Bigfoot Collectors Club: Declassified – "Zombie Bigfoot's Scary 16 Monster Showdown 5" w/ John E.L. Tenney
Podcast: Bigfoot Collectors Club
Host: Wood Elf Media (Michael McMillian & Riley Bray)
Guest: John E.L. Tenney
Date: March 26, 2025
Episode Overview
This playful, sprawling episode sees actor Michael McMillian, musician Riley Bray, and guest John E.L. Tenney embark on the annual "Scary 16 Monster Showdown"—a high-strangeness bracket pitting cryptids and movie monsters against each other. For Showdown 5, the game is re-imagined as a chaotic, homebrewed Dungeons & Dragons-style adventure, with Michael as the inexperienced (yet gleeful) "Doomsayer" guiding Riley and Tenny through a tournament to determine the ultimate champion of the paranormal and pop culture creatures. The trio role-plays improvised characters, rolls dice, faces wild monster battles (both classic and obscure), jokes ceaselessly, and shares personal stories—all laced with D&D mechanics, in-jokes, and lighthearted anarchy.
Key Discussion Points & Highlights
Setting Up "BCC&D": Monster Showdown as D&D (00:31–08:36)
- Michael introduces the annual Scary 16 Monster Showdown, where movie and high-strangeness monsters compete in a bracket-style tournament (past winners: E.T., venomized Ripley, The Nun).
- This year: a twist! The event is reimagined as a Dungeons & Dragons-inspired roleplay campaign, with Michael as first-time "Dungeon Master" ("Doomsayer").
- John E.L. Tenney brings true D&D cred ("I've played Dungeons and Dragons since I was nine years old" – Tenney, 03:47), while Michael confesses he's an enthusiast but never played.
- New lore: The bracket is broken; 16 mystical doors must be opened and monsters faced to rescue Michael's character, with "Baby New Year Bigfoot" as the mascot.
Michael [02:08]: "These are make-them-up fun journeys that we go on. And as listeners like to know...I like rules."
The Adventure Begins: Renaissance Faire & Cryptid Cryptorium (08:36–20:07)
- Campaign launches at a Michigan Ren Faire, where Michael goes missing; Riley (as "Xanthor," a dark elf bard) and Tenney ("Ace Haynes," barbarian wizard) start searching.
- They're quickly drawn into a purple-fogged, carnival-esque "Cryptid Cryptorium" with statues of Charles Fort and Vincent Price, which cleverly holds a hidden key under Fort's mustache (18:03).
- Rules are established for character creation: rolling attributes (strength, dexterity, etc.), classes, and picking magical gear (axe, staff, harp/bow, dagger).
Tenney [04:49]: "Original from when I was a kid, my original monster manual, my original player's handbook, all of them."
Character Creation: Chaos and Comedy (20:07–37:02)
- Riley becomes "Xanthor" the intergalactic bard (harp that turns into a bow). Tenney is "Ace Haynes," classic brute/barbarian (great axe).
- Dice rolled for stats, skills, hit points, magical abilities, and temporary buffs (e.g., Applesauce's Kiss for a bonus move).
- Players pick avatars (brute or alien), which affect attack/defense, and select spells (fireball, flash of light, necromancer, snowball).
- Recurring joke: Michael’s loose grasp on rules, Tenney providing “House Rules” a.k.a. "The Tenney Clause".
Riley [24:15]: "Hopefully I'll end up weak and smart."
Michael [21:07]: "I wrote it like Hanes underwear."
Encounters & Monster Fights – Notable Battles
1. Alba Twitch (Albino Mini-Bigfoot) – The Power of Snacks
- Tenney offers the cryptid an apple, bypassing the fight entirely ([40:59–41:04]).
2. Flatwoods Monster ([44:31]) – Teamwork Prevails
- Riley flubs a flash-of-light spell and is squirted with oil, Tenny delivers brute ax blows, and a critical fireball from "Xanthor" explodes the monster.
- Memorable quote:
Tenney [49:59]: "When you roll a one on a 20...that's called a botch, which means that I swung at him, I didn't hit him at all, and I spun around in a circle and fell down."
3. Beetlejuice ([60:14]) – D&D Logic Meets Movie Rules
- Riley picks the lock so hard it knocks over Beetlejuice for a sneak attack.
- Tenny pummels Beetlejuice with double axe attacks; Riley charms him with song, then they exploit musical rules to dominate.
- Michael reminds: “Movie rules and...monster rules apply.”
- Joke: "You guys could have just said 'Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice' and eliminated him immediately..." ([66:42])
4. Jersey Devil ([70:53]) – Sick Burns & Horse Kicks
- Direct attack; specialty moves like horse kick and witty burns, swiftly dispatched.
5. American Werewolf in London (Pub Brawl, [81:43])
- Drunken brawl in a pub’s men’s room (HP -1 for beer buzz).
- Knife and axe attacks, flash of light, and attempts to outwit using barfight tactics and environment.
- Slapstick accident: werewolf slips on piss, misses the attack.
6. Ghostface (Scream-Killer) – Side Quest ([104:23])
- Haunted kitchen scenario: phone calls, horror-movie tropes (“I’ll be right back!”).
- Stabbed with his own knife, smashed with a grandfather clock, ultimately unmasked as the Chupacabra’s dad!
7. Childhood Nightmare Room: Gremlins’ Stripe & Ernest’s Troll ([123:24])
- Stripe fights with a frying pan and blender, troll stuns Riley with a fear attack.
- Riley defeats Stripe instantly with a flashlight spell (“Bright light, bright light!”), then devises creative weapon combos to finish off the troll.
8. Alien Love Den: Sil from Species ([134:40])
- Seduction challenged—Riley distracts Sil by taking off his shirt and rolling charisma dice, giving the team multiple free rounds.
- Copious damage dealt—“laser tail” move for win.
9. Circus Tent: Art the Clown (Terrifier) ([150:59])
- Whip, double-axe attacks, cleave through Art.
- Weapon vulnerabilities and special "buzzsaw" attacks.
- Tenny’s necromancer ability finally succeeds.
10. Final Boss – GODZILLA ([160:59–188:15])
- Climactic battle in post-apocalyptic Hollywood outside the Palladium.
- Godzilla rises from a mushroom cloud crack, 1,000 HP; Riley and Tenny temporarily separated by a gorge.
- They combine magical "stones" (allusion to a 2-year IHOP D&D campaign Tenney once played) to create a MEGA MECH Bigfoot—merging their powers, using laser axes, log cannons, whip, laser arrows, and signature moves (cigarette missiles, sigil blast, headbang, air guitar).
- Godzilla retaliates but is ultimately decapitated by a Bigfoot punch.
Riley [175:24]: "Leap over the gorge, my brother. We will jump up and join into one mind-melded...Pacific Rim Super Mech."
Michael [188:15]: "You punch Godzilla's head off."
Denouement, Epilogue, & D&D Philosophy (189:39–end)
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Michael's character, Michael, floats back down sabbatical-style in a rose-pink light, the quest done, the Ren Faire landscape vanished.
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The team reflects—"Do I know how to play D&D now?" "You play D&D the way I've always played D&D," says Tenney.
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Tenney riffs on old-school, DIY D&D:
Tenney [191:56]: "You just kind of make it up and have fun as you go along."
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Friendly gifting of Lego minifigures (Necromancer, Tiefling Warlock) and dice/figurine talk.
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Michael reveals the monsters that were NOT fought (e.g., Alien Grey from "No One Will Save You", phantom clown, dragon).
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Warm thanks, teasing more rules for next year, ending with the classic BCC benediction:
Michael [198:12]: "We love you guys. Where there’s love, there’s kisses."
Notable Quotes
- Michael [03:26]: "Rules are nothing more fun than rules. Fun, structured fun."
- Tenney [04:47]: "This is like me cooking a steak for Anthony Bourdain."
- Riley [40:59]: "[To Alba Twitch] Give him that apple?" – (they avoid a fight with kindness)
- Michael [66:42]: "You guys could have just said 'Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.' and eliminated him."
- Tenney [191:56]: "You play D&D the way that I've always played D&D. You just kind of make it up and have fun as you go along."
- Riley [175:24]: "Leap over the gorge, my brother..."
Timestamps for Key Segments
- D&D Mechanics Explained & Character Creation: 08:36–37:02
- First Monster Encounter (Alba Twitch): 40:59–41:04
- Flatwoods Monster Battle: 44:31–49:56
- Beetlejuice Battle: 60:14–66:42
- Jersey Devil, Leads Devil battle: 70:53–74:53
- American Werewolf in London pub fight: 81:43–88:11
- Ghostface (Scream) – Kitchen Side Quest: 104:23–123:04
- Stripe & Ernest’s Troll (Childhood Nightmares): 123:24–130:29
- Alien Love Den: Sil from Species: 134:40–145:32
- Art the Clown (Circus Boss): 150:59–156:09
- Godzilla Final Battle: 160:59–188:15
- Epilogue & D&D Reflection: 189:39–end
Tone & Style
- Imaginative, anarchic, and affectionate parody of both roleplaying games and monster culture.
- Banter, meta-commentary, recurring in-jokes.
- Real camaraderie and playfulness—rules are bent for fun, monsters mocked, player deaths improbable.
- Running gags about dice, stat modifiers, and the frequently forgotten necromancer spell.
For Those Who Haven’t Listened
This episode is a glorious, messy blend of tabletop RPG storytelling, monster bracket traditions, and the affectionate weirdness of BCC. You don’t need familiarity with D&D—the rules are made up as they go and half the fun is in the chaos. Enjoy the monster lore, the creative problem-solving, the clever and absurd references, and the camaraderie of three friends having the nerdiest, most delightfully ridiculous night of the year.
For more fun, check out:
- John E.L. Tenney’s podcast and work at "What's Up, Weirdo" and "Weird Lectures"
- Future BCC patreon episodes for extended monster madness and high-strangeness stories
Where there’s love, there’s kisses.
