Nicole Had To Undress Some Shrimp (Re-Release)

Summary

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Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata

Episode: "Nicole Had To Undress Some Shrimp" (Re-Release)
Date: December 11, 2024
Podcast Network: Headgum

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Episode Overview

In this lively re-release episode, Nicole and Sasheer dive into stories about restaurant mishaps, food service jobs, personal quirks, and the weirdest things encountered at social gatherings. The central theme is friendship—navigating life’s strange, gross, and hilarious moments together—while fielding an unforgettable listener question about befriending a tooth and death-obsessed stranger. Their signature bubbly chemistry, candid storytelling, and offbeat humor are on full display.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Nicole's Shrimp Trauma (00:35–03:14)

• Nicole recounts a distressing dinner where she was served “clothed” shrimp she had to peel herself, only to discover they were undercooked:
  • “They gave me a plate of shrimp with its head still on, with its fucking, like, whiskers… you had to undress it yourself.” (00:40, Nicole)
  • She was unsettled by the shrimp’s gray color, indicating undercooking, but ate them anyway—leading to stomach upset the next day.

2. Restaurant Horror Stories (03:23–07:48)

• Both hosts reminisce about unexpected (and gross!) discoveries in restaurant food:
  • Sasheer found plastic in her meal, leading to a server sharing a bizarre story about metal in food (03:23–04:51).
  • Nicole, as a hostess, once saw a customer find a twisty tie in their food, sparking concerns about kitchen cleanliness and management’s unwillingness to escalate issues (04:51–06:35).
  • Nicole’s experiences in grimy restaurant basements and stories about expired “family meal” chicken quesadillas. (05:24–07:48)
  • They marvel at how people continue to eat out post-service industry exposure:
    • “It’s amazing that we still eat at restaurants.” (06:35, Sasheer)

3. Catering Life & Tipping Etiquette (07:48–09:28)

• Sasheer describes catering events, sneaking leftovers, and dealing with tips. Nicole tries to encourage tipping by starting her own impromptu tip jar.
  • “You’re like the Robin Hood of spirit food service.” (09:28, Sasheer)

4. Weird Social Interactions & Pandemic Norms (09:37–12:14)

• Odd behavior from servers and forced interactions since the pandemic:
  • Servers sometimes get too cozy (one even sat down at Sasheer’s table), leading to awkwardness.
  • Nicole’s frequent and often unwanted stranger encounters, such as overly attentive Delta Lounge staff.
    • “There was a lady working in the lounge...anything you need I will get it for you...She was too old to be a fan.” (11:10, Nicole)

5. Compliments, Colors, and Self-Image (12:16–16:28)

• Hosts discuss fashion, color choices, and social media critiques of their looks.
  • Nicole advocates for brands like Farm Rio to offer more size inclusivity.
  • “Kind of like you: black based and colorful.” (14:16, Nicole to Sasheer)

6. Birthstones, Growing Up, and Regrets (16:28–20:15)

• Spirited banter about birthstones (peridot and emerald), their meanings, and impulsively wanting jewelry.
• Nicole laments not continuing piano lessons; both discuss home hobby aspirations.
  • “I wish I could. I have long thingies. I can do the chords.” (19:16, Nicole)

7. The (Failed) Pole-Dancing Adventure (20:15–21:56)

• Nicole injures herself trying pole-dancing without stretching, mock-lamenting her extremism.
  • “And she pulled a couple muscles...What are you doing? You're such an extremist. Just stretch!” (21:43, Nicole)

8. Buzzfeed Quiz: Shrek vs. Prince Charming (22:08–34:10)

• The friends take a Buzzfeed quiz to determine if they’re more compatible with Shrek or Prince Charming, sparking playful debates about their personalities, favorite sea animals, color choices, and gaming ineptitude.
  • “Buzzfeed finally gave me what I wanted...Shrek is your soulmate.” (32:41, Nicole)
  • Both get “Shrek,” prompting mock rivalry.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Undressing Shrimp:
  “You know how sometimes you undress somebody and you don’t clock something not right on the level? That might have happened with a couple of the shrimps I ate.” (02:54, Nicole)
• On Restaurant Cleanliness:
  “That restaurant was disgusting. That basement was like mice, roaches...One time—oh my gosh, it’s gross. But also the worst thing is I still ate from both of those restaurants because I didn’t have money. And this was free food.” (07:26, Nicole)
• On Social Media Critiques:
  “They showed me in like all blacks. And they're like, look how washed out she is. I'm like, they didn't have to do that. They could just say I look better in bright colors.” (14:27, Sasheer)
• On Tip Jar Etiquette:
  “I'm like, benevolent and stuff. I just like helping everybody where you can.” (09:28, Nicole)

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Listener Question: "Should I Befriend a Tooth Collector?" (35:12–47:50)

Caller’s Situation (35:12–37:58)

• Laura from Austin shares that she befriended someone at a crawfish boil who confessed, after hours of partying, to collecting human teeth and having a deep interest in death—complete with a necklace of real teeth (35:12–37:58).
• Laura wonders how to gently extricate herself from this new friendship.

Nicole & Sasheer’s Advice (37:58–44:10)

• Both agree: This is too weird for them and the teeth enthusiast gave Laura a valid “out.”
  • “Teeth gave you an out. She said…I'm so glad you were upfront, but my interests don’t align with teeth collecting and death.” (38:37, Nicole)
  • “For those reasons, I'm out.” (38:59, Sasheer)
• Spirited speculation ensues about where people acquire human teeth, including a visit to a (real!) website selling them (“B for Bones International”). The hosts gawk at the possibility and ethics of buying teeth online.
  • “We offer everything related to teeth. Want something we don’t have? We can get it. Ethically and legally.” (41:09, Nicole reading from the website)
• The segment winds down with jokes about the caller’s potential fate (“They’re murderers. That’s murderous behavior!” - 43:13, Nicole).

Final Takeaway

• Nicole and Sasheer urge Laura not to feel bad about drawing boundaries, reiterating that everyone deserves to pick friends with compatible quirks.

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Bonus: Odd Facts & Side Conversations

• Sandwich Origins: Sasheer recounts learning about the invention of sandwiches from children’s books—using bread to avoid “meat glove” mess (45:04).
• Physical Quirks: Sasheer describes a “hot dog bun” divot on her head, and she and Nicole riff humorously on seeking matching hot dogs (46:29–47:41).

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Time | |--------------------------|-----------| | Shrimp saga & food woes | 00:35–07:48 | | Catering & tipping tales | 07:48–09:28 | | Social oddities | 09:37–12:14 | | Color/fashion chit-chat | 12:16–16:28 | | Birthstones/hobbies | 16:28–20:15 | | Pole-dancing fails | 20:15–21:56 | | Shrek Quiz & banter | 22:08–34:10 | | Listener dilemma | 35:12–47:50 |

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The Hosts’ Tone & Energy

Nicole and Sasheer’s rapport is unfiltered, playful, and marked by warmth, curiosity, and occasional exclamations of horror (especially regarding food and teeth mishaps). Their language, humor, and banter remain authentic throughout, with Nicole often spinning up visual gags and Sasheer grounding the conversation with thoughtful, if sardonic, perspective.

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TL;DR

A classic, chemistry-charged episode full of hilarious food horror stories, personal confessions about color and style, and quick-witted friendship advice—topped off with one of the weirdest listener questions yet. Nicole and Sasheer prove, once again, that no topic is too gross, bizarre, or sincere to talk through with your very best friend.

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Transcript

[A]

Five. Let's record five. Four, three, two, one. Happy nickel. Boy, oh, boy. It's fun to do things where you don't know what's gonna happen and you just go, okay. Maybe it's this.

[B]

Always an adventure. I really didn't know where we were gonna go. We figured it out.

[A]

I love it so much. I just wanna say, yesterday I was served uncooked shrimp. Can you even. So it was shrimp that was. You had to undress it yourself. So, like, you have to do the work. They gave me a plate of shrimp with its head still on, with its fucking, like, whiskers. What are those? It's like his beard or whatever. It's like, right under his head.

[B]

What are those? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Are they whiskers?

[A]

I don't know, but they're like little. Little thingies. I don't know. Like. I don't know. Shrimps are wild and.

[B]

Shrimps are wild.

[A]

They just give them to you the way, like, they pull them out of the fucking ocean, put them on a grill, give them to you, and then go, hey, friend, do the work. Yes, yes. Shrimps are so scary.

[B]

Antennules.

[A]

Antennials. They give them to you with antennials. The eyes. It was upsetting for me.

[B]

Wait, so are you sure that they did cook it, or.

[A]

Oh. So I undressed the shrimp, and it was gray. There was, like, a little gray part on it. And. And I think we all know when shrimps are gray, that means they're still on the ice and they have not been cooked.

[B]

And this is supposed to be. Was it hot or cold?

[A]

It was hot. It was hot. All dressed shrimp that I had to undress, and then they weren't cooked all the way through. Like, these clothed shrimp were not cooked.

[B]

Did you say something?

[A]

I did. And the server said to me, they spend the same time on the grill. Sometimes there's a little gray, but it's cooked. But this shrimp was bigger than the other shrimp, and I think that shrimp needed to be on the grill a little bit longer.

[B]

Okay. So they were at least admitted that that's not how it's supposed to be.

[A]

No, no, she said, it's fine. They're all on the grill for the same amount of time. And then my rebuttal that I did not say out loud was, this shrimp was bigger than the other shrimps. This shrimp needed to be cooked a little longer. But I just said, okay. And then I woke up today and, oh, the tum tum. No, the tum tum.

[B]

So you ate it?

[A]

I ate other shrimps. And I did not. I didn't clock it. You know, I was too busy undressing it. You know how sometimes you undress somebody and you don't clock something? Not right on the level. And that might have happened with a couple of the shrimps I ate.

[B]

Damn. That's how diseases spread.

[A]

That is how diseases spread. When we get undressed or you're undressing somebody or a shrimp. You gotta look. You gotta keep the lights on. You gotta look.

[B]

Look at every crevice. I went to a Mexican restaurant recently, and there was like a piece of plastic in my food. Like it was in my mouth. And I was like, oh. And I thought it was food, but it was clearly plastic. And then my man, usually I'm the person who does this, but he was like, excuse me, there was a piece of plastic in her food and that's not what she wanted. And I was like, look at you.

[A]

Did he. Did he really say that's not what.

[B]

No, no, I think he was like, just. Actually, it was much nicer. He was like, just so you guys know, like there. I don't know if it came off of packaging or something, but like there's plastic that landed in the food. And then the server was like, oh, thanks for letting us know. Oh, you know, this. This actually does look like it came from packaging when we opened the lid or something. And he goes, you know, one time this woman ordered food and she complained because there was like a metal piece in there. And she was like, oh, no, I, like, I could have hurt myself. And he was like, yeah. And it turns out it was a piece from the lid of the oven or something like that. I thought he was going to be like, turns out she, like a piece of metal from her home landed in the food. But he was like, she was right. And actually it was deadly. It was a piece of metal from the oven. Okay, I'll. I'll go back to the kitchen and get the rest of your food. And I was like, why did he tell us the story?

[A]

Why would he tell us?

[B]

He's like, that plastic piece. There was even worse thing that happened to some other lady.

[A]

That's so funny. I was working in a restaurant. I was just a hostess, and someone found like a full blown twisty tie in their food. And I walked. The guy was like, can you come over here? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, hey, I just don't want to like, make a huge deal, but, like, there's a twisty Tie in the food. And I went, damn, that's not right.

[B]

That's nasty.

[A]

I'm sorry that happened. I can't believe there's a twisty tie in your food. And then my manager came over and was like, shut the up.

[B]

His name.

[A]

Oh, I don't want to say his name. But he spoke like this, and he went, nicole, stop it. Shut the fuck up. You can't do that. Other people will hear, and then they'll start finding stuff in their food. And that's where he left it at. And I think he meant, like, people would, like, come up, like, start lying, be like, oh, there's something in my food too. I want stuff for free. But then I just kept thinking, I was like, do we just put things in everybody's meals and they're just not finding them all the time? Oh, no. I don't know. That was a wild restaurant. It was. That was a dirty. I, like, went to the basement of that restaurant, and I was like, people have to eat food from this basement. And then one of the cooks, I was like, how can we have to keep. We have, like, family meal in between. Like, we had a very dead time at like, 5:30 before dinner. And we would have family meal in the back. And there was, like, one week where we only got chicken quesadillas. And I was like, why are we only getting chicken quesadillas? And one of the cooks was like, oh. Cause the chicken expired yesterday. And I was like, yesterday, but we're eating it today. Yeah. They would just give us old fucking food. This is the wildest place I've ever worked.

[B]

It's amazing that we still eat at restaurants. If you worked at a restaurant, like, if you've seen how gross it can be, it's amazing that we're still like, yep, I'm going to trust that everyone back there is doing what they're supposed to be doing and giving me my food.

[A]

Mm. Yeah. I worked at a restaurant where I watched a cockroach crawl out of the coffee maker. And then I watched a server bat it away and then make someone a cappuccino. And I was aghast. And he goes, what do you want me to tell them? That we're out of cappuccino? And I was like, I don't, I don't know. I didn't have an answer. I was like, I, I, I, I. I guess, yeah, you tell them and then you clean it. But then it's just like, I don't know. It's not his job to clean I don't know. It was like, nobody's job to clean stuff. It was so wild.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

That restaurant was disgusting. That basement was like mice, roaches. Like, all of the critters were like, we live here. Thank you so much. Nobody bothers us. One time. Oh, my gosh, it's gross. But also the worst thing is I still ate from both of those restaurants because I didn't have money. And this was free food.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I did make good money working in a restaurant.

[B]

I mostly catered, and I actually work in a restaurant proper.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Interesting. You know, you get to see different places. I go to weddings, sporting events. And then. Yeah, that was great because I would just take the food home, too. I would just, like, shovel it in a bag. All the chicken tenders they didn't eat, I just take it back to my roommates. But, yeah, it was a lot of, like, grunt work. A lot of, like, lifting containers in and out of trucks, setting things up, and then a little bit of serving, mostly serving wine.

[A]

And did people tip you?

[B]

Yeah. You did? Yeah, it was nice.

[A]

I try really hard to tip at, like, weddings or festivities or whatever, because I feel like people don't tip. There was one party I went to where I got a glass of wine, and then I was like, hey, where's your little tip jar? And he was like, oh, we don't have one. And I was like, you don't have one? And he was like, no. So I was like, gimme a glass. I took a glass and I had. I was trying to give him five. And I had some singles in my wallet. So I put like six or seven dollars, like ten dollars in. But I, like, put it in a way where it looked like there was a. Like, a decent amount. And then I came back later and I was like, can I have another glass? And he was like, yeah. Also that worked. People were like. They were like, we have to tip now. Yeah, that's. Yeah. So, like, that's what I do. I'm like, benevolent and stuff. And, like, I just like helping everybody where you can.

[B]

You're like the Robin Hood of spirit food service.

[A]

Yeah, I'm the Robin had up.

[B]

Sometimes I would be at, like, a party where. Or I'd be working at a party where there's, like, a lot of young rich people. And then if people start getting drunk, they're like, you could have a drink too, if you want. Just you party with us. Because, like, I'm the same age, and I'm like, I. I really can't. And do not want to.

[A]

I'm guilty of doing that sometimes if I like a server. So, like, enough. I'm like, come on, just have, like, a glass. Just sit down with us. Like, you're like, really? You're the homie. Come on. You're my friend. Don't you want to be my friend? They're like, not at all. I'm working.

[B]

I went to a restaurant the other day, and I think I told you about this. And the surfer sat down with me and Ellie. It was like, hey, guys. Hey, friends. Like, what do you think about today we brunch in? And I was like, we're brunching.

[A]

I was like.

[B]

It felt very strange also, I guess, like, in a pandemic world where I was like, you're in mice space. I'm so sorry. I need you on the other side of the table. You cannot sit with me.

[A]

What is this? People are you. You've said it before. People on their worst behavior. I feel like nobody really knows how to interact anymore.

[B]

No, no. It's like, either too much or too little. You're either silent and avoidant or you're way too close and way too talkative.

[A]

Yeah, I. Everybody was talking. I was at the airport the other day, and everybody was talking to me, and I was like, I don't want this. Oh, you don't want this?

[B]

He said, everyone's talking about how good of sleep you got.

[A]

Yes. And I also forgot to tell you at the Delta Lounge. Thank you. She is a diamond medallion. She's allowed in the lounge. But there was a lady working in the lounge, and she kept being like, anything you need, I will get it for you. And I was like, I don't think I need anything. I got, you know, some food here. Got some drink. I'm good. And she was like, okay. Anything you need. And I said, okay. And then she came and took my plates, and she was like, do you need anything? And I was like, what can she give me that's not already out? Is there secret food in the back that she can. I don't know. And then on my way out, she, like, grabbed my arm and was like, thank you for coming in. And I was like, okay, you're welcome.

[B]

She was a fan.

[A]

Goodbye. She was too old to be a fan. She was very old. Very old. So old that I was like, I don't think you should be working anymore. Who's taking care of you at home? She was old.

[B]

Does someone know where you are, man?

[A]

Does the home know you've escaped? Found a uniform and now work at the Delta Lounge in Detroit. Yeah, it was wild. Just people keep talking to me. I don't want to.

[B]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[A]

It's okay. I think I just have, like a round, dumb, friendly face.

[B]

It's not dumb.

[A]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

But it's friendly.

[A]

Yeah. And I think my, like, resting face is just kind of like. It's like the music that plays with my face.

[B]

My resting face is like.

[A]

Except when we were coming back from Mexico, you had a little like, boopy dee dee dee dee boop, I guess. And that man was like, oh, it's my chance. I gotta talk to this lady.

[B]

Yeah. And you turned right around. Didn't help me at all.

[A]

I'm sorry. I will never live that down. This is part of my truth now. I'm really sorry. I should never abandon you. Should never have abandoned.

[B]

Left me to the wolves.

[A]

I'm sorry. Can I just tell you what your housecoat looks like? Yeah, it looks like Sabertooth's coat in the X Men movies.

[B]

Yeah, I can see that. I really like that. Like, it looks like Shearling, but it's not. It's. This is a cheap Urban Outfitters purchase.

[A]

Oh, no. Get them. Talk about urban. No, I'm kidding.

[B]

I mean, I, I, they, they have good stuff. Even though it's fast fashion and I shouldn't even get anything from there. But also it's easy.

[A]

It is. And this is, this is a Farm Rio jumpsuit. It sure is. I love Farm Rio. And Farm Rio, if you're listening, please do plus sizes. You already do the oversized cardigans. So, like, do other stuff. Please, please. Could you describe Sashir's jumpsuit for the listener? Oh, yes. Because this is an audio medium, so it's got mushrooms on it. It's black based and colorful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kind of like you. Black based and colorful. Oh, how dumb. How dumb.

[B]

I like that. Someone tagged me in a post where they were analyzing color schemes for people. I don't, I don't. I didn't actually look at the full account, but they were talking about like dark skinned tones and colors that work well with them. And then they were like showing my looks, like from different red carpets and things that I've gone to. And they're like, she looks best in bright colors. And then they showed me in like all blacks. And they're like, they're like, look how washed out she is. And I was like, they didn't have to do that. They could just say I look better in bright colors like that.

[A]

So funny. I feel like, people now are just like, nobody gives a fuck. They're like, yeah, she looks great here, but wanted to see where she looks really dumpy and shitty. Here we go.

[B]

I like the first few posts where you're talking about how good I look. But you didn't. I didn't need the comparison.

[A]

I think you look good in black.

[B]

Thank you. I think bright colors do bring out my golden undertones.

[A]

I have red undertones. Yeah. And I love. I love a jewel tone.

[B]

Yeah, you look good in jewel tones.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I was wearing a goldenrod shirt yesterday. She looked good. Okay. Does she look good? All right. All right. Okay. And I love purpel. Ooh, Daddy. Purple is everything to me. Magenta, fuchsia. Ooh, Emerald green. Yeah. Turquoise, maroon. I think I've just named all the colors.

[B]

I mean, that's a good amount. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I like them all. I don't really wear green that much, though. I think I'm gonna get into emerald.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get into emerald. Yeah. I'm gonna start fucking around with emerald and see what happens.

[B]

That's my birthstone.

[A]

What's mine?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. We have to find out. What's my birthstone? What month are you again?

[B]

August.

[A]

August. Wow. So sure. You answered that faster than me. I almost forgot when I was born.

[B]

You often forget, and you're always like, how old am I?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. I currently do not know how old I am. I think I'm 36. Or I might be 34. Oh, no, I'm 35.

[B]

You're 35?

[A]

That's the one I skipped. And I don't care to be 35 anymore. Ew. What's a peridot? A peridot. This is like a discounted emerald. Why am I a peridot?

[B]

It's like a faded emerald. Yeah. I'm so sorry. What's the spiritual meaning of a peridot?

[A]

Yeah, okay. Known for a stone of compassion, power, Dot is believed to bring good health, restful sleep, and peace to relationships by balancing emotion and mind. This friendly, bright green stone also has the uncanny ability to inspire eloquence and creativity. Oh, my God. It brings delight and good cheer. So I should get a peridot something.

[B]

You gotta get a peridot.

[A]

Yes. Wait. Okay. Kimmy, can we Google some peridot? Jewelry. Jewelry. Well, should I get a ring? Should I get a necklace? Should I get a bracelet?

[B]

Maybe a ring or a necklace? I think.

[A]

Ooh, earrings. Jordan's saying earrings.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

I love how quickly I've turned on Peridot. I was so mad at first, then found out the meaning and was like, gotta get some.

[B]

This is my new thing now.

[A]

Wait, what is your birthstone? Sashiro.

[B]

I'm sure it's emerald. Yeah. Emerald is a life affirming stone. It opens the heart chakra and calms the emotions. It provides inspiration, balance, wisdom, and patience. It is said to promote friendship, peace, harmony, and domestic bliss by enabling the wearer to both give and receive unconditional love. I like that.

[A]

I like that too.

[B]

I think I might have an emerald necklace somewhere. I feel like my dad gave me like a collection of gemstone necklaces that when I was 13 and I was like, I'm not wearing these.

[A]

Break em out, baby. Things come full circle. You think things are dumb when you're young and then you get old and go, wow. Wow. No, that's cool. That's right. I forever will kick myself for not continuing with my piano lessons. My mom was like, one day you're gonna want to be an adult and you're gonna want to sit down at a dinner party where there's a piano and be able to play something beautiful. Now do your lessons. And I was like, you stupid adult. Nobody wants to just sit down and play a p. I wish I could. I have long thingies. I can do the chords. I wish I had done it.

[B]

Dang.

[A]

Shaking my dang head.

[B]

Well, you can still do it now.

[A]

Time's done.

[B]

Time's done. I actually have a keyboard and a couple, like, Intro to Piano books.

[A]

You do?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Do you want that keyboard?

[B]

I guess I haven't used it in a very long time, but in my mind I'm like, what if I break it out one day?

[A]

Maybe I'll get myself a purple keyboard and put it in my office.

[B]

Sounds great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You got space. She just took a long look at her whole office. Really lean back.

[A]

I am like, running out of room because I just put up a pole in here and then I'm running into your pro. I might have too many chairs and I might have to get rid of this chaise lounge if I want to put a piano in here.

[B]

Wait, are you a piano or a keyboard?

[A]

A keyboard.

[B]

But I think I want to.

[A]

Way less space. I guess I want to, like, leave it out or whatever. But I guess I could put it away.

[B]

Yeah, you can fold it up, put it under something or behind something.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I don't have to get rid of that Shay's lounge. I See, this is why I love you. You're like, I'll figure out your chair problem. I will figure out a way for you to keep that chair.

[B]

You have to keep the chair.

[A]

You have to keep that chair.

[B]

You can attach the keyboard to the ceiling if you want, but don't get rid of that. Shay's loud.

[A]

Imagine I had a keyboard on the ceiling, and I'm like, see you later, guys. I gotta go play my keyboard. That's a funny visual for me.

[B]

You could do kill two birds with one stone. You climb the pole and then stay up there and then play.

[A]

Honestly, pretty good conditioning.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Can I tell you a mistake I made yesterday?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. I was like, let's hop on this pole, bitch. Didn't stretch. Didn't do anything that you do to get ready to pole dance.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

And she pulled a couple muscles.

[B]

No. Yeah.

[A]

I, like, hurt myself. And I was like, fuck, Nicole. And then I was like, well, I guess I don't pull anymore. And I was like, what are you doing? You're such an extremist. Just stretch. Just do what you're supposed to do before you get on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dang. Shaking my dang head.

[B]

Shaking my dang head.

[A]

Should we take a quiz?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I'm excited about this.

[B]

I'm excited about this, too.

[A]

Do you feel sleepy today, Sashiro?

[B]

I'm so sleepy.

[A]

The sun didn't come out today.

[B]

Yeah. When it's gloomy out, it's such a stark difference from what it usually is. It really affects my. My physical being.

[A]

Samesies. And then I today I was like, how did I ever live in New York for all these. All the years I lived in New York? Because there are, like, weeks where it's just, like, dark and gloomy. I don't know how I did it. Okay, so here's something I. I'm into. What's your most toxic trait? Or are you more compatible with Shrek or Prince Charming? Those are the two that I'm interested in.

[B]

Two very different quizzes. I feel like we have to do Shrek.

[A]

Yes. Okay, great. That's the one I was, like, really leaning towards. When I went to the dentist last, they were like, what would you like to watch on Netflix? Because they, well, work on you. You get to watch Netflix. And I was like, drac, track point. I watched Shrek in its entirety. And then they were like, oh, do you want to watch something else? And I was like, just restart it. I watched Shrek one and a half times the other week.

[B]

Damn. You were there for a Long time, bitch.

[A]

Every time I go to the dentist, they go, we are doing the most work on you. Because I never ask what they're doing before they do it. So the day I got my root canal and my two wisdom teeth taken out, I had no idea that's what was getting done. I thought I was getting one or the other, and they were like, nah, girl, we're doing it all. Still haven't recovered.

[B]

Which two words describe you the most?

[A]

Sweet and funny.

[B]

Sexy and rude.

[A]

Wired and outgoing.

[B]

Funny and cute.

[A]

Spicy and rude.

[B]

And I don't know.

[A]

This is very funny. That's so funny. I mean, how would. Oh, my goodness. I wonder.

[B]

I would say. I feel like I would maybe be spicy and rude, but in a fun way.

[A]

I think maybe funny and cute.

[B]

Mm, I agree with that. Or wired and outgoing.

[A]

Oh, you think? Wired and outgoing for you. Okay, all right, I'll go with that. Wired and outgoing. And sashir is sleepy. Sasheer is spicy and rude in a fun way. Okay, choose a dog.

[B]

A husky with pretty blue eyes.

[A]

A golden retriever holding a flower.

[B]

A pug with some Mr. Magoo glasses.

[A]

I don't know what this wrinkled guy is, but he's cute. Maybe a mastiff.

[B]

I don't know. Yeah, probably they'll say that.

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna say the pug with the Mr. Magoo glasses.

[B]

I'm gonna say golden retriever with the little flower.

[A]

Yeah, I think that is you.

[B]

Yeah. Choose some food. Pizza.

[A]

Pizza.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

I never recovered. Pizza. Pizza.

[B]

I didn't mean to take pizza away from you.

[A]

No, it's okay.

[B]

Pancakes, seafood, steak. I'm definitely picking pizza.

[A]

Huh? I would normally pick pizza, but I'll just. I'll pick steak. I do love a good steak.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Pizza. Pizza.

[B]

Pizza.

[A]

Pizza. Every Disney princess has their favorite color. If you were royalty, what would your favorite color be?

[B]

Mm, red, pink, orange, Blue, green, purple.

[A]

That's the one I pick, obviously.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Black, white.

[B]

I think I pick orange. Orange looks really good on me.

[A]

Mmm. Orange does look really good on you.

[B]

Thank you. You're welcome. I didn't think I liked it. That was, like, my college colors, orange and blue. And I was like, ugh, orange. But then later in life, I started wearing orange, and I was like, whoa, this actually looks really good on me.

[A]

I think I am also hesitant to wear orange. I know I do not like an orange lip. That does not look good on me. But I got these orange ribbed flares from a company called Lisa says gah. And they look really cute on me.

[B]

Okay, nice Lisa's. Gah. It's.

[A]

They have some really cute shit. That dress that I wore in Mexico where I was like, guys, I'm not wearing a bra. That was. Lisa says, ga. Ooh, cute. I want to go out more in a bra, but I think I have to wear black to hide the titty sweat. That's what they don't tell you. Like, I have tiny boobs, but, like, I do get a little under titty sweat and that leaks out. And does that happen to you? Because sometimes you do do braless sometime. Oh, my God.

[B]

Not anymore. You do Bradley sometime.

[A]

The is a prison for me. You don't do braless anymore.

[B]

No, it got uncomfortable. Like, my titties be flopping and. And that would happen to me. I would get under boob sweat, and I was like, this is unbearable. And also, I, like, saw some pictures. I. I would. I went through a phase where I was, like, even doing shows without a bra, and I saw some pictures of myself, and I was like, I don't like this.

[A]

Interesting. It's weird. Cause I was, like, looking at the pictures, and I was like, damn, they're even smaller without a bra. And I don't really wear padding anymore, but, like, something the underwire does, I guess it gathers them to make them look slightly bigger. But I was like, yeah, I really have little Hershey Kisses. But I embrace them, and I love them now. It took almost 72 years straight into retirement for me to love my titties. Okay, which sea animal do you vibe with a turtle? Dolphin, fish, shark, seal, seahorse. I used to love seahorses growing up. And I would draw them. And I would also draw otters. I loved otters growing up. Yeah. But as an adult, the sea animal that brings me joy is a dolphin. Final answer.

[B]

Thank you for the explanation. I. I think I identify most with a turtle because you can go inside your shell. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I see that for you.

[B]

I, yeah.

[A]

Wish it was, like, socially acceptable to wear, like, shells. And when you were like, I don't want this. You can go right back in your shell.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I guess you could put a hood. I just put my hood up or. But yeah, if there's something you can go inside of, that would be nice.

[A]

Well, on that flight where everyone decided to talk to me, I had my hood up and my mask on. Truly, all you could see was a sliver of my giant glasses, and they were still like, she needs to be spoken to. Oh, no. Sure didn'.

[B]

Finally choose a game among us. Minecraft Fortnite. Final Fantasy 7 Animal Crossing Overwatch. Wow, you have some strong feelings about Animal Crossing.

[A]

Tim Nook wants you to get bells. And I didn't sign up to play a game where I have to work. Everyone else had a house, and I was living in a tent. Okay. I was really upset about it. I was playing it in the height of the beginning of the pandemic, and people were like, it's fun. I was like, it's fun. I'm fishing and catching boots. I never caught fish.

[B]

I never had anything to give.

[A]

Tim Nook or Tom Nook. I don't even remember his name. I hated him. But it's the only game I've watched on that or played here, so I'll say Animal Crossing.

[B]

I think I've only played Minecraft.

[A]

I think I don't even know what Minecraft is.

[B]

Am I thinking of the right thing? Is it the thing where you push a bunch of X's and then there's, like, a bomb eventually push a bunch of X's?

[A]

No, you're thinking. I know. Okay. You're thinking Minesweep.

[B]

I am thinking of Minesweep, Yes. Okay. I have not played Minecraft. You pulled up a picture, and it looked very elaborate.

[A]

It did not look like what Mind Sleep looks like.

[B]

I guess. Yeah. What is among Us?

[A]

Oh, that was cute. It's like. It was that game that got big during the pandemic, where it's a lot like the game Mafia. You're trying to figure out someone sabotaging. It's where all those, like, sus memes came from. Oh, I don't remember those memes. Also. I don't. You said Murder. I don't. I. I have played Murder no less than 42 times, and I don't understand how to play. Like, you have to, like, put your head down or whatever, and then someone's a murder. I'm like, who's the murderer? Who am I? I don't. I don't. I never understood it. Have you ever played it this year?

[B]

I think I played it a couple times in college. But you know me, I don't like games.

[A]

You hate games.

[B]

It just, like, a waste of time. I want to talk to people. Maybe Final Fantasy. I definitely remember that being a game.

[A]

I definitely remember that being a game. That's funny. This is. This is Nicole. Yes. Oh, my God. Buzzfeed finally gave me what I wanted fund. Buzzfeed. I'm no longer Team Defund. Shrek is your soulmate. I hope you're happy, because I don't think you would want to date Prince Charming anyway. Watch out, though, because I think you might have to fight Princess Fiona for him. That's fine. I'll fight him. I'll fight her.

[B]

I also got Shrek. Oh, shit. You might have to fight me too.

[A]

Oh, my God, I can't wait to fight all these women's for.

[B]

I mean, I don't think anyone wants to have Prince. What answers would you have to give to give to get Prince Charming?

[A]

I don't know, like sweet and like, goodly. I don't know.

[B]

Goodly?

[A]

Goodly. Yes. That's the word I said. That's the one I chose. Goodly. Prince Charming. I'm just like, what is your name? It can't be Charming. What's your government name? How do we. Why do we call you Prince Charming? And like, we know Cinderella's name. Why are you anonymous?

[B]

What is your say his name say.

[A]

That got me good in a way that I can't explain. That was funny to share. Oh, boy, that got me. You know what? You also look like.

[B]

Oh, yeah, please.

[A]

Moon King, which is a Marvel show or something where someone's like, white and stuff. Oh, yeah, they're wearing white. That's not it. Give me.

[B]

It's moon night.

[A]

You're so close. Damn. I also just learned about it from newcomers. It's Marvel's tough. There's a lot of stories that you have to, like, remember. And then they like. I didn't know. There's like infinity stones in every movie. And they're like these gems, these jewels. And I'm like, which one's a paradox.

[B]

A paradox.

[A]

Okay, let's help people.

[C]

Hey, Nicole and Sasheer. My name is Laura. I live in Austin, Texas. I'm a big fan. My wife and I love you. My wife specifically loves your new show, Nicole, where you're always at a winery, because we're always in a winery. Okay, so quick question. I was at a party this past weekend, and it was a friend's crawfish boil. You know, here in Texas we do crawfish boils. I'm sure they do those in other states. And we were mainly meeting new people. You know, it was like my friend's friends. And so you're just like talking with randos you've never talked to in your life. And we met this girl, my wife and I. My wife didn't really like to talk to people. She's always like, shut up, Laura. You're talking too much. And I started talking to this girl and her husband, and we find out that they're high school sweethearts. Just like, my wife and I were, like, oh, so cute. And I'm talking to her. We kind of become, like little party friends. We party together for, like, a good three hours, having fun. And it's time to leave the party, and I go back over to my new friend to say goodbye to her. And, you know, she's like, let me get your number. Let's meet up. We both live in Austin. And as I'm, like, taking down her number and putting it on my phone, she's like, look, you guys, I really want to be your friend, but just so you know, I'm into death. I'm into death, and I like to collect teeth, I swear to God. And she has a. And she's like, look. And she has a necklace around her neck with human teeth. I'm talking, like, 15 teeth. And she's like, I just don't want that to weird you out. I want you to know ahead of time, before we become bff, that I really like teeth. And look, I told my wife, we get in the car, my wife's like, hail now. Okay? And anyways, I told my wife, look, we shouldn't hate or slash shade somebody because they're into human peace and death, but how do I break it to her? And now she's texting me. That's. That's my question. What do I say to this girl? Because I don't think we're compatible friends. I just don't. So that's my question. If this gets on the podcast, I'm going to be hype again. I love you, Shashir. I'm trying to come see your show in Austin. Just want to let you know, Nicole, I'm bummed you're not coming to Austin anymore for the comedy festival, but I love you guys so much. Your friendship goals and much love from Austin. Bye.

[A]

Wow, what a wild voicemail. I loved it. Here's the answer. Teeth gave you an out. She said, I want you to know before we become BFFs, that I'm a tooth collector. I'm a bone collector, and I like death. And you get to say, that's too heavy for me. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you were up front. But, like, my interests don't align with teeth collecting and death. I'm more like, I love handshakes and sunshine, you know, or whatever you're into.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I agree. She. She already gave you a warning because she, somewhere inside of herself, knows not everyone's gonna Be okay with this. So I think you can be like, you know what? I thought about what you said. And for those reasons, I'm out. I'm. I can't con. I. Yeah.

[A]

How did it not come up earlier.

[B]

If she's so into it?

[A]

If you're a tooth hound, you're not going to scare people away immediately. You're going to hook them in with friendship and then go, I love teeth. And if we continue this friendship, I'm going to ask for one of yours.

[B]

But how?

[A]

Oh no. You think she's going to ask for one of theirs? They're human teeth on a necklace. Maybe she collects teeth from friends. Where does she get teeth from? How do you get human teeth? Whose teeth? You can't buy human teeth.

[B]

You probably can, actually.

[A]

Who? On the Dark Web. I don't know. The dark digs of grave. Yeah, that just seems so dumb. Wait, what did you say? She digs up graves.

[B]

Maybe she digs up graves. Pretty.

[A]

She works at a morgue.

[B]

Oh, Jordan has something. What's going on?

[A]

Jordan's losing her mind. What's going on? Oh, what is this?

[B]

What the fuck?

[A]

You can buy teeth. $200 for a set of. $400 for a hundred human teeth. Seems expensive. That seems too expensive. Also these teeth.

[B]

But also like not enough.

[A]

Also the website is called B for Bones. Oh no.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

This is. This is funny. Bee for Bones. Wait, we got to hit up that about us over here.

[B]

B for Bones International. International specialized year.

[A]

If you want fucking teeth and you're in Brazil. How you getting them? Be for Bones.

[B]

They got a ship all over. They specialize in the sale of natural human teeth tooth models for dental and medical fraternity. They've been active for more than 10 years.

[A]

Yeah, people been loving teeth for a long time.

[B]

Oh, wait.

[A]

All they are specimens are legally and ethically obtained. That is so funny. What do you mean ethically obtained? That last line.

[B]

Ever get tired of searching around for human teeth that are almost impossible to find? We're here to help you. We offer everything related to teeth. Want something we don't have? We can get it.

[A]

How? Ethically?

[B]

Ethically and legally.

[A]

Wait, that's. That's payments. Do they got payment plan? Yeah, products, hidden products.

[B]

It's teeth.

[A]

It's. Wow. Wow. But the thing. Okay, molars. Those are what look like teeth. The rest of them don't really look like teeth. Yeah, the 900 for 200 human molars. How do you. How do they get 200 molars?

[B]

Well, I guess when you get a tooth pulled and you're an adult, they don't always just give you your tooth back. So maybe it's like at the dentist when it's like this came out of someone's head, but we don't want anymore. It goes somewhere else.

[A]

But these don't have cavities or anything. My tooth. Well, my tooth. My.

[B]

Oh, there's a necklace.

[A]

That's really scary because there's too many teeth on that necklace.

[B]

That's so many. Oh, my God. Oh my God. You are collection.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Fingers. I don't want to see this anymore. Wait, I need to like this.

[A]

Wait. Close your eyes real quick. I need to know what that.

[B]

Teeth.

[A]

The teeth. Fingers are. What the fuck? There's like, there's. Instead of nails, there's like teeth. Little nubbins. Okay. So sure we didn't put it back up so you can look, it's just art. It's there. It's just saying that it's art that can go under. Okay. We have, we've talked about so many things on this podcast and this is the most insane. Yeah. That I've ever brought up to you guys to visually see.

[B]

I'm upset.

[A]

We should link it in the. In the. In the bio so people want to see what we saw. It was disturbing. I'll say that. It was really upsetting. And I'm not going to share the rest of that website because it just got creepier and I. No more teeth. Yeah, I mean, I think we just. You gotta get out of there. That person's gonna. I mean, I don't want to like, you know, shit on someone's activities, hobbies, but they come in to kill you. They're murderers. That's murderous behavior to collect teeth. They're coming.

[B]

But it's also. They must really be into depth because you could have a hobby and not tell somebody about it. Or you could just like, hey, I'm into scuba diving. I don't know, it'll come up later. But for them to be like, just so you know, I'm really into death and if you're not okay with it. But it's like they weren't that into death. They didn't bring it up at the party. They were partying for three hours and never came up.

[A]

Maybe they didn't want to invite them over their tooth shaped house where they sleep in a coffin.

[B]

It's a good point. Yeah. If they come over my house, they're going to know.

[A]

They're going to know. I truly envision this person lives like Richard Scarry. Do you know him? That worm that, like, drives in the apple in an apple car? I believe this person has a tooth shaped house, sleeps in a coffin, and their whole world is Richard Scary.

[B]

Very Richard Scary.

[A]

Why is his name Richard Scary if he's for the children?

[B]

Wasn't that the actual name of the author?

[A]

Oh, Jordan, can you look that up? I think I thought that little worm was Richard Scary who drove around in that car. Apple. I don't. I don't know. Oh, you're right. He is the author.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of the lo. The Adventures of the Lowly Worm.

[B]

I'm pretty sure it was on Richard Scary that I learned about sandwiches. Like, they learned, like, the history of sandwiches.

[A]

I thought you read a children's book and learned about a sandwich and you were like, mother, I would like to taste a sandwich. That's really funny.

[B]

It was like, about how sandwich. So people used to just eat meat with meat gloves. They would just eat. They would palm it and be like, oh, yum, yum, yum. But I want to get my hands all sticky. So they had gloves and they had to wash the gloves. And there was like. It was like too much effort. And then eventually someone was like, yeah, this looks familiar.

[A]

That.

[B]

Those pictures look familiar to me. Eventually someone was like, we should make the outside of the meat edible so we don't have to wash all these gloves all the time. And then they put two pieces of bread around the meat, and then you could eat the thing and protect your hands from getting all sticky from the. From the meat juices.

[A]

I am having wild deja vu. Have we talked about this before on this podcast? I don't know.

[B]

I've definitely. That's a fun fact I like to talk about. So I probably have said it before. I don't know if I've said it on this podcast.

[A]

I'm. I'm like, it is haunting me because I just have a vision of you gleefully talking about meat juices, not getting on your hands because now there's bread and like, you being really proud of knowing that. I wonder where we were. I don't know.

[B]

You know, I also discovered my head is. It's like a little hot dog bun. I have a divot in the back of my head that I. I knew it was there, but it wasn't until I shaved all my hair off that I was like, oh, yeah, it's like, it's quite prominent and it's like I could like, lay a finger in there and it's like, like hot dog bun shape.

[A]

Wait, can you turn around? I. I wonder if I'll be able to see it. Okay, now stick your way. But you gotta, like, you gotta. You got. I don't know. This is. This is really awful for anybody listening. I. I mean, I think I. Wait, keep. Yeah, just keep moving your head. Oh, I do. Okay, I do see a little divot. But like, you're listening. You have no idea. So she has fully turned around and she's sticking her finger just on her head. You are a hot dog bun.

[B]

I'm a hot dog. Bun. That's why I keep looking for hot dogs.

[A]

Yes, because you're just looking to fill your bun. Oh, boy, that sounded nasty.

[B]

Yeah, I think we solved that problem, right?

[A]

Yeah, I think so too. Let's get another one.

[B]

Don't hang out with that.

[A]

Yeah, don't hang out with that death tooth.

[B]

That dead tooth.

[A]

Okay, that's it for us. If you would like to have your queries answered and you would like to leave a voicemail or words in an email form. Nicolensashearmail.com the number is 424-645-7003.

[B]

We also have [e-mail] Best friends.

[A]

Lastly. Wow. Okay, don't forget to raid, don't forget to review, and don't forget to subscribe. That's the easiest way to support this show. Subscribe. It was hard. It didn't seem like it was going to come out of my mouth, so I was really just pushing it out. I did say it insanely well to you and your everybody in the world. Have a good night. Signing off.

[B]

Good night.

[A]

Sleep tight.

[B]

Good night.

[A]

Don't let everything bite.

[B]

Don't let someone steal your tooth.