Podcast Summary: Beyond Blind Blaming

Host: Kevin D. St.Clergy

Guest: Amy Morin, LCSW

Episode: "Mental Strength Expert, Amy Morin: How to Conquer Life’s Toughest Struggles and Thrive"

Date: September 30, 2025

Main Theme Overview

This episode features renowned psychotherapist and mental strength expert Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. The conversation explores mental strength as both a daily practice and an essential set of skills for thriving, not just surviving, especially during life’s toughest moments. Amy shares personal stories of loss and resilience, defines mental strength beyond common misconceptions, and provides actionable steps for overcoming internal and external obstacles. The host and guest also discuss the hidden mindset traps that keep high achievers stuck and how to break free.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Amy Morin’s Personal Journey to Mental Strength

• Personal losses as catalyst:
  • Lost her mother suddenly at age 23, then her 26-year-old husband to a heart attack three years later. This series of tragedies led her to question conventional wisdom on grief and mental health.
    • “A lot of this stuff I have in my textbook about what to do when you’re in a really dark place doesn’t really work as well as it does on paper.” – Amy (02:38)
• She turned her research inward, seeking real-world tools for resilience.
• The viral list: Amy wrote herself a letter—“13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”—that reached millions and led to her first book, despite her initial doubts about being ‘qualified’ to write it.

2. Defining Mental Strength (06:23)

• Not just the absence of mental health struggles; you can be mentally strong and experience depression/anxiety.
• Consists of:
  • How you think: recognizing and challenging untrue thoughts.
  • How you feel: managing emotions rather than being controlled by them.
  • How you behave: taking intentional action, often before motivation follows.
  • "It's all about the choices that you make every single day." – Amy (06:40)

3. Habits Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

• Amy’s favorites:
  • Don’t feel sorry for yourself.
  • Don’t give away your power.
• The book’s focus is on subtraction, not addition—removing counterproductive habits often matters more than adding positive ones:
  • “If you have these little habits in your life, they just become so counterproductive that no matter how many good habits you have, they just don’t really work that well.” – Amy (15:11)

4. Obstacles, Root Causes & Blame Loops (09:10–13:28)

• Kevin’s concept of the “blame loop”: People get stuck blaming themselves or others and often solve the wrong problems.
• Both internal and external attributions can be counterproductive.
  • “Do I need to solve the problem or solve how I feel about the problem?... Sometimes it's more about just accepting, all right, I can't control this, but I'm going to work on my attitude or...how I respond.” – Amy (09:38)
• Importance of outside perspectives (coach, therapist) to help clarify root causes. Sometimes, a practical or medical factor (like sleep apnea) is the root issue, not just mindset or productivity.

5. Saying No, People-Pleasing & Focus (15:53–17:14)

• The dangers of people-pleasing and saying yes to everything.
  • “Every time you say yes to something, you're, like, saying no to something else.” – Amy (15:57)
• The ability to say no is crucial for maintaining focus and personal power.

6. Stages of Change (18:33)

• The five stages:
  1. Pre-contemplation (problem is recognized by others, not self)
  2. Contemplation (weighing pros and cons)
  3. Preparation (planning)
  4. Action (doing the work)
  5. Maintenance (sustaining the change)
• Change is seldom linear, and most people skip contemplation/preparation, leading to quick burnout.
  • “If you try to skip to the action step...It doesn't work. And then you feel like, well, I'm a failure.” – Amy (21:41)

7. Tools for Change: Rewards, Consequences, and Future-Self Letters (22:42–27:58)

• Accountability and public consequences can motivate follow-through.
• Letters to your future self:
  • Writing and saving letters to your future self solidifies intentions and positive beliefs.
    • “If you keep it, you've taught your brain this is a valuable way to think. Do more of this and you start to think more positively.” – Amy (27:20)
  • Conversely, writing down negative self-talk and discarding it can help reframe destructive thinking.

8. Journaling and Reflection (28:38)

• Journaling aids in identifying, clarifying, and processing emotions and thoughts.
  • Just labeling feelings reduces their intensity.

9. Mental Strength vs. Mental Toughness (29:54)

• Not about suppressing emotions or “white-knuckling” through adversity (the Navy SEAL myth).
• True mental strength includes savoring positive moments and building a fulfilling life, not just enduring hardship.

10. Navigating Internal vs. External Blame and Responsibility (31:33)

• Misdiagnosing problems is common—sometimes focus is too internal (self-blame), other times too external (blaming circumstances).
• The healthiest outlook is recognizing a “bi-locus of control”—accepting what you can influence, letting go of what you can’t.

11. Building Resilience and Testing Limits (34:36)

• Resilience is developed by challenging unhelpful beliefs and voluntarily doing hard things.
  • “Life should be a series of these little experiments and when you put yourself out there, you can train your brain to see yourself differently.” – Amy (39:44)
• Personal story: Amy was painfully shy/anxious as a child, but giving her husband’s eulogy changed her view of herself and her capacity to speak publicly.

12. Actionable Tips and Advice

• Seek out credible help (books, therapy, reputable websites like Mental Health America).
• Face fears and take small steps; avoid all-or-nothing approaches.
• Anxiety is treatable—don’t wait for years to get help.
• Motivation follows action: use the “ten minute rule” to beat inertia.
  • “Getting started is the hardest part. Once you get to 10 minutes, you're like, well, I can do another 10 minutes.” – Amy (47:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Amy describes why she wrote “13 Things…”:
  “It was just meant to be a list for me of what not to do today. If you want to get through today, just don't do these things.” (05:19)
• On saying no:
  “If I say yes to too many things, I lose sight of what I'm supposed to be working on.” – Amy (17:02)
• On habits and counterproductive behaviors:
  “If you just subtract one or two of the worst habits that you have, suddenly your good habits become so much more effective.” – Amy (15:11)
• On moving from surviving to thriving:
  “You really don't want to just get through life surviving it. You want to thrive.” – Amy (45:23)
• On self-imposed labels:
  “A label that we’ve put on ourselves can keep us stuck in a really small box. And it’s not until you branch out and really test those theories... you can train your brain to see yourself differently.” – Amy (39:44)
• On small steps vs. overhauling life:
  “Sometimes people have this attitude of ‘go big or go home,’ but they usually end up going home.” – Amy (45:28)

Key Timestamps

• Amy’s personal loss & genesis of her book: 02:24–06:15
• Definition & misconceptions of mental strength: 06:23–07:51
• Power of saying no & people-pleasing: 15:41–17:14
• Stages of change explained: 18:33–21:23
• Strategies: Reward, consequence, future-self letters: 22:42–27:58
• Journaling and psychological basis: 28:38
• Mental health misconceptions, locus of control: 31:33–34:25
• Building resilience and challenging limiting beliefs: 34:36–39:58
• Motivation, action, and ten-minute rule: 47:05

Additional Resources & How to Connect

• Amy Morin’s website: amymorinLCSW.com (47:32)
• Recommended: Mental Health America (screening tools)
• Amy prefers audiobooks (28:03); host mentions available resources

This episode provides both powerful personal stories and highly actionable advice for building mental strength, breaking out of blaming cycles, and making meaningful change—one intentional step at a time.