Black and White Advice Episode: How Would Phil Design a DEI Training Program?
Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Release Date: January 7, 2025

Introduction and Announcements

Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett kick off the episode with their signature humor, addressing the audience and introducing their roles alongside their producer, Joe Russell (affectionately nicknamed "Big Lube"). They make several announcements, including Phil promoting his newly released comedy special and Turner sharing his upcoming performances in Provo, Utah, and Newport, Florida. The hosts also mention their nascent Patreon, humorously acknowledging having only one subscriber named Tug, who receives priority in their Q&A sessions.

Notable Quote:

• Phil Duckett [02:25]: "I might call you the N word."

NY Times Etiquette for Restaurants Post-Pandemic

The hosts delve into a segment discussing the New York Times' recent take on restaurant etiquette in New York City, particularly focusing on the post-pandemic decline in manners. They critique the New York Times' claims, sharing their firsthand experiences from the restaurant industry.

a. Server vs. Busser Confusion

Phil and Turner humorously lament the confusion between servers and bussers in New York restaurants. They highlight how lack of clear uniforms makes it difficult for patrons to distinguish staff roles, leading to misplaced frustrations.

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [05:31]: "Tell them to kiss my ass."
• Turner Sparks [06:35]: "How are we supposed to know who's the server?"

b. Tipping Etiquette in 2024 NYC

The discussion shifts to tipping standards, where the New York Times suggests a 20% tip as the floor rather than the ceiling. Phil and Turner vehemently disagree, citing inflation and increased living costs that justify higher tips.

Notable Quotes:

• Turner Sparks [08:31]: "20% is more now than it was five years ago because things cost more."
• Phil Duckett [08:32]: "Pay what you can afford without going broke."

They also share anecdotes about the inconsistencies of tipping practices outside New York City, emphasizing regional differences.

Experiences Performing on the Road

The hosts share their challenges while performing stand-up comedy across different venues, particularly focusing on disruptive practices like check spots and dealing with latecomers.

a. Check Spots vs. Latecomers

Turner expresses a strong dislike for "check spots" (mid-show bill collection), preferring the frustration of latecomers over interrupting the performance flow.

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [15:33]: "That's what I want to know. You were talking about showing up late. I'm like, I'll take that over."
• Turner Sparks [16:11]: "Show up late. Because yeah, I've had it where I'm on the road and then all of a sudden... what am I supposed to do now?"

They discuss potential solutions, such as paying via QR codes after the show, to minimize interruptions and improve audience engagement.

Listener Questions and Advice

The core of the episode revolves around answering listener-submitted questions, blending humor with social commentary.

a. Manuel's Doritos Dilemma

Question:
Manuel from Tempe, Arizona asks what flavor of Doritos he should bring to a predominantly white holiday party, worried that white people can't handle spicy snacks.

Advice:
Phil suggests bringing "Spicy Nacho Doritos," asserting that "white people's palates can handle spicy nachos" ([18:05] Philip). Turner concurs by highlighting Cool Ranch as a safe bet.

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [18:05]: "Spicy nacho, you dick."
• Phil Duckett [18:29]: "Cool Ranch is gonna be white people's favorite."

b. Sean's DEI Training Conundrum

Question:
Sean from Oakland, California, critiques superficial DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) training at his workplace and seeks advice on making it effective.

Advice:
Phil mocks the ineffectiveness of standard DEI seminars and sarcastically suggests rebranding them to emphasize not getting "punched in the face," highlighting a lack of genuine engagement ([22:16] Phil Duckett).

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [22:16]: "How do I prevent myself from getting road hard and hung up wet from a minority at my job?"
• Turner Sparks [23:00]: "You've never heard of it, so clearly it's not working."

c. Trevor's Emoji Thumb Transformation

Question:
Trevor from Portland, Oregon, altered his thumbs to a darker color during the Black Lives Matter movement to appear as a good ally and wonders if reverting qualifies as racist.

Advice:
Phil condemns the gesture as superficial and misplaced, emphasizing authentic allyship over performative actions.

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [25:23]: "That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard."
• Phil Duckett [28:16]: "Is extremely racist. You want to be black, be black."

Turner shares a personal anecdote about others attempting similar superficial gestures, reinforcing the importance of genuine support.

d. Anjali's "Wicked" Movie Theater Experience

Question:
Anjali from Palm Beach, Florida, felt uncomfortable witnessing white attendees loudly singing along during a screening of "Wicked" and seeks advice.

Advice:
Phil dismisses the reaction, trivializing the behavior and suggesting that streaming at home would be preferable to disruptive public viewings.

Notable Quotes:

• Phil Duckett [29:05]: "I can assure you it probably wasn't that bad..."
• Phil Duckett [30:20]: "They almost killed your ass in downtown."

Turner counters with his own positive experience, illustrating the diversity of responses.

Notable Anecdote: Turner recounts attending "Get Out" with friends and engaging with enthusiastic, albeit disruptive, black moviegoers who enhanced their viewing experience through camaraderie ([30:23] Turner Sparks).

Fact Check and Closing Remarks

In their final segment, Turner and Phil engage in a playful fact-check, confirming the legitimacy of certain references made during the episode, such as Phil's association with "Phil from Chico."

Notable Quote:

• Phil Duckett [32:54]: "That's the show."

They wrap up by reiterating the importance of authentic advice and expressing gratitude towards their listeners and Patreon supporters.

Conclusion

Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett's episode on designing an effective DEI training program serves as both a comedic critique and a satirical take on contemporary diversity initiatives. Through humor and personal anecdotes, they highlight the superficiality and challenges of implementing genuine inclusivity in professional settings. The listener Q&A further underscores their commitment to addressing real-world issues with a blend of wit and candidness, making the episode both entertaining and thought-provoking for their audience.

Final Notable Quote:

• Phil Duckett [24:51]: "How do I prevent from getting my ass whooped?"

Disclaimer: This summary is based on a fictional transcript and is intended for illustrative purposes only.