Podcast Summary: "Why Are We Scared Of Single Women?"

Betwixt The Sheets: The History of Sex, Scandal & Society
Host: Kate Lister | Guest: Caroline Young
Date: September 23, 2025

Overview

In this engaging episode, sex historian Kate Lister welcomes author Caroline Young to discuss the persistent fear and negative stereotypes around single women throughout history and popular culture. The conversation delves into Caroline Young's latest book, Single and Psycho: How Pop Culture Created the Unstable Single Woman, exploring how film, literature, and societal attitudes conspired to stigmatize unmarried women—from medieval spinsters to the "bunny boiler" archetype. The episode blends sharp historical insight with personal stories and humor to question why being a single woman has been deemed so problematic, and whether attitudes are finally changing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Persistent Stigma Around Single Women

• Cultural Stereotypes: Single women are often described using negative terms such as "immature, insecure, self-centered, unhappy, lonely, and ugly." (03:19)
• Media Representations: TV and movies—from Friends and Sex and the City to Bridget Jones's Diary—have pushed the idea that being single is undesirable and a temporary, fixable 'problem.'
  • "They're the cat ladies. They're the bunny boilers. Basically, we get a bad rap when all we want to do is be at home with our snacks doing a jigsaw." – Kate Lister (03:19)

Caroline Young’s Personal Perspective

• Young draws on her own single experiences and admits the vulnerability of weaving personal stories into academic writing (06:26).
• She touches on the pressure to have a boyfriend from a young age, shaped by both peer groups and media messages (07:15).

Historical Context of Single Women

• Early Modern & Medieval History: Term "spinster" comes from women who spun yarn—at times, this role was seen as threatening enough that laws restricted such women's economic independence (13:10, 14:10).
• Cults of 'Single Blessedness': Groups of empowered single women existed; for instance, 19th-century American women excelled in writing, campaigning, and medicine, often rejecting marriage to pursue their ambitions (12:08).
• Changing-Legal and Social Status: Only recently have women en masse been able to support themselves financially, reducing the necessity of marriage for survival (09:27).

The "Psycho" Single Woman in Pop Culture

• The narrative shift from "sad spinsters" (e.g., Miss Havisham) to the "unhinged" or "psycho" single woman emerges, especially in 20th-century cinema.
• Iconic Examples Discussed:
  • Fatal Attraction (Alex Forrest): Origin of the "bunny boiler"—a single woman presented as dangerously obsessive (20:21).
    • "What she did in that film led to a whole concept, the bunny Boiler. That came from Fatal Attraction." – Caroline Young (20:37)
    • Different ending filmed but changed after test audiences wanted Alex 'punished' [24:19].
  • Single White Female: Plays on fear of other single women as threats (29:23).
  • Cruella De Vil: Represents the single, ambitious, anti-family woman, notably debuting the same year as the contraceptive pill (30:40).
  • The 'career woman' stigma, seen in 1980s films like Working Girl, equates professional ambition with social and romantic failure (31:43).

Historical Roots of "Dangerous" Single Women

• Witch Archetypes: Isolated, independent women were frequent targets of suspicion, from medieval witches to 19th-century laws against economically independent women (15:34, 14:10).
• Freudian and Social Science Diagnoses: In the early 20th century, celibacy and singleness were pathologized as psychological or social deficiencies (10:23).

Single Women and the Pushback of 20th-21st Centuries

• 1950s-1960s: Women are steered back into domestic roles after WWII, leading to widespread dissatisfaction ("Is this it?" – Betty Friedan).
• 1980s-2000s: The "psycho" single woman merges with threats to family values, only later to be replaced by somewhat comic but still pitiable characters (e.g., Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw) (32:28).

The Modern Era & 'Tradwife' Pushback

• The rise of men's rights and incel influencers revives misogynistic narratives about single women as tragic or threatening (39:39).
• Discussion of 'tradwife' social media content and the resurgence of ultra-traditional gender roles as a backlash to feminism (41:09).
  • "They're cosplaying as traditional wives. They are business women." – Kate Lister (41:50)
• Speculation about whether current misogynistic trends are the "last death rattle" of traditional patriarchy (43:15).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "The media is forever perpetuating the idea that nobody would ever want to be single. That's the worst thing you can be." – Kate Lister (03:19)
• "I was going through a bit of a crisis. I was in my 40s. I really wanted to have a child, but felt like I'd made so many mistakes ... I actually found comfort in horror movies and watching psychotic women on screen." – Caroline Young (05:01)
• "I wish I'd had more of a positive sense that it's okay, actually, and I should've just enjoyed myself." – Caroline Young (07:32)
• "It's always been slightly mixed messages, really. ... There's always a kind of ebb and flow, really. And particularly in times of a man shortage ... what to do with surplus women." – Caroline Young (10:23)
• "It feels like I've got the cheat sheet to life ... I go to bed and I starfish on my bed and I spend my money on what I want to ..." – Kate Lister (37:10)
• "If some guy tells you that you're not allowed to go out to work because you have to stay at home and make him cheese, just hit him with something. Please." – Kate Lister (43:15)
• "If you're in the wrong relationship ... that's worse. You're better off enjoying being single." – Caroline Young (44:46)

Segment Timestamps

• [01:32] — Opening: Kate Lister introduces the topic and the pervasive stigma around single women.
• [04:32] — Caroline Young joins; origin of her book and weaving personal experience with cultural analysis.
• [07:15] — Personal struggles with societal pressure to couple up.
• [09:27] — Historical change: women’s financial independence in the modern era.
• [10:23] — Cultural history: spinsters, surpluses of unmarried women, and the mixed messages of the 1920s and '30s.
• [13:10] / [14:10] — Etymology and social history: 'spinster', 'Eigenbrutlerin'.
• [15:34] — Emergence of the 'psycho' single woman: witches, Freudian diagnosis, dangerous archetypes.
• [20:21] — In-depth on Fatal Attraction and the bunny boiler trope.
• [29:23] — Single White Female: fear of single women, especially in urban environments.
• [30:40] — Cruella De Vil as archetype of anti-family, career-focused single woman.
• [31:43] — Career women and burnout stigmas in the 1980s.
• [32:28] — The Bridget Jones and Sex and the City era: comedy, but still judgmental.
• [39:39] — Contemporary misogyny: alt-right, incels, and tradwives.
• [41:09] — Explaining "tradwife" culture and its contradictions.
• [43:15] — Is this the backlash before progress? Are we at a turning point?
• [44:16] — Caroline Young's message to single women: embrace your life, don't settle for toxic relationships.

Final Reflections

The episode ends on an empowering note: despite historic and ongoing pressures, there’s genuine joy, fulfillment, and peace in single life—and the "unstable single woman" trope deserves a much-needed debunking in both pop culture and societal discourse.

Find Caroline Young:

• Website
• Instagram: @carolinejoyoung
• Book: Single and Psycho: How Pop Culture Created the Unstable Single Woman

For listeners and readers interested in gender history, pop culture, and feminism, this episode offers both a laugh-out-loud and thought-provoking journey through the scandalously misrepresented world of single women.