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- [00:01]
Bill Monti
Hello, everyone, and welcome to Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older, the podcast that is not about being old, but about the journey of getting older. I am your host, Bill Monti, and whether you're navigating retirement, helping aging parents, or caring for a spouse, maybe you're just simply preparing for what lies ahead. I'm so glad you hit that play button and you've joined me today. Now, if you've ever found yourself caring for someone you love, today's episode is for you. It's all about caregiving. And I know we covered this in the first season, but I wanted to revisit it first off because sometimes people don't go all the way back to the first season when you have multiple episodes. But I also think it's just an important discussion with the way things are. People are under so much stress these days, and if you are a caregiver, you're under a lot more. Let's get started.
- [00:57]
Welcome to Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older.
- [01:04]
Being a caregiver. This is one of life's greatest acts of love, and it can be one of life's greatest challenges. Caregiving is rewarding. It can deepen relationships. It will create moments that you will treasure forever. But let's be honest, friends, it can also be exhausting. Today, we're going to talk about something we just don't hear enough about. How to be a. I hesitate to use the word happier. How to find peace as a caregiver without feeling guilty about taking care of yourself. Here's something I want you to remember throughout this episode. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you are physically exhausted, you're emotionally drained. If you're mentally overwhelmed, it's not possible for you to give your loved one your best. And you're certainly not giving yourself the life that you deserve. So I want to talk about some practical ways that you can become a healthier caregiver. First thing, remember, you don't have to be perfect. One of the biggest mistakes caregivers make is believing they have to do everything. Every appointment, every meal, every medication, every phone call. Just everything. And it is impossible. Somewhere along the way, many caregivers begin measuring themselves against an impossible standard of perfection. Caregiving is not about perfection. It's about being there. It's about showing up. And there's so many complicated emotions. You know it. If you're a caregiver and you're listening to this, you know what I'm talking about. You might even be saying, dude, you're not even scratching the surface. Give yourself permission to say, I've done enough for today. And don't beat yourself up thinking that means you're quitting. That's just being realistic. Also, give yourself permission to take a break. Have you ever noticed how guilty you or other caregivers feel when they step away for even an hour? Maybe you've experienced it yourself. You know, you sit down with a cup of coffee finally, but then your mind starts racing.
- [03:26]
I should.
- [03:27]
I should be doing something I shouldn't have left. They need me. Breaks are not selfish. They're necessary. Whether it's just taking a walk around the neighborhood or reading a chapter of a book, taking 30 minutes to watch an episode of your favorite television show, going out and meeting a friend for lunch, or simply sitting quietly on your porch, those moments recharge you. Even 15 minutes can make a difference. You don't have to earn rest. You need rest. And you have earned it already. Another thing to remember do not become isolated. Caregiving has a way of shrinking our world. Days become filled with routines like doctor appointments and household responsibilities. And before long weeks go by without seeing friends. Months pass without doing something simply because you enjoy it. Isolation can quietly steal joy from your life. So stay connected. Call a friend. Visit family. Attend church. If that's meaningful for you. Join a caregiver support group. Friends, I've said it before. I'm going to repeat it again before this episode ends. Somewhere if you live in the United States, there is an Area Agency on Aging that will support you. This is a government funded program. It's in every state. Now, you might live in an area where the area agency covers many counties. Or you might live in an area where the area agency covers just one county because it's such a large county. They are there to support people like you, whether it be through caregiver training and support groups, online group meetings, resources. Having someone come into the home to give you a break, to give you respite. The program is literally called In Home Respite. There are options for you. Google Area Agency on Aging near me and then put in your zip code. That's where you can find things like a caregiver support group. Because sometimes the greatest comfort will come from talking with someone who understands what you're going through. Other caregivers the next step is focus on what you can control. It's a hard lesson in caregiving when you realize there are some things that you just can't fix. For instance, if your loved one is battling dementia, Alzheimer's disease, you can't stop that illness. You can't reverse a diagnosis. You can't control every single outcome. What you can control, and I've talked about that before, regarding just life in general, is how you respond to the situation around you. Try your best to create a peaceful environment, provide comfort, maintain routines, offer kindness. These things matter more than you realize. Instead of asking, how do I fix this? Try asking, how can I make today just a little bit better? Sometimes that's enough. Education is everything. Learn everything that you can, because knowledge reduces fear. If you are caring for someone with dementia or Parkinson's disease, heart disease, recovering from a stroke, take time to learn about what they're experiencing, especially if they can't communicate with you. Understanding why behaviors change or why symptoms appear helps you respond with confidence instead of frustration. It won't eliminate challenges, but it removes uncertainty. And uncertainty is one of the biggest sources of caregiver stress. The next one is so important. Take care of your own health, and this is probably the hardest advice for you to follow. You will often skip your own doctor appointments. You'll eat whatever is convenient, not what's healthy. You probably stop exercising, sleep. It's a dream, no pun intended. It becomes optional. But think about this. If you become sick, who's going to take care of both of you? Your health matters. Eat balanced meals. Drink enough water. Get some movement every day. And when possible, protect your sleep. I'm going to say it again. You're not being selfish. You're protecting your ability to continue caring. Next, celebrate small victories. We often wait for big successes before we allow ourselves to feel good. Caregiving teaches us something different, though, doesn't it? Sometimes the victories are really tiny. Maybe your loved one smiled today. Maybe they enjoyed their favorite meal. Maybe today's doctor appointment went smoothly. Maybe everyone, just for a moment, laughed together. These moments count. In fact, those moments often become the memories that you will cherish the most. Don't overlook them because they seem ordinary. They're not. They're special. They might be a small victory, but they're still a victory. I want you to remember to set healthy boundaries. Caregiving is something you do. It's not who you are as a whole because you are still a spouse or a grandparent or a neighbor or a friend, a parent. You still have hobbies and dreams and interests. You still deserve your own life. Healthy boundaries aren't walls. The person that you're caring for, the last thing they would want is for your life to stop because of what has happened to them. These are guidelines that can help you continue giving without Losing yourself. And remember, sometimes saying I need help is actually one of the strongest things that you could say. Please find your own way to relieve stress. Stress builds quietly. Caregiver stress feels like guilt, and if you ignore it long enough, it will show up as exhaustion and frustration and eventually burnout. Find healthy ways to release that stress. We kind of talked about it before, but just take time for yourself, right? Go take a walk when you can. Listen to your favorite music, journal. Spend time outdoors. Pray if that brings you peace. Practice deep breathing, meditate. I've said it so many times in the course of the Bill Montes Guide for Getting Older podcast series, Meditation saved my life. And it doesn't have to be any big deal. You don't have to have a dark room, and it just. It can take just moments a day. The activity itself is not as important as making time for it consistently. And don't underestimate what your presence means. You know, I think that sometimes caregivers wonder is what I'm doing making a difference. And that probably happens especially during difficult days. Maybe your loved one doesn't remember every conversation or can't express gratitude the way they used to or the way that you want them to. Those days when progress just seems impossible to measure. But your presence does matter. Your consistency and your kindness, they do matter. Simply being there provides comfort that if the words could be expressed, they wouldn't say it all. You may never fully know how much your love means, but it matters more than you realize. Listen, I've said it at the top. I must say it now. None of this is meant to make it sound like this is easy. Caregiving is not easy. And probably for you, most days it feels overwhelming. And some days you'll question yourself and you'll wonder whether you're doing enough. Let me reassure you, if you are showing up with compassion, if you are trying your best, if you are caring, you're making a difference. Being a happy caregiver doesn't mean every day is joyful. It means creating habits that protect your own well being while continuing to care for someone else. We'll wrap all this up for you in just a moment. I'll be right back.
- [12:25]
Outrage Overload Podcast Host
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- [12:56]
Bill Monti
My friends, I think we've said it here. The caregiving journey can be the most challenging and rewarding experiences in a lifetime. If you are currently a caregiver, you know this. If you know or suspect that being a caregiver is in your near future, remember this. Taking care of yourself isn't taking away from the person you love. It's one of the greatest gifts that you can give them. Because the healthier you are, the more patient you'll be and the more present you'll be and the more sustainable your caregiving journey becomes. Again, find the Area Agency on Aging near you. Help at little or no cost is available. Area agencies aren't there to sell you anything. They're not insurance companies. They're there to provide you support and help. And the list of things that they do for our community. It's too numerous to go into now. I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me. If this episode encouraged you, I hope you'll help others discover it too. Please follow or subscribe to Bill Monte's Guide for Giving Getting Older wherever you listen to your podcast. If you are watching or more than likely listening on YouTube, please don't forget to like this video, subscribe to the channel and then share the episode with someone who is caring for a loved one and it might be exactly the encouragement they need today. If you've enjoyed this or any other episode of Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older and you would like to help support the show and keep these episodes coming, I encourage you to please become a supporter through Buy Me a Coffee. You'll find the link in the show notes or just go to buymeacoffee.com and at the top right corner of the page which says Search, you can put in Bill Monte M O N T Y. It will take you to my page. Any support you can give is greatly appreciated. Until next time, my friends. Remember, getting older is not about counting the years. It's about making the years count. I'm Bill Monti. Thank you for listening and as always, please be safe and be kind.
- [15:20]
If it's warm outside but you're feeling cold or not sure what to do without a friendly shoulder, you're not alone. So start feeling bold and welcome to Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older.
- [15:44]
Hi, this is Bill Monte, inviting you to take a talk down memory lane on the podcast Tales from South Florida, where we dive into the people, places and events that make our corner of the Sunshine State unlike any place anywhere. So sit back, grab your headsets, get a slice of Key lime pie and come along for the ride. Full episodes, music videos and more are available at talesfromsouthflorida.com Tales from South Florida, where the stories meet the sea.