Declassified: "Zombie Bigfoot's Scary 16 Monster Showdown 5" w/ John E.L. Tenney

Summary

Bigfoot Collectors Club: Declassified – "Zombie Bigfoot's Scary 16 Monster Showdown 5" w/ John E.L. Tenney

Podcast: Bigfoot Collectors Club
Host: Wood Elf Media (Michael McMillian & Riley Bray)
Guest: John E.L. Tenney
Date: March 26, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This playful, sprawling episode sees actor Michael McMillian, musician Riley Bray, and guest John E.L. Tenney embark on the annual "Scary 16 Monster Showdown"—a high-strangeness bracket pitting cryptids and movie monsters against each other. For Showdown 5, the game is re-imagined as a chaotic, homebrewed Dungeons & Dragons-style adventure, with Michael as the inexperienced (yet gleeful) "Doomsayer" guiding Riley and Tenny through a tournament to determine the ultimate champion of the paranormal and pop culture creatures. The trio role-plays improvised characters, rolls dice, faces wild monster battles (both classic and obscure), jokes ceaselessly, and shares personal stories—all laced with D&D mechanics, in-jokes, and lighthearted anarchy.

---

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

Setting Up "BCC&D": Monster Showdown as D&D (00:31–08:36)

• Michael introduces the annual Scary 16 Monster Showdown, where movie and high-strangeness monsters compete in a bracket-style tournament (past winners: E.T., venomized Ripley, The Nun).
• This year: a twist! The event is reimagined as a Dungeons & Dragons-inspired roleplay campaign, with Michael as first-time "Dungeon Master" ("Doomsayer").
• John E.L. Tenney brings true D&D cred ("I've played Dungeons and Dragons since I was nine years old" – Tenney, 03:47), while Michael confesses he's an enthusiast but never played.
• New lore: The bracket is broken; 16 mystical doors must be opened and monsters faced to rescue Michael's character, with "Baby New Year Bigfoot" as the mascot.

Michael [02:08]: "These are make-them-up fun journeys that we go on. And as listeners like to know...I like rules."

---

The Adventure Begins: Renaissance Faire & Cryptid Cryptorium (08:36–20:07)

• Campaign launches at a Michigan Ren Faire, where Michael goes missing; Riley (as "Xanthor," a dark elf bard) and Tenney ("Ace Haynes," barbarian wizard) start searching.
• They're quickly drawn into a purple-fogged, carnival-esque "Cryptid Cryptorium" with statues of Charles Fort and Vincent Price, which cleverly holds a hidden key under Fort's mustache (18:03).
• Rules are established for character creation: rolling attributes (strength, dexterity, etc.), classes, and picking magical gear (axe, staff, harp/bow, dagger).

Tenney [04:49]: "Original from when I was a kid, my original monster manual, my original player's handbook, all of them."

---

Character Creation: Chaos and Comedy (20:07–37:02)

• Riley becomes "Xanthor" the intergalactic bard (harp that turns into a bow). Tenney is "Ace Haynes," classic brute/barbarian (great axe).
• Dice rolled for stats, skills, hit points, magical abilities, and temporary buffs (e.g., Applesauce's Kiss for a bonus move).
• Players pick avatars (brute or alien), which affect attack/defense, and select spells (fireball, flash of light, necromancer, snowball).
• Recurring joke: Michael’s loose grasp on rules, Tenney providing “House Rules” a.k.a. "The Tenney Clause".

Riley [24:15]: "Hopefully I'll end up weak and smart."

Michael [21:07]: "I wrote it like Hanes underwear."

---

Encounters & Monster Fights – Notable Battles

1. Alba Twitch (Albino Mini-Bigfoot) – The Power of Snacks

• Tenney offers the cryptid an apple, bypassing the fight entirely ([40:59–41:04]).

2. Flatwoods Monster ([44:31]) – Teamwork Prevails

• Riley flubs a flash-of-light spell and is squirted with oil, Tenny delivers brute ax blows, and a critical fireball from "Xanthor" explodes the monster.
• Memorable quote:

  Tenney [49:59]: "When you roll a one on a 20...that's called a botch, which means that I swung at him, I didn't hit him at all, and I spun around in a circle and fell down."

3. Beetlejuice ([60:14]) – D&D Logic Meets Movie Rules

• Riley picks the lock so hard it knocks over Beetlejuice for a sneak attack.
• Tenny pummels Beetlejuice with double axe attacks; Riley charms him with song, then they exploit musical rules to dominate.
• Michael reminds: “Movie rules and...monster rules apply.”
• Joke: "You guys could have just said 'Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice' and eliminated him immediately..." ([66:42])

4. Jersey Devil ([70:53]) – Sick Burns & Horse Kicks

• Direct attack; specialty moves like horse kick and witty burns, swiftly dispatched.

5. American Werewolf in London (Pub Brawl, [81:43])

• Drunken brawl in a pub’s men’s room (HP -1 for beer buzz).
• Knife and axe attacks, flash of light, and attempts to outwit using barfight tactics and environment.
• Slapstick accident: werewolf slips on piss, misses the attack.

6. Ghostface (Scream-Killer) – Side Quest ([104:23])

• Haunted kitchen scenario: phone calls, horror-movie tropes (“I’ll be right back!”).
• Stabbed with his own knife, smashed with a grandfather clock, ultimately unmasked as the Chupacabra’s dad!

7. Childhood Nightmare Room: Gremlins’ Stripe & Ernest’s Troll ([123:24])

• Stripe fights with a frying pan and blender, troll stuns Riley with a fear attack.
• Riley defeats Stripe instantly with a flashlight spell (“Bright light, bright light!”), then devises creative weapon combos to finish off the troll.

8. Alien Love Den: Sil from Species ([134:40])

• Seduction challenged—Riley distracts Sil by taking off his shirt and rolling charisma dice, giving the team multiple free rounds.
• Copious damage dealt—“laser tail” move for win.

9. Circus Tent: Art the Clown (Terrifier) ([150:59])

• Whip, double-axe attacks, cleave through Art.
• Weapon vulnerabilities and special "buzzsaw" attacks.
• Tenny’s necromancer ability finally succeeds.

10. Final Boss – GODZILLA ([160:59–188:15])

• Climactic battle in post-apocalyptic Hollywood outside the Palladium.
• Godzilla rises from a mushroom cloud crack, 1,000 HP; Riley and Tenny temporarily separated by a gorge.
• They combine magical "stones" (allusion to a 2-year IHOP D&D campaign Tenney once played) to create a MEGA MECH Bigfoot—merging their powers, using laser axes, log cannons, whip, laser arrows, and signature moves (cigarette missiles, sigil blast, headbang, air guitar).
• Godzilla retaliates but is ultimately decapitated by a Bigfoot punch.

Riley [175:24]: "Leap over the gorge, my brother. We will jump up and join into one mind-melded...Pacific Rim Super Mech."

Michael [188:15]: "You punch Godzilla's head off."

---

Denouement, Epilogue, & D&D Philosophy (189:39–end)

• Michael's character, Michael, floats back down sabbatical-style in a rose-pink light, the quest done, the Ren Faire landscape vanished.

• The team reflects—"Do I know how to play D&D now?" "You play D&D the way I've always played D&D," says Tenney.

• Tenney riffs on old-school, DIY D&D:

  Tenney [191:56]: "You just kind of make it up and have fun as you go along."

• Friendly gifting of Lego minifigures (Necromancer, Tiefling Warlock) and dice/figurine talk.

• Michael reveals the monsters that were NOT fought (e.g., Alien Grey from "No One Will Save You", phantom clown, dragon).

• Warm thanks, teasing more rules for next year, ending with the classic BCC benediction:

  Michael [198:12]: "We love you guys. Where there’s love, there’s kisses."

---

Notable Quotes

• Michael [03:26]: "Rules are nothing more fun than rules. Fun, structured fun."
• Tenney [04:47]: "This is like me cooking a steak for Anthony Bourdain."
• Riley [40:59]: "[To Alba Twitch] Give him that apple?" – (they avoid a fight with kindness)
• Michael [66:42]: "You guys could have just said 'Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.' and eliminated him."
• Tenney [191:56]: "You play D&D the way that I've always played D&D. You just kind of make it up and have fun as you go along."
• Riley [175:24]: "Leap over the gorge, my brother..."

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• D&D Mechanics Explained & Character Creation: 08:36–37:02
• First Monster Encounter (Alba Twitch): 40:59–41:04
• Flatwoods Monster Battle: 44:31–49:56
• Beetlejuice Battle: 60:14–66:42
• Jersey Devil, Leads Devil battle: 70:53–74:53
• American Werewolf in London pub fight: 81:43–88:11
• Ghostface (Scream) – Kitchen Side Quest: 104:23–123:04
• Stripe & Ernest’s Troll (Childhood Nightmares): 123:24–130:29
• Alien Love Den: Sil from Species: 134:40–145:32
• Art the Clown (Circus Boss): 150:59–156:09
• Godzilla Final Battle: 160:59–188:15
• Epilogue & D&D Reflection: 189:39–end

---

Tone & Style

• Imaginative, anarchic, and affectionate parody of both roleplaying games and monster culture.
• Banter, meta-commentary, recurring in-jokes.
• Real camaraderie and playfulness—rules are bent for fun, monsters mocked, player deaths improbable.
• Running gags about dice, stat modifiers, and the frequently forgotten necromancer spell.

---

For Those Who Haven’t Listened

This episode is a glorious, messy blend of tabletop RPG storytelling, monster bracket traditions, and the affectionate weirdness of BCC. You don’t need familiarity with D&D—the rules are made up as they go and half the fun is in the chaos. Enjoy the monster lore, the creative problem-solving, the clever and absurd references, and the camaraderie of three friends having the nerdiest, most delightfully ridiculous night of the year.

---

For more fun, check out:

• John E.L. Tenney’s podcast and work at "What's Up, Weirdo" and "Weird Lectures"
• Future BCC patreon episodes for extended monster madness and high-strangeness stories

Where there’s love, there’s kisses.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. Hi, I'm Kristen Bell, and if you know my husband Dax, then you also know he loves shopping for a car. Selling a car, not so much.

[B]

We're really doing this, huh?

[A]

Thankfully, car Carvana makes it easy. Answer a few questions, put in your VIN or license, and done. We sold ours in minutes this morning and they'll come pick it up and pay us this afternoon. Goodbye, Truckee. Of course, we kept the favorite. Hello, other truckee. Sell your car with Carvana today. Terms and conditions apply. Welcome to Bigfoot Collectors Club. The other side. Hello, everyone, and welcome to bcc. The other side. The parallel dimension to Bigfoot Collectors Club. I'm your host, Michael McMillan. With me, always is your alternate super. Do I start over? What do I do? Our extraterrestrial producer. And we're talking like mind players today. All right, we're going to get into it. And joining us from the realm of the strange is our guest from earlier this week, our dear friend, it's John El Tenney. Hi, John.

[B]

Hello. I'm glad you said my name right. Otherwise I'd quit this immediately.

[A]

I know. You should. So I'm nervous, okay, because what we're gonna do is we have after a little bit of a delay, we are finally getting to Zombie Bigfoot's scary 16 monster showdown 5. Okay, this is now, Tenny, I don't think you're a Patreon member. And so you may not know, and for those of you listening at home may not know, is that every around Halloween, every year, we do a scary 16 bracket, like a style bracket where we face off classic creatures of high strangeness versus classic movie monsters until we crown one champion. Okay, in the past, spoiler alert. E.T. won. All right. E.T. beat them all. Okay? We've had a venomized version of reptilian version of. Of Ripley from Alien win one year. The nun from. From the Nun franchise came in in a close second one year. These are make them up in a speedboat. Not she was driving a speedboat. I don't remember why these are make them up. Make them up. Fun journeys that we go on. And as listeners like to know or know have come to know, I like rules. So every year I've added more and More rules to the fun that we have every monster showdown.

[B]

Rules are so much fun.

[A]

Rules are nothing more fun than rules. Fun, structured fun. So did what I tell you so far make sense, Tenny?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Have you ever played something like where you face off monsters against other monsters?

[B]

Yes. I've played Dungeons and Dragons since I was nine years old.

[A]

Okay, well, here's something I'm going to tell everybody. I've never played Dungeons and Dragons. And this year we're doing things a little bit differently with Monster Showdown. I've played Baldur's Gate 3 this year, as our friends know. I have started collecting Dungeons and Dragons figures and Lego minifigures. I have never actually played Dungeons and Dragons once. Never happened. So what we're doing today for Monster Showdown this year is we're going to play a version of this that I think is Dungeons and Dragons. I'm going to see if I figured out how to play Dungeons and Dragons without ever being taught how to play it.

[B]

Have you ever read all these Dungeons and Dragons books?

[A]

No, but you know what, Tenny? Wow. I got a. I got all my.

[B]

Original from when I was a kid, my original monster manual, my original player's handbook, all of them.

[A]

Wow. Okay, so you're. This is a real poser and a newbie playing against. This is good because your knowledge is going to come in handy.

[C]

This is like me cooking a steak for Anthony Bourdain.

[A]

Yes, that's. Or me cooking a steak for Anthony. I mean, you don't have to be a vegetarian or not. So I did today, just hours before we recorded. I did buy my very first player's Handbook, just. Just in case I need some reference. But I guess I'll just talk to you, Tenney. Now, here's the thing. We're not going to really play a full D and D campaign in justice episode, okay? It's impossible. So don't think of this as D and D. Think of this as B, C, C and D. Okay? This is a truncated version. There's going to be rules, but we can just toss them out as we need. We can play around with this. I still want you guys to have a fun, imaginative time, okay? And there are going to be some surprises. This isn't going to be a traditional monster showdown. For example, it's not happening at Halloween. So I also thought that maybe we need a different mascot for this monster showdown instead of Zombie Bigfoot. But we'll get to that in a minute. All right? Riley, do you have any feelings going into this year's Monster showdown.

[C]

Excitement. Edge of my feet.

[A]

Okay, great. Tenny, do you have any thoughts already about what's happening?

[B]

Super excited. Because I've never played D and D according to the rules.

[A]

Okay. Oh, great. Perfect. Neither have I. All right. And again, you will have. I will lay out the rules for BCC and D, but we don't have to necessarily follow them. But I do want. I do like structure, and there's gonna be. There's gonna be some structure to this.

[B]

Is this your first time kind of dungeon mastering?

[A]

I don't know what I'm doing. Yes. All right, great. And you can help me. I do have no dice here. Okay, great. All right, here we go. All right, enough preamble. Lets get into official preamble. The Book of Doom. The bracket is broken. In the wake of the last monster showdown, the cosmic judges grew tired with their contest of champions and destroyed the scary 16 monster bracket. However, the fragments of the bracket remained. Through a mysterious force, they began to call to one another and reformed into 16 doors. Behind each door is a different monster from one of two realms. The realm of high strangeness and the realm of Hollywood nightmares. I live in that realm every day. The location of these doors have been a secret until today. With the new year, the barriers between our world and the realm of monsters has grown weak. The doors are beginning to unlock. Riley. Tenny club, scouts of all timelines, it is time to fight once more. Welcome to baby new year Bigfoot's scary 16 monster showdown. The doors of doom. All right, so instead of zombie Bigfoot, it's baby New Year Bigfoot. Okay, that's our mascot for this. For this new and improved monster showdown.

[C]

Cute, tiny, very hungover.

[A]

That's right. He'll be an old Bigfoot by the end of the year. Okay, so let's get into it. We're jumping into the campaign now, everybody. Now, I have things. I have things I can write on in rules and things to tell you, but we're going to learn as we go. I want everyone to put their imagination caps on now. Okay? Michael has vanished. Tenny and Riley, you two are at the Renaissance festival in Dearborn, Michigan, enjoying a fine joust. What was that?

[B]

Oh, geez.

[A]

Michael left for the garden two hours earlier and has not returned. Do you wait for him or do you go look for him?

[C]

I think we could give him a minute, right? He's a big boy. He likes his. He's probably just off with some elves.

[B]

We don't need maidens.

[C]

Yeah, that's right. He'll be Fine.

[A]

I forgot to tell everybody. I'm not Michael. From here on out, I am the Doomsayer. Okay.

[C]

Okay, got it.

[A]

But Doomsayer might sound a little different every now and then.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Just so you know. Okay. That's a rule of the doomsayer. The Doomsayer can sound however he wants to sound. Okay, you guys wait. Michael does not come back. You decide to go back and look for him at the van in the parking lot. You guys reach the van, and you discover that the tires have been slashed and there's a long butcher's knife sticking out of the front left tire. Who could have done this? So with nowhere to go, no way to get home, and no Michael, you guys decide to return and go get help. Now, do you want to do anything or say anything to each other before you head back into the Ren Faire to look for Michael?

[B]

All right, so we shouldn't split up, Riley.

[C]

No, we should stay together for sure.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Do we lose one person? Not going to lose the other tire.

[C]

Or do we grab the knife?

[B]

You can grab the knife, I think.

[C]

Okay, I'll grab the knife.

[A]

Okay, great. Riley, you grab the knife, and you see a reflection of light as you. As you pull it out of the tire, and you hear what sounds like a scream off in the distance. You brush it off as just your imagination as you sheath the knife safely in your belt, because you're wearing a belt to the Renaissance. You guys are both cosplaying, by the way. Yeah, you're both. Tell me what costumes you're wearing.

[C]

Dark elf.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Silver cloaked and wizard hat.

[A]

Okay, great. I love it. So as you go back into the renfair so far. Am I doing. Is this what Dungeons and Dragons is like?

[B]

Yeah, pretty much.

[A]

Okay, great. Doomsayer do good. You know? As you go back into the Ren fair, you notice a strange building that you swear wasn't there before. Its facade is obscured by a thick purple fog. A tavern wench from the nearby rose garden walks over and tells the two of you that a man wearing a plaid shirt and holds holding a glass of rose in each hand wandered into that building about two hours ago. And he hasn't come out. All right.

[C]

Sounds like Michael to me.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right. So the two of you look at each other and say, let's go look for Michael, Tenny and Riley. You walk towards the strange building. There's an air of dread growing thicker with each step. Halfway to the building, you notice an apple tree to your right with one single apple hanging from its lowest Branch almost beckoning you. Nay. Daring you to take it. Do you give in to this growing desire and take the apple? Or do you ignore it and keep walking?

[C]

Could be a trap.

[B]

Hard to say.

[C]

What do you think, John?

[B]

I'm with you. I think it could be a trap. But if it wasn't there before, we didn't notice it before, then it's. It might pop away. Right?

[C]

Right. Right.

[B]

Like, it might not be there again if we come back.

[C]

Right. We don't have to eat the apple.

[B]

Right. We can just take it.

[C]

Right.

[B]

I'll take it. I'll take the apple.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

John has an apple.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Tenny, you walk up and pluck the apple from the tree. It's perfectly round and ripe with a pinkish red hue that reminds you of a blushing milkmaid's cheek. You remember your first love and wonder where your youth has gone. You continue down the path. It's a tiny existential.

[C]

It's an existential trap.

[A]

Trap. But just for a moment, it passes, and you're happy that you have the apple. No dangers come to you.

[C]

Great.

[A]

You continue down the path, the two of you. The purple fog around the front of the building parts like curtains before a mummer's farce, revealing a fun house of sorts. A sign suddenly illuminates in bright carnival lights. It reads, baby New Year, Bigfoot's Cryptid Cryptorium. Below the sign are the statues of two men, one on each side of a very large door. Tenney immediately recognizes the one on the left as Charles Fort. Why don't you tell us about Charles Fort and what you're thinking when you see the statue of Charles Fort.

[B]

Charles Fort was where we get the term Fortian from. He was a collector of odd news stories and strange events. Yeah, I mean, this would be a place that I would normally go into if it's a cryptorium and it's got Fort out front.

[A]

Okay, well, guess what else? Riley looks to the other statue, and he realizes, I've seen that face before. I think that's Vincent Price. Tenney also explains who that is.

[B]

Vincent Price is a horror movie star from the 1940s up until the 1980s. Probably most well known. I don't even know, for this age and generation, doing the voice for the Thriller video and being in Edward Scissorhands as the old professor.

[C]

And great pencil mustaches. Yeah. Of all.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

Both of them have mustaches. You realize they're two men with mustaches. All right. The door has an inscription that reads, the Museum of Legends come back to life. Riley reaches for the door, but it's locked. All right, now, this is the first time we're gonna roll in BCC and D. This door has a difficulty class of 15. You guys have a few options here. You can pick the door and try to break in. You can knock on the door. I mean, should I tell you what you can do, or do you want to guess what you can do here? Do you want to ask me? I've told you two things you can do.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think we should make.

[C]

Our presence known is where I go with that. Let's keep it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Let's keep it on the DL okay.

[B]

Now, I think I'm with you, Riley. I think we should not alert anybody to us.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so you guys want to try to pick the. Pick the lock and break in, or do you want to see if there's another way to get in using. Is there another way in?

[B]

I think we should walk around.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is there a welcome mat maybe, or.

[A]

There's no welcome rocks. No, there's. You can. There are some rocks laying around.

[C]

Have a look under the rock.

[B]

Are there any. Are there any windows that we can see for?

[A]

Any windows? No, it's just solid stone.

[B]

And is this something that we can walk around?

[A]

If you go to the left, you hit a wall. And if you go to the right, you hit a wall.

[C]

Let's take a minute and look for a key. Let's see if there's maybe.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, Great. I like this idea.

[C]

Let's check those rocks.

[A]

Okay, you check all the rocks. There's nothing under there, but you get it. You have a strong sensation that there is a key hidden here somewhere.

[B]

Let's check the. I think we should check the statues.

[A]

Okay, so where do you want to check?

[B]

Riley, you want to check Vincent, and I'll check Charles?

[C]

Sounds good.

[A]

Okay. Riley feels around for any secret compartments on Vincent. Price doesn't find anything. Meanwhile, Tenney is feeling around, and he feels a slight draft coming from Charles Fort's face. Hmm.

[B]

I'm gonna try and push on that. Or pull it and see if there's a hidden compartment in his face.

[A]

You pull on Charles Fort's mustache and a key drops out. You found the key to the cryptic cryptorium under Charles Fort's mustache.

[C]

Classic 40 and mustache key.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

All of that. If this was Dungeons and Dragons, all of that would have been rolled.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I just. We don't have time. I'm just gonna roll. If you Knocked. Or if you. If you. Listen, Doomsayer get what he wants. All right, so you turn the key, you walk into the cryptic Cryptorium, and there are four more statues greeting you. One is of a brute, one is of a spirit, one is of a monster, and one is of an alien. Suddenly, a small man in a cloak approaches you slowly. Well, hello, Tinny. And hello, Riley. I know what you how. I'm not applesauce. I'm a little old man full of mystery. I know why you're here. You came to rescue Michael. And in order to do so, you must survive the Doors of Doom. There are eight rooms in the Cryptorium, and in each room, there are two doors. Sixteen doors total. To proceed to the next room, you must choose to face one of two monsters behind each door. Which one you face is your choice. In the old days, the monsters would fight one another. But now, in Baby New Year Bigfoot's Monster Showdown five, you must fight. How strong are you, Tenny? And you, Riley, against monsters? All right.

[C]

Gonna find out.

[A]

We are gonna find out. This is where the character sheet comes in. We're gonna roll and get your hit points, boys. All right? Okay, so we have two character sheets here. Player name. I'm gonna write Tenny. Now, Tenny, what is your character's name? What's your like. You're Tenny. But if you're gonna, like, take on a moniker for this adventure, what do you want your code name to be?

[B]

My code name? I'm gonna use this old Dungeons and Dragons player sheet from the 90s.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'm using that character's name, and his name is Ace.

[A]

Ace. Awesome. Okay. And Riley, what is your character's code name?

[C]

Xanthor, I guess. I don't know.

[A]

Xanthor spelled with an X. Zanthor sounds kind of like a space panther. Yes.

[C]

Yeah, that tracks.

[A]

I kind of like that.

[B]

Okay, just so everybody knows, my character's actual full name is Ace Haynes. And that's because in the 90s, I would play Dungeon of Dragons wearing an old Alice in Chains hat and some of the letters had fallen off. And so my hat said Ace Haynes.

[A]

I wrote it like. I wrote it like Hanes underwear. Okay, now here's what we're going to do. We're going to roll to see how strong your strength is. Dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma are. We're going to roll a six. Six sided die. What was you going to do? Six.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I do have one.

[B]

Do a six three times.

[A]

Six, three times.

[B]

Is that what you want to do?

[A]

Well, I was going to roll six. We're just going to start low. Okay, so they're for strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma. So you're going to roll once for each of those and that'll be your starting points. Character points for those or whatever column attribute points. What do you call them? Your attributes? Yeah. Okay, well, I call them attributes in BCC and D. All right, so I.

[B]

Will tell you that. I will tell you that in Dungeons and Dragons. I know this is not Dungeons and Dragons. It's BCD or BCC and D. But the number you can. Like the. When you roll, you can pick where you want to put that.

[A]

Okay, great, then let's do that.

[B]

If you roll a six and you want to be six, charisma, that's fine. But then, like, you start limiting yourself because you might start rolling bad.

[A]

I love it. I love it. Let's go. That I. We can do. You know what? There are the Tenny clauses in BCC and D, and that's the first Tenny clause that is going into the rules of BCC and D. So Riley, you've got. You don't have a six sided die there. Right? So I'm going to roll for you.

[C]

Don't. You're going to roll for me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So we'll roll at the same time. 10. You tell me what you got. And Riley, I'll tell you what you got. Here we go. Roll them. You got a six.

[B]

Okay, I got a one.

[A]

Okay, so where do you want to put that six, Riley? Strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom or charisma?

[C]

Let's go with wisdom.

[A]

Okay. Do you want to tell people what wisdom's all about? Tenny.

[B]

Street smarts.

[A]

Yeah. Being aware of your surroundings.

[B]

Yeah, I put my one as my charisma.

[A]

Okay. Charisma for Ace Haynes is one. I am.

[B]

I am not. People are not happy to see me.

[A]

They're not happy to see you. You're not talking. You're not going to talk anybody into anything. Okay, here we go. All right, let's roll again. I got a six and a one. Total reverse.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, or charisma.

[C]

I'm.

[B]

I'm, I'm putting my six in my intelligence.

[C]

Good. So we got. We've got intelligence and wisdom between the two of us. I would. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go low on strength because I don't. We can't both not have any charisma or. No one's gonna want to hang out with us.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Hopefully I'll end up weak and smart.

[A]

Okay, great. Let's roll again.

[B]

Got a five.

[A]

Five. Two fives. Wow, you guys are parallels. Okay, where do you want to put.

[C]

That intelligence for that one?

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

I'm throwing that on my strength.

[A]

Okay, great. Good. Okay.

[C]

Making up for my.

[A]

He's gonna be doing all the heavy lifts. Okay, here we go. Roll again. Damn, dude. One.

[B]

I gotta. I got a two.

[C]

Another one.

[A]

Another one. Dexterity constitution or charisma?

[C]

Oh, geez. Well, I can't be weak and unflexible. That's not good.

[B]

I'm putting my. I'm putting my two on my constitution.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I guess. I guess I'll.

[A]

Oh, we.

[C]

Oh, man, this is a tough one. I guess. I guess I'll have a low constitution too. I'm gonna be a sickly smarty.

[A]

Okay, roll again.

[C]

Come on. Six.

[B]

Got a two. Again.

[A]

Three.

[C]

You're killing me, Dungeon master three. Let's hedge our bets and throw that on Charisma.

[A]

Okay, not bad. Right in the middle. Sort of low, but yeah, he's a good guy.

[C]

He's fine.

[B]

Okay, mine's. That's my dexterity as up to I'm not gimbal.

[A]

Okay, here we go. Let's roll again. Rolling.

[B]

Six.

[A]

Five.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

Okay, so six goes to Wisdom for Ace, Haynes and Xanthor. You get six in dexterity. You're very flexible and agile.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I'm agile, not strong, but, you know, do a lot of.

[A]

Okay, great. And finally we're going to roll for hit points. Now what? I was gonna roll 8 or 12 for this, but maybe. What do you think, Tenny claws wanna help? We could do six again, but.

[B]

You know what I would do is I would do 12, but I wouldn't roll a 12 sided dice. I'd roll a six twice.

[A]

Okay, why is that?

[B]

Because like on a 12, like that's you're just done. Like you have better odds rolling twice on a stage.

[A]

Got it. Okay. Got it. Great, great, great. Okay, cool. So here we're rolling twice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

One.

[A]

One. Wow, you guys are kind of parallel. Okay, here we go.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Six.

[A]

Five. Okay, now here's the thing. Add your constitution number and that's your total hit points to start with. So one plus five is six plus one is seven. For Xanthor, I have a nine. Okay, great. Okay, cool. Hey, club scouts. We all know that sleep paralysis demons come to get you while you're in bed at night. But you want to know what's Even worse than that, teeth clenching and teeth grinding.

[C]

If you have jaw pain or headaches after a night's sleep, there's a high chance you grind or clench your teeth.

[A]

I do, Riley. And you know what? It really sucks.

[C]

Could be bruxism or tmj, and it's generally caused by stress.

[A]

Oh, I have that.

[C]

Don't we all? And it can cause serious damage, such as eroding away your enamel and broken teeth, which leads to expensive dental bills.

[A]

The solution is protecting your teeth is a mouth guard. But mouth guards from the dentist can cost you around 500 to $800. Oof. Yeah. For real. That's what my dentist told me it would cost me $800.

[C]

Yikes.

[A]

The good news is that there's Remy. And guess what, Riley? I use Remy every night. How's it going? Working? It's going. Yes. I'll tell you all about it in just a second.

[C]

That's great. Because Remy makes dental grade, professional quality mouth guards without the painful price tag. They're up to 80% cheaper than what you'd pay at the dentist and don't require you to visit a dental office.

[A]

Remy's process is simple. Okay. They send you an at home impression kit to create molds of your teeth. You feel like you're a special effects artist, and it's very fun to do at home. You can pretend that you're Rick Baker. You send those back to Remy, and Remy's dental team will make your custom fit guards and send them right back to you. Remy's guards are so comfortable to wear. This is true. That most customers forget that they're even wearing them. That is also true. Wow.

[C]

Right on. And plus, with a 45 night satisfaction guarantee, you can try it risk free, sleep better, and then decide if it's the perfect fit. And if not, Remy's got you covered.

[A]

Okay, So I told you that I'm using Remy, and I am. Every night I sleep with my Remy mouth guard, and it doesn't stop me from clenching and grinding. That's not what mouth guards do. But it does protect my teeth. And when I wake up in the morning, I have so much less pain than if I had ground them in my sleep without a mouth guard. So I'm very happy with this product, y'. All. Remy is coming through for me at night. I literally will not sleep without putting my Remy mouth guard in.

[C]

Wow. That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What a. What a glowing review.

[A]

Now if only we could get to.

[C]

The root cause of all that stress.

[A]

I know. Well, we got a Lot of you know what I mean. Yeah, let's just. I'm protecting my teeth. I'll deal with the rest of it.

[C]

That's a great start. And you know, Remy is for anyone dealing with nighttime grinding, clenching, or jaw pain who wants an affordable solution to protect their smile and say goodnight to jaw pain and headaches.

[A]

Head to shopremy.com BCC and use code BCC to save up to 50%. That's 50% off. That's huge at Shopremy. R E M I.com BCC with code A BCC give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remy.

[C]

Thank you, Remy, for sponsoring this episode.

[A]

And my sleepy nights.

[C]

Sleepy boy.

[A]

Now look to my left.

[B]

Applesauce.

[A]

A table. On the table, there are four items. You may only choose one and you cannot both choose the same item. On the table is an axe, a staff, a harp, and a dagger. You must choose one now.

[C]

Well, I'm too weak to wield an axe, so that one's out. I already have a knife, so I don't really need a dagger.

[A]

So you could have double. I will say you can have double daggers if you want to. That might come in handy in attacks, because then. I'm just saying you could. You would be allowed to have a knife in each hand, and then you could have a double attack if you need it.

[B]

Well, I'm taking the ax because I have a five strength.

[A]

Okay, great. Nice.

[C]

Okay. All right, cool. If he has the ax, then I need some sort of. I don't need another stabby, choppy weapon. I need something else. So I'm gonna go for.

[A]

I forgot to tell you that the harp also magically turns into bow and arrows, so you can have a range weapon if you want it.

[C]

Done deal. Give me that. Give me that heart bow.

[A]

Okay, so that means you pick the ax. Tenny. So your class is a barbarian, and I'm taking Riley.

[B]

You didn't want that dagger because you already have one. Or did you?

[C]

And you already have an axe.

[B]

I'll take the axe and the dagger.

[A]

Okay, you can have the dagger. You're only supposed to choose one.

[B]

Oh, just one. Sorry.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. That is a rule that I'm going to stick to.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

Okay. All right. You could give him your knife if you want to. You know what I mean?

[B]

No, I'm fine. I. I thought we were picking. Sorry.

[A]

You can only choose one.

[B]

I gotcha.

[A]

Sorry. The other two vanished. They're not even on the table anymore.

[B]

No cinnamon.

[C]

That I feel like would have Been good, but I'll take the harp.

[A]

Okay, great. So we'll do ace Hanes first. Ace. You're a barbarian. You get an additional 12 hit points. As a barbarian, you wield your weapon. Your ax is actually great ax. So you're going to be wielding that weapon with a 20 sided die.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If you got that. And your barbarian bonus is you get a bonus ax slash. So you can roll twice, one time per battle. Okay. All right, so 9/12 is 21 hit points. It's not bad.

[C]

Powerful.

[A]

Yeah. So total is 20. But very ugly, very dumb. No.

[C]

Nobody wants to hang out.

[A]

No, you're very smart.

[B]

Oh no, I'm very smart. I'm just very unbury.

[C]

I'm kind of a dick about it.

[A]

Bearable to be.

[C]

Well, actually kind of barbarian.

[A]

Yes. Okay. Tenny. And then you chose a harp which turns into a bow when you need it with some arrows. The strings turn into arrows and a bowstring. Makes sense. You're a bard class, very appropriate for you, Xanthor. So you get an additional eight hit points. So you're now up to total 15 hit points starting. Okay, so that's your health. You're gonna roll with an eight sided die for your ranged weapon. And then your bard bonus is the Song of Dreams, which gives you plus 5 defense against any incoming attacks one time per round. Okay, so if you feel a heavy attack is going to come on, you can roll. You can. You can use the Song of Dreams to roll. And we'll use a. Actually we'll just roll for that. So you can roll for a A plus defense and that'll be up to eight, we'll say. All right, everybody got that? No one. Not yet. One final thing to do because I like building characters. Geez. Choose one statue to stand before the brute. The spirit, the monster or the alien. What you choose will become your avatar. Think of it as sort of a. A spiritual guy that abuse you with extra power. Do you want me to tell you what they do or do you want to find out once you pick them?

[C]

No, I think we have to find out when we pick them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You want to go first?

[B]

I mean, God, I've got a big ax and I'm strong, so I'm going in front of the brute.

[A]

All right. All attacks get plus, plus one on all attacks. So any attack roll you make, you get plus one. So remember that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Cool. Oh, is it my turn or no?

[A]

Monster. Alien, what are you doing?

[C]

Oh, alien all the way. I'm feeling like a intergalactic singing Elf.

[A]

Great. So you get plus one defense from any incoming specialty attack. Okay.

[C]

We're a strong team here. He's got a lot of attack.

[A]

Okay. Okay. So I'm gonna circle. Alien.

[B]

Very unappealing, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Fairy Smells weird. I don't know.

[A]

And finally.

[C]

And I can just never open a jar of pickles, you know, I'm like.

[A]

You can pick two basic magic spells. The fireball, the flash of light, the Necromancer, or a snowball.

[C]

I think I like a flash of light. I feel like that. That's on brand for what I'm developing here.

[A]

The flash of light is plus one attack when you roll an odd number. All right, cool. But you have to roll an odd number. Okay. It doesn't work if you roll an even number.

[C]

No light for even.

[A]

No. You can pick another one if you want. No, I like it.

[C]

It's cool.

[A]

Just that you can pick two.

[C]

Oh, you pick two.

[A]

Okay. You can.

[C]

Well have John pick his first one.

[B]

And then I want to snowball. I'm Michigan.

[A]

Two plus two attack when you roll an even number. And it'll have icy effects. Don't worry.

[C]

Cool. I'll have a fireball then.

[A]

Ooh, plus two attack on a new number. And it'll be fiery. And that leaves. Well, you can pick if you want any of those. You can, Tiny, but there's a Necromancer spell if you want it.

[B]

Yeah, I want that Necromancer spell because I'm a big barbarian.

[A]

That's a plus one attack. That means a little skeleton comes up and helps you fight when you roll an odd number on the intention of that spell. So far, this is the best game of D D you've ever played, right?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's all making sense far and away. Okay.

[B]

All right, let me interrupt this first. I'm going to just tell you about what a quick DND story. I know that we're. It's.

[A]

We can tell stories on this.

[B]

Yeah. I played DND with these four guys once. We used to play at IHOP every other night. And we had a single adventure that lasted two years. And it led up to this enormous battle where, like, there's four of us playing, but one was a dungeon master, so he wasn't, you know, he didn't have a character. So three, our three characters, after two years, got to a point where we were surrounded by dark elves, like an army, like thousands of dark elves. And we hadn't fought anything. We literally had not fought anything for two years. And so it was working up to this battle, we got to the battle, the elves started to come in. We had these four magic stones and we said, we've never put these stones together. Like we figured out, like we had had these stones. We had never put them together. We put the stones together, there was this enormous flash of light. And the Dungeon Master, after two years goes, you haven't combined the elemental rocks. The flash of light has driven the elven army away. That's the end adventure, guys. Good. Have fun.

[C]

Two years, no fights.

[A]

He's just like, I'm done.

[B]

It was wild. We like literally an ihop at like 4 o' clock in the morning, like throwing menus, screaming at him.

[A]

I love it. Well, guess what? Reach into your pockets right now and you'll discover. Oh, two stones. Two magic stones for each of you. Now maybe I'll just wait and tell you later what those all about. Keep a little mystery just based inspired by the IHOP story.

[C]

Cool.

[A]

Now I have one last gift to give you before you go on your adventure. And that's Applesauce's kiss. I'm gonna kiss each of you on the forehead. And that gives you one bonus move for one room of your choosing on your adventure. So you can go again if you want to. That's for you, Ace Haynes. And this is for you, Xanthor. I kiss you twice, but you only get one. In a puff of cinnamon dust, Applesauce vanishes, and as he does, a stone from beneath the floor slides open. Oh, is this your first doorway into the next room? Now it ain't. Say hello to my little critter. Hope you brought a sweet treat. Out steps the Alba Twitch. Guys, remember the Alba Twitch? A tiny Bigfoot, maybe Bigfoot. The Alba Twitch is looking irritated. What are you gonna do?

[B]

And give him that apple?

[A]

You feed the Alba Twitch the apple and he scrambles back into the hole in the ground, closing the the heavy metal or the heavy stone lid behind him. You avoided your avoided your first fight. He was just hangry. All right. Suddenly a glowing portal opens, much like the ones you hear about in Bigfoot legend. You guys look at each other. You step through the portal and you enter the first room. But it's not a room at all. You are in the woods in the middle of the night. And before you, two rectangular doors appear. On the left there is a door with a symbol of a spade carved into it. On the right is a door with the symbol of a bell.

[C]

Are we to select a door?

[A]

Talk about it. Guys, there's going to be a monster behind each of these doors. And you're going to have to fight the monster before you can move into the next room.

[B]

What monsters come to mind for Spade and Belle? Riley, you got anything?

[A]

Spade.

[C]

A spade feels like a. Like more of like a weapon, like a, you know, a spear or some sort of static implement. Whereas a bell feels like it's more of like a psychic weapon of sorts. I feel like you.

[A]

I was trying to think of strong.

[B]

I'm really strong. I was thinking like, maybe the bell is like the bell witch.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Could be.

[B]

Like in that way of thinking about monsters.

[C]

Sure. Right, right, right, right. I feel like we're gonna kick ass. It doesn't matter which door we go knocking down. We're good to go. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I don't know. It's to flip a coin, really. Spade or bell?

[B]

I'll roll for us to go through. Which one we pick. That way you and I don't have to pick. I'll let the fate.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If it's odd, it's bell. If it's even, it's spade.

[A]

Done and it's even.

[B]

So it's spade.

[A]

Okay, great. Now you can. Okay, so go ahead. Sorry. Go ahead. I'm not going to get in your way. So the spade. You approach the spade door. You twist the knob. Guess what? It doesn't open for you. What do you do? You look down, you notice that there's.

[C]

A lock and we have no keys. Can I pick my knife?

[A]

No, you can. You can try to pick it. The Difficulty class is 10. So here's the thing. If you pick it and you sneak through the door, you're going to be able to attack first. Whatever's on the other side in the surprise attack. But if you fail, they're going to hear you. They're going to open the door and they're coming out.

[C]

I have high defense, so I'll pick the lock. I'm. Give it a shot.

[A]

Okay, so it's a difficulty class of 10. So you have to roll 10 or higher on a 20.

[C]

All right, here we go.

[A]

14. You pick the lock, and suddenly the doors vanish. And standing there with its back turned to you is the flatwoods monster. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I can see that for a.

[A]

Spade because its head looks like a spade. All right, Riley, you're up first with the attack. What do you want to do?

[C]

Let's see. Wait. What am I. What. What can I do again?

[A]

You gotta. Well, you got a knife. You can try stabbing it.

[C]

I'm not gonna stab him.

[A]

Okay, you've got. You've got fire spells, you've got your bow and arrow. I mean, we can get creative here if you want to.

[C]

Let's. Let's start with a flash of light, hopefully stunning the creature so that John can come in with a brutish attack.

[A]

Okay, great. I love this. Okay, so where's my 12? Where are you? Okay, so we're rolling on a 12. You got to get an even number on here. Oh, by the way, the Flatwoods monster has hit points. 30. It's only got. It's got 30 hit points. Okay. Okay. All right, so here we go. See if this flash of light works. And it is an even number. 12. You miss it doesn't do anything.

[C]

Oh, I thought that meant. I thought that was good.

[A]

No flashlight. You got to roll an odd number. Okay, roll. You roll the 12, which is even. So no effect. Failed spell. All right, the thing turns around and it attacks you because now you've got. You got its attention. All right, you failed your sneak attack. Now here's the thing. The. The. The Flatwoods monster has a basic attack, which is oil squirts. He's gonna squirt oil at you. Okay, bummer. So we're rolling. We're gonna roll the. Where is it?

[C]

My freshly basic elf cloak. Those stains do not come out.

[A]

This is on a eight sided. Okay, here we go. 5. You get squirted in the face. You're gagging on oil, you can't see very well, and you've been knocked down to 10 hit points. Okay, Tenny, it's your turn. You're coming in strong. What are you going to do with. This Flatwoods monster is going straight out with the.

[B]

With the ax.

[A]

Okay. You come in swinging with that axe. This is a big, big great ax. You're gonna. Why don't you roll your 20 sided die, see what you get.

[B]

14.

[A]

14 plus one with your brute avatar. So it's 15 and that chops half of the Flatwoods monster off. Now his reptilian innards are exposed. He's down to 15 hit points. And from the. From the top up, he's a. He's a. Now an angry reptilian creature inside of the Flatwoods casing. Riley, you're up. However, you can't see very well, so you're going to be shooting blind, which means you have a disadvantage on this. So normally you'd be firing with a. With like a 14 or 12, but you're going to be only firing with a 6 if you want to shoot a bow and arrow. That's what I'M saying you're so. You've got a disadvantage here. You're a negative six on whatever you try to do. We'll say that because you can't see very well.

[C]

Oh. Even with spells, too. Everything.

[A]

I mean, you gotta. You gotta know where you're pointing that spell. You can try. Damn. I mean, if you guys want to come up with a different plan, you can come up with a different plan here too. We can try. Try whatever you want.

[C]

Let's fire an arrow. I. I feel like elven intuition.

[A]

Okay, here we go. Oh, you got a three. Chipping three off of him. Minus six. It doesn't do anything.

[C]

Does he get three back?

[A]

No, he doesn't get three back. It just doesn't do anything. I'm so.

[C]

You're doing a great job.

[A]

You're not doing a great job. Okay.

[C]

I'm gonna die.

[A]

All right, now he's coming in. He's angry. He's got a specialty attack. He's coming at Tenny who just chopped him in half. He's gonna attack Tenny using his gas blast. Okay. And this is a pretty nasty one. All right. You don't want to get blasted by the gas blast. This is a 20 sided attack. Specialty attack. Here we go. Four. It only does four damage. And then did we have a. No, you're just. So. That's good. So just chipping off four. So where are you? 10? You're only at 21. Minus four. What is that? 17. So you're at 17, all right. Riley, you're still at 10, I believe. I can't remember what I had you at.

[C]

I forgot to at this point. Oil and gas everywhere.

[A]

Oil and gas everywhere. The. The nice thing is you finally wiped that oil away from your eyes. It's Tenny's turn to retaliate. However.

[C]

Oh, right, right, right, right.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm going back with the axe.

[A]

Okay. And you can try to. You can try to decapitate him.

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna go. I'm.

[A]

Yeah, but you gotta to. To. To fully decapitate him, you gotta roll a 15 or over.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going back at him.

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

Botch to one.

[A]

Oh, man. You only tipped him a little bit in the shoulder and he's mad at you. Now.

[B]

Can I. Can I tell you in Dungeons and Dragons what just happened?

[A]

Yeah, I.

[B]

When you roll a one on a 20, roll like that, that's called a botch, which means that I swung at him. I didn't hit him at all. And I spun around in a circle and fell down.

[A]

Okay, you're down, dude. You've fallen down. You didn't get him. He still got 15 hit points.

[C]

You gotta get to get our hit our stride here.

[A]

You're prone. You're prone. Yep. Okay, Riley, you got to step in and save the day here because next thing he's going to do is attack a defenseless Tenny.

[C]

Right? Okay, it's. I got it. I got to take the risk. It's fireball time. Let's fucking go.

[A]

Fireball time plus two attack. If you roll an even number on a 12. Here we go.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

12 again. Damn, dude. That's 14. The Flatwoods Monster explodes. Riley saves Tenny. It's all done. There's, there's, there's. There's fire everywhere. The woods are starting to burn. The monsters blown up into bits. You guys got to get out of here. Thankfully, another bigfoot portal stuff style. Portal is open and you both look at each other. You pull Tenny off the ground here. Why don't you see if you can pull Tenny off the ground. You got to roll. You gotta. You gotta roll on a six sided die. You gotta roll more than. More than let's say a three and up to get them up.

[C]

All right?

[A]

Okay, Here we go. 4. You got him up. Let's go. Jump in the portal. Okay, good. All right. You jump into the portal. As you do, you get a HP boost. So we're gonna roll the. The six again to see how much of a boost of hit points you get as you level up.

[B]

What are we rolling?

[A]

I think for hit points. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Go for it. Three. Six.

[C]

That's what.

[A]

So you're now at 27. Now I forgot where is that? I made. I made tables for what you'll be in each level. Okay, here we go. But that's fine. I'll just write it underneath that. So under 21, I'm not going to write 27. Great. Now do we level up? Strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom and charisma. That should level up, right?

[B]

If you leveled up. Yeah. Then the roll for.

[A]

Do we want to roll like. Like 12 and then you can distribute them how you want to based on the number that you get. Or two, roll six twice. What do you think? Or do you just do the six again and give it.

[B]

Because you know what? I would to make this faster, like for each level, I would just level one each of those up one.

[A]

Great. That's what was my other thing. So now Tenny, you're at six for Strength, you're at three for dexterity. You're at three for constitution, seven for intelligence, seven for wisdom, and two for charisma. You got. Your personality got a little bit better.

[B]

I look a little better now, ladies?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Riley, you're now two for strength. Your dexterity is seven, your constitution is two, which also, that means you add another point to your total hit points. So you are. O'Reilly, you were 15. Sorry I messed that up. So you are 15 plus 12 is 20. Yeah. What did we roll? What was your hit point? 6. 15 + 6 is 21, + 2 is going to be 23. And then you are. What did we roll for your. Your hit point boost? Tenny?

[B]

I rolled a three, so I'm at 24.

[A]

So you're 24. Plus three for your. Your constitution, so you're 27. Great. Okay, and then six for intelligence, seven for wisdom, and four for charisma for Xanthor over there. Here we go. All right.

[C]

Hey, everyone, it's Riley.

[A]

And accompanying this tall electrical pianist is I, Augustus G. Periwinkle, the Southern gentleman ghost.

[C]

I don't know about my electrical pianist, but Gus and I wanted to remind you that traditional bed sheets can harbor more bacteria than a toilet seat. It can lead to acne, allergies and stuffy noses, and it's just gross.

[A]

That's why I only haunt houses draped in miracle made sheets. Miracle Made offers a whole line of self cleaning. Cleaning? I don't have a real mouth or teeth anymore, so sometimes I mispronounce my words.

[C]

You're doing your best, Augustus.

[A]

Yes, and a line of antibacterial bedding such as sheets, pillowcases, and comforters that Prevent up to 99.7% of bacteria growth and require up to three times less laundry. You know what I use them pillowcases for?

[C]

I'm not sure I want to.

[A]

Slippers.

[C]

Oh, that's nice. Well, using silver infused fabrics inspired by NASA. Something you likely have not heard about. Miracle made sheets are thermoregulating and designed to keep you at the perfect temperature all night long, no matter the weather, so you get better sleep every night.

[A]

While I watch longingly from inside your vanity mirror.

[C]

Oh, that's you. Miracle made sheets are infused with silver that Prevent up to 99.7% of bacterial growth, leaving them to stay cleaner and fresher three times longer than ordinary sheets. No more gross odors, and they keep.

[A]

Away the southern werewolves, AKA the loup garoo. Miracle sheets are luxuriously comfortable without the high price tag of other luxury brands and feel as nice, if not nicer, than sheets used by some 5 stars star establishments and much more comfortable than being ground to death in the churning wheel of a steamboat.

[C]

Oh, my God, that's awful. That's how you died?

[A]

Heavens no.

[C]

Oh, okay, good.

[A]

I sipped too many Sazeracs and got stuck in the riverboat's right steam pipe. Oh, God. Upgrade your sleep this year. Go to tryamiracle.com BCC to try Miracle made sheets today. And whether you're buying them for yourself or as a gift for a loved one, if you order today, you can save over 40%. And if you use our promo BCC at checkout, you'll get a free three piece tile set and save an extra 20%.

[C]

What a value. Miracle is so confident in their product, it's backed with a 30 day money back guarantee. So if you aren't 100% satisfied, you'll get a full refund.

[A]

Upgrade your sleep with Miracle made. Go to trymiracle.com BCC and use the code BCC to claim your free three piece tile set and save over 40% off. Again, that's try miracle.com BCC to treat yourself. Thank you, Miracle Made for sponsoring this episode. Now, somebody tell me what slashing.com means. You're in the next room. There are few more to go. It's a graveyard. You're now in a great. You're in a graveyard. It's the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

[C]

Nice. I've seen this before.

[A]

Door one and door two rise from the ground. Their headstones. Door one has a bloody axe etched into it. An axe dripping with blood. Door two has black and white zigzags etched into it. Mm.

[C]

One feels like, you know, clash of strength, the ax. And the other feels more like a puzzle or something or a maze.

[B]

One is, one seems. So I'm looking at it like I did before, like this. The spade and the witch. Like, I'm looking at one as. Like this. The zigzags are reminiscent of the ESP center cards. And then the ax is like valiska.

[C]

Mm.

[B]

You want to go something that seemed to me like, the one seems to be more psychic attack and the other one seems physical attack.

[C]

We're both. We're smart and wise collectively.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So perhaps we should go down that. That door.

[B]

Yeah. Zigzag.

[A]

All right, so you go into door two, the black and white zigzag. Now do you want to try to pick it open to get a sneak attack?

[C]

I got the last door, so this is up to you. John.

[B]

Yeah, but you did a good job. Or did. Did you make the last pick? I. I botched the attack. No, I think. I think what should happen is I should arm myself and be ready to attack and you pick. And so even if your pick doesn't go right, I'll attack first.

[C]

You're right.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

That's smart. Okay. All right, so I'm picking. I'm picking. Let's get that.

[A]

Okay, you're picking. So this has again, it's just a. It's a difficulty class of 10. So you got to roll above a 10 on. What did we do before on a 16? I think it was. Man. Now I'm losing track of my. You know what? You leveled up. We'll roll with a. We'll roll with the 20. It. Is that fair, Tenny you think?

[C]

I think so.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

What are you making it to?

[A]

Well, it's a difficulty class of 10, so I was going to try to roll. It's 50. 50?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I would do 50. 50.

[A]

Great. Here we go. I can't read it. Never mind. 20. Dude, you flung that door right open. And so hard that it knocks over Beetlejuice. He is face down in the dirt and you are ready to attack. What are you gonna do? It's Beetlejuice. Okay.

[C]

It's Beetle.

[B]

I was. I was sized up, ready to go for the door.

[A]

All right, go for it.

[B]

So I'm attacking first and I'm gonna attack.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, you go. I knocked that.

[A]

Beetlejuice has hit points of 40. He's got 40 hit points.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm gonna attack again with that ax and I'm using my. Can I. Can I do a necromancer at the same time?

[A]

Yeah, you can. You can actually fuse the spell. So you're gonna have to. Here, what we'll do is we'll add on a. We'll do. Why don't you do a 20 and then for your ax and then get like a 12 sided for the Necromancer spel roll. An odd number though.

[B]

All right, let me do that first. Here's the 12. Nope, it's a eight. That doesn't go. And then the axe goes seven.

[A]

Okay, you chipped him down seven. That's not too. And he's prone. So I'm going to give you an additional two damage points on that. Cuz you're just. You're hitting him right in the back.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Right. All right. And you actually pin him to the ground with your axe so he's smooshed In a little bit further. He can't attack. Riley, it's your turn to attack again.

[C]

What does my harp do when it's not a bow and arrow? What if I just play it to like disorient or charm? Is that a thing? Does it do that?

[A]

That's a cantrip. And you know what? We could maybe come up with a cantrip for you. You also have, don't forget, you have the Song of Dreams. That gives you plus eight. It gives you defense against incoming attacks one time per round. And don't forget, tenney that you also have a bonus axe slash one time per battle. So if you want to hit him again right now while he's down, you can. But you can't do it again if he's.

[B]

If he's down. I'll go for that second attack.

[A]

Okay, roll for it.

[C]

Good call.

[B]

To 14, dude.

[A]

So we hit him 40 -9 minus 14. Do a little calculating here everybody. Because I don't do elementary math. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. Equals he's down to 17 hit points. Okay, great. So Riley. Damn, you guys are kicking Beetlejuice's ass.

[B]

Riley, it was that lock pick.

[A]

You can. You can play a song. And now here's the thing. Beetlejuice tends to use music against people. So subvert paradigm here. If you don't succeed, and I'm gonna have to say he's a difficulty to. To hypnotize Beetlejuice. He's definitely a difficulty class of. I'm gonna say 15. So you can lure him because of his. His ability to control people with music. Right? So you can play a song. You can play what's the Shake Shake Shake Sonora.

[C]

That's the one. Yeah.

[A]

You can play that song. Come Mr. Tally Man. And it'll keep him. You'll be able to control him for one round. But if. But if you don't, it's on 20 sided. But if you don't. If you don't get 15 or above, it's going to come back on you.

[C]

I don't like those odds. But what if I use my spell of protection?

[A]

You can use your spell of attraction. Because guess what? His specialty attack is actually making you sing and dance. So you could protect yourself against that specialty attack.

[C]

Okay. Even though the odds are low.

[A]

Even though the odds are low.

[C]

Spell of protection. Musical attack.

[A]

Okay, great. So let's roll for the song of dreams. Okay. And that is going to be on an eight sided die. Plus whatever that it's going to give you. Plus that number for whatever you roll. If you miss him, say you say you miss him, whatever that number is going to be coming back at you. It'll just. You'll have. You can take 8 off any up to 8 off of that. Does that make sense?

[C]

Okay, got it.

[A]

Got it. So let's roll the song of dreams. You rolled an 8. That's the strongest protection you can have against it. So odds are looking better. If you want to go for it, you got to roll 15 or over on that 20. I'm going to let actually Tenny roll for you because he's on your team and I'm the doomsayer. That's true.

[C]

What do you think? Is this a bad idea? This is not good odds.

[B]

What is what damage does if. If he's got. If he's got protection and he can get in close. What's your strength, Riley?

[A]

His strength.

[C]

But what are my hit. What's my hit points?

[A]

Your hit points are 23 and you're full meter right now.

[B]

So what kind of damage does his dagger do?

[A]

So his dagger is one through four.

[B]

So it can only do four points.

[A]

So wait, is that right? No one through six. Because I don't have four sided daggers.

[C]

What is the maximum damage that this spell, this dancing music spell can achieve?

[A]

Okay, so 20. And if it's 20, you can. You're. He's done. He's off the board. But you gotta get 15 or above.

[C]

Ah, it. I got shields up. Let's. Let's go for it.

[A]

Okay, but if you miss. So if it's 1 through 14, that's coming back on you and he controls you for the next round.

[C]

Yeah, but you know, we'll see what happens.

[A]

Okay, why don't you. I feel better if you roll for him because I feel like it's. It's ringed if I do it.

[C]

16.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

15. Holy dude. Damn right?

[C]

That is right.

[B]

That's how you do it.

[C]

Got to take some risks in this life.

[A]

All right, he's down to two hit points. And Riley, you now have full control over him. What do you want to do?

[C]

I'm going to have him do a little. A little PAA and just wait for Tenny to strike.

[A]

Okay, great.

[C]

He is unguarded. He is in a full, you know, first position ballet.

[A]

Okay, great. So he's in first position ballet. You're setting him right up for Tenney. He can't attack anybody. He's not made one attack yet. So Tenney, two hip points. What do you mean?

[B]

With the axe. Knock him right down 17.

[A]

Damn. Beetlejuice's history.

[B]

Annihilated.

[C]

Annihilated.

[A]

I do want to say. You guys could have just said beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. And eliminated him immediately. Yeah, there you go. That would have worked too. But you know what? This was great.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I just want to say movie rules and. And rules for these monsters apply. So think. Think about how you might face them. You know what I mean? All right, Danny pulling Tenny comes back into focus. Yeah. Beetlejuice is the best part, is that was annihilated. Beetlejuice didn't even know who hit him.

[C]

Never even saw us.

[A]

He's just standing there.

[B]

He's chopped in half, hit to the floor, chopped some more, taken over, and chopped to death. Yes.

[A]

And perfect. Nice work. You guys are working really well together. All right, we are going to add hit points as we cross through. Riley, you're now three. Strength, eight, dexterity, three. Constitution, seven. Intelligence, eight, wisdom, five. Charisma. And we're going to roll one through six to add to your total hit points. One. So you're now 24.

[C]

All right.

[A]

All right. And Tenny, same for you. Seven. Four, eight, eight.

[C]

You know, every bit counts.

[A]

Yeah, great. So eight. Oh, wait. Also, your constitution is three, Riley. So you're 27. And then eight, three, two hundred and twenty eight plus four is. 28 plus four is what? 32. So you are now at. Why did I put that there? You're now at 32 total hit points. Ace. And Xanthor, you're at 27 total hit points. Not bad. All right, you jump through the portal and you see.

[B]

How many hit points am I at?

[A]

You're at 32.

[B]

I'm at 32 hit points. And did I level up my strength, dexterity, constitution, all that by one?

[A]

Yep. So strength is seven, dexterity, four, constitution, four, intelligence, eight, wisdom, eight, charisma, three. You guys are getting slowly growing personalities here. Okay? Suddenly, you find yourself in the next room, and once again, it's not really a room at all. You're standing in. In a. In a field in front of a colonial farmhouse with a pond nearby. The farmhouse has two doors, no windows. The door on the left has an inscription or an etching of a crying politician. Door number two has a wand shooting sparks. We have a visitor in the clubhouse. I see.

[C]

Yeah. Did you just hear that?

[A]

Yeah, I heard it.

[C]

Weird interference.

[A]

Door one, Crying politician. Door two, Wand shooting sparks. H.

[C]

Well, you want to fight a wizard or you want to fight a human?

[B]

I mean, in this day and age, I Want to. I want to take down the politician.

[C]

Yeah, let's take them down.

[A]

Okay, read. Are you guys gonna try to pick the lock? You've had a lot of success with this, so, Riley, go for it.

[C]

Let's do it with the people's fighters coming.

[A]

All right, you know what? Your dexterity is now at an 8, so I'm gonna give you a plus one modifier.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

For this lock picking, and you've gotten pretty skilled at it, so I think we're gonna actually. You've picked two locks. I'm gonna give you a plus two modifier.

[C]

Great.

[A]

So it's. We're still. We're only in room three. This is difficulty class of 10, so you're going to have to get 10 or above. And we'll give you two additional points to roll.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Here we go. 11. So you're in. Great.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

You open the door, the doors fade, and suddenly, standing before you with its back turned, you recognize it immediately from those leathery bat wings, its long tail, its horse head and its hooves. And it's the leads Dev. Oh, yeah, it's the Leeds Devil, AKA the Jersey Devil.

[C]

Oh, I get the politician reference.

[A]

He is got 50 hit points.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[A]

And let me tell you, he's armed with horse kicks and sick burns, so you got to protect yourself. What are you going to do? Riley Tenney, you didn't arm yourself for a sneak attack, so it's on Riley. Yeah, we forgot for. For first swing. Okay, what do you want to do?

[C]

Let's just come in with a. Just a dependable attack. So nothing that's. I'm not going to do a spell. That has to be odd or even. I want to make sure I just connect here, so.

[A]

Okay, great.

[C]

Let's. Let's shoot an arrow. Let's fire an arrow.

[A]

I love that. Do you have a 16 there, Tenny? Strength is actually three. We're going to keep it at 12. If you have a 12.

[B]

I have a 12.

[A]

Okay, roll him at 12. Let's see what happens with the solid arrow.

[B]

What does he got a hit?

[A]

He's got. He's aiming, huh? I'm just shooting, so.

[B]

Yeah, just shooting.

[A]

Yeah. And if it's a sneak attack, it's what, a plus? What did we say before? Plus one. That's fine.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Eight. Eight. I'll give you plus one because he stuck him. He struck him in the wing. All right. Tore his wing. So you got nine. Chipping nine. So he's at 40, 41 right now.

[C]

We got this guy, no problem.

[A]

All right, but he's turned. You've got his attention. And he's attacking.

[C]

So he attacks me now.

[A]

Yeah, he's pissed. You just shot him with an arrow. So he's coming at you with a horse kick. Okay. Okay, first line of defense and we're going to roll that attack on an eight sided die. Here we go.

[B]

What's up? Wait a second. Riley, what's your. What's your dexterity?

[C]

It's high.

[A]

Yeah, your dexterity is eight.

[C]

Yeah, that's why I'm good at.

[A]

You might be able to dodge this kick if it's coming in.

[C]

Good point. What do I have to roll for that?

[B]

Well, you would have to roll eight or under. Yeah, on a ten sided.

[A]

Okay, I don't. Do I have a ten? Do you have a ten over there or.

[B]

No, on a. It would be.

[A]

I got an 8. Well then you'd always get it. We can do 12.

[B]

Yeah, you do 8 under 8 or under on a 12 sided for a. I think.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A jump out of the way.

[A]

Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. Tenny, you're going to roll his dodge as I roll the kick. We're going to see what happens. Okay. Okay. So he's kicking with a 12 sided, 12 sided die. Actually, no, he's kicking with eight sided die. So here we go. Here comes the horse kick.

[B]

The kick is five, the dodge is four.

[C]

Oh, square in the face.

[A]

Boom. Knock a tooth out. Damn, dude.

[C]

Oh, my beautiful elf teeth.

[A]

Your beautiful elf teeth. All right, so you are down to 22 and your bells rung a little bit, but you're not. You're not blind. You're just. You're gonna gather yourself for the next turn. Tenny, it's time to strike.

[B]

I'm going twice with that axe.

[A]

Yeah, baby.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

His barbarian bonus ax slash. Here we go. Do you want me to roll your second ax swing or do you want to do both? I guess. Ready on 20. Here we go.

[B]

It's an 11.

[A]

17 toast. So 38, baby. 38 he's down to. Oh, well, he's 50, so he's down to 28, not 38. Yeah, we go.

[C]

That's how math works.

[A]

Okay, well, he's real pissed now. He's just been hit twice with an axe.

[B]

Down to. He's down to 11, right?

[A]

No, he can see. Oh wait, I had my strike. Yeah, my bad. So he's down to 11. Great. All right, he's down to 11. You've got. You've got magic. You can do. You Got the song of dreams if you want to protect yourself.

[C]

All right, let's.

[A]

Let's.

[C]

Defense is up.

[A]

Okay, so let's roll that tenny. That's on a eight sided.

[B]

What do I got to roll on this?

[A]

Any. Just any. Any number on an eight. Yeah.

[B]

Five.

[A]

Five. Okay, great.

[C]

All right. And then let's just get a little. Nova's crawling under my desk. Let's get a little. Let's try out that flash of light again. I haven't connected with that one yet.

[A]

I love that. Okay, so we have one attack, plus one attack on an odd number. So whatever the odd number is, plus one. Here we go on a 12. Tenny, why don't you roll that? I like it when you roll for Riley. 12. Boom. 13. He's out of here.

[B]

How you do it?

[A]

These monsters gotta be a little bit more powerful. I'm getting a little worried.

[C]

These chumps.

[A]

You guys are a little. You guys. Like we need to nerf you guys. Okay, plus one, you jump through the portal. Plus one on strength. Plus so you're nine on dexterity. Now you're foreign constitution. Xanthor eight on intelligence. Getting smarter every battle. Wisdom nine and Charisma six. People want to invite you to their birthday party. Now.

[C]

This guy's not so bad.

[B]

Not so bad.

[A]

You're four on charisma. Now you're nine on wisdom, nine on.

[B]

Intelligence, five constitution, five dexterity, and eight strength.

[A]

Great. Now remember, you can like try to talk some sense into these guys. You can use some of these attributes. You don't always have to attack. They're there for kill them. Great. All right. Great. I love it. It is called Monster showdown for a reason. Holy. Guys, you're actually in a room. And guess where you're at? An English pub. The doors are actually bathroom doors. And one on the left has scratch marks all the way down it. The one on the right looks like it's got teeth growing out of the door like an open maw. Big fangs, sharp teeth.

[C]

Okay, because I'm. Because we're both highly intelligent and we're in a pub. We're going to stop for a pint.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right, now here's the thing. You guys can try to get free beers if you want to.

[C]

Let's do it. Let's get some beers.

[A]

Okay, so we've got charisma of 4 and charisma of 6. Let's see if you guys have. You walk up to the bar, there's a really gorgeous green skinned ogre. Her name is Lala. Okay. And she takes one look at you, she sees that you guys have been fighting. You're bloody. You're kind of gross. Looks like you two could use a drink.

[C]

Sure could, Lala.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. We need a drink. We've just done some vanquishing.

[A]

All right then. Well, pony up.

[C]

So we saddle on up to the bar.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What are the chances that two strangers such of us could get a couple of free drinks?

[A]

Well, what kind of stories do you got? And can you make me laugh?

[C]

Have you ever picture this? You know, the.

[A]

The.

[C]

The terrible being Beetlejuice.

[A]

Oh, I've seen him before. I don't like those movies.

[C]

Have you ever seen Beetlejuice? Tranced into a ballet plie. And then beheaded.

[A]

I like the sound of that.

[C]

Well, these two such gentlemen have just done that, milady.

[A]

Oh, all right, well, I think I might like you. Let me think about it. All right, we're gonna roll to see how Lala's mind she going to. I. My manager just stepped out.

[B]

So wait, what. What's your charisma, Riley?

[A]

Six and you're four, so you guys got to roll what? 10 and above.

[B]

10 and above on a 20.

[A]

10 and above on a 20 dot roll for it. Beers, beers, beers, beers.

[B]

17.

[A]

Yeah. On the house, boys. Drink up. And why don't you give me your number while you're at it? O. All right, well, you guys have downed a couple pints and you're, you know, you're not tipsy, but we're confident. You're confident is up, but your HP is down by one point each because you're a little buzzed, a little drunk.

[B]

That's fine.

[C]

But are we stronger?

[A]

I would say that your strength, you've got beer strength, but your constitutions dropped off a little bit because you're inebriated. So we're gonna knock off another HP point for both of you.

[C]

Okay? So, as in life, stopping for beers seems like a great idea. And turns out.

[A]

So you're. But people like you now. People like you. So you're. For this battle, you're gonna be a 30. And Tenny. You're gonna. Wait a minute. No, you're gonna be a 25. Riley. And 10, you're gonna be a 30.

[B]

I'm at 30.

[C]

Okay, now I'm a little drunk and I forgot what the doors are.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A big mouth and one with scratches all over.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I would say in the state that we're in, slightly inebriated. The danger door with the big gaping maw with teeth. And after these battles where we've just, like, wiped them out. I'm like, fuck it. Let's do this. Big maw.

[A]

All right, you guys going for it now? Are you gonna pick the lock? I have to tell you, your dexterity is slightly affected. So you're back down to an. I'm gonna say an eight. You're at an eight.

[C]

Can Tenny kick this door down? Because he is already an ogre, and he's a little.

[B]

I am. I'm ready to kick it down. I'm gonna try no picking.

[C]

Drunk.

[A]

Yes. So you've got.

[B]

And being drunk should give me a plus.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I told you, your strength. Your strength is up. So your strength is, like, at a 9 right now. You're going to kick down this door. You're emboldened. If you kick it down, it's going to pin whatever's on the other side of that door to the ground.

[C]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

All right, so I have to roll nine or above.

[A]

You got to roll. Yeah, I'm going to say nine or above because that's drunk logic, and I like it.

[C]

We got this.

[A]

All right. Come on.

[B]

Nine.

[A]

Boom. That door kicks down and pins to the floor in the men's room.

[C]

We got the.

[A]

The American Werewolf in London.

[C]

Oh, in the pub.

[A]

All right, all right. You guys are in the men's room now with the werewolf. He's pinned to the floor with the door. Riley, I think you say hold him.

[B]

There before we go any further.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, that was a nine. I just barely made it. You're right. Go ahead.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I don't. I think you've got. I think you're. You've. You're so impressed by what you've done, you forget to, like, actually attack him. Yeah.

[C]

You kind of just barely got it off the hinges.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Riley is like, hold him, and then you're going for an attack. Okay.

[C]

I'm drunk, so I'm not gonna worry about my defenses, because as you do.

[A]

Great.

[C]

And let's just go straight. Straight up. Just jumping in and stabbing.

[A]

Oh, you're gonna use your dagger.

[C]

I'm gonna use my dagger.

[A]

Okay. Your strength is up to four, but it is just a dagger, and it's a werewolf, so we're really rolling on a. I think an eight there. Do you have an eight?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It'S a eight.

[C]

Beers are working.

[A]

Hold on. There it is. There it is. So stab him square in the back of the head.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

It doesn't kill him, but it does knock him down from 60 hit points down to 52. Okay. Yeah. 52. All right, all right. But he's pissed. Yeah. And he throws off that door and he turns around, pulls the knife out of his head and tosses it to the ground. And he lunges at you, Riley. All right, all right, that's fine. And he's got a basic attack of bite. And he's got a specialty attack of mind blowing effects. Practical that still hold up to this day.

[C]

Because they were practical. That's why.

[A]

So he's gonna go in with a. You know what? He's pissed you. Stabbed on the back of the head. He's going in with blowing effects.

[C]

Bring it on.

[A]

All right, so he's rolling here out of 20.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Five.

[C]

No problem.

[A]

All right, and let me see. You were an alien, and guess what? You have a defense, plus one from specialty attacks. Your avatar protects you. So that's only 4 off.

[C]

No problem. Drunk.

[A]

Your mind's blown.

[C]

Dude, we're pub fighting right now.

[A]

You are. You're p. Fighting with the American werewolf in London. So, Riley, you're down to 21.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right. What are you going to do, Tenny? You finally realize you're in a fucking fight and he just attacked your friend.

[B]

Yeah. So I. This is two times with the fucking axe.

[A]

Okay, I'm hot.

[C]

Double ax.

[A]

All right, here we go.

[C]

Bring it.

[A]

I'm rolling the second ax.

[B]

All right, you got 20?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

14.

[A]

18. So where was he? 52 minus 18. Minus 14. We've got. He's down to 20, guys. So the hardest fight you've had so far. But he turns you, Tenny. He's. You're close to him. He's gonna chomp down on your arm. And we're rolling on a 12 here because he's. He's a stronger guy. Yep. So. Oh, God damn, dude. He slips on this on piss on the floor, and it's a one. He. You know what? He actually misses. He just grazes your arm. It does no damage at all. So now he's angry and embarrassed, I.

[C]

Think, also because he's now surprised.

[A]

He's surprised. Now remember, your knife is on the floor. Yeah.

[C]

I'm gonna flash a light.

[A]

You're gonna flash that light.

[C]

He's already. He's already stunned and confused.

[A]

Okay, roll a 12, Tenny. And if it's a plus one attack on an odd number.

[B]

11.

[A]

Damn, dude. So 12 damage. He's down to. What are we at? Eight hit points. And the flash of light has blinded him. Here's the thing. Now he is just like, wobbling around the bathroom, slashing Furiously knocked a paper.

[C]

Towel dispenser off the wall.

[A]

Yeah. But in that fury, he has swung out at both of you. He's clumsy. It's not going to be a full on attack, but he's rolling on an 8 on each of you. So here's his left hand on Riley. 8.

[C]

Ouch.

[A]

And here's his right hand on Tenney. 4. All right, so you guys have just gotten a little, little, little scratched up there. Riley, you're down to. You're down to 13 hit points. Okay, that's fine.

[C]

You got this.

[A]

Okay, go for it, Tenny. What are you gonna do? You can't double ax anymore. You've already used that up.

[B]

Yeah, I just gotta hit him once again with the ax.

[A]

Okay, go for it. Come on. Three.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

All right, well, so he's down to eight. Did I say what is he. No. Three. He's down to ten. Okay.

[C]

All right, well, I'm. I'm getting. I'm a little. I'm starting to feel.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Yeah, he's got a counter attack.

[A]

No, he's, he's still now he's like blinking. He's looking around. He's trying to like, you know, he can't. He's still blinded from that, that flash of light has stunned him for one. One round. So you can, you can grab your knife if you want to. You also, I mean, you can try some other stuff here.

[C]

I think I'm gonna spell of protection fireball.

[A]

Okay. Okay, so you wanna, you wanna, you wanna do the song of dreams to protect yourself?

[C]

I'm gonna use my song of dreams now.

[A]

Okay, so that's the eight sided die, Tenny. And then a fireball is gonna be the 12 on a plus two attack on an even number. All right, here's. Okay, great.

[B]

Three.

[A]

Okay, so you're plus three on the next attack. Sixteen if he does a specialty attack.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And this is the 12 sider. 3.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

3. Oh, Mrs. Whiffing actually just like lands in the toilet. And there's now smoke. There's now smoke coming up of the room and all. Now all three of you can't see very well. You're all kind of stunned by the shit smoke that's coming out of the toilet.

[B]

Yeah, see what happens when we drink, Riley?

[C]

This is what happens when we drink.

[A]

So guess what? He knows. Mind blowing. Oh wait, have we gone a full round yet? No, we haven't. So Tenny, you're up. We skip his. No, we skipped his turn once already. It's his turn. All Right now he still can't see very well because he's blinked away the flash of light. But there's smoke in the room. That's going to slow him down by like, I'm going to say one or two. I'll give you two on that modifier. Okay, so he's coming after you with another mind blowing effect. Riley, you're in trouble here because you're at 13. However, what was your. What was the spell?

[C]

My spell of protection. But it's only three.

[A]

Three. Okay, here we go. So 11.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[A]

So my. So eight. He's chipped you down.

[C]

I'm down to five.

[A]

Down to five hit points here. Okay, Tenny, it's up to you, buddy.

[B]

So I'm going.

[A]

You can also do a necromancer spell. You're gonna.

[B]

That's what I'm doing. Yeah.

[A]

One attack plus one attack per round. You're gonna have a little skeleton slashing along with you. Yeah, whatever you do.

[B]

Yep, that's what I'm doing.

[A]

Okay, so you gotta roll an odd number on. On a 12. 6. 6. Damn, dude. Nothing. The necromancer spell didn't work because he's a werewolf. Tiny little. Yeah, so you're sitting there now trying to figure out what you're gonna do. You're reaching for your axe, but it's too late because he's gonna bite you again. And he's got a 12, and that bite is eight. So you're down to. What are we, 14 here? No, no, no, no. Let me see. We are down. Your hit points are down to 18. Yeah, okay, Riley, it's up to you, pal.

[C]

If we die in the podcast, do we die in real life or.

[A]

No, you'll have a death. You'll have death rows here. We can. We can. You can try to get back to life here, but. Yes, you. Yes, we do die. I have. I have armed assassins outside each of your front doors dressed as. Ready to dress as whatever monster actually kills you in the game. Yes. Suitcase full of costumes. I told them get ready to change it a moment's notice.

[C]

Okay, Okay. I got to use some of my other attributes here. I got to use some intelligence and some. Some streets parts because I've been in. I've been as an intergalactic elf. I've been into my fair share of bar fights.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And you know, I'm starting to realize.

[A]

Your charisma's at 6.

[C]

My strength is I'm not a strong guy, but I'm a thinker. You know, I'm a Thinker. And so what I'm gonna do is I'm going to flood the room by destroying the toilet. Okay, okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So he's thinking I'm attacking him, but actually I'm going to rip the toilet off, and the whole room, it's going to start to fill with water.

[A]

You're going to rip a toilet out of the floor with four strings?

[C]

No, I'm going to grab my knife and cut the.

[A]

You got to reach for your knife, buddy. It's on the other side of the room.

[C]

I got a ring for that.

[A]

And it's on the other side of the werewolf.

[C]

I'm just going to unscrew the. The connection to the wall.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

[A]

Okay. Your dexterity is back down to an eight, but it's a very easy thing to do. It's a difficulty class of five. So you got a roll on an eight. You got a roll. Well, what would we do here, Tenny, if the. To unscrew and flood is a five, I would say.

[B]

But I'm. Is this like a men's room that. Like a. Like a Starbucks men's room where there's just like one toilet and a sink?

[A]

There's sink. There is one toilet. There's not a urinal. Yeah. And it's all tile. There is a wooden partition between the sink and the toilet. Tenny, you are just to the. The sink is just to your left. Riley is on your right, closer to the.

[B]

Riley. What's your strength, Riley?

[C]

It's low, but here's what.

[A]

Here's.

[C]

Here's my plan.

[A]

The toilet's on the other side. Here's what I'm thinking of.

[C]

Elf intelligence.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm gonna dart over to the toilet. Right? And I'm gonna unscrew the little connection, thus flooding the floor. While I'm doing that, distracting the werewolf, Tenny is gonna go behind the werewolf and do the. On all fours. We're doing the classic junior high prank. And then I'm going to push the werewolf as it lunges at me, causing him to trip and fall over. Tenny hitting his head on the sink and rendering him unconscious.

[A]

That.

[C]

That's my plan.

[A]

Where. From where you're all positioned. Yeah. Okay, so we. We're gonna have to roll a dexterity throw to get you on the other side of him. We're gonna have to roll. It's all gotta line up really well because you're gonna have to roll to get past him. You're gonna have to roll to Unscrew.

[B]

I'm gonna take one of those rolls off.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Maybe a couple of these rolls. Riley, I think what happens is.

[A]

You.

[B]

Said, because I was bullied in junior high and high school, I know what's coming. I know what's coming about. Yeah, yeah. So, Riley, Xanthor, you. You're like, listen, I'm gonna kick this sink off the wall, spraying water everywhere. That way you don't gotta get around him because the sink's in the room with us.

[A]

Yeah. And closer to Tenny. Okay.

[B]

And so the water immediately starts spraying, so that makes the floor slippery. And he. It confuses him because he thinks you're about to come after him, but you turn and kick the fucking sink off the wall, which I think is easier than, like, getting behind him and unscrewing.

[A]

I would agree. Okay.

[C]

All right. I like it.

[A]

And that.

[B]

That little distraction gives me enough time to get behind him, Right?

[A]

Yep. And then however the water is, once that water's on the floor, it becomes slick for everybody. Yeah, yeah. But this is so as you cross behind him, you might slip. So you're gonna have. You guys, you're gonna have to roll to protect yourself from the slip Tenny as you move, because once that water's down, it's all slippery for everybody. Yeah. You're not on steady ground.

[C]

Okay, maybe this isn't the best plan.

[A]

So I'm just saying, like, it affects all three of you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Okay. He's down to. What is he down to now? 10. He's down to 10.

[C]

Trying to come up with the death blow here.

[A]

No, I know. I know. I'm not.

[B]

I'm just.

[A]

I'm just reminding myself and everyone else where. Where he stands. He's at a 10. You're at a 13. 10. He's at a 18. Yeah.

[C]

Maybe we just attack him.

[B]

Yeah, just attack.

[C]

All right.

[A]

It. All right, here we go. Just. Just.

[C]

Let's just hit him with an arrow point blank.

[A]

With an arrow. I mean, Legolas does it.

[C]

It.

[A]

Yeah. So 10, you're gonna roll.

[C]

I really wanted my avenging, the thing that happened to me in junior high, but this.

[A]

It's fine. You're gonna roll. You're gonna roll on. You're gonna roll on a 12 so there's a chance to take them out right here.

[C]

All right. Arrow to the head. Let's go scratch all that other stuff.

[B]

Oops.

[A]

Oh, he bungled it already. I can tell.

[B]

I'm coming back to the table. Take the counter. It's the floor. It's got. Stay on the table.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Was a four.

[A]

Damn it. All right, it's down to a six.

[C]

All right.

[A]

He just attacked Tenny by biting him. So it's Tenny's turn now, I think.

[C]

Doesn't he counter attack me?

[B]

Bite me. Riley, attack.

[A]

Is he. I can't remember where he is. I'm gonna say he bit me while.

[B]

He was biting me. Riley stabbed him or shot him with the arrow.

[A]

Yep. So it's your turn, Tenny.

[B]

So, yeah, so he's gonna turn toward Xanthor.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And when he turns towards Xanthor, I'm gonna go for the ax.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And this will. This should wipe him out. Come on. No bodges.

[C]

Come on.

[A]

I mean.

[B]

No.

[C]

Fancy this.

[A]

You're so op ed. It's crazy with this ax, but whatever.

[B]

A nine.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Done deal.

[A]

He's done. All right. You did it. You didn't even have to use silver. He's out.

[C]

You didn't have any silver.

[A]

Guys, really. What are you doing in here? You all made a mess. I thought I liked you. You're gonna have to pay for this.

[B]

You killed that werewolf that was in here.

[A]

You guys escaped from lot. Well, you're the one who let him out. I locked him up in there. This is the worst cockney accent ever done.

[B]

You were the one that gave us free drinks.

[C]

Yeah, this is your fault.

[A]

I still want your number. All right, so the portal appears over in the mirror over the sink. You guys jump through the portal, you gain strength. Nine. Ten. E. Six for dexterity, six for constitution. Ten for intelligence, ten for wisdom. Five for charisma. We're gonna roll. Roll one through six for your hit points.

[B]

That's a five.

[A]

Five plus. Take it. Six for constitution. So you get 11. You get an upgrade of 11. So you go from 32 to 43. Riley, strength five. Dexterity is now ten. Constitutions. Five. Intelligence is nine. Wisdom is ten. Charisma is six. You guys are like party boys now. Yeah, we're cool.

[B]

So I need to get more coffee.

[A]

Yeah, we're about to take an intermission right now, but we're gonna. Let's finish leveling up Riley, and then we're going to take a quick intermission.

[B]

I was just saying.

[A]

No, I'm with you, Riley. Tenny, will you roll for Riley on a six?

[B]

Yep. Six.

[A]

Wow. Dude. Six plus constitution, five. You are now up to. What do we have yet? 30. So you are now at 43. You're 43?

[B]

No, I think it is the power family.

[A]

That's right. 43. All right, everyone. We're taking a quick intermission. Take a second, boys, and we'll be back. We're in the middle of the adventure right now. We're at the act break right here.

[C]

All right. Coffee, tip your waitress.

[A]

Yep, shopping is hard. I can never find anything in my size. I don't even know my size. I buy my clothes the same place I buy my groceries. There's a better way. Make it easy with Stitch Fix. Just share your size, style, budget, and done. Your personal stylist sends pieces picked just for you. That was easy. Stitch Fix online. Personal, personal styling for everyone. Free shipping and returns. No subscription required. Get started [e-mail] if you're a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility and your machinery isn't working right, Grainger knows you need to understand what's wrong as soon as possible. So when a conveyor motor falters, Grainger offers diagnostic tools like calibration kits and multimeters to help you identify and fix the problem. With Grainger, you can be confident you have everything you need to keep your facility running smoothly.

[C]

Call 1-800-granger.

[A]

Click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done. All right, players, we are back from intermission and I hope everyone got some rest because it's going to be roller coaster ride from here on out. So when we last left Tenny and Riley, they had just jumped through a portal in the mirror of the men's room of an English pub where they had defeated the American werewolf in London and ran away from Lala, who is now mad at them again for trashing the bathroom. It happens. Now here's what happens. They find themselves. You find yourselves in a kitchen and you suddenly hear the voice of applesauce. What's this? This isn't one of the rooms in my cryptorium, A secret room that even I didn't know about? That's right. Gentlemen, halfway through your journey, you have stumbled upon an interruption. A room that should not be there. You're in a kitchen. It's from the. It's from the 90s. It's a 90 style kitchen. And in the center of the kitchen island there is a telephone.

[C]

Oh, scream.

[A]

And the telephone is ringing.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[A]

What are you gonna do?

[C]

You gotta. You gotta. You gotta pick it up.

[B]

You gotta pick it up.

[A]

You guys pick up the. Who's gonna pick up the phone? We'll roll for it.

[B]

Okay, I'll roll a six. Riley, you want to be even or odd?

[C]

I'll be even.

[B]

Six.

[A]

Hello? Riley. Oh, hey, did you miss me?

[C]

I did.

[A]

Well, guess what? I'm back. Click. Is it.

[C]

Is it Stab.

[A]

Beep, beep. Beep. Beep, beep. The line has gone dead. You guys, look around. There's no portal opening.

[C]

Star 69. It's the 90s.

[A]

Beep, beep. Okay, roll. Roll for star 69. You got a roll. You got a roll of four or four below on a six.

[B]

On a six. Four or below.

[A]

Five didn't work.

[C]

This number has the callback function blocked.

[A]

Guys, look around. What are you gonna do?

[C]

Let's make a snack. We're in a kitchen.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, quick, snack.

[A]

Okay, where are you gonna.

[C]

Let's make some popcorn. Jiffy Pop.

[B]

Okay, look for the popcorn. I'm gonna get us drinks out of the refrigerator.

[C]

I like it.

[A]

I like it. Tenny, you open the fridge, and there's a severed head of your high school girlfriend in the fridge.

[C]

Oh, no, it's dark.

[A]

It's really dark.

[C]

What happens with the Jiffy Pop?

[A]

You don't want to know.

[B]

Hey, my ex girlfriend's head is in here.

[C]

Rylan, was it mutual.

[A]

The break?

[B]

I didn't do it.

[C]

Okay, okay, just checking.

[A]

You guys are in the middle of a slasher movie right now. What are you going to do?

[C]

Okay, horror movie rules. I'm going to say. I'll be right back.

[A]

No.

[B]

No splitting up.

[A]

You can't split up.

[B]

We're both very smart.

[A]

Now. Do you guys want to, like, look around the room at all? You're in a kitchen.

[B]

I'm gonna. Yeah, I'll look around the kitchen for, like, where the knives are at.

[A]

Okay. Riley, by the way, you left your knife.

[C]

I did.

[A]

Ring, ring, ring, ring.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

You left my knife in London, you little. That's right. I slashed your van tire.

[C]

Oh, it was your knife.

[A]

Click.

[C]

Son of a. All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. It's time to start using some of this intelligence. I'm going to. I am going to.

[B]

I mean, I think we should. We walk around and just secure the doors.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's probably smarter.

[A]

Okay, so you look around, and you see that there are three doors. There's one that leads to the living room, there's one that leads to the garage, and there's one that leads to a hallway that leads to. That would lead to, like, the front door.

[C]

Okay, front door.

[A]

Yeah, why not? Okay, so you guys walk over to the door that leads to the front door. The. The. The. There's a door that you can close between the kitchen and the hallway that leads to the front door. Okay, so are you going to close it?

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, it's got a lock. We're gonna. Do we have to roll to lock it? I think your dexterity alone, Riley, allows you to lock this.

[C]

I can lock a door.

[A]

Okay, you got two more open doors.

[C]

What?

[A]

So you got a door that leads to the living room and a door that leads to the garage that are unsecure.

[B]

I thought we were going. Were we? Did you think we were going to the front door?

[C]

That's kind of what I thought.

[A]

Oh, you thought you were going to the front door?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Head on.

[A]

Great. Head on. So you go to the front door, but the front door is jammed.

[B]

Okay, well, I got a nine strength. That's. I'm gonna yank on it.

[A]

Okay, so what do we gotta roll, a 9 or above on a. On a. On a 12 to yank this door open?

[B]

Yeah, I'll give it a shot.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Five.

[A]

Five. It's jammed. You turn around and Ghostface is standing right there. He swings a knife and he stabs Riley.

[C]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

10. 10 damage right in the gut, Riley. All right, all right. So you're down to 33. What are you gonna do? Tenny, you're now standing in the front hallway. There are stairs leading up to a bedroom, or presumably the second floor where there are bedrooms. There's a grandfather clock. There's a. There's a. Just to the left of the door. To your left is like.

[B]

I see Riley get stabbed, and I immediately, like, go for snowball on. On Ghost Face.

[A]

Snowball on Ghostface?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, here we go. You got a roll on a. What is it? A 12? You get plus two attack on an even number four. Hey. Six. So the snowball hits Ghost face square in the face. You've knocked off. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Ghostface has hit points of 90. He's really strong, so he is now at 84. But he's stumbling around because the snowball is in his mask. It's like, you know it's in his mask, and he's like. He's clumsy like Ghostface. He's doing this. Riley, it's your turn. You got a knife, you've been stabbed, but you're coming back.

[C]

I'm gonna pull the knife out of my own gut.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And I'm gonna stab him with it.

[A]

Okay. So to pull the knife out, we need to roll. You've got a dexterity of 10, so I think this is pretty easy. On a 12, you gotta roll a 10 or below. Okay, and then that's a one.

[C]

Great.

[A]

Great. You got it. And then to stab him with the same knife, you've got to roll. You're just gonna. On the same. We're gonna go with the 12. It's a new knife. It's a bigger knife than the one that you had, so you're gonna stab him while he's distracted. So just roll that 12, and let's see what happens. Eight. Great. So he's now down to 76. All right, he is now cleared out, wiped away the tears. He doesn't have a knife, but he reaches for the grandfather clock and smashes it down on your head, Riley. And that grandfather clock, you know, it's. It's an antique. It's pretty heavy, but you have the. You can try to duck it with your dexterity if you want to. Sure. All right, so your dexterity is 10. Let's say on a 20, you gotta roll a 10 or above to dodge it. Okay. As I'm rolling an attack.

[B]

16.

[A]

All right? You dodge it. So he misses with the clock. The clock smashes on the ground. You've got the knife, and you're gonna swing back at him with an upward strike with a knife. Okay? We're just gonna go, like, real. Real movie fight choreography here. 12 sider on this one. 8. 8. Stab him right in the chin. You slash him, but you don't really. You know, it's not gonna. It's not a killing blow. So now he is down to. Where was he at? 76. So we are at 68 for Ghost Face. You're at 33. Tenure. Turn. Sorry. Excuse me. Ace Haynes, it's your turn. You're still at 43. What are you gonna do?

[B]

Yep, I'm going. I'm going twice with the great ax.

[A]

Oh, right on. Here we go. I'm gonna roll your second one. All right, let's go. 14, 10, 24. So ghost face is now down to 44 hit points. You guys are getting evened up here. Riley, you. It's not your turn yet because you did a bonus turn. Ghost face now tries to run up the stairs. Tenny reaches for him. For Ghostface to escape Tenny's reach as he's reaching for his cape. On. Let's see, Tenny. What's your dexterity?

[B]

Six.

[A]

Six. So I think if he's gonna run up the stairs on. On, like, to get up the stairs, it's gonna. To get all the way up the stairs. He's got to roll. He's got to get, like, it's for.

[B]

Me to catch him, for me to trip him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On a 20, I would have to roll six or under.

[A]

Okay, so. Yeah, so does. So does Ghostface roll a 20 and you. Or do you just roll it?

[B]

I roll a 20.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If I roll a six or under, I grab his foot before he gets up.

[A]

And if he. If you don't, he gets to the top of the stairs.

[B]

Yeah. I'm gonna start maybe trying to do this if I can figure out how to do it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I gotta roll a six or under on this to make it happen.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Two.

[A]

Oh, shit. You grab him. All right, Riley, while he's got him distracted, Ghostface is held for a full turn. What do you want to do?

[C]

Arrow.

[A]

Okay, great. Point blank arrow. Here we go on a 12. What do we got?

[B]

That's a five.

[A]

Okay, chipping away. So he's now down to 63. No, no, no, he's down now down to 39. 39. No, 38.

[B]

Oh, 38.

[A]

Right, right. 38 for ghost face. He's still math. No, no, of course not. I'm an actor. This is why we have the term horse math on this show. Tenny, what are you going to do? You got a hold of him?

[B]

I'm growing now.

[A]

I'm going to remind you, he's using objects. The thing with Ghost face is he's vulnerable to objects in the room as well. I mean, you got him down.

[B]

I got him down. So I'm going to. He's on the stairwell, and I'm kind of on his legs.

[A]

And he's trying to kick you off. Yeah, right.

[B]

I'm going to try and reach up and grab the back of his head and smash it into the. Into the stairwell.

[A]

I love this. I love this. Okay, so in order to do that, you are going to need to. Where are you? You've got. This is going to be a combination of dexterity and strength. So together, that's a 15. So I think on a 20, if you roll a 15, what would that be? A 15 and under for that.

[B]

15 and under.

[A]

Okay. Okay, great. And then depending on how much. And then we'll see what the damage is. Okay, so 15 or under to actually pull it off. And then the damage will be whatever the number is.

[B]

Yeah, three.

[A]

Three. All right, well, you pull it off, but you only. You only stun him slightly. He's down.

[B]

15 and under would be.

[C]

That's, like, good.

[B]

That's super good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so what's the hit point? Reverse.

[B]

Like the bat. Yeah. Because if you roll under. Like, if I got a one, that.

[A]

Would be, like, amazing. We're gonna do a quick mat. Yes, exactly. So we're gonna be. So it gives you a 12 damage hit point on him. 38 minus. So we go to 26. He's down to 26. All right, he's up. He spins around. He is going to. He doesn't have a knife, but he's going to intimidate 10. He's going to attempt to intimidate Tenny by standing up and tilting his head, looking at him, because now you've pissed him off. But in order to intimidate Tenny, he's got to roll a 20. But if he does, it's going to freeze Tenny for an entire turn. And then he gets to attack. He misses. It's a six. He didn't do anything. He doesn't scare Tenny. Riley, you're up. What are you going to do?

[C]

I feel like all my attacks kind of suck. Your arrows, they chip away, but they. They're not much, I guess. Let's just.

[A]

He's vulnerable to objects in the room. I keep saying this.

[C]

Yes, but what objects are. Can I. Can I use my knife to cut the chandelier and drop it on his head?

[A]

You know? Wait. You pull the knife out, you look up, and you do see that there is a. There is not. It's not a chandelier, but it's like a hanging light that's directly above the staircase.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna.

[A]

If you did cut it down, here's.

[C]

What I want to do. I want to use the knife. I want to cut the electrical cable, and then I jab it into him and electrocute him.

[A]

Wait, wait. So which electrical cable?

[C]

The cable that's powering the light.

[A]

Well, the lights. It's coming through the ceiling, and it's above him, and you're on the floor.

[C]

Are there any electrical devices of which I can cut the cable?

[A]

Yeah, as a matter of fact, there is. There is a radio on an end table directly across from the. From the front door, and it's under, like, a circular mirror.

[C]

Okay. I want to. I want to cut the cable to that while it's still plugged in. I want to jab it right in his heart.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, you can reach him from there, but I think so. Dexterity roll. If we're going to do this, we got a cut, and then we got a jab. So that's going to be a double roll for the jab, is going to be 12 for the cut. It's going to be, I think, another 12. So 10 and under for the cut. And then the jab is going to be whatever it is, the damage off of a 12. So a double. Double roll on a 12. So I'll roll for the cut and 10, you roll for the jab. Okay, here we go.

[C]

But my potential damage is still no better than just my arrow in the first place.

[A]

Yeah, because daggers and arrows aren't as powerful as a great. As a big ax. His big axis, like, base is. Is really strong.

[C]

What about electrocution?

[A]

Oh, the electrocution more than an error.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Oh, right. Because you're not stabbing him. All right, so the electricians. Electrocution is going to come off the 20 for sure.

[C]

There we go.

[A]

Okay. Sorry about that. When you say cut and jab, I was still thinking knife, but I understand. And then stick them with the cord. Okay. Electrocuted. Okay. So here comes the cord. Cut. Let's see if you cut the cord. You got to get 10 or under on this one. Okay, two cards. Cut.

[C]

Great.

[A]

Tenny, clean cut.

[B]

20 damage, right? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying I'm rolling.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Okay. 18.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

Now we are cooking. So he's down to. He's down to eight.

[C]

Cartoon electrocution.

[A]

Yep. And he love it. He's stunned. He's going, tenny, your turn.

[B]

Just. Yeah, I just gotta wipe him out with an axe. Cut my own throat out.

[A]

Yeah, go for it. Oh. Move. 8. 8 or above to knock him dead.

[B]

On a What?

[A]

On a 20. On a 20.

[C]

Barrel wax.

[B]

10.

[C]

Done deal.

[A]

Done deal. Ghostface falls dead to the floor.

[C]

Defeated.

[A]

Defeated.

[C]

Now can we unmask?

[A]

Yes, you can. I want to see. Now, depending on what number you and I have it written down here, the identity of who's. Now, if you remember, in last year, Ghostface turned out to be a lemurian psychiatrist, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But he was killed. So who is this ghost Face? Do we roll for it on a 20? Die. And depending on. There's a. There's an identity if you roll a one through a 13. There's a different identity if you roll a 13 through a 19. And then there's an identity if you roll a 20.

[B]

Where's it at?

[A]

What is it?

[B]

15. 15.

[A]

15. You rip off the mask and it's Chupacabra's dad. Chupacabra's dad is Ghost Face.

[C]

Papacabra.

[A]

Papacabra. Chupy. Our last champion. He's angry that you put him through all of that. Stuff last year, even though he survived. Chupacabra's dad is Ghostface. Because you remember the parents always the killer in the sequel.

[C]

Right, Right, Right. Cool.

[A]

Chupacabra's dad got it. There you go.

[B]

What did you all think of the new Scream?

[A]

I loved it. I thought it was really fun. Chupacabra's dad. All right, a portal opens at the top of the stairs. It's time to go into your next battle. You guys want to run up and jump in? Yeah.

[B]

How many. How many monsters have we killed?

[C]

Yeah. What are we at?

[A]

Killed four monsters. You got four monsters left? Okay, Riley, don't lose steam. I know you're coming off that beer, but you gotta. We gotta hang in there. We'll speed this up. All right.

[C]

Let's kill some monsters.

[A]

All right, jump into the next portal, and when you come out. Oh, Riley, guess what's at the top of the stairs through that portal?

[C]

What?

[A]

The fifth room. It's your childhood bedroom.

[C]

Which one's moved a lot?

[A]

What's the one that gave you the worst nightmares? Where did you have your worst nightmares?

[C]

Let's take it all the way back to Houston, Texas.

[A]

It's your childhood bedroom in Houston, Texas. Two white doors are hanging in the middle of the room. On one door one, there is an inscription, an etching of a pillow. And on door two, there's a sketch of an etching of a. It looks like a can covered in hair. A pillow or a can covered in hair?

[B]

Do we get to kill the my pillow guy?

[C]

Oh, please. Just for the outside chance, let's go down the pillow door.

[B]

Just for the outside chance that we get to take on you.

[A]

Open. Oh, wait. Do you guys want to pick the lock? You want to try picking the lock to surprise attack?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Riley.

[C]

Let's pick it, baby.

[A]

All right, so that's.

[C]

What, are we dexterous at this point?

[A]

You are quite dexterous. So I'm gonna say.

[B]

Did we level up after Ghostface?

[A]

Oh, we gotta level up after Ghostface. Sorry. No, you don't. It's a. It's. It's only side quest. Yeah, it's a side quest. It doesn't count. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, no leveling up after Ghostface. So, Riley, you are now at dexterity. You've got a 10. Okay, so this is a. This is. The difficulty class has gone up a little bit. It's a 15, but you're gonna get a modifier of 5 with your 10 dexterity. So actually, you're gonna be able to roll two 12s to get to unlock this door. So you got to get 15 or above. Does it doesn't work. Tenny, don't you think two 12s or is that too much? Is that swaying Riley's favor too much?

[B]

15 and a. Yeah.

[A]

Two eights. No, that wouldn't count. Two. I think two 12s to get 15 or above. 24.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

I think so. Okay, here we go. I'm going to roll one. T's going to roll one. All right, here we go.

[B]

10.

[A]

1. It didn't happen. He didn't get this one. Sorry, buddy. You can't win them all. And guess what? The door opens on its own. The second door vanishes. And out of the door come not one, but two monsters.

[B]

Both of them, the Mypillow guy, both.

[A]

Of them wearing masks is the My pillow guy. The first monster is Stripe from Gremlins. The second monster is the troll from Earnest Scared Stiff.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

My worst nightmare. Your greatest fear.

[C]

Greatest childhood fear.

[A]

Okay, they get first attack. Stripe swings at Tenny with a frying pan. That's his basic attack. And he gets a 9. Boom. So we're knocking 9 off of 43. And then the troll comes for you, Riley, with a big lick. He's gonna lick your face with a slimy, disgusting lick. And he does one damage. But you're scared. And guess what? You're so scared that you can't even move. You're facing your worst nightmare. You're stunned for the next round. All right, so you're at 42. Tenny, you are at. What did I say? You're nine.

[B]

I'm at 32.

[A]

Great. All right, Tenny, you're up. What are you gonna do?

[B]

I'm gonna attack Stripe bot. Do I get a bonus for being friends with Zach Gallagher from Gremlins?

[A]

Yeah, definitely. And Gallagher.

[C]

Bonus.

[A]

He's his. His hit points are 45. So that bonus is just a blanket bonus. He's knocked down to 40. His. His hit points are now just 40 instead of 45.

[B]

Axe and Necro.

[A]

Love it. So roll both. Necro is a 12. Got to roll an odd number. Gh.

[B]

Missed.

[A]

Damn. And then your axe.

[B]

That little thing is worth worthless.

[A]

It's kind of worthless. Sorry, I. I would have fixed this.

[B]

14.

[A]

14. Great. So he's down to 26. What did I say? 40 minus. Yeah, 26. Stripe is at 26. Riley, you can't move. Stripe attacks Tenny back. This time, he's going to go for a blender attack. That's right. He has a Blender. He's going to try shoving your hand in the blender and if. Here we go. This is a specialty attack on a 20. Ooh. Nine. Not. Not as bad as it could have been. So subtract nine tenny from what? 32. Where are you at?

[B]

Yep, yep.

[A]

Okay, Riley, the troll's coming after you again. And he's going for a grab and a squeeze, which is going to start crushing your rib cage. On a 20, he only does 7 damage. Not too bad. Okay, where are you at here? What do we do? We did 43. Now you're 42 minus seven. Okay, Riley, it's tennis turn again and then you're gonna come back. Okay.

[B]

You know what? He got my hand in that blender, messing me up a little bit. But now I've got the blender.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

So I'm going to go after the troll because I'm going to try and help Riley out here.

[A]

I love this.

[B]

Okay, so I take the blender and try and jam it in the troll's face.

[A]

Okay, great. And that blender attack was a special attack. So I'm going to give you that same specialty attack. It's basically. Oh, I'm going to give you. Okay. I'm actually going to give you a bonus because you're being so clever. So if you roll a 16 or night through 19, you're going to get plus 5 on a 20.

[B]

Roll 10.

[A]

Okay, so 1010 damage, no bonus. Where's that troll down to now? That trolls down to 35. Okay, Riley, it's your turn. You're finally. You're at it. You're facing your fears. What are you gonna do?

[C]

What does water do to gremlins?

[A]

You're gonna make more gremlins if you.

[C]

Throw water on him. Okay, don't do that.

[B]

You have bright light though.

[A]

Yeah, you do have bright light. And guess what? If that bright light spell works, he's instantly fried.

[C]

Let's bright light him.

[A]

Let's go for it. Bright light, bright light. All right, the flashlight. You gotta roll an odd number on 12, Tenny.

[B]

Oh, it's on the floor.

[A]

Rolling. No good.

[B]

That's a three.

[C]

There we go. Bye bye, grandma.

[A]

He's done.

[B]

That's how you do it.

[A]

He's done. Stripe is off the table. Now it's just you guys in this troll.

[C]

All that remains as a troll, although.

[A]

Remains as a troll. Tenny, you haven't done your barbarian bonus yet.

[C]

Is the troll stunned too? No counterattack, Right, because of the bright light.

[A]

No, he's just. No, no, no. He's fine. It was directed at. At this. At Stripe. You. You destroyed stripe.

[C]

Oh, okay. So we're just moving on?

[A]

Yeah, we're moving. TR. The trolls. Trolls. Just like. He doesn't care.

[C]

I don't care.

[A]

So it's Tenny's turn.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just going at him with the axe and the great axe.

[A]

You're gonna do double ax.

[B]

I'm doing. Yeah, two times. I'm doing the swipe. Swipe.

[A]

Okay, great. Here we go.

[C]

Let's make it happen.

[A]

11, 6, 17. Troll is at 35 minus 17. So he's down to 18. Riley, what do you want to do? You got a knife, and you got a bow and arrow. You got a fire bell spell. You've got your song of dreams that you haven't used to protect yourself yet. What do you want to do?

[C]

Defense is up. Can I launch the knife from my bow?

[A]

I love this idea.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

Yeah, but you're gonna tape it. You're gonna tape it. There's actually some scotch tape that you have in your. In your little boy desk drawer. Yep. You duct tape. Actually, you duct tape that knife to an arrow, and you've got it pointed at the troll. So here's the thing. Because you're doubling up, you can roll two 12s on this one.

[C]

All right, let's do this.

[A]

And I'm going to give you a dexterity modifier of plus two.

[C]

Great.

[B]

So what are we rolling?

[A]

You roll a 12, I'll roll a 12, and we'll add two. Here we go. All right.

[C]

This rolls. Done. Done.

[B]

Oh, that is an 11.

[A]

11.

[B]

That is an elevens.

[C]

25, baby. Wait, was it 20 plus 3?

[A]

Plus 2.

[C]

Oh, 20. 20.

[A]

He's done.

[B]

24.

[A]

He's done. It doesn't matter.

[B]

That literally just, like, just really just rips him apart.

[C]

Just shredded, man. Childhood nightmares vindicated.

[A]

Yeah. There you go. Don't you feel better now?

[C]

I do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I love watching his head just split apart right through.

[C]

Yeah. Practical effects.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Clay everywhere.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, Clay. Gross vomit come bubbling up. All right. All of your character attributes.

[C]

Corn starch.

[A]

Yep. In fact, the portal. He. He vomits up the next portal, and it hangs in the air, and it's dripping with, like, gross boogers and stuff.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

But you got to go through. As you go through, you level up one on all of your attributes. And then we're gonna roll for. Excuse me. A six.

[C]

Booger portal.

[A]

Yeah, booger portal. And let's upgrade your HP. Four. Four. So you're both at 47.

[B]

Crushing.

[A]

Guys, you're saying evens. Okay, here we go. You find yourselves question buds. Oh, guys, guess what? You're in a room now that you've never seen before. The best way to describe it would be a love den inside of a ufo. What?

[C]

Right now at the Home Depot, you'll.

[A]

Find storage solutions made to fit your needs. Grab an HDX Tuff tote to protect your tools. Or keep your sports equipment contained with reinforcement reinforced snap fit lids. Or stack up and make better use of your space with bins and totes built to last. Whatever your story, we've got the gear to keep it organized and protected at the Home Depot. How doers get more done.

[B]

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time.

[C]

In the car, gym, even sleeping.

[B]

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live. She saved so much, she got a.

[A]

Seat close enough to actually see and.

[B]

Hear them, sort of. You were made to scream from the front row. We were made to quietly save you more Expedia made to travel savings vary and subject to availability.

[C]

Flight inclusive packages are atoll protected.

[A]

All right. Okay. This is room six. On door number one, there's a heart. It's a steel. Two steel doors. They're actually portals in the ceiling, like circular portals. But you're tall. You guys are both tall. You can reach them from there. Ceiling is low room. Door one has a heart carved in it. And then door two has two drops that it could be two teardrops or they could be two raindrops or they could be two blood drops. They're just two drops. We don't know. I like the heart.

[B]

Yeah. I was going to say it's all about love, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

We're in an alien love den. Let's see where this goes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You guys want to try to pick the lock to surprise?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What is our other option? Just knock on the door.

[B]

I mean, I can. I was thinking about trying to muscle it since it's up above us. Like I'll just jump up with the fucking. Oh, yeah, with my fucking 10 strength and just fucking wail.

[A]

Yeah. You know what? They might fall through and be stunned if you do that. You want to try that? Let's try that. Okay, great.

[B]

I'm going to jump up like at the end of a sitcom.

[A]

So let's do dexterity plus 10. So you have. You have a combined 17 there. So on a 2017 or below, you can probably knock this out pretty much guaranteed. Two. Two. Done. All right.

[C]

Super punch.

[A]

You hang on the portal and guess who falls through. Freeze frame. You've met her before. She's been a part of monster showdown. Don't forget. This is where. This is a museum where legends can come back to life. It's the first time it's happened. Like stripe. I think I was in it before. Yeah, it's Sil from Species in Natasha Henstridge form. And guess what? You guys are so excited that you're not that excited. But John is stunned. He is automatically in a daze. Silas in a daze. Riley, you've. You as a former cosmic judge have seen her before. You're not falling for her wily ways. So she's in human form. What are you gonna do?

[C]

Flash of light to obscure her beauty.

[A]

Oof. That's a great idea. So roll an odd number and it'll. The attack will also is plus one. I'm feeling on a 12.

[C]

Here it is. Here it is.

[A]

Three did it. So three plus one. Four damage. She's got 100 hit points, by the way. We're getting up there. She's at 96. Okay, but her. Her. Her beauty is obscured, which wakes Tenny up immediately. And he can attack Tenny. What do you want to do?

[B]

Two with the ax.

[C]

Got your back.

[A]

Double. Double ax swing. Here we go.

[C]

Brains and brawn, baby.

[B]

Nine.

[A]

19. Holy.

[C]

Progress.

[A]

All right, so we are at. What do we say? 96. Minus 19. Minus 9.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

She's at 68, baby. You guys got. Almost got lucky there.

[B]

Okay, we did come out of the love room.

[A]

She's pissed. And guess what? She's going to. Oh, I'm looking at the wrong one. She is going to. She is going to tail stab. Her tail comes out. She's gonna tail stab Tenny who dropped her out of the floor. So this is going to be a basic attack. Oh, here we go.

[C]

Tenny calls on the power magic. Theremin five.

[A]

Tenny, you're minus five. You're down to 42. Okay, Riley, it's. You're up.

[C]

Okay. Okay, here's the thing. I do a lot of yoga. Very dexterous. I'm not strong, but I'm lean and I'm spindly. And this is a sex crazed alien. And I am a hot little elf twink, so.

[A]

Yeah, you are.

[C]

I'm going to remove my top, showing my incredible elf abs.

[A]

Okay. Oh, just your top. Okay, you're gonna try just the top. Okay. Well, you're trying to seduce the seducer. That's gonna take some charisma.

[C]

Her whole. Her whole mission Is to breed.

[A]

You know that's true.

[C]

She's gonna see this. So this yogaed out elf, okay, Distract her to allow her to attack with greater power. That's the.

[A]

Okay, great. So. So in order to pull this off, it's my plan. We are going to roll. Because your charisma's eight, we're gonna roll two eights and see anything. One eight equals one round where she's distracted. So anything above eight and she is distracted for two rounds. It doesn't do any damage, but she'll be distracted. All right, for two full rounds, you guys will be able to basically like, attack, attack, attack, attack.

[C]

Eight ab bulges is all I have to.

[A]

Okay, so I'm gonna roll an eight and 10 is gonna roll an eight.

[C]

Okay. Come on, baby.

[A]

So.

[B]

Seven, one.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

So you distract her for one round. Okay?

[C]

That's all we need.

[A]

While she's distracted. Tenny, make a move.

[B]

Okay, I can only hit once with the ax now because I've already done two. I'm coming with the brute attack.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. All attacks plus one. We should have. We forgot about that modifier. That should have applied.

[B]

I thought I could. I thought it was. I didn't know if it's a modifier. I thought I could only use it.

[A]

No, the brood attack is for all attacks, but we forgot about the role. So I'll give you. Because we've forgotten. I'll give you plus three for this attack.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

The. The brute. God, your brute avatar was sleeping on the job.

[B]

Yeah, like that Necro guy.

[A]

I also think that my.

[C]

Has been sleeping on the job now.

[A]

That I. I've been keeping track. I haven't done a lot of special attacks, but I should. I should change that.

[B]

14.

[A]

14 plus 3. 17. So chop chop. She was at. Where was she at? 68. 68, that's right. So she's now down to. She's down to 54.

[C]

And she has no.

[A]

Okay, correct. No counter attack right now. She's still distracted. Riley, you can do whatever you want right now.

[C]

Now I'm going to. I'm gonna. I'm gonna power up my shields.

[A]

Okay, great. I love that idea.

[C]

That thing.

[A]

So which.

[C]

Okay, name of which I forget.

[A]

Yep. So that's the song of dreams.

[C]

There it is. Song of dreams. Roll the dice for that Song of dreams, baby.

[A]

So on an eight sided die, what do we got?

[C]

Also remember that I'm shirtless now. Playing the song of yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Should have Song of dreams, eight sided die. So, Tenny, why don't you roll that eight sided. Die for the song of dreams. See how strong that song of Dreams is?

[B]

5.

[A]

Okay, so you have a plus 5 defense on her specialty attack.

[C]

Okay, great. And now I am going to.

[B]

Does she. Riley, does she have a tail right now?

[A]

She has a tail.

[C]

She does have a tail.

[A]

She's human with a reptilian tail.

[B]

Right now, can you stab her with her own tail?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay, let's do that.

[B]

I mean, you're in close. You're hot with your abs out. Yeah, just grab that tail and bring it between your legs and jam it in her gut.

[C]

Yeah, that's the plan.

[A]

Yeah, Reach through her legs and jam it into her navel. There's been a lot. I just want to also say there's been a little bit of extreme violence towards women in the past 15 minutes. I'm sorry about the head in the fridge. Okay. And now we're stabbing. But this one was a monster. And also that's what happens at the beginning of. Of Scream. Your. Your teenage. Your teenage boyfriend or girlfriend gets murdered by Ghostface. It's just the way it goes. It's true. Here we go.

[B]

What am I rolling here?

[A]

So dexterity 11. So that's going to give you a plus two modifier on this attack. You know, Riley, we've really been nerfing you because she's under your spell. We're gonna roll on a 20 here.

[C]

Yeah, there we go. It's her tail. It's more powerful than my.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I agree. Yes, I agree with that. 15. Nice, dude.

[C]

There we go.

[A]

Plus. What did I say? A two modifier. I say two. So 17. Okay, great. She's down to 37. You guys, we got this now. She's still stunned.

[C]

No, no, my shield's up. Okay.

[A]

No, no, no. She skips her. She skips a turn.

[C]

Oh, we're just destroying her.

[A]

So now, Tenny, you get. You get to strike again before she strikes again.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You want to try that necromancer? See if that thing helps.

[B]

Yeah, I want to try again because you can get.

[A]

Stupid little skeleton. I'm gonna actually say, because where is your wisdom? You. If you get this, you're going to get a plus two attack per round with your little skeleton for the. For the rest of the.

[B]

What do I got to roll to get it to wake him up?

[A]

You got to roll an odd number on a 12. Dude, that's a two. Oh, my God. You're a terrible necromancer. Stupid little skeleton. You can. You can still attack, though. A magic Magic spell doesn't take up a turn.

[B]

Okay. Axe.

[A]

All right, three. Down to 34. She's pissed. She spins on 10.

[B]

That has a brood attack. Plus one.

[A]

It's true. Oh, yeah.

[B]

They're all attacks were plus one.

[A]

33. No, I said plus three for this. So six. So she's down to 30. All right. Okay. She's really pissed at Riley, though, because he did more damage. So she's doing a specialty attack. She's gonna kiss, and that tongue is gonna stab you in the mouth. Yeah. All right, this is a specialty attack, one through 20. But you've got a defense against specialty attacks. Plus five. Okay, 18. Minus five. 13 damage on Riley. Have you been hit at all in this round? This is his first hit. Jeez. All right, so, Abs, man, I'm telling you. Yeah. So, Riley, you can counterattack now.

[C]

Okay, let's just.

[A]

You're down to 34.

[C]

Let's just. Just keep it simple.

[A]

We're just.

[C]

We're just firing an arrow.

[A]

Okay. Firing a straight arrow. 12.

[B]

Now, wait a second. She's in close, so she. He should get a plus on that.

[A]

She came in close range. Yeah, and you should roll for this point blank. So I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna return the Song of Dreams, and you're gonna get a plus five on this point blank range. Okay?

[B]

And this is on what?

[A]

Die on a 12. Die.

[B]

What's a 12?

[A]

Hey, dude. 12 plus 5. 17. You know what? It is? And because now your dexterity is over 10, you get to actually shoot another arrow if you want to.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Let's do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Legolas style.

[A]

Okay. Legolas style. Your modifiers still applies.

[C]

Okay, let's fire again.

[B]

And then that's 20.

[A]

No. Out of 12.

[C]

Yeah, I don't have much strength.

[A]

Yeah, but two. Two in a row. You can do 24.

[B]

Yeah, it's a nine.

[A]

Nine, dude. Awesome. Plus five. Oh, you are not. You got her down to three.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Three. Okay, and so she attacked you. Now it's 10 each return.

[B]

Oh, I'm just swinging the ax.

[A]

Great.

[C]

That's all we need.

[A]

Everything.

[B]

I got.

[C]

Death blow.

[A]

19. Oh, boy, she's destroyed.

[C]

Decapitation.

[A]

All right, well, I went blurry. It's your smoke. It's your smoke. It does it every time the lens tries to put the smoke in the foreground. And just like your smoke, Sil. Smoke pours from her. Not yet. She never turned into a reptile in this. She was just like a hot lady with a tail, but a portal appears. Where were you guys? I don't even think I told you. Oh, yeah. In the sexy alien chamber. A portal appears in the floor. You guys hop through, you level up. So why don't we do a level up check in? So, riley, you're at seven strength, 12, dexterity, seven, constitution, 11, intelligence, 12, wisdom, nine, charisma. And let's roll one through six. Tenny, roll a one through six for Riley's five plus constitution, seven 12. You are now at 47 plus 12. You, my friend, are at 59 points. Okay, Johnny, same for you. Sorry. Ace. 11 strength, eight, dexterity, eight, constitution, 12.

[B]

Intelligence, 12, wisdom, seven, charisma.

[A]

Okay, great. Now roll.

[B]

You roll mine for me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Yeah. Shake it up. Six, baby.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

Six plus eight. 14. So you're at what, 61? 14 plus. Yeah. Let me see.

[B]

I'm quickly becoming attractive little brute.

[A]

Man, you are.

[C]

Hunky brute.

[A]

Okay, John's at 61. Riley, you are at 59. Okay.

[C]

Unstoppable.

[A]

You find yourself in the second to last room, and it's the same shape as a portal. You're in a circus ring, Penny. You look around. You're inside of a tent. You're in the middle of the ring.

[C]

Sam the sand down clown.

[A]

Dirty floors, like, you know, dust floors and peanut shells strewn about. There are stands, but the stands are empty. There's like a ball. There's like one of those platforms where like, a old timey seal act would take place. There's a cage. No lions, but there is a whip hanging next to the cage that matters. And two giant balloons to send. They're blue balloons, but you know, in your heart of hearts, they're doors. On one balloon, there is a happy clown face. On the other balloon, there is a sad clown face. Which balloon are you gonna pop or which balloon are you gonna slowly untie and let fly around the room as a sneak attack? So sad. Happy clown on door one. Sad clown on or Sorry. I mean, they're doors, but they're balloons. You get it.

[C]

It's Pennywise and Sam the sand down clown.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

[C]

It's got to be.

[A]

So. Happy clown on door one. Sad clown on door two.

[C]

I don't really want to fight Pennywise, but I don't know which one he'd be.

[B]

I don't know either. I feel like Sam is sad.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because Pennywise is always, like, smiley and trying to get people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Let's. Let's take the.

[C]

Let's fight a sad clown.

[A]

All right. Do you want to pop the balloon.

[B]

Why don't you shoot an arrow at it?

[C]

Yeah, I'll shoot an arrow at it.

[A]

Okay. I think so. Is popping the balloon opening the. Yeah, I think if you pop the.

[C]

Balloon, the door open, it's like kicking.

[A]

The door open so it'll. It'll stun whatever's on the inside.

[C]

I'm gonna shoot it with an arrow.

[A]

Okay. So it's moving around the room. Okay. So you've got to aim at it. We are in room seven, so there's actually. It's gonna take some dexterity and some aim. This is gonna be a difficulty class of 15 on a 20. But your dexterity, man, you are now at 12. So I'm gonna give you a plus four modifier, and you get to shoot. You get three tries.

[C]

I got this. No problem. First shot.

[B]

So on a 20, got to be what?

[A]

It's got to be a 15 or above, and I'm gonna give you a plus four modifier. I might have op ed you a little bit on this, but you get three shots.

[B]

We're doing nine.

[A]

Nine plus four. You're not there.

[C]

All right, second of that.

[A]

Try again.

[C]

Fly true. Arrow 2. Not so true.

[A]

Missed. You got one more chance.

[C]

Very good.

[B]

20.

[C]

There we go.

[A]

Boom. Pop.

[C]

Third time, balloon pops.

[A]

The monster falls out. And the sad monster is Art the Clown from the Terrifier franchise. You guys are a boy. Okay, he's got hit points of 110.

[C]

Who was the other clown, I wonder?

[A]

I'll tell you at the end. What? The doors. You didn't choose. All right, it wasn't who it was, not who you thought it was, either of those? No. Art the clown hit points 110. He's got a buzzsaw attack. He can turn your head into a jack o' lantern for a round and stun you. And then guess what? He's got a gun. He can just shoot you because he can. He does that as well.

[C]

A regular guy.

[A]

Yeah. Now, here's the thing. Art the Clown is vulnerable to weapons. Let's grab the whip. We want to grab a whip.

[C]

Let's grab the whip.

[A]

Okay, so Riley grabs the whip. We're gonna roll for that whip. You have a dexterity of 11 on a 12. An 11 or. Or under. Grabs the whip.

[C]

Whip seems easy enough. There we go.

[A]

Got it. And now you again. Because you're so fast, you get two whip slashes for 12 a piece.

[C]

What is the power of whip? 12.

[A]

Okay, 12, but you get a negative seven. He an additional seven points because he's Vulnerable to weapons. I don't know why I made this rule, but I did.

[C]

I'll take it.

[B]

So he's whipping twice, right?

[A]

Whipping twice.

[B]

10.

[A]

So 17 whip again. Watch out.

[B]

Oops.

[A]

Watch out.

[B]

Eight.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, great. So 15 and 17. He's now down to 78.

[C]

All right, good start. Good start. Does he counter attack me?

[A]

No, because you pop the balloon. 10. He's up.

[C]

Right, right, right, right, right, Right.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Two times with the axe.

[A]

Let's do it.

[C]

Yeah. Double whip, Double axe, baby.

[A]

Yeah. Plus 14.

[B]

19.

[A]

19 plus 6. Plus 14.

[C]

Making quick work of this clown.

[A]

I. Yeah. So he's down to 39. I kind of didn't really do the math. Okay, here we go.

[B]

The way to do it.

[C]

Long night. We could use a little.

[A]

Yeah. All right. He's going to go straight for. Here's the thing with Art the Clown, he always rolls on a 20. Okay. If he gets six through 10, it's a buzzsaw attack. So he gets a plus three on whatever number that is. If it's a 16 through 19, he turns your face into a Jack o lantern for a round, and you're stunned. And there's a plus two on that attack. And if he gets a 20, it's gunfire. Plus five, so it's a 25 attack. Okay, so here we go. Both of us, huh? Does he attack both of you guys?

[C]

Double attack.

[A]

Yeah, he's a double attack. It applies to both of you. Okay, so he rolls a four. That's a buzz saw attack. So seven damage on both of you, but a flesh wound. So 59 is down to 52, and 61 is down to 54.

[C]

The numbers are in our favor. My.

[B]

They are.

[A]

Okay, let's go. He's at. What did I say? 39. What did I say he was at?

[B]

He's at 39.

[C]

He's 39.

[A]

Okay, what do you want to do?

[C]

I feel like I haven't really used my fireball, so.

[A]

You haven't in a long time. So plus two attack. It failed me on an even number.

[C]

And I just feel like I'm gonna try it out.

[A]

And you. That doesn't use up a turn, so you can use that, and then you can use your knife or your arrow.

[C]

If you want to. Hadouken.

[B]

What am I rolling on that 12.

[A]

Plus 2 on an even number, though. 8. Okay, dude. 10 damage. He's down to 29.

[C]

Bam. Then what happens?

[A]

Now you can attack him if you want to.

[C]

Now I can regular attack.

[A]

Yeah. And you've got your arrows. And remember, you can shoot two in a row now.

[C]

Oh, I'm double arrows.

[A]

Yeah. So two rolls of 12 if you want to do that.

[C]

Let's hit it. Double arrows, baby.

[A]

Four.

[C]

Kind of missed.

[A]

Nine. Okay, I'll take it down to 16. Strong turn, dude. No. It's Tenny's turn. Tenny. I mean, odds are kind of in your favor here.

[C]

Clown is toast.

[B]

I'm trying to bring out my necromancer.

[A]

Do it. Doesn't waste a turn. Do it. Do it. Doesn't waste the turn.

[B]

5.

[A]

He's here. He's here.

[C]

He showed up.

[A]

Hi. And he'll give you. Now he gets plus two. Attack on your next attack. And. And you get plus seven for some goddamn reason. Because Arts of clown's vulnerable to weapons. He does. He is. He's.

[B]

Here comes the ax.

[A]

Okay, here comes the ax.

[B]

Right. Come down here for this.

[C]

Have we even.

[B]

Big roll, Big roll. Come on. Big roll. Seven.

[C]

Toast.

[A]

Seven plus two, plus seven, over.

[C]

Right?

[A]

It's right on the money, dude. He was down to 16. That was the exact number you needed to roll to kill Art the clown.

[C]

Art the clown did not even touch us.

[A]

Well, he did with the buzz saw. All right, the. A hoop appears that, you know, like, tigers jump through, and it starts spinning and it opens the portal to the final room. Anything you want to, like, say or do before you jump into what the final boss is going to be?

[B]

Dude, where the. Is Michael?

[C]

Seriously?

[A]

Somewhere.

[C]

This guy, man. You better be in this room.

[B]

Don't ever take your eyes off him again.

[C]

No more rose for Michael. You're dungeon master. You can have all the rose you want.

[A]

No. Michael and Doom. Doomsayer are two different people.

[C]

Doomsayer can have all the rose he wants.

[A]

That's true. Doomsayer can have other roses. Okay, you guys ready for this?

[C]

Wait, are there any. Is there anything else that'll be useful to us in this room? Can I bring.

[A]

You have the whip. You can bring the whip with you. Let's bring the whip.

[B]

I like that whip because you get, like, a double whip.

[A]

Yeah, you're pretty armed now. You got arrows.

[C]

Arrows. You got a knife.

[A]

You got a knife. You got a whip, you got a harp. 10. He's just got that big old axe. Still swinging that ax. Okay, you guys jump through the portal, and you fall 12ft to pavement. You look around, the ground is covered.

[C]

That's where my men were. I was like, oh, they played recently.

[A]

I missed that show.

[C]

I was bummed.

[B]

We're in a pavement show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dinosaur Jr. Sonic attack.

[A]

Yeah, you had. You are in Los Angeles outside the Palladium. You look at the marquee and Pavement had just played there. But guess what? It's empty now. And as you look around, Hollywood is in ruins.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

You're in a destroy. You're in sitting in the middle of some sort of massive attack, but it's empty. You're in the aftermath.

[B]

Is it the band mask?

[A]

I guess. There are stones rolling past you. Tiny beetles crawl all about.

[C]

Stone roses in the garden.

[A]

Yes. Garden's also full of sounds, of screams.

[C]

The sun is a black hole.

[A]

You're in some sort of, like, aftermath or in the middle. Some. Some giant thing, some giant battle or something is. A lot of destruction has happened here. So two doors, let's say two cracks form in the pavement in front of you. The first crack takes the form of a mushroom cloud. The second crack takes the form of a burning knight.

[C]

You got an inkling one way or the other here?

[B]

I don't. Do you have any ideas?

[C]

I feel like Mushroom Cloud is really doomy night on fire. We can handle that.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[C]

I'm not trying to do nuclear apocalypse here. Let's go.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Medieval terror.

[A]

Now, I will say, it doesn't necessarily mean there's an atomic bomb back there.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Just might be associated a symbol that's associated.

[B]

If it's associated with atomic weapons. I mean, we might end up fighting fucking Godzilla.

[C]

Oh, I mean, that could be fun.

[B]

That could be fun. But I mean, he's going to be fucking massive damage. He's enormous.

[C]

You want to go bigger? Go home, though.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Fuck it. Mushroom cloud.

[A]

Okay, let's do this. Riley, you look over and you see a. Let's see. How are we going to pick this lock and sneak up on whatever's back there, Whatever's gonna rise? Maybe we can't guess what. You can't. The. The floor begins to rumble. The ground begins to quake and crack. You guys are separated on opposite sides.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Of the earthquake, as you predicted, Godzilla rises. It can't be BCC&D without a dragon. At the end of this, Godzilla is here. He. I may have underpowered him. Here.

[C]

Oh, my God. Tenny. That's my favorite childhood toy. I had that exact Godzilla. And it was my favorite thing, my most favorite possession in the world when I was a kid.

[B]

Oh, that's.

[C]

I love that you have that. That's so great.

[B]

You can't even. You. Well, where I took him from, you can't even see it. I'll move My camera. I actually have a diorama of a whole city back there that's being destroyed by monsters. Look here.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I feel like there's a skyscraper there. King Kong is there. Godzilla's here.

[C]

That's so cool.

[A]

I love it. Okay, guys, I'm glad we're hitting.

[C]

We're hitting real nostalgia notes here. Godzilla taking down Godzilla.

[A]

1, 000 hit points.

[C]

No problem. No problem.

[A]

Not a problem now.

[B]

Got him.

[A]

I just want to remind. Well, what do you want to do?

[C]

I need to summon Mothra with my harp.

[A]

You cannot do that. However, I will remind you that you each have magic stones in your pockets.

[C]

Yeah. What's up with those stones?

[A]

I was never asked about those stones.

[C]

We've kind of saved them for the.

[A]

End, but now we put them together.

[B]

Like my two year adventure. And then Godzilla just disappeared.

[A]

Well, let's get another round of pancakes. Now remember, you're on opposite sides the stones. Well, do you want to take them out?

[C]

Yeah, let's pull out the stones.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Because we're going to use them.

[A]

Pull out the stones. What do you want to do? The stones glow in your hands. And you feel, as you hold them, you feel a pull between each stone in each of your hands. What would you like to do?

[C]

Now? The first impulse would be to put the stones together. Right. But I think we need to utilize the pull of the stones to get them to join across the gap. I think if we join them maybe ourselves, it's not as good. Like, we got to use the pole to connect them. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's where. That's where my mind goes.

[B]

How far apart are we?

[A]

You guys are about 20ft apart.

[C]

Not that far.

[A]

How pull.

[B]

How much is how. How great is the pull on these stones?

[A]

Well, well, let's see. The pull to. Towards one another. Like, basically the closer you get, the stronger it is. So as you hold them about a foot apart in each hand, you really feel that pull. But if you angle them across that gap, you can feel them drawn towards the. All four drawn towards each other. Okay.

[C]

But you toss them over that gap, you could really. We could lose it all here. 20ft. How long is my whip?

[A]

Your whip's about five and a half feet.

[C]

Yeah, typical.

[A]

Yeah. Whip length.

[B]

But if you. If you attach them to one of your arrows.

[C]

Oh, can I arrow a stone over to John?

[A]

Yeah, you. You can. You can give that a shot.

[C]

It's either that or like slingshot it with the whip.

[A]

I mean, you don't Know what's going to happen here?

[C]

I know there's. Is there any way around this chasm or.

[A]

No, no. It runs all the way up and down, like Hollywood Boulevard from. Or Sunset Boulevard from. As far as you can see.

[C]

And I can.

[A]

And you have Godzilla rising. It's like, right at the. Like right near the Cinerama Dome. He's showing up.

[C]

And I can't use the whip to sort of like Indiana Jones swing across a street light or something.

[A]

There is a. There is a street light hanging over that. You could attempt to do that if you want to, but if I fall, that's it.

[C]

Am I dead?

[A]

That's a tough question. I mean, you look down and there is molten lava down there. Now, but the stone. I mean, the stones are attracted to each other in your hands.

[B]

That's what I mean. Like, if we throw. If I throw.

[C]

Get up on that mic, Tenny.

[A]

There's a pull even across.

[B]

Like, I'm saying, like they're pulling toward each other.

[A]

Riley.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like. If you see how it goes, like if you launch, like, 20ft for an arrow, is nothing.

[C]

Nothing. No big deal.

[B]

Right? So if you attach it to an arrow and shoot one across to me.

[C]

Let's do that. Let's start there.

[B]

Start there.

[C]

Fire one stone.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Attached.

[A]

Remember, you can shoot two arrows, too. Back to back.

[C]

Let's go back to back. Stone to stone. Let's do this.

[A]

You still have some of that duct tape left?

[C]

I gotta get these stones to Tenny. I think it's our only hope.

[A]

Okay, so you've got them. Because of the. The pull between stones, you have to cross 20ft. That's not too bad for an arrow. You gotta roll a. You gotta cross 20. So I'm gonna say even with the pull, you get a modifier plus 8. That's 20 there. So I'm gonna say it's a roll. On a 12, you gotta roll. What do you think? What do you think, Tenny here? I'm gonna say you have to roll an 8, an 8 or below. This is tricky because, like, trying to.

[B]

Figure out how this would work.

[A]

Yeah. How would this math work here? Your dexterity is. Okay, your dexterity is 12. Your strength is 7. So it's 18. So I think on a 20, and with the modifier of, let's say, 2 from the gravitational pull, like if you roll a 15 or I think below, how do we. I think.

[B]

I think that. So his. His. His dexterity is what?

[A]

His dexterity is 12. And his strength is 11.

[B]

And then there's an initial pull. So I think honestly, like, those are good numbers.

[A]

I mean, it's really good numbers.

[B]

I think you gotta roll, I think two 20s and you've gotta roll at least 20.

[A]

I. Yeah, I think that works.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah. So I actually think it's.

[C]

That's 50. 50.

[A]

I think it's actually less. I think it's eight. I think you gotta roll. You gotta roll eight or you gotta roll eight or above on two twenties.

[B]

Eight or above on two hundred and twenty. Does that make sense?

[A]

I think so. Okay, rolling. Oh, wait.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay, here we go. First arrow.

[C]

Okay, first arrow.

[A]

Three. Dude, me. Okay. So you fire the first arrow in the air. It's in the air, flying. I need to pull the second arrow.

[C]

Lift it up the.

[A]

So now on this one, if you're going to carry that arrow all the way over, rapid fire style, you have to roll a 15.

[C]

I just had to have to say eight total. That's all I got to do.

[B]

Yeah, you got an eight total. On two.

[A]

Yeah, on two. Okay.

[B]

Because one dice once.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

One.

[C]

Oh, I lost my stones.

[A]

Here's what happens. So they. You don't lose them. They pull back. They basically just. Basically spin around each other and pull back towards where you were standing and hit the ground.

[C]

So there's just nothing just.

[A]

It's just nothing happened.

[B]

They didn't go anywhere.

[A]

They just basically went you again. And boomerang. They boomeranged back.

[C]

Epic.

[A]

This is a big, big fail. Okay, Tenny, what do you want to do? Because God, Godzilla is about to strike.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've got the two stones in your hands that are. Are pulling towards one another.

[B]

Yeah. So I put the two together.

[A]

Okay. At this point, Penny puts the two stones together, and guess what happens?

[C]

What?

[A]

A mech suit. A giant mech suit forms. Cool. It's a. The. The. It is the Ace Haynes mech suit. It's all black, it's covered in occult symbols, and it's got cigarettes. Giant cigarettes in each shoulder. Hell yeah. Tenny jumps in, turns on the lights, immediately sees that this Mech suit has 200 hit points ready to go. Cool. Okay, you have a specialty attack. Cigarette missiles. And. But all of your attacks are special attacks. And you have Sigil Blast. Those are both pre programmed.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And those are going to be worth each two. Those are each going to be worth three 20 rolls.

[B]

Three 20s.

[A]

Okay. But both of those specialty attacks take a full turn to recharge. So if you use them once, you Can't. You can't use them back to back in turns. Now here's the thing. Any weapon that you have is replicated in energy mech form. So you basically have a big old laser ax that will be double the damage. So it'll be 40 damage instead of 20. And if you do your double thing, you can roll potentially an 80. Godzilla. Now here's the thing you only come up to. This mech suit's only about halfway up. Godzilla. But it's better than being a person.

[B]

Yes. And I'm assuming that as soon as that happens. Can I assume that as soon as Xanthor sees me do that, Xanthor does the same thing.

[A]

Xanthor is what I would do.

[C]

Let's be real.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Xanthor.

[C]

Thank God my stones didn't fall into the abyss.

[A]

Xanthor stones don't do anything. Just kidding. Xanthor forms a. The Xanthor mech, which is basically like if you could combined combine a panther and a. A dark elf from space. So it's a panther. It's like a panther. Anthropomorphic panther. Metal panther with golden yellow like hair, pointy ears. It's got a light. It's got light arrows. And your special abilities are you've got the headbang so you can whip that hair. And you've got air guitar where you come. Yeah, you basically have a light guitar that you can use to. Yeah, shoot. Shoot. Shit.

[C]

Okay, cool.

[A]

Shoot. Sonic blast. Cool. All laser effects. And you got your laser arrows, your laser knife and your laser whip.

[C]

Cool.

[B]

Always wanted a laser guitar.

[C]

Me too, man. Me too.

[B]

Ever since watching Phantom of the Park.

[A]

So tenny, you dryly's there, but he. He doesn't get to strike until after Godzilla strikes. Tenny, you're the first to strike Godzilla. What are you gonna do?

[B]

I mean, I'm going.

[A]

You got your cigarette missiles and you got your Sigil blast.

[B]

Yeah, I'm going. Cigarette missiles.

[A]

Okay, great. Cigarette missiles. So the cigarette packs go from each shoulder and there are 20 missiles that launch from each cannon. So you get to roll a 23 times and that's going to be the damage that you do to Godzilla. All right, 4, 16, 20, 15, 35, 15. Okay, that's 35 off of 1,000.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

So he's at 965 hit points.

[C]

Perfect.

[A]

Okay, so Godzilla strikes. Godzilla's gonna stomp at tenny. So Godzilla gets. Godzilla gets so 10. You have 200 hit points. Godzilla gets, Godzilla gets. Basically, how we're doing this is Godzilla's attack. Is gonna be a 12 die with a six die. And then we're gonna times. Whatever.

[C]

Oh, we're in trouble.

[A]

We're gonna do an eight with a six.

[C]

How about much stronger weapons?

[A]

Okay, well, seven. Maybe we should times two. That's not bad. Seven times two. All right.

[C]

This is a measly 14.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Who's this guy?

[A]

Oh my goodness. Okay, seven times two. So. So you only get 14 chipped off your 200 nothing. You know, because you got a lot of defense in this mech suit right now. I do. Well, question. Okay. Yes.

[C]

Can I fly over to Tenny and can we become one singular entity Pacific Rim style?

[A]

Buddy, why do you think all those stones want to get together?

[C]

That's what I'm talking about. So I look to Tenny and I say, leap over the gorge, my brother.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And we will jump up and join into one mind melded.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Charlie Day, Pacific Rim Super Mac. Super Mac.

[A]

So now you are a. You basically become a giant mega bigfoot Mega scout. Hell yeah. So you're a giant robotic Bigfoot. It. You have all the abilities that you had before, including your cigarette missiles, your sigil blast, your headbang, your air guitar. But you also have a fist punch. And you have log cannons that come out of your back. Those are rolled with a die anywhere between 10 and 100. But though. Well actually 0 and 100. Okay, okay, okay. On one of these guys.

[C]

Oh, look at that guy.

[A]

Okay, Right. Do you got one of those? Tenny?

[B]

What was it?

[A]

It's like. It's like a 10 sided diamond that goes from 0 to 100.

[C]

Could also just be a regular 10 sided and just add.

[A]

It's also tune. You could just. Yeah, that's true.

[B]

I have 100.

[A]

Okay, great. You can roll that.

[C]

But I've never even seen that.

[A]

Your HP now combined is 800.

[C]

Hell y. All right. Godzilla. Look out.

[A]

So guess what? Godzilla. Godzilla's gonna up his game. Godzilla has now from the radiation that's created the black that's created by you guys combining has boosted Godzilla. And now Godzilla can roll with this ten sided die with its attack.

[C]

Godzilla loves radiation.

[A]

Okay, it's a. Here we go, everybody. Let's go now.

[C]

Hollywood will never be the same.

[A]

You're combined. Riley, you're going to make a move. What do you want to do?

[C]

Log cannons.

[A]

Log cannons. Let's roll that 100, baby. Launching the log cannons.

[C]

Look at this die. That's like a death star.

[A]

It is.

[B]

How does one even.

[A]

How's this gonna work?

[B]

It'll stop eventually.

[C]

Basically A sphere.

[B]

It is a sphere. It's got tiny little.

[C]

It's going to be like a 2 29.

[A]

That's why I thought we'd use mine because it's never going to be going to do more damage. You can reprogram to mine if you want to. Okay.

[C]

We might have to.

[A]

All right, here we go.

[C]

That is a very impressive die.

[A]

However, you guys. Boom land 70 on Godzilla.

[C]

All right.

[A]

70 damage. So what was Godzilla? He had like 14 taken off him.

[B]

965 is what Godzilla.

[A]

965 minus 70. 895. All right. Godzilla retaliates with a laser blast from his mouth. And that damage does only 20 on you guys.

[C]

No big deal. No big deal.

[A]

So you guys are from 800 down to 760. Sorry. 780. Okay. Godzilla's at 895. Tenny, what do you want to do?

[C]

What's the move here?

[A]

You can't do log cannons. Need to take a minute to recharge. So you have a fist punch. You can do big old fist punch.

[B]

How much damage does my laser ax?

[A]

Your laser ax? Basically, you add a zero to your. Your 20. Die.

[C]

That could be 200.

[A]

Can go up to 200.

[B]

I said. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Let's go with that.

[A]

Yeah. And you can still do a double roll if you want to.

[C]

Double laser ax.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. You want to do it? All right.

[B]

What? You got to roll because you got the yep or what?

[C]

Same time.

[A]

You roll 20 and I rolled. Oh, wait. Yeah, we roll the 20. We just added zero to each roll. Okay, here we go. Ready?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

13 and 90.

[C]

130 and nine.

[A]

Oh, wait. Nine. So nine. So 90 and 130 minus 90. Minus 130. Wait, where was I? 780. No, no, no. Where was he? Shit.

[B]

895.

[A]

895. Thank you. 895 minus 220. 220. He's down to 675. Boys. We're doing good.

[C]

We're doing.

[A]

Riley, it's your turn to. To attack a laser guitar. Laser guitar. All right, we're gonna roll out of 0 to 100. Let's see what happens.

[C]

I know I could do more damage with a double laser arrow.

[A]

70. That's what I'm talking about. 70. No. All right. I can't.

[C]

I can't walk away not having used my laser guitar.

[A]

Godzilla.

[C]

Strategically not.

[A]

Godzilla retaliates. Sorry, I didn't mean to step on you.

[C]

It's okay.

[A]

Godzilla retaliates with a Tail swing. That's kind of like a. An axe throw. So it's going to be a zero added to the 2040 damage.

[C]

No problem.

[A]

So you're down to 740 to his 605. Tenny, what are you doing?

[C]

The odds are in our favor.

[A]

You want to call that Necromancer? You want to see if that little skeleton is there?

[B]

Like a laser Necromancer now?

[A]

Yeah, you can have a laser giant laser skeleton. He'll add. He'll add 20.

[B]

That. I'm using my laser ax. It did good damage.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

Like 400 points of damage.

[A]

Okay, here we go. Now you.

[B]

Oh, but I can only. I can only use it 1, 2 times per battle.

[A]

Yeah, you can't do double.

[B]

Yeah. So it's just one.

[A]

Yeah. All right, so we'll go for it.

[B]

13.

[A]

So 130. Okay. Wait, where were we? God damn it. What was 6:35?

[B]

6:35.

[A]

Was it 6:35?

[C]

505, baby.

[A]

Minus 120.

[C]

130.

[A]

130. 130. I did typed wrong. 505. Yeah, might have done some horse math there, but we're okay. Riley, what do you want to do?

[C]

Double laser arrow.

[A]

Okay, so two 12s at a zero. Why don't you roll that for me, tenny?

[C]

Let's go.

[B]

2:12. 12.

[C]

Huzzah.

[B]

8.

[A]

He's down to 305, guys. But he's warming up for a mega dragon. Or, sorry. Mega laser blast.

[C]

Oh, yeah, he's gonna hit us.

[A]

Which? Tenny, you can strike him before he does it, but then he's going to strike twice after your turn.

[B]

All right, I'm swinging at him with the axe again.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Actually, I'm gonna go at him with my cigarette missiles.

[A]

Okay, great. So cigarette missiles. We're gonna roll here. 0 to 170. Damage again. Consistent. 70. All right, he unleashes two giant laser blasts. So this is a 20 plus a 0. Twice. The first one is 60 damage on you guys, and then the second one is 80 damage. Minus 60 minus 80. So hold on. He's at 240, you guys. 7,040 minus 60. Minus 80. We're. You guys heard? 600 to his 240. What are you gonna do?

[C]

I'm gonna power up our shields. I'm going to play that laser harp.

[A]

Oh, you're going to do the song of. Song of dreams.

[C]

Dreams.

[B]

Song of dreams.

[A]

Okay, great. So that's on an eight. So we're going to add a zero to that. So roll. Roll that.

[B]

You know what? It's you know what it sounds like?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Song of dreams.

[A]

I'm singing my song of dreams. Roll an ape for him, Tenny. Or roll it. Yeah.

[C]

Theremin.

[A]

That thing is four. Okay, so we got plus 40. Shields up on his next attack. Okay, now do you want. You can attack because the magic spell doesn't take a turn.

[C]

Okay, what have I not used?

[A]

So you have fireball, right? You have fireball. You have whip. You have a flash of. You haven't done. Flash of light. You haven't done.

[C]

I feel like flash of light's gonna give him power. Also, like, we should work against me.

[A]

We should have added 10, too. We keep forgetting tennis. Tenny's attacks have a mod. Fire plus one. We're fine. We're fine.

[C]

Godzilla. Let's laser. Have I laser whipped yet?

[A]

You have, because you.

[B]

That's a two. That's a two.

[A]

Whipper whip.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Laser whip is going to be a two. Eight sides at a zero. Great, great.

[C]

Laser whip.

[B]

Six, 60.

[A]

So 60, guys. And then do it again. You can do it again.

[C]

I thought you were doing the other.

[A]

Because you've re dexterity. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Four.

[C]

All right, 100.

[A]

So two. Yep, yep, yep. You're at 140. You're 140. So 140 for Godzilla, Tenny. Godzilla. Godzilla's pissed. He stomps. He's gonna stomp on you guys, okay? And that is gonna be 80 off of you.

[C]

But what about our shields?

[A]

Yep. So only 40 damage.

[C]

No problem.

[A]

So you're down to your. What? What number we go, you guys. 305.

[C]

I couldn't tell you. I'm not writing this down.

[A]

I was. Hold on.

[B]

I'm trying to find it on this.

[A]

I know. Me too.

[B]

Look at this paper.

[A]

Hold on. I had 740 minus 60. Minus.

[C]

Wow. That. I want frame.

[A]

Look at that.

[C]

Oh, look at the portrait.

[B]

Look at my guy down here.

[C]

I like your little portrait of yourself. Your notes are much more.

[A]

Yeah, you're 600.

[C]

These are my notes, John.

[A]

So you're low. You're at 560. You're at 560 right now.

[B]

Oh, we got him, Tenny.

[A]

Let's go. Where's Godzilla? What is he down to? What? I say 140.

[C]

He's toast, man.

[B]

It's toasting.

[A]

You can. You can do guitars and you got. You got. Well, 10. He's got control of the cigarette missile sigil blast. Which you haven't done yet. Oh, yeah, you do fist punch. You can just punch him. You know what I mean? Like, what do you want to do.

[B]

First of all, I'm calling out my laser necromancy.

[A]

Great.

[C]

So less chance to redeem yourself.

[B]

Less chance.

[A]

So, yes. Plus one attack per round. So we said plus two. So this is going to be a plus 20. But you got to roll an odd number on a 12. Can't do it. Okay, you can attack though.

[B]

I'm just going. I'm just gonna.

[C]

What's a sigil blast?

[B]

Yeah, I'm doing a sigil.

[A]

Sigil blast is going to be 0 to 100. But it's.

[B]

We do a crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And it's gonna. It's gonna hold him for a turn. It's gonna hold him in a like, purple crystal for a turn. Energy crystal for a turn.

[C]

That's a good. That's a good way to finish it off.

[A]

Okay, and the.

[C]

But three hour episode.

[A]

Here we go. Okay. 80 damage and he's held for one turn.

[C]

So he's down to like, double digits, right?

[A]

Yeah. Also, I told everybody this is going to be a long episode.

[C]

Oh, I'm bored. I want to end strong.

[A]

60S. 60. He's held. What are you gonna do, Riley?

[B]

Wipe him out.

[C]

Let's just punch him. Let's use our Bigfoot punch.

[A]

Okay. On a 20, combine. Add a. Yeah. Add a zero on a punch. Bigfoot mech punch.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Yep. Out of zero. Rolling pretty much.

[C]

Can't lose.

[B]

12.

[A]

120. You punch Godzilla's head off.

[B]

It just pops off.

[A]

Pops off. Godzilla's head crashes to the ground. You guys disassemble the mech, you reform at the foot of the Cinerama Dome. And suddenly you look up. An orb of pink light appears over the Hollywood Hills. It floats towards you. As it gets closer, you can see that the. The orb of pink light is actually a giant glass bottle of Whispering Angel Rose. The glass explodes into light shards. Michael, still holding his two glasses of now empty, floats to the ground. All three of you look around. Suddenly you're standing in an empty field. It's as if the Ren Faire was never even there. Guys, where are we? What happened? Riley and Tenny, you two look at each other and laugh. Riley says, it's a long story. And Tenny says, how about we go find a bottle of rose and tell you all about it?

[B]

Wait, what's going on over there with Xanthor?

[A]

Xanthor. What are you doing?

[B]

No. Mike.

[A]

What happened? Did we lose you? Oh, no. This is the end of the whole thing. Are you back? I can't believe we lost him. As soon as you.

[C]

I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. Okay, Nova unplugged my audio interface.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's so funny. What did you hear?

[C]

Pink ball of light.

[A]

Okay, here we go. An orb. Pink. An orb of pink light appears on the horizon. It floats towards the both of you. As it gets closer, you guys can see that the bubble is actually a giant glass bottle of Whispering Angel Rose. The glass explodes into light. Michael, still holding his two glasses of rose, now empty, floats to the ground like a feather. All three of you look around. You're suddenly standing in an empty field. It's as if the Ren Faire was never even there. Guys, where are we? What happened? Riley and Tenny, you two look at one another and laugh. Riley says, it's a long story, buddy.

[C]

You wouldn't believe it.

[A]

Tenny says, how about we go find a bottle of rose and tell you?

[B]

Let's get drunk?

[A]

There we go.

[C]

I know a great pub.

[A]

Just gotta figure out how to get there. We pan up to the starry night sky. A star shoots across the cosmic landscape. It explodes into the shape of applesauce and winks to camera. The end.

[C]

What an epic journey.

[A]

We did it.

[C]

That was. My God, baby.

[A]

New Year Bigfoot's Monster Showdown. The Doors of doom. The fifth installment of Zombie Bigfoot. Scary 16 monster showdown, perhaps the most epic contest yet. I mean, guys, it's now just become a full BCC&D game. Who knows what we're gonna do this October? Tenny, I can't imagine a better guest to have on to do this with us. Thank you for walking me through. Now, I just have one question for you. Do I know how to play D and D now?

[B]

You play D and D the way that I've always played D and D. Great.

[A]

You just kind of make it up and have fun as you go along. Great. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, so that's the thing, right? Like, there's this. When I started playing D, D, literally, the game had been around for five years.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

And so they were figuring out, like, the methodology of how to play it. Now it's, like, super complicated. There's modifiers. You roll for everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's. It's just. It's become super cumbersome. Like, whenever we played, we were like, fuck that. Like, we'll roll for the important stuff. We'll roll to have fun. Like, it's an imaginary world. We've got some set ground rules, but, like, just don't worry about it, you know?

[A]

Well, Tenny, as a Gift.

[B]

Like, you have to have conversations like in Dungeons and Dragons. Like, you have to roll to see. Like, when we were on the opposite sides of the chasms, like, we would be rolling to see if we could hear each other over the noise.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, it's just endlessly rolling.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I knew that some of that stuff was going to be more minute than what I. What I designed, but I didn't want to slow it. I mean, slow it really down, you know what I mean?

[C]

We're not doing two years in an IHOP here.

[A]

I mean, did I think this episode would go after midnight? No, I didn't. Did I think it was going to be almost one o' clock in the morning when we finished? I did not.

[B]

3:20.

[A]

Oh, my God, it's almost 4:00am for Tenny Legend. Wow, what a legend. John Tenney. Johnny L. Tenney. Thank you for being here. I'm gonna send you. Tenny. Email me your address because I'm going to send you. I collect the little Lego minifigures and I got a. I got a extra little Necromancer figurine. So I'm going to send that to you. Riley. I have the Tiefling Warlock that I meant to give to you during our Christmas campfire and forgot, so you're gonna get that as well.

[B]

Do you ever do, like, giveaway presents for your patrons?

[A]

We can.

[C]

We should.

[B]

I. I want to mail you this.

[C]

Oh, yeah. My God, look at that.

[A]

So how do. Great. Yeah, let's do it. So who.

[C]

That's amazing.

[A]

Who should we mail that to?

[C]

Let's do a.

[A]

How do we figure it out?

[B]

I'll mail it to you and then you pick, like, a patron to give it to.

[A]

Okay, we'll figure that out, everybody.

[C]

We'll figure it out.

[A]

Sounds good.

[C]

Oh, man, that sheet is a piece. A work of art right there.

[A]

It's pretty great.

[B]

Such nonsense. We can.

[C]

If yours is nonsense. That's.

[B]

We can.

[C]

We can throw that into.

[A]

I at least have these character sheet. I'll throw in the character sheets. Yeah, the full notes. Yeah, I've got like, notes that I was making with numbers on them. I've got. I. You guys didn't see this. I lost some of them, but I actually had some, like, doors, little doors that I made. Oh, do you guys want to know the monsters that you didn't face? Real quick before we go. Might as well. All right, here are the monsters you did not fight.

[B]

Wait a second. When you said so, you started playing D and D or wanted to start Never.

[A]

I've never. I like. I like the. I like the. The world of D and D. And I like the. I like all of the accoutrements of D and D. But I've never played.

[B]

Yeah, look at. I'll just show you this. Just quickly. I know we're at the end.

[A]

Like, I like tiamat and I like. You know, I like how it all looks. It's great. Tenny's bending over. He's grabbing something.

[C]

Oh no.

[A]

He spilled a ton of marbles.

[B]

Those are all dice.

[C]

Of dice.

[B]

Do you know what these are?

[A]

No. Those are cool though. What are they? God, you got some old school, huh?

[B]

Yeah. These are. When you play Dungeons and Dragons, you would go and you would buy the lead figurines of all the monsters.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Like they don't even make them anymore because these were made out of lead.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

It's not a good idea.

[A]

Gary Gygax, what were you thinking?

[B]

But I got all my lead figurines.

[A]

Did you paint any of them? Did you do anything?

[B]

I did, but I actually. A couple during COVID I stripped them all back to.

[A]

To the original.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, that rules.

[A]

Love it. Okay. Room one, the woods. You did not face the. The door with the bell. Behind that door was an alien gray from no one will save you because remember she stabbed it with a little steeple that had a bell in it. So the bell witch was a. It was a red herring room to the graveyard. You fought Beetlejuice. You could have fought Margaret Pool, the. The woman who was had the botched beheading at the Tower of London. You would have fought her ghost at the colonial farmhouse with the pond where you fought the Jersey devil. If you had gone through the door with a sparkling wand, you would have faced frogman from the frogman movie in the pub. If you hadn't fought the werewolf American werewolf in London, you would have faced the beast of Bladenborough from the door with the scratch marks. I think you guys picked the right one there. It was always the. It was always screen ghost face Riley's childhood bedroom. You could have faced Kentucky goblins and hairy alien dwarfs in the love den inside of a ufo. You would have fought the sexy alien that seduced and Antonio Villas Boas.

[B]

I had a feeling on that one.

[A]

In the circus ring it would have been a phantom clown. Notions were right on that. That was from this year.

[C]

Right?

[A]

And then if you had not faced Godzilla, you would have faced a mythological dragon. It's. You know, so. Cuz I had to put a dragon in this.

[C]

We went classic Godzilla.

[A]

Yeah, you went. I was glad you went Godzilla. I was kind of pushing. You go that way. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So guess what. You too, Tenny Riley, are the ultimate champions. We did. Of 2024 slash 2025. So great job, everybody.

[C]

Thanks for hanging with us, everybody.

[A]

Thanks for being here. We love you guys. Where there's love. Oh, check out woopod. What's up, weirdo? Check out weird lectures. New new website coming soon or updated website coming soon. Check out woo pods. What's up, weirdos?

[B]

Patreon Weird lectures is going to become our weird world dot com.

[C]

Oh, cool.

[A]

Our world weird world dot com. I love that. We love you guys. Where there's love, there's kisses.

[C]

Thank you, Patreons.

[A]

How am I gonna come up with more rules for next year? More rules. More rules. Applesauce. Bigfoot Collectors Club is produced and engineered by Riley Bray and executive produced by Riley bray and Michael McMillan. Our theme song come alone is by Sun Eaters, courtesy of Lotus Pool Records. Follow some Suneaters on Spotify for three bonus episodes every month and ad free episodes. Check out BCC the Other side at patreon.com bigfootcollectors club.