← Beyond Blind Blaming
Beyond Blind Blaming
Escape the Golden Handcuffs: Break Free from a High-Paying but Unfulfilling Job | Alison Cardy
00:39:30
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- [00:01]
Allison Carty
We're good at identifying. I don't like this job. But then to figure out what they want is often where folks get stuck.
- [00:10]
Kevin St. Clergy
Today I'm joined by Allison Carty. Her superpower is creating clear structures to guide clients through the challenging process of a career change and the results they create.
- [00:19]
Allison Carty
I really struggled with what to be doing with my career. I was really scared that I was just gonna, like, wind up in a job that I hated forever. So I took my experience and my coach training and came up with the fastest system to go from. I don't like what I'm doing, but I'm not sure what would be a better fit to getting clear on this is the career direction that I want to go in. The biggest reason people get stuck is.
- [00:46]
Kevin St. Clergy
Because for someone listening right now who feels stuck but doesn't know where to begin, what's one immediate step they can take today to start gaining clarity?
- [00:54]
Allison Carty
I think.
- [01:07]
Kevin St. Clergy
Welcome to Beyond Blind Blaming. This is the place where we explore how easily hidden truths can hold us back, trapping us in cycles of frustration and blame, often without even realizing what's truly stopping us. Each week I'm joined by experts and professionals who share their journey of taking back control of their story, overcoming hidden challenges, and discover how to stop blind blaming from dictating their outcomes. The insights you're about to gain will help you see beyond your current limitations and find the courage to seek new perspectives and ultimately live a life that's both purposeful and powerful. So if you're ready to break free from blind blaming and discover what's possible, you'll definitely want to listen to my next guest. I'm your host, Kevin St. Clergy, and today I'm joined by Allison Carty. She's an expert career coach who has guided hundreds of people to innovative and functional career solutions, which may be thousands now. She's a practical advocate for achieving your heart's desires, improving your workweek, and making a difference, all while keeping an eye on your financial success. Her superpower is creating clear structures to guide clients through the challenging process of a career change and the results they crave. She leads a team of career coaches@cardicareercoaching.com and is the author of Career how to Get Unstuck and Pivot yout Career. She's also the black sheep of her family of accountants and engineers. A rare D.C. area native and unusually patient, positive and kind. A former swimmer, soccer player, and ultimate Frisbee player, she loves all things athletic. Her two current hobbies are CrossFit and yoga, and I Understand she made it this morning on track. Alison, welcome to the show.
- [02:45]
Allison Carty
Thanks so much, Kevin. It's a pleasure to be here.
- [02:48]
Kevin St. Clergy
Well, let's start where I usually start, a little bit more about you and what led you to do what you do now, which sounds like is helping people succeed.
- [02:55]
Allison Carty
I have been a career coach for over 15 years, and it's been the primary thing that I've done in my career in large part because I really struggled with what to be doing with my career. I majored in accounting in college, which was on the recommendation of my family. My mom is an accountant and she loves it. It's a great fit for her. She made a transition from teaching to accounting, and it was a wonderful transition. And so I think my family thought, we have found the answer to career. This is just the path that should be taken. So my parents encouraged me to study accounting, which for me personally, I don't really like arbitrary rules or details. So accounting was just not it for me at all. And I really struggled with being in that major, like, not being sure who I was or what I wanted to do. Going into the workforce, I had a rough start of taking some accounting jobs and, like, not liking them, kind of predictably bouncing around a little bit. And I was just in this kind of place of angst, which I think maybe a lot of young people are about. What am I going to be doing with my life? I was really scared that I was just going to wind up in a job that I hated forever, which might be a little overly dramatic, but that was how I felt at that time. I did a lot of things wrong to try to figure out what I wanted to do. I thought about it a lot. I read a lot. I was researching online and looking at different educational options. There was a lot of printouts involved. And I also worked with a coach who I didn't specialize in career. And I felt like we had some wandering conversations and eventually I wound up trying some things. So I tried volunteering at a crisis and suicide hotline, mentoring some kids and doing some creative writing and all kind of on the side. And the crisis hotline made the biggest impression on me, that I really liked helping people. So from there, I got the courage to take a coach training and launched my business very naively. I was still really young, but I found as I was working in coaching that a lot of other people were having this problem of trying to figure out their career. And I love systemizing things and figuring out how to get people to better results more quickly. So I took My experience and my coach training and working with people over a number of years and really came up with the fastest system to go from. I don't like what I'm doing, but I'm not sure what would be a better fit to getting clear on this is the career direction that I want to go in.
- [05:40]
Kevin St. Clergy
You triggered me a little bit with my accounting class in high school. Now, I love accountants. They're absolutely necessary. My accountant's incredible. But I just remember sitting in that class going, this is not what I want to do.
- [05:51]
Allison Carty
I had that experience in many classes.
- [05:54]
Kevin St. Clergy
I bet. So in your book Career Grief, you talk about helping people get unstuck in their careers, which you talked. You briefly got into in your intro. But what are some of the biggest misconceptions people have when they feel stuck?
- [06:07]
Allison Carty
I find with people we're really good at identifying. Like, I don't want to be here. Right. Like we're good at identifying. I don't like this job or this environment is really not it for me. But then to figure out what they want is often where folks get stuck. So it's like, I don't want to be here, but I don't know what would be better. And I think some of the. I'd say the biggest. I'll just name the biggest one. The biggest reason people get stuck is because they take a more academic approach to figuring out their career when it's really more of an experiential process. So we're so trained to think about things, to research. You know, we're all really good at googling stuff. And all of that activity is just you in your own mind and kind of within the own limit, within the limits of your own mind as well. Like you don't know what you don't know. There can be a lot of confirmation bias and what you're searching for. And you can really easily shut yourself down by just kind of being alone with yourself in your head and figuring out your career path. And getting unstuck is really more of an experiential process. Kind of like in my story, really rests on trying some things and seeing how do you react to those. Giving yourself the opportunity to be in new environments where you might connect with new people and opportunities that you wouldn't if you were just behind your computer by yourself thinking or, you know, with a journal. So I think that that's the biggest thing that keeps people stuck is we're used to solving problems a particular way and getting your career sorted is a different kind of problem.
- [07:49]
Kevin St. Clergy
So many People believe they're struggling in their careers because of external factors, like I hear things like bad bosses, job markets, industry shifts. But in your work, how often is the real problem something internal like mindset or clarity on what they want?
- [08:05]
Allison Carty
Yeah, that's a great point. So I think that there can be a number of factors for career dissatisfaction. And in my work, one of the things that I'm primarily looking for is to get as much of kind of what's true for that person, person to be present in their career. So very often people who are unhappy in their career may have kind of drifted into it. They might be working really hard, but still kind of drifted into it or gone into a particular field because of other people's expectations of what they ought to be doing. Like, my family had an expectation for me of what I ought to be doing. And so I think that there is a big mindset shift that many of my clients make in working together of moving from just kind of going with the flow with their career or like, oh, I just happened into this thing, or other people thought I should do it to like taking the wheel and being like, I actually want to go do this particular thing with my life. And I think that is a big shift and it's a huge shift in ownership that people take from, like you were describing, maybe just complaining like, oh, I'm in this career because my parents wanted me to be in it and or whatever reason I'm in it to being like, oh, I can actually change this and do something different.
- [09:31]
Kevin St. Clergy
Do you ever see things, I call them the golden handcuffs, where people are making a lot of money. So that's like they're used to a particular lifestyle even though they're super unhappy and they're overworked and. But they're making a ton of money. So it makes it even more difficult to get out of that. Have you run into that before?
- [09:46]
Allison Carty
For sure. Everything looks good. On paper, I have a high status job, I'm earning a lot of money, but internally I feel like I'm dying. I don't feel like this is my life or I don't feel like this is really who I am or what I'm meant to be doing. So I think that that can be a really big factor for people. And it's huge leap of faith and courage to first identify and name kind of who they really are and what they're really wanting and then to move into that is really a big deal.
- [10:19]
Kevin St. Clergy
And change is difficult for everyone, I guess. Death, taxes, and I always add change to that list because it's hard.
- [10:25]
Allison Carty
Yeah.
- [10:26]
Kevin St. Clergy
So how do you get people through that change? Whether it's the issues you brought up before or the golden handcuffs that I brought up. What's the process?
- [10:33]
Allison Carty
Sure. So I take people through a three step process and the first step is really some guided introspection. So this is sort of a cozy place for people, I feel like, because we get to ask some questions, we get to have some really in depth conversation about who the person is. Really notice as we look at their career history and also their interests and strengths, what the patterns are. I love to look at what are people doing that nobody asked them to do? They seem to like, keep doing it. Like, what are those organic interests or activities that they seem to pursue? And what's interesting that I find is I typically talk with people for like three hours, broken up into two 90 minute sessions. But as I really go through all that material, there's often some really clear patterns and it can be in different contexts, but kind of if you look underneath what's happening and what they're doing, I can notice like, oh, you seem to just love researching and synthesizing information. Or oh, you seem to be somebody who has a passion for making changes in structure. We can kind of notice what is going on. So that's the first step. And the outcome of that is to get a list of core career themes. So these are kind of like in an ideal world, if you were doing these things most of the time, you'd probably be pretty happy because you'd be playing to your strengths, doing what makes sense to you, kind of what works with your system. And then from there we move into career exploration, which is sort of jarring because we go from like, comfort of just talking things through to like, okay, now you need to do stuff in the real world. And with career exploration, what we're doing is we're making some hypotheses about, okay, this is what we know about you. Where do we think it's going to fit? And then we want to kind of step check, like, okay, let's get closer to those things. Whether through informational interviewing or going to related conferences or volunteering, like, anything we can do to get you closer to that, to see both. Is it what you thought it was? Is that career path actually congruent with your idea of it? And also how do you respond to it as you get closer? Are you feeling like, that's really not for me? Are you feeling so excited? I was talking to a client recently who has been in engineering. She has been in engineering for a long time. She has this interest in video production. And as she started to talk to somebody and was telling me about the conversation, like, she just kept smiling. And I'm like, okay, I think we're probably on to something, that this is of interest to you. So we're looking for where is there enough of a pull in another direction that can kind of pull you through that change? That's. The second part is to kind of name what it is. And then the third part is just underneath all that, the coaching of looking for. Where are you getting in your own way? Where are you shutting things down too soon? Encouraging people to do some of the uncomfortable steps so that you can come out with a clear game plan and know where you want to go next.
- [13:34]
Kevin St. Clergy
So it sounds like you put together a pretty simple process, but simple doesn't always mean easy.
- [13:40]
Allison Carty
Yeah, I think the first part is easy because it's sort of like it's more I'm myself or my coaching team are doing the work of understanding and reflecting back to the person. But then the second part of the process is a little more challenging to expand your comfort zone, to look at something new, to be bold enough to kind of claim, this is a thing that I'm wanting and to take action towards it. It can be really scary. And I think, for what I often tell people is it's a good thing that you're feeling fear about this path because it means you care about it. If we were going down a path and you're like, whatever, okay, I'll go do these steps. You don't have any emotional charge. It's probably because it doesn't mean anything to you. But when we actually touch on something that you care about, it's normal. Feel a little bit of fear. It's normal to feel uncomfortable. And so that is, yes, simple to just go towards it, but not easy.
- [14:37]
Kevin St. Clergy
Yeah, you got to dig deep, and that's hard sometimes for people.
- [14:40]
Allison Carty
Yeah.
- [14:41]
Kevin St. Clergy
Well, how about a time when a client thought they knew what the problem was with their career, but it ended up being something completely different?
- [14:49]
Allison Carty
I think a common one. And I don't know if this perfectly fits into your framework, but a common one that I see is confusing the tasks with the environment kind of thing. Somebody could be having a terrible experience at work and think, oh, my gosh, I'm in the complete wrong field. I need to do a 180, make a total change. But as we talk about it more, it becomes apparent that maybe the environment that they're in is really problematic. Like they might be in a toxic environment and that is sort of coloring their whole experience of the work. So we had one client who really came in thinking, I need to make a complete change here. But as we dug in, it was like her career path or the skills she was using were congruent with who she was. It was really the environment that she was in. And in this particular case I think there probably was some toxicity, but it was also the size organization and the different organizations can have different levels of innovation. She was more of an innovator, so she needed to be in a leaner, more innovative place to really fit in and thrive.
- [15:55]
Kevin St. Clergy
See, I think it fits perfectly into the framework because blind blaming is just about, we think it's something and we try to climb that mountain and then it ends up being the fact that we're climbing the wrong mountain, we've got the wrong, we're not going the right place. I think what you described, it fits perfectly into the framework and it sounds like you helped them get to the bottom of it. And what do you think the real cost was for her before she made the change? And then what happened once you identified the real problem, what happened next?
- [16:22]
Allison Carty
So often ask people like what is the cost of being in a poor career path? And there's a lot of answers that people come up with. It's like it affects your health, it affects your mood, it affects your energy, it affects your sense of purpose in life. Like all these things can really take a toll. It can affect your relationships because if you come home in a piss poor mood, every day is not going to be great. So being in an ill fitting career can really have a heavy weight on people. Not to mention that place when people are feeling stuck in it, there can just be sort of like this mental looping that goes on of like, I want to get out, but I don't know how to get out. And it takes a whole lot of mental energy to be in that ill fitting place. So for that particular client, I think she was smart to reach out, to get some help, to start to really resolve it together. And then as she made the change that we identified would really help her. I haven't checked in with her for a while, but a number of years ago when I checked in, she was like four years into a different role at a different company and really loving it and feeling happier. And it's sort of the flip of all the negatives, right? Like you feel like, oh, I want to wake up this morning, I'm like engaged in what I'm doing, I'm better to be around for my family. My physical health is stronger because I'm actually, I feel more like myself at work.
- [17:48]
Kevin St. Clergy
I guess that kind of fits into one of my other questions. I had drafted it because in your book you discuss career pivot, and that's what I would define as a career pivot. Is that right?
- [17:56]
Allison Carty
Yeah. So a career pivot for sure is to take some of what you're already doing and shift it in some way. For example, moving into a different role or different company setup or structure. So that would be a pivot. And then the career change is really when you go from something like, I've been working in healthcare and I'm going into arts management, you're really making a big change.
- [18:23]
Kevin St. Clergy
Oh, interesting. Okay, yeah. Big pivot.
- [18:26]
Allison Carty
Yeah.
- [18:27]
Kevin St. Clergy
Are you tired of feeling stuck in your business, career, relationships or your health? Are you frustrated by problems that just won't go away no matter what you try? After coaching and teaching thousands of people for over 25 years, I've discovered something powerful. Every unresolved problem has a hidden solution you just can't see yet. That's why I created the From Stuck to Breakthrough challenge. A free 5 day live experience where I'll show you exactly how to uncover what's really holding you back and finally break free to the results that you want. Whether it's in your business, your health, your wealth, your relationships. I'll help you discover the real root cause of your challenges and give you the blueprint for permanent change. Join me and a community of like minded people ready to break through. Go to blind blaming.com again, that's blind blaming.com to sign up and we'll see you soon. Well, let's talk about the opposite of what you just described. Have you ever run into people where they think they're in a toxic environment when they're the ones that's being toxic?
- [19:24]
Allison Carty
By and large, I'm very blessed with the clientele that I work with. So I have clients who are really conscientious, thoughtful, like caring people. That's just who I tend to attract. So typically, and unfortunately it's the reverse of what you just said of they are in a negative environment and thinking the problem is them, which I guess is in a way blind blaming, where we assume it's us, assume we're the problem. And so oftentimes some of the work is helping them to identify like, no, actually the way you're being treated is the problem like you've identified. There's a problem here, but we're misnaming the cause of it. On occasion, we've had a challenging client here or there, but typically my clientele are people who are really trying their best to show up and do a good job at work and can have a hard time. Probably not. Probably I can say with more confidence because of maybe the way they've been raised, where bad behavior wasn't called out in younger environments. So they're just normal for them to be in those places. I did a series with a therapist on toxic work environments. And one of the things that he names a lot is that we can tend to internalize problems where we think, oh, if something's going wrong, it must be my fault. I need to work harder, I need to do better. But really there could be unreasonable expectations or poor behavior in the environment.
- [20:55]
Kevin St. Clergy
And what you just described is what led me to the book. Because what started this whole journey was a TED Talk that we have written that we're currently booking. And when I went through this two week thing where they had me go through and look at all my life experiences where my biggest lessons in my life. And they really like the writers that helped me draft the TED Talk and kind of get it down on paper because I write like I talk, I don't write well. But it was a story of when I was 10 years old, I was a phenomenal baseball player. If you know a little bit about Sports. I had a.550 batting average. And then the next year it went to zero. And the adults around me blamed my swing. And I was preteens, of course, my dad. And he still says it today. Yeah, when Kevin was 10 years old, he was the best baseball player I've ever seen. And his attitude went to shit. Excuse my language, but that's what he remembers. And so everybody was blaming me to. Eventually I started blaming myself, which is what you just described. And then after a couple of seasons of struggling in baseball with a zero batting average, but I was a decent fielder, and then having a season where I only played two games, I quit baseball. And two weeks later we found out that from a fluke eye doctor visit that I just went blind. I couldn't see. And at no point at all did the adults ever stop blaming me for something that was out of my control. And I see that a lot in people who actually create toxic environments for people that you work with. They're stuck in what I call the blame loop. They're blaming the employee when it's really them. And it's hard. And I Know you run into that often.
- [22:18]
Allison Carty
I think that's such a powerful story of really finding the root cause of things in my work. Like, over the years, one of the things that I have started to assert is, like, if you can name the problem correctly, you're like 90% of the way to solving it. But getting to naming it correctly, like, getting to find like, oh, it's the eyes. That's where the problem is. That can take some doing to really figure that out.
- [22:45]
Kevin St. Clergy
We get to the bottom of it. We do. What you've already done is looking at other aspects because I know you're very health focus. Health is one thing we look at and then we look at purpose. Do you really have a purpose in your case? Does your career choice align with your core values and the things that a buddy at my coach Dan Martell says lights you up and makes you, as you said earlier, want to get out of bed and go to work. Even my girlfriend recently says, yeah, I notice you always smile when you walk into your office. Because I love what I do. I don't. I'm very blessed and I've had to get here. It's taken me a while, but it's hard for people to see that sometimes.
- [23:21]
Allison Carty
Yeah, there was something you said in there. I think that by and large, like, we all like to do stuff. It's not very pleasant to just sit around and be bored. So I think they're like, I like work and I think a lot of people like to have activity and purpose and things like that. So it is so important to be able to wake up and be like, yeah, I would like what I'm going to do today. It really makes a huge difference.
- [23:51]
Kevin St. Clergy
Well, for someone listening right now who feels stuck but doesn't know where to begin, what's one immediate step they can take today to start gaining clarity?
- [23:59]
Allison Carty
I think similar to what I opened with of like, a bias towards action is really what I would point people towards. So clarity comes through action. Not thought. To use your story of the baseball. If we're just trying, and I don't know that people were directly trying to solve this problem for you, there was probably just going on. Nobody was maybe actively thinking about it. But if you're actively thinking about, well, what's going on, you have to try different things. Is it this is it that I would encourage people, if they are feeling stuck, to try to get out of thought about it and think about what is one step I can take in the real world that will move me a little bit closer to what I'm thinking about. So actually go talk to somebody, go to an event, make a prototype, try something, and in doing that, it will help you to get unstuck.
- [24:59]
Kevin St. Clergy
We teach a three step process for overcoming that and getting to the root cause, which I think you'll enjoy. I'll get you a copy as soon as I can. But we talk about, okay, look, here's. You can start looking at what we talked about before, your purpose. You can start looking at health, underlying issues that may be causing you to be miserable with everything your purpose and several other things. But once you kind of look at it and you ask some people in your sphere of influence about it and they're always going to give you their advice. But many times they're stuck in that same blame loop. You are just like the parents and other coaches that I had in my life when I was 10 did to me. But I do think the big difference in most root cause analysis and what we've come up with for blind blaming is you have to get outside of your sphere of influence and hire a coach. Like you just said, attend an event with strangers who can look at your situation through a new lens. Because our lens gets twisted, which is what we call preconceived perceptions. It's like a filter on the world that's distorted because of your past experience or the environment you're in, which you described. So totally agree with you. Coaches mastermind groups, events. That's the way you see. Okay, am I off here? What's going on?
- [26:04]
Allison Carty
Yeah. And just to add to that, and it probably relates to your work as well, Kevin, I think we're just so close to ourselves. Like we're like this. It's really hard to have perspective on ourselves. So I fully agree to get that outside perspective can be really, really helpful.
- [26:23]
Kevin St. Clergy
And I don't think we see that way. I know in the medical field, many times when surgeons are struggling with a particular diagnosis or procedure they need to, they're considering, they will reach out and contact a network of physicians to say, hey, here's what I've got going on. Any other opinions? And I don't think we do that as individuals, especially when it comes to our career. I think we just feel stuck sometimes. It's like some of this is out of our control, much like I did when I was 10.
- [26:48]
Allison Carty
And to add to that, I mean, I think there's a real benefit to being open to feedback, which is hard. You know, it's hard to take things in. But I think one of the most powerful things we can do is be willing to change our mind. A lot of what I see in the career work that I do is people have a certain experience of work, and that is their mental conception of that work. So that's their mapping, and they think that's the entirety of the world of work. But really, there's a spectrum. There's terrible work environments, there's phenomenal work environments, and whatever you've experienced is just a part of it. So it really does take getting out and exploring and being open to broadening your perspective and your understanding of what's out there and what's possible to be able to then move to something that's better for you.
- [27:37]
Kevin St. Clergy
I like that. What I hear you describing is adopting a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset, which, as you probably know, is Carol Dweck's work, which I love. But I'm finding that a lot of people take feedback sometimes as a personal attack. They get into that fixed mindset instead of taking that feedback honestly and openly and being able to accept it. So I'm really glad you brought it up, because it's still hard for me sometimes. I got some really good feedback this morning from a client, and they were right. And if I hadn't had to reset and say, okay, maybe I just needed to listen to what this person has to say and stop blaming them.
- [28:10]
Allison Carty
It is tricky, and it is invaluable to be able to take things in. And I think once we get through the, like, ouch, you know, oh, I'm not perfect.
- [28:22]
Kevin St. Clergy
Yeah, wait a minute. I don't wake up to do a bad job.
- [28:25]
Allison Carty
You know, that's hard. But once we get through that, it really gives a great opportunity to grow, like you're saying, and to learn and to do better, which I think we all can find ways to do better.
- [28:37]
Kevin St. Clergy
I agree. Well, do you have any real surprising hidden career obstacles you've seen in your clients that were pretty shocking?
- [28:44]
Allison Carty
It's not surprising to me now, but I think the biggest thing that I think gets people stuck is. Or not the biggest, because I already mentioned staying in thought is the biggest. But another thing that gets people stuck is. Is something I call early dismissal. So that's basically where you start to look at some things that you think you might like to do, and then you kind of mentally shoot them down. So, again, it's staying in your head a bit, but you start to see, like, oh, but this wouldn't work because of this or that. And so it's like you have an idea that you like but then you slam the door yourself without actually giving yourself room to explore and check it out. So that's something that can be insidious and something where a coach can really help. Because as your coach, I can hold that door open for you and say, no, just keep walking a little bit farther. Let's keep exploring. Let's give it a shot before we actually shut it down. Because you might see something in that continued progress towards it that you wouldn't if you just shut it down and stay where you're at.
- [29:45]
Kevin St. Clergy
Well, you've clearly invested in yourself because you and I seem to know about Carol Dweck and some things like that. And I'm sure you run into clients who need to invest more in themselves. Do you have a coach? Are you part of mastermind groups? Do you enjoy reading? What are some things that you do to develop yourselves? And also, what are some things that you encourage your clients to do when it comes to picking their career, especially when there's a big change?
- [30:07]
Allison Carty
Well, I love personal development. I think it's really cool. I mean, it feels like finding hidden levers. There's a default way I might be doing things in the world, but then the more I learn or am coached or experience things, the more I'm like, oh, well, this is an easier or better way to do things than I'd been doing it before. So I really love finding those things. And I can be just as stubborn as anybody else. I can bang my head against the wall for a long time. But eventually, and this might be relevant to this podcast, if you keep doing the same thing and it's not resolving it, you might have named the problem wrong to go to the blind blaming, or you may be going about solving it poorly, but most things are solvable. And if you can bring in the right supports and name the problem, you can get through a lot of things. So I really love getting coaching. I love talking things through with people. And then I would say in the past couple years, one of the biggest areas of growth for me has actually been in more community building and, like, emotional growth. Like, feeling more comfortable with emotions, not just achievements, but, like, how am I feeling about all the different things? And I would say one of the things that I'm talking to my community about a ton right now is, like, the importance of community. Having places where you can share things, not just in an achievement mindset, but also just, like, in a processing and supportive way. That's something that I think is really important and is the healthy soil and water and sun that really helps us to thrive.
- [31:51]
Kevin St. Clergy
I love community and you brought up emotions and I think that's something that corporate America isn't dealing with enough. I've had some podcast guests who are helping corporate America deal with emotions a bit more and get more comfortable talking about it. Do you ever run into people who feel like, ah, these don't really. I just can't do this in the place that I'm at, in the corporation I'm with. Do you run into that at all or. I'm scared to let people know how I feel.
- [32:13]
Allison Carty
Oh, for sure. Yeah. And I don't know that it's just core for America. I think it is like our overarching culture. I think it's shifting to be getting more comfortable. I have a huge respect for therapists and I think that's a lot of the work that they're doing is helping us to learn our emotional language. But yeah, for sure, it's really scary to be vulnerable. Definitely there are environments that are not emotionally safe like I described with working with a therapist on toxic work environments. There's actually, I hope I'm not misnaming it, but there's some. It might be a surgeon general. There's some document that my therapist colleague brought where it was like, these are the components that you need for a workplace to be healthy. And it does involve. I can share it with you and your guests later.
- [33:02]
Kevin St. Clergy
Yeah, if you find it, I would love to see it because we'll put it in. We have a resource area, Ander, so if you've got the link to it or whatever. Yeah. Please send it to me. I'd love to read it, but I'd love to share it too.
- [33:12]
Allison Carty
Yeah, let's do that. So, I mean, there are actually definitions of what we all need to feel well and safe at work that are vetted and out there. And for sure, a lot of corporate America, a lot of families, a lot of different institutions are not meeting that mark yet. But I think we're as a culture shifting towards those things, which I think is. Is really meaningful for people's well being.
- [33:37]
Kevin St. Clergy
Well, for someone listening right now who feels stuck but doesn't know where to begin, and they're a little nervous about working with a coach. Any advice there?
- [33:45]
Allison Carty
I can understand that it can be uncomfortable to say I'm having trouble with something, uncomfortable to share that with somebody. And I think it can be really valuable to bring in an outside support. So for myself and for most coaches that I know, I offer a consult. So that's a place where you can get a sense of how it would be to work together, learn a little bit more. And I definitely encourage people to pay attention to coaching environments where they feel a good rapport, where they feel safe and supported, and like there's a good connection with whoever they're working with. So I'd say give it a go. Reach out to a coach, whether myself or somebody else. And one thing that I can note from my seat of working with hundreds of people is you might feel like the biggest loser or like, oh my gosh, how am I the only one who doesn't have this figured out? Or whatever. It's all going around. Whatever you're struggling with, so many other people are struggling with. There's nothing to be ashamed about. It's hard to be human. And we all need help and we need support. And I think the stronger person is the person that reaches out for that help than the person that suffers alone.
- [34:59]
Kevin St. Clergy
And part of the blind blaming book. And we have some resources that we'll put at the bottom of the podcast, but we actually have some resources that will help people get the most out of a coaching program like you that they choose. These are things like making sure that you treat your calls as a priority. Don't over schedule them being present when you're on the call. Turn your precious cell phone off and over. Be prepared with an agenda and do your homework that was given to you before. Things like that that I think can help people get even more out.
- [35:27]
Allison Carty
I fully agree. Coaching in particular is a co creative process, so you got to show up and do your part to get what you need.
- [35:34]
Kevin St. Clergy
Yeah, I always love it when I hear people, whether it's complaining about me or my companies or other coaching or mastermind groups are part. And I was like, well, first question I always ask is, well, did you show up for your last call? And I'll get things like, well, no. I was like, okay, and when was your last call and how did it go? Well, I mean, we had our last call and we just started talking. I didn't get much value out. I was like, okay, did you show up with a prepared agenda with your, your biggest, your top one to three challenge you're having? Well, no. Okay. So sometimes I think we have to take 100% responsibility, stop blaming and complaining and show up just like you said?
- [36:08]
Allison Carty
Yeah, for sure.
- [36:10]
Kevin St. Clergy
Well, if you could. Last question, then we'll wrap it up. And I want people to know how they can get ahold of you. If you could go back and give yourself career advice, 10 or 15 years ago. What's one piece of wisdom you would share?
- [36:20]
Allison Carty
We'd probably say be brave. I think that one of the things that I did for a long time was I just did whatever scared me in kind of a psychological way. Like, if it was scary to me to get up on stage and speak, I would go do it. That kind of thing. And it's not a universally successful life strategy. Like, there are some limits to it. It does really expand your world to be brave and to do the things that are scary for you. We all have different kind of nervous systems and backgrounds and, you know, things that we're dealing with. So there can be varying level of intensity that we all experience in trying to, like, push through fear kind of things. So we might need different levels of support with it. But where possible, I really think expanding your comfort zone and trying a thing, being bad at it, but just giving it a go is really helpful to creating enough space to find kind of the things that you like in life.
- [37:22]
Kevin St. Clergy
Great advice. Well, thank you, Alison. How, if people want to get in touch with you, what's the best way for them to get in touch?
- [37:28]
Allison Carty
Sure thing. And thank you again for having me, Kevin. It's been a fun conversation. So my website is cardicareercoaching.com and on there there's a little application where it's a nice kind of reflection exercise as well. You can reach out, fill out some information. It asks you some questions about what's going on, and that's a great way to trigger if you'd like to set up a call with me. I'll look that over and we can set up a time to do that. So that's the best way. And also just checking out the website, seeing if what I do feels like a good fit for you.
- [38:00]
Kevin St. Clergy
That's great. Well, thank you, Allison. We'll put that in the resource section as well below the podcast, whether it's on YouTube or people are listening to this so they can get instant access to that. Thank you again, and I hope we stay in touch because we definitely share a lot of philosophies and have some similar core values. So thank you.
- [38:16]
Allison Carty
Yeah, likewise. It's been super fun to talk with you and to meet you.