Podcast
Better Today Than Yesterday
Hosted by by Kelly Vohs · EN
Hey! Join me as I share my lessons about life, leadership, and the peaceful pursuit of Better Today Than Yesterday.
kellyvohs.substack.com
kellyvohs.substack.com
33episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
One Big Blaster
6d ago00:03:53Tap to summarize"When faced with deficiencies instead of strengths and inclinations, this is the strategy you must assume: ignore your weaknesses and resist the temptation to be more like others."-Robert Greene, MasteryHe's writing about Temple Grandin, the Colorado State University professor who was diagnosed with autism as a child and has been a beacon of what is possible. And Greene's advice is this: direct yourself toward the small things you're good at and keep working on them.His point, and it's worth restating: our tendency is to focus on what went wrong or where we are weak. That's the mistake. We are all unique. One of one. Literally nobody else in the world with your combination of DNA and experiences. And when we spend our time on our "deficiencies" or our "weaknesses" we are wasting our time.It's our strengths that matter more. I'm not the first person to say this, but unfortunately, as a world, I'm not sure we're paying attention. We need to move those strengths to superpowers. Then work on the next thing. And the next.Leaders need to be cautious here. We can fall into the trap of trying to make people versions of ourselves. We find the deficiency or weakness. Likely, because we are good at it, it's easy for us to point out the flaw. Then we commit a leadership crime. We try to make you a version of us.That's not what we want. We want people to find their superpowers. To cultivate them. To give them permission to work on the one or two things they can be best in the world at. And then we need those brought into the team. That's the whole point.The same happens in the hiring process. Our bias for people like us is strong. We see people with strengths that we value. Absent those, we think less of the candidate. Why do we do this? Fear mostly. It's very human. We are worried about what can go wrong.Instead we should be spending our time on the strengths. Make sure they are a cultural fit, no jerks allowed, but understand their superpowers, or their potential superpowers. If they're still young, what superpowers lurk that they haven't found yet. Can you create the conditions for superpower cultivation?We have teams for a reason. Puzzle the people together. Yes, I made puzzle a verb, and I really like it. Puzzle them together like power rangers. Volume isn't what matters here. The number of rangers isn't what we're after. We're after the right mix.Red, Black, Blue, Yellow, Pink, and then Green (eventually White). All different weapons. And personalities. Disciplined, serious. Or fun and energetic. Or timid but genius. Or the thoughtful and grounded one. Bring their superpowers together and you get one big blaster.Power rangers. That's what we want.Take care. Be good.-kv This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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Patio Bear
2w ago00:02:21Tap to summarizeI was the product of a warrior culture. And I learned early on to suppress my emotions and respond to danger with great composure. I was never the plaything of greed or fear. -XenophonEmotions exist for a reason. Use them. Understand them. This is a translation of something written 2,400 years ago. I think Xenophon (ZEN-uh-fon) would use a different word than suppress. But his point is still true. They can't own you.Xenophon picks two of the most important. They jerk us around. Some little plaything for their amusement. I'd add envy. Fear, greed, envy. All designed for our survival but today they often do the opposite.Fear isn't real. Sometimes it is. The bear on the patio is real. Fear is helpful for patio bear. Honor her. But usually, it's just a projection of what we think will happen. It's not necessarily true. Maybe not even close.Greed. When is it enough? When are you enough? There is enough for everyone. The reason we have done well as a species is we banded together. If we'd kept wandering the plains by ourselves trying to hoard all the sharp rocks we wouldn't exist.And envy. Admit it. You have it. I do. That little twang that comes up. Yes, twang. Not twinge. Twang like the vibrations of a guitar string you can feel in your belly. Jealous vibrations. Wishing for something they have or are. Use it as inspiration, but never as your puppet master.Composure is what we're after.Take care. Be good.-KV This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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The Reality of Cherry Garcia
3w ago00:02:04Tap to summarizeThe only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality. Once you do that, you'll be clear enough to deal with what's left. -Michael Singer, The Untethered SoulSome problems aren't that simple. They don't go away when we "go inside." They are still there. Real and painful. That said, I know that some of "my problems" are truly "my problems." They aren't real. The world works one way and I think or want it to work another way. That makes finding peace or satisfaction difficult.Cherry Garcia (that's my third favorite ice cream flavor for anyone new here) has a propensity to accumulate right at my waistline. It turns that new summer bathing suit into a muffin holder. That's reality. Either I need to skip it, buy a bigger suit, or stop caring.Understanding reality doesn't make all of the bad things that are real go away. They are still there. Maybe we can do something about them, maybe we can't. Seeing things for what they are and aren't is the only way we understand what is in our control and what isn't. Getting what we want comes after figuring out the way the world actually works, not the way we wish it did.We say we want happiness or peace or satisfaction or money or whatever else. I'd settle for reality. From there, almost anything is possible. Without it, almost nothing is.Take care. Be good.-KVPS: If you use Readwise to save your book highlights, I’d love your help with something.I built an app called Dispatch. I wanted a quiet place to sit with what I’ve read: to make notes, to hear my favorite lines read back to me on a run or in the car, to send the best ones to people who’d love them.It’s on Mac and iOS, and everything syncs back to Readwise. I’m looking for a few friends and family to try it before anyone else. If that sounds like you, reply to this email and I’ll set you up. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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Report To The General
4w ago00:01:48Tap to summarizeThis is what I did today.This is how I fought to save the entire battle in my sector.These are the obstacles I found.This is how I plan to fight tomorrow.-Niko KazantzakisI've written this in my notebook dozens of times since I found this a couple weeks ago. It feels so simply clean and fundamental. Some sort of clearing. An inventory. A reminder.What did I do today? How did I save the entire battle in my sector. The things I could control. What got in the way? Name it.Did I let them win or did they become the effort.What does the general need to know so I can make a plan for tomorrow? The things I got wrong too. Especially those. Distracted by things I don't control. The time spent worrying. Or regretting. Or what others say or do. Stay in the weather.A walk through. That's how I'm using it.This is what I did today.This is how I fought to save the entire battle in my sector.These are the obstacles I found.This is how I plan to fight tomorrow.Take care. Be good.-KV This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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Steps
Apr 2600:03:51Tap to summarizeA backwards way of getting things done. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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Just Me & Her
Apr 1900:02:18Tap to summarizeOn the patio this morning. First time this spring I could start my morning outside. I sense something to my left. Last time it was a bear. A turkey comes over the hill. It's cold. But good. So's the coffee. Just me and her. She flips over some leaves with her feet.I've been heads down in a few projects the last couple of weeks. It's been a lot of fun, learning, and mornings with no alarm clocks. Funny how when you are having fun you don't need them.I tried to put the work down to do a little reading and reviewing. Old me set up a morning email that sends me highlights from books I've read.This is the third time Seneca has come my way this week, so maybe that means something. Letters from a Stoic is one of my most highlighted (231!) books. I read through them again and picked a few that jumped out."greatness develops only at long intervals."If there is one lesson I hope the kids pick up, it's that mastering their craft will take a long time. Hopefully their craft won't require an alarm. That jump-out-of-bed-and-get-after-it feeling."lighten your baggage for the march."Things. Ideas. Emotions. Memories. Fears. We don't need to keep them in our rucksack. If it's not helpful, leave them on the side of the road."And as long as nothing satisfies you, you yourself cannot satisfy others."I like this word "satisfaction." People talk about being happy. I'm interested in being satisfied. Getting to a point where you can be at peace with who you are, who you have, and what you have."If you live according to nature, you will never be poor; if you live according to opinion, you will never be rich."Satisfaction probably never comes if I'm worried about what other people think."we suffer more often in imagination than in reality."Worry is just time travel and imagination.I hope you get a nice morning outside with your favorite warm something. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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The Price of a Thing
Apr 1200:02:47Tap to summarizeThe Price of a ThingThings are expensive. Some things are cheap. Most of us know what we’re paying in dollars. We’re less honest about what we’re paying in life.I’ve paid a lot for what I am now. The good and the bad. The jobs, the travel, the adventure, and now the wonderful life that is today.Some of it worth it. Some of it not. We’ll spend our very selves to get things we think we need. Then one day sit quietly under a porch while it’s raining wondering where we spent well and where we didn’t.I’ve paid for being right. That one has cost me. I’ve damaged relationships trying to win arguments. Needing the other person to see it my way. I think I’ve mostly paid the right price to keep the relationships that matter.But mostly is a word that should keep you up at night.I lost someone close to me not long ago. There’s paperwork and logistics, and underneath all of it, there’s seeing the things you know they loved. A cardinal at the feeder. A ghost wink. There is something harder in that wink.What didn’t I pay. Our relationship needed work. I wasn’t happy with their end of it. But now that they’re gone, I’m realizing something. Maybe they needed more help than I was willing to give. Or able to see. I think they were managing things they couldn’t move past. And my frustration, and anger, didn’t allow me to see that.I was too busy keeping score of what I wasn’t getting to notice what they couldn’t give. I’d trade a lot of things to have another chance. To ask different questions. To try to help in a way that I didn’t. I’d probably trade most things.I don’t know that it would’ve worked. I’m honest enough to say that. Some things are beyond our reach. Some things aren’t.All the hours I spent being frustrated were hours I could have spent trying to understand. The price of my frustration was clarity. And maybe closeness. Both gone now.The price of a thing is life. Not money. Life. And the question isn’t whether we’ll pay. We will. Every day. The question is whether we’re paying attention to what we’re buying.I’ve gotten this wrong, a lot. I’m still getting it wrong.But it’s spring now. No condolences needed. Really. The daffodils are up. More winks. Happy ones. No grief here, friends. Just life. And we are all trying to spend it well.Take care. Be good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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Smile Lines
Apr 500:01:51Tap to summarizeShe has smile lines. The library has books.It’s not really a library as I think of it. Low shelves with windows at waist height. Orchid plants without the orchids. All gifts for someone who lives here. But they call it a library, so will I. That’s where we sat for our visit.I’ve been spending a lot of time with my grandmother. Yes, at my age I have one left. One of the boys and I were with her other day. We brought her photos. She talked about the people in them. We asked her questions. She shared. What she could remember. What she kept saying, in one way or another, was be positive. She said she didn’t like that word. But the opposite was worse. “There is no reason to be negative,” she said. I don’t think she completely believes that. Sometimes there are. Then she talks about her husband.She’s talked about wanting to be with him again. He passed away 20 years ago. That’s a long time to be without your person.She will get her wish. Maybe in a month. Maybe in a few years. We will all be very, very sad. I’ll be crushed. And in some small way, happy. For her. And when I think about her, I’ll remember the raisin toast with butter. Lots of butter. The strawberries in cream with a little sugar. And the way she always wanted me to be happy with no strings.Her face has the wrinkles you’d expect, but they mostly go up. She has smile lines. It wasn’t 94 years of smiling. She had a rough childhood. But mostly 94 years of smiling. I’ll remember that. Her smile lines.I hope I’ll have smile lines, too. I think hers took work. Mine will too.Take care. Be good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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The Floor
Mar 2900:02:56Tap to summarizeValet took the car. We walked in and it was dark. My eyes adjusted. The front room was smaller than I thought. I should’ve worn a jacket. Then I remembered. Princess Buttercup is behind me. They aren’t looking at me anyway. She’s got the room. She always does.The host took us around the corner. The room opened up, but got darker. A beautiful booth was waiting for us. We were excited. My son had already picked out what he was going to order. The family group chat got peppered with menu screens, yellow circles drawn around what he wanted.This is my friend’s place. I think he’s one of the best in the world at this. He’s my age. Actually a year older. We’ve known each other for 25 years. He’s on my 3am list. I know if I call him at 3am he’s in the car before I’m done explaining what I need.He’ll turn 50 next year. For someone as successful as him, the last place you’d expect to find him is on a restaurant floor. Sitting tables, pulling chairs, checking dishes in the pass. Pushing some back. But there he is. That’s what he’s doing.The old idea was “management by walking around.” Get out there. See people. Connect. Be human. Leadership requires connection. But walking around isn’t enough anymore. You have to do the work.As organizations get more complex, people graduate up through layers of management by staying long enough. Eventually they don’t actually know what the job is anymore. They think they do. They don’t. When technology is changing and the market is changing, you can’t tell your team “go do this thing I heard about on a podcast.”You have to go do the thing. Learn the software. Close the sale. Cook the dish. Clear the table. Write the code. Talk to the angry customer.Two reasons.First, the old reason. The team sees you will work. You’re not in your ivory tower. Good. But that’s the smaller reason.The bigger one: you actually understand what you’re asking them to do. Not just what. Not just why. How. See the mechanics. What’s working, what’s not. What’s hard, what doesn’t matter anymore.Most leaders miss that.And if you want people to follow you, they need to know you understand.This sounds simple. Go do the work. But do you? Do you really understand both what you’re trying to do and how it gets done?If you haven’t been in the field lately, chances are you don’t. Not anymore.It used to be called “management by walking around.” I think it should be “leadership by working around.”My friend’s restaurant. The reason it’s packed on a Saturday at 5PM? He doesn’t walk around. He works around. He’s relentless about the team, the product, and the execution.I’m gonna make sure I do less walking around. More working around.Take care. Be Good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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What happens when I’m sick
Mar 2200:02:19Tap to summarizeI was sick this week.That doesn’t happen often. When it does, I don’t want much. Just not to be sick anymore.“A healthy person wants a thousand things, an unhealthy person wants one thing.” Seneca I think. Maybe Epicurus. Some wise person with lots of quotes that people use.I’m better now. And I already want more than one thing.Build this. Read that. Run there. Plan that other thing.That all happened fast.Maybe most of us live like this. Maybe it’s just me. Not sick, we’re chasing tomorrow. The next version of a thing. Of us.The better tomorrow. Always tomorrow.The good times are just the times. You don’t know they are the good times until you look back.Sometimes you do. Those moments when you look around and say “this is good.” That takes effort too.It’s not that things need to get worse for us to do that. We just need the contrast. See the difference.It’s not always good times. Maybe its mostly good times. Good times today trying to make better times tomorrow. Borrowing today to pay tomorrow.And then later never comes because when it gets here its just another now. Another not good enough.That’s the trap I guess. Not striving. That’s fine. Even ambition is fine.The trap is staying there. Never realizing it’s enough. You are enough.Sick. Almost everything stopped. How do I make this go away?All I wanted was the way I felt last Tuesday.Last Tuesday was enough.What time is it now? Probably good. Definitely good. This isn’t about gratitude. This is about enough. Noticing when it’s enough. Then working for better but relishing that if tomorrow never comes we had today.And that was enough.Take care. Be good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com
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