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Bill Monty's Guide For Getting Older: Aging, Living Well, and What Comes Next
The 12 Steps to a More Fulfilling Life: A Moral Inventory
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Hello, my friends, and welcome to Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older. I'm your host, Bill Monte. Today we're going to continue looking at the 12 steps of alcoholics Anonymous, also used for Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, and so on. In talking with a friend of mine who's been through the program, I realized as this person discussed the steps, that these could be applied to people even if you're not battling addiction. So before we get started today, I do need to offer a quick but important disclaimer. I'm not a physician. I'm not a therapist. If you're struggling with addiction or if your personal concerns suggest a serious mental or emotional condition, please consult a qualified professional. Nothing I say here should be taken as medical or clinical advice. It's simply my opinion, shaped by my own experiences, my observations, and my research. We're going to talk today about taking a moral inventory. These are inspired by steps four and five of Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, I know before you say, bill, I am not in aa. This doesn't apply to me. Just stay with me for a bit. Because what we're really talking about today is not addiction. We're talking about self awareness. And that can lead to freedom. Let's get started.
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Welcome to Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older.
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So what are steps four and five? Well, step four says that the person has made a searching and fearless moral inventory of themselves. And step five is admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being. The exact nature of our wrongs. I'm going to do a real quick reminder here from the episode a couple of episodes ago. When I say God, just like in the program, we're talking about a God of your understanding, not any traditional definition or idea of God, not based on anyone else's beliefs but your own. So we talk about creating a fearless moral inventory of ourselves. And that's some serious language. Searching, fearless, exact nature of our wrong. It isn't surface level stuff. This is digging in. And while these steps were created for people recovering from addiction, the truth is the principles behind them, they can apply to all of us, especially if we are struggling in certain areas of our lives. Because whether we realize it or not, we all carry these things around. Things like old resentments, regrets, or mistakes that we never fully processed and we continue to beat ourselves up over. And of course, the stories we tell ourselves that just aren't true. Now, let's start with the big question. Why on earth would anyone want to do this? Why go digging into the past? Why stir things up? Let sleeping dogs Lie, right. Here's a simple answer. What we don't examine controls us. I need you to stop and just ponder that for a moment. If we don't examine these things, then they begin to control us. Have you ever had the same argument over and over again, but with different people? Have you ever wondered why certain situations always seem to frustrate you? If you've ever reacted a little more strongly than a situation called for, there's a good chance something underneath is driving that. And a moral inventory helps you bring those things into the light. And if you can recognize them, they lose some of their power. What does the moral inventory look like? Well, it is not about sitting in a dark room, judging yourself. It's about honest reflection. A moral inventory typically looks at a few key areas, the first being resentments. Who or what are you holding on to? It could be something big, a betrayal, a broken relationship. Or it could be something small that just never quite went away. That argument, that one fight that shouldn't have meant as much as it did and yet cost you so much. So ask yourself, who do I still feel bitterness toward? Why? And what part did I play, if any? I know that last question can be uncomfortable, but answering it, that's where growth begins. Moral inventories can also include fears. We all have them. Fear of failure or of rejection, of being alone, of not being enough. We're in a world right now where we're constantly told we are lesser than. So these fears, whatever they are, write them down just so you know what they are. And then ask, how do these fears influence my decisions? And what have they stopped me from doing? Because fear doesn't just sit quietly. It can shape our lives in ways we don't often notice. Another part of moral inventory is relationships. This is a big one, folks. Look at your relationships, past and present. Where have you been unfair? Where have you been selfish? Where have you been dishonest? And then also ask, where have I been hurt? And where have I allowed things that I shouldn't have? It's not about blame. It's about clarity. Patterns. This is where things really start to connect. Do you notice the same themes? Repeating? Choosing the same type of partner or reacting the same way in a conflict? Maybe seeking approval where it's not really necessary? Avoiding certain responsibilities? Patterns are like fingerprints, and they will tell you a lot about yourself if you're willing to look. So how do we actually do this? It sounds good, Bill, but what do I do now? I'm going to offer one simple approach that I got from the big Book which is used in Alcoholics Anonymous. And from talking to my friend. Write it down. Get a notebook. There's something powerful about putting pen to paper. And honestly, seeing all of these things that we've just been talking about, it slows you down. It makes things real. Part two of this, Be honest, not perfect. You're not writing this for anyone else. No one is going to be grading you but you. This is about truth. Step three, Take your time. It is not a one day project, friends. It might take days, it might take weeks, it might take longer. And that's okay. Step four, Be fair to yourself. A moral inventory is not character assassination. It's not about beating yourself up. It's about understanding yourself. Include your strengths too. When have you been kind? When have you shown courage? When have you done the right thing? When that was a hard thing to do because your strengths matter just as much. Step five, Sharing it. Admitting these things to yourself and to another person. And let's be honest, my friend tells me this is the part most people want to skip in the program because it's vulnerable. But secrets keep us stuck. When we say something out loud, especially to someone we trust. Especially to someone we trust. Underline that. Remember it. Not talking about spilling your guts to a stranger or someone who you already think might not think that highly of you. When you say those things out loud to that person you trust, it changes. It loses its grip. It becomes something we can work with instead of something that quietly weighs us down. And it doesn't have to be dramatic. So the person, they could be a close friend, they could be a spouse, they could be a mentor, they could be a counselor. It's someone who will listen without judgment. Do you have that friend in your life? You know, the one that maybe you've known for years or decades or since childhood? There's. You might not talk to for months at a time, but when you pick up the phone and when you start talking again, the conversation just picks up where it left off. That might be the person that you want to talk this through with. Or again, seek out a professional. Seek out a therapist if need be. And what's the outcome? What do you get from all of this? Is it happiness? Maybe? Could be. Is it peace of mind? I believe it can be, yes. But more than anything else, I think it's clarity. Clarity leads to better choices, which can lead to better relationships, which I believe leads to a better life. So let's break all of that down a little bit. Okay? Let's look at the better relationships part. When you understand your own behavior, you stop repeating the same mistakes. You you learn to communicate better. You learn that your words have a weight and they should be used carefully. You will react less and you will respond more. There's less emotional baggage. Carrying around old resentments is exhausting. Letting go of them doesn't mean forgetting. It means freeing yourself from the weight of the past. Increased self respect is another part of what can come out of all this. Because there's something really powerful about being able to look in the mirror again and liking the person that you see. Even when the process to get there is uncomfortable. Especially when it's uncomfortable. All of this can bring peace of mind. Not the kind that comes from everything being perfect, but the kind that comes from knowing you are facing things positive. Honestly. You know, as we get older, we tend to look back more. That's just part of the deal. And sometimes those reflections are warm and nostalgic, and sometimes they're a little bit harder. Things we wish we'd handled differently. Things we said, the things that we didn't say. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we carry it. I think that can make all the difference. So I challenge you. I invite you to bring this into your daily life. You don't have to do it in a formal, structured way. Build it into your own routine. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to reflect. Ask yourself, was I the person I want to be today? And if the answer is no, what can I do differently tomorrow? Small, consistent reflection can be just as powerful as a deep dive. Taking a moral inventory is not about becoming perfect friends. It's about becoming aware. And awareness is where growth begins. It's where decisions come from. It's where healthy relationships start. And I think ultimately it's where a deeper sense of peace can be found. I'll be back right after this word.
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Does the news cycle make you feel like you're on a tilt? A whirl of outrage? Feeling like your brain is a political pinata getting whacked 24? 7 there's an antidote outrage Overload is the podcast where we hit the pause button on the outrage train. We dissect the headlines, peel back the layers of negativity, and explore the science behind why you keep wanting to throw your phone at the wall. Before you lose another brain cell to outrage fatigue, check out the Outrage Overload podcast@outrageoverload.net or wherever you get your podcasts.
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I hope you're enjoying the series on the 12 steps towards making our daily lives better if you found the episode helpful today. I would love for you to subscribe so you can be notified when new episodes become available. And if you have a moment, since you're still listening and you made it all the way to the end here, please Rate Comment Share this Episode Doing those simple things really helps the podcast to grow and reach others who might benefit from these conversations. I would like to hear your thoughts so you can write to me at billmonte04gmail.com I always enjoy hearing your thoughts, your stories, and your ideas for future episodes. You can also leave me a voicemail. Just scroll down into the show notes and you can now leave a 60 second voicemail. Or you can go down to the Speak Pipe tool link and you can leave me a 90 second voicemail. Both of those free. They don't cost you anything. Until next time, where we will continue looking at the 12 steps to make our lives Better. Take a little time to look inward. Try not to judge, but to understand. Because the better we know ourselves, the better world we can make together. And that, my friends, is a big part of getting older the right way. Until next time, please be safe and be kind.
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If it's warm outside but you're feeling cold or not sure what to do without a friendly shoulder, you're not alone. So start feeling bolder. Welcome to Bill Monte's Guide for Getting Older.
- [14:08]
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Hi, this is Bill Monti inviting you to take a talk down memory lane on the podcast Tales from South Florida, where we dive into the people, places and events that make our corner of the Sunshine State unlike any place anywhere. So sit back, grab your headsets, get a slice of Key lime pie, and come along for the ride. Full episodes, music videos and more are available at talesfromsouthflorida.com Tales from South Florida, where the stories meet the sea.