BTTY Bites

No. 1—“Perhaps it’s impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.” - Enders Game

No. 2—“If we look outside of ourselves for relief from our own predicament, we are sure to come up short." - Mark Epstein

No. 3—Don’t ask for feedback. That gets you a critic. Ask for advice. That will get you an accomplice.

A Thought

When I was in college, I bought my first computer. It was a Gateway and came in that iconic dairy cow-colored box. Back then, and this was 25 years ago, you went to the store, and they helped you configure your computer. You picked the hard drive size, memory, and graphics card. They always asked you, “What will you be using this for?”

They ask this question because they want to help you make sure the inside of the computer, the stuff most of the world never sees, has the right components to run programs to produce the work the world does see. You select things like memory (RAM), CPU, hard drive capacity, and graphics card. All of these work together with programs and the computer’s operating system (OS) to create outputs.

The OS manages how the computer’s hardware and software work together, coordinating resources like memory, processing power, and storage. It handles everything from basic tasks like showing things on your screen to making sure different programs can run without interfering with each other. These capabilities determine the computer’s capacity - what it can do, how fast it can do it, and how much it can handle at once. Sometimes, it reaches its operating capacity.

You’ve experienced a computer at its capacity. The most memorable occasions are when an icon starts spinning, and you suddenly realize you haven’t hit save in a couple of hours - then the program suddenly closes. System crash. So sorry.

Just like a computer’s physical and psychological capabilities constrain our capacity, if we don’t pay attention, we will start spinning and ultimately crash.

System Crash

Five years ago, my system crashed. Like a computer running too many programs with insufficient RAM, I was struggling with work, mood, and relationships. That’s when I started thinking about my operating system and how it either improved or degraded my capacity to perform. Something had to change.

Personal Operating System

Our personal OS should help us manage energy, prioritize tasks, manage resources and resource drains, force quit stuck programs (internal narratives), and prevent overload. Importantly, a good OS working with the right internal components can help you operate at your innate peak capacity - or, said differently - your potential.

It’s likely your personal OS runs in the background with little attention. Over years or decades, you have established routines—the sum of your habits. Roll over in the morning and check your phone—habit. Kiss your partner good night every night—habit. Everything you do is either improving or degrading your capacity. When the demands exceed capacity, the system crashes. This ranges from simple burnout to more serious consequences.

The Inside-Out Rule

The inside-out rule states that external impact cannot sustainably exceed internal capacity.

If your internal capacity is 7, your external impact cannot sustainably exceed 7. We can have sprints of 8 or 9, but we can’t stay there. The system will crash. If you want your external impact to be a 9 over a long period, you must improve your internal capacity to a 9. One way to do this is by improving your personal operating system.

Ultimately, this comes down to inside work vs outside work. It’s easy to focus on the outside work because that is what the rest of the world sees, what’s easy to measure, and where we get external validation. It comes with the temptation to push our outside work harder for more results. The secret is that the inside work often needs attention to unlock what you can do on the outside. The challenge is it’s a solo journey that happens over decades.

My Personal Operating System

Here’s my operating system—I’m not trying to prescribe anything here; I’m just sharing what I’ve learned works for me. I’m doing this primarily because I’ve been giving it lots of thought lately. It feels like it needs some changes, but here it is anyway.

System Foundation

* Sleep—I need 7-8 hours, or I’m toast. I can 4-6 hours, but not for long stretches. When I start getting impatient and reactionary, and stress becomes less manageable, I need more sleep.

* Relationships—It took me way too many years to really understand how important this is. When I’m connected with my people, it helps me work through anything that comes our way. This applies at work, too. Having teammates at work who I genuinely enjoy being around and connected to improves everything.

System Stability

* Morning Routine (The Boot-Up)—I need quiet time in the morning. I try not to jump into problems for the first few hours. This routine is everything to me, so I head to bed early, even if I miss out on some night plans. If you want the best of me during the day, I need this time to boot up right.

* Solitude—I’m an introvert, and once 6:30-7 AM hits, it’s people time all day. I try to find little pockets of quiet time throughout the day, week, and year to renew. Unlike what popular books say, you’ll catch me eating alone.

Energy

* Sweat - Long runs outside do it for me. No matter what else happened that day, at least I did that. I love the sore feeling from weights, too. Recently, I worked out with a good buddy, and that’s a great hack.

* Consuming Well - I love french fries, but my mitochondria get sad when I eat poorly. A good workout lets me enjoy the occasional cheat day guilt-free. Also, hydration and what I eat matter for my focus. Alcohol kills my sleep, so I save wine for special nights with Princess Buttercup (almost exclusively). Plus, I killed most social media - no social apps on my phone is a game-changer. People can text me links if they want to share stuff.

* Making Things—Creating something new makes me feel like I’ve done something. It’s hard to explain, but it gives me energy.

* Nature - Getting outside matters to me. Winter was tough until I decided to embrace it - now I’ll bundle up and sit out there even when it’s 12 degrees. Please give me a patch of grass to lie on during a spring day with some sunshine. Perfect.

System Enhancements

* Collecting Aha’s—Whether reading or hearing someone’s story, learning helps me get better - ideally, find more truth.

* Reflection—I try to “defrag my hard drive” by thinking about what’s happened, what’s happening, and what should happen next. Journaling almost daily helps, as does therapy. It’s all about finding truth, but reflection without action is just wasted wisdom.

Again, I’m not being prescriptive or trying to show you what I do (and sometimes don’t do). I don’t have any answers for you, but I have years of thinking about this proactively and refining mine. We are all different, and our OSs should reflect that. Sometimes, my OS runs smoothly, and sometimes, it crashes. But at least now I know where to look when things start spinning. I’ve been doing some system monitoring to determine what parts of my OS need upgrading. What’s your OS doing for you?

If you want to explore this, take an hour away from the inputs—just you and your thoughts and maybe some scratch paper. Not to journal, meditate, or any other prescribed solution, but to honestly examine which parts of your personal OS are due for an upgrade or some new code.

Be good.

Kelly

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com

The Inside-Out Rule

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