Betwixt The Sheets: The History of Sex, Scandal & Society Episode: History (and Future) of Dating
Release Date: December 10, 2024

Introduction

In the latest episode of Betwixt The Sheets: The History of Sex, Scandal & Society, host Kate Lister delves into the intricate tapestry of human relationships, tracing the evolution of dating from the early days of lonely hearts advertisements to the sophisticated algorithms of modern dating apps. This episode is thoughtfully divided into two primary segments: an exploration of the historical Lonely Hearts Advertisements with author Francesca Bowman, and a forward-looking discussion on the Future of Dating Apps with Anna Kirova, CEO of the dating app Field.

Part 1: The History of Lonely Hearts Advertisements

Guest: Francesca Bowman, Author of Shapley Ankle Preferred: A History of the Lonely Hearts Advertisement

Kate Lister opens the first segment by introducing Francesca Bowman, whose pioneering research uncovers the storied past of lonely hearts ads far earlier than commonly assumed.

Origins and Early Usage

Bowman reveals that the earliest known lonely hearts advertisement dates back to 1695, significantly predating the Victorian era often associated with such personal ads. These ads were primarily placed by men, seeking suitable partners based on practical criteria rather than romantic ideals.

Bowman [08:19]: "I found a lonely hearts ad as far back as 1695, much earlier than anyone realized."

These early ads were published in pamphlets and magazines, reflecting the emerging role of the printing press in societal matchmaking. Women began placing their own ads later, with one of the earliest documented instances occurring in 1761 in a Birmingham newspaper.

Societal Impact and Stigmatization

Bowman discusses the dual nature of these advertisements—both as a practical solution for finding marriage partners and as a reflection of the limited roles available to women, often seeking financial stability through marriage.

Bowman [13:09]: "These women were really putting themselves out there and taking control of their own destiny."

The stigma surrounding lonely hearts ads persisted for centuries, with successful matches rarely documented due to the societal pressures and the dangers associated with these public declarations. Instead, many references in historical records relate to scandals or criminal activities linked to fraudulent ads.

Criminal Exploits and Notable Cases

One of the most harrowing aspects Bowman highlights is the association of these ads with criminal activities. Notably, Belle Gunness, America's most infamous female serial killer, used personal ads to lure victims into her web, resulting in the disappearance and murder of over forty men.

Bowman [31:38]: "Belle Gunness advertised for a husband and ended up murdering her suitors."

Another case is the One-Armed Bigamist, whose repeated fraudulent marriages were extensively covered in newspapers, underscoring the challenges law enforcement faced in tracking and prosecuting such crimes during that era.

Evolution Over Centuries

Bowman emphasizes how lonely hearts ads evolved alongside technological advancements, from the printing press to the internet, serving as a barometer for societal changes in relationship dynamics and economic structures.

Bowman [11:11]: "Marriage remains really a business transaction in many ways."

This segment underscores the profound impact that lonely hearts ads had on shaping modern dating practices, highlighting both their utility and the inherent risks involved.

Part 2: The Current and Future Landscape of Dating Apps

Guest: Anna Kirova, CEO of the Dating App Field

Transitioning from historical anecdotes, Kate Lister introduces Anna Kirova, who offers insights into the contemporary and future state of dating apps. Their conversation centers on how modern technology has transformed the ways individuals seek and establish relationships.

Modern Dating Dynamics

Kirova discusses how dating apps like Field have redefined matchmaking, making it more accessible and diverse. She highlights the shift from the stigmatized lonely hearts ads to mainstream dating platforms, which now facilitate connections across various demographics.

Kirova [46:03]: "Field is a dating app for the curious, open to experiencing people and relationships in new ways."

Generational Shifts in Relationship Preferences

One of the pivotal discussions revolves around the generational differences in relationship preferences. According to recent research conducted in collaboration with the Kinsey Institute, Gen Z exhibits a higher inclination towards monogamy compared to Baby Boomers, contrary to popular assumptions.

Kirova [56:05]: "23% of Gen Z Field members prefer monogamy compared to just 12% of Boomers."

This finding challenges the notion that younger generations are solely driven by a desire for casual relationships, revealing a nuanced landscape of relationship aspirations.

Challenges and Opportunities in Modern Dating Apps

Kirova addresses common criticisms of dating apps, such as their perceived transactional nature and the overwhelming choice that can lead to decision fatigue. She emphasizes the need for platforms to foster authentic connections rather than mere swiping engagements.

Kirova [53:41]: "People are rejecting being considered as just parts of a very transactional exchange."

In response, Field aims to cultivate a community-oriented environment that encourages genuine interactions and accommodates diverse relationship structures, including ethical non-monogamy.

Future Trends and Innovations

Looking ahead, Kirova envisions a hybrid approach where online and offline interactions complement each other. She anticipates that future dating platforms will increasingly incorporate features that support deeper, more meaningful connections while maintaining the convenience of digital matchmaking.

Kirova [62:09]: "It will be online and offline. We need tangible experiences alongside technological connections."

She also underscores the importance of catering to niche interests at scale, enabling individuals to explore and define their relationships in ways that resonate personally.

Conclusion

Kate Lister concludes the episode by reflecting on the enduring quest for connection that spans centuries, from lonely hearts ads to today's sophisticated dating apps. She thanks Francesca Bowman and Anna Kirova for their enlightening contributions and teases the next episode, which will delve into the life of Catherine Howard, one of the six wives featured in the series. Listeners are encouraged to subscribe, review, and engage with the podcast to continue exploring the dynamic intersections of history, sex, and society.

Lister [65:11]: "Join me again on Betwixt The Sheets, the History of Sex, Scandal in Society, a podcast by History Hit."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Francesca Bowman [08:19]:

  "I found a lonely hearts ad as far back as 1695, much earlier than anyone realized."

• Francesca Bowman [13:09]:

  "These women were really putting themselves out there and taking control of their own destiny."

• Francesca Bowman [31:38]:

  "Belle Gunness advertised for a husband and ended up murdering her suitors."

• Anna Kirova [46:03]:

  "Field is a dating app for the curious, open to experiencing people and relationships in new ways."

• Anna Kirova [56:05]:

  "23% of Gen Z Field members prefer monogamy compared to just 12% of Boomers."

• Anna Kirova [53:41]:

  "People are rejecting being considered as just parts of a very transactional exchange."

• Anna Kirova [62:09]:

  "It will be online and offline. We need tangible experiences alongside technological connections."

Final Thoughts

This episode of Betwixt The Sheets masterfully intertwines historical context with contemporary analysis, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of how dating practices have evolved and where they might head in the future. Through engaging discussions with experts like Francesca Bowman and Anna Kirova, the podcast sheds light on the persistent human desire for connection amidst changing societal norms and technological advancements.

For more episodes and to subscribe, visit History Hit.