← Bill Monty's Guide For Getting Older: Aging, Living Well, and What Comes Next
Bill Monty's Guide For Getting Older: Aging, Living Well, and What Comes Next
12 Steps for a Fulfilling Aging Journey - Honest Self-Reflection
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- [00:01]
A
It is said that getting older is a journey without a map. But who says you have to walk it alone? I'm Bill Monte and this is a Guide for Getting Older. Now, whether we're talking about navigating retirement, finding new purpose, or simply appreciating the wisdom that only comes with time, we're here to explore what it means to live well at every stage at any age. Let's get started.
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Welcome to Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older.
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Now, the last time that we visited, I was speaking about how I believe that the 12 steps of AA or Alcoholics Anonymous or any recovery program could be leveraged to help us all live fuller lives, even if we're not battling addiction. In that episode, I theorized that adopting the concept of a God of your understanding might assist each of us as we contemplate our mortality and our responsibilities. As you might imagine, I ruffled a few feathers. So stick around to the end today and I'll be happy to briefly address some of your concerns in taking on the God of your understanding. First, I actually skipped a step or two. So today we're going to go back and start from the beginning. But let me first say this. It was a friend who had been through the AA program who turned me on to this idea. I have read the big book that is used for recovery and I found it fascinating. I found it enlightening. But nothing that I say here should be construed as my instruction. If you are battling any form of addiction, please reach out to your physician and or your local chapter of AA or NA for further guidance from the professionals or from others who are going through the same thing that you are. I think you'll be happy that you did and I'll place information in the show notes as to how to contact them. Second, in talking about the 12 steps, I don't want you to think that it's just a matter of changing the way you think and wham, tomorrow everything will be better for you. I'm told by my friend that within these steps, some of them to complete even one can take weeks. It can take months before you complete a step. And that's doing it by attending meetings and talking to others who are battling the same addiction that you are. So as we try to apply this to just daily lives and getting older, please understand this is not instant. You don't just add water and things are going to be great. So keep that in mind. Let's get to today's step. You ever notice how we reach a certain point in life where we thought we'd have things figured out by now. Not perfect, but at least manageable. And yet there are still those days, right? Days where things don't quite line up. Where your patience runs thinner than you expected. Where something small turns into something bigger. And somewhere along the way, you feel that quiet thought creep into your mind. This is not working out the way I thought it would. Now, most of us don't like sitting with that feeling. We tend to brush it off. Or we'll find something to distract ourselves. We'll double down and we'll just try to push through it. Because admitting that something isn't working well, it feels a little too close to admitting that we are not working. But there is a concept. It's the first of the 12 steps of AA that can help with addiction, but also can help when your life might feel out of control. It's honesty. It's the idea of recognizing when life, or more accurately, our way of handling life or looking at life, has become unmanageable. It can look like constant stress, repeating the same mistakes in relationships, procrastination or lack of follow through. Letting emotions like anger and fear drive decisions. Feeling stuck despite truly wanting change. My life is unmanageable. That can be pretty heavy, right? So does it mean you're failing? No, not necessarily. It might simply mean you're tired all the time, even when you shouldn't be. You're reacting in ways that honestly, they don't feel like you. You're repeating the same patterns, you're putting things off that matter. You just have a quiet sense that something is not right. That's it. That's where this begins, with awareness. If you are like me and many other people, you are raised to believe that if something isn't working, the answer is just will try harder, push more, control more, figure it out on your own. And that can work, sometimes up to a point. But as we get older, life has a way of showing us the limits of that approach. Because not everything in life responds to force. Some things require understanding and patience. Some things require us to step back and say, maybe it's not about trying harder, maybe it's about trying differently. And that takes a certain kind of honesty. The kind where you can look at your own habits, your own reactions, your own patterns, and not judge them, just see them. I know that's not always comfortable, because when you start to really look, you begin to notice things like how quickly you get defensive, how often you avoid certain uncomfortable conversations, how you fall into the same routines very easily. Even the Ones that frustrate you or seem to keep you in the same place. You're not moving forward. You're not progressing to whatever goals you may have. And instead of saying, why does this keep happening to me? You start asking, what part am I playing in this? It seems simple, right? It isn't. I'm going to say it again. Instead of saying, why does this keep happening to me? You begin to ask, what part am I playing in this? You don't come to this realization because it places blame, but you come to it because it gives you something that you did not have before. Choice. You see, when everything feels unmanageable, it often means we're operating on autopilot. Oh, Lord, don't I know that. We react without thinking. We repeat without questioning. We hold on to habits simply because they're familiar. But the moment you become aware of that, now you have a choice. You can step out of autopilot. You can change. Have you ever felt that the more you try to control everything, the less control you actually feel? I have. But when you start to recognize where you don't have control over other people, over outcomes over the past, you free up energy to focus on where you do have control. Your responses to people and situations, you have control over that. Your attitude about your life, you have control over that. Your next decision, that's real control. Like I said earlier, I don't want to make this sound like you just flip a switch and abracadabra. The pieces fall into place. Because it doesn't come all at once. It will take time. It is not easy to change a lifetime of habits of how you look at the world, or how you think the world looks at you, or even how you look at yourself. Honestly, this type of rewiring comes in small, almost unnoticeable moments. Like the moment you pause before responding instead of reacting. The moment you choose to listen instead of interrupting. The moment you let something go that even a year ago would have stayed with you all day. Those are the quiet victories. Now, they don't make headlines, but they change your life. Let me give you something simple that you can take away from all this. At the end of your day, no matter how your day went, I want you to take a minute and ask yourself three questions. What felt out of control today? What part of that was actually within my influence and what pattern do I notice and how I handled it? That's it. What felt out of control today? What part of that was actually within my influence and what pattern do I notice and how I handled it. No long journaling session, no overthinking, just a quick, honest check in. Because over time, small reflections like that start to reveal patterns. And once you see a pattern, that's when you can change it. Not overnight, not perfectly, but steadily. And really, that's what getting older is kind of about. It isn't about having everything figured out. It's about becoming just a little more aware, a little more intentional, a little more active peace with the parts of your life that you cannot control. And you become a little more responsible for the parts that you can. So the next time life feels a little unmanageable, don't rush to fix it. Pause. Look at it. Learn from it. Because that feeling might not be a sign that something is wrong. It might be a sign that something is ready to change. And my friends, that's not a bad place to be. In fact, it can be the start of something wonderful. I'll be right back with the update on the last episode and some parting thoughts.
- [10:17]
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Hey, welcome to Living the Next Chapter. It's a podcast for authors hosted by myself, Dave. And the unique thing about this show is as the host of the Living the Next Chapter, I'm not an author. So come join me as we talk to great authors, hear about their journey about writing and sharing, their story focused on you, the reader, so that you get the best out of the conversation and fall in love with the next favorite author. Livingthenextchapter.com is the best place to find us. Come and check out the show. Over 600 episodes in three years. There's a lot of great authors and we'd love for you to come and listen. Livingthenextchapter.com
- [11:03]
A
As I said at the beginning, my last episode ruffled some feathers. I suppose that when one talks about God or religion, that can happen. For the record, it wasn't my intention to imply that what I discussed, the concept of a God of your understanding, was the only way to think, or that was better than any personal beliefs that you have. Just like this episode, I wanted to present an option to you and to my atheist friends. My statement that nothing I could say would sway you from your belief. That was an opinion, and perhaps I shouldn't have stated it where it sounded like a fact. As a matter of fact, let me know if it did make you reconsider anything. I think that's an interesting discussion, but to you and to any who took umbrage on the subject, I apologize if it made you uncomfortable. It was not my intent. If it made you think that was my intent? Be back in just a moment for get off of My Lawn. All right. Our Get Off My Lawn segment going to be a pretty quick one today. I don't really want to go deep into this, but how did we get caught in this credit bureau nonsense in order to buy anything or get anything? You know, the companies, TransUnion, Experian, all that kind of stuff. We have three companies that decide whether or not we can buy a car, buy a house, get a credit card. They gather all this information. But where did that power come from and how it's used and put out there doesn't make any sense. And I'm going to give you an example from my own life right now. So I have an app. I'm not going to name the company because I don't have any personal. I don't have any professional association with them at all. But it gives me updates on my credit score and things like that. It's always telling me, oh, wow, you've got a great chance of getting this credit card, that credit card. But it also tells me on a daily basis how my credit score is doing. So go back about a year and a half ago, my credit score was right around 800, which is pretty good, right? And now it's. It's dropped quite a bit. I haven't done anything different. As a matter of fact, if you look at how I handle my debts, I paid off two cars in the last year. I've never been late on a payment. Everything is good. There's no marks on my credit at all. And yet it keeps falling. Now, why does it keep falling? Because I don't have enough credit. That should not be what we're judging credit worthiness on. I don't have enough credit because I pay off things. I pay my bills on time. Because of that, I'm no longer in that excellent score. I'm in the good score. I'm not even in the very good score. I'm just in the good score. And that just ticks me off. You know, the rest of the world, they have ways to measure your credit, but they don't. Everything doesn't depend on the big three that we have. How did we get here and how do we fix it? I mean, it just. It doesn't make sense. It just doesn't make sense at all. Even though I'm doing everything right, doing everything that somebody who loaned you money would want, you pay it back, you pay it back on time, you're never late, all that kind of thing, I can get more credit, which would put me in more of a financial crunch and that would help me because I don't have enough credit. So it would help me if I got more credit. That sounds asinine to me. I don't know, maybe just me, but doesn't it to you? Doesn't that sound strange? Anyway, to the credit bureaus, to everyone who sends me these weird messages, to the fact that I don't have one of the best credit scores in America, all I can say to the credit bureaus is get off of my lawn. My friends, thank you for visiting with me today. If this episode resonated with you, I ask that you add to your support of this podcast by subscribing so you're notified when new episodes become available. And if you have a moment, can you please rate, comment and share the podcast? Because that's how we grow and reach more great folks. Great folks just like you. Finally, I'd also love to hear from you. What do you think about this series? Do you think I have a point using the 12 steps of AA or am I completely off my nut? You can write to me at billmonte04mail.com that's billmonte04mail.com just go down in the show notes. It's all right there for you. You can also leave a Speak Bite message. Speak Pipe is a tool that lets you leave a free 90 second voice message to me and just let me know what's been on your mind and what you think about applying the 12 steps to our daily lives. On the next episode, we will continue looking at how these 12 steps can help us all be our best selves. And another get off of my launch segment. Until then, I remind you, please, as always, be safe and be kind.
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If it's warm outside but you're feeling cold or not sure what to do without a friendly shoulder, you're not alone. So start feeling bolder. Welcome to Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older.
- [16:38]
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Hi, this is Bill Monte inviting you to take a talk down memory lane on the podcast Tales from South Florida, where we dive into the people, places and events that make our corner of the Sunshine State unlike any place anywhere. So sit back, grab your headsets, get a slice of Key lime pie and come along for the ride. Full episodes, music videos and more are available at talesfromsouthflorida.com Tales from South Florida, where the stories meet the sea.