10 stories, which means when you leave, you're gonna have to come up 10 stories. And I feel like they should have said that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They should have said that because our

[Nicole Byer]

room was so far down this mountain. And every morning I would go, huh? What if I stayed in this room? What if I didn't see Costa Rica at all?

[Sasheer Zamata]

And then that's not what they wanted us to see anyway. We kept being like, where do people hang out?

[Nicole Byer]

Hang out? Where?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Where do locals go? And they're like, home. You just go home? And we're like, but it's like, Saturday night. Where do people go? They're like, on a Saturday?

[Nicole Byer]

Home. We go home.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And then. But also, maybe they just were gatekeeping, which fair.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe because they did end up sending us to a very touristy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Was it flamingos? Flamingo. I can't remember what the area was called, but it was very touristy. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Where we ran into people we knew. I was like, this is nuts.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That was very funny.

[Nicole Byer]

It was. It was fun. But we were like, yeah, we want to party with locals. And they were like, we don't want you. We don't want you at all.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Party. Never heard of it before.

[Nicole Byer]

Fiesta. Nah, we don't know that one either. Okay. But every morning when we would leave, I would go, just go, leave me. And then I'd huff, save yourself, and puff up those stairs. I'd be taking breaks. The little cleaning ladies would, like, be waving at me. And I'd be like, yeah, huh? I'm doing it. And then I'd get to the top and be like, well, should I go back down? I'm tuckered out.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's the day.

[Nicole Byer]

My God.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

That was that trip. You told me to tell a joke that nobody likes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But it ended up being great.

[Nicole Byer]

It did end up being great.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Did you. Did it ever get. Is it on anything?

[Nicole Byer]

No. No. Because I think it's a great joke. And my first special, when they were editing it, they were like, this is such a great piece. Let it be good. Cut that. And I said, all right. So it just lives on my desktop.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Damn. Just really want the world to see it.

[Nicole Byer]

Let's take a break.

[Sasheer Zamata]

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[Nicole Byer]

This episode is brought to you by Alma A Year from today, who. Who do you want to be? What version of yourself would you like to meet? Do you feel less anxious or feel more like yourself? Maybe your relationship is stronger or the grief feels smaller. What if that thing you've been secretly worried about just took up less space in your mind? The right therapists can help you get there. Alma will help you find them. Alma has a directory of 20,000 therapists with different specialties, life experiences and identities, and 99 of them take insurance. You deserve to feel like that future version of yourself. A year from today isn't that far away. Get started [e-mail] best friends. That's helloama.com b e s t f R-I-E n d s Support for this podcast is brought to you by Chamberlain University. I have to tell you, anytime I go to the hospital or a clinic, my anxiety is absolutely through the roof. It's just an overwhelming, scary place to. But I feel like we have all experienced meeting an exceptional nurse who walks into the room and changes your day completely. They are so experienced, and they know exactly what to say to take the panic out of the room and make a terrifying day feel completely manageable. And if you're looking for a new career path or you just want to do a job that truly matters, you cannot help but think, wow, that is exactly the kind of nurse I want to be. Chamberlain University is where you start. Discover your calling at Chamberlain. Edu Chamberlain University belong to something greater. Certified to operate by Chev. Ooh, what a treat of a break

[Sasheer Zamata]

we really broke.

[Nicole Byer]

Are there any jokes that you love that you're like, I just can't make them work. The audience does not like them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, actually, as I've been combing through old material to see, like, what if I can revamp anything, there are jokes where I was like, oh, man, I really love that. But I didn't do anything with it. And there's one that is an act out, which I did. I used to do so many act outs on stage, and now I'm like, damn, I do not have the stamina. I do not have the same kind of energy. It's a lot. But it was about riding the subway train, and this happened in real life. The announcements, like, the automated announcements that go off were, like, going on repeat and on loop. And it was like, ladies and gentlemen, if you see something, say something. Ladies and gentlemen, if a pregnant or elderly person needs a seat, please give them your seat. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what the third one was, but. But like, and then they. And then they repeated, and then they would get chopped up and interrupt. It was like, clearly a glitch was happening. And everyone's kind of like, what is happening? Like, everyone's noticing it. And so I wrote a joke from the perspective of the conductor, and they were somebody who, like. Like, went through something really traumatic on the train. And they're, like, pressing this button, being like, just get up.

[Nicole Byer]

Just get out of here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

See if you see an old person.

[Nicole Byer]

God damn it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And I just kept going. And it was, like, fun for me. But I have no idea if the audience actually liked what was happening.

[Nicole Byer]

Happening. That's really funny. That's really funny. I was. I think I'd done, like, three shows leading up to doing two shows at the Wilbur in Boston. I love the Wilbur. The Late show. I actually lost my mind. Was, like, lost in the sauce. Was having such a good time. I started doing this, like, weird little dance. I can't remember at what point in my act. It was like I was doing this dance, and then I do the little dance, and then, like, throw my head back and catch, like, me slapping. Then I would call it back. And the third time I called it back, I was like, wait, do you guys even like this? And then I couldn't stop laughing. Cause I was like. I was like, I should be concerned about all of it. You paid.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But I'm having a great time.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm having such a nice time. And then I said, if you have friends who are at the first show, talk to them, because they didn't get this show. This shows different. Nobody will ever get this show.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That is really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, man.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Sometimes I'm on stage having the time of my life, and I have to remember, like, whoa, what about the people who paid?

[Sasheer Zamata]

But I think I also feel like if you're having fun on stage, the audience is having fun. Like, you just, like, it's infectious. You can't help but also be like,

[Nicole Byer]

this is a great time.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I have no idea what's happening, but I'm having a blast.

[Nicole Byer]

There was one comedian whose name I'll tell you after he would tell a joke, and then he'd be like. And Sasheer. I was guffawing. I was scream. Laughing because it made me laugh. The audience hated it because it would be, like, the setup, like, his joke, and then. For 45 minutes, and I. I'm, like, crying now. It was so funny. And the crowd hated it. No. And sometimes those are my favorite shows. I remember I did a college show with Kevin Burnett. And Jermaine Fowler and me. There's the three of us. And Kevin went first and bombed. And the way Jermaine was laughing at the bomb made me laugh. We were the. And it was in this, like, weird, like, cafeteria esque thing where there was a balcony and everyone was below. So people were just turning and, like, looking up at us, just dying and then looking back at Kevin and being

[Sasheer Zamata]

like, I don't understand.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, what are they? This.

[Sasheer Zamata]

We don't.

[Nicole Byer]

And then Jermaine proceeded to bomb. Super fucking. So me and Kevin were up there laughing so hard. And then I bombed, and then they were laughing at me. And it got to the point where we were just talking to one another and we were like, did you think that one was good? I think I thought it was good. It works everywhere else. And like, Jermaine would be like, yeah, yeah, no, it's good. You can add on to it, I think. I wish I could remember what school it was.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's funny.

[Nicole Byer]

It was one of my favorite shows. And it's like, it shouldn't be. It went poorly. Like children not smiling. Not smiling. Like, I took away Christmas from them. They were like, oh, no.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Mad at us. Oh, no.

[Nicole Byer]

One of my favorite shows I've ever done.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, those college shows are wacky. One time I did a show where they had a buffet line right outside the door of the auditorium. Also, I had no opener and the person just brought me, like, some. Some student was just like, so she's a Maida. And I was like, oh, okay. And I just walked on stage and people are filing in holding plates of, like, macaroni and cheese and chicken as. And they're like. I was like, am I supposed to even be on? Like, do you want them to eat before I start? It's a mess.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really, really funny. I once did a. You know that picture of me where I'm sitting in a chair? Weird.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'll never forget it.

[Nicole Byer]

That was taken in a lecture hall where they made me do Santa. Like, it was just like, the campus students welcome Nicole Byer. And then I just, like, came in from a door, like a teacher and then had a podium because they didn't have a cordless mic. So I did stand up from behind a podium and I can't remember. There was something I did and I was like, oh, well, you couldn't see my feet during that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Cause I'm behind.

[Nicole Byer]

Cause I'm behind a podium like a teacher. I couldn't. Like some colleges, you've never put a show together. You're like, I don't know what the comic needs.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But it's definitely not a podium.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's definitely not a podium.

[Nicole Byer]

And it was. It was a lecture room. I could see every single person's face.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It was so wild.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I. I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I guess. Yes. No, like, not everyone, obviously. These students probably have not run comedy shows. And then whatever adult liaison who was also in charge of this may not know how to run a show either. But I ran really great shows in college. And I. I don't know what, like, I mean, I was in theater, so I guess I did learn about lighting and stage management. So I did have training. Okay. But, like, yeah, I could definitely be like, this audience is too bright. We need to darken the room. They need a mic that they can walk around with, like. But yeah, it's just very, very little things. Just little things. Also, everyone's writer tells you exactly what

[Nicole Byer]

they need, but my writer doesn't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I believe the only thing in my writer is Welsh's Fruit Snacks. Nice makeup, wipes and tampons.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think I do ask for a wireless mic.

[Nicole Byer]

Ah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And one time I went somewhere and they're like, here's your 757British mic. And I was like, what? They're like, you asked for this. I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I guess my agent put it in. In the writer. And I was like, oh, we don't. It had to be all that. I don't even know what that. I don't know brands of Mike's.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny. And they're like, she didn't like the British night mic. We imported it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

We flew this in special. It got here this morning.

[Nicole Byer]

We overnighted it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm like, you throw it. Don't eat this shit.

[Nicole Byer]

I'll just talk from my diaphragm. They're like, God, that's so funny. I know. I've talked about this. Maybe on why Won't yout Date Me? I did a show in, I think Missouri or Minnesota. It was one of the Middle M's. And they did not tell me it was Friends and Family Weekend and that there was content restrictions. And, like, in the middle of, like, my pussy, I heard a baby go. And I was like, wait, there's babies here. And then someone in the crowd was like, it's Friends and Family Weekend. And I was like, oh, no.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Didn't know.

[Nicole Byer]

Then the school sent out an email on my behalf apologizing they apologized for you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Which is rude because I don't apologize.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It's like, I didn't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You didn't sign off on that.

[Nicole Byer]

No. Had I known, they would have gotten a tight 40 minute sit. Yeah, well, hehe haha is in the middle of every joke to fill the time.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But it's also weird because it's like if anyone who is on the booking staff had seen your material, they should know. Maybe the book on a different weekend. Yes. Yeah, it was really wild.

[Nicole Byer]

I couldn't believe it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Also, like, sometimes I've been to colleges where they were like, don't talk about this. And now that's all I can think about. I don't. I did an improv show. I don't remember if you were there, but there was a death.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And they're like, we had a recent death here. So like, make sure you don't talk about death, which is like. I mean, death, this is. Death is all around us. Like. Like we shouldn't avoid talking about death. But then that's now all I can think of.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But I don't.

[Nicole Byer]

I can't remember if we.

[Sasheer Zamata]

We probably skirted it. I don't know if we actually touched on it or not, but it was just like. It's like, it's hard to be like, actively like, don't talk about that thing. Don't talk about that thing.

[Nicole Byer]

Because then you really, really want to. I did a show at Notre Dame and they please don't talk about the Catholic Church. And I was like, why would I?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I won't. It wasn't gonna come up before.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't have a single joke about that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know. That means someone did and eviscerated it

[Nicole Byer]

and it went poorly.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I did a show, an improv show, where the monologist got a suggestion that had nothing to do with death and then talked about suicide. And then we did a scene as like the Z Morning Zoo, like a morning radio, like disc jockeys, like, joking around about death. And then a woman ran out of the theater sobbing, oh God. And then the monologist got up and followed her and we were like, what's happening? We get backstage at the half and the monologist goes, that was my daughter. Her friend recently killed themselves. And we were like, then why did you tell that story? Yeah, he was a very interesting man. It like really blew. I was like, what? So like, we unknowingly triggered this poor woman. It was a funny scene though.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And that monologue knowingly did it.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. We should take another break.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Starting something new isn't just hard, it's terrifying. So much work goes into this thing that you're not entirely sure will work out, and it can be hard to make that leap of faith. Trust me, I know. When I started doing this podcast, I wasn't even sure what I was doing. Like, is anyone gonna listen? Are we gonna make fools of ourselves? And now I know I was right in believing in myself and launching a podcast despite all the fears and hesitations. It also helps when you have a partner like Shopify on your side to help. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Magic Spoon and Mattel to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Accelerate your efficiency. Whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones, Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. If people haven't heard about my brand, Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social media campaigns. And what if I get stuck? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support. Tackle all those important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more. No need to save multiple websites or try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need. Everything is all in one place, making your life easier and your business operations smoother. And did I mention that iconic purple shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world? It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts going abandoned and more sales for you. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today shopify.com bestfriends go to shopify.com best friends that's shopify.com best friends. Wow. What a yummy break.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. What a nasty little noise that was.

[Sasheer Zamata]

A nasty little noise.

[Nicole Byer]

What's it called when your ears don't like sounds?

[Sasheer Zamata]

There is a name for it like misophonia Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I wonder if I triggered someone's misophonia. And I'm really sorry if I did.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Nice apology.

[Nicole Byer]

Hey, thanks. I did, like, actually was like, oh, man. Maybe I shouldn't do that. I love doing tiny little noises into the mic.

[Sasheer Zamata]

There are some shows where people fully eat, and I'm like, that's crazy to me.

[Nicole Byer]

I once had an interview. It was my friend Anne on why won't you date me? And Anne was like, can I just eat my salad? And I was like, no, it's horrible. Let me just eat my salad. And I was like, please don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's gonna be so horrible for the audience.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, it's just, munch, munch, munch. No, girl. She very. I was like, a couple bites, and then you have to stop and let me know if you want more and we'll pause it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know if I have misophonia, but if people chew with their mouth open, it does really hurt my ears.

[Nicole Byer]

Mm.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know if I can clock someone chewing with their mouth open unless I'm, like, looking at them. When I'm looking at them and, like,

[Sasheer Zamata]

the food is doing.

[Nicole Byer]

And I can, like, see it, I'm

[Sasheer Zamata]

like, yeah, I mean that. I really don't, like, Also not good to look at. No, but I can. If I'm looking, not looking at you, I can't hear it. Wow.

[Nicole Byer]

Because that's like.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, it's. You can hear it. It's wet. Oh, it's, like, loud. I don't like it.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't think I like it either. The way you're just. Your face is really changed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's like, I don't. Yeah, it makes me cringe. It's like, I don't love it. I was dating a person who had a real problem with closing his mouth when he was chewing, and I really loved him, but he just, like, that was just a thing he could not fix. And I told him I was like, it actually pains me to hear this. Like, I cannot take this. And he loved chewing gum. And he was like, no, I promise.

[Nicole Byer]

I can. I can do it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And he can't. And he couldn't. And I was like, just know yourself. Like, it's like, yeah, do it when I'm not here.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't chew gum when I'm home.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And then he would chew gum, and

[Nicole Byer]

I'd be like, that is interesting, because how. How do you practice? I don't know. I just chew with my mouth closed. I don't feel like it was Like

[Sasheer Zamata]

a lesson I got. Yeah. It. I was told for sure, like, like as an etiquette thing, like, make sure you chew with your mouth closed. I don't know if I was ever actually chewing my mouth open, that it needed to be fixed or just preemptively, just like, make sure to chew with your mouth closed. But maybe if no one ever told you, I don't know. Or maybe like some people just naturally have a mouth that wants to stay open.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know, a mouth that just naturally wants to say, I just wanna. I want to see the sun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The tongue's like, let me out.

[Nicole Byer]

Come on, come on. So I know an etiquette thing is like cutting up your food. I can't be bothered. I don't cut neatly.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Like I'll cut something and it won't be cut to the core. So I'm like. And then I start ripping it with my fork.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm sure an etiquette person would be like, you're not a lady. And I don't know why that etiquette person was from England, but they usually are.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It feels like it, right?

[Nicole Byer]

Because in the Princess Diaries, wasn't he from England? Who whipped her up? Who whipped her up? Isn't there a man who whips her up?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I thought it was Julie Andrews in

[Nicole Byer]

the Princess Diaries, but she's the Queen of Geneva.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Uh huh. Oh, but there was like a helper, right?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Isn't there a man? Yeah, I think he's Hector. Yeah. That's the actor's name, I believe. I don't know, it's really strange when I have pieces of information that I'm like, I think they're right, but I'm like, I feel crazy. Cause I'm like, nobody else knows.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But I just. You remember really specific parts of movies.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And I don't.

[Ali Khan]

Oh, his name was Paolo.

[Nicole Byer]

Paolo. What's the actor's name?

[Ali Khan]

Larry Miller.

[Nicole Byer]

Who's Hector?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

Is there a man in Pretty Woman named Hector?

[Ali Khan]

Well, that guy is in Pretty Woman. You know, it's the same guy.

[Nicole Byer]

Who's Hector then?

[Ali Khan]

Oh, that's. That's the driver, Joe. You're right. You're right.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, so someone. He's just.

[Ali Khan]

He's the driver.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hector's the actor's name or the. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, cool.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. So you remembering the driver of Pretty Woman?

[Nicole Byer]

I guess so.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Why do you know the actor's name?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know.

[Ali Khan]

He was the driver in Princess Diaries and then in Pretty Woman, he's.

[Nicole Byer]

He Works at the hotel?

[Ali Khan]

Yes, he works at the hotel.

[Nicole Byer]

He's like the guy I remember. Blue collar workers. That is wild that I remember that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

The mind is a prison.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Should we answer some questions? Yes.

[Ali Khan]

Hi, Nicole and Sasheer. Thank you for being you. I love the podcast and seeing a new episode every week brings me so much joy. I'd really love your input on this one as it's left me feeling kind of weird. My husband and I are good friends with another couple. I was a former co worker with Sammy. Her part and her partner and my husband occasionally play magic the Gathering together. I had invited them to our wedding. They came and we had a great time. Sammy and her partner are getting married this October and she's been telling me all about the wedding planning. I almost just assumed we'd be invited. However, they have a strict guest list of 60 people, so they're reserving the spots for family, close friends from childhood. She said we wouldn't make the cut unless people decline. Then she'll extend an invite. It hurts my feelings that I'm essentially on the B list. We live in Boston and she said that they are inviting friends from Boston, but only really close childhood ones. What do you make of this situation? Is she not as close of a friend as I thought she was? We've been friends for almost four years. Would love your advice. I don't have a lot of friends I never had, and so I occasionally feel insecure when I do have a solid friendship. Love you, ladies.

[Nicole Byer]

I think it sucks and it might sting, but I think because this is something I'm working on, I'm not the main character in someone else's story. They have a strict list of 60 people. They thought of the 60 people that they can have, they would like you there. So people decline. Then you get to be included. And I think it's. Don't think of it as a B list. It's like friends and family that, like, you know, have really influenced my life for more than four years.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And you are friends. She is. Or your friend is thinking of you and gave you the full scope of things so you could understand why you're not invited. And I think it's okay to be like. Kind of hurts my feelings. But on the flip side, maybe it was really painful for her to be like, oh, here are the friends I can't have. And this sucks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, maybe she is feeling some type of way and maybe she hopes that, like, great aunt Denise can't come, you know, so she can invite the person that she likes that she met four years ago.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, yeah. Also, it's like, pretty amazing that she even told you this. How awful would have been if you just. If you just didn't get in. That happens to a lot of people, actually, where they, they're like, oh, wait, that's so weird. I didn't even know you were getting married, But I thought we were friends. Like, you know, she knew that you were friends enough that you would be expecting an invite, and she's giving you the rundown of like, well, we only have this many people and 60 is a very small number. So that's like, I don't know how they split it, but like about 30 for each person. And that's a lot of people that you have in your life.

[Nicole Byer]

I think they did 4020.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay, let's guess. They probably did 4020. Which way? Which way?

[Nicole Byer]

Definitely the bride got 40. He got 20.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, it makes sense.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm sorry if I interrupted you because I was like, I gotta tell a joke.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I like that. But yeah, and then, yeah, you have your. The family. And who knows what situation's going on with the family. Maybe the mom's like, I need all of my sisters to be there and all of their kids and, you know, like, maybe there's needs that are outside of their control and. And that's that. So, yeah, I think it's wonderful that your friend even told you this and gave you the scope of what's happening and like, and that you could be going. Like, there might be a chance that someone can't make it. Maybe someone can't actually leave their job that weekend or like get childcare that weekend and then you can come and that'd be wonderful. But if you don't end up going, maybe you can do something that's like, for you guys. Be like, we'll have a special marriage themed magic the gathering game Sasheer.

[Nicole Byer]

That was what I was gonna say next. That if you don't get to go to the wedding, be like, can I throw you like a Chili's Wedd where you wear like an iteration of white and I don't know, we marry you to the triple dipper. I don't know, I didn't think it all the way out, but I want.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Do you want a Chili's wedding?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I want to marry some Southwest egg rolls. Give me a triple dipper. But like, I think you could do fun things like that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, yeah, Just make it like intimate. Cause I'm also sure, like, weddings are so stressful. And, like, like, you have to, like, cater to so many different people. It might be nice for her to do something with her friends outside of that. That's like, okay, great. And now we get to do whatever we want to do to celebrate you guys in your union. That's not, like, with everybody else.

[Nicole Byer]

And if you're in, like, a friend group of, like, all these people who met, like, four years ago, maybe those people are also not invited. Maybe you can be her, like, wedding fairies, where you, like, help her get ready with the bridesmaids, you deliver the mimosas you, like, just so you could be a part of it, but, like, you're not, you know, taking up space in a. In a. In a way that's not helpful, but, like, you're there supporting even though you can't go to the actual ceremony.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think that's cute, right?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I just came up with it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I like it. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

The wedding fairies.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The wedding fairies. Solved.

[Ali Khan]

This is called Best Friend Married My Enemy. Hi, Nicole and Sashir and everyone else that helps out with the pod. Side note, it's one of my favorites. So backstory. My best friend and I have been best friends since high school. We're both 31 now. We literally do everything together. And on my side at least, our relationship is a little codependent. We talk on the phone every day and hang out as much as we can. She's been married to her now husband for the past 4ish years. When they were dating, I did not see any red flags. But after spending more time with them as a couple and him individually, I've seen things that I really hate and don't think that they have a healthy relationship. In my opinion, he micromanages her with money and what she does during her free time and makes her feel bad about some of her life choices. She enjoys a drink to have fun, and he's basically sober. When we do talk about this, I get the vibe that she thinks the same way. But I also understand that they have a relationship that I do not see and that there's probably more to their relationship that is full of kind, good things that cancel out the shitty things that he does. In the past, I would air out my feelings about him to my best friend, but realized that that was hurting our relationship. So I bite my tongue whenever she tells me a story that irks my nerves. Recently, I've noticed a lot of sly or sneaky comments that her husband has made about me. Should I be upset at my best friend for letting these comments slide? I assume she hears them and notices when he makes rude comments towards me, but she says nothing in the moment. Also, how do I manage these comments from him while also being friends with her? I've already made it clear that I do not like him and I probably never will like him. For the most part, I don't interact with him, but every so often, she invites him to events or nights out. I want to stay friends with her, but it literally takes everything out of me to keep my mouth shut when he treats me or her in a rude way. Thanks for any advice. Keeping the best podcasters to ever live.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, gosh.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I gotta know what these comments are.

[Nicole Byer]

Me too.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I wish we had an example.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I feel like, okay, I'll just make up an example. He's like, who, Another drink? I think you'd be like, yes, I'm gonna have another drink. Thank you so much for being worried about my intake, but I think I got a handle on it. I feel like, to, like, combat people who have snarky comments, you just kind of have to address it. Not with, like, meanness. Be like, yeah, I'm having another drink. What of it? It's like, thank you so much for, you know, watching my intake. I think I'm okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Cool. I mean, I think. I think that's how you would, like, get around that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, it does suck that you have

[Nicole Byer]

to, like, be on the defense, hanging out with your friend.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It does suck. I really wish we had an example because also, like, if you've already made up in your mind that you hate this person, sometimes that can color things that are happening in front of you. And it's like, it's possible these comments aren't intended to be mean. And maybe your perception of it is mean because you've already made up this version of who he is in your head. And like. And like, you. The way you see him treating his wife, your friend, that you've already painted that negatively too. So maybe you feel like all feels like the same thing.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And the friend complaining about her husband might just be little complaints. Not like, oh, she has the same thoughts that I do. She's just complaining about this person that she loves. You hate them.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So, like, you are reading that complaint as, like, a sisterhood of hating this man, but it's like, no, she goes. And she goes home and sleeps with that man.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. She might like where she is.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So it's. It's really hard to tell. And it also is hard to have a friendship with somebody if you genuinely hate Their partner, like. Cause they're. That they're there.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That they are a part of that person's life. And it's not like you're gonna get much of her without him. So you kind of have to, like. Unless it's like, a situation where it's like, he is actively rude to you and, like, this is a situation where he spits on you, throws you down the stairs.

[Nicole Byer]

Call the police. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Actually, we need authorities here. Yeah. If it's just like, he's annoying or, like, just not your cup of tea, that's. That's not a crime. Like, that. That is tolerable. You can, like, coexist in the same space.

[Nicole Byer]

But.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. I think you just have to decide for yourself. Is it so something where it's like, so much was like, I, like, actually can't be around this person or, like, like, my time is so unpleasant around them? Like, I guess then you have to decide.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Is it worth it?

[Nicole Byer]

I think. Yeah. I think you just gotta. If you do want to spend time with this person and their partner, I think you gotta, like, find things you do like about them and, like, focus on that. Like, if you have something in common, like, bring that up in the conversation. But I do think it's like, I really do wish we had an example of a comment that this person has made, because I think you can turn a lot of negative into a positive here. Say a negative comment to me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Um.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Looks like you bought another purse.

[Nicole Byer]

I love purses.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no, that manic energy.

[Nicole Byer]

I know. Okay, do it again. Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wow. That's your seventh drink of the night.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm sick. No. Okay. I thought you were gonna say the person.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I'll say it again.

[Nicole Byer]

No, no, no, no. Because she won't know what's coming.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So. Yeah, it should be.

[Nicole Byer]

You gotta think of the third one.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay. Okay. Oh, boy.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Lose your iron.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my goodness. That's funny. I actually don't own an iron. I'm Rumpelstiltskin.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Get it?

[Nicole Byer]

I'm rumpled.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hey, that's hilarious. I like this girl.

[Nicole Byer]

And then you start making up.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Get out of here, wife. I hate you.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I think it's maybe trying to find. I did a really poor job of trying to explain what I mean, but, like, it might just be trying to find the levity in it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because also, again, you're not the main character. This man might not know how to interact with you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

He might not know how to interact with. Just in public. He maybe was socialized poorly.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

We don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

We don't know. Also, maybe, like, I don't know what all the hangs are, but, like, if he's sober, maybe the hangs don't be at bars, you know? Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Not.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Not necessarily, like, to cater to him, but, like, if you are. Feel, like, weird about drinking around him or feel like he's gonna monitor your friends drinking, maybe you two drink away from the husband. Like, maybe you guys do a different Let me go bowling or, like, batting cages.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like. Like, there's so many activities that you can do that don't require sitting down at a table, eating and drinking and talking. Because sometimes that's not the best combo for a hang.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. Because we don't know his reason for being sober. Like, maybe he's sober because he used to drink. Or maybe he just doesn't like alcohol. So it's like. Like, it's not catering too, but it's like, I don't like certain types of food, so, like, I'm not gonna go to that restaurant.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And if someone invited me, maybe I'd be a little, like, meh. Going and, like, a little. There's something for me here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. It's like, it's just being considerate of everybody.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

In the hang. So.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And maybe an activity can be more conducive to, like, fun than, like, let's all sit down and talk.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. But on the flip side, if this person is saying actual harsh, negative things to you, I do think that's a conversation that you have to have.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

With both of them. Like, because if you have the conversation with your friend that won't feel good for him. He'll be like, oh, so you guys talk about me behind my back. But I think it's like, you gotta sit both of them down and be like, hey. Or just talk to him. Be like, hey, I really don't. Like, when you said X, Y, and Z, it made me feel bad.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So, like, can we just, like, keep it to, like, no harsh comments or, like, commentary about stuff otherwise, like, I really love hanging out with you, but, like, it's just sometimes you really, like, get under my skin when you say stuff like that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Or you can ask clarifying questions like, oh, that thing you said, did you mean this? Or like, I interpreted it like this. I'm not sure if that's what you meant. And maybe you'd be like, whoa, I didn't know that came off that way.

[Nicole Byer]

Or I actually did mean it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like, you bitch. I said what I said and I meant it. But, yeah, I also feel like asking a question might help both of you because maybe he doesn't realize how it's coming off, or maybe he meant something completely different and it's like, whoa, I guess I interpreted it differently. Yeah, solved.

[Nicole Byer]

If you have questions or queries, we have an email address, nicole and sashiramil.com

[Sasheer Zamata]

and we have a phone number that you can text, leave a voice message at or a voicemail.

[Ali Khan]

It is 323-238-6554.

[Nicole Byer]

All right, well, we did it. Another one slammed in the can.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Another one bites the dust.

[Nicole Byer]

Another one eats the dirt.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Another one goes to space.

[Nicole Byer]

Another one's teeth click. Goodbye. Bye. Best Friends is a production of Headgum Studios.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Our producer is Ali Khan.

[Nicole Byer]

Our executive producers, Anya Konovskaya.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The show is edited, mixed and engineered by Richelle Chen.

[Nicole Byer]

Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that was Us now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show. This is us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes, a little bit.

[Nicole Byer]

Are we gonna laugh a lot? A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify.

[Sasheer Zamata]

New episodes every Tuesday.