Nicole’s Getting Back Into Vests (w/ John Milhiser)

Summary

Best Friends with Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata
Episode: Nicole’s Getting Back Into Vests (w/ John Milhiser)
Release Date: February 25, 2026
Guest: John Milhiser

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Episode Overview

In this lively, nostalgia-packed episode, Nicole Byer and Sasheer Zamata welcome their friend and former roommate, comedian and actor John Milhiser (SNL, UCB, Serious Lunch). Together, they reminisce about their shared past in comedy, their early days as roommates and sketch teammates, and the unique value of friendship as adults. The conversation is filled with hilarious personal stories, reflections on childhood best friends, the quirks of keeping in touch over the years, creative talent, and, of course, the sartorial beauty of vests.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Origin of John and Nicole's Friendship (00:14–07:31)

• Roommate Era: Nicole and John talk about living together for nearly a decade (2012–2021), sharing laugh-filled stories and recalling Nicole’s habit of bursting into John’s room pantless for gossip and naps.
  • “There was never a dull moment… Nicole would get up at 2 o’clock…thash around… then fall asleep until 4” — John (02:34)
• Ghostly Apartment Tales: They debate whether their apartment had a fun-loving ghost (“the ghost clapped for us!” — Nicole, 02:26).
• UCB and Sketch Team ‘Dweeb’: The group recalls their UCB Mod team days, naming drama, and the emotional politics of being shuffled between teams (“At that time, things are so important… nothing was more important than, like, putting on a wig...” — Nicole, 06:55).

2. Childhood Friendships & Keeping in Touch (07:35–13:46)

• John’s Rotating Best Friends by State: Detailed recounting of John’s friendships across moves, including keeping in touch by mailing home videos, and a bittersweet account of learning years later about a friend’s passing.
• School Shenanigans: John’s talent for mischievous but undetected classroom antics and “sex noises” at Boy Scout camp:
  • “Teacher would turn away, and then I would get on top of my desk and, like, hump it.” — John (11:00)
  • “In Boy Scouts, when everyone would be asleep...I’d go ‘ahh’... and the Scouts wouldn’t know which tent it came from.” — John (12:09)
• Childhood Discipline: The hosts discuss “wild” and outdated methods of punishment from adults.

3. Growing Up, Rebellion, and Family Dynamics (13:47–20:04)

• The Fourth Child & An Accidental Birth: John shares how being the much younger sibling made him more rebellious, and he jokes about being a “full accident” who kept his parents young.
  • “My brothers and sisters were done, then I came eight years later… I kept them young.” — John (19:01)
• Maintaining Long-Term Friendships: John attributes lifelong bonds to formative school years and staying connected thanks to proximity, holidays, and Jersey’s “family mentality” (“If you have the ability to go home, go home. And if you’re able to keep in touch...keep in touch with them.” — John, 20:47).

4. Losing and Rekindling Friendships (21:24–24:32, 28:28–30:40)

• The Mystery of a Lost Best Friend: John reflects on the awkward “soft fizzle” and the pain of a high school best friend never replying to texts, only to show up in a touching video message for his wedding—eliciting supportive and wise words from young nephews.
• Friendship Maintenance Tips: Group discusses sending holiday cards, keeping traditions alive, and reconnecting with old friends.

5. College Life, Fraternity Memories, and the Birth of Sketch Comedy (30:40–39:31)

• Frat Life Chronicles: John details the “shopping” of fraternities, unique hazing (“no beer chugging—more like getting questions wrong and stepping in ice water”), and his own Ascension to pledge master, where he orchestrated funny, character-driven hazing (“I’d hang up headshots and have pledges stare at them till sunrise” — John, 34:36).
• Creative Beginnings: Talks about his late discovery of creative collaborators in college, leading to the formation of 'Serious Lunch'.

6. Memory Preservation and Ugly Phases (39:31–41:33)

• Digitizing Memories: All discuss photo albums, digitizing tapes, and the existential dread (and value) of archiving memories.
  • “Sometimes it feels like the end of times...these photos could just burn…” — Sasheer (38:25)
• “Ugly” Phases and Fashion Regrets: Hilarious stories about ill-advised fashion (blue contacts, Sun-In, bad hair, and vests).

7. The Legendary Vest Phase (41:33–44:55)

• Vest Mania: John fondly recalls his childhood Tennessee vest phase (complete with Looney Tunes and tomato vests sewn by his mom). Nicole and Sasheer also confess to their own vest moments, sparking collective fashion nostalgia.
  • “I wore vests...and my mom would make me a Looney Tunes vest.” — John (42:41)
  • “I actually am getting into vests. The vest phase is starting now.” — Sasheer (43:27)
• 2000s Trends: Discussion of skinny scarves and monochromatic matching, and how peer comments can shape or shut down personal style.

8. Friendship, Thoughtfulness, and Kind Gestures (49:45–54:44)

• Best Friendship Advice:
  • “It’s so important to listen. People want to be heard… And they'll tell you everything.” — John (49:54)
• Thoughtfulness: The art of crafting personalized holiday cards and handmade gifts, and the joy of surprising friends with mail.
  • “You’re so good at making things and being thoughtful.” — Sasheer on John’s handmade cards (51:19)
• Importance of Staying Connected: “A great life is the people you’re surrounded by… Take time to focus on them, you’ll be happier.” — John (52:01)

9. Disney Detours & More Personal Stories (55:07–60:15)

• Disney Devotion: Nicole, John, and Sasheer are self-declared “Disney heads”—recounting spontaneous trips and favorite rides (Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean, Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Train).
  • “I love the smell of [Pirates of the Caribbean] water… Indoor chlorine. It just smells different.” — John (57:15)
• Mickey vs. Pluto: Nicole confesses to mixing up classic Disney characters, to the outrage of Disney devotees.

10. NYC Roommate War Stories & Slumlord Horrors (60:15–64:01)

• Grimy Apartments: The group swaps tales of dire New York living conditions—no windows, collapsing ceilings, hazardous basements, and a landlord on the run for embezzlement.
• Low Rent, High Drama: Reminiscing on cheap rents ($500!), illegal sublets, and communal squalor.

11. Favorite Memories & Touching Callbacks (64:24–71:43)

• Funny & Touching Moments: Each shares their “favorite memory” of John:
  • Nicole remembers ghostly applause and pantless caged patio shenanigans.
  • Sasheer recalls their time together at SNL, cozying up in John’s dressing room, and random New York misadventures.
    • “We both had our first year at SNL together… just cuddling up on the couch… cocoon that we were creating.” — Sasheer (66:56)
  • John highlights disastrous but fun outings, breaking fluorescent lights with Sasheer in the street, and an absurd vodka-fueled Bohemian Rhapsody screening with Nicole and sightings of Jared Leto.
  • “Don’t chug vodka, guys. No rules of friendship.” — John (71:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Let's fucking follow [our dreams], dude. The yellow brick road. Dude, let's fucking skip.” — Nicole (07:35)
• “At that time, things are so important… nothing was more important than, like, putting on a wig and being like, God, my name’s Cindy for sketch.” — Nicole (06:55)
• “Adults who don’t like kids don’t hide it. They just openly don’t like a child.” — Nicole (14:03)
• “A great life is the people you’re surrounded by. Take time to focus on them, you'll be happier.” — John (52:01)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:14 — Introduction and roommate stories
• 02:26 — The “apartment ghost”
• 03:43 — Comedy and UCB team memories
• 07:35 — Best friends from childhood
• 12:09 — Boy Scout mischief
• 20:47 — Keeping in touch with childhood friends
• 21:24 — Losing touch and emotional closure
• 28:28 — College and fraternity stories
• 39:31 — Photo albums and preserving memories
• 41:33 — The vest phase confession
• 49:45 — Friendship advice and thoughtfulness
• 55:07 — Disney park obsessions
• 60:15 — NYC apartment horror stories
• 64:24 — Favorite memories of John
• 71:40 — “Don’t chug vodka” and episode wrap-up

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a heartfelt, hilarious stroll down memory lane with three comedians whose long history together is packed with absurd anecdotes, genuine care, and the simple joys of found family. If you love stories about makeshift home movies, vest fashion, New York squalor, and the small gestures that make friendships last, this one’s for you.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

This is a Headgun podcast.

[B]

Hello, Sasheer.

[C]

Monica.

[B]

How are you today?

[C]

I'm good. How are you?

[B]

I'm better than good. We have a guest. Our guest today is John Millhiser, who is an actor, writer, comedian, or comedian. I think I said it like the lady comedian.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, Comedian. Longtime UCB performer, and former cast member of snl. John's career spans film, television, as well as being a known and founding member to member.

[C]

Member.

[B]

I'm having trouble. Of everyone's favorite sketch video group, Serious Lunch, it's John Milheiser.

[A]

Yay. Thank you for having me. Yes.

[C]

I feel like we've mentioned you so many times on this pod.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

And now you.

[C]

Now here you are in the flesh.

[A]

Love being here. Love you too.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

I refer to you as John Milhiser, my former roommate, John Millhiser. And I cannot remember why that started

[A]

because you used to say just roommate. And I was like, you can my name. And then you started.

[C]

You're like, I'll say it many times.

[B]

I'll say it so many times. You're going to be so mad about it. That is funny. I thought it started because like a comment or something. No, you started it.

[C]

You asked for it.

[B]

Yeah, kind of.

[A]

I didn't know it was going to be presented. First name, last name.

[B]

Why? Why did you want me to mention your name?

[A]

Well, that was going on like a year and a half of you saying my roommate. And I was like, you can let them know that it's me.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

How long did you live together again?

[A]

Close to 10 years.

[B]

10 years, I think because I moved here in 2012. 2012.

[A]

That was fun. Yeah, 2012 was a good, good exciting year.

[C]

That was fun.

[B]

It was a fun year. And then you moved out the year after the pandemic

[A]

towards the tail end of the.

[B]

Of us being inside.

[A]

Yeah. Yes.

[B]

So 2021.

[A]

2017. 20. Sorry.

[B]

You think a pandemic happened in 2017?

[A]

2021. Yes.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

So, yeah. That's almost 10 years, almost a decade. What was your favorite thing about living with me?

[A]

Oh, there was never a dull moment. You know, I'd be working in my room and Nicole would get up at 2 o' clock and then come into my room. Pants pantless. Yeah. Makeup smudge all over her face and go, what are you doing? And then lie on the bed and then thrash around and tell me some gossip or tell me what's on her phone on her Instagram. And then she would fall asleep until 4 and then we'd get up and

[B]

that Was your favorite thing about living with me. But I was a big toddler who would come in and thrash around in your room.

[A]

I was glad that we could always laugh every day and, I don't know, be entertainment for each other.

[B]

Do you remember when the ghost clapped for us? I can't believe you don't remember this. I sound insane. We were in the living room being very, very funny, and we heard claps from inside the apartment. You don't remember?

[A]

Yes, I do remember that. Yeah, vaguely, but yeah, I do. Yeah.

[C]

So you think a ghost was watching you and entertained?

[B]

There was a ghost in that apartment.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Well, you said you saw a man in a white suit.

[B]

Not a white suit. I saw a man.

[C]

Colonel Sanders.

[B]

He was trying to give me chicken.

[C]

And I said, this is racist.

[A]

Get out of here.

[C]

I don't want. You want it? No.

[B]

He was in a white T shirt, bald head, with his arms crossed in the living room as I was walking from my room to the bathroom. And I just went, uh, I don't want this. And then our cabinets would always be open.

[A]

That's definitely the ghost. Not me.

[C]

Not someone forgetting to close the cabinet.

[B]

I don't think it was you.

[A]

I'm known for leaving cabinet doors open looking for something. Like, I just leave it open. It's a Milhiser trait.

[B]

Is it hereditary?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your dad did it. Your dad's dad.

[C]

Your dad passed down. Generation. Generation to leave cabinets open. Did you guys know each other well

[D]

before you moved in with each other?

[A]

We were on mod team, UCBC team.

[B]

We were on a team called Dweeb. Which was your second team?

[A]

No, it was Slow Burn. Yeah, second team. Dweeb.

[B]

It was my first team. And you were the only actor who had been on another team. So you were like, I'll show all of you the ropes. And we were like, shut up, John. And I think you really pushed for the name Dweeb.

[A]

Yeah, I think it was my idea. I remember sitting in that room, putting all these names on the whiteboard.

[B]

Like, I just remember being like, let's just name the fucking team. What are we doing? But we were on Dweeb for a year and a half, two years.

[A]

I think it was like a year little plus. And we should have been kept together.

[C]

Yeah, you guys were a good team.

[A]

We were a great team. We were having a lot of fun. And then we were broken up and it was devastating. I couldn't believe it.

[D]

And then.

[C]

Were you on the prom with me?

[A]

And then I was put on that team. Formed Yeah. I was on a team with Sasheer, and Sasheer would roll in 10 minutes late to every rehearsal with a wheelie suitcase.

[C]

Wait, what? What?

[A]

Either you're coming or going. Like, you're.

[C]

I had to do.

[A]

You were in Guatemala.

[B]

Stop telling people where they're. Where people are.

[A]

I can't be on the podcast.

[B]

You had a rolling suit.

[C]

I don't remember having a rolling suitcase.

[A]

I don't have a rock.

[C]

I probably had lots of bags.

[A]

You'd always show up like, sorry, I'm leaving, or, I just got here. Yeah.

[C]

That was why I kicked off from that reason.

[B]

Really, I did.

[C]

There was a coup.

[B]

Oh, my God. They tried to. January 6th. You.

[C]

Damn. I guess not exactly because you said coup. Kind of a coup. Because our director was trying to talk to the group without me because I wasn't there for a rehearsal. And I was like, she's always late. She's never here. Like, we should get off the team. And I was like, derfurk.

[A]

And who told you that?

[C]

Amber Nelson, my friend and roommate at the time. Yes. And I was like, oh, interesting. And then I confronted him in a bar. We laughed about it, though, because it wasn't happening. I didn't get kicked off, but I was like, damn the drama. I know. At that time. Things are so important.

[B]

In that time, they truly were, like, nothing was more important than, like, putting on a wig and being like, God. My name's Cindy for sketch.

[C]

Yeah, Sketch guy Mistakes for sketch.

[B]

God, that's so funny. There was a team. It wasn't like a coup, but it was openly talked about that it was me and another person who were working sometimes, so we would either miss rehearsals or miss a show. And then they were like, oh, this team really can't continue. We're like, but we're good.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, well. Yeah. Hey, that's how it goes.

[C]

That's how it goes. We're here to all follow our dreams, so let's follow them.

[B]

Let's fucking follow them, dude. The yellow brick road. Dude, let's fucking skip. John, do you remember who your best friend was growing up?

[A]

Yes, I have a few. My best friend growing up was. His name was Jim, and he had a little sister, Pam, and we would choose.

[B]

Whoa, those are old people names.

[C]

Jim and Ham. Yeah. Those are the office names.

[B]

Yeah. Are you making this up?

[C]

I never knew that

[B]

John's best friends were imaginary Jim and Pam. And they had a will they, won't they? And then they did.

[A]

And I was best friends with him till, like, fourth grade. And then I Moved to Tennessee. But in order to keep in touch, I would shoot a video of myself with the camcorder around the house in Tennessee, like doing things for like a two hour tape and then send it to him. And then he and his sister Pam would make videos also and send it back to me. So he kept in touch.

[C]

So sweet.

[B]

It is very sweet.

[C]

It's like a lot of effort to put in. It is.

[A]

It's still. And. Yeah.

[C]

But fun.

[A]

But fun. Yeah. And it was before, obviously, texting and anything. And then in. I moved. I had a best friend in Tennessee. His name was Joey. I had another friend, stayed in the J's. Jared. Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I still keep in touch with Joey. Jared passed away. I didn't know. Jared passed away for two years.

[B]

Oh, God. I'm sorry I came.

[A]

Sorry. I didn't mean to. But I left Tennessee and moved back to New Jersey. And then I was driving through Tennessee with my family and we're like, let's stop by Jared's house. And we stopped by Jared's house and I knock on the door, no one's there. And I'm like, ugh, damn, missed him. And then I go pick up Joey or I get dropped off at Joey's house, and I'm like, I try to meet up with Jared, but he wasn't there. And they're like, jared passed away two years ago.

[B]

Jared's been dead for two years. It's sad, but it's like that joke.

[A]

What joke?

[B]

Where it's where it's like, oh, I was talking to Cindy and I was like, cindy, Cindy's been dead for 20 years.

[A]

Oh, that. Yeah.

[C]

Or like, what bar? There hasn't been a bar there in 35 years.

[A]

They were never here. Yeah. And then I moved. Yeah. So anyway, I moved to New Jersey. And yeah. Then I became best friends with Patty, who you know, and then all those monk army people. Chris and Joe, Ally, Gilly, Montgomery people.

[B]

You say that as if. What is Montgomery people?

[A]

That's just where I. Through seventh through.

[B]

Is that the name of the school or the town?

[A]

So the town is Belmead, but the school is Montgomery. It's the county, I guess. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But yeah, that's where all my best friends. I'm still best friends with them to this day, besides you guys.

[C]

Yeah, I like that.

[B]

What's one of your favorite memories growing up with your best friend? Also, what were you like as a kid?

[A]

Funny. Bad. But good. I would misbehave in class, but I would never get caught.

[D]

What?

[C]

Like, misbehaving How?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, the teacher would turn away, and then I would turn to my friend Brendan and, like, Brendan. And then I would get on top of my desk and, like, hump it. And then.

[B]

You were a bad kid.

[A]

And then people would laugh, and then teacher turn around and be like, what? You know.

[C]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

Pumping your desk.

[C]

I do feel like kids were so intrigued by sex or, like. Like, what you could do with each other that they would just make the weirdest jokes sexually. Like, at my school, if you dropped a pencil on the floor or something on the floor and you bent down, like, just lower than the desk, people would go, oh. Like, pretend like they were receiving head. And I had no idea what that meant for so long.

[B]

You're like, people really enjoy me dropping this pencil.

[C]

I'll do it again.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I was like, any is it? Which is also, like, now you're preventing people from picking anything up off the ground. You're like, I can never pick that

[B]

up because your school's just literally with pencils on the floor that women didn't want to pick up. God, that's so funny. I'm trying to think.

[A]

I would make sex noises.

[C]

Like, what?

[A]

A lot.

[C]

Like moaning.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, in class.

[A]

In class. Like, also, I was a Boy Scout, and we, like, on camping trips, like, when everybody would be asleep in their tents, I go, ah, that is actually really funny. And then all the Scouts would laugh, and they wouldn't know which tent it came from. And so you would hear the scoutmaster, like, run around and shuffle in the leaves.

[B]

Scoutmaster.

[A]

And then he would go back to his tent. He's like, quiet, boys. And he'd go back to his tent and go. You know, we would shove our faces in our sleeping bags and try not to tell. It was like, us laughing.

[B]

That's really funny.

[A]

And then we got. That happened in D.C. we were camping somewhere in D.C. and we got caught at, like, 2am in the morning. And then the scoutmaster was like, bring down your tent. Meet me in the parking lot. So we collapsed our tent. We went to the parking lot to wait for him, and he never came.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

And so, like, we all, like, huddled together to keep warm. And then we woke up and our Scout troop was surrounding us, and we had to apologize to everybody.

[B]

Wait, that is so wild.

[C]

You had to sleep in the parking lot?

[A]

Yeah, that was our punishment.

[C]

That's quite a punishment.

[B]

I feel like when we were kids, they would really punish children in the meanest way.

[A]

Another trip. I Got in trouble with the scoutmaster. The scoutmaster. And I never saw eye to eye. When I got Eagle Scout, I brought out. I got up to make my speech of thanking everyone, and I took out this, like, long written speech, like a receipt of, like. And I was thanking everyone. And I didn't thank him.

[C]

He doesn't deserve it.

[B]

He doesn't deserve. That's. I mean, give it to him. Serve it to him.

[A]

But on another scouting trip where I got in trouble on the way back home, he left the windows down, and it was the winter, and I was sitting in the backseat of his car, and I was like, can you please spread the windows? He's like, I'm fine. And he just had me freezing in the backseat.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[E]

That's wild.

[B]

I feel like we've talked about this before. Adults who don't like kids don't hide it. They just openly don't like a child. And it's like, it's a kid.

[C]

It's a kid.

[B]

Maybe this kid's annoying. Maybe you don't like, like. But you can't treat them differently. Whenever my mom would punish me, I'd be like, I'm going to call child protective services on you. And my mother would always pick up the phone and be like, I'll call them first. And I'd be like, well, dang, I don't have any leverage.

[C]

I don't want to be taken away. I don't actually want this to happen.

[B]

Anytime I threatened to run away, she'd be like, I'll pack the bag. And once she did pack the bag, and she was like. So I was like, I guess I'll. I'll unpack and go back upstairs.

[C]

That's funny. One time in high school, I was on show choir in my show choir group, and the teacher did not like me. Like, she had it out for me.

[A]

And same with me.

[C]

Yeah, because they don't like talent. They saw the potential and they hated it. And we would do, like, competitions at other people's schools or, like, different counties. And we were away. We had an away competition. We were at someone else's school, and my friend and I were giggling in the crowd as some other school was performing. But not about them. We're just giggling about something else. But I guess some parent thought we were making fun of the group, which also. Who cares? Who cares if we are?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But I guess they told our teacher, and she just assumed they must have been because she didn't like us. And so instead of talking to us and being like hey, like, don't do that.

[D]

She let that parent yell at the

[C]

whole group before we performed. Like, let her in. And. And the. And she just screamed at us and was like, you don't know who's listening to you in this crowd. Everyone here is working their ass off to be the best they can be. And you're being disrespectful, and you're not representing your school.

[D]

Right.

[C]

And me and my friend were like, damn, who is she talking about? And then later, the teacher had called both of our parents, both of our moms to be like, this is what happened. And both of our moms were like, don't waste my time. Like, stop. Don't call this number. What is wrong with you? Don't call this number. Like, I don't care.

[E]

What?

[C]

They were giggling. Who cares? And then wild. Then we, like, talked to the teacher because we were like, well, that's ridiculous. Why did you talk to our mom before you talk to us? And. And I was kind of like, hey, like, you're the only adult we can trust when we go out of town. You kind of need to talk to us. You can't, like, let other parents yell at us like this and, like, go behind our back and talk to our moms. And then she started crying and.

[B]

Adult.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Then you felt bad.

[C]

And then I felt bad. She's, like, manipulating us.

[B]

An adult weaponizing tears is so wild to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

A child making me. You would never see it from me. A child's never gonna make me cry in front of them.

[C]

No.

[B]

I'll go home and cry.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I've actually.

[C]

Yeah. I've had a couple adults emotionally try to manipulate me like that, where they're like, you hurt my feelings. And I'm like, me?

[B]

Why did you let that happen?

[C]

What's wrong with you? How did I. I'm a child. This should not affect you.

[B]

God, that's so wild. I also can't imagine being an adult screaming at children that aren't mine.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

I mean, I've. I've said words to children.

[C]

Like, what words?

[B]

Actually, I don't know if I said a word. I was on a plane, and this child was standing up, looking backwards, jumping on its seat, screaming. So I just, like, made myself see. And I said. And then he kept, like, looking around. I'd be like. And he turned around and shut up. You said scare him. Silently.

[C]

Silently, yeah. Sometimes your face is enough to be like. Whenever my mom's lips got really tight, I knew I was in trouble. Yup,

[A]

girl.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

When she would say my. When she got my name right and said my middle name, I was like, oh, yeah, she got it right and she's so mad.

[C]

Were you. Did you get in trouble at home too, or just at school?

[A]

Well, I never got in trouble at school.

[D]

Oh, sneaky.

[A]

Yeah. Never got detention or anything. I also had parties. Never got caught having parties. Um, but yeah, I was the fourth child, so I was a little bit more rebellious than the other siblings. My other siblings never got in arguments with my parents. But yeah, I would disagree. And then, like, my siblings would gang up on me and be like, why are you yelling at mom? And be like, you're not my parent. Why are you teaming up on me against me?

[B]

And then.

[A]

Yeah, but not that many fights.

[C]

Mm, that's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you think your parents were like, just tired. They're like, huh, man. Fourth child.

[A]

We don't really want to try full accident.

[B]

So you were an accident?

[A]

Yeah, that was an accident. They were done. And then I came along eight years later after my brother and I kept them young.

[E]

I too, was an accident.

[B]

My mother was told she couldn't have any more children. And then they started raw dogging. And then I said, and then when my dad died, we found a Costco sized box of condoms in his armoire. And I was like, wow, I really them up. They said, we can't run out.

[C]

We don't want another one.

[B]

I mean, I get it. I was a handful. It was just a lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's interesting that you have. Not interesting, but, like, it's cool that you have so many friends from childhood or, like, from growing up. I feel like that's kind of rare because it's kind of hard to, like, keep in contact with people that you grew up with. And also people change.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

How do you feel? Like, why do you feel like the. The connection has still remained?

[A]

I'm sure everybody feels this, but, like, growing up together, like in grade school, those are very, like, influential years. And, like, you guys go through it all together and then you leave home and you go to college. They all kind of like, went to nyu, Rutgers, all around the same area, went to Hofstra, so we'd still, like, go back home for the holidays and see each other. And then just like social media, Facebook, just like, made it more easier to keep in touch. And also just Jersey. I feel like New Jersey has that, like, kind of like family mentality of just like, your family.

[C]

Jersey's strong.

[A]

Yeah, Jersey's strong. And you meet. I don't Know, it's just like, always going home. Like, if we have the ability to go home, go home. And if you're able to keep in touch with friends, like, keep in touch with them, like, they mean a lot. And my friends throughout all the chapters of my life mean a lot to me. So I do make a very strong effort to keep in touch with people who are important to me. Cause I feel like people are the most important thing in life. What else is there except personalities, Friendships, money, food. But clothes.

[B]

There's so much to life. I'm kidding.

[A]

I'm sorry. No, I just. I love people, and I love the people in my life. And, like, I would hate to lose a friendship or, you know, have somebody who's not there. But recently, I. How do I say this? I had a best friend in high school. She probably doesn't listen to this. It doesn't matter. But I had a best friend in high school, and we were friends through college, never had a falling out. I think I've told you about this. And I've texted her in the past few years being like, hey, what's up? I'd love to see you. I'd never heard back. I was like, oh, that's weird. I wonder if her number's the same. I check with a friend. Her number's the same. I try reaching out again. Don't hear anything. I'm like, I guess she just doesn't like me anymore. And some of my friends from high school are still friends with her. And then I get getting married, and they give me a video of all these friends who couldn't come to the wedding to give me well wishes and everything. And then she's on the tape and she says all this stuff, and I start bawling, crying. I'm like, why does she make this? Does she still like me? Can we be friends? She said all this nice stuff on the tape and wished me well. And then I texted her, thank you, and I never heard back.

[C]

So it was just like, that's so strange.

[A]

And I was crying. It was the day before the wedding. And so I was in the hotel suite and, like, happy crying, being like, oh, I'm so happy. She, like, sent that message. And my nephews were there. And I was like, oh, I can't believe I'm tearing up in front of my nephews. And my nephews, like, said, like, really noble things. Being like, john, sometimes people just, like, have their own issues that you don't know about. Like, they're fighting their own battles. And I was like, you guys are so smart.

[E]

Maybe.

[B]

Maybe she's legally blind and can't see text on her phone.

[A]

I thought about that. That's probably it.

[B]

Maybe she's not good at texting. She like gets them in and she's like, ugh, yeah.

[C]

That is interesting though. I mean, it's so wonderful she was able to make a message for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So like, like, I feel like that's. That takes more effort than just returning a text. So like, clearly she likes you, but that is confusing that she wouldn't respond to any of your texts.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

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[B]

Oh, man. We didn't figure it out.

[C]

We didn't figure it out.

[B]

Oh, God. We texted her 20 times.

[C]

You still didn't respond.

[B]

Is that the only falling out you've had with a friend? I mean, there's a soft fizzle.

[A]

Yeah, soft fizzle. There's like, a few more from high school and then, yeah, college. I still keep it. I was in a fraternity in college and my two best friends from college, besides Tim, who's from the famous Sketch Grip series, Lunch, which was mentioned earlier at orientation at Hofstra. I didn't want to go to orientation. My parents were like, go, you'll meet friends. I was like, I don't want to go to orientation. I go to orientation. I don't talk to anybody. I sit down at this big table where all the students are in this courtyard, and one guy sits down, and then another guy sits down, and then we start talking, and then those two guys end up being my best friends through all four years of college. Do the same paternity. Kept in touch afterwards, but we went our separate ways. They both have families and got married, and we keep in touch through texting, but they weren't able to come to the wedding. But, like, yeah, just. We move on. But, like, we all know in our hearts that we're still close and, you know, we can catch up, pick up right where we left off type of thing. But, yeah, yeah, it's hard, but it's important, I think, to keep in touch with people. Even it just like sending a Christmas card or holiday card or, like, texting them randomly, or you can say, christmas.

[B]

Yeah, Christmas is not illegal here.

[C]

We recognize Christmas in this house.

[A]

I do think holiday cards are a fun way to just let the person know that you're thinking about them, even if you don't haven't talked to them for years.

[C]

I like it. It's cute. Yours is always so cute.

[A]

It's a fun project. Yeah. And when you're writing, I write personal letters in each of the holiday cards. And I think. And I've heard that people appreciate that. When I went back home recently, I love how you write a personal message to everybody. It's like, well, it's fun to sit there and picture you reading it. So I try to make, you know, personal to them.

[B]

I mean, that is nice. It is nice to put in, like, the extra effort, because a lot of people just don't. Can I ask you, what was it like rushing a fraternity? And how did you choose the fraternity that you wanted to Be a part of.

[A]

Great questions, Nicole. Thank you for asking. Well, I was, as I said before, I was an accident. So my brothers and sisters were much older than me and they did sorority fraternity. And so, like, I had that thought of like, college lifestyle. Be like, I need to be in a frat nurse or a frat, not sorority or just living in a Greek lifestyle. And I go to college and I see the fraternities. I'm like, this is something I have to do. And so I rush a few fraternities.

[B]

Oh, you can rush more than one.

[A]

Wait, how do you do it? Yeah, rush is just like, you go to parties and you shop around to see what fraternity you'd be most compatible with. And it was like, it was very funny. It was like the mean girls where they tell you what cafeteria table is, who. There was the druggie fraternity. There was like the porcupine hair, Long island fraternity, Italian fraternity, the 2000s. There was like the sports fraternity, the jock fraternity. And then there was like an animal house, I call them animal house type fraternity, which was like a mixture of everybody. It was just like really funny guys. And so I pledged that fraternity and I was a really good pledge. I could say the Greek Alphabet backwards, blindfolded. I could.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What else did they do to you?

[A]

It was no drinking, like, no, like chugging beer or like finishing a cake or anything, so. Cause we had. We were up until like four in the morning every day. And then we'd have to wake up at like 8, you know, maybe not every night, but we had to be up super early to do things. We had to keep our grades up. There were trips to the beach and stripping down to your boxers blindfolded. Then if you get a question wrong, you have to take a step back into the ice cold water. But I was kind of living for it because I was like, this is the only time in your life where you're going to be blindfolded, thrown in the backseat, tortured, hopefully, fingers crossed. And then like, I knew it was all like, play. I know that the fraternity guys weren't really mad at you. And then you're like, you fucking idiot. Like, I knew it was just an act.

[B]

It's just fun abuse.

[A]

Fun abuse. A lot of the other pledges thought it was real. And I would be like, they're just playing a role. Like, they don't hate you. And then when we were in lineup at one point, one guy was yelling at me. He's like, did you just shit your pants, Millhiser? And I was like, no. And when they came up, when they were coming up with pledge names, they thought the person next to me was me. So they made his pledge name Skidmark.

[C]

No.

[A]

And he's like, I wasn't even the one shitting my pants. I was. You Milhiser?

[C]

No, it seems like no one was shitting their pants.

[B]

Were you shitting your pants?

[A]

No, I think it was just, like, probably looking nervous or something. But my name was Weasel because of Polly Shore.

[C]

Oh, okay. I like that.

[A]

Yeah. I'm the Weasel from Encino Man.

[B]

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've seen Encino Man.

[A]

Yes. But no, it was great. It was. And then right when we. Then there was Hell Week where they took us to, like, a cabin in the woods, and we had to do, like, wood stuff. And it was like, non stop for, like, probably 24 hours. Like, but you're probably good at that

[C]

because you were a boy Scout.

[B]

You're Eagle Scout, Eagle skin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Slept in a parking lot.

[A]

And then they prepared, let us in. They're like, congratulations, you're in. And then it was so fun. Everybody was like, they weren't mean anymore. They were nice. And then, like a year and a half later, I became pledge master and I was, like, the one abusing. Well, I did funny stuff.

[C]

I continued the cycle.

[A]

I did very, like, theatrical stuff. Like, if they forgot my name, I would have them come over to my room and I would hang up headshots of myself and have them stare at my headshot for, like, till the sun came up.

[C]

That's really funny.

[A]

And with a bubble in my headshot saying, like, never forget my name again.

[C]

That is the.

[B]

That's very funny.

[A]

I was telling me bits of them.

[B]

You. I love that you had headshots. Never forget my fucking name.

[C]

You should.

[B]

You should hand those out to casting directors.

[A]

Yeah, I might work.

[B]

Never forget my fucking name.

[C]

I remember it. Were you doing theater in college?

[A]

So I went to college, like, looking for creative people to work with and get inspired by. And I didn't find anybody freshman year. And that's kind of why I did the fraternity. And then I kind of, like, lost that, like, drive to find other people to collaborate with. And I cared more about, like, the homecoming floats and Greek life.

[B]

Did you make a float?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Every year I was in charge of that. I did Moulin Rouge float. Ooh, that was gorgeous. I drew all the T shirts for everybody for this. Cause you team up with a sorority. So I was doing all the artwork for the floats every year.

[B]

How do you make a float?

[A]

You Get a flatbed and a pickup truck, and then you get foam core and you cut things out.

[B]

How long would that take?

[A]

It would take a full weekend. 48 hours. You'd stay up all night, People drinking, smoking cigarettes in this big multipurpose room. It was fun.

[B]

Was it as extravagant as, like, the Rose bowl floats?

[A]

No. Okay. But it was, you know, it was like DIY and stuff. But I did a show called Thursday Night Live, which was on campus, and I played a few characters in that. But, yeah, I didn't really meet anybody until senior year. Went to film class and advanced film studies. And then these three guys came in in tuxedos, Serious lunch. And they showed some weird. They're like, before class starts, can we show you a funny video we made over the summer? So they pop it in and it's a weird, messed up sketch, and I die laughing. Nobody else is laughing. I push everybody aside. I'm like, hello, I'm your new best friend, John Millhiser. And then I became obsessed with them. And then we did, like, a bunch of 48 hour film festivals, and then the rest was history. We moved to a house in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and became Serious Lunch.

[C]

That's so sweet.

[B]

That is sweet. So senior year was the first time you took, like, a film class?

[A]

No, I was taking film classes throughout and I was making films, like on film and, like, editing and splicing.

[B]

Do you still have that stuff from, like, way back in the day?

[A]

Yeah, it's under my bed. Oh, I just can't throw it away. Just, like, fills it.

[C]

You shouldn't. You shouldn't.

[B]

Yeah, it'll go in the documentary about you. There's no footage of me young for my documentary?

[A]

No camcorder stuff?

[B]

No, I didn't grow up with one.

[A]

I have a bunch of mini DV tapes from back in, like, grade school and high school that I have to get.

[B]

Mini what?

[A]

Mini dv. There is eight millimeter and then mini DV tapes.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I can visualize it.

[A]

Yeah, I can't, but I'm slowly getting those digitized.

[D]

That's smart.

[C]

You should probably find my childhood videos and digitize them. I just got, like, a bunch of photo albums for my mom's house, and I want to, like, get them someplace where they can, like, scan them all. I have them. I mean, I have them physically, but I also want them digitally, I guess. But also, I'm also like, does any of it matter? Because, like, I mean, it matters. It does matter. But I guess, like, you know, sometimes it feels like the End of times. And it's like, these photos could just burn or you got to be flooded or. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Yep. I didn't think of that. I was like, well, I would, like, prefer to look at them physically, but I guess you digitize things just in case bad things happen.

[C]

Yeah, I go to a lot of estate sales and I guess I was like, you know, really my feelings that day. And I was going through, like, some couples, like, home photos. There's like, so many photos in a box. And I was like, yeah, they probably didn't have family to pass this down to. So they. So now strangers are going through these people's photos and like, well, maybe like, use them as decoration or something or art project or something. But it's like, yeah, that's why you

[A]

gotta put em in a photo album. I still need to help you with your trip to Africa.

[C]

Yeah, you do.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

I just made a album from the bachelor party.

[B]

Ooh, fun. You're good at that. You're good at putting memories into or photos into a book, like a physical book, which is, I think, just nice. It's a nice thing. I don't want to. I don't want to, like, turn on the TV and, like, watch you swipe through pictures. I want a book that I can just be like, ooh.

[A]

Well, thank you for saying that. Yes, it's true.

[B]

I feel like, what Have I never said that?

[A]

You made fun of my books?

[B]

Of course I did.

[A]

But there was like, no. When I was a kid, when we go like, Moto photo or one hour photo, get the photos developed, I would always put them in, make photo albums. And then there was like, high school, college. After college, there was a span of time where I didn't do any of that. And now all those photos are, like, gone or missing or in storage. I don't know. It's just like. It seems bad that that's not organized. So I was like, I gotta clean this back and get organized again with photos.

[B]

I think about putting mine in, like, not an album, but, like, getting them printed into, like, a book book, like the way you do it. But then I just like, will look at old pictures of myself with blue eyes and red weird hair that was angled and spiky in the back. And I'm like, does this deserve to be printed and put in a book for someone? Like, someone's gonna open the book and be like, you spent money for that to be in there.

[C]

But that's part of you. That's part of your history.

[A]

I got blue Contacts once did you for a Dave Matthews Band concert. I didn't think people would notice. Then they're like, what the fuck's wrong with your eyes?

[B]

I was like, oh, it's also funny

[C]

to have, like, just one slight change. Is that like you, like, dyed your hair or like, wore a completely different.

[B]

Different clothes, just blue contacts. That's so funny. I had so many ugly phases where I was like, did I not have a friend in the world, like, tell

[A]

you, yes, I did Sun In. So it was just like the top of my hair turned orange.

[B]

Sun in is such a funny product. I don't think anybody's hair looked good with sun in in it.

[A]

I think blonde people, like, works probably really well with them. It, like, makes it like platinum blonde. I don't know.

[B]

Maybe I feel like it was just peroxide and not bleach.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know either.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't think they sell it anymore, so I don't think it worked.

[A]

I bet they do.

[B]

I don't think they do. Ali, would you mind looking up if they still sell Sun In? There's so many products that just don't get sold anymore.

[C]

Yeah, ain't that the truth? Ain't that the truth?

[B]

It's so crazy.

[C]

Yeah. Well, I wonder if it was like, maybe damaging people's hair.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

They're still selling sunnin.

[B]

Oh, really? All right.

[C]

John said, yup, they sure are.

[B]

I'm the CEO of Sun. In what other weird phases did you go through?

[A]

Weird phases.

[C]

Did you ever have a best phase?

[A]

Oh, yeah, from 93 to 95. That was tennis.

[B]

Know the years well.

[A]

That was tennis. Why did you say vest? That's so funny.

[C]

I just felt like maybe you went through a vest.

[A]

I did, but I thought it was because it was like, Tennessee. Like, I moved from New Jersey, which nobody was wearing vests, and I moved to Tennessee. But I think it was also that time period. Like vests and I wore vests. I also wore jumpsuits. Like, not jumpsuits, Jogging suits. Matching jogging.

[C]

Like a tracksuit.

[A]

Tracksuit, yeah. But I wore vests. And then my mom and I would go to Michael's or Joanne's and I'd pick out like, Looney Tunes fabric. I'm like, mom, I want this to be a vest. She's like, got it. And then she would make me a Looney Tunes vest. I picked out a fabric that was different colored tomatoes. She made that a vest? Yeah, she made a lot of my. She made a lot of vests?

[B]

Yeah. That's adorable. Have you ever made a vest for yourself as an adult?

[A]

No.

[B]

You probably could. It's probably a really easy pattern to make.

[A]

She used to make all my Halloween costumes also.

[B]

Oh, really?

[D]

Crafty family.

[A]

Yes, she's very crafty.

[B]

So, Shir, did you go through a vest phase?

[C]

I actually did.

[A]

She's still in the face.

[C]

Are you showing? I actually am getting into vest. The vest phase is starting now.

[B]

I'm getting back into the vest phase. In the 2000s, I wore vests. Yeah, I wore a vest and a tie. Like, one of my favorite outfits was this skirt I stole from Old Navy. A button down with a, like, dressy vest over it. And then, like, a skinny tie and then a scarf.

[A]

Oh, scarves were a thing.

[B]

The skinny scarves. What a nasty, nasty little trend.

[C]

Not practical.

[B]

No.

[E]

My neck was so cold.

[C]

Still cold. Yes. I had a very monochromatic moment in fifth grade where I'd have, like, a lime green turtleneck that matched my lime green headband that sometimes matched my lime green scrunchie that also matched my lime green socks. And somehow, like, if I pulled out a turtleneck out of my dresser, I would have a matching color sock. I don't know if my mom planned this or, like, where they came from, but I always had matching colored socks and shirt and hair accessories. And then this girl in my class made fun of me and was like, why are you always matching your socks to your shirt? And then I stopped doing it because I felt self conscious about it. But she also wasn't. I don't remember her saying anything, like, bad about it.

[B]

She just questioned it. And you were like, I don't know. Is it bad? Do we hate it?

[C]

And I just stopped.

[A]

I. I also used to wear turtlenecks all the time around that period with the jogging suit and the vest, I was.

[B]

Yeah, I want to see. I want to see your vests after this break.

[D]

Today's episode is brought to you by.

[C]

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[D]

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[D]

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[E]

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[B]

Well, you didn't have any pictures of your vest.

[A]

That was a good break.

[C]

Be our vest. Be our vest.

[B]

Put your vests to the test.

[A]

If you had a vest company, would it be called Invested?

[C]

I like that. Nicole didn't.

[B]

I hated it.

[C]

Simply the vest.

[A]

Simply the best.

[B]

I'll go home.

[E]

Yuck.

[B]

Here's a question. What's the best piece of friendship advice you've ever received?

[A]

I've ever received or given? Ever received or given? I think I don't know who gave me. Maybe I just heard it from somewhere. But it's so important to listen. That sounds so generic, but like, yeah, listening is. People want to be heard. You don't have to pay attention. You could just listen. Go through the motions of listening and sit there and bob your head and go, uh huh, uh huh. And they'll tell you everything. And then they'll be like, thank you for listening. I'm like, anytime.

[B]

No, but what if somebody says to you, remember that thing I told you about?

[A]

You go, yes, what about it? Lie.

[B]

Wow. So the secret to being a good friend and maintaining your friendships is lying to their face.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

No.

[B]

It worked for you.

[A]

No, it is important to listen. It's also important, I think, to make people feel, like, special in various moments. Like send their kid a, like a little gift or something like, oh, thanks, John. You know, just. Or do little things out of the ordinary to make them feel a little bit special.

[C]

You're really good at that. You're so good at, like, like, making things and also just being, like, very thoughtful. I've so many candles in my house that you've made and like, I love this card that you made for, like, the finale of Agatha. And it's just like a picture that you drew of me flying into the air with Trader Joe's bags.

[B]

And it's just like, Trader Joe bags.

[A]

What was the connection?

[C]

I don't remember, but I was like.

[A]

There was some bit about that.

[C]

I think there was a bit about it, but.

[B]

That's really funny.

[C]

Yeah, it's just so sweet and like. Yeah, it could have easily been like, you know, congratulations. But you were like, no, I'm gonna take time to, like, you know, like, make this special. And it felt really special.

[A]

Oh, thanks. Yeah, I think we do all this work and work for money and like, try to get a life together and do all this stuff. And you're trying to do all that stuff so that you could have a great life type of thing. But I think a great life is the people you're surrounded by. And I think if you take more time to focus on, you know, them, you'll be happier. I feel like we get distracted by. Am I saying something stupid?

[C]

No, I love it.

[E]

No.

[B]

Community fellowship.

[A]

I feel like if you get stressed out, like, oh, my job or my career or all this stuff, you lose track of what's really important. And what's important is family and friends and the people you love. And I think if things aren't going right, focus on, you know, the things that make you happy. Like the people love and like, reach out, call them, hang out, make something for them, write them.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of my favorite things is at any time during the day, I can go, what are you, what are you doing later? And you'll be. Either you'll be busy or you won't be. And if you're not busy, I'll be like, can I come over? And you're. More than nine times out of ten you're like, yes, yes, you could just come over. One day, Sasheer and I were taping an audition in your home and you were like, well, I have to leave. And we said, great. And then like laid down on your sofa and just gossiped and giggled while you were like, okay, I'm. I'm cleaning up my house. I'm going to get in the shower and I'm going to do the things. But it's one of those things where it's like it, you just, you allow people to just like, be. And that's like a really nice thing about you.

[A]

Thank you. Well, I love you too.

[C]

We love you and we love you.

[B]

The last thing I sent to a friend was a. I think it was a four foot unicorn.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Because his son really likes unicorns. And I was like, that's what I'm gonna send him for Christmas. And he was so excited.

[C]

I was like, that's, that's nice.

[B]

It's nice when you just like send somebody something that they weren't expecting.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

And I asked him today, I was like, does your son still like the unicorn or has he moved on from unicorns? He's like, no. About three times a day he get on it, even though it says do not sit on it. And he falls right off. And he loves it.

[C]

I like that.

[A]

I also love the mail. I'm a big pusher of the mail to mail stuff, I think.

[B]

Pusher of the mail.

[C]

It is nice because, like, most of my mail is just, like, spam, like, ad stuff, and then. Yeah. And then the occasional, like, ooh, a cute little card for me. It's like, a nice surprise because. Yeah, we don't get much mail anymore. Or I don't get much mail anymore.

[A]

Olivia just sent me two postcards, one from Disney World and then one from San Francisco.

[C]

Oh, that's cute.

[A]

And they're on the fridge. I'm like, thank you.

[B]

Did you get them at the same time?

[A]

No, like, two weeks later.

[C]

That's cute.

[B]

Can you send things from inside Disney? Does Disney have postal? I'm sure Disney have postal.

[C]

I feel like probably yes. I don't know where it is, though.

[B]

You guys are Disney heads.

[C]

We are Disney heads.

[B]

But you haven't been to Disney together, have you?

[A]

Is that true?

[C]

We have. Yeah.

[A]

We went. Yeah, we went. Like, did I call you that morning? Like, do you want to go to Disneyland?

[C]

Yeah, I think so. And it was random. Yeah, that was very fun. And Morgan was there too, right?

[A]

And Ryan.

[C]

And Ryan. Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

We need to go again. That was a long time ago.

[A]

Yeah, that was fun. I just looked, and both Disneyland and

[B]

Disney World have their own specific zip codes.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

I believe it. Is it, like, something whimsical?

[B]

Which numbers are the most whimsical to you?

[C]

I was trying to think of it. I was like, but I can't. Maybe three.

[A]

Three.

[C]

Three.

[A]

That would be fun.

[C]

Or like, God, I'm trying to think of something that can make a shape of the mouse ears or something. Oh, eight. Yeah. Maybe two eights on the end, and then, like, I don't know, zeros in the middle.

[B]

I don't know. You better workshop that and come back later.

[C]

I'll talk to the imagineers and we'll get on it.

[B]

The imagineers are. Those are just people who work at Disney. Are those the animators? Imagineers.

[A]

They are everything. I mean, they're not the animators.

[B]

They are everything.

[A]

Well, there's a great documentary, or I think it's a documentary on Disney about imagineers. And they are like the brainchild. Like, they come up with the theme, the look, the way things move, like, the magic. Yeah, they're great.

[B]

What's your favorite ride?

[A]

I love Space Mountain. Oh, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

[B]

Mm. I didn't get to ride that when I went, but I did do Space Mountain. It's dark as Hell in there.

[C]

It's dark, and I couldn't believe it

[A]

used to be darker.

[C]

How?

[A]

It was like, they didn't have twinkly lights before. It was pitch black. And I think someone got hit.

[B]

Someone got hit?

[A]

I don't. That's what I heard.

[C]

My goodness.

[A]

But, yeah, I like pirates because I love the smell of the water. You know that smell.

[B]

Like chlorine. Indoor chlorine.

[A]

Indoor chlorine. Yeah.

[B]

You can go to a hotel and smell that. You don't spend that much money.

[A]

It's a little different at pirates. It just smells different. It reminds. It's like, you know. Yeah. Nostalgic.

[C]

There's a newer ride called Mickey and Minnie's Runaway Train, and Goofy is conducting the train. And, you know, it didn't go well. Goofy. Goofy messed it up somehow. And the train, the. All the cars are disconnected now, and we're just running away. It's fun.

[B]

Is that here or in Florida?

[A]

Both.

[B]

Oh. I got Mickey and Pluto confused. And the people I was with were, like, appalled. And a woman who worked at Disney, it was one of the Disney guys that guides you to the front. And then a kid looks at you sad as you ride it twice. The Disney person was like, where did you grow up? Like, why don't you know the characters? And I was like, not everyone's a fucking Disney head, okay?

[A]

They know who Goofy is.

[B]

So I up Goofy and Pluto. I didn't deserve. I don't deserve this.

[C]

Now they're two dogs.

[A]

One can talk and one can't, and

[B]

I don't know the difference. I feel like you're judging me very hard.

[A]

I'm not. It's fine that you don't know the difference between Goofy.

[B]

I got them confused.

[C]

It is confusing that there are two dogs and one's a pet and one is. One can work a job.

[E]

That's.

[A]

Are you interested in going to Disney again?

[B]

I will only go to Disney with that guide who brings me to the front of the line. Sorry about it.

[A]

It's okay.

[B]

I had a taste of that life and I refused hard to go back.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah, I can imagine.

[C]

I went to. There was, like, a Pride Night at Disneyland, and Clarabelle Cow is now a gay icon. I don't know when this happened, but, like, we love her. And she came out, she was like the lead of the parade. And we were like, claire, pal. Like, people are screaming and she's just, like, waving. It's like her time to shine. It's real. And this is like a very, like, like, like, not widely Known character from, like, black and white. Like, the 60s, black and white times. I don't know who she is from the thir.

[A]

She has a big, like, bell.

[C]

Big old feet. I think she's just, like, a fun looking character.

[B]

That's very funny.

[C]

But she's made a resurgence recently.

[A]

That's fantastic. Good for Clarabelle.

[B]

That's fantastic. I do think it's wild. That Minnie Mouse, her shoes are so big. She looks like she's, like, dressing up in her mom shit. Like, go get. Go get your foot sized.

[A]

Well, it's just her ankles are small. Her foot goes wide.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

If you've no mice at all,

[E]

famously,

[C]

mice have really big feet. Tiny ankles, John.

[B]

I know mice. When I lived in New York, there was a mouse who lived in my oven. And we would try to put cheese on, like, a little mousetrap. It didn't like cheese. And then we switched to blueberries and somehow take the blueberry and not die.

[C]

I know they're smart. They're really.

[B]

Mice are really smart.

[C]

Yeah. One time in New York, there was a mouse. A mouse in my house. A mouse in my apartment. And it, like, I saw it scurry from under my bed and then crawled into my open purse that was on the floor. And I was like, well, I guess I should leave. I guess I should just move out.

[B]

Completely sucks. Did you end up leaving?

[C]

No, I stayed for, like, three more years.

[B]

Was this the apartment where you had no windows?

[C]

Oh, yes, Sashir. That was a while.

[A]

In Greenpoint.

[C]

In Greenpoint, yes.

[A]

I woke up there once.

[B]

I chose to sleep there once. And I was like, how do you do this?

[C]

Yeah. Three out of four bedrooms did not have a window. The ceiling fell in at one point. The oven never worked. Like, you had to, like, plug in the oven to use it, because when it plugged in, the flint would just go. Like, it wouldn't stop. And then when we were done, just unplug it, like. And the landlord would come in and be like, I'm not fixing anything. And we were like, okay. And he would try to raise the rent. And we took him to court one time, and we got all dressed up. Did you wear a vest?

[B]

Probably.

[C]

And a tie. And he did not show. And then the. The judge was like, okay, well, I'll order him to fix these things. But, like, it didn't matter. He was a slum lord. He wasn't gonna do anything.

[B]

Damn, that's wild. I wonder how it was legal for him to rent an apartment with no windows.

[C]

It wasn't the Whole building was illegal. Like, there were so many illegal things happening. But, like, I guess. I don't know. I don't know why he couldn't get, like, fined or anything, like, but there's, like, a lot of slumlords in New York. I think they're cracking down on that, though.

[B]

Yeah, that new mayor. Oh, boy.

[C]

He'll take care of it.

[B]

He's. He's doing great things. Our landlord. When I lived in New York, we were. So we came home and there was, like, a notice on the door that was like, don't let Louis in. And we were all like, oh, okay, we can't let Louis in. I've never met Louis. I just send my checks to him. But it turns out he was embezzling money and sending his daughter to private school. And I was like, well, it's pretty good.

[C]

I do want her to have a good education.

[B]

That's actually, like, really nice. But I'm sure he was doing other things. But it was, like. It was very juicy and exciting.

[C]

It was juicy. Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That apartment should have been illegal. It was definitely. So it was a sixth floor walk up.

[A]

We.

[B]

We think that the fifth or the sixth floor was just plopped on top of the fifth floor because it was definitely caving in.

[A]

That is not fun.

[B]

Yeah. If you dropped water or whatever, you'd have to run after it before it, like, went into a different room. But my rent was 500amonth.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Mine was that in Greenpoint, but all the serious lunch guys had girlfriends that also lived with us.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So it was like, full house. Full house of people.

[B]

How many bedrooms?

[A]

One, two, three, four, and then five. The fifth bedroom was in the basement. And in Greenpoint, there was an oil spill many years ago, and so, like, all that oil, like, seeps up in the ground, and apparently you can get cancer from that. So Tim was like. Tim was in the basement. He's like, we should move. I don't want to be living in the basement much longer.

[B]

But how many bathrooms?

[A]

Three.

[C]

Oh, that's nice.

[A]

It was a big house.

[B]

What was your rent?

[C]

I think mine was like, 5:50 or something like that.

[B]

Yeah, those are the days. I wonder if you could rent anything now and pay 500 for a piece of it.

[C]

I don't think so.

[B]

Me either.

[C]

Those were the days.

[B]

Those were the days. Well, you got any more questions for John? John, do you have questions for us?

[C]

Yeah. You have questions for us?

[A]

Sure. What. What is your favorite memory of me?

[B]

What is my favorite memory?

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, probably when the. Like, when we were being really funny and the ghost was clapping. There was once where. I don't know why. You were in the back. And we had this, like, outdoor area. I don't even know if you can call it an area. I don't know why we had it. It was like an outdoor patio, but it was. No, right off the living room. That was the size of this coffee table. And it was caged in.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It was so wild. There's a picture of me shirtless.

[A]

No, pantless.

[C]

Oh, pantless.

[B]

Sorry, Pantless. Like, pretending I'm, like, locked up. And I don't know why you were on the ground taking the picture from there.

[A]

I think I was suntanning or doing some exercise. Yes. Nicole would grab the cage and go.

[B]

I guess that's not my favorite memory of you. What is? Oh, I liked when we would make dinner for each other. You would always make, like, a good, nutritious thing, and I'd make a thing called slop.

[A]

Slop.

[B]

That's fun. Slop is zucchini, spirals, ground turkey, tomato sauce, and ricotta. Because you made something with ricotta.

[A]

And I was like, whoa, lasagna.

[B]

No, you didn't make lasagnas for me until after. Okay, after we moved out of that place. But you made something with ricotta. And I was like, whoa, Rakata is. She's the shit.

[A]

You didn't know about ricotta before the cheese.

[C]

She didn't know who rakata was.

[A]

Mm. Mm. Remember making your character reel and you were like, hi, I'm Rakata.

[B]

Because you introduced me to ricotta.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

I thought you knew about ricotta so much. I created character named Ricotta.

[C]

That's really funny.

[B]

Oh, and you picked me up from the airport once with the sign that said Ricotta. God, that was. That made me laugh so hard.

[C]

It's funny. I have a few memories of you, but I really liked. We both had our first year at SNL together, and I really liked hanging out in your dressing room and just, like, cuddling up on the couch and like.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We would snuggle.

[C]

We would snuggle. It was really sweet. And because we had lots of time, lots of downtime, and also, like, the. Like, I feel like we moved offices 16 times that year. Like.

[A]

Like, I didn't. People kept moving in and out of your office.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And you had, like, this little, like, middle kind of cubbyhole. But, yeah, that was very fun. It was a crazy place. But, like, I remember really, like, liking the cocoon that we were creating.

[A]

And I remember when I was testing before, when I was at the hotel and you were. I guess you were in New York, but you came to sleep over at the hotel.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[A]

And then she left the next day. Or like, left the next morning. And I look over to the pillow, and it's all your makeup, I think,

[C]

also, like, my hair oil too. I just left remnants of myself.

[B]

You left yourself issues.

[C]

And then on the prom, I don't remember how many times, but I feel like you pitched the scarf, like, never ending scarf idea so many times. Did we eventually do it?

[A]

No, I ended up doing it in my solo show.

[C]

Okay. But yeah, I just. The visual of this. This never ending scarf that you kept wrapping around yourself. Like, you were so good at physical comedy. And I just remember loving that you're

[A]

good at physical comedy.

[D]

Oh, thank you.

[A]

You both are, I guess.

[B]

Fuck my comedy.

[C]

What?

[A]

I said, you both are.

[B]

Oh, I thought you said we both are.

[A]

No, I said you both are.

[C]

We're.

[B]

But I would have been like, wow, you are too. Hey, thanks.

[C]

You're always rolling on the floor.

[B]

I really am. I love rolling on the floor.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I. Of memory I have of you is when we were in New York, we left some party, and we found those long lights. What are they called?

[C]

Lightsabers?

[A]

No.

[C]

Oh, the, like, fluorescent lights.

[A]

Fluorescent lights.

[C]

Oh, did I break it in the street or something?

[A]

She's like, oh, let's break this. And she immediately started breaking it. She's like, they shatter really well. And then we're like, let's run.

[B]

That's very funny.

[C]

Oh, I also remember one time we went to a bar in Greenpoint, and I left my bag at some other bar or something, and you were trying to convince the. The bouncer to let me in. You're like, look at her credit card. Maybe I have a credit card, but not my license. I don't know. But you were like, you can Google her. She's on snl. And I was like, please don't do that. Don't do that.

[B]

That's very funny.

[A]

Google her.

[C]

She's famous. He's like, I don't know this show. And I was like, I hate this.

[B]

That's very funny. I remember that.

[A]

And a good memory of you is, we don't have to get into it, but the Bohemian Rhapsody screening, that was a day. What a random day.

[B]

I don't know how we got invited to the Bohemian Rhapsody screening, but we went. We stole a bottle of vodka. Jared Leto was there.

[A]

We had vodka. We Went into the screening, and then there was, like, a little after party, and we got a picture of Jared Leto and talked to him a little bit, and then we were like, jared

[C]

Leto did not like me, but liked you?

[A]

Yeah, Jared Leto loved me. I was like, let it go.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And then Nicole saw a bottle of vodka, and she's like, can I have this to, like, the receptionist or something? The receptionist was like, I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. I was like, I'm gonna take it. And then we were so drunk by,

[A]

like, 3:00pm well, we went home and we were so, like, enthralled by, like, Freddie Mercury and.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

That we just started watching Queen videos and, like, standing directly in front of the tv being like, he's so good. Right?

[C]

That's very funny.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Alcohol enhances everything.

[B]

It really does. I just remember. Oh, and then I was supposed to go out with a man later that night.

[A]

I think you had a show or something.

[B]

No, I had a date.

[A]

You can't go.

[B]

I had a date, and I had to text him to be like, I can't meet you. I'm like, not.

[C]

Well, maybe I did have a show.

[A]

I think you disappear. You went to a show. I was like, good luck.

[C]

Oh, gosh.

[B]

Maybe I did. I just remember texting somebody that I was like, I don't know how to be a human being right now. We were, like, chugging this vodka like we were never gonna get booze again.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

Well, don't chug vodka, guys.

[B]

No rules of friendship.

[C]

Don't chug. Don't chug vodka. Well, it was so nice to have you.

[A]

Oh, ladies.

[C]

So fun.

[B]

Thank you for driving here and sitting here and talking and talking and answering questions and queries.

[D]

Well, we'll see you soon.

[C]

See you at Disney.

[B]

No, I won't.

[A]

Bye.

[C]

By.

[E]

Best Friends is a production of Headgum Studios.

[D]

Our producer is Ali Khan.

[B]

Our executive producer is Anya Khanovskaya.

[D]

The show is edited, mixed, and engineered by Richelle Chen.

[B]

That was a Hitgum podcast.