Bigfoot Collectors Club: Declassified – "Zombie Bigfoot's Scary 16 Monster Showdown 5" w/ John E.L. Tenney

Podcast: Bigfoot Collectors Club
Host: Wood Elf Media (Michael McMillian & Riley Bray)
Guest: John E.L. Tenney
Date: March 26, 2025

Episode Overview

This playful, sprawling episode sees actor Michael McMillian, musician Riley Bray, and guest John E.L. Tenney embark on the annual "Scary 16 Monster Showdown"—a high-strangeness bracket pitting cryptids and movie monsters against each other. For Showdown 5, the game is re-imagined as a chaotic, homebrewed Dungeons & Dragons-style adventure, with Michael as the inexperienced (yet gleeful) "Doomsayer" guiding Riley and Tenny through a tournament to determine the ultimate champion of the paranormal and pop culture creatures. The trio role-plays improvised characters, rolls dice, faces wild monster battles (both classic and obscure), jokes ceaselessly, and shares personal stories—all laced with D&D mechanics, in-jokes, and lighthearted anarchy.

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

Setting Up "BCC&D": Monster Showdown as D&D (00:31–08:36)

• Michael introduces the annual Scary 16 Monster Showdown, where movie and high-strangeness monsters compete in a bracket-style tournament (past winners: E.T., venomized Ripley, The Nun).
• This year: a twist! The event is reimagined as a Dungeons & Dragons-inspired roleplay campaign, with Michael as first-time "Dungeon Master" ("Doomsayer").
• John E.L. Tenney brings true D&D cred ("I've played Dungeons and Dragons since I was nine years old" – Tenney, 03:47), while Michael confesses he's an enthusiast but never played.
• New lore: The bracket is broken; 16 mystical doors must be opened and monsters faced to rescue Michael's character, with "Baby New Year Bigfoot" as the mascot.

Michael [02:08]: "These are make-them-up fun journeys that we go on. And as listeners like to know...I like rules."

The Adventure Begins: Renaissance Faire & Cryptid Cryptorium (08:36–20:07)

• Campaign launches at a Michigan Ren Faire, where Michael goes missing; Riley (as "Xanthor," a dark elf bard) and Tenney ("Ace Haynes," barbarian wizard) start searching.
• They're quickly drawn into a purple-fogged, carnival-esque "Cryptid Cryptorium" with statues of Charles Fort and Vincent Price, which cleverly holds a hidden key under Fort's mustache (18:03).
• Rules are established for character creation: rolling attributes (strength, dexterity, etc.), classes, and picking magical gear (axe, staff, harp/bow, dagger).

Tenney [04:49]: "Original from when I was a kid, my original monster manual, my original player's handbook, all of them."

Character Creation: Chaos and Comedy (20:07–37:02)

• Riley becomes "Xanthor" the intergalactic bard (harp that turns into a bow). Tenney is "Ace Haynes," classic brute/barbarian (great axe).
• Dice rolled for stats, skills, hit points, magical abilities, and temporary buffs (e.g., Applesauce's Kiss for a bonus move).
• Players pick avatars (brute or alien), which affect attack/defense, and select spells (fireball, flash of light, necromancer, snowball).
• Recurring joke: Michael’s loose grasp on rules, Tenney providing “House Rules” a.k.a. "The Tenney Clause".

Riley [24:15]: "Hopefully I'll end up weak and smart."

Michael [21:07]: "I wrote it like Hanes underwear."

Encounters & Monster Fights – Notable Battles

1. Alba Twitch (Albino Mini-Bigfoot) – The Power of Snacks

• Tenney offers the cryptid an apple, bypassing the fight entirely ([40:59–41:04]).

2. Flatwoods Monster ([44:31]) – Teamwork Prevails

• Riley flubs a flash-of-light spell and is squirted with oil, Tenny delivers brute ax blows, and a critical fireball from "Xanthor" explodes the monster.
• Memorable quote:

  Tenney [49:59]: "When you roll a one on a 20...that's called a botch, which means that I swung at him, I didn't hit him at all, and I spun around in a circle and fell down."

3. Beetlejuice ([60:14]) – D&D Logic Meets Movie Rules

• Riley picks the lock so hard it knocks over Beetlejuice for a sneak attack.
• Tenny pummels Beetlejuice with double axe attacks; Riley charms him with song, then they exploit musical rules to dominate.
• Michael reminds: “Movie rules and...monster rules apply.”
• Joke: "You guys could have just said 'Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice' and eliminated him immediately..." ([66:42])

4. Jersey Devil ([70:53]) – Sick Burns & Horse Kicks

• Direct attack; specialty moves like horse kick and witty burns, swiftly dispatched.

5. American Werewolf in London (Pub Brawl, [81:43])

• Drunken brawl in a pub’s men’s room (HP -1 for beer buzz).
• Knife and axe attacks, flash of light, and attempts to outwit using barfight tactics and environment.
• Slapstick accident: werewolf slips on piss, misses the attack.

6. Ghostface (Scream-Killer) – Side Quest ([104:23])

• Haunted kitchen scenario: phone calls, horror-movie tropes (“I’ll be right back!”).
• Stabbed with his own knife, smashed with a grandfather clock, ultimately unmasked as the Chupacabra’s dad!

7. Childhood Nightmare Room: Gremlins’ Stripe & Ernest’s Troll ([123:24])

• Stripe fights with a frying pan and blender, troll stuns Riley with a fear attack.
• Riley defeats Stripe instantly with a flashlight spell (“Bright light, bright light!”), then devises creative weapon combos to finish off the troll.

8. Alien Love Den: Sil from Species ([134:40])

• Seduction challenged—Riley distracts Sil by taking off his shirt and rolling charisma dice, giving the team multiple free rounds.
• Copious damage dealt—“laser tail” move for win.

9. Circus Tent: Art the Clown (Terrifier) ([150:59])

• Whip, double-axe attacks, cleave through Art.
• Weapon vulnerabilities and special "buzzsaw" attacks.
• Tenny’s necromancer ability finally succeeds.

10. Final Boss – GODZILLA ([160:59–188:15])

• Climactic battle in post-apocalyptic Hollywood outside the Palladium.
• Godzilla rises from a mushroom cloud crack, 1,000 HP; Riley and Tenny temporarily separated by a gorge.
• They combine magical "stones" (allusion to a 2-year IHOP D&D campaign Tenney once played) to create a MEGA MECH Bigfoot—merging their powers, using laser axes, log cannons, whip, laser arrows, and signature moves (cigarette missiles, sigil blast, headbang, air guitar).
• Godzilla retaliates but is ultimately decapitated by a Bigfoot punch.

Riley [175:24]: "Leap over the gorge, my brother. We will jump up and join into one mind-melded...Pacific Rim Super Mech."

Michael [188:15]: "You punch Godzilla's head off."

Denouement, Epilogue, & D&D Philosophy (189:39–end)

• Michael's character, Michael, floats back down sabbatical-style in a rose-pink light, the quest done, the Ren Faire landscape vanished.

• The team reflects—"Do I know how to play D&D now?" "You play D&D the way I've always played D&D," says Tenney.

• Tenney riffs on old-school, DIY D&D:

  Tenney [191:56]: "You just kind of make it up and have fun as you go along."

• Friendly gifting of Lego minifigures (Necromancer, Tiefling Warlock) and dice/figurine talk.

• Michael reveals the monsters that were NOT fought (e.g., Alien Grey from "No One Will Save You", phantom clown, dragon).

• Warm thanks, teasing more rules for next year, ending with the classic BCC benediction:

  Michael [198:12]: "We love you guys. Where there’s love, there’s kisses."

Notable Quotes

• Michael [03:26]: "Rules are nothing more fun than rules. Fun, structured fun."
• Tenney [04:47]: "This is like me cooking a steak for Anthony Bourdain."
• Riley [40:59]: "[To Alba Twitch] Give him that apple?" – (they avoid a fight with kindness)
• Michael [66:42]: "You guys could have just said 'Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.' and eliminated him."
• Tenney [191:56]: "You play D&D the way that I've always played D&D. You just kind of make it up and have fun as you go along."
• Riley [175:24]: "Leap over the gorge, my brother..."

Timestamps for Key Segments

• D&D Mechanics Explained & Character Creation: 08:36–37:02
• First Monster Encounter (Alba Twitch): 40:59–41:04
• Flatwoods Monster Battle: 44:31–49:56
• Beetlejuice Battle: 60:14–66:42
• Jersey Devil, Leads Devil battle: 70:53–74:53
• American Werewolf in London pub fight: 81:43–88:11
• Ghostface (Scream) – Kitchen Side Quest: 104:23–123:04
• Stripe & Ernest’s Troll (Childhood Nightmares): 123:24–130:29
• Alien Love Den: Sil from Species: 134:40–145:32
• Art the Clown (Circus Boss): 150:59–156:09
• Godzilla Final Battle: 160:59–188:15
• Epilogue & D&D Reflection: 189:39–end

Tone & Style

• Imaginative, anarchic, and affectionate parody of both roleplaying games and monster culture.
• Banter, meta-commentary, recurring in-jokes.
• Real camaraderie and playfulness—rules are bent for fun, monsters mocked, player deaths improbable.
• Running gags about dice, stat modifiers, and the frequently forgotten necromancer spell.

For Those Who Haven’t Listened

This episode is a glorious, messy blend of tabletop RPG storytelling, monster bracket traditions, and the affectionate weirdness of BCC. You don’t need familiarity with D&D—the rules are made up as they go and half the fun is in the chaos. Enjoy the monster lore, the creative problem-solving, the clever and absurd references, and the camaraderie of three friends having the nerdiest, most delightfully ridiculous night of the year.

For more fun, check out:

• John E.L. Tenney’s podcast and work at "What's Up, Weirdo" and "Weird Lectures"
• Future BCC patreon episodes for extended monster madness and high-strangeness stories

Where there’s love, there’s kisses.