Nicole Loves the Avatar Whales

Summary

---

Podcast Summary

Best Friends with Nicole Byer & Sasheer Zamata
Episode: Nicole Loves the Avatar Whales
Release Date: December 24, 2025
Network: Headgum

---

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode features Nicole and Sasheer diving into holiday plans, the joys and oddities of movies (especially the new Avatar!), quirky daily routines (like Nicole’s newfound commitment to lotion), intergenerational friendships, neighborly awkwardness, and a delightfully absurd "What Kind of Vehicle Are You?" personality quiz. The hosts also answer heartfelt listener queries about friend breakups and overcoming fear of flying, blending real-life wisdom with their signature warmth and comedic flair.

---

Key Discussions & Insights

1. Holiday Plans & Family Visits

(00:32–01:30)

• Nicole pivots quickly from asking about Thanksgiving to Christmas plans.
• Sasheer plans to visit her mom and family in Indiana and laments the lack of exciting activities there compared to LA.
  • "I like planning activities when she's here. And I was like, I'll plan stuff for us to do in Indiana. And I have yet to find anything to do." — Sasheer (01:00)
• They brainstorm movies as a solution; upcoming Avatar sequel comes up.

2. Nicole’s Avatar Premiere Adventure

(01:36–05:25)

• Nicole attended the Avatar premiere with elaborate set pieces (an "A" on fire for “Fire and Ash”) and James Cameron’s introduction.
  • Nicole mistakenly thought Miley Cyrus was in the film but she only sang a song on the soundtrack, resulting in three hours of Nicole searching for Miley among the Na'vi.
    • "I kept leaning over to that nice man in my life going, is that Miley Cyrus? And he was like, I don't know." — Nicole (01:47)
• The hosts debate the merits of the film’s whale poetry interlude.
  • Sasheer: “So we’re just playing with whales? Like, we gotta move on.”
  • Nicole: "I fundamentally disagree with you. It was one of my favorite parts… There's a solid 20 minutes where we're just having a nice time. Whales are doing poetry." (03:27–03:40)
• Nicole gleefully teases returning whale characters and “whale council.”

3. Motion Capture and Humiliating Acting Jobs

(05:25–08:47)

• Both discuss fascination with mo-cap acting. Sasheer once did motion capture for NBA 2K, but her role was minor (“the PR person for the main kid”).
  • "That's really funny to be like, I can't wait to do motion capture. And they're like, hey, you're in an office." — Nicole (07:25)
• Discussion segues to video games, specifically “Hollow Knight” and its charming bug characters.

4. The “Lotion Discourse” Goes Viral

(10:40–14:01)

• Nicole recounts going viral for admitting she doesn’t use lotion; millions saw the clip and commenters dubbed her “ashy ass.”
  • “2 million people know I don't use lotion. And they're being really hard on me.” — Nicole (11:07)
• She’s now integrating lotion into her life, leading to reflection on the irony that lotion dependency has made her feel drier after skipping it.
• Sasheer jokes about “Big Lotion” having “got to all y’all.”

5. Clues, Calendar Notes & Everyday Mysteries

(14:01–15:55)

• Nicole has a habit of writing cryptic calendar notes she can’t later decipher, which both find hilarious and mysterious.
  • “I remember the date… I wrote, ‘sit in Sasheer’s seat for heat.’ And we still don't know what that means.” — Nicole (14:21)
• Sasheer advises using calendar note sections for full explanations.

6. Random Humor: Eye Issues & Ben Stein

(15:55–18:14)

• Nicole’s watery eye leads to a tangent about Ben Stein, “the clear eyes man,” and their mutual disinterest in finishing “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

7. Old Friends, Intergenerational Relationships, and Decor Inspiration

(26:17–32:08)

• Sasheer and Nicole reminisce about friendships with older people. Nicole tells a fond story about Ms. Arletha, whose unique 1970s blaxploitation-style house inspired Nicole’s decor today, and who made Nicole peanut butter and tomato sandwiches without judgment.
  • "I remember I would just play with her things and ask her questions about the house." — Nicole (26:35)
• Both discuss the value of intergenerational friendships and imagine alternative retirement living setups fostering community.

8. Family Legacy and Trades

(31:04–33:28)

• Nicole’s blunt grandpa once stated, “my bloodline stops with you,” reflecting anxieties about family legacy.
• The hosts riff on the idea of passing down trades and skills, acknowledging most people (themselves included) don’t follow in family footsteps.

9. Handwriting, Lemons, and Neighborliness

(33:28–36:08)

• Brief reflection on the dying art of handwriting.
• Nicole is plotting to write a letter to her neighbor, requesting lemons — they consider awkwardness vs the potential of neighborhood friendship.

10. Quiz Segment: “What Kind of Vehicle are You?”

(36:41–56:15)

• Nicole and Sasheer take a ridiculous vehicle personality quiz submitted by a listener, navigating surreal DMV scenarios including portals, stegosauruses, and a morose dragon.
• Both respond honestly and humorously to off-the-wall prompts, debating responses and outcomes.
  • “I’m a Hot Wheels and you’re a race car.”
  • “How? All my answers were trepidatious. I feel like I should be a Corolla!” — Sasheer (54:17)

11. Listener Questions

Friend Breakups: (58:33–65:17)

• Listener asks about abrupt friend breakups and lack of closure.
• Both hosts mostly experience slow fades, but empathize with loss without closure.
  • “Your friendship should feel good, also your romantic relationship should feel good.” — Nicole (62:40)
• They suggest one direct outreach for closure, but acceptance after that.
  • “If they don’t respond, that is a response.” — Nicole (63:14)
• Both share stories of not matching effort with friends, highlighting value in honest expectations and communication.

Fear of Flying: (65:22–74:28)

• Listener Megan shares severe plane anxiety worsened by turbulence/travel.
• Sasheer’s tip: Realize turbulence can’t knock down a plane and look out the window for reassurance.
  • “The wind is not powerful enough to knock us out of the sky.” — Sasheer (67:03)
• Nicole leans on magical thinking (“everyone has to believe we’ll be fine”) and knows she’d survive a crash as a running gag.
• Both suggest sleeping on flights, consuming comforting content, and bringing grounding routines onboard.
  • “Whatever calms you on land, bring it to the sky.” — Sasheer (71:37)
• They swap stories of genuinely harrowing travel moments and Nicole’s unflappable calm in emergencies.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Nicole on Avatar whale scenes (03:27):
  “I fundamentally disagree with you. It was one of my favorite parts of the movie. And when I tell people about it, I'm like, There's a solid 20 minutes where we're just having a nice time. Whales are doing poetry.”

• Nicole on viral lotion shame (11:07):
  “2 million people know I don't use lotion. And they're being really hard on me.”

• Sasheer on cryptic notes (14:21):
  “I wrote, ‘sit in Sasheer’s seat for heat.’ And we still don't know what that means.”

• Nicole on peanut butter & tomato sandwiches (27:23):
  “She would make me peanut butter and tomato sandwiches, which are disgusting...When I was little, I loved them, and kids would make fun of me in school... But Ms. Arletha didn’t judge me.”

• Sasheer on vehicle quiz outcome (54:17):
  “I feel like all my answers were pretty trepidatious. I should be a Honda Corolla. A Honda Corolla! That was humiliating.”

• On friend breakups (63:14):
  “If they don’t respond, that is a response.” — Nicole

• On flight anxiety (67:03):
  “The wind is not powerful enough to knock us out of the sky.” — Sasheer

• Nicole’s magical thinking (68:13):
  “Everyone on this plane believes that we're gonna make it, so we're gonna do it.”

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment / Topic | |-----------|---------------------------------------------| | 00:32 | Holiday plans and family activities | | 01:36 | Nicole’s Avatar premiere story | | 05:25 | Motion capture acting stories | | 10:40 | Lotion discourse goes viral | | 14:01 | Nicole’s mysterious calendar notes | | 26:17 | Childhood intergenerational friendships | | 31:04 | Legacy, bloodlines, trade talk | | 33:28 | Handwriting and lemon neighbor plots | | 36:41 | Absurd “What Kind of Vehicle Are You?” quiz | | 58:33 | Listener Q: Abrupt friend breakups | | 65:22 | Listener Q: Fear of flying |

---

Tone & Language

The episode is lighthearted, honest, frequently offbeat, and always marked by Nicole and Sasheer’s chemistry — playful confidences, absurdist humor, and moments of unexpected wisdom.

---

Useful for Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode

This summary encapsulates the episode’s major topics, the hosts’ personalities, and the flavor of their banter — from pop culture gab and personal quirks to life’s trickier questions and how to joyfully muddle through. You’ll get relatable tips on moisturizing, comfort for friendship loss, and the knowledge that if chaos hits, Nicole will definitely keep her cool (even if she hits your car while parallel parking).

Transcript

[Host/Producer]

This is a Headgum podcast.

[Nicole Byer]

Quick choose a meal deal with McValue. The $5 McChicken meal deal, the $6 McDouble meal deal, or the new $7 Daily Double meal deal. Each with its own small fries, drink and Four Piece McNuggets. There's actually no rush. I'm just excited for McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Not Valver MC. Is here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hi, Nicole.

[Nicole Byer]

How was Thanksgiving?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well. When does this come out?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know. Christmas Eve? What are you going to do for Christmas?

[Sasheer Zamata]

What am I going to do for Christmas?

[Nicole Byer]

I'm going to go see how hard I pivoted.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What a hard pivot. I am going to Indiana to see my mom and my mom's family. I guess also my family.

[Nicole Byer]

Nope, that's not your family.

[Sasheer Zamata]

My mom's family.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Those people your mom's favor.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And yeah, I'm trying to find things to do around Christmas end in Indiana. I'm sure there are things to do, but I have. I'm having a hard time. And when I told my mom, okay, I'm coming home for Christmas, she was like, oh. Because I think she really likes coming to la, which I don't blame her. It's great here. And like, no one's here. There's stuff to do. I like planning activities when she's here. And I was like, I'll plan stuff for us to do in Indiana. And I have yet to find anything to do.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, movies are a thing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes, we will see movies for sure.

[Nicole Byer]

What movies are coming out during Christmas?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Do I even know we're getting another Avatar.

[Nicole Byer]

I went to the premiere.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You did?

[Nicole Byer]

I did.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, my goodness.

[Nicole Byer]

They had an A on fire for fire and ash. Wow. And James Cameron came out and he introduced the cast and then he was like, and Miley Cyrus. And I was like, miley Cyrus is an Avatar. And then for three hours I kept leaning over to that nice man in my life going, is that Miley Cyrus? And he was like, I don't know. Turns out she did the song for Avatar. She was not in the movie.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's really funny. You kept being like, which blue person is Miley?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And I was like, she's doing a great job where she.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I am convinced she's acting.

[Nicole Byer]

And he also was saying like, Na' Vi stuff. And I was like, sir, you've taken 20 years in between each movie. We don't remember. No, we don't remember the lore there.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Might be Avatar heads that do no Na' Vi stuff.

[Nicole Byer]

You Know what? Probably there was some Na' vis in the. In the front row and I was like, huh? How do you get front row at the Avatar premiere and you're a Na'? Vi?

[Sasheer Zamata]

They probably get special reference.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, do the publicists go, are you a navi? Like, I don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, maybe, yeah, maybe people, maybe they're spotted as they're entering and they're like, we gotta put you in front.

[Nicole Byer]

You know, maybe I will say for a three hour movie, it didn't feel like three hours.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's great.

[Nicole Byer]

Except my butt did hurt when, like, when I stood up, I was like, oh, yeah, it was kind of scary.

[Sasheer Zamata]

In the last Avatar. I know you'll disagree with this because I've heard you disagree with it, but There were like 30 minutes where I was like, so we're just playing with whales. Like, we gotta move on. Where's the rest of the story? We can't just keep swimming around these whales.

[Nicole Byer]

I fundamentally disagree with you. It was one of my favorite parts of the movie. And when I tell people about it, I'm like, There's a solid 20 minutes where we're just having a nice time. Whales are doing poetry. I was like, isn't there a war or something happening?

[Sasheer Zamata]

They're just like, do, do, do.

[Nicole Byer]

You got to get peaceful before the war.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, that's true. That's true.

[Nicole Byer]

And let me tell you, it's not a spoiler. The whales are back in a big way. There's a whale council. I love Avatar so much.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Are they doing poetry? Is the poetry one still around or did she die?

[Nicole Byer]

No, that's part of the storyline. So I'm not going to. I'm not going to tell you, but there is a lady who you're going to really like. Oh, she kind of looks like from Jurassic Park. The. Like a raptor.

[Sasheer Zamata]

She looks like a raptor. Does she do that? Does she go?

[Nicole Byer]

Well, she kind of just stays. That's her hair.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think her hair, like, flops like that. Her hair is like.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know how to explain it. Allie, can you pull up Avatar Fire lady? She really liked fire. Really liked fire. Okay. She really loved, like, her whole deal was fire.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

And she lived in a place that I was like, yeah, this is pretty.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Ashy because we have. They were in the air, they were in water, and I guess this is fire.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Was it the air or were they tree people?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, they were kind of woodsy. Tree people.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. But they flew. But they did fly. Cause they flew on the little things.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, see? Oh, she does, she does have feathered sideburns.

[Nicole Byer]

That's not her hair. Oopsies.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, feathers.

[Nicole Byer]

But yeah, she's, she's the fire lady. She's great.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay, cool.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, you're going to have a really nice time.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Have you ever done any motion capture acting?

[Nicole Byer]

Not yet. And I'm dying to slither around. Oh my God, what a treat that would be to like go to work, put on a little suit and then be like, what do you want me?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, there's like footage of Benedict Cumberbatch as the smog. The smog? Yeah, the dragon who. And he was like writhing on the floor and I was like, you know, I guess I didn't think he would have to do that. I thought he just voiced the animation. But they really wanted his physicality in that body.

[Nicole Byer]

Adi ody.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I. You into acting school?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Uh huh.

[Nicole Byer]

Did you have to do. Did teachers like tell you that like basically acting is humiliation and you just have to be do it?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't think those words were given to us, but we did have a lot of like, I guess humiliation rituals where it's like you're an animal, you're a cheetah. Now do it, do it like a panther. And we're just like on the floor growling at each other and I feel.

[Nicole Byer]

Like that preps you for like when you got to do motion capture and be a dragon.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I did motion capture once.

[Nicole Byer]

You did?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I did.

[Nicole Byer]

I didn't know this.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. When was this in my life? I don't know, it was a long time ago. But whatever. It was very short. It was for NBA 2K.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, maybe I did know about that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And I phew.

[Nicole Byer]

I thought it was the stilt fiasco again.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I swear I told you. And yeah, I had to have a suit and like little like cameras on my face and little like dots on, on my body. But it was like, I mean, I guess that's just how they do it now for video games is like you're just like walking around. It wasn't like I was like doing any crazy action. I'm just like walking from my office down the hall, talking to somebody in my office, going around the corner. It was like the most like, you know, basic.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny to be like, I can't wait to do motion capture. And they're like, hey, you're in an office.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Just like you're a person, you can't be late to practice anymore like that.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you know what your character looks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like in NBA 2, she looks like me. But I. I think a lot of my stuff got cut because I was, like, the PR person for, like, the main kid.

[Nicole Byer]

There's PR people in basketball games.

[Sasheer Zamata]

There's a whole story.

[Nicole Byer]

I.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Whatever year I did it, it was like, so it's like a college kid who, what, wants to go to the NBA, and he's, like, getting scouted. And they're like, yeah, there's a PR team that's trying to, like, you know, we're doing deals. They're like, okay, Nike wants to talk to you about blah, blah, blah, blah. Or like, different brand. Like, brand deals are a part of it.

[Nicole Byer]

And I have seen video games, but is this, like, the story in between the action or is.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like, I guess depending on how you play and like, what. What you win or what you. Or what you. Things you choose, then that story will lead you to different. Different things.

[Nicole Byer]

That's very, very funny.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But I think, like, yeah, a lot of my stuff got cut. And then people. Some people have been like, oh, I saw you in the distance. Like, I saw you, like, talking to another player around the corner.

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny. Yeah. Did you know one of the most popular games is about a bug? No. I wish I could remember the name of it. Hollow Knight. Yes. I think that's what it's. And there's, like, a little spider.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, there's, like, all types of bugs.

[Nicole Byer]

Do you play it?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I do. And then the second one.

[Nicole Byer]

The second one, it's.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's a. She's a spider. But she doesn't look like a spider.

[Nicole Byer]

No, she doesn't look like a spider at all.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hollow Knight? Is that what you said?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. And she's got big eyes. I think she's, like, kind of cute. All the bugs are kind of cute. But it's crazy that so many people play this bug game.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Is it, like, cartoony, or does it look, like, realistic?

[Nicole Byer]

It's cartoony. It's cartoony.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And you got to, like, talk to the bugs.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Her name is Hornet, but she's a spider. Hilarious.

[Nicole Byer]

See, that's confusing. Yeah. Let's see. And that's a bug.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Huh? But its head looks like a tooth.

[Nicole Byer]

A tooth.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Actually, there's another bug that has a head like that. What is it called?

[Nicole Byer]

A beetle.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, I said beetle and then gasp. And then was gonna say dung beetle, and that's why I stopped myself. But I told you anyway.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Gosh, no.

[Nicole Byer]

What is it called?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

[Nicole Byer]

It's okay. It's hard to know what things are sometimes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And that's a spider.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, allegedly.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I guess it has a needle because it's spinning silk.

[Nicole Byer]

Whoa. Probably. That's crazy. And she puffs away like her little dress helps her float.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Whoa. That's fun. That's fun.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't understand video games.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I simply don't. But I've seen a lot of this. Can I just say, I don't normally read the comments on our podcast, but these people have been eating me up about the lotion.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no.

[Nicole Byer]

People. They call me ashy ass on the Internet.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm so sorry.

[Nicole Byer]

It's okay. Sometimes I guess, you need to be shamed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Also, of all of our clips, I didn't think that one would hit so hard. 2 million people have seen it. Really?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. 2 million people know I don't use lotion. And they're being really hard on me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They're being really hard on me.

[Nicole Byer]

Some people were like, she was raised by white people. And I was like, that's crazy. I'm so dark. Yeah. Oh, I guess I could be adopted.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, you could still be raised by white people and look like you.

[Nicole Byer]

In my head, I was like, there's no way. There's no way. It can't be. But I will say I am, I think two weeks on lotion.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

And I do feel better. Oh, nice.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's great.

[Nicole Byer]

Are you going through lotion so quickly?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I guess the bottles I buy are pretty big.

[Nicole Byer]

How often are you buying it?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't. I don't. I actually don't think that often.

[Nicole Byer]

Interesting.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I just kind of. Yeah. Put lotion on.

[Nicole Byer]

I mean, I haven't gone through my container yet, but I'm like, you feel like you're getting. I'm like, it's getting close. And then this one lotion. Not to, like, keep talking about lotion, but it comes in, like, a bowl and then there's a lid, but it's, like a big, wide thing, and they're like, it's for your, like, stretch marks on your, like, thighs and butt. And it's really funny because I was like, that's crazy. Who's putting. Who's putting lotion on their thighs and butt? But now it's me. Now I do this.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You are the person who does that now.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a new life. That's crazy. It feels crazy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Does it feel like you. But you can. And you can tell a difference.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes. And it's really wild to, like, look down at my legs. And like, look at that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's moisturized.

[Nicole Byer]

That's moisturized.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's a moisturized leg right there.

[Nicole Byer]

Yes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Nice.

[Nicole Byer]

And then I had started moisturizing before I went to Chicago for to see family. And when I was in Chicago, I was like, whoa, I need lotion.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's so dry here.

[Nicole Byer]

But then I was like, am I fighting Mother Nature by moisturizing? Because now I need lotion. I was not that ashy the last time I went to Chicago, but I was ashier because I've been lubin' and my body missed the lube.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was like, I think we're fucking with Mother Nature.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I do think that's an argument, like, for lotion, deodorant, chapstick, things that. Where you're like. Like, if I use it, my body's not gonna be dependent on it. So you just keep using more and more and more.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. And big lotion got to all y'.

[Sasheer Zamata]

All.

[Nicole Byer]

The lotion industry said to your whole body. And I was like, just the part scene. But now big lotion got me, too.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So sorry.

[Nicole Byer]

It's okay. I think I'm okay with it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Yeah. I do like lotion.

[Nicole Byer]

I had something to tell you. I was like, in the car, and I was like, remember to tell Sasheer? And then I absolutely fucking forgot.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Damn.

[Nicole Byer]

I gotta start writing things down. But then when I write things down, they're all clues.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And no answers. Like, I remember the date. I believe it was September 18th or September 8th. I wrote, sit in Sasheer's seat for heat.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And we still don't know what that means.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No clue. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And it keeps me up at night.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You make a little scavenger hunts for yourself.

[Nicole Byer]

I know. I put something in my calendar for that nice man in my life. And I said his name. He needs to figure it out. And he was like, hey, do you want to talk to me about something? And I was like, what? And he was like, in the calendar, it says, I need to figure something out. And I was like, we both gotta figure it out.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's like your subconscious is, like. Is screaming for help or something. It's like, save me. Help figure out the clues. I'm trapped inside.

[Nicole Byer]

I think I, like, have more faith in myself than I should, where I'm like, I'll remember this joke. And then I simply don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, you can leave yourself more clues because even in the little calendar thing, there's a notes part where you can write as much as you want.

[Nicole Byer]

That's crazy. I didn't know that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Even if you don't want to put it in the title, like, just go scroll down to the notes and type the whole thing out.

[Nicole Byer]

How am I always discovering something? Every single day something new is told to me and I'm like, wait, what? I had no idea. Yeah, I would write big, long things just at the, like, event.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You don't got to. But now you know. Yeah, it's okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm not crying. My eyes just. It's just watering a little bit. I don't know how to get my eye to stop watering. I looked it up on the Internet and it said that I might have, like, a blocked tear duct.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, interesting.

[Nicole Byer]

But I cry in the shower just fine.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So. Yeah, maybe not blocked.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, Maybe irritated.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe irritated.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe I gotta start using eye remover. Eye makeup remover instead of just a wipe.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, maybe. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Cause I'll do a wipe and then like, wash my face. And then I'm like, I guess I'm not getting all of the mascara and stuff off.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, yeah, Maybe there's leftover makeup stuff.

[Nicole Byer]

Residue.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Residue.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Clean them eyes.

[Nicole Byer]

Clear eyes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Do you remember that guy?

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know why that was so funny to me. Clear eyes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. What's his name?

[Nicole Byer]

Ben. Ben. Not Nye the Science guy. He's different. Ben.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He's a different guy. Ben.

[Nicole Byer]

Clear eyes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What do we know? I don't even know why I know Ben.

[Nicole Byer]

Because he's a clear eyes man.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Ben Stein. Ben Stein, the clear eye guy.

[Nicole Byer]

Is he an actor?

[Host/Producer]

He is Bueller guy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, from Ferris Bueller.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, from Ferris Bueller. A movie that maybe I've seen.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I actually don't think I've seen the whole thing.

[Nicole Byer]

I think I've seen bits and pieces.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm not interested.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's okay.

[Nicole Byer]

There's just some movies I'm like, not interested in.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I understand that.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Like, I don't care why he has a day off.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think the intrigue is, like, what he does with his day.

[Nicole Byer]

But yeah, why do we care?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think at the time maybe it was like, whoa, a kid has a whole day off. What's this kid gonna do?

[Nicole Byer]

It's the 80s. They gotta be in school. That's funny. What else has he done? What else has been done? I wonder what his net worth is. Oh, my God. Commercials are. That's. Oh, he's been in it. He's in the mask. Casper.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Son of the Mass.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I just saw that.

[Nicole Byer]

My girl. My girl's such a sad movie.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I haven't seen that one.

[Nicole Byer]

Oof. You will be. Actually, you might not. Boo hoo. Yeah, I don't know. Some like older new movies. I'm pretty sure I know what you like. Yeah, old movies. No clue. Because I was sure without a doubt in my mind you were gonna love My Cousin Vinny. You'd be yucking it up with me. No yucks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, no yucks.

[Nicole Byer]

Stone faced turned it off before it was over because they said you will not ruin this movie for me. You didn't even swoon at Joe Pesci. We should take a break and. These days life is busy, schedules are packed and taking care of yourself can feel like a full time job. But who has the time? Hers is here to support you on your weight loss journey if that's what you want to do. Hers is transforming women's health care by providing access to weight loss treatment plans. For every budget. They connect you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you if that's what you want to do. If prescribed, you can get medication as part of a doctor developed weight loss program complete with ongoing care check ins, dosage and medication adjustments and access to 24. 7 online support at no additional cost, no hidden fees and no membership fees. Weight loss by hers is realistic, not restrictive. HERS provides access to affordable weight loss plans built around oral medication kits and GLP1 injectable options with oral medication kits starting at just $69 per month with a 10 month plan when paid upfront in full. HERS puts your health and goals first if that's what you want, with real medical providers making sure you have what you need to get results all from the comfort of your couch. So if you've been struggling with your weight loss journey, it's time for you to find the best option that works for you through hers if that's what you want to do. Whether you want to lose weight or grow thicker, fuller hair or find relief or anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit for hers.combest friends to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you that's F O R h e r s.com Best friends for hers.com Best friends Weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Happy Holidays from Best Friends. Okay, so my holiday shopping is almost done, but not gonna lie, I'm sweating a little bit. I have one name left on my list One left to cross off and it's the same one I have every year. My grandfather, he's the oh, don't get me anything type. So every year I panic and buy him golf balls. Just a bunch of golf balls.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't even know if he loses.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That many golf balls. But this year I have hope. Macy's Great gift sale is happening right now. They have 10 days of curated gifts for every type of person, including your own personal don't get me anything, Nemesis. And things are up to 60% off, which is very satisfying for those of us who love both giving and saving. Forget the golf balls. This year I'm getting him an espresso on sale. He's gonna love it almost as much as I loved getting it for him. The best part is, even though we're a bit down to the wire, don't worry, I'm there with you. Macy's has same day delivery and buy online pickup in store, which means this is the moment. I'm taking out my pen, I'm crossing off my grandpa's name and boom. Wow. I feel a rush. The holiday season snuck up on us. Where did the time go? It always feels like a scramble to get all of our gifts ordered and wrapped, as well as adding those festive final touches around the house. The holidays are here. Get what you need fast with Wayfair. From bedding and linens to decor for every room in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop last minute guest prep. Refresh your guest room with bedding, throw pillows and accent chairs for way less. I got curtains from Wayfair and they're great. Sometimes you look at a window and you're like that needs to be dressed. And then you go to Wayfair and you can find it for cheap. Wayfair really helped out in a time crunch. Delivery is free, fast and hassle free. Now is the best time to get ready for the season ahead so you can enjoy the holidays with your loved ones. Wayfair has fast shipping on last minute decor and hosting essentials and gift guides to help you shop for everyone in the family. Wayfair helped me add all the festive final touches to my home for the holidays. I've gotten guest essentials like linens and towels for hosting and seasonal favorites to get into the holiday spirit. Wayfair's huge selection of home items in every style makes it easy to find gifts for everyone on your list. I was surprised to find the exact wreath and garlands I had been picturing.

[Nicole Byer]

For my living room.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Find all your must haves from furniture and decor to appliances and cookware, all in one convenient place. Wayfair makes it easy to find items I love within my budget. There's something for every style and every home, no matter your space or budget. Fast and easy delivery, even on the big stuff, so you can get what you need when you need it. No more huge delivery fees for furniture. Get big stuff like sofas, dining tables, beds, desks and more. Shipped free. Get last minute hosting essential gifts for all your loved ones and decor to celebrate the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W a Y F a a I r.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Nicole Byer]

And we're back. You don't like Joe Pesci like that?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't dislike Joe Pesci. I just didn't think in my cousin Vinnie he was swoon worthy.

[Nicole Byer]

I would leave my whole life if he knocked on my door today. There's few men that if they knocked on my door, I would go with them. He's one of them. Harvey Keitel's another.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Interesting case.

[Nicole Byer]

Patrick Stewart is another one. Hmm. I wonder who else. Ooh, Robert Redford. But when he was in that movie where he was like, give me your wife. Oh, what's it called? It's like give me a chance or like a Sweet proposal.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, Indecent proposal.

[Sasheer Zamata]

We got there.

[Nicole Byer]

A sweet proposal.

[Sasheer Zamata]

This is.

[Nicole Byer]

Give me a chance. Just give me a chance, please. He's so fine in this movie. Every time he was on the screen, I was like, ooh wee. Look at that man. Oh, my Lord.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I. I did watch up on a Plane because I hadn't seen it yet, and I cried.

[Nicole Byer]

It is a boohooing movie. It's a good movie, though.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's really sweet.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I didn't cry until the very, very end when. Well, it's been out for a while.

[Nicole Byer]

But it's also not. I also don't remember. I haven't seen it in a very long time.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

What happens at the end? If you don't want to know, skip ahead.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Skip ahead. Well, just like, because the kid and the old man bond and then the kid, like, finally gets his, like, wilderness badge. And then the old man's there to pin it on him. And then he also gives him the pin that his wife gave him when they were kids. It was the grape soda, but bottle cap. And I was like, that's.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It's a very good Movie. Did you have old friends growing up?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't think I did, no. Yeah, that's when I was. I think, like, oh, that's my friend. Did you?

[Nicole Byer]

Yes, Ms. Arlitha.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

So my mom, she went to our church, I think, and my mom was friends with her. And I remember we went to her house, and her house was, like,'70s blaxploitation. It was like velvet shag fringe and, like, gold. And I remember walking in and being like, whoa, I can't believe your house looks like that. And I remember I would just, like, play with her things and ask her questions about the house. And then my mom. And then she had a pool, and I loved a pool. So in the summer, my mom, Ms. Arletha, would just let my mom drop me off, and I would ask her questions about where she got things from. And then I would swim in her pool. And then she would make me peanut butter and tomato sandwiches, which are disgusting.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Sounds disgusting.

[Nicole Byer]

When I was little, I loved them, and kids would make fun of me in school, so I was like, I'm not gonna eat them at school, but I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna not eat them. So Ms. Arleth, they didn't judge me, and she would make them for me.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, this is a request that you had?

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, yeah, baby. She didn't just make me peanut butter and tomatoes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's her thing. And she was like, would you try?

[Nicole Byer]

No, she wasn't a freak. She just accepted me. That's really nice. Yeah. And I think that was, like, for two summers. And then I'm not sure what happened to Ms. Arletha. She probably did, maybe because she was old then.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was a kid.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And now I'm old.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And now you gotta find a kid friend.

[Nicole Byer]

You know? No, not now.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I think I would like a kid friend when I'm, like, 70, because then that's gonna keep me young.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, oh, here comes this kid again. Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think intergenerational friendships seem important, like, because you can learn from each other.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Like, older people can learn what's. What's going on these days. Maybe some help with tech.

[Nicole Byer]

Help with tech. I don't know how to work this. But also, it was fun. I think Ms. Arletha shaped the way I, like, dress and, like, decorate, because her house didn't look like any other house I'd ever seen. And I was like, when I grow up, I'm going to do whatever I want. Yeah. And that's how I've been living I like that leopard print wallpaper, huh? Yes, please.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I feel like there should be, like. I don't know if it's like a retirement community, but just like, where there are older people, like, it's a retirement community who need roommates, and then young people who maybe can't afford to live on their own can live with them.

[Nicole Byer]

And, like, help them out a little bit.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Help them out. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I think that's nice, right?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, like a little buddy.

[Nicole Byer]

It's like a good way to foster community and fellowship community. But we, like, stigmatize retirement communities and stuff like that. It's like, your family should take care of you. And it's like, I didn't ask to be here. Why do I got to take care of you? Yeah, send them away. But like, to a nice place.

[Sasheer Zamata]

To a nice place.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Where they have friends and they can do activities and stuff. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

That's what I want. I don't want to, like, die alone in my place. Like, I want to go somewhere where the people are.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, yeah. It's. I guess people used to just like, house their parents and everyone lives together, which I guess there's value to that. But also, when I get older, I feel like I'm gonna still want my own space. I don't want to, like, live with my kids. I'm not gonna have kids. But like. Yeah, I. I don't know. I feel like a setup where they. They can still feel autonomous even though they're not really autonomous would be ideal.

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like that's why people have mother in law suites. Oh, yeah. Or it's like. It's like a different entrance.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Get in the chicken coop. Little tiny house.

[Nicole Byer]

Chicken coop.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And. But then it's funny because, like, when you go sell your house, it's like, who does? Everyone doesn't need a mother in law suite.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, but it's nice to have.

[Nicole Byer]

It is nice to have guests. Yeah. I don't want to see my guests. Separate entrance. Get out of here. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to have to go to a retirement community because I'm not going to have kids either. The bloodline stops with me. That's what my grandpa said.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He said that?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. He looked at me and he said, my bloodline stops with you to me and my sister. And I was like. And then my sister was like, well, I. I might. And then he went, no, he's. No, he's a very blunt person.

[Sasheer Zamata]

He calls it like he sees it.

[Nicole Byer]

He really does. But yeah, I mean, the buyer name stops. Well, I Don't know. There's other buyers.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

They'll live on.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. And also whatever.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Why are people so concerned with bloodlines?

[Sasheer Zamata]

You can't. I don't think it like matters that much anymore. Yeah. I feel like communities like, like towns be like, oh, our, you know, the Smith family who does all the blacksmith stuff in the town.

[Nicole Byer]

But it's like, oh, I never thought of it like that. That's why bloodlines matter, because trades people would pass the trade on to their children.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But that's not happening.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Sasheer Zamata]

At all.

[Nicole Byer]

No.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, maybe some families, but yeah, hardly anymore.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm sure my dad would love to have passed his trade on to me. I don't really understand what he did. Computers, something. It was some technical.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Or computers and coding and white whiteboards. I'm sure he tried to explain it to me and I was like, yeah, it's tough. I'm not a computer person. I'm not like a math gal.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, same.

[Nicole Byer]

The only math I do like is calculating change before the computer does it. Or like giving someone two pennies so they give me back a dollar. And that really razzles. Razzles frazzle some people. Oh my God.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm proud of razzle dazzles them too. They're like, oh my God, I'm confused. And impressed.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm confused. You could do basic math.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, I do feel like everyone's math skills is decreased, are decreasing.

[Nicole Byer]

Everyone's reading comprehensions, everything's decreasing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Decreasing.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I read somewhere that like, some schools are making kids handwrite essays again.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's great.

[Nicole Byer]

I think so.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, yeah, because everything. They probably learned to type on a computer. Not even type on a computer. Like scroll on an iPad or like a phone before they know how to like, write. And yeah, it's gonna be a dying.

[Nicole Byer]

A dying art form, writing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But honestly, when I write anything, if I write for a long time, like if I journal, my hand starts to hurt. I'm like, damn.

[Nicole Byer]

Because you don't do it very often.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't.

[Nicole Byer]

Speaking of which, I need to write a letter to my neighbor. They have a lemon tree and I. Their lemons.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Because they have so many. They're not going to use them all.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They certainly won't put them in a.

[Nicole Byer]

Bag and give them to me. I don't know my neighbor super well.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But then you will. But then you will.

[Nicole Byer]

Why you say it like that?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Cuz community.

[Nicole Byer]

That was so scary. But then you will like, oh my God, my neighbor paying you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, you got to go over to see Sarah. I actually saw a video where this girl was like making a cake or something and her friend didn't have any eggs. And so she went to the friend's neighbor's home and was like, can I borrow an egg? And the neighbor was like, you're asking for an egg. And got so excited and then gave them eggs. And then every time they come over it was like, hi. I was just like so excited. So I think if you ask for.

[Nicole Byer]

Anything, I think you're right, they'll be excited. I think people are so starved for like simple interactions.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

A lot of people just stay home and work from home and stuff.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I met my like across the street neighbor mostly. Well, first because her mom was being a menace and was throwing leaves on my arm. So I had to go over and be like, what the fuck is happening?

[Nicole Byer]

That's really funny.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And she's like, oh, so sorry about that. And then we just like exchanged numbers and we're like, if you need anything, let me know. And then a package of hers got delivered to my place instead. And I wasn't in town, but she came over and like showed it to the ring camera and was like, I got my package, thank you. And I texted her and I was like, I saw your message. I'm glad you got your package. Happy holidays. And she's like, happy holidays to you.

[Nicole Byer]

And I was like, so nice. I wish I had a nice next door neighbor. She is, she's nice, but she is. She's just a strange woman who goes through my trash and she's hard to talk to and she had a leak in her house and she was like, how do I stop it? And I was like, I, you gotta call the water company. And she was like, which one? And I was like, la WP or whatever it is. And she was like, do you have the number? I was like, I can google it for you. So then I googled it for her and then she asked me to say it out loud. So then I said it out loud to her and I was like, I don't think you're going to remember that. But then she went back in her house and I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Who knows?

[Nicole Byer]

Who knows? I guess I should knock on her door and see if she's okay. No.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Feels like a level of investment that you don't need to.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Do. Yeah. You find other neighbors.

[Nicole Byer]

You're right. There's a whole neighborhood.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Whole neighborhood around.

[Nicole Byer]

Knock on doors. You want to be my friend?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Someone will say yes. It's a numbers game.

[Nicole Byer]

Wanna come over? Should we do a quiz?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Ooh, we haven't done one of those before.

[Nicole Byer]

We haven't done one in a really long time.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let's do a quiz.

[Nicole Byer]

Let's do a quiz. Let's see.

[Host/Producer]

We have another. What vehicle are you? I think this one's better.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, let's do that one.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay, let's do it.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, my God. I went to the auto show.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, how was.

[Nicole Byer]

Really, really incredible. Yeah, I love the auto show. It is such a delightful time of the year for me. I got so excited about a Jeep and I was like, ooh, I want a picture in this Jeep. I have a Jeep. It's the same Jeep I have, just in a different color. And I was like, what am I doing?

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's really funny.

[Nicole Byer]

And then they have the one Buick. Last year it was like, truly in a corner. This year it was by an escalator.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no. Poor Buick.

[Nicole Byer]

I thought it was so funny. And then my favorite car was a Hyundai concept car. It looked so cool. And then Subaru has like a whole fleet of new ones. Oh, I had a time. Nice. And then I saw a modified Jeep Cherokee. And I'd never seen a two door Jeep Cherokee. And it was, it was, it was a sight to behold.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

You'Re waiting at the DMV and. Wow you. Are you bored? What do you do to pass the time?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Disassociate.

[Nicole Byer]

I think about all the embarrassing things you've ever done and slowly die from cringe.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Watch your favorite ASMR video. Boyfriend tucks you into bed before dropping 15 metal pipes.

[Nicole Byer]

Talk to the people sitting next to you. Why do all the people coming out of the driving test look so frazzled? Whoa. I don't want any of these.

[Sasheer Zamata]

These choices are crazy. Also, is that picture. Is someone holding a knife? Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe we do a different quiz.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Who is this?

[Nicole Byer]

This is crazy. I guess I'm interested in where it's gonna go.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let's see what happens.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, I guess I'll disassociate.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I will also disassociate because I'm.

[Nicole Byer]

Not talking to anybody at the dmv.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I don't want to be trapped in the conversation. I want to be in. They finally call your number, but, oh, no, you forgot your papers. What do you do?

[Nicole Byer]

That's literally impossible. You have 10 extra copies in your bag.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Try to charm the DMV lady into letting you off the hook. She seems unamused.

[Nicole Byer]

Bag the dmv. Oh, beg the DMV leaf. Back her up. It's Far away in my eyes, I'm old. Beg the DMV lady for mercy and hope she doesn't smite you on the spot.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Call your mom and sheepishly ask her to deliver your documents. I definitely have 10 extra copies in my bag.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I'm going to try to charm the DMV lady into letting me off the hook. And she will seem amused. That's the only thing that's the difference. Because I remember when I got my driver's license renewed. I waited till my birthday when it was expired, and I was like, it's me. I'm renewing it. And they were like, this is suspended. And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, you gotta take the test again. And I was like, I do. And then. I don't think I had to take the test again. Nice. But he was. And then I just had to pay money. It was crazy, though. I was like, why? I think I said out loud, why didn't they let me know it was suspended? He was like, I think you got a letter. And I was like, me?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Impossible.

[Nicole Byer]

Me, I got a letter. You end up finding your documents in your bag. Hallelujah. You start your driving test, and the examiner asks you to perform arm signals.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You have studied your whole life in preparation for this exact exact moment. You execute the arm signals flawlessly. The examiner is in awe.

[Nicole Byer]

You have to do arm signals in a test. Freak out, because what arm signals? Oh, yep, that's mine. The examiner takes pity on you and teaches them. Teaches them to.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You lie and tell the examiner you have a shoulder injury that prevents you from performing the arm signals.

[Nicole Byer]

Flail your arms about performing an interpretive dance. The examiner is impressed by your dancing skills. I'm a freak out because what arm signals I don't think you have to do. There's turning signals in a car.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think it's like if you're turning signals broken.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But I think, isn't this right? Yeah, Left maybe. Or is it the other way around?

[Nicole Byer]

I think because it's your right arm, it's like, I'm going right now. I'm going left.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But if you're driving, the arm that's going out the window is your left arm. Fuck. So I think you have to be like, left is straight out and then bent arm because you can't point the other direction is right.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I think you're right. Oh, my God.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, I think.

[Nicole Byer]

No, I think you're absolutely right.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, I'm gonna say I've studied my whole life in preparation for this exact moment.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow. Blown away.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The examiner gets into the car and you sink into silence as you pull out of the DMV parking lot. What do you do?

[Nicole Byer]

Try to make conversation and laugh awkwardly when you've. When you're met with stoney silence, put on some music.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe the examiner will like K Pop.

[Nicole Byer]

Stay quiet and enjoy the shared silence.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Start spiraling internally and convince yourself the examiner hates you.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm going to make some conversation. I also know I took a road driving test. Oh, wait, I do remember it. It was in a minivan and I hit a cone and they said they shouldn't have given me my license.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh no.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I will also try to make some.

[Nicole Byer]

Conversation as you merge onto the main road. I don't think I went onto a main road. I think I stayed in a parking lot.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I went on to local roads.

[Nicole Byer]

Huh. An otherworldly portal opens on the right. The examiner calmly directs you to drive into the portal.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No way. No way. We're ignoring the examiner's protests. You take a hard left.

[Nicole Byer]

Interesting. Maybe this is a new section of the test. Looks fun. You take a right.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Although the portal looks scary, the examiner is scarier. You take a right.

[Nicole Byer]

After telling the examiner you have a diagnosed phobia of otherworldly portals, they let you take a left. I'm going in it. I don't know. Why not?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know if I would actually. I think I'd be like, no way we're taking a left.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I think that. No, I'm going. I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Gotta see what's happening over there.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe it's a better world than this one.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's a good point.

[Nicole Byer]

I will say I would be devastated if I went to a different dimension and it was the same.

[Host/Producer]

Now your questions are. Your prompts are now different.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, so this is Nicole's.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

The otherworldly portal sucks you in, and you must find yourself pulling up to. Oh, and you. And you find yourself pulling up to a moat. A troll pops out in front of you and says you must answer a riddle in order to cross the bridge. Nah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You step on the gas and skirt around the troll. He shakes his fist angrily at you in the rear view mirror, chatting with the troll.

[Nicole Byer]

You find out he's totally getting underpaid. The troll takes your advice and joins a union.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You make easy work of the riddle, then trade ideas and strategies with the troll. Good luck to the next player.

[Nicole Byer]

You butter him up and bribe the troll with an. With an iced coffee. Delighted by the joy of A sweet treat and a compliment. He happily lets you pass. I would probably chat with that troll and find out that he's totally getting underpaid.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's funny. You change his life. Okay, this one's mine. You drive away from the portal, but you find yourself in a weird neighborhood. Why is there a stegosaurus on the lawn? Is it a lie?

[Nicole Byer]

You're in Jurassic Park? New World. Snap a picture of it. Your two followers have to see this. Wow. Dragon.

[Sasheer Zamata]

A stegosaurus. Step on the gas before you. Before you become its lunch.

[Nicole Byer]

Roll down your window and chat with the stegosaurus. What are the HOA fees like in the neighborhood?

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's probably just a strange lawn decoration. Right?

[Nicole Byer]

Right. Hi.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Would I probably step on the gas before I become its lunch?

[Nicole Byer]

Wow.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm not sticking around.

[Nicole Byer]

You said no adventure for you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I mean, I'm not getting killed. I'm not getting got.

[Nicole Byer]

I. Where did you say that first? Oh, on a bus. We were in Canada and you were, like, aggressive or something with the bus driver. You're like, I'm not getting got. You're not gonna get me. Do you remember this?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, I think I was. I was not. I was. I didn't wanna get swindled, but I don't remember why.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't remember either. Is this me? Yeah, this is you driving across the bridge. You arrive at the entrance of an old medieval castle. A dragon is sitting by the gate looking incredibly morose.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no. Slow down and ask the dragon if it's okay.

[Nicole Byer]

That's none of your business. Try to sneak past the dragon unnoticed.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Look around and try to figure out why. It's cloudy today. Maybe seasonal depression.

[Nicole Byer]

A dragon make a U turn and escape before it turns you into a s'.

[Sasheer Zamata]

More.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm ask that dragon if it's okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The stegosaurus says their car broke down. They ask if they can catch a ride with you.

[Nicole Byer]

Say yes because you're really bad at saying no.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Decline apologetically. Unfortunately, you're in the middle of a driving test.

[Nicole Byer]

I forgot that that was happening. Is this stegosaurus even licensed? Sure.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The more the merrier. I would probably say yes. Not because I'm bad at saying no, but, like, now I feel bad for it. Okay, his car broke down. It needs a ride.

[Nicole Byer]

But what if it eats you? That's what you were scared about before it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, but now I'm like, oh, I guess I can talk and it can drive and it's a little less scary now.

[Nicole Byer]

It just goes to Whole Foods.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. This stick sources like Me.

[Nicole Byer]

Unprompted, the dragon starts bemoaning how it lost its most prized possession.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The Princess diamond provides some logical solutions. Where did it last? See the diamond? Can it get another one? Can it get you one?

[Nicole Byer]

Dealing with sad people or creatures is not your forte. Awkwardly try to offer it some snacks.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You get it. You're familiar with heartbreak. You commiserate together by listening to some sad music.

[Nicole Byer]

This is so killing your vibe. So you roll your eyes and tell the dragon to get it together. Oh, my God. I would probably do logical solutions. I love saying, where'd you see it last?

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's helpful.

[Nicole Byer]

It really isn't. It's lost. You don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yes, they probably did try to look at the last place they saw it. You see a T. Rex emerge from the house next door. Turns out they're a car mechanic. They offer to fix the stegosaurus's car, but only if you give them something equal. Of equal value.

[Nicole Byer]

You give them your most prized possession. Your iced coffee. This person loves iced coffee. The T. Rex is very pleased. They love a sweet treat.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You give them a copy of Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto. That's my prized possession. The T. Rex starts a socialist uprising.

[Nicole Byer]

You can tell them your deepest dark. You tell them your deepest, darkest secret. Oh, my God. Your deepest, darkest secret. The T. Rex points at you and laughs.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You give them a little pink bowl bow. A bowl. You give them a pink bow. The T. Rex is delighted and feels very cute.

[Nicole Byer]

Remember when I gave you a bowl for Christmas and I was like, are you not excited about your bowl?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, the watermelon. I think I still have it somewhere.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, do you?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think so.

[Nicole Byer]

That's funny.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Yeah. And I was very excited about it. Um, I would give it, I think, a bow. Maybe it'll make it feel cute.

[Nicole Byer]

Entering the castle. You look around. There's a witch's cauldron, a room full of secrets, and a mysterious trapdoor. What do you do?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Go into the room of secrets. You love gossip.

[Nicole Byer]

Approach the witch's cauldron. Whatever she's cooking in there smells delicious.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Lie down. It's been a long day.

[Nicole Byer]

Go to the trapdoor. Maybe the dragon's diamond is in there. I mean, I'm not worried about the dragon's diamond anymore, but I'm gonna go into that room of secrets because I do love gossip. Yeah, I love gossip.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's true.

[Nicole Byer]

There hasn't been any hot goss lately. I know. Why? I don't know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

People aren't doing exciting stuff anymore, I guess not.

[Nicole Byer]

People aren't doing exciting stuff anymore.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Or maybe it's just because, like. Like our friends are all adults and they're just like, yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And everyone's doing adult things.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Not that adults can't do exciting, scandalous stuff, but I think everyone's kind of like.

[Nicole Byer]

Everyone's set in their ways and just doing normal. I wish one of our friends would lose their mind. I know.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The stegosaurus's car is fixed. They're so thankful that they offer you a reward. What do you choose?

[Nicole Byer]

A dinosaur egg. Having a pet stegosaurus Sounds cool.

[Sasheer Zamata]

A signed contract for immunity against dinosaurs. You will not be getting eaten anytime soon.

[Nicole Byer]

Money.

[Sasheer Zamata]

A dinner with a stegosaurus where you can ask all your burning questions. Burning dinosaur questions. I'm going to take that immunity contract.

[Nicole Byer]

You really don't want to be eaten?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I'm not going to get got. No.

[Nicole Byer]

This is me. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you hear a loud honk and a blinding light overwhelms your vision. Is that a truck?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Am I about to get. What is Akayad Isakai? What is this word? Izekiad is a Kayad is a slang.

[Host/Producer]

Term often used by fans of Japanese anime. And it's meant to. That means to be transported or reincarnated into a different world.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay. God, I'm totally failing this driver's test, aren't I?

[Sasheer Zamata]

If I turn, maybe I can still avoid collision.

[Nicole Byer]

Let Jesus take the wheel. I'm gonna let Jesus take the wheel. Yeah, why not? Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And this is you.

[Host/Producer]

So sure.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you hear a lot. Loud honk. A blinding light overwhelms your vision. Is that a truck?

[Nicole Byer]

Am I about to get Izakaid right now?

[Sasheer Zamata]

God, I'm totally feeling this driver's house right now.

[Nicole Byer]

May. Or if I turn, maybe I could still avoid collision.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let Jesus take the wheel. I'm gonna turn. I'm gonna try to not get hit.

[Nicole Byer]

Somehow. You're back at the dmv. Congratulations. The examiner informs you that you've passed your driving test. How do you feel?

[Sasheer Zamata]

What just happened?

[Nicole Byer]

Nice. I'm never driving again.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Thank God there were no parallel parking sections.

[Nicole Byer]

That was fun. Can we go again? That was fun. Can we go again?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Same thing. How do I feel?

[Nicole Byer]

What just happened?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Nice. I'm never driving again.

[Nicole Byer]

Thank God there was no parallel parking section.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That was fine. Can we go again? Nice. I'm never driving again.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm actually really good at parallel parking sometimes.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I was gonna say you had some curves before. And cars.

[Nicole Byer]

Wow. Putting all my business out there. I did Say sometimes I would say 70 of the time. I'm a great parallel parker. 30% of the time, I'm hitting curbs and cars. All right, I'll hit a car with no worries about life. It's out in the wild. It's gonna get hit. Now comes the hardest part. Taking pictures. Taking a picture for your license. Say cheese.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Cheese.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm gonna sue the dmv.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wait, let me touch up.

[Nicole Byer]

Please, just get me out of here. I'm gonna. Just say cheese. Mm. Wow. It didn't even. I'm a. I'm a Hot Wheels.

[Sasheer Zamata]

What was the. What is the thing?

[Nicole Byer]

What kind of car are you? Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, my God. I forgot what the. What the prompt was. Okay. What kind of car You're.

[Nicole Byer]

You are Hot Wheels. Yeah. I'm free like a bird. Chooses shiny new ideas. Unconscious rebel. Active imaginations. Vroom, vroom, green flags.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Highly protective, good at impersonations. Extremely self aware and good at setting boundaries.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay, my height is 1 inch. My favorite snack is cheese. My red flags are lies about height. Bad driver being, hates, being micromanaged. Poor decision making. My best friend is a cyber truck.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no.

[Nicole Byer]

And some sort of jalopy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, it was a tractor. It's a tractor, jalopy, and car crash is a dumpster truck.

[Nicole Byer]

What is.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't understand.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't get it either.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay, that. Take a picture for your license. Say cheese.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm gonna sue the dmv.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Wait, let me touch up.

[Nicole Byer]

Please just get me outta here.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Just get me outta here. Okay. I'm a race car.

[Nicole Byer]

That's crazy. I'm a Hot Wheels and you're a race car.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Somehow a race car.

[Nicole Byer]

A hot wheel's a toy. A race car is a real car that you could die in.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I feel like most of my answers were pretty trepidatious.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, I feel like you should be like a Honda Corolla. No, a Toyota Corolla. A Honda Corolla. That was humiliating.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, no. Oh, no. You know, she knows cars. She knows cars.

[Nicole Byer]

They're going to think I don't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No, but you know cars really well.

[Nicole Byer]

You're going to think I'm a poser at the auto show. You know that I don't know any cars. You know cars because I am a person who wears like band T shirts but has never heard a song from the band. Funny, I have no qualms about it. If it's cool and I like what it looks like, I'm going to wear it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But that's not how you are with cars. No cars.

[Nicole Byer]

But I was just being honest about, like. I don't know about some things. You love picking verbal fights. Oh, finishing what you start. Race you there. Competitive. And a sore loser. Doesn't like shortcuts.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Interesting. My height is 3 foot 1 inch and my motto is I am speed.

[Nicole Byer]

I feel like none of your answers would lead us here. Nope. Green flags. Older sibling energy. Well, you are an older sibling. Ride or die. Good at improv. Can fight a bear.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Red flags. High and mighty. Cares. Cares too much about status. Quick to judge. Relax.

[Nicole Byer]

How. And then your best friend is some sort of a zamboni and an ambulance.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And car crash is like a tiki bar. What is that?

[Nicole Byer]

It's like a tiki bar van. It sells bananas. I gotta say, this is one of the most insane quizzes we've ever taken.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's insane. Allie, did you make this? Where'd this come from?

[Host/Producer]

Listener sent it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, thank you, listener. Thank you. That was wild.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That was wild. I guess it was kind of. It had video game energy where it's like, all right, what do you do next?

[Nicole Byer]

Huh?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

It was a choosing your own adventure.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Definitely.

[Nicole Byer]

Those books must have been so hard for those people to write.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You think so?

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Because instead, we gotta take another break.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Nicole Byer]

Ever had that? My last pair of contacts panic. I know I have. Or worse, been completely out and stuck wearing those bulky glasses that I haven't touched in years. Now I don't even worry about it because my next set is always on the way from 1-800-contacts. They're the only major contact lens retailer that lets me renew my prescription online so I can get my contacts fast. 1,800contacts has fast free shipping and delivers the same contacts my doctor prescribes right to my door, all without ever leaving home. For over 30 years, 1, 800 contacts has been the leader in online contact lens delivery. With millions of contacts in stock and award winning customer service. Here's what sets them apart from everyone else. One, they offer fast free shipping on every order and have over 100 million contact lenses in stock ready to ship from their distribution centers across the country. Another reason they provide a way to renew your contact lenses prescription from home with their online Vision Exam Express exam. It takes less than 10 minutes and gives you a doctor issued prescription you can use to buy contact lenses. No other major retailer makes prescription renewal this easy. Their best price guarantee means if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. That's a promise you won't find everywhere. 1-800-contacts could genuinely make life easier if you wear contacts. I know dealing with vision issues is always annoying, but this could take a lot of that hassle away. Getting contacts doesn't have to be a hassle. Let 1-800-contacts get you the contact lenses you need right now. Order online at 1-800-contacts.com or download the free 1-800-contacts app.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Today.

[Nicole Byer]

We're back. Instead of just writing one linear story, you have to write a bunch of different stories.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's true. Probably took a while.

[Nicole Byer]

That's crazy.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, but those books were fun.

[Nicole Byer]

They were fun. Should we answer listener questions?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let's do it.

[Nicole Byer]

All right.

[Host/Producer]

This is from Jess. Hello, Nicole and Sasheer. I've been loving the recent episodes and always appreciate your perspectives. I'm writing to ask if you can discuss your experience with friend breakups. As I get older, it feels more common to lose friends. And unlike romantic breakups, these often happen suddenly with no real closure. You know that meme about how someone's shitty boyfriend gets 50,000 CH, but one slip up with a friend and you're cut off? It feels true. In 2024, I lost a close friend of eight years. Their last message said they loved me and valued my opinion, and then they disappeared from my life without further explanation. It's a wound I still think about every week, wondering if I'm supposed to make one last effort or accept the silence. Would love to hear your thoughts on whether friend breakups are always this abrupt or if there's a better way through them. A devoted listener. Jessica.

[Nicole Byer]

Mm. I've never had, like, a abrupt friend breakup. Yeah, mine have always been, like, slow burns where it's like the communication just kind of slows down or. I moved across the country, so somebody I talked to and was very good friends with in New York, I'm not friends with really anymore. Yeah, that's tough for a friend to be like, I value you, and then to just stop talking to you.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Well, I guess I interpreted that as, like, yeah, maybe they were having a conversation about their friendship or something, and that person was trying to reinforce that they do care about their opinion.

[Nicole Byer]

Huh.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But then, like, didn't follow up with the friendship. I guess. So, yeah. That feels like it is dissipating. And yeah, I get same as what you said. I haven't had, like, an abrupt, like, damn, where'd that person go? It was like we were trying, and then it faded. Trying and faded. And sometimes there are conversations and then just. And then I just ends. But, yeah, I guess I haven't had a clear Friendship breaker boards, like, okay, I guess I'll never see you again.

[Nicole Byer]

This is our last interaction.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And maybe that's not as common as, like, a romantic breakup, because maybe you want to hold out hope that things could change or you could come back to each other at some point. Yes.

[Nicole Byer]

At first I was like, maybe it's because society, like, holds romantic relationships so much higher than friendships. But I think I. I don't think that's what it is. I think it's like, oh, I'm doing life with this person, so I have to kind of give them more chances because I'm doing life with them. And if you're doing life with someone, they're bound to up a little bit because I. I have had friends up. Yeah, a lot, and I'm still friends with them. I'm not one of those people who, like, cuts off a friend at the first, like, yeah, like, oh, I don't like that shit. Goodbye.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. And yeah, I do like to value my friendships in a way that. Where it's like, well, if I want this to continue or I think this friendship is worthwhile, I'm going to communicate and try to make it work. I do think there are some people who probably are like, this feels inconvenient. Bye. And that sucks. But, yeah, I've had. Recently, I've had friends who felt like they were pulling away, and I would be like, hey, what's. What's going on? And then, you know, after talking, realize, oh, maybe I value this friendship in a way that felt different than the way they were valuing it. And I kind of got my closure by myself. Like, there wasn't a need to have this other person, like, explain what they're thinking to me. Like, I kind of got my answer. So even though it's sad, I do want to surround myself with people who want to be around me and want and value my. Their relationship with me. And. And hopefully this person who's. Who wrote in can find that. Or like, yeah, see the people in your life and be like, oh, wait, I don't want to spend so much time in this relationship that doesn't feel good.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Or that I'm fighting for.

[Nicole Byer]

Your friendship should feel good also. Your romantic relationship should feel good.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And it's like, yeah, people disappoint you. I think our listener should reach out one last time, since they do have the question, like, is this person still my friend? Yeah, I think you should reach out and be like, hey, can we talk about our friendship? I would like to still be friends Is that something you're interested in? And if they don't respond, that is a response. If they go, no, this friendship isn't, you know, serving me, which kind of sucks. Like, I think that's also an answer then. And then you can get your closure by yourself. Like, you don't have to go, what went wrong? You can just go, okay, I understand, and I respect that. I'm out, I guess, too.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Right?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I think so.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, you still have the question?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, I think it's worth asking.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. Solved.

[Sasheer Zamata]

There was. And sometimes it has nothing to do with the friend I. There was a friend I had in college that I realized I was being a bad friend, but I didn't know how to stop it. Like, I.

[Nicole Byer]

Like.

[Sasheer Zamata]

She was like, you, like, kind of flake on me a lot. Or like, I feel like you're not, like, as present as I would like you to be. And I'm like, that is so true. But I don't know how to stop.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And I guess it was like, maybe I wasn't enjoying the friendship. I don't know. But, like, I liked that person a lot, but I just couldn't bring myself to prioritize them in a way that they deserved.

[Nicole Byer]

Interesting.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I know. Which, you know, then our relationship just, like, crumbled. Yeah, that's because I couldn't keep up with it.

[Nicole Byer]

Because you were a shitty friend.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I was, but, like. But I was a good friend to so many other people, but I just couldn't put in time into this friendship that, like, she wanted.

[Nicole Byer]

That's happened to me where I had a friend who was like, hey, I feel like you don't make time for me. And I was like, huh, you are right. Yeah, I have not been making time for you. And then I was like, I do want this friendship to continue. So I was like, okay, I will make a. Like, more of an effort to put in time for this person. And I'm not, like, mad about it. I was. I appreciated that. She was like, I don't. I don't feel like we're putting in the same amount of effort. And I was like, no, no. You're fucking right.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

So, yeah, sometimes you just gotta, like, tell a friend, hey, this is my expectation about our friendship. If you would like to uphold it, we can continue.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

If not, I gotta go find other friends.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You gotta.

[Nicole Byer]

I gotta go.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I just gotta.

[Nicole Byer]

Should we do one more or end?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Let's do one more.

[Nicole Byer]

Okay.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay.

[Host/Producer]

This is from Megan from Baltimore.

[Nicole Byer]

Good morning, Bubs.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Are they signing their Names like that. Should we be saying their stuff? Okay.

[Host/Producer]

Sometimes people ask to be anonymous, and then sometimes people will give me like, a Megan from Baltimore.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Then. Great. Yeah, it's Megan from Baltimore.

[Nicole Byer]

Good morning.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I don't know this Hairspray.

[Nicole Byer]

It's the opening song from Hairspray. Woke up today Feeling the way I always do Great for something that I can't eat. I can hear the beat and then the chorus is. Good morning, Baltimore.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Okay, nice.

[Host/Producer]

I recently got a new job.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yay.

[Host/Producer]

But it involves a lot of international travel. My first trip is coming up next week. Month all the way to India. I love to see new places and countries and experience new cultures and, of course, new foods. But I'm sure I'm not the only one that has to bring Imodium and Tums with me everywhere I go, any whole while. I love to go to new places and experience new things. I absolutely hate to fly. I have panic attacks throughout the flight and especially when there's turbulence. I've never been able to organically overcome this issue. I can only kind of deal with it with Xanax, and that's not even good enough. Do you guys like to fly? If you do, what kind of advice do you have for those of us that don't like to fly? Also, if you don't like to fly, how do you deal with it? That's it. Thanks for this podcast. I love y' all so much, and your podcast makes my day. I hope you're staying happy, healthy, and safe.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, that's nice.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I feel like as I got have gotten older, I did go through a phase where I was fearful of flights, and now I'm, I guess, back to being, like, okay with them. But I think what helps my brain is being like, the wind is not powerful enough to knock us out of the sky. There are other emergencies that could happen for sure, but if there's turbulence, the wind is not the reason why this plane's going down. So I guess I'm just like, okay, there's just turbulence. And for some reason, looking out the window helps me. Even though I. There's no gonna be. There's no answer. It's not like I could be like, yes, the wind is going strong right now. But for some reason, looking out the window is like, well, yeah, we're still in the sky and I think everything's fine.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't get scared on planes. Yeah, I think it's one of those things where, like, I fly so much that, like, if I developed a fear of flying, that's just gonna be really exhausting to have to deal with. I very much am. Like, everyone on this plane believes that we're gon. So we're gonna do it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

I was on a flight that was delayed, and this man was on the phone. He's like, ah, I don't think this plane's gonna go. And then the flight attendant was like, eh, the pilots will probably time out. I was like, nobody believes. And then we didn't go.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh.

[Nicole Byer]

So I truly believe. We all believe. Like, very Tinkerbell esque energy here. We all have to believe that we're gonna be fine. Yeah, that's. That's my little dumb magical thinking. Also, I know for a fact I would survive a plane crash. Like, that's just my luck. I'd live off biscoffs and eat the babies and have my own society of just little skulls where I have votes and they can't vote because they're dead. But I'll just survive a plane crash. I just know that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

And then that'll just be another piece of my lore where I try to start comedy again and I can't get over it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Play another joke about this plane to get over it.

[Nicole Byer]

And I'm like, you don't know what it was like out there, but, like, statistically, I think you're safer in a plane than you are in a car or something like that.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You're more likely to get in a car crash than a plane crash.

[Nicole Byer]

And then maybe it's like, cobble together all your favorite movies, have a movie marathon on a long flight. I can also sleep on any flight.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Same.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, I was delayed for 13 hours and we spent three of those hours taxiing. I fell asleep and thought we landed in Los Angeles, California. And I looked out the window and I said, still snow. I'm not in Los Angeles.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, that sucks.

[Nicole Byer]

And then our second round of taxing fell asleep again. I can truly sleep on a. Like, the minute I sit down, I'm like, yeah. See a knockout knock out. I wonder.

[Sasheer Zamata]

There's a way that you can train your body to associate planes with sleeping.

[Nicole Byer]

Don't sleep the night before.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Oh, okay.

[Nicole Byer]

I very rarely get a good night of sleep the night before a flight.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So you're tired.

[Nicole Byer]

So I'm pretty tired getting on the plane. Sometimes I eat a little bit of an edible, but my body knows when I'm sitting upright, it's time for sleep.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Which is insane.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's good. Also, looking at the flight attendants helps if they're calm. There's no reason to be freaking out.

[Nicole Byer]

Remember that one flight we were on where they were not calm? Stephanie was trying to get the last of the garbage. She was like, stephanie, sit down. And I was texting because we still have WI fi. I was like, I think we're going down.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. They were actually not calm at all.

[Nicole Byer]

They're like, stephanie, like, down. They're like, stephanie, down.

[Sasheer Zamata]

They were like.

[Nicole Byer]

She was like, let me have your.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Train bouncing off the seat.

[Nicole Byer]

But we made it. Yeah. The pilot was in a Polo. I was like, that can't be your uniform. I'll tell you. Never fly that airline again.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah. Yeah. And I don't blame you, but.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah, Just think good thoughts.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Think good thoughts.

[Nicole Byer]

But, yeah. Sleepy time tea.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Maybe sleepy time tea could help you.

[Nicole Byer]

Like, maybe bring some sleepy time. Drink some sleepy time tea at the airport. Bring. Get hot water on the flight or whatever. Drink that. Maybe that'll help. Yeah, maybe some calming tea. Maybe the calm apple.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Mm.

[Nicole Byer]

I don't know about any of it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

But it's called calm.

[Nicole Byer]

Maybe that helps.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, some on Delta, I think they have it on the screen.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, do they?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I think so. Look at it. They can just meditate on the plane.

[Nicole Byer]

Oh, that's nice.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

Yeah. I think there's a lot of things you can do that you just have to like, oh, here's a good idea. Whatever calms you on land. Bring it to the sky.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Nice. Oh, also, when it's turbulent, if I have my eye mask on and I'm trying to sleep, I need to take it off to look at what's happening. If I'm, like, shaking and my eyes are closed, it feels way worse than when I. My eyes are open, I'm like, oh, it's not that bad.

[Nicole Byer]

Sometimes during turbulence, I go, I'm a big baby. And I pretend I'm getting rocked to sleep by, like, a big hand. Just. I truly just kind of giggle through it.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, you don't take emergencies seriously.

[Nicole Byer]

When we were on a boat in.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The Seychelles, it was harrowing. It was like thunderstorms. Like, it was raining that whole week. But there was, like, a bright spot one day, and we're like, we're gonna get on a boat. And we got on the boat, and it was fine going that way. And then coming back, it was like, later in the day, there were so many waves. It was so choppy. The. The boat stopped because there was an engine issue, and the captain went under the boat to figure out what was happening. And you were like, it's fine. I'm like, texting my loved ones, like. Like, we're, like, stuck in the middle of the ocean.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, what if a whale comes and takes us away from this life?

[Sasheer Zamata]

And we're, like, looking at each other truly, like, bouncing off our seat? And you're like, I think it's fine. And I was like, I don't know.

[Nicole Byer]

You are absolutely right. I can't remember the last time I was scared in an actually scary situation. But if I round the corner at a Costco and someone's there, I'm like. And I don't know why I'm like that, but, yeah, I'm. When things get scary, I get oddly very, very calm.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Which I guess that's a good person to have in an emergency situation because you're like, maybe it's not that bad.

[Nicole Byer]

It's funny because looking back, that boat was terrifying. Terrifying because there was no land on either side of us. The waves were so high. I was like. The captain was sweating, and he was like, it's just gonna be a couple of minutes. And I was like, ha. What if a seahorse comes and takes me away? I was like, where are the life jackets?

[Sasheer Zamata]

I was like, where? Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

You were like, is there a lifeboat on this yacht? And I was like, I don't think so. I was like, we're gonna flip. Yeah, but we didn't.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And we didn't.

[Nicole Byer]

We're fine.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

We're not dying on a boat.

[Sasheer Zamata]

I wouldn't want to.

[Nicole Byer]

The Lord's not taking me out in my happy place.

[Sasheer Zamata]

No.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm not dying near water, near soft serve, near Biscoff cookies. The things I enjoy. That's not where the Lord's taking me. I'm not dying in a car. I love cars.

[Sasheer Zamata]

That's true. She's a car person.

[Host/Producer]

Well.

[Nicole Byer]

Well, if you. I almost just said, if you have a phone number, but that's not what it is. If you want our phone number, that's not it either. If you have a question or a query, you can call. You can call or text. 323-238-6554.

[Sasheer Zamata]

And if you have an email or.

[Nicole Byer]

You want our email, you can email.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Us at nicole and sashearstfriends.com no. Nicole and Sashant. Nicole and Sashant.

[Nicole Byer]

I was like, we have a URL. Bestfriends.com. no. Wow. So are we okay? Nope. Nope. We lost our minds.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Goodbye.

[Nicole Byer]

Best Friends is a production of Headgun.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Studios, our producers and Ali Khan.

[Nicole Byer]

Our executive producer is Anya Konovskaya.

[Sasheer Zamata]

The show is edited, mixed and engineered by Richelle Chen.

[Nicole Byer]

Hi, I'm Nicole Byer.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Hi, I'm Sasheer Zamada.

[Nicole Byer]

And this is the podcast Best Friends, and we're here at Headgum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk?

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah, we're best friends.

[Nicole Byer]

We talk, and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries.

[Sasheer Zamata]

So audience members can ask questions about friendships, and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes, we are professional friends.

[Nicole Byer]

We are professional friends.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Cast, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday.

[Nicole Byer]

That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing.

[Sasheer Zamata]

You were.

[Nicole Byer]

I'm really sorry. I was so. Okay. I was trying to be supportive.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Yeah.

[Nicole Byer]

But I was like, I don't know. Reading seems pretty hard right now.

[Sasheer Zamata]

It's a lot.

[Nicole Byer]

I think. You did good.

[Sasheer Zamata]

Thank you so much.

[Nicole Byer]

You're welcome.